The Golden Hour - Episode 92: Gross & Angry

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

The episode gets gross and Theo was angry. The guys discuss the Aftermath of the One Chip Challenge and talk Hot Poops, Shapel's Graduation Controversy, Elton John vs Billy Joel, Gas Station Foods, Packed Lunches, Theo and Brendan have an Elton John Sketch Contest and much more!Butcher Box - https://butcherbox.com/katsHarry's - https://harrys.com/katsHims - https://forhims.com/kats5MyBookie - https://mybookie.ag/ promo code: KATSSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You feel bad about that? I stole someone's... Being Asian, don't forget they also put a huge spoiler on the back of the car for no reason. I did too. Super spoiler. They're like, hey, the car got shot a few times. This is a great time to add an even bigger spoiler. Buzz Buzz! Back off my broccolini. Get your life together.

It is. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. Let the ladies show on up! I found something that y'all, you know, it took me long enough to find this, but Nick has it. What is it? What is it, a fossil? Hey, Nick, show them what's up.

Dude, don't say Nick so it almost sounds racial. Yeah, it sounds like I'm using a hard R. What is that? What is that? What is that right there? show them what's up dude don't say Nick so it almost sounds racial oh yeah it was very yeah it sounded like I'm using a hard R what is that what is that what is that right there that does not look like you

that doesn't look like you that is me it doesn't look like you though that doesn't look like me that is me that's me that looks like George Mason with a fucking degree

that is not Chappelle no that's me that's Chappelle damn that ain't you bro and where you get that I gave him Chappelle. No, that's me. That's Chappelle Lacey. Man, that ain't you, bro. And where you get that? I gave him another one. Watch. That's me and my mama.

I don't know, fam. That's me. I like Photoshop as fuck. Yeah, that looks like my buddy I went to high school with, though, but not you. No, that's me. Is that a Halloween party or? Yo, why is it so dark outside? What's that gold dust, too?

There's a bunch of white people in the background. Yeah, man, this don't look like a real graduation. You can feel nobody. Is that with Photoshop? No, it's real. I know what I did when I did it, because I did it. Where'd you graduate from, Popeye's? What is that orange neck thing you got on, man?

That's Popeye's orange. That's yellow. This is high school or college? So that's high school. So I had to go to a i technically i technically didn't graduate from that school so i had to go to like a bad kid school like the secondary school where like oh yeah if you get kicked out or whatever you go you go there yeah but they they were like hey you can walk at

whatever school you want to walk at that's in your area so I chose so they let me walk so I didn't graduate from that school that sounds complicated but to be part of the ceremony let me be part of the ceremony so that's what

where the other kid's like who the fuck is this it was this random kid walking with us? I ain't never seen him around here. Crip walking down the stage and shit? Hell yeah. Bro, first of all, look at that little ass diploma. I've never even seen a diploma that little.

Is that the freaking one you put in your wallet? Look at that little ass diploma, dog. That's a real diploma. Is it blurred out? Yeah, it sure is. It almost looks like a really big DS. Does that not look like me? No. Nope. Really? Yeah, your torso looks super long, too. And really big DS. Does that not look like me? No.

Really? Yeah, your torso looks super long, too, and you look super tall. I do have a long torso. Oh, do you? You look tall, though. Yeah, you look real tall. I look trans almost a little. Oh, with no wig.

Look at you, you went full trans with no wig. I could be like a woman that went to a man, you know? You look a little bit like Dennis Rodman's son there. Oh, yeah. There's a little Rodman in there. What does his son look like? I don't know. I don't know if he has kids little bit like dennis rodman's son there oh yeah there's a little rodman what does his son look like i don't know i see rodney's kids oh you see rod yeah the mouth the mouth the mouth yeah that is me them girls in the back don't give a fuck because they don't know who you are ain't nobody know who y'all were 2006 2006 ain't nobody know who y'all no one know y'all i are. That's what some dude told me in Oklahoma.

There was a hard rock out there, and they said sold out. So I was like feeling myself. And then there was a tornado warning, and they're like, you got to start the show. I was like, it's sold out, bro. And he gives me the check ahead of time. I said, oh, no, I hit the bonus, man, because it's sold out. So you got it. And he goes, in front of my opener and stuff, he goes, let me talk to my office.

All right. And the office sits down. He goes, here's the problem. You didn't sell out, young man. The problem is ain't nobody know who you are. Around here, nobody know who you are. He goes, I'm sure in LA, New York, they know you. Around here, we don't know who you are.

He goes, but I like your attitude. We're going to have you back. But you sure as hell didn't sell this thing out. He goes, there's about 200 people out there. And there was a tornado warning, so there's about 50 people out there. I said, please don't make me go out there, man, in that giant arena and perform. I said, I could just do it in the green room. He goes, that's not the way we operate, young man.

So you can go out there, you can do a good show, and we can have you back. Damn. And hopefully some people know who y'all are. Nobody know who y'all are. Nobody know who y'all are. I forget that. I was so embarrassed. No one know y'all are. And that's wild, man.

And the man, how old was the man that said it? He was older. He goes, we've had everybody in here. Yeah. He goes, don't feel bad. Frederick Douglass. I know, right? He said, we had everybody in here.

Yeah, we had everybody. We had everybody here. B. Arthur, Frederick Douglass. Ain't nobody know who y'all. Christopher Columbus's son. We've had everybody come through here. What was the place? Hard Rock Casino in Oklahoma.

Ain't nobody know who y'all. There's tornado warnings. There was nine people in the crowd. Bro, y'all are fucking stupid, dog. Oh, how you feeling after that fucking, after that spicy chip, dog? This is the text I get from Theo. So we ate those spicy fucking, super spicy. Super spicy.

These are the texts I get from him. These are the texts I get from him. He put. He put. I still picture him crying. He said, that chip making me poop, dog. And he goes, making me poop hot. And I said, I'm holding mine in.

I don't need those problems right now. And he put, it's so hot. And I said, it's all right, man. I said, my girl wants to try one. She said, we're a bunch of bitches. Because she saw us crying on the episode. And I said, she wants one. So we're going to order some.

I looked this woman in the eye. I said, bitch. He put, he put no bro my poop's hot hot i woke up at two in the morning i i lost like an hour and a half of sleep yeah i was on the toilet and it was it was hot i didn't have any problems dog you know what fucked my world up the most i was having to pour milk onto my butt that's how hot it was it got lost in translation i think but that the milk that theo drank i brought so people could drink it but i forgot it in my car and it was it was in there for like an hour and a half no that didn't get lost in translation because when you put it down

you went hey this is lukewarm it's been my car but here's some milk i was not mike so i don't know if the people at home got it but uh yeah but theo Theo nonetheless drank about half that. I had a sip of it. It was disgusting. Did it help? Did it help? You drank a lot of it, Theo. Did it help? I don't know if it helped anything. It definitely gave me something to do for a few seconds. I guess the real challenge people were saying is you

gotta eat the chip and chew it like Chappelle did and then you gotta not drink water. That's the real challenge. Oh. Yep. Kat didn't seem to have a problem with it. You then you got to not drink water. That's the real challenge. Oh. Yep. Kat didn't seem to have a problem with it. You think you're fucking cool? Yeah, you're a bunch of bitches.

I'm pretty good with spice, but no, I needed water for that. You were sweating. I wasn't sweating, but it hurt like. Your mouth. What do you know in your life, Kat? I feel like you never tell us anything. Huh? I don't really do. What?

I don't know. I don't really do much, honestly. Well, tell us about that. My sister lives with me. I'm getting ready to move. I have no idea where to go. Why are you moving? Just my lease is up.

I don't really want to be in that area anymore. I like to move around from different parts of LA to see the different areas. Because I feel like I only ever stay within like a 10 mile radius of me so if I'm not at work right now I'm looking I'd rather not say I'd rather not say but I lived in downtown what's Hollywood right no I used to work in West Hollywood I used to live in um I. I used to live in downtown. I lived in South Central. I lived in South Central.

I went to USC, so the school is right there. So I didn't really have a choice. By Watts, right? Not really. It's closer to the outskirts of downtown LA. So you're trying to get near the water? Maybe. I like the valley.

The valley or somewhere closer to the water yeah come on down to work now look i'll tell you guys this man if i could i would take my nuts out yeah divide them up amongst you guys y'all fucking freaks let's go to this video next uh so a couple weeks ago we asked for delivery driver submissions because we have so many that watch and we and we got a lot. They're out in the road listening to us. He's a beautiful young man. That's Alan Joban. I'm from Ohio.

I'm a half Filipino FedEx driver, so I feel like this show is cool for me. Love listening to the show every Friday. Keep it up. Thanks for helping me get through quarantine. I just got a quick debate club for you. I'm getting married next week and my fiance's family and my family have a difference of opinion on who's

better. Elton John or Billy Joel? Let me know what you think. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Buzz buzz, young man. That's a tough one. He does look like Alan Joban. Bring up a picture of Alan Joban. Yeah, who is that? And Joban's fighting. I don't know what.

I think he should just dang model. Sometimes when Joban is in the ring, I feel like he should be one of the ring girls, honestly. You get an erection when he's fighting? No, dude. Yeah, bullshit. No, I don't. I mean, I will admit that I. That boy is a stone cold model. Sometimes I look at his Instagram late at night, though.

Yeah, that's it. But no. Just a look. But no, yeah, just a look, man. Just passing by. Yeah. But dang, that's late at night, though. But no. Just a look. But no, just a look, man. Just passing by. Yeah. But dang, that's a good call, though. Because Joe, yeah, you're like, dang, man.

That boy bodied up now. He has a fight, too, coming up. Does he? Yeah. He pretty good? Yeah, he's good. He works hard, man. He's a Louisiana guy, too.

Elton John or Billy Joel? Ooh, Versace, Versace, Versace. Oh, he really does model? Yeah, legit model. I think for Versace. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. That's where it comes from.

You didn't know that? Oh, yeah. Damn, I just thought, dude, if I was this good looking, I wouldn't let people beat on me, you know? Beating on you is for being ugly. Y'all are already ugly. Might as well get beat. I beat on myself, you feel me?

Yeah, dude. Late at night. Late at night, beating that meat. Brendan. Kids listen to this show, man. Kids are probably prepubescent, man. Jesus. Yeah, he's a straight up model, Doug. But Billy Joel or Elton John.

You said that. You already said he's a model. I grew up with Elton John. My mom's a big Elton John fan. So I'll go Elton John. Okay. Y'all liking that gay fella, huh? That tiny dancer.

That tiny dancer. Oh, tiny dancer is good. Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Bring up a picture of the other guy. Who's the other guy? Paul Simon? I like Paul Simon myself. Billy Joel's ain't shit, man.

Oh, come on now. Oh, Billy Joel's did Crocodile Rock or something, didn't he? Yeah. That eliminated him right there for me. He did New York State of Mind. I really like that song. He just looks like an ass. Both of them look like asses. They do. That's fair. Elton John got kids.

Yeah, he's got a couple, right? In Step Brothers, Horatio Sands plays the lead man the front man in a Billy Joel cover band but they only played late 80s Billy Joel and if you great. That scene's so fucking funny. So I would say probably, I like, you know what I like, man? I realized the other day, man. Men? No.

It's about goddamn time you realized that. Dude, if I was dating a man, bro, I would fucking know. Yeah, you're right. If I was gay, I would know, dog. I don't know. Sometimes it just hits you. Nah, man. But it would have hit me.

It would have hit me, man. You think you're getting butcher boxed, but it's really a dick. You are gross, Brendan. You are gross. I'm an Elton John fan, dog. No, you're not. Yeah, I am. You have a poster of him.

You have, what, a drawing of him, even? Nothing. Yeah, I'll draw him right now. You can't draw Elton John right now? Yeah, I could. Let's get some paper, dude. I'm going old Elton John, too, with the glasses, the hat, the get-up, dicks on his shoulder. Dude, you can't draw Elton.

Yeah, I can, Doug. First of all, I'm sorry if you can. It's not going to get you any street credit anywhere. Maybe outside of San Fran, dude. Come get your Elton John sketch on. You make millions out there. You like Elton John? Huh?

Yeah, he's good. Oh, man, you pandering, bro. Give me this shit. Give me some, too. I'll draw a damn Elton John you freak Do you guys want a reference photo Or just off the dome Oh Phil Collins I like

Phil Collins is great And I also went to high school with a fella named Phil Collins Yeah I don't believe that And he had early onset Alzheimer's I think or something Or his hair turned gray early remember Oh he did Yeah I mean

Whatever that is Is that Alzheimer's I don't think so I don't think that's what it is Man y'all don't know nothing man What is In The Air Tonight about It's something crazy right I can feel it coming

Do we know what it's about Yeah what is it about I thought it was something like It's about cocaine Yeah, what is it about? I thought it was something like... Is it about cocaine? He wrote it about... Maybe it's not about anything crazy. I'm excited to see these pictures, though. Yeah.

I know. Well, yeah, Brennan can draw, though. Yeah. I like Elton John because of Eminem's stand. He did the Grammys. He showed everybody that Eminem wasn't a bigot. He said they hugged. Oh, yeah.

That's all it is. He's got to give a motherfucker a hug. That's all it is. And then he also did In the Air Tonight on Lion King. He did? Yeah, that's right. And he did Tarzan. Can you feel the love tonight? Oh, that was Phil Collins. Yeah, that's right. And he did Tarzan, You'll Be My Heart. Can you feel the love tonight?

That was Phil Collins. Yeah, Phil Collins. I was talking about Elton John. Quick sketch of Elton John. That's good. Damn, that's pretty good. Suck this dick, Theo. That's like Elton John and Brendan.

You curse all the time. Yeah, I do. Yeah, well, your son's going to watch this. I got a sailor's mouth, Doug. This is mine right here. What? Snack. Yeah, I do. Okay. Yeah, well, your son's going to watch this. I got a sailor's mouth, dog. This is mine right here. Smug my snag. And that's what y'all get because y'all hoes, bro. Smug my natch.

And I'm sorry for being rude to you guys today, man, but you guys are fucking hoes, son. What's a natch? Huh? Nuts, everything, ass. That reminded me of Sean Connery on the SNL Jeopardy. He just always has some message for your back. You're just off. Suck at your back. So let me see yours, bro.

Are you hiding the art ability, dude? What the heck? That's pretty damn good. Dude, I did that in about two seconds, dog. Yours took way too long. That looks like... Smoke my nuts, dude. smoke my natch dog that looks like christopher columbus's nerdy brother dude ronnie columbus you grew up with that looks like ronnie

columbus dude bro you could never find america if you were in a boat dude not a chance bro they got gps now you're fucking delinquent i'm talking about 2,000 years ago and Christopher Columbus is here you idiot I would find it and lie like he did Yeah, right look pretend like it's India. Yeah, look into it. Not sneeze on him kill everybody look into it Yeah, look into that boy Dog how much me can you fit in your mouth? Oh Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dog, how much meat can you fit in your mouth?

Oh, not as much as you. You'd be surprised, dog. You'd be surprised. But you just don't want to put any meat in your mouth. You want the best meat possible. I'm talking about highly sustainable, tasty meat. I'm talking about free range organic chicken, 100% grass-fed finished beef. All right? Today's sponsor, ButcherBox, believes everyone deserves high-quality meat.

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Yeah, some history yeah some history to it somebody's got a degree in its family like this ain't no just pork voted a few times yeah this pork has been through some things wild caught alaskan salmon i mean this is salmon that's been out there for years people couldn't catch it bam they caught it your suburb salmon man we're talking about real wild things nitrate free bacon a lot of people eating bacon and suddenly your wife sprouts a mustache bro we ain't doing all of that yeah man butcher box the most affordable convenient way to get healthy humanely raised meat with butcher box you get the highest quality meat around for just six dollars a meal all right and right now butcher

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can redeem harry's trial set at harry's.com slash cats Do it right if you have a problem. You'll get a five-blade razor featuring the new sharper blades, a weighted handle, foaming shave gel with alloy, and travel cover to protect your blade when you're on the go. Just go to harrys.com slash cats and redeem your trial offer today. Oh, my. I'm gone. Running to the altar like a track star. Here comes a guy right here he's trying to be like me

boys been seeing a little bit too much of that uh purple turtle or that brown cow but it's time for the blue eagle baby america salute got a big club for you here either that river flippin or that cold waterfall dipping this guy's sexual this looks like nice. This looks like an Herbal Essence commercial. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.

He didn't know what to say. But he covered it pretty well. Yeah, he did. USPS, dog. Shout out to USPS, man. The workers, they're good people, man. They get people out there hustling getting the mail doing this and doing that you know when I was growing up they had a

fella and he would bring the mail bus and he would do all the uh he would open all of the perfume samples and smell them all bro he had some condition or something you know yeah so you get your perfume samples and they'd already been smelled you know remember how they used to have their perfume samples yeah every now and then you get a little freaking hit of noir or something i'd save it for the dance when i had a school dance hell yeah i'd put that bitch under my little uh no one to use it son i had like this metal like thing you put your clothes on i'd slide it under there and then when it was time for the dance i'd get that thing out you know but he kept using them all so they'd come and be like oh like, oh, damn, this dude smells great, but.

I smell like shit. This dude's harboring all the good smell that's trying to come through the neighborhood through the U.S. postal system. But I'll say this, man. There's no shittier system going on in America right now than the U.S. postal system. Oh, how dare you. Hey, dog. Why you set them up just to bring them down? I love the workers. Because of the voting shit? No, no, no. He's a great. This guy's a great guy, dog. Why you set him up just to bring him down? I love the workers.

Because of the voting shit? No, no, no. He's a great, this guy's a great guy, man. And I wish him long prosperity doing it. We don't know him, but yeah, carry on. You know, and I love y'all's movie, too. What's the one with Kevin Costner? You got mail?

Postman. Postman. Postman, sorry. And, but I'm telling you the truth, brother. Yeah. And that is that oh man what are they fucking up or something no not at all what can brown do for you bitch they i mean look you mail something on a tuesday bro it gets there next year dog you know you don't

know when something's getting there true they'll send them a letter says hey your letter's coming but they but they won't even get the letter dog i'm just saying it's become a shoddily reliable system and that's why amazon took out that's why i mean u.s post system could be amazon man nah not really don't have the infrastructure but they could have over all of this time they're just screwing around they're violent you get into the regular place they finally say here's my mail card see if my mail's coming to lady leave on vacation you'd be violent too if you're always worried about dogs and shit they they're doing the lord's work man pitbulls chasing them rottweilers okay respect drop off your shitty porno magazines you can't just download it you

gotta get it the physical i feel like the paper i I like old school, man. Nice to feel it. And I can't even download it anymore. I have too many blockers on my electronics. Didn't you block your calculator too? Huh? Oh, yeah, that calculator deleted that. Yeah, okay. I respect it. It's tough, man.

Oh, but his King or Sting, it was waterfalls or jumping that cold river. Yeah, rivers or waterfalls. It was a cool video. Who cares about this topic, right? Yeah. They're both good, dog. I like to go down that river lazy boy style. When I was young, these people was more wild, though.

Remember there was a time when people at the postal place were shooting up the office. Remember that? Yeah. Seemed like every other day for a little bit there. And suddenly, you know know all the heavy hitters bro all the bad boys out of the usps they're either locked up or they're gone or they join antifa yeah you got this guy he's more of a hippie kind of relaxation nature you know nature male boy you know i miss those old school bad boys dude you know what i'm saying dude come in

with a stamp you know a book of stamps of stamps and a book of Mormon, bro. You know? Book of stamps and a book of Mormon. Yeah, a book of Eli. Yeah, a book of stamps and a book of Eli. Thank you, Nick. And I'm going to repeat your joke, Nick. Because that's how we do it on here.

Yeah, you would roll in with just a, you know, I'll miss the old guys with the weapon. If that guy would have flashed a weapon in the vehicle, I'm in. Wait, can any of you guys flip into the water? I can flip into the water, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. You, Theo? No.

From flipping into the water? I can. I can if I want to. I don't want to, dude. Yeah. I don't want to. I got to get new buzzers for you guys. Next show, I promise.

New buzzers. Brand new. Who's this little ZZ Top fella? What up, Brendan? What up, Theo? What's going on, King and the Sting crew? This is Mark. You guys asked for driver submissions, and I are one.

But today, yesterday, I'm shooting my shot. You see, when Brennan first started the Thick Boy Bike Club, it got me motivated. So I started riding. And I lost 20 pounds. It felt great, so I kept on riding. And then I lost 25 pounds. It felt even better, so I kept on

riding. And before I knew it, I had ridden 1,700 plus miles and lost over 30 pounds this summer. What? And I feel fantastic. So to treat myself, I'm entering my first race. Hell yeah. The Indiana Gravel Grovel.

It's a 100K race, November 28th. And today, the shot that I am shooting is for Thick Boy Bike Club to sponsor me on that race. To get me out there looking fresh, looking clean and mean. And just doing what we do, baby. Out there riding and representing that thickness. I want to be your on-the-ground ambassador. Come out. What up?

Anyway, hey, just shout out to all you guys, man. I listen to everything you guys do. And I just appreciate everything, man. Thanks. Keep it rocking. Gang, gang. Boat, boat. Gang, bro.

Say no more, fam. Send Nick your address, and I'll send you a little gift box for your race, son. No, he don't want a gift box, Brandon. He wants you to cover the feet. I don't want a damn scarf. He don't want a scarf, dude. That's what he said. He wants the gear. He wants to rock the gear, dog dog didn't he say he wants you to sponsor him right yeah he wants to sponsor see what he wants nick i thought he said follow up with him you're talking about like

getting some gear too yeah yeah i'll send him some gear but what i'm saying you gotta pay the entrance fee for the man a man lost. The man lost 30 thick ass cows. All right, I'll do that, man. Get the info, Nick. S my N, baby. Smoke my natch. Smoke my natch, dog. My boy Elton John gets his hands on you.

What's up, dog? Elton John's a leprechaun. You figure it out. Dude, that looks like Willy Wonka, bro. And that was Mark Ridge. And shout out one take. That was good. That was good.

And I want to go back and say this, too, to the postal man. You're going to hate on him. Be easy, man. My best friend, his family's all postal. I love, look, dude. You keep saying that, and then you shit on him. You don't love him. You have a deep hatred for him, obviously.

He doesn't like their operation. He likes the people. I get my fucking mail all the time. What's wrong with you, dawg? Your problem is you're bouncing around all the goddamn time. Stay in one spot. A lot of it is, I also want to say it's Los Angeles-based mail. You send them mail, they don't get it.

You go over to the mailbox in the park, and the guys, two homeless dudes have been using it to raise bees in it you know and there's nothing they can do the city can't touch it they're like oh we got to let them do it we got to wait till the bees leave naturally before we can use it for mail again i'm not worried about the fucking mail someone keeps taking my uh ups and amazon packages though that's what you got to worry about you order some nice shit and somebody's stealing your package they just busted a guy. He worked for Amazon and he was just taking all this stuff to his house. Yeah, I got these stupid bitches on video even.

Oh, for real? And the cops came over. They're like, there's not much we can do. Yep. Really? Yep. Ring cam? I got them.

Get a bow and arrows. Yep. I'll shoot that motherfucker right in the butt, dog. Get a bow and arrows, dude. Hit somebody in that femur. Yep. What's this kid talking about? You could. You could just order a bunch of packages for a couple days, wait out there.

That'd be fun. Shoot them? Yeah. Or you could buy the confetti gun that when you open it up after they try to steal a package, it explodes everywhere. Yeah. If you were a clown. Yeah.

I don't know where to get those, Kat. So if you see some fly-ass UPS worker in a Supreme hat, let me know, man. That's my shit. So he's obviously Filipino. Yeah, man. Dude, I'm just saying, bro. I respect the male people. I used to go sleep over at my buddy Jeff Soviak's house.

They had a fucking gas leak over there. His dad did the mail. And we would put all kind of stuff in his mail bag. We would open mail. You know, we'd be over there. That's illegal, bud. That's a felony. That's a felony, bro.

Dude, he left his mail bag by the door. Well, no, he lived there and he was taking a fucking break. And you delinquents are going through people's mail, which is a federal crime, sir. Yeah, y'all haters, bro. Okay? Yeah.

Y'all haters, dude. Shout out to all the grandmothers that sent those $2 bills to their grandsons, man. We had bank around then, dude. I was buying Runtz candy every day at school, dude. I'd be rolling up with those $2 bills, dude. And I'd be like, oh, yeah. Sometimes I would open it. Instead of having a wallet, I'd just have one of the Christmas cards,

and I would just have all the money in it. It's stacked in there. Damn. We were living large, man. It was a good time. It was, bro, gas leaks in the U.S. postal system. I get it. You know what's not funny uh brendan will you stop talking to me

please uh i'm trying to be by myself for a minute i know i'm trying to help you out though i know i know you got them wiener problems it's not helping well don't i can't help but i'll tell hims can help i can't help but hims can't what hims i mean the company hims look i do not want to hear from some man about my wiener yeah hims is a company dog we talking people thought old dudes suffered with ed i got a bad wiener baby wake your wiener up dog i'm that wiener bad boy who is wieners bad this wiener bad a bad wiener connect you with licensed physicians dog i'm talking all you do is answer quick few questions next thing you know your dick's working he's a bad wiener bad wiener and he's coming for you

bad wiener try him today by starting with a free online visit. Go to 4hims.com slash K-A-T-S 5. 4hims.com slash K-A-T-S 5. Daddy got that soft hit stick. Prescription products are subject to medical provider approval and require an online consultation with a medical provider who would determine if it is appropriate. See website for full details and safer information. Remember, that's 4hims.com slash cats5.

He limp. He limp. Get it. Look, I'm going to tell you this right now, man. Last week on the fights, I won $800 even though I just lost $800. So you're even. So I'm even. You're just having fun.

Listen, if you're going to bet on NFL, college, MLB, UFC, you got to use my bookie. If you're the type of guy that likes to bet big favorites. Everything. You like parlays? What do you like? I like bet. Look, man, I bet on the election. I put some money on the election.

What else? You could bet on oyster races, man. Dog, whatever you want to do, sign up at my bookie. And when you do, use the promo code K- the promo code kats to claim a deposit match dollar for dollar you can bet on covid deaths dog whatever you want to do all the way up to a thousand bucks so you deposit a thousand they add a thousand we got two thousand to play with man it's a bonus designed to give you a little help and a head start on winning seasons that's promo code kats for you to claim your bonus when you make the deposit stack ufc cards presidential prop bets

all the major sports and more. Sign up today to begin your winning season exclusively at mybookie.ag. Get your dick right. Hit it, Nick. You got to love it. V.O. Thorn, Schwinn and Brab. I got a debate club for you. First, I got to clear up some air.

Been a lot of talk about these delivery boys. UPS, USPS, FedEx. Fuck all them boys. I'm talking about them heavy hitters them 10 speed splitters boy we talking about them fucking big packages that bad daddy weighs 49,000 pounds fuck them three pound packages leads me to my debate club you're gonna go in the truck stop probably dirty as fuck shit all over the toilet so, you gonna wipe it off with the TP? Or you gonna use that Porter John? That Job Johnny, boy, you know what I'm talking about?

With the hand sanitizer, squirt a little bit on the TP and wipe off the toilet seat. Let me know what you boys think. Or, you can just take a shit in the back of the truck in the garbage can like I've had to do a couple times, not proud of it. Anyway, that guy, fuck trucks, boy. I like this dude's energy. You too. He went in. That job Johnny, dude.

What are you using, Brendan? Man, my family's truck drivers, dog. So I've had to shin the back myself a few times when I was a kid. Yeah, I used to go on the voyages with them. My uncle's still delivering right now to this day. Oh, for real? Yep. Denver to L.A.'s his day. Oh, for real? Yep. Denver to LA is his track.

Amen, bro. Amen. We used to play Dirty Ernie, dude, where somebody would like, you would put your feet on the dock by the river, you know? Okay. And somebody would hold you off, like hold your arms. So say if you were holding me, I'd be like this. Yeah.

And then whoever's getting held off defecates out into the water. Yeah, gay shit. Does poop. That's not gay, Brendan. Yeah, gay shit, Doug. You and your friend interlocking fingers while everyone shits in the river. It's the definition of gay, bro. Probably interlock.

It's a game, you idiot. It has a name. There ain't no game, son. And what's the game? The game. Here's the game. Well. Now that I think about the game, it's a little questionable.

But so you go as much as you can. Yeah. And then whenever your buddy wants to, he can let you go. Yeah. It's not that big of a game, really. But one time me and my brother worked for a. It's a real time. It's a vibe.

I feel you. We worked at all seasons. It was rental shit. My brother would drive the big rig, and I would just chill in the seat, right? Yeah, it's called being lazy, dude. That's why I got fired. So we'd drop off party supplies, chairs, all sorts of shit, and it was pouring rain outside, and I had to take the biggest shit.

So my brother had this big Slurpee cup. I'm like, I ain't going out in the rain. He's like, you're not shitting here. I'm like, yes, I am., I ain't going out in the rain. He's like, you're not shitting here. I'm like, yes, I am. So I went in the back of the truck. Dude, you don't realize how much shit can fill up a slurpee cup. Dude, I dropped a hot coil in that thing. My brother could not stop gagging.

And what do you think that does for you, Brendan, when you do that kind of stuff? Oh, I got fired. No, I got fired. From that? I think that was the cherry on the cake where they're like, we just got to get rid of you, Doug. It's cherry on Sunday, first of all. It's cherry on top. Well, no.

I like cake. I don't like Sundays. Obviously, somebody has been putting cherries on random foods. The cherry on the steak. Yeah. I think it's always the last thing, no matter what. Yeah, it's always the last thing. It's the cherry on the hot dog.

That works, too, Doug. thing no matter what that works dude so now what happened to it did you did you I got fired well the final thing was we hated our boss this dude Matt he's a piece of shit he smoked cigarettes all the time so and he left his cigarettes out one day cuz he had to go like talk somebody so I took the cigarettes and everyone's like we're gonna do I put in my butthole so his cigarettes what this part he was smoking off has shit on him so he came back started smoking the cigarettes we all started laughing and I think that was the final cherry on the steak I have so many questions yeah why was there still shit on your butthole I went deep in there, dog.

Oh, gosh. That's so nasty. So, shout out to All Seasons in Denver, Colorado. They're still, they're family operated. Okay. I have to confess something, too, now. Oh, gosh. One time in grade school, we peed in water guns,

and we sprayed them on the girls in our class. We were in, like, third grade. I feel really bad about it. Those R. Kelly super suckers,. Those R. Kelly super suckers. R. Kelly super suckers. Theo's a shame. Oh, my bad, Theo. I didn't break the law and open up federal mail, motherfucker.

We're all sharing stuff. You're going to judge me, dude? This guy was mean to us, man. I'm praying for you right now. I'll take all the help I can get yeah you're getting some right now dude i am asking for help for you man y'all nasty yes that's what i want to say chappelle yeah y'all never did anything like not you cat y'all y'all never did anything like that one time my homie pissed in a water balloon threw it on my face yeah Yeah. Hell yeah. And then one time a friend slapped dog shit on my face.

I was really drunk. Southern Comfort Night. What? Yeah. What's comfortable about that? That ain't Southern Comfort. I was drunk. I passed out.

That's... Y'all never do anything, get back at bosses or anything? No one ever chews you like shit growing up? I'm a nice guy too. But I don't need to i don't need to get them back it'll happen for them i also don't need to use poop out of my body to prove my point you know like i will just uh you can poop into the bathroom and then go prove your point separately chin you never do anything not like that but i did something that i feel terrible about oh let's

hear it well tell us about that, Chen. So my parents obviously are very, very strict, right? Korean parents. Yeah. Wow. So me and my brother and my best friend Cam, we were at a place called Westminster Mall. We got into a fight and then the car drove up next to us and shot at us. So went through our car.

The one bullet got stuck right where my door was at, but luckily it didn't go through. Otherwise it would hit my neck. The other one went through the backseat, went under the car and all that stuff. So me and my brother were freaking out. My dad's going to find out. So me, my brother, and another friend went driving around at nighttime

and we stole like a piece of a car that looks like ours. So you can't see the bullet. You know that little the thing the rubber that rice rocket thing? Yeah. So we just drove around looked for a similar car.

The rubber siding. Yeah. We just jacked it and then put it on our car. Damn. You feel bad about that? Because I stole I stole someone's

being Asian don't forget they also put a huge spoiler on the back of the car for no reason. I did too. Super spoiler. They're like hey the car got shot a few times.

This is a great time to add an even bigger spoiler. Let's also add an exhaust system. That's not the solution for everything. It's just looks. Oh, it's just looks. I thought there was something illegal about that. No. Yeah, you can always tell.

Go on, I'm sorry. No, go ahead. Exhaust can be illegal. Damn, Chin went up my story like a motherfucker. Chin got shot out, dried by. I know, right? Yeah. I just put someone's cigarettes in my butt.

God damn. Did you tell your father you almost died too? You were afraid to tell them? We were so afraid of my dad. Well, that's the thing. Wait, why were they shooting at you? Because they thought we were gangsters and we didn't act like we weren't gangsters. We were just like, what are you going to do?

Yeah. And this was the 90s, man. People shoot at Asians all the time back then. The LA riots. But I'll say this, though. You can tell an Asian kid's shame inversely by the size of the spoiler on their car. I feel like it's directly. How is that not a chart?

How big's your fin? Yeah, how big's your fin, huh? How big's your fin? How big's your sin? There you go? How big's your fin? Yeah, how big's your fin, huh? How big's your fin? How big's your sin? There you go. How big's your sin? Nick, you got nothing? I feel like you put some stuff up your butt.

Water gun. Why are you guys disgusting? There's no poo stuff, but I told you about the super soakers and the pee. Super soaker? Yeah, okay. All right. Sorry, Harley. Sorry, Colleen.

Did you say anything, Kat, or no? No, I was never into stuff like that, but i went to school with a girl who used to like when she got mad at other girls in the locker room she would take out like a used tampon and chase girls around oh yeah oh yeah everyone was afraid of her of course her name was diane she just she would like take out a tampon after pe she'd walk She'd walk out and suddenly you'd just see her like. Yeah, it was like while everyone was changing. She'd see like the one girl who was bullying. That hot woman, bro, right after P.E., bro.

She turned into a track star with that tampon in her hand. Was she hot? No. Was she hot, you pervert? She's underage. Well, no, not if you're both 12, dog. Yeah. How old were you? I was like 15. No, no, not if you're both 12, dog. Yeah. How old were you?

I was like 15. No, she was not hot. If you're all 15, it's all good. Where'd she end up? But we're not 15 right now. Oh, you don't know where she's at? I don't know where she's at. Probably not doing well.

Well, she's listening. I hope you're doing okay. Shout out to you, Diane. I hope you're doing better. I had a good story I was going to share. It's about you breaking the law again and judging me. Interlocking your hands with other dudes while you're taking shits. Bro, it was a game you would do when you were stoned.

That ain't no game, bro. That ain't the game, bro. Y'all don't have any fun, man. Smoke my natch, bro. How did someone get comfortable enough to poop in that situation, though? Well, that was the thing. And they had a clock. You were on a timer.

You were on a timer? How much time did you have? Yeah, like a minute. Oh, wow. That's a a timer. You were on a timer? How much time did you have? Yeah, like a minute. Oh, wow. That's a quick time. That's disgusting. Yeah, it was like a real, you know, kind of real...

Russian roulette? Yeah. That's good. That's something different. Yeah, it was just a real, you know, who's who. It was like a real who's who of the neighborhood.

Y'all games are gay. What? It's so stupid. Bro, most games kids play are freaking gay, dude. You go hide to where I'm going to come find you. We're both men. We're both boys. That's gay all the time.

Hey, I'm going to touch you and run off. That's gay. Tag. Yeah. Freeze tag. Kick the can was a pretty good game. What's kick the can? It's where you put a can somewhere and then somebody's supposed to guard it. Do y'all all know it or something? No.

I've heard of it, but I've never really understood it. I thought it was a figure of speech. Yeah, me neither. I thought it was a figure of speech. Yeah, we didn't play kick the can because you die. Mm-mm.

It's kick the bucket. Oh. Close. Thanks, guys. It's the cherry on the bucket. Yeah. Cherry on the bucket. Yeah, we didn't play kick the can because we had balls.

So we'd like play kickball, you know? Dude, oh, my bad. Guy who's defecating in a Slurpee cup while he's on the clock. And I got fired for it, dude. I got punched and I learned my lesson. I'm sorry, bro. Oh, you didn't do it anymore after that? I got fired.

I'm giving you a hard time. No, I'm just saying like to anyone else. No. Dude, I will tell you this story. So we had a guy. No one else is mean to me we had a guy who uh got like insecure about the size of his wiener you know standard and so this boy they called him the thrill you know and uh because his name was will so they call him will a thrill that's why they didn't just call him the thrill but um so anyway one time in the bathroom he defecated into his hand you know like a long you know slice and then he brought put that like

in front of his like coming out of his hand as if that and try to tell people that that was his penis hilarious and he's like oh yeah i got a big penisious. And he's like, oh, yeah, I got a big penis, you know? And everybody's like, you're nuts. You're crazy, man. That's duty. Duty. That's poop. That's gross. That's disgusting.

And that was about his package, to bring it back to the theme of the episode, delivery. Yeah, what can Brown do for you? So anyway, man, that dude was always fake dicking. Fake dicking. He was always fake dicking on everybody. What's AJ Hawk got for us? What's this? Yo, Theo.

Yo, Brandon. What's up? Ian Brown here. I'm in Austin, Texas delivering pizza, actually, at my job. Originally from Houston, Texas. What's up, gang gang? H-Town, baby. So this bitch here just tipped me $2.

83 cents on a $40 ticket. I want to know what you guys think about tipping over 20%. Do you do it? Is it too much? Do you not? My opinion is you should

always tip over 20%. I also want to know what Kat thinks about my hair. Is it too long? Do I have a chance? Is it good enough for the girls? I don't know. Tell me what to do. Love you guys.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. What do you think of his hair, Kat? He has beautiful hair, I will say. Is it too long, though? It is a little long, but I don't really mind it. He just has really nice hair. He's a regular man, this guy. Yeah.

How tall is a man? Does it say his height, Nick? He didn't say his height. As far as tipping, I believe in over 20% if they do the job. Sometimes Postmates, your food's on its way, and they're like, oh, sorry, you have to do another delivery, and whatever you order is going to come 30 minutes later. I'm like, oh, you just fucked up.

You ain't getting your tip now. Sometimes it'll be like Honduro is on his way, you know? And then it'll be like, Honduro has measles, you know? Yeah. Loses three days. And then it's like, oh, Honduro has dysentery. We have to bury somebody in his group. And you're like, is this Oregon Trail?

I thought this was Postmates, man. This is insane. Have y'all ever had it to where it tells you what car they're coming in? Yep. And then they show up on a bike? Yeah. Yeah. Bruh.

I'm like, how does that happen? They had a fella that came to me one night, dude. And he's like, man, I gotta come chill out, man. Can I come in? I gotta come chill out. Did he come in and chill out? Huh? No, no, no, no.

I went up to him and got him a cup of water. And told him to just leave the cup. I mean, I respect his hustle and stuff, but yeah, he was on a bird, on a bird scooter. And it took forever. If it takes too long, I know it's up the street. I'm like, you're bullshit, man. I can't give you a good tip. I can't give you a good tip.

If you're bullshit, I can't give you a good tip, man. Dude, I'll tip this guy. Do we have this guy's information, Nick? Yes. I'm going to send him $100. Let me send him a $ you a good tip, man. Dude, I'll tip this guy. Do we have this guy's information, Nick? Yes. I'm going to send him $100. Let me send him a $100 tip. Oh, nice. Nice.

I'll throw that in there, too. Damn, Chappelle. That's just show care to Chappelle's salary. I love tipping. I like to tip well. Yeah, me, too, if they're good. But I'm just not doing it for everyone. If you're shitty, you ain't getting that salty tip.

I'll tip $200. I'll do your money. Oh, one-upping you. I'm not one-upping you. I'm just saying I will do your $100. You keep your money. Aw. Chappelle was immediately regretting that.

Well, once Theo went, that's a third of your salary. Yeah. I shouldn't have said that I was doing it for the show alright You were doing it to be kind man Wow The Ufue is generous

to Chappelle ever since he said he was a pretty crier last week Chappelle's trying to fuck It was weird I'm trying to basically show I'm paying you $100 not to try to fuck. That was weird. I'm trying to basically show, I'm paying you $100 not to try to fuck.

This episode is disgusting. Yeah, a lot of gross stuff. This is disgusting. What do you got, Nick? What do you, hold on. What do you got, Nick, dude? This guy obviously has been up for a couple days right here. I know, right?

Shut up, dude. Are you okay? Obviously, Randy Quaid's son. Hold on. I feel so bad. I'm already judging this guy before he's even up here. That might be a good pick, though. Randy Quaid's son.

That's a good call, though, Randy Quaid. And Randy Quaid just had a birthday too, actually. Whose birthday? Yep, he does look like a little bit of a birthday. Oh my God. That's good. Thank you. You finally got one.

Yeah, dude. That's Brendan's really art, really doing that. Yeah. What was I saying? What's he saying? Oh, this episode is disgusting. That's what I was saying. What up, Brandon and Theo?

Coming to you from Jackson, Tennessee on that delivery truck, picking up them dirty laundries, dropping off them clean rags. Got a King It or Sting It for you. Gas station food. King It or Sting It. Snicker bars hitter or Big Mac quitter. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. buzz hey if you don't have to worry about a diet i don't mind that convenience store food man you get the nachos you get that weird

suspect chili on top of them nachos yeah suspect here's here's what's dude here's something real fast that i used to do i used to open up a bag of doritos smoke my natch smoke my natch stay away from me smoke my natch dude here's something real fast that I used to do this is disgusting I used to open up a bag of Doritos

and then put in the hot nacho cheese on top of the Doritos I do that with hot Cheetos you ain't shit bro yeah that's the OG way you know nothing

it's so nice what'd y'all do then you wash it down with a nice root bin so you get like the hot Cheetos or Doritos and you go to that

cheese machine that's for the for the hot dog nacho cheese yeah you put go to that cheese machine that's for the hot dog. Nacho cheese. Yeah, you put them in that, open up the bag, boom, get that cheese.

What are y'all doing science at the gas station? You guys are out of your mind. That was gold. I love putting the chili on top of it.

Are y'all paying for the cheddar? Yeah, I'll tell them. Usually I'd be like, what do you want for the cheese? Like, oh, you got it dog, they just

charged me for the chips. Oh, wow. I put a little chili on there, too. It's like a Frito pie. I did it that way. See, I used to know, I had a dude that used to work by the 7-Eleven by me, and he would text me and let me know whenever they put the fresh Franks up there on the grill, because

on those rollers. Oh, yeah. Now they got the pizza rollers on there, too, which are fucking fire, as well. Their taquitos are pretty good, too. Well, none of that's really good. We have this thing back home called Quick Trip. They got real good gas stations. That's a gas station. Quick Trip started La Crosse, Wisconsin, baby.

Oh, it was? Hell yeah. All right. They employ like a third of the state. Wow, really? Not a third of the state, but they employ a lot of people. They're a great company. Great company.

Great employment benefits, all that. Wow. Yeah, they take care of them. I thought of, when I i was growing up getting a job at quick trip as unattainable there's still time don't sell yourself short dude yeah i love quick trip what is this guy asking us about dirty laundry if you can wear a nice shirt to a gas station? Food, gas station food, basically. I dig it.

I dig it. Yes. That's a great guy to know, the guy tipping you off about the fresh dogs. Oh, dude, he would hit me up. Hey, hey, you know, we just put them on. Just put them on, cruise on down. There ain't nothing like a fresh dog.

Oh, yeah, and I like them. The problem is you get the ones that have been out there three days, four days. They're just percolating on those on those rollers they sweat oh they sitting sideways dude you know sideways yeah you'd see them sweating all wrinkly yeah and they put like almost one of them have spf on it you're like how long is this thing someone sometimes they have them cheddar dogs too the big fat juicy cheddar dogs that are rotating come on man that shit was nice

that's pervy I don't want somebody injecting cheddar into the middle of a dog you gotta start living dog you don't quit fucking interlocking fingers with your friend and shitting in pools and start living dog dude that was Dirty Ernie that was the game you delinquent what's this so this is a delivery man

but this is someone who delivers people. I one time got this Uber driver, Shelly. This is her. That's Shelly. That's Shelly. Represent. That's Shelly. It's just kind of a rip my drip, I guess.

I didn't get in the car. I canceled, but. She was a 4.8. That's why I canceled. That's low. Anything 4.8. That's why I canceled. That's low. Out of five? Yeah. Anything under 4.85, you're going to have some problems.

The car will smell. They'll be too chatty. You want 4.9 or above. I take it every day. You take Uber every day? Yeah, yeah. All right, shout out. So this is an Uber driver or a masseuse?

Yeah, why did you say masseuse? I thought it was a masseuse. She put in her Uber driver bio that she is a certified massage therapist. Dog, she's going to give you a ride? Yeah, massage? This is, y'all hate, man. She loves meeting people. At the same time or once you get to your destination, though?

Yeah. Or does she start off with it? I'm sure the sales pitch begins the second you close that door. I'm with Eric, though. It seems exhausting. Would you do it, Theo? Would you get in there? Get a massage in a car.

I've done it before, but I was young. You know? You drove a taxi. Well, the taxi driver got whatever he got. Yeah, I got some oral sex one time with a woman. So I've definitely commandeered some vehicles where sex was occurring, but I don't know, man. I'm good, kind of. Yeah, you're probably smart, Nick.

Yeah, I just can't believe everybody's been talking about poop so much. Well, it started with you and your friend's interlocking fingers. No, that's not how it started. I think so, and then I ran from there. No, the man said said would you poop somewhere didn't I oh that's right oh yeah yeah and then I brought up the all season story when I got fired and then you took it from there

what else you got Nick gross hey fellas it's your boy I'm Brown from southeast Idaho I just won another battle against FedEx in this never-ending delivery war. Thank God the weather's cooling down because we know they can't handle the heat. That's hilarious.

Yay, man. Shout out to that guy. It's tough. Yay, man. Shout out to that guy. It's tough. Who do you roll with on that? If you go FedEx or you go UPS? There ain't nothing better when UPS pulls up and you've been waiting for a package. Yeah. That dude jumps out in that brown fit.

It's sick, dude. Now, I will say this. The FedEx guys, the UPS guys are more old school. They're more like jacked. The calf muscles on the UPS guy. In the brown shorts. Yeah, and they got the combat boots on. Even the pants.

You can even hear the muscle working through the pants. It's because they're carrying them big loads. God. Just say boxes, man. Just say the carrying boxes. Stuff. The carrying stuff. Just say boxes, man.

Just say the cane boxes. Stuff. The cane stuff. They are stronger men because they have good long-term benefits. Dental. You'll see the man got clean teeth. He smiles at you. Show you clean ones, you know?

They've got good stuff at UPS. He gets off of work. They got a weight. Some of them have weight gym at the same UPS center. You could do the weights right there if you want. Amazon always seems stressed out because I think they deliver so many fucking packages, they kind of just throw things and jump back in. Amazon.

And Amazon knows they're seconds away from losing their job to a drone. My mom delivers for Amazon. She's always cursing, asking me about drones. Do I know anything about new drones? And I'm like, Mom. Yeah, UPS some real ass dudes, ass dudes man yeah they'll drop off your package want to do a podcast with you oh ups is for real dude real g and that dolly they get the dolly yeah

so what is fedex is a little bit more like nouveau kind of has kind of a french vibe you gotta sign for it all the time yeah hey fedex is fancy FedEx is a little fancier Was it FedEx or UPS on Castaway? FedEx FedEx, that's right Now I like DHL, man And I invested in their stock years ago And lost a lot of money

I thought DHL was going to be that big hitter When they tried to go international That shit was bullshit Now what's happening in the Latino community or the Chinese community? DHL's big if you order shit from China. I know a lot of USPS

workers are Filipino. I know that. So if you have karaoke, then... Drop off a package, it's a Bruno Mars. It's a good time. Why do they fuck with karaoke so heavy? Now, who does the black community trust the most when it comes to these delivery companies?

USPS. USPS. Oh, going brown, huh? You brown? I don't know. What can brown do for you, dog? I don't know. Well, who do you ship with?

I always go to FedEx because it's right by my house. Oh, okay. So proximity. Yeah. That's where I go I don't know I like UPS because they got them cardboard boxes in there too

yeah me too you go in there you know and they're trying to compete with the man Amazon trying to take the world over it UPS still doing the damn thing

this is the US market yeah holy shit UPS dominates oh wow UPS over 50. Oh, wow. UPS over 50%. FedEx cracking hard, bro, at about 30%.

If you want to ship anything under 13 ounces or under, USPS is the cheapest. It'll take you a week, like you said. For drugs, that DHL be sending them drugs. What is DHL? They're yellow and red red and they deliver packages. Beautiful units. Oh, yes, yes. Yep.

Beautiful units, beautiful men. Suspect, though. DHL, baby. Yeah, you always see their planes. When I always thought we should have FedEx the airline, like, why can't,

why can't a package be guaranteed to be there tomorrow but I can't, you know? Because sometimes your flight gets cancelled whatever but your box still gets there

you're like what is going on if FedEx did air human I think that's called JetBlue I'd fly FedEx though I think that's called

Spirit Airlines no dude that's Spirit I saw two dogs fight on the Spirit once two people had dogs you get what you pay for yeah what's this nick brendan theo day one listener here hey quick one that bag lunch king of their sting it gang gang

buzz buzz oh dude king it bro because you can put any snack you want you know that nice treats waiting for you on your break i like to put a little fruit by the foot maybe some fucking teddy grams oh yeah and you know they're waiting for you yeah i like maybe get that oatmeal sandwich my fave i like getting a little sandwich boy cut it in half what makes me mad is if my sandwich in that in the lunch isn't cut in half dude i'll lose my damn mind bro i'll murder a mother oh I will quit the job and hit somebody with my truck in the afternoon. Fuck yeah, dog. I need my shit cut. Cut.

You cut it diagonally or you go down the middle? Yeah. Oh, I cut it diagonally. Yeah, me too. I want that rectangle. Yeah, it's nerd alert. If you cut it down the middle, that's straight up nerd alert, bro. Fuck yeah.

I like a nice fucking sandwich. Two pieces of white bread you feel me this wheat shit white bread thick cheese thick meat and i like little lays potato chips maybe i wash it down with the capri sun and then i got that little debbie's waiting for me on the side now what gets sticky with me is if you get tomatoes on there because by the time lunch comes around they're sweating they sweat they sweat through the bread and it gets, yeah, it gets a little weird in there.

So what you do, you put them on the side, dog, you put them inside of their own little package. They take them out. You put them on the sandwich. That might be it. Now what get me as a child,

you accidentally spill your Kool-Aid. Your thermos would spill over in your lunch and then you got to eat the grape at, you know, great, great meat sandwich. You know, the bitch is tie dye over in your lunch, and then you got to eat the grape meat sandwich. Yep, the bitch is tie-dye. Yeah, bitch is dripping, and you got to, you know.

It's actually pretty nice, though. It's disgusting. I didn't mind it. What's this little thought talking about? Well, I actually want to see what you guys think of this. It's a new take on the PB&J sandwich. I thought it was pretty genius. Oh, so every bite is different.

What's going on there? Is that cream cheese, honey, jam? You got the rows. Jam, honey, marshmallow are the rows, and then the columns are crunchy, Nutella, and creamy. So every bite you take is a different combination. That sounds fantastic. I wish I had that right now.

Real quick, you crunchy or creamy, Doug? I'll go crunchy, brother. I can't get any more crunchy. Yeah, I want crunchy the better. I want to feel them nuts in my mouth. We're talking about peanut butter. This whole thing is disgusting man damn i can't go crunchy without turning gay i mean it's just as every time i turn around

there's just somebody's you know there's poops there's penises you have a sign that says smoke my natch yeah and i mean it and you pointed at dude yeah i mean it bro okay i will light up a sweet bowl of my natch dog for any of you freaking perverts dude speak up chin huh fucking lunch right now you made me super hungry working for the irs so you started fucking eating right now? I was super hungry, yeah. What are you eating, Chin? Yeah, what is it?

It's Vietnamese... Jalua. Oh, you're eating Jalua? You're eating cheese on the job? No, it's... Cat food. It's Jalua. It's Vietnamese sausage meat.

And it stinks, too. Bag sausage? Yeah, no shit. Poor Nick, man. I know, right? I don't think he minds. Also, as they say for school, if you bust out a snack, did you bring enough for everybody? Yeah.

Did you bring enough for everybody? Nick's girlfriend is Vietnamese, so he's used to that. Yeah, yeah. I've had some for sure before. I had some kind of live duck. It wasn't live, but it was like- Was it the snail? No, it was like a chicken in there, but it was like fully formed.

Oh, the balut egg. Yeah. Yeah, that's the balut. Yeah. That shit's fucking- Did you eat the bird? Yeah, I ate was fully formed. Oh, the balut egg. Yeah, that's the balut. That shit's fucking... Did you eat the bird? Yeah, I ate the whole thing. You ate the whole thing? Yeah, you're a G.

It was in front of her family. I had to. That's disgusting. That's a keeper. How'd it go? You're a keeper, Nick. It was all right. Honestly, it just tasted like a seasoned deviled egg.

But if you look... No devil gets that. If you looked at it. Heavy on the devil, baby. It looks worse than it tastes super heavy on the devil some poor little chicken let's listen to this thought

it says yes just not all delivery men are that altruistic this is evidently a report on every fucking time yeah me too I wish I had that fucking the delivery driver snacks on your order. Surely not. Well, take a look at this.

Oh, my God. That's disgusting. I saw the guy get a little fucking fried. Who cares? Dude, I've gotten Chick-fil-A before and half my fries are gone. I just had it last night. Yeah, you're fucking right you did, dude. I don't know this guy's just having lunch.

Who cares? Just imagine it. It's not his food. I don't care. We don't know. A bunch of places now will wrap up their food and put a sticker on it. They staple mine. So they know all the food they're getting.

He's also a thief. You just got to start buying your own bags and stickers. Honestly, I feel very sorry for the customer. He's also a thief, they said about this guy. Restaurant owner Anurag Humagan is filming. What are you doing? This is not good. He says the dish that the easy delivery driver is shoveling in his mouth is not the first one he's helped himself to.

There was at least four to five different containers. What a snitch. What a snitch. Pretty crazy. What a snitch. What a snitch. No, I think it's because it's his business and he's getting bad reviews

because the food is... the delivery food... He owned... He's Mr. Postmate? No, I think it's like his restaurant that someone's ordering from. They think they forgot

his order. Listen, man. Like I said, I ordered Chick-fil-A the other week. Half my fucking waffle fries were gone. No, I did nothing.

Good for you, dude. Get you some fries. You're working hard out there. Go ahead and sip on my fucking diet Dr. Pepper dog. Don't touch those 12-piece nuggets

because we're going to have problems. Y'all got small nuggets at Chick-fil-A, though. That's why I like that. Small but packed with flavor. Y'all got them small ass what's your go-to order chicken i get it fucking nuggets too small one of those nuggets is three mcdonald's nuggets now come on five chicken filet ass up i get a 12 i get a 12 piece nugget if i'm feeling

fat i'll get the 30 piece i get two sandwiches one spicy one regular a diet dr pepper an extra large waffle fry you You can finish that? Yeah, Chappelle. Damn. Do you put your waffle fries on the sandwich? Never. I'm a goddamn American. Yeah.

But you'll eat a sandwich that has Kool-Aid on it. Well, that happens by mistake. Yeah, and that's the most Japanese thing you can do, dude. That's true. I feel like Kool-Aid soaked sandwiches. That tie-dye hitter. Yeah. I feel like a really Far Eastern.id soaked sandwiches. That tie-dye hitter. Yeah. I feel like a really far eastern.

I'm fucking starving. I know. I didn't eat breakfast anyway, dude. Me neither, dude. Smoked my fucking natch. Ugh. Did you see this lady? She dipped her chicken tender into her soda and she got caught on camera.

Oh, I wonder why she did that. I don't know, but I guarantee you she performs oral sex, dude. And well, too. I don't know about well, dude, but anybody who's willing, if somebody is willing to dip a chicken tender

into a soda, you could probably convince them to experiment with your own wiener, I bet. You're right. You're disgusting, Doug. This whole episode, you've been disgusting. I know. I'm sorry.

It's okay. I don't know what happened. Is that it? That's it. That's it, man. It's Elton John, man. Smoke my natch. We started with Elton John.

I'll be in Phoenix stand-up live early November. I think first week of November. And then third week of November I'm in Nashville and this boy's part of town. And tell your stupid ass team to get ready because I'm throwing fucking heat, yo. Are you? Yeah. I'm going to wear my own jersey and strike out your entire stupid team. Oh, you mean our

softball squad? Yeah. We have our first game coming up. Good luck. Ooh, good luck. Thank you very much. It's against a printing company. Ooh. So we'll see what these MFers have in store for them. And send in your catwalk submissions wearing the King and the Sting merch. The funnier, the better.

We'll play them on the show. Yeah, get your modeling on, man. Get a catwalk going. Yeah, yeah. And we'll add some audio to it and stuff. We'll add audio to it. We just want to see the modeling. We're playing Dominic's Printing.

What's up, Dominic's Printing? Some Italian outfit, I'm sure. Do drug testing, bitches. The thing is, when you're pitching to Italians, the strike zone is smaller. You got to know what you're doing. Bring the heat, Doug. Wish you the best. We'll do well, I think.

We'll root for you back here yeah thank you i appreciate that thank you guys you bet i'll send some updates if i can chappelle is starting to look like he gave up if you're struggling i can spot you for the dollar shave club connor reeves wants his beard back enough is enough At least Theo's hairstyle is consistent Lookin' like Danny Boone from a distance Wouldn't wanna scare you cause your hair just might jump off Hey Brendan, will you share your energy drink? You should change your name from Streaks to Kink and the Stink

I know you're used to fighting in the rain Are you the king? Are you the state? What do you think? What do you think? You had to get deals from the boys that won't quit Getting owned up by the loser, pay pigs Do you accept PayPal or TransferWise? Chilling at home, sending out the drunk text Burner accounted to the V.A. You know a slurping oatmeal is actually considered polite

And you're coming with the corrections click Wrapping all that, it gave me a fucking slick Me, your friend, and I'm under the desk Touching each other's knees You're a king like me Stealing like a bee Actuality The big head of baby King in the sting

King in the sting King in the sting