The Golden Hour - You Dumb Dumb Turtles | The Golden Hour #132 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

The guys discuss our very own Casey starring in the new Tom Segura Netflix show "Bad Thoughts", new updates regarding P Diddy, Erik posting his wife breastfeeding his baby at a high end resta...urant and butt dialing the Golden Hour group chat, a "best podcast" award category that will debut at the Golden Globes in 2026, the Japanese toilet song from South Park and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcastShady Rays - Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code Golden for 35% off polarized sunglassesDraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code GOLDENSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us As I show you, use the love, just rebrand it enough It's stronger, bigger power cuz it is the golden hour Look at the Karen Reed trial. That's what Kristen is all Watching right now. I feel if it was important. I mean Eric would know it's big. It's huge. Is it? Yeah
Starting point is 00:00:44 I mean, she's not P diddy, but Eric would oh no it's big it's huge is it yeah, I mean she's not P Diddy, but she's it's a it's a Yes, I do I are you kidding me I have to carry it she she her husband died and They think they're prosecuting her Or so they think she killed her husband. Yeah. And it's just a mess, bro. It's a mess. I mean, there's so much doubt.
Starting point is 00:01:13 What? Damn, that's so interesting. Yeah, this is interesting. It is huge news. Yeah, it was huge news, you dumb, dumb turtles. Hey. Turtles? Hey, hey, have you ever seen every episode of-
Starting point is 00:01:24 Well, I'm Donate every episode yeah yeah I'm Michael Angela yeah this is a documentary on any episode of cold case that's what this is no no no this is this is a whole hey cover up you didn't bring it today you didn't bring it today we're talking about police department and you bring up carry read we're talking about some real shit Underground shit you guys are the B side Real hip-hop I'll trump his weird fucking trial thing, but there's a document that just came out American Something where the it's an American marriage. Seen it. Seen it. Seen it.
Starting point is 00:02:05 Where the... American marriage. Yes. Seen it. Don't tell me what happens. I'm almost done. Did you dig it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:13 So... What's it about though? I watched it on Real Hip Hop. Irish dude has a wife with two kids. She dies unexpectedly. He brings in like a nanny. He marries the nanny. She dies.
Starting point is 00:02:24 And then, nope. Then hold on. He brings like a nanny. He marries the nanny She and then nope then hold on shoot. He brings in the nanny She kind of then they start dating to get married and then he dies kind of telling it wrong. He died You know what? I can tell by the look on your face. Go ahead He's not wrong, but he's telling it wrong, but he's not wrong, but he's right with all those facts so then the his wife and Her dad who came over kill beats him to death like brick to the head Baseball bat one side so claims one side. Yeah, you got you. Yeah, and then then they went to prison for three years They lost the kids and then they re they read. Oh, don't tell me what happens. Oh, did they get out? Oh
Starting point is 00:03:04 You know they are because they're being interviewed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. It's good though. It's definitely one of the- It's way better than that bullshit you came with this time.
Starting point is 00:03:12 We didn't even see it, you know? Yeah. I would say that that one is- We're talking OJK, she's like, did you see the case of those kids that robbed the 705? I'm real hip hop. I'm more of-
Starting point is 00:03:23 I got my ear to the streets. How is white woman real hip hop? Karen Reed. That I got my ear to the street woman real hip hop Karen That's what you did. Just just like you to say that man. You don't get it The pity stuff though. Listen, I'm trying to you know, I get it. He's a bad guy But I don't watch I go I don't see anything illegal yet. I haven't seen my mouth. Yeah, you're a freak off That's what freaks do well Yeah, all I know is you were just saying, like somebody said, it was like, yeah, he gave me access, he had a party.
Starting point is 00:03:47 Yeah. And he's like, oh, okay, you took drugs at a party? Yeah, yeah, like the- That's literally what a party is. Like the, cause I was saying earlier that, like what's happening is they won't show it on TV. So there's someone from the, like all of the news outlets have somebody in the courtroom
Starting point is 00:04:00 and they're just like, you know, relaying everything that's being said. And I saw one article where I was like, okay, where's the crime? I'm still waiting to hear the major crime. I haven't seen one crime yet. Yeah, you know, relaying everything that's being said. And I saw one article where I was like, okay, where's the crime? I'm still waiting to hear the major crime yet. You know, but who knows? You know, they're going to have to bring people because to me it's like, you know, they keep talking about he brought prostitutes in to have sex with Cassie. So she's going to have to come and say, like, I didn't want to do that.
Starting point is 00:04:19 But then they would be like, but you still did it. Well, well, they're portray to your head controlling yeah, but again I feel like if we were talking about that's one freak off if we're talking about one freak off mm-hmm all right Okay, right, but ten well. I don't care because I saw it to me it I honestly I don't even follow it anymore because well I never really followed it, but once he I saw him beat Cassie yeah I go alright well he should just be it doesn't matter because that's enough to go to jail you know I mean I don't know how long yeah I figured out I don't know
Starting point is 00:04:56 this is like the referees doing a makeup call in basketball yeah so this is the makeup call it was like giving Denzel Washington the Oscar for Training Day because they didn't, when he did the hurricane. Fact. You mean, or Malcolm X? Yeah, right. Well, hurricane was the year before. He should've got it for hurricane.
Starting point is 00:05:13 But Kevin Spacey got it. And look what happened. So. No, but. Fair point. Fair point. No, but they should've gave it to Denzel at hurricane. No doubt.
Starting point is 00:05:22 That was a fantastic performance. Same thing with OJ. When they give him the Oscar. No. No, I'm saying they did they didn't get him And then they then they got him, you know for what for like what was it kidnapping kidnapping? Yeah, he went to go get his stuff and they gave him like a 15 year They gave him the lifetime Oscars what they did So I think I agree with you and this is why they played this video in court The first thing they played was they the prosecution played the the Cassie video and I think it's like this is who we're dealing with Just you know the beat up. Yeah. Yeah, just so you know, this is who we're dealing with. It's I mean, you know, but again
Starting point is 00:05:59 It doesn't mean that everything else that he that they're accusing him of he's guilty. No, I know I but I mean, you know, know, again, I'm with you though. They kinda go like, you lose. I lose interest when I know they did it. Yeah, or did something bad. Right, yeah, exactly. So it's like. Yeah, but the feds aren't gonna storm both houses
Starting point is 00:06:16 for him beating his wife. That's why I'm like, oh, I gotta look into this. I have no idea. Maybe they should do that kinda stuff. I have no idea. Speaking of award shows, we gotta start campaigning for Golden Globe. They're gonna do that kind of stuff. I have no idea. Speaking of award shows, we gotta start campaigning for a Golden Globe. They're gonna do podcasts. What?
Starting point is 00:06:29 Wow. If Vitamin Kid doesn't get a life achievement award, I'm gonna freak the fuck out. That's so funny. That's just gonna be like Conan O'Brien and, you know what I mean? And Smartless. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not gonna be. I bet you Rogan won't be nominated.
Starting point is 00:06:41 Yeah. Even though he's the biggest. No, he won't be nominated. No, the Golden Globes are in too. I'd love to see Theo win that, you know? I bet Theo couldan won't be nominated. Yeah. Even though he's the biggest. No, he won't be nominated. No, the Golden Globes are here too. I'd love to see Theo win that, you know? I bet Theo could be on that. Yeah. Yeah, they might do something like that.
Starting point is 00:06:51 I don't know. It's the Hollywood Foreign Press. I don't think they're exactly fans of the idea that, I don't really believe it, but that's- I'll bet anybody a good amount of money armchair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah. Because it needs to be- Kristen Bell, Dax, it needs to be a little
Starting point is 00:07:06 wokey. Well maybe they're gonna have like what if they have like you know how they do like best episode or something like that I could see like anybody getting one of those are the big ones. I think it's just podcasts overall they're not gonna break it down. That's funny. Well sometimes they do that you know when you see them definitely gonna get nominated. Congratulations. Best Patreon, best Patreon. What? Would you show up to the red carpet? No. That for that?
Starting point is 00:07:32 Well maybe because it's hilarious. No, no, this is the Golden Globes though. What do you mean? Oh, if we got nominated, I would show up in a full tuxedo with a long tail and a cane. It'd be a big ordeal. I mean, yeah, I guess that's a funny thing. Yeah. It's such horse shit though.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Yeah. I'm still kind of, you know, I think maybe more likely to probably get best actor, best director, you know what I mean? Best of life, best director of life. Best life director. This sounds stupid. Yeah. Well, yeah, so does best podcast.
Starting point is 00:08:01 This is Golden Globes trying to get ratings. Yeah. Well, no, it's just trying to, yeah. You mean the things that people actually- You're like best podcast. This is Golden Globes trying to get ratings. Yeah. Well, no, it's just trying to yeah You mean the thing like people are things that you actually watch You know, I mean you can't that's only fans girl. You can't deny Podcasts are a huge part of media now. I mean, it's undeniable. Oh it trumps media Trump Yeah, yeah, but it will be moving any any media. It will be, man, podcasts are like huge. They make huge stars. These people are stars, man. The fact that people know who Rogan is, it's not because of his comedy, it's not because
Starting point is 00:08:32 of fear factor, it's not because of a news radio. Well, he's been around forever. He's been around forever, but what I'm saying is when you think of him now, you think of this. So it's like, it should be, it's a huge part of media. And think of the people that have like, you know, they had a career and then they got into podcasting and then they went back to the career they had before. Look at Tom Segura, man. I mean, Tom Segura is so huge. Now he has this new Netflix series that's coming out. I mean, it's all because
Starting point is 00:09:03 of on the backs of like, you know, the podcast fandom. Well everything that's happening with Dax Shepard too, whatever Dax Shepard gets us to do. Oh yeah, exactly! Yeah, you just Chris and Bell's husband for a long, even though he had a great career with Chris and Bell, but then his show was massive. The girls from the office, that's a huge fricking podcast.
Starting point is 00:09:21 I don't watch podcasts about shows. Jason Bateman and those guys, the podcast that they got. Gotta be. Yeah, I don't call podcasts about shows. Jason Bateman and those guys, the podcast that they got. Yeah, I don't call that podcasting. Yeah, well, I mean, it is technically, but it's just like, it's just produced. Yeah. I'll tell you a big podcast world right now that is just really on the rise is these NBA players, man.
Starting point is 00:09:43 They're huge. Like Gilbert Arenas their arenas I'm just saying for this I'm wondering on the rise Yeah, they're still rising though. No, but I'm saying I'm rising like this Andre rising might have one Oh my god, you know who that is. It's a football player for the fucking Falcons, bro And also those the Packers scored a touchdown. No, I'm sure he rises His name is left eye left eye. She's famous for her left eye. Bro, I'm telling you. Oh, dude, I'm the Andre Risen Wikipedia page. All the shit I knew more than everybody.
Starting point is 00:10:09 And the girl. You're the one and the girl. Oh, am I real hip hop now? No. Am I real hip hop now? No, you've never been hip hop. No one thinks of hip hop and thinks of you. Well, OK.
Starting point is 00:10:17 But that's, you know. No one. Can we watch the trailer? Because there's a huge star in there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Casey's the star. Oh, I know, bro. You ruined it. I know. Spoiler alert, Casey's the main tragedy. Now we don't have to watch it, you ruined it. Here's just the Casey cut of the trailer. Okay. Casey went to the premiere too. This is Tom Segura's show.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Came out last Tuesday. Oh it did? Okay. If you're looking to streamline your audio advertising buys and maximize your revenue, look no further than Triton Digital's Programmatic Audio Advertising Exchange, A2X. The private exchange consists of only licensed broadcasters and top-tier internet radio publishers, assuring the quality inventory and brand safety you can trust. Visit www.tritondigital.com to learn more no volume ruined it yeah cool sweet well I think we can't play it right That's good. And I assume he's just dreaming that. It's called bad thoughts.
Starting point is 00:11:38 As you said that, you should have waited for the time. Yeah. So that's awesome, dude. That's awesome. You look tall there. You look tall there. So that's that's awesome, dude. That's awesome. You look taller. You look taller. Where did they shoot that case? You look like you can't do that. Look at your face.
Starting point is 00:11:52 You can't say you look taller than go. I just say whatever, bro. It's all good. He had to actually lift him up to. And that drops tonight. No, it came out last week. I you good listener? Yeah tonight last Tuesday for listening You did deductive reasoning good good. You're good. You're doing like just one episode a week Oh, they're all out so I'm only watching the one with Casey in it. What episode is that five looks like I'm watching five
Starting point is 00:12:22 I'm gonna binge it like it's lost Just fucking I'm gonna be it like it's lost just fucking I'm gonna be up to 5 a.m. you guys see the one with the smoke monster I watched all of black mirror and I was upset when I got to the part the one on the ship thing because I was like I don't remember all this I think they do that on purpose because then I had to go back yeah that one was awful yeah yeah because I was like what's happening that one is all that one is all because the ship one was my favorite I guess I like that remember every I guess people like that one. I don't remember if I like that or not
Starting point is 00:12:53 I know that's why they made a sequel Second one is three sequels to this now. This is the third one whatever this one. I want to watch it Whatever this one was terrible. It's so bad. Is it just because you forget the first one? That's part of the reason. Yeah, but you know what? But it's also- It's not for dum-dums. It's also too much.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I know, but if you had the other parts fresh in your head- Yeah, but it's too long. Yeah, I agree. You're not. Nah. It sounds like you have to do a little homework though. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to do homework when I'm watching fucking TV.
Starting point is 00:13:21 It's not for you. It's not for you. No, it's not. I saw a movie- Too smart. Until Dawn. I saw it in the theaters. What's that? You know by yourself. It's like a Groundhog Day scary movie another one of those. Yeah, I heard about this Yeah, it was just the most cliche Like three white girls fell down running in this movie. Hell, yeah, right, right, right. I was like really
Starting point is 00:13:41 running in this movie. Hell yeah. Right, right, right. So I was like, really? Big tits, big tits. Yeah, just white girls running and then they fall and then the monster comes. I'm just like, but you know what? I had three good scares in it.
Starting point is 00:13:52 Oh really? You can see my letterbox review. He just pisses. Oh God. He doesn't jump, he just pisses. He's just sitting there and a scare happens and he goes, and it pisses. Damn, that was scary.
Starting point is 00:14:03 And then another one, three, three. Just his pants are so footy. No, I'm actually, I turned into like a crazy black woman when I'm in the movies. Robb, bitch. Yeah, that's me. I'm in the theater like, oh shit, did y'all see that? That's me in the movie. Popcorn flying everywhere. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:17 But you know what? I love being scared by movies. Wow, dude. You're... That's my... Let's see this review. No, I don't want Brendan to read it. No Am I right?
Starting point is 00:14:29 No, dude until dawn dawn. I don't even know. Do I know this movie two and a half stars? Here's Eric until dawn. I didn't hate this movie But I didn't love it it was full of 80s horror movie cliches How many white girls fell down for no reason in this movie? Am I right? Wow! And why, if there's clearly some scary supernatural shit going on, why would you split up from your group
Starting point is 00:14:54 in a weird, scary, haunted house? A lot of this stuff in that movie happened was complete and utter nonsense, am I right? But at the same time, entertaining, and a couple of really good jump scares for all you want to know. And when the movie was over, I felt entertained. That's a great review.
Starting point is 00:15:13 I'd watch it. Letterboxd, Eric Griffin. Yeah, when you read those, it makes you want to destroy Letterboxd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how people are reading it in their head. Thunderbots, I absolutely. No, Nick and no more, turn it off. Yeah, that's how people are reading in their head We're done Nick
Starting point is 00:15:33 These are some of the absolute best actors in Marvel Universe Nick I don't think that's why the story works What's this yeah, I saw this I'll have what she's having. Yeah, I'll have what he's having. I thought that was a wild post. Is that a restaurant? Rachel put one of these up on her own thing. So many people hit me, like all the dudes that hit me up with an attitude about it, they're like, dude, I can't believe you posted this.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Oh, shut up. I'm like, oh, you don't have kids, or you don't understand, all the women there that are like, this is so beautiful. Well, well, you know what I mean? They're going to go overboard, but yeah. But I know, but what I'm saying is like- Are people eating around you in the middle of the night? Yeah, yeah. So it's a baby. Check this out. We're at Mastro's. Hell yeah, dude. But we were in a corner. We were in a corner. You know what I mean? But I was like, I'm on the next table like this.
Starting point is 00:16:26 You know what? As I look at it like this right now, thinking about Mastros, this is crazy. Yeah. Yeah, right. You're smarter than this. Dude, the post is crazy. The post isn't crazy. The fact that we're at Mastros is crazy.
Starting point is 00:16:39 That's insane. And I used to do jokes about this kind of stuff. That's nuts. If you have a kid, it changes your perspective. Well, I mean, whatever, but also, you don't bring a blanket, you don't have a blanket. Yeah. You don't do the cover over her?
Starting point is 00:16:51 Listen, listen, listen. A napkin. You don't think I already said this? Yeah, I know. You think this is my choice? And what'd she say? You think I did a ditty thing? Take that blanket off and hand that ditty out.
Starting point is 00:16:59 No, she's like, this is Rachel. This is, okay, this is what I have to do. It's motherhood, okay? Hey, whatever. What do you want me to do, all right? Hey, my kid has to eat. She is right. You know what I mean? So I'm like I just got worried about it I've got someone to protect her there if some shit goes down. Yeah Get a blanket though, right? I'm gonna be on the phone like, Brandy get the Palm Springs now! Get into TRX and get here!
Starting point is 00:17:22 I'm sorry Post, I'm on my way already. I'm sorry to post, I'm on my way already. You know, so it's just... I'm right next to you, I'm at the table eating, man. Boy, she has some tits. Yeah, Brennan's like, dude, you don't need the phone right now. I'm right here, buddy. So stupid. I don't have a blanket either.
Starting point is 00:17:41 I mean, to me, it's interesting, the internet is such a crazy thing to see so many different perspectives You know you post that I mean people hit me ever be like this is wild that you post Then there's somebody else who's like, you know, I tell you all the women this is beautiful Well, they go overboard they go overboard And then there's guys who are like I could tell that just are not in relationships mad no idea What did you get a lot of like, damn dude, she has some big tits. Of course, of course.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Yeah, that was me. For me. But I'm like, I mean, yeah, I get it. All right. But yeah, I don't care. How long was the nipple out before the clapping? Of course it was like quick. An hour and a half.
Starting point is 00:18:17 It wasn't, guys, it wasn't like this. He prepped it. Boom, and then walked over to the thing. He prepped it. Her tits are out, she was like, are you gonna eat that? No, it was like he prepped it quick he goes Then she has her normally she has her hand like this because he'll like because he'll be like And I'm always telling her Rachel your titty your titty
Starting point is 00:18:40 So she you know, he's put a picture she was like, you know you know, by the way, wolf, I'm sick of that shit. Hell yeah, get this at chrisley.com. No! Take it out when your wife starts breastfeeding at Mastro's. And she's always just been like that, just takes the tit out and wherever. She was a model. That's how they met!
Starting point is 00:18:58 She was a model for 16 years. They don't care, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Some people will be like, oh my God, but it's like, it's a beautiful thing. It's just a tit. Yeah, it's a tit. I rolled my shirt off.
Starting point is 00:19:10 It's natural. That's just taking a shit, but you don't do it on the table. You know what I mean? Facts. Yeah, but it's natural. But I can see Kristin taking a picture of you doing that because it's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's natural to take a shit.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Yeah. I, yeah, I don't, I don't, this is the one, that's one of those things that it's, yeah, yeah, I know. It's natural to take a shit. Yeah. I, yeah, I don't, I don't, this is the one, that's one of those things that it's, there's so much going on in the world, just don't worry about that. Yeah. You know? Yeah, but if you have master's, I'm like, oh damn. Well, yeah, no, you've noticed
Starting point is 00:19:37 because it's out of the ordinary. I would be like, hey, hey, hey. We were in the corner. It was like, we were. I would still be like, babe. We were in the corner. I just, listen. You're on a date next to him, you're like, yeah, I'll have the corner. It was like we were still be like babe You're on a date next to him you're like, yeah, I'll have the steak medium boobs With a side of tits, oh god
Starting point is 00:20:07 Lini, I mean broccoli, but it is weird if the, cause we've been at Disneyland, like certain areas where moms are doing it. Yeah, sorry man. Where moms are doing it. Like, what are you looking at? It's like, your big titties out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your big titties out. I don't care about that. People are always stopping me
Starting point is 00:20:17 when I'm jacking off at Cole's. You think that's the same? I forgot my blanket. Anyway. Wait, wait, wait. You think that's the same? I forgot my blanket. Where are the coffee makers? Do any of us believe Chris shops at Coles? Oh shit! This is completely different. Oh shit!
Starting point is 00:20:39 Dude, look at that baby on that giant titty at the bottom there. Bro, that dude. Oh shit! Yeah! Yeah! Oh shit! Well he eatin' dog. Okay, it's not like this.
Starting point is 00:20:53 That's weird, dude. It wasn't like this at Mastro's. That's the Kobayashi of titty suckin'. Eric's like, I don't see a problem with this. Yeah, now this is different, if you had Mastro's like that. It's a little workaround to get a good following I know they put that shit on YouTube and it's like bro
Starting point is 00:21:09 What but I'm surprised that that's still allowed like I'm gonna get flagged Women this is a curated account. Yeah, which is which is definitely it's like come on, bro There's guys who are pressed underscore feeding mom guys who are into this that one mom edges says pepper Oh, what the fuck it was a priest to spank in her. That's not right. Where the fuck that is priest Oh, oh, he's putting some in her butt. Oh, this is not breastfeeding The pages really lost its way. Oh Right is this oh what's happening is this isn't even patreon Oh. Why is this, oh.
Starting point is 00:21:42 What's happening? This isn't even Patreon. Is this? Look, this is on Instagram. Yeah, this is all gonna have to be blurred. Yeah, and we'll be flagged, but on Instagram they'll be thriving. Dude, this is crazy.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Is that a spatula? A spatula? No, look, wait, wait, wait, watch the, and Nick, get ready to freeze it. What are you, from a small town in the 20s? Hey, is that a spatula? Wait, you'll see. That's bad.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Fuck all you guys, fuck all you guys, wait till you see it. Look, look, bitches, you're talking. It's a watchma call it. Keep going. It's bad. Fuck all you guys. Fuck all you guys. Wait, you didn't see it. Look, look, bitches. You're talking. Keep going. It's a watchma call it. Keep going. It's a dildo, bro.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Keep going. And he's, and she looks like she's kind of having a. Oh! Ah! Ah! What? Apologies, please. I didn't see it, because I don't look at that.
Starting point is 00:22:17 What he's paying inside her is a spatula. Oh. Yeah, not a spatula. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, Eric knows, because he cooks a lot. Yeah. How about the Asian jig with small titties? Where? Keep going right there. Well, we have to blur this.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Yeah. Compared to the other fun bags on there. Yeah, that's our pregnant boobs. Yeah. What are we talking about? My tits are bigger because you guys are a disgrace. OK. You're a disgrace. Go to that other one. That's wild, dude. Lower right. Yeah, but they're at home.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Well, not anymore. They're on the internet. They're not at Mastro's. They're on the internet now. You can look at that on the internet at Mastro's. Like a G. Fucking G'd up from the feet up, dude. Guys, let's take a little break and talk about some raids that help with some shade. We talked about our friends at Shady Rays. They got you covered with premium polarized shades that won't break the bank. You need polarized shades.
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Starting point is 00:24:31 She's gonna get both tits out. Video wouldn't have been as good because you would have seen it wasn't like, it was just for the picture. It's like, okay. You're here in the background. I'll have the medium tits, oops. Where'd you get that shirt?
Starting point is 00:24:43 The Big Man store. But like, what, is it a... DXL. Shout out to DXL. Okay. And is it on like a, they have just like printed graphic t-shirts? Yeah, yeah, they have a bunch of graphic tees. Anytime you see a graphic t-shirt. You do it from the website or you go in?
Starting point is 00:24:58 Well, Rachel goes in. Oh, got it. And she grabs. I dig the shirt. She spends $500 and goes, I got you new shirts. Right. Like what? how much was this? Well, that's so funny man. Have you seen any back behind the scenes from the Tom Cruise mission possible? Of course not
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah, I just see him online, but they're pretty insane. Oh, yeah, you don't see the face is good person Oh, yeah, I was on set that day. It is Nick. There's Nick This is out. This is so crazy. I keep saying he should fake his death. This makes my asshole tight. Or this is how he's gonna die. He's gonna be on a plane. I think that's how he wants to go there. You know what?
Starting point is 00:25:35 That is... You know what's crazy? The picture of your wife with her tits out was more shocking than that. No, that's so wild. I mean, he's done a version of that before, but that on that plane, dude, you have to, whenever I see that kind of stuff, I think of how, what he must be doing. Like he's probably like,
Starting point is 00:25:52 like that's so funny to me. He's also damn near 60. He's so scared, you know? Like, and he didn't even know what's going on. You know when you're in your first fight and you're like, what the fuck? This is what he's just like, where am I? He didn't know he was up or down.
Starting point is 00:26:06 No, this is his 10,000th time doing this shit. I think he's normal to it now. He actually, he does all this stuff. No, I know. He actually flies fighter jets. I think he's like. He flew the fighter jet in a fucking. This thing.
Starting point is 00:26:20 They crashed like so many of these. Those are like 100 grand too, those motorcycles. He crashed like six or of these those are like a hundred grand to those motorcycles he crashed like six or Seven of them six. I think I got put up six Yeah, they're so expensive that motorcycle. I'm sure they got like a bullshit version of made it look like a shell No, they talked about it. No Tom won the real thing. God. He's going crazy. He's got that money This guy I mean, it's unbelievable Yeah, I mean if you're unbelievable. It is, yeah. I mean, if you're a director.
Starting point is 00:26:46 I still don't watch it. You're a director and you're a star. You're a millionaire star. It's like, yeah, I'll jump into the volcano. This is the only way to get his rocks off, though. If you're Tom Cruise, like, you've done it all, dude. Right. He's like, what else can I do?
Starting point is 00:26:57 He just had a, at the premiere for this movie, he's standing on the roof of some fucking theater. Yeah, I saw that. Dude, that is fucking theater. Yeah, I saw that Dude that is Really wild yeah, yeah, he's pretty gangster, but that's you know why they he's ultimate short Do you know why they do this because he doesn't drugs he doesn't fuck no no the reason why you do this is because It's either this actually makes you want to go see the movie Oh, yeah, you're not saying when you're in the movie it gives it a little bit of authenticity
Starting point is 00:27:24 Yeah, I still talk about everyday fucking different people. That's the Drapes. That's why Jackie Chan was great. Jackie Chan was doing this. He doesn't fuck, he doesn't do drugs. Dude, I guarantee you guys like that, they don't fuck. Because here's the thing, dude. They'd be dead.
Starting point is 00:27:40 If they did that and also fucked every day and did drugs, they'd be dead. But I think for him to get his rocks off. He has to do that wild shit P did he was pissing girls mouth They're the same guy no, but he's out of control that's the difference What Chris is saying is out of control Chris is saying is he's done all the focus that he's not doing bad stuff He's you know besides Scientology. He's doing His thing you know yeah, he's he's he's he's it's bad stuff, you know, besides Scientology, he's doing, focusing on his thing, you know? Yeah, he's, it's the adrenaline, dude, the guy's, he's Tom Cruise, bro.
Starting point is 00:28:12 He walks around and the whole room changes, every single room he goes into. He's like the last actual movie star. Even if no one else is in there, the lamp's out. I'm telling you, he's one of those guys, he could have been a cult leader, he could have been like, you know. He probably is.
Starting point is 00:28:24 He could have been, I'm just saying he's got that thing. Like very few, like there's very few stars anymore that you could think of that go, oh they got that thing when they're on screen. He got it, man. I've seen him once in a room when I went to Espy's and even I was like, holy shit, that's Tom fucking Cruz. Could you beat up Tom Cruz?
Starting point is 00:28:43 I don't think so, dude. I don't know. I don't know I think you'd have to kill mission impossible about mission impossible yeah he did have heels on though well watch out when he kicks well I mean he had like four inch platforms on just stilettos yeah. It's for a roll. You just would be the camera just pans down and it's full on stilettos Yeah, I mean, that's like I don't know. Well, who cares right? You know, I that is sure I mean, it's like when when did this short guy thing even begin? Since man was born. Yeah, it's always been a problem. When did it begin? You can't use a bit more shit
Starting point is 00:29:21 It's a problem. It's a problem. They're better at hiding. When was it such a like, you know, when did it become a cultural thing? Caveman days. Women don't like short guys. It's not cultural, it's biological. They want to be fucking, you know, protected and shit.
Starting point is 00:29:40 And there's some short guys that protect you. It's like having a small dog. They'll still get the job done. Well, no, but like- They'll scare the intruders away. But they're not gonna do what the king Corso does. Mm, all right. Like your wife wouldn't be with you if you were small.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Or yours, or mine. Yeah, well my- Like you like a big old fucking Saint Bernard for your wife. My dad is- I'm just bringing medicine. Get that thing back. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You know what? Sometimes you're a piece of shit, but in a nice way. Yeah, St. Bernard.
Starting point is 00:30:18 He's like a nice guy. Everyone loves St. Bernard. That's why I see you. There we go everybody. And you're like a Doberman kind of. My wife's with me because of my large dick. Large dick. She said, she told me outright.
Starting point is 00:30:31 She said, she said your penis. She said it last year. She was like, it's your penis. I go, really? And she goes, yeah. And I said, that's why you tried to put it in the vows. And she was like, yeah, but you wouldn't let me because you know, my whole family was there.
Starting point is 00:30:44 I didn't want her to talk about how big it was in the vows yeah at what point in the elevator speech was your yes yes floor four seven in your dick I'm gangster yeah no I'm gangster I just stayed at that hotel oh yeah yeah big boys you think about me? I did I was gonna text you. Yeah, like you remember last time we're here, but that was guy. I felt it was gay You know, it's you know, it's gay not doing it. I sent the fucking diet coke picture Oh, I love that. Yeah, and then casey's drinking a partner diet. Yeah, bring it up
Starting point is 00:31:20 Yeah, I try to get rid of in the studio. There it is. There it is made my day. It's just smile 5 a.m. Or 6 a.m. Or something. Boston. Oh. I was in Boston and I was taking to get in a flight and I drink Diet Coke and at 5 a.m At 8 a.m. No, I didn't drink it. I drink one at 5 a.m. Yeah, I know you didn't drink it. Oh you didn't drink it? No, I thought they had to you like a brand new. No, that was a coffee shop that had that there and I just got it Yeah, the rest is history This is the one you want. Nick loves that kind of shit. It's the one you want.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Yeah, I don't care. I would drink the partner one. I would drink it. Oh, dude, this one's better. I feel like this one's better than the homie or friend. Eric butt dialed the Golden Hour. Such a boomer thing? I thought I was gonna hear some
Starting point is 00:32:04 Shannon Sharp stuff in the background. Oh my God, imagine. Hell yeah, breastfeed him. Treat me like a baby. I'm dealing with my fucking solar. And then he finds it and he's just like, what? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Yeah, I was like, what's going on? I don't know. It was weird. That was weird. Yeah, I don't. You can see how Shannon Sharp got in trouble. Where were you? You were like cursing the service. You're like, you don't get any service out here? got in trouble. Where were you you were like cursing the service?
Starting point is 00:32:25 You're you don't get any service out here. No because I was like outside dealing with the solar The solar guy was there and we were on the phone with the other solar person trying to figure out this shit careful, bro I loved I loved that. It's my obsession right now. It's the solar You be my last two bills, minus $14. Wow. Oh, minus? Yeah. Would they pay you?
Starting point is 00:32:49 Yeah. $14? Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby, that's a big deal. That's a big deal. That's some dad shit. Dude, I feel like you'd be- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Starting point is 00:32:58 You know what the normal bill in San Luis Obispo is, without solar? $28. It'd be $500. But my buddy, wait, wait, my buddy, he doesn't have solar, he pays $1400 a month because he got two electric cars. $1400 a month with no solar.
Starting point is 00:33:13 I go off on his gallant time, I'm like. I wipe my ass with that much money. Oh my God. If there's no toilet paper, right? If there's no toilet paper, listen. You know what's stupid about that? Even if that were true, that would be dumb. Because $1400 a month in a year
Starting point is 00:33:26 You could buy some other dumb shit that you like so that's stupid It's not a flex to say I I waste $1400 a month. It's not a flex I'm not wasting. He's immature. I'm not wasting. You're immature. Oh, yeah, so wait, so walk around the shitty ass you guys think Go to Smart final or cold? I feel like you'd be great negotiating car prices on Facebook marketplace. With a shitty ass. We could get you in this nice car. Um, I'll be right back.
Starting point is 00:34:02 What's that smile? Oh, uh, I'll be right back. That's how much it raises the electric bill to have the electric car, so it's not even cheaper than gas. Yeah, that's crazy. No, no, no, no. Even like a regular electric bill would be like anywhere from 300 to $800 in Santa Clarita.
Starting point is 00:34:18 But yeah, the electric car, it is expensive. I power my house with a stationary bike, but that's. It's not that much. But I'm saying. I make my do if you're if you're using your electric car every single day It add up it adds up. I'm drinking lemonade eating, but it's still cheaper than gas The TV is slowing down get your tits out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, well, no, that's that's like a p.d. Yeah I understand but she needs to work Twofold keep her in shape save money get horny get horny
Starting point is 00:34:50 Get horny gay ninjas. How dumb it would be if you were wiping your ass with $1,400 every bro. I mean just in a month you used to 14 you just dollar bills. So leave it So leave it shit in there Just it's in the toilet thing. That's like... How many wipes does it take for you to be done? It depends on the kind of... Not me. If I haven't been drinking water. Four to five. Not me. What?
Starting point is 00:35:14 Kevin just looked at me like... Not me. Yeah, but I told you, I get to seven and I just get in the shower. Not me, bro. I keep going. One time it was... I have a poop bathroom. $2,500. You show him who's boss I'm surprised you have one of those electric Thing the bidets all your and still have your own come on. You know he has that you have problems
Starting point is 00:35:41 Those things that's a myth those things don't work. You know I know that you're only using that your ass is Not only is it not only is it disgusting it's wet I disagree did you get yours off Amazon or some shit cuz my shit's expensive I got a good one you walk up to it and it goes hello dude it's like the fucking South Park is it the Chinese toilet oh my god bro that episode do you did we talk about that here one time I I think we did, it was Japanese. When it goes, Oh yeah! The song. Oh. I haven't seen it. That is funny to my funny bone. Like that, the music, the song. Oh yeah! When it does that,
Starting point is 00:36:16 dude, that is a direct shot in my fucking, makes me laugh. Let me see it. If you play the music, just type in music, Japanese toilet music South Park, bro When the guy goes, huh? It That's that's funny that's distilled funny here go ahead but the top one I think
Starting point is 00:36:37 Oh, yeah relaxing. Yeah, here we go Just wait till the oh yeah. So dumb. You're so dumb, dude. So funny, bro. That they that they knew to do that. That would be in that song. That's it. The whole time. And then that would be in that song. That's it
Starting point is 00:37:07 And then that plays every time Every time it every time plays dude. I fucking love that. You know you don't want to be on a toilet You know well dude that's Nice scan Facebook marketplace, I'm just on there forever trying to find toilet paper. You don't like your family No, she's during the day the day your feet go numb yeah I mean I go like five times a day though that's good though you're very healthy no no they say twice is ideal more than that you have problems they do not say that dude bring it up Nick I talked to my proctologist take a little break here dude I see what you guys are doing on DraftKings. I get it, dude, because the NBA 82 game grind is done
Starting point is 00:37:49 and the frickin' New York Knicks are about to win. They might go to the championship, man. That's insane, dude. And my Nuggies are playing well, too. Yeah. It's the NBA playoffs, they're here. And if you're looking to make the playoffs even more exciting, DraftKings Sportsbook
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Starting point is 00:38:50 and Ontario, new customers only. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co I just saw. Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, that's... Hello. She's just skating on ice. This is some. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. one. That's funny. I just sent it to my girlfriend. So I knew where it was Fuck man, that is uh, that is that is Hello is like hello, what's just scary? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah fucking guy dude I was like that was your cue and you didn't do it
Starting point is 00:40:16 Good Whatever the audio visual guys at my fucking house right now putting some shit up. We'll see what happened audio visual guys Yeah, you know the fucking TV sounds around. What was that Nick? We got a. Another rap? Same rap but this time we have a music video and it's pretty great. Oh.
Starting point is 00:40:34 How about that dude did the Muppet Babies things with us. Or no, just the Babies again. Yeah. That one was a little weird though cause it wasn't matching up and it's like it's weird. But it was cool though but I think it was just weird oh yeah oh here we go oh it's like a chin and Brendan had a baby there Whoa
Starting point is 00:41:11 Whoa What Oh Wow so calm with gay, I wanna rap like Valk-Gay shit Anyway, here's my new hit You and the movies bro Oh hell yeah dude I gotta get that You and the dudes with the tight boots
Starting point is 00:41:52 HELL YEAH BRO You and my bottom is a power Only joint gold and now I'm a Oh the pubes bro You and my bottom is a power Spread the web Strap your chest all cast Got the turbo window
Starting point is 00:42:02 OOOOOOPS You and my bottom is a power You and my bottom is a power You ain't gonna interrupt me I know Yeah, dude. You wanna interrupt? I know. Fuck yeah, bro. Well, not the skirt, but. I don't like it. Whoa, dude.
Starting point is 00:42:13 That's all AI? Yeah. I don't like it. Bro. I get it. I get it. Whoa, dude. That's all AI? Yeah. Holy shit. I mean, that would have taken nine years to make. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:35 Just the biggest loser of all time. Like, right before Christmas. Because it gets to go like this. Yeah. All right, film. Ch-ch-ch-ch. OK. Ch-ch-ch-ch.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Yeah. It's kind of fucking and And they gotta find the guy's name is that on Instagram sent to me Nicholas I'll send it to you mark actually saw it on reddit. I haven't even seen the guy send it to us what oh yeah I do I haven't I did not see that I'm surprised well. I mean reddit wow reddit's got Cool stuff like that going on usually the golden hour reddit is a positive place Small oh really? Oh, that's good Well, I don't even know about it. I don't know yeah, I don't go on reddit. I think everyone has a reddit Yeah, I think I think it's like every single show. Yeah, it's like I always say reddit is like a
Starting point is 00:43:20 Like a biker bar that you're not supposed to go in, unless you're like a part of it. Oh, that's funny. Because you'll walk in and everybody will go, the fuck you doing here? What are you doing here? Yeah. You know, you're just like, ooh, my bad, sorry. He's so funny.
Starting point is 00:43:33 It's dark in here. That's what it is, it's dark, yeah, it's what it is. They just, they had this like secret underground of like just darkness. I just like, how's it be cool to be part of a club? It is what it is. I mean, it's like, it's part of our society, but you know like like like I don't even go on X or Twitter anymore I don't have it on my phone. Yeah, I just do it at home if I'm not posting
Starting point is 00:43:54 Tivity on there. I I don't care. I just I don't go on it really yeah I'm kind of like you know what and I'm gonna go on his Instagram the only The only one I go on is Instagram. The only one. The only one. I mean, I don't, sometimes I'll comment back that just recently I've been doing that, but I don't really. Me too, I've been coming back lately too. Mostly all positive, like I posted a picture of Tiger absolutely crushed.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that, dude. Everyone's been super cool. I'll comment on that. And then one guy at Drive Fast All Gas, has its own handle. Some guys are like, I can't believe people keep hiring this guy and drive fast all gas you know has its own handle Some guys like I can't believe people keep hiring this guy as a spokesman. I don't get it man How'd you keep getting deals? I was like you know what I got time today. I went. I only company you fucking idiot He's all all right my bad so weird people are I put on the real Instagram Nick oh
Starting point is 00:44:40 I got a funny one somebody look at this fucking yak look at this To Get you some crazy how old is he nine nuts? This slides pretty dope too, and then how about the throw from fucking outfield that kid has a arm, but then t-slides Get to look at him. He's there sliders One is the game bottom the the six, in the playoffs. Wow. Number one seed, just beat him. Wow. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:45:10 Wow, we going pro. We going pro. Oh, yeah. I'm about to retire. And you're gonna be a great little league dad. Oh, yeah. What's that coach the Yankees? Last game got hostile, the man.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Parents talking shit to each other. You know what's that? Okay Yankees last game got hostile the man parents talking shit to each other. You know, what's great It's great to your son is actually great because when you're in the stands now people could be like Because if your kid was trash and you're in the stands it'd be like space jam You gotta be like this you gotta be like When your kids have a bad game and he's fucking up it's so embarrassing You don't think everybody's like you you know they're probably not be like Yeah, but these like some like come on TV, please dude. I need this for me Somebody's some dads and they could be terrible. Oh, bro. They can be terrible.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Oh, man. I remember I coached like a little league, a basketball, like a park league, you know? My friend asked me to do this park league thing and the dads were just, like the guy wanted to fight me. Oh, there's nothing, baseball dads are insane. I've been told this. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:19 I told this one dad. Oh, right, you were, yeah. This kid is trash, you know what I mean? So, you know what I mean? I have to, like, what are you supposed to do? You know what I mean? It's just crazy how, and then the yes kid is trash. You know what I mean, so you know I mean I have to like what are you supposed to do? Right, you know I mean, it's just crazy how and then the ref wanted to fight. You know I was like this is crazy I'm never coming back to call timeout was like everyone needs to chill. This is rec Everyone chill the fuck yeah, like you're not helping the kids out
Starting point is 00:46:39 Yeah, I'll call the dads out though like this one day I kept you on that is at his son who's on our team throw the ball harder I went but let me talk you think he's not trying to throw hard right right right what are you doing dude you're putting more stress on him yeah like let him do his thing dude and then what did the guy say he's like oh you're right man two plays later throw it hard right right fuck it yeah there should be a Netflix knock on baseball day it's funny wild I know wild shit well there's a that's a whole term for it.
Starting point is 00:47:05 Little league dad is a term for it. That's why people, they get crazy, they try to live vicarious through them. It's always the dads who didn't play that are usually the issues. Dads who don't have any experience in athletics are by far the worst. And the moms are bad too, but the dads are wild.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Wait, wait, the dads are bad, but the dads at least it's about the sport. I used to have a joke about this because I used to coach basketball and the moms, this is how a mom will come at you. The mom will be like, Coach, how come my kid isn't playing? It was $75 for the team shoe.
Starting point is 00:47:37 That's the kind of things moms come with. Moms come with, you're like, well, I mean, there's other reasons why your kid isn't playing. Yeah, everyone paid for the shoes. He's just not very good. Coach, that other kid you got playing, he don't even know who his dad is.
Starting point is 00:47:49 I'm like, well, that's not why I, imagine if that's how you picked the team. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my God. But you have some wild, wild mom stuff, man. This dude's great, I've seen him. Oh yeah, I've seen this. I'm not bending over no more. You hear me? Throw, I said seen this. This would be Eric if he ref'd.
Starting point is 00:48:23 Just lost swag. I couldn't ref. Being a ref is like being a waiter. And dealing with somebody's attitude, I wouldn't do it. He did the same thing two times in a row, dribbled right into the damn trap. I look right at him, bro, same thing. I'm like, he's coming at me. I'm like, wow. Now this guy was born and raised in Malibu, right?
Starting point is 00:48:51 Yeah. Now he seems like a good dude. Yeah. Most DMs are cool too, but in the parents, it's fucking, it's crazy, dude. It's crazy. Yeah, it's tough. I don't know what I'm gonna do
Starting point is 00:49:01 when that kind of shit goes down. I, I, I. But I, yeah. I know, yeah, I know. But I'm already I'm like I was coaching basketball I remember this it was summer league and this dad Like this kid didn't show up for the summer league game and we only had like six players Right, you know and then he came back the next day. I said what happened? He was like while it's punishing him I said, okay
Starting point is 00:49:20 Pushing the whole team. Listen, I didn't play his kid the whole game. He was like, what happened? I said, oh well, you punished him for what he did to you. But he missed the game and let his team down. So now it's my punishment. Correct. You know, that's how I was with that shit. But it's also, wait till it's your kid. That's where it's different.
Starting point is 00:49:41 If you're a coach, it's so different. But I remember this. Like he would be like, dad, why don't you let him and I catch him on my, I don't know him. I don't care if he catches the ball. He's not it's different. If you're a coach, it's so different. Like he'll be like, dad, why don't you let him for a night and catch a mom? I'm like, I don't know him. I don't care if he catches a whole ball. He's not you, dude. Well, I mean, if you have a good community,
Starting point is 00:49:51 but it's tough. But I'm saying parents have a whole weird, when I was coaching high school, this kid, this mom came up to me. I love talking about it on stage, because it's so ridiculous. Because she was like, coach, what are we gonna do about his grades this year?
Starting point is 00:50:05 Oh yeah, I know this bit. But I said we? Like, you have a homeroom teacher, six teachers, a guidance counselor, and the, you? How about from two to five, I work on free throws and layups, and you take care of everything else?
Starting point is 00:50:21 Eric's the wrong one to come at that shit with. Oh, not the one. Not the one. He's a black lady. Yeah at that shit with. Oh, not the one. Not the one. He's a black lady. Yeah. Yeah, he turns up on the black side. Oh, and that's when these black moms come at me. I'm like, I know how to, I know how to.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Yeah, what's, you wanna. Are we doing this? Yeah. Are we doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But also, Tigers outgrown me. That's the sad thing.
Starting point is 00:50:39 I have bossy with, like, I can't even pitch as hard as I can to T anymore. He just crushes the ball. Wow. They're like, come on dad, I'm like, you ain't ready for this, bro. I'm throwing at 50%. And just like, poosh.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Just Darren Dalton, just the next Darren Dalton. That's great, man. He had a drug problem. Well, I hope, like on the field. You gotta plunk him, move him off the plate. Yeah, I try man, he's just fucking good. But that's what everybody wants. I mean, that must be a great feeling though.
Starting point is 00:51:05 I mean, you're a sports guy, you know? And then now your son is like great at this thing. I mean, that's like, you know what I mean? Nothing better, nothing better. You know, so, good for you. He's gonna have to get his shit together. In Texas, he's playing with older kids, we'll see. Be good for him.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Yeah, better it happen now than like, you know, not making the team, like, you know? Right, you know, not making the team like, you know. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, competition, yeah. That's... Yeah. Competition's what it's all about.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Wow. I used to love that shit. When I was playing, I made up things to like, get mad about stuff. I remember, did I tell you guys I went to big man camp? No. Yeah, listen. What the fuck is that? Because I went to Big Man Camp? No. Yeah, listen. The fuck is that?
Starting point is 00:51:46 Because I went to a small high school. So at six, three, I was tall in my school, okay? So I was like, the coach was getting on me about stuff and I was like, fuck this. I said, I found a thing, I said, Ma, I need to go to Big Man Camp. So I went to Big Man Camp. My God, that's the first time I felt like Casey.
Starting point is 00:52:06 You know what I mean? I was like, it was like six, 10, seven footers and shit. They were like, little man. We were doing like five on five, little man bring the ball up. I was like, little man, bitch, I'm a sinner in my school. Wow. Just nuts in your ass.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Yeah, it was like, it was crazy. That's when I knew I was like, oh, I don't know if like I like the competition. I like you know, but I was like, oh, I'm I'm never gonna be there Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? I'm never gonna be this. Yeah, but it was fun No, let's get a tiger. I show them videos of nine-year-olds in Cuba and shit Oh, I'm like this so you're competing with right because these white boys are gal about saying shit. They're trying to get their families out Yeah, that's Because these white boys are galabasas ain't shit. They're trying to get their families out of that Dude vine for the same spot. Yeah, you should tell them to get a good side again. You want to get us out of Texas you gotta
Starting point is 00:52:54 Brennan's like get they're trying to get their kids out of Cuba and their whole family out of Cuba Don't let them It's up to you That's the Republican way At their own game basically these fucking guys infiltrating America. Basically, Tiger's border security. Do it for the border every time you like. Oh, this little kid's great.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Does Tiger have this much flair? No. You gotta get his flair together. I'd kill him. What do you mean? This is good. No, you'll hear him Oh, this little dude's filthy with it Let's get his monster
Starting point is 00:53:35 Oh my god, is that Dan is that Dan Marley Dan Marley he's shooting far away to get Dan Marley jr. Oh This kid, yeah Marley Jr. Oh, this kid. What is he, four? Third grade. He's got the look on his face. This is crazy. What's crazy about this, this is the age we live in now.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Like by the time this kid gets to high school, he's gonna have like five million followers. You know what I mean? Endorsement deals and stuff. He'll be a Gatorade athlete. Look at him. Well this kid's annoying. You gotta have one of those on every team. I quit. I quit. This is where I quit. I'm third grade I see this kid I go I'm not fucking I don't want to be around this. I'd trip him or some shit. Oh wow. I just go, I'll be funny. I went to one football practice when I was in high school.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Wow, this kid is fucking, who the hell are his parents? Jason Williams. Yeah. Oh my God, he dunks, he just fucking dunks. And it's like, Like, here bud. Like Sean Kemp. Like this one, he does this one. I I love all of Chris's references are 35 years old
Starting point is 00:54:56 They were current when they when I knew about them Fucking hell, I love this. I bet when he gets on the field he'd be like drew blood. Soe Have you guys ever seen that kid? What's his name? The little music kid? He's like seven years old Yeah miles miles. I mean this kid is like when you look at him You just look at your own kid and go you're gonna get your fucking shit I've seen this kid is amazing. How old is he? He was seven. He's probably like nine by now. Oh my God. He's just a savant. I can't even point to pitch it down. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:55:46 He's just a savant. I can't even point to is... It's fucking right there! That's not how you brush your teeth. I wanna hear this song. That's not how you brush your teeth. Oh my god. Bro, if that was my kid, I'd be like, yeah, I'd like to see you trying to stand up, bro. I'm still the man of the fucking house. Okay, so the lyrics aren't good. But he's still nine.
Starting point is 00:56:35 And he's also matched other pop songs. I know, I'm kidding. What if he was... But he goes to places like, they take him to like, amazing studios with big time-time, you know, and he just knows it's just But there's a but there's another there's this other little girl who's a DJ Wow, I gotta find it and she just She's just sitting in front of the things. Yeah, and she's doing this, you know That shows you how easy it is, but she's like nobody she's like doing all this stuff She's like a little girl and I'm like, this is like, you know, I just. It might be their peak though.
Starting point is 00:57:08 That's what you gotta worry about as a parent. This might be the peak. Yeah, I know, I know. That's, yeah. You don't want them peaking at nine. I know. You're having a mustache and shit. Yeah, this is the girl right here.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Look, look at, you got all this equipment. She can't even get in the club. This is all, all the videos are like this you know many pedophiles are commenting on this but the debt this is like oh I'm sure the parents run this account you know I mean it's pretty wild but there's some of them where she's like really going in man, I'm like she's about to Do the beat hasn't even dropped yet. Let the beat drop Here we go, oh
Starting point is 00:57:56 This is weird, yeah, yeah, I feel weird no no but what I'm saying is like I'm like, she likes it here's the thing though your kid is into whatever they're into. Yeah, and then they get to a part where they Great at it like or whatever. It's like she's good like this if this is I would not be surprised though If like a five-year she's like I want to do that DJ thing. Right, right Right, they're kids in two months. You know, I'm over the DJ. Yeah, it's crazy But then like but during the parents like but we're paying our bills with it It's we got a million followers you better Pretend you like this for 30 seconds
Starting point is 00:58:29 I remember doing this commercial where I was like a janitor in the commercial and all you don't need to brag No, no, but it was like these kids and I'm listening to the kids talk and it's all these like a type personality kids And I just wanted to strangle all of them because they're all like, yeah, you know, I got this I was what they wanted me to do this television show, but I don't know to do it because you know I got baseball or whatever it is like that. I'm just listening to them. I'm like, wow Like I'm so grateful to be Yeah, you know be a janitor in this fucking commercial right now You guys are talking about like, you know, like would you let down 30,000 a month?
Starting point is 00:59:03 Would you let wolf be a child actor yeah oh interesting yeah yeah but he's he but he's got to do good projects do it yeah show me your accent son yeah but if you're what I'm saying we're getting prosthetics I get you not wanting your kid to do something that you think is like whatever but if they want to do it isn't it better that you're Isn't it better that you're... Pro... That's great. Isn't it better that you're there...
Starting point is 00:59:24 Is it better that you're there to help him? You can't get doing this. No, I love it. That actually happened even. I have to call this guy to update everything. That was just a joke. That's so funny. That's great.
Starting point is 00:59:32 I'm going to be in Regina. Saskatoon Winnipeg. What if Tiger or Boston wanted to be a UFC fighter? You know? You would discourage it, but what if they wanted to do it? Yeah, you have to... I don't want to do it. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:59:40 I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. China, Saskatoon, Winnipeg. What if Tiger or Boston wanted to be a UFC fighter? You know? You would discourage it, but what if they wanted to do it? Yeah, you have to.
Starting point is 00:59:49 I wouldn't want to do it. Yeah, I know. You'd be perfectly suited to be like, hey. You know what I mean? I do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You watch that Nickelodeon doc, though.
Starting point is 00:59:57 You don't want your kid doing that. I know, of course. No, no, no, what it is is you never leave your kid. Yeah. You're always there. They find a way. You're always there. A lot of those people, you're always there. They find a way. You're always there.
Starting point is 01:00:05 A lot of those people, they're just not there. A lot of parents, they get their kids into that stuff. But the one kid who got molested the most, the dad was like, I have to be on set, I have to. And then one time he was like, you got him, right? The mom's like, I got him. Oh, dude, don't even say that. The mom fucked it up?
Starting point is 01:00:19 Yeah, the mom was like, I'm gonna go on bathroom break. And then the perpetrator was like, get him. La Jolla Comedy Store. Next week, May 30th, and then Helium, and then Comedy Off, Broadway, and then July, Punchline. And then I'm doing a bunch of dates with Rife. So. I'm chrislea.com, I got St. Louis, Dania,
Starting point is 01:00:41 Irvine, California, Indianapolis, got a bunch of different places. All right kids, dryfastholgass.com, we got a bunch of new merch on there. We have a big sale going on from Memorial Day coming up. DryFastAllGas.com, win that TRX with over $50,000 in mods and $10,000 cash. Get your sub, Dry Fast All Gas. Love you. video. Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut busting comedies like The Neighborhood,
Starting point is 01:01:46 Boomerang and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Bueller. Mystery is free with countless cases to crack from Criminal Minds, Tracker and Matlock. I'm a lawyer like the old TV show. And thrills are free with heart-pumping hits like The Walking Dead and Pulp Fiction. The Wreck the Mundo. Feel the free Guys, what is up? My name is Thomas Schwartz. Some of you might know me from Vanderpump Rules. We had 11 wonderful, beautiful, strange seasons together. You've seen me at some of my worst and now I want to show you some of my best. Welcome to my new show Detox, Retox on podcast one. So what are we doing here? Well, we're striving for balance in an ever extreme world. Each week we celebrate the dance between indulgence and moderation. And I want to level up together. And I don't want to
Starting point is 01:02:33 feel bad about feeling good. It's all about harmony. Okay, through conversations and travels, friends, your favorite reality stars, internet personalities, experts, amateurs, metaphysics, the best cow, highly experiential, it's going to be a nice blend of practical and fantastical. It's not woo woo woo if it works. So we're going to open up our minds with fascinating humans from all walks of life. So you're a little reminder that it's never too late to start fresh and find harmony.
Starting point is 01:02:58 New episodes of Detox, Retox with me, Tom Schwartz, drop every Tuesday. Come vibe with us and remember to rate, review, and follow wherever you get your podcasts.

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