The Golden Hour - He Just Happens to Be a Crackhead | The Golden Hour PATREON #51 EXCERPT w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

The guys talk worst movies, Viral singer David Blunts singing on stage with an oxygen tank, weight loss stories, Willie Spence from American Idol, Omarion's hits, good R&B vs bad R&B, Erik loving Sylvester Stallone's reality show, Chris' Sylvester Stallone stories, plastic surgery, all new call-ins including advice for a woman who's in a long distance relationship and someone who's grandma is dating a crackhead, Chris' review of Netflix's The Madness and much more! Get the full episode plus two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us It's like a show you used to love, just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour What's going on?

How are you, bud? How are you, bud? Good, man. How are you guys? I'm doing alright. Yeah, we're good. Yeah, you're good. Good. I lost the video there. Oh, we're good. Yeah, you're good Good I lost the I lost the video there. Oh, we see you so I mean we're back, you know, got you. All right. Gotcha Okay Um, all right. So yeah, I wrote it into nick. Um

Obviously, i'll say what everyone else says huge fans. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Um So the situation is it's been ongoing, it's a few years in now. My grandma, when my grandpa passed away, kind of long story short here, she started traveling for work. She's in the medical field, so she started taking travel assignments about 10 years ago. She moved to New Orleans and took a job there. She met a guy that lived in the campground that she had her camper at temporarily. And he's about four years older than me. And he moved in and they've been together since.

And she's moved to another state now. Bangor, Maine took a job up there. I'm sorry, your grandmother? This is my 69 year old grandma. Oh, wow. And you're how old? 69. Yeah. I'm 30.

Chris. Curtis is 34. Chris doesn't care about my story, it's fine. No, no, no, no, no. I was doing it because this is the song they listen to when they make sweet love. So, hold on a second.

So how old is the guy? So he's 34 and, and, and she is 69. I won't make the joke, but 69. Yeah, he did. Yeah. I was looking for another time. A stupid or Marion joke derails the podcast. Well, at least I got that one in.

But wow, wow. Yeah. But wait, wait, wait, and she lives in a camper, so she's not wealthy, right? Well, so in New Orleans, she took a camper down there because she was only gonna be there temporarily. She has a house in Maine now, but she was just at the campground temporarily

because she wasn't supposed to be there long. But she met this guy that lived there Long term he was there permanently And I guess he took his opportunity With an older woman that's recently widowed and and she makes she makes pretty good money You know, she's not wealthy, but she does she does well. Well if he lives in New Orleans, he's poor. So What is this guy like? What does he look like, what does he do?

You obviously don't like him. What does she look like? That's what I was thinking too. Yeah, can we see a picture of Nana? Cause I'm like, what? It's just like one of those AI images of like, 70 year old, like oh damn. Okay.

Couple curve balls to throw in there, right? First thing is, the guy doesn't work at all. Duh. He's that type. Okay. Right? Two, about every two months, he goes on a crack bender and he smokes a bunch of crack and he goes crazy.

I think. Hey, hey, hey. Open with that. I think. Hey. Hey. You need to open with, my grandma is dating a crackhead.

I've been watching too many episodes of elementary to not know what's going on here. And then on top of that, grandma had breast cancer about 10 years ago and she lost her breasts. So you would think he'd be after her. Right. Right. Oh, we lost him.

Oh, damn, we we lost right at the good part so a no titty 69 year old 69 year old no titty chick is a wow you know shit yeah hey what's up you're back sorry about that guys sorry oh wait that's okay I got bad service here that's okay that's okay. That's wild man, okay so. Yes I'll pick right back up. So yeah, see like, your hair brought up. He does crack. And she is good, you know, she's a pretty lady but she lost her breasts and whatnot through breast cancer so I feel like that makes it even worse. Oh so you can't, a woman's not real unless she has titties, is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. I kinda knew it was gonna go that way. He's just gonna say, she don't even got tits. He's not in it for the looks is what we're saying.

He's in it for something other than the boner activation. Okay, but let me ask you this, have you felt like your grandmas had been living a lonely life, has she been like not, what's going on there, like what's going on with your grandma? Like she obviously needs, has she been know, what's going on there? Like what's going on with your grandma? Like, you know, she obviously needs, like, you know, has she been lonely?

What's going on? Is the family making sure she's okay? Like obviously this guy swooped in because he saw somebody that needed some attention and some affection. And you know, it just happens to be a crackhead. Yeah, I think it started that way. I don't think that anyone's, Steve Harvey.

I don't think that anyone's ever said that sentence before and he just happens to be a crackhead. Yeah. Let's go to commercial real quick. Wait, sorry. Hey, sis. She was there by herself. So I think it started that way, but then I think he quickly realized, you know, her family's not around, she's wanting to do some travel and this is my way in.

Yeah. And, and it's, and he's in there. So you got some strong, you obviously have some strong feelings about it. But how does she feel about the crack stuff? I mean, is it baked into the deal? Is she, is he like, listen, sometimes I'm your boy toy, but I, every two weeks I go a little nutty. Yeah, I want to know. When that happens, she usually, the law is usually involved because he goes pretty wild. Oh, okay. And then she'll leave him, She'll kick him out for a couple weeks, but then he always finds his way back

You know kind of like a lost puppy dog To Eric's point to Eric's point. Yeah, I'm not I'm not pumped about it at all. Yeah, we know we know dude We got it. Yeah, I thought about whooping his ass. That's a fair point I have I have but my grandma is very against that obviously. And I do love, my grandma raised me so I love my grandma. I have to play it right as well. What if he, what if, you know what dude, what if he had an accident? Yeah. Sometimes people fall. He got some bad crack. Especially crackheads. Yeah. Hey dude. Well maybe, how about this?

Why was he on the top of that building? Can I Steve Harvey this for a second? So maybe it's time to get grandma on some dating apps and show her that there's other options out there that she's worth more than a crackhead. That she can like, look, grandma you're still good looking even though you don't got no titties. More than a crackies. You know what I mean? You still. More than a crackhead.

You know what I mean? And maybe she's gonna get out there and be like, you know what, get her a makeover and be like, hey grandma, let's go out here and find other people. So it's not about her choice about this guy, it's more about offering her new choices. God fucking Steve Eric Griffin Harvey. You know what I mean?

That's why, because here's the thing is because the more you push back at her, the more she's gonna like, you know, people are stubborn like that. So like I say, instead of like, just be like, oh, ask about it. How's Cracky Crackhead? You know, and then, you know,

it's like, oh, that's good. You know, hey, you know what? There's this bar, you know what I'm trying to say? You gotta like, show her that she's worth more than that. Cause you know, I get it. She's a new widow. She got a job to try to do something. And some guy swooped into her life and made her feel special.

She needs that from other places. And I guarantee you, she'll get rid of this guy. She'll raise her standards. And that's how you want to talk to her about it. Grandma, I want you to be happy. I want you to, you know what I mean? You know, but I don't think this is the guy.

I don't think this is the guy. Well. Yeah, no, that makes sense, because it's hard for me to approach it sometimes, obviously. Yeah, that's all. You know, you want your grandma to be happy, because then you can go on with your life without worrying about her.

Definitely, definitely. Yeah. So, no, that makes sense, yeah. Where did you live? I'm in South Carolina. Hmm. Hmm. Not far from Myrtle Beach.

Nice. What do you do? Myrtle Beach is cool. I work for a helicopter company that does a- Bro, you don't watch elementary, huh? I already picked that up. Really, from this Robo Blade sweater? Yeah.

Yes, sir. I knew it, nobody wears that fucking shit unless they work there. Yeah That's cool, dude. Well nice. Do you have any single non crackhead friends you could set her up with? Yeah, that's true if she likes younger dudes. Yeah, you know, honestly, I'm trying to I'm trying to get her up in age Half their age plus seven, so she'd be 42 Even thought about that. Ooh, no, 42 is still I don't know if I like that Yeah, what is she what is she supposed to do? about that. Ooh, no 42 is still, I don't know if I like that. She's 69, man. Yeah. What is she supposed to do?

She's supposed to just take her vagina and put it on a shelf, like that's it, I'm done with it. Just give it to the crackhead. Lock it up, it's locked up. That'd be ideal for the grandkids. It's hilarious. You know, unfair for her. He wanted to put it away like a comic book,

like it's in plastic and nobody touches it, you just go, where's my grandma's it I see rated an 8.7 part of my part of my issue though is you know she's getting she's getting older in age so soon she's retiring in the next year too yeah yeah he's taking your money just just cuz she wants to well no it's not the money she's gonna eventually she wants to move back here oh you know and and somewhat live with myself or my sister because, you know, I have a property and I have a place I can put her. But if Curtis, if Eric's plan doesn't work and I can't get her hitched with

another older guy, my next problem is Curtis comes to live on my damn property. Oh, you know what? What did they say? You know, you keep your friends close. Yeah. And you keep your people fucking your grandma closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is how it went. That is how Sun Tzu said it back then. You just gotta keep a little bit of crack on you. Do whatever you want.

No, because then you can have a real talk with him. You know, grandma's like going to the market. You can be like, buy grandma! And you're holding Curtis like this. Buy grandma! We'll talk in a second! And then you go, you crack head bitch. You know what I mean? Be ashamed if something happened to you. Yeah, yeah, then you can like keep an eye on his ass. You make him real uncomfortable when she's not around. No, but you know what you very much like,

but that's the thing you have to hold too. You could be like, grandma, I want you to come move here. Look what I got for you and all this stuff. Yeah, but crack head Sammy can't come. You know what I mean? Right. Right, right. Yeah, but crackhead Sammy can't come you know what I mean right? Right right that's kind of a thoughts on it, but again. You know I don't want to run her off either Just you know that's why I say you got a hyper up make her feel special and beautiful And you know get her out into the dating market because she obviously is into that and just get this fucking crackhead out of her life But you got to be delicate with it because you don't want her to feel what she's feeling.

One more idea, get your grandma implants. Well we don't, well. Well then she'll never get rid of him. He didn't hate it, he didn't hate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's like, wait, wait, wait. The crackhead's like, yeah! Wait, you.

That might, I was gonna say that might go the wrong way. Yeah. Well if you get the tits made of crack. Yeah. Yeah. So you're obviously a tit guy, huh? Your girl that you have has big old titties, is that? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know you a tit man when you even looking at your grandma like, get your shit together. Yeah.

What's going on with these titties? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that was a great reaction. Yeah, yeah. your shit together. What's going on with these titties? Wow. That was a great reaction. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck out. They're like a Salvador dolly clock. Definitely going to be misinterpreted. That's okay. All right, buddy. Well, God bless and good luck, dude. Keep us posted. Keep us posted, yeah. Yeah, we wanna hear the follow-up. Yeah, I was gonna say maybe

beginning next year I'll check in or something. Please do. For sure. Take care, man. Absolutely. Awesome, appreciate you guys. Appreciate you, bro. Thanks. Thanks, bud. Yep. The Music