The Golden Hour - The Fattest Nation | The Golden Hour #80 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

The guys talk celebrities on Ozempic, the most popular plastic surgery procedures for men, comedians with facelifts, Nick's 5 thousand calorie Burger King order, the most unhealthiest fast food items, advice for new baby dads, viral pranks and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code GOLDEN Shady Rays - Head to https://shadyrays.com/ and use code: Golden for $20 off polarized sunglasses.

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us Ooh, yeah It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power

Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour I feel like you should get on something. I know I want to, but... Yeah, yeah, I want to water. I want to, but I don't think my wife would let me. No, but here's the thing. Oh, you're a hoe. Here's the thing, though. Just do it. Thanks, bro. Both of these. I want to, but I don't think my wife would let me. No, but here's the thing. Oh, you're a hoe.

Here's the thing, though. Just do it. Thanks, bro. Both of these drugs, either one, right? Let's say you're talking about what you're talking about. As far as the rock goes? Yeah. Here's the thing, though.

Regardless if they are taking something, you still have to work out. You still got to be disciplined. Well, Zympic, not really, though. That's the difference i go zympic the reason people skinny shame is because you take the shot and you just don't eat yeah but that's forcing it's not work no no but it's forcing you to do something that is similar in a sense that if it's stopping you from eating that's it's it's like the shot is for that discipline you get what i'm saying? But eventually, though, eventually even that person, because they want to look better, right?

So there's a difference between losing weight and working on your physique. Yeah, there's a difference between losing weight and then looking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because they all look trash. Like in clothes. They look really terrible. These extreme ozempic weight-losing people. They look like melted cheese. So you would hope that, but I think that some of them have money.

They're built like armadillos. I'm sure Oprah works out. I'm sure she's got a person. But the hard part was like the hardest part is the eating, right? Yeah. So you still have somebody who's like, all right, we got to do this. And now they're probably like, ooh, look how much better I'm doing it. But there were other people who just like, I had a buddy of mine.

He was telling me about his wife that just. To go Zambic? Yeah, and he was like, she lost her ass. Oh, right. Tits are down her ankles now. He's like, she looks good in clothes, but takes it off. It's a nightmare. But I just think people think that they just want to be skinny.

Whoa. Is that real? Yeah. Zambic doesn't help that head though huh but this is uh like she got a head like chin people dude people they know are on ozempic are all giving like different excuses for how they lost the way oh i love when they're not saying ozempic no they can't why because like this it's like this skinny shaming thing. Oh, check out. And then my favorite is when they give. My favorite is when they start giving out health tips. Right. Bitch.

Look at the horseback riding. Who's that? I liked her before. Yeah. God. A rainbow diet. Damn. Yeah, these bitches got it.

Christina Aguilera was thick. They got fat. That bitch gave me a start or something. Why can't they admit it? It's this weird thing. It's the same thing why The Rock can't admit he's on steroids. He's like, nah, man, I eat 6,000 calories a day. Right, because they don't want fucking 12-year-olds to start doing it. Yeah, I six thousand dollars they don't want they don't want fucking 12 year olds to start doing it yeah i get that you know you don't want you don't want like i the thing about

the rock and all the steroids is like you you know you want they're it's you know you can't get that big with that steroids and you don't want people to have like false like beliefs that i'm gonna get that way but then also you don't want them to start taking drugs when they're super young. Well, this is a similar argument about sex workers, how they're like, don't shame sex workers. Right, right, right, right. You go, okay, so then would you go to a grammar school on career day? Hi, what do I do?

Oh, yeah, I get naked on the internet. Who wants to do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody thinks it's okay. Right. Even the people doing it don't think it's okay. Right, right, right. But on the internet. Who wants to do this? Nobody thinks it's okay. Even the people doing it don't think it's okay. But they want to fight and fight. It's all the same vibe is what I'm saying.

Wouldn't it be dope, though, if The Rock was like, yeah, man, I'm on deck. I'm on this. I'm taking this main shot today. I'm on IGF-1. I wonder what his regimen is, his schedule is for what he's taking in. And how many times he has to. Is it just once a day? No. Is it all day long?

I think it's a few shots a day. Throughout the day. I have a buddy who used to work with his guy. And he sent me a rundown one time. I was like, oh. Oh, my God. It's still a lot of work. He's also, I think, 53?

Yeah. Right. Like, that's wild. Yeah. To be 53 and that jacked and shredded like that's not how it's human physics work no but it's weird because um like i see a lot of these guys and so now it's weird because the medicine has gotten so good over the past you know 10 15 years that like there was a guy that was like fat when he was 40 and now he's like 55 and shredded and you're like this this never existed you know because of the time period now and the science of it it's like nowadays we're seeing guys that are like shredded that are 60 that were just regular 40 year old dudes that's hilarious it's crazy.

The Rock lost all that weight, and he was Moana, dude. Yeah, but don't they have topical creams and stuff like that now? What I'm saying is- That's for hoes, though. The cream don't work like the shots. Yeah, but I'm saying- I'm just kidding. Fake tits.

I'm just kidding. If we're shaming people for like- I thought the reason that steroids was bad is because of the side effects were so extreme. That's what I thought. Well, that's why it was marketed towards you. I know, but I'm saying if the side effects are now minimal, then what's wrong with it? Yeah, there lies the question. Right?

Yep. That's the question. What's wrong with it is the pharmaceutical companies and all these other companies, the diets, they're screwed. The supplement companies are screwed. Oh, because they won't make money. Because take protein powder or take DECA. I'll take the DECA.

And they're like, no, but it makes your penis small. And you're like, not anymore, bro. Check this out. And you throw it on the table and it fucking breaks the table. And you go, see? You know what I'm saying? You go, see? And they go, oh they go oh shit i'm sorry never mind i'm so stupid yeah you're doing one of those videos where like the guys are holding up the things and you're digging yeah yeah yeah yep yep yep yep to get your yellow belt oh you have to swing your biggest yellow bit yep ozempic's the biggest one that we see now though steroids you canoids, you can look at it and go, yeah, I get it.

Well, steroids have been around forever. But Ozempic, it's like, come on. Who's the biggest change in Ozempic? I mean, I saw Mindy Kaling. Is that her name? That's crazy. That's crazy. She's still got that head like a Rottweiler.

Yeah, but you can't lose weight on your head. Yeah, you can. How? Take your jaw off. You can't. You can't. Didn't Kylie shave her jaw head. Yeah, you can. How? Take your jaw off? You can't. You can't. Didn't Kylie shave her jaw down? No, you can do.

Remember, Brennan, I told you. The masseter muscle. You do injections of Botox and it shrinks. Oh, I heard about that, actually. But you can also shave the jaw down. Didn't Kylie Jenner get her? Korean people do that all the time. They shave the jaw.

But no men, right? Men want the jaw. No, no, no. Korean men do it as well. Why? To look like. You want to have a jaw, don't you? Have you seen K-pop stars? They look pretty feminine.

It just depends. K-pop stars, they get their eyes done. That is so weird. What I want to know, what's weird about being a guy is men don't get fake tits and men don't get fake butts. And men don't get fake butts and women do and a lot of women do and what i don't what what i'll never know is how the how the hell does that

feel to have just two fucking not you this is not you to have tits in there and to be sitting on something that's not you is crazy yeah well it's like a seat just all the time. I know. I know. That you're carrying around. It's one of those hemorrhoid seats. It's like baggage. Yeah.

But you know the number one thing guys do, but it's calf implants. Oh, is that the number one thing? Yeah. And I feel like you should be. Well, I mean, if someone put a gun to my side and you got to get implants somewhere, I would go like, well, okay, yeah, calves. Calves. Yeah.

Because you can't do it. Like yeah you can train your calves all you want but they're like the hardest muscle to grow you have little bitch calves yeah i mean it's calves like john jones oh does he have a little bitch the smallest cast you've ever seen for a bad goat right yeah there you go he's the i think i think number one on guys you can look it up nick but the number one on guys is calves, and number two is pec implants. Really? Yeah, which is basically tits. I'm good with that.

I'm good with that. I see nose as number one for guys. I'm saying as far as body goes. I'm sure for girls is number one, nose, too. Everyone wants their nose done. I need silicone implants for men. I need a penis reduction. I got to look into the top eight.

Oh, that's the one you want to look at, the top eight. What is that? Peck, glutes, calf, three. That's according to this fucking title. I have back problems, so I got to get, because I got to get a penis reduction. What are deltoids? Shoulders. Oh, okay.

Yeah, people want shoulders. Fake shoulders? No, I can see that. No, man. No, no, no. It's just crazy to have a fake thing in your shoulders, dude. It's very strange. You just always feel like you're playing football?

Just shoulder pads on. Like, i think it went too big i'm surprised that this stuff doesn't pop more you know like you know you hear about this stuff happening obviously but like it's it's an odd time you hear you don't you don't hear it all the time like well i think science is advanced so much they're not it's not like silicone no i know it's like a It's like a gel now. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. You don't want to maybe just get your nose done in your calves? No way, bro. No way, bro. You never touched that nose? Nope. Should I shave my nose and put it in my calves?

Nah, dude. You don't want that big of a calf. Only one? I smell shit out of my calves. Yeah, you have to walk around. You go. No, but see, the thing about a nose job is like that's like something that's significantly. Look at me.

Look at young Griff. Look at that. Look at that dirty mustache, Doug. I know. Look at Spanik. What you don't know is I have a duck tail. Oh, fire, dude. But when you get a nose job, that could be very dramatic for a guy.

Oh, yeah. That's when you really are like, it's like if somebody has big tits all of a sudden. And you're like, what the fuck up with your tits? With a nose job. Because if you got a nose job, it would be like. It would be weird. Who are you? So bitch.

Yeah. So bitch. Guys really can't do nose jobs. Check it. If I was going to get a nose job, this is what I would do. Especially famous guys. This is what I would do. Like everyone sees you.

You're like, I is what I would do. Especially famous guys. This is what I would do. Like everyone sees you. You're like, I'm not watching him anymore. It's like when Brian Urlechter got his hair done and just showed up on set. I was like, what's up? Oh, that's hilarious.

Had a full mane of hair and everyone's like, bro. Oh, that's great. You're fun. The fuck? Here's what I would do for my nose job.

I would go from here. So I'm already cute. Fine. Eric. No. Eric. Let me show you again. Shut up, Chris.

Okay. Cute. Fine. Eric. Do you see it? Just that lip. I see what you're doing but it stays the same size let me show the camera no i don't have to get it that's what i'm saying hey i'll just go i'm already cute okay fine eric you can't just be fine yeah he has a point no no tell him brandon i'm not a hater you're a hater i'm a realist he knows he's a hater. That's why he said it first. No, because you're going to say I'm a hater. Let me show you again.

Okay. This is the last time I'm going to look. Adorable. Gorgeous. Okay. And I don't want to see that again. Just a lift like that, though? That's all I need.

I would take you down. Let me show Chris again. He did half an inch. Half an inch? I'll take you down two inches. That's crazy. Half an inch is crazy. I'll take three off yours.

No! Dude, I'm fine. You look like a pig. That's not what I was doing. Hey. Fine. Eric. It's not fine, dude. What if he did that and he just got divorced and he just got so much

like... He's like, guys, I gotta quit the show. I'm a model for Fashion Nova now. I'm walking now. Let's take a break, everybody. The NBA playoffs are heating up, and so is the action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA. With the same game, same game parlays, live betting, odds boosts, and so much more, don't miss out on the NBA postseason winds down.

The Denver Nuggets look like they're back on track. I'd bet on them to get to the finals and win. So all this series are heating up. We got the Celtics. So we'll see what's going on. And if you're new to DraftKings, you got to check this out. New customers bet $5 to get $150 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use code GOLDEN. That's code GOLDEN

for new customers to get $150 in bonus bets when you bet $5 only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario.

Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See DKNG.co for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Listen. We don't have to say any names, but I've heard some comedians. Really? People think they got facelifts. Oh, wow.

Really? Oh, interesting. Really? Yeah. The audience can't see the screen, right? Yeah. Holy shit, dude. He's putting up two big comedians and saying that they got facelifts?

Two of the biggest. There's folded skin behind their ear. Is that what that means? Telltale sign. Yeah, but also... Really? That's a horrible picture on the left, by the way. He looks so scary.

The one on the right, I don't know. That doesn't seem like his vibe unless his wife talked him into it. That doesn't seem like his vibe. Do you know any... I mean, Dane Cook's had some work done on his face, Botox a little bit. Do you know that? I don, Dan Cook's had some work done on his face, Botox a little bit. Do you know that?

I don't know that. I mean, through all my years of living, yeah. I mean, look, you know, I don't – I guess it's still kind of weird to be known as the guy who got plastic surgery on his face, right? Like if you're – like in today's day and age. But didn't Brian get his eyes fixed? Brian got his lids done, yeah. And he's had some spots taken off. Brian got them done. Spots taken off is not a big deal.

That's also a bitch. Brian got his lids done and looked exactly the fucking same. But he felt better. No, he didn't. No, no, no. He felt worse. That's weird. You know, that is kind of weird he did that.

But to me, that's not an egregious thing, getting your lids done. Getting a facelift, getting a nose job, that's a little different. Here's the thing about men, though. This is the thing. What? At least women, when they get a plastic surgery, there's a top-to-bottom look they're going for. The problem with men is they think that if they fix just their face they look like all of a sudden they're gonna be like wow you were 60 now you look 35 no you

look ridiculous like who are those guys that like they wayne newton yeah he looks fucking you can't be 60 here and 85 here. Bro, story time. I was working before I was doing all this. I was working for this dude, this older, rich dude. He looked kind of like that. And he had like a company party in Vegas. And I get to the party and I was like the janitor of the supplement company, basically. Everyone treated me like shit.

But when I get there, they go, hey. Yeah, good. When I, basically. Everyone treated me like shit. Good, good. Yeah, good. When I got there, they treated me like a Mexican. But when I got there, they go, hey, don't say anything about homeboy's face. He just got a facelift. He just got it done like two days ago. It's real juicy and wet. Like you can see the cuts.

And I go, okay, no doubt. So I get there. It's like a little bit of blood. Like it's so juicy. I'm like, oh, this is terrible. And we're just got to pretend nothing happened. So I see him. It's like a little bit of blood. Like it's so juicy. I'm like, oh, this is terrible. And we're just got to pretend nothing happened. So I see him. I'm like, what's up, dude?

He's like, what's up? It's a party, right? And then one of the girls that they hired there knew him. She's like, his name's Richard. She's like, oh, my God, Richard. She didn't get the memo. Runs at him. Jumps.

And he's an older dude. Jumps on him to like hug him. Like with her legs dude but she he can't he's not trying to pull her up she goes oh no and grabs his ears who's this idiot chick jumping on an 80 year old guy his face comes off dude kink kink blood blood ears in here that's great i don't believe this dude. Dude, I would have to leave. I would be like, I'm out. Is that the Palms in Vegas?

I don't know what this party is. Is that the Palms in Vegas? This would be me. I would have my drink and I would be like, so anyway, guys, we, because we're not supposed to mention it. Oh, no. I drink mojitos on this. What face came off?

Yeah, yeah. Put this Wade Newton picture back up. That's crazy. He looks like a cat. My thing is this. In what world do we think this guy looks good just because this part of your face is different and you dye your hair? But it's not a different that's good. It's a warped different.

But here's the thing. He started a while ago, right, to doing this. And this is... He could be 90 for all we know. Right. But this is a gradual thing. Like, you don't... Like, he fucked up.

This is years of... A little more. A little more. A little more. And then it becomes, oh, what the fuck, right? Dude, people with plastic surgery... He would look so much better if he didn't do any of this. So much better.

People all start looking like they have the same father. Yeah. A cat. Yeah. Dude, doctors. A fat cat. Doctors. Doctors.

Even, I think even dyeing your hair is kind of odd. For a guy. I mean, yeah, unless you're an actor. Dude, the NFL network, the NFL, I believe it's the NFL. I'm sorry, Fox people. The Fox guys. Just for men. It's just for men.

It's ridiculous, man. Michael Irving and all these guys. It's like, come on, man. But that's the man's thing is like we i used to feel like that i got my hair i'm gray michael irvin looks like the pringles guy there's that one main guy the old jim hill but it's but it's but it's jim hill's like 70 and his hair is jet black as like dude yeah that is super weird i weird. I don't understand that at all. But if your wife wanted to get anything done, are you hesitant towards it?

I wouldn't do it, yeah. Well, no, it's, well, she would do it though, right? Oh, if she wanted to do it. Yeah, she wants to do something. I feel like with girls, it's different. Well, there's a thing that, like, look, I think if women want to get a nose job, if women want to get fake boobs, if they want to do a, what is it, a BBL? Yeah. And it's not crazy.

And if they want to do a little bit of lip stuff, which I was never on the lips thing until recently. And now it actually looks kind of, now they, I don't know if they've conditioned me to be like, okay, that's good. Or if it got way better. But like that, to me, those are the things that are okay. But I also feel like when it comes to women, they're the NBA when it comes to those procedures, and the men are still in the WNBA. It's just not as good.

So guys get it done, it looks like shit. It's a shit product. The thing is, it's like doing a layup. No, no, these things are like CGI. If you can notice it, what's the point? There are certain movies where you don't even realize, oh, I didn't know that was CGI. If you can notice it, what's the point? There are certain movies where you don't even realize, oh, I didn't know that was CGI. To me, that's

what the plastic surgery is supposed to be. I guess so, but fake boobs you always know. I'm out on fake boobs. Oh, you don't like them? No, I don't like them. That's what I'm saying. Oh, wow, that's gay. But these other things, you don't know.

Like you may not know, but this is also an age thing, man. Like the guys that are doing like whatever this kind of work, and they're like, say, under 35, and they're in the business or whatever, and you go, you don't know they did these things? Yeah. Fine. Well, yeah, sure. Of course. Look, if you're an actor and that's your trade,

and you want to dye your hair and you want to do a procedure here and there, then, sure. Of course. Look, if you're an actor and that's your trade, and you want to dye your hair and you want to do a procedure here and there, then I get it. But people go, oh, Brad Pitt's had some work done. I'm like, yeah. So he can still play those main roles. To me, it doesn't matter. Brad Pitt does it. He's Brad Pitt.

It doesn't matter. But if you're just a guy. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like a lawyer. It is weird. No, but you could be the star of your world. Meaning what? You could be like- You're known as the handsome guy in the office. Yeah, but you could be the star of your world. Meaning what?

Like you could be like- You're known as the handsome guy in the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your thing. That's so stupid to get work done. That's because you've never been handsome. Chin keeps getting work done. Chin is 75.

I'm 75. Yeah. Has anyone had any work done in here? No, zero. I told you Botox, remember? Yeah, that's forgivable though. But you had it in your cheeks, right? To stop grinding?

Bruxism, yeah. All my teeth are cracked. They told me to get, I didn't get it, but they told me to get Botox because of my... Grind your teeth? No. Small lips? Nope.

Well, I don't have small lips. Your elongated head? No, no. Big nose? I wish I had it on deck so you guys weren't roasting me. So your forehead and chin don't have the same dimensions? To bring your head? head no no big nose i wish i had it on deck so you guys weren't roasting me but um so your so your forehead yeah same thing yeah you don't have the same dimension to bring your head go on forehead down so guys i have tm so your nose doesn't look so incredibly hawkish is that what

they said vulnerable and you guys are i have what do they call it tmj right tmj yeah and plus they do it for your head for if you have headaches, they do it for your temples. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, I never got Botox, though. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe I should have. I have wrinkles and shit, but I don't really care. I don't care.

I never dye my hair. People always say, like, you dye your hair because this is white and this isn't. But I've never ever dyed my hair. I would for a role or something, but I just don't care that much. TMJ, that tiny, massive jawline. Is that what that is? Oh, God. Please. Tiny, massive jawline. Is that what that is? Oh, God. Please.

Eric, I'm not even trying to, but you would never consider Ozempic? No. You're shot and don't have to eat? No, no. I don't want to do that. I want to eat. He wants to eat. He's like, fuck that.

I want discipline. You know, I want to earn it. It feels good to work out, too. I would still work. I know, but the thing is, you'd lose weight and you'd be like, I don't want to go to the gym yeah you know what i'm saying that's the thing with that that's what it is yeah you'd be like oh ozempic's working fuck it no but the thing is like imagine imagine like you the thing is is like you literally can't stop eating as much as you eat what do you mean what i mean like kelly. Yeah. Oh, like it's an addiction?

Is in her kitchen. Yeah. Just like, yeah, I want some. Oh, as in like addiction. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's rough. You're just like, oh, you know, you're driving by.

But there's something about being healthy that can stop all that stuff that people just don't even realize. Yeah, that's rough. Dude, I remember my fattest days. I'd be driving home and you see McDonald's. Last week. And you're like, let me get a. What was your driving home, and you see McDonald's. Last week. And you're like, let me get a- What was your order?

Oh, you're trying to get back at me? Yeah, I'm trying to get back at you. I would get a Big Mac. Hell yeah. And then we'd go to Burger King. No, but then this is the one that we'd get you would be the large orange soda. Oh. The orange soda from Jack in the Box used to be my jam.

And that's just like you're drinking literally it's so bad 3 000 calories just in the drink no no but it was when would you wash it down no i no no but this is what changed it is when it literally was when california did that whole thing where they started like they had to put the calories oh that's funny because up to that point no idea no idea no idea no idea you walk into into Starbucks and it would be like, get a coffee cake. And it would be like this big. And then they passed that law, which is one of the greatest laws ever. Really great.

Then you walk in there and you look at the thing and you'd be like, what? What? It's the drinks that are crazy. You go to Cheesecake Factory. That's what it took. A piece of carrot cake. Listen to me. Yeah. One slice. A piece of carrot cake. Listen to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One slice. One slice of carrot cake. Dense. 1,500 calories. That's a day of eating. That's crazy. It's unbelievable.

So then you saw that. That's how much I allow my wife to eat. I remember seeing the McDonald's. Per day. Oh my God, you're so stupid. Sweetie. Sweetie. Counting calories. You even hire a guy that's like 68.

is there but i remember the mcdonald's uh when i saw the thing i was like oh but now okay that's crazy you thought it was all good before you saw the numbers yeah no but you don't think it was good that bad but yeah right right right that's what it is when i was how about just getting like i would go to marie calendars and i would get like i would get uh i would get like a bowl of chili yeah yeah a piece of cornbread and a piece of pie yeah and i was like well i'm only having the chili dude that shit is so much calories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much fun was it, though? I know you had some titties. We were living it up back then, though.

But you're just wondering. You don't... The thing is, you think being super-duper fat, okay? You think being super-duper fat, you have to eat like this. You have to be like... Right, right, right. But no. Just like a regular ass hamburger

with fries and a milkshake. Yeah. You're already doing fucking like terrible. Here's what's fucking wild though. So even though we have this information, you have the numbers. America's the fattest they've ever been.

Check out that. So back in the 90s, we weren't as fat. In the 80s, we weren't as fat. Look, this is, I'm going to tell you another problem

right here on this list. Stop right there, Nick. If you see the words Cobb salad platter, there's a part of you that thinks, well, that can't be that bad. And it's the worst motherfucker on the list practically. Where is it? It's at the top. Cobb salad platter, 820 calories. Honestly, it's probably because of the dressing.

What is the fucking dressing? Well, anything that says platters when you're fucked up. Yeah, platter is big calories You know honestly It's probably because of the dressing What is the fucking dressing Well anyone that's Anything that says platters When you're fucked up Yeah platter is big yeah Right Yeah Look at the honey mustard chicken crunch Brandon

Honey mustard chicken crunch I mean Look at the 950 calories Go fuck yourself But I tell you though I don't know man I

Oh my god Like how You eat You eat breakfast No But I tell you though, I don't know, man. Oh my God. You eat breakfast? No. You don't. You do? A little bit sometimes. I don't eat.

I thought you'd breakfast is going to be like a bagel or something like that. I actually don't eat as much breakfast as you would. I don't really eat until the afternoon. And at night time is the tough shit. Yeah. If I get bored bored i get hungry oatmeal raisin cookie compared to a chocolate chip you would think the oatmeal raisin was better it's not yeah and it's way more it's all that kind of shit is what the problem is it's like this relationship we have with food and like what we've been told is good for you and not good for you and

and it's you know remember the pie chart as kids in your classrooms? It had carbs and bread at the top. Eric's like, pie chart? Can I eat it? I still owe you more. I'm not really into pie. I love a nice pie. I'm not a pie guy. I love pie.

Nick, what's the heaviest you've been, Nick? You know what I don't like is apple pie. Gay. You know what I do like? Cherry pie pie. Gay. You know what I do like? Cherry pie. About 210. On Sunday, I had this from BK. The ultimate wrap bundle.

Fiery buffalo wrap, honey mustard, BK Royal, crispy wrap. That's crazy. But it doesn't include two Whoppers that it also comes with. $24.99. It was one button. Just poof. Yeah, yeah. Why'd you eat all that?

Because the fights. I don't know. They got him. He's a sucker, bro. It wasn't even one button. Just poof. Yeah, yeah. Make it easy. Why'd you eat all that? Because the fights. I don't know. They got him. He's a sucker, bro. It wasn't even a pay-per-view. It was a fight night. The commercial comes on after every fight. No, you just saw two bums fighting outside of a 7-Eleven.

Oh, I'm going to get a BK broiler. BK. I'll take the bundle. That was a good right hand. But like, not even like. I saw two people arguing. Let me get the fucking. He just drove by.

So wait, you ate that? It was so good, right? Oh my God. Yeah, it's crazy, bro. It's crazy how good. I felt like obviously shit afterwards, but it was so good. If I'm going to do something like that, I'll go to Fatburger. I don't.

If I'm feeling like I want to do something like that. Just let your hair down? Yeah. Why? I'll go get a Fatburger do something... Just let your hair down? Yeah. Why? I'll go get a fat burger. Why? Because you like it better? I like it better.

They cook it right in front of you. It's like, you know, you could do it up. I used to do that. I used to go to Pink's like that. So why are they... Ugh, Pink's gross. The hot dog place? So why don't they say the patty's in there?

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, what the fuck? But it was about 4,800 calories. You must have felt awful. But it was six hours. It was six hours. I took a little break.

Wait. Why did it take six hours to eat? Did your girlfriend watch you? Oh, it was like a platter or something? Well, yeah. It was four snack wraps and two Whoppers. Wow. She got the fish sandwich.

She doesn't eat meat. Your girl eats the fish filet? I was like, I'm going to order BK. This commercial got me, and she doesn't eat meat, and it's the only thing she could eat. She enjoyed it. She had the fish filet? Think of like, I'm going to order BK. This commercial got me, and she doesn't eat meat, and it's the only thing she could eat. She enjoyed it. She had the fish filet? Think of the amount of time it takes for the fish at Burger King

to get from the ocean all the way to the Burger King drive-thru. I don't know if it's ever been in the ocean. You're assuming it's fish. I'm just saying like that's, I mean, come on. Yeah. Come on. My mom used to get the fish

at McDonald's. I got it sometimes as a kid. Yeah, did you? The Rib-A-Cue is my fave. We've been over this. Rib-A-Cue is fish? Might as well be. Ribbit?

That's frog? I don't know what it is. Hey, what's the most unhealthiest thing you can order on any menu? Just a green box. I like myself a nice Mexican. If I'm going to eat fat, I get a Taco Bell. Hey, what's the most unhealthiest thing you can order on any menu? Fast food. I like myself a nice Mexican. If I'm going to eat fat, I go to Taco Bell.

I don't eat that shit. Nacho Bel Grande. Mexican pizza. As much as I can be because of this video I saw about like, just look up like the worst meats and it's like 710 ain't shit. No, but except for all the fucking. 48 grams of fat. The trans fat and the fucking.

The saturated fat. Oh, that used to be my jam right there. I hate people. Oh, my God, dude. I hate people that go to McDonald's and orders the hot plate menu. 1,340 calories. Just hotcakes and sausages was my jam. Hotcakes and sausages with an Egg McMuffin. That's gangster.

That's all gross. And orange juice. Yeah. There has to be some stuff worse than that. But I love pancakes. You ever been to... Remember we used to go to DuPars?

Oh, yeah. DuPars got the best freaking pancakes, man. Do they exist anymore? Yeah. It's the one on... But not the one in... Not the one we used to go to.

I like a nice pancake. DuPars was great, bro. I remember I would get the tuna melt, I think i think yeah that's everything yeah that do parts on 101 those are the days that's the thing though so now if i like you know you you once you start like really working out or being aware of your issues then you're out at a restaurant. It's like, and you're ordering, like you're,

you're basically saying, fuck it. Yeah. You know, you go to a restaurant where the menu is like, you know, you're just like, oh yeah.

Like, yeah, let me have, but you got that fat devil on your shoulder. Like, ah, you're burning off. But does your,

does your, do your wives eat? What do they eat? One crouton. Yeah. Well, before Rachel, but now with the breastfeeding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

She needs nutrients. Yeah. She's just like, you know. Kristen doesn't eat that much, man. Neither does my girl. Really? No. But she really doesn't want to.

It's not like a I shouldn't thing. She just is like. She's not into it. Yeah. She wishes to be like that, but she wants to order everything on the menu and then take three bites and be like, right, right,

right. Yeah. Kristen does order that. She does do that. And I'm like, now I got to eat the fucking shit and feel like an asshole. Uh, Nick,

quick question. Your girl that ordered the filet, uh, ethnicity, Fijian. What? What's that from? Fiji.

Fijian is how you say that. Wow. Where the water comes from. Uh, Fijian. What? What's that from? Fiji. Fijian is how you say that? Mm-hmm. Wow. Where the water comes from. All right. Well, that's cool. She got the fucking... So she don't eat meat, but she eats the fish filet? My thing is like...

The fish filet? This is my thing. If you're at McDonald's... Ow. If you're at McDonald's and you're one of these people that's like, well, I can't have that. You're at McDonald's. Yeah. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, I can't have that. You're at McDonald's. Yeah. Go.

Yeah, I agree. I agree. She's allergic to meat. Just get, how? Nick can't fuck her. He's like, here we go, baby. And she goes, achoo! Immediately needs to get some cream.

I have to go to the doctor. She's swollen up. She needs to stay away from Mickey D's then with all the beef all over the place. Allergic to meat, huh? She does. And the fries and everything? Yeah. She found out like 12 years ago.

She was having stomach issues, and she just eliminated portions from her diet. And then when she thought it was meat, she eventually got an allergy test and it confirmed it. That'd be torture. Yeah, I like meat. That would be pretty rough. Imagine having a shellfish allergy to those kind of people. It's just rougher because she has to make two dinners every time for me. What'd you say?

She has to make two dinners every night for her. If she doesn't, she's in trouble. What am I having tonight? I'm not eating that shit that'd be the reason you guys break up I'll fuck you you start sneezing yeah I don't that sucks I'm sure I'm allergic to stuff, but I don't want to know.

You don't have any pollen allergies, nothing? No. I get bad allergies. Hey, guys, another break. Shady Rays, get ready for the season ahead with quality shades built to last. Our friends at Shady Rays have you covered with premium polarized shades that won't break the bank. Shady Rays, an independent sunglass company offering a world-class product rated five stars by over 300,000 people. 300,000 people.

Their shades have durable frames and crystal clear optics, making them the perfect choice for all outdoor adventures. Look, I wear some Shady Rays, and it's great because I have the kids, and I'm walking outdoors, and I want to make sure I can keep an eye on them, and I don't want the sun in my eye. I don't want the stroller rolling off a cliff or something like that,

so you get your Shady Rays. If you don't love your shades, exchange for a new pair or return worry-free within 30 days. There's no risk when you shop. If you don't love your shades, exchange for a new pair or return worry-free within 30 days. There's no risk when you shop. If you don't love your shades, exchange for a new pair or return worry-free within 30 days. There's no risk when you shop. Their team always has your back with personal and fast support.

Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is giving out their best deal of the season. Head to ShadyRays.com and use code GOLDEN for $20 off polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself. The Shady Rays rated five stars by over 300,000 people. What is this? They did this portal. It's basically just FaceTime from New York to Dublin, but it's live. To Dublin?

She got her titties out. She's bodied up. They just shut it down because of inappropriate behavior. On the Dublin side, there are fights all the time. That's great. And she obviously showed her titties. Arrest her. This guy said 80% of female influencers wouldn't be nearly as popular

if they were ugly. Let me tell you how dumb that statement is. Just because it's so obvious? That's like saying, you know, none of these dudes in the NBA would be good if they were short. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually worse than that.

It's worse than that. It's way worse. It's like, what are we talking about? That's what an influencer is. These Victoria's Secret models wouldn't be models if they were ugly. It's like, what are we talking about? But I'm sure people are like, yeah.

You fucking idiots. Well, yeah, this is an idiot. Yeah, that's it. Arrest her. I'm sick of that shit. You see these fucking women showing their tits, and it's like, dude, there's kids around and shit. Are there? Just in places? Yeah.

In the world? Sure. I don't know if I don't see too many kids there. Yeah, but bro, I'm saying they do it at sporting events and shit. You know what my thing is? Who gives a fuck? I mean, no. There's so many more issues.

I don't give a... She's bodied up, showed her tits. At least she's not ugly. No, look. There's worse issues. Yeah. It was crazy. This was stupid.

I'm kind of halfway with Brendan, and I'll tell you why. We had some real issues. So today, Rachel, before I came here, she wanted to get coffee from a certain place she likes. And she showed her tits to get some coffee. So I said, can I get a macchiato? But she went, and when she came back, the baby was fussy, was hungry. And she goes, mommy's home, guess what? And she went like this.

And where were you? That's how we eat. We were at home. Okay. But what I'm saying though is that. Lakers game. That's what your mom does. Yeah.

Your mom was like, you want some of this? And so now they're out in public and they're doing that. And all of a sudden we have to shame nudity. It's not. You don't have to shame it, but like. It's some whole behavior. Well, yes. But now if Calvin sees that or Billy sees that, I got to explain shit.

And it's like, oh, that's, you but not if not if their mom's not doing it like if my kids saw i'm like yeah bitches be crazy dude keep moving bitches be crazy what if it's a dude yeah exactly it's different story yeah but but yeah there's no dude ripping his dick out throwing it around there and i'll tell you why no one wants to see it no no you know why grandma on the front no no it's because it's fucking illegal that's why that's why it no dude do it if if a chick did this they get away with it it's fucked up she got away with it but if a guy did it it's just different like it's creepy when the guy does it the girl does it like that's no i get it i understand the social like the social aspect of it like but it's just, yeah, it's just, I don't want that. If I have my kid around and that happens,

I'm fucking pissed off. I don't give a fuck. Look, it's not the end of the world. It's not like a guy showing his dick. It's not the same thing. No, it's just different. No, it's not. And I can't stand when people say that it is.

I have jokes. No, no. It's just not the same. I got a joke about this that I do. It's because the reason why they're not the same is because we didn't grow up getting nourishment from our dad's dick. If you did, you probably have major issues. What I'm trying to say is that's why it's not the same.

So please stop telling us about like, well, if women show their boobs, men should show their dick. It's not the no no the same hey but is it does anyone have that argument yeah dude they're all that's wild dude that's why in hollywood you're watching these shows like euphoria and shows like that they're always showing dick now because they want to be like well we're kind of level the playing field this shit's not the same well i don't want to play in that first of all tits come ready i do i'm ready dude my my cock is so big oh Oh, no. I'm down.

No, no, no. But I'm saying you're admitting your cock is small. No, no, no. I just don't want to play that game where it's just a bunch of dicks. Oh, yeah. I do. Everyone else feels real insecure around me when I take mine out. Wait.

What if the girl showed her vagina then versus the tits? Okay. Yeah. That's a problem. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. I guess you're right.

But the jump from one to the other is so extreme. And first of all, a girl having to do that is like they have to pull their pants down. Bend over and show up from the back. They have to bend over. Like a bulldog. Yeah, they can't just like – she would have to like pull her pants down. Or lay down. Take a leg out.

Wait, hold on. Hold on, Dublin. Now, if it's just the asshole, you know, what are we talking about? It's medical. Yeah. It's a little more medical. It's a little more medical, I guess. But I don't know.

It's just weird. I just love it. Yeah. You guys are on the extremes of it. And I don't think I'm some. No, I understand. I don't mind. To wrap up my whole thing with it.

It's like, okay. Yeah. Ho doing some ho shit. You're right. It's not the end of the world. She has no talent. She's doing mind having a kid. To wrap up, my whole thing with it, it's like, okay, ho doing some ho shit. You're right. It's not the end of the world. She has no talent. She's doing it for a shock factor. All right, not a problem. Yeah, but you can't. Like, Gaza's a problem.

Yeah, no, you're right. It's the end of the world. Like, people are dying. It's not the end of the world. Like, that bitch, all right. So you showed your tits on the screen. All right. Yeah.

Gaza's a problem. I guess. The border's a problem. No, but people want to, but it is something about parents who now have to be – are forced now to have these conversations that they don't want to have. That's what was happening back in the Clinton era. That's the thing that is bothering – that is with me. I don't want to –

You know what I mean? Like it's like – What did you say? Back in the Clinton era when they were like putting him on trial, right? Freaking his dick suck? And now you have to have like – it's on the news And the kids are watching And they gotta be like What's

Yeah What's fellatio Right right right And then you're like Ugh Yeah That's what the thing is So you're out at a sporting event

You just wanna like Yeah It's supposed to be a family thing And then somebody's Get their tits out Yeah they go Why is she showing her tits Or what is that

You know what I mean I don't want to have to Explain that shit I just go Bitches be crazy We keep it moving Bitches be crazy I'll remember that Keep it We keep it moving. Bitches be crazy. I'll remember that.

Keep it moving. Bitches be crazy. Bitches be crazy. We keep going. That's what Brendan Schaub said to say. Didn't you see some tits at Monster Jam or something? Monster Jam is different. That's Monster Jam.

And who the fuck, if you're going to that, you're going to see some tits. Maybe it was a viral video and you just- Monster Jam. My thing is this. Monster Jam brings an interesting crowd. Monster Jam. Monster Jam. Yeah, maybe.

My thing is this. Monster Jam brings an interesting crowd. Monster Jam. No, the thing should be, it would be like you're going to a PG movie and a dick is on the screen. Then you're like, no, you're going to the front and you're carrying out. Right. Of course. I got my kids there.

You're going to see a La La Crocodile and it's just like Javier Bardem just like. Right. So what I'm saying is like, so to to your point if you're in monster jam and girls are like yeah all right you know what you're getting you're like no no no no no no i don't want to hear it i don't want to hear it right yeah you know what i mean i don't want to hear it i want to hear something excuse me where's the manager i'm at monster jam and there was a kid it's like yeah yeah you just you can't you you face plant that right right right right right but like other there are time and place. Yeah.

I think if you're just like, you're at Magic Mountain, and even someplace like that, it's like, I just think if adults are allowed to go someplace, I'm not saying it's okay, but it's like, be prepared with your kids. To see some titties in case. Yeah. Uh-oh. Be ready to explain some crazy shit. Uh-oh. Did this guy get a head shrinking procedure?

Nah, bro. We always talk to this guy. Is he the artist? He made the artwork? No shrinking procedure? Nah, bro. We always talk to this guy. Is he the artist? He made the artwork? No, no, no. His head is so small for his body. His eyes look A-high. What's up, fellas?

Travis from Palm Beach. I got some fatherhood questions for you guys. After hearing about Brian Callum leaving his baby in the car, it's going to be hard to beat. But I was wondering about you guys' mistakes or things you would have done differently. Like, did you leave your baby on a counter or changing tables or something like that um i have a seven-year-old son and when he was young a few months old i left him in the stroller with a leash with the dog attached the dog dog took off flipped the stroller you know he was fine but made a mistake and i learned from it and now we have a two-week uh old daughter so i'm hoping not to make too many

mistakes she's really oh where is she just but um yeah so hopefully learn some things for this next one and so tell us some stories i want to tell you i wonder how many times you filmed that to get it right yeah yeah yeah oh she's super cute oh she's not ah damn it let's go again take two yeah she was she oh she was i. I haven't made any mistakes yet. I'm sure I'm going to make them. I remember my dad, when I was little, my grandpa died, so his dad died. And we were cleaning out his garage. And he had some mace.

And my dad was like, it's too old to work. And there was a wind. Oh, my God. And so he started spraying it. And the wind was like, cool story. And then the mace went right in my eyes. And I was like, four. Oh, God. How did it feel? It hurts so bad yeah oh i was crying oh god dude i would i would imagine doing that and how you'd feel with your son oh my dad was no but i'm saying like oh right now if i

did that to calvin or billy you'd freak out i go go, oh, my God, I'm done being a father. You want to die. Just spray yourself. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you, buddy. Dude, I. I'm putting my pee hole.

Christine comes in like, what are you doing? No, baby, it's fine. Just the three of you. Give me your eyes. You're on Calvin's level. Dude, I. Yeah, I mean, I've done dumb shit i you know nothing like that yet but um yeah just like where you oh dude there's i don't think i'll ever forget

this it wasn't a fuck up but uh calvin was brushing his teeth and then after he brushes his teeth he always gets into bed of course and so um i – we moved his bed from one area to the next that day. He knew. But after I brushed his teeth, I picked him up and I threw him into the bed. But the bed wasn't there. No, no, no. The bed was there. But he forgot.

He was like, no. And I was like, what's wrong? And he was like, oh, I forgot. I thought that you were going to throw me on the brown floor. That's what he calls the floor. It's brown. And I was like, oh, my God. The thought of him thinking his father would just throw him on the floor.

Yeah, it was like three seconds in the air where he was like, wife, what did I do? And I just saw the look on his face. It fucked me up. I'll never forget it. And I was like, buddy, his face. It fucked me up. I'll never forget it. And I was like, buddy, I would never do that to you. I still think about it. It fucked me up. And nothing even happened.

You should have said, I would never do that to you unless you bring home bad grades. Unless you're a bad boy. Yeah, dude. But that's like that kind of shit. Like, you know that something like that's going to happen. Or, you know, I've pushed Calvin. I thought there was a pillow somewhere and there wasn't. And he hit his head. You know, like that kind of shit. Like, you know that something like that's going to happen. Or, you know, I've pushed Calvin. I thought there was a pillow somewhere and there wasn't. And he hit his head.

You know, like that kind of shit. But like, yeah. I've done like, we had this stupid changing table with a thing, you know. And then like, but there's like, it's wood. Yeah. So, you know, this motherfucker is always kicking and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just like.

Yeah. So, I like, I'm trying to change him and he pushed it push push and he hit his head on the thing you know and he just you know i was like oh yeah i know you're first thinking about it i don't know why he's crying your first your first kid too you're like got to take him to the hospital you know and and and the second i'm really not like oh really oh fuck i was the first kid oh my god, no, I've been kind of like, you know, we were great about the portal. Like, there's a great portal to our pediatrician. You know, we'll be like, we'll take pictures.

You know, so he had like a bad diaper rash. I told you guys, you know, so it was terrible to have all these, like, you know. No, I was. Red Eagle pictures on my phone. But, you know, we just send it and they go, oh, do this, do that. I think we're pretty level-headed in terms of that. With Billy, I'm good. I'm just like, I know it's fine.

She's been through it. Yeah, it's crazy how much less it is. Just the first time was so scary for me. I couldn't feed Calvin because they go like, and I'd be like, oh. But they always get, they figure it out and swallow it. I'd have to leave the fucking room

they're so dramatic like so Wolf doesn't like pacifiers yeah Calvin didn't either it's just not their thing

it's not his thing but he'll like he'll suck his fingers yeah so like but I'll try to put the pacifier try it a few times

yeah yeah chew it chew it and then he'll go yeah but like dude I'll try to put the pacifier. I'll try it a few times. Yeah. I'll just chew it, chew it, chew it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he'll go out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, dude, super dramatic.

Just like. You know what I'm like? All right, all right, all right. It's barely touched you, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. I have to fucking throw the thing away. And then like the thing I always. I'm all.

The reason why I'm not all scary. Yeah. I'm not a scary bitch about it. Is because they will cry. The way they cry gets you. But then the fact that you just pick them up and it instantly stops. Because they know how to manipulate you. I'm like, you ain't shit.

His leg would have to be falling off for me to take him to the doctor. Bro, this thing. That was funny. You sent that last night to somebody. I've seen it before, too. He keeps doing it? She got him so good, dude. And this guy is such an idiot.

Here. Ready? Ready? Yeah. Tell me when. Tell me when. That's so good. Come on.

You've got to get it straight away because it hits my jaw. Okay. Ready? Tell me when. Tell me when. Obviously when my tongue's out. You're going to say now. Now.

Are you recording? Yeah. Are you recording? Are you recording? He just got it. You're watching this, you're laughing because it's funny, and then the whole thing compounds how funny it is when you realize, why would he even want a picture like this? Look at his face right there.

It's so stupid. That's a stupid picture. Whatever's next to him, he's trying to be whatever that is. Oh, is that what it is? Okay, I didn't realize that. Dude, that's so funny. God, that's so stupid. That's just stupid. Whatever's next to him, he's trying to be whatever that is. Oh, is that what it is? Okay, I didn't realize that. Dude, that's so funny. God, that's so funny. Obviously, when my talk is out.

Yeah, thanks. I like the increase. It's great. It's great. How mad he was getting. She's all, tell me when. No. Hey, it's Adam Carolla.

And this is Dr. Drew. We're back doing our podcast three times a week, talking about current events, health news, and more. So if you miss us on Loveline, check out the Adam and Dr. Drew show. New episodes Wednesday through Friday, available wherever you find finer podcasts. Oh, dude, she was great.

I love that. Yeah, Dick. Fun wife. Yeah. That's Fun wife. Yeah. That's his wife? I don't like pranks like that, man. But that was funny. Fuck, didn't hurt anyone.

Rachel, her favorite holiday is April Fool's. I hate that shit. I cannot say. Can't stand it. I can't stand it. Because first of all, with her brothers, they're mean. They're mean. Like she told her brother she was going to, we were going to buy him a flight to Australia.

This fucker's so fucked up. He's all planning. Just for April Fool's? Yeah. But she planned like a month before the April Fool's? It's like a whole thing, man. And I was like, that's messed up. But then it's like, see, I've never had a sibling.

So I can understand. I have. Me too. No, we would never do that. That's what I'm trying to say, man. That is crazy. I go, you can't. So every April Fool's, I go, don't, don't.

You don't want to disappoint their heart. Yeah, that's her thing. She will go hard like that. Damn. That's fucked up. Oh, my gosh. So I wanted to like. Who still fucks with April Fool's?

I wanted to get her, but I was like, I'm not going to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to stoop to her level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because then she'll have to come back. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it'll be like, you know. I thought you meant you were like Batman and don't shoot people.

But no, you're like, yeah, I get it. No, no, no. Because I can't. You don't want the revenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The revenge will be terrible. Oof. Because I wanted to do something like have like a female friend like call, you know.

Yeah, in the middle of the night. You know what I mean? In the middle of the night. She's like, oh my God. You know what I mean? She's like, hi, I'm a fool. Nah, bro. Holy shit.

That could go south. Yeah, it could go south. Whatever. Because she's gotten me On some ones That I just mentally Blocked them out now I can't even remember

Cause it was like It'll be like You know But it's like Oh I'm pregnant Or you know She would do that Kind of stuff

She saw my dad die She's like oh my god Sorry April Fool's You're like okay Mate you can't Why is your dad Calling me then Yeah but you can't do that

So I hate pranks too Oh yeah I don't like being scared I always thought that Pranks were for people Who weren't do that on the grave i hate pranks too oh yeah i like you i like being i always thought that pranks were for people who weren't really that funny because like it's like you could you could be funny all year long you're gonna april fools you're gonna all of a sudden get it out it is fucking stupid yeah what do you but you guys used to do that stuff like no your april fools thing would like seal would be on your podcast and you would be on his. Yeah, but that's not a prank. My idea.

It's sort of. Yeah, it was his idea. It was Nick's idea. It's kind of a prank. If you turn it on, you're like, what? Who the fuck's this guy? Yeah, I guess so. Pranks are fine.

It's a promotional thing. It gives you a reason to do it. I think pranks are okay if they don't hurt anybody's feelings or hurt anybody. Yeah, but I mean. Like I did. Okay. That's essentially prank.

I did one. Did your buddies in high school ever do the thing where they'd hit you in the nuts? I hated that shit. I did one where. I never got it. This was years ago, but Mike Lenocci got a new outfit and he was so excited. He was like, I'm going to wear it at the Laugh Factory. You remember this?

Yeah. And I can't. And he was bragging about it in the group chat like for a week sending pictures of the outfit it was just like a you know a g-star sweater and some new jeans and I was like this motherfucker I made sure I was on the lineup and I went and I bought the same outfit

and I went on and I and I went on I think I went on before before before him is the best yeah and it was like everyone was like oh he I think I went on before him. Going on before him is the best. Yeah. You went on before him. Yeah. And it was like,

everyone was like, oh, he's copying Chris D'Elia. That's funny. But that prank is funny because it's like, who cares? And you didn't do it on April's Fools. No, no, no.

You just fucked with your buddy. That's funny. And I was on stage like, I can't believe this dude dressed like me. It was great. That's funny. There's a YouTube video of it. You're a dick, though.

But that kind of prank is hilarious. I mean, because it's so silly, it's so stupid. It's not mean. It's not mean, yeah. And then on stage, he was like, no, I got it first. Like, it was really funny, bro. YouTube it, you know? Have a good time.

So last night. When was this? Something went down. I'm going to tell the story here. Six years ago. So last night. When was this? Something went down.

I'm going to tell the story here. Six years ago. All week last week, my opener was telling me about this new outfit he bought. He finally got a new outfit because he never wears good clothes. And he was talking about how on Friday when we did the show, we were going to do the show together and how he was going to kill it and how he was going to be the star because he's got this new outfit. And finally, people are going to be paying attention to him and not me even though he's opening for me and uh so he's got this new outfit from g star and uh he was so excited and he kept showing us the picture on the group text uh of the

of the outfit and about how cool it was and i was like we ain't he's like you guys aren't shit when i put this outfit on so i went the day before the show, and I bought the same outfit. And I wore it as well to fuck his whole night out. This is the outfit. Anyway, I don't even like it. It's a fucking specific thing. It's not like just a black T-shirt and shit, you know? It's not even like a dope outfit.

It's fine. And then the motocross knees, which looks like you're trying too hard. But you got to do it. You got to ruin your friend's night sometimes. If you don't ruin your friend's night, honestly, you ain't shit. Yeah.

Right? I agree. You ain't shit if you don't do that. And he's like, I got black Jordans. He doesn't even have the good ones. I'm going to get, you know, I got a lot of shoes and shit.

I'm going to pick the fucking... Yeah, go to the... what is the right where here we go here we go here here's where he sees it do that stuff bro you think people are gonna think i'm dressing like you he was saying he was gonna headline and you guys are like a terrible dance team yeah the g-stars look how red his face is do you see him on stage? What?

Yeah, we go on stage. Is that what you asked? Yeah. Yeah. It's at the end there. How fucking ridiculous is it that you started to dress like me? Because I'm the fucking headliner and this fucking guy thinks that he can pull some fucking Chris the Leader shit, dude. Get the fuck out of here, dude.

You don't dress like daddy, dude. You don't dress like daddy, dude. You don't dress like daddy. You don't dress like the fucking hand that feeds you, okay? Tell the truth. Tell the truth. What the hell is this shit? You fucking beta. Beta.

Oh, man, that's's fun Let's go prank You ruined him That was a fun time We haven't seen him since Yeah he hasn't He's never been in public Every day since then I've worn the same thing as you

I find out what he's gonna wear You have like a little camera You had set up When he wasn't home Yeah Yeah that's so God that's so funny He thought that out He's like I got a new outfit And it was that outfit It's so funny. God, that's so funny he thought that out.

He's like, I got a new outfit and it was that outfit. It's so funny. And the best part about it was it's such a sucker movie. That's how the mannequin was dressed.

Isn't that funny? He's like, look, dude, he sent a picture. He's like, I got this outfit. Sometimes a mannequin will get you though.

Oh, yeah. You see the mannequin and you're like, oh man, they really put that outfit together. I'm going to get that They got some now They got some athletic mannequins

No they have plus size mannequins Yeah at the plus size store And then those I don't want to look like that Not a G star right Who wants to look like a fat mannequin I see the fat mannequin And I'm like oh no Where's the Captain America mannequin? Right. I see the fat mannequin and I'm like, oh, no, where's the Captain America mannequin?

Oh, really? Okay. Because it's like, that's the thing, you know? So. I would say I want to open up a store for fat women and there's no mirrors. I'd invest. Okay? And it's just good looking shirtless dudes going like this.

Girl. Girl. Damn. You need to get that. That's funny. And then they're just big bitches in the fucking parking lot. Like, ah, I can't wait to put this on. Get home and start crying when they look in the mirror. Because that's all it's about.

It's just about feeling. Like, Linoche felt good about it. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. No, you about feeling. Like, Linoche felt good about it. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. No, you're right. Yeah, a lot of times, even when you go back. Because, by the way, objectively, that outfit is trash. Okay?

It's trash. It's fine. It was trash. And he thought, you know, with those, like, women's shoulder pads that he thought. He was like, oh, look at me. I'm looking dope today. And that's all that it's about. Yeah, it is true. It is. You know what I mean? And you took that from him. Yeah. But, like, oh, look at me. I'm looking dope today. And that's all that it's about. Yeah, it is true.

It is. You know what I mean? And you took that from him. Yeah. But no, but that's the thing. It's like, but that going back to the plastic surgery stuff, like that's like if you feel, you know, getting fake tits or whatever, that makes you feel. Yeah, fire away.

That's the thing though. I mean, look, it makes my penis go boi-o-oing. But also, if you're going to be, you know, it makes my penis go bra-ka-ka-ka-ka. But if you're going to also feel good about it. Just imagine if your penis made noises as it got harder. Dude, it would be making so much noise. That would be terrible. Again.

No, but it would be terrible because you're just trying to be, you're talking to someone and all of a sudden. Brr-ka-ka-ka-ka. You'd be like. Why is it a creaky door? Yeah. I'm 50. My dick gets hard like...

Oh, wow. What's this? Oh, I've seen this. I talked about this. Apparently this is fake. Yeah. It's got to be some sort of fake. It's got to be some sort... The guy's hat. There's no one getting on or off. All of it seems suspect. I thought that the guy was just crazy.

Well, that's like the person on the flight, right? There's a Southwest flight with the person in the thing. Where's the no hammock sign? I can't see you. You can't see me. I'm not here. I'm not here, you know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And it's all set up, too. You know what I'm saying? Like, the front there. Look at the rope. Yeah, dude, I don't believe this. Yeah, I do. I did.

When I first saw it. Are you kidding me? People are nuts, bro. So I can't believe the snake following the guy, but you believe this bullshit? That's crazy, bro. That's crazy. The snake following the guy. Can you get down?

You know what, dude? I wish you never brought that up again. And there's also like another bro sitting there. I don't believe any social interactions anymore. Well, that, yes, that's true. You do have to subscribe to that now. Yes, you do. I don't believe.

Anytime there's a thing happening, even if it's some heartfelt thing, I don't believe it. I just saw this video where it was in a restaurant and then a woman gets up from the table and she walks away. And it looks like a little homeless kid goes over to her food and she's going to eat it. And a guy comes and takes the food. And then he comes back and brings a burger. The way it was filmed, I was like, no. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't believe nothing anymore. Well well that's how you have to be yeah yeah it sucks though because there used to

be some funny things happening i know it was like american idol when then once they started getting the people on because they were being funny it made it worse yeah yeah so you guys just have been watching yes they kicked off my favorite girl the warlock one i didn't mean to fucking oh the pretty one thank you no no that was the one that was uh there was the one that katie perry remember there's two girls left and katie saved one of them yeah i thought the other girl was great that she kicked off and then the next week they kicked off the one that she said i'm gonna be in chattanooga i'm gonna be in jack blocker he's gonna win des moines i'm gonna be in Chattanooga. I'm going to be in Des Moines. I'm going to be in Australia. I added a show in Brisbane.

What the fuck? I'm going to Charleston, West Virginia. And Irvine. I'll be in Irvine coming up soon. And Oxnard, California. So there you go. Oh, and Covina. I'll be in Covina.

Covina's great. I'm doing The Laugh Factory in Covina on Saturday. So this week I'm going to be with Rife in Phoenix. I don't know whatever shows he has because we're preparing for his special. And then next week he's going to be with Rife in Phoenix. I don't know whatever shows he has because we're preparing for his special. And then next week he's going to be shooting. I'm directing another special in Charlotte, so I will not be on the show next week. But the guys will hold it down. And then I got some other dates I'm going to start getting.

But right now I'm working on stuff. Love it, man. Cool. All right, guys. Love you. See you. Pluto TV has over 300 channels and thousands of TV shows and movies for whatever mood you're in.

Just open the app and something good will already be playing because it's curated by people who love TV as much as you do. So if you're in the mood for comedy, there's 18 channels that'll make you laugh. Looking for drama? We got so much of it, you'll cry tears of joy. Reality shows, game shows, sports, Star Trek, and even more Star Trek. No matter what mood you're in, there's something on Pluto TV. Just download the app and start streaming. Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. Thank you.