The Golden Hour - Something Strange for Some Change| The Golden Hour #31 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

The guys talk perineum sunning, Erik's wife's incredible leg strength, Chris getting back into working out, Fast X, Gerard Butler movies/stories, Bert Kreischer's "The Machine" movie, a live call in from the husband and the wife who was going to leave him, best pieces of a Chex Mix pack, dumb TikTokers and much more!   DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use promo code GOLDEN RexMD - https://rexmd.com/GOLDEN Black Buffalo - https://blackbuffalo.com with promo code GOLDEN DraftKings: Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In Massachusetts, call [phone] or visit gambling help line m a dot org, In New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Kansas, call 1-800-522-4700. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 21+ in most eligible states but age varies by jurisdiction. Eligibility restrictions apply. See draftkings dot com slash sportsbook for details and state specific responsible gambling resources. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. Opt-in and 10+ leg req. for 100% boost. Eligibility, wagering, and deposit restrictions apply. Terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash basketball terms.

Oh, snap. The boys are back. I'm in La Jolla this Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Working the Lord's Day. La Jolla, Comedy Store right side, San Diego. Come get your son this freaking week. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Comedy Store. Yeah, but truly I'll be in Tucson.

So I'll be in Tucson coming up. Go to chrislea.com. And then also I'll be on Colorado, chrislea.com. And that's what really truly matters. No, it doesn't. Don't go to his show. Come to my show. It's ericgirfan.com.

June 21st, Huntsville. 22nd, 23rd, 24th. No, Tennessee. Wow. When are you going to be there, bro? Nashville. Just go to my website. All right, all right, all right.

Try to figure it out. That's good a promo. Well, the NBA Finals action is happening. My Denver Nuggets are in the finals against the Miami Heat. They're going to sweep the shit out of them. Listen, make money and watch my Nuggets beat the hell out of the Heat with DraftKings Sportsbook and official sports betting partner, the NBA.

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Yeah, dude. Wow. And use code GOLDEN only at DraftKings Sportsbook? Yes. Now read that, Eric. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Massachusetts, call 1-800-327-5050 or visit Gambling Helpline at helplinem.org.

Oh, wow. You can't do it, dude. Helplinem.org. Oh, wow. You can't do it, dude. Helplinem.org. It's crazy. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY at 467-369. In Kansas, call 1-800-522-4700. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino Resort in Kansas City, 21 plus is most eligible states, but age varies by jurisdiction. Eligibility restrictions

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restrictions apply. Terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com basketball terms dot com slash basketball terms you can read great terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com slash basketball terms if you're still listening that's draft kings bet my nuggets code is golden go nugs you're good at that you know what i love i love love love. Nah. We're the same. I love love. I said it. I love love. I don't like that you said it. I say it.

And I said it. Love isn't blind. He kind of said it before you. I said it before you. No, you were like, I love love. I said it before you. Rewind it. You know what I love?

I love love. I love love. Nah. We're the same. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us. Ooh, yeah.

Cause I can show you used to love. Just rebrand it enough. It's stronger, better, bigger power cause it is a ghost. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the golden hour It's the golden hour White, huh? Yeah, it's pretty white. Doesn't really see the sun that much, you know. You a vampire, Dick?

Be weird if your dick was all tan mine's surprisingly tan well you're tan it's not really surprising your dick's gonna be the color of you listen man I just went number two and I'm kinda relaxing into it it looks just like the rest of your body

but if you think about it you don't tan your dick. Never. When do you go to the beach and just dick out? Well, then everybody's asshole's brown, though. We're not French. Everybody's asshole is a little darker color. Mine's white.

My butthole is so white. That's because you bleach it. No way. That's because you bleach it. It goes, ah. When I show it every few days. Remember that was a trend going on? People getting some rays on their ass.

It's not a trend, dude. Live it up. They did pull their legs back. It's beautiful. It feels good. I tried it. It feels good. Well, the butthole is the nonstick surface of the human body.

What? What's that mean? Well, I mean, the butthole doesn't, nothing sticks to it. I don't really understand what you're saying, honestly. doesn't... Nothing sticks to it. I don't really understand what you're saying, honestly. I'm saying if you ever gotten some shit on your finger, disaster. It's there for a while.

So for some reason, your butthole... It's there forever. It's different. No, it's not. That smells there for a hot second. Both of you guys are wrong. You got a little dookie on your finger, and it goes away after you wipe it off. No, it's a seven-day cologne.

You're wrong, and you're wrong. I'm not. The butthole is the nonstick surface. It's called perennium sunning. I've done it. Josh Brolin said he tried it. I've done it. Josh Brolin said he tried it. Do've done it. Josh Brolin said he tried it.

Do not do it as long as I did. Ooh, you don't want to sunburn your booty hole. Yeah. Do you have to put lotion on? No, you just do it. It feels amazing. You've done it a bunch of times. I've done it a few times, yeah.

Why? Have you done it? Both of you probably can't even get like that. What's that? What do you mean? You probably can't even get like that what's that what do you mean yeah but you're you're getting to be hey i could touch my toes baby i'd stretch a lot oh yeah dude i'll nick you menage that thing i'll go backwards on it if i have to yeah it's not it's not real it's not the way to do it it's the exact same that's the thing improved focus dude also come on man is this Is this real, though? Increases libido.

I mean, I don't know. I just do it. I did it a few times. It feels nice. That's it. That's where it ends, you know? It feels nice. It feels nice.

That's it. Well, that's just the sun feels nice on you. Yeah, but it feels extra, a little bit extra nice. You get a little bit extra. Does it, like, glow from the butthole, the nice feeling? Starts at the butthole, and it just surrounds your body from there? It kind of feels like, yeah, a little bit extra is there like a does it like glow from the butthole the nice feeling starts at the butthole and it just surrounds it kind of feels like yeah a little bit yeah a little bit yeah it's not like the sun is on you and you're like oh this feels nice you know it's coming from yeah yeah yeah you're like oh this is a strange sensation i don't i never really feel it doesn't seem right though does it no you feel a little gay doing it right

not me dude i'm straight your legs up like a baby like that? Yeah, I love it. It's straight, dude. I'm straight. I'm straight when I do it. What's up for a debate? And when somebody sees me and they go, oh, that's gay, I go, sup? It's not gay. Sup, dude?

Well, first of all, what do you know about perineum sunning? Where would you be doing that that someone could just mosey up and see you doing that? I'd do it outside libraries. Honestly, nobody should be there anyway. Outside the sidewalk in front of your place? Nobody should be there anyway. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. I do it outside libraries. Honestly, nobody should be there anyway. Outside the sidewalk in front of your place. Nobody should be there anyway. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

Nobody's there. But yeah, so anyway, though, that's what I did it before, and it's fine. And I actually should do it again, but it's been gloomy lately, right? It's been gloomy. It's also good to do it when it's raining out.

You get the water up in there. You open your legs up, and the water goes in there. A little rain it's like nature's bidet so uh anyway but you get a haircut eric you know well you can tell with a hat on you're like uh military style now you're like uh what do you call it uh inspector not inspector gadget of. You know? You can just tell? First of all, he wasn't an inspector. He was a detective. I know. That's why I said it's not him.

You always get these kind of things wrong. You're a dork. How about that? It's just annoying. Inspector Gadget and Sherlock Holmes, not even on the same page. It looks like you went super military style for Memorial Day

a little bit. No, no, no. I just, you know. Okay. Not so Inspector Gadget, are you? What is it? Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes is the guy that can look at you and be like, so you're drinking Diet Coke

and then the soda was from he knows what store and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's bullshit. It's not true. You can't do that. Dude, Rachel, we're laying in bed, and then she wants to cuddle, and then she'll wrap her legs. Like a spider? Yeah, right.

But her legs are like- Long. She's got like super strength. Really? Yeah, it's unbelievable. Will she squat? I have no idea, but like I couldn't get away. And I was like, what the.

Really? She has these, she knows how to. Yeah. Sign her up for a jiu-jitsu. But it was like, it was unbelievable strength in her legs. You just figured this out? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Heal her. Heal her. So I was trying to get away. And I was like, what is that? She was like, I got you. So when did this happen? Recently?

Yeah, and I was like, I said, what's up with... Now she does it all the time. Yeah, she knows. You shouldn't have gave it to you. You should have let her know. I shouldn't have let her know. But it was like, you know, you're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you know.

Super strength in her legs. So, all right, well... I was just curious, is there some kind of thing that your wife surprised you with that you were like, wow. I think women, they all can do stuff that they don't want us to know they can do. Because like when we're not there, they're picking up heavy boxes and stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, my wife will be like, do this thing. I'll be like, okay.

And then I fall asleep and the next day is done. Yeah. How'd you do that? You can do this all along? Yeah. My girl's athletic. Surprisingly athletic. We were playing beach volleyball when we first met her.

We got down. She was beating her ass. I was like, oh, damn. I gotta pick it up. Beach volleyball, huh? Yeah. She's athletic. My girl's real athletic.

She was a gymnast, like a national gymnast. When she was like, she stopped at like 14. She was like, she won when she stopped at 14. She was like she won the state or some shit. Gymnastic is interesting. Do we consider a sport, right? Here we go. He's going to be a hater, right? Because there's no ball involved.

Bro, it's unbelievable. There's no ball involved, though. So what, bro? Either fighting. I'm going to beat you to it. Okay. Maybe they should. There's balls involved in fighting.

Maybe they should fight, I think. Oh my god. Who would win? His wife. Yeah, yeah. Mexican, dude. That's what I'm saying. She ninja-warriored the wall to get here. Also, she's thicker, you know? My wife's like a stick.

Yeah, crowbar. But, anyway. I've been going fucking. They'd have to do a dance off instead. Yeah. I don't know if you want that either. Yeah, dude. Latina can't dance?

Well, I mean, I don't know. It's like a black guy not being able to play basketball. I mean, bro, I've seen black guys not be able to play basketball. Just Chappelle Lacey. He can't wear it. Oh, he's bad. Oh, really? He was a cheerleader. I can't play basketball, dude.

I've been to the gym, though, a lot lately, and I've been squatting. I've been doing that shit. Really? Yep. Yep. You're a hater today, dude. No. No, I just got some.

He's a bit of a hater, right? No, I liked your haircut earlier. No, you didn't like it. Yeah, but it was a little bit sideways, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like you liked it. It's a military cut. I don't know what it is.

No, you got a haircut, huh? Yeah. I thought it was dope. No, I think it looks dope. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like you liked it. It's a military cut. I don't know what it's like. You got a haircut, huh? Yeah. I thought it was dope. No, I think it looks dope. Yeah, you're backtracking, man. You're a hater. It's okay. You're a hater.

I just got a question. What? You got questions? You squatting? Yeah, I've been squatting, yeah. What do you squat? I don't talk about that. I don't talk about that.

It's light. It's light. It's light. I'm getting back into it. It's light. Okay? It's light. You're doing Pilates. No, I'm not doing Pilates. I do squats, and I just was getting back into it. It's light. Okay? It's light. You're doing Pilates.

No, I'm not doing Pilates. I do squats, and I just was getting back into it. Basically, what I'm doing now is I'm just trying to get everything sore so I can get through this fucking era of just being sore all the time. I hate it, dude. You've been working out? Yeah, yeah. Can't stop, won't stop.

Really? No, no. Just in case, man. Just in case some shit goes down. Right, right. What, like a zombie apocalypse or something? You never know. That'll never happen. You never know. Just in case, man. Just in case some shit goes down. Right, right. Like a zombie apocalypse or something? You never know. That'll never happen.

You never know. Let's take a little break, fellas. Listen, I hate going to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. It literally takes half a day just to get anything done. What's the deal with that traffic and all that stuff? Oh, my God. I got a really simple solution for you, fellas.

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Movie theater pops off. Oh, I saw Little Mermaid. Oh, you went with your kids? Well, my... Come on. Yo, just you. What's the fucking... What's the song?

Not that one. I know, not that one. That's Aladdin. I know. Hold on. Under the sea. Nah. It's you and me.

Everything's blurry. Under the sea. Under the sea. Just hear me. Everything's blurry. Under the sea. Under the sea. Just hear me. Everything blurry. Whatever it is. I'm done with you guys. It was all right.

Nah. Was it good? It killed the weekend, right? It went all right. It did well, right? No? It went all right. Well, all those remakes have just been all right.

Really? Lion King was good. It was just all right. I didn't watch it. Fair point. Yeah. They're all just all right. So hold up So

So Did your kids like it? Uh It's a little long for them Yeah They love Super Mario way more Oh wow Fast X came out?

It did? Yeah Second week Oh second week I stopped watching Fast and Furious When they shot a fucking Dodge Challenger Into space And it became a rocket

I went Check please Dude me too I was on a plane watching that I was on a plane That was Furious 9 when they shot a fucking Dodge Challenger into space and it became a rocket. I went, check, please. Dude, me too. I was on a plane watching that. I was on a plane. That was Furious 9, I think. See, that's when I started. I was on a plane going like,

Ludacris and what's his face? Tyrese. And Tyrese are in space in a car. That's when I go, I'm out. I'm out. Me too. You're done. That's done.

How about Bert's movie doing pretty well? I go like this. Bert's movie's right behind Super Mario. Yeah. Where is that? I mean, well? Bert's movie is right behind Super Mario. Yeah. I mean, well, I wouldn't say right behind Super Mario. It's the next one. Mario's four. That'd be right.

If Bert's movie made $600 million, oh, Matt, I would love that. Me too. It's made $8,000. It's its first weekend, though. $8,000, he says. Well, I mean, the first weekend's the biggest weekend. First of all, I don't know how much it costs to make that movie. $30 million.

Huh? $30 million. That's what he said? He said $20, but I looked it up. It was $30. I looked it up. I saw $20. Oh, man.

Well, then we got to get some more because we need this for comics. Dude, I feel like these movies, though. I know, but I feel like these movies do well in streaming anyway. You know? Sorry, this was Sebastian. I know. I I feel like these movies do well in streaming anyway. You know? Sorry, this was Sebastian. I know, I know. That's Sebastian's. That's with Robert De Niro.

Yeah. That probably costs less than The Machine. Maybe not, though. De Niro is a big... No, I bet it costs less than The Machine. They're in fucking Russia. They're filming all over. This guy from Star Wars.

Except you don't know how... Oh, same. Okay. Same. Oh, 30 mil. Well, because you've got to figure De Niro got paid $8 million. No, I don't think so. I think a lot of that cost of movie making is the advertisement.

I don't think they count that. I think they do. I don't think they count that in the budget. No, not in the budget. That would be promotional budget. No, I think they do count that in the budget. Oh, it says $20 million for Burt? Burt, yeah.

No. And so in his first week, he did nine. I assume he goes down after that. Yeah. It's close. But you never know, though, because they sell it to the streamers, and then they make money doing that. It might do well.

We don't know. No movies are doing well now. No movies are doing well unless it's a huge... Look at the movies that did well. It has to be Marvel, Doctor Who. It's Mario, fucking Fast, Furious, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Little Mermaid. Disney,

Those are already franchises. Or horror movies are like the fucking, Evil Dead Rises, fantastic. What's You Hurt My Feelings? 824, I've been making some shit.

That's a documentary. Go back to that again, Nick. Because like, okay, so if you look at like, the Evil Dead one right yeah so that's I think that that's something that like Burt's movie can do like it just stays there getting like two you know you know what I mean so then after like five six weeks yeah it's it's it's

well that could be a word of mouth right could be a word of mouth yeah yeah but also Evil Dead Rise is a franchise already and also horror movies are a little bit different they always win yeah they they kind of like because they're so cheap to make yeah and that one but that did that come out in theaters was that evil dead yeah well because weird i think it came out theaters and on demand same time so i saw it this is crazy what look at the everything's a franchise this is crazy that was ger was Gerard Butler. So Burt beat Gerard Butler. Hell yeah. What? Oh, really?

In your face, Spartan. Right? How much did that cost to make? $7. Gerard Butler now looks like Burt. You know what I mean? Yeah. How did that make?

He's supposed to be a cool dude, though. Who, Gerard Butler? Yeah. All his movies are the same. I know. Like, we did description of that movie. But apparently this one, Kandahar, no CGI. Oh, wow.

Real explosions. But all his movies are the same. Like, it's like a CIA operative does something to stop something when something happens. Every single movie. Yeah. And he's pulled back into it, you know? No, as he's getting older, he's getting pulled back in. He said-

Because right now he's still doing it. Like, he's getting pulled back in. He said... Because right now he's still doing it. Like, he's still in the CIA. Five more years, he's going to be at an age where you're like, eh. It's just like that Arnold Schwarzenegger show on Netflix. That FUBAR one? Yeah, the FUBAR. I don't know what that is. And it's funny because in the show, he's supposed to be 65.

But it's just like... He's 80. Yeah. Wow. He's an older guy, you know? Oh, wow. This is a bunch of $70 million. It made $3 million opening weekend?

Yeah. Of course, if it's got real explosions. But he was saying what screwed him is that movie 300, because every girl thinks he can have that body. You know. Is that what he said? Yeah. Well, that's obviously CGI.

No, he got in shape for that. No, of course he did. But they also did makeup and then fucking contrasted it. He was younger, though. Yeah, no, I mean, no shit, bro, but I'm just saying. It's like Brad Pitt and Troy. It's like he's never been more ripped. See, look at that picture of him and his buddy hanging out up there.

That's a regular picture. He painted on, but he's in shape. Yeah, he's in shape, but they definitely put paint on his abs. Yeah, but he's still in fucking good shape. Yeah, I understand, but when you watch a movie, it's like inhuman. What the fuck? That was really young. That's what I'm saying.

This sucks when they do shit like this. I know. It's like, bro, let the guy live and then also... But also take care of your body, right? But that's not even that bad, bro. What was he, like 50 right there? Yeah, that's fine. Well, actually, he's probably only 40 there, huh?

It's nothing. You're 50. That's what you look like. No, he has to be 50. He's older. Is he? He's 53 right now. He's 53 right now.

I know, but when was that taken? That picture is taken when he was 18. No, no, that one. I'm saying that one. Oh, God. But you're going from the peak of his career Yeah exactly Is this Patreon or is this normal?

This is normal Alright cool Just curious honestly Did we want to talk to that couple? Oh that's right fill in the fans Because we thought it was a hoax We thought they were bullshit Are we talking to them on normal or Patreon?

We're talking to them on normal Hey man you're You have a time machine? Are we talking about on normal or Patreon? We're talking to them on normal. Oh, all right. Hey, man, you're... No, I know, but I thought that we only talked to people on... I thought we only talked to people... Do you have a time machine? But I thought we only talked to people on the fucking Patreon one, but okay, let's do it. Oh, man, we get loose. These aren't Patreon.

It felt like it was closing a loop on a story. True, true. It did feel like they were closing a loop. Let's close the loop. But she called in, said she convinced her husband not to work. He was playing too much video games, and then she was going to leave him because of it. Yeah, I remember that. And she started an OnlyFans.Fans. That's why we were like, this is suspect. Mainly Nick.

Right? Oh, this is what he looks like? Okay. What's up, dog? What's up, brother? Can you hear us? Can you hear us? Hello? Frosted Tips. What up, what up?

Frosted Tips. Lance Bass. Hello? It's never easy doing this, is it? Hello? Hey, you there? Can you hear us, buddy? Can you tell him to turn his camera sideways?

We can't hear you. We can hear him. He can't hear us. I don't know sideways? We can't hear you. Looks like they won't hear you. We can hear him, he can't hear us, I don't know why. They can probably hear you. Sorry. Can you guys see us? See if they wave. Hmm.

She's waving. Oh, they're waving. Oh, yeah, they can see us. We can't hear you though. What's up, girl? We can't hear you. She is hot though. What's up, girl?

No, dude, that's by default. That just happened. What's up, girl? Dude, that's my default That just happened What's up, girl? Can you hear us, boss? Yeah So right now it's using my microphone Just switched it so he could hear us So just talk really loud

Loud, okay Hey, what's up, bud? How you doing? All right, how are you doing? We're good, man What's going on? So, are you working? All right. How are you doing? We're good, man. What's going on? So, are you working? Not much.

No. Tell us a back story. What's going on? Yeah, fill in the fans who don't know what's going on. All right. Yeah, I thought I'd just call in, just, you know, catch up the poor guys who were still wondering what was going on. Right.

Basically, my traitor wife here. Yeah, yeah. Called into the show. And I found out when I was watching the show. Wow. She wanted to leave me. Let's keep her in frame. Hey, can you turn that horizontal?

Hey, turn your phone the other way. Turn your phone. So you can see both of you guys. There you go. There you go. Now move it over. Lean in. Let her in.

Yeah, there we go. We want to see both of you. No, no, the other. We want to see all three of you. There we go. There we go. Perfect. Thanks, boss. There we go. There we go. Perfect. Thanks, boss.

There we go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. So basically, like, December last year, I quit my job. Mutual decision. Then we went to the UK to see our family. And then when I got back here here I decided to play Call of Duty

for a month you know of course more than a month more than a month so yeah so obviously she got frustrated because she was working and every time she would come home I was just here in front of the PlayStation can you move your hand? I know your hand dude like it's covering the camera it's covering the camera. It's covering the camera. Like...

I can't say. Why are they calling you? Time to fuck off. Yeah. Yeah, so that's basically what happened. And then what's happened now is my wife doesn't have a job and I do have a job. Oh! What's happened now is my wife doesn't have a job, and I do have a job.

What's up? Kick her out. Get her out of there. So the tides have turned. Now I come home. And she's playing Call of Duty. She's fucking playing Call of Duty. So what'd she do all day? It's now into the mic, so I can fix it. What'd you do all day so it's now into the mic so what'd you do all day

oh well i wake up i go to the gym then i clean the house okay and then i cook food okay and then i do the laundry so i still. Okay. Even though I'm not working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a job. He wasn't doing anything at all. I come home. Right. And he's just, I literally, I'll go to sleep. He's still playing Call of Duty. Nice.

I wake up. He's still playing Call of Duty. Wow, dude. I come back from work and he's still playing Call of Duty. Hell yeah. And dishes in the sink. Yeah. It's just like piled up. And so you stop playing Call of Duty now because in the sink is just like piled up.

And so you stopped playing Call of Duty now because you got a job or you're still going pretty hard in the paint on Call of Duty talking shit to teenagers? No, no. I leave that to Eric nowadays. Yeah. No, no.

I actually have started a business here, so I'm trying to get that up and running. So, yeah, I'm kind of busy now. Oh, good for you, man. That's good, man. So it seemed like this honestly all worked out. Yeah, it worked out. Yeah, but she kind of came on and made it seem like, you know,

you're not doing anything and I'm going to leave you. But then he got a job. Hold on. Let's go back to the original thing. Why did you tell him to stop working, right? Yes. That's the question I have. No, okay.

Okay, I should definitely explain this. Yeah, yeah. So it wasn't like I told him to stop working. Right. It was more like he was really, really fed up of his job. Okay. And every time it's like there's a different story where the boss will literally like say oh there's no money and then don't go okay yeah yeah we don't legally we want

you to be okay so i said listen just leave and find another job because you do deserve to get a better job. Okay. So I just want to say the boss is a good guy because he watched the last clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we know. He's a good guy. But he's tight. No, he's a good guy.

So you left your piece of shit boss. No, come on. No, no, no, no. And I was supportive, by the way, Eric. I was very, very supportive. Yeah, no, you honestly, you do seem very supportive. Wait was very, very supportive. Yeah, no, you honestly, you do seem very supportive. Wait, wait, hold on. No, no, no.

Now she's season one because we called her ass out. No, no, no. No, that is true. No, that is true. Yes, I understand you're right. But if it is the way, and look, he's there. He's corroborating the story. So if the thing really was, hey, you're not happy

in this job, you should do another job, that's different than, hey, quit your job. Yes. Which is what it seemed like the first time. No, no. And it seems like the right choice. Okay, can I now? Yeah, now you can. She was like, okay, you're unhappy, you're unhappy.

I'm sick of hearing about how unhappy you are because your shitty boss was acting shitty. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We love you. If you're watching, we love you, whatever. What's his name? No, don't give us his name. Don't give us his name.

Address, address. So, you know, and then she was like, all right. And then, you know, then he's like, he quit his job. Yeah. You know, but, you know, when you quit your job, he was like, you know, let me take a second. I'm looking. Right, right, right. You know, and while I'm looking, he was like, you know, let me take a second. I'm looking. Right, right, right. You know, and while I'm looking, I'm doing, I'm playing a little Call of Duty.

But he wasn't looking. He was playing Call of Duty. Can he have a gap month? Can he have a couple months to, like, you know, get himself together? No, no, no. And then you came across like, you just came across like, well, he hasn't found a job yet, so I'm leaving him. Yeah.

Hey, was OnlyFans? It did sound really bad. Thank you. It did sound bad. Yeah, she admits it. Okay, good. By the way, on his favorite podcast. Yeah, that's fucked up.

Yeah. His favorite is Congratulations. But yeah. You know how I found it? No, he don't watch that. Sorry. I was scrolling YouTube, and I just saw my wife's face in our clip. Oh my God.

That would be horrible. And I was like, what? And I clicked on it. And then the first sentence is, so I'm thinking of leaving my husband. Well, let me say this, though. Let me ask you this. I bet you got a job soon after. Did you start that business right after you saw that clip?

Within a few weeks. No. So, all right. And what's with the OnlyFans thing? Was there going to be an OnlyFans? That seems like a joke. Yeah, did you strike up the OnlyFans? Yeah, so I was trying to explain that I even started OnlyFans? That seems like a joke. Yeah, did you strike up the OnlyFans? Yeah, so I was trying to explain that I even started OnlyFans.

This is like six months before I even quit the job because I was like, okay, we need some money. We need to save up. And my salary alone is not going to support our lifestyle. So my friends are already doing it, and they're doing well. So I was like, I'm going to do it too. And it's true.

I, and that's the thing, like he knows I'm doing only. Yeah. And I was working daytime and I come home and I do only fans and he's just still lying around taking 10 naps a day. Yeah. Yeah.

And, and, and what, and what's your only fans? Maybe we can help out with that by help out i mean nick's gonna subscribe well yeah you might get some subscribers if you want to put it out there what's your only fans well i'll have to send the link okay okay all right so we'll we'll put it in yeah we'll put it we'll put in the in the description we won't we won't oh we can't

but uh we'll put it on screen That was her angle of this whole thing. We know. We know. Oh, trust me. It's okay. Whatever. We get it. We get it, man.

Well, I'm glad it worked out. But why aren't you guys doing OnlyFans together? Like, why aren't you doing one of those couples OnlyFans? I'm not paying for that, bro. He's shy. He's shy. I have my own OnlyFans. Nice, bro. Yeah's shy. He's shy. I have my own only fan. Nice, bro.

Yeah. Where he jerks off in the kitchen. In ski gear. Listen, it sounds like this was kind of, you guys seem like a great couple together. Yeah, it seems like it worked out. Good. We're happy for you, and thanks for calling back in. What were you going to say, Nick?

I think they're from Dubai. You guys are in Dubai, right? Cool. So it's probably expensive. Yeah.'re from Dubai. You guys are in Dubai, right? Cool. So it's probably expensive. Oh, yeah, Dubai's expensive. Dubai? Can women talk out there? Bro.

Well, he almost hit her twice. Oh, I got some comments once they're off air. I got them in the chamber. It would be great if he doesn't really hang up and he's like, how dare you? Is this what you want to be? Or the people filming are like, you know. Yeah.

They don't want to see it behind the camera. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know, you can have it with older fans in Dubai. This might not be,

oh, that's why you, and I also get why you want your boss to, he's a great guy. We don't want you to end up We don't want you guys to end up missing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a great guy. Yeah. We don't want you to end up. We don't want you guys to end up missing. Yeah. It's Abu Dhabi camp or something.

Yeah, headless. Women caming. Thanks, guys. All right, cool. Thank you so much, you guys. Good luck. Thanks a lot. Hope we cleared it up for everyone.

Yeah, you definitely did. Good luck, guys. Recording stuff. Listen, that was sweet. I like those. That was a great couple. Cute couple. It worked out.

It was all for the only fan I wonder what I wonder what his business is I wonder business I sell pogs okay hopefully you worked out for everyone okay you get in your room you're crazy don't think he hits her. Get her out of your mind. She was like, well, the boss won't make money. He's like, don't say that, right, honey? He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, too much information.

Anyway, dude, that was good. We're glad. That's nice, dude. We figure out problems and we make them better, right? It seems like we expose issues right there. There you go. So they're going to, that's cute, dude. I'm glad for them, dude.

I really love – you know what I love? I love love. I love love. Nah. We're the same. I love love. I said it. I love love.

I don't like that you said it. I say it. And I said it. Love isn't blind. He kind of said it before you. I said it before you. No, you were like, I love love. I said it before you. Rewind it. You know you were like, I love love. I said it before you.

Rewind it. You know what I love? I love love. I love love. Nah. And now we're back. But dude, yeah, dude. So I love love and that's great.

And I'm happy they're happy together. Must be weird living in Dubai, huh? Yeah. Is it? I don't know. It looks fucking awesome. Has anybody been there? I've been to Dubai a few times.

He's definitely been there. You ever when you see... Yeah, a lot of titties out for Dubai, I think. Dude, when you see women on Instagram alone in Dubai and they're from America, they're hookings. Yeah, they're hookings. I found that out the hard way. I did a girl when I first got to LA and she was like,

I know Dubai have this mobile phone deal. I'm like, oh, okay. Then she posted on a yacht. I'm like, man, that bitch on a yacht. Oh, I found out. She's doing something a little strange for some change. Yep. Not even that strange.

It's very fucking common. But not back to, we built Dubai. Yeah. So that is, yeah. You know what? Thanks, guys. This time you got the balls that time. We built this city.

I just wanted to make sure. Wait, you've been to Dubai? Yeah. You just stand up out there? Yeah. Is it dope? Nah. I've heard it's like Vegas on steroids. The bubble popped really quick. Really? Yeah. It was like a thing where they were like, it would have paid people so much money.

It was like all this stuff. Then they figured out, oh, we don't need to do that. Whatever. They have so much money, it doesn't, what the fuck does it matter? Dude, the money that those motherfuckers have, dude, it's unreal. They're the richest people in the world. Dude, I went to – My fault.

I did a show in Saudi Arabia last year, and the money they paid was – Not good. And for the people that were at the crowd? No, no. It was a ridiculous amount of money. Oh, okay, okay. Like ridiculous with what we did. Okay, okay.

And I was just sitting there like, really? Like there was nobody in the show. Nobody was in the show. Oh, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. They just, it's just some guy that's like, here. Prince Ali. Well, they just changed the prince. He, you know, he opened the country up.

You know, the Backstreet Boys were there. It was like, you know, that was something that didn't happen, you know, 10 years ago. I've been to Saudi Arabia a couple times, and the first time it was really like, you know, the religious police. Yeah. You could only do the shows at the consulates and stuff. Right, yeah. And now it's just, like, women are driving.

Wow. Things are different now. Did you, so you made racks or what? Yeah. So who else went with you? Oh, it was, so many people went. Maz went, Jamie Kennedy went. At the same time?

No, no, we all, it was like a, they were doing this festival. Yeah. And it was just, the amount of money, dude, it was just like. You're like, this isn't going to hold up. Yeah, it is. There's no way. Damn, why didn't I go? I don't know.

When was this? I remember when you went. Yeah, it was a while ago. Yeah, it was crazy. Was it dope out there, the food and hotels and stuff? I have no desire to go. Oh, I do. Fucking I do, bro.

I want to go everywhere, though. They're trying. You know what I mean? I'm a world traveler. Dubai is like. I want to go to Japan. I find Dubai to be boring. You can't go to Japan now, dude.

No, I want to go to Japan in the fucking... In Tokyo, dude. And just wander around and be so tall. I feel like we can't buy jeans or nothing there. That's what they're known for. That's okay, though, dude. I'm going to bow to everyone. Hey!

Hey! You know? Is that round of punches? All of a sudden, we're in a terrible... Hey! We're in a terrible kung fu movie Yeah, kung fu Chinese What if you're saying something right now that your mother's yeah, yeah, yeah

If I'm saying that, I meant to. I'm going to go to the bathhouse and I'm like, oh, Godzilla. No, dude. Oh, Godzilla, back. No, don't. Godzilla, back. I liked doing my joke, and then when you did that, I got upset. Because you felt that.

Because I was actually going to do it. I actually added the racism to it. Yeah, it was just kind of. Why? He ruined it, dude. Because I'm Godzilla? He ruined it. He added the racism to it. Yeah, it was just kind of crying. He ruined it, dude. Because I'm Godzilla? He ruined it. I'm Big Tail Godzilla. I get what you're saying.

Let's see what this little sweetie pie has to say. My shit was more kind of just... I don't like that. I'm just telling what else, like, you know, like, you should be crying. Like, you said, remember your old joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He actually sounds a little Japanese

yeah he does that's pretty fucking good I'm not kidding I'm serious you should have like a little dress on let's see let's see what she wants

she's doing a Japanese thing honestly people now our boys what's up let's talk about Chex Mix dudes Chex Mix

which pieces are the best and which pieces are the worst I know which ones are the worst and which pieces could you absolutely care less about I have strong opinions someone's going to piss me off about the right shit I knew it bro I love the right shit baby

of Chex Mix to a staff member at the Golden Hour Podcast. Extra. Did you like rye chips, huh? Love them. God, this fucking galoof.

That rye chip, get it the fuck out of here. Get it out, bro. Oh, what are you going to eat? The pretzel? You basic white bitch. All of the ones except the rye chip.

Here's how it goes. Number one, Tide, mini bread six, square pretzel, corn checks, wheat checks, circle pretzel. And then in last place, rye chip. Love the rye chip. Little root beer and rye chip. I want the corn checks. Oh, yeah. The circle pretzel.

There we go. The circle pretzel. Dude, how about... Fuck all this noise. How about puppy? What are they called? Puppy chow? Oh, dude, that's for dogs.

Yeah. Hey, dude, you eat dog food? Dude. What's it called, Nick? No, it's called puppy chow. Dog food? Checks mixed with like the... Yeah, you stupid fuck. This is dog food?

No, they take that mix. Wait, wait, wait. I like how uncertain. He was so uncertain. And then he was like, yeah, fuck you. I was like, I'm He was so uncertain. And then he was like, yeah, fuck yeah. I was like, is it called puppy? Hold on. It's still dog food up there. No, it's not.

I don't see anything that's not dog food. It's that mix covered in chocolate with powder sugar. He was showing us Alpo shit. All right, this looks different. That shit is fire right there. Fuck yeah, dude. He's got fucking dogs up there on the cover. Oh, for a while there, I was like, man.

Dude, that's weird. That guy's, go back. That guy has one small hand. Oh, no. Go back. See, Nick, you're fucking fired, dude. There we go. Weird one small hand.

It's like handsome. Obviously, that's the father and son. Oh, okay. It's a fat man., that's the father and son. Oh, okay. It's a fat man. You never know. All right. That would be terrible if you had one baby hand, but that's the one you would jack off with. Also.

Make your dick look here. Disgusting. There we go. Also, two right hands, too. Come on. Nobody's thinking that. Nah. You wouldn't use the big hand.

You would get that little one. This is a stupid conversation, but if we're going to get into it it you use the big one because you could cover more area of your dick next but okay the foreplay would be with the little one you know what i mean because you would like you don't think through shit you don't think through shit you would like you know what i mean it's the first draft shit man you gotta keep. The little hand would be on the balls. God damn it, dude. I'm not in this conversation. It would look like this. It would look like...

Dude, Eric. What up, Brandon, Eric, and Chris? I don't know if you guys are still doing segment titles, but I guess I got a question for you. A little backstory. I had some kids coming in my yard and playing football without my permission They started fucking up my grass

So I decided to stop picking up the dog shit To be honest I'm lazy I just didn't pick it up in the first place But two birds with one turn Keep the kids out I don't have to pick up dog shit I guess debate club if you're still doing it Am I the piece of shit

For not picking up my shit No It's your yard but yeah shit it smells awful does it and it makes the grass yellow does it oh yeah what about fertilizer that's good yeah you just talk food what do you think well what kind of ebenezer scrooge are we talking about here where the local kids can't play on your lawn what's the problem with america about 80 80 years old man it all depends on the size of the lawn, where it is, how many kids. I mean, honestly. Are they the next door neighbors?

That'd be okay with me. But if they're just some fucking random kids like it show up. Well, I'm sure they're not from the fucking city over. They got to be pretty close. But if he's got the best lawn in the neighborhood, it's like, that's on you. Football field, though. I don't know. I see both sides.

It doesn't feel like, I get if it's like like we need to get more from me also how old are the kids yeah that's cute I was the old cares let him run around yeah fucking 17 the fuck off my look but also jokes on you your lawn smells like shit you gotta pass by shit every day it's pretty funny I like how gangster that is though the dogs keep shooting clearly don't have kids he's not taking is, though. Yeah, that's pretty gangster. He's like, all right, let the dogs keep shitting. Clearly doesn't have kids. Well, he's not taking care of his lawn anyway. No.

That's why he said he's lazy. But the kids are messing up his lawn. I mean, I don't know. This seems like a lose-lose. Yeah. You have a shitty lawn, or, you know, he should just open a lemonade stand or something. I feel like there's a happy medium. Pick up the shit, tell the kids to get on and play on Saturdays after 10.

No, you tell the kids, hey, if you want to play here, you medium. Pick up the shit. Tell the kids to get on and play on Saturdays after 10. No, you tell the kids, hey, if you want to play here, you got to pick up the shit. Hey, boom. Hey, little bitches, you want to play on my field? Yeah. Pick up the shit.

Well, it's not a field, but you know. We don't know how big it is. That's the thing. Yeah. We need pictures. We need more content. I feel like I would let,

yeah, you let kids play on it. Who cares? I would let it happen. You can't just throw, that's why we thought Titties McGee was fucking, you know what I mean? Because of your. Yeah, now it extended over two episodes. Yeah, the worst Sherlock Holmes ever over here.

Prince. Prince. Rebuilt this city. Eyebrows for days. This guy's hair, huh, Chris? Yeah, I don't like that kind of hair. I don't like that kind of hair, dude. That's like the new hair that everyone's doing.

It's been like five years of that hair. I'm ready for that. It for sure looks like he does like this. But everybody's got this hair now. I see all the kids have it. It's crazy. What's up, Golden Hour crew? Big fan.

Thank you. Sorry for talking about you. I actually wanted to see your reactions to this British TikToker. His name is Mizzy. He does these like crazy pranks i hate this kid i kind of uh od um they got so bad that like he got interviewed by piers morgan i saw it it was it was actually pretty funny i don't like um i sent me some clips though um piers anyways love guys. I don't like pranks, period. No, this isn't a prank. This kid goes into a house that's unlocked.

Oh, I saw this. This is too non-interfract. I saw this. And the dad's like, what the fuck are you doing? Trying America. Oh, please come into my house. All right, well, you sound like you want to kill people, buddy. I'm dying to fucking use my kill people.

This is crazy, bro. This is crazy bro This is nuts This ain't a prank Nice house too This guy's kind of a pussy And he has kids He's just in his house Dope ass crib too Well first of all How's he not get beat up this would go completely different in the united states when the cops showed up oh do that in texas

son yeah i'm just saying like oh if you're feeling froggy shoot that same content in florida yeah no he needs to get beat up you want on on Piers Morgan, Piers lit him up. It's crazy. Here's the thing about it. Him going on Piers Morgan is a win for him. No matter what happens. He recently got arrested.

There's a lot of these people doing this crazy stuff. Another guy, he was crashing a plane for his tiktok or something he jumped out playing pretend was crashing the plane crashed into the i think california knows every clip that ever happened i read right he started i read he responds i read it's all i'm telling you there's art no i don't see the videos. I see the results. I see the results. Because it's like the gossip or whatever.

They write articles on it. That young kid's fucked. He got arrested. Also, why do kids have talent? Where's the longevity? You're not going to be able to monetize it. Where's the longevity? This moron jumps out of a plane.

He pretended it was crashing, but it wasn't. And he just lets this plane go and crashed into the mountains, which is illegal. This YouTuber is facing charges after intentionally crashing his plane for views. So this 29-year-old YouTuber will plead guilty to a federal charge. After he destroyed the wreckage of a plane, he intentionally crashed to get views. Apparently, he admitted to authorities that he planned to crash his plane in this video that he made to promote a wallet. He then went and found where the plane crashed, collected the aircraft's wreckage, and got rid of it in order to hinder a federal investigation of the crash site. The plane crash took place in November of 2021,

and all of the crash and parachuting from the plane was caught on video by the YouTuber. He ejected himself from the plane approximately 35 minutes after taking off. And after parachuting to the ground, he hiked to the wreck site and took the video data of the crash with him. Then a- Wait, what? Just a kid's facing felony charges. I'm surprised Brendan doesn't have a channel like that.

But it wouldn't sound as- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Brendan would be like, yeah, so, yeah. I'd be like, yeah. Guys, I've been reading about this for a while. I read this one video here. I'm sorry I know what's going on in the world. Do you? I would love to talk about politics, but you stupid fucks.

You play video games and you watch bad movies. My bad. I've been watching some good shit. I'd love to talk about the NBA finals, but you don't know shit. NBA Heat won. The NBA Heat won. The NBA Heat. That's their names?

The NBA Heat. The NBA Heat. NBA's favorite team, the Heat won. Guys, the NBA Heat won the NBA Celtics. Guys, the NBA Heat. The NBA Celtics. The NBA's own Heat won. What a letdown.

Dude, Celtics. I know, man. They came back, and then it's like, what the fuck, dude? It's complete letdown. But Williams' defense, huh, man? A two seed, and then it's like, what the fuck, dude? But Williams' defense, huh, man? Two seed versus eight. It doesn't matter. They're going to get smoked by the Nuggets.

I don't think so. Oh, it's not over? Would you like to bet, Eric? Yeah, let's bet. That wasn't the finals finals? No. Oh, that wasn't the championships? That was the Eastern Conference. Yeah, dinner.

Oh, I thought that was it. With your friends, you don't bet money with your friends. You bet dinner. Oh, you're right. Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You bet money with your friends, it gets weird. You're so right. Cal knows me like 90% of the time. That's what I'm saying. You don't bet money with your friends. You bet dinner. Oh, you're right. Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You bet money with your friends, it gets weird. You're so right.

Cal knows me like 90 times. That's what I'm saying. You don't do that. That's stupid. We'll bet dinner. I'm tired. I'm not going to doubt the Heat anymore. They've done – you can't doubt them anymore.

I say Nuggets and Fives. Does Harold Miner still play? Baby Jordan. Baby Jordan, that's right. Can I tell you something? What? Great Duncan. I think I texted you about this.

Rachel, we're watching the game. Oh, yeah. And she goes, is Kobe still playing? But she, like, super innocently, like, she just doesn't know. She was like, is Kobe? I was like, ah, well, two things, Rach. You're real sad. She knows he's dead.

She knows. After I told her. Yeah, she's like, oh, yeah. I was like, two things. I was like, first one, he retired a long time ago. And two, he died in a terrible accident. Right up here. She was like, oh, yeah.

Just like that. She goes, oh, yeah. Sounds like, honestly, she needs to read more videos. Yeah. Her and Brendan got the same. Yeah, yeah. No, I, yeah. Then she goes, Shaq was my favorite anyway. Shaq? Who? Shaq. Her and Brendan got the same Yeah yeah No I Yeah that's Then she goes

Shaq was my favorite anyway Shaq Who Shaq Shaq Oh Yeah she was like I just was like man

When somebody doesn't know sports They just don't know sports It's tough to talk about it with them Yeah they just don't know I can talk about sports all day long You should have told her Shaq was dead See what she said Yeah

No I know I know I know I could know. I know. I could talk about sports all day long. You're crazy. You think that he didn't beat the Nuggets, man. It's an awful matchup for him. Who? Style of matchup-wise.

What's the worst matchup? Nuggets-Heat. Come on, dude. Don't count. Every matchup they've been in is supposedly the same thing. Don't discount. Every single matchup they've been in, they're supposedly supposed to lose. I know, but look at what the Nuggets have been doing.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Running through teams. Phoenix, out- I know. Swept the Lakers. I know. but look at what the Nuggets have been doing. That's exactly what I'm saying. Running through teams. Phoenix, out swept the Lakers. I know. And they were in the finals before the Heat. Like, we already knew that the Nuggets were going to be in the finals. This would be the worst sports show. Breakdown ever.

Because they won first, right? There's some names for you, Chris. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's tough to be, you know, to think about, you know, guys like Joe Kitch. I mean, and, and,

you know, Kentavious Caldwell Pope. Very good. Yeah. Those guys are just fucking, I mean, now do this as the Japanese girl.

That'd be a great sports show, right? You just can't stay in the key for longer than three years. The bet is dinner, but a double date. You got to pay for my girl, too. And I'll pay for your girl. Right?

He lets up the stakes a little bit, right? Okay. All right. He's smart, too, because Denver's the huge favorite. It's value. And I get to bring my family, too. Me and my mom and dad are coming to town. They're like, fuck your kids doing here?

Well, that's a good point. The Nuggets won. We're going to go to Chuck E. Cheese. I'll pay for that. Two pizzas, please. And some tokens for the kids to go. What's up, boys? Chris, Brendan, Eric, Nick, Chin, black guy in the back.

How do you do? So my name is Trout. I'm from Charleston, South Carolina. Currently on break for my work. But my question for you, recently really got into golf. Every Tuesday, me and the boys go out, play at least nine holes. Everyone's in golf. Favorite part of the week. Recently, my wife has asked to join us.

Now, golf is my kind of escape from all things stressors in life. Escape, not X-scape. So I'm not exactly all about it. I'm not opposed to going out and playing some golf with my wife. Right. The only thing is she's not wanting to take lessons. She certainly doesn't want to take any tips from me. And she doesn't know much about golf etiquette.

Golf is a high etiquette game. And she doesn't know much about golf etiquette. Golf is a high etiquette game. So how do I tell my wife that she can't come play golf with us without bringing a divorce lawyer into it? Appreciate it, boys. Two things about this guy. One, I don't know how old he is, but I like how he's already rocking his old man hair. You know what I mean?

That's what it's going to look like. Right, right, right. He's ahead of the game. He's ahead of the game on that. I mean, that's what it's going to look like. Right, right, right. He's ahead of the game. He's ahead of the game on that. Two, I think your wife wants to play golf with you because she just wants to spend time with you,

and you love playing golf, so she wants to. So how you tell her is, hey, babe, maybe not go to golf with me, but let's go do this instead. On Thursdays. Yeah. Well, if she doesn't want to take lessons, then she doesn't want to get good at golf. She just wants to hang out with him.

She just wants to hang out with him. I'm agreeing with you. Yeah. You fucking pieces of shit. He's aggressive today. Yeah. What's up with you today? Hey.

Hey. Why don't you sun your butthole right now? Sorry? I think that's what it is. That's my advice to you is to show your wife some attention, some real honest attention, like really carve out some time and make her feel like you love it just as much as you love the golf. Because you're going to fuck up the golf for your buddies. Yeah, that's the thing.

You're bringing your girl, man. What are you doing? It's the human woman hater. It's guy time, dude. You go out on the fucking green and you play. You go on the course. You're with the fellas. Chris D'Elia over here.

You fucking suck each other off. You do fucking guy stuff, man. Everyone's into golf. Since the pandemic, I feel like so many comics are into golf now. Well, he's not a comic, this guy.

I don't know if you know. No, he's open for me. Really? In La Jolla, this Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Oh, really? That's funny because dude, I wonder if he can

come to Tucson with me and then I got to show what the rhyme is. He could probably do it. No, he's at La Jolla. He's at La Jolla Friday, Saturday, Sunday. No, I'm just saying, dude, ChrisLeah.com is where you go to get tickets. Fuck, dude.

Jesus Christ. Hey, dude, maybe he could fucking come to Hamilton, Ontario. Ah, fucking that's sold out already, dude, five months in advance. Huntsville and Nashville, Wednesday, 21st, and then I'll be in Huntsville that weekend. And then I'm coming to Chicago, the one by the airport. Schaumburg? Zany's?

No, no. Yeah, Zany's by the other one. Not the downtown one, the other one. Yeah, dude. When's that? Blue hair. We know who she's voting for. When's that?

When is that? Let me look. Hold on. And then are you going to sell it out or what? What's up, dude? Well, you might. You guys can post about it and stuff. That would help.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's like. You want us to post about it? Yeah. Okay. You know, that would be helpful. Wow. It's like, you know.

Dickheads. You're always going to hear about. Hey. I just want to put my date on christaulia.com. I think I should just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little side place. You like these jeans, huh?

That's what's up, man. I'm good at fashion. Oh, no, I messed up mine. I got to fix this when I get home. God damn it. Well, it's okay, man. That's cool. You got a good website, huh?

You'll figure it out. You'll figure it out, man. I forgot to. There we go. You go over this every. Something I forgot to do that I got to get home and do. As you did. There we go.

Whatever's. All right. So let's see what's up with this lady. I guess I have a sour power. Sending your girl seriously inappropriate pictures that are not attractive. Like? Oh, like him taking a shit? Oh.

Wait a minute. That was nuts. This guy's hilarious. This guy's fantastic. He's a good time Charlie. Yeah, this is great. What was the one? He's a tattoo artist, right?

Go to the first one. His ass is so little that you can see legs from the back. This is the first one. I don't like Dookie. Second one. It's a ball. Yeah, let's see. Let me see his nuts.

That's hilarious. This guy's a good time. He's a tattoo artist too, clearly. You don't have those earrings and all those weird tats. Weird, weird. That's good. Who took that one? Why is he taking a shower like an elderly lady?

Our guy over here took that one. This guy's fun. He has zero ass. I'm going to tell you right now. Who has more ass, him or Chris? Bro, I've been squatting. My ass is good. You've been doing it lightweight though.

My butt's good. I got a dump truck. I got a squatting. My ass is good. But you've been doing it lightweight, though. I know, but my butt's good. I got a dump truck. You challenged it. I got kind of a... A little peach? Yeah, I got a dump truck. Dude, I pretty much only work out my lower half. How crazy is that?

Yup, dude. I only work out my lower half. You don't skip leg days? No, dude. I don't skip it. I fucking do leg days extra. Your calves make the difference. My calves suck, dude.

But it doesn't matter. There's nothing you can do about it. Because I'm strong. I'm strong with my legs. My foundation is strong dude. But it doesn't matter because I'm strong. I'm strong with my legs. My foundation is strong, right? You're not stronger than his girl. But the deal is when you work out your legs, when you do correct leg workouts,

you're also working out the rest of your body. Yeah, full body. So my foundation is strong. Moving on. Do you send your wife weird pictures, though? Anybody here? Not like that No, no

I don't like doodookey stuff I don't play that No, doodookey shit I don't do I don't know But I tell you what I told my Bro, here's a good topic Last night

I was chilling I was with two friends And my wife Okay And I said I'm potty training my son, right? And he hasn't gotten poop in the thing yet, right? Like he's only done pee because he doesn't, you know, it's weird.

Calvin, right? Yes, Calvin, right. No, because William's one month old, right? So we're not potty training him. Well, my kid's only one month. Oh, whoa. That sounds like a lie. But anyway, so.

He didn't even hold his head up. Yeah. So I said, so Calvin, do you want to try and go poop and he was like no I don't have to and I was like do you want to at least try and he was like no

and Marv was like if he doesn't have to poop he doesn't have to poop and I was like you can always make yourself poop and she's like what and I said you can always make yourself poop

that's not real you stupid huh and I told her I was like I can poop whenever I want to then you have an issue if you have poop in reserve yeah you got a problem

you have a problem okay well let me finish no no no we're not going to let you finish that's the story yeah then you have an issue. If you have poop in reserve, you have a problem. Okay, well, let me finish. No, no, no. We're not going to let you finish. That's the story. Yeah. The headline is,

my body is full of poop and I can let it out at any time. That's the headline. You're misquoting me. No. I did not say my body's full of poop. What I said is... You said you could poop at any time. So what I did was...

I said to her, I can poop whenever I want. And she said, go poop right now. Yeah. And I said, seriously? She said, yeah. So I went in. I took a little bit of a nugget out. Okay?

I did. I took a little bit of a nugget out. And I said, baby, I did it. And she said, I want to see. And I said, I don't want you to see mine. That's disgusting to me. Right? I don't play that stuff.

But you need proof. But she said, but I need proof. Yeah. So I showed her proof. And she goes, I want to see. And I said, I don't want you to see mine. That's disgusting to me. Right? I don't play that stuff. I don't know what I'm saying. But she said, but I need proof. Yeah. So I showed her proof. And she goes, wow, that's unbelievable. You're disgusting. Yeah. But I said, well, so I think that Calvin could probably go if he wanted to.

What do you have some poop mechanism going on that it's just the poop is being created right now? It's not healthy. In your body, they're like, oh, sit down some more poop. And it's just chugging along. It's healthy. It's not healthy. It is healthy.

It's not healthy to have just poop at any time. They say once a day. Yeah. You should be going once a day. They don't say that. Bring it up, Nick. Dude, I go four times a day or five. You have a major problem.

No, I don't do that. My shit is absolutely healthy. No, I don't think so. Look it up. Nick, bring it up or you're fired. Bring up my side or you're fired. Three times a week. Three times a day. you're fired. Three times a week? Three times a day.

There we go. Three times a day. I'm super healthy. I'm even more healthy because I do it more. Soft, well-formed log. Boy, that is a wide gap. Three times a week is an issue to three times a day? Yep.

Three times a day, you got problems, man. I already went twice. By 11.30am I went twice. It depends on your diet, what you're eating. I get it. There we go. Shut you motherfuckers down real quick.

You got a problem. No, you did not. You said you can poop at any time. Go poop right now. I just went. No, but you said. I could probably do it right now. That's what I said. You said you could poop at any time. Yeah. Go poop right now. I just went. You just went. No, no, no, no, no. But you said. I could probably do it right now.

Okay. That's what I said. You said you could poop at any time. I think I could. Yeah. I think I could go right now. You have a problem. And Calvin's thing is he goes, I want a diaper.

We should just film it. That's what Bob says. Go. I want a diaper. Bring the cameras and we're going to go film it. We're going to learn. We're going to learn together though. Me and Calvin.

How to poop real. Last night. Well. Rachel says, hey, can you help me oh boy clean the toilet oh you know there's a ring can you help me clean the toilet and i said get a cleaning lady wait i said this i said i'm gonna help you i i said how would you like me to help you yeah Would you like me to help you? It's a one-man job.

It's a one-man job. She's just passive-aggressive like that. So how am I helping you? She was like, well, you're going to do it. Yeah, yeah, great. I like that you came. Dude, that's incredible. And so is the ring still there or no?

No, no, I did it. Get a cleaning lady, man. We're going to. Yeah, but you've been selling it. But she's always worried about like, she's like, I don't want people getting, they're going to see my furs. She doesn't like valet, and she don't like anybody,

because she thinks we're going to just get robbed. Well, hire a white lady. Make her more comfortable. White lady, white women. You think white women. Bro, they steal the most, bro. Yeah. Because they think it's theirs.

They deserve that. I deserve it. Yeah. You have a white cleaner? No. Of course it. Yeah. You have a white cleaner? No. Of course not. You can't find a white cleaner. How can you find it?

That would be... You'd have to pay extra. It's like, cleaning service, they come in for 35 minutes and it's like... And we can use your pool. It's $600.

You're like, why is it $600? Oh, it's white women. White tax. You have a white nanny? Yeah. It's $600. You're like, why is it $600? Oh, it's white women. You have a white nanny? It's white women. And a white son. I have two white sons. Thank God, right?

I mean, that'd be crazy. What's this kid? What do you do? You're in the delivery room. Oh, my God. And then like a black baby comes out. How crazy is it that that happens? Of course. No, I know of course. Dude, how crazy is it that that happens? That actually happens. Yes. Of course.

No, I know of course. But think about that. What's the moment? The moment that, you know. Dude, that is. Do you just leave the hospital? But aren't you kind of giving her a benefit of the doubt? Being like, I guess the kid has a tan.

Right, right. Explain. Somehow explain this. Yeah. Give me something to hang on to. Okay, then it would have to be this then. See, that's your brain going, well, it has to be a reason. Okay, an Asian baby pulls out.

Okay, it's clearly an Asian baby. You just say, I just don't know what to, do you just leave? You just leave. I'd be like, okay, well. You go like this, you go like this, you go like this. Ah, for fuck's sake. And you just walk out.

And never come back. Yep. Dude, that happens. I know. It's happening right now. Is there like, I don't know. I'm just wondering what that thought. It's probably such a mind fuck.

Yeah, I would black out. That you just got to like. I'd black out and you'd wake up and everybody would be dead. No, you'd just get in your car. Get in your car and just drive off PCH. I'd just wake up and it would be like a scene from John Wick. You know what I mean? The doctor's just like.

Or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah, yeah. But you can't hit her, right? Because she's on the bed, just had the baby. So you got to beat up the dad. Where is he? It's you're there. No, no, no. I'm talking about her dad.

You're going to have to take it on somebody. How about this? It's not the there. No, no, no. I'm talking about her dad. You have to take it on somebody. How about this? It's not the doctors. What about this, though? You're in there. Yeah. You know, the black baby comes out. Whatever you're not comes out.

Right, right, right. I'm thinking NBA in my head, but yeah. You know? And then it's like, but you've been in the waiting room, and there's like a black dude that's just been in the waiting room. You know? And then, you know what I mean? And it's actually him. You know what I mean mean and this is how they tell you oh i would do nothing but this oh my god

dude this will happen you wake up everybody there's a whole hospital you're killing people in the hospital that are not even involved on different floors you know what i mean mean? And you leave her alive. But what if it's like a Jack Black dude, like a big-ass Black dude? Like, what's up, bro? You'd be like, all right. I think that you're – Enjoy the kid. You would get like – I don't know.

Maybe you'd get like adrenaline strength. The amount of love that you feel for your child and the anticipation about what's going to happen, and then for that, I can't think of anything worse. Devastating. Nothing worse. Devastating, dude. You start to go backwards.

You start to go like, you're going back, all the things you've been doing, all the craziness, and then you just think like, oh, my God. Yes, you did go to that Chris Brown concert. The baby comes out just run it, run it. I knew it. Run it, run it, run it, run it. With a Jordan tattoo on it. He has that.

What's this kid want? King or sting it? Shit in your pants. He's cute. This is the life of being home by yourself with your baby. Oh, beast, man. You got to go.

You got to go. Oh, bathroom, yeah. And you have to bring them with you or else they're going to get into shit that they're not supposed to. I know. So cute. And also teething, so it's extra fun for mom and baby huh I know it seems like a good time though that's a cute baby so my question is

what do you guys do when you're home by yourself with your babies I lock him in the bathroom it is pretty top tier it only lasts for a little bit but it's got like a little piano he's got like all these different things that he can do.

Oh, you rich. Not get hurt. He's right in front of me. I will say though, I feel bad bringing him into the bathroom with me because no one wants to be in the bathroom when someone else is taking a shit. That's not true. People charge money for that. Oh, my son goes, Dad, jam on it! With your babies, when you just

gotta go and you're home by yourself. With a little baby like that, you're shitting your little baby. You just hear, jam on it. That's Tiger. Jam on it. You look at your kid like,

what the fuck just happened? Yeah, I mean, that's what you have to do. I mean, I guess you could leave him in that thing outside of the room. Nah, I don't. That stresses me out. I take my time in there.

I bring the whole family in. Oh, me too. Hey, everyone, come in. Come in. Call your parents. Get your in-laws. Ew. So do you guys want to go eat after this?

But you forgot to come out. At first, it's not. It'll be like. Yeah. Dude, my son. It'll be like. Yeah. Dude, my son. Bro, my son. We do this thing where your bum goes like this. And we'll do a fart noise.

My son laughs the hardest when I say, your bum goes like this. Dude, I'll go. He doesn't laugh as hard as when I go. Which is hilarious that he likes when just the little air comes out. And that's the end of that story. Is that it, Nick? That's it. All right, La Jolla.

See you this Friday, Saturday. And I'm working on the Lord's Day Sunday. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. One show on the Lord's Day Sunday. La Jolla Comedy Store. Come get you some. But I will say this. I'm going to be in Tucson next and Colorado.

And go to chrissy.com and get tickets. If you're in La Jolla, don't go to Brendan's show. Fly to me and come see me in Tucson. It's so awful. It's so real. Wear my merch at both of these motherfucker shows yeah

especially Eric in the front row dude people do that they've been doing that I tell them I've been telling them to do it for years

it's really annoying I've been telling them to do it for years they do it to Callan the most of course but yeah you're a close second yeah

it happens alright love you guys Thank you.