The Golden Hour - Simp Or Pimp? | The Golden Hour #7 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D’Elia

Episode Date: December 16, 2022

The guys talk Love Is Blind and Love On The Spectrum, also, favorite childhood Christmas gifts, their morning routines, traveling with babies, ghosts, Chris' dad on TikTok, play an all new segment called Simp or Pimp and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

He looks like the dog. Or he looks like the kid with the dog. Either way, he looks like both of them. Alright, I don't know who that is. Great movie. Mr. Peabody. Either Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh, that's pretty good.

Eric Stoltz. Or... Oh, that's funny. There you go! We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us

nothing can stop us just rebranded enough it's stronger better bigger power because it is On the road, it gets tough. You got to eat pizza late, you know, because there's nothing else open. Like that's what I did last time. I got a fucking full pizza and just stuffed it in my mouth and then went to sleep. Doesn't matter with your genetics. You have bird genetics, right? Yeah.

Immediately, dude. You sleep, you eat pizza, and then you sleep on the road immediately, dude. And I watch NCIS, dude. I eat pizza. I watch NCIS. What are you, 50 years old? The worst show on the planet. Oh, you do it to help you sleep?

No, bro. I do it to laugh, bro. I do it to laugh, man. That show is corny, dude. Dude, most of the hotels have that where you can log into your Netflix. Yep. So I've been watching Love is Blind, season three.

Oof. Love is Blind is where they're, what is that? Just blind people. They're blind? No, no, no, no. They meet, no, it'd be hilarious if they were. No, they meet, they get to know each other on an emotional level,

so they can't see what they look like. And then they have to propose to each other. Show some stupid. And then, no, it it's fantastic and then they get out they have six weeks together and then it's it's fantastic and then the one dude who was like i connected with her but then they see he sees the girl he turned down she's just a 10 he's all damn and he goes then and he went with the wrong one oh yeah it happens oh no it's great and he's like put my boner yeah boner he's like, put my boner. Yeah.

My boner. He's like, but I'm thinking of my wiener. Oh, no, dude. And do they have actual 10s on it? Oh, yeah. There's some dongs. Really, dude? His girl's not bad, but the one girl, you're like, ooh, you fucked up. Really?

Yeah, the turn with the girl with the curly hair. That's the 10? That's the 10 there. Let's see. Let's see, dude. Make it bigger. We make it bigger. We make it bigger.

Oh, wow. So he didn't, dude. Make it bigger. We make it bigger. We make it bigger. Oh, wow. So he didn't pick her. Uh-huh. And then he picked this other girl. I don't want to. Nancy. Nancy. She's attractive, too.

Yeah. She ain't bad at all. Set of Netflix hitters on her. Oh, all right. Yeah, she's not bad. I have good-looking people on her. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, some aren't, right?

Some aren't. Oh, right. No, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, no. Some, you're like, I picked Nancy, and she's the war people on there. Oh, yeah. Now, some aren't, right? Some aren't. No, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, no. Some, you're like, I picked Nancy and she's the warlock. Really? Oh, wow.

Wow. Okay. It's like if you want a best friend, marry a dude. So are they going out still? They're probably going to break up. I don't know. I don't want to spoil it. I don't know.

Well, if you're watching the show, you're pretty much spoiling it because you're spoiling your life by watching the show. A little bit. I mean, you watch NCIS, though, right? So that's a waste of complete time. Yeah, but we laugh at it. We laugh at it. We make fun of it.

And I work on my chops as a comedian. By laughing at NCIS? Yeah, but you watch this shit like this. You pop one. Oh, I'm into it. Oh, no, no. I hope she picks the right one. That's you, dude.

And then if they don't pick the right one, you go, oh, no, and you piss your pants. I go, no, no, no, no, no. Oh. Oh, no. What were you saying? Okay. There's one guy, SK. He's Nigerian.

I'm not going to try to do the accent, but he said, what I love about this is that things like race aren't going to play a factor, but they talk through the wall and can't see each other. That's hilarious. There's a lot of good comedy in this. There's some great comedy. Race is not going to be a factor. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, wow. That shows you. But the best was if you have the stomach for it, it's love on the spectrum. Very poignant and sweet. I like that. Yeah. I think that shows a bit sweet because these people are so optimistic about their situation.

And they want love, bro. They love hard. They're not trying to get some pussy. No, no, no. They're trying to get married. I love how aggressive they are. Like, it'd be like five minutes. He's like, do you trying to get some pussy no no no they're trying to get me i love how aggressive they are like it'd be like five minutes he's like do you want to get married yeah and they're just like yeah kids yeah the mike mikey guy or whatever his name is was obsessed when he

was just like when he was like i had this vision of what we would be a loving family and i would be at her funeral when she dies. And that's like, okay, well you're getting ahead of yourself. He's like, I'm just saying. Yeah. That made me laugh. My favorite is the one guy finally gets that girl and they go on that date.

He takes on like that LARPing date at the medieval times. I saw that one. And they're literally like at medieval times. He's like, no, no, no. Brad team.

No. You can tell even she's on the spectrum. She's like, yeah, yeah. And then afterwards she's like, Hey, I think we're better as friends. Right, right, right. Like, you can tell even she's on the spectrum. She's like, yeah, yeah. And then afterwards, she's like, hey, I think we're better as friends. Right, right, right. And he's all what?

Yeah. When you're on the spectrum and you're like, would that be better as friends? Then you're the person who's less on the spectrum. Because some of the people are too much on the spectrum for even the people on the spectrum. Oh, there's levels to this game. Yeah. But then usually, and there was like a few pretty attractive ones. They don't want somebody on the spectrum.

Because they think that they got it. Yeah, they're like, give me a regular dude. Yeah, I don't know, though. If you find somebody that's specifically interesting to you and you're interesting to them, like someone on the spectrum, because, bro, I feel like sometimes I feel like I'm a little bit on the spectrum. You're on the spectrum. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You're like an Elon Musk spectrum. Right. So, well, yeah. I mean, not as successful he but i just feel like uh to find somebody specifically on the spectrum that works with your you know the yin and the yang it can't be the same or whatever because then it's like too much but that's what i'm saying it's two if you're both on the spectrum but that one dude that the black kid on there on the the last

season they paired him up just some girl with downs and oh he shows up he's like what the fuck does that count as on the spectrum? I don't know. I don't know. But he's like, what the fuck? What are we doing? They're like, go on that date. He's like, she's putting peanut butter on her face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, be cool. Eat it off. Eat it off. Yeah, eat it off right now. Be cool. You want that Netflix money? He did?

Yeah. Whoa. Oh, man. So they get married? And there's some comedy in that Whoa. Oh, man. So they get married? And there's some comedy in that show. Sometimes it is. I know. And that dude went shut the fuck up about dinosaurs.

Yeah, dinosaurs. And the girl was like, okay. Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs. That'd be a good name for a place that sells dinosaurs. Dinosaurs. Yeah. Calvin would love that place.

Yeah. Can't go to dinostores? Dinostore, buddy. Yeah. My son says he misses me when I go on the road. It breaks my heart. Anyway. I won't say who it is

that a buddy goes, dude, as long as you FaceTime same as being there. I was like, oh, you're a terrible dad. Yeah. Oh, check please.

It's crazy you talk to Brian Cal that much. Check please. Yeah. All right. What are you getting Calvin Christmas over a couple of weeks?

We went through, you know, it was really cute. You just got to be careful because you don't want to do too over the top because then he just doesn't appreciate it. I'm getting an air 15. No, he, I am, he, we went through the, you know, they send the magazines in the mail. They do the fucking.

The clips? Magazine? No, the actual magazines of the toys and shit. They do? Yeah, in the real mail. They'll drop them in, dude. Really? Yeah, you haven't checked your mail in years.

What kind of magazine? What magazine are you still getting? Like a magazine for fucking toys and shit. So we let them pick something out of Sharper Image. No, no, no. So you fucking... It's for toys, dude. You don't remember this as a kid?

No. You wouldn't look at a magazine and be like, I want this? Oh, I did. It was Toys R Us or like KBP, I think, toys. KBP. What was it, KBP? No, KB Toys. What was it? KB.? No, KB Toy Stars.

What was it? KB. KB. But Calvin, we get it and we look through it and he's like, can I read this with you? And then he like says, I want that. I want that. It's really cute and we circle it. He wants robot blocks.

He picks like 30 toys. Yeah, I know. So we get a few, you know. But he wants robot blocks. He wants gator golf, which I don't know what the fuck that is, but he keeps saying he wants that, gator golf. golf, which I don't know what the fuck that is, but he keeps saying he wants that

gator golf. And then he wants he loves Play-Doh, so I'll probably get it. Oh, there. That's what he wants. Okay. Gator golf. It shoots it back out of the alligator's tongue. That thing's lit. Yeah, that thing's lit. That's dope. Alright, Calvin, it's my turn. That's going to be me.

So he wants gator golf, so I'll probably be getting him gator golf. I've got to get that shit now, though. Yeah, yeah, get on out. My son T asked for a PlayStation 5. So he wants Gator Golf, so I'll probably be getting him Gator Golf. I got to get that shit now, though. Yeah, yeah, get on out. My son T asked for a PlayStation 5. Already? Yeah. He's six?

Yeah. His buddies have it, I guess. They play online. As a six-year-old? Six-year-old, dude. Whoa. How about a Darkwing Duck stuffed toy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about a MyPet monster?

Yeah. And he calls you the f slur dad dad no dad don't be um yeah dad you're a pussy get me the get me the fucking playstation 5 don't be a bitch drives away um yeah um no i i don't know man i i yeah i want to get him everything but then also like i don't want him to be spoiled but it's so hard not to spoil your firstborn bro because it's like the first time and then also the grandparents see that's the thing what i learned because i get my son one good gift because all my family my girl's family get him stuff so if i get him he doesn't but it's too much yeah it's too much yeah he's already

got too many toys a lot of toys but it's cool to see him like the toys like i remember like i it makes me like it all over again me too do you know what i mean but i want to like what i like like you don't like my pet monster yeah yeah yeah he's like what the fuck yeah he's like that's old shit um yeah i love i love seeing him play with toys and playing with – Yeah, it's just he loves robots. Robots. I'm going to get him the robot blocks. I'm going to get him the gator golf,

and I'm going to get him the fucking something else with dinosaurs. That's a lit-ass Christmas. Yeah, it's a litty Christmas. I only got one gift. When I was a kid, I only had one gift. That's how it should be. That's how it should be. You should get one gift.

It's quieter. Nick, you didn't get gifts or what? I'd get one decent one. Nick's Jewish. Felt bad. Grandma sacrificed. Worked hard. Yeah, I want you to get a gift.

I feel bad if someone gets me a good gift. It's also like- Not me. Get me good gifts. Like, what's your wife get you? It's like- Yeah, I know. You know what I'm saying?

I tell her. I was like, don't spend anything. That's what I told her. She does. Listen, if it's something I want, you just buy it. Just don't give me that. Yeah, yeah. Because you're going to buy something and, if there's something I want, you just buy it. Just don't give it to me. Yeah, yeah. Because you're going to buy something and try and surprise me.

I'm not going to want it. It'll hurt your feelings. They'll take it back. It's a waste of my time. Yeah, I don't know. I think, I don't know. The fucking money you make, these stores make on Christmas, though. It's just like.

Oh, nuts. It's just insane, dude. It's insane. Speaking of Christmas, you know what makes a great holiday gift? Crystalia merch. Oh, you're not lying. You go to crystaliamer what makes a great holiday gift? Crystalia merch. You're not lying. Go to crystaliamerch.com for merch. Do we have something that came out?

Yeah, we're dropping some ugly sweaters. We already dropped those. We're going to. Always with that one. It's always the kink, kink, kink one. I'm going to be in San Diego. I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Lakeland, Florida, Brea, California, Portland, Seattle,

and San Antonio, Sugar Land, New York, New York, New Orleans, Providence, Rhode Island, and Chicago. I'll stop there. You're stressing me out. You have all your dates already for 2023. I know Daddy's going UK next year. Daddy's going UK 2023. I'm going back. I don't next year. Daddy's going UK 2023. I'm going back.

You don't know yet? I don't know yet. We're planning it now. I know I'm in Florida. Okay. General, general. Cool. Yeah, we're figuring it out, dude.

But you have dates in January, no? Not yet? February. February right now. I'm sure we have January. You're chilling? No, hell no. I can't chill.

I'll die. Yeah, I know. No, hell no. I know, bro. Freak out. Daddy has to work. All right, all right, all right. Let's take a little break, fam. Chris D'Elia went to the bathroom, but look who I brought in. No, hell no. I know, bro. Freak out. Daddy has to work. All right, all right, all right. Let's take a little break, fam.

Chris D'Elia went to the bathroom, but look who I brought in. Hey, everybody. Eric, what are you doing here? You know, I'm here to tell you guys about I'm going to be at the Comedy Zone Greensboro, North Carolina, January 13th through the 15th, and I'm going to be in Montana, Great Falls, Montana, the Newberry, February 25th. That sounds fantastic. You know what else I'm also here to talk about? What's that? Hello, Fresh. Yeah, I'm here to be in Montana, Great Falls, Montana, the Newberry, February 25th. That sounds fantastic. You know what else I'm also here to talk about?

What's that? Hello Fresh. Yeah, I'm here to talk about it. I'll be in Tampa end of January, but I love Hello Fresh too. I'm also here to talk about Hello Fresh. Tampa, first date of 2023, end of January. Get your tickets. Tampa, Florida.

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we're talking about rogue nicotine baby underage sale prohibited warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical for more information visit rogue nicotine.com now let's get back to the program. Wait, Chin, you had a good Christmas. I assume because you had a brother. I have a great family. Chin comes from a good family. What?

I hate people with good families. I have a great family. Yeah, you do. Yeah, my family's banging, bro. Then why are you all weird? Somebody had to be weird. You're the one weird. It's because I was the firstborn, dude. They treated me like, you know. You got spoiled. Yeah, probably. I don don't know but we didn't really have money back so i don't really understand maybe jessica got spoiled with love maybe i got spoiled with love

and that's the most important gift mark your your christmases were lit mark grew up rough too ah mark burned a house down you can tell yeah yeah we try you try you know i always i remember being jealous of like neighbors who would make a big elaborate show ahead of time and be like look at our tree we have like so yeah yes they're like my parents weren't about like that but they definitely tried and you know do you remember the one toy i remember there's one toy i wanted so bad i would cry at night because i thought santa was doing this. I'd tell my son. I'm like, Daddy bought this from telling dick jokes.

Santa didn't drop that off. Daddy had to perform in San Antonio a little bit. All right? But the toy I wanted so bad as a kid was Teddy Rupskin.

Yeah, you said it wrong, but yeah. What do you call it? Teddy Ruxpin. Ruxpin. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I mean,

it's a bullshit made up thing, but that's creepy as fuck. You wanted that. Hello, I'm Teddy Ruxpin. No, it. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I mean, it's a bullshit made-up thing, but that's creepy as fuck. You wanted that. Hello, I'm Teddy Ruxpin. No, you could put a cassette in his back and he'd tell you a story. Here's the problem with that. I'm rough on toys. His jaw fell off.

That thing was terrifying. Terrifying. Yeah, that thing was fucking killer. They put money on that shit. The only thing bigger than that was, remember my pet Elmo? I was in high school. People were getting stabbed for it. Tick money on that shit. The only thing bigger than that was remember my pet Elmo? I was in high school. People were getting stabbed for it. Tickle me Elmo. My pet Elmo, yeah. Dude, that's

crazy, bro. It's my pet monster. My pet monster, tickle me Elmo. Hey, you're a word Nazi, huh? Not with you. Are you my English teacher from high school, Ms. Deacon? Because if y'all are, grow tits. I know. I know. I know. I know. I wasn't trying to correct you. I was trying to figure out. I wasn't trying to correct you. I was trying to figure out.

You should though. I was with Teddy Ruxpin. What's this? Oh, that was the WWF ring. And I had the figures too. I had Macho Man, Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan. Awesome. We can't say names.

I'm trying to think what else was big cars I loved Transformers Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was my big one big one I had the blimp oh so did I I had all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

He-Mans I had a lot of He-Mans did you fuck with He-Man hell yeah oh yeah yeah I had so many He-Mans I still have them the He-Man movie was on

the other night when it was on the road Dolph Lundgren oh it was good really wow He-Man was gay huh yeah his outfit no way in hell He-Man was gay, huh?

Yeah, his outfit was super good. There's no way in hell He-Man was not gay, right? No, look at that outfit. Look at him when he's Prince Adam or whatever. Look at his dragon. But look at his pink with the pink and the fucking click on the left there. Look at how gay, dude. And it's fine, but he is. Yeah, that's in the 80s too.

No, He-Man, gay man. I mean, dude. He-Man? I couldn't figure the movie out. I couldn't figure the movie out. I was trying to cover it. It was two in the morning morning i was watching it i'm like god man this looks cool i'm like where do i know this from and then it i realized when dolph lundgren popped up i was like oh this is when i was a kid this was my shit yeah you didn't even know that it was he meant until

you saw dolph lundgren yes i had no idea i was like where's this from i had the guy with the white mask what is that from dolph lundgren works out at my gym or the gym I used to go to. I used to see him sometimes. He was like a legit scientist. Like Russian scientist. What? Yeah. Super wicked smart. What? Stupid smart. That must be why he wouldn't shut up about biology when we were working out.

You know another thing about biology. Dude, I don't care, man. I don't fucking give a shit. Tim, you're like Gary running, Dol dude i can't wait to get on gear when i'm 60 bro i'm gonna be on so are you gonna do it then yes that's my buddy dylan was he man this halloween there you go and just to prove that yeah that's a very gay is that is that a woman uh under the skeletor yeah that's wife. She had a miserable time with that mask on. Oh, the worst. That's the thing.

You put a mask on, you're like, fuck yeah, and then 30 minutes in, you're like, this was a big mistake. I'm fucking sweats pouring out of my brow. Those masks are a beast. All right. Let's see what's up with the Golden Hour, guys. Let's see what the submissions we got. If you have a submission, hit what?

What, Nick? The Golden Hour subs at gmail.com. There you go. Shout out to everyone who sent them in lately because they are popping. Yep, yep. And we are trying to. Keep it popping. Look, we appreciate.

We see the guy here with the Carhartt beanie on. We know when this show was Cats, even though it's a completely different show now, that Carhartt played a big part. They're a sponsor. They're a sponsor. And we appreciate all the fans. We're trying to weed out the Carhartt fans, man. Just let you know.

We got to weed out the fucking Carhartt fans. That's about 50% of our fan base. But yeah, man. All right, let's do it. What's going on, Golden Hour crew? Fellow Patreon member here. I don't know how your segments work these days, but I figured I'd just send in a video

and see what's up. What do you guys think? You into hiking? We're not. Brennan, I know your thick ass gets up a mountain here and there. Thick Boy Nation, Bike Club, Chris, I don't know if those peg legs can get you up a foothill or not. It's disrespectful. Eric, you've got to not wear jeans if you're trying to hike.

Okay. I don't know. Let me know what you guys think. Chris, I'll see you in Boise May 19th. Hook a brother up with some VIP tickets. They already sold out, right? Lifetime member, longtime listener. Big fan of all you guys.

The show's doing great so far. You guys are nice as shit. I don't know what else to say, but. You said it all, my baby. Look at this beautiful view. Wow, it's beautiful. Let me know, boys. Freezing.

Take care. Boise, Idaho, dude. I'll be there in Boise. Have you been there before? In May, yeah. One or two times. Great, man. Yeah, I played the me know, boys. I'll take care. Boise, Idaho, dude. I'll be there in Boise. Have you been there before? Yeah. One or two times. Great, man. Yeah.

I was like the Egyptian, I think. Did you play that? I have to go with the theater I played. But now I'm doing some kind of, I don't know what I'm doing. Not that. Some of the best crowds, man. Yeah, Boise's great. I love Boise.

Also, Boise's a cool town. It's like coming up and shit. They don't like that now. They don't like what? No, Boise doesn't like Californians moving there. Oh, I didn't know Californians were moving there. Oh, yeah. Well, I know Aaron Paul, my buddy Aaron Paul moved there.

Well, he's from there, though, so that doesn't count. That doesn't count. Yeah. But he... His thing was King of Sting at hiking? No, no, no. Yes. He just said hiking.

Sour power. Sour power. Sour power. Sour power. Sour power. Here's the deal, dude. I like hiking, okay? I do like hiking.

And there's a YouTube video of me going hiking, and it fucking did dummy numbers, and everyone likes to see me hiking, and it's fine deal, dude. I like hiking. Okay? I do like hiking. And there's a YouTube video of me going hiking. And it fucking did dummy numbers. And everyone likes to see me hiking. And it's fine, dude. And I did that. And I like hiking. Or you can continue to do it. You can't say you go hiking if you've only been once.

Oh, no. I used to go hiking a bunch. But then I stopped because... Life. Kids. Yeah, just kind of life and stuff. But, you know, I like hiking. Getting outside is good, man.

I'm white as fuck, dude. And, like, to get that fresh air feels really good. Nothing better. Yeah. I used to take my son hiking with me all the time. That's cool. And then we saw a bunch of rattlesnakes. I'm like, no more, buddy.

No more. Oh, Jesus Christ. No more. So then I go by myself. I still go all the time. Probably twice a week. Yeah, you go a lot, huh? All the time.

Yeah, I love it. What times do you go in the day? Early. I only work out early. If I don't work out early, it ain't getting done. All right. So when do you wake up? 5.30.

It's too early. So when do you go to sleep? I'm in bed by 9. Come on, bro. Unless I'm doing sets. 9, dude? I'm watching a show in there. Yeah, 80.

Okay. 9, and you're watching a show, and then you're out by what? 10.30. Yeah, 80. All right. That's fine. And you go to bed at what? Like 1 every night, no matter what? Yeah. How's that skin? and you go to bed at what like one every night no matter what

how's that skin oh it's terrible oh no dude i sleep and you wake up at what time 10 solid nine hours he figured it out but you don't wake up with the kiddo ever he wakes up at fucking 10 dude that's insane he's got comic hours your kid bro it's that is your fucking kid i wake up and kristen is right there and shit and we're just chilling and we're like what should we do we look on the nanit calvin's just still like he's out you know and then um and then uh look research research indicates that an hour of natural light in the morning will help you sleep better. What? Regulates your rhythm. Oh, so you go outside.

Yeah. You're supposed to write when you wake up. Go outside. Let your feet touch the ground. Some grounding. Yep. Ground yourself. Grounding?

Is that what it's called? Yep. Is this called something? Just putting your feet on grass. As soon as you get out, sun. Boom. I'm up at 530. My kid is up at 530.

All right. So you wake up at 530. You go hiking. Or what's the date? You wake up. 530. My kid is up at 530. All right. So you wake up at 530. You go hiking. Or what's the date? You wake up. 530. And then what? Go downstairs.

It's just me and Boston. I drink four shots of espresso. I'll drink a Diet Dr. Pepper. Come on. Yep. And then I'll watch YouTube music videos with the kiddo. Then I'll get them ready for school. They leave for school.

Daddy's hiking. At what time? We've got to do the time. 8-ish. 8.30? I'm hiking. Okay, so that's cool. It's not too early to hike. No. Why? We have a 5.30, huh? Yeah. Early bird gets the worm. Yeah, and can you

sleep past that? Or no? You wake up at 5.30. No, impossible. Even though I'm on the road, that's why on the road it might... You're fucked. Because if I go to bed at 1, it don't matter. Daddy waking up at 5.36 Pacific time no matter what. Whoa. Waking up on the road in the morning're fucked super because if i go to bed at one don't matter how do you wake up at 5 36 no matter what whoa waking up on the road in the morning is so awesome though because you get to look at the city and shit and walk around you know what i mean yeah if you're in a cool city if you're in a cool city but yeah especially really early fort wayne indiana it's not so far right yeah yeah yeah you don't want to wake up you want to sleep you're like please

i want to sleep more just let me sleep i have to hit the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like, we went to Boston and it was fucking, it was lit. We got to walk around and get some coffees. I could live in Boston.

They didn't have winters. They didn't have winters. I know. I know, bro. I can't do it, dude. You can't do it. I can't do it. Not built for winters.

No, not built for winters, dude. You're from Denver, though. I know. That's why I moved. Exactly, dude. I'm from New Jersey, dude. I'm from the Dirty Jers, bro. Jersey Jers. And dude, trust me, man. D for me man dirty jurors all right cool what's this guy want all right got a question for y'all maybe uh maybe

a new segment if somebody has a similar story or something but uh simp or pimp i was talking to this girl for a little bit and she was in a new city, no friends or family. But she was moving from her apartment to her new house and didn't have any help. So I drove seven hours to help her move, basically. I didn't get laid. I don't know if that's a determining factor or not. But, yeah, is that a simp or pimp? Is that a nice thing to do for somebody, or is that just a little too far?

Let me know. Love you guys. Well, the only reason you decided to do it is because she's hot. Would you do it for a guy? Absolutely not. There you go. Real friends don't ask friends to help them move or drive them to the airport. Did he end up laying horizontal with her? No. So simp. That's it. I agree. Simp. Because if she wasn't banging, you would never drive seven

hours to help her move. True. If you got it wet, pimp. You kept it dry, simp. It's very simp. Wet or dry. Dude. Wet or dry. You helped her put her bed in the room and then, all right, well, I mean, dude. Nothing. Sam!

Dude, and how long did you help her move? And then it's getting late and she's like, all right, well, I guess I'm just going to go hang with my friends. That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to hit the road for seven hours, bitch. Oh, my God. How fun. Drove 14 hours. Unless it was three and a half each way. We don't know. Either way. friends oh that's cool yeah i'm just gonna hit the road for seven hours bitch oh my god how fun

drove 14 unless it was three and a half each way we don't know either way either way too long dude long don't don't yeah also read the room here's the other thing too i don't like nice guys that are trying to get some shit if you're a nice guy be a nice guy i got a buddy david sullivan you know him i brought him up before on this podcast and always on my podcast. Congratulations. Go subscribe to Super Cult Studios. But he is just a legit nice guy. A legit nice guy. Like he would help you out. If he is in an elevator, if there is a woman there

and he likes the woman's watch, it does not matter if she's a 10 or a 1. He'll say, wow, that's a really nice watch. My point is, if she's a 10, he's not hitting on her. He is not hitting on her.

He's just paying her a compliment. No, no, no. He doesn't. I'm just giving an example. No, I get it. But he is just a nice guy. He's never trying to get anything from it, and that's beautiful. But if you're a dude that helps somebody move to try and get horizontal with the lady,

that's a little bit fucking cagey, right? A little shady. A little shady. You got to be up front. You got to be up front. I feel like you got to be up front. Women always say, I like a guy who's up front and honest.

You know they lie, but still. But if he would have shown a picture like I drove seven hours and it was like, you know, a bit of a warlock, I'd be like, oh, he's a good dude. I guarantee you, she had some sweater puppies on her right now.

Well, he's a good looking dude. That he didn't get to see. Well, honestly, he could have probably, maybe she wanted to. If this guy's asking, my point is this, this guy's good looking dude. That he didn't get to see. Well, honestly, he could have probably, maybe she wanted to. If this guy's asking, my point is this. This guy's good looking, okay? If this guy is asking this question to us, then he is insecure enough to also fail at closing the deal after he helps put the bed in the room. He figured it out, dude.

And that's why I'm fucking here, dude. Yes. That's the only reason you're here. Dude, this guy. Nice guy, though though he fucked up nice guy but also a little bit cagey but also didn't close the deal

he needs to he's in the middle yeah bro realize who you are he's standing there he's got all the fucking infinity stones you're sweating

he's driving all over creation you're sweating he found the fucking orange one he found the green one he found the blue one he's just holding them holding them in his hand put them in the knuckles baby

put them in the knuckles get your dick wet guy got all the stones he doesn't know where they go this fucking guy he's i drove seven hours i put an ikea couch together took me another four hours guys god shit thanks and yeah just went in the room with another dude this guy and you know ugly guys are watching this shit like this guy doesn't know he has it all. Fucking guy, bro. So send in your simp or pimp. That guy doesn't know his worth. Yeah, send in your simp or pimp.

That's a good saying. Simp or pimp is great. Situations that you put yourself out there. Because right now you're a simp, but here's the good news, dude. You could be a pimp. You have the looks for a pimp. But you have the attitude of a simp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, let's see what's up with this dude. Yo, what's going on, guys? Thanks for having me. Zach from India here. This guy has six different accents. So I've sent you a little attachment. Is he a radio host? A nice little family video that I like to send to one of my close friends.

In this example, it's me asking him if he wants to play some Call of Duty. Just a nice little family video that you've got that one friend that you're close with. KBPI. So that brings me to my question. Nice little family video that, you know, you've got that one friend that you're close with. KBPI. So that brings me to my question. Do any of y'all have that one really close friend that you're comfortable sending weird videos to, you know? And if you do have that one friend, maybe you could share with us, like, who it is and what kind of vids you send. All right.

Our power. Flip it. Dude, this guy. Callum sent me a dick pic once a week. This guy literally has six different accents. I don't understand. He's a radio host. All right. He has to be a radio host. And this is the video he sent me a dick pic once a week. This guy literally has six different accents. I don't understand. He's a radio host. All right.

He has to be a radio host. And this is the video he sent to his friend? Yeah. Okay. Hey, you sexy bastard. I just got out of the shower, and I used the old flashlight. I like the mustache, man. Oh.

I'm doing helicopters right now, and you can't even see it. You hear that? Listen. Let's get these dubs. 20 minutes. Hey, dude. Hey, dude. You're in a relationship with that guy.

But also, I'd play Call of Duty with him. That's a quality video. Yeah, but, guy, what the fuck, man? That's wild. I would be like, shit. I don't have any friends send stuff. We'll send stupid stuff. I've sent.

The funny stuff when you, you know, obviously it's humor amongst us. We're bragging about something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, oh, so annoying, Chris. You relate to this with the fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we sent to Brian because he's the prettiest. You know, there's funny with that.

I sent a picture, my sheets over my, this was fucking 15 years ago. I sent my sheets over my boner and sent it to Callan and I said, holy shit, there's a ghost in my bedroom. He sent to both of us. Oh,

really? Yeah, yeah. I said, holy shit, there's a ghost in my bedroom. It's haunted. Ah.

So that, this shit is like, this is like the fucking, the Ace Ventura, the porn star, the way he's doing it. Do you have to slap your nuts against your leg? I think that's his penis, right? Yeah, helicopter.

Smashing it around. Oh. I'm doing helicopters right now, and you can't even see it. I mean, four years old. Ew. Ew, dude. Ew. What did he say, 20 minutes?

Free call, dude. See you on there in 20 minutes. T-minus 20 minutes. God, this guy's a wacko, huh? All right, let's get these dubs. What does that mean? I mean... Wins.

Really? Really? Only you and Brian send me funny videos. But then now, as you get older, for instance, serious videos. Hey, man, just out here in whatever, New York. Think about that. Oh no, this is sad. Remember that time, man, the three of us?

Our friend died. The kid got hit by the car. That's I don't know, man. You gotta change. That guy's gotta change. Or he's a good time. Yeah, no, he seems like fucking fun. When Aljo was on Food Truck Diaries,

I was in the stall next to him, and I sent a video of people. I was like, I'm pooping next to the champ. Oh, that's right. You sent me a video of you taking a shit. You know who sends, or used to, I don't know if he still does, he's a little more mature now,

you know who sends the most horrible shit? It's Will Sassa. Oh, really? Who'd send a dude just fisting another dude's ass, pulling his anus out? No, not to me. I had to block him. Yeah, really? He would send a dude just fisting another dude's ass, pulling his anus out. No, not to me. I had to block him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gross. Mike Catherwood would do that too. But dude, check out this wiener. I'm like, dude. Mike has a very- I'm on a flight, bro. Twisted sense of humor. Love that dude.

Who? Catherwood. Catherwood. One of the best people. He moved to Austin. I know. He has like a farm out there. I know.

Sent me a video. He was like, dude, you have these chickens. I know. I know. He has like a farm out there. I know. Sent me a video. He was like, dude, you have these chickens. I know. I know. Going to eat them. You like eggs? Yeah. All right.

Let's see what's up. Hey, what's up, you guys? Love the show. Friendly as shit. You're all awesome. Thank you. My name's Sydney. I'm from British Columbia.

Great. And my question is traveling with children. So I'm supposed to be going to Maui in January. Wow, nice. And my little one's going to be four months old. That's it. Oh. And I don't want to be the person on the plane with the screaming baby.

So she just had the kid. No one likes being on a plane with a screaming baby. Parents understand, though. But I also want to go to Maui. So let me know your thoughts. Traveling with children. I need more details. Cool, not cool. Get it done.

What are your thoughts? But hold on though. She just had the kids. Yeah, she just had the kids. She doesn't look... I mean, I guess you can't see her belly, but... Yeah. She looks great though. Yeah, it looks great. I need more details. You're going to travel with the kiddo. A, you'll be surprised. I know there's always those terrible kids on the plane.

Most kids are chill. My kid has always been chill. Mine too, yeah. He's just glad to be there. always those terrible kids on the plane. Most kids are chill. Like, my kid has always been chill. Mine too, yeah. He's just glad to be there. He shuts the fuck up. Me too. I'm chill. I used to cry all the time on planes. Yeah.

I'm chill now too. A few years ago, I'd just be like, ah! Yeah. Sir? And then also. You're 50. Sir, can you shut the fuck up? But then also, if you're going to Maui, is she a single mother?

Is there a husband? Is the grandma going to help you so you get some free time with your man? Otherwise, just take kids to San Diego. Yeah, true. They don't fucking know. Or whatever the San Diego is version of British Columbia. But you, yeah, that is a good point. If you're going on a trip with just your kid, your former runthold,

you're not going to have fun in Maui. Hopefully, you're going with your husband or guy or whatever. Four months, they go to bed at like six o'clock. You're not going to be able to do, but so do you anyway. But you can't, you got to bring someone else too. Not just the kid. You know what? This is rich guy talking though, isn't it?

A little bit, isn't it fellas? No, because I just wouldn't go. If I didn't have the money, I just wouldn't go. If it was just me and my kid, I wouldn't go. Why would I go to Maui, I just wouldn't go. If it was just me and my kid, I wouldn't go. Why would I go to Maui? That's what I'm saying. That's a long ass flight. But also to bring a nanny or like.

No, you don't bring a nanny. I'm saying if you have your husband and you're going with your husband. No, even your husband, because you're both locked up. So is your husband like, have fun with the kid. I'm going out and getting some Mai Tau. No, I guess not. Yeah, you could take turns. But if you have grandma there.

Right. Good point. Hey, old bitch. You've seen everything. Stay with the old bitch you've seen everything stay with the kid everything but the but hold on though her question was on the flight if if you have to be surprised what about what like everyone assumes kids are gonna do bad my kids were never bad but also i'll tell you i'd fly all the time if there's a kid crying i see the mom just like, oh, man. And people get mad. I will fight somebody for that. I'm like, you have no fucking clue. She's already stressed out. I know.

I agree. Like, you turn around going, can you do something about the kid? I agree. Yeah, bitch. They're trying to. I agree. I think that you bring the kid. That's just part of flying.

Sometimes there's a baby crying. Okay. So there's a baby crying. So this mom doesn't get to go fucking enjoy Maui because of that? You know, that's annoying as fuck. Also, anyone who's like, can you quiet the kid? No.

It's going to do what it does. It's so fucking annoying. Baby's going to baby, man. It's like when someone knocks on the door when you're in the urinal at the fucking coffee bean and tea leaf and you're like, you think I'm in this disgusting bathroom

any longer than I want to be? Hanging out hanging out trust me i want to get out of this place that smells like only shit as quick as possible yes yes one time in the knock knock knock knock i opened the door i said you think i'm having a party in there i said to the lady i was so pissed off and she says i don't know well it seemed like it no I was like, trust. I said, trust me. I want to get out of here ASAP. But daddy has work to do. I had fucking work to do. I'm loaded up on coffee.

Feet up. And it's about to be a mudslide. Feet up. Feet up. You should have closed the door and played Red Cherry music. What's that? Just have a party in there. One more time. Got me feeling so free.

We're going to celebrate. Celebrate and dance with me. One more time. Celebrate. I'm kidding. You could do it. Celebrate. I'm kidding. You could do it. Celebrate. No, I didn't know the rest of the words.

Usually I will chime in, though. I ain't blue. If I weren't green, I wouldn't die. And I'd lead. Oh, what happened to them? That's that part, right? I'm blue. Gotta be on my.

That part's the shit, dude. Gotta be on my. Gotta be on my. Ah, I hurt my jaw. Great. Ah, dude. Ah, I hurt my jaw. Great. Ah, fuck. The Blue Man Group, and those are different than the guys doing the magic in Vegas? That's not the Blue Man Group.

No, they're not. Non-blue and non-blue. I'm blue, gotta be, gotta be. Isn't it? Gotta be, gotta be. They're blue by death, man. And now, do they still do the magic shit? They're old as fuck.

They have the life because they're not famous. They're blue. Right? Oh, Eiffel 65. Oh, that's right. Oh, but it was a song called Blue? Blue, yeah. And they sound like Daft Punk.

They look like them too. The Daft Punk guys are brilliant too. Dabba D in parentheses. Dabba da bing da da bing. You can say whatever you want though right um yeah daft punk's brilliant because they knew they were gonna be huge and they go we're gonna wear a helmet so we don't get we can still walk the streets nobody knows us brilliant daft punk yeah yeah that's great that's great that's awesome i'm gonna do it with my comedy wear a helmet

too late it is but i'll get 60 000 tickets in Boston. I'll get facial reconstructive surgery. Not 60,000. That would be the Blackhawks, okay? It's 6,100. And I'm going to get facial. Boston Bruins. I'm going to get facial reconstructive surgery. Then I'm going to start putting on a helmet so nobody knows who I am.

And then I take the helmet off. Or you're just a regular guy. What's this young man want? Hey, just to ask you, have you guys seen my sunglasses? You're out of favors, kid. My babies. It's your boy, Tim. Nice.

I got a debate club for you guys. So personally, I hate these two groups of people equally. Blacks and Asians. It's the people that saturate their lawns with political signs, politicians. Oh, yeah. Oh, nothing worse. It's going to make a dent. Are you trying to get egged?

Or people who put their bumper stickers all over the fucking car. Annoying. With their beliefs of the world. Yes. Like anyone gives a shit. I know. Unless it's a Trump sticker, what are we doing? You guys can debate that.

I hate them both. Just kidding. I'm sure you do, too. Love the show. Love you guys. Mwah. Nice. I like that guy a lot. When you see a Subaru Outback and it has a Hillary Clinton 20-whatever-it-is-16 sticker on it, it's disgusting.

Okay. What are you doing? Okay. All of it is disgusting. It doesn't matter who you align yourself with. No. All of it's bad. But if she lost and you –

Oh, you're saying now. Yeah, now. You're saying now. You know you can take it off, right? Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, that's ridiculous. It's insane. It's like having a Buffalo Bill sticker on your car like you should have won.

Yeah, or being like Jimmy Carter in 1980. It's like, dude. I've even seen bumper stickers. Listen, I was just in Texas. It said Trump was robbed. Still? Oh, I was just there. My whole thing is just get over it.

Whatever happened, just get over it. If Trump runs again, then put the Trump bumper sticker back on. But, like, just get over it. We get the new bumper sticker because it's also a bumper sticker. Just put it over the whole thing. Right, right, right, right, right. We should write a bumper sticker and sell it as merch. That's a brilliant idea.

Good planet. Wow, I read it wrong. Compost happens. Jesus Christ, that's so stupid. Remember who you wanted to be. Don't get even, get odd. Wow, this is like school teacher central. Hunty Dumpty was pushed.

Wow. This is a conspiracy person. Eve was framed. You may already be doomed. Only as a life rip. That's the best one. Then he has a life rip sticker. That's cool.

My favorite one is my comedy channel, Fox News. My news source, Comedy Central. Bro, how old are these? Jesus Christ. Dude, corporate media. The rich telling the middle class to blame the poor. Ooh, isn't that true? See, that one speaks to me, dude.

Oh, wow. This is amazing. These are amazing. These fucking suck. It is weird people that get their news from CNN are fucked. It's all wrong. It's all. They saw the fucking, you saw the shit, what they were saying about Dave Chappelle?

Like they were, CNN was trying to say like he was being hateful towards Jews. They said he was promoting anti-Semitic. Bro, he wasn't. Did you see his bit? Yeah. His monologue was fantastic. It was great. Crush it.

But whether or not. This is what Savage, I hate to interrupt you, this is what Savage. So you don't have to do rehearsals. He did a safe one during the rehearsal, completely changed it when it went live. Gangster. That is gangster. Because he knew they'd be like, no, you can't do this, this. He was like, cool.

But it wasn't even hateful. It was fantastic. But whether or not you think it's fantastic, how can you see that and think he's perpetuating hate? Oops, right? But if it was hateful, I'm trying to clear you up. If it was hateful, I wouldn't say it's fantastic. It's fantastic because it's not. It's fantastic because it's take on Kanye and Kyrie Irving and Herschel Walker.

It was brilliant. But it's not promoting anti-Semitic shit. No. He even said Kanye. It was the opposite. Yes. Wasn't it? Am I missing something something did you guys see it i did uh he was basically he was basically trying to say like i like you fucked up like first thing i learned when i got to la is you don't fuck with jews and jews are saying that's the problem you guys saying we run hollywood we run banks is the problem oh he's human that's what they

were saying yeah because they're like you keep pushing this narrative but why is that even bad to be running hollywood i want to run hollywood dude why is it bad does it that's like being like yo they're they're good at fucking you know yeah but when anything happens they're like well the jews run it or you know what i'm saying so it's like it's like the same thing with how people like uh you know if it's a black athlete like oh he's really athletic all right okay you know what i'm saying it's good it's like that narrative interesting okay yeah it's like well that's what they're saying yeah huh what's that say there if they're black then it's a gang if they're italian it's a mob but if they're jewish it's a coincidence and you should never forget it they're not saying that that's bad right uh i think i mean i think it's a joke

but david a it's a joke but dave also said one of the things that was told to me that's not him that's that wasn't his original idea he's saying one of the things when i got to la boom boom boom yeah you know probably didn't happen then he's just making it up and it's a joke but yes either way it's a joke i thought it was fantastic yeah it was great it was great it was great it was fucking great period i don't know i don't know i don't know what they want they just want i know they're never gonna be happy no no woke will never be happy woke will never be happy people are pissed off when i did the and remember i told you uh were we it? Piss on it or pee on it? What's our new thing? Shower of power?

Shower of power. Remember I was like Jeffrey Dahmer for Milwaukee promo. Remember I did that? Yeah. Some people were furious. Because you did that promo? Yeah. Furious.

Like how so? Just like I can't believe you're capitalizing. This is marketing. Sold out. Wow. You've been doing parody posters for 10 years. Forever. Forever. It's sold out. Wow. You've been doing parody posters for 10 years. Forever. Forever.

It's insane. And Dommer's so hot right now with that Netflix thing. He's from Milwaukee. Figure it out. Did they get mad at Netflix? Yeah, get mad at Netflix. By the way, they're doing a bunch of different ones now. They're doing the fucking John Wayne Gacy.

They're doing more. Yeah, I'm all for it. Yeah, and they all got victims. Then you have Richard Ramirez, Charles Manson. Keep going. Obviously, there's a demo for it. It's and they all got victims. Richard Ramirez, Charles Manson, keep going. Obviously, there's a demo for it. It's like the most watch show. You know what?

Beat Squid Game. Stranger Things, yeah. Beat Squid Game. Wow. Nuzzles. All right. That's Chin's shirt. Yep, it is.

Oh, sorry. Just a little flex. Basically, do I believe in aliens? Is this guy a nut job? What's the deal? You know, it's hard to say. When you think of how big the galaxy is,

how little we are, Earth, it's almost naive to think that there isn't something else out there. I don't know if they're coming to get us. Might not hurt to be prepared. What's that saying?

There we go. And that's when you cross over to crazy. Stay ready. You don't know how to get ready. Stay ready for what? Yeah. They might come over and just run. What are you going to do?

Stay ready with guns? I'd like to hear what you have to say. I think it's pretty naive to think that we're the only things here and there. I can't either, Tim. But it's naive to think. What else I don't like is they think it's going to be like Mars Attack. We're like, Yeah, you don't know what they're going to do. They else I don't like is they think it's going to be like Mars attack. We're like, Yeah, you don't know what they're going to do.

They might be really cool. Yeah. They might come down and be like, Oh, you guys are morons. We're good. And just dip out. Yeah, yeah. We might be that, you know.

Or they might be dumber than us. We might be a yellow starburst to them. We're like, oh, we're good. Right. They're terrible. Right. And Saturn is inhabited. It's inhabited by an army inside the planet Saturn.

They're planning some kind of a military expedition. NASA believes that that expedition is going to be an invasion of the Earth. I've been told by... I agree 100%. There's people inside Saturn. And they're preparing a military invasion for Earth. That's so egotistical, bro. Like, dude, why would they give a shit?

I would just look at him and go, oh, cool. Prove it. Yeah, no, I don't agree with that. That's coming from a guy that believes in ghosts. Look at this guy, Jordan Maxwell. Is he also a human turkey? Well, he died this year. An alien killed him.

Yep, from Saturn. Right after that video, they fucking, wow. Is this Immortal Technique posted that? He didn't post it, but he was one of the first combatants. He's like, look this guy up, Jordan Maxwell. Wow. Immortal Technique is hilarious. But also, with the alien stuff, we just assume they'll be hostile as fuck.

What if they're really loving and cool? I think it's racism at its finest, dude. Me too. They might be fucking totally nice. You don't know. We're assuming they're really loving cool i think it's racism at its finest dude me too it might be fucking totally nice you don't know yeah we're assuming they're green i know don't even it's because hollywood painted this picture where they're gonna be super hostile and who runs hollywood and who runs hollywood oh my god alien i didn't say aliens i'm just saying we're expecting the best it might be lit as fuck oh cool like cool. Like, oh, let's show you. That's my whole thing about like.

You guys like pasta? We got this dish. And they're like, oh, you like big dicks? On our planet, small dicks. And you're like, oh, perfect. No, no, dude. They go, oh, no, your dick's too big. Dude, that's my whole thing with ghosts.

It's like if there's ghosts, cool, but show it to me. And also, I'm not scared. I want to meet some ghosts and say what up. Like, I'm not scared. If I wake up in the middle of the night and there's a ghost there i go like this yo can we like have a fucking great conversation what's been going on that would be nice a lot of people like i get away get away don't get away no unless they're evil but they're not but why that's my thing they're not all evil you're right again there's this weird you know assumption that all ghosts are mean.

Some of them. Because if I was a ghost, if you were a ghost, would you be evil? No, no, no. Neither would I, bro. No, no. I'd be nice as fuck. You'd be like, I gotta get out of this house. This ghost keeps flicking my dick, telling me weird shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Interrupting me. Yeah. And drinking my shit all the time. And he's leaving nicotine all around the house. Yeah. And there's shit streaks in his undies. Yeah. Mine would be like, whoops.

I keep hearing whoops oops that's me this guy is i've been everyone sent me this dude look at this guy that's me after facial reconstructive surgery oh this guy's an alien he's so scary. That's me. No, imagine him putting this together, going through the different masks that he's wearing. He is... He's a serial killer. But he doesn't have the brains to pull it off. I put a guy on my TikTok. I put this guy on my TikTok, and I said,

Dad. But it was a different video of the guy. If you go to my TikTok, dude, he was dancing, and it was a different video of the guy if you go to my tiktok dude he was um really funny that's his thing i don't want to get demonetized because the song dude someone said hunter biden vibes hunter biden's a wild boy here wait yeah oh no i guess's just a strange bird man that guy? yeah here we go I wanna

right there is he singing? yeah but it doesn't this is the song creep special look at the way he's singing are you starting a chainsaw? Oh, he's good, though.

He's good, though. Now he's wearing a free shirt he bought for buying. That shirt is fucking lit, dude. That's me. A hundred percent. That's what you do in the bathroom when people are not. Videos I send Calvin on the road. So good, dude.

He's just expressing himself. I love guys like that. is he is he crushing online is that what he's doing i don't think he is i've only seen that one the nine inch nails yeah that song for me i don't think he's crushing it he might but he might be i mean you know he might open up for me but that would be cool i would love to have him open up yeah dude no i think no actually hard pass yeah what else you got nicholas That would be cool. I would love to. Have him open up for you? Yeah, dude. No. I think no, actually. No hard pass. Yeah. What else you got, Nicholas?

My jaw doesn't hurt anymore. It hurt for a while. Oh, this guy looks like a guy that would be in Scooby-Doo. So let's see what this guy has to say. He's from fucking Oregon. William coming at you live from Oregon. Oh! Who's good, bro? Dude, who's good?

You're on it today. Come on, man. You're on it. Back me up. I just knew. We didn't know. We don't know. We have no clue. Who's good? You're on it today. Come on, man. You're on it. Back me up. I just knew. We didn't know. We don't know. We have no clue.

Who's good, bro? Who's good? I do it. I do it good, dude. I did it. I do it good. You know what? I'm sorry for bragging.

It's just so good. Was it the haircut, the glasses, the whole vibe, the hips or mustache? You got to rely on your intuition sometimes. Now, is it Portland, Oregon specifically? I don't know. I would say Portland if I had to pick. I mean, who knows? I don't know anything about Oregon except for that guy's in it.

This is a submission for whom do I look like? So we're going to go with. Mr. Peabody. So guess before he gives options. Okay. Mr. Peabody, the cartoon. Bring it up. He looks like the dog.

Or he looks like the kid with the dog. Either way, he looks like both of them. All right. I don't know who that is. Great movie. Mr. Peabody. Either Philip Se he looks like both of them. All right. I don't know who that is. Great movie. Mr. Peabody. Either Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Oh, that's pretty good. Eric Stoltz. Or... Oh, that's funny. There you go. That's funny. There it is. Same person.

One's a cartoon dog. Eric Stoltz, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh, well, you don't look like Eric Stoltz, though, right? A little bit. You know, I don't know. He's red-headed. He kind of looks like a little bit of a red. Yeah, he's blonde, right?

All right, then, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I mean, Eric Stoltz was a fucking stud. I'll tell you that much. Great actor. And the nicest dude. Oh, yeah? Yes. Yeah, that's good.

I guess they both have glasses. Yeah, I mean, I don't know who the fucking guy looks like. I would never think he looks like anyone. He's just asking. He looks like Peabody, dude. Or Peabody. Those are the three. Go ahead.

Spot on. What's up, baby? That's good. What's up, baby? Ryan Gosling. No. Down syndrome, Chris D'Elia. What?

Or David Spade. Oh, David Spade. Oh. Montez a little more than the others. He said, I love all three of you equally. Montez a little more than the others. Okay. I love him.

I love Montez as well. People tell him I look like me? He looks like me? No, no, no. He's trying to be funny. Oh, okay. He looks like a hairy David Spade. If David Spade could grow a mustache and a beard.

Yeah, David Spade. David Spade, if he didn't get into entertainment, there he is. A little bit, yeah. Also sounds a little like him, too, which is part of it. Tiger King. Yeah. David's so fucking funny. I love David.

I buy that. There we go. Yeah, I guarantee it's David Spade. Those other ones, not a chance. Well, yeah, those are just here. It was the options. There was no answer, but. And it's everybody. I mean, spot ones, not a chance. Well, yeah, those are just here. It was the options. There was no answer, but. And it's everybody.

I mean, spot on. It's a gift, dude. You know your gifts to real people? I think I was special. I want to be special. Wow, that's bad. Man, I need singing lessons. Just for podcasting.

It's too late, though, right? I don't think so. If I have a private tutor come over, like, why are you doing this? I'm like, just so I can sing better on the podcast. You're 40, though, and you're going to be 38, right? Yeah. And you're going to be a good singer by when? Oh, no.

No, I don't want good. I just want to be able to, you know. You want to be able to hang with the homies. Run with the boys. Because Eric can sing. You took lessons as a kid. Yeah. Gay.

I'm gay. No, you're not gay. Well, I am gay. My dad was like, how about you just play tackle football at four and get CT Instead of singing Wow

Yeah it's dark When did you start football Uh Tackle football At six years old Ah wow Played till I was 24 How old's your dad

63 Oh he's young Yeah Jesus He had you When he was fucking Young Yeah Jesus 22 Let's not do math but yeah let's not do that i don't know how to do that i was 13 23 wow i'm 42 were your were your

parents did they have you when you're older they had me when i was older they had me when they were like 30 something 32 that's better i mean i don't know it depends yeah well they were young like imagine having a kid like if you've seen 16 pregnant when there's when i was 16 you couldn't give me a plant no i know that or a pet lizard yeah a little on a fucking baby yeah like when i watch those kids i'm like oh my god they figure it out though i mean 16 is very young to have a kid but if you're 25 it's kind of cool because you could be young with the kid and like do the stuff with them and like you know but i still feel active now like i can do this shit i think times have changed though we're like it's like a older dad's better we have more experience you've also starred your career because if you're like 25 you're trying

to figure yourself out struggling it would have been tough to do the road so much uh the road sets at night yeah but like because i would have had to do sets every single night. Correct. And grind. And I don't have to do that now. I could be more choosy, and that's cool because I get to spend more time with Calvin, yeah. Like Josh Wolfe, he was young as fuck. Joey Diaz had to watch his kids and shit all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Joey Diaz, he has one kid, right? Now, yeah, his little girl. What did he have have he had one before that no all right but he would watch josh josh oh that's what you're saying he was the babysitter oh gotcha wow so this guy used ai to uh generate image of what you three would look like you eric and oh my this is This is Brendan as a Hells Angel. And all they put in is like Brendan Schaub, Hells Angels. That's you as Hells Angel.

Okay. So AI, what does this mean? Like that you put in a bunch of pictures? Yeah. And then they make... They have all the pictures. You literally just type it and they pull shit from the internet and it tries to figure it out.

That's you? I think that's two of you. It just kind of combines what it finds okay dolly is so confused i'm just i'm trying to figure the single shot out my mouth yeah yeah it's ai it's not perfect yet you know but you gotta get ai just make the mouth more more visual type in mouth too all right so then what? Oh, that's hilarious, bro. That is my fucking basically my headshot for Undateable. That's what that was.

Oh, well, mine is way better than yours. Well, yours on the left looks like it sells fentanyl. Oh, it's a no mustache. Why don't they just use my regular face? Eric. Oh, that's hilarious. Oh, wow. Why does it have an extra leg oh that's so funny wow that's the world look at that body that's also the big lebowski

oh yeah that's john goodman lebowski looks like john goodman in there wow why does if it's why does it look different than he actually that's steven seagal that's steven seagal yeah do you think the same thing? Steven Seagal, 100%. I like Eric on the left. But look at the motorcycle, how it's two motorcycles. What the fuck? That's weird. And the one on the left is like two of them stacked together.

It's unsettling, bro. Yeah. It is unsettling. I'm uncomfortable. This looks like artwork you'd buy at Venice Beach. But why is that unsettling, though? Because it's not natural. Yeah, but you look at Salvador Dali, it's not really unsettling. Maybe because you though it's because it's not natural yeah but you look at salvador

dolly it's not really unsettling unsettling maybe because you know made by made by ai uh we could think of some so dolly is the big ai generator and like it's like taking interesting uh yeah and uh i don't know you could type in anything. Really? Chin, fighter, and the... Type in Joe Rogan. No, do... Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. Superman. Rogan aliens. I do Rogan aliens.

Just do Superman. I already fucking said it. All right. How long does it take? Sometimes... Seven minutes. Just like... Sometimes what?

Well, they have to draw it, dude. Be cool. Sometimes it works right away. Sometimes it doesn't because it's overloaded because so many people are trying to use it. And this is Dali, the first one. They have Dali 2, which you have to be on a wait list for. Oh, this thing's popping where it takes right away. Sometimes it doesn't because it's like overloaded because so many people are trying to use it. And this is Dali, the first one.

They have Dali 2, which you have to be on a wait list for. Oh, like this thing's popping where it takes some time. The robot's like, give me time. Yeah. Don't rush me. We'll try it another day. I would think they'd already have Joe Rogan as Superman. Just use that.

Joe Rogan aliens. Guarantee everyone's done. Too easy. Too easy. Right? It's obviously. It's already there. We'll leave it loading and then we'll.

What a weird thing, though. I know. That's already there. We'll leave it loading and then we'll... What a weird thing, though. I know. That's very weird. I want to not... That's unsettling to me. You know what's unsettling? You know the internet we use? The general internet?

That's 5% of the world. Most of the internet is the dark web. 90-something percent is the dark web. Below the glacier. It gets dark, dude. I know, dude. You've seen percent is the dark web. Below the glacier. It's dark, dude. I know, dude. You've seen that shit? No.

Me neither. I don't even touch it. They say most of it isn't awful, awful shit, but a lot of it is just drugs, trying to get drugs and shit. To get a hitman on the dark web is really fucking hard. Really? That's what they said. Because I can get one classified. 50 bucks.

Yeah. I'll kill you right now. Wow. Yeah, dude. Well. Inflation, too? Yeah. This is like the most succinct. Like, she used it to create a cover for Cosmo.

Karen XJ. To put herself on it? To be Cosmo. But this one would be different than every other cover before it. Because this one would be their first magazine cover generated by artificial intelligence. What would it look like? Cosmo's like, just put your name in it. generate options. Thousands of options, but none of them felt quite right. This one, for example, was too boxy. Can't really tell

if she's a woman. Okay, that's better, but let's get her walking towards us. Maybe let's put some tips on it. For cosmopolitan? Yeah. I'm looking for a more confident astronaut. It's hilarious if at the end it's just some chick in a bikini.

There, perfect. She's got their power. Confident astronaut. It's hilarious if at the end it's just some chick in a bikini. There. Perfect. There. Power. Guarantee it looks like Halo. Oh, there you go. All body parts. This is what?

Jesus. Whoa. mars in an infinite universe this is what synthwave digital art jesus and drum roll here's how it turned out whoa that's pretty lit cover it's cool yeah yeah chin and art fuck they're taking their jobs yeah but that could be a guy yeah that's what i didn't like that i mean could but can i have the tits fall out i mean i'm not trying, I'm not trying to be sexist, but bump the tits up. No. But if you can make graphics like that, you can just make tour graphics like that, right? I'm going to fire on my artist right now. I'm going to fire.

I just type in French up Milwaukee. That's where I get that Dahmer thing. Interesting. That's like bad idea. Yeah. Yeah. interesting that's like bad idea yeah yeah um well this rogan one's really taking it's taking too long huh yeah i don't know the computer's all shit well that's cool that i don't know i don't know so they use that as a cover for real and it came out yeah i don't like the direction where i

don't like fucking electric cars i don't like this ai bullshit i don't like metaverse i don't like fucking electric cars. I don't like this AI bullshit. I don't like metaverse. I don't like any of it. And I sound old, but I don't fuck with any of it. Nah, but metaverse had its thing, and now it's apparently like nobody's doing it. And also, even the NFTs, it's like they went down 97% the sale. Did you see Logan Paul's NFT for $5 million? That's worth like $3. What?

So like months before it crashed, they showed his NFT now is worth $3. Not three. But not his anymore. He sold it. It's worth $3? It says super low. It says $10. God damn it.

$10. Wait a minute. Hold on. Let me see this. Make sure that thing goes away. I hate that thing. NFT that Logan Paul bought for $6 is over $10. He sold it?

This one he's keeping okay now it's worth ten dollars crazy right he said i never bought into what did he say in nft what does he say an nft i bought for 60 600. come on the market just got like crypto too. That bad it crashed? It crashed? Yeah. Holy fucking shit. The guy that sold to him is all. So he has it?

He didn't sell it? I don't know. For some reason, I know there's another. I knew that was going to be a fucking stupid fad. Me too. And Cal. Remember Cal was trying to get us on those NFT monkeys? Cal's got the worst business ideas, dude.

I was like, please don't make me invest in this. Such a bad business idea. He's like, dude, we'll do NFT monkeys. And we'll all buy them, promote them on the show. People will buy them. And it goes up in value. He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. And he's just like, he hears something's working.

I was like, you don't know how to turn Bluetooth on. Let's be Guy Fieri. You're like, what? I was like, you don't know how to turn Bluetooth on your phone. I know. Why do you pitch me NFTs right right now all that stuff though crypt like cryptos way down way down that one dude he was even called like the crypto center whatever they have to take the name off because you can't afford it anymore all that shit did you have crypto no i don't

know that stuff i lost like well there's that one guy who bought a pizza he used like whatever 10 cryptos at the time is what they said and the height of crypto is he paid like six million dollars for that pizza that's hilarious I bought let's see what do I lose I lost the cryptocurrency

is dicey too because the government right $12,000 do the thing on crypto12,000 On crypto But I didn't know Well actually probably didn't lose that much Because it went up and then went back down I might have lost a little bit But yeah

I didn't even check it for months And then I looked and I was like oh fuck Whatever dude Hey Dogecoin could go back up dogecoin to the moon dogecoin to the moon you never know dog yeah i think it's funny what elon's been doing with twitter right with the you know he's figuring it out it's a bit of a shit storm especially if you go online everyone wants to shit on especially the left but he's doing some good things getting rid of all the bullshit with the you know you have to pay us for verifications for the blue

check mark but people are buying the blue check mark like legit businesses someone bought the og i forget like oj's actual one is like the real oj simpson someone bought oj simpson got verified first post put not gonna lie i fucking did it oh my god and then people think it's real and it just like 30 000 retweets, you know? Yeah. Elon's like, okay, we got to figure this out. I know. He's doing cool shit on there, though. Is he? I have known nothing about it.

Because he got on there and was like, okay, we want content creators to come back to Twitter for content. He was like, we're going to allow two 42-minute long videos now. So you can post full podcasts on there. What? You can post a special on there. And then also monet there it is dude look at joe rogan is superman well that's joe the guy on the top left joe rogan with you know downs right what the fuck why doesn't it look like joe rogan that's the thing i don't under this is a very primitive version of it yeah the one that people are on the wait list would probably do it better.

Okay, go to the bottom right one. Like, why is that even one? That looks like a dog. That's so weird. And then the other one looks like he's a burn victim. Well, they all kind of look like that, yeah. Instead of the flag in the background? Yeah, that's hilarious. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, the middle one looks like a burn victim. Yeah. Those are awful. Oh, wow. Hilarious. It'll just be Paul Gasol. Chris D'Elia in the NBA. Here we go.

Should not take long. Up to two minutes. Oh, good. That's way better. At least it's giving us a time to own. There's a ticker on there, too. I've never even heard of this. Am I old school?

I've heard of it. I didn't know it was called Dolly, but I've heard of it. I think the guy used something else that he sent those bikers in. I'm waiting to hear back from him, but those are pretty funny. Eric Griffin's the best. Yeah, the Steven Seagal. Oh, here we go.

This looks nothing like you. Click on... That one doesn't even have a face in it. There we go. Oh, my. Why are your hands in your pants? It's terrifying. Why is there hands in your pants? click on well I mean that one doesn't have a face in it there we go oh oh my why are your hands in your pants it's terrifying why is there hands in your pants

and he's jacking off it's hilarious let's get this on a t-shirt that thing is awful go to more let me see the other ones they don't have your none of them have your face

that's weird they don't have your None of them have your face That's weird They don't have your The bottom left does It's This is the worst Graphics I've ever seen Graphics Did you put it on

What would you call it Art I don't know Maybe it's because The apostrophe's not in it AI graphics Maybe it's because The apostrophe's not in the

D-E-L-I-A Do we Well I was gonna say Does that have to be someone like super mainstream? But Rogan's pretty fucking mainstream. Yeah, no, it's terrible. Yeah, not good. What's up, big dog? What up, bitch?

Say hi to this guy. What up, bitch? Hey, boys, relax. No, no, no, no, no, don't call me that. Oh, what's up, bitch? What's up, you old bitch? What's up, you old bitches, boys, relax. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't call me that. Oh, what's up, bitch? What's up, you old bitch? What's up, you old bitches? Okay, listen up.

I just finished acting, so I'm a little on edge. My nerves are raw, and I'm an actor. What bald guy did you play? Dude, I will burst into tears right now. I'm going to cry. Hey, B, is it Black Panther 3? You're the white villain, the old white black panther three you're the white villain the old white villain yes i'm the white villain hey callan callan how did they age you like that for this part bro i like the makeup bro watch your step because your your hands will be super full with me jimmy Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy Schubert.

Jimmy! What's up, dude? What's up, Chris? How are you, buddy? That's a comic. Alright, dude. I know we're all comics. Alright? Don't be like... You're saying it like I'm not. I don't know if you guys noticed, but Brian Cowell

is a methadone actor. Yeah, there it is. There it is. You've been jubilant. They've had SAG reps roll over the second.

Kids 13 and kept saying SAG rep had to show up. I don't really get that but anyway i bet it i bet i bet dude hey hey brian look yeah how's it going over there and in detroit how's it going over there in detroit what's it like tell us what it's like for you well you know what guys it's a little rainy but that's what's to be expected in detroit november you know what i mean yeah that's not interesting that's not interesting. That's not interesting. You know, we're blessed.

We're blessed to be working. No, be real with us. Be real with us. I am. I'm being real. I guess at the end of the day, you just put your nose to the grindstone. God damn it.

I don't know what else I can say. But we are lucky and we're having a great time. God damn it, dude. Our job is just to come together. I'll tell you, I'm working with an amazing team. You're being annoying. This isn't Good Morning America, God sakes. No, no, no.

But I mean, I would say at the end of the day, if you're bored, put on Man's Tears, which is my special on YouTube. Oh, God. You've been promoting it for two months, though. Yeah, it's been really taking the internet by storm. I have to thank all the fans who've really gone pretty rabid about it and have watched me three, four, five, and sometimes seven, eight times.

And that's pretty incredible. Very blessed. And I want to thank you guys for helping me out and for all my friends here for all the support. You know, truth be told, my back is killing me carrying this movie. I'm telling you. I believe it. There it is. I believe it. is i believe it yeah no it's it's true jimmy's done a great job he's really uh hitting his mark and telling the truth as james cagney said once right uh i guess so man i don't know and are you guys headed

hey b are you guys headed to holiday inn now where the yeah he's staying you headed to red roof inn oh no even worse even worse worse we got our own condos we got our own condos headed to Holiday Inn now? Yeah. You're staying. You're headed to Red Roof Inn? Oh, no. Even worse. Even worse. Worse? We got our own condos. We got our own condos and our own apartments. We flew here on Spirit.

Oh, wow. Wow. Yep. Nightmare. We're going to get together, get a little workout in, take a sauna, and then we're going to go

to the House of Comedy and put on a show. We worked eight hours on the movie set, and now we're going to do some comedy at the House of Comedy here in Detroit. That'll be a good show.

That'll be funny shit, dude. That's a good show right there. I'm jealous. Brian Callen can open. He'll do five. He'll do five minutes. No, no, no. And then when they're on stage, you take the orders from the crowd.

Hey, Brian. Hey, B, make sure you do that when you talk like a black guy in Detroit. Let's know how that goes for you. Well, you know what? You know what it is? I'm a chameleon, and I know how to speak a lot of different languages. God, what if they just got— Whatever I got to do to endear myself to the general populace.

Jimmy's texting me right now. Tell Brian to shut the fuck up. Dude, yo, what if they just crashed to their death right now tell Brian to shut the fuck up. Dude. Yo, how about, what if they just crashed to their death right now? They would do nummies. They would do numbers. It would say, if that happened, it would say

Jimmy Schubert. That's probably true. Jimmy Schubert and friends. And friends. Schubert and friends. And friends. Jimmy Schubert and friends. All right, guys. Well. That's a pretty unique set, guys.

What do you do? Just stare at the camera? Yeah. Talk about sports? Yeah, we're changing the game, dude. It's a sports show. We're on OnlyFans. Well, we wanted to talk to Eric, but we got Brian, and that's okay.

I'm so sorry. You know what I mean?, and that's okay. I'm so sorry. That's okay. That's all the time we have, though, dude. Sorry. We got to cut it now. That's our program. Just mid-sentence, you cut me off. Still doing it all the way

from here, my man. Alright, dude. We miss you, brother. Good to see all you guys. Have fun on your show tonight. We'll Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, dude. We missed you, brother. Yeah, I miss you, man. And good to see all you guys. Have fun on your show tonight. We'll see you soon, Eric. Woo, woo, woo. Bring a gift next week for Gift Exchange.

Woo, woo, woo. Woo, woo, woo. See how I do it with them. Later, guys. Damn, that- They're old, huh? Yeah, that made me feel so good. Just to freaking be bullshitting with them like that. Yeah. I love bullshitting. I Green cord? Yeah. That made me feel so good. Just to freaking be bullshitting with them like that.

Yeah. I love bullshitting. I wish I was there. That made me feel good. How about the... Oh, wow. Oh, Brendan Chubb is a bullfighter. Well, yours is the best one.

No, it's not. Yeah, it is. I mean, there's no mistake that that's you. That's me as a warthog, dude. That's you. Yours or at least you. Why is he a bullfighter in the UFC octagon? My face wasn't in it.

Look at the bottom middle Ew That's You have cauliflower face God The top left is That's the most That looks like you

Yeah That's you Go bottom left Go bottom left What the fuck Love on the spectrum Picasso Look at the tattoo

That's hilarious Wow Alright well Well Thanks for listening you guys Those will be in my nightmare What the fuck, Picasso? Look at the tattoo. That's hilarious. Wow. All right. Well, thanks for listening, you guys. Those will be my nightmare. Yeah, Lakeland, Florida. Lakeland, Florida, San Diego. San Diego, California, Lakeland, Florida.

Portland, Oregon. Seattle. Jacksonville. Austin. Tulsa. A bunch more. Go to chrislea.com. So I think I'm in D.C. as we're shooting this.

December 15th through the 17th, D.C. Improv. Right? I mean, so insecure. Has no idea. All good. The dates are all weird. 15, 16, 17. Yes, D.C. Improv, my favorite clubs.

D.C. Improv. Naples, you're in Naples tonight. Kamala Harris has opened up for me. DC is this Friday, Saturday. Get you some. Thinkboy.com. All right, kids. Love you.

Appreciate you guys. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us I show you use the love just rebranded enough it's stronger better bigger power cuz it is the golden hour it's the Golden Hour