The Golden Hour - The Guys Play Golden Eye | The Golden Hour #11 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: January 13, 2023

The guys discuss their past cruise ship experiences, Chris getting trapped by a flood and his first time taking Karate, Erik's first time swimming, Brendan's teeth getting even worse, all new Confession submissions, the A-Team, Bollywood movies, and wrap up the episode by busting out the N64 and playing GoldenEye! Factor - https://factor75.com/GOLDEN60 with promo code GOLDEN60  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I just kind of roll it around. Yeah, me too. Especially ice cream. I roll it. Dude, I put it in and I just let it kind of relax in my mouth. I let the temperature change the consistency. I just roll around my tongue and then I just, you know, I take a little bit of a swallow. Yeah, me too.

We do the same thing. That was sexual. That was sexual, huh? First of all. But I'm so into it. Wait, wait. I was so into it. No.

You just made ice cream disgusting. Hey, why do I have an erection right now? We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us. Ooh, yeah.

It's like a show you used to love. Just rebrand it enough. My my gate wouldn't open I couldn't get my fucking car out. And then this fucking rain in L.A. And I'm in the hills. And then I finally get out. I'm trying to text you guys. It says SOS on my fucking thing. You ever had that? Shut up.

That's a new thing, too. What is that? I've been seeing SOS, too. Shut up. What? Why are you hating, dude? Yeah. Hating.

And I like this Mr. Rogers thing going on right now. I feel like a Muppet baby. You look good. You look good. Muppet babies. Is that the actual song? Yeah. Oh.

What's up, bro? I feel like there's like different notes in there. Muppet babies. That's kind of all the same note. Ding, ding, ding. You don't know you're doing that, but you are. So still no contacts, huh? No, because I was rushing.

Because I have my contacts in my car. Oh. Because I was like, dude, I got got a fucking here. I didn't even shower dude Rushing yeah, bro. Yeah, I were late when I finally got the yellow light when I finally got the gate open I'm in my robe trying to fucking open it manually a row. Hey, yeah, bro Hey, you don't have to doctor right you wear a robe dude What is wrong with your eyes right now so heavy you don't have to doctor. What is wrong with your eyes right now? They're so heavy. You don't have to doctor, right?

All right. Well, that's fine, man. All right, man. By doctor, I mean no Diet Cokes today. All right. That's fine. You don't drink coffee. All right.

I didn't have coffee yet even. I didn't even stop for coffee, guys, because I couldn't because I was late. You wanted to, though. I did, yeah. You were like, I'm already an hour late. I know. When I woke up this morning, I text the group because I know, yeah. You were like, I'm already an hour late. So why don't I just. No, but when I woke up this morning, I text the group because I know this group. I go, hey, bitches, it's raining.

Make sure everyone's on time. It rains in California. I didn't. Hour later. Dude, you won't believe this. The rain and then the gate. Yeah. That's why I text at 8 a.m.

It does sound like the dog ate his homework. How about this? You know what I mean? Oh, I buy Black Belt and people being like, Brian would be like, dude, he was two hours late one time finding a kid. This is 10 years ago. He goes, dude, a fucking water thing broke off PCH. And he goes, and they shut the thing down. I was like, damn, I'm so sorry, my man.

Two hours? He goes, yeah, yeah. I go, cool, let me just look up. He didn't lie. He didn't lie. Oh, he did, daddy. Really? Yeah. Oh, wait. I didn't get. He didn't lie. Oh, he did, daddy. Really?

Yeah. Oh, wait. I didn't get your text because I couldn't get any texts. Oh, T-Mobile is down? From Ray? Dude, I have an AT&T, right? You have cricket wireless? That would make sense.

Actually, I think up where he is, you don't get any reception. You have to have, which is ridiculous to me. It's ridiculous. And then I left, and the one way I go, closed, got to turn around. Second way I go, closed, got to turn around. Third way, finally, I made it. So I'm sorry, but you're lucky I'm alive, dude. Oh, okay.

Noah's not collecting animals. You're not, like, you know what I mean? It looked like it out there. So L.A. You should not like, you know what I mean? It looked like it out there. So LA. You should see. It's a full river. There is not a spot on my street that isn't gushing with fucking water. It's water.

Yeah, I understand. It's not lava, but still. My cars are fucking low as shit, dude. I'm with you. Yeah. I drove that Ferrari in the rain, dude. You did? People in LA act like when it rains, their car's going to melt. I'm like, move out the way.

I know. Yeah. It's dangerous though. It is dangerous. It is dangerous because you got to defensively drive. You got to defensively drive because everyone else, you know, and the potholes come up.

Why don't the rain makes the fucking gravel come out? Where's Christmas Street? That's a live look from Christmas Street. Right there is my... So I took that video. And that's Kristen. Rain doesn't do well for her. That's her without makeup.

You're like, wow. There's Chris. Yeah, rain doesn't do well for him either. Man, you guys look beat when they get wet. You know what picture I liked is that picture of Calvin getting his hair cut. And he's like so serious. Focused, yeah. And I thought to myself, if he had the words, if he had the words,

he'd be looking and he'd be like, what you doing up top there? What are we doing here? You know what I mean? That was his first haircut? Yeah, because he was looking and I really feel like if he, in his mind, he was like, what is this motherfucker doing on my side i have it's impossible i have so does he freak the hell out he's actually okay with it oh wow but

first professional haircut we had the other day and he didn't freak out so it was very sweet man i brought him there first of all when i go when he goes to bed i tell him what we're doing tomorrow because when he wakes up first thing he says is whatever I just said, right? Yeah, he's excited. So I told him, I said, tomorrow, you and me, because I was going to do it too, obviously, show him how it's done. And I was like, Daddy and you are going to get a haircut. We're going to go to the haircut place and you're going to get your first haircut, okay? And he said, yes, okay, good night.

So I wake up the next morning, he wakes up the next morning, I go in and he says, Dad, I want to bring my robot to the haircut place so i'm like let's bring the robot right we go down we get there uh he's got his robot he you know he's walking you know how he does all serious and shit just like what is this kind of place right like john wick or something he's like a hit trust nobody you know what i mean he comes in and he's looking around like okay okay i got uh exits are over here this is the exit equalizer yeah he's looking around like, okay, exits are over here. This is the exit. It's equalizer. Yeah.

He's like, dad is over here. Dad robot's here. I don't know who that is. He had caught in a Ponzi scheme before. He distrusts nobody. Yeah. So I say, do you want to go first or do you want dad to go first? And he says, you go first. Like really quick.

So I go first. I sit in the chair. He's looking at me holding his robot. She puts that barber thing around me, the apron, whatever it is. And he just goes like this. Yeah. And starts crying. I'm like, buddy, what's wrong?

And he was like, I don't know how to do this. And so I held him while I got my haircut. I held him. I was holding him the whole time while I was getting my haircut. I said, buddy, it's your turn. You ready? And he says, okay. I put him on the cut. I said, buddy, it's your turn. You ready? And he says, okay. I put him on the thing.

I'm sitting there, and he just was like, just starts crying again, right? Okay. So I walk up to him, and he jumps down. He gets in my arms, and I hold his hands, and I look at him, and I say, hey, buddy, I get it. I know that you're scared. You've never done this before, and I understand. I said, but do me a favor.

Can you just try it? Just try it it let her try to cut your hair and if you want to stop whenever you want to stop you just tell me and we'll stop and he goes like this okay like and I will take that bitch out no and he says okay and he goes and he sits down and he was crying a little bit and then I was holding his hands as he's getting haircut I let go of his hands and he just got the little bit and then I was holding his hands as he was getting a haircut. I let go of his hands and he just got the whole haircut. And that's the picture he saw. He was just sitting there. Were you getting a Philly fade?

What'd you get? No, he just got a real big boy haircut, dude. It was, it's so cute. But he just did it, dude. And I was so proud of him, dude. Because I, when I first went to the dentist, I,

Well, that's, it is different. I mean, that's medieval compared to a freaking haircut. I know, I know, I know. The dentist. I know, I know, I know. But my point is, I would not, When we get out those medieval toys, it is different that's medieval compared to a freaking haircut the dentist I know I know

but my point is when you get out those medieval toys like the tools the tools haven't changed for 300 years it's the same

you know that metal bullshit at the end like a serial killer is coming up they got a mirror in it and shit is this Dexter

so yeah so but yeah but I and I ran out and I didn't do it. I actually left. Oh, we can't hold my son down. What do you mean you left? When I did my dentist?

You were on the bus? You had a bus stop? No, I said, Dad, we're out of here. And I left. Yeah, dude. I just did like a month ago. I laid down and they brought the things. They did my tooth hook.

I'm out. You're kidding me. No, no. It's not for me. So hold on. I refused to fix my teeth. But you went though for what? My teeth were really sensitive and hurting. I refuse to fix my teeth. But you went, though, for what? Why did, how?

My teeth were really sensitive and hurting. Okay, so you get there. And I was like, cavities. And she was like, no, we're going to do a cleaning. You have one small cavity. We could fill it. So I'm like, all right. And she's like, we're just going to, you know, when they scrape them,

I pick them. They start doing that, and it's really sensitive where I dip all the time. And they hit a nerve or something there, and it hurt. I'm done. Wow. You just left right there. Oh, yeah. Walked out.

When they hit that nerve, dude. That's a nice fish wow. You just left right there. Oh, yeah. Walked out. When they hit that nerve, dude. That's a nice fish tank. Kept on keeping on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oof. That nerve. One of those Oscars,

I kept going. But I was so proud of my son, man, because that was not me when I was a kid. I would have ran out. Oh, that's why Boston for the longest time looked like Razor Ramon.

He has this juicy, like, Jew curl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Jerry Curl shit. People are like, why don't you cut his hair? I'm like, you try to hone him down. Oh, really? He's a beast. I don't know what it is. I mean, I get kids

don't want to sit still and what the fuck's going on, but it freaks them out. Yeah, that's Boston right there. That's the actual picture of him. So how many haircuts has Boston had so far? Maybe two. It was from me and his mom. And they're about the same age, right?

Boston and Calvin. Calvin's three? Yeah. Uh, maybe two. And it was from me and his mom. And they're about the same age, right? Like, holding them down like. Chris, Boston and Calvin. Calvin's three? Yeah. Yeah. About three. Yeah, I remember. I remember the only thing I can remember like that is, like, learning how to swim.

Yeah. You know? And then my mom is, like, she's sitting. I was at the YMCA. I'll never forget. So she's sitting on the side. And, you know, I'm in the water. And I just, you know And I was like, what?

Help me, woman. You know what I mean? And she just was like, I could tell that she just wanted to like. See, I don't do well with that. Like Tiger Boston, when I first day of school, they freak out and turn around. I'm like, yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, you got to. Come on, man. I know, it's hard.

No, that's why I stopped going to my girl team. Like if it's a doctor point, whatever, if they try to do something, I'm like, nope, we're out of here. Doctor's like, what? I'm like, that's funny. Do you remember that kind of stuff? The only one I can remember is this swimming thing. That's the only thing I can remember is this swimming thing. I don't remember ever else, any other time where I was like, I don't want to do this.

I remember karate, when I did my first karate when I was a little kid. That makes sense, though. And they were just, I got on the gi, I started crying. I was like, Dad, we got to go. And was he cool? No. He was like, all right, all right. You don't want to stay and do the thing?

I was like, no, no, no, not this time. That's cool, though. That's how it should be. I think so, too. I don't think, I don't know. I think that kids kind of will do shit when they're ready. That's what I think. You can't do that, but you got to be encouraging and like, you got this.

Why don't you just try it? You know, this and that. You can try that. And then if they still don't give it, it's like, all right. Right. Because you don't want to traumatize them. Like we hired a swim coach for Tiger in Boston. This bitch.

Yeah, I know. They got him in the swim. I'm like, are you out your goddamn mind? That's how they do it. There's videos of, they have videos of like, I mean, like infants where they just throw them in the pool and they're like, they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. The parents are like, what the fuck?

They're like, they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. They do actually. You've seen it. I've seen it. Fucking babies are like, they're in the water like Nirvana. You know what I mean? And they just like figure it out.

Some of them figure it out. But yeah, it's fucking like this shit. But I've seen videos where they just throw them in the pool. That's what I did in my kid. Man, if someone did that to my son, holy fucking shit. Oh, they did it to mine. It looked like the Texas board. They were just throwing babies into the pool.

Yeah, well, that's the one you should learn, I guess. Like, look at this. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. They figure it out. Nah, man. That's child trauma.

You know who else did that? Jeffrey Dahmer's dad. But that is just, can we get through an episode without you saying Jeffrey Dahmer? I don't think so. Can we get a count? I think that's where it's like.

Oh, that's. Now, supposedly. That's scary to me. Supposedly little kids can. Well, they've been in water. That's what they said. They do okay with it. That one's kind of gangster about it. That one has a fat ass. That baby's just kind of floating out. The feet water. That's what they say they do okay with. That one's kind of gangster about it.

That one has a fat ass. That baby's just kind of floating out. The feet up. That's so cute. Wow. Well, you should know if your baby falls off a cruise ship, you know. Just be in the ocean. There's no way all babies do it.

Can you imagine if your baby falls in the water and your baby's just. Like an otter? Like a sea otter? You're just like my baby yeah like wait wait wait oh he's good

he's good the fucking captain's gotta be like well we gotta fucking we gotta turn around no they can keep on keeping on Jesus

they say if you fall overboard on like a cruise ship you're gone. It's gone. It's so high up. You saw that guy that day. He was in the water for 16 hours, and they found him. What?

Yeah, dude. I was talking about this on my podcast, Griffin with Griffin, every Tuesday live. He was drunk? He fell off. I think he was drunk, but he fell off, and he was in the water for 16 hours. 20 hours, right? Here's my thing. The whole time, I'm thinking, a shark is going to eat me. 20 hours, right? Here's my thing. The whole time

I'm thinking a shark is going to eat me. I guess, yeah. He said they tried, which I don't buy. Yeah, I would say that too. Sharks don't try, bitch. Sharks don't want to eat humans. Yeah, they don't, I guess. Oh, really? What shark told you that? No, they haven't. That's why they bite.

No, I know. That's what the experts tell you. Really what shark told you that? Ah, fuck it. They would bite you and be like, Oh, really? That's why they bite. No, I know. That's what the experts tell you. They bite. Really? What shark told you that? What's going on? Ah, fuck it. You know, you're bleeding, and then the other ones come up and eat the shit out of you. They would bite you and be like, he needs to go to the dentist. I love when experts are like, sharks don't like human flesh. Really? Yeah, they don't.

Okay. So hold on. So he fell. How'd they find him? Well, because somebody he was with. Like, you don't go on a cruise by yourself. No, no, no. I know.

Oh, there it goes. Oh, he had Thick Boy merch on. They saw on a cruise by yourself. No, no, no. I know. Oh, there goes. Oh, he had Thick Boy merch on. They saw the Thick Boy merch. That's like a singles cruise. Imagine how many people get lost on a singles cruise because no one knows they're not there. No one's accountable until the end where they're like, oh, shit. And also, Cabin 107. You might want to jump off because he's on a carnival cruise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cruises suck, dude. They're hotels of the sea. There are two cruises I've been on. Have you been on a cruise? Yeah, nightmare. Have you? Yeah.

I've never been on one. I've been on two. I went once with my girlfriend many years ago, and that one was awesome. We went to the Bahamas, and then one, I went on a bachelor party, and it was just a fucking train wreck. Of course. was just a fucking train wreck. It was a travesty. It was a travesty. Of course. Dude, you don't think of how, like, especially if you're going on a bachelor party, like,

you know, this was many years ago, but when you go, you're there for whatever, five days. These are the people that you're going to be with. You see them and you're like, if you don't get a good lot, you go, oh, I fucked up. How about this? I've performed on a cruise ship. Oh, wow. At least you're working. That's a no.

That's a nightmare. Well, no. Because you're walking around and you're like, it's the comedian. Oh, terrible. Come sit with us while we eat our seven pounds of crab land. That's terrible. Dude, there's three kinds of people on cruise ships. Old.

Fat. Fat. White. And poor. Okay? Wow. In some combinations yeah yeah because sometimes people just go that you know it's it's actually a very affordable vacation is it okay so you want to take like you and like you know your wife and three kids and you want to get right and then you're just on this ship you know and you you can you can see it at the buffet line because i remember this carnival Cruise I was on.

They had a guy administering the bacon for you. Administering? Yeah. What does that even mean? You can't take it. You're all you are. You couldn't go and be like. Oh.

The guy was like. Four pieces at a time. Yeah, the guy was like, here. Oh. Come back if you want some more. Because people are just. Because it's a buffet. Yeah, they'll just go fucking.

But there's always different levels on the ship. So you have like people who never go to the buffet. They're always at that sort of like captain's dinner. Those people, you never see them.

It's very much, first of all, cruises are slave ships, man. Okay. I've worked, no, I'm telling you. The way they work them. The way the workers, man.

They can't even. Keep the propeller going. Dude, they're not like in a room. No, they'm telling you. Below deck. The way they work them. The way the workers, man. Well, someone keeps the propeller going. Dude, they're not like in a room. No, they have coal. With coal. They're doing this. No, they're raking the coal in, just sweating their ass off. Have you seen Titanic?

It's actually. Yeah, right. Sweating their ass off. Someone fell off. Got to turn around. To somebody on a carnival ship, they can't go above deck. No, because they're hideous. They're troglodytes.

Yeah, they can't. They're warlocks. They love this fucking. Do you have any more bacon left? Any crab legs for us? No. Hey, hey, hey. We've got to take a break from the show.

Right? Hey. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, that's so annoying. But yeah, you guys like ready to eat meals? I do. I don't like to do the work. Look, this new year, you've got goals.

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And use code golden60. That's 6-0. golden 60 and use code golden 60 that's six zero to get 60 off your first box that's code golden six zero at factor 75.com slash golden six zero to get 60 off your first box now and i only did it the one time i did it again because my mom yeah yeah loved going on cruises they were old old lady you. You know what I mean? But she was like, I wish you would perform on the cruise.

So I found out what cruise she was going to be on. I hit the lady up and I was like, can you get me on the whatever boat? She said, we'll give you five minutes

by the bacon stand. But that thing for my mom was probably the greatest thing I've ever done in my career. So she was like a pig in shit. Yeah. So that's my boy. At the buffet knowing that you were doing the show. And I know I had to be

funny because she's walking around like that's my son. You want people being like ooh. The comedian? Did he just start? Yeah. Yeah the crowds are. How are the crowds there? They're terrible. You have to. They're entitled. And then there's a certain show where you have to

do a clean show because nine-year-old right right right right right right okay so i'm like well this isn't my crowd nine-year-olds so then i would do this i would be like so whose mom farts the most oh good there you go boom oh wow yeah and then of course the kids are like my mom and then mom's like hey what's going on and then i go like this that's why you don't bring kids to comedy shows oh that's hilarious that's how you start we're like no let's get these little

fucks out of here that's why you don't bring children to comedy shows because again do we know what it turns out I'm babysitting right right because these fat parents

are just in the crowd like this or they leave and their kids are just like ah or they just leave no they can't do that but it would be like

you know also you've never seen an attractive person at a buffet. These are facts. I don't know. In Vegas. In Vegas, but also it's like the morning, so people are coming down and their fucking hair is all over. Yeah.

Boo, I haven't been to Vegas in a minute. I was just there. Oh, yeah, you were. How was it? Fantastic. Speaking of Vegas, I'll be in Utah Salt Lake City Just added it in May I will be at the Brea

I'm doing a little bit of You know I did my shows In San Diego That were They were fucking awesome But I haven't performed In two months And now I'm going to do

The Brea Improv To fucking rep it out And get those fucking Get those reps back Got Portland Got Seattle You know what I mean Just got a lot of fucking dates

Coming up New York New York This New York. This is coming out Thursday, right? Yes, sir. As usual. So, guys, tomorrow I'm in Greensboro, North Carolina at the Comedy Zone. Come check me out.

I got a bunch of dates coming up. They got a Comedy Zone at Greensboro? Yeah. I didn't know that. They also have one in Tampa Bay next Friday, Saturday. You're doing it? Tampa Improv. It's not a Comedy Zone. January 20th and 21st. And then Springfield, Missouri. Yeah, doing it? Tampa Improv. That's not a comedy song.

January 20th and 21st. And then Springfield, Missouri. Yeah, but I'm going to be in Norfolk. Virginia. No, the other one. Nebraska. Never heard of it. There it is right there.

Fake place. Look at that. I just found out about it. At the district table, January 20th. And then the Bell House in Brooklyn, February 10th. Going to New York. Yeah, I'm going to New York. How about how Eric's starting to fucking sell out and shit, huh?

Yeah. Where did you go last time? Where did you go? I was at Chicago Zany's downtown. Sold out five shows. Man, that room's full of people. Golden. Hey, wait, wait.

Get your golden ticket and come on out and watch Eric Griffin. There you go. A brand master. A brand master. You're in Brea. I'm in Brea. You guys are the old people in the bed. I'm in Brea. You guys are the old people in the bed. I'm in Brea right after you.

Oh, are you? I'm in Brea March 3rd and 4th or 4th and 5th, something like that. That is a big club. That might as well be a theater. Seats 550, biggest improv. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Is it? 550.

Dude, you ever play the West Palm Beach one? Yes. That one is just like so big. You play it? Yeah. West Palm. It's so massive. I play it? Yeah. It's so massive. I think it's 600. Bray is bigger.

It is? Wow. Well, there's a bigger one in like- March 3rd and 4th. I want to say North Carolina someplace or South Carolina. It's a new improv in like a place like that. Really? And it's just ginormous.

But what they do is they have like a wall that they put up now. So you can like, if you're not- Because that sucks. I hate that. Because nobody knows who- I mean, dude, the guys who- I don't understand those kinds of comedy clubs because the guys who are going to play those clubs are going to play theaters. Yes.

You can do five shows at the fucking Brea. Like I'm doing it to get the reps in, but like you would just play a theater and do like a 2000 seat or something. It is so big. It's like what Fluffy did with something like 27 sold out shows at the IHAS house. I'm like, hey, Fluffy, just go to Staples, dude, right? Well, Joe Coy and them used to do that in San Jose all the time. No, Joe Coy did it.

Like 16 straight shows. Yeah, Joe Coy did like 18 or 19 sold-out shows. They wanted to have like 24. But just do wherever the Lakers play. I know, I know. Why are you doing this? When it comes to California and up in the fucking- Hawaii too?

Oh, my God. North Pacific? And, I mean, he's big. He's Eddie Murphy. But especially there. Eddie Murphy. Whoa. Yeah.

You did four shows at the Hawaii Blaisdell. Yeah. Insane. 22,000. That's crazy. Whatever new variants out, I have it. Oh, God. That's good.

Thank God. So, all right, cool. Well, shit, man. We- We kind of covered it all. That's it. That's good. Thank God. So, all right, cool. Well, shit, man. We kind of covered it all. That's it. That's our time. All right. We have an old segment with some new music.

Okay. Oh, new? You got some new force things? That's Chin, dude. Wow. He's good, huh? No, that's Usher. That was Chin.

Will that get the episode flagged or no? No. It's so short. Yeah, I think it's so short, and it's Chin's voice. I think it'll fuck it up. Dude, it sounds like he's as good as Usher. Oh, dude, Chin, you're Usher. Can you dance like him?

Do you have herpes like him? Yeah, dude, I can. Do you have herpes like him? That's bullshit, right? No facts, no facts. Really? How do you know? I don't.

This guy. Don't even. That's with Usher. When it comes to anything else, I've never been wrong. Oh, you're big on the Usher facts? When it comes to Usher, honestly, Shove's never been wrong. Well, what's the confession? Let's hear it.

He has her. All right, let's do it. What do you got? Well, my confession is I've masturbated over a hundred times in a hundred different Mormon church bathrooms. I was hired for a cleaning service

to do the cleaning of the carpets, high dusting of the entire facilities for the whole entire East Coast from West Virginia up to Maine all the way over to Chicago. And in every bathroom I went in, I would masturbate.

This dude needs some help. Feel bad about it? Not really. Was it exhilarating? 100%. Gang gang, buzz buzz. 100%. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. And the big.

Out. What did he say? Buzz buzz. What was that? Something like BTK killer. Out. Out. And the big.

Out. Have a good day. Out. Dude, I don't. They said, and I'm gay. Out. Okay, so. Similar. First of all, this is a little bit.

I'm gay. Out. Okay, so first of all, this is a little bit, a hundred Mormon churches, which means he's only cleaning Mormon churches? I don't understand. Well, yeah, they probably have a service that they only want to use certain people. They hired his crazy ass. Yeah. So, sorry, this guy's cleaning a hundred Mormon churches, so obviously he's in that area,

Utah or something like that. No, he said, what did he from west virginia chicago okay but so he's a traveling mormon church cleaner that makes no sense i call bullshit on this who google it you'll find out who it is right now yeah but but wait like you you just get mormon church cleaning service how many we can narrow it down all right yeah google mormon church cleaning service let's out this way we don't want't want to do this. No, I'm just kidding. We won't. This is for us. But I don't understand. It's like, oh, you're in Chicago.

Church cleaning service. You just get some guy. They're like, nah, I got the guy. I got the guy. I got a guy. He's from Virginia. We got to fly him out. But this guy cleans so well, especially the bathrooms.

He takes his time. He takes his sweet time in the bathroom. I'll tell you that right now. This makes no sense. Yeah, it does feel. It doesn't make that much sense but i mean it just feels like because it was very creepy if you were to say for the sense of the show though that's real there's jack off and more in bathroom yeah okay yeah that's i mean he's not as long as it's okay i mean god knows he's doing it you might go to hell. Brendan's moral. Yeah.

I mean, God's probably like this. I got my eye on you. A hundred. All right, we hit a hundred. That's it. Wrap it up. But I don't, yeah, I don't know. Makes him feel like a hell's angel. Get your rocks off, Doug.

Wait, is he jacking off and cleaning it? No, but I think he's doing it because it's a Mormon church. Yeah, of course. Well, if he is, yeah. A hundred percent. He's jacking off and then hopefully he cleans it afterwards. Yeah. But, and not clean it and then, forgot my fucking christening you know what i

mean but i think that uh that's that's you know that's one of those things where you're doing it to that's a like that's like a fuck you to the better help.com promo code job sounds like you need some help yeah he's obviously mormon or was and his family is and is like okay cool you want to treat me like that that's how he gets i'm gonna jack off in all the bathrooms he probably you know what it's no mistake that he became a mormon church cleaner he did that so he could act out by jerking off in mormon bathrooms dude i figured it out but also yeah you watched way too much case has been cracked i don't think i would have known if i didn't go to rehab also But also jacking off. He was there? It doesn't smell.

It doesn't smell. What do you mean, cum? Yeah. What the fuck? Like, if you really want to mix it up. The weirdest detective. Like, if you really want to mix it up. Well, it doesn't smell, so we don't know.

He's in there like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, it doesn't smell like cum in here. No cum in here. Let's move on. It doesn't smell like a Bukkake video. No, but he needs to, if you really want to mix it up, piss off the Mormons, I don't know what he's trying to do.

Blow it up, dude. Blow that bathroom up. Drop a know what he's trying to do. Blow it up, dude. Blow that bathroom up. Drop a big shit in there. Like shit and then leave, but then don't get caught. He's like, I shit in a hundred Mormon churches and left it. You're fired. Yeah, I know. You're supposed to clean the bathroom.

Worst crook. Somebody comes in and he's like, ugh, what's going on here? Worst crook. I'm never doing that. Who didn't clean this? You're never going to work again. It'll catch up with you. You don't think?

If he's only working at Mormon churches, they're talking. Yep. Right? Oh, they're definitely talking. Mormon churches? Oh, yeah. The wives? The group chat.

Have you been in the bathroom? A thousand group chat? Yeah. Well, it's only. Yeah. Well, there's so many wives. Cool confession if it's real. Yeah.

I mean, keep on jerking. Yeah. There's so many wives. Cool confession if it's real. Yeah, I mean, keep on jerking. Yeah, there's so many wives. I guess keep doing your thing. Oh, right, yeah. And very little bathrooms because they all. You want to hear what my nine wives said? You know the guy who cleans the bathroom? What wife would you want to be if you're like in a harem of like there's five?

The last. I don't know. I don't know. Because he's like, ah, that's not really my vibe. She's annoying. That's not my vibe. I guess. Your last, you went through everything. I get it. I don't know. I don't know. Because he's like, ah, that's not really my vibe. She's annoying. That's not my vibe. I guess. Your last, you went through everything.

I get it. I get it. But then you got to be like, I'm last. No, but then also then you don't have to worry about pleads and you have to deal with them as much. Oh, the old one. Yeah, the older. The older one.

The one where you're like, I'll have my time. Yeah. Yeah, the older one, he'll just leave you alone. Just sitting on the porch knitting. That's me. You got to make dinner for all the hoes. No, you get help. They all do it together. You think if a dude has nine wives

that he's making the dinner? No, no, no. She's making it. Oh, yeah. She's like the den mother. I feel like she's the black belt. She just like teaches and tells people what to do. She knows everything. It sounds like a nightmare. She's like, hey, grab his balls like this. She knows everything.

You know what I mean? This whole thing is weird. I don't believe this guy. I'm with you. Yeah. All right, next one. Listen, guys, let me be quick here. Found this subreddit recently where people ask you to post big pictures of your shit,

you know, giant shit. So I kind of got a following on there, right? A following? Everybody's asking me to, you know, post diarrhea pics. What's wrong with the world? Eat corn and post pics, right? I'm out. Everybody thinks, you know, I'm fucking king shit.

The truth is, you know, they're not pictures of my shit. You know, they're my wife's shit. She clogs the toilet 10 out of 10 times. And, yeah, I go in there and I snap a pic and I post it on there. So now that I've got some recognition, I'm thinking, do I confess? Do I tell her? Do I tell the people it's not me? Am I a fake prophet?

What does she think you're posting for? Let me know. Should I keep selling pictures of her shits? Her massive, disgusting, nasty shits? Or do I come clean and just stop the charade? Let me know. This is the first issue that happens when you get married.

A little too comfortable. Like, you get married and all of a sudden she's all like, I clogged the toilet, can you go? And then you're like, what? Because this would never happen in the first couple years of dating. They would rather put the shit in their purse and take it home

than have you see it. They're a little too comfortable. All sexiness out. They've been together too long. If my girl did that, move out. Move out. Took a shit and was like, come take a picture. Come check out this big shit. I'd be like, oh cool, move out.

But also move out. But they're not doing it. His wife doesn't even know she's gonna be mortified she knows because he's going in there like hey we can snap a pic no he's not what are you talking about yeah he is no he just said that he's been his wife clogs the toilet so he goes in and he takes a picture she doesn't know he's taking a picture you Bullshit. You're so mixed up. Bullshit. Yeah, you're so crazy. You think she's calling you every single time? No. Every time. Yeah. No, Brendan.

This guy is exaggerating. It's not every time. Sometimes he goes in and takes a picture of his wife's shit and posts it on Subreddit like it's his. Yeah. Okay? Now that's fucking abhorrent. First of all, the real question is not even him taking pictures of his wife's shit.

The fact that there's some place where people want to send people shit. Yes of all, the real question is not even him taking pictures of his wife's shit. The fact that there's some place where people want to send people shit. Yes. That's the real thing. Quote unquote, somewhat of a following now is who I would never look at.

But I will say this though. This is like, that's Big Shit Bob. But I do like watching earwax videos and pimple popping. I'm kind of like, I'm that guy.

That's a little different. Well, they're all disgusting. Yeah. I love a good earwax removal. I would kind of like, I'm that guy. That's a little different. Well, they're all disgusting. I love a good earwax. I would watch that, but I would not watch shit. I love a good earwax. You'd watch it every week? It was a full 22-minute show? No. I think if you saw one shit thing,

that visceral, you might want to see it again. Oh, no. No, no, no. Nick? No. It sounds like Eric might be part of the big follow. No. I think, yeah, you look at Eric and Eric's like, that motherfucker's been lying. Can I tell you something?

Big shit, Jack's been lying this whole time. I bought his merch. Like the Chris Farley Folgers thing where he's like, when you drink the coffee and they're like, you know, that's not the right. You ever see that shit on Saturday Night Live? No. Dude, where he's like, you've been lying to me. No, but I do.

I don't know. I don't know. This shit is weird. It's disgusting. I don't. Anything with shit. This shit's weird. I'm out.

It just. I just. But see, I did. You know what, though? I will say this. I did want to do a shark tank. Shark tank, right?

A shark tank idea is a toilet cam. Okay. That's illegal, brother. No, no, no. Listen. For your own toilet that you can hook up

to your iPad because when you're wiping your ass you don't really know if it's clean. What's wrong with your friend? When you want to see it come on. You all want a front right now but everybody wants to know wouldn't it be great to be like oh my ass is sparkly right now you know what i mean i really like what you're saying

i like because you know i like your energy you're like how many times you've been on like you after the seventh wipe you're like is it clean i clean? I like your energy. I like the enthusiasm. I love that you like the idea. But I don't want that for me. No. But what I do is you wipe and then you look. Of course you look. But what I'm saying is sometimes if it's on the fourth wipe, you're like, something's going on. Let me look.

You would like to be able to be like, oh, there's still a little piece. There's a little piece hanging out. I still still gotta get this out like this you're like Something's going on Wait wait so stupid. Why is it this? He's gonna have like a fucking virtual It's minority report yeah, what is going on with my butthole yeah, yeah I don't know if that's gonna make a shark tank It's a minority report. Yeah. What is going on with my butthole? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I just – I don't know if that's going to make Shark Tank.

Why not? What's his invention? It's my butthole cam. I've already invested $75,000 in the – Oh, God, yeah. Of course, you'd have to have some security where nobody can hack it. Oh, someone's hacked it. They have those things where people do that.

Perverts put them in public bathrooms and shit like that. But I'm saying – That sounds like you were a bitch. I think there is something about – And this is really a man thing too. Dude, what if you shit? Because, you know, how many guys have taken a – you've had to take a shower right after? You know what I'm talking about. What if you did it?

Because you're like, oh, I don't feel clean. Now you'd be able to see. What if you had the camera in there? Well, Chin's got a smooth female butthole. You'd have to get the camera installed because you'd put the camera in the wrong place and you'd be looking at it and you'd be like,

oh, shit on the camera. Well, imagine being the guy, the installer. What's this, Nick? Just be like, ball hitting the camera. Shit cam. Shit cam.

Hey, I'm the shit cam guy. Where are we going to do this? Yeah. We got one in your room and then one in the office. But then you have to like, is there a thing where you have to sit down

so he can, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can like. He's situated. Yeah. He's like, can you sit there every time?

He's got a thing with a remote. He's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There it is. Lock it in. Take your shit. Yeah. I don't know.

And here it comes. What do you guys think? Hard pass for me. Shit got on the camera. I got to readjust it. I feel like this is a golden idea. Yeah. You don't know. What do you guys think? Hard to ask for me. Shit got on the camera. I got to readjust it. I feel like this is a golden idea. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Not bad. And we get them made, a golden hour shit cam. Shitty idea. The guy who was in the Mormon churches responded. He said they were a traveling thing because they only did high dusting, like higher than the ladder could get. So they do it weeks at a time. So this makes it even worse.

It makes it even worse because he's not actually cleaning bathrooms and stuff. He's doing something specific for the church, and he's going into the bathroom and like, you know. Is he leaving it? Is there like a spot that he puts it in? You know, like he's leaving like a little jizz someplace. That's what we have to find out. Holy jizz.

Yeah. Like how long would you towel for? Oh, just a cool row. Nick's getting ideas. What are the spots? I'm going to be traveling soon. Let me know. We would go do the carpets, high dusting, the chairs, and pews.

We would be gone one, two weeks at a time. This is so odd to me. Two weeks at a time traveling? We're going to find out Mark's been in this bathroom whacking off in the golden robe. Maybe it's different to clean churches, sure, yeah. Again,

we have a different idea of what church cleaning. They're doing something specific that you need. They're the guys. So now we can really narrow it down. We can really narrow it down if we Google for church dusting. We don't want out fucking coming deal, man. All right.

What's the next one? One more or that's it? Yeah, that one more. Another pretty good phrase. Is this one disgusting too? What's up, guys? This is Esteban from Covina. Supposed to be anonymous.

So I used to go out with this girl and she would have sex with both of her first cousins. So then I would pick her up and I would hook up with her and then after that I would drop her off to her cousin's house. And then I just thought that was so disgusting that I would do that because now I'm older

and why would I do that? Anyway, Chris, you're the most important. Thank you guys. Bye. Chris, you're the most important. Thank you, guys. Bye. Chris, you're the most important? Is that what he said? Fucking kidding. Hold on.

Not surprised that that's your guy. Wait, when he says. I don't think he has any fig blood, Mark. When he says. And I just thought it was disgusting that I did that. And then I just thought that was so disgusting that I would do that. He's all so. So she would go have sex with her first cousins.

Two of them. And then he would pick her up and do it. Well, I mean, she was busy. I think this says more about him. He's like, can I go first? Wait, it would be one thing if he'd been having sex with her and then found out later. But it sounds like. No, no, no.

He knew. That's right. That's what it sounds like. I think this is more about him. Well, I'm also concerned about her as well. Her pH levels are probably off. Yeah, but he's also saying, that's disgusting that I would do that. So it is about him.

If you're from a big family and you know all your cousins and things like that, then you have a different feeling about it. You know what I mean? I'm an only child and I don't come from a big family, so I'm not as connected to that feeling of what it's supposed to feel like not to do that. To have sex with your cousin. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If that makes sense. I'm still more worried about her. He's the least of my concerns. He is the least of the concerns. Yes. Because that's not incest. Yeah.

Yeah. But also. And other people are. Yeah. Yeah. But also the royal family does it. And get them to call in. Yeah.

Have the two cousins call in. Hey, we're the cousins. And I'm the chick. Yeah. Let's get the two cousins to call in. Or her. That sounds like a great podcast. Yep.

Family podcast. Yeah. Wow. Keep it in the family. Oh, we're podcast. Yep. Family podcast. Yeah. Wow. Keep it in the family. Oh, we're still doing these. All right. What up, Brendan, Chris, and Eric? I have a debate club question.

When y'all eat ice cream or like mashed potatoes or sweet potato sweet potato pie something like that uh something soft do you chew it or do you just like swallow it and think about that before you answer it because you think about it you're like oh i don't chew it but then you chew it so let me know what you guys think Sour power, gang gang, buzz buzz I think I Just kind of roll it around Yeah me too Especially ice cream

I put it in and I just let it kind of relax In my mouth, I let the temperature change the consistency I just roll it around my tongue And then I just take a little bit of a swallow Yeah me too, you do the same thing That was sexual That was sexual huh But was sexual, huh? First of all.

But I'm so into it. Wait, wait. I was so into it. You just made ice cream disgusting. Hey, why do I have an erection right now? I'm done with ice cream. No, that's what I do. That's what I do with it.

Ugh. I can't chew ice cream because it'll hurt my teeth. So I suck on it and I roll it around. Just wait. Dude. So done with you. My God. As he's going through that, you and I were just like this.

I was like, oh my God. The mashed potato is maybe a little different. Damn. Chris, I'm freaked. I don't actually know. I don't really, I don't love mashed potatoes, but man, ice cream. I really do all that stuff. Me too.

That's why I'm so into it. I go Sunday. But when you go, okay, here's the thing though. When you go to someplace like, what is that place where they put the ice cream? Cold Stone. Cold Stone. Wow. That's like fat guy family feud.

He just went, Cold Stone. Cold Stone for 300. So they said. What's the place with the sticky cinnamon? Yeah. I love fat guy family feud. When you go there, though, when they do that shit. Okay, if you just have ice cream, then yeah.

But a lot of times you get the ice cream. They got like cookies and M&Ms and graham crackers and shit on it. That's for homes. Or if you have a cone, you're biting the cone. So if you're saying that you just have a cup of ice cream and you get a spoon and you put it in your mouth, I don't think you're going, you know what I mean? He's thinking too much.

So, but that's good we have Eric for this because that is a good point. But I'm a purist and I don't fucking put shit in my ice cream, dude. Yep. You put M&M's in your ice cream, you're ISIS. That's terrible. What? Yeah, because they get all hard. You get the fucking regular shit.

Here's the deal. You let the ice cream come as it is. If it's Ben & Jerry's and it's got the shit in it, the clumps in it, fine. But you don't put extra shit in it, dude. They figured it out. This is the same reason why I don't go to those fucking... Yogurt? Yeah, I don't do that shit. This is the same reason why I don't go to those fucking- Yogurt? Yeah, I don't do that shit.

I don't do that. I don't. Custom sneakers, I don't do that shit. How'd you make the sneaker, Nike? Give me that one. I don't bring it to a guy that then does the shit. Simple. Well, see, I can't do ice cream.

Ever? It's because it's so much sugar, and then it's like I feel so fat. Yeah, I mean- And then here's the thing, though. But, and then it's like I feel so fat. Yeah. And then here's the thing, though. But then you have something like yogurt, right? Right. I don't do yogurt either because this isn't ice cream. Yeah.

Okay. So what would you say you do? If you get some yogurt, and people are like, oh, frozen yogurt is so good. No, it's not a replacement. No, it's not, motherfucker. Get a turkey sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go have some vegetables.

Yeah. Because if you give someone yogurt, and they have the turkey sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go have some vegetables. Yeah. Because if you give someone yogurt and they have the yogurt, they're like, oh my God, this is so good. And then you give them ice cream. Yeah. Then you realize in that moment, yogurt is disgusting. Ain't shit. Well, it's like a Beyond Burger and then a real burger.

But that's why yogurt places do all that stuff. Yeah, dude. You can't hide from the bullshit. You have all that. There's a whole buffet of like, yeah, give me the sprinkles. Yeah, fuck off. Give me the marshmallows. Give me the M&M's.

The Ossie berries. Give me the gummy bears, bro. Fuck out of here. Give me the gummy bears. Tabasco sauce. Give me the thing. Pomegranates. You know what I mean?

Put Charles in there. Charles works here. Put him in there. I'm eating Charles. So, yeah. Oh, is this Jeremy Renner? Look at this guy. After the accident?

Yeah. Wow, look at that fucking hat. It's Jordan and then a skateboard? What the fuck is that? That's a wacky hat. Look at the guy's still right now. Hey, guys. This is Eden from Portland.

Appreciate the show. Thank you. I'm going to see you here on the 20th, Chris. Oh, hell yeah. I'm going to be in Portland. Thanks for coming up here, even though it's way too wet and we've got way too many upside-down faces. And there's too many people that will push you to become a staunch Republican. Yes.

And it's basically a meth and fentanyl wasteland. Okay, well. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah, it's Gotham City. My question is for you. Jeez. What's up with Bollywood? Oh, yeah.

You were talking about that on your podcast a while ago. And you said that if you didn't go Bollywood, you failed. Yeah. So I'm here to remind you to stay true to that. I would love to see that happen. I would think that that's the most gangster shit you could possibly do. Thank you. Just to say fuck Hollywood and fuck, yeah, Bollywood. So I'd like to know the rest of your guys' thoughts on that.

What do you think? And also thanks for making me laugh a lot and opening up to us over the years. That's the homie. Appreciate you. I want to hug that guy. I like this guy. Let me tell you something. He was a genuine dude. Yeah, that was very cool. Bollywood? What's up with Bollywood? I said...

The Indian Hollywood? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And there's also Tollywood, which is pretty gangster, too. What's that? I don't know what race it is, but it looks like Indian. It's like a dark web... It's the Taliban. Tollywood?

Have you ever... In the mountains? Yeah, you don't know about... Have you heard of Tollywood? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cut someone's head off. Have you heard of Tollywood, Nick? Tollywood, yeah.

Bollywood. I've heard of Bollywood. He's talking about Bollywood. He's saying Tollywood. I'm talking about Bollywood. He's talking about Bollywood. He's saying Tolly. I'm talking about Bollywood, but I was talking about a movie on my podcast and talking about how it was Bollywood. People lit me up. They're like, that's Tollywood and you're racist. I don't know what Tollywood is.

It's still Indian, but it says Telugu language. Oh, a different language. Okay. Tollywood sounds like something I'd call Hollywood and messed up the word. Yeah. So here's the deal. So I said, dude, because people are like, when are you going to start doing movies and shit like that?

And I've had some offers and shit, but I don't do it. I said, so on my podcast, I said, dude, fuck Hollywood. I'm going to do Bollywood. And I was like, if I didn't do Bollywood, I'm going to fail. Because, dude, have you seen Bollywood movies? Yeah. Here's my thing. You're not Indian.

No? But you're not Indian. No, but there's white guys in them. They always play the bad guy. Here's my thing. You're not Indian. No? But you're not Indian. No, but there's white guys in them. They always play the bad guy. There's one token white guy? And I'm down, dude. There's always a white guy in it that's like, I will kill all of these motherfuckers. Well, now I want in.

Dude, you have to see the movie RRR on Netflix. What's it called? RRR. RRR. RRR. Or is it called RAR? It's called RRR. I don't really know what it stands for, honestly. But it is. This is just an R, an R, and an R? Yes-R. Or is it called R-R? R. It's called R-R-R. I don't really know what it stands for, honestly.

But it is. This is just an R, a R, and a R? Yes. Okay. Dude, Eric. Bro, you gotta. I'm out. You gotta watch this.

Oh, that's Brendan on top there. That's what I'm saying. I'm crushing him. That's a scene, dude. That's how they fight in the scene. And the guy's running high speed. Oh, they play chicken. And the other dude's just beating the shit out of people with his.

Bro, it's so funny and dope. And I'm gonna running high speed. Oh, they play chicken. And the other dude is just beating the shit out of people with his. Bro, it's so funny and dope. And I'm going to be in it. Do they sing too? Yeah, they do. They do. And they dance really well. I'm not the best singer. It's a lot of flash mob stuff, right?

Yes. I enjoy that. Just for no reason. Yeah, I enjoy that. It's fantastic, dude. It's fantastic. Do you think Bollywood's going to come knocking on our door? I don't know, but I'm only doing Bollywood from now on.

So if I don't do it, I fail. But that's a good – thank you for keeping me in check, dude, because I forgot about that for a little bit. Watch that movie. The only Indian stuff I have to watch is Rachel likes watching reality shows that are also now in India. Oh. Like what?

Like 600-pound – No, it's just Indian love at first sight. She'll watch it? Yeah, she, it's just Indian love at first sight. She'll watch it? Yeah, she loves that stuff. Indian love at first sight. She even watches the ones that are dubbed. Yeah, I was going to say, the subtitles? No, no subtitles.

This is the dubbed ones. I can't do it. Because they just came out with them. Because it's the same actor for every person. Yep. You know? Because they just came out with Married at First Sight for French, right? Yeah.

On Netflix. You know what? She loves all that shit. Every Indian movie, though, is dubbed no matter what even if it's in the language and everyone in the language goes and sees it that's slumdog millionaire no there no there will that's an american that was made for us but they're but indian movies you'll go see an indian movie the guy the indian guy will be saying something in English and then it will be dubbed over by either a different Indian guy or the same guy and he'll just be saying the same thing

as the guy's already saying. It makes no sense and I don't know why. He'll be like, hi, how are you? And it'll be like, hi, how are you? And it's him and you're like, he's saying that though. But we want in. Oh, well, you know what happens? It's like when they have English

and the other language in it, that's what it is. Oh, to streamline it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How did I not think of that, bro? Of course. See, we got Eric there. There goes what's up. Do we want more submissions?

Did you guys want to play GoldenEye? Yeah, we could do that. Fuck it. Oh, yeah, let's get some GoldenEye. For the golden hour. I haven't played this since I was a kid, man. I haven't played this since I was a kid, man. I haven't played this since I was a kid either. Wow.

Look at this bullshit ass controller. This is when they didn't care about carpal tunnel because the thumb is too far away. Some people would do it like this, though. Oh. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I think I did that. I think I did that. No, but you have to.

Yeah, but this is weird because. It is weird. Oh, and this is when it was Pierce Bronson. Oh, no. Yeah, it was. I love Pierce Bronson. Who's your favorite Bond? I like Daniel Craig.

Pierce Bronson's my only one. Oh, I like Sean Connery. Yeah, Sean Connery's old school. I love Sean Connery. Sean Connery. Yeah, but I'm older than you guys. Sean Connery's a slab of bitch. What's his name?

James Moore. Oh, yeah. He was the original. I liked him when. When Moonray is a slap of a bitch. What's his name? James Moore. Oh, yeah. He was the original. I liked him when- When Moonraker was a great one. Whatever. With Jaws. Yeah.

I was just going to say Jaws. You beat me to it. I was going to take a sip of my coffee and say Jaws. If you watch those movies now, though, it's just so hard. No, they hold up. Oh, dude. They hold up. A lot of movies don't hold up.

I know. It's actually incredible. It is tough. It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, man. It's tough. It's a tough watch. For a lot of 80s movies, it's tough. Yeah, man, it's tough. It's a tough watch.

For a lot of 80s movies, it's a tough watch. 80s and 90s. It's a tough watch. No, Tango and Cash. Come on, watch your words now. Bloodsport. I mean, there are exceptions, but I'm just saying. There are exceptions, yeah, but when you look at Commando.

I haven't seen that in forever. Eric, hey, bro. And I love Commando. Watch your fucking toe. Commando and Predator. Predator's okay. Commando's fantastic. No, no, no. Commando and Predator. Predator's okay. Commando's fantastic. No, no, no.

Commando is just, oh my God. You're a bad guy. It's some of the worst. First of all, it's some of the worst acting. Commando. And some of the worst like. The guy in the fishnet vest. Here's the thing about Commando.

He's got his big gun, right? Yeah. And he's running like sort of like in the middle of the street. Are we recording by the way? I guess we are. Alyssa Milano's his daughter. He's running like sort of like in the middle of the way I guess we are Alyssa Milano's daughter he's running like sort of in the middle of the street yeah and 58 people are shooting and no one can hit him but that's that's not why a movie's bad though no no but it's the way it was

filmed I was just kind of like they would hit him two and two they're just like right in front of him. Yeah, yeah. And he's just like. Well, that was like the A-team. You guys ever remember watching the A-team? That's a hard pass. But with. What? Oh, dude.

You're going to go command. That's crazy. You didn't watch the A-team. That's a classic. You're crazy. That's crazy. You're crazy. You're crazy. Come on, dude.

You're Murdoch. Dude. You're Murdoch. Dude, and I don't even do duets, but when you came in, I liked it. You're Murdoch. He's face. I'm clearly. You're face, motherfucker.

All right, all right, all right. You're face. I feel like I would be. I'm clearly the leader. I'm Hannibal. Who's the one that talked to his hand? That's the crazy one. No, that's him.

I would think that one was me. So you're. I love it when a plan comes together're I love it when a plan comes together That guy was mr. T. Obviously, yeah Nick his face Hold on Your dog he's faced in mr. T. I like hold the team down and like make all the money Was he like a stable one that never missed

never came late i'm i was i was on time is he like really mentally you think mr t would be the stable one i don't know i didn't i didn't see the show you never watched the a team it's great no dude i'm so much younger than everybody but you were talking about commando it's the same time i grew up on command how old are you 18 wow you. Wow, you are young. First of all, 18. Remington Steel. That one I didn't. Okay. I'm too young for that.

Okay, but that's all that. Yeah. Gotta be the night. Equalizer. See, I didn't even know that was a thing until Denzel. I didn't know it was a thing until Queen Latifah. How about... Queen Latifah is more believable than the guy that played Equalizer. Oh, really? Because he was like a 65-year-old man. I believe him more than Queen Latifah. How about... Well, even... How about... Queen Latifah's more believable than the guy that played Equalizer.

Oh, really? Because he was like an old 65-year-old man. I believe him more than Queen Latifah. I love Queen Latifah as the Equalizer librarian. Like, dude,

the Equalizer for what? They could do a backhanded kick? No, but we did... What do you call it? So you didn't test this out first, Nick? Hey, my favorite scene in Commando is when, remember, they take him.

He's flying on the plane. And he snapped that dude's neck. And the steward comes over and goes, don't interrupt my friend. He's dead tired. Yeah. And he's dead? That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. Oh, I love that.

And he jumps off the plane. He's dead tired. Don't interrupt my friend. Commando was actually the original Taken. Yeah, exactly. They fucked with his daughter. I actually don't know Commando. I know I must have seen it,

but that one is always one of those ones. By the way, though, I'm not trashing Commando. I'm just saying it doesn't hold up, but that's still one of his better movies. Got it. It's in my top five Arnold movies. Oh, really?

Hell yeah. Predator. Predator. Twins. The Sixth Day. Twins. Kindergarten Cop. No. It's. Predator. Twins. The Sixth Day. Twins. Kindergarten Cop. No.

It's not a tumor. Favorite Arnold movie, hands down, Total Recall, no doubt. Oh. Three Titty. Sharon Stone. Three Titty Woman. Okay. Okay.

Total Recall. Terminator. Which one, though? Two. Has to be. It has to be two, even though one is pretty good. One is amazing. One might be a top five as well.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Two's great. But then I also like True Lies. It's great. It's great. It's to be, too, even though one is pretty good. One is amazing. One might be a top five as well. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's great. But then I also like True Lies. It's great. It's great. It's great. True Lies is fantastic. Tom Arnold in that is fucking great.

Hold on. There's what else? I like what Tom Mahato was like. We got divorced. He's like, the bitch took the ice trays. All right. What's going on here? Who's playing?

How do we play? You press start. You can't make this full screen? That's alright. So what do we do then? Just click on those things. Multiplayer. I got it. You're recording this?

Players 3. Let's change the players. Weapons, rockets, game length, ten minutes, level. I don't know what level is good. And by the way, as you're watching us play video games, you can watch me daily on Twitch at EricGriffinGaming. That's right. Pretty fun.

EricGriffinGaming on Twitch. Check me out. I got odd job. Okay, I really don't. Which one am I? I'm number one. So I'll be Bond, I guess. Unless you want to be Bond. I got Oddjob. Okay, I really don't. Which one am I? I'm number one. So I'll be Bond, I guess. Unless you want to be Bond.

I don't care. I don't care. I'm Oddjob. How the fuck is Oddjob not Oddjob? Brand it. Oh, you got the guy, the Game of Thrones guy. I want to be this guy in a hoodie. Oh, that's what's his name?

Wow, that guy was acting back then too, huh? That's the Game of Thrones guy. Yeah. The king. What's his name? Sean Bean? Boris, you slughead. Boris is...

That's such an old school reference to this movie. You slughead. Is that Angelina Jolie? That is not. Looks like her. Looks like her, huh? That's Natalia. Boris is Alan Cumming.

Hey, how come I can't be Oddjob, Nick? What's his name? Cumming. Yeah, that's why. Man, I'm going to get a random Russian. Just pick someone. Just pick him. All right.

He's the best. What is this? I'm trying to pick. How do you pick? Like this. Oh, I'm hitting the arrows. All right. Control style.

Regular, bro. I have no idea. No, just regular. Okay, you're getting the weeds here. Wait, hold on. I know. Okay, press start. Hit it, hit it, hit it.

Okay, hold on. I got to change my press start. Hit it, hit it, hit it. Okay, hold on. I got to change my control style. Hold on. What? Kissy. Good night, kisses. Because I like only, I like when it goes up and when it goes down. Oh, inverted?

Yeah, but I don't know. What's this? Can we just- Hey, you on the spectrum? I'm going to lose. I'm going to lose. Great. Okay.

Start. I'm going to lose because of that, just so you know. You'll figure it out. Look at that, James Bond. Great. Okay. I'm going to lose because of that, just so you know. You'll figure it out. Look at that James Bond. Oh, wow. How do you fire and shit? I don't remember. I got to pick.

This is absurd. How do you make it? Oh, I'm chopping, baby. Oh, you got to go get a gun? You got to go get a gun? You gotta go get a gun? Yes. I have no idea what's happening. Okay, here we go.

What the fuck? Fuck you guys up. Because they start you in different spots. Go down, bitch. Wait, what is this right here? How do you look down? Wait. I got a gun.

Who's upper left? Me. Who's upper right? Me. Got it. Now, are we doing this like the real Twitch and we can use the N-word? No, no, no. How do you change guns?

Okay, here we go. Oh, this theme song. God, these graphics suck cock. Can I punch? Yeah, you can hit. Where are you? Oh, there's a gun right there. How do I get it?

You got to go over it. Roll over it roll over it? This is just as absurd. I can't even and I'm the one that plays video games I'm trapped in like a Where am I? God damn it come on dude. I need the duck that's go you have to keep it caliber PP. I need the water caliber PP I Am just this is I feel old Brendan got me. Who's that you that's me dog fuck. Wait, how do you okay? This is my day. Oh, I needed it inverted, too

Enter up though. I know you're really into it. Sorry. I'm trying to whoop their ass Why so my daycare as a young boy? You're on Twitch, Eric? That's cool, dude. I played video games in years. How's that, though? Can you catch me, though? I'm all about getting away. Why can't I?

Headshot. Headshot. I'm trying to get the right note. There we go. Got it. Here we go. How it. Here we go. While we play Goldeneye, dude, this is going to do stupid numbers. Dummy numbers.

Dummy numbers. I can't find a gun. I can't find a gun either. I don't know what the controls are in this thing. Hell yeah. Sing that song, bitch. Oh, you can't jump off. Can you jump?

I can't jump off. You can't. You have to go on the thing? What kind of graphics are these? All right, here's a gun, I think. But how do I get the gun up? Oh. How do you...

I don't even understand. Where's the gun? Holla at your boy! Holla at your boy! Brendan's whooping ass. Oh my god. I need to be inverted, bro. Can you do it from the pause menu?

If you just pause it? You know what you should do? If you just run over a gun, do you get it? Yes. But how do you select the gun? Do you have a twitcher? This is not the same! Yes, I got a gun!

Hell yeah dude, you got one. How do you shoot? Is that the game or did Chris end it? I don't know. Chris just quit the game. I didn't mean to do that. Do you see that look on his face? I're like we're getting out of the pause menu That is so his move as a kid

Shit out of you guys That's alright, thanks for watching golden hour Somehow I feel like you go you should do yeah,. Yeah, we're going to do a different level. Eric, you got the controls. Whoops, mass. Where's the competitive fire? I don't, you know. This is like.

Here we go. I'm driving stick. You know, I'm automatic. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. all right. all right.. all right. all Oh, this one's lit because you just stumble upon people and it's wide open. Yeah. All right. So how do I get this gun right here? Oh, I got a rocket launcher. Somebody's about to get fucked up. How do I select?

I got a club. You got a club? That's cool. I have a rocket launcher. I don't understand how to get the gun to. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. Oh. How do you shoot? Z, dude. Z? In the middle? Oh, that's how you shoot. What?

Oh. Well, that's ridiculous. All right. Oh, this is the stupidest. This is very weird for me, bro. Is it? Yeah. Because up goes up and down goes down for me.

Does it? Yeah, dude. It's Nintendo 64. What's up? Up where? Where's up? This is up. That's walking for me.

Yeah, dude. Straight. You boys on the spectrum, huh? I don't know how to get it. I don't really. I remember I used to be kind of good at this. You boys on the spectrum, huh? I don't know how to get it. I don't really... I remember I used to be kind of good at this. Shit, is that me?

All right, all right. Well, I am just horrible at this. Probably because I'm hungry. I killed myself. Yeah, no, because I was shooting you. No, I killed myself. No, I was shooting you. Suicide count. I was shooting you. Suicide count. I was shooting you.

Suicide count. Where's all that smack talk now? You got shot up, huh? Eric, just learn how to play. I just did. I just did on the fly. I just did. I don't have a...

Oh, shit. I got my gun. I don't know what that is. Oh, shit. I'm out of bullets. Run, bitch. Zigzag. Zigzag, daddy.

Zigzag. See you, Chris. Oh, I see. This is like reverse. Okay. That's a reverse. No, no, no. It's like.

Up is up. No, no, no. I'm talking about how you hold the controller. Well, you got to change the sensitivity, but you can't. Okay. Now I get it. Oh, I'm looking... Up is up. No, no, no. I'm talking about how you... It's so sensitive, dude. I'm talking about how you hold the controller. Well, you gotta change the sensitivity, but you can't. Okay, now I get it. Oh, I'm looking at the wrong shit. And I think those yellow buttons are C, right? How did I not kill you, bro?

This is how we do it. This is how we do it. I shot you so many times, dude. Yeah, you did. I think right and left Cs are strafe. Oh, no. I know what you guys are doing. Not shit. All right. Well, no. I know what you guys are doing. Not shit.

All right. Well, when I walk, I turn immediately. And then that pisses me right. Oh, come on, dude. I got alive right here. Really? Those C arrows will not move you. You won't turn.

Slide left and right. I'm starting a school. It's called GoldenEye for Dummies. It is very sensitive. Because of my first class. Isn't it? It is sensitive. Well, how do you reload?

Does it just reload on its own? Yeah, it does. All right. I just start my own Twitch. I don't know how to open doors, though. I think B. What is it? B, I think.

It's A and B. I think it's the top one. Together? If I could just get down. I'm chopping, dude. Fuck both it? B, I think. There's A and B. I think it's the top. Together? Why don't you just get down? I'm chopping, dude. Fuck both of them up. I'm chopping. Come on.

Oh, dude. I hate this game. I killed both of y'all bitches. What? This is how we do it. This is how we shoot What? This is how we do it. I was shooting him. This is how we do it. Yeah, I don't get this.

This is how we do it. It's so sensitive, dude. Should the whole Patreon episode just be an hour of you guys playing? These controllers. What's up? What's down? Eric, so you can find me on Twitch. Yeah, on a real system.

How am I not picking up the gun? Dude, if you don't know how to play Goldeneye, you ain't shit. They should revoke your Twitch license. Oh, shut up. Remember dudes were mad good at this? Yeah, like me. Oh, this is a gun?

Here we go. Okay, how do you is a gun? Oh, here we go. Okay, how do you get the gun up? There we go. Oh, is this a launcher? I have a rocket launcher? All right. Oh, I wish I could jump down. Oh, damn.

Was that Brendan or Eric? No, he killed both of us. Someone did suicide. He did a suicide one. Died three times, it says. Go figure. You guys hiding or what? No, we just died.

We're looking for guns and stuff. God, you piece of shit. I just got my gun. You know what I mean? I know I should let you relax, huh? How do I... How do you get the gun to work? What? How do you get the gun...

Am I right? Nah, dude. You're not. Oh, my dad gave me a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper and was like, play Goldeneye, bitch. And it's paying off now. I have daddy issues, but man, thank you, dad. There's no gun anywhere. I have a question.

Is this fun? Because I don't know if it is. It is for me. It sucks for you guys. Do you mean for the viewers or for yourself? Yeah, even for the viewers. And I mean for me. That's what I mean.

If you're an old head Gold Knight person, you're digging this. Yeah. I mean for us, is this having fun? I'm having such a good time. That's what I mean. I'm having the best time of my life. Eric had a rocket launcher and just like threw it.

I like how you're running, Eric. Oh, I got one! Chris got me with a rocket launcher. Hell yeah, dude. I got one. Chris got me with a rocket launcher. Hell yeah, dude. Bran-a-da-da.

Long and old. Za-da-da-da. All right, come on. Let's just find a freaking gun. I'm going to kill these bitches with a beretta. I wish I had a better gun. There we go. Come on.

Let's start. Let's start this back. I still do not understand how to bring the gun up. It's the sensitivity for me, really. Yeah. Yeah, you better run. It's too sensitive. Yeah, it better run. It's too sensitive. Yeah, it's crazy sensitive. Yeah, it's just...

If it wasn't, I'd probably be rocking it. Yeah. This isn't Call of Duty, I tell you that. This game's for real Gs, man. Oh, my God. It is for real Gs. Mother... Real Gs!

What's this? Oh I forgot you can get all the... ...guns when they die. Yes! That's why I kill you guys and collect all your guns. It's like trophies. This is so weird. Just got me the rocket launcher.

Hell yeah, dude. Just got me the rocket launcher. Hell yeah, dude. This is the most sensitive shit. Oh, I'm getting hit by fucking splash damage. Oh! One shot. Bro! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Hoo-hoo-hoo! All right. You saw what I did, though. Where did this guy store all this ammo? I don't know. Yeah, we're playing like on the monitors like Nick's iPhone. God, I have no fucking... Did you try and karate chop me? Yeah, I was.

Oh, no bullets? Are you fucking shitting me? What are these? Fuck. I don't even understand. No bullets. Quit running, bitch. No bullets. No bullets.

Are you shitting me? Striking. Striking, baby. Fucking come at me, bro. Come at me, bro. All right, here we go. They're still trying to probably talk. I'm trying to get a gun, bro. Alright, here we go. They're still trying to prototype me. I'm trying to get a gun, dude.

Wait, why is this a dead end? I can't find them. We got one. Got locked in there, that's why. Locked is nothing, you know. A minute left. I can't find anyone.

You can't jump off that? You should be able to jump off that. The dead end shit is really ridiculous. Yeah, it's dumb. Yeah. That's a door right in front of you. Oh. You try to be evil. You press B.

I can't... Fuck. That's a door. What, this is a door? It is. You press B. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, that didn't look like a door to everybody else?

No, it didn't. Okay. I don't want to hear you. Man. Second place, dude. Woo! I got some kills. I want to thank

my childhood. You guys, thank you. I'll be at the Prey Improv, but I'll also be at Portland. I'll be in Seattle. Not playing Goldeneye. No, I won't be playing Goldeneye, and I will be in... Ohy Improv, but I'll also be at Portland. I'll be in Seattle. You're not playing Goldeneye.

No, I won't be playing Goldeneye. And I will be in – oh, I'm going to be in Daytona, Florida. I don't know. Daytona? Are you? Daytona. Yeah, Daytona. And then Jacksonville and Lakeland, Florida. Too many dates.

Hit me up. Too many dates. Greensboro, North Carolina tomorrow. Come check me out. And then Norfolk, Nebraska next week. And I'm in Tampa next week. Tampa is January 20th to 21st. Tampa Improv, 20th, 21st.

After that, I'm in Springfield, Missouri. And then March 4th and 5th is Brea. Get you some. Love you guys. Tickets at thickboy.com. Just found out. Golden Hour champ. Actually, Brea sold out.

I added another. I literally just found it out Sunday. I added another show. Oh, wait. I just found out. I beat the shit out of you guys in Golden Hour. Cool. Okay. Everyone found that out. Golden Hour, champ. Actually, Brea sold out. I added another. I literally just found it out Sunday. I added another show. Oh, wait. I just found out I beat the shit out of you guys in Golden Hour. Cool. Everyone found that out. All right.

Love you guys. Bye. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us

Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us

Nothing can stop us Nothing can stop us It's the golden hour