The Golden Hour - Shoutout to the Homeless | The Golden Hour #26 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

The guys debate who's wives are messier, and talk wearing speedos, Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson's recent firing, highest paid news anchors, sneaker buying etiquette, a debate club submissioin from a homeless fan, which fantasy world the guys would live in, which physical labor trade they'd work in and much more! DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use promo code GOLDEN   RexMD - https://rexmd.com/GOLDEN   Call [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA), Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MA/MD/MI/NH/NJ/NY/OH/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS).  Bet $5 Get $150 offer (void in MA/NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Promotional offer period ends 5/28/23 at 11:59PM ET.  No Sweat Bet: Valid 1 per customer. Opt-in req. NBA same game parlay bets only. Min 3-leg. First bet after opting-in must lose. Paid as one Bonus Bet based on amount of initial losing bet. Max. wagering limits apply. Ends at the start of the final NBA game each day when offered.

Before we jump into this juicy episode of the Golden Hour, it's NBA playoffs time. That means big hoops action with the DraftKings Sportsbook and the official sports betting partner, the NBA. Get in on the excitement every game with a touch of a button. New customers can make a $5 pregame Moneyline bet and score $150 in bonus bets if your team wins. Now what's this deal about the no sweat, same game parlay every day, right? During the NBA playoffs, everyone can score on that. Yeah, that's right, Chris. Open the DraftKings Sportsbook app, opt in,

and place a same game parlay on any NBA game. If it doesn't hit, you'll get a bonus bet back up to $10. Eric, Chris, I know you watch every game, but Eric, my nugs are doing the damn thing. They're up 3-1. We're going to close it out tonight. You got the Lakers. And it's going to be a great next series.

Phoenix. Yeah, it's going to be up 3-1. We're going to close it out tonight. You've got the Lakers. And it's going to be a great next series. Phoenix. Yeah, it's going to be Phoenix. So Phoenix-Denver, that's going to be a great series. So that's a good one to bet on. What about Golden State? But Darren Fox is hurt, so I don't know if the Golden State – I think Golden State is going to end up winning that series. Against Sacramento.

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See DraftKings.com slash Sportsbook for details and state-specific responsible gambling resources. See show notes for details. But yeah, guys, let us know your top picks. Oh, and Brendan, keep doing your thing. I love it. I never leave comments, but I'm always listening, man. Keep on keeping on. What a sweet guy, dude.

You mean the homeless guy knows I get hate ain't that a bitch that's how bad it's gotten yeah dude hey i don't know what the cart he's like hey man we're friends that laugh we're friends that shout sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us Ooh, yeah It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough

It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour. It's the Golden Hour. Kristen's level of mess is, I mean, it's mostly, well, now it's toys around everywhere. But what I'm saying is like no coaster. Oh, right. No, I know what you're saying. Yeah.

I mean, the thing is, she likes to keep a clean house, and I understand what you're saying yeah i mean the thing is she likes to keep a clean house and i understand what you're saying but in a hotel bro it's like she's like it's not my house it's like the tasmanian devil oh i'm the same way bro well me too but she is beyond come in we're started she is beyond she is like stuff on stuff on stuff. It's not just like me. I'll just throw underwear. You know, I'll throw my shirt around. But, man, she is just makeup spilled out on the thing.

Yeah, in hotels. Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wipe my hands in the sheets. So we're saying, hey, you look good, bro. Thanks, man. What are you doing? Life.

But what are you doing to your face, though? You got like, we put fucking wax? You're sleeping with like candle wax and then you wake up and peel it off? What's up? I got some foundation on. Yeah. Some foundation. But we're talking about-

New Kylie product. We're talking about his level of, his wife's level of mess. Because our wives were talking and they got into about how like how like oh i haven't cleaned my house in a while and i'm just looking at rachel like you need to be you need to not be in this conversation because rachel was like there's a box of crackers yeah yeah in in living room yeah that like i'm leaving there yeah that would never fly with kristen no way i'm gonna leave leave there until I want to see how long. I'm doing an update on my podcast about how many weeks. You're doing an experiment?

A box of crackers is going to be sitting there. Because she's just like, she doesn't care about that. It doesn't bug her. But are you guys messy? Yeah, but we, yeah. I'm messy too. My girl has OCD. Our house is like.

Immaculate? Oh, insane. We can't leave anything anywhere. Is she like cleaning put this away so um messy is different than dirty though crackers are dirty messy is like underwear like like i leave socks out it's like a box of triscuits what kind of crackers no no please she only shops at air one so it's like some ridiculous yeah she's wasting four hundred dollars yeah yeah yeah yeah no but yeah we'll have dishes in our sink for,

you know, well, yeah, that's one thing that I need to get better at. Like when I leave, I know this before I leave to go out of town, I got to do it. I got to do dishes and take the trash out.

Otherwise you can come home. Yeah. Cause I'm going to come home and it's going to be as gross. Yeah. That's cause she just is like, you know, what is she like? What is she like? It's going to, you're going gonna do it. Yeah, is that what it is? Yeah

your wife like Al Bundy, because you don't have a you don't have a Someone come over. No, because she's also like I don't want anybody. Yes, right I don't want anybody in my stuff somebody's do it then plumber had to come and stuff like that. She's just like You know, it was on the ring cam, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I sent her the email because I know how she is. I was like, hey,

they might have to come in the apartment. It's very clear right here. Right. And she's like hitting me up on my town. She's like, I was looking on the thing

and there was four guys and you know, my furs. And I'm like, you know, and I'm just like. That's only going to get, I'm missing a ring.

She's like, I did see a black guy. She doesn't even like to valet park because she thinks the valet people are going through all her stuff. But what she had in her ring. I did see a black guy. She doesn't even like to valet park because she thinks the valet people are going through all her stuff. But what's she having a car? Also, the valet guys are

going through all of this. I leave treats for them. I'm like, nice. Good job. Open it up. Sup, valet guy. Sup with a little cracker. Pictures of my wife's tits. And then he opens it up.

Sup, valet guy. Gotcha. I don't like valet either. I just don't like it. No, I don't either. But, I mean, honestly, I think if you have all valet, maybe one car, but not my. There's no way. They're going to scrape the shit out of it.

The 18-year-old, he won't give a fuck. The 18-year-old's like, no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, dude. Whoa, no way. They're going to scrape the shit out of it. Oh, the 18-year-old? He won't give a fuck. The 18-year-old's like, no, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, dude. Whoa, no way. I know where you are. But I remember when I first met Rachel and I got into her car, I was like, this is crazy. Wow.

I mean, she has a full wardrobe in there. Kristen doesn't give a fuck about the inside of the car. And then, like, I'm talking about she used to like burgers. She's made monsters. So there would be, like, Rachel likes to order two burgers and not eat one. And then they would just be in the car. Okay, well, that's disgusting. Yeah.

Oh, she just leaves them in there? Yeah, it would just be in there. And I'd be like, Rachel, you can't. What is that smell? She's like, I know. Oh, we are polar well kristen will leave like a banana peel in the in the door then you get fruit which is disgusting okay fruit flies which are cute i'll give you that i know rachel will leave uh you she'll leave

a cup of oatmeal with a spoon from the house oh that's disgusting she's in the car she's savage so sometimes this is the thing. I know she just throwing the shit away. I almost respect it. Let me tell you what she just threw away. Yeah. That's good. I like this, by the way.

She threw away the toilet plunger from the bathroom because it was poopy. Hell yeah. So I'm looking for the toilet plunger and I said, babe, where's the... She's like, well, it was poopy. There was shit all over it. Babe, that's what happens to the toilet plunger because you need to – I say what you do is you just put the plunger in the toilet. You put the toilet cleaner in.

You flush it. And then you just – that'll clean. She's like, well, we can just get another one. I'm just like – You know their CEOs, like famous CEOs that would – Here comes a lie. No, they would hire people and they would walk them out to their car and they'd see the car was a mess and they'd be like, oh, no, no, no.

They'd be like, this isn't for you. Oh, yeah. Because they said the way your car, the way you take care of your car represents a lot of shit going on in life. Sure, I guess it does. Yeah. My car, I mean, I got clothes on the back seat. I don't think my car.

I have some clothes, but never food. Yeah, I think my car is messy. I'm messy. And it's sometimes like. I'm messy, but. I try not to I have some clothes, but never food. Yeah, I think my car's messy. I'm messy. I'm messy, but. I try not to be. You try, you do it, but then you find yourself like, I'll get in a car and have a coffee. Then it's like, all right, when I finish with that coffee cup. Where do you put it?

Where do you put it? Yeah, yeah. You think that when you get out of the car, you should go, I picked this up. But let's say I had a car, I get out of the car, I'm coming in here. Right. What am I supposed to do? Yeah. Then the next thing you know, it's like a week later and you have a freaking you know

a landfill I know you know what's funny too Petri dish I always you know what's funny too is whenever I get out of my car whenever I'm driving

I'll have a thought sometime while I'm driving if I just take one thing out of the car when I park and I do this every time it'll be a clean car and then I drive to the place

park get out and never do it I used to do this for a while there. When I got to the – I would pull into the lot at the comedy store. If there was nobody there and I could pull over by the dumpster, then I would just open my car and just – That's awesome, bro.

I'll clean my car if I know I'm going to valet or if I'm getting to the comedy store and they've got to drive it. I'll clean it because I don't want them to be like, God, shop's car was – Oh, really? Yeah, they don't care. Nobody cares about that. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? But I was – anyway, so can't care. Nobody cares about that. you know, but I was, anyway, something else now that I was saying earlier. Um, I was saying earlier, you weren't here, but I think Don Lemon

and Tucker Carlson should start a podcast. That's a great idea. That's what I said. Like first take. Yeah. So I said, I'm buying the kid.

I'm buying the same thing. Yeah. I said, I said, I think they didn't. We just gave it. I was talking about my wife. I think I said it.

I said, it should be like first take, but there has to be a producer. Like, listen, he needs to have his take. No, you didn't. We just gave you the idea. I was talking about my wife. I think I said it. I said it should be like first take, but there has to be a producer like, listen, he needs to have his take. You can't shout over each other. Here's the thing, though. The thing that I think that that's all, this is all perception. First of all, Tucker Carlson, because we saw those text messages he said, it's nuanced. I didn't see it. If you're a fan, if you're like a fan of Tucker Carlson.

I don't watch the news. I don't look at shit. I talk about pants. If you're a Trump supporter. He's like an 18-year-old kid. I know. I don't give a fuck, bro. It's sad.

It makes me sad. I'm sorry. I know you're hot, but it's sad. Life is easier that way, though. I wish I was that stupid. I feel bad. I'm sorry. Until you're bringing something up and you don't know that way though it's just bro i don't wish i was that i feel bad yeah no until you're bringing something up and then you don't know what people are talking yeah and then i'll talk about pants i'm gonna he just makes it about this is what happens yeah but what i'm saying is this if you're a fan of tucker carlson and trump per se you think that tucker carlson is speaking and tucker carlson's speaking for you yeah you're

one of these people that thinks oh he's my voice he represents us he represents us right and you see these text messages like if you don't feel like a fucking fool oh what are they you know oh he's like this guy's an idiot who trump yeah really yeah all the fox like it was except for hannity hannity's uh trump's boy but all of them were like god i can't believe we have to cover this bullshit he's such such a fraud. Yeah. Because he was – this is why. Because they're getting – they got sued by a voter machine company. Yes, I know this. I know this. And they settled –

They settled for like $700 million, right? And another company sued them, too. They're going to settle with that. More shit's going to come out, which is why they took it. The reason why they had to settle is they were like, they probably didn't want any more discovery. Yes. They were like, we got to settle this. And then they fired him because they were like, look, dude, all I'm saying is that made me go, oh, yeah,

this dude was just doing this for the money. Oh, 100%. But you know that because of his bow tie. No, he started to allude to that, though. Before getting fired, he was saying like, and he's like, in some of the stories I report on, I don't feel that way. Yeah.

And the big farm, it pays a lot of the bills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was pushing a narrative that I didn't always agree with. And you're like, oh, damn. When did he say that? Literally last week. He was at a conference giving a speech. I think he knew this was coming.

He knew it was coming. He was like, some stuff's going to come out. I didn't feel a certain way about some of the stuff I was reporting. I'm sorry. It's like WWE. Politics or WWE? Everything is once it's that big. I know, but what I'm saying is if you're one of these staunch, conservative, right-wing people who was like,

Fox is giving me the – either you feel like a fool. You should. You should feel like a fool. On either side. Because these guys are like – Right, exactly. Both sides.

Even both sides. So what I'm saying, the reason I'm bringing this up is I'm saying like, I think Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon would be like, oh, man, it sucks working for a big news corporation, right? Because you can't really – I think Don Lemon's going to come out and you don't realize that he's a – even though he sucks wiener, he's still a dude. I think people are going to realize that he's not far left.

Yeah. The more he talks about this stuff, you're going to realize, oh, he's just pushing the line. That's what he's doing. He's pushing the company. I think it's fascinating. Also, no one's bigger than the company. Tucker is.

See, I disagree with you. No, he's not, dude. Look at the ratings. Have you forgot? What was the guy that got fired? What's his name? O'Reilly. O'Reilly.

Remember him? Yeah. They'll find another one, man. Yeah, they will. They will. Oh, no. They'll find another one. It's just like a podcast.

If no one's bigger. Well, if Tucker. You know what I mean? But the difference between Don Lemon and Tucker is Tucker, his ratings, even if half the fan base goes with him, he's going to go somewhere because the other thing people aren't paying attention to, which is I think one of the biggest kind of signs, his head producer who wrote all his stuff left with him.

He was like, yeah, let's go do whatever new show we're going to do. If Tucker played it right, he would just say, great, now I can be uncensored and talk about what I want on my podcast, on my thing, come on over. He's going to go to Rumble. Whatever it is. He's going to back up the Brink strip. Rumble is.

He'll be on Rumble. I know, but what I'm saying, though, is that, dude, he's not bigger than Fox. I know you think that because O'Reilly was also. Times are different, though. He was the biggest thing. Times are saying, though, is that, dude, he's not bigger than Fox. I know you think that because O'Reilly was also. Times are different, though. He was the biggest thing. Times are different, though. How long ago was O'Reilly?

A long time. I mean, things are just different now. But I think no matter how you feel about it, I think now there's a huge opportunity for somebody to come out and be like the straight-up news where they're not biased, they're not pushed by pharma there's where you get legit news they don't pick a side i think there's a huge opportunity once you get breaking points is doing it and they're the biggest political podcasts in the world there's massive yeah but once you get the

money involved it fucks everything up unless you're unless you're a subscription-based yeah you know channel you which breaking points and that's never going to be bigger than free tv no no no it's my point. It's not. Yeah, it's not. I don't care how big. Well, viewership-wise it will be. Maybe money won't be.

Because Fox, backed by Murdoch, he has what to do. I don't know if viewership, I mean, yeah. Oh, dude, viewership, I mean, we do as much as CNN, as far as viewership goes. Golden Hour? Yes. Oh, yeah, I know. I know, CNN. Yeah, I know that nobody watches CNN, yeah.

Nobody watches CNN. No. They don't. They don't give a fuck. Because, yeah, I know. I know CNN. Yeah, I know that nobody watches CNN. Yeah. Nobody watches CNN. No. They don't. They don't give a fuck. Because they're fucking horse shit. But both of them are horse shit is the point. Well, I think Fox. Like Fox and CNN.

Yeah, Fox is trying to become more moderate, which is they're saying it's fucking their actual real fan base. But yeah, I don't know. I just feel like I would be so like. I'm smart. I just would be so upset if I'm like, you know, if you're one of these people, like I say, you're in middle America and you're just like, you can't wait to turn on Fox. Yeah.

You're Tucker. You know, and he's like, Trump, Trump, Trump, all this stuff. And you're like, yeah, Trump's the best. You see the text. And then you see the text. And then it's like, what do you think? I really want, like, if you're a conservative, we have a lot of those people that watch this show. You're welcome.

And more power to you. You know what I mean? I'm not. They work for it. Yeah. yeah i hey listen i would like to know how you feel about it i would really like to know how people feel about like seeing those text messages and they tried to spin it too well it's out of context what but i bet most of them are like yeah we know he obviously probably doesn't feel like that 100 but at least he's pushing the narrative that we wanted. Smart people. Which is stupid, too, because then it's like, don't you want to?

It's like, so you don't want everyone to be challenged. I'm just saying, if you're the kind of person, you just want to be in an echo chamber, then you're good. And you think he's a hero then, because you think like, no matter, even though it was against what he did, he did what was right for America. Maybe you feel like that. But to me, as a person that's like i don't i don't ride either side i just kind of like i just want to hear the fact that then i'll make my choice you know either way i just feel like i'd feel there's people you can there's people you can find though like crowder's a beast but look at look at this is the whole thing when i went to the dylan milvaney

thing which people are fucking saying like you can't tell someone's crazy just by looking at him and it wasn't because the person's trans. It's because look at him. Look at Tucker Carlson. Look at him. You know that that dude would do that. Look at him. Correct.

He wears a bow tie. Look at him. He's a guy that would be like, oh, but the money? You know what I mean? Or, you know, oh, I don't really believe it, but let's push that. Like, you fucking look at him, bro. It looks like he goes like this at night. Go to the Forbes.

He's doing it. He is doing it. I don't even care about that. I like to go to the Forbes list of top paid anchors. I remember Glenn Beck. There was a year he was like, it was something on the Forbes list. He was making like $80 million. Wow.

And when I saw that, I was like, oh, yeah, I list. He was making like 80 million dollars Wow, and when I saw that I was like oh yeah, I'd bash Obama to Obama's my arch nemesis Happens do it. Oh you make it you make it 80 million dollars a year. Hell. Yeah, okay. Oh fuck. Yeah, dude He just kind of go look at it. Look at that list man. Yeah, Matt Lauer was on there Like I and this is what I think is wrong with the news. Right there, man.

What are you supposed to do? But they're going to have to change because ratings are so low. The advertisers are like, dude. I think there is a change coming. I just don't know when. It's coming now. We're in the middle of it. They'll find a new guy. They'll find a new guy. Fox will, yeah. He'll say whatever they need the people to say.

People are going to be like, yeah. Here's Art O'Neill. Oh, he's going to be. Listen, man. I just think that the dude, the fact that he had those texts and stuff is really what messed up the whole thing. I think they just went too far. It's not even his fault. Fox News should not have allowed them to push that.

Georgia ballot. The agenda of he didn't really win. Yeah. And they shouldn't have done that. Because you're messing with people. And because you're going to get the masses. Like, yeah, it was fraudulent. Right, right, right.

They shouldn't have done that, man. They created a monster. They created a monster. They created a monster. He couldn't go back. He was just going with it. He was like, all right, well, I guess we have to do this. And now they're using him as a scapegoat.

He's the fucking fall guy. Of course he is. His acts are funny, though. He's like, God, Trump's a dumbass. Really? Oh, yeah. All of them were just like Trump. He called one woman a cunt in his text messages.

That made me like him. Me too. I was like, oh, look at him. He's a dude. But I liked him. But then I also thought, I said, ah, you don't really have a lot of integrity. Because now you put yourself in a position where the money was more important than anything else.

But you know what? I don't know what I would do in that situation either. You're talking about, you know, people think position where the money was more important than anything else. But you know what? I don't know what I would do in that situation either. You're talking about, you know, people think, it's funny, people think that about me now because of this podcast. What do you mean? So what I'm saying, I'm saying it's like, look. They don't know you're Griffin. I'm saying it's like when people think money is involved in something, no matter how much money it is, they question your integrity, right? Yeah, of course.

But I put anybody in any situation, $20 million? You're talking about generational wealth to go on TV and support whatever agenda? It's crazy to think like, it's like, that's why I firmly believe that the news shouldn't be for profit. Yeah, right. Of course not. No, I agree. It shouldn't be for profit because of this reason. Right.

Except if you were in Tucker Carlson's position, you might think differently. I get it. Well, not now, but four weeks ago. But I don't think health care should be for profit. I don't think education should be for profit. I don't think news should be for profit. Fundamentally and morally, yes. Morally and fundamentally.

Because they get compromised. What I'm saying is I get it. So that's why Adam Carolla said he had Tucker Carlson on his podcast. And he was like, yeah, sweet dude. I'm sure he is, bro. And I was like, oh man. Of course, we've fallen

into the hype. We're falling into the left, right. People don't understand. Fox, CNN, MSNBC. We've fallen into that bullshit narrative. These are just people. They're just into the hype. We're falling into the left, right. People don't understand. Fox, CNN, MSNBC. We're falling into that bullshit narrative. These are just people. They're just people, dude. Just people. Don Lemon showed some signs.

They're like, did you see when they were talking about the WNBA? They're like, you know, the WNBA ratings. He's like, well, it's the market value. That's why nobody's watching. They're as good as the men. And he's all like, oh, shit, there's Dom. He was arguing. They're like, are you kidding me? He's like, oh, shit, there's Dom. He was arguing there. Are you kidding me?

He's like, oh, fuck. This is different from the agenda. Yeah, you fall into the hype. You do. I mean, people, dude, when I went through all my shit, I see it. I'm like, well, I'm a person. They're saying, like, I'm going to fucking, like, I don't deserve to die. Right, exactly.

And they won't be happy until you're on the street with your kids. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. It's weird. People are evil. It's weird. People are really, especially the mob, which is what's going after these motherfuckers now. Yeah, but what do you mean?

With all the stuff that's going on right now, they're trying to pass that bill that trans women shouldn't be able to compete against. Yeah. And it's like they can't have a nuanced discussion. It just becomes yelling and you're transphobic. But to me it's like is there no common sense that that swimmer was getting demolished by men? Like listen, demolished.

Like it wasn't even competing. Right. And then started competing against the women. And if you can't look at that and be like, well, we got to find a way to make this fair because of these biological women who now don't have a chance, saying that does not mean you hate trans. No, no, no. You know what I mean?

It's like, so then people like Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson, maybe they want to talk about that, and they want to have a more nuanced discussion about it. But they can't. But they can't. They can't. They can't because they need ratings. Whatever the thing is, like, no, we have to push, whatever.

And it's like, that sucks. That sucks. Fellas, Chris, Eric, you guys hate going to the doctor. It literally takes half a day just to get anything done. Also, you don't want to talk to your doctor about certain issues, right? Yeah, dude. I wish there was just a place where you could just do it at your home or something like that. You know what I mean?

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This is worse than Chris's merch. They put them on now. This question is more Chris's speed off the politics. Here we go. Chrisley.com. What's up, guys? It's Aaron from Nebraska. Hell yeah.

I got to rip my drip for you guys today. I'm going to start with the Carhartt hat for Chris. There we go. Love you, Chris. Yeah, buddy. And then the other part of my drip uh people either hate it or love it wanted to see what you guys thought the old yes canadian tuxedo speedo denim oh wow on the back and everything it might be like a blue camo love you boys gang gang buzz

buzz sore i love well i don't mind I don't mind it, but around the... Oh, he worked to the bar, though. Well, it's probably Halloween, I hope. Dude, he's going to end up on the Happy Face Killers. I'll tell you that right now. I think he is... I like to wear a Speedo, but mine are always super baggy. Like baggy in the back?

Just like really baggy. Okay. You sag your Speedo? Like the bottom is like near my knees and my cock's kind of out. So you're wearing shorts? No, no, no, no. Booty shorts.

They're Speedos, but they're baggy and my cock is out. This is the thing, it's baggy Speedos. You're wearing shorts. Cargo shorts. No, I do have a Speedo.

I wore it once at the beach. I'm visiting my parents and my mom, I came out and my mom goes, no, no, no, no, Christopher. And I was like. I'm with your mom.

What? It's offensive. She was like, you cannot wear this. And like your bush is hanging out and shit. I have a bush, man. It's nasty. But I was like, come on, it's so much nicer. Dude, have you ever put a Speedo on and went in the water?

It's so. It makes sense. It's so nice, bro. It's so... It makes sense. It's so nice, bro. It's so streamlined. You know what? Your cock knows what to do. Your balls know what to do. It's natural, right?

And it is... I'm a dolphin, basically, when I'm in there. I feel like Aquaman. Yo, hey, how about this? You come to Earth, okay? This is so much better than all this fucking...

You come to Earth, all right? You come to Earth and you never wore shit, okay? You're just now all of a sudden a person. And they go, hop in the water. Do you want this streamlined thing where you put it on, your cock and your balls know what to do, or try these pants on and jump in?

That's basically what shorts are, man. No, what do you mean they know what to do? In a Speedo, your cock and balls are being fucking. Rare naked choke. Come here. They're being choked out. They're in a ski mask. It's better than just having your cock all like this and like bagging more shorts.

First of all, when you're chubby, you can't wear a Speedo because it would look like I'm naked. That's on you. First of all, thank you and fuck you. That's also on you, man. i know but that's why i i i want to wear a speedo yeah speedos are great but you can't see this on a bikini it just looks like yeah yeah yeah when you're so fat that you can't see the bottom one piece look like peter griffin naked but when i have a speedo on it's tough because i have to actually my i have to wrap my penis around to the snorkel

because i can't keep it bunched up if i keep it bunched up dude and i go to if i keep it bunched up and i walk inside my penis goes inside two minutes before i even get there it arrives before you do wait two minutes it holds the door open do you know how big a penis would have to be? No, fuck you. In fairness, I walk slow. I walk slow. Do you know how big?

You walk slow. You would have to walk this slow. If that's not slow, you would have to walk. Nick, put on a timer. You know what? That is a fair point point how slow you walk depends on because that means

no matter how big it is you can take two minutes to get in speedos just in America they just have a bad rap in Europe in Brazil

it's all the dudes weird and the fat dudes wear them oh yeah I went to Brazil got my ass whooped by some dude in a speedo with a gut flat ass

just spiking the ball in my face playing volleyball it's a nightmare it's so good what do you think a nightmare. It's so good. And America's proud of us. What do you think that is? I think that Speedos in America are not a thing because of our latent homophobia.

Yeah, I would agree. It does give off a weird vibe. I would agree. When you see a guy in a Speedo, like if you went to Santa Monica Beach, you're like, damn, dog. Like even when we saw this guy, it was kind of like, oh, you sent, like, sort of like a pic you would send a chick. Yeah.

To three dudes. We appreciate it. Actually, more than three dudes because Nick had to see it first. You know, Nick had to approve it. But if this guy called in and was like,

hello, I want you to, I want to see what you think of this, it wouldn't make total sense. Right, right, right. I like. Nick probably had a whole thing where it was like okay send me another one a different angle i don't want to send this one to the boys you have a denim one do you have a yeah you know what it was like let's face time

let me see the different things you have maybe maybe it's because in like maybe because south america and europe they're in better shape Like America's 75% obese Yeah True So we're not trying to see All the goodies man That's a different thing too But bro

Fat guys wear that shit In Europe I mean Respect dude When I think of Speedos And Europeans wearing Speedos I think of a fat guy Yeah I never

You never think of a No In shape Yeah Like if Brad Pitt Was in a Speedo I'm like oh that's dope But it's almost

A hot dude Wearing a Speedo, that's dope. But it's almost a hot dude wearing a Speedo is almost offensive. It's like, come on, bro. Be fat a little bit. He was like stung by a bee. Look at these. Wow. Wow. Fat guy in Speedos.

I'm actually surprised they even make them that big, to be honest. At this point, they're just underwear, though, right? Well, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Another thing is a train wreck. I mean, also, I will say wearing a Speedo. I know, I know.

Wearing a Speedo and a beanie is fucking silly. Yeah. But also a gangster move. I mean, yeah, you're just cold and hot. Show up with some snacks at the beach. I mean, I've been on a. I was in Australia on a beach. Me too.

And I was like. I've been there. I'm not saying. I on a, I was in Australia on a beach. Me too. And I was like, I've been there. I'm not saying, I'm not bragging. There's more to it, okay. We're just trying to relate. Trying to relate.

Though, I remember it was a lot, just a hideous situation. What are you saying? It's just, in Australia. Yeah.

You were on a beach in Australia. And it just was like, you know, put some clothes on. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then there was this one, but there was this. And it just was like, you know, put some clothes on. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then there was this one girl where I was like, oh, okay.

There's always one. There's always one. This is why we do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why I came. Dude, would you, if you were in Columbus, Ohio or Cincinnati, Ohio on May 6th or May 7th like I was, would you wear a bikini? Or Speedo?

I don't know. It might not be too warm yet. Or Boise or Salt Lake or Tucson or Pueblo or Colorado Springs. don't know. It might not be too warm yet. Or Boise? Or Salt Lake? Or Tucson? Or Pueblo? Or Colorado Springs? Don't push me toward coming to Charlotte, North Carolina, Knoxville, Little Rock, Arkansas for some reason, Nashville, Calgary.

I'm going to Edmonton, Ottawa, Detroit, Michigan, Orlando, Florida, and Fort Myers for some reason. Hey, can I wear a Speedo in La Jolla June 3rd through the 5th? That's when you definitely can, bro. That makes sense. Can I wear one in Europe when I'm over there in Belfast June 15th? You definitely maybe could. I have no idea where Belfast is, but maybe, dude.

Chrisley.com. Northern Ireland, dude. Chrisley.com. That's it. I think all the – I'm at the mothership this weekend, but I think – Wear a Speedo. Let me know how Rogan treats you. I actually think all the shows are sold out already, I think.

Nice. Yeah, everything is sold, sold, sold. Rogan seems like he would be down with his Speedo. In a fanny pack? Yeah, because he wears a fanny pack. Daring you to call him gay. Yeah, well, it's not gay. I don't think it's gay.

The fanny pack's a little... No, I like the fanny pack. That's cool. Yeah, there should be a fighter who used the rock one, yeah. And then they banned the... Why? They know why it was pissed.

Because gay, right? Oh, really? So that's why. That's why in America it's not, because it's shit like that. Well, that's the fan base. No, I know. And it's huge, yeah. Yeah, but there's nothing-

In Europe, it's manly to wear one. No, there's nothing gay about it. I know, but it's so weird that the things that people consider gay, and what's gayer than wrestling? Well, bro, in Europe- In Italy. In Italy. But, yo, check this out. consider gay and is what's gayer than well bro in europe wrestling in italy in italy but yo check this out this guy's grappling with a girl another grown man on the ground sweating and like here's this bar yeah yeah you're just like hey you know i want i once

was grappling with this dude rashad evans and he wouldn't wear a cup and had literally you joke he had to wrap his dick around and he helped him do it. And he maneuvered like a north-south move where he went around. And his dick just... Yeah. The gayest moment of my life. Fuck yeah. But when you're in it, you don't even think about it. You tap out because...

And then we got done. I was like... Your dick goes in your mouth. You can't breathe. I was like, man, that was a big black dick across my face. There's a move where... We don't bring attention to it. But there's a move...

He knows it happens. Well, there's a move where if I'm on top of you and I turn around and it's like 69, I put my dick, muffles your mouth, and my balls go over your nostrils so you can't breathe. You have to tap out. And you spank my ass

when you tap out like that. Because, yeah, you go. And I go. But, and I forgot what I was going to say. It was a good joke. Fuck. Fuck you.

I'll handle this. Hit it. Oops. Okay, who's this? What was it? What was the joke? I'm pissed off. It'll come to you.

Chrisley.com. We're on a speedo. It's like a page. It says that joke. I have a... Am I wrong for this? I just got back from the nail salon. What's up?

I was out there. There was a man there picking out a color next to me. What's up? I didn't really think much of it, but he felt the need to explain himself. Yeah. Turns out he was getting his nails done to surprise his daughter. Oh, okay. Which I thought was pretty cute.

Her eyes are distracting. He wanted my opinion on color. And so I helped him pick out this pink sparkle because he said his little girl was like a princess. Her eyes are distracting. Shut up. That's funny. She's got a good sense of humor. Nah. Prankster. Prankster. You're so stupid.

You're so dumb. You silly prankster. You crazy, girl. We're all nice to her because she's hot. You and her couldn't be together because it would just be... on here man you're funny yeah yeah plays around it's funny fucking hope she's hilarious just make that the name of the episode please yeah that's cool well I mean whatever well the whole thing's cute you know though he did it for his daughter and did she say the daughter's actually there

no no surprising the daughter no he's surprising oh no that's a gay man that's all that's happening there well yeah uh i think that's that's funny i would do that because he's like i'm not not doing this because I want to. The fact that he had to explain. Yeah, I'm doing it for, I have a kid at home. Okay. Also, you have, well, it depends on how old the daughter is. But if I had a daughter and I want to do that, I would have the daughter do it for me.

Like, that would be cute. You're not going to surprise him. Like, what do you think of the glitter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, if you go there and you're like, this is how you tell if you're gay. And you show the daughter, like, the stuff like this. You're not gay. But if you're like, hey, sweetheart, look what I're gay. And you show the daughter the stuff like this. You're not gay. But if you're like, hey, sweetheart, look what I did for you.

Then all of a sudden we realize, okay, he's gay. Right now, at this moment, please put up that picture of Chris when he was doing this. I was emo. He was emo. He was emo for a week. That was my emo phase, dude. Come on. You went too far Portland.

You're emo. Yeah. I went to Portland and Seattle and I did black, and my son liked it a lot. And I'll tell you what, though. I pick my cuticles a lot. I don't know if you guys have that problem. No. Bro, if I put the nail polish on, I didn't pick anything but the nail polish.

By the time all this stuff came off, like two, three weeks later, my fingers looked amazing, my cuticle. Because you weren't able to pick at amazing. I wasn't picking the skin. Do you bite your nails? No, I just pick. I'll bite them a little bit. You gotta go get an anxiety patch.

But then I'll just keep picking. Life's hard. Do you know what I mean? Life's hard. I keep picking. I used to get with the... But that girl,

she is just smart and funny. She's cool, man. Yeah, we're fans. She's a funny, funny girl. She pranks around. Rawr. Rawr. Rawr're fans. She's a funny, funny girl. She pranks around. I figured the guy, I think that's just a move. I think he's at that nail salon every week. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

Give me chicks. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's for my daughter. He's like, my daughter has a shitty mom, man. I'm here to surprise her, brighten her day a little bit. What are you getting? That's all he's doing. Go to Whole Foods, dude.

We're going to get to a certain point where it's just going to be like, whatever. Yeah, I know. Hopefully not. Hopefully not. If Biden wins in 2014. Fingernails don't. Am I right? Well, he won't win.

But fingernails don't. Well, no, he's going to be dead. Yeah, really. Fingernails don't make. They don't bother me when guys have fingernails. I don't care. I think it's not. To me, it's not even feminine.

If you're a musician, right? Well, yeah. I mean, it's not even feminine. If you're a musician, right? Well, yeah. I mean, you're not going to. If you see a guy laying brick with fucking, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you never see that. And pigtails.

What's up, bro? Hey, what's up? Just fucking laying brick. Well, I mean. Pigtails. I don't know. I mean, who knows what we're going to like. In the last 10 years, it feels like the list of things that are feminine

and the list of things that are masculine, they seem to be changing and mixing. I would say. Who even knows? But it's exponential, bro. In the last three years. Really? Way quicker than in the last 10 years. From zero to 10.

Yeah, bro. Crazy. Crazy. I have a tampon in now. In my butt. Adam Carolla wrote this book in like 2012. In 50 years, we'll all be chicks. That's hilarious.

He's great. And that's why they hate him. This guy gets his eyebrows done. Wow. For sure. Well, he probably has to. If he doesn't, you can imagine what they look like. He looks like Ernie and Bert.

Yeah. Bert and Ernie. Who the fuck says Ernie and Bert? Because Ernie's my favorite. But it's Bert and Ernie. No, no. You don't even say Bert and Ernie. You say Bert and Ernie.

I know so well it's Ernie and Bert, dude. This guy says Ernie and Bert? I switch it up. Bert, bro? Oh, dude. Hutch and Starsky. I can't even say it. Shirley and Laverne.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Robin and Batman are coming what if Robin's your favorite you put Robin first nah bro who's

no way Robin would be anyone's favorite yeah that's true that's another point if Robin's your favorite I mean a gay guy maybe yeah that's what I was gonna say

you get your nails done what does this guy have to say yeah yeah yeah fair fair what's up Golden Hour my name is Braden calling it from Walla Walla Washington Brandon and Chris I know you guys are both really into sneakers here's a few of my favorites this guy's not as interesting as the girl Chris I agree with you we love and support everything

Kanye has done and said in the past wait Wait. Right? That's why we still wear his shoes. Wait, what? Anyways. No, no. The club is sneaker reselling. Do you support the hustle with probably five-year-old kids trying to get hundreds of pairs and reselling them, making thousands of dollars? Or do you think Nike should somehow regulate that better

and figure it out where people have a way easier and more fair chance of getting a shoe that they might want to keep. They just have to make more. No. Anyways, I'm just wondering what Brendan and Chris, what you guys think about it. Eric, your opinion doesn't really – you might want to sit this one out because you can't really resell those bricks that you're wearing.

Are you kidding me? You got dad shoes, man. You ain't even a dad yet. Yeah, the other one is not a dad. You're not even a dad. They're comfortable as shit. You can break dance with these on. Yeah. Those ain't bad. Those ain't bad, yeah. You ain't even a dad yet. Yeah, you're the only one who's not a dad. You're not even a dad. You're comfortable as shit. It's like a break dance with diesel. Yeah.

Those ain't bad. Those ain't bad yet. Those are cool. So when you put your foot on the table, I thought my dick hit the table. I was so happy. We're all. I go, oh, no. I go, oh.

It's here. Yeah. And that's the noise it makes. Achoo. I go, calm down, and I feed it. Oh, my God. Just when you're talking, it's just like on your shoulder. Like a bird. Yeah, we got to grow up, man.

Get down, Seymour. We got to grow up. Yeah, Iymour we gotta grow up yeah i know pants and cocks with mouths yeah yeah yeah so um someone's got to be an adult here i know i know um what the fucking go can you rewind and see the shoes the sneaker game's a disaster because it's a business now so the the actual sneaker heads they're getting sourced out because it's such a business you get people that buy like a hundred of them so you're saying you want to regulate that not that they a brand like nike can't let a guy a company or a person whatever bots buy a thousand of them you should

only be one pair per customer because like like the sneaker app not in a free market society hell no sorry yeah get there get there early i have no they can't do in person more because people are getting stabbed so now it's only online they don't do it when i was a kid i used to wait in line for hours and you'd get one eventually stores like that no there's not they stop doing it the the drops they don't do that anymore it's too risky people get robbed yeah people do man having arose, having a fucking... So they have to... I'm surprised. Those Prestos, is that what they're called?

I forget. Yeah, the off-white Prestos. I'm shocked how... Clean there? Yeah. Those are old shoes. No, but if you don't wear them, they turn yellow. Bro, those turn yellow.

And I have those other ones, the ones... You have the Grinches? No, the Jordans. I don't like the Grinches, man. Although, they look nice right there. I love the Grinches. But those are Kobe shoes. I never liked the Kobe. No, I like one Kobeans. I don't like the Grinches, man. Although, they look nice right there. I love the Grinches. But those are Kobe shoes.

I never liked the Kobe. No, I like one Kobe shoe. And then I have those fucking Yeezys. I just don't like the way the sneaker game's gone, where it's like the actual people that care and appreciate shoes, they get sourced out. Like, they can't compete anymore. Yeah.

It's like impossible to get sneakers now. Yeah. I get the Rick and Mortys on. Well, I mean, it's good for the business. I mean, Nike don't put out enough shoes, so there's a demand. Well, yeah, it's like what happened to Rolex in the fucking past five years. It's like they don't – you go into a Rolex store, they don't have any watches for sale. No, they do. They're museums.

Yeah. Well, they have it, but you can't actually buy it unless you're allocated the watch. Same with all brands. Ferrari's the way. I know. Lamborghini's that way. You can't just walk and buy them. Unless you want to pay completely over MSRP.

But no, but... So you're saying if I go in a Rolex store and I want to buy a Rolex, I can do that? If I have enough money? You could do it, yeah. Where? How? Certain ones. There's certain ones.

But you're not going to pay the MSRP price. Yeah, no, I understand that. But when you go into Rolex or wherever, you say, hey, do you have... Because I go in just to see if they have anything. I say, hey, do you have any watches I go in just to see if they have anything. I say, hey, do you have any watches for sale? Most of them have it. And they'll be like, no, we have one that we can sell that's a rose gold for a woman or something.

I'm like, okay. What's the point? They're all spoken for. They're all allocated people that are – Then it's like don't even have a fucking store. Why do you have a store? Yeah, I know. I can't go to Ralph's.

Do you have any oranges? And they're just like, yeah, you're going to be hungry in May? They're being grown right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have oranges, but they're $100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're spoken for. These radishes are spoken for.

Yeah. And, you know, get in line. Okay, so. Set a lip on him. This guy's cracking a cane. This guy looks like he's a fan here. Looks like a proof of life. You're saying homeless?

Yeah. Oh, really? lips on this guy this guy looks like he's a fan here looks like a proof of life you say homeless yeah oh really i've been a fan of y'all since since before i was homeless but i'm still currently listening to you now that i'm homeless hell yeah dude but my debate club is can we give them a free page guys if y'all could escape to one fantasy world which one would it be uh for example eric i know you love superheroes and comics so maybe you would want to escape to one of those universes which one your top one what do you want to live in me being homeless um you know i'm always gonna be escaping to a fantasy world i'll'll listen to your podcast. Great entertainment. I'll also read. I'll read fantasy.

I'll read anything that'll get my mind off of things. But yeah, guys, let us know your top picks. Oh, and Brendan, keep doing your thing. I love it. I never leave comments, but I'm always listening, man. Keep on keeping on.

What a fucking sweet guy, dude. You mean the homeless guy knows I get hate? Ain't that a bitch? That's how bad it's gotten? Yeah, dude. Hey, I don't know what to cart. He's like, hey, man. He's all, hey, man. Fuck shop!

He's all, hey, man, I went to trade places with you. That's the fantasy world. You're a homeless dude, man. You get way too much hate. I can do it. I'd rather be homeless. That says a lot about your hate. Man. When the homeless guy's like, it's okay, Brendan.

The homeless guy's like, it's going to be okay. Hang in there, bro. There will be brighter days, man. Damn, you hate it. We're at an all-time high right now. Wow. Brendan, I know you want to live in an alternate universe. By the way, if anybody is listening and you want to help this guy out.

Yeah, how do we do it, though? I don't know. He doesn't even have an address. How do you get him something? Is there a GoFundMe? We got the video from him so we could do something. I just feel like this guy. Nick was in the car filming him.

Nick's in his tent filming him. His neighbor. Nick's all less energy, less energy. They're not going to believe it. They're not going to believe it, dude. You're way too excited. Yeah, this guy. I told you I'll feed you after this.

This is like a. Keep on keeping. This guy is an example of the human spirit. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's, you know. You know what I mean? God, and then you see some guys. I don't know. I just feel like. Flipping out because they're, you know. You know what I mean? God, and then you see some guys. I don't know.

I just feel like. Flipping out because they're, you know. Because they got the wrong pronouns or some shit. No, well, I wasn't even going to go there. I was like, just people. I'm just saying, like, there's people with legit problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this poor guy on rough times, man.

Good spirit. Yeah. We're proud to have you listen to this. Let's also answer his question. Oh, the alternate universe? Yeah, I want to be a gym teacher at Hogwarts. Oh, God. we're proud to have you listen to this. Let's also answer his question. Oh, the alternate universe? Yeah, I want to be a gym teacher at Hogwarts. Oh, God.

And not even a wizard. I'll be a wizard. Oh, they're wizards, okay. Yeah. A gym teacher at Hogwarts? I'd be a gym teacher at Hogwarts. Fucking weirdo, bro. Yeah, I'd be like, all right, get on the field.

I always liked the villages in like Lord of the Rings that they live in. That looks lit. Yeah, but here's the thing about Lord of the Rings. Yeah, but you're too big. You live in a shire? Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I too big for the fantasy land? In my fantasy, I'm their size, dude. All right, look. So you want to be little? Oh, is that so preposterous? Oh, so you want to be Bilbo Baggins? Yeah. Bilbo Brendan?

Bilbo Brendan. I got to bend down? I got to bend down and shit? Yeah. I've actually been to the Bilbo Baggins? Yeah. Bilbo Brendan? Bilbo Brendan. I got to bend down? I got to bend down and shit? Yeah. I've actually been to the Shire. It's great. No, you haven't. Yes, I have.

It's not real. It's in New Zealand. No, you haven't, dude. I've been to New Zealand, and I went to the Shire. What's that? What's a Shire? The Shire is the name of the place where the hobbits live. There we go.

You haven't been there. Yes. That's like being like, I have. Dude. I've been to Avatar. I went to the Pacific Ocean. I went to. They have a place where you can go.

And the set, the movie set is now an amusement park. Well, then I've been to Jurassic Park. Where they filmed the thing. I went to Jurassic Park. I went to Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I could not think of something boom that's what i want to live see i want to live there it looks all green and shit imagine me crawling standing out there just like oh dude that little circle ass door fuck that is it short let me find it but yeah it's

little it's because they're hobbits they're hobbits i had to send you a picture. Yeah, it's little. It's a scale. They're hobbits. I'll have to send you a picture. Dude. Is it on your Instagram? It's like, I think so, but it's so long ago. Like nine years ago. No, it's on the Shire's Instagram, dude. Shit. So long ago. Real Shire.

At Real Shire. Just scroll down. Eric's there. Just in the door like this. Yeah, but I would want to be in the Harry Potter universe. That's wild, man. You know why I wouldn't pick Lord of whatever you picked? Yeah. Why? Evil magic? Always dirty. Everyone's That's wild, man. You know why I wouldn't pick whatever you picked? Yeah, why?

Evil magic? Always dirty. Everyone's dirty. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? At least Hogwarts are clean. It's modern. It's modern times.

Exactly. Yeah, medieval times. Dirty, bro. Hello, you got to talk to the guy. He's got fucking black teeth and stinky shit. We know your wives would fit in, right? What? Yeah, because they're dirty, yeah.

Oh, gotcha. I i see you know what you know what i always think about like medieval times all that kind of stuff i just think like bushes when did blowjobs start oh way before then well no i'm saying it can't it guaranteed it's like come on you think they gave a fuck like dude they you know like when were they gravy like when it went like They ate gravy all the time. When did ass eating start? Blowjobs started very, very, very, very early on. But they were like, oh, nice. This shit started very recently. Dude, that yuck, yuck, that gobble. It was like It better be like

67 Imagine in 1300s Yeah Hello darling Yeah Hello Cut his whole head off

I don't know I don't quite understand he kills her no himself yeah but whenever bathing and like i just always think about hygiene just can't take it or there's just one mean fucking professional with the dick game in the medieval times you just say may you see su you see Susie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Susie. It's just, I don't know about you. I just, I can't, I don't know why I'm obsessed

with that. Like, I'm obsessed with that when I see, if I'm walking around sometimes and I'm people watching, I'm just looking at people and I'll be like, oh, that person's ass is probably a mess. And someone has to go in there. You know what I mean? It says a lot more about you than the person. I know know i i agreed but i always think about like man you know you think you know you think about like you go all day yeah yeah you know you just like like when did

like you know when did people just start being like oh yeah i'm gonna eat your ass well let's go it can't be the 1300s oh yeah whenation. Oh, it can. When did toilet paper start? Like, what were they doing? They had a guy. They would just go shit and then just get up. And a guy would. They would just go shit and just get up. Well, the English were the first ones to create plumbing and shit back in the day.

You know how many times I take a shower after just because I'm like, oh, I don't like this. Chin's ass is probably smooth as like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. It's like this. You just got a tattoo The other day Yeah

There's a spider web Around the anus You know Yeah it hurt It hurt Not as much as the shin though He's still working on it I know he's still like

You know Three more sessions There's a couple more details With the saran wrap Over the anus What do I do If I have to shit Just don't shit for a week

Try not to fart. Yeah. We should give that guy like the patron. Yeah, if we can or something like that. He's just chilling by himself. Yeah, we should give him

the patron free if we could work that out somehow. He's been paying. We don't know. I'm just kidding. But he should email the show because I think he uploaded that to Dropbox.

I don't have his info. So I'm assuming you're listening. Email. Email the show. Please email. Let's do something. We that to Dropbox. I don't have his info, so I'm assuming you're listening. Email the show. Please email. Let's do something. We want to help you. And then what fantasy world would I live in? I mean, like

I guess I think there's like Avatar. Most people want Avatar. I wouldn't want Avatar. Do you know who you're talking to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least somebody who wants to be in a Speedo and shit. No, he wouldn't be. It wouldn't want Avatar. He wouldn't. You don't even. Do you know who you're talking to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's somebody who wants to be in a Speedo and shit. No, he wouldn't be.

It wouldn't be Avatar. You want to be in Gotham City with some Bruce Wayne? That's like so much stress, bro. Yeah. The city's always being burned and shit. He's always a villain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, another guy.

Fucking, you know. Yeah, another big superhero. I wouldn't want to be in a superhero world because I'd be like. Like, you know which one I'd never want to live in is the transformers oh my god dude they ruined the buildings i'm just saying like the city's destroyed again sweetie i'm going to the bank oh never mind because even when walking firestorm just kind of fucking took it out oh i know this is a deep guy i would live in uh true blood where there's vampires that have them turn me so I could live forever. I'd turn my kids.

Okay, at least there's a reason behind that. I like that. I like that. Yeah, but you'd have to wait to turn your kids until they're like. No, they stay the same age whenever you turn them. That's terrible. That's terrible. For you.

Oh, man. You'd want to keep your kids. How old are they? Three and seven. So you want to keep your kids three and seven forever? That'd be sick. Oh, you're so selfish. That's a cute year.

Three to- The best. Yeah. Before they turn into assholes. They'd be so mad. Would they be able to learn with their- Well, yeah, I guess, right? You know how furious Calvin would be at you if he was just stuck like that, but he could

still learn and evolve in his head? Here's the issue, though. In a diaper like this, what the fuck? Here's the issue, though. You never see the sunlight. You only see that in the day. I don't normally see the sunlight anyway. Yeah.

I wouldn't want to be in a vampire world. Game of Thrones sounds too violent. And then you'd have a dirty ass, and I just... No, because you would know to clean, right? No, they don't. I just don't. I'm done. Maybe like fucking Care Bears or some shit.

Or Smurfs. Yeah, I know you're gay. I want to be a Thundercat. That's what I'll... Yeah, but the violence, bro. I want some place where it's just like bouncing on clouds. You know the... I mean, I know that I'm genitalia, but you know that they're coming a lot, you know?

Like gummy bears, you know, fucking. Gummy bears. I don't know because they're just chilling. They live on clouds for fuck's sakes. Okay. You know? You want to be a Care Bear? Yeah, they bounce off the clouds.

That's cool, bro. Look at that. You're telling me that ain't fun? Hey, man. I just know that You're telling me that ain't fun? I just know that right now they just put Chris's face on a Care Bear, and it's on a cloud right now. Yep. It sounds like some stupid shit, man.

I remember those. Do those three have a podcast? Oh, wow. That's the three of us. Hilarious, yeah. Golden Hour. Who's the sad one, though? Because who is the sad one? I guess it would – well, it depends. It's either me or Eric. It's not you. You're the fucking dumb, happy guy. Yeah, you's the sad one, though? Because who is the sad one? I guess it would...

Well, it depends. It's either me or Eric. It's not you. No, no. Yeah, you're the pink one. Dumb happy guy. Yeah, you're the pink one for sure. Dumb happy.

Dumb happy guy. You're the guy that bring up politics. You're like, I won't talk about pants. Is there a hype beast, Carabare? Yeah. Oh, who's this guy? Oh, yeah.

We've seen him before, right? Neck tattoo? I don't know. I can't remember. I know that fucking hurt. Yeah. Ooh. That's the one that would be on the chance.

Chris Brennan. Eric. Didn't forget you. I want to start by saying congratulations, Chris, on little William. That's super rad. You got another little kiddo. Hell yeah. It must be weird to say you have kids, plural.

That's crazy. I say that. I don't have a dog, so I couldn't even find my car keys this morning. I'm calling you guys Your trades doing carpentry got me thinking if you guys have to get into trades Carpentry metalwork would you be into concrete Brennan? Probably your big ass would be outside Some require strength some require patience Chris you're out Here's what you guys do if you're in hands-on Chris. You're pretty tall you'd be a good framer you're gonna be an outside you lanky fuck um

also chris please go back on the fighter and the kid those are the best episodes they need you i do that i'll come on there um yeah i would i would probably have to do some sort of carpentry like i i could find some sort of like joy in like okay I just did that right there on the wall it takes weeks I know but I'm not doing shit where I'm like or up high

I'd be the break player what craft is this we gotta get it up so you're not even doing shit? You're directing people? No, I'm not doing that, I'm saying. You're on your hands and knees like hitting the floorboard? I think so, yeah.

I want to do forging. I want to be in metal work to it. Oh, really? I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm making swords or something. Oh, that's cool. I like part maxing, so I'll do the bricklaying. Yeah, I just don't know if I could do that, man.

I'll be a shoe cobbler. Have you ever seen that show Forged in Fire? Yeah. Yeah. Love that shit. It's fine for like two episodes. No, but you watch it when you're in a hotel. Right, right.

You do, don't you? You know, you're in some hotel, and there's like nothing else. You just go, ooh, Forged in Fire. It's either that or Law and Order, because it's on every other channel. I know, or Forensic Files. Yeah. I shot a pilot. It was Forged in Fire. It was either that or Law and Order because it's on every other channel. I know, or Forensic Files. Yeah. I shot a pilot. It was Forged in Fire.

It was the same staff, like all the staff, but it was for – I don't want to get picked up, but it was for model makers, like legit model makers, like World War II scenes, like D-Day scenes. Oh, my. They'd recreate with models, but I was the host. I'd be like, so, man, what inspired you to make this model? And they'd have like a history about it. Like, well, my grandfather was at D-Day and this is my grandfather.

Oh, wow. And you were falling asleep during the interview? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was interesting. So what inspired you to do this? Oh, I get no chicks and I'm a dork, man. And so these little things I can like kind of just do them and I'm not fucking. So yeah, got a bunch of

them that's every interview he could paint them cool thanks a lot uh hey how about you yeah I don't honestly that guy's story is really similar to mine um I wasn't getting laid I still don't like uh just can do that yeah so dumb no I don't think he got picked up because of World War II and I kept going, where's Hitler? They didn't like that. Where's the Hitler at in this? He was on the beaches of Normandy, man. We have to edit that. Can you guys see Hitler?

Wow. I think a good show idea would be trades and that kind of stuff and then you have the person who knows how to do it. And you have like beautiful models. Yeah. And the whole thing of the show is they have to tell them how to do it. You know?

That's a good show. That's cool. You know what I mean? Dude, have you seen that show in I think it's Japan or Korea where they have to sing while getting jacked off and they can't break stride? What, bro? Yeah, it's insane. Their shows are so much better than ours. I know.

And they're getting jacked. It's a hot girl. She's literally being jacked off right now. And he has to finish the song before he busts. That's a huge show in Korea. Bring it up. I'm not picking this up. I know it's Asian.

Or maybe it's my fantasy land, but this is real. No. up I know it's Asia or maybe it's my fantasy land but this is real no yeah this is like their version American Idol and he has to can't get through the song before a bus she's really stroking that thing that thing thing what are we doing on our tv that's what i'm saying bro this this murder succession what and we're worried about don levin like give me this yeah i would fucking kill if you took the cross and you jack satellite just fucking i wouldn't bust you're undefeated in I would be in it, dude. You're the Floyd Mayweather? You know what? I'm with you, too.

I'd be like, I gotta get to the part. Excuse me. Woo, woo, woo, woo. You know what I mean? Yeah. And look at the judges. They're all, yeah. Look, he busts, though.

Yeah, but who's this girl? I don't know. Is it someone you know? Someone who's awesome? This girl is a hoe. This show should be called, it's about the guy. This show should be called Hoes. This is crazy.

What can you get Hoes to do? Look, he's all shaken. Dude, I'll be killing it. Oh, that was Chiz Tattoo. Laughing like children, living like lovers, rolling like. Here we go. Thunder. Just fucking boom.

Look at this. He's pro. Yeah, he's busting. Wow. Yeah, he failed. She's another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, dude.

They should get celebrity of that show. Celebrity version of that show. You get like J.O. Kaelin. Jackie Chan. You know, guys who are, yeah. Emmett Smith. Yeah, Michael Irvin just getting jacked. What a weird poll.

Emmett Smith. That's such a weird coming from you. That's like he's trying to fit in. Emmett Smith, right? No, it's because. It's like dancing coming from you. That's like he's trying to fit in. Emmitt Smith, right? No, it's because... It's like dancing with the stars. You're not getting any legit guys. You're not getting fucking Brad Pitt.

I love it. Jacking with the stars. That'd be great. And then, like, you know who I want to be on that show? I want to be one of the judges where I'm like, well, I noticed when you were... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You hit them high notes.

Really impressive when you hit the high notes. You're a little pitchy mario lopez is the host this is what i don't do it it's like the fucking goal you get the golden buzzer for the one of them boom you're going right to the next round in your anus oh or how about this they combine it with the voice you just hear like oh she's good I'm the fat guy You know what When I see that kind of stuff I always think to myself Is our society better Because we hide sex

Yeah Right Or are they happier in like Right Because I remember being in Europe And you turn on a soap commercial And there's titties. Better for your tits.

You know what I mean? It's like a woman's like – and then I wash. It's like you're – you know what I'm saying? Like are they better off or are we better off? Cunt soap. New cunt soap. Better for your cunt to get that hard to reach area where it's all wet in your snatch it is one of those like infomercial ones

where it's like the first girl they're like are you tired of your cunt smelling so bad and the woman's like black and white I just I don't know what's better man it's like cause we're so anal here about

anything about sex. Yeah, I know. Imagine that, like, to an average American, like, you know, conservative, getting jacked off on TV for entertainment would be, they would kill themselves first, right? Oh, God, yeah. I just think this is like, and then they're over there like. The religious ones?

Yeah, man. I mean, yeah. Are we too puritanical? I don't know. Imagine your grandparents seeing that. Well, because people do it because look at the viewership on like YouPorn. Right, right, right. It's like the biggest.

More than YouTube. People watch it. Yeah, yeah. Wow. And we're just going to pretend we don't? We get OnlyFans. Boom. Yeah.

I should do You. You know what I thought about? What if I fucking. What if someone did a comedy special naked and put it on YouPorn? Yeah. I should do you. You know what I thought about? What if I fucking, what if someone did a comedy special naked and put it on you porn? Yeah. They would get so many views, right? Or would they? They would.

A guy. The first three minutes with the viewership would be nuts. Right. After that, no one's listening to Joe. Yeah, true. I disagree. Unless you have a giant dick. Unless you do a lot of act outs with the penis.

Yes. There's all kinds of stuff. You'd have to address. You can't just go up and just be naked. You can't just be like. You can't just start it and you're naked. You don't think so? I think there has to be something about that.

So I was at the bank the other day. Just dick fucking. Yeah. I think after a while people would. The first show I ever. My first TV credit ever. Was I was. Cops.

Remember Night Calls? No. You're the guy with the blurry face on Cops. In the tree. No. You're the guy with the blurry face on Cops. In a tree. No, I'm not getting down. Night Calls was the porn late night, like the porn tonight show. It was on the Playboy channel. Okay.

What was it called? It was called Night Calls. And I did a stand-up set. Oh, fuck. Wow. How'd it go? Yeah, it was, I don't know. I don't think anybody really, I remember my first joke was like,

I was like, well, I know when I came out, you know, all the guys jacking off right now just went, you know. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? It's very weird to mix comedy with porn. That's what I'm saying. I know, but I remember being on the set. Stop making those jokes.

You get desensitized. Try to bust. The first time you go on, like, if you're around naked, then at first you're, then after a while you're just kind of like, I'm just tits. So I think that's what would happen with a stand-up special. But they should. They have naked and afraid.

Right, but that's not hot at all. It's very rare. It would be hot if they would stop blurring everything. It would be hot if they stopped booking blurring everything. It would be hot if they stopped booking warlocks. They do book warlocks. All the bitches that know that outdoor shit look like fucking me. They have humps. They've been kicked out

so they have to know how to survive in the wild. Who would you want to be on a deserted island with? That lady in the back is hot. A fine chick. Honestly, the one on the left is good too. Probably the one on the right too. I don't know. But what are you saying?

What were you saying? I'm just saying you want to survive? Would you want like a supermodel? You're trapped on an island? That bitch knew how to make a hut? I'd rather be with that than fucking No, she doesn't know how to make a hut. That's my whole point. But there might be one out there. No, no, no.

What is? Yeah. How long are you going to leave this box of crackers open? Yeah. Yeah. You got crabs coming in from the beach eating the fucking. They're going to eat us when we're sleeping. Yeah.

This is the guy from Montana? It is. Oh, nice. He puts in great topics. Last one. There's a fire behind him. Hey, guys. Dustin up here in great topics. Last one. There's a fire behind him. Hey, guys. Dustin up here in Montana again.

You might not recognize me because I shaved the stash. Don't look so much like Eric. Oh, that guy. You guys going camping? Chin, I know you love that shit. Got my camper all set up. So funny about this stuff. I got the diesel just buried, boys.

Oh, damn. It's still just sloppy up here in Montana. Jesus Christ. Those are the ice chunks from the river after it freezes up. Oh, shit. So, golden or molded, y'all? You going fishing, camping? But.

Or are you going to stay in the city where it's nice and dry? But doesn't. Golden or molded? Chin, anytime you want to? Come up hit me up sounds good, dude. I'm a camper, but I might not be able to drive around Thanks boys keep taking the kids in May later. I'm renting the RV. We just booked the camping site They're all crunk for it But did this guy drive there and then get buried or did that was a car that cuz it's like that you could see don't

Drive there first of all that's not real camping which one right you renting some fancy rv with like a bunch of shit in it for your wife no no no that's just as we're driving up there but yeah but i'm sure it's gonna be i'm staying intense are you oh yeah i grew up camping i grew up in denver dog your wife ain't gonna be down for this yeah well that's why she's being the rv while the men are outside dog she's gonna be down cooking hot dogs this is not gonna last long okay you're gonna be like let's go in rv yeah or let's just drive back yeah yeah this is like rachel i talked about this i was like maybe we can do and she was like are you kidding me you know she's like never like i'm not with that like this this is bullshit what he's doing yeah i don't if you if you're

if i would drive my car you would see the mud and be like, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. What are we doing? But you grew up in LA, man. In Denver where he's at Montana as a kid. That's what we did all the time. It's a way of life, bro. It's what we did all the time. And that's why you're here.

Yeah. But I can do it. Yeah. But you're here. Yeah, you're right. All people are always talking about these places they come from. If you're not there anymore, it's because it sucks. Well, I grew up in the mean streets. There's no show business're here. Yeah, you're right. I don't want to hear about the trip. All people always talking about these places they come from. If you're not there anymore, it's because it sucks. Well, I grew up in the mean streets of-

There's no show business in there. I grew up in the mean streets of Jersey. Oh, there's show business everywhere. I grew up in the mean streets of Jersey, and I got tired of fucking ducking from the cops and also people trying to shoot me, dude. So I moved out to LA. In the suburbs of New Jersey? Dude, it was mean.

A little cushy neighborhood. And dirty jurors. And people would be shooting at me and trying to fucking run my pockets. And I was like, nah, I'm out of here, man. And I came out here. Made it as a comedian. To the safe streets of LA. Made it as a comedian.

Like Fresh Prince. And now I take all that hardship and danger that was in my life and I turn it into comedy, dude. That's your origin story? Yep. Turns it into pants and talking dick jokes. Nah, that's my past. Nah, nah. The mean streets of the Jersey suburbs.

What else you got, Nick? Is that it? Nah, that's it. That's it. All right, kids. I'm in La Jolla. First week of June. That's a Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Then starting June 15th, your boy's jumping over the pond. I'm in Belfast, London, I think Cardiff, Manchester, Dublin. I'm all over. It's a theater tour. It's a theater tour, so one show in every city. Come get you some. Ticketsatthickboy.com. I'll be in Columbus and places in Ohio and Canada and Salt Lake City

and Tucson and Pueblo, Colorado. And all sorts of different places. Nashville. Go to chrislee.com. Get tickets. Thanks. Yeah. I'll see you in Austin this weekend, y'all.

Come on down to this. I can't wait to see this club. Mother shit. Yeah, I've heard great things. Keep talking. Everybody that's been to it has been like. I know. It's great.

He's building something. I just think. Anyways. I'll tell you all about it next week. All right, kids. Love you.