The Golden Hour - The Golden Hour Christmas Special | The Golden Hour #8 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D’Elia

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

On this Golden Hour Christmas special, the guys discuss their favorite Christmas gifts, types of underwear they wear, what they tip, favorite memories shared by Chris' brother, Erik's wife and Brendan's brother, they play the One Chip Challenge stocking game, exchange gifts and much more! HelloFresh - https://hellofresh.com/king21 with promo code KING21 DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use code KATS DraftKings - If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI//MD/NJ/TN/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MI/NJ/ NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in ONT. $150 in Free bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pregame moneyline bet. $150 issued as six (6) $25 free bets. Bet must win. Free Bets are non-cashable and cannot be withdrawn. Free bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings. Free Bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Ends 12/31/22. See eligibility & terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/basketballterms.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When you're Lenny Kravitz, or like Jared Leto, it doesn't matter. I don't believe in that. I'm with Eric. I don't believe it, no. You guys are fucking cucks. You're just mad because you can't get away with this kind of stuff. You look ridiculous in that. Dude, that's crazy.

I don't want to get away with that shit. He wears leather pants on stage. The worst job in the world, rock star. Dude, that's photoshopped. That one is real on the left. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're friends that laugh we're friends that shout sometimes we don't know

what we're talking about but that won't stop us nothing can stop us ooh yeah it's like a show you used to love just rebranded enough it's stronger, better, bigger power.

Because it is the golden hour. It's the golden hour. Dude. I would like Eric's hot take on that, though. Merry Christmas. Yeah, Merry Christmas, fellas. It's going to be Christmas in a few days. Dude, it's going to be Christmas in a few days.

And Kristen has like eight more trees. Yeah, I know, I know. She has 16 trees. How about the fact that- You might as well be Jewish. Why? Because they get eight days. Yeah, well-

I feel like they're doing it right. If Kristen was Jewish, we would celebrate Hanukkah from January to January. She's getting every- Yeah, she has the whole gamut. She wants to celebrate Christmas and- Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, that's frowned upon, right? Yeah.

You got to pick one. And you do Kwanzaa, right? For half the day. I don't do Kwanzaa. For half the day. Just half the day. Eight crazy nights. From like eight to nine.

But they do it. It's more, it's eight nights where they can get eight small gifts. Like you ain't getting eight big gifts. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm sure if you're balling, you probably get all sorts of stuff. Well, Rachel doesn't really. She likes to do all that. She'll get me little things that I need, and I really like that.

Do you like batteries? No, but it'll be like a new shaving kit, a nose hair trimmer. Things you need. That makes me sad. Things you need and things that's like. Yeah. She gets you underwear. But I love the underwear that she gets.

Oh, there you go. You wear what kind of underwear? It says a lot about you. What you wear um briefs boxers yeah boxer briefs you know panties panties or panties I don't I don't wear uh underwear I wear underwear I just wear the regular yeah boxer briefs yeah you wear panties no I mean what are you in a frat little Christmas humor for you guys dude I wear straight up whitey tighties. You do? Whitey tighties. Not white because streaks, right? So I always go dark. Well, that's kind of why they call you Big Brown. They call you Big Brown.

So you have shit streaks on your fucking underwear? Maybe, dude. Gross. If they're white, but white, impossible. I don't know. Yeah, I don't have white underwear. You know who doesn't wear underwear? Mark Hartley.

Yeah, I believe it. No underwear, no socks. You don't wear underwear? He's a free spirit. We talked about it. He told you not to mention it. Yeah, but then you wear jeans. It feels like you're just rubbing. No underwear, no socks. You don't wear underwear? He's a free spirit. We talked about it. He told you not to mention it. Yeah, but then you wear jeans. It feels like you're just rubbing.

That just, ugh. My buddy was, we were in Vegas once, and my buddy forgot underwear, and he got new pants, and they were making it so, they made his dick so red from just like scraping up against it, dude. He was like, it's bloody, but you walk so much in Vegas, you know? He was like, I can't even hook up with chicks. It was so funny. I mean, he wasn't going to hook up with chicks anyway.

Yeah, dude. So funny. I like whitey tighties. I hate box. How long they are underneath these. Yeah, I mean, that's something definitely. Unless you're in a frat, you know? Yeah, which I am in a frat.

Which one are you in? Yeah, Delta, Sama, Fama. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Delta, Sama, Fama. I don't know what they are. Delta Gamma Race. Eric, are you texting Santa Claus? You've been texting a lot this episode already. I'm sorry. We got on our Christmas stuff, which makes sense. Yeah. I don't know what they are. Don't think I'm erased. Eric, are you texting Santa Claus?

You've been texting a lot this episode already. I'm sorry. We got on our Christmas stuff, which is nice. I have my ornaments on. I like you dressed up, dude. Yep. It took a while, too. I put this on and zipped it up.

You know, I like how the gold chain matches. You love what I said? Yeah. You put this on and you said, you know, did a lot of work for Christmas this year. Put it on, zipped it up, didn't even bring it. Yeah, yeah. The gold matches the gold on the- We tucked that in for Christmas. It's respectful, right? I want to be work for Christmas this year. Put it on, zipped it up, didn't even bring it. Gold matches the gold on the... We tucked that in for Christmas.

It's respectful, right? I want to be respectful for Christmas. Oh, I thought you wanted to flex on... No, I don't flex on Christmas, dude. This is a day for everyone else Christmas, right? I think you would have a Christmas flex. That seems to be in your... Yeah, probably.

It's in your wheelhouse. Now, do you tell Calvin, and you tell me what you're going to do when you're dead, do you tell Calvin that Santa brought the gifts? Yeah, so far. Oh, I don't. No, Dad did shows in San Antonio, you little bitch, and you tell me what you're going to do when you're dead, do you tell Calvin that Santa brought the gifts? Yeah, so far. Oh, I don't. No, Dad did shows in San Antonio a little bit to pay for that. What about how Santa brought nothing?

Santa brings not the best gift. Daddy brings the best gift. Dude, I don't see Calvin believing in Santa. Calvin's going to be like. He's like reindeer fly now? Yeah, he's going to be that serious look on his face like how would he fit yeah

he fit through that from the air is Santa your size daddy reindeer yeah Santa's too thick to fit down there yeah he'll probably

honestly I don't know if that's gonna work for Calvin well we're gonna do you know he says like Santa come in and bring a present so it's really cute

yeah I just don't like giving Santa all the credit. Yeah, but when he gets old enough, he's going to know it was you anyway. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no. Shut that shit down. So you don't really understand the point of Christmas then. The Christmas spirit? Yeah, the Christmas spirit. Yeah, I do, dude. So you don't hide Easter eggs either? Oh, we hide Easter eggs.

Come on, bro. Yeah, because you can't fit nice shit in there, in the little Easter eggs. It's like, you know, PlayStation 5, that was fucking me hide these. Come on, bro. Yeah, because you can't fit nice shit in there, in the little Easter eggs. It's like, you know, PlayStation 5. That was fucking me that did. That was Big Brown. And we put money in that. We put money in that.

Oh, okay. But you kids don't know the value of a dollar anyway. Neither do yours. I'm not saying it as a slight. I'm saying they're young. Well, but still, well. You still don't understand the value of a dollar. What are you talking about?

I know milk is around $25, $30. Like you're Bill Gates' kid. Like your Bill Gates kid. People are out of touch like that. When did you ever learn about the value of money actually? Last week. It's like balancing a checking

account or paying your bills or leaving a proper tip. Like, when did you learn that stuff? Well, my dad was the one that teaches you to learn a proper tip. He's like, you know how hard they're working, man? Yeah. And I was like, oh, that makes sense. Yeah, you're very generous.

I mean, like the value. I'm too generous. It's different. Being generous is different than knowing the value of money. But like, yeah, I don't know. I don't really honestly spend all that much money. I know I joke around I do and shit, but I don't. Hey, hey.

We're in the trust tree. You spend money. My money guy said, yeah, you really don't spend too much money. That's because you're a money guy. You want to keep making money and having it more. No, no, no. He tells me, like, oh, don't buy this, don't buy that. But he doesn't really do it that much.

He's like, honestly, I got to be real with you. I don't know if he works with athletes and shit. You make a lot of money, though. It's like the few shoes you buy. You buy clothes all the time. Houses, cars. I know you guys, you have a money guy like that, right? He's playing a role.

You shouldn't spend that, but really it's like, I'm gonna go buy this. I know, I know. Sometimes I had a flex on him. Sometimes I'm like, no, bitch, I know they do say they do do that sometimes I had a flex on him sometimes I'm like no bitch just say it this is happening

so why the money yeah he's like well then why he's gotta try yeah he's gotta try I had a business manager I had to sue

he'd like I was buying this Bentley and I had no business buying this Bentley a Bentley SS coupe and I wanted special edition so sick

and I called him like hey it's a lot of money man I just and he's like do it you deserve it do money, man. And he's like, do it. You deserve it. Do it.

What? Don't feel any way about it. Do it. I called my brother. He's like, you're an idiot. Who's your business manager? Sure enough, that dude just didn't pay taxes for three years. Come on.

Oh, yeah. We had to sue him. Oh, no. Yeah. Found out he can't count. Wow, that's bad for a money guy. No, he was awful. Well, because he's the kind of money guy that knows that people that have money are idiots.

Also, also, also, dude, you're an athlete at heart, and you spend. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Because athletes go like this. Give me that. Yeah. Athletes go like this.

I take five. Yeah. Oh, and comics are so smart with their money. They are, bro. Yeah, we're frugal because we've had to we had to struggle oh oh oh i don't care about this conversation i just realized i'm out it's boring what do you mean you're out i'm bored hey i don't really care about this conversation. How about that? I realize as I'm speaking, I don't give a fuck. Let me take over.

I farted on the plane. There you go. Now for that, I'm all in, dude. Now we're back in. Because you can't go anywhere. But it was like one of those ones where you think, oh, this is not going to stink. Oh, and that's a heater. You don't really ever know, though, do you? You don't ever know. So I'm just like, you know, and oh this is not gonna stink oh and that's a hero but it but but like not you don't really ever know though do you know you like

ever so I'm just like you know so I hit it you know and it was like and you know what I hit it planes planes planes are so loud whoo yep that I could grip it sometimes they hit the seat they hit the seat At the right angle I did it with the Skawong Skawong Skawong And then I was like this Okay I'm good And then I was like Oh fuck

Oh wow dude You know what I do You know what I do I do it And I turn the AC on And then I look around And go Jesus Christ I was like

I turn the AC on I act like I'm upset And I go like this Come on guys That's what I do I go I turn around And go really

Really But I'm the fattest guy On the planet So everyone knows No but the thing is We all know it Come on guys That's what I do I go I turn around and go Really? Really? But I'm the fattest guy On the plane So everyone knows No but the thing is We all know it Where am I supposed to go? Where am I supposed to go?

To the bathroom To hold it in? I don't know No you can't hold it in That's what I'm saying What do you mean you can't hold it in? It's one of those things Where look man

I'm on a plane They just said The fucking Captain has put on the thing You can't get up No dude I'm sitting in the window seat. It's one of these things where it's like,

I'm not going to walk from here to go into this little room and hot box the room. You don't want to be uncomfortable. Then I'm farting in this bathroom. How long do you wait before the fart doesn't trail after you? There should be a fart zone in an airplane where you just go. It's like church where they have that glass-off area.

Yeah, dude, this is disgusting. Back i think back to money no i no no i don't know no it's boring talking about money it's a pretty kind of cool to talk about farts i feel i feel like i i you know we've all done it and we and and uh i had a guy who was farting on the plane uh on my last on my last trip and it was like i and i was like god damn it i think it's this dude but i don't know who it you don't really ever know who it is no you do whoever gets the uh the the vegetarian meatballs i got those uh on the plane the other day but it wasn't me oh you got they were good they were good oh my god they were good what time i can't be friendly it's what i wanted it's what i wanted i'm not vegetarian i was just like oh that sounds good but they didn't have

regular meatballs one time i was on a plane and the guy shit himself. Okay? Come on. Yeah. How do you even know? What happened? I'll tell you how I know. I'm sitting here and then like, you know, he shits himself, you know?

And I'm just kind of like, you know, you know when you smell some shit and you're just like, I'm looking at my shoe just in case. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I'm like, God damn. Turn on the air. You know? I look at this guy. He's looking at me. And I'm just like, that oof, right shoe just in case. I don't know what it is. I'm like, God damn. Turn on the air. I look at this guy. He's looking at me.

I'm just like, that oof, right? Something up? It won't quit. Okay. Then this guy gets up. I'm in a window seat. He's in the middle seat. Oh, you're in the plane.

Oh, my. You're right next to him. Yeah. So he gets up and he turns the cannon towards me. And that's the moment I knew he gun he shit himself okay it was like i was like you know what i mean like a baby diaper it's a baby diaper yes and then here's the part too the guy comes back and sits down and now at this point he knows i know he shit himself oh my god you know and he's i'm giving him that look like, dude, I know you should.

I know you're giving that look, too. So, wait, hold on. But how do you know it wasn't just a nasty fart? Because don't quit. No, it wasn't a nasty fart, dude. Poop don't quit. Poop don't quit. It wasn't a nasty fart.

It wasn't a nasty fart because it was like clearly, you know, it's like if I had a lit candle. Yeah. And it was like vanilla. If it was a vanilla lit candle and I put it over here like this, you'd be like it's like a can't like if I had a lit candle yeah and it was like vanilla if it was a vanilla lit candle and I put it over here like this you'd be like vanilla shit his ass that's what he was doing with his ass yeah he was putting his ass like this in the plane he was just walking around

it's the most wonderful time of the year and I just was looking at this dude like, but you know what? What are you supposed to do? What can you do? What are you supposed to do, man?

Duct tape him to the chair. You know what? If you can't beat him, join him. Everyone. Shit. Everyone can be shitting themselves. The guy had a guy shit himself. We all got to shit ourselves.

Yeah, the captain would be like, we're going to have to make an emergency landing. 7J just shit his pants. Not everyone. No, if you can't beat him, join him. Shit. What if farts and shits work like when somebody throws up and it makes you gag? You don't hear like that.

What if it's like. Oh, no. It's like that. What movie was that where they're all throwing up? No, no, no. Family Guy. Stand by me. Family Guy.

No, no, stand by me. Yeah, but you know the Family Guy clip where they keep throwing up? Yeah, yeah, they always do that. Family Guy is always throwing up. I love Family Guy. This. Is this that British guy? Team America.

I always had a great throw up. Yes, he is the man. Let's take a little break, Eric, from just chatting about nonsense. Break time. It's break time. It's that time of the year. Everyone's excited about gifts, the holiday spirit, but what about basketball? You forget about the NBA?

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I like this guy. Does he have him on ornaments? This guy is a doctor also. Oh, wow. Paul Collins. He's super negative. Oh, he's really coming. He's on fucking taste.

He's coming for Chris. I don't remember this guy. All right, let's do it. Hello, Chris, Brendan, and Eric. I played an effort here. I do look like a gay white Rampageson um thanksgiving and christmas coming up once on a train home from london i had what was a jerk we called a jerky and a turkey where um uh the jerky is obviously the birds jerking you off and the turkey is where you're fingering them, like turkey basting.

Okay. And I wondered, has anyone in the Amish community in Salt Lake City done a jerky and a turkey in one of them old trailers? Let me know what you think. Cheers, guys. One of them, oh, Amish, Amish. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea what he's asking.

What kind of question is this? Well, he's talking about getting jerked off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that. But why is this on his mind? Amish? People get weird at Christmas. And dressed Christmas style too?

This specific sex move? Yeah. He's British. What does he care about the Amish? He cares about Thanksgiving. And he's a doctor? I know he's a doctor. Yeah.

Mental health, the thing. Why do doctors can't have freaky thoughts? No, no, no. They can. But we just don't want to know about it. Well, I mean, I do. I don't care. We don't want to know about it.

It's just not often that a doctor calls into a podcast show and starts talking about sex kinks. In England. Unless he's a sex... Oh, do you see the teachers? They got fired because they were making OnlyFans videos

in the classroom? What? No. Yeah, they're fucking on the desk. Yeah, they were using this OnlyFans footage. The teachers? The teachers.

No, the kids weren't there. I'm just saying, like, after hours. No, no, no, I know that, but I'm saying, like... Her husband would come to the class and they'd film it. Yeah, they both worked

into school. I've seen some of those pornos. Yeah, they lose a job after doing explicit videos. She's like, look, man, I had to cover the school. I've seen some of those pornos. Yeah, they lose job after doing explicit videos. She's like, look, man, I had to cover the money.

I don't make enough money. Well, now she does. Great promo. You get summers off. Can I just say this?

What do you guys think about this? I don't like when people say, like, I don't make enough money, so therefore that justifies I have to

do something that involves sex. It's like, as if like, there's no other jobs you can do. There's no Uber in Nashville? We're supposed to go, oh, I get it. Oh, that's why. Okay.

That makes sense. I don't make enough money. I kill people for a living. Yeah. I guess there's a lot of money in OnlyFans. I mean, there is. But there's some baddies on OnlyFans. Like teachers, when the teachers' kids' parents find out, they get fired.

Yeah, but why do they find out? I mean, how do they find out? It must be anonymous. Well, the dads are like, dude. That's what I'm saying. Carol. That's her or something? Yeah, that's her.

Chloe Carter. Set of calves on her. Wow. Her head is. Well, that's just the angle. I want to see her and Chris in a headbutt contest. Okay, but her head to her. Headbutter.

Do you see her at the forehead meetings? She got the OnlyFans or where? It's not up anymore? Oh, I bet she's not. Fans Only? Oh, Fans Only, I guess. That would be that. Oh, Fans Only.

She moved over to Fans Only. Okay. She probably got paid. Is that Fans Only? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was Fans Only different? I think this is its own thing. Fansly.

Never heard of it, but I bet it's new, and I bet they paid her. It's probably not new. I don't like her description. It says, hey, baby, are you ready to have some fun? Nothing is off limits over here. Kink and fetish friendly. Yeah, but you know what? She probably got a person that runs it. Her husband.

No, no. She's a teacher. There's always these little companies. Probably some person that says, hey, you know what? I can make you guys a bunch of money. And they were like, okay, so what do we have to do? You don't have to do anything. You just do the content. You send it to me. I'll put it up and I'll message and they're just like, all right, content. You send it to me. I'll put it up. And I'll message. And they're just like, all right, cool. Oh, right.

It's just getting money. But that happens a lot. That happens a lot. That description that you took down there because we don't want to get demonetized was so gravid. Really? Oh, dude. First of all, I said, come here and see you in red.

I know how you spell it. I know how you spell it when you're cool. I just want to make sure you're cool, man. You just like, you said like this, oh man, that one headline. You know, we can't, we can't, we can't use that headline. And then you read. No, no, no, man. You said like this, oh, man, that one headline. We can't use that headline. And then you read. No, no, no, no. That was the bad part.

No, I get it. No, no. The rest of it is so intense. That was just the tip of the dick, right? I didn't see it, but okay. Yeah, let's see. You see how you- You don't want to see it.

The tip. Okay. And then- See, still not enough. See, even that's mild. That was mild? Oh, I like your brother's hat there. What's up with my brother here?

Is that a Salem witch drought hat? So we just have a couple people sharing some of their favorite Christmas memories with their favorite people. Oh, it's going to make us cry? You son of a bitch. I haven't heard any of them. Bring the turkeys back. What's up, guys? My favorite Christmas memory with my brother chris uh yeah we know who your

brother is there's less of a memory than it is uh i guess i blocked it out but it is captured on home video oh well and i know what he's gonna say home video, I forget what year, looks like it's maybe 86. I love his glasses. Tells the tale of an older brother and a younger brother. And an older brother who is very hell-bent on slamming his little brother's head into every doorknob in the entire house. Yeah. Aggressive.

Why does he have to describe everything as a pretentious indie movie? So, all these shots of us like running through the house, going through doorways, running past doors at the same time. But he was in on it. Helps me, pushes me. No, I just wanted to get to the presence and I didn't realize that.

And I also crammed into the fucking doorknob. No, I didn't mean get to the presence and I didn't realize that. Into the fucking. No, I didn't mean to. I genuinely wouldn't mean to, but his head was the height of a doorknob. I hope that counts. Okay, I have a couple of thoughts here, though. Hey, Matt, shave that fucking gray on your neck. Oh, I just

saw it. No, he looks older than you. No, but I'm saying I'm fine with like if he just had it, but it's looks older than you. No, but I'm saying I'm fine with like if he just had. But the fact that he gets gray here and nowhere else. That's just how gray works. He has some swag, don't know. He has some style, huh? With the chains and the glasses and the hat. The Salem.

Salem witch trial. No, it's for the cigarettes. Cigarettes. Yeah. He smokes? Well, I actually don't know if he smokes now. He's so cool. But he did. You know, you can't advertise cigarettes anymore. actually don't know if he smokes now he's so cool but he

he did you know you can't advertise cigarettes anymore I didn't know that in the 80s they took that out and so that hat's old oh

yeah throwback you can't even we just got demonetized and it's corduroy yeah yeah yeah yeah he has some swag in the class

yeah no he's cool he's a cool dude he's the cool what if we had to blur that oh here's my brother aww that's my brother. That's my brother. No, I think that might be Eric's. He went through a tough time.

I think that's Eric's wife. Yeah, and why is she using a filter? One of the best and most favorite memories of Christmas with Eric is our first Christmas we spent together. We decided to go to Costa Rica and stay at this all-inclusive resort, and it was fabulous. The scenery was beautiful. Our little hut was great.

And you shit yourself. And we got to go to these restaurants that had the best chefs. And we just enjoyed. Oh, that's cute, bro. That was it? I thought you were going to say you farted or something. I'm really surprised that she didn't tell the story Oh, that's cute, bro. Yeah. That was it? I thought you were going to say you farted or something.

I'm really surprised that she didn't tell the story of how I got really bad food poisoning. So you did, James. Yeah. There we go. I knew we were going to get to it. We were in the bed, okay? And I was like, hey. And we were kind of fighting, too.

Yeah. Because I made like a little titty joke or something like that. And she was like mad at me. She was like, I can't believe it. She made fun of her. She has small titties. You made fun of her? No, she doesn't. But it was like, I like saying that. And she was like mad at me. She was like, I can't believe it. She made fun of her. She has small titties. You made fun of her? No, she doesn't. But it was like, I like saying that.

Whatever. It's a good time. I wasn't feeling. She made a comment. Yeah. Thank you. So then like, I was like bubbling. Tell me about it.

Dude, I was bubbling. Okay. Bubbling. What'd you eat? Yeah, it was, I don't know what it was. Do you remember? I don't know what it was. And then like, I said, oh, wait a minute.

So I got up. And once I stood up, I vomited in my hand. No! I was like in the nice hotel. And then I was like, oh shit. And then I was like, butthole. Yep. Okay. I was like, bro. You know, and it was like, and I'm

in this hotel room in the bathroom now and it's one of, and when you go to like some of these like romantic things, they don't really have doors. So they don't want that. Yeah, bro. So the bathroom door is like a bullshit bathroom door. So I'm talking about, it's just I'm leaking from every hole.

She's hearing it all. And she's like, we just really started. Who has small titties now, bitch? I'm already old. You know what I mean? She's like, ugh. And then what really pissed me off. A mess, old. You know what I mean? She's like, uh. Oh, fuck. Dude.

And then what really pissed me off. A mess, bro. And then what really pissed me off is like, I'm sick. Two days later, I'm still sick. And I'm like, babe, I'm still, you know? And then she's like, I hear this as I'm in the bathroom. Boo, I hear this. Yeah, can you send avocado chip? Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a shrimp thing. She's ordering me to throw up even more. You know what she was trying to do? Hurry up the food to have it get out of you. Just making you throw up more. By the time Christmas, because it was Christmas. By the time the Christmas night dinner came,

I was better. I was like, oh, this is it. I like how she blocked that out. It was the best trip ever. Nobody got sick. That was very sweet because she's not a comic. And now you're like, it was the best trip ever. Nobody got sick. That was very sweet because she's not a comic and now you're like, I'll tell the part. I'll tell the real story.

Dude, that's like how I survived or whatever the fuck that show is. How I survived with that show. I survived. It's that fucking show

that would be that. I'm really surprised that she said that because she's really like, she doesn't like, she doesn't want to be on it. She doesn't like doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good on her, man. I survived. That's it. That's it, yeah. Good on her, man. I survived. That's it. That's it, Eric. And then I stopped Q. I will survive. And that's when the butthole got activated. I will survive.

When my butthole is on fire. I knew there was going to be a shit story coming up. Oh, yeah. Eric could turn a shit story. Dude, it's like how all Korean movies are about revenge secretly. All of his Eric stories are like, and then I shit myself. Or how scary it starts with a man and a boy. Or how scary movies back in the day, and then I shit myself. Or how scary. It starts with a man and a boy. Yeah. Or how scary movies

back in the day every black guy died first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eric will shit himself, yeah. And fart. Or he'll be sitting next to somebody who farts and shits himself.

Yeah. But there's shit involved. What else you got, Nick? All right, moving on. I hope Nick's grandma calls him. We don't got nothing for him. Yeah, nothing for Brandon. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. We did Chris's. Nobody loves Brandon. Oh, this is like. That's David Blaine. My brother is David Blaine. It's like if you and Drake had a little fat baby. I have with me and Brendan. I'm trying to think of a good one.

I think of it and then record it. I think is when we both wanted the authentic NFL jerseys. And my mom was able to get me the Deion Sanders 49ers one. Yes. With the 75th anniversary patch. And then Brendan got the Junior Seau with the patch. A way jersey. That was pretty sick because we had never got an authentic jersey.

So when we got those, we were immediately putting them on. I was playing football outside in this apartment complex we lived at. That was really fun. And then one of the funnier ones, though, is one year at Christmas Eve, we would do it at my dad's house, and our grandma would bring all of the cousins and everybody presents. Out of 80 cousins. And all our cousins got pretty cool presents, like trucks and cars and everything.

And me and Brendan got a howling wolf blanket and a soaring eagle blanket and we couldn't stop laughing that's fucking funny i like that dude my grandma gave me blankets i'm like hey bitch are you i'm nine no he's older well why did so they so you would get wait wait why did everyone else get good gifts i don't know so she literally just got you blankets Yeah And everyone else good shit She passed away a few weeks ago But she Me and my brother Weren't religious

And everybody else was So I think that had Something to do with it Whoa So she was like Here's a blanket Enjoy it in hell Yeah

She got you some heathen blankets Enjoy your Satan blankets It's gonna be cold in hell Yeah She was like Give me a Barbie Give me a Tonka truck Give me a race car track

And give me two burlap sacks Open them up Make a blanket That's for my little Devil nephew Do you have anything For people who Definitely going to hell a Tonka truck, give me a race car track, and give me two burlap sacks, open them up, make a blanket. That's for my little devil nephew. Do you have anything for people who are definitely going to hell? Ooh, I'll take those blankets.

So were you the bully or was he the bully? He was. We had to go to therapy. Oh, yeah. Horrible. Is he bigger than you? No, they're built big.

You never met him? He's like 6'2", 2'20". No, no, no, no. They're the same. Yeah. Oh, you guys look good. Oh, wow. He's my road manager,

so I see him all the time. Yeah. And now you can beat him up. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, you guys look good. Oh, wow. He's my road manager, so I see him all the time. Yeah. And now you can beat him up. I don't know. He has horrible anger issues. Yeah, but he doesn't have any technique, right? Fair point. Okay, so.

He has horrible anger issues. Yeah, but this guy runs in his underwear to the lobby when he hears people yelling in a hotel room. I get scared. I think his brother can beat his ass. I'm taking his brother. Yeah, I would. I'd beat him.

Oh, you're saying because you ran from trouble? Oh, yeah. I don't like it. You ran from trouble in Tidy Whitey. All right. Is this Orlando Bloom? What's good, Golden Hour,

Golden Shower? Yee-hee. Shout out, Chris, Eric, Brendan, love y'all. My question for y'all is dudes with scars, how do y'all feel? Actors.

It's getting cold out. Christmas is coming. You got to stay warm, but I need to hear y'all's opinion on it. You know, me personally, I fuck with it heavy. Nice little warmth around my neck. A little tight on the spot. It's regaze.

But it could look like you have maybe a little sugar in your tank. Yes. That's fine. I could never in my entire life picture Brendan wearing a scarf. Not never. That would even look like. Brendan would wear a scarf. Chris and Eric, I could see y'all rocking a nice little scarf.

So let me know what y'all's thoughts. Dudes with scarves. It's got to be blisteringly cold. If it's not, you're a fucking asshole. You're a pretentious piece of shit and you're an acting class.

Johnny Depp wears one of the tensest. If it's not blistering cold and you have a scarf, you're an asshole if you have the scarf on but you also have it tied like a tie. Yes. You have it all nice and it's like, hey, hey, bro. Bad, dude. No, no, no, no.

This is like- Really bad. That needs to be just, it's on because it's cold. You whip it around. That's it. Yeah. One thing's here. The other's over here.

And you move it along. Right. Because it's cold. You just go boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom. Yeah. Otherwise- I've seen a study where guys that wear scarves also suck cock

i don't know if anyone did that it's a double blind study really double blind okay and why were you looking at that it just popped up on my news feed he did this study yeah i was like who's gonna make it better that it popped up on your news so your algorithm is like gay studies scarves and cocks all day long no it's like things to avoid yeah scarves and cocks all day long. No, it's like things to avoid. Yeah. Scarves and cocks all day long. Okay, go fuck yourself. That's what I'm talking about. I think that's Photoshopped. That's an entire blanket.

I think that's Photoshopped. No, no, no. No, that's real. I've seen this before. I've seen it before as well. I think it might be Photoshopped. This one might be. That one's a little bit big.

Really? Yeah. No, it was big, but that one's bigger. No, but I can see him doing it. That's hilarious. That's homeboy. That's Lenny Kravitz. Lenny Kravitz.

But that's... By the way, you don't even... There's a loophole in it. There's a loophole. He has a giant dick. When you're Lenny Kravitz... No. Or like Jared Leto...

No. I don't agree with that. It doesn't matter. I don't believe in that loophole. I'm with Eric. I'm with Eric. I don't believe it. No.

You guys are fucking cucks. You're just mad because you can't get away with this kind of stuff. Yeah. You look ridiculous in that. Dude, that's crazy. I don't want to get away with that shit. wears leather pants the worst job in the world rock star dude that's photoshopped that one is real on the last i think the other one's also photoshopped i don't know first of all but wait this is how that one this is how bad by the way that one's awesome yeah

yeah i can't like that one i'm wearing a blanket. He would be so tired. Dude, he would get so fucking tired, so heavy. Dude, here's the deal. He looks cozy, though. Here's the deal. This is so bad that we're not even realizing how bad those shoes are. Oh, I know some right away, but I didn't want to interrupt. Okay. You didn't?

No. I mean, this guy, it's Christmas. This guy's like, remember Maxwell? It's like people like that. They got that. You can do what they want. There's too much knitting shit going on his hat and then the fucking sweater. And then there's just too many knitting things.

Even that hat suspect for anybody else on him looks sick. A light-skinned singer, you got to wear so much fucking knit shit. It's unbelievable. It's like a common thing. It's like a light-skinned black dude. When I get to the meetings, I'm going to ask about it. Well, you just got to work on your voice. The second you get your voice a little bit better, dude, they go like this.

I got something for you. Yep. First thing you get. Dude, there's just people. You're ready. Welcome. The group is ready. Welcome.

You know what I hate about that, though, is he went to the market. Why is Lenny Kravitz walking to the market with a big-ass dumb scarf on? Don't go to the market, bro. If I had Lenny Kravitz money, and also, by the way, fuck Nick. Look at him. Jesus Christ. He looks identical to Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa.

That is Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa. That is the worst fucking... That's what your brother looks like. That's your brother. Nah, fuck off, bro. Wow. I love how, you know what I love right now?

I love how he sticks up for his brother. Always. At all times. You know what I mean? When you guys, when you were, who was snoring when James was telling that story?

I wanted to twist your neck off. It was him. But I was cool. It's Christmas. I wouldn't do it. It's Christmas. I wouldn't do it because I know what it's like

to have brotherly shit. You don't have a brother, right? No. That's why. That's why he did it. Your only child. And that's okay. I wouldn't do it. It's Christmas. I wouldn't do it because I know what it's like to have brotherly shit. You don't have a brother, right? No. That's why. You're the only child. That's why he did it. You're the only child. And that's okay.

You can't hate him for that. You can't hate him for that. Yeah, but they're always weird. They're always weird. That's why the friendships I have are closer than most people's friendships because- We're your brothers. I'm your white brother. That is true.

That is true. He's your dark brother. It's tough when you're an only child because- Dark in my heart. People always get to a point when you're an only child where people let you know that, no, you're not really my family. That's what I've dealt with my whole life. You think you're really close to people.

You're close, close, close, close, close. But there's always a moment where you find out you're not their family. Oh, because of, yeah. If I killed somebody, my brother's the first person I'd call. He'd be at the bottom. If I'm actually in Hernandez, he's my first call. Because that's family call a friend brian brian would turn me in you two turn me in well i mean mark would film it

put on instagram live over you know could be good reviews yeah we will we do it on the podcast yeah and we have brandon live live from prison yeah well this guy's taking a shit speaking of shit we've seen this gentleman before, right? We have? I don't recognize people, man. He's my favorite. You guys have bad memories, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, an ISET. No, I have a bad memory.

Okay, that's fine. We'll go with that. Yeah, what's up? It's Not No from Nashville. Coming at you with a submission, Christmas edition. Great times. I was thinking for my submission that it could be a game of naughty or nice, specifically for Chris, that he could recap all the friends that betrayed him

and let us know. Naughty or nice? What is naughty or nice? That's a joke. Yeah, yeah, we got it. So I was thinking a real game would be called Gold or Coal, and you guys would maybe pick a stocking, and one of them's got coal in it,

and coal is really like a hot chip, and one of you has to eat it, and that person's fucked, dude. Anyways, stay sweet, boys. Merry Christmas. This guy's great. That guy's hilarious. I've never seen that guy.

I was not here. You've seen that guy. I was not here. His hair. No, his hair. His hair. It was usually longer. Yeah've seen that guy. I was not here. His hair. No, his hair. His hair. It was usually longer. Yeah, because he had your merch on last time.

Oh, what is he talking about right now? I have no idea. Well, the not your nice list for people that were mean to you, I would fire at the hip, but I won't for obvious reasons. I would love to do that. But then also with the stockings, he's saying instead of coal, we put a hot chip in there. Yeah, but then what? And then you're fucked

because you got the coal. So there is a hot chip in those stockings behind you, one of them. I think we all grab one. Oh. Oh, here's Eric. We all-

Don't touch them. You can't touch them. Oh my God, dude. He would have ruined the beer. That was great. The urgency of his. The dedication. I don't touch that.

No, it's like, you know what I mean? Unbelievable. You're fucking up my thing. He was like, no, no, no. Yeah. It was real. It was real. It was so real, bro. We loved it.

Because he put work into it. Yep. I always say this. Not on air, but Nick, best producer in the game. Now, would I call if I buried a dead body? Probably not. All right. Because you bet on it. So there's a stocking in here. Now, would I call if I buried a dead body? Probably not. All right. So what's the deal?

Because you bet on it. So there's a stocking in here. Oh, my gosh. This again. All right. Just pick a stocking. All right. Everybody grab a stocking.

Oh, now we grabbed the stocking. You just fucking got on my case for grabbing the stocking. From the top. From the top. From the top. Oh. I forgot which one I put it in. That's mine, though.

It doesn't matter. Oh, they spelled my name wrong, I noticed. What's in here, a chip? So they had to turn it around and spell it right. No, it's an old one, right? Okay, I don't have my chip, so I'm safe. It will ruin your fucking day. I'm safe.

Oh, thank God I'm safe. So I'm getting shins. Hey, I'm safe, but also it's the gift that keeps giving. All right, here we go. Oh, Eric got it. Oh! Speaking of shitting your pants. I'll sacrifice.

He'll do it. He'll take a bite. What is this shit? It's fine. It's not that bad. No, it's not, but we've all done it. No, you haven't. No, I swear to God I've done it.

Put it on my life. Chappelle did it. He's fine. You're fine. Yeah, but it just... Oh, my God. He dies. He smells it and dies. I'll go to the loony bin with you, Eric. I got one. Oh, nice. He's fine You're fine Yeah but It just Oh my god He dies He smells it and dies

I'll go to the loony bin with you Eric I got one Oh nice okay cool Eric don't touch your eyes After you touch the chip though Don't touch your face Don't tell him that That takes the fun out of it

Touch your eyes after you eat it Touch your eyes after you eat that hot chip Touch your wiener after you eat it That's it He just dies Blood comes out of his eyes You gotta be kidding me Already

Oh it's so bad Already Yeah No he's shitting his pants He just dies, blood comes out of his eyes? You've got to be kidding me. Is that even kicked in? Already? Oh, it's so bad. Already? Yeah. No, he's shitting his pants. You can't do that to him. Never follow him. Dude, it was one second, bro.

He goes like this. He goes like this. Boo, boo. It's so hot. Nick? Look at Nick. Oh, he ate the whole thing, bro. Gangster.

Listen to it. Look at Nick. Oh, my God. Thank you. Nick. It's so hot, dude. How you doing, Nick? Not good.

It takes a while to kick in, but I've done it. That's why Eric, he doesn't realize. Eric, how you doing? It gets worse as it goes on. Nick just ate the entire chip. Nick goes like this. Nick goes like this. Look at him. Yeah, he's dead.

Bro, I don't want to scare you guys. Have you done it before? No. It's so bad. I would not have done it. I knew not to eat the whole chip. Oh, my God. My mouth is on fucking fire.

Nick ate the whole thing Oh, my God. My mouth is on fucking fire. Nick ate the whole thing, dude. What? Wait for that shit to come, Doug. You're an asshole. No one was more gangster about it than Cat back in the day. Take a nibble. I agree.

My tongue is on fire. I can't continue to show. I'm done. You're out today. I honestly have had stomach issues for the past few days. It'll just fucking destroy my. I was born with stomach issues. I hate to be. You're all right.

You took a little bite. You're good. But that's how bad it is. Look at Nick. Oh, Nick looks bad. It's so hot. Mark, have you tried it? Stop fucking around, Nick.

Go get some more. Do you want to try it? We got to do a gift exchange. It's so hot. You're a fucking idiot. We got to do a gift exchange. I'm telling you, I fucking idiot. Wait, I did a gift exchange. I'm telling you, it ruined,

I was out for two days. I'll be on stage tomorrow night. I just can't. All right, so, so you want to do the gift exchange?

I'm going to mute myself. How good is that tropical storm now? Yeah, it'll ruin your day. How does it feel now? Bad still? It's the afterburn

that's killing me right now. My tongue is like... It's so dangerous. My tongue is melting. What do... Jesus. You took a nibble, Daddy. Yeah, yeah.

You barely touched it. Wipe your eyes. Wipe your eyes. Don't touch him. Don't touch him. Touch your anus. Touch your anus. We're going to need a new chair.

All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow's the worst part. He has a flight tomorrow, too. Tomorrow's the worst? Oh, yeah. When you shit it. Oh, bro. It's insane. When I did it to my tomorrow, too. Tomorrow's the worst? Oh, yeah. When you shit it. Oh, bro.

It's insane. I did this with my girl. She said, I can handle hot. Problem was, she threw up everywhere. No. Everywhere. Oh, wow. Everywhere.

And she deals with, like, real spicy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, threw up everywhere. I would kill Rachel. Oh, for white people shouldn't eat. What if I give it to Calvin? He'd just be like this. Calvin just goes, that's it. What if I give it to Calvin? He'd just be like this. Calvin just goes,

Daddy, da-da. He'd go, Daddy, it's hot. It's hot. And then go to sleep. It's hot.

Can I watch Storybites? You all right, Nick? Yeah, I'm good. No, you're not. You're not good. He ate the entire fucking thing. Dude, I took a good-sized nibble.

Yeah, okay. Wow. And are those the new ones, I took a good-sized nibble. Yeah, okay. Wow. And are those the new ones, Nick? No, this is from 2020. And they're stale. They're from 2016. That's when they're original. Wow.

Gangster. All right, well, so what is this here? I brought one of these, but we do we just- Everybody grab one that I don't think- It takes too long to exchange them and stuff. Yeah, yeah, so just open them up. But one at a time. Pick one up that you didn't bring okay and then you open it and then we open it yeah next time should I open this? I got an Nintendo 64. Oh, hello.

That's for next week. Oh, I'll leave that there then. Oh, I don't have a gift. So open it. Hold on. So the thing that... You can open that for the camera. Yeah. The one that you just did.

Oh, the item? You can lift it. Okay. That was supposed to be for the end of the show, but I can't get it to work, so we're going to play it in the new year. I got you guys a 64 and a GoldenEye. That's an Nintendo 64 with GoldenEye. Awesome can lift it. Okay. That was supposed to be for the end of the show, but I can't get it to work, so we're going to play it in the new year. I got you guys a 64 and a GoldenEye. That's an Intel 64 with GoldenEye.

Awesome, dude. Thank you. Nick's fired because it doesn't work now, but we're going to work in the new year. Okay. You can go first, Chris. I'll go first. And then we can guess who. What?

I always wanted it. Four of them for me? Yeah. The Uzzy Truth DVDs, which you can find on ericgirffin.com. Dude, can I also, I hope one of the other gifts is a time machine I can borrow so I can go back and use a DVD player. Yeah. You overhauled that.

You put it on my car. My kids are like, Daddy, what the fuck? Shut up. No, don't let your kids watch that. One of the best comics in the game. I got four of his DVDs. Now they are mine. Was that you, Chin?

Well, we can pass them out to other people. Yeah, we'll give them another mine. Was that you, Chin? Well, we can pass them out to other people. Yeah, we'll give them another one. Was that you, Chin? That wasn't me. Who brought that? Him! Mark? You didn't bring...

No, it was Mark, yeah. That's beautiful. All right, me, I got... Oh, look. So this is new Thick Boy merch. Oh, new Thick Boy merch! So the hoodie, whoever's going to get it, I don't know what size is in there. It might be an XL.

But if you need double, whoever's going to get it... This is an XL. This is a double XL. Well, I could tell. It might be an XL. But if you need double, whoever's going to get it. This is an XL. This is a double XL. Well, I could tell already. That's an XL. But Rachel. But I'll keep it for her and then I'll get you a double. So whoever got that, I was going to say it might not be your size.

So yeah, I got you. She's going to Rachel. She loves hoodies. And then I'll give you a double X. Thank you. Nice. She's going to love it. She's going to have to get thick.

I haven't seen her yet since I got back. Oh, wow. A little gift for you. You guys go ahead. But the problem is you're going to shit your pants when you get home, Eric. It's okay. Use the Thick Boy merch to wipe it. Oh no, life shits.

Oh, that's good. That's your new merch. Life shits. Of course, again, it's kind of life rips. That should be Eric's though. Life shits. That's mine. Zach merch.

Yeah, I like that. I guess that'd be funny. Life shits. Struggling with it, huh? What'd he say? I can't believe Nick ate that. My stomach hurts. Of course your stomach hurts. You're just going to vomit all over the equipment. Is this the anti-procrastination drink? Oh my God, dude.

The once daily elixir, Magic Mine? Actually, that's a great gift. I wish I got that. It was me. Yeah, it was. I wish I could trade my Nintendo 64 for that. I give good gifts. I can't wait to... 12 natural ingredients.

There you go. Drink it all now. You might as well just drink it now. Nice throw, bro. With a sidearm and good catch. You're an athlete. You say you're not an athlete, but you're an athlete. You're like Aaron Hernandez right there. That's how he jerks off, too. Look, just like that.

With his finger on the tip. Well, thanks, Chris. Yeah, no problem, bro. You don't want it to go everywhere. Yeah, yeah, I do. I'll trust you. Did you open yours, Jim? Gang merchandise?

It's an elf costume. No, that's stuffing. Or stuffing. Oh. Wait, what is this? That's the dip, but just a regular vibrator, pretty standard vibrator. Put it on your friend, Lomglan. Vibrator.

And Chin is single, so... A miniature MMA glove. That goes in your anus. A Ridge wallet, and then a wrestler. And those all go in your anus. Yeah, and you can really beat your dick up. And those all go in your anus. Yeah, and beat your dick up. Yep. They all go in your anus. And those all go in your anus. You can beat your dick up.

Yep. They all go in your anus except the vibrator. Vibrator. You put it on your frenulum gland. That's actually, I'm telling you right now, that's going to be like, oh, you know? Well, nobody gives a used vibrator, Chin. What's that? It's brand new, too.

That's how cheap Chin is. It's actually wrapped up. It's actually a real brand used vibrator chin. It's brand new too. That's how cheap chin is. Chin is so cheap that he's like, oh yeah. He's like, damn, a new vibrator. He fucking reuses a vibrator. At Goodwill? Is there like a vibrator section at Goodwill? Hold on real quick. I don't know if you guys take these, but can I get a write off?

It's got shit on it. Bro, who? Was this Eric Griffins? Fuck off. Hey, who gifted the vibrator? You did. I got it from a sponsor a while ago. Oh, okay.

I was going to say, what do you have there? Hang around your house. Why would they give you a vibrator? What sponsor? It was fucking DraftKings. I mean, why would they give you a vibrator? Yeah. Because that's what they do.

All right. They do that. That's what they... This is 30 seconds away from just... Pass it out. I think I'm better. Mark? You don't look better. It doesn't look better. Mark has the best one, I think it's 30 seconds away from just passing out. I think I'm better. Mark? You don't look better.

It doesn't look better. Mark has the best one, I think. I don't know. It's going to be tough to beat. It's the new rain tropical storm. Nice, the way he's tearing it open. I love it. Yeah, like a grizzly bear.

I am rock hard right now. What is it? This is a massager. Oh, that's great. With heat. Yeah, that's dope. I am rock hard right now. What is it? Oh, that's great. That's definitely a chain gift. That's definitely a milestone for my neck. From your aunt's place? My ex gave it to me. I want that out of the house.

Oh, nice. Mark's like, why is there a bunch of pictures of your ex girlfriend? You just hate everything about your ex? Is that what that is? No, I'm just joking. But she did give it to me. Okay. You want that bad juju out of there, though.

Yeah. That's all right. Oh, that was terrible. How are you feeling now? It's like mildly burning. Okay. So better. Better.

And you just took a nibble, dude. Yeah. Dude, this is cool. We get to play Golden Hour next. My butthole is. Next week. Can't wait. Sandwiches?

Because we still got to do a sandwich taste test. And Golden Hour. We should all do it in the new year, though. It should be the new year. Yeah. That's what I want to do. We'll do the sandwich test. She's sent something in before, huh?

Yeah. Yeah. Boy, I remember. She was looking for her age. And we were trying to hook her up with Theo, though. I remember. Yeah. But she wanted somebody her age because she kept dating these young dudes.

Right. Let's see what's happening. What is up, golden guys? So here it is. Absolute worst Christmas present given ever, given from me to my mom when I was eight. So this kid in my class had a pet rat.

They had babies. And they were giving the little babies away. They were these cute little furball things. It's a good gift. Give them away as long as you have permission to slip from your parents. And, of course, my mom's like, fuck, no, that's disgusting. We're not having a rat. But in my little kid brain, I'm thinking, like, she just needs to see it, and she's going to fall in love for sure, you know.

So I get this forged note, and I acquire two of them. Christmas morning comes around. Everyone's tearing through presents. There's paper and ribbon. It's everywhere. I bet she gave them. Everyone's happy and having a good time. Dead rats. My morning comes around. Everyone's tearing through presents. There's paper and ribbon. It's everywhere. Everyone's happy and having a good time. My mom opens hers. Lips like throws them in the air. Goes running away crying.

Now these little things are like loose in the paper and we're trying to find them. We lost one of them for like almost half a day. It had crawled under the couch and up in the lining it was hiding. That's what rats do. I gave my mom a box of rats for Christmas. Oh, my God. Somebody top that.

That's horrible. Love you guys. Happy holidays. You know, when I was a kid, can I tell you a little kid story? When I was a kid, so there was popsicles, right? And in the popsicles was a spider ring. But I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wasn't supposed to get the popsicles because it was late. Yeah. And I opened the box and all I saw was a big ass spider. And I just fucking threw the box in the air and I was yelling and screaming and my mom comes running in and, you know, and then I got in trouble. Because you weren't supposed to eat the popsicles in the first place. I wasn't supposed to eat the popsicles. Oh, that's hilarious.

I was a little dumbass. You know what I mean? I was a little bitch. You're the big ass spider. That scared me. Spider's crazy. Got to get Calvin used to killing spiders

so he doesn't care. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. Calvin, come in here. Get this guy. Yeah, bring your bow and arrow. That's his job. Clocking in.

Well, you know, a little nerf one. Yeah. Oh my God. Little hawk eye. He just gets great at it yeah yeah he's like cam haynes yeah or alex perera okay i mean hawkeye was fine guys we don't have to i said hawkeye but i like that yeah i said hawkeye he's like cam haynes and he says another guy ours both actually were real people yeah that's why mine was better bro no it's not though you can be like legolas for the stars the dream you know fake guy though you can be like bro

kim haynes attainable all right what's going on lips well hey guys golden hour last submission i'm not mad at her why are we getting so many female submissions? Hey, guys. It's Leah from Rhode Island. Oh, I'm going there. Just have a quick question. For Christmas, what do you think you should do on Christmas morning? Do you think it's appropriate to be civilized and have everyone wait for everyone else to open their gifts? I hate that. Or should we all just be complete savages and open up? Yeah, no.

Savage. It takes so long. We used to do that with my ex. I feel like I personally like to see what, it depends. Like if it's my smaller group of family, I like to see what everyone got. Even still it takes too long. And like to thank people for their gift. But then if it's like the extended family, I like to just do a free for all.

Because if I don't like the gift, I don't want to have to act like I'm like, oh, great, awesome. Also the time. But I'm curious what you guys think. Chris, I saw you recently in Boston. Oh, nice. It was awesome, but I missed like 40 minutes of it. 40? She saw you for 10 minutes.

Well, I'll be in Rhode Island. Is that where she said she was? I'll be in Providence, so see you in Providence. Okay, and if she worked for an Egyptian girl, it would be great because her eyelashes could just be like. I know. I know. Dude, when she blinks, she backs up a little bit.

Yeah, if she blinks, she could take flight. You know what I mean? Whoa. Whoa. And there's something in her eye. She's like. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People in front of her are just like. Yeah, no, you're sitting behind. If she's sitting behind you on a plane. She's going to do, she's like, who is it? Turn the air off.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. Wow. 40 minutes late. Big ass. I did 60 minutes. She got there for 20 minutes.

She didn't even know what all the callbacks were. That's what I, but you're only great for like, you know, well, yeah, I know, I know,

but the first 20, you know, you're more i know but the first 20. you know you're more loose you know yeah yeah it is weird to go comedy show and miss the entire thing except for 20. i mean she just packed it up also i'm going to rhode island why wouldn't she just go to she didn't maybe she didn't know went to library yeah okay yeah shout out to rhode island i've already been in province by the time she sees this. So wait. She saw me and she loved it. She saw the whole hour. That's cool. Savage mode if you're opening gifts.

Because the worst is when you do it individually and then they stare at you with the gift. My father-in-law once gave me a pen. A pen? A pen. Wow, your family said gifts. What kind of pen? These guys, it was like from a hotel. He stayed at a Marriott.

This says Marriott. This says Radisson Inn. This says Red Roof Inn. No, I got it, and I was just like, oh, a pen. This is so cool. You got to really get your acting chops on. I think that you got to do it all at once. I did it with my ex.

We would do it one by one. And, dude, nobody's mentioning how long it takes. It takes a long time even if there's just six people there on christmas that's you go you go you go for me you go you go you go for him you go you go you go for him and you're really the whole time like you're opening gifts and i'm supposed to be like yay i'm just looking at my gift i know yeah i know i mean i know it's all about you know but also if you have young kids they're like let me go play yeah i know i know it's all about, you know. But also, if you have young kids, they're like, let me go play. Yeah, I know. I don't give a fuck you got a pen.

You do. In my family, we'll do like, okay, I open. You go open that. I'll open this. And we open that. Same time. And then you guys open that. Then at the same time, ta-da!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you know what I don't like right now? I think Christmas movies should be Christmas movies. I don't like this Christmas horror movie. I kind of like it. Christmas action movie. They have that new Christmas movie, Violent Night. Yeah, where he's like, Santa's a badass.

I want to see that. I like that. Oh, I like that. I like that. Well, then there'd be no Bad Santa. Bad Santa was one of the best Christmas movies ever. I want to see Santa wick. You know what I mean?

I do. Oh, that was sad. He just goes... He's still feeling it. That was a huge laugh. He's trying not to cry. Wow. Violet Knight.

Guys, I'm dying. This is about Santa just kicking ass. Yeah, and it looks cool to me. I want to see it. What's your favorite Christmas movie? My... Okay, so... Does Die Hard count?

Yeah. I think anything that has to do with Christmas, yeah. If it's got Christmas songs, music, sounds in it, Santa's in it, then yeah, it's a Christmas movie. Let's take Elf out of this. Why? Because it was everyone's favorite. Not mine.

It's not? Not mine. Elf's fine. His brain just shut down. Did I eat the chip? No, I was thinking, is this the moment I walk off the show? Yeah, that's fine dude elf elf is like some shit that like bitch made dudes like but you jersey mike's right

oh yeah and you were while watching different movies dude what movie what movie violent night i'll tell you what die hard if you're gonna count that as a christmas movie that is fucking awesome i would watch that during the holidays but i would also watch it in june like it's a cool action movie it's gonna um hold on there my favorite christmas movie dude have you guys ever seen Awesome. I would watch that during the holidays, but I would also watch it in June. It's a cool action movie. It's going to be fun. Hold on. My favorite Christmas movie. Dude, have you guys ever seen the one with, I think, where they're trying to get the Turbo Man,

where it's Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad? Oh, yes. Is it called Turbo Man? What the fuck's it called? No. What is that? Jingle All the Way. Oh, bro, that movie is awesome. What was the first thing you called it?

Turbo Man. That's the toy. That's like Hot Topic. That's what you just said. No, no, no, because at is awesome. What was the first thing you called it? Turbo Man. That's the toy. That's like Hot Topic. That's what you just said. No, no, no, because at least Turbo Man is in that. That's what they're trying to get. That's what the whole movie's about. They're trying to get the Turbo Man.

So I disagree with that, and I'm going to hold you to the flames on that. But this movie is great. Jingle All the Way is funny, bro. Sinbad and Arnold Schwarzenegger is magic. They're magic, bro, together. One of the best Christmas movies. Sinbad and Arnold or twins? Danny DeVito and Arnold.zenegger is magic. They're magic, bro, together. Okay. One of the best Christmas movies. Sinbad and Arnold or twins? Danny DeVito and Arnold.

That's great, too. Oh, Danny DeVito. That is great, too. But I would rather watch this. And here's the deal, too. Home Alone is probably the quintessential one that you're going to put on. Home Alone's number one. And that feels very Christmas.

It's a Wonderful Life is great, but that's black and white. That's more my dad's era shit. I like that. No, it's great. It is great. It'd make you cry. It'd make me cry is great, but that's black and white. That's like more my dad's era shit. I like that. No, it's great. It is great. It'd make you cry. It'd make me cry. Lots of things make you cry.

Now that the walls are down. So Jingle All the Way, Home Alone, and It's a Wonderful Life. You had to put that in there. But what would you say? I don't know. Home Alone,

definitely top three. You know what's a good one? It's Scrooged. That was going to be my one. Scrooged is fucking good. Anything with like a redempt, like the guy finds a Christmas spirit. Just Bill Murray. Yeah.

He's great. You know the remake of the Christmas story. Christmas story is great. I think they're doing, I think it's technically it's a sequel. Yeah. Yeah. The guy's like 50. Yeah, I'm going to see it.

I worked with him before. I love those kinds of things. I'm going to see it. I would love to see like a sequel of like, you know, it didn't work out. You kind of want to see like Cinderella, like they're fighting. You know what I mean? It it didn't work out. You kind of want to see Cinderella, like they're fighting. You know what I mean? It just didn't work out.

This was a classic. This is definitely up there. Top five for sure. Christmas story. That version? Not that one. Yeah, that's the version. I'll tell you what,

Tim Allen, Santa Claus. No, no, no. This is not the one with Tiny Tim and shit. This is Christmas story, which is about Ralph, right? Ralphie. BB gun. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't know this one? I've never seen that one. Oh, this is a great. I've never seen it. Oh, really? Oh, great Christmas movie. Great Christmas movie.

Way too young. Yeah, way too young. This is like my mic stand is just rock hard. Look, look, look. They call it. Oh, yeah. It won't go there. Get that Bang Bros mic. It's like a Viagra or something.

Black.com? It goes up. I'm trying to think of other Christmas movies. Tim Allen's Santa Claus is fucking good. Yeah, it's good, but I wouldn't rank that top 10. Christmas Story, you guys are going to see this one.

Christmas Story, I mean, jingle all the way. I know people would say no way, but I think it is. Scrooged. I actually don't know if I've seen that. I'm going to watch it.

Oh, it's good. What? I'm going to watch it. You've never seen Scrooged with Bill Murray? No, I don't know if I've seen the whole thing altogether.

Oh my God, that's a classic. Okay, I've got to watch that. I feel like I'd like that one. No, you're going to like that one the best. Yeah. Bill Murray, do you like Bill Murray? Yeah'd like that one. No, you're going to like that one the best. Bill Murray. Do you like Bill Murray?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill Murray's fucking fantastic, dude. Yeah. I feel like we're forgetting something. I wish. Home Alone, definitely. Home Alone 1 and 2. 2 is even more Christmas-y because he's in New York in Christmas.

The one, I will say Elf is – I don't personally. No, it's good. But people say it's top five. I get that. That's a – I'm just not like – I've never necessarily been a huge Will Ferrell fan. Yeah. I do think he's very funny, but me too. I wouldn't go see a movie for him.

I like Will Ferrell like – this is how I think of him. Like Tupac is rapping and then he has his buddy come off like a bar yeah yeah and then you're like oh that dude was for a bar i agree talk about a whole album too much i agree i'm gonna get too much i loved him in that what's the one where he's running down the street naked old school i agree totally agree about stepbrothers stepbrothers but but but he's with someone else totally when he's got a good partner i understand that it's like boom but carrying a movie by himself. Because even like, what's the one with the Sleestacks?

With what? What's that Will Ferrell movie with Danny McBride? You know, it's like Land of the Lost. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It got weird there. I know, but there's just this funny scene where there's this vibrating thing, and then Damien McBride is putting his hands on it, and it's vibrating, and he goes, do you believe in life after life? And it's like, look at this, this is great.

And then Will Ferrell is just like, this is stupid. Let me see that. He does this all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damien McBride's great, too. They're great together. Oh, they're funny. I feel like, Chin, can you jump on there and do top ten Christmas movies?

There's a ton here. I know we're missing something. I think our Christmas movie is The Gremlins, because apparently he's looking for a special. Oh, that's right. That's right. Gremlins is Christmas. We never even thought of that. That movie holds up.

I don't know if that's a Christmas movie. Gremlins is great. Love Actually? No. No. Gay. Just Friends? Wear a scarf.

No. No. Gay. No, that's crazy. What? No way. Edward Scissorhands is a dude. Miracle on 34 Just friends. Wear a scarf. No. No. Gay. No, that's crazy. What? No way. And we're sitting at their hands. These are all terrible.

Miracle on 34th Street. What is it? Okay, well, I've never seen that. That's old school. Cancel that with Columbus. What else do you got? Yeah. Cancel that with Columbus.

Great movie. Nightmare Before Christmas, but that doesn't sound like it. No, that's more of a... I don't... It's half and half. I don't like those. I know. Christmas with the cranks?

Nightmare Before Christmas? You guys don't like Nightmare Before Christmas? No, no's more of a... I don't... It's half and half. I don't like those. I know. Christmas with the cranks? No. You guys don't like Nightmare Before Christmas? No, no. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying for Christmas. Krampus?

Yeah. Batman Returns. Oh, that one was so bad. Was it? Yeah. We're just different. I love that. Me too.

Batman Returns is fantastic. Danny DeVito? Danny DeVito is a pain in the butt. It's a sad story. His mom gave him up. That's when it was all cartoony. I don't know. Next.

The Holiday? The Holiday. No. Oh, Whitney Houston. The Whitney Houston one. Whitney Houston. Oh, the bodyguard? Not the bodyguard.

It was the other one. Did she die in it? No, no. In a bathtub? I mean, uh-uh. Oh, here's one not a lot of people know. The Muppet Christmas Carol. I bet that's good.

Not a lot of people know. I bet that's good. Yeah. Eight Crazy Nights with Adam Sandler. Holiday movie. Yeah, it's Jewish though, right? Yeah, I'm still. Let's talk about Christmas though.

Different holiday. I said holiday though. Yeah, but it's around Christmas. I know. Be cool, man. Be cool. I feel like we're fucking missing a big boy. All right.

Well, we're not. Let's stay here for another two hours and figure it out. No, just Nick's dead. Nick passed away. I don't know what he was thinking that whole thing. We didn't even ask him. As you want to point out. Bro, you guys weren't even in the room when he ate it.

It was just me and him. No, I was in the room. We were filming it together. Yeah, but this is a lot. I couldn't do it. We were like, I was filming your reaction to his reaction. Really? Yes.

And we're going, no, no. Make sure you send him all those videos. It has to go on. Because I almost like, that was terrible. I drank sink water. It was so hot. How you doing, Nick? You were here.

You were here. Yeah. I have CTE. It's okay. Yeah. Well, okay. Merry Christmas, everyone. And have a happy new year.

Listen, you know, subscribe and like that and all that stuff. Why is your microphone doing that? It just started. You think I know? Yeah, it's funny. It's just got to fix it. I appreciate you guys. It's like trick candles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see you in San Diego. Get tickets for Christmas for your friends in San Diego. I'll be there soon or Seattle or Portland. And I'll be announcing the 2023 Oh He Thick Tour. stuff coming up headed over over to the pond i'll be doing a uk tour we're all over so tickets at thickboy.com okay that'd be fun yeah um yeah that big black date this thing let's do it yeah is that it merry christmas we're friends that laugh we're friends that shout sometimes we don't know what we're talking about That it? Merry Christmas! Cause I can show you used to love, just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power cause it is the Golden Hour

It's the Golden Hour