The Golden Hour - Retaliation Is A Must | The Golden Hour #5 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin, & Chris D’Elia

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Brendan and Chris hold the fort down while Erik and Bryan Callen call into the show from their filming location. The guys debate who's hotter between Shawn Mendes and Javier Barde...m and talk hottest celebs they've met, their favorite Christmas movies, movie etiquette, all new segment pitches from fans, play an all new game of "Whom Do I Look Like?" and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You don't look like that. Right away I was like, he looks like my brother. He doesn't look like you. He doesn't look like brothers. He's going to say he looks like Tom Hardy because he's got an ego and that's going to piss me off. And he has the Tom Hardy haircut. Hit it. All right, so here's the three options.
Starting point is 00:00:13 Brad Pitt. Nope. Ben Affleck. Okay. Hell no. Or Joey Fatone. Oh, Joey Fatone. Okay, well we get it, dude.
Starting point is 00:00:21 First of all, it's Fat One. That's his last name. You ever realize that? We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Ooh, yeah. It's like a show you used to man. We're live? Dude. Well, yeah. So here we are, dude. Are we up? We're up, man. We're live? Dude. Eric Griffin passed away.
Starting point is 00:01:10 Hate to say it. No, don't start rumors. Hate to say it. No, I'm not a rumor starter. He's busy. He's busy. He's doing a movie. He's Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:01:16 And we're really proud of him. I'm proud of him, but he's in a movie with Brian Count, too. I'm proud of him. Yeah, true, he is. I didn't think about that. They're both there right now. In Detroit, right? In Detroit.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Yeah. But I hope that movie's fucking good, man. I like those dudes. I like Eric. Oh, I love them. Is that Tom Popple? Is Jimmy in that? Jimmy Schubert?
Starting point is 00:01:38 He's in that? Yeah. I love Jimmy Schubert. Brian said it's a really good movie. I love these dudes. Love Brian. Love, you know, Kevin's doing it. Kevin wrote it.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Oh, really? Oh, I didn't know that. Yep. Very cool. We're kicking off with Eric. And it's good. And I read it, and it's good. Oh, so you know about it.
Starting point is 00:01:53 I was going to try and do it, but I couldn't make it work. Brian told me it was Black Panther 3, and he's the white villain. Yeah. So he plays a white villain. Wakanda no more. But yeah, no. Wakanda 3, white devil. Brian's the evil villain?
Starting point is 00:02:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Colonizer? Yeah, colonizer. Colonizer. Just, you know, because Dio's not here, so I'll do that. Yeah, so that's what he's doing there in Detroit, and it's freezing as shit. Freezing as shit. I think they're doing a show together tonight, too.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Oh, in Detroit? I think so. Oh, that's cool. Man, how fun is that? How cool is show together tonight, too. Oh, in Detroit? I think so. Oh, that's cool. Man, how fun is that? How cool is that that you get to travel with them? I brought my buddy to Boston. I was in Boston a few weeks ago. And David Sullivan, you know David?
Starting point is 00:02:34 Yeah, he sold 90,000 tickets. Not 90,000, but I was very fortunate, very grateful. It was 6,100 tickets. It's amazing. Love it. I like the accuracy on the exact ticket sales. Yeah, because I don't lie. Because we know people who lie about tickets yeah we do it's fucking insane i found out people lie about ticket sales it's fucking insane props to chris di stefano who doesn't lie about
Starting point is 00:02:53 he keeps it real it's my favorite part um and uh yeah he sells tickets he's a crusher bro he's like bow really lighty man whatever city is tough tough. Some tickets are tougher, man. I did really well in Denver and Cheyenne, although it's in the middle of nowhere, it's tough to sell tickets Cheyenne's a dicey one.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Yeah. But it's also, you know they could launch nukes from Cheyenne anywhere in the world? Really? Yeah. It's a military place
Starting point is 00:03:19 and it's all open area and they can launch nukes from Cheyenne anywhere in the world. Well, you know under DIA, if we're in a nuclear war with Russia and China, the president will fly to Denver and go. They're underground. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:03:31 In Denver? DIA. That's probably a front and it's probably really in Cheyenne. They fly to Denver and drive to Cheyenne. But apparently, because when you get to DIA, you know it's like a 30-minute drive before you see anything. What's DIA? The Denver International Airport.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Sorry. Yeah. Local guy. Okay. But underneath, it's all like a city apparently. Oh, that would be cool. This might Denver International Airport. Sorry. Local guy. Okay. But underneath, it's all like a city, apparently. Oh, that would be cool.
Starting point is 00:03:48 This might be a conspiracy. I don't know, Nick. Sounds like something you'd say is a fact. That's not true, but. Dude, I've been right every single time. Dude, so I was in Boston
Starting point is 00:03:56 and that was really fun. One of the best. And it was fun to have the buddies with me. And you just wanted to take them because your fam didn't come with you this time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Yep. The road's lonely if you don't have your goals. Oh, bro, it's so lonely, man. And now, like, you know, I always have my people who open for me, and then my camera guy who's a friend of mine, and then my tour manager Enrique who's a friend of mine. But, like, I thought about doing this shit alone, man. It's sad.
Starting point is 00:04:18 It's sad. It's sad sometimes. Like, I get adjoining rooms. I got an adjoining room with David. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, dude, it's too much to just be alone. I hate being alone, bro. Me too.
Starting point is 00:04:28 I hate being alone. Can't stand it. And so yeah. So now I moved my Jacksonville dates and my Lakeland dates is going to be in January. And I got a bunch of Bray. I'm doing a Bray improv. And I'm doing Seattle. I added another show in Seattle. Okay, daddy.
Starting point is 00:04:47 ChrisLeah.com and Portland. Those are the ones coming up. I just added Austin. When's the last time you played there? You just played there, right? I just did a spot with Rogan at the Volk in there. I love that. That venue's good. Volkans dope. It doesn't seem like it would be good because it's so cavernous. Well, it's a nightclub.
Starting point is 00:05:04 But it's killer though. Yeah, it's a nightclub. But it's killer, though. Yeah, it's dope. Anyway, go ahead. I didn't mean to cut you off. Rogan's Club's open in probably March, so you can have the mothership out there. Let's go ahead and change that name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then also Cap City's.
Starting point is 00:05:15 That's up, yeah. Up and running now, too. Now, yeah, okay. I've never played that. There's some spots out there. I've never played that club. Yeah. Why are you too big for those clubs? Never played Cap City.
Starting point is 00:05:20 I never played a club in Austin. Really? Yeah. Are you playing with the Texas Longhorns? No, no, no. Moody. Moody Theater or something. It's like 3,000.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Oh, that's it. Something like that, yeah. Yeah, I haven't done proper Austin in a hot second. I was supposed to do Moon Tower Festival and had a hiccup with the owner of it. Yeah, no Eric today because he's shooting a movie. Yeah, Eric's big time. He's Hollywood, man. I know.
Starting point is 00:05:44 And I'm in, so as you guys list this, I will be in Rhode Island. I've never been to Rhode Island. Couldn't pick it out on a map. Not going to lie to you. Providence. Dude, you don't know Providence? Providence. You're playing Providence.
Starting point is 00:05:54 I'll be in Providence too. When? February. It'll be nice and warm. Well, I'm going to warm it up for you. Okay. Dude. Because I'm there, I think it's December, like, I don't know, this week it's december like i don't know this week thursday
Starting point is 00:06:05 through friday saturday do you don't know providence is the capital of rhode island and there was a show called providence you never heard of providence oh no there's a show called portlandia yeah but there's a show called providence that's the other coast no i know it's on the east coast where exactly is it at providence there was a show providence it was like some bullshit show with the cops and shit No Absolutely not I'm just saying What's Providence known for? I don't know
Starting point is 00:06:28 For some reason I feel like It's a rich place But it's probably not It's probably really blue collar There it is Providence Yeah that woman was in it Right
Starting point is 00:06:35 Also Providence Also known as white-ish Yeah is it white? I don't know It seems like it Although she has a tan there You know what I've been
Starting point is 00:06:43 Watching a lot of dude? What? Christmas movies Oh Like Hallmark shit get on it early hallmark shit uh lifetime shit i watched one on the plane it was called christmas contest and that one was so bad i couldn't even watch it but some of them are so good they're that mix of like oh oh, this is terrible, but funny. You know what I mean? Funny, but then also kind of like it's just a happy, good feeling, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My son's never seen Santa Claus with Tim Allen. Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Top five. But he never – neither of them have seen it. Well, no, obviously. Well, Boston, I know. But Tiger's never seen it, and he always wants a new movie. So last night I was like, here's Santa Claus, Tim Allen. Oh, and he just played it. I hit it for him, yep.
Starting point is 00:07:24 And what'd he do? He loved it. And how old is he Claus, Tim Allen. Oh, and he just played it. I hit it for him, yep. And what'd he do? He loved it. And how old is he? Six. So, okay. So I took my son to see La La Crocodile. It's not anything but a, my son is two and a half. He can't watch anything but cartoons.
Starting point is 00:07:34 He was all over the movie theater. No, yeah, oh, oh. You know what I'm saying? Nightmare. Oh, my boss, he didn't know the etiquette. Right, right, right. I took him to theater when he was, he'll be three. Shit, he turned three. This comes out December december second so he turned three a week ago took him to theater when
Starting point is 00:07:49 he was two to see trolls whatever yeah just as loud as he can daddy m&ms i'm like bro what do you what do you have Tourette's if it's a cartoon my son will just lock the fuck in you know how focused my son i mean he's so fucking focused. He's in. He locks in. I'm trying to hire him for Thick Boy. We watch Super... He can be a social media guy. We watch Super Pets with my son, and my son locked in the whole time,
Starting point is 00:08:17 and afterwards was just like, I love Super Pets, I'm just like, love everything Super Pets, but we took him to see La La Crocodile. That's a skill, by the way. Oh, bro, I don't know how he does la la crocodile no cartoon there's a stupid fucking crocodile that movie's terrible i heard it's awful it's awful and you know it's bad because there was
Starting point is 00:08:31 one commercial for it right when it dropped and nothing no billboards no isn't sean mendez the crocodile he's yeah he i love sean mendez and shit and but it's like it's just weird the crocodile singing and shit he's in the bathtub yeah also it's weird to have sean mendez's voice on that crocodile the crocodile should be like uh singing like this and like that and like this but it's like some like no he needs to be like the cajun crocodile from uh princess and the frog i don't know that obviously oh wow i don't know what he sounds like a little jum Junebug. There you go. That's what it should be. But it's like this beautiful, Christmassy, 21-year-old voice. That doesn't... It's not...
Starting point is 00:09:11 I mean, I get Shawn Mendes is killer. He's great, amazing. But not for this crocodile. But let me tell you something about Javi B. Javier Bardem. Javier Bardem. This motherfucker honestly deserves to be nominated for an Oscar. And I'm not bullshitting.
Starting point is 00:09:21 And Lala Crocodile? He is so good in this movie. I talked about it at length. And congratulations for 20 minutes. That's way too longala Crocodile? He is so good in this movie. I talked about it at length and congratulations for 20 minutes. It's way too long. But Javi B is so good in this fucking movie.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Who's Javi B? Javier Bardem. He came in and just was like, dude, he's doing shit like, oh, the crocodile. Oh, oh. And you're just like, this guy's just selling it.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Yeah, he's a great actor. I mean, look how fucking handsome. This guy. He's like the magician of the croc or some shit? Yeah, he's the guy who finds a crocodile and then like you know he's like
Starting point is 00:09:46 conflicted but also like wants to make money but also kind of wants what's good for the crocodile but he's selfish. The croc's pimp. Kind of. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:52 He has a soul. Yeah. He's got a little bit of his soul but he has to find it through the movie dude you know how these movies go. Yeah I do.
Starting point is 00:09:56 And dude it's but but this guy just fucking I mean he's so sexy bro. He's so look at this motherfucker. Bro. Is he sexier than Shawn Mendes, though? To the left?
Starting point is 00:10:08 Javi B is sexier than Shawn Mendes. Come on, bro. You know what? He's more handsome. Who's Batman out of the two of them? Well... Javi B, baby. No, because Bruce Wayne, right?
Starting point is 00:10:18 Javi B, though, baby. I mean, if we're going woke, right? What's his last name? If we're going woke, but we're not going woke. Oh, yeah, because woke is so sexy. I'm just saying, if you're Batman woke, but we're not going woke. Oh, yeah, because woke is so sexy. I'm just saying, if you're Batman, Bruce Wayne is a rich white guy. Yeah, but Javi B, though, look at him, man.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Oh, I'm in. But it doesn't sound like you're in, but also. As the Joker, I'm in. No, no, no. Look, so here's the deal, man. Look him up in fucking No Country for Old Men. Oh, he's great in that. He's a killer. Weird as shit, but still also kind of getting like a sexy vibe for weird
Starting point is 00:10:46 chicks would love it, right? Yeah, I was into it. He has that Yellowstone vibe in that. Because he's killing guys. Look at a weirdo. Look at the up-and-coming smiling one. Look at the dick haircut. The smiling one there.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Look at the weirdo, bro. Are you kidding me? How could you act that good in a picture? This guy deserves to be nominated that year for the, they should have still Oscars. Okay, I like the best still photo framed oscar dude are you who is besides that his hair is so terrible that dick haircut off so good dude this guy's the best did your son see no country for old men no but we're gonna we're gonna fucking we're gonna set it up for christmas some of these Even some of the toy stories. Like the story's too long.
Starting point is 00:11:25 My kid's like, I'm out. Everything's too long. Too long. The first cars, too boring. Race, race, race. Oh, wait. That's with the Lightning McQueen? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Dude, I had a shirt on with a red car on it. And Kevin said, that's Lightning McQueen. And it melted my heart. Because it wasn't. But I was like, yeah. Yeah. Let's tell you no cars. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Let me fucking drop this out, dude. Are we getting the chains out, dude? Okay. So, yeah. Yeah, let's tell you no cars. Yeah. Let me fucking drop this out, dude. Are we getting the chains out, dude? Okay. So, yeah. So, don't see La La Crocodile, but if you want, I'm telling you right now, Javier Bardem should be absolutely nominated for the best. Now, he's not going to. He won't, but it should be him and Austin Butler, the two of them.
Starting point is 00:11:58 You saw the Elvis movie? Yes. Oh, my God. He was a great Elvis. He's Elvis. I didn't like the movie. The movie's okay. It's honestly like a long montage. It's like a montage. It's boring. And it's really about He was a great Elvis. He's Elvis. I didn't like the movie. The movie's okay. It's honestly like a long montage.
Starting point is 00:12:06 It's like a montage. It's boring. And it's really about the manager more than Elvis. They didn't do any of his backstory. They weren't talking about the girls he's hooking up with. He had a real problem, the drug problem. Yeah. They just go, oh, he died.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, what the fuck? Are they going to get into it? I know. And also, I mean, it's fine. They could choose whatever movie they want to tell. But also, apparently the Tom Hanks did this character, and that real guy was nothing like it. Like, you know how he had that weird accent?
Starting point is 00:12:30 Apparently that guy didn't even have that accent. Because he was, like, German or something? I don't know. But, like, people who knew the guy was like, what the fuck is Tom Hanks doing? I thought it was Tom Hanks, like, worst performer. Oh, really? I'm a big Tommy fan. Yeah, I thought he was good, but.
Starting point is 00:12:41 The show was, I thought the movie was boring. No, no, no. I was on the plane on the way. Oh, on the plane you didn't like it? No, I was like, oh, this show is so boring. Oh, wow. I was fast forwarding shit. I thought the movie was watchable.
Starting point is 00:12:51 It was just too... It was just like a month. There's no depth to it. It was like a long montage. When Elvis died, I thought to myself, why did I care more about Forrest Gump dying than Elvis? Forrest is a fake guy. That's how good Forrest Gump was.
Starting point is 00:13:04 I gotta watch that movie again. Oh. Yeah. It's a good Christmas movie too. Lieutenant Dan and Forrest Gump during Christmas, they hook up with them hoes. Then the one throws, he throws Lieutenant Dan, Lieutenant Dan throws one of the hoes off because she called Forrest stupid. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Don't call him that. He's cool, dude. Imagine writing the guy fucking sitting down writing this masterpiece of a movie and then he didn't have no idea that you were going to have a podcast and be like, yeah, Forrest and Lieutenant Dan hook up with them hoes. The guy's like, I'm writing a fucking belief. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's cut two fucking decades later.
Starting point is 00:13:35 You know what? You're on this fucking drunk on this podcast. Just like, yeah, man, Lieutenant Dan and Forrest, they hook up with these hoes? Christmas movie, man. Lieutenant Dan hook up with these hoes. Lieutenant Dan. Let's take a little break from all the chatter? Christmas movie, man. Hook up with these hoes. Lieutenant Dan. Let's take a little break from all the chatter on the Golden Hour. Eric, where are you going to be on the road?
Starting point is 00:13:50 Guys, I'm in Chicago right now in downtown at Zaney's. Come check me out. Do you dish pizza, some Cubs jerseys? Get that Ryan Sandberg jersey and buy an Eric Griffin ticket. What's up? And then I'm in, when's this come out? This week? I'm in Providence, Rhode Island. What's up? And then I'm in, once this come out? This week? I'm in Providence,
Starting point is 00:14:07 Rhode Island. That's right. Tonight, I'm in Providence, Rhode Island. Comedy Connection. Those tickets should be damn near sold out. Get your tickets right now at thinkboy.com. December 1st through the 3rd, Providence, Rhode Island. I have a big announcement coming up for January. I'm coming up north, baby. I can't wait.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Providence, Rhode Island, you're up. This weekend, I'm in Seattle, Washington at Laff's Comedy Club. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. My home streets. I don't even know if there's tickets available, but please come see me if you live in Seattle, the Seattle area.
Starting point is 00:14:36 It's going to be awesome. And then next week, the DC Improv. Before you go on that cruise, man, remember the last time you had a gas station? You saw those horribly branded erection pills like Rhino 5000. They're tempting, I know. But did you ever take a second to see what's actually in those products? They're awful for you.
Starting point is 00:14:54 The same goes for most products on the market that claim to help men in the bedroom. But who wants a four-hour erection? I wouldn't mind it. Nasty side effects, heart problems, impossible trip to the hospital? Forget about it. Nasty side effects, heart problems, impossible trip to the hospital? Forget about it. My friends at Joy Mode are here to save the day. Whether you're happy or unhappy with your performance in the bedroom, why not put a little turbo on your wiener game?
Starting point is 00:15:14 Joy Mode's sexual performance booster is like a pre-workout but for sex, all right? Wouldn't you rather take a supplement designed to spice things up naturally rather than a prescription drug that can be harmful? We don't need that, man. Joy Mode makes a natural and science-backed sexual wellness products for the bros. They're sexual performance boosters. Again, it's like a pre-workout, but for the bedroom. We got you covered, man.
Starting point is 00:15:37 It has all natural stuff in it, and all of it enhances your sex drive, blood flow to the wiener. All right, so if you want to spice up what's going on in the bedroom boost your sex game and do it naturally without nasty prescription drugs we have a special deal for you guys go to usejoymode.com slash golden or enter golden at checkout for 20% off your order thank you joy mode thank you joy back to the program Order. Thank you, Joy Mode. Thank you, Joy Mode. Get back to the program.
Starting point is 00:16:04 Welcome to Rough and Rowdy. Special announcement coming in hot. Added to Rough and Rowdy 19, December 9th. I put together one hell of a crew for the Calabasas Fight to Pain show. We will be watching it live with the boys. We're talking Theo Vaughn, Joey Diaz, Rampage Jackson, myself. It's over. He's dancing.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Oh, this isage Jackson, myself. He's dancing! This is a heavyweight fight! Another big one! Oh, goodness! Oh, wow! Oh, my God! Lance is a potent truth! It's a human sex doll.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Oh, big right! This is Robert Rowdy. Welcome, fellas. This is the craziest environment we've ever had to live in. Oh, another big one. Oh! What else you want? Tune in.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Quick rampage, Jackson! There's the diamond. Joey Diaz. The O'Barr. The O'Barr! What's this young lady? She had a question about movie etiquette. Oh, perfect. Look at that, man.
Starting point is 00:17:11 We just predicted this. No popcorn, no kids. Hi, guys. I have a question for you guys. I just want to get your thoughts on this. My brother and I were talking yesterday because he went to go see the new Black Panther movie, and there was multiple people in the theater
Starting point is 00:17:28 on their phones and he had told two of them to get off their phone and not texting and then one of them was checking their Instagram stories which I'm like dude, come to the movies to watch a movie. Why are you on Instagram? He was saying he wants to take Skittles or a small
Starting point is 00:17:44 candy so that he can throw it at people. And I'm like, dude, you can't just be throwing food at people because they're on their phone. I wouldn't do that in Black Panther, but yeah. But doing that, like throwing food at people, that's some fighting shit. Like what the hell, you know? Tip for tat though, he is raising the bar. And honestly, if you're not black and you're throwing a skittle at a black person on their phone at wakanda too it's a hate crime yeah that's racist dude yeah you're trying
Starting point is 00:18:11 to get lumped in with connie and kairi i would not do it there uh the yeah i don't think that it's right to do that but i do think that you know as tupac said retaliation is a must yeah and um you know you could do something. That is raising the stakes a little bit. But also, when someone's on their phone, I'll just be like, I'll go, come on, get off your phone. And then when they turn around, I go like this. Yeah, that's good.
Starting point is 00:18:35 But that is the equal to them doing it, is to be like, yo, can you get off the phone? That's the equal. He's raising the stakes throwing a skittle. Throwing a thing, you're going to fight. Especially in Wakanda. That's an attack. It's an attack. Don't do that, but then also, phones no-no. Also, I have
Starting point is 00:18:54 that Emilio Fosa or whatever, where if people chew, it's triggering to me. So if I go to a theater where there's those lounge seats and there's and they have celery and carrots, I, who the fuck's I have to walk out. I literally have my movies
Starting point is 00:19:08 with rabbits. You got that? Me so phony. Me so phony. Yeah, but me so phony. Me so phony. Dude, that's what I have. You have that? Yeah, I have it. So don't chew around me. Well, bro, I'll kill you. It's like that. I'll stab you in the neck.
Starting point is 00:19:25 It's like that scene in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels where... Oh, wait, no. Wait, what was that movie with Bill Murray where he's just like, and he's eating? I hate that. It's triggering for me when my stepmom, when she comes over for dinner, she gets in there and she's like... Yeah, it's gross. Oh, that drives me nuts.
Starting point is 00:19:42 It is kind of gross, but... It's just triggering Yeah Oh, you're talking about What About Bob? Oh, was it What About Bob? Okay, yeah Great movie Yeah, that's so funny
Starting point is 00:19:51 I don't know if Well, yeah, if you're going to see a movie Yeah, don't be looking at Instagram I mean, I don't know, man I also feel like the movie should have their, like Peeps doing that Like, it shouldn't be up to me to be like, get off your phone. They should have people, before the movie starts,
Starting point is 00:20:08 right when the previews are going, going up and down the aisles, going, please get off your phone. Don't leave it on me. I don't need this stress, man. I'm trying to eat these Twizzlers and watch a good film here. Also, if you're going to fucking check your phone, do it low. People don't give a fuck. I know.
Starting point is 00:20:22 It's like up like this. It honestly doesn't really annoy me, but I do agree that you shouldn't do it. Oh, it's horrible. It will ruin my movie experience. Why? Dude, because the screen's here and there's a giant light like this. But it's so much smaller. It's so distracting.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Is it? It's so distracting. I don't really get distracted too much, but like. Ooh, I do. But principle, fucking don't do that. I'm the worst person to go to movies with. Popcorn, if you're smacking loud, don't sit by me. Wow.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Clearly no carrots, no celery. Don't be on your phone. Who brings carrots and celery to a movie? Isn't it insane? They serve that shit with like ranch and shit. Or chips. Chips. Ruins my movie, dude.
Starting point is 00:21:02 Like no meatloaf, this guy. I hate meat. Try and get the meatloaf this guy I hate meat when you're trying to get the meatloaf bites prime rib and crab legs chocolate covered meatloaf bites ew yeah dude
Starting point is 00:21:12 she's you're right she's right her not boyfriend her brother right is not necessarily right
Starting point is 00:21:18 for throwing but I do agree in the retaliation is a must Tupac said retaliation is a must but I think the retaliation is yo get off your phone come on, yo, get off your phone.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Come on. Could you please get off your phone? And then when you turn around, you don't want problems. So pretend somebody else said it. That's what I do. Get off your phone. That's obviously your voice. But you can disguise it like, oh, no, get off your phone.
Starting point is 00:21:37 Shit. What the fuck? Who said that? Get off your phone. Piers Morgan's here? I'd let her eat carrots and celery around me though at the movies she was very pretty yes yeah she's very pretty usually some warlock just gobbling down yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah disgusting okay eric also wanted to always got to think okay be here here
Starting point is 00:21:58 we go dressing like a real dad right now what's up guys uh Can't be there because I'm out here filming this movie. Oh! Look who it is. I'm in character right now. I don't think I'm in it. I'm funny. Hey. Hey. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:22:16 Stupid. I just got that. I was locking myself in my trailer, but I realized it's a low budget. No one gives a shit. But you got a trailer? I'm working on
Starting point is 00:22:24 my Detroit accent. I lost 30 pounds a low budget. No one gives a shit. But you got a trailer? I'm working on my Detroit accent. I lost 30 pounds for this role. I dropped my wallet. You lost 30 pounds? I dropped my wallet. I hope you all are holding it down in the studio, and I will be back soon. But, I mean, good company, huh? Cal, you got some ears on them, huh?
Starting point is 00:22:46 The boys. Oldest video we've ever had. Yeah, really. It's such a dad video. It's such a daddy video. It really is. Hopefully you guys are doing okay. It's like, what?
Starting point is 00:22:57 Yeah, I'm at home, dude. What's up with Calen's ears? What's going on over there? He's got a set of ears on. Yeah. What's up? He's getting older. He's trying to project out more.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Oh, that's what it is? Yep. Yeah, because you know what? Your ears and your nose don't stop growing. Did you know that? Your has a set of ears on. Yeah. What's up? As he's getting older, he's starting to project out more. Oh, that's what it is? Yep. Yeah, because you know what? Your ears and your nose don't stop growing. Did you know that? Your ears and your nose don't stop growing. Unless you have cauliflower. Oh, well.
Starting point is 00:23:11 Like this, and then it's just going to be a tortellini for the rest of my life. Ew, dude. Yeah. You have small ears. Yeah, I know. What? What's the deal with the small ears? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:19 Small head, small ears. You know who else has small ears? Huh? Me and Will Smith. You have small ears? I do kind of, yeah. Let me see. They're kind of small, dude. I mean, I have a big head, you know? Yeah. Will Smith has small ears? Me and Will Smith. You have small ears? I do kind of, yeah. Let me see. They're kind of small, dude.
Starting point is 00:23:27 I mean, I have a big head, you know? Yeah. Will Smith has small ears. Does he? Yep, you and Will Smith, dude. We're like baby hippos. They're both fighters. So, well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:38 He's got small ears. Oh, he does have kind of small ears. But he's a handsome guy. They're pretty small. You know, maybe they're... Him reaching them out like that, though. You know what? They're not – I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:47 Eh, maybe not. I thought he did. My dad did. He's trying to stick out more a little bit. Yeah, I know. If he got to his thing, he's getting older, he's sticking out more. He's – I thought Eric was going to send a submission, something fun.
Starting point is 00:23:57 But he's just like, yeah. No, that was cool. I like that he did that. I love Eric. Daddy videos. I wonder how he's doing on the road. Like on – he doesn't do many dates, huh? Not like us, but he does dates.
Starting point is 00:24:07 Yeah. He's so funny. I know. My schedule for next year is packed. I have two more dates for 2022 because of holidays, right? Right. With Christmas, I'll take the Christmas off. But I have Providence and then D.C.
Starting point is 00:24:21 D.C. is, I think, like, whatever, the 15th through 17th, then I'm done. And then next year, every other weekend or what? Yeah. Wow.C. is, I think, like, whatever, the 15th through 17th, then I'm done. And then next year, every other weekend or what? Yeah. Wow. Dude, January I have every weekend. You're doing four in a row? Yeah. But you bring your kid over.
Starting point is 00:24:31 But one's San Diego. Yeah, one's San Diego and one is Brea, so it's not – I mean, drive. Brea is – I'd almost rather play fucking New York than Brea. No, Brea. Driving to Brea, there and back. No, you're – the worst – Hour and a half there. No, the worst one is Ontario.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Bro, shoot me. Dude, it's so annoying how far it is because it's like not far. It's like you might as well stay out there, but then you stay out there. You're staying in the Inland Empire. I stayed out there last time. That makes it worse. I'd rather drive two and a half hours. Bro, what did you do? Nothing. yeah i mean they got a mall there but yeah the only thing they had there was a
Starting point is 00:25:09 california pizza kitchen i guess wow i hate that place i know i hate that shit dude and my friend said it the ingredients got a lot better and i i won't fuck you i say i don't know she keeps saying the ingredients get a lot better you got to try it and i just haven't yet so if you're out there and you know that California Pizza Kitchen ingredients got better, shoot me a fucking message, dude. Inland Empire, dude. Two and a half hours to get there. I still don't fucking believe it. Two and a half hours. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:35 All right. Well, let's see. Is this the gentleman who's going to pass away? It is. Oh, shit. He's still with us. Yes. Hey, Golden Hour Podcast.
Starting point is 00:25:44 It's Terminal Tom here. Terminal Tom. My favorite dying guy. Worst wrestling name. I have a debate club for you. I saw these two posts on Instagram a few weeks back. I haven't heard your guys' take on it yet. So the debate club is, what's more impressive, unicycle hockey or chain smoking while running a marathon?
Starting point is 00:26:01 Oh, wow. Nick has the two posts, so if you guys need reference, you can go ahead and use them there. Hope you guys have a great day. Keep making us laugh. Here's the deal. Unicycle hockey. This guy's chain smoking. Okay, one of these things is more unbelievable than the next.
Starting point is 00:26:19 I mean, this is so fucked up, both of them. They're both. One is for the immediate unhealthy. Like these guys who are doing unicycle hockey, you can't get injured. Like there's got to be many injuries. How long is the game, first of all? Two hours. But also –
Starting point is 00:26:38 That's too long. But also, was ice hockey not dangerous enough? I know. Did they go on one wheel? Wow, this is – see, you know what? Let me tell you something. This looks like the cast from Providence. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:50 This is the – White. White. So this is dangerous, but you know what I'm realizing is that it's kind of cheating because they're holding the stick, balancing themselves. I would say the marathon runner. The marathon – because the marathon he's doing, standard marathon's what? 15K, usually a marathon's what?
Starting point is 00:27:11 26.2 miles. 26 miles, that dude running, chain smoking, gangster. So this guy, but this guy in the long run, this guy's going to die very badly. Pun intended. What? Long run. Yeah, yeah. Oh going to die very badly. Pun intended. What? Long run. Yeah. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:27:27 He can't get fired. So he can't. He can't. You can't. If you're chain smoking while doing this marathon, you got a real problem. Or the mental strength. But the mental strength of being able to run a marathon like that and not being able to quit smoking, that doesn't make any sense. I like that.
Starting point is 00:27:46 But, yeah, I understand it's gangster, but how do you have the wherewithal to do one and not the other? Unless this guy's just like, fuck him, dude. I do me, which is gangster, and I like that. That's where I'm at with this. He looks Thai or something, right? What do you think he is, Jen? He's 23.
Starting point is 00:28:04 He's 21 years old there. He's 23 and he looks terrible, yeah. Yeah, that's just so... This is like a flat top, probably military background. Or he... Chain smoking. But he could be French, dude. Wait, did he also come in...
Starting point is 00:28:14 We don't know how... Well, he finished in three hours and 25 minutes. French guys don't run. Sub four on a marathon is like very, very fast. So he's moving to Annie's placing? French guys don't run. Dude, savage. French guys are all fat.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Actually, you know who's the fucking, I used to think French guys were fat, but American. Dude, if you go anywhere besides big cities, like if you just go anywhere. Oh, you're on the outskirts of Texas? You're like, holy shit. Yep, fat as shit.
Starting point is 00:28:38 What's this? I'm trying to find the average time. The guy in Boston, when I played Boston, he was like, man, you got a really attractive fan base. And I was like, yeah, bro, I hear it all the time. It's hilarious. Go to one of the shop shows if you're looking for dudes. It's a real cock fest.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Average marathon time is four hours and 30 minutes. He did in what? Three something? So he's moving too. Yeah, bro. I wonder how many cigarettes he smoked for real. Yeah, it'd be better if it said he finished the marathon in three hours, 25 minutes, smoked 3,000 cigarettes. Six packs.
Starting point is 00:29:16 Dude, how about- Now I run Tough Mudder with nicotine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's way different though. You're not inhaling smoke. Also drink before. Okay, well, we know that. But how annoyed is this guy?
Starting point is 00:29:29 This guy's like, I'm going to die soon. And these motherfuckers are just like, look at them. They're smoking one marathon and playing the most dangerous fucking game on one wheel. This guy's like, if I had your... Honestly, this guy should go out like that. Yes. Do marathons, change smoke. Take up this shit.
Starting point is 00:29:44 What do you got, like six months left? Six years? Dude, do the Cam Haines thing. Hit that Death Valley run where it's 140 degrees and your shoes melt. Smoke there. Fuck all that. You want to step your game up, Poppy. Cam Haines does that?
Starting point is 00:29:56 Yeah. Death Valley run? Dude, it's like- 140 degrees? If you're saying it's 140, say 120. Running in the Death Valley, Badwater Mar water marathon 135 miles below sea level uh elevation 8 000 what's it below sea level no yeah oh so you start below the world's toughest foot race wow i could never see how hot it gets in death an hour and a half in i'd be dead
Starting point is 00:30:16 there's something i'm weird there's something about me that likes that well yeah because you're an athlete that's the difference between you and i. I used to be. So, 107. You still have that mentality, though. Yeah, maybe. No, but I mean, not just physically. You're like, yeah, I want to do more. I want to do more. I want to do more. That's you.
Starting point is 00:30:32 You work so hard because you have the athlete mentality. Me, I like to work, but I also like to chill. You're like daddy. We're sharks. We stop moving, we die. Okay, okay. We're shark hybrids. All right, all right.
Starting point is 00:30:43 We're sharks. You're a Mako shark. Is that a good one? Yeah, they go 60 miles an hour. I'm a great white. I'm a great white. Great whites are, yeah, okay,. Okay, okay. We're shark hybrids. All right, all right. We're shark. You're a mako shark. Is that a good one? Yeah, they go 60 miles an hour. I'm great white. Great whites are, yeah, okay, because they're big, thick. Look at this guy. That's me.
Starting point is 00:30:52 That's cool. Okay. Do I look like that? No, bro. But also, the guy's, you know, he's fine. Let's not. No, I'm just saying. He looks like a job.
Starting point is 00:31:02 He looks like a job. He's good. Do you not have the right volume? Dude, I'm on my own. What up, guys? This is Bungo, and I got saying. He looks like a job. He looks like a job. He's good. Do you not have the right volume? Dude, I'm on my own. What up, guys? This is Bungo, and I got to know, whom do I look like for you? Bungo? I get this one a lot, but I'll give you guys a chance to guess it.
Starting point is 00:31:15 He's from, like, Sweden or something. Bungo. Yeah, that's not American. Does he even have a – he doesn't have an accent, though, huh? No, not at all. Bungo? He's long. His name's Tim.
Starting point is 00:31:23 His family's fun. Who does he look like? He's going to say Tom Hardyjo he's lying his name's tim his kids are families who does he look like he's gonna say tom hardy because he's got an ego yeah and because he looks like me and i look like tom hardy no bro he's gonna say tom it looks like me it looks like tom hardy evolved from him he's so what him me tom hardy he was tom he's tom hardy if tom hardy was born in the year 1100 and tom hardy just gets shorter and shorter? Yeah. What do you think? Tom Hardy or me. I'm not that famous, but people might put that out there.
Starting point is 00:31:51 You don't look like that. Right away, I was like, he looks like my brother. He doesn't look like you. He doesn't look like brothers. He's going to say he looks like Tom Hardy because he's got an ego, and that's going to piss me off. And he has the Tom Hardy haircut. Hit it. All right, so here's the three options.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Brad Pitt? Nope. Ben Affleck The hell no Or Joey Fatone Oh Joey Fatone Okay well we get it dude First of all it's Fat One That's his last name
Starting point is 00:32:14 You ever realize that? It's Fat One And he was the fat one in the group He was the fat one in the group But Joey Fatone He went on to Broadway I know I fucking like Joey Fatone The guy made such a good career Out of fucking who the group he's the fat one in the group but joey fatone i went on to broadway i know i i
Starting point is 00:32:25 fucking like joey fatone the guy made such a good career out of fucking who the fuck he was well justin turmeric was like later losers and the rest were like no please then joey fat tone was like you know what bro i'm in i'm going to broadway the only well he looks like me too that is me dude wow he does look good That guy is definitely Joey Fatone Yes Spot on I think I said
Starting point is 00:32:48 He was like Brad Pitt Tom Cruise Joey Fatone Yeah bro come on Give us a little Make it a little bit harder But he made it super Italian And called it Fatone
Starting point is 00:32:56 Yeah I wonder how you pronounce it Joey Fatone Fatone is already very Italian But Joey Fatone seems God bless him though Because he was the thickest one
Starting point is 00:33:04 Still keeping up with the boys on those dance moves. Do they do... Bye, bye, bye. And he was like, bye, bye. Does he still do it? No, no, no. No, okay. Too heavy. What do you call it? Yeah, they're not together anymore. Why would they be? I mean, Justin Timberlake.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Dude, if you're in a group of five people, you can only be... You can only have one superstar. There's never two. Look at Beyonce with Destiny's Child. Who else? What's her name? Fucking Kelly Rowland.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Was she in it? Yeah. Dude, she was in a commercial the other day, and it came on, and it was like for some product. It doesn't matter, but she was like, everyone always me i'm so busy how do i make my i'm like oh when i'm on the streets people like how do you even have time for kids i know i'm so busy how do i make i'm like busy too what is this fucking 2002 dude yeah Yeah, busy telling stories about Beyonce. What was that song? All My Single Ladies, right?
Starting point is 00:34:14 No. What was their main one? Say My Name. Say My Name. Bootylicious? Not Say My Name. Body's too bootylicious for you, name bootylicious for you babe no no no hold on
Starting point is 00:34:28 jumping jumping no no which one was that one fuck man bills bills bills is it it's gotta be right no no no
Starting point is 00:34:44 fucking god damn hold on let's go through them hold on let's go through them say my name say my name No, no, no. Fucking God damn. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Hold on, hold on. Let's go through them. Hold on, let's go through them. Say my name, say my name. It's not that one, okay. I don't know Lose My Breath.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Soldier? What was the Soldier one? No, not Soldier. Soldier was like that empowering one. Independent Woman? Oh, my God. Oh, Independent Woman. That's what it is.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Which one's that one? That one's that. That's what it is. Which one's that one? That one's that. That's that one. It's Independent Women, right? No. It's not? Hold on. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:35:19 I got to do it. Independent Women. Yeah. Part one. God, there's a part two just play for two seconds boom of course of course oh yeah charlie's angels dude what what that song I was never
Starting point is 00:35:46 Destiny's Child fan abhorrent it's fucking terrible what I was never a fan dude that's where I got my bit when I do
Starting point is 00:35:52 when I do the drunk girls like I'm an independent woman because whenever that would come on drunk girls would fucking be like yeah that's me and it's like
Starting point is 00:35:59 no it's fucking not dude ladies it's not even Kelly Rowland it's only Beyonce, dude. Beyonce was by far the most talented one. What's the other one that does like gospel? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were all fucking hot, though. I think that Beyonce, well, I don't know, though, man. I mean, Beyonce got pushed because she was the one to get pushed. Well, for obvious reasons. She's super talented. Definitely the most attractive. It's like NSYNC. Man, I don't know. They're all obvious reasons. She's super talented. Yeah, but- Definitely most attractive. It's like NSYNC.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Man, I don't know. They're all fucking hot. It's like NSYNC, though. Justin Timberlake banging, dog. Dude. Bang. Everyone forgets about J.C. Shia's head? Everyone forgets about J.C. Shia's head?
Starting point is 00:36:35 No, no, no. That guy was fucking- He had it, bro. You're talking about- Who would you rather- Dude, ask a girl just walking into a room. Who's- I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:43 I saw Justin Timberlake the other day at my show. And he kind of had like- He was like, you know, just killing it. Dude, Jessica Biel just walking into a room. I don't know. I saw Jessica Biel the other day at my show. Daddy. He was like, you know, just calling it. Dude, Jessica Biel, bro. Oh, Denver's finest. Denver alumni. She's from Denver? Something in the water.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Went to Fairview High School. Woo, woo. I sat next to her on a plane once, and I was like, what the fuck? It was unbelievable. No, me too. I just stared at her. And then I saw her a few months ago. Six hours of this.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Yeah, yeah. And it was only a flight to Phoenix. Yep. Six hours. I stayed on keep walking fall to her home all the way back wow cool
Starting point is 00:37:12 well glad we figured out that song dude we cracked we cracked the cases here dude dude we're solving cases alright yeah so I don't know fucking unicycle hockey or whatever who's this guy
Starting point is 00:37:21 oh wow this guy dude wow dude he looks like one of those crypto monkeys. Hello, Eric, Brendan, and Chris. Hope you're all well. Paul from the UK. I'm 50 years old. And I am wearing shades because I am the Tony Ferguson of
Starting point is 00:37:36 Surrey, UK. Can't see you boys doing anything about it. Did you see that guy dressed like a referee off of that girl where he flashed his Costco card? It's just terrible.
Starting point is 00:37:51 We have a Costco in Croydon and it's an absolute shithole. Try and change that name, guys. Power or Sour. It's an awful, awful name. Anyway. I think the weather's getting to this guy. When are you coming to the UK, Chris?
Starting point is 00:38:08 Look at that. Oh. Oh. Love it, bro. That's on. What is this? What the fuck is he going to do about it, Shob? This guy's very confrontational.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Fucking hell, I'm white. Jesus Christ. Put them back on. This guy's hilarious. Anyway, come on, you guys. All of you, come to the UK. It's about time, isn't it? It is.
Starting point is 00:38:28 They're open. I was in New York with my girlfriend in 1998. Okay. And I think I saw Brian Callen in the Ramble with what looked like milk coming out of his mouth. Disgusting, bro. What was going on? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Bro, this guy's very confrontational. We love him. What is up with that fucking guy? That guy's not the real ref, right? That guy's like 12. No. I heard an interview with him. Him and his buddies go wearing ref stuff
Starting point is 00:38:57 to support the stripes. To support the refs? Yeah, they're rooting for the refs. Hilarious. But why is he hitting this girl? Costco crowd. Why is she so into it? The way it's shot is so good how it's almost off camera,
Starting point is 00:39:09 and then he gets out, and then, wow. She just goes, wow. Dude, she's so placating him. I love it. Yeah, she's entertaining. She's like, oh, this is really cool. She didn't know what to do with it. And you can just get lots of bulk, stuff in bulk.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Like eight pounds of oatmeal. It's too funny. What great filmmaking do? And he didn't even realize it. It's so funny. They turn it around and reveal it's a costco card it's so funny youngsters are on it somebody sent me this and i saw this and i was like all right this is okay all right cool and then when she turned it around i go get out of here so funny too funny i think um is there a follow-up do you hook up with her off the Costco membership? I heard an interview with him because people were reaching out to him.
Starting point is 00:39:48 I thought about it, too, but he kind of bored me. But he said, leave it to your imagination what happened. So he sounded very confident. I mean, the chick, you know, nothing happened. No, no. He's all, you can leave it to your imagination, fellas. You're like, well, yeah, nothing happened. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:04 At the next game, they, like, brought him out at halftime at the game. Blowing up. Jesus, it was that big? 20 million views places. People love that fucking video. What was that guy? I forget what team it was. Might have been the Nuggets.
Starting point is 00:40:16 He beat the shit out of that guy. He goes, Nuggets in four or whatever. It was the Phoenix Suns guy. He was like, Phoenix in four and beat the shit out of that guy? Yeah. He was huge. I tried to get him on, too, and then he bailed on us for the Dave Portnoy show. That's right.
Starting point is 00:40:28 That's understandable. He beat somebody up? Yeah. At the Phoenix Suns game, beat their ass and was like, Suns in four. Why did he fight him? And then he blew up. I don't know. The guy was talking shit.
Starting point is 00:40:40 You know, it goes brawl in the streets. I know on the streets, but it was in the game, right? Yeah. So it's not on the streets at all. You can't be beating people up. No, you can't. It's right in front of them. But he're on the streets. I know on the streets, but it was in the game, right? Yeah. So it's not on the streets at all. You can't be beating people up. No, you can't. But he was at the opponent. It was whoever the Suns were playing at the time.
Starting point is 00:40:51 I can't remember. He went to their stadium. And they were all there. Oh, it was Nuggets. Yeah. It was at Denver, Phoenix, and they were in Denver, and none of the Denver fans were doing anything. So, like, you can assume that the Denver guy was like,
Starting point is 00:41:01 I think he was wasted, and he kind of got what he deserved. Oh, yeah, yeah. Retaliation is a must. Retaliation is a must, dude. Nick's rehired. He's back in the good grace. Retaliation is a must. What song is that from?
Starting point is 00:41:14 Oh, God. Retaliation. I don't know. I know a lot of Tupac stuff. I know he says it. I'll tell you what you know. It's Rastafarian songs. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Dude, there were people that said I had good fucking Jamaican accents. You guys are fucking haters, dude. No, I was in on it. We go to the movie on the area. We're going to let up. Dude, I do it good. And Eric was like, he thinks because he's like a little black, he can fucking, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:41:36 He can shun us for that. It's bullshit. No, I was a fan of it. Barely black. It's you. For me, for white boys. Hope he's not Jamaican. Yeah, for me, for white boys, it's you and Chet Hanks.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Yeah, dude. If I'm going to get an invitation, it's you and Chet Hanks. Yeah, dude. If I'm going to get an invitation, I need you and Chet. I got to do more fucking burpees. Eric, yeah. I mean, Nick, you know? This guy replied. He didn't get Mark's caption that, obviously, I am not the arbiter of patois voices. And he goes, oh, Nick would know patois.
Starting point is 00:42:04 God, people just don't my dad is chat hey it's funny people just don't understand like that you were joking ever oh no there would just be like fucking comments and shit that are just like actually and you're just like god damn no no no we've seen this dude before yeah he's the best and he's got a new set that's great guy needs to be you guys got his hair, right? Let's see, dude. You guys have the same forehead. What up, Golden Hour boys?
Starting point is 00:42:30 It is Noah from Nashville, and I am back with a new segment. Your shirt just says Jet Skis. That we are calling Hunk of an Unk. Oh, nice. This is my hot uncle, Stephen. Nice. Prove it. Now, Uncle Stephen is from Kansas, which we knew by his name and how he looks.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Look at him. Uncle Steven owns a wolf, a bobcat, and a cougar. What, bro? So Storm the Capitol? He's just really wild. Which one? He listens to Five Finger Death Punch. He definitely believes in QAnon and votes.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Say it together, Republican. Well, we know that. Nice, guys. Say it votes. Stay together Republican. Stay together. That's funny. Yeah, Uncle Stephen's a legend, man. He really fucks. The first time I ever met him when I was eight, I went to his house in Kansas for Fourth of July and he made a bomb in the street
Starting point is 00:43:20 that he set off and the local sheriff came by and him and his buddies threw rocks at the sheriff's car. At which point he left. The sheriff left. So there's no rules in Kansas. Anyways,
Starting point is 00:43:36 this is my hot uncle. What do you guys think? Dude, I'll vote for him right now. Dude, this guy's fantastic. Bro, this guy, it's like a fucking children's book that's not for children. No. Like the sheriff came. Dude, look at his wolf.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Look at his fucking wolf. Jesus. Hunk of an unk threw. The sheriff came because hunk of an unk. Hunk of an unk. Fucking set a bomb off in the street, and then he threw rocks at the sheriff. Dude, you're crazy if this uncle didn't have a- Look at the fucking suitcase full of-
Starting point is 00:44:04 If he didn't have a GoPro on while storming the Capitol. Bro, what? This guy's like- That's a cougar. This guy saw Tiger King and he goes like this. That's fake. No, that ain't real. My shit's real.
Starting point is 00:44:13 Dude, this is unbelievable, this guy. Well, the guy got to pack his leopard or whatever the fuck that is. Dude, Leonard Skinner shirt and then packs a fucking whatever that is, a leopard with some cowboy boots? Hunk of an unk. Let's rate him. Okay, he's a 10. Hunk my unc, 10.
Starting point is 00:44:25 He's sexy as shit. First team all uncle there. I don't have a cool uncle like that. You have any crazy family members? I have a crazy uncle, yeah. Hunk of an Unc, Uncle Vinny. Really? Yeah, he has two wallets.
Starting point is 00:44:37 He wears two wallets. That's insane. He's like, this way if somebody steals one of them, you still have the other one. He wears two wallets all the time. And he has one wallet with only singles in it and one wallet with other bills in it. And if he gets stuck up, he'll give him the one with the singles in it. He's a fucking insane person.
Starting point is 00:44:54 So far, it sounds pretty spot on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like. He makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I like. It's where, you know, my family definitely has OCD in it. I have OCD, so, you know, I feel like fucking he has it for sure. But, yeah, he collects lots of dumb shit. Buys stuff from infomercials is he single no dude he buys stuff for me you ever
Starting point is 00:45:10 bought something from an infomercial i bought one never but some of the knives to get me yeah but you never bought it no no i don't go through with it seems like a real hassle i got a vacuum from one once was he good yeah nah it was the knives look lit man when they're like cut through like steel man they're lit they're lit they're When they're like Cutting through like steel Yeah man That'd be nice They're lit They're lit They're lit But then also
Starting point is 00:45:28 There's still infomercials For Scientology Oh right yeah Dianetics Yeah Yep Read the books Yeah
Starting point is 00:45:35 Gotta get involved With that Scientology bro We got to man If we wanna make it If we wanna make it If YouTube keeps Treating us like this I'll go to Scientology
Starting point is 00:45:42 I know dude YouTube and shit. You believe in shadow banning? Oh, this guy's Alex Jones. Look at him. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You don't?
Starting point is 00:45:52 You should. I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea. It's me. Nobody's listening. Okay. It's me, Dad.
Starting point is 00:46:00 You know what's going on. You know what's going on. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. We still get lots of fucking views. I know. you tell me your pod this pod shouldn't reach more i don't know if it should or not look at this look at this look at this who's sexier javi b baby well sean mendez is 13 there no that's sean no dude javi what'd you say javier
Starting point is 00:46:20 burned him all the way there we go dude well yeah. Well, yeah. Well, he's daddy. No one's calling Shawn Mendes daddy. I mean, if this is a sex factor, it's your boy all day. Now he's going back on it because he was saying it was Shawn Mendes. What's a picture of 13-year-old Shawn Mendes? This is creepy. Shawn Mendes is 21, and that's what he looks like. Didn't he break up with that girl when people were mad at him? Remember that?
Starting point is 00:46:43 It was like, he's 21. What, did you think they were going to get married? Camila Cabello. Camila Cabello. Camila Cabello. Cabilla Cabello. Cedric Sabalo. Cedric Sabalo.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Is that a baseball player? Oh, Cedric Sabalo. Old school Phoenix Suns. Wow, dude. Boom, who got the reference? Cedric Sabalo. Cedric Sabalo shoots the three. It's in.
Starting point is 00:46:59 In the key. What else you got, Nicholas? Cedric Sabalo. Nicholas Cage. Oh, yeah. I used to have a fucking. Cedric Sabalo. I used to have a buddy in high school that would be? Cedric Sabalas Nicholas Cage Oh, yeah, I used to have a fucking Cedric Sabalas, dude I used to have a buddy in high school
Starting point is 00:47:08 That would be like Cedric Sabalas He would always Oh, that's right, dude Wow, you made me remember it Yeah I never think of Cedric Sabalas again Oh, you know who would stay at my hotel in Houston? Who?
Starting point is 00:47:16 Joe Budden Oh, really? Yeah Pump it up One of the best rap songs of all time He's now more well-known for podcasts than anything. I know. His podcast is huge.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I know. He's a loud mouth and he talks. He was with the... Burn us, bitches! Yeah, of course. Well, he's a good-looking dude, Joe Budden. He came out of that. Didn't he come out?
Starting point is 00:47:36 Or maybe they doctored it, but I thought he came out and said he likes men and women, but I think they doctored it. Joe Budden likes men? Yeah. I think he came out and was like, that's fake news. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's fake. He was and likes man yeah i think he came out he was like that's fake oh yeah yeah i'm sure it's fake he's a lot smaller than i thought the girl he was oh i thought he would be tall girl he was yeah your style not my style everybody's style okay mankind style mankind dude the wrestler yeah you got served dude i don't do duets but yeah you got served dude i don't do duets but on the background you're beyonce right if this
Starting point is 00:48:09 nah if we're if we're if we're dustin's child you're beyonce right i'm not delusional i'm kelly rowland though right and eric's the the gospel chick we don't know her name she just got religious and shit that'll really fuck up your career you'll make bank though mace you may thank mace didn't we can't go rap to it but if like who was the comic joe chris christ john john christ yeah oh well that guy yeah but he's hilarious oh he's a monster and then remember the church like you're out of here because whatever he's like hooking up i don't know yeah't know. Yeah, he's a good guy though. I actually don't know. Great comic too. Yeah, no, that guy's good.
Starting point is 00:48:46 I like him a lot because he's like religious and he talks about it kind of, but he's still edgy. He's not just- He's not judgmental. It's not just that. He's great. But then also, think about this. Think about if you start down that path
Starting point is 00:48:57 where you got to be super religious and your comedy has to be that religious and you're not living your truth, you signed a deal with the devil. I know. And now that finally comes out and he can be yourself, he's probably like, oh, thank God. Right, right. And you're not living your truth. You signed a deal with the devil. I know. And now that finally comes out and he can be yourself, he's probably like,
Starting point is 00:49:08 oh, thank God. Yeah, I know. And you're still selling tickets? Yeah. Shut up. I talked to that dude. I love that guy. I love that guy.
Starting point is 00:49:14 John Chris. You should check his stuff out. Monster guy. Yeah, he's great. Throw your hands up at me. Tone deaf. Not even how, throw your hands up at me.
Starting point is 00:49:25 All right, go ahead. What is this? How's it go? Throw your hands up at me. Tongue deaf. Not even how, throw your hands up at me. All right, go ahead. What is this? How's it go? This video is a little convoluted. Throw your hands up with me. Yeah, maybe with me. What? This video is a little convoluted, but it's funny how she did it.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Okay. She sounds like cute. Okay. Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Emma. So I have a new idea because you guys said you're open to submissions and such. And I have a new idea for a segment. I guess we can do a sour or power about the segment, right?
Starting point is 00:49:50 So the idea is every couple of episodes, you guys do what is called a golden hour. And then people can audition to be a part of the golden hour. And the golden hour can be skits with you guys, just kind of watching you guys do your pod. How do we get them out of here? Or do something stupid with you guys. You won't go blackface with this.
Starting point is 00:50:17 And people to audition for to be a part of the golden hour. So sour or power that golden hour. So, sour or power that golden hour, you know? Just have a random guest on, and they're doing bits with us? Hang out for an hour. Back in the day, we tried to do some tryouts for the culture corner. We never went through with it because I wasn't sure if I could fly them out here or not. I think that's kind of what she's suggesting. That sounds terrible. That sounds like an awful idea. It sounds like somebody's going to get stabbed. and through with it because I wasn't sure if I could fly them out here or not. I think that's kind of what she's suggesting. But,
Starting point is 00:50:45 it sounds terrible. It sounds awful. It sounds like somebody's going to get stabbed. Yeah, but we got to get, we got to also, we would have to make sure
Starting point is 00:50:53 that they're good and we don't know and they're going to be awful. Sour. Because they're going to be trying to do the lingo and shit. Awful. Dude,
Starting point is 00:51:03 it's not fucking hard to do a podcast actually if you think about it. Like to just fucking keep talking and shit, dude it's not fucking hard to do a podcast actually if you think about it like to just fucking keep talking and shit they would just probably clam up or try too hard yeah we've had talented dudes on it i won't say who did but like monsters monsters in whatever field they're in when they come podcast just different i use some really good comics that aren't good podcasters it's just a different medium it is like just some monster fighters who are hilarious on instagram stuff like that then i have them on food truck or a fighting band like come on bro where's it at it's like oh you only
Starting point is 00:51:29 have 10 minutes yeah i get being nervous come on that's not your thing also they come into your thing it's already going it's already in motion and it's time to fly though daddy yeah i understand it's time to fly though but still time to fly oh yeah i know, I touched you once. Only once, though. But that's because we're not close. It's a far reach. Anyway, dude. But definitely sour to that idea. I'd say sour, too. Who the fuck is this? This is a reach,
Starting point is 00:51:56 but it was a celebrity podcast citing Chin. Me? Oh, my God. That guy's got a piece on him, huh? Yeah, oh, my God. For that? Yeah. Even on a regular dude, that's a big piece on him huh yeah oh my god for that for that yeah even on a regular dude that's a big piece yeah wow look at his tat he's jacked i'm an argument devol put goals you know a little devol at all i don't know him personally no but yeah he's funny yeah uh schultz you're close i'll tell you right now um right there that's the sexiest small person i've ever seen in my life. He is.
Starting point is 00:52:25 Fuck, you called it, dude. That guy could be a star in like Bollywood or some shit. Yeah, I agree. If they did like a Game of Thrones thing. But also, these are facts. You've never seen a small person with a flat ass. That is science. They're all cheeked up.
Starting point is 00:52:42 It's just dynamics. It's science. Right, right, right. Because it's so compact, they all have cheeks. God goes like this, and then the bar comes out, and he goes like this. We're on a deadline. Go put him out there.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Good enough, but then to all of them. I'd shave his ass down if we had time, but we don't. Even the white girls that are small, fat asses. You've never met a small person. It'll be comfy when he sits down. Go, go. Someone's going to like it. You don't need BB, Fat asses You never met a small person It'll be comfy when he sits down Go go Go go go Go go Someone's gonna like it
Starting point is 00:53:06 I You don't need BB Was it BBL A BBL If you're a small person What's that mean Brazilian butt lift Oh BBL yeah
Starting point is 00:53:15 Bro The Houston Mall Oh It's a world star hip hop video Let me tell you something You go to a mall in Atlanta And Houston goes like this Okay
Starting point is 00:53:23 You take it from me I've been to both I've been to both I've been to both If you go to Atlanta If you go to a mall in atlanta and houston goes like this okay i've been to both i've been to both i've been to both if you go to atlanta if you go to mall atlanta better be strapped right oh yeah you better be strapped you better call in you better check in with whoever the shot call everyone's dressed with all monochromatic like there's w a guy in a red shirt red pants walking on with a red hat but if you go to the main mall i didn't realize that my boys told me like david luke is from georgia he's like man this mall there's shootings every week so be careful i'm like oh shit we go in there's security room there's guys with ar-15s
Starting point is 00:53:48 i'm like the security he's like the shootings every week so we're walking right i'm getting looks left and right i'm like holy shit these boys want to fight me then my boy goes no no this one fuck yeah he goes they want to suck you yep he's like it's a big gay crowd they want to suck you i'm like oh damn daddy took my jacket. So what happened after you nutted in his mouth? Yeah, so I got sucked off. And then I got a Cinnabon. It was a nice little Saturday. I got a Cinnabon, got sucked off by three gangsters.
Starting point is 00:54:15 You're talking too fast. You said Cinnabon. Way too fast. Oh, dude, that's bad. You're bad. But the mall in Houston has badder girls. Okay. No, I agree. Nox no. It was. I agree. Noxious.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Listen, dude. Texas, dude, those. A southern bell? Hey! Dude, they're so hot. It's frustrating. Southern women. Hey!
Starting point is 00:54:39 Dude, southern women. Dude, let me tell you something, dude. Southern women, dude, they compare to the Eastern Europe. Dude, Southern women and Eastern European women. Dude, who wins? They're so hot. Texas. I can't even believe it. Texas wins every time. Dude, okay. Yeah, New York, they got them wavy models. No, no, no. Okay. Too thin.
Starting point is 00:55:06 They look nice, though, dude, but they got pretty faces, and they look nice, dude. All right? Cali, they're buxom, and they look like hourglasses. Okay. You go to the South, dude? That Southern cooking, Daddy? We go to Eastern Europe? Hey, dude, are you kidding me, bro?
Starting point is 00:55:22 Yeah. Eastern Europe and Southern. Dude. Dude, they're so beautiful, I can't take... Dude, a peach cobblin' a dick sock, daddy? You want to talk about... Go to Israel. Go to... Israel?
Starting point is 00:55:40 Dude, have you... Where should I go? Go to Explore page. Go to Explore page on Instagram. Type in Israel hottie. Really? You kidding? Dude, they're so... Did you know they're tan as shit? dude where should I go go to explore page go to explore page on Instagram type in Israel hottie really you kidding dude
Starting point is 00:55:47 they're so did you know they're tan as shit oh and they're nice bro really but you like be like thin girls dude
Starting point is 00:55:55 Texas you go like this oh too thin no no no I do not dude you go to Israel go to hot Israeli women do that forget it
Starting point is 00:56:03 forget it forget it bro is that what's that so yeah well that's Will holy shit that's good Hot Israeli women. Do that. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it, bro. Is that Will Sasso? Yeah. Well, that's Will? Holy shit, that's good. But isn't Wonder Woman? He says the crow.
Starting point is 00:56:16 But also, Israeli women. Isn't Wonder Woman from Israeli? Yep. Hottest girl ever in the world. You know the hottest person I've ever seen in my life? Two of them. Two of them. Two of them. I have one.
Starting point is 00:56:26 Who? Kate Beckinsale about seven years ago at an Oscar party. Small flex in a tuxedo. They had me doing spinning kicks with them. And then also
Starting point is 00:56:34 Margot Robbie. I've never seen her. I was waiting for an Uber and she was next to me. I couldn't talk. Oh yeah. I literally was like this. Hottest woman I've ever
Starting point is 00:56:43 That's how I normally talk. One of the hottest women I've ever seen besides my wife. Just look. Just peruse, bro. Yeah, see? It hurts.
Starting point is 00:56:53 You'll never, ever even be in the same room as her. So there you go. But let me tell you something. Hottest woman besides my wife, and I mean that, too. Hottest woman besides my wife. The person that I saw in... I couldn't believe how how gorgeous she was was maria menounos have you ever seen her i worked bro am i right or no you're right i mean bro i
Starting point is 00:57:13 was gorgeous i go like this um i thought margot robbie i was like are you an alien i i couldn't talk dude yeah i could not speak but maria menoun her. But Marima Nutt, dude, she was at a show. Oh, and I was there and I was going to perform at the show. And she was like backstage with like, I don't know. And I was like, oh, I got to fucking kill. I mean, this was years ago. I was like, I got to murder, dude. I got to murder.
Starting point is 00:57:35 Because I go like this. Because this is her and I go like this. Oh, how interesting. Yes. Because she was so beautiful. Bro, I went up. You don't even look like the same species. Yeah, and I shut it down, right? I had a good set.
Starting point is 00:57:43 She didn't give a fuck. Dude, get off stage owen benjamin goes up does well gets off she doesn't say shit to me goes owen but that's so hilarious and i'm not saying this makes me like her more because she knows she's playing the game she went oh he's everyone's complimenting him my ego told me that that's what it was but that's so and we have the same ego so there you go i'm just gonna go ahead and say maybe owen had a better set i don't know no i'm telling you she it's say maybe Owen had a better set. I don't know. No, I'm telling you. It's a power move by a power player.
Starting point is 00:58:08 She was so – I couldn't believe – It makes her hotter. Who wears a yellow dress? And it was killer, bro. I go like this. She was so hot, I went like this. Dude, when I saw Margot Robbie at the Oscars – And I watched the two of them.
Starting point is 00:58:23 When I saw Margot Robbie, I were an u I saw Margot Robbie I were an Uber, right? Because I'm not a celebrity, right? And she is, and I went This is all I said, I went Are you waiting for an Uber 2? She went, excuse me Are you waiting for an Uber 2? And she goes
Starting point is 00:58:39 No, I have a car coming What a loser, bro Her pussy goes and dried up. Yep. Unbelievable. Oh, God. That was really unsightly to look at your face, bro. I'm telling you.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Kate Beckinsale, it was like slow motion. She was walking in the crowd. I was like. Yeah. I met Kate Beckinsale once. Is that a human? Yeah, I met Kate Beckinsale once. And she came up to me.
Starting point is 00:59:02 I'm a vampire. Yeah. How old is she? 50 I'm a vampire. Yeah. How old is she? 50? Doesn't age. No. You know Pete Davidson put that big 90-inch dick on her.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Matt Rife, too. They dated. That's right. I love Matt. Matt Rife blowing up. That's a great dude. Matt Rife blowing up because of TikTok, finally. Really? Finally.
Starting point is 00:59:21 I say he's like 28. And here's maybe the best podcast celebrity sighting we've seen. This is Brendan. Oh my- Let me ask you this, Chris. That's Brendan. Let me ask you this, Chris. That is me with a wig on.
Starting point is 00:59:41 Too thick for you? Too much? You too light in the ass? That would be- Too much for you? Too much. too light yes that would be too much for you much that's you your face that's your face that'll be tough that would be too much don't you think no i don't hate it like i'm not i'm not hating i get it i mean we need to tighten up that the the lower leg she's obviously a great looking woman i'm just saying for my style that's a lot i feel maybe like i wouldn't know what to do i think you're too light yeah you're too light
Starting point is 01:00:09 in the ass for you because you're power bottom but i think um i am a power bottom alpha bottom yeah alpha bottom um i think long term so i'm like what's this look like in 20 years nobody looks good in 20 years they They do, though. Barely. My girl's gotten hotter. Yeah, but you're talking about... Her genetics are nuts. I understand, but in 20 years, bro? 20 years, dude. I'm going to be stacked, bro.
Starting point is 01:00:31 You're going to be sick, dude. My shit's going to be so fucking good. I'm going to look good. I'm going to have nice... I can't wait for my hair to go gray, bro. I'm going to be... Oh, when you're Silver Fox, daddy? You want to talk about Silver Fox?
Starting point is 01:00:40 I know. Well, your dad's fucking hair is ridiculous. Yeah. I'm going to walk in... I'm going to fucking float into rooms and just i'm gonna go anyway it's been nice it's been nice spending time with you i'm look like richard gear when i'm older you yeah but richard gears thin you're you don't think i can think you know who looks good uh honestly we give him shit but cal looks at 55 yeah he looks for 55 cal looks good that's me my dad looks like that yeah a little bit um all right let's do this
Starting point is 01:01:19 san diego i'll be there january 7. Two shows. I might add another one. I'm not sure yet. And then Brea, California. Keep moving. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. Everyone's fine.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Go to the big boys. Seattle. Portland, Oregon. That's where the Supersonics play. Keep it moving. No, it's not. Lakeland, Florida. Jacksonville.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Never heard of it. You're uncultured. San Antonio. Sugarland, Texas. New Orleans. Providence, Rhode Island, New York, New York, and Chicago. And Kansas City, there's other ones too.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Go to chrisaleah.com. There's a ton. I'm on the road a lot. I got to jump on your next Chris in France. Okay, yeah. I'm on the road too much. In January. Yep.
Starting point is 01:01:58 I'm in Providence, Rhode Island. I'm going to find out where it's at. That's tonight. As you guys are watching, it's tonight. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, Providence, Rhode Island, December 1 going to find out where it's at. That's tonight. As you guys are watching, it's tonight. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. Providence, Rhode Island, December 1st through the 3rd. Then Washington, D.C. I end the
Starting point is 01:02:11 Oh He Thick tour in Washington, D.C. December 15th through the 17th, D.C. Improv. The only date I have right now for 2023 is Naples, Florida, February 16th through the 18th, but we got a bunch more coming up. Alright, kids? Fight campaign, December 9th. December 18th, but we got a bunch more coming up. All right, kids? Fight campaign December 9th. December 9th, that is next Friday.
Starting point is 01:02:29 We're doing the collab, the Cowbats fight campaign, Thick Boy and Barstool. We got Joey Diaz, Theo Vaughn, Rampage Jackson, myself, and then you can watch us watch the Rough and Rowdy 19 on Barstool Sports, and then Dave Portnoy, the boys, the whole cast is doing their thing in person. But we're doing the fight campaign with Barstool December 9th on Thick Boy. Get you some. Big Uncle Joey Diaz. Last time you heard from Uncle Joey.
Starting point is 01:02:56 He's flying out for it. Theo Vaughn, the Rat King. Rampage Jackson. Myself. Thick Boy. Barstool. Get you some. Providence, Rhode Island.
Starting point is 01:03:06 Hopefully I find my way to you. See you tonight. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us. Ooh, yeah
Starting point is 01:03:25 Cause I can show you use the love Just rebrand it enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.