The Golden Hour - You're NOT Talking to Matt Rife | The Golden Hour PATREON #44 EXCERPT w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

The guys talk trolls, the viral chocolate croissant video that Chris can't get enough of, BritBox, UK arresting social media users, getting texts from random numbers, phone solicitors, the Longlegs horror movie and Godzilla Minus One, movie remakes, body counts and much more! Get the full episode plus two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us As I show you, use the love, just rebrand it enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour Do you still have magazines?

No. Well, I mean, what do you mean? Like, there? I get magazines sent to my house still. Physical magazines I read, yeah. Car magazines. You read? Oh yeah. Wow, that's funny. Pictures of cars and stuff. Yeah, street truck.

I know, but why don't you just look online though? He wants to... I like the physical copy, man. I'm old school. I get that, I get that. I get it. Why? I don't know.

Yeah, you don't have a reason. It's the difference between like going to a movie or watching something at home. I went to the movies you can enjoy It's something about that experience. I like I saw trap There you say you okay, and also it was terrible, right? It was not good and also I saw takes a lot to get me the move I know that and I show one can get me no, that's good

I'm good, but you gotta go see it because you you want to see if he can make a good movie again Well, I I got always go see one of those movies for that set reason like no He maybe this would be the one he is good. Quentin Tarantino get me out of this house. Maybe That's our game Deadpool movie was fucking great. Yeah I'll wait for it. I'll wait for that too You know, I'm waiting for long legs. I want to see long legs. Bro, don't ruin it for me when you see it. Okay, okay.

Because you see it before me, I bet. I'll see it the day it comes out. You always have people around you so you don't, like, when you're on the road go to the movies by yourself. I can't even see you doing that. You wouldn't even, because you need to bother people. I want to. If you had no one to, that's your hell.

Chris's hell is he's by himself doing bits and no one's listening. Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna have an audience. Yeah, he would just be like, nah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, nobody?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be your hell. That is true. But I can, I love going to the movies by myself. I do, yeah, it's fine. But you just don't have to because you always have people in the way. Right, right, right.

Wait, wait, I did see a movie recently besides Trap. I saw one. In the theater? No, no, no, no, no, at home. And then, I don't have to because you always have people in the background. Right, right, right. Wait, I did see a movie recently besides Trap. I saw one. In the theater? No, no, no, no, no. At home. I don't know, whatever. I'll tell you this though.

If I am going to go to the theater, I want it to be something big and eventful because like if it's like, can you imagine watching Border in the theater? No, no, no. No reason, no reason. Zero reason to watch that in the theater. I totally agree. I totally agree. So it's so it's like, you just be in there like this. If I was watching that movie in the theater,

I would be full on black woman in there. Yeah. Oh hell no. What? She has a penis? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd be like, oh my God. Spoiler, by the way.

Oh man. Not really. I mean, that scene right there though, I was like, I assumed she had a dick when I saw the cover. No, no, no. That's not the way. Oh man. Not really. I mean that scene right there though, I was like wild. I assumed she had a dick when I saw the cover. No, no, no. That's not the twist. No, it is though.

That's not the twist. It's not. It's not the twist. It's not the twist. I saw the cover and I'm like, she has a dick. The tw- Her haircut gave it away. I love the twist.

She's butt-ass naked before you just know dick. One of my favorite twists. You want the twist? I will never watch it. Okay. The twist is, and this is why it's so good. Yeah, give it to me. In the middle of the movie you find out that she is a troll.

But she doesn't know it. On the internet? Yeah, she says something on the internet like, fucking, shawb. Yeah. She doesn't know it and a guy comes along and like kind of looks like her and he's like. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He doesn't kind of look like her. Yeah. And that's the one, that's the problem I have with this movie. Okay, okay. This is a weird bitch, okay? She weird. She's very weird.

She don't look like nobody. Well also she's got a superhuman sense of smell. Okay, Chris, Chris. She don't look like anybody. Right. And then a dude that looks just like her comes walking in. Right.

You'd be like Yeah, she had like no Her being a midget was the twist no case. She's not Troll and they're trolls and he's like guy has a pussy in the girl woman has the penis Yeah, but it's not it's not always there. No, like you did this. Yeah, it's not twist cuz I've been to Portland But it's not always there. No. See, that's not a twist, because I've been to Portland. Portland's a twist, bro. No.

This scene, though, is like they're out in the woods. It's wild. Butt ass naked. And no, they're not even naked. She's like, I'm deformed. You know? Yeah, and she's right. And he takes her pants down, and he's looking down at her pussy.

And then a dick comes out like this. A worm dick. A big ass dick just comes out. Then she's like, oh my gosh. And she fucks him. She fucks him. But he already had a baby earlier. No, that's the period.

But the one twist though is that like, she's a customs officer, right? So they stop this guy and they strip search him. Then the guy comes out and goes, I think you should have done this. You know, that person has a vagina. You're a, it's a female I think.

And she goes in and that's when she realized she's like something's going on. She's drawn to this dude. Cause this dude's a dude. Like it's not like, you would know mistaken it's just a dude. But the whole it's not like it would no mistake in it does the whole but the whole time then when he's laying there with her and he's like you're a troll we're trolls I'm like a Fucking course. They are look at them. You know what I mean? Like that. I loved that. I loved that reveal

Why I just thought it was like they were in bread or so. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But like oh, yeah trolls are a thing That's an actual like so they're gonna like they're a fake thing, right? Right, right, but it's it's in the lore of that right and then they're running naked through the I love that scene where they're just like Really trolling it up. They're naked They got both got tits My favorite my favorite scenes was she sounds like the worst movie. She comes home. She also has a boyfriend Okay, yeah, she has a boyfriend. Okay. She has a boyfriend that like,

cause she just likes to company. Who's human? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she comes home, but now she's done with this dude. She just comes home and he has dogs that are always barking at her. This time she comes home and she goes, to the dogs barking, he goes,

she goes, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the dog's like, whoa. She learned it from the guy. And then she gets the TV, gets this TV and throws it outside. You're moving out. Yep Troll power. Yeah, she felt she's coming into her In the morning you'll be gone. Yep

Yeah, all you see is the car just pulling out Yeah, it was crazy. But you know what? Also was a mystery. Yeah, I forgot about that part of it. Yeah, the troll parts weird but then you really there is like a something going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't necessarily need to be about trolls because it was about something else too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really it was a great fucking movie. Yeah, I don't know if it was a great movie but I would be like it was very much like, you know what? A very eventful movie in a sense of like you go wow. Yeah. What did I just watch? It's fantastic though. So good storytelling outside. Yeah, what else got Nick? Let's see. Hey Take it in watch that movie This old three kids have an ass yeah, you don't get to watch like adult movies transformers, yeah like adult movies. Nah, he wants to watch fucking Transformers.

Yeah. No, we don't watch Transformers. Really? No, man. There's so many now. I do. They're making a new one, a cartoon one. I just don't understand.

I just don't understand. Oh, if it's like a universe like Transformers, right? They've destroyed every city so many times. Yeah. It's like, if you're just living in that city now, you're like, why are we rebuilding this? Yeah. Just leave it.

It's just like the Godzilla King Kong. Godzilla, yeah. It's like, Demon Focus are just destroying shit all the time. He just fucks up all the buildings. Yeah. And he's supposed to be helping us? Also, how's he standing in the ocean? You know, yeah, I know.

There's a lot of stuff that's, no, it's all, which one? That minus one. Oh, awesome. It was fine. Oh, come on. It was just fine. That's a good Godzilla. Awesome. Good Godzilla. Chris, when the girl It was just fine. That's a good Godzilla.

Awesome. Good Godzilla. Chris, when the girl, first of all, she survives, so we wish it was dumb. This big blast is coming. Yeah, I know. And it's like Austin Powers, where it's like, no! She fucking pushes him.

How about just do this, bitch? I know, I know, but that's not a movie if you do that. But that kind of stuff happens, and I'm out. Nah, that's stupid. that's not a movie if you do that. But that kind of stuff happens and I'm out. Nah, that's stupid. It's about a big fucking lizard. Yeah, my problem is he's so heavy it would sink, right? Brendan, the physics of it is not a problem. Maybe his bone density is like, you know, he floats.

Yeah, bro. You ever think that? You know what? You don't know. That's all the time. You know what? You don't see, you know what it is? He's so good, he's up here, but underneath the water?

Skinny legs. His legs are going like this. Like a duck, he's like a duck. So fast. Yeah, his legs are going like, but you don't see that. Yeah, all right, fair point. Fuck, and that Godzilla song is the best theme song in cinema history. And I've said that before.

Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. The best theme song in movie history. Yes. Yes. Dude.

No, I think The Godfather is the best theme song. That's good, too. But this is like rappers use this all the time. Da da da da da. That's because it takes taken away. Bum bum bum bum. Yeah. Bum. Bum.

Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. Bum. I'm Godzilla. Don't MMA fighters come out to this? No, none of them do.

I do. That's how I wake up. Did you just make that right now? No. Yep. No. No. Kevin sent it to me. So. I wish Did you just make that right now? No. Yep. No. No. Kevin sent it. So I wish, you know what Gazza was missing?

Just a fat dick. Yeah. I thought about that. Well, bro, I watched a Planet of the Apes movie. That was the movie I saw. The new Planet of the Apes movie, they don't have dicks. Yeah, of course not. And then I watched the original Planet of the Apes,

the classic one. Have you ever seen that one? No. Yeah, their makeup's terrible. So bad, bro. of the apes the classic one if you've seen that one yeah the makeup's terrible so bad Music