The Golden Hour - I'm Crazy Fluid | The Golden Hour #48 w/ Brendan Schaub, Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

Erik is gone and the guys talk Chris being mistaken for Andrew Schulz, "medium" Jonathan Mark making Brendan emotional, Kountry Wayne's skits, Chris' road rage incident and challenging ghosts to haunt him, the real story of the Texas chainsaw massacre, a surprise cameo by Bryan Callen and much more! DraftKings - Download the Draftkings Sportsbook App NOW and use code: Golden Get two extra episodes every month at https://Patreon.com/TheGoldenHourPodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour

It's the Golden Hour What's up with 2023? What? What's up, Daddy? Year's almost over, dude. 2023, comment two. That's actually crazy to think about. It's a good thing.

It's been a tough year It just seems like Yours just keep going Well next year Is going to be so tough With everything going on With the election And all that

With the election But you don't know Anything about that So you don't care right But it matters though You know it really matters It's going to get Hot and heavy

It's going to get crazy bro Maybe you'll get into it You know what it is Politics is like WWE Now yeah It's always been that way you know right but the well no but the the actual spectacle of it all is viewed so much more now because of the social media yeah but it's just like wwe like trump the undertaker one guy's stone cold who's your fave there's characters in the game nothing's real.

Like they all say they're going to do one thing. They don't do anything. I know. I know. It's not real. I know that. It's real to me. They did suplexes. Hell yeah.

You tired? If they did suplexes, I'm not tired. No. I just yawned. Okay? But dude, I will say this. It's too bad Eric's not here, but he's doing a movie, right? He's doing a movie that nobody's going to see.

He's doing a movie with his buddies. Yeah. Well, I don't even know what it is. Do you? It hurts like some version, some spinoff of Brokeback. Wouldn't that be sick if Eric was just this thick cowboy in Brokeback? He's the side piece. He'd be a good cowboy.

Oh, dude, you blew it out right there? No, you just did. I heard you fart. No, you just did, dude. You wouldn't know if I did it in this. I thought it was your phone vibrating. No, my phone's over there. You just did that in your chair maybe?

No, it was you, man. I saw you go. I swear on my kids it was me. By the way, I heard you go. I saw your face do that. dude you and i dress pretty flamboyant today i'm gonna i'm gonna jumper you're in a pink shirt i'm in a pink shirt that's fine to have a pink shirt it's not yeah it's okay to have a pink shirt bro i don't subscribe to i don't subscribe to yeah my gender is fucking crazy dude wear that pink shirt my small town dude my, my gender is crazy fluid.

Yeah. You know, depending on how I wake up. Dude, you should wear that pink shirt in like Arkansas. Let me know how it goes for you. I would. Go get a tattoo at Bryce Mitchell's ex-girlfriend's house. I was in Arkansas, and I wore, I don't know what I wore. White sheets?

I would have worn this, and I didn't wear white sheets. I'm not racist, dude. Dude, I'm saying white's lit white sheets. I'm not racist, dude. I don't do it. I'm saying white's lit out there. I'm not racist. Somebody came up to me the other day in Canada, and he said, hey, man, dude, I'm such a huge fan. You're funny as shit, dude.

I don't even care that you're racist. I'm like, I've never been called racist. I was like, what? Have you ever had friends come up to you and be like, hey, man, love the show. Dude, fuck Brian Callenen Or they'll say something like Fuck Theo And you're like

Those are my friends I know they're my friends What are you doing But they're trying to just Be in on it and stuff Do good show dude I can't stand Joe Rogan Yeah yeah yeah

What That's stupid We're friends This was the opening line dude Yeah yeah yeah I hate that And also Don't don't don't don't yeah you're not in the you can't talk shit about my friend yeah well they're doing it as a

joke though but even if they do it as a joke it's like that's our joke you know yeah you're not in you're not in the club but dude he said i was racist and you know what that tracks though no no no but here's the thing i think i think, because sometimes people come up to me and they're like, like even it happened probably that it was the day before that someone comes up and say, bro, the thing you did with the Nelk boys was so good. You really put them on blast. I was like,

that's not me. And they're like, no, you're the comedian that did the thing. And I'm like, I don't know what that is. I Googled it. Sean Strickland.

I Googled it. And it was, uh, Schultz did a thing where he did the video with them. with that dude up. Yeah. And I was like, oh,'t know what that is. I Googled it. Do they think you're Sean Strickland? No, I Googled it and it was, Schultz did a thing where he did the video with them. Oh, he lit that dude up, yeah. And I was like, oh, this guy thinks

that I'm Andrew Schultz. But he did just comedy all in their, they're like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's a guy who's funny. It's that guy. Yeah, yeah.

White dude, dark hair. I get that. They're like, dude, I can't believe you murdered those people and you got away with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Aaron Rodriguez. I get it all the time. You said Rodriguez? That's fine. They go like this, dude, yeah. Yeah. Aaron Rodriguez. I get it all the time. You said Rodriguez? That's fine. They go like this, dude, you're real? And they're talking, there's Bigfoot. And they go like that, yeah. No, I get this, though.

Dude, I didn't know you were that big. Like, wait, what? Like, dude, you were jacked in Batman. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? They don't do that. Are you not Tom Hardy? I'm like, you ever seen Tom Hardy? Was Tom Hardy in Batman?

Dude, he's Bane. Oh, he's Bane. Batch! Yeah, yeah, he's Bane. Dude, things are different for me now. I had a medium in here. A real medium. Oh, okay.

Not my shirt. I'm talking about like a real, like talks to dead people. And what happened? Dude, things are different now. Did they tell you when you're going to die? No. I did ask though. What'd they say?

And he goes, not long. So who's the medium guy? His name's Jonathan. That's him right there. He works with the FBI. Come on. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does.

He helped solve the Gigolo serial killer beach murders. That Gabby girl who went missing, he talked to the parents. Three weeks before she was found dead. He called it Okay, and he has like he works with like over a thousand cases right currently right now death solved none of them No, no, he saw none of them. No, no, he saw I'm Tony do I think He goes like this and they go like this. Okay, we'll search it and they go and they go it. No, we didn't get it No, no, I'm telling you dude the FBI uses them. Yeah, okay That's cool. They use them They don't solve shit with them. Yeah, okay. That's cool they use them.

They don't solve shit with him. If they do, it's luck. If they do, it's happenstance. If they do, it's a coincidence. It's not because he talks to the dead. No, it is, dude. The FBI go, we have over 10,000 cold case files. Call Jonathan.

Jonathan, he goes, hold on. Bro, this guy watches the show on Discovery. He thinks it's real. Dude, I got him. He did a read to me, dude. I swear to God. Okay. And what did he say?

All sorts of crazy. I was crying. I was crying. You pussy ass bitch. No, I was crying, dude. He told me some stuff about you. But I'm alive. He doesn't know about me.

I got to die first. February 2026. Don't drive. That's I got to die first. February 2026. Don't drive. That's enough. That's fine. Don't drive. Dude, wait. So what was he talking to you about?

I mean, you don't have to get specific, but what? Yeah, my uncle passed away, who I was really close with. My girl's grandma passed away. He's like, I don't speak Spanish, man. She's speaking Spanish. She's like, my Spanish isn't good enough. I was like, yep, move on from her it's about me um you google you he googled you and then fucking just kimbo came through the the fighter guy yeah kimbo slice no another kimbo

i don't know legs of kimbo no uh so he crazy though right did you do it on camera no that no you just did it to do it. And then we had him on fire in the kitchen. We talked about it. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. But I didn't want the reading on camera.

Okay. I was crying, dude. Dude. Wow. Real or not. I was crying, dude. Talking to my dead uncle. Come on, daddy.

Dude, you talked to your dead uncle through some white 30 year old man. Yeah. Isn't that cool, dude? No, it's not. Is there anybody you want to reach out to? Nah. No, I got, I. Yeah, isn't that cool, dude? No, it's not. You got anybody you want to reach out to? Nah. No, I got connections now. That's it, dude.

I'll tell you what. I'll talk to them when I die. I'll talk to them when I die. I'll go looking for them. I'm not talking to them when I'm alive. What for? It'll be so hard to communicate with them and shit. There's nobody that passed away that you want to talk to right now?

No, I'll talk to them when I peace out. What about a cell phone where you could talk to the afterlife, dude? This is like a Blumhouse movie. Dude, I'm not. We when I peace out. What about a cell phone where you could talk to the afterlife, dude? This is like a Blumhouse movie. Dude, I'm not. We don't need to. That's exactly how scary movie talks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, what if you could talk to the afterlife?

God, dude. I have a direct connection. Bro, why does everyone. You know what's so annoying is that everybody has a fucking podcast, dude. Everybody has a podcast. I feel like if you're on Instagram or TikTok or something and you start getting followers, you just. The next thought is, dude, dude i gotta have a podcast and you're just somebody yeah it's oversaturated now we've been doing a hot are we like that though am i like that no i'm a comedian

fuck all that shit no you're not like you know what people forget because when you guys did uh 10 minute pod you were podcasting before i. I've been in about 12 years. Dude, we paved the way or what, dude? No, no. Yeah, man. I think Rogan probably started because of 10-minute podcasts, man. Paved the way? Was that the first podcast?

10 minutes, yeah. No, no, no. Rogan was before that. I don't know. Rogan's around 13 years maybe? Rogan's 75 years old, and he started the podcast in 1989. Speaking of too many podcasts, Brian's so loud next door, which they should shut that show down.

Yeah. At least not record at the same time, maybe. I don't know. That's true. But you're always recording though, right? Go shut him down. Go beat the fucking shit out of him. Hey guys, guys, fellas, love you both. You're fine. So listen, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Cleveland. I'm going to be in what? Is that bad?

No, you're fine, dude. I'm going to be in Cleveland. I don't know why Jim Freak Telly's never heard the show before. I'm going to be in Cleveland. I'm going to be in what? Is that bad? No, you're fine, dude. I'm going to be in Cleveland. I don't know why Chin Freak Telly has never heard the show before. I'm going to be in Redding. I'm going to be in Virginia. I'm going to be in Detroit. I'm going to be in, did I say Cleveland? Bro, it's going to be bonkers nutty, dude. ChrisLeah.com. And I'll tell you, if it's going to be anything like the Canadian dates I just did, whoa.

Hey, dude. Whoa, dude. It's going to be an American version of whoa, dude. Yeah, man. And I going to be an American version of whoa, dude. Yeah, man. And I got a lot of clips I'm posting on my TikTok. I'm going stupid viral. Dude, you post a lot of clips. You're like Country Wayne, but white and tired.

Well, but Country Wayne does stuff where he's just talking to his chick, right? Yeah. He'd be like, man. He posts 20 videos a day on YouTube. So Country Wayne, I know who he is. Good dude. Yeah, he seems like a good dude. I like him.

Hustler. He's got a great smile. Good hustler. Fucking great. I saw his shoes, and I love his shoes. His outfit, yeah. And he posts 150 times a day. Yes.

And what I want to know is, and with all due respect, why? Money? But it didn't start like that, so why start doing that no he's always posted tons of that's what i'm saying and i and no disrespect love the guy too much why but why start that because you don't know you're gonna start making money all that way right he's trying to get his name out there he really got big on i forget what he got big on maybe uh vine or something he just oh really back then, then he kept it going. Oh, because he looks young as fuck.

Because he was a big... Black people look really young, right? Yeah, they always do. Way better than us. We're aging like fruit, buddy. Morgan Freeman's 350, and he looks like that, so it's great. You ever seen Wesley Snipes? No, not lately.

Dude, sexy. Even now? Yeah. Nah, he's got to be an old man, right? No, dude. You didn't see him on that Kevin Hart series on Netflix? Might be his best performance of all time. Wesley Snipes, I don't know, man.

He was so good in that. In what? Was he? Yeah, I got to see that. True story. I got to see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that was good.

Oh, it's fantastic. Yeah. I'm sexy like that, though. Like that. With the turtleneck? Yep. I got to wear a turtleneck. Dude, one time I was talking to my friend who, God, he was so funny.

His name is Mike. And he was like, man, when I was in Vegas once, he said, I was walking around and I was like trying to get chicks. And man, I kept seeing guys in Las Vegas walking around with the hottest chicks and they all had turtlenecks, man. And like, dude, I couldn't even believe it, man. So many guys who had turtlenecks had the hottest chicks, and they all had turtlenecks, man. And, like, dude, I couldn't even believe it, man. So many guys who had turtlenecks had the hottest chicks. So the next day when I was in Vegas, I went out and I bought a turtleneck, man,

and I ended up getting the hottest chick there that I saw. Dude. And I think about that every time I see a fucking turtleneck, bro. When have you ever seen a turtleneck in Vegas? It's so hot. I know, but this was like 2006. This was a long time ago, so maybe they were kind of popping. I feel like they're coming back.

Bro, you would. If you had a turtleneck, bro, you got a turtleneck? No. Get one, dude. No, no. I look like The Rock with the fanny pack. No, no, no. Get a white one.

A white one. A cream one. A nice cream one. Okay. I kind of like this idea. Get a nice cream one. Oh, fuck. What about like a nice green, like a forest green?

Yeah, I mean, forest green is nice, but like this isn't a fashion podcast, but if you get a cream. Black's taking over, especially turtlenecks because of fucking Steve Jobs. But black turtlenecks, that's unfair. Everyone kind of looks nice in a black turtleneck. You pull that cream out, bro? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get that cream out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You pull that cream out, dude? Yeah. Because here's the thing. If you're fucking fat and you were a cream turtleneck Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get that cream out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull that cream out, dude. Your cream city? Because here's the thing. If you're fucking fat and you wear a cream turtleneck, you look fucking fat. Yeah, still fat.

But if you wear a black turtleneck, it looks slimming. Pull out that cream, bro. We'll see how fat you are. Speaking of first team all turtleneck, our boy... Well, those weren't words. Our boy, Ben Davis, got beat up.

Speaking of what? Remember we were talking about that boy who wears the turtlenecks all the time and he had a fight coming up? Oh, yeah. Oh, he got beat up. He got beat up. Well, he did Remember we were talking about that boy who wears the turtlenecks all the time? And he had a fight coming up? Oh, yeah. Oh, he got beat up. He got beat up. Well, he did well, though, in the beginning.

Yeah. Yeah. Come on. For not fighting, yeah. Oh, right. Right. Right. Because he wasn't going to be doing that.

That's him right there. Yeah. Boom. Okay. Well, maybe he should have worn a turtleneck out there. That's exactly what I said. If you mark yourself and sell your own turtlenecks. That's Matt Rife.

On the ground, he looks like Matt Rife. All right. It's Matt Rife with Sam Tripoli's body. He's fit. He's getting there. He's fit. Bro, I'm fucking fit, huh? Crazy, right?

Hey, you know what's annoying, though? What? You know how you were making fun of Country Wayne, posting all this content? Yeah. You're posting too much fitness content, right? On my story. Hey, you a fitness model? On my story.

You a fitness model? Well, I don't post fucking my body and stuff. You do, though. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. Show me. You a fitness model. Show me.

I don't post my body. I post... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Look at my stories. Oh, you see that? You see this? Wait, was that you? Yep. That's that you? Yep.

That's really you? Yep. I thought that was somebody else's. Nope, me in the, look at, watch this. He spits. Dude, is that the guy from NYPD Blue? Yep, Michael Chiglis. Watch this, watch this.

Oh, big blue. It goes to the side though, right? No, no, no, it hit it. Oh, it didn't? Hey, how scared were you? You know No, no, no. It hit it. Oh, it hit it? Hey, how scared were you? You know what? I guess I don't know. How scared were you guys in that car?

What happened? You guys are so scared because nobody can fight, huh? No, we can fight. Dude, you know what that guy would have done to you? That guy? Oh, Boba. Nothing. Nothing.

Dude, that guy would have scalped you like a fucking Apache Indian. Bro, he's like 55. The guy's going to have a heart attack in two minutes. Have you seen that guy goes, you want some of this shit, Sting? On the golf course? Takes his shirt off? No.

Oh, God. Bring that up, Nick. Hold on. That guy, before we even do that, that guy. I didn't post it, Nick. Oh, that's my truck. I'm in some mods. Our driver screeched to a halt

because we're going to hit somebody. You're on the highway. Swerved into the other lane. That guy honked. Bro, this was minutes after it happened. He was still fuming. It was so weird, bro. I get it.

You get that? I don't get it. How can you still be mad? It's just tough. Like when I was driving to San Diego the other day, I'm in the HOV lane. It's rush hour traffic. I'm going probably 85 in my TRX.

That thing's a yacht on land i'm moving yeah and this guy was just like ah fuck it cut it hiv lane which you're not supposed to do sure dude i come to screech and hold smoke everywhere oh i'm like oh hell no i'm so mad really and then he gets out and then he's just going but he's going really slow i'm like oh he's fucking with me i'm like all right what are we gonna do here and then he's like going slow i'm like this fucking i can't see because there's a bunch of stuff in the back it's like a bmw srb and then he gets over violation crosses the lines gets over so here we go you're a stickler for yep and i'm like here we go i pull up there's three kids in the back his wife's in the front yeah and he just goes i went right so you weren't staying mad then. No, I was mad for about three miles.

Bro, we. But then when I saw the kids, I went, I get it. It was an honest mistake. Yeah, of course. The difference is, doesn't matter what he looks like in that car, right? You got to be careful. Oh, of course, yeah, because it could have. No, no, no.

You got to be careful. Because he's a gunner. No, no, no. He'd beat you with his hands, right? No, that guy, no. I got it he was too i don't know dude any dude that has the balls to jump out like that oh so i got it get him down to the fucking ground right yeah whoa you think that guy has balance bro also we had fucking

six people with us do the driver he screeched to a halt and everyone in the car goes like there were fucking three people in the car. Fucking, fucking, fuck you, fuck you. And I was like, dude, Jesus. And then our driver. Armenian or what? Dude, who knows? Who honestly knows what our driver was?

But not from here. Who knows? Yeah. He was Canadian. I have no fucking clue what he was. Canadians don't fuck around. Zero to 100. Dude were he was canadian i have no clue canadians don't around zero to a hundred he was old he goes like this that would have pissed me off the guy goes so i'm like oh enrique says just let him go just let him go he just pulls in front of us and he's like this he's still going like this driver goes like this

that's what made him do that, dude. That's a calm-ass driver. That's who you should be scared of. Anyone who's that calm during chaos. Imagine you're in a fight with somebody, and they're popping off at the mouth, and you just go. The only thing worse is if he went. Oh, dude. You deserve to die, actually.

Because even with a driver, I just go like, that's him. He made his bed. I'm going to fight with that guy against the driver. Hey, who's in the car, though? Is it you, Rolo? Danny, Denny, Lulu, him. He made his bed. I'm going to fight with that guy against the driver. Hey, who's in the car, though? Is it you, Lolo? Me, Enrique, Denny, Lulu, Sam. Those aren't real names. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Denny Love, Lulu Gonzalez, Sam, Enrique, me. Lulu probably the toughest out of all you guys. No, me and then Lulu. She was in the military. Oh, Enrique's tough. Enrique's tough.

She was in the military. But it doesn't matter, though, dude. I'm, you know. No, watch this, dude. Watch this, okay. Now, this guy would fuck But it doesn't matter, though, dude. I'm, you know. No, watch this, dude. Watch this, okay. Now, this guy would fuck you and your crew up. Okay, okay. Look how calm he is.

This goes zero to 1,000. You took her ball! You took her ball! Bro, you took her ball! You took her ball! Bro, you took her ball. If you need money for a golf ball... Call some Walter. Bitch boy.

Walter? Walter. Oh, here we go. Shit stank. They got scared. Why do you say you want to test God? He's not even fit. That's the best part.

That's the best part. Leave your shirt on at that point. He looked scarier with the shirt on. You want to mess with this shit stain? I'm regular. I'm so regular. You want to mess with God? Look at that. How mad is that guy?

Hey, that guy needs anger management so bad. So weird, dude. I don't get when people get that mad. One time I got that mad. In my heart and I stayed where I was and I got so angry. No, I In my heart. And I stayed where I was. And I got so angry. No, I was in bed.

I was thinking of stuff. I've been there. And I got so angry just by thinking of stuff. Dude. And I was so angry. And I sat and thought about it. And I felt my teeth just getting together. And I got so, so angry in my heart.

I couldn't believe it. And I started crying. Oh, wow. Out of anger. I've never cried. I've never cried out of anger before. I've had fake arguments in my head. And then I'll be on my bike ride about an hour of fake arguments.

I'm like, if I see that dude, this hut's going to go down. And then about halfway in, I'm like, what are you doing? That's never happened. Also, it never works out the way you think it is. I'm like, if I see that dude, this house is going to go down. And then about halfway in, I'm like, what are you doing? That's never happening. Also, it never works out the way you think it is. I'm going to say this. The person is going to say that. And then I'm going to bring it home with this. You say the thing, and then they say something else.

And you're like, wait, hold on a second. You say the thing, and they're like, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. What? No. Yeah. Chris, let's take a little break, dude. You look like you're on a break.

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I wonder if I got out of the car what I would have said to that guy. Hey, hey, buddy. Dude, it's all good. Are you okay? Dude, look at me. Look at me. You okay? Come here, bro.

Give him a hug. We built this city. We built this city on rock and roll. That might do it, though, dude. You just go gay on him? That's how I kiss him in his mouth. I have my tongue in his mouth. You don't see a lot of...

He's got his tongue in my mouth too. You don't see a lot of straight up street fights like that. Like road rage anymore? Well, that's what I'm saying. Who's got guns? I literally said, who still has road rage like this? Well, Canada doesn't have guns. In Canada, right. We don't have guns so they can pop off.

You do it here. Dude, I was with my fucking friend. You know Joel. I was in Toronto. Oh yeah, he's great. Dude, I was with my fucking friend. You know Joel. I was in Toronto. He's great. Bro, we were in his convertible. He's got a convertible, right? Don't drive convertible.

Never have a convertible, but he has one, right? Don't ever have a convertible. He has one, but he likes it, but don't ever have one, right? He can only drive it, what, three months out of the year. Also, just never have one, period.

Well, unless you like wiener in your mouth. Don't drive convertible. No, you know what? It's not even that. If you have five cars, then you can get a convertible. But don't make that be your car. No. That can't be your everyday.

So we agree on that. Yes. He had a convertible. We're in the car. Two dudes in a convertible. So gay. Crazy, right? Yeah.

Might as well be Mackin. Might as well drive to Nancy Pelosi's house. But we're in Canada. Yeah, but you're headed there. Okay, but we're in Canada, so. Yeah, but you're headed there. Okay, but we're in Toronto, and we're driving. Some woman and her, older woman and her husband are looking at the car, and the woman says something. She said the F word? No.

She says something. We got music on, right? Listening to music, okay? Do you know what kind of music? It was like. Techno. Yeah, really, really gay gay the whole game right so so she says something and i'm like you get good at like reading people fucking say shit to me all the time you get good at like i'm i might am i i know this is not like a fan thing so like chris leah like that happens a lot but i'm something else is

going on right so i say uh so i say hey she's saying something lowers it she says what color is that interior okay she might be a gearhead she he says uh red the says, it's tan from the sidewalk. I'm in the red fucking thing. It's red. She walks up. No, no, no. He was like fucking 70.

She walks up and she goes, touches the interior. She says, this is red, right? And he says, it's red, sorry. And the guy's like, like oh he's colorblind drives away and I was like bro if that happened in LA everyone would be dead it's tan everyone would be dead I don't even have a gun if that happened a gun would appear and I would have to shoot everybody you have to that's insane in Toronto you could just do like that it's great

it's great because It's great. It is great. Because out here, I have a buddy out here in LA. He was acting pretty tough. And this dude, they kept cutting each other off. And then he said, he's going to make a left. The guy stops his car. He's in like a Dodge Magnum, I think.

Gets out. Gets out a gun and goes, say you're a bitch. Say you're a bitch. And the guy's like, I'm a bitch. He's like, that's what I fucking thought. He's like, that's why you don't talk shit to people in cars you don't know. And then just drove off. Say you're a bitch.

I'm a bitch. Yeah, man, I'm a bitch. He said his girl was with him. She was like, oh, my God. Oh, she just goes like this. She got shot in the face. You shouldn't have said you were a bitch. You fucking.

She took it to the face. She's like, I'm cheating on you I've been cheating on you Oh dude that medium said he caught a girl cheating on him Cause he was like I keep getting this name Alright bro No dude listen

He goes like He said he was laying down with her His long time girlfriend He goes I keep getting this name Kevin Kevin And she Was Kevin dead?

No Then he's not a fucking medium dude No no Kevin wasn't dead. Someone was trying to tell him. Oh, get the fuck out of here. Kevin's black, dude. I don't think it's you, dude. This black dude was fucking his girl.

And he's like, who's Kevin? She turned white and she admitted to it. She was getting piped down. So the medium said that his someone that was, I guess, I guess the girlfriend's grandfather named someone who was dead. named someone named Kevin or whatever. Yeah, her dead grandfather came to him and was like, my granddaughter's a whore. Her grandfather. I made that up.

Her grandfather spoke a word, spoke a name to him. He heard it. So then he asked that girl, who's Kevin or whatever the name is. Tyrone. Tyrone, yeah. And she's like, what the fuck? Yeah, and they broke up. That's what he said. Two and he was like, who's Kevin? Or whatever the name is. Tyrone. Tyrone, yeah. And she's like, what the fuck? Yeah. And they broke up.

That's what he said. Two and a half years, dude. Dude, I got a direct line if you want it. I don't want to talk to that guy. Direct line. I don't want to talk to anybody dead. Direct line. There's nobody dead I want to talk to, though.

Tupac, can I do that? Can you do that? You don't have a personal connection with him, dude. Nothing. Napoleon or Tupac, no. Otherwise, no. No family, no friends? No, bro. I said everything connection with him, dude. Nothing. Napoleon or Tupac. No. Otherwise, no. No family? No friends?

No, bro. I said everything I need to, man. You wouldn't talk to me if I crashed on the way home? I'd wait until I peaced out, man. What if I was trying to talk to you? The guy's like, you don't know him. He's like, dude, Brennan won't shut up. I go like this.

Tell Brennan to wait until I die. I'll fucking be there at some point. Where is he? Hell? Oh, never mind. I'll be in heaven. No one in here believes medium stuff ghost hey man no oh you guys are born no dude oh you guys are weak bro but you also believe in covid so it doesn't count no well wait young cast what do you mean believe in covid you know what i

mean dude this come on it is a pandemic well believe what exactly yeah come on that what that you can get covid you can get covid i've had it four times yeah okay so do you believe in it then well it's cold right yeah it's what it is i don't know it's no different just rebranded bro i i understand what you're saying i I'm not going to argue that. You booster boy. Yeah, in the beginning. Because I didn't know. I fucking did it because, you know, have I gotten it since then? No, fuck no. Will I know?

You're more likely to get it if you get boosted. You know, I don't know about that. Check the stats. Maybe, okay. It doesn't matter, though. The point is there's no ghosts. Well, people that believe in COVID and boosters don't believe in ghosts. It goes hand in hand, dude. It does?

It's like peanut butter and jelly. I don't think that that's true at all, dude. I'm not duped, bro. Yeah, because sheep just go through life like this. Duped, dude. I think that there's... Here's the deal. If there's ghosts, show up.

I'm ready, dude. I'm not scared. Say what's up. The there's ghosts yeah show up i'm i'm ready dude i'm not scared say what's up the portal's not open for you bro okay see you mean you you don't i don't believe it that's what you mean that's stupid bro if i was a ghost and ghosts exist i would make it my mission to force people to believe in me i'm not gonna oh nah fuck the people who believe you got it hey hey hey hey hey pay attention that's me if i'm a ghost do you believe in karma what the fuck who's doing this do you believe in karma? What the fuck? Who's doing this? Do you believe in karma? Like if you do something good, the world? In a general sense, that good energy promotes good energy. So is there evil energy?

No. Only good. You can't believe one and not the other. There's not evil energy, bro. There's people who do bad things. Yes. And you just think they're mentally ill? And the more negative you do, the more negative energy. If you believe negative energy, if you're negative,

then you're going to welcome negative energy into your life. So you have more negative bad energy. Yes. If you're promoting negative energy. Live by the sword, die by the sword, which is something I've always said. Me too. So that bad energy, can that be a form of a spirit an evil spirit energy no man if i then what's energy energy you know you fucked up right you're just you know you fucked up it's

a worse debater no you because you admitted to good energy right you know you fucked up right wait energy is a thing you know you fucked up right well bro it's science yeah there he is bro it's science yeah there he is there he is I've won you over dude I'll send you his number I gotta call that guy I'm down you dude

please can you get Tupac he's like no we gotta try to zoom him next week and do a reading for Chris he does it over the phone nah bro what are you scared of it's bullshit he does it over the phone No bro He does it over the phone What are you scared of It's bullshit

He does it over the phone bro Yeah dude You need to be there at least Oh yeah But do it on the show Where does he live Long Island Another medium

That lives in fucking Long Island Remember that one Long Island medium Yeah she was like A Jersey Shore lady Yeah you believe that Fucking girl No she's bullshit

A lot of them are bullshit. And you know. She doesn't work with the FBI. This dude works with the FBI. Can't get more legit than that. He doesn't work with the FBI. He solved the Gigolo murder case. The Gigolo murder?

Yes. The serial killer. Pull up Gigolo murder. Bro. This is not true. He didn't solve the case. He helped. Yeah, what did he do?

Buy fucking snacks? You guys hungry? I'm sensing you guys are hungry. Your grandfather said you're hungry. Shooter had road rage. Oh, look at that. I know Gabby Petito. I think Gabby Petito's mom. No, it's not Bigelow. Not Deuce Bigelow. Gigolo.. I know Gabby Petito. I think Gabby Petito's mom.

No, it's not Bigelow. Not Deuce Bigelow. Gigelow. So what about Gabby Petito? Gigelow. What about Gabby Petito? There's no E. G-I-G-L-E. And it's no W. G-I-G-L-E. Yeah, I think that's... I want to spell and be between Nick and Jen. What about Gabby Bigelow?

I would dominate. I went to county in fourth grade. Jail? Prove it. about Gabby Big Big. I would dominate. I went to county in fourth grade. Jail? Jail? Prove it. Johnson Psychic Medium. Look, TikTok Psychic exclaimed the channel

Gabby Petito's ghost. She told the mom she was dead before she was even dead, dude. K-Salt. I DM'd this guy over a year ago. Oh, I have have his number i was trying to get him on here but i don't know but if you're not gonna believe dude don't waste any of our time you know

i agree bro now i'm talking to you i agree but you believe i like because you believe in good energy so yeah i believe in promoting good energy. And also you can... You get what you put out, right? You receive what you put out. In a way, yes. There you go. In a way.

But that doesn't mean there's ghosts. That doesn't mean... How do you get from that that I believe in spirits haunting us? See, you don't know your ghosts, dude. They're not all trying to haunt us. They're not all bad. Some of the ghosts can be good, dude. I know. I know your ghosts, dude. They're not all trying to haunt us. They're not all bad. Some of the ghosts could be good, dude. I know.

I know. I get that. I get that there are not, if there were ghosts, they wouldn't only be bad. Wait, so you're telling me you don't believe in ghost adventures, Zach Baggins? No. That is what I'm saying. This is insane. You're telling me.

Hello? That's them. You're telling me you don't believe in Blair Witch Project? Well, that's a movie, Brendan. I thought it was real when it first came out I was no I didn't I was so I I here's how much of a pussy I am I didn't think it was real and I was still so scared dude I still even though I knew it wasn't real man they really did that that was a hell of a promotion you remember the promotion was like it's real it's real and they come out to months later it's fake and i went opening night in denver colorado me and my boys we slept with the lights on together yeah yeah i don't even think i slept bro

that shit was so scary horrible footage that movie cost seven dollars to make well that was the point but also it really was well i was a scary i'd like to watch that again oh it's so bad oh really you're you're seeing paranormal yeah that one's bad too really i remember seeing it they tried I'd like to watch that again. Oh, it's so bad. Oh, really? You ever seen Paranormal? Yeah. That one's bad, too. Really? I remember seeing it. They tried recreating their marketing.

Well, they fucking make this movie every five years. Well, now, but the gig's up now. I still watch them. Yeah, but everybody knows their... Nobody thought Paranormal Activity was real. They'd market it as it was. Yeah, but everyone knew it wasn't. Yeah, we didn't know about Blair Witch, though.

Blair Witch, yeah. There's not enough evidence on the internet to know if it was real or not. When it came out. The internet wasn't even popping. It was 1996. They marketed it so well, and the way they filmed it was just like a camcorder. Dude, when I got out... But I'm saying now you can't make a movie like that.

When I got out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre when I was in college, I sprinted to my truck. You thought it was real? Yeah. You thought it was real? Texas Chainsaw is real. It's based on something. It's based on some sort of truth.

And when they show the actual footage at the end, I was like, oh, hell no. That footage is terrifying. I'm a scaredy cat. At the end? Yes. Oh, really? They show actual footage from the murder? It's not. Oh, yeah. What is actual footage from the murder? It's nuts.

Oh, yeah. What is it? I sprinted my truck. Stop saying that. And what is it? No, dude. I jogged to my truck with a Cinnabon in my hand. That's real?

This is real? Yep. That's real? Yeah, this is real. There's no... No, dramatization. No, no, no. Don't read that.

Watch this. You thought it was real, though, when you were watching. So you thought this was real? Yeah, because it comes after the credits. Got it. Got it. Now that's real. The footage of that wall with the fingernails is real.

You're so out of your fucking mind. No, I'm telling you. There's The footage of that, the wall with the fingernails is real. You're so out of your fucking idea. No, I'm telling you, there's real footage of that. Not this actual part, but that's an actual evidence. That's an actual evidence. Watch this, dude. Watch yourself. I'm watching. Oh, man.

The music. Brendan's like, there was an actual chorus they were singing there, too. There's a symphony behind them. So. Almost there. Almost there. So what's the story with this? I know it kind of, but.

It's based on Ed Gein. Right. Oh, okay. It is? Yeah. Come on back here. Follow me. You see his face? Hold on.

Just wait. Just wait. There it is. There it is. Dude. Me. This is real footage. This is real. That's actual history, dude. You all right? That looks fucking scary.

Right? You're scared a little bit. That's not real. So Ed Gein. That's real. That's not real. Yeah, it is. So Ed Gein, he was like from a family of lunatics or no? I don't know about his family.

He had a big pot. That's the thing about based on a what? He had a big pot? He had a big pot where he'd cook them. And Zach Baggins owns the pot. Look up, again, all right. So go up. Here, go up.

August 27th. The Butcher of Plainfield and the Plainfield Ghoul. Body snatcher. Gaines Crams came in around the hometown of Plainfield, Wisconsin. Gathered widespread notoriety in 1957. After authorities discovered that he had exhumed corpses from local graveyards, fashioned keepsakes for their bones and skin. So he'd make like fucking lampshades out of their skin.

Right. He also confessed to killing two women. All right. So this is nothing like a leather face A motherfucker with a leather face Hey dude I always think about that with Bon Thugs and Harmony The real Ed Gein Did wear a human scalp and face The real Ed Gein did this however to help

His desire to be a woman Not because of skin disease As with leather face in the film. Also included in his uniform, Ed Gain wore a vest of skin complete with breast and female genitalia. A motherfucker with a leather tits? Dude, why do serial killers all want to be the

other sex? That's so crazy. Because they're crazy, right? Yeah. A motherfucker with a leather pussy? Hey! The BTK killer too used to wear women's clothes. A motherfucker with a woman's body? Hey. The BTK really? Yeah.

It's all kink shit bro. They're wild boys. It's all kink shit. They're like I want to kill everybody but also I'm Martha. But also I want to wear those tits.

I want to kill everyone but also fuck I'm Elisa. Dude. I want to kill everyone but god damn it dude my fucking tits are so fucking juicy god damn it they're fucking sore from my period a motherfucker with a lot of eyes hi dude i don't know that song yeah yeah yeah well it's

just something that's stuck in my brain when i was a kid harmony yeah bone bone bone see if you can find a motherfucker with a lot of. What song is that from, though? I don't know, bro. It's all Bone Thugs. They all suck, you know? What? I like Bone and Thugs. Bro, Bone Thugs and Harmony.

Bone and Thugs. Wow. Bone and Thugs. Bone Thugs and... What are you, my aunt? Bone Thugs and Harmony were good in 1999, and that's it. They don't know a motherfucker with a leather face, hey? Yep.

They don't know a motherfucker with a leather face. Hey, they don't know a motherfucker with a leather face. Hey, they don't know a motherfucker with a leather face They don't know I'm a motherfucker with a leather face You hoes that never know because I got away Yeah Check out next week's Patreon episode Motherfucker with a leather face Hi What's the chorus on that song though? Is it a major song?

Is it a major song? Go all the way up so we know what the fucking title is dude nicks fart uh thug love thug love with tupac oh it's for two by someone tupac yeah park park oh yeah shit from cleveland la yeah deflate the cleveland That's what he says. A motherfucker with a leather face. Hey. Dude.

Awesome. Hell yeah. Dude, we're talking old school here. Bone thugs in harmony. Now it's old school. Leather face. Medium. All real stuff. Dude.

Okay. Oh, let's see what this guy. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what this guy. Whoa, whoa. What's going on, guys? This is Eddie from Austin, Texas. I got a debate club for y'all. Okay. Oh, let's see what this guy. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what this guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on, guys? This is Eddie from Austin, Texas. I got a debate club for y'all.

Okay. Robo Cops. Robo Cops? Wait, I'll think about them. Like actual that are. I got a video. Gang gang. Buzz buzz.

Damn, that dog's cute. Robo Cops? Now, he's talking about like those bullshit cops. A motherfucker with a leather vise. A motherfucker with a leather vise. He's talking about like those bullshit cops A motherfucker with a leather vise He's talking about like real The bullshit cops Like can Sam Fran try this? Don't even start it unless

Oh wait what? That's a joke But remember that had one in San Francisco Rub em Oh yeah that's going to stop them. Oh, they got to get a little better before they release it. No, they launched one in San Francisco and it just went after black guys. Oh, God.

Because the algorithm that they put into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy was racist. Did it fuck up? It fucked up, yeah. Yeah, it was just like shooting everything. No, no, no. We just saw like a crowd at Bone Thugs-N-Arms like,

Come on, fuck with a lot of bass. So wait, hold on. What is, so what, why would somebody stop doing crime because of that fucking bullshit? Also, just get behind and knock it over, right? No, no, no. Just make it real. Make it better before you release it.

This is the shit I can't stand. No, dude. Make it actual RoboCop. No, make, no. Just make it real. Make it better before you release it. This is the shit I can't stand. No, dude. Make it actual RoboCop. No, make it actual RoboCop. That's what I'm saying. Listen to the fucking words that are coming out of my mouth.

This isn't done yet. Make a fucking guy that's like, drop him. And this way you're like, oh shit, dude. Because this thing is just, who gives?

Dude, you go like this. Behind it. Boop. It can't get up, dude. Because this thing is just... Who gives... Dude, you go like this. Behind it. Boop. It can't get up, dude. You don't think people thought of that? And then you fucking shoot everyone and rob a bank. What? You don't think they thought of that?

I bet you can't push that big-ass thing over. You can. I don't think so. Have you seen that robot that they push over and it's all... You can't push it over. This is a big egg. What does this do, by the way? You know what this does?

It's just black people. There's a real cop inside it by the way sweating his ass off just making it making this shit happen he's like i swear it's a it's a robot do not pay attention do not open that do not open that and then they open it he's just like hey what is it do you know what it is what does it do what does it deter is it? Do you know what it is? What does it do? What does it deter? Is it just a camera? Because that's stupid. No, it has actually... Now, this thing... You rob a bank.

This thing comes in. I'm out. I'm out. Not me. I'm pushing it over, dude. I'm out. I'm not touching that thing. With my bags of money.

Oh, yeah. Go ahead. Try to push it over. Look at that. Go ahead. Try to push that over. Bro, that is so scary, bro. That's so scary. How much does it weigh? I'd be like, oh, just. That's so scary.

How much does it weigh? I'd be like, oh, just grab that with the money. So much. Look at this. This is the problem. This guy. This guy's the problem. Look.

Look, look, look. See that thing? Look, it's taking it. How long is it going to take? How long does it take to get pushed like that? Okay. How long does it take to get pushed like that until they fucking react, huh? That's a black guy.

Honestly. That was easy, though. If you just get you just get behind minorities can only take so much robots a new minority yeah uh i got a debate club for you guys do you think this is too much uh affection shown between a mother and son. This will be interesting. Oh. If she wasn't hot, it would be too much. Yeah, it's only because she's slamming. If she wasn't slamming, if a fucking... If she didn't have the motherfucking big-ass leather tits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it was Ed Gaines with tits, dude, it wouldn't be a fucking thing. See, that's people just being pervy, right? Imagine if this is your mom, though. She's got single and the she's got single and there's a whole bunch of other problems here yeah i mean this is not that is he a baller if he's a baller too i'd be excited i'll tell you what though if my mom did that though uh how old is she one of us would die why does his girlfriend look older than the mom don't get in a headbutt contest with the girlfriend, huh? That's funny.

Dude, he's taking his sport serious, though. She's slamming, dude. Dude, if I'm Drake, I'm signing up for slime ball. You're a good mom. Nick writes. Motherfucker with only face. Motherfucker with only fans. The motherfuckers aren't only fans.

Hey. Oh, look who it is. Speaking of Ed Gaines. Hey, bring up Ed Gaines. He looks just like Brian Callen. They look very similar. Cuck boy.

Cuck boy. Cuck boy. Cuck boy. Look at Brian. It's cuck boy. Look at Brian. Bro, Brian, get a hat like that.

Motherfucker with a lot of skin. Get a hat like that. Hey, get rid hat like that. Motherfucker with a leather skin. Get a hat like that. Hey, get rid of those tattoos. Hey, dude, I haven't seen you in 10 years. Has it been that long? Same guy. That's you.

Wow, that's incredible. Thank you. You got to admit it. I'll be here all weekend. You didn't see me in Iowa in October. What was that? Greenboro, North Carolina. See you October 6th and 7th.

Bro, you always play Greenboro. Yeah, I got problems. I'll see you there. Why do you go to Greenboro all the time? There's my bag museum. Hey, are you doing another theater on a Sunday in Greenboro? Man, $100,000. Hey, hey, hey.

All right, well. There you go, Brian. Does Brian not look like Ed Gay? He does. He's just Ed Gay. All right, well. There you go, Brian. Does Brian not look like Ed Gay? He does. He's just Ed Gay. All right, so that was maybe, I don't know. It's tough because she's hot. That's why people are laughing.

If she was a warlock, people wouldn't even give this any attention. Yeah, they'd just laugh, yeah. So props to her for being hot, right? This, they're putting up an AIDS memorial. Next. In Pasadena. For a booty hole? That's what everybody thinks. Being raised about an AIDS memorial

Why is it that? Right now the sculpture is planned to look like this. These pictures you're seeing here. Some people don't like it. This is Journal 3's Jake and Rossi live in studio with more on the contest. Yeah, Jim, looks like an asshole. In response to those concerns. Jake.

And John, it is a nine-foot sculpture planned for a Palm Springs park. Oh, loves it. The guy stands in front of it with his butt to it. This guy's mouth is watering. In fact, some call it inappropriate, and the committee in charge says they are now listening.

Some people call this a proposed age-old sculpture, raising hundreds of thousands of dollars in the community and stirring up controversy Appropriate. Some people call this glory hole. It looks like a butthole, bro. What? What? Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? It's a glory hole, bro. It's eye level. It's glory hole. It's really strange. signifying connection reflection and who the thought this was a good idea bro it's i love its glory hole saying it's too abstract it's really strange oh he also likes it this is

almost like a piece of art looking for a purpose but it's even too much for this leather yeah it's disgusting as a consequence it's kind of about nothing there's also the oh it's about something resembles other things you hear it called the donut all the time. You hear it called the word you can't say on camera all the time. For some on social media and beyond, the design resembles an inappropriate body part on the rear end. Inappropriate. On the rear end, which I'm a fan of. Looks like a graphic depiction of the backside of a human being. Anus.

The word's anus for 5,000, Alex. You could say anus. That's what I'm saying. Why don't these gay dudes be like, yeah, it looks like a juicy anus. That's crazy. The problem is that the art installation looks like an anus. Many people walk up with their mouths open

hoping for a surprise. Many people walk backwards into it hoping for a surprise. Many people walk backwards into it, hoping for a surprise. It looks like an anus. I'm Phil the Reporter. That's exactly what they should do, man. There's nobody that wouldn't look at this and think anus, even if it wasn't about a stereotypically gay disease.

Even if it was about anything. I'm going to fuck AIDS at you. That's Tim Dillon's opening. Oh, that's Ben, yeah if it was about anything. I'm going to fuck the AIDS statue. That's Tim Dillon's opening. Oh, that's Ben, yeah. That's so funny. I'm going to fuck this AIDS statue. Dude, that's crazy. Wow, man.

I mean, that's unfortunate, man. But how stupid do you got to be? Is it unfortunate or is it awesome? How stupid do you got to be to make that decision? It had to be on purpose. It had to be on purpose. It had to be on purpose. At some point, somebody along the line making that would have been like, you know, it looks like an anus.

And the guy was like, yeah. Nope. Nah, fine. I don't know. I've gone too far, man. I'm just going to keep going with it. Yeah. I already got this stuff.

You don't think people are going to come all over this thing, do you? Oh, well. Oh, wow. I already got this stuff, dude.? Oh, well. Oh, wow. I already got the stuff, dude. Let's just make it. It probably won't be that much. People will say it's a donut.

I'll make it look more like a donut. Dude, I got a lot of stuff going on, man. I don't want to restart. You think people will put their penises in it, and then other guys will put their face on the other side and suck them off? You mean like a glory hole? Nah. Nah. Let's just put it up.

Just get it up there, man. It's Pasadena, man. And then they put it up Just get it up there man It's Pasadena man And then they put it up Oh fuck They're saying it looks like a butthole I told you man Shut the fuck up man What is this?

A prison in Venezuela Was taken over by gangs And it got raided And they had a zoo A nightclub It's Pablo Escobar style. Yeah. Sinaloa Zoo style.

Jesus Christ. They had flamingos in that bitch? I mean, if you're going to go, that's the place to go. What happened? That's the fucking prison? Yeah. Come on. That's a lit-ass playground for kids.

Wait, why is there a playground? Because they got kids, right? Oh, in the prison. Like, they're like the families? Yeah, man. Especially just a town. Whoa, they got cheetahs? What the fuck?

I feel like it's... Who's taking care of the cheetahs the proper way? They're ocelots. Ocelots? I wouldn't have known that. It says big cats. They got a baseball field. I betots? Sincere. I wouldn't have known that. It says big cats. They got a baseball field. I bet that team's...

Where's this at? Venezuela. I bet that team's pretty fucking good. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Could definitely beat my Rockies. So what's this... Why is this prison like this? This got a strip club and shit?

Because ran by gangs. Wow. Yeah. They're just getting sucked off and they're serving 10 to life. But 1,100 cars.

Wow, that's crazy, huh? Dude, that's crazy that they were like, man, remember the day,

they're going to be like, remember the days when we ran this shit? It was awesome. And now they're all fucking. That's an understatement, yeah. Yeah.

Venezuela is a nightmare, dude. They have so many problems. I now they're all fucking. That's an understatement, yeah. Yeah. Venezuela is a nightmare, dude. They have so many problems. I'm going on vacation there. For Christmas, I'm spending Christmas there. Take your kids, dude. Dude, I'm going to. We're going to stay at that prison, yeah. We're going to stay there, yeah.

It has room service. Motherfucker with a leather face. See, it's catchy. Oh, man, it's in my head now. Oh, it's J.J. Watt. It's J.J. Watt. What do we got? Chris, Eric, Halen here. Oh, man, it's in my head now. Oh, it's J.J. Watt. It's J.J. Watt. What do we got? Chris, Eric, Halen here from Sacramento, California.

I had a quick question. What is your guys' thoughts on going to brunch with your lady and her friends? Gay. Now, I don't wish that on anybody, more so because I don't like her friends, and they just all get really drunk, and I have to drive them all home. But other people's experiences could be different. Tell me what you guys think. They're using you, bud.

They're using you. So my ex, I was with my ex, and she said, I'm going to brunch with my friend. Do you want to go? Since she asked, I said, no. And she said, well, that doesn't make me feel good. And I said, no. And she said, well, that doesn't make me feel good. And I said, why? And she said, because if you were going to brunch with your friends

and asked me to go, I'd want to go. I would never invite you. And I said, I'm friends with the most entertaining people in the world. I appreciate that. It's a little much. And you're friends. It's a little much. And your friends It's a little much. And your friends with Kelly.

Big difference. You know what I'm saying? And she kind of couldn't argue with that. It's a tough argument. And now I was being truthful. I could have had a little better bedside manner. Sure. could have had a little better bedside manner. Sure. Could have delivered a little nicer.

But that caused a huge argument. And I said, look, if you're upset, I will go with you. And I will be, you know, have fun and do all that stuff. But you're asking if I want to. And the answer is no. So do you want me to go? And she's like, no. And then I don't want you to say, okay. But do you so do you want me to go and she's like no and then i don't want you to say okay but i totally will if you want me to my girl go i don't get it you you talk for a living then you get around my friends you don't talk i'm like there you go yeah i do for a living right i don't see any money in my cash app i'm not here to

entertain i'm here for my over easy eggs, some bacon and dick suck. Right? Now I got my eggs and bacon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's good. I don't see any money. Right. We're missing something. What's a dick suck thing though? Dude, I feel like I feel like, yeah, you'd be like

I used to fight for a living. That doesn't mean when I'm at brunch I want to kick everyone's ass here. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, we're not into the same stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go silent.

Well, it's like, dude, you're going to go to lunch with, like, the fellas or Kelly? But also, you don't want them there. Well, that's the whole thing about being a dude. Also, do you have a boy who constantly brings his girl? Like guy events? There's always that guy. Yeah, I don't really know those kinds of people anymore. But we have a couple of friends, and that's fun too.

That's different. No, I know that's totally different. But that's fun for me. I like doing that. Me have couple friends and that's fun. It's different. No, I know that's totally different. But but that's fun for me. I like doing it too. I prefer that. But but yeah, I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't.

I don't really do that. I mean, Kristen sometimes has her friends over the house. I think that's fun. I like her friends. That's fine. I like people over the crib. Yeah. Yeah.

I can just go. Yeah. I can. But if it was brunch with her and her friends, yeah, I wouldn't feel. And you're the only guy? I wouldn't feel. I would feel not. I don't want to say I'd feel weird, but I would feel like I'm waiting for something else to be happening.

Bro, I want. It was the first day my son started in school. My girl's friends with all my son's moms, right? They're like, we're going to go. It was like a brunch. Like, we're going to go there. This one dude's like uh i'm starving too man let's go there i'm like i couldn't make up anything okay yeah so i go there he's like but we're not gonna sit with them so the table of 14 women are over here it's just me and this dude on a date by ourselves over here i ordered i don't

know like a fucking burger it's like eight bucks yeah he goes hey man you know it'd be a baller move we pay for their meals i was like what we just pay we weren't in town pay for their meals and i was like oh no they got it man my girl has a car no no watch this so he's hey bring the check to us who's this dude some dude i don't know hold on dude how did you miss, they were there for four hours. They were drinking mimosas, food. Oh, it was $2,200, buddy. All right, so hold on.

So I killed that guy. Yeah, so hold on. I murdered him. Start the story from the beginning. Really? You're where? I was at the first day of school. Okay, right. I get this.

New school, first grade. So this is about a year and change. Okay. So you're hungry. I wasn't starving. But you're going to go get something to eat. Yep. And they're like, oh, hey, we're all going here.

Okay, okay. This is my thing. Who is they? My girls, sons, moms. The mom group. And your girl. Yep. Okay.

Got it. Then one of the dads goes, I'm kind of hungry too. He's kind of my buddy. He goes, you want to go? Got it. But he of the dads goes, I'm kind of hungry too. He's kind of my buddy. He goes, you want to go? Got it. But he's not there with his girl. He's there. With his girl.

Yeah, but he's like, they're gone. And I was like, oh, I like that place. He's like, me too, man. Let's go get something to eat. So he kind of was like convinced you to go. Yeah. You weren't going to go. No, no, no.

Got it. All right, all right. Now I get it. And I end up with a $1,000 bill. So you guys both split it? I've never talked to him again. That's... What does the guy do for a living?

Something good? He's dead. I killed him. I don't know what he does for a living. That's crazy, bro. Insane. Ruined my day. Day?

Yeah. I would be... Yeah. The whole week, I'd be like, I'm going to see this motherfucker again god damn dude i don't know i should have bought some nice jeans bro oh dude the nicest i hope these fucking bitches are full with no pants on i hope these bitches are full i could have been wearing something real nice, bro.

Show up to that guy's house with no pants and be like, why aren't you wearing pants? Well, man. I'm glad you asked. I had to fill those bitches. That's crazy, bro. Wow. I see the guys go, what's up? And I keep going.

Because I don't want to get involved with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're in a different tax bracket, though. You got a burger at brunch? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Because I just eat the patty. I'm a big Eggs Benedict guy.

Honestly, dude. Gay. Don't fucking say that to me. I don't like the hollandaise jizz sauce, bro. It makes me feel sick, dude. That hollandaise sauce is so fucked. It's jizz, bro. And the ham?

Fuck you. Yeah, fuck ham. Oh, I hate ham. And fuck that jizz sauce, bro. Give me eggs and an English muffin is fine, but bro. Don't mix them. You come at me with that jizz sauce and ham. Fuck y'all.

That's the title of the episode, Jizz Sauce and Ham. That's like a, what do you call it? Dr. Seuss book yeah fucking sneech that one of the sneech ass nick nicks a sneech eating a fucking jizz sauce and ham dude i bought my son do you know what i'm talking about because it's sneech cheese sauce and and Ham Sneet's was a Dr. Seuss book Sneet's? Sneet's yeah and there were the Sneet's

and then they fucking Green Eggs and Ham was another one and so I say the Sneet's eat the cheese sauce and ham and Nick is a Sneet's

to break it down well I gotta read that book to my kid Sneet's God man dude I just I just bought my son Mortal Kombat, the new Mortal Kombat. The show?

Oh, the video game. Oh, with Megan Fox? Megan Fox is in it. The video game. That's what I heard. Not yet. We're not that far. But that game is late.

The eight-year-old? Yeah. He's playing. Yeah. He had the old one. I mean, I love Mortal Kombat. It's mainly for me. But it's violent, bro.

Here's the thing. It's so violent, he doesn't believe it. It's so over the top, he's like, this is bullshit, dad. You bad, dad. I'm like, yeah, nobody cuts heads off. You bad, dad. So wait. But there's purple magic.

So when is, that's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. So when is, so this came out. So it's the next Ed Gaines. It's on what? PS something or what? No, we play on the Nintendo Switch. Oh, wow. Oh, that's this one?

Yeah. Okay. It's lit. Is it? I love Mortal Kombat. And they have Reptile in the new one? Oh, it's good. Ah, you bad dad.

Ah, you bad dad. Do Mortal Kombat? There's fire and magic. These guys can beat you up, Brendan. If they were in the UFC, they'd beat you up. 100%. You don't think Sonya Blade would beat you up? Look at that, dude.

And then we look up all the fatalities. Here's my question. Oh, you're a bad dad. Here's my question. Oh, okay, stabbed him with his fucking bone shards. So you're a bad dad. Hey, here's my question. Oh, you're a bad dad, dude.

Look how, whoa, because his hat's tearing through him. My son's like, this is so fake, Dad. I'm like, yep, definitely fake. Wow, dude. Here's my question. For those of us that came up in the arcade days, how the fuck did these older dudes know the fatalities? Where would you download that?

Where would you get that knowledge from? I don't know. That's a good question. My cousin would just try every single one. His cousin, from Nick's cousin. He was the beginner of it. He would try every combination. Until he got it?

Yeah. You know how much money that cost? Money. Time. Well, time is money, bro. I'm saying before it was on Sega, all that. When we were at the arcade, the older guy who would know all the fucking... Now, that's a good fatality.

How the fuck? Now, that's a good fatality. Are these all the fatalities? Get over here. Oh, now that's a good oneality. How the fuck? Now that's a good fatality. Are these all the fatalities? Get over here. Oh, now that's a good one. I thought Megan Fox. Oh, that's. And she ate his brain.

Okay. Well, that must have hurt. Damn. Isn't that cool? They're so pleasant to watch. Oh, Satan jumped out. They really are so satisfying to watch. It's odd.

Were you never a Mortal Kombat fan? Yeah, yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Oh, my. Okay. There are a lot yeah oh god see but there's purple magic okay all right well so what though right well that's a boom i love this character who's that boom no girl has multiple arms no girl's in the new game he is the the first one on nintendo switch has sylv Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robocop. I know.

Robocop's dope. Oh. Oh. See, these fatalities. She should have done that first. No, that's how she finishes them off. They all have tits, dude. Well, no, the women.

Okay. Boom. All right. They're all killers, so they might all have tits all right right right oh she has another one she just screams at her she'd do this first you win immediately oh god run one fight just scream at her and she that's it it would be dope if you just do fatalities whenever in the game so you could just end the round early. That's what I'm saying, dude. Yeah.

Bro, that's crazy, man. Mortal Kombat. So how did you do that tone deaf? Because it's just screaming. You did it. Mortal Kombat. Every note's the same. Woo!

Bro, hold on. So your son does the fatalities? No. Okay, because he doesn't know how. No, but I look them all up. I look them all up, and then when he goes to bed, I do them, and then I wake up in the morning, and I'm like, check this out. Wow.

He's like, how do you know? And I'm like, figured it out. You guys are just bros. Oh, dude, yeah, we're homies. God, if I showed Calvin that, he would just. It's too much? Man, he's so cute. Do you mind if I went to bed last night to Edward Scissorhands?

Okay. It's my favorite movie of all time. I know you love that movie. It's not like the most entertaining thing. It's a beautiful movie. Okay, don't say it. What is? Edward Scissorhands.

It's a beautiful movie. Why do you say it's a beautiful movie, Chad? It's like everything. If you feel like you're an outcast or whatever, falling in love, it's like everything. If you feel like you're like an outcast or whatever, falling in love with the most beautiful girl. If you have scissors for hands. All that stuff, yeah. If you're different, you wear mascara.

Okay. Yeah, cool. That's good. When I was really young, Ned. You know what, Nick? Save it. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. I was just turned down by that esthetician who, like,

she really came on. Oh, yeah, that was hot, too. Wait, what were you on to? Oh, yeah. The neighbor? Yeah, yeah. The neighbor was trying to fuck really came on. Oh, yeah, that was hot, too. Wait, what were you on to? Oh, yeah. The neighbor? Yeah, yeah. The neighbor was trying to fuck him? They show cleavage and shit?

That was boner-inducing. Yeah, Nick used to jack off to everyone's scissor hands. Rewind it. Rewind it. That was Nick. Nick busts his pants when he hears a Tim Burton. Rewind it. I'm almost there.

How old was I? That was probably 90. Was it 92 or 93, I think? Was it that early? 90. Oh, wow. 1990? That was probably 90. Isn't it 92 or 93, I think? Was it that early? 90. Oh, wow. 1990? That was really early then. Yeah.

Wow. Who knew? Tim Burton's my favorite. He did the Wednesday series you got to watch. That's right. Yep, and it's not good probably. Kathy Baker. Kathy Baker.

Oh, yeah. Diane West was a hot one. She was the mom. Yeah, she was the one that she tried to seduce him. No, no. It was Kathy Baker. Yeah, Kathy Baker's the one trying to fuck. It was Kathy Baker. She was trying to suck the mom. Yeah, she was the one that she tried to seduce him. No, no, it was Kathy Baker. Yeah, Kathy Baker's the one trying to fuck. It was Kathy Baker.

She was trying to suck the mom. Oh. All right, well, I don't know if it was that explicit. No, Kathy was trying to suck. Okay, well. Kathy wanted that slime ball. Slime me out. Slime me out.

Slime me out, scissor hand. That's where it started. Slime me out, scissor boy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was her. Yeah, the redhead. Five-year-old Nick was into that. Five-year-old?

Or three or whatever. Damn, we got problems, dog. I mean, she looks good in her kind of, you know? Yeah, but he was three. Oh, I see. And he would cut her hair. He cut her hair first. Yeah, and then her bushes. And she, like, got an orgasm just from getting that. Yeah, dude. I remember that. He cut her hair first. Yeah, and then her bushes.

And she got an orgasm just from getting that. Yeah, dude. I remember that. Right, right, right. Yeah, bro. I actually don't think that I've seen the movie full from front to back. You should watch it. The music's great.

The whole story's great. No, that's kind of what made Tim Burton kind of big, right? And Johnny Depp, too. He was big before that, a little bit. Johnny Depp, too. He was big before that a little bit. Maybe not that big, though. This is when he first launched off. That boom boom? Well, that TV show.

Well, 21 Jumping Jack. But that was when you could be a TV star and not a movie star. Now it's all the same. And Tim Burton jumped off with this. Then he made Nightmare Before Christmas. Right. Top five. I remember not liking that as a kid,

but I'd have to watch it again. What's this? It's magic in the ear. What's this? What is this? A motherfucker with a leather face. That's it? Yeah, that's it.

Motherfucker with a leather face. Appreciate you guys. I'll be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'll be in Philadelphia, Cleveland. I'll be in Philadelphia, Cleveland. I'll be in Virginia. I'll be in Baltimore. Just crazy dates, babies. Crazy dates.

So hit it up, baby. I'm in Iowa in October. I'm off to Skank Fest this Friday, Saturday with Brian Callen. We're doing a live fire on the kid with the Skank Fest bros. That's this Friday, 8 p.m. Somewhere in Vegas. You'll figure it out. Then October, I'm in Iowa. November on the kid with the Skank Fest Bros. That's this Friday, 8 p.m. somewhere in Vegas. You'll figure it out. Then October, I'm in Iowa.

November, Niagara Falls, first week. Those are almost sold out. That's a casino in Niagara. I've never heard of it. Then December, I'm in Chicago. Thursday, I'm heading to Sacramento to overkill to trick out my TRX. We'll be shooting a lot of footage with that. All right, kids.

We're out. Thank you.