The Golden Hour - If The Glove Don't Fit | The Golden Hour PATREON #35 EXCERPT w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

The guys talk how terrible The Rainforest Cafe is, bunk beds, Chris' wife's incredible interior design skills, working out after 40, viewership on adult movies, organ donors, YouTuber MKHB, Erik's Fisker rant, all new live call-ins including a guys friend who won't stop calling, OJ Simpson and much more! Get the full episode plus two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour

It's the Golden Hour Rachel just took her ring to Tiffany's to like upgrade it? No, to get it resized. That doesn't cost anything though, right? Yeah, they do. They better for the money I spent. Yeah, they better. Yeah, I get it resized. That doesn't cost anything though, right? Yeah, they do. They're better for the money I spent. Yeah, they

better. Yeah, I get it. I know. I think my wife might get a different ring, a new ring. Really? Yeah. Well, just because, you know, after a year and a half of marriage... I was just about to say, bro, you just got

married. No, but it's like. That means she didn't like it. No, she loves it. No. She picked it out. So she loved it. But. What?

Did she fake make it seem like you were going to pick out the ring and then she picked out the ring? Or she was from the jump, I'm picking this ring. No, she was like, I want this and this. And I told the guy and I showed her a picture and she was like, that's fucking awesome. But now she's changing it. Hey, you ever met a woman? Rachel went

to the store and she picked out three rings she wanted. I said, pick out three that you like and I'll surprise you with one of them. You know, I got the cheapest one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you said, you picked these three. No, yeah, yeah. But you said you picked these two. Yeah.

No, I'm kidding. If she's going to get a – This is Patreon. She's never going to see this. Unless she pays, which I hope she does. No, she would just switch it out. Maybe she doesn't like it. I have no idea.

Or maybe, you know, she just switched it out and wants a different one. I don't know what it is. I have no idea. Or maybe, you know, she just switched it out and wants a different one. I don't know what it is. But she redid Calvin's room. Bro, my wife. She's a batshit.

Dude. Bored. But she's amazing at it. Dude, you got to come over and see Calvin's room. You got to come over and stay the night at Calvin's room. You know what? It would actually be dope. I slept in there the other night.

Yeah. I'm in. Yo, how dope are bunk beds? Nothing better. And the kids, they used to stack them. Now, they go stack. The other one goes Oh. Dude, you get to be under it and your legs are out. Oh, wow. Yeah, dude.

And they have slides now, right? Instead of the stairs. Mine has a slide, yes. Oh, my God. Dude, Kristen put the slide on, got a fucking watch tower, bolted the slide on the thing, made a robot room. There's a rock climbing wall on it. There's a, what do you call it?

A ladder that goes up to the, jumps off into a ball pit. She did it all in a weekend with her mom. So you're just going to make, you can only have now rich kid friends. So that, so you know what I'm saying? You know what the room is? Because like my kid is never going to be able to come over there because he's going to come home like, where's my rock wall and my fucking water slide? I've been thinking about this. You know what your wife did?

What? She kind of hijacked that idea. It sounds like your kid's room is the Rainforest Cafe. Have we talked about the Rainforest Cafe here? Oh, that's funny because my wife made us go to the Rainforest Cafe. In Vegas. Oh, no. Horrible food.

Dude, it's the worst shit. Kids love it. Ever. Kids love it. So. There's noises all the time? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's like my act. It's like my act. And there's must. There's like the spray. Dude, they have understorms. Yeah. I'm inside.

Yeah. I'm inside. And food's so bad. Imagine if they turned the sprinklers on you're eating like this you're gonna be like what the fuck i don't need this experience that might be the only one left no there's kind of like planet holly there's a few there's a few mall of america minneapolis yeah disgusting there's a few but yeah anyway um so rich kids so So here's the thing. She's shown me the prices of all these things, like the ball pit.

They hijack the rich people. And they're like, well, if you're going to get this, you're going to be rich. So it's five grand for a ball pit, right? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So I'm like, sweetie sweetie we're not doing that we're just not doing that

just plain and simple we're not doing that no do you do you go I have to perform in Wisconsin to pay for this ball yeah I know right yeah

so I say to her so I say to her she goes like this way ahead of you I'm making everything and I go and I say I don't know

and I say I'm making everything. And I go and I say, I don't know what's going on. And I say, I'm sorry. I know you do this. Sometimes you'll do like a sign and you'll put it on the thing. You're going to do the whole room. She nailed it? Dude.

Does she work on cars? No. Dude, she is. So for like $310, she. Dude, she made it. It was all, the whole room. She's like, it's going to be under three grand. I was like,310, she. Dude, she made it. It was all, the whole room. She was like, it's going to be under three grand.

I was like, if it's under three grand, I'll jump off the roof. Dude, she was like, you know, people would have done this for 30 grand. There it is. There it is. Oh, is that our story? There it is. There's me in the ball pit. Wow.

She made all that shit. She bought that ladder thing, obviously. She made that. She bought the things. Made that board. Made the things. Made that board. Made the sign. Made the rock wall. Found it on something for 50 bucks.

I'm reading with Calvin. Look at this. Look at the slide she put on. She made. The moon? The moon she bought, you know, somewhere. So who's top bong, bottom bong? So, well, Billy's gonna.

He's one. Who made the Black Lives Matter light? That was Calvin's touch. He really, really got equality. It's from all those books you showed him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we wanted bunk beds for my kiddos, the two boys,

but we can't because they're so crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you go back, you don't have to, but if you go back, there's the bunk bed. No, let me just show you this, actually. Wait till it goes to the bunk bed. So I can't believe she did all this shit. The foam pieces are... Comb your hair, though, right?

Me? Yeah. In that video? Yeah, you look crazy. Who gives a fuck, bro? I'm at home chilling, bro. Nah, comb it, though. I got this like haphazard, like sexy look, you know?

But like, okay, stop it. You see, let it go a little bit more. You see the top part of it? like okay stop it the the you see at lego a little bit more you see the top part of it okay stop it you see the top railing there's two like where all the nails are sticking out no the the bottom one was how it came she made the top part with wood she got wood dude she's she's she's tim out that's great or raising because if rachel put that together everyone be dead the kid would go on and we'd just go like this it would be like the Dude, she's Tim Allen. Well, that's great. Or raising. Because if Rachel put that together, everyone would be dead. The kid would go on,

and we'd just go like this. It would be like the fucking twin towers. Like stepbrothers? Yeah, dude. Rachel, she put a dresser together when I was out of town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And when I got back,

she was like, she goes, you need to tighten the screws. Oh, amazing. You need to tighten the screws. it looks like a Salvador Dali dress it's a mess right you might give it a once-over furious also there's like a pile extra parts yeah of the portion yeah that she didn't use yeah what you were supposed to use these yeah that's hilarious we

talking about here? Damn, your kid's room is lit. Isn't that cool? And she did it for fuck, on the cheap, bro. I can't believe. She was like, it costs 30 grand to do this. I'm like, dude, why don't you fucking get a job? Do this.

Go work at Home Depot, am I right? Take an Adderall. Do four a week. Imagine you go to Home Depot. You turn the aisle. There's Kristen with the thing on, with the tools. Bro, attitude. I'm trying to do this and she's like all right here we go she is i'm i you know i i'm not look obviously i love her we have a great relationship dude she is amazing how she does this shit i it blows my mind dude i'm like i i sat her down the other day and i was

just like yo i don't know how this sounds weird, whatever, but like, I just want to like, thank you for like doing this for us. And like, I know our kids, but like my kids get to experience this. That's so unbelievable. And I just wanted to thank you. You would have thought I gave her $12 million. Now let me explain something to you.

You're acting like you're building a space shuttle to Mars. This is important. It's a bunk bed. This is important for you, but you already know this now. And all the guys that are listening right now, it takes very little effort to make your woman feel good. Yeah, I know. Just do it.

It's so tough though, isn't it, boys? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is. it is hey hey you know why because brandy won't give it up because you know why it's so tough i ain't doing that shit right it's so tough yeah i get it so some flowers don't do it you know no well the problem is to to go the other side it lasts for however long it lasts and it's not- It lasts as long as flowers last. Yeah. Well, no, not even sometimes. Two days.

It lasts as long as your mood lasts until you go like, God damn it. And they're like, are you snapping now? Right. Oh, the tone's coming out. And you go- Yeah. Man. I just said the thing about the room.

You know? Remember the thing about the- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I slept in there uh two nights ago with calvin because i was like this is the shit she was on the top bunk i was on the bottom i'll sleep there Thank you.