The Golden Hour - Now Yous Can't leave | The Golden Hour #175 w/Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

The boys talk Chris trying Coke Zero, Nick losing weight by Factor Meals, tasty food everywhere, Erik's movie premiere, Q&A and spending $2,600 dollars at the Ritz Carlton, Chris' wild hotel food order story, Brendan's crazy young umpire story and much more! Get this episode AD FREE + 2 PATREON ONLY episodes/month only at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcastGet tickets for the LIVE Golden Hour at 4 pm on Friday, March 20th at Vulcan Gas Co. in Austin, TX!https://vulcanatx.ticketsauce.com/e/chris-delia-live-5/ticketsFabletics - Just head to https://fabletics.com/golden , take a quick style quiz, and be sure to select golden when prompted to unlock your 80% off. That’s https://fabletics.com/goldenHIms - To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/goldenQuince - Refresh your winter wardrobe with Quince. . Go to https://quince.com/golden for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's https://quince.com/golden . Free shipping and 365-day returns. https://quince.com/goldenSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So what you're telling me is, if I go upstairs and I use this tablet to order my food, that this food's going to come to my room and I'm going to eat it. And he says, yes, sir. And I said, so that's all I got to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's it. So all I got to do is go up, use the tablet, and then food comes. You're setting up that when I come down here again.

We go have a situation. Just know, if those elevator doors open and you see me again? We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about, but that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us. The boys are back.

What up, man? How's Australia, Christopher? All right. It was a miser, mate Oh no Oh, we're going Oh, we're going? Yeah.

Oh, no. Is it going? Look what you did, Brendan. Hey, dude, I got some update from Australia, actually. What's that? And this is crazy for, I don't know,

you're going to sound, you're going to feel good about this. Uh-huh. I started drinking only in Australia, Coke Zero. Oh, man. That was so disappointing. Now, do you, but it was for Brendan.

Welcome to the team. So you don't like Coke Zero though, you're right? You like Diet Coke Coke? I love Coke Zero. You do? Okay. I'm a Coke Zero guy myself. Oh, yeah.

I like Coke Zero. Diet Coke. So I got a new one for you. New one for you. Diet Coke cherry. Okay. Well, I just started drinking. No, no, for me, he's saying.

Well, yeah, for him. But I just started drinking Coke Zero. And by the way, I think I'm done drinking Coke Zero. So I'm not sure. I was doing on a plane. If I'll be. But no, my tour manager over there, who's hilarious, bro.

I love this dude, Ollie. And he was always drinking Diet Coke. And I'm like, give me one of those motherfuckers. I'm in Australia, you know what I mean? I drank it and I go, I know, that's my, between that and working out, I got a crazy life. So I was, I drank the Coke Zero.

And man, I really got some bite to it, huh? I'm just like, and I lived it up in Australia. I drank like six Coke Zeros, bro. There's something about it, right? There's something about it. I didn't know there was something. about it because I personally do I I'm sorry I don't mean to offend you I do not like Diet Coke I just don't like that taste and so I thought offense taken I thought Coke zero was going to be like that

I throw a lime in Diet Coke and I don't make a little bit better all right well you know he's got throw something in something you know gay gay so I always throw something in something man this motherfucker fruit um so I drank like six Coke zeros and it was great man and I ate really well I I came back. I weighed less, bro. But the food's better over there. Well, I'm trying to gain muscle, you know. What are you weighing?

Well, okay, so when I came back, I was 192, but then, you know, it's all water and fluctuate and shit. So I'm about 200. $195 to 200. I'm about to get under $200 for the first time in months. Oh, we're going to pass it. Ships in the night, dude. Ships in the night. What's the secret, Nicholas?

How are you losing the weight? He cut his leg off. Calorie deficit, you know, two factor meals a day. Are they a sponsor? Do we have a meal sponsor? Two meals a day and that's it. It's like 1,100 calories. It's not enough.

Let me tell you. Let me tell you something. It is really remarkable how, I'm not saying in practice it's easy. It is really remarkable how simple and easy it is to lose weight. It is just like it's just easy. People make it so complicated and it's not. I had this astronaut.

Yeah, stop eating. I just, I had this astronaut guy on my podcast one time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool dude. And he said, I used to be a fat kid, you know. And I said, well, what did you do? He said, I just Googled how to lose weight and did that.

Yeah. And I was like, I just, if I could have, I would have, I would have stared at him for like 10 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just be like, oh, that, oh, okay. If you do it, it's just hard. It's hard to do it. Yeah, that's simply, it's the, it's the discipline, man, and then tasty foods everywhere. You never said anything true, bro.

But he just took the word. The food is everywhere. I know, but he just took the words right out of my mouth. That is exactly what it is. It's all discipline. Everything about this, everything about it is discipline, the discipline to, to work out all the time. The discipline to like, okay, I'm only going to eat this. The discipline to like, you know, all that is all, it is so hard.

That's the hardest part. But why? Why is that so hard? It just is. Well, yeah. Life be getting in the way. Yeah, it's also, but we're also addicted to food. Food's addictive.

I know. I know. Like that certain foods are addictive. So if you're addictive, if you're addicted to drinking, it's easy not to drink. I don't go to bars. I don't go to clubs. I got to eat. Daddy got to eat.

Daddy got to eat. Daddy got to eat, dude. We got to eat. I know. Yeah, I know. But it's food starts tasting better, though, once you start cleaning up, but it's just still tough. Anyway, I got to show you it was cool.

I do want to hear about, oh, what would you? Well, I actually have two. I'll talk about the crews, but I have something else to like bring up. So I know, no, no, I went to this film festival for this movie. Oh, yeah, I saw that. It's called the Everything Pot, you know. I'm actually pretty great in it. Nice, dude.

But they're getting slow distributions. We'll see what happens, but whatever. Anyways. So go to Palm Springs. Yeah. So the, the festival director put us up because there was a tennis tournament going on in Palm Springs. Yeah. Like, it was packed.

And, like, every hotel is like $900 a night. So he put us up at the Aqua Caliente Casino. Amazing. All right. Oh, well, that's a casino. That's okay. All right. If you don't have craps, it's not a casino.

Oh, it doesn't. Yeah, because it's California. So anyways, Wolf is not feeling well. I brought Rachel and Wolf because she hasn't seen this movie yet. And I was like, okay, so let's bring him. So it's 4 o'clock in the morning, all right? Wolf's not feeling well. He's sick.

Yeah. So I go, let me get in the shower with him, you know, because the steam and, you know what I mean? Yeah. So the shower lip is, like, really little. and the showers clogged and I don't realize it. Oh, God. So the room,

the bathroom floods and then some water seeps out into the, you know, and so I'm worried about it. So I call downstairs. Yeah. The guy comes up with security.

Okay. And he's like, oh, yeah, you got to leave the room. You got to leave the room because we have to fix this now. And he was a dick about it too. Right.

So I said, I got a two-year-old. And this is 4 a.m.? Yeah, man. Yeah, dude. I said, Two-year-old. Keep going.

He's like, well, you should have to wait down to casino lobby. I said, I'm not waiting in the casino lobby with my two-year-old. Okay. I want to know, do your, how did you say it to the guy? Just like this. Okay. Like, like, I was like, hi. Oh, man.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. I said, the guy was a complete asshole. So I go, you know what? We're packing. We packed our shit and we drove back home. And the, in the premiere is tomorrow. He won. He won.

You know what I mean? I said, no. He won, dude. But it was like, because he was. And they also had, apparently they had no other rooms, you know. Okay. So anyway, I go home. I try to call the director to tell her, hey, I'm going home.

Right. And then it's festival director, too. The festival guy, I said, hey, man. Right. The way I was treated. Right, right. You know, fuck that, you know. Anyways.

So the guy hits me, I go, so, well, I got to tell you what I heard. I said, oh, what did you hear? Oh. You know what I mean? And so. Who's saying this? The director. After, like, now we're home.

It's like 9 o'clock now. The director of the festival. And he's like, well, you know, what was supposed to happen? the manager was supposed to because you're VIP the manager comes up with security and they're supposed to like take care of you. Yeah. I said none of that happened. Yeah. Yeah.

They said, like the bathtub. I was like, we weren't in the bathtub. The fucking shower was part. Right, right, right, right. So then I get on the phone with the vice president of the hotel. And I tell her too. I said, that's not what happened. And by the way, what's not what happened?

What did they say happened? The guy's saying that like the guy acted like we flooded the room on purpose. Oh, God. You know what I'm saying? This is a white guy? No, no, because it's an Indian. casino. He wasn't a white guy. I wish he was a white guy. He was Indian?

I don't know what. He wasn't white. You flooded this on purpose. You know what I mean? But I go down to the lobby and I go to the lobby and I said this is what really piss me out because I went down to the lobby and said, where's a manager? Can I see a manager? Yeah. He was like, well the manager just went up to help a guest. Now it's like, that was the manager?

Oh, God. Hello again. I'm in the lobby to the guy and say, you tell that fuck. Yeah. You did this? Yeah. You told that fucking the way he.

Hey, Eric. Eric, is your wife when you're doing this? Is she on board? She's like, yeah, fuck them. And she's like, babe, what are you doing? No, no, no, no. Is she like, let's just stay here tonight. She's only like that.

She's only like that with me when no one's around. But when she needs something, then it's like, can you do that thing? You know what I mean? Get them, Eric. Yeah. Do your thing, babe. I just, I'm not going to go into it because I went. It's literally the whole episode of Last.

Congratulations I did. I had a room service issue. And bro? Wait, wait, wait. Let me finish mine. Oh, you're not done. Okay, okay, okay, go. So we drive home?

I thought it was over. No, no, no, I'm down for this. I'll listen to this for an hour. No, we drove home, okay? So then when I get home, like I said, the guy's telling me what happened. Then I get on the phone with the president or one of these people. And she's like, I'm so sorry. You know, and I'm just trying to explain to her.

I say, listen, I don't, I understand that I probably. be sure to notice that we were flooding the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I get that. Sure. But I didn't like how your VIP person treated me, your manager. And by the way, also the showers clog, you should go check that out. Yeah, right?

Yeah. So this is the thing. So then now I'm a little bit like, I'm going to miss this, you know, because there's a Q&A and all this stuff. So then Rachel's like, he won. So I look at, I look on my, I look on my Marriott app, you know what I mean? Because Rachel wanted to go to the Ritz Carlton. It's $2,600 a night.

Tennis. Yeah, nothing's rich. than tennis. $2,600 a night, Chris. That's crazy. And the Rich Carlton in Palm Springs. That's crazy. You know what?

That's crazy. I did it. Wow. I did it. I was like, you know what? Oh, you did it? Yeah, but I used my miles. So I had to use like 100,000 points.

All your miles are gone. All your miles are gone. We went to the rich. Two million points. But you know what? I'm glad. Have you ever been to the rich Carlton? Oh, yeah.

Let me tell you something. Oh, there's a reason. There's a reason. There's a reason. There's a reason that's expensive. Brendan. $2,600. It was worth every penny.

Wow. Let me tell you how this is how I'm doing. What a good story. I want you to tell me your room service thing because I want to tell you. All right. I'll go. I'll do a short truncated version. But this is the thing.

We get to the room. It's fabulous. The way they were treating this, fabulous. Okay. Yes. It was better than the Aquacaliente in. But just check this out. And this is how I'm doing this from now on too when I'm taking Wolfwethers.

We ordered from the steakhouse. It got it sent to the right. This dude was living it up. Listen. No shirt. Listen to me, Brendan, no shirt on. Yeah. Just sitting back with a $90 steak in front of me.

This dude. Wolf is running around the room. Rachel's eating her freaking whatever she's eating. No, here's the problem, here's a problem. Wolf is going to be, Wolf is going to be like, this is when we go to hotels, this is what we do now. You know what? This is the standard. I didn't bust my ass my whole life for him to feel like he needs to be poor.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Get up, Eric. So I'm like, I don't get. I'm just talking about for me. I was like, this is the only way to do this. Like, why would I want to be at a steakhouse with my kid?

And then you have to worry about him running around and you can't enjoy the food. Yeah, take it to the room, daddy. Oh, my God. This motherfucker. So anyway. What a great story. Oh, I like that you like it. The next morning, even when we go to breakfast, they say, oh, what room are you in?

When the waitress came over to our table, she goes, a Griffin family, Mr. Griffin. And I was like, oh, this is how it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm just shout out to Rich Carlton in Palm Springs and Aquacaleiente. Go fuck yourself. They don't need shoutouts.

Was it really aquacagiente? Yeah, that's what it's called. Hot water, huh? So, uh... But the room service was great. But anyways, now... And then I went to the premiere and we get there from Q&A.

It was great. Oh, you had a great time. And it all worked out. So wait, you didn't drive all the way back home. Yes, we did. Oh, my God. We drove all the way back home. Oh, and then drove back out there?

And then we drove back out there. So I was like, I know it was crazy. Oh, he won. That's crazy. But what I'm saying is, I'm glad that it happened because I needed that rich Carlton experience. Especially after all that. Yeah. It was just, I mean, I wish we could have two nights, but I didn't have.

Oh, yeah. It was sold out, by the way. You didn't want to take in a retirement? Yeah, no, no, but it was actually. Yeah, no, I know, I know. They only had the one night available. So, but, but, you know, we were going home and it was great, you know, and her parents came. Parents saw the movie, you know.

Oh, Rachel liked it. Worth, worth every penny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wolf had fun. Like the memories work to the thing. But you don't know until it happens is the thing. Right. That's the gable.

That's the thing you don't know until it happens. And then like the driving was crazy. But we just bought a new car. I had to buy. You know what it was? Bond day. It was Bond day for you. Bro.

No. Bond day is a, I forgot about these days, dude. Bond day is the day of the, is a new separate hidden day of the week. That when you, and you. You don't expect it, but all of a sudden you realize- It just happens. Bro, it's Bondi.

I'm having a blast, and I didn't know what was going to happen, and it came into nowhere. You know what it's like? You know what it is? It's like an avatar. You know how you connect to the horse with the tentacles? That's you and your kid, man. That's you and your kid.

That's like that example. But, but dude, no, I forgot. I created Bondi eight years ago, bro, and it's Bondi. It was. You had Bondi. And I tell you what, it's been a while since I had Bondi. And I tell you the things that was working.

Episode 10. I'm such an idiot, bro. And I tell you what was working against me is like, okay, we're all married. Once a month, your wife acts like it's her birthday because she goes, can you change the diaper? Because I'm on my period, you know? Sure. That's just what happens. You know what I mean?

Yeah, sure. So this is also going on. Oh. So it was real Bondi. And it's Rachel's birthday. Wow. It's so weak of her birthday. So I don't know if your wife's ever been on her period.

Eric had an expensive month. On her birthday. During a stressful time. Oh, my God. But you know what? It was great. I'd probably commit Harry Carey, honestly, if that happened to me. And I had to go to the front.

But check this out. I had to go to the front desk because Rachel, she didn't know she was getting her period. Yeah, what's up with that, by the way? Yeah, yeah. Just know, I know when I'm about to, like, get diarrhea. Sometimes I don't. No, no, but I had to go to the front desk.

I'm walking with Wolf. Yeah. You know, we get to the front desk and I go, hey, uh, a little situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got you. You know, they gave me a whole packet with everything. And I was like, wow, Rich Carlton. Oh, man.

So we had the good, you had the ritzie tampons. You had the odds. stacked against you, dude. Yes. It was almost like a Jason Statham movie except for chilling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll never chill today.

But it worked out. Listen, when I was just, when I was just in underwear, no shirt, we had a fucking $90 state. Paint a nicer picture, but yeah. Yeah, no, that's the picture. Just belly button out. Let's paint a little bit of a nicer picture.

Just chilling. Brandon. He had his sarlac pit out. Yeah, just. Google Sarlack Pit. Oh, man. You making a great Star Wars reference. I did it for you.

I love it. Google Sarlack Pit. That's Eric's belly button. So then, you know, just and then watching Wolf having such a great time in this room. And then Rachel chowing down. And I was like, you know what? There's Eric's belly button right there. It's totally worth it.

Or his assholes. Yeah. Oh man. Your assholes like that? I wish it was. No, I feel sick. No,

I feel sick. That's disgusting, guys. Now I feel sick. You know, so anyways, I had quite the weekend. But, you know, again, the everything pot is a great moving I'm in and it's in a bunch of festivals around the country.

So check that out. It's going to come in a little. Love it. But anyways, so you're in Australia. Well, have you guys been, have you been to a hotel just you and your son?

Just one of you? We're like one-on-one. It's so fun. He's sleeping in the same bed. Rachel's not ready for that. It's so cute. Me and Tiger did it in Houston last week. Oh, wow.

It was, his team's there. So in the day and night, he's playing with his team, like in the lobby. They're running around doing their shit. But then during the day, it was like the top 25 teams in the nation. And we got smoked. And I thought Tiger was going to have like a fucking, he's going to be super sad. But we just went to the room. We ordered food like Eric did.

And he's like, he loves scary movies. So I'm like, buddy. I'll let you pick. I go, your little brother's not here. You're 10. I'll let you pick. He's like, Omen 3. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bro, he picked a black phone. Oh, okay. The first one or the second one? The one that's out now, probably. The first one with Ethan Hawk where they like steal kids. That's really creepy. I haven't seen it either. I know.

And I go, buddy, you know they like steal kids your age in this? It's pretty dark, man. He was, oh, really? And then we watch the trailer. He's like, Dad, can we watch it? Bro, we watched that movie. six times in two days. He couldn't get enough of it.

Over and over and over and over, dude. It was dope. That's cute. There's something about a new workout set that makes you feel comfortable and unstoppable. Yeah, it is true. The problem is buying new gear all the time, it's not realistic. But when I joined Fabletics as a VIP,

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And guess what? You will. Now available in Canada too. So don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash golden for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash golden. Well, I'm having an issue with something wolf-likes. What?

You know, so he loves dinosaurs right now. Like, loves them. Yeah. So then, like, we watched it. You know, I told you about that dinolema. You know what I mean? Where they come walking out of the thing. Yeah, yeah.

I told you, we watch that shit. No, no, no, no. But what I'm saying is, there's another one where they come out and fight. Okay. I've probably seen that one too. Yeah, but you, I don't think a two-year-old's supposed to watch that. No, no, no, they're not. Yeah.

Well. Yeah, but he did. But now he did. And he's like, so now he has his two dinosaur toys. and he's, you know, he puts one on the ground and he gets the other one and he chomps on the other one's neck and he just goes, you know,

and I'm like, oh, no. You know what I mean? I don't think he understands. But boom, but we're coming home from Palm Springs. I don't know if you know this. They got like a dinosaur park there. It's like a fake, you know? Yeah, I think I do.

So then he took him out of the car and he was like, you know, I told you guys, he calls him daddy roars. So now he sees it and it's like, he's like, there's a big daddy roar. You know what I mean? He was a little scared at first. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I can't hold this in my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um... No, I... But he's like, loves watching that stuff. So now I'm trying to find something for him. We had, uh, the first time, I... Actually, I think I maybe have done it only once, but I brought Calvin to...

I think it was Little Rock, because I had a gig in Little Rock and then I had a gig in Nashville. In Nashville, I was going to be meeting up with Kristen and stuff. And so... And this was, Billy wasn't born. And so, but I, so I, I flew to a little rock with him. I think it was a little rock. It was definitely Arkansas.

And we went there and it was, or maybe Alabama. I whatever. It doesn't matter. Anyway, we got there. And we had a night. We went to dinner. Oh, dude. I will, it was so fun.

We went to, and then we went in the hotel room. And we just like, we're in the same bed. And he went, and we went to bed and woke up and went to Nashville. Bro, it was, it was, it was, I don't even, we didn't even do anything. But it was so. priceless, Bubba. What's that? It's priceless.

It's priceless. It's priceless. Like we were driving back and T, he thought I was mad because they lost the game. He was, dad, you mad? And the radio was on. I go, what? He was dad, are you, like, disappointed? I go, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Just so you know, this is the best weekend I've had in years, dude. Oh, really? Years, pal. Yeah, it was great. That's sweet. That's sweet you said that. But also swing the ball, swing faster. Yeah, it was great.

But also, I had the ball for fucks him. At that level, though, it's just like when you're grabbing the best teams from around, you start to see like, oh, wow, like this is. Yeah. You know, but there's just levels. And these kids been playing since he did all. He struggled. The whole team did. Like, it's literally the top 25 teams of the nation.

So there's some Dominican kid. We'll pretend he's 10. They say he's 10. And they only spoke Spanish and he's pitching 67 miles an hour at 10. And he's like, hello, I play baseball. So it's like. Let's play baseball. Yeah.

So I told T, I'm like, buddy, I told Tee, I go, buddy, I don't need you to be the best 10. Like, ain't nobody getting a scholarship to University of Texas after this at 10. Right, right. I don't care. Now, 16, 17, you're struggling? All right, we're going to have to figure it out. But at 10, I don't go fuck, dude.

I don't care. We'll see what's up in six years. Yeah. But the thing is, the thing is, like, did he care? Yeah, no, it sounds like he didn't. He cares. Oh, yeah. Oh, but you said he.

Uh, he, don't give me wrong. Like, I thought you, if he loses in something, he's like, it'll ruin his night. So I think by him seeing that I was good, he was like, all right, maybe it's not the end of the world, you know? That's cool. But this, but you still, but you know what, though, you still want them to have a little bit of that. You know what I mean? Well, yeah. For sure.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you don't want her to be like, eh, you know. We lost. Anybody who's great has that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's good. That's why I was wondering how he was feeling about it.

So. Yeah. So truncate this. All right, I'll truncate it. If you want the longer, I mean, I'm talking about the whole episode was me telling this story. Yeah, give us the cliff notes. And it better be as fun as Eric's story. No, I already have my fun with it.

But your belly button better be out in this. I'll try to do it at truncated version. Okay. Well, I will. So I get, it's the night before I leave. I've gotten four hours of sleep for the past two to three nights. So I'm not good like that, bro. Yeah, yeah.

Why? Why? Four hours of sleep a night? You can do one night, but he needs... I can do one night, and that's not even good. Don't talk to me if I've had two nights. Wait, is this... You got four nights of sleep in Australia?

No. No. In Australia, I was sleeping nine hours a night, and the last two nights before I left, I only got four hours because I was traveling around and stuff. Right. Oh, gotcha. So this was the third night. Now I had no sleep.

And I knew I was going to have no sleep because I had an early flight the next day to America. Been there, brother. Been there. Not the end of the world, but I'm just, I'm tired, right? It sucks. Yeah, it sucks, yeah. So I'm like, and I just want to get home to see my kids.

So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to, when I get back from the show from Sydney, I'm just going to crash out. I'm going to go sleep. But then I'm like, no, dude, I actually, what I'm going to do is order room service. So I go to order room service. and I'm going to do the truncated version.

But I look at the menu on the TV, you know? Right, right. And it says, call downstairs, call downstairs. Which is already annoying. Right, but I'm thinking for myself. Gotcha. Right? I go, I go, I'm thinking for myself and I probably don't have to call down.

It's probably on the thing. I'm going to do all the extra steps that they'd want me to do. Right, right. Before I even. I'm with you. Yeah. So I look at it on, sure enough, and there's a cure our code. Yes.

So I go, there we go, there we go. I'm looking at the menu. It says, call downstairs. So I go, awesome. I pick up. nobody picks up, okay? I call downstairs, nobody picks up. And that's okay.

Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're cooking something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go. Nice hotel, Chris? Is it a nice hotel? Oh, a real nice one. I don't know why to cook is answering the phone.

I get you. Yeah, I know. I don't either. But I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt because they deserve it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're human beings. I call again, no answer. I call again, no answer.

What the fuck? Yeah. So now I go. I go downstairs Wait, wait You didn't call the front desk Oh wow No no no I called all the desks

And nobody was answering I called every No one answered All the desk Wait what time is this at though Chris What time is this at? I said hey get them Get them available

What Chris what time is this at though What time? 11 A little late No a little late Oh this guy Yeah a little late

The hotel I'm kind of Yeah I'm on their side down But they have 24 hours Room service And I I know, but it's late. And saw two guys at the desk.

Okay. So now mom's the word, huh? Can't cut your tongue, Brendan. No, I'm still on their side. It's late for a meal. It's late for a meal. Which means nobody should be bugging them. So they should, they should be available.

Nobody's checking. Yeah, they're fucking around. Nobody bothers them at 11. So they're like, we're going to fuck around. Probably sucking each other off in the back. Okay, so you go in the front desk. So I get done to the first thing. So I get done to the first.

The first desk. Hey, dude, what the fuck? They're both there still. So I walk up to this dude and I say, hey, I try to call down. It says on the thing. I did the QR. I thought for myself and I did all this. But nobody's picking up.

He says, oh, okay. You have to use the tablet in the room. And I said, the what? This is what he says. You have to use the tablet. So I say, what tablet? He says, it's on the writing desk. Now I'm pissed off because don't say writing.

Right? Just say desk, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you do on a fucking desk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Okay, you know me, there was more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm trying to truncate it, okay. No, no, no, because at this point right now, like, you're there. So just order there. Dude, and I said, I'm so with you. Like, just order there. There was more.

Forget the tablet. Uh, how about? There was more, and I tried to truncate it, but he wants a long version. I need to know what happened there because I'm furious. Yeah, because I, yeah, I'm with Eric. I would have said, yeah, tablet, next time I'll do that, but I'm here right now. For sure. So let's get into the extend.

Let's get in the extendel. Let's get in the extendel version. Let's extend it. Because I said to him, oh, well, that's great. But I'm here now. Yeah. I'm trying to turn. Yes.

Okay. Okay. But that gets by me, buddy. I'm here now. Hey, listen, if we're bitching at a hotel, I know how it works. So you skip. some steps and I don't want any steps Skip!

Don't check it's a good part. Because again, Chris, if you would have went upstairs and just went, okay, I'll go use the tablet. They win. No, no, no. He wins. But check out what I did, though. I said to him, but I'm right here and you're right here.

So let me just order it with you right now. Uh-huh. You know, call them or whatever. And he says, you have to use the tablet. Okay? Okay. This is what he says. You have to use the tablet.

So now I'm so pissed off that it's fun because I'm like, because I get to say this to the guy. I get to say, okay. So what you're telling me is if I go upstairs and I use this tablet to order my food, that this food's going to come to my room and I'm going to eat it. And he says, yes, sir. And I said, so that's all I got to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's it. So all I got to do is go up, use a tablet, and then food comes. Because the subtext here is, the subtext here is, because if I have to come down here again. Or even make another call. Yeah, yeah. So I totally get you because you were like, you're setting up that when I come down here again, we don't have a situation.

Just know. If those elevator doors open and you see me again? That's when the Jason Statesman movie starts. It's going to be like this. You know what I mean? Okay. You said. Yeah.

All right. Okay. You're getting a different guy. So you just established him. Okay. You got it. Yeah. So I, so I, so he says, yes, sir. So I say, great.

Yeah. All right. Great. Now I'm happy going back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because either I'm going to get the food or I'm going to get to be so right. Yeah. Right.

But at this point, it's 1130. It's 1130, Chris? At this point it's about 1130. Too late for a meal. It's too late for a meal. Fuck this guy. So I go up. So I go up.

So I go up to the room. Okay. I look on the writing. desk. There's the tablet. So I go move over to the tablet to turn it on. It's not charged.

Oh. Oh, no. It's not charged. Oh, God. So now... Can they turn it up for me? So now I'm so angry, I'm calm. I tell you what.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you what. Yeah. That's a loophole for the hotel. For him, I know. I know. I know. And I know that you must have been furious

about that because it's like, I actually didn't think about how it's a loophole, but it is a loophole. It's a loophole for him because he's like, well, sir. I mean, this is how you do it. Well, I'm so sorry, things are out of my control. Yeah, I don't get to be as mad. Yeah. But so the good news is I put it on the docket immediately it starts charging.

So I go, oh, fuck yeah. They can still be in trouble. Okay. So I go order the food. I get Bolognaise. I get, because I'm going nuts because I ate well all trip. Oh, I had six goes zeros. I went to, I got Bolognais.

I got a cheeseburger. Talk to me. Yeah, hell yeah. And club soda, bro. Add to cart. Send. Great. That's it.

Now this is the scene in a movie where the clock's going. Yep. Yep. Yep. 35 minutes go by. And I'm like, this is the moment where you're allowed to start to get a little bit.

Where the fuck's my food? Where is it? I mean, that's happened before. Yeah. So I, I call. I call downstairs.

No answer. No answer. Yes. These guys are hilarious. And by the way, by the way, by the way, too, you're almost glad. Oh yeah, you're almost glad.

Because I set it up nice. Yeah, you're almost like, oh, you didn't. Yes. Because I set it up. I'm worried that it's going to be a different. guy down there. Oh, bro. If it was, I'll get that guy.

I'll go to his house. I don't go to his house. Imagine? You said. He's driving the wrong way on the street. I've got a dog, man. This fucking thing wasn't even charged, by the way. He almost got a loophole, but I put it on the dock. In the riding desk in the truck.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, so, uh, I call again. So, no answer. So. Because you had to be sure. Yeah. Oh, I called a few times. You got to give him an opportunity.

Yeah. So I, my tour manager, I asked him that week before that, this incident, like, you know, four days before this. Four days before this. I said, who's the, we're talking about difficult people to work with, comedians and stuff. He gave me some good gossip. But I said, uh, oh, tell us. I said the, who is the easiest? person you ever work with.

And he said, I'm not just saying this. I know it sounds like it, but it's definitely you. Okay. So I was like, oh, that's really nice.

I said, I got to be a fucking diva. I said, I got to get, this is bullshit. I can't be the easiest guy you ever work with. Right?

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Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. At this point, everybody got to suffer. I'm like, wait, I'm the easiest guy's ever worker. This room service didn't show up. This is the hotel he put me in. it's his fault okay so so I

I text him hey dude I've been waiting for this room service and I don't know what the deal is maybe you could help out and he says oh let me see what's up

you felt good and you're moving up the list yeah yeah yeah or down you're moving up up or down the difficulty list I go oh it looks like Majja Brunny's gonna be a little bit

nicer than I am so so so I And he's really nice. So I go, all right. So I called down. And then he hits me up, my tour manager. And he says, hey, they said you have to call down.

Bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I say, now I'm. Now I'm. what's the number you know i said what what did you use to call down and he says you have to hit 5 5 5 and i was like what is this a secret fucking code that they only give to so i hit 5 5 5 nothing okay so i say hey 5 5 doesn't work he says by the way ding yeah you know what he says to that it actually might be 555 so i'm like now it's just

just so interestingly awful what's happening since when can you by the way by the way and this really did happen but if you hit 5-5 and it starts ringing

then how could you hit 5-5-5 because after you hit the first two fives yeah unless you they get you which is what I did which is what I did

I pick it up now I go bo bo boop it rings okay and um um uh

The guy picks up. Uh-huh. Hello, sir. And I say, hey, and he says, yeah, so I hear you're not getting your room service because he talked to my. Ah. And I say, yeah, it's just want to know what's going on. And he says, we never got to order. What you knew was coming.

What you knew was coming. What you knew was coming. What you knew was coming. Oh, my God. I don't mean that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And by the way, did you ask about like, why is it five? No, I was too deep in the beans, honestly, at that point. Was that on the writing desk? That was, was there like, oh no, you know how on the phone it says, call, yeah, certain numbers? Was it on there? Yeah. There's a seven-layer.

Or they thought it was a joke. I was in the seven- Or they thought it was a joke. I don't- They thought that someone ordered Bolognais at midnight is a joke. This guy was fucking eating too late shit. He's putting you in the dip again. He was a real bitch, man. Yeah. He was across the world.

I'm in, he was on America time for food. There's a seven layer bean dip of anger. Yeah. And I'm deep in the beans. Yeah, yeah. You're, you're, you're, sour cream, I'm a fucking guacamole. You're past to cheese. Oh, fucking Pico de Gaio on my ass.

Yeah, yeah. You're, you're, you're, looking up in Pico de Gaio. You're in the beans. Right. Okay. So, so, so, I mean, cheese has been. That was days ago. So, so I'm like, I'm like, uh, I'm like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Well, I'm literally like, oh, yeah, you did.

I say, you got it. I put it on the tablet. Hey, dude, the good news is, you got it. Okay. So he says, ah, it didn't come through. I said, but I did what you said. And he says, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, it's probably like 50 minutes in now.

Uh-huh. because I had the time to talk to that. So I say, so, so where's the cheeseburger and balanets? And he says, I said, can I order from you?

And he says, what we did is, okay, starts talking, then a wallam on the phone with the guy, this is what I hear. And I go, I wish I had my suit on,

dude. Let's play. Let's play. I look in the mirror. speaks your time let's go dude okay

so I open the door there is a waiter just a fucking in my head I'm like oh dude maybe my food came maybe he's wrong on the thing yeah yeah yeah yeah

I open a door there's a waiter like I'm at a fucking sit down restaurant Right. Like the guy is just coming to my table. Okay. He's got a tray and a notepad.

Okay. So I say, hey. And he's, by the way, I left the phone off the hook. He's still on the phone. Uh-huh. He says, did you want room service? And I go, excuse me one second. Yeah, because.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You all need to be here. Yeah, yeah. This is going to be a collective go off. Yeah, yeah. Everybody needs to be involved. We can't be wasting this go off on separate.

Everybody needs to get in a little group huddle. It's a one-time thing. Dude, it's legitimately like, I feel like, oh, I've achieved it. We're all here. No one's going anywhere. Yeah, yeah. Now you just can't leave. You should have called the manager on the phone too.

Put him on speaker and it'll be like, you need to be a part of this too, Mr. 555. Yeah. Maz, your brawny's moving up and not tonight. Now you can't leave. I'm doing the good fellow shit. So I go up to the thing. I say, hey, so there's a guy here he wants to take my order. And then he says, yes, sir. And I said, okay, I've been waiting for an hour for the food.

Because at this point, it was actually over an hour. and I said And I said And now here's the thing You told me to come back up And use the tablet I did that And you're telling me that

It's not there So now an hour later You send up a guy And I'm I'm saying fuck I'm saying shit I'm saying this motherfucker I mean I'm being I'm an asshole

Right Okay I think it was warranted Even still Yeah But my wife wouldn't Not have thought that, bro. Yeah, yeah.

My wife would have been like, okay? She don't understand principle. No, yeah. And I, because in my head, I'm like, I set it up so great. I was going to come up and use the tablet and I said there was no other thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he says, unfortunately, sir, I'm so sorry. Yes, it was a huge mistake.

I know we really messed up. And I'm like, yeah, you fucking messed up. And now I got a waiter here in the front. So you're telling me. Yeah. If I order from this waiter and then I look over. and he's just, bro, he was so like, like he's had to see it before,

but it looked like it was like his second week on the job. So, and I said, you're telling me, if I order it. Because it's not this guy's fault. So I'm like this. You're telling me, if I order from this guy, that the food's going to come after that. So if I tell him, Bolognais and cheeseburger,

So he says, yes, sir, that's what I'm saying. I said, that's what you're saying? And he says, that's what I'm saying. I said, so I hang up. I walk over and I say, hey. So I'd like the bolognais and the cheeseburger, please. And he says, okay. And he doesn't even write it down.

And he doesn't need to. It's two fucking things. Yeah. And then goes, all right? 20 minutes later, I get the fucking bolognaise and the cheeseburger. Yeah. and some balls and spit, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm spinning the food for sure.

I'll eat it. I don't give it. At this point, let me give me your saliva, right? Same. Yeah. So, so, so he, he, he, he, he, he bring, they bring it up. Wait, was it good? No, no, so.

Was he good? They bring it up. So, uh, I, I, I know you've been Australia. You've been Australia? Yeah. Yeah. So, sometimes, when you go to foreign places and you say

things like, hey, I'll have a cheeseburger a fucking, you know, depending on what country you're in, cheeseburger might be a fucking rat sandwich, you know what I mean? But you figure Australia a cheese bag is a cheese bag.

And it is. However, it only comes with Meganase? Bro. And by the way, this is a whole other level

of the problem. This is a branch, another tree. You know what I mean? It's a whole other. It has nothing to do with this problem. It's another problem that's compounded this problem. Bro.

And let me tell you something. I like mayonnaise. I don't like only mayonnaise. Okay. But I like mayonnaise. And, And let me tell you something else. Sometimes when you say cheeseburger in a foreign country,

it's a little bit different than American cheeseburger, which is where cheeseburgers are. And I understand that. But when you say mayonnaise, it should just be mayonnaise. It shouldn't be fucking different mayonnaise with weird green things in it. And that's what it was.

On both sides. It was a fucking insane cheeseburger. And the bolognaise. Was it like a thousand island dressing? No. Was it a thousand island maybe? It was straight up disgusting mayonnaise. That's what they should have called it.

Would you like disgusting mayonnaise on it? Bro. And then the bolognaise was bolognaz ramen. It was soup basically. I ate the whole fucking thing and hated it. And I just and they charged me for it. Wow. I think probably.

Oh, wow. I signed it. I signed the thing. It said however much it was. I go, I'm not even. No, Dents. But, but, bro.

And, and was up two hours because of it, so didn't get the extra sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I forgot it was child's pulmonary. Nice can't leave. That's amazing.

Yeah, man. You know, it's just, I just, and even that version was truncated, by the way. If you really want the long version, you go to my podcast. I did it for 45 minutes. I'm just saying like there's there's like levels of stuff that like you just want shit done right that's all you know you know what you want what they say they offer yeah and then you just you get there and then you have to deal with like this kind of stuff yeah you know and it's like once I realized now look I know that everyone just kind of you're lucky to have a job these days it's not nobody's doing their dream I I understand and I am right like I'm doing. doing my dream job. And I get that. However, when I go up and I do my job,

I give it 100%. I mean, it's rare that I'm autopilot, right? And I crush. And I know it's my dream job, and I know you don't want to do room service. Right. But at least do it like 60%. Here's my thing.

Your seems like a communication thing, Chris. It's not like they didn't want to get your food. It seems like there's a lapse in the communication. The system's broken. No, no, no, no, no. So be fucking cool. No, no, I did. I, a thousand percent disagree with what he's saying.

Okay. Just saying the communication thing. It's like, they were just equivalent to, you're in a restaurant, guys, and you go, um, yeah, let me, I would like the carrots with this. Yeah. And they say some shit like, but we can't. Right. We don't do...

And I get mad. I'm like... Do you sell carrots? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I want you to put some carrots on a plate. Listen, and bring me these fucking carrots. Because... Or admit that you're a jackass place.

Say this is a jackass place. My thing is like... Because I think that... I think they just deal with people who are trying to get over all the time. Sure, yeah. And I'm not trying to get over. No, no, no. I'll pay for it.

I'll pay for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. I'm the guy who paid $2,600 at the risk Carlton. Yeah. Or here's nothing. You go to breakfast.

I'll go, yeah, I just want one pancake. And they go, well, we don't sell one pancake. That's hilarious. You know? And I'll say, hey, but you put the order in. Yeah. Foot of five pancake. Yeah.

But I want you. Why do I love this shit so much? I want you to put. I want you to put one pancake on the plate. Oh, God. You know, and it's like, hey, Eric, you know what though? Eric, you don't have these problems at the Ritz Carlton. That's what?

That's what's about it. You know what? You're a thousand percent on that because even when I'm at the Ritz Carlton, we walked up to get breakfast at this cafe and they had a buffet going, but you could also order off the menu. That's a sign. That's a sign you had a great place. So we ordered off the menu because I'm not trying to be a complete fat ass.

I said, I'll just get my little thing. But Wolf was eating the bacon. And so I said it a lady I go, it's not a crime. just go over I get some bacon and she was like Mr. Griffin you're fine go get you know it's like see you pay for it they treat you right you pay for it though but my thing is like am I going to do $2,000 a night and not deal with any issues or may spend 200 I'm put up with some shit the hotel I was in was extremely nice it wasn't a Ritz Carlton but it was extremely nice no but my thing is this if you offer a service do that service that's all I don't care where you're at

I don't care what the thing is. You just do the service. You know what I mean? You know, like, again, the job, it's not government assigned. Right. They didn't say you have to work at this hotel. No, the guy filled out an application, probably had an interview. And he's like, I'm going to do this job.

And now you're just like, what? Because sometimes you just kind of go, like, I know the moment that just all went off the rails for you is when the guy said, you have to go upstairs and use the tablet. Yeah, that's absolutely. Oh, no. It was okay. Yeah. Because that's the moment you go, no, I don't.

Yeah. No, no. Yeah, you're making things up. You're making this up. Yeah. Because you're telling me right now that you don't have a direct call in the kitchen. Look, look, dude, we're eliminating all of the shit. Yeah.

Hi, sir. I want this. Yeah. You can't, what are you saying? You're saying you can't just call the kitchen right now or you don't know the guy that's in the kitchen or you can't just go over there and be like, hey, let's put it. This is how I should have went. Sir, you know what? I got this.

I got you. He goes and goes. Hey, uh, Rico, whoever is in the fucking kitchen. Get a bowl of a bowl of me. and a cheeseburger ready and then we'll take care of this like that. They couldn't have done it. He could have done that.

He could have done that. So the fact that they didn't do that means that there's like, this is like restaurant red flags. Yeah. Hotel restaurant red flags. Chris, when you start, Chris,

when you started cussing, were they like, oh boy. Nah, because when you start cussing it. By the way, I, that's the last resort for me, bro.

I rarely start swearing, right? Like, see, it's, it's my go-to. It's it's it's because I grew up cussing. Yeah, I did too.

So I don't do cussing as this big thing. I had to. So it's like like I was at Bosti's football game. The parents aren't allowed on the field. But Boston was doing something that he needed help on. I had to tie his shoe. So I run out there. I don't have the coaches shirt on because I only have it for baseball.

The ref sprints over and goes, you need to get back with the rest of the pants. Oh, boy, take it easy. I went, whoa, whoa, take it easy. This is my son. I'm literally going to be 30 seconds. I'm going to tie his shoe and give him some tips. He goes, you need to get back on the field. I go, fucking relax.

And I go, it's not the Super Bowl. He's six. I'm trying to help my son out. And he goes, oh, and he's like an older dude. He goes, oh, we're cussing on each other now? Oh, that's hilarious. We're going to cuss in front of the kids. We're cussing each other.

I went, you're right. Oh, wow. I'm at. I said, it's how I talk. I said, I'm not, you're right. You handle that right. I think you handled that good. Yeah, but you know why?

This guy always has to handle shit like that. What do you mean? Because it's like what? Here's the thing. Oh, I know. You're like this six, four, you know, he could lift 7500 pounds. So you always have to be like, oh man. Let me not because it's like this is not going to end well in the end for you.

So it was like the moment somebody starts to act like, oh, you're trying to. He got to be like, oh, no. No. Because now let me de-escalate this because I don't want to kill this guy. Yeah, yeah, that sucks. Well, good for you. Or, yeah, I don't want to escalate to that because nothing good is going to come out of it. I get Tiger's one of his baseball game over the weekend.

This hump was terrible. I don't get mad anymore. I'm like, what are you going to do? There is a young hump. What are you going to do? So me and the other coach are coming out of the bathroom. The umps are coming out. It's 10.30 at night, mind you.

They got rain delayed so we're playing late as shit. We're both coming out of the bathroom. The umps are coming out of their little area. And the other coach, my buddy, this small guy, Tony, he goes, you guys should be ashamed to yourself. I don't know how you're going to sleep tonight. The young kid who's maybe 18 turns around and goes, shut the fuck up. And I go, whoa.

The ump, the young um. Yeah, he turns, I was laughing. He turns out and goes, shut the fuck up. And I started laughing. I go, holy shit. Good for you, man. And then the coach behind me goes, are you? Excuse me.

Excuse me. And the kid turns around and he keeps, he's looking at me. He thought I said it. And he goes, you heard me. And I'm like, oh, he. And I go, young man, there is no way you're talking to me. Oh, that's hilarious. That's not happening.

There's no fucking way you're talking to me. And he goes, no, no, no, no, not you. The guy behind you, the short guy behind you. The short guy behind you. I'm like, yeah, dude. I don't want these problems. You're an altercation. You don't find the biggest dude.

You find the smallest guy. And you, shut the fucking out. You find the smallest. Dude, but he's like some young kid, and he seems shy. So when he told him, I don't know how you guys are going to sleep with yourself tonight. And he just takes his hoodie off and goes, shut the fuck up. I was like, good for you, man. Good for you, young man.

Okay, here's the thing. When you're at curse level, when you're ready to curse, here's something about that situation. I'm speaking just for me, but I think you're in the same way. When you're cursing, you already know that this is off the rails. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. When you're in your bag.

Right. It's not when you're cursing. Right. It's when you're like this. That's when you're in your back. That's when you're in your back. That's when you're in your back. Chris,

it's when you're like this. Okay. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. I swear. Yeah. Yeah. That's when you're in your bag, because I'll tell you,

this happens to be like I was at a... With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator. Why are you not entertained? And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd parents and goes Pluto TV is always free. I saw. To do you.

That's exactly what happened. That's the moment where you go. When you have to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you're like, we don't keep your skull. Because at a certain point you're like, with movies like Interstellar, Dream Girls and Gladiator. And that's the guy.

That's why you want to say a guy. Spongebob square pants. Of course. You went down to the different guy. And it was a different guy. It's in your life. Oh, good. Be walking up for.

Yeah. Out loud across the lobby. This water is too wet. Oh, good. It's too sand. Welcome to Beach too sandy. The podcast where we do dramatic readings of the most wild and off-the-wall reviews on the internet. We read real reviews about everything from Vegas weddings, matchmaking services and Trader Joe's to caves,

toddler beds. This is going on the podcast. You won't believe the things people think absolutely must be said on the internet. Who else would everyone know that some caves don't have Wi-Fi? For sure I go, oh. You hear about the good time on the podcast? Would you like that are your name to you mentioned or not? I remember.

I remember I was, I had a lot of chocolate in the chucky cheese salad on. You can get pretty ugly. Join us every Wednesday, wherever you listen near podcasts. I feel targeted by that pet cemetery's common. And I was on the phone. Wasn't that you? That was me. In St. Louis saying like,

in one of these things. I don't think I was at swear level yet, but I was like, what's going on? I was that, are you kidding me? I said, you know,

I have like a really successful podcast? I'm going to talk about this. Oh, and it's going to, you know, hundreds of thousands of people. And she, she,

you know what she said? That's fine. This is so funny. You say that because I said that at Palm Springs. Oh, that's hilarious. At the front desk, I said,

I just want you know, I even, I even the text. Oh, man. I have the text in it. Let me read you to text message that I sent to the guy, you know, the director of the thing. I'll find it. Okay.

You know? Yeah, no. No, I said to him, I said, the way this hotel treated us, I'm never coming back here again. And I'm going to talk about this on every podcast I go on. Anytime with the press, I'm just going to bring it up. This place fucking sucks. So, Eric, how was your role in the movie? I want to talk to you about the

Aua quality Sometimes you got But it is a superpower It is the podcast superpower If they know who you are Like I had an issue With a big car brand I would say who it is

For my wife We brought her brand new car Driving down the road Engine blows up Yeah They get her new one Driving down the road Engine blows up

And she has the kids in the car Jesus So I'm like we gotta We gotta fucking figure this out It's taking like Four months Blah blah blah We go through all this shit.

We're going back and forth. I didn't even say anything. And they're like, all right, what we're going to do is compensate you with this car at a fraction of the price. And then I'm like, all right, that works. Cool. I get the car for half off brand new. This is fucking lit. And the guy goes.

And then I get an email that says, we will do this for you if you do not disparage or talk about this on the podcast. Good. I was like, we got a. Good. We got some Patreon listeners. No, that's cool, man. Yeah. Absolutely.

Okay, I had a I'm not, I can't say Not that I would do that No, I'm not gonna weaponize the fucking podcast Yeah, I don't, I don't I don't recognize it I don't know what Weaponize it but the threat of it is important

Because I had a thing Where my Credit card was being charged After I thought I canceled the thing Yeah And I didn't notice Right, right, right For two years

Right, right And it was like That's fucked up $8,000 Okay So I go on the place and I'm like So you went to the massage part of what did you say? I'm like, hey

I haven't been stroked off in two years I canceled this, you know, remember? That manager doesn't work there anymore and I'm like, hey. So I remember what I said. So they said, they go, they go, you know, we're willing to give you back six months. I was like, no, not acceptable.

And I said this. This is so funny. I go, I don't know. Do you know what I've done podcasts? You know, I said, I was on Rogan. It's hilarious to bring up other people. It's hilarious. Yeah.

I said, that was like 10 years ago I did a rogue. I was like, how do you want that? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then they're like, oh. Oh, yeah, no, that'll fuck them. That's kind of bitch shit, though, I think. A week later, it's like, hey, I guess.

No, I've used it once. Guess what? We're going to give you everything back, but I had to sign an NDA. Yeah, that's fine. No, I've done it once. I was taking a bat back to Dick's sporting goods, and I didn't have the receipt. And for whatever fucking, my buddy Anthony was with me, Garuso,

for whatever reason, I didn't bring my fucking wallet. I just totally forgot it. Tiger needed the bat that day. And it's like a young kid, but there's an older lady there. And she's like, we can't do anything without your ID. We can't do anything. She goes, because how do we know it's you? I'm like, I'm telling you, it's me.

It's under Brendan Scha. And she's like, yeah, but how would we know it's you? I'm like, I really need this bat. I hate to do this. you can Google me right now. It's going to pop up with my fucking face. She goes, really? I go, do you have your cell phone?

I go, just type me in my name, please. She typed in, she goes, oh, wow. That's hilarious. I hate being this guy. Can I have the bat? Yep. Fucking brown. Hey, whatever, work.

Lucky bad stuff didn't come up. Who's Brian Kall? She's like, oh, wow. I would have been like, Google me. Oh, it seems you associate with Brian Kellen. I would have been like Googling. Don't go too far down on the second page No, but it's like

I don't know Just sometimes There's ways people can handle things Yeah I saw Yeah Just handle things right I always think like

Yeah I don't like I don't I think there's a bit Like remember like No snitching That was a thing And now it's like

Now you do documentaries Yeah it's like It's a cool thing to do But that's bitch shit I think I don't know. I hate when people say this, but maybe I'm old school. I hate when people say that.

But like, dude, you, you take, you handle your business in house. Like you don't fucking. Oh yeah.

Which, you know, I don't think I, like I didn't mention the hotel here, but. You mean? I didn't say that. But the thing is,

is like, handling your business outside. Yeah. Is profitable for people now. That's the difference. Outside? Yeah.

Correct. But right now, it's like, they monetize. monetize. Yeah. Minutize what. I'm sorry,

I'm lost. I'm saying like the reason why people snitch is because they monetize the snitching. Yeah. And that's why. Yeah.

They get views from the snitching. Yeah. They get views from it. No, I understand. Which is crazy. It's still bitch shit though. Yeah.

But a lot of it's on the dads. Like if Bosti comes to me and goes, Dad, Tiger said this. I'm like, okay, well, you're both in trouble. Right. I didn't do anything.

I'm like, you did. You told on your brother, you snitch on your brother. Yeah. Now you're both in trouble. Yeah, I started doing that with Calvin because he'll be like, Billy pushed me and I'm like, I kind of saw it.

I said, did it hurt it all? And he was like, no. And I said, all right, well, you know, come on, buddy. You don't go just telling on your brother everything he does. By the way, guys, August, August. I mean, March 20th. March 20th.

Oh, yeah. We're live. Austin, Texas. Should be fun. The Golden Hour live. We're going to be live in Austin at the Vulcan Gas Company. Shit, that's next Friday, is it next Friday? Yeah.

Holy shit. And then stay for me. I think you get a discount if you come see me and then get a golden hour ticket. I'll be in Austin. I will be in Vancouver, Colona this weekend. And, you know, Tacoma the next weekend, Columbus, Ohio, St. Louis, look where I'm going to Little Rock. So, and then Chicago, chrysley.com. My brayette is moving.

I'm sorry. But it is moving to some other time in the summer. Not too far. This is May 9th right now. You know, April 25th, I'll be at the North Iowa Comedy Festival. You just make up places, bro. Is this always doing a festival somewhere in some weird town? Sorry.

You know, I love little town stuff, right? I'm tired of the comedy business. I love just performing for people. You know what you are? A lady. You're a fucking lady, bro. And when I'm on stage, I'm just, you know, I'm lading it up. Hell yeah, bro.

Lading it up. It's going to be good to see, oh, Shabby in person. Yeah, I know. I know, I know. His new element. I know. I can't wait to see Texas job. I wish Callan was in town.

You have a hat. Come on down. Yeah. Callan's not in town. I'll bring my cowboy hat. You better bring a hat. Yes, for sure. Bring some for us. All right, buddy.

Be good. Peace. Bye. All right, dudes. Later. Thanks. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. You swear?

If I mind, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the. With movies like Interstell. Dreamgirls and Gladiator

And TV shows like Survivor SpongeBob SquarePants The Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts Pluto TV is always free Hazzo! Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

If I'm mine, I'm done. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the... Movies like Interstellar, Dream Girls and Gladiator.

And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Hazzah! Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Have you ever thought, ugh, this water is too wet? This beach is too sandy. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we do dramatic readings of the most wild and off-the-wall reviews on the internet. We read real reviews about everything from Vegas weddings, matchmaking services, and Trader Joe's, to caves, toddler beds, and Spirit Halloween.

You won't believe the things people think absolutely must be said on the internet. How else would everyone know that some caves don't have Wi-Fi? We hear about the good, like the time a couple was happily married in a Vegas denies. And the bad, like who knew people stole from pet cemeteries? And the ugly. Because when there's soggy lettuce in the Chucky Cheese salad bar, it can get pretty ugly. Join us every Wednesday wherever you listen to your podcast.

I feel targeted by that pet cemeteries comment. I was about to say, wasn't that you? That was me? Yeah.