The Golden Hour - With All Due Respect | The Golden Hour #30 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

The guys talk American Idol, insecurities, being fatter as a male vs female, good looks in relationships, hot wives, Erik's insane on-stage story and why he's done with skiing, a submitter with a toenail tragedy, Chris watching Twilight for the first time, funniest movies including Shallow Hal and The D Train and much more!

And I'm in it, dude. I'm in it. You're in what? I go like... Yeah, I'll get you now. Wait, what? I'm in it. I'm in your what?

I'm in your what? He in that ass. That's what he's saying. You presented it like a buffet. I did. You're like, here's my what? Oh, wait. I'm in it.

All due respect. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us Ooh, yeah Cause I can show you used to love

Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the golden hour It's the Golden Hour who do I want basketball to talk to? I watch basketball all the time who do you think? Lakers?

just like Clippers I don't know I'm always surrounded by comics so I never talk I can't talk about sports you've mentioned the

Nuggets before. You're from Denver, so we get it. What team, bro? But that's an old school jersey? Yeah. Throwback. No Nugs. Who is that?

Whose guy is that? This is Carmelo Anthony. As soon as somebody gets into the championship. Carmelo Anthony had to play for the Nuggets in 15 years? It's a throwback jersey. But the point is, this is number 15, so from the front, you think it's the best player in the NBA? Joke-age.

This dude's like running for the bandwagon, like, wait. How can you run for the bandwagon when you're from there? Joke-age. I have the NBA pass. Can I tell you something? I am really shocked. That the Hawaiian won? Yeah.

I have a theory. You ready? No, no, no. Is it over? American Idol's over? Over? The fat guy won, and the fat guy never Yeah. I have a theory. You ready? No, no, no. Is it over? American Idol's over? Over? The fat guy won and the fat guy never wins. Ruben.

Yeah, Ruben. We've said this before. That was just one time. Oh, Kelly Clarkson, fat. No, she wasn't fat at the time. She was not fat. She's fat now. You're right.

But what I'm telling you, you know what it is? This guy won? When he was singing that song. Mo kalekalaka. That he sung for his audition. Is it that? Yeah. With, with, with. with with the guy what's the

guy he was crying james blunt bro and he was crying i was like he won it's good and jelly roll was crying too yeah yeah yeah it's kind of all i said i don't think he's gonna make much i don't think he's gonna be a superstar that's borderline racist borderline racist. Unbelievable. It's not the voice. You just combined two. You combined American Idol and the voice.

This is like that Matrix thing. You don't know what you're talking about. With the smallest thing, you know, a ukulele. Okay, so the ukulele is this size?

But he was the fan favorite. Like, when they bring him up, the crowd go nuts. But I think he wins. Hear me out here. I think because it was, for those that don't know the show, in the top three, the final three, there were two country stars and then the Hawaiian dude. I think the country stars split the votes.

If there's one country person, they would have won. No. Not a bad theory, dude. No, that's not what it is, man. person they would have won no no no not a bad theory dude no that's not what it is man for 15 years now on american idol the white guy that plays the guitar wins you don't know if he's fixing his tire playing the guitar yeah no david archuleta mexican okay that's one uh ruben fantasia second year fantasia's not fat no this was fat. No, you're talking about the first 10 years of American Idol. I'm talking about once Simon left, it turned into like this.

Country. Not even just country. Country's the biggest thing. But there's always a better singer. A lot of whites. There's always a better singer, and that person doesn't win. The girl doesn't win. Girls don't win anymore.

You know what I mean? It's like it's always- Oh, Just Sam? Why don't girls win? Just know what I mean? It's like it's always – Oh, just Sam? Why don't girls win? Just Sam Black. Once Phillip Phillips won, it was done. And then it was like – Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Let me see. Why was it done? None of them are stars. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't know any of these people. He shouldn't have won. Oh, Scotty McCreary is huge.

He was good. He is huge? Where? I don't think he won. He won. I don't know. I'm surprised he won. I don't know any of these people.

But this isn't even in order. It is. It is. Oh, it's going in a weird direction. Do these people have big careers now? No. They don't. None of them do.

Scotty does, though. Scotty has a big career. If he's from American Idol. If he's from American Idol, it's massive. Yeah, but that's early, early. Yeah, these are the early years. It was at David Cook is when it started to change. David Cook is trans now.

Yeah, because Jordan Sparks got big. Yeah, David. But I'm saying that was still, I think that was towards the end of Simon's thing. But then it was like, David Cook, weird. The one that people were really going in on was that Phillips Phillips guy. Why? Yeah, he ain't shit. Oh, because the girl that was like, he was going up.

That girl is a phenomenal singer. Oh, really? Who was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just. Do you have a career now? Nobody has a career. Neither of them have a career.

Because some of the people maybe. The only people that have careers are in country. Who didn't win have a career, right? All the big people are in country. Yeah, it's true. The pop ones don't really. Well, Daughtry, too. Daughtry is pretty good.

But I don't know if he's done anything since. I forgot he was an American Idol. But he wouldn't win. A lot of the people that have have won. That's what I'm saying. You know what I mean? What I'm saying is if this was this year, I think this girl

would have won this year. I think things are different. By the way, this is no hate for the people watching right now thinking this is a racial thing at all. No. Let me tell you something. If any three of these people would have won, I'm fine with it. Because the dude, the country dude.

I would have been completely fine with any of them. The country dude is great. He's great. What's his name? I thought the girl's the most talented. She is the most talented. She's great. I'm fine for it.

Yeah. She's great. The dude's great. And the Hawaiian kid is great. They're all great. I still don't know what you do with the Hawaiian kid. It's okay. Yeah.

There's nothing. They're going to be like, oh. It's all right. Yeah. When he was crying about his dad. So he won because one of the reasons he won is everyone felt for him because his dad passed away. He got to have a guitar.

Somebody has to get cancer for you to win for sure. Yeah. And here's the other thing, too. Yeah, can you sing if that's the situation? He's going to be the biggest thing in Hawaii, right? He's going to be the biggest thing in Hawaii. Now he's going to be in Hawaii. He's going to be set.

Well, he's already bigger than Hawaii. He is going to be set Well he's already bigger He is? Yeah I feel like No shade on him I feel like he's gained weight As the season's gone on You know he's in LA He's stressful

Good food But the His audition It was the most viral Yeah 500 million views It was something crazy What?

Yeah It was crazy Because he's crying about his dad Did he sing Muka Leke? Did he sing Muka Leke? Yeah. Oh, that's... Wow.

Does my face look like his? The hat, okay. The hat is as small as that ukulele you were playing. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's got an ornament on his head. Look, go to that picture again. He's going like this. He's playing it.

He's playing it. I just can't see it. Yeah. Also, a guy like that, is he 20 or 50? By the way, because. 18. Oh, really? By the way, last year, the black kid who, RIP, he died tragically in a car accident.

Oh, the big boy. That guy could sing, though. Oh, no. Very Ruben Stoddard, though. He should have won. Yeah, he should have won. He should have won last year. That dude was great.

He died instead of won? Or he ended and then died. It ended, he came in second, and that's not him. It ended, he came in second, and then he died in a car crash. Yeah, he died in a car crash. He got viral on YouTube for singing a Rihanna song.

Umbrella, Ella, Ella, A, A, A, Umbrella, Rinkan, Tink on, dunk, I got cakey, whoa. Mukaliki, icky,

icky, icky, Okay, you know what, Chris? Yeah, Willie Spence. What do you want to talk about, Chris? This is fine, honestly.

I'm having a good time. I'm having a good time. Yeah, he sadly died. Car accident. But he was so good. Really? Yeah, his, he, this was a milky. Fat black guys?

Golden voice. Great voices. Yeah. If you're a fat black guy, you can't sing, you fucked up, man. Yeah. You fucked up. But he was ill. His mother was ill from just being like, you know.

And a car crash took him out? A car crash. I thought, to be honest, when they said that, I thought the disease got him. Yeah. I can't say the name because they get us. It's weird that when we look at a guy like this and everybody was like, Willie, we want you to get your health together. But Lizzo, we have to act like that shit is okay.

Oh, dude, well. You know what I mean? So for Willie, it was like, you got to lose weight, bro. Come on, man. Come on, man. You can do this. Go, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, queen. You know what i mean so for willie it was like you gotta lose weight bro man come on man you can do this go girl yeah yeah yeah go queen only in the media though like real people are like uh you know she gotta lose weight that's you just so you know what's that's exactly yeah everyone in real they go like this oh yeah on the media oh yeah yeah and she's so beautiful beautiful unbelievable

and then they go and they go okay cut oh my God, you know what? She's going to lose weight. Like, it's insane. Even the fans go to the show, they're like, oh my God. She's going to die. She's going to die. Yeah. The hidden truth about America. Right. People want Lizzo to lose weight

and half the country voted for Trump. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, you know, there's people who are acting like they don't know about it. Weird. Yeah. Jam on it.

Look at that ass. Yeah, I mean, it's fine. You know what I no you're looking you're liking it no i'm saying this no the way he said it's fine just because you like something doesn't mean it's okay yeah think of all the people on crack yeah yeah yeah i don't like anyone in crack but no no but they like the crack they like the crack and they know it's not okay yeah just because you because you're like, you know. Yeah. Everybody's attracted to somebody. Look, we all have people in our lives. There's somebody. You know what I mean?

How do they do crack? You go. I don't know. Faster though. I don't know. Don't forget to add the Rihanna. Yeah. Have you done this before?

I don't know how to do crack. This is the worst crack ever. I don't know how to do it. This is the worst crack ever. I don't know how to do it. I was trying all the things. Maybe do heroin. Just do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, do that one.

Do it, do it. Yeah, tie that up. Okay, just tying it. But your veins are flat, so you got to do it down here. The veins are flat. Do it. You'll do it between your toes. I don't even know how.

As I watch that that I think to myself How do people do heroin? You need more You need some help I think that's why people die Because they're just like Fuck I put too much You know

They're just like Well the craziest When you watch Intervention When they've done it so much The veins collapse And then So you see them And the toes

They take their shoe off Like no no no And they go between Yeah They just find anywhere to do it God damn that's gangster Your toes? So you see them like, I just got to get hot. They take their shoe off like, no, no, no, no, no. And they go between the – Yeah, they just find anywhere to do it. God damn, that's gangster. Your toes, so sensitive. I don't know.

I don't know, man. I got to start doing heroin. Farmkid I went to school with in college, he said in high school they would put dip between their toes and then put on wet socks so they could dip in class. That works actually? Yeah, the fiberglass. It's just like going they could dip in class. That works? Yeah. The fiberglass. It's just like going in your toes. There's veins there. Yeah. And the fiberglass cuts it. Oh my God. That's

redneck Minnesota. Boy, they wanted that. That's great. What high school did you go to? This is University of Minnesota, but they were from like Laverne, Minnesota or some shit. Wow. I had a buddy who drank so much alcohol and it wasn't really working for him. So he used to do enemas up his butt of whiskey.

That's another thing that works. Yeah. Super dangerous because it bypasses the liver and you get super drunk. You just put alcohol on your butt? Yeah. You soak the things and. Hell yeah, dude. Sitting on tampons, soaked up tampons.

I remember I was buying them whiskeys like hey man they have Jack Daniels I'm like does it matter yeah I know you're not tasting it does the flavor matter you're not tasting it yeah that's true

you can take what I give you you can just get some rubbing alcohol and put it in your butthole at that point right does rubbing alcohol get you drunk no that's good I don't know why I looked over at the peanut gallery

it'll get you drunk bum chin it'll get you drunk and also clean your anus. So that's good. Bums drink rubbing alcohol, yeah. What? Don't say bums, dude.

Is that not good? You have to say homeless. I don't think, no. People without homes. Homeless is not the one either. It's without home. I don't think it's even with, I don't think homes is,

what's the new term? Unhoused. Unhoused. But they would still. I know. I still... I know. I know. I know. It would be like if...

What's the other words? It would be like if you can't say single anymore. Can't call someone single. You have to call them... Lost. You just put un in front of something. They call them lost. Yeah.

All right. Let's see what we got here. Let's see what... Speaking of single. No, what's his name? Jeffrey Dahmer. Jeffrey Dahmer. Jeffrey Dahmer. What's going on, Golden Hour crew?

This is Swenson from Georgia. And I've got a new segment idea for y'all. It's based off of one of Chris's viral videos. And it's called Chocolate Croissant. and it's called chocolate croissant. Basically, the gist of it is little things that make you absolutely irrationally rip-roaring mad.

For example, people that talk on speaker, on FaceTime, in public. There's only one type of person that does that. I love everything y'all do. Keep up the good work. Chris, everything y'all do. Careful. Keep up the good work.

Chris, unblock me on Instagram. Why'd you block? Why were you blocked? Sorry, bro. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. I mean, I'm sure it was a dick. But there was – so black dudes do it. All the time. And white chicks, dude. White chicks do it. I've never seen a black dudes do it. All the time. And white chicks, dude.

White chicks do it. I've never seen a white chick do it. Only black guys. Black guys FaceTime in public. It is just crazy. We'll be in an Uber, and my featuring hosts are black, and they'll be like, what's up, bro? What's going on?

I'm like, hey, this is a private conversation. Also, does she know? David Lucas is always doing it that's what david lucas david lucas me and then you know what i can't stand but girl this will be doing it and not looking at the i know i know i know so it's facetime but it's still like this hey i know what you you know when people it's weird okay forget the facetime i hate when people oh where i left my phone in the car whatever but when people talk on their phone like this yeah yeah that's weird yeah just when you talk on their phone like this. Yeah.

Yeah, that's weird. Just when you hold them like this. Yeah. Fucking hold the phone like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. You have it on speaker and you're doing this? But also, can you hear the other... Does the other person know that we can all hear them?

Like, I don't want them to, you know... So besides talking on FaceTime... But by the way, the chocolate croissants video that I did... You don't like chocolate croissants? No, no, no. That's a weird jump to that. But the chocolate croissants video that I did. You don't like chocolate croissants? No, no, no. Weird jump to that. The chocolate croissants video is the funniest thing I've seen.

It's the funniest video I've seen on the internet. I broke it down and it went kind of viral. The video, the chocolate croissants video, this dude makes me laugh so much. Dude, I was watching this

as I was going to sleep and I was laughing. I woke up laughing. I woke up like this. Still laughing. You're hyping it up. This video, I don't know if you'll think it's funny, but bro, it's the funniest video I've ever seen in my life.

Play it. What the fuck's with the lights? You can't say. Chocolate croissant. The guy's so proud. You only get one So take one Two

That's good Now you put your bologna finger on it It's just a croissant with chocolate chips in it Why the fuck are you touching them all I like this one better They're all the same No they're not We'll get it

Fuck off Dude No, they're not. We'll get it. Dude, bro, he was so mad. I don't get it. Why the fuck are you touching it? It comes in so mad. What the fuck's up with the lights? And then you get your baloney fingers all over it. Dude, I was crying.

Because the croissants were chocolate chips in them. It might have touched you because something just happened. No, because this guy's basically like me. That's how I am. Oh, dude. She's watching him laugh. It's crazy. But I broke it down. You don't have to play it.

But I laughed. I mean, I'm crying through this whole clip. And so I guess he's saying, because I didn't make it mad, but it made the dude mad. So what he's saying, what makes you mad? People touching all this stuff. I guess touching your food. For fuck's sake, that made me laugh so hard.

No, no, that guy's mad because it's 13 of the same thing. Yeah, yeah, of course. The touch-on. Yeah, it's like, get one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes yeah it's like get one yeah yeah yeah you're done you only get one but even before he's like now you only get one because he knew i mean there's so many levels there's so many levels to it rachel will buy yeah some donuts yeah you know from a really fancy donut place because she has to get like she has to google things like most expensive donuts near me. Oh, that's so funny.

Okay, that's how she gets anything. Most expensive donuts near me. So the donuts come, okay? And, you know, the next day I'm like, oh, let me go get a donut. There's a bite. Of all of them. In every single donut.

Infuriating. Okay, so that wouldn't bother me. Oh, no, dude. No, no, no. You're a terrorist? Pick a donut and move on from the donuts. You leave the other donuts. There's only two of us. There's two of us. Can I get my own donut? Are they exotic donuts?

You know what the chocolate tastes like. Sometimes it'll be like a peanut butter. She got like a what is it called? Pancakes and syrup donut. And then it be like a peanut butter. She got like a, what is it called? A pancakes and syrup donut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it was like a, you know, not a blueberry, not a boysenberry. Yeah, whatever berry you never heard of.

But something in the berry that you never heard of that I don't think it's really a real berry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And then she's just like, well, then have the gall. After I eat, she comes back, oh, you ate that whole donut. Oh, wow. So she actually not only, she doubles down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, all right. So what if she cut

it and then ate it? Better? Yes. Way better. But not, still not. Leave it, but like to take a bite. It's the bite thing. It's the bite. It's the bite. And then to leave it in the same box as if, I don't know if they came like this. Right. Oh, my God. Look at that orange. And then to leave it in the same box as if I don't know if they came like this.

Oh my God, look at that orange. Is that sidecar? Yeah. $6 a donut. Yeah, because that's a whole cake. It is ridiculous. Get what you pay for. Listen, I'm 51. So when I pay $6 for a donut,

that makes me feel super old because I remember paying $0.35 for a donut King Soopers, Albertsons no dude just a regular Winchables you would go and it would just be like $0.35

but also they weren't gourmet shits like this these shits aren't gourmet that bottom one on the right. It's got a fucking slice on it. The lemon slice on it? Go fuck yourself. Oh, the old-fashioned will knock your dick in the dirt. A goddamn lemon slice, like it's a fucking mimosa.

That old-fashioned with a nice side of dark coffee will knock your dick. Which one? That old-fashioned right there, and keep going down. That's the best cookie. The Saigon horse cinnamon crumb. It's got a leaf on it, dude. Suck my dick, dude. A leaf?

Basil and eggs Benedict? I'll never go there. You know that, right? Dude, that's some bullshit. You will. You got to go. I want that apple fritter right now. An egg, dude?

Where's the egg? Let's get this shit. Sometimes a huckleberry. Huckleberry. There it is. That's what it is. Huckleberry. So bullshit.

It's a nice donut, though. These are the ones. I'll be a huckleberry. Tell me what a huckleberry is.uckleberry. There it is. That's what it is. Huckleberry. So bullshit. It's a nice donut though. It's a nice donut though. It's a Huckleberry. I'll be a Huckleberry. Tell me what a Huckleberry is. You know what, man? You ever have a Fonuts? I don't want to talk about it.

Let's keep going. Thank you. No, no, no. They're good, dude. I don't know what they are. What's a Fonut? They got like a place that's called Fonut. I don't know what it is.

Oh, is it the little round ones? No, it's vegan stuff. It might be vegan stuff. I don't know. It is vegan. Okay. It isn't only vegan though. You get the blueberry one from there, it's really good.

The blueberry one from the Fonuts place is really good. It's still vegan. Not all of them are vegan, okay? Because I said that. I said that already. It's vegan. Dude. Some of them are vegan.

They have vegan options. Here are not. Is this it? Fonuts. Yep. The blueberry one? Hell yeah, dude. Enlightened donuts. Hey, look at my face. Go fuck yourself. It's cocksucker shit, but like. Do it? Bonuts. The blueberry one? Hell yeah, dude. Enlightened donuts.

Hey, look at my face. Go fuck yourself. It's cocksucker shit, but like... Do it, do it. But still like... Yeah, yeah. Go get a donut. That's annoying, huh?

Look at that. In this crazy world... But why eat greasy fried donuts when you can indulge in more evolved creation? Is this an ad? Yeah. This is the about us. Yeah, yeah. They're good.

They're good. Popular news, seasonal Us. Yeah. They're good. They're good. Popular news, seasonal and vegan flavors. They also go, they're also right next to places I go to, so I pop in and I get them and then I fucking eat them. You get tits, you eat those, dude. I don't care anymore, dude. If I have tits, it's fine. I don't give a shit, man.

My wife thinks I'm so fucking hot. Dude, and she's hot and we have sex together and it's awesome. It's going to stop stop though you grow some tits but i tell you what hey i'm gonna titty fuck she goes like this i went to the gym the other day she's like don't get too fit man i was like what she's like i like i like the way you look right now better than anything and i go oh shit man so i'm sexier than ever you fucking pieces of shit i've been on that train yeah what you talking about?

You have to see what it all is about. I remember when I first, I think, have I talked about this? I don't know, but whatever. I needed, when I first was dating,

my wife is hot. When I was first dating Rachel, I was like, I need to see a pictures of your, I want to see what your dad looks like and pictures of your ex.

What'd he say, yes, yes. He goes, he goes, yes, yes, yes.

He goes, like this day, all, yes, yes. goes, yeah, she is. Like this day. Yeah, she is. Yeah, it's too knowing. No, I like that. No, you know what? You know how some dudes are like, don't say that shit? No, I like that.

I want my dudes to be like, fuck yeah, dude. You got that shit. It's like buying a Ferrari and get pissed when people look at it. Exactly. Dude, I want people to think my wife is banging. I walk down the aisle. I want people to be like this. Oh, me. Exactly. Dude, I want people to think my wife is banging. I walk down the aisle. I want people to be like this. Oh, shit.

And then you go like this, right? Yeah. I want them to be like, don't sleep. And then I want to be like this. Bro, I'm not sleeping. Is that the leash that you have on? No, that's the leash. No, you were like holding her hand.

Come on, bitch. No, no, no. Is it like a chain? No, it's like this. I'm holding her hand. I know. We're heading home right now. I was on my game stream the other day,

Eric Griffin Gaming on Twitch, and Rachel was like, she's going to dye her hair. So she bought a wig. I can see what it would look like. See what it would look like. I don't even want to tell you how much the wig was. All unnecessary. It's so expensive.

All unnecessary shit. And then she can't take it back, and we had a whole fight about it. You know what I mean? But anyway, somebody on my stream goes. I go, hey, guys, look at Rachel. Somebody said, with all due respect, Rachel can get it. With all due respect and then the most disrespectful thing.

I was laughing. I was like, babe. This dude, give me. You can get this dude. Zoe447 said, you can get him.. Zoe447 said you can get him. That's the thing I don't get about that. I don't get that. I don't get that mentality where people are.

I guess it's a deep-rooted insecurity, right? Because it's just so weird when people are like, like when dudes are like, when their wives or whatever post on Instagram and people are like, yo, you're going to let her do that? It's like, what? Do it. I'm proud of that shit. Also,

it's just looks. That's not even why you married them, right? It's like, well, it's what got you in the door. It's what got you in the door. I get it, but you're eating vegan donuts and now you're like it's not about looks yeah but you're no no no it is about looks in the beginning but you're dumb

as fuck if you marry somebody just for looks you're dumb as fuck if you just marry for looks yes but that's what i have to be more but that's what i'm saying bro you're talking about a guy with a fucking hot banging wife though i'm not saying they don't need to be hot i'm saying that's not why you marry someone come on oh dude when we go to like mechs or something you know my girl in bikini shuts the party yeah i go get ready boys and i'm in it dude i'm in it you're in what i go like i'm in it i'm in your i'm in your life that's what he's saying you presented it like a buffet you're like here's my that ass. That's what he's saying. You presented it like a buffet.

I did. You're like, here's my wife. All due respect. All due respect, dog. All due respect. Wow. Well, this is Ben Askin. I've seen some guys post on social media lately about how they are winning because their wife is attractive.

Well, I don't disagree. I think finding a wife who is a great mother is 500% more important. Okay, hey, bro. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what i don't like about this post unless she already had these kids and these aren't your kids and then you met her as a mom and then you got with her then you're like wow i found a great mom but bro you didn't have these three kids seven whatever 11 years ago hey nick why were they mean to him over that tweet? Because it's a little unclear.

It sounds like he doesn't think she's attractive. It sounds like he's saying that. Only an idiot would think that they're really actually, he's saying that. Yes, exactly. But he did word it not great. He could have said, find one that's hot and good, mom. Yes.

Instead, he was just like. Look how viral that went, though. Wow. Wow. Dude, I know I see a lot of guys Posting about how hot their wife are Yeah

Well Dude My wife How about this At least she's a good mom I bet the wife is like What the fuck dude Yeah

He's like you know You know girl Well actually she is pretty though I mean She looks pretty to me Right No Yeah

I mean I don't know Yeah no she's cool Yeah so he obviously didn't mean that I mean it'd be pretty to me, right? No? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, no, she's cool. Yeah, so he obviously didn't mean that. I mean, it'd be one thing if she was like... He's like top 10 wrestlers ever in college wrestling, ever. He's amazing. Great guy. She's still a good mom.

Yeah, look at his wife. Like, she's banging. Oh, wow. Go click it. Dude, all disrespect, she banging. All disrespect. All disrespect, Plow City. No, yeah, she's definitely hot.

Plow City. He seems cool. Beat it, losers. That sounds like a terrible city. He said Plow City. No, she's definitely hot. Plow City. He seems cool. Beat it, losers. That sounds like a terrible city. He said Plow City, dude. I felt like that was too much. That's cool. She's not insecure.

I don't need to state the obvious. Beat it, losers. That's cool. That's cool. I like that shit. I just think he's trying too hard. Well, he was trying too hard with the first one. Well, I think, and now that I see this, I think this is his style.

And his wife laughed at him because he found that on Getty Images. That's hilarious. The whole thing's great. Look at the fucking shoes. He only wears sandals. Who's he, Callan? He only wears sandals. Yeah, that suit.

Callan could get away with it if he was a world champion. Right, right, right, right, right. He's phenomenal. I don't know. I think a guy like that, you're a public figure, and then it's like you're sort of being bullied into these dumb posts. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You're kind of bullied into being like, oh, what do all the sensitive liberal people want me to say so people can be like, oh, we like you. And then he's still going to turn on you. I know. You can't win. You can't win. So it's like it's all bullshit. They asked Ben Stiller to apologize for Tropic Thunder, and he's like, absolutely not so it's like it's all bullshit they asked ben uh ben stiller to apologize for tropic thunder and he's like absolutely not he's like i'm proud of that

movie it's one of the best movies i've ever done like yeah but you had blackface and he's like it was a different time he's i'm proud of that fucking movie this is like it wasn't yesterday they wanted to apologize he's like absolutely not i know i know no but even still i mean that that's not even one that i don't like even if you're upset about that what are you gonna do like it's like it's like that's you like. Even if you're upset about that. What are you going to do? It's like you're trying to find something to be upset about because that was a theme in the movie. He's not in blackface. He's playing a character who's doing blackface, right?

Yes. No, he's playing a character who is so artistic and Meisner that he's like, I can be a black man. That's the joke. Right. It's not like Robert Downey Jr. is playing a black person. No. Robert Downey Jr. is playing an actor who's playing a black person. That's the joke. It is what it is. Exactly.

It's a joke. But also, let's say Ben Sterling, all right, apologies, so I made that movie. What's that do for you? I know. Oh, this lady's getting a lot of heat because she went full blackface Kobe Bryant. It's pretty good, though, but it looks like Kobe Bryant. Oh, my God. She's getting heat because they're saying you went blackface.

Come on, bro. It's more of a tribute to Kobe Bryant. That's pretty dope. Sheface. Come on, bro. It's more of a tribute to Kobe Bryant. That's pretty dope. She's good at makeup, man. Now we're wondering if... Woman disturbingly recreates Kobe Bryant in blackface. It's beyond that, though. It's not... It's...

She's so talented. That should be the takeaway. Like, holy shit. Hey, why... You guys won't give a flying fuck. Why is Hamzat trending? Did his fight get announced? Oh, wow.

Sorry, I hate to shut down the episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, Hamzat? All right, that works. That's all I need. Thanks, dude. Because I guaranteed it on my show. Yeah, you called it.

Yeah, I called it. Anyway. You called what? What happened on this fight? Hamzat Kamal Usman. Did the guy that was supposed to win, win finally? Who's that? Who's that?

Oh, yeah. Well, Izzy won, I guess. That's a huge win. Every time they hype up a fight and they're hyping up a particular guy, he loses. Got it. You know what I mean? Hey, so what should happen with that girl who went Kobe Bryant blackface? Isn't that a form of art?

If she does other ethnicities, is it okay? She's going to get hired a lot. That's amazing. No, no, nothing's going to happen. That's just like I think that people like to do that. They like to get attention. Oh, look, I'm starting a thing. And then it goes away.

Literally no one cares about that. People with nuance and common sense in their soul, which is most people. The majority. Like most people sitting in front of you can have a common sense conversation. On the internet, it's all gone. Right, right, right. And it's been designed for that. Yeah.

It's not good. People just, you know, I always say you're missing the words to me at the end of all your social media shit. That's all it is. I think Brendan Sharp is racist. To me is what they should put the end of all your social media shit. That's all it is. I think Brendan Sharp is racist to me is what they should put the end. Then we can just go, oh, that's just what you think.

But we don't think that. But people don't want to own their opinions. They don't want to own their opinions. They want to rally the truth. And Brendan Sharp is racist. How dare you. To everyone. Yeah, everybody can get it what's up

got a good question for you weeks ago there was a woman phoned in and said about her husband quit his job because she told him to quit and she basically was the bitch I remember

and yous all stuck up for him and yous said that you listened to the podcast and yous were all like it's definitely, well she's definitely leaving him. It's just a plan and all that kind of stuff. What happened? I need to know. She's been blowing me for fucking weeks. Wow. Yeah, this guy's really

This is like the croissant guy. So what's he want to know? He's like, dude, bring up a subject and not continue. Did she leave a vote? Yeah, what happened? I think she was full of shit because what I didn't tell you guys during the time, I cut out a part. It was the week after we promoted Tits McGee, and she started an OnlyFans, and she made thousands.

She also mentioned that she started an OnlyFans to support her deadbeat, and I cut that out. She's trying to pull one over on the boys. Nice try. So I think the whole thing was bullshit and I just wanted her to get roasted and you guys roasted her.

But the problem is he's been jobless for three months and I didn't think it was going to take this long for him to find another job. Good actress. I don't understand.

Like I come home and it's just like... Nick deals with her all the time. She probably don't want to follow up. Yeah, she never... And she, yeah, she would follow up and she's like, no, I'm serious. Look deals with it all the time. She probably don't want to follow up. Yeah, she never. And she, yeah, she would follow up. And she's like, no, I'm serious.

Look, he moved out or whatever. I joined her OnlyFans just to see if it was real. Oh, my God, it's real. It's so real. Now, is Tits. It's so great. I'm trying to help her husband. That's why I subscribed.

Ah, right, right, right. Is Tits McGee doing well on OnlyFans? I don't know. Hey. Can I keep it short? Hey. I like how this guy. We'll I don't know. Hey. I'm going to keep it trying. Hey. I like how this guy We'll talk later. This guy's trying to attach his eyebrows

to his goatee. Oh, that's good. I wish. It would be very cool. He looks like Jack Shore a little bit. He might be from Wales or something. Who's that? Well, we don't know. To answer your question, bro, we don't know. We think she was just full of shit. think she was just trying to yeah we clowned her hardcore so i don't

think she's ever going to do anything like that again as if we're so dumb we're gonna be like oh yeah we gotta get you know yeah come on yeah i'll be in tucson coming up here huntsville and nashville one night and then Huntsville for that weekend. Nashville has Zany's? Yeah. June 17th, Tucson. Dude, I heard Tits McGee's going to be in La Jolla. That's in Arizona.

La Jolla Comedy Store, June 2nd through the 4th. That's a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then starting June 15th, your boys over in the UK. Starting Belfast. I'm in London, Manchester, Cardiff. I end June 25th in Belfast. I'm in London, Manchester, Cardiff. I end June 25th in Dublin. Manchester. Theater tour.

One show only in every city. June 21st. Zanies in Nashville. One night. June 21st. That's a Wednesday. Let's do this. Let's have a workaholic Wednesday. Why one night there? I don't know. That's how they do it for me, I guess. But then I'm doing Huntsville for the weekend. Got it. That's have a workaholics Wednesday. Why one night there? I don't know. That's how they do it. For me, I guess.

But then I'm doing Huntsville for the weekend. Got it. That's why. Because you wanted to route it. Eric destroyed the crowd at the ISL something. Absolutely destroyed it. Super funny. I mean, it would be really weird if Eric bombed. Honestly. Be funnier. For us. For you.

There's nothing better than watching your friend bomb. You've been doing it too long. No, but that's what makes me better. I mean, sometimes you have a weirder set. Like, I played in Boise. I played my first arena. And, man, they – Sly Flex.

I don't mean – Sly Flex. Sly Flex. But I don't mean to – You do it one night at Zany's and you're flexing the arena? It was a big deal, and we don't mean to make it a big deal or a bigger deal than it is. You haven't even sold out the tickets yet. Thank you.

But it was great. The what? Haven't even sold out yet. yet. But it was great. The what? I haven't even sold out yet. So it's like, you know. No, but I did it in Boise. And I mean, like the guys who do arenas, which I don't do arenas, and it's very hard. Like it's a different vibe. It's a different vibe.

People are drunker. It's very hard. It's a different vibe, right? It's a different vibe. People are drunker. There's a delay, and it's echoey. Think about Rogan doing the roundabout, where it's like the 360. Yeah, I mean.

I just can't. I saw Kevin Hart do it. Rogan does it. It's nuts to me. I've heard Kevin Hart talk about this, that you just perform for the first 10 rows. Yeah. And then you just don't

worry about the people all the way at the top they're just watching on the screen it's like might as well stay home yeah they don't even care no but it's about you're going to support this person that you're like yeah no and it's good you're right eric for your you know it's good for your you know money like if you have enough people that want to come see you that want to sit in an arena then rather than do three shows or whatever but daddy making money. So you bombed. No, no, no, no. Hey. It's all right, man. If you were at that show, can you tell us how bad he was?

Just send us messages. Maybe in videos. We'd love to see the videos. Guys, I got a standing ovation. Hey, I got a standing ovation. Have you had any of your openers bombed yet? Nope. Never?

Nope. Never? You're full of shit. All the years you've been doing stand-up? First of all, he doesn't even watch them so he wouldn't even know that's true well no

they certainly my openers now certainly never bombed ooh slight dig at well the notes you opened me for me for 10 years

so I don't remember him ever bombing in 10 years maybe once or twice yeah you know what you're lying

no sometimes he would bombs all the time sometimes he would push the envelope too far yeah but he knows that and and he would lose the crowd a little bit but bomb bro that's tough in 3 000 people my my crowd that's so happy to see me it's pretty tough i remember i can remember a bomb I was in I was in Colorado someplace it's this weird show and then like they asked me to come early in the day

because there was a ventriloquist and they were doing bingo and they had this ventriloquist so I was so they said hey can you just come to this afternoon show oh it sounds like a nightmare

you know what I mean and just do a few minutes before the this ventriloquist okay so they're doing they're doing like their raffle. So they got the mic this far away.

And the girl's doing the numbers. The mic's hot as hell. Then she goes, all right. And now the comedian, Eric Griffin. So I go up. Mic's hot. Yeah, you don't know. The average age of the people in the crowd, no lie, 65.

65, 70. They're old. So I go, what's's up y'all they haven't turned the mic down okay i mean i mean you these are the people in the crowd you're gonna kill us you know they are so mad at me so i am i am eating shit okay they hate me hey listen to me they hate me the other comics me. They hate me. The other comics in the back of the room and the club owners in the back of the room crying. Okay?

Like crying. The club owner is going like this. Oh, wow. Stretch it. Stretch it. Just for him. Just for him. Keep going. So then I go like this.

I go, all right, fuck you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So then I see one guy. He won like a vase. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A vase. So I say, what is that? Your Fuck you guys Right So then I see one guy He won like a Yeah yeah yeah A face So I say

What is that your urn You know what I mean I just went in You know what I mean Cause I was like Lighten up the old Yeah yeah yeah Started lighting them up

And they were just like It was a social I remember it was a Social security event God Oh my god It was a social security event And it was two girls

That were laughing Did they pay you in mint It was two girls That were like Yeah And cookies Two girls that laughed Were laughing Well women right Like there were girls when christ was they worked for social security they told me later oh god and they were like you know they were like they were like oh my

god we loved that but it was just it just happened how you had these moments when was this oh man it was so long yeah yeah yeah that's so wow but i just i just remember snapping i just remember being like oh you don't like, you don't like me? You don't like me? That's great. I didn't know this mic was going to be this fucking hot. You think it was my fault? It was just like, because I'm boisterous.

So imagine a mic being hot. I know, except for I feel like now you would judge that before you went on stage. Bro. That's why I said it was a while ago. Come on. Because you know if a mic's hot before you go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, I wouldn't have done it.

Well, I know that. No, I'm not. Yeah, I guess you're right, yeah. It must have been like 10 years ago at least. Oh, it was even longer than that. Fuck. It was like early on. I was just starting to get out there.

It's just one of these things you're trying to help out. They're like, hey, we really could use you to come. It's like a clean show we need. Just like 10 minutes before this. But you've been doing stand-up how long, Eric? Since 2003. So this was 20. Damn.

Yeah. I was thinking, man, the other day I was like, man, I've been doing this shit for eight, 17, 18 years. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Crazy. Crazy.

All right. What's up with this dude? Hey, boys. A little graphic. Okay. You're on a favorite. I made a bad decision this morning and didn't wear my steel-toed boots. Had a light day.

Wheel barrel. Fell out of a truck. Landed on my toe. Popped my nail off. I just took the rest of it off. I mean, the whole fucking thing came off. And I'm going to record myself dunking it in water. The nail. And I'm going to record myself. Oh, no. Woo!

Dunking it in water. Water? It's like alcohol. Is he okay? Oh, God. Like water with salt? It's fine. KK.

KK. This guy's great When your nail gets a little bruise And starts turning black And it slowly spreads The nail just pops off Those nails That happened to me Which one

It's this one right here But when it comes back You're like Wolverine Yes Bro Stronger than ever Bro Cut through steel

With this shit right now At least 10 years ago I opened my window Yes. Stronger than ever. Bro. You know what I mean? Bro. Cut through steel with this shit right now. At least 10 years ago, I opened my window, and it was one of those slide windows, and I opened it on my finger. I just go, and I go, oh, no. It was the worst pain I ever felt in my life, okay? And I looked at it, and it was like a millimeter. If I just moved it a millimeter back, bro, my tip of my finger is still numb. It's numb.

It fucked me up. It's still numb, dude. So when this happened, I was in some stupid casino, and so it was a metal door to the bathroom. It was late at night. So the groove of the thing is here so i'm holding the door i'm holding it like this while i'm peeing right here you know and i just went and then and then dude same thing but now i'm in the middle of nowhere

in northern california at some indian reservation casino in my bed like this. There's nothing you do. Just like, what am I going to do? You know what I mean? I'm just sitting here like, I mean, where's the hospital? There's nothing you do. And then I have a flight in the morning. I'm like, this is just going to be me.

This is my life. This is my life. My life is like, so I'm in the plane. I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm just like this. People are looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm like, you know, my mean? I'm just like this. People are looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm like, my nail. I fucking... So you see how his big

toe, his nail just ripped off. My big toe is so fucking big and I broke it in high school. We were playing dodgeball in the wrestling room and at the time I broke my collarbone. So I was in a sling. So that's why I lasted to the end. So they were trying to hit me with all the balls and I was shoeless because we're in the wrestling room playing dodgeball but i was you

know i couldn't really throw it back so i was dodging i was the last one and so in order for me to win i had to kick the ball and the kids on the sideline were like kick it i'm like great idea so i lined it up i'm like i'm about to boom this fucking thing i go to kick it, but my toe hit, like as hard as I could kick, my toe hits the mat first, and it just goes... And dude, the nail pops off, broke my fucking toe. What? Bro! Dude, you're a big, dumb fucking idiot.

That whole story's dumb. Like, get out of there. It's dodgeball, dog! Hold on a second. I played for keeps! Let's open with... I played for keeps! You have a sling, and you're playing dodgeball, dog. Hold on a second. I played for keeps. Let's open with. I played for keeps. You have a sling. I know. And you're playing dodgeball.

And you're letting people throw things at you. And not make your broken. You're like this. You want me to kick it? Oh, my God. Also, you had no shoes on. You're like the monster from Goonies. You know, they got you in there.

Had no shoes on, right? We're in the wrestling room. We can't have shoes on. You're like the monster from Goonies. You know, they got you in there. Had no shoes on, right? We're in the wrestling room. We can't have shoes on the mat. Oh, so there's rules in there. But you can play dodgeball with a broken clavicle. But you know how I broke my clavicle? Jumping off a ski lift. Oh, we know it's something dumb.

Jumping off a ski lift for trying to get air, bro. Trying to get air is amazing. Did not get air. You got air. You got ground. That's what you got. I went skiing one time. You ski?

I've done it. Yeah, I've done a bunch. Not for you though, right? No, no, no. No, no, no. But I've done it. I've done it when I was a kid. Too tall, skinny.

No, not I. One time I went skiing. Okay. And that was it for me. Yep. You look like a I went once kind of guy for skiing. Well, you know, you go. Try it out.

Here's the thing. You go. They teach you on like one of these like, it was called the bunny rabbit. Yeah. Try it out. They teach you on one of these, it was called the bunny rabbit. Yeah, the bunny slopes. Oh, but you get on the bunny slopes, you're like, oh shit, I'm ready for the Olympics. They teach you fries,

pizza. Yeah, I was doing all that. I was killing. And so then I went back up and I didn't make a left where I was supposed to and I made a right by accident. So I make this right and I'm like, okay, this don't look like the place we're supposed to go. Then that shit turned into a 90 degree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hit the black diamond?

Double black diamond. Dude, dude. And I'm like and the only way down is you have to ski down, right? So this is what I had to do. I had to ski, fall, get up, ski, fall. People are passing by me. Get the fuck out of the way! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking did this me. Get the fuck out of the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking dumbass bitch.

So this is the part. I get all the way down to the bottom and I'm like, fuck this. Yeah, good. Done with this shit. There we go. They go, well, to get back to the lodge, you have to take the thing up to the very top and ski down the other side. Oh, no.

Three and a half hours. If I didn't rent those skis, them bitches would have been in the fireplace. In the fireplace. You hear what I'm saying? And that was it for me. And everybody I was with was like, we're going to go back up. This is me. Bye.

You ever see the ski lift porn where he just takes his penis out and that's the only thing that's exposed and she sucks his... I know what I'm watching when I get on. Neither do I. I know what I'm watching. It's so weird, dude, because he just takes his penis out and he's got so much fucking clothes on

and she's got everything on. She's even got the goggles on and she just sucks his dick clean. I don't watch it. Wow, I've never heard of this. This is cool. Wow, that's new. It's pretty interesting because they they got all their clothes on. Is it called Snow Bunnies? Well, you're not going to show this, right?

No, no, no. But it's interesting. I go like this when I watch. I go, that's very interesting. I guess I'll start checking off. Hey, thanks for the assist, bro. No. The only way you would find that is, one, you watch a lot of porn.

And then, two, you're like, let me just throw something one you watch a lot of porn and then two you're like let me just throw something in the search yeah ski lift yeah that's what you gotta do when you're on Pornhub

that's when you do an improv you're like okay give me a job give me a job give me a profession and a location and this motherfucker's like ski lift

and you know what I mean dude you ain't shit You ain't shit. You ain't shit. If you're just in the search engine, just type in something.

Yeah, yeah. Batman, it's in there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, pretty weird. I guess I'll jerk off to it. Type in anything and the word cream pie and something will come up.

There you go. That's my stilo. That's my stilo. So put ski lift cream pie. There we go. Wow. You don't even see nudity because the penis is the only thing that's out and she's covering it. So it's just clothes and you're watching it.

It's very interesting, man. It's very interesting. It's well done. I just watch it. I'm just like, that's very interesting. Yes, I'll start checking it off. I wonder if Burton signs off on that. Do you put a jacket on just to?

Yeah, I get dressed up too. You have a beanie on? G up too. You have a beanie on? I get goggles. You have a beanie? You turn the fan on? Yeah. Okay. You can't even do it with the gloves.

Your wife's like, why is the AC on full blast? Baby, if you're going to come in here, please put on your snow pants. Why is the snowboard in the room? Yeah. I never snowboarded. You look like a snowboard in the room? Yeah. I never snowboarded. You look like a snowboarder. I've tried it, yeah. I grew up snowboarding, yeah. But did you do skateboard also? No, I never did skateboarding, no. No, just snowboarding. I'm really surprised.

Yeah. You look like a rollerblader who eats vegan donuts. I did try to do rollerblading. And by the way, I think rollerblading's fucking dope. I think it's dope right now. You know a case that works here was like pro. Pro, pro. Like has like highlight videos of like fucking doing crazy shit.

I got to start doing rollerblading. When did rollerblading turn into a gay thing? It's not, dude. It's not. That's what I'm saying. No, I'm not the one that did it. I want to do the backward shit where you're just yeah i get my cheeks out yeah well no i mean nope you know you could but i mean cut off jean shorts some rollerblades i would do that i went rollerblading one time one time one time eric griffin when i was a kid we used to go to the

roller rink fuck yeah skate city in denver baby that's what we met all the hoes yeah we go to roller rink but we had to go i was the one in midtown it was like ghetto how embarrassed were you when you fell yeah there'd be like a crush and you fall and pop up and you gotta hang on to the side what's up girl falling is okay as long as you laugh as you laugh after you fall boom you know you gotta be a part of it if you fall and you're like trying to pretend like it didn't happen bro but you know what i give that to everyone out there as a little piece of advice i remember i've when i was way skinnier i had the same size nose as i have now so my nose is just just big jam on it you know what i mean so i was always a kid big nose that was always the thing

big no you got a big nose you got it was just always what I mean? So I was always a kid. Big nose. That was always the thing. Big nose. You got a big nose. It was just always like it used to get at me. I remember the day that I started making fun of myself and laughing with them. That's when it never bothered me again. Bro, that's crazy he does this. He's super athletic. His whole family.

His brother was like a gymnast in the Olympics some shit. His whole family was athletic. Crazy. His dad I think was in the Olympics some shit. His whole family was athletic. Crazy. His dad, I think, was in the Olympics, some shit. These are the videos they're showing. I like to see the other ones, the first six where your balls are crushed. Oh, I don't like to see those. Yeah, those are just like, because then you just go, why are you doing this? They need to show that more because there's too many kids out here just kind of like.

I don't like to see that shit. Is parkour still a big thing? Bro, I started following somebody on parkour recently, man. That shit is unbelievable. I want you to do this. What? One of the worst movies ever is parkour starring Taylor Lautner from Twilight. Dude, Taylor Lautner, that's my boy.

Well, you let him know for me. Okay. He's in one of the worst movies ever made. It's called Parkour. Look up a clip from it, can we? Yeah. Dude. But is Parkour still a thing?

Yeah, bro. So bad. Also known as just fucking around? It's French, you know? Yeah, I know. Like when I was a kid, I guess we called it Parkour. We also called it just hanging out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, but come on. You weren't doing this shit, bro. Yeah, I was, dude. I was seven. Oh, it's called Tracers? It's called Tracers, dude? Is this it? Hey, yeah, yeah. No, but come on. You weren't doing this shit, bro. Yeah, I was, dude. I was seven. Oh, it's called Tracers? It's called Tracers, dude? Is this it? Hey, hey, hey. I don't know if it was called Tracers.

Hey, bro. I thought it was called Parkour. I thought that was the name of the movie. Oh, they're fighting? Like, bro, you didn't make that joke. It's gotta be Tracers. Okay, I guess it was Tracers. Parkour athletes react to the Parkour movie, and they hate it. Of course they hate it. I love it.

Well, it's like fighting movies are fucking. Now, that is a movie I'm going to be watching. I'm going to force David Sullivan to watch with me 100%. You watch some bullshit. I was watching a scary movie last night. I bet Chris. So he's running. What was it?

He's like parkouring all over the place. Evil Dead, right? No, not yet. I will, though. I just came out. That's the one with the mom is gone crazy. The mom is super attractive. Scary poster of it, right?

Dude. Yeah, that's why I clicked on it. Yep, yep, yep. They got you, huh? No, they got me. They got you. I like scary movies. Keep me up.

I will watch that. Yeah, sometimes, right? But let them know I still watch Twilight. That's one of my guilty pleasures. Is he really your boy or are you like a Brian Allen boy? Brian will be like, I know Tom Cruise. I'm like, no, you don't. No, no, no.

We know each other from he came to the comedy store once and then he wrote me and he was like, man, that was fucking great. And I was like, we kind of like talk a little bit sometimes. So I'm bullshit. He's not my boy. Your boy's with Mario Lopez, right? Yeah, he's a cool dude, yeah. Because when I was at Monster Jam like our families

together and he's like yeah you do the show with Chris I'm like thank you for subscribing no I don't think he probably subscribed

yeah oh okay he's like I'm a patroning I'm like whoa that's crazy I don't think he is but he's like get rid of Chris

I'm like dude you're out of your mind I thought you were boys no he's a cool dude you and Eric should run this thing I'm like dude you're out of your mind

what Mario we were cool man this is fucked up yeah he's cool I like that dude i like that he's a good dude um yeah we're boys but uh hold on what were we talking about god damn it the fucking tracer yeah yeah no not tracer we're talking about the parkour no but taylor lawler oh twilight i saw twilight for the first time i saw twilight the first one's good The second one Is bad The third one

Is Just So incredibly bad That I couldn't even believe it Do we all subscribe that Kristen Is it Kristen Stewart Is attractive

So this is the thing That they were saying That The guy I was watching I do Yeah but the guy I like all sorts But the guy

Like coat hangers But the guy Who Like crowbars Like crowbars. Like crowbars with tits, right? I'm sorry that fucking... My wife's ass doesn't need its own cell phone. You know what I mean?

Don't apologize to me. You live with her. No, she is... She's attractive. Yeah, she's very attractive. But everyone's like, oh, because it's so hot. It's because it's so hot. Other people are saying that because it's a nostalgic thing from when this movie came out no she is she's attractive yeah she's very but she but everyone's like oh Chris is too so high I think people are saying that

because it's a nostalgic thing from when this movie came out and they were younger oh wait word go back word word

I didn't know about all that word is you see I'd like to see her in some snow gear that's that shit so dumb that's that shit no i like i like i like i like all the movies you see her in an adventure land where she hooks up with ron reynolds

no oh that's a good movie now she has everything she has a girlfriend right she's uh yeah yeah gay or something i don't know i don't know i don't know what i don't think so no no she has a girlfriend she can do whatever she wants no she was with the homeboy from Twilight, right? Yeah, she cheated on him with the director of the movie. The female, right? Oh, she a freak. No, no, no. Not the director of that movie.

A different director. Yeah, a female. No. Oh. She's going out with the director now. She was in The Huntsman, whatever that was, the director of that movie. Okay. So that's her girlfriend, yeah.

I feel like I've worked with that other woman. She's really attractive on the right. Yeah. They should go on a ski trip together. Yeah. You probably can't really do it.

You need a penis. Hey, elephant in the room, her girlfriend's a grenade though, yeah. What's that mean? Ugly. No. Not great, right? No.

You're a mean guy. You're a mean guy, huh? You're mean. Kristen Stewart, her girlfriend's out kicking her coverage there. All right, well, that's how it is always. Don't you want to be that? I want to be the ugly one in mean guy. You're a mean guy, huh? You're mean. Kristen Stewart, her girlfriend's outkicking her coverage there. All right, well, that's how it is always. Don't you want to be that?

I want to be the ugly one in my relationship. You are. Except for the fact if you look at me in certain angles, it's crazy. Excuse me. Excuse me. You're 100%. That's what I'm saying. It's beauty and the beast.

You're the ugly one in your relationship. It's beauty and the beast, bro. But that's what I'm saying. Not me on the other hand. But that's what I'm saying. You want to be the uglier one. All right. Because you want. But that's what I'm trying to say saying you want to be the uglier one because you want

but that's what i'm trying to say is you want to be the uglier one yeah you don't want to be the hot you want to be the fucking hot one in your relationship i mean come on you guys you know what dude shut up because yeah you what's up that's what i'm saying you found one that can deal with it yeah yeah she's hot as fuck. Everyone here outkicked their coverage. Yeah, dude. That's a football reference. My wife is banging, bro. Your wife is cool, dude. My wife is banging.

She looks exactly like Holly Madison from The Playgirl. That's what people say sometimes. No, that's what I said. Okay. You have said it. You did not start that. When you said that, I said it.

I met her. I went, are you Holly? She went, what are you talking about? And then it went viral. She doesn't really look... I don't know if it went viral. She doesn't really look like her all that much.

Pull up that one. Are you shitting me... I don't know if it went viral. She doesn't really look like her all that much. Pull up that one. Are you shitting me? Say young Holly... Madison. Madison. From Girls Next Door. I used to actually think that Holly Madison was so fucking hot too. Yeah, because your wife looks like her, dude.

You ended up with her. Oh, the one that was married to Hugh Hefner? Bro, come on. No. They're identical. They're not. And that's a good thing, Chris. No, no, no.

But they're not though. She's obviously like a more plastic faker version. No, like I said, your wife looks like a more natural, pretty. And that's what I look like right there. I was about to say, is that Chris and his wife's wedding picture? I like they tried canceling Hugh Hefner. I know. And then he just goes like this, no, and died.

Chris said the best joke. You don't use it on stage, right? No, I should. Because when the Me Too movement was coming out, Chris died. Chris said the best joke. You don't use it on stage, right? No, I should. Because when the Me Too movement was coming out, Chris, they called Hugh Hefner. He's like, they're doing what? The Me Too? Oh, interesting.

They're doing what? They're doing what now? What is it? They're doing what to? Dies. Because he has so much shit. It's actually a documentary. And he actually did die right on time.

There you go. Really? This is a documentary? Yeah, this is a documentary about- I saw the documentary, though. It was a hit piece, but they fucked up because they allowed all the girls to talk. Some girls are like, I don't know what the fuck these girls are talking about. We had a great time, great opportunity.

Well, that girl there, she had a lot to say that wasn't good. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, yeah. She hooked up with a 90-year And then she thought He was gonna leave her Like all his shit He's like no bitch I got like seven other hoes

I gotta Please I got hoes I got hoes In different rooms In my house Rooms in my house Hoes

I mean come on dude Yeah he He would That would not The dead bodies That not They wouldn't have aged well The living room Also the Dead Also downstairs in the basement I mean, come on, dude. Yeah, he would. The dead bodies. It wouldn't have aged well. The living room. Also downstairs in the basement.

I got hoes. I got bitches in the water closet. The gazebo is where it went down. The gazebo. Yeah. I've never been to the Playboy Mansion. I was just going to say, I'm surprised you've never been. I keep a bitch in a gazebo.

It doesn't even have walls. Hose. She's outside. Hose. The weird thing is the people dying. I keep bitches wet. And in the gazebo, my bitch is wet, too, because sometimes it rains. There's no walls.

I got hose. I don't know about that song too many too many words in it yeah it's too word yeah i got oh it was very yeah it was very too descriptive you know in the bedroom upstairs on the third door to the right to the left you know it's too many yeah true uh but anyways yeah documentary is a hit piece but then they fucked up because they allowed all the girls to talk. So they're like, okay. Do I have a time machine?

What the fuck? I'm going to be rich. I have a time machine. Yeah, he just... No, he had like one of those like... You said that already. It was like one of those like you said that already it was like one of those like

he said it the exact you know what i mean Poo. We did it in reverse. Poo in reverse. He said it the exact same way. It was unbelievable. I thought, wait, what just happened? It was a glitch in the maze. I was running catwalk by twice. My CD flares up.

My CD flares up. As soon as it got in my mouth, I'm like, I already said that. It was also not just one sentence. It was like three sentences. And I was like, I already said that. It was also not just one sentence. It was like three sentences and I was like, we already did this. Oh, man. I saw it and I actually thought it was a hit piece, but they fucked up because they actually talked to us.

See? This guy gets it. Well, we know. Well said, Nick. Who's this guy? Hey, what. Well, we know. Well said, Nick. Who's this guy? Hey, what's up, Golden Hour? I need some advice from you guys. I'm 21, and I do not go to college because I like having a lot of money in my bank account.

There you go. And I'm wondering, how do I meet people if I am not around people my age every day? What are some things that you guys would suggest? I've tried dating apps and they haven't really worked for me. No one on there seems to know what they actually want. So, yeah, I'd love to hear what you guys have to say. Gang gang, buzz buzz, soar. Where's he at?

What's the red light behind him? Is he in a bunker? Is he in a World War II bunker? The sound in the beginning was like. That's a bathroom. No. Hey, what's up, Golden Hour? What's with those red lights?

I need some. He likes to get moody when he shits. Fair. Mood lights. So he's saying where to meet chicks who's not on dating apps and going to college? Yeah. He's 21. First of all.

Skate park. Skate park. So whatever money you have at 21 years old. Ski resort. You know, how are you going to replenish that money? I'm not saying go to college, but like what do you do? Something. Well, it depends if he has a career. If he's making money, he's doing something right.

True. Then meet people at whatever career he has. Dude, Target and Woodland Hills. You know what? They got hoes. You're going to figure it out, man. Just go Hills. You know what? They got hoes. You're going to figure it out, man. Just go places, you know? Fucking out of here with this shit.

Whole Foods, yoga. Just walk around, man. That fucking guy. Yeah. You're not a loser. Look at you. You look fine. Go out there.

Look at your mustache. Look at your eyebrows, dude. You're crushing it. Your bottom lip is a little big, but you're fine. But that's good. I think that's good. Yeah, I think that's a good thing. That big old lip.

I guess the Kardashians pay for that lip there you go but they do top and bottom yeah his top lip I think he's gonna be fine dude just go outside and start walking around man

go to the park yeah go places go to comedy shows yeah nobody really talks there but no but you still have a shared experience

when you watch somebody else laugh at something you're laughing at you're kinda like if you go to one of my shows there's certainly a lot of people there. So you can meet them. If you went to Salt Lake City, you would have met 2,500 people. I'll tell you where you could go.

La Jolla, June 2nd through the 4th. There's hoes, bro. You can meet people at Nashville. I'm going to be in Nashville too, chrisley.com. Dude, where did you just say? La Jolla? Yeah, there certainly are some good looking people. Not at my shows, but a lot of dudes.

You bring out the troglodytes, but. You bring out the troglodytes. The Cleons. They go, hey, how was the Brendan Schaub show? And they go. I think that's good. His last one. Okay.

What's up, Golden Air boys? Oh, wow. I'm about to be the first one with some Eric merch on the show. Yeah. Chin's got more merchandise than Eric. That's hilarious. Golder Moldit Debate Club. You guys buying an outfit just to wear that one time like I did to Eric's show?

That was in February, and I got this yesterday. Wow, great shipping. Not even sure it's Eric's merchandise. I ordered it off that piece of shit website. But anyways, gold it or mold it, debate it. You guys wearing an outfit just the one time, you're going to keep rocking it. Eric, I know you ain't buying shit with your cheap ass.

I'm not cheap. Anyways, that's all I got, boys. Dustin up here again. Thanks for all the hard work. Nick, Chan, everybody back there. I love this guy. I don't think anybody knows your name yet, but you're cool, too. Thanks, boys.

Keep it up. Kev. I feel like this guy has a big issue with me. Yeah. He loves you. No, he loves you. He has your merch, went to your show. You hung out with him at the mermaid thing.

Yeah, we can stay off of this. I feel like he – I feel like I don't –... If I buy something and I only wear it once, I don't mean to. That one's fire. Yeah. I would rock that on stage, on the show, if we could get those. Listen, I can't wait till December to get it, though.

Order it. You know what? It's a hoodie. Order it. You'll get it by the time it gets called out again. Why did shipping take so long, though? I have no idea. It's probably fucking with them yeah i don't know you think that's one of those sites where you just like yeah i know i know i know yeah

yeah they might they may i need a real merch person i don't know man you got like that one i like your super mario one eric the super mario one's dope yeah we got the mario brother we got the mario brothers movie uh with and and Calvin watched it the other night. You got it? Did you get it? Hell yeah, I got it. Yeah, okay. I watched it like four times.

Do you like it? Yeah, I like it. Peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches. Dude, Jack Black is so talented. Did you see it? So talented. I'm surprised you haven't seen it. He wrote that song.

It's good. He wrote that song and then they were like, oh, we love it so much I want to use it in a movie. Oh, damn. That's what I read. He's writing a love song to peaches bro he's so talented oh i sent it to you yeah i was like eric you need to recreate this because he can sing just like him oh man yeah peaches peaches peaches that movie's great yeah especially jack black is great

but yes he's good he's got one of my favorite movies of all time school of rock love that movie and shallow how he's in one of my favorite movies of all time, School of Rock. Love that movie. And Shallow Howe. He's in one of my favorite movies of all time. I still know Digit last summer. Do you know he's in that? No. Yep, he's in the second one.

He plays a Rastafarian dude. The second one? No, no thank you. Yeah, well, that's very bad. Yeah. He's in Enemy of the State, too. Wow. They couldn't make Shallow Howe today.

No way, bro. Are you kidding me? Where he's into fat chicks? No way. Bro, that's not what the movie was about. I know, but they still wouldn't be able to make it. It's like inner beauty. You couldn't make it. The funniest line.

The funniest line is when he takes, she's huge, right? It's Gwyneth Paltrow, but she's the big girl at the time. Takes that diner. She breaks the chair. He goes, what the fuck? How dare you? What is this made out of? The owner goes, steel?

No, my favorite? My favorite. Well, if you know the premise of Shallow Howe, he's been hypnotized to think that people. Ugly women are hot. No, they look at that how they do on the inside. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So Jason Alexander. Which is the same thing as ugly people are hot.

He's meeting her for the first time. And Jack Mike goes, there she is right there. And Jason Alexander goes, where? Behind the rhino? You cannot make that movie. And when he's dancing with those chicks. He goes, behind the rhino. Behind the rhino.

That's why I'm saying you cannot make the movie. And when he's at the club dancing with those chicks, the tall one, he goes, come on, man. It's a bunch of hot chicks. He goes, the giraffe, the real tall one, he starts calling him the hippo. You can never make the movie. He just starts saying animals? There's a lot of animals in that movie? Yeah, there's a lot of animals.

Okay. But he had a tail in the movie. Whatever. It was funny. Can I tell you my problem with the premise of this movie? I guess, if you want to. Okay, so he is hypnotized to see, you know. Inner beauty.

Inner beauty, but the inner beauty looks like a hot chick. So what I'm saying is then, is he's still shallow. Because he still sees. Like, we all need that. That's a very Eric Griffin thing to think of. Because he's still picking them based off their looks. Yes. Yeah.

That movie's so stupid, though. He's still seeing. You ruined the movie. He's still seeing hot chicks. It's not that. You're really looking for a fucking issue with this movie. I'm not looking for it. That's a. You ruined the movie. He's still seeing hot chicks. You're really looking for a fucking issue with this movie. I'm not looking for it. That's the main issue.

It is. Okay. He's still basing his pick off the fucking attractiveness physically. Because he sees physical. Thank you. Thank you. That's the fucking problem. The movie is ruined.

I get it. But it's not worth thinking that deeply about Shallow Hal. Because it's just a fucking stupid movie that you go for jokes. And this guy's like trying to, like it's fucking the goddamn Mandalorian. Well, that's actually, in the original Star Wars, it wouldn't have, like, this is what

you do with the Star Wars shit. Now you're doing it with Shallow Hal? Dude, you gotta make him stop with this shit. You understand that, right? I enjoy it. What are you talking about? Sorry that I think deeply. The fuck is... That's the tail from Shallow House. Jason Alexander has a tail. Oh.

Random. Why not? That's disgusting. And then he breaks up with Hot Chicks. He's like, I don't like her elbows. I don't like her feet. Great movie. Ruined it.

It's probably not great, but anyway. It was funny. Jack Black's funny. There's certain people That I will go Watch their movie No matter what Yeah Jack Black Maybe one of them

Chris What's that Jack Black movie Where he's with the guy Saving And then there's a moment Where the guy is Just fucking the shit Out of Jack Black

Oh Oh bro That movie What movie Oh my god What is that movie called That shit is so funny You were gonna say Saving Silverman That movie's funny He's great in that He's so funny in that movie That movie's? Oh, my God. What is that movie called? That shit is so funny. You were going to say Saving Silverman.

That movie's funny. He's great in that. He's so funny in that movie. That movie's so bad, but he's so funny in that movie. Steve's on. But that movie? Holy fucking shit. What movie?

The guy, like, he's like, yeah, the D-Train. Dude. D-Train. He's like, I guess I'm gay? Like, you didn't understand it? Dude, this movie is fucking so... James Marsden, that's right. Right, it was James Marsden. God, so funny, dude. James Marsden. You got to watch this movie is fucking so james marsden that's right right it was james god so

funny dude james you gotta watch this movie no and saving silverman when he thinks he's gay well in this i guess i'm gay now i'm gay but this is what this movie's about really that's just a joke this you gotta watch this shit it's it's it's just a regular movie yeah and then all of a sudden like 20 minutes in, 30 minutes in, he's getting railed in the ass like this guy tricks him. It's so funny, dude. The scene is funny because it's just Jack Black in the foreground just being like, oh! And he's just like this. He tricks him into it.

It's so funny, dude. Was that in theaters? Oh, yeah. Yep. Wow, never heard of it. James Martin, that dude is funny. He directed? Oh yeah. Yep. Wow. I've never heard of it. James Martin, that dude is funny. He directed it too,

Jared. Anyway, dude, he's great. He's on this show, Jury Duty, with our guy, Ben,

but like he plays himself and he's doing such a great job. It's funny. All right. Is that it, Nick? That's it. All right,

kids, seeing La Jolla, June 2nd through the 4th, and then I'm off to Europe, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, Dublin. I'm all over. Tickets at thickboy.com.

Listen, I game all the time. You can go to Eric Griffin Gaming on Twitch. I'll be in Huntsville and Nashville in June, so come check me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, christenzulia.com. Go there. Love you guys Thank you.