The Greatest Generation - A Shower Veg (ENT S1E5)

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

When Commander Tucker gets assigned to fix an alien ship, he finally chills out and starts smelling the grass. But when his unexpected pregnancy is more Junior than Aliens, not even a girlfriend shirt could hide the pregnant person tropes. Where does a pantsless dance club rank on a list of first impressions? Who has the standards and practices memo on those nips? What would make Enterprise 2,000% better? It’s the episode that still wants a Star Trek World.Support the production of The Greatest GenerationGet a thing at podshop.biz!Sign up for our mailing list!Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum LeapThe Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde PriddySocial media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill TilleyMusic by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFriends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | JusticeDiscuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:YouTube | Facebook | X | Instagram | TikTok | Mastodon | Bluesky | ThreadsAnd check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

It's official, The Greatest Generation is returning to London this fall for our second ever appearance at London Podfest. You might even call it a second contact. That's because we've decided to do an extremely small number of one-off performances this year revisiting some of our favorite episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation ever. And we're calling it Second Contact. I like that idea. Get your tickets to the London show at greatestgentour.com and keep an ear out for a couple more Second Contact shows later this year.

That's Second Contact coming to the London Podcast Festival this September for one night only. greatestgentour.com for all ticketing information. Here's to the finest crew in Star Trek. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me. This is a parody. Paramount owns the song. Welcome to the Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.

I'm Adam Pranica. I'm Ben Harrison. My wife took a day off for the first time in like, I don't know, months without a plan. She's pretty good at taking days off if we're like going somewhere. But on very short notice, she was like, yeah, Friday, I'm taking it off. Let's do something. Wow. That's very un- your wife. I mean, it's very un-Russian also.

Russians don't take a dump son without a plan. The something she wanted to do was like a little bit akin to a staycation. One thing she wanted to do was like a little bit akin to a staycation. She's like, neither of us have ever been to the Universal Studios theme park. Wow. Why don't we like go to there and see what that's about? That sounds fun. For living in LA as long as we have, like I have not done a bunch of studio tour shit, so I was like most excited to do that.

The studio tour is great. Wow. Fun. You know what it made me think of most of all though? The lack of Star Trek ride universe that we live in. Yeah. The idea that all that IP is just sitting there, fallow. That we could at least have an okay ride. compared to the rides that I wrote at Universal. Like there are all these little distinct worlds.

There's like the Simpsons universe and the Harry Potter universe. And there's the Transformers one and the Nintendo world and so forth. None of these worlds are big. Like if anyone out there has ever been to Disneyland or whatever, those worlds are enormous. Yeah. You go to Universal and the worlds are like a couple of blocks, like they're manageable.

You could do Star Trek. And I know the properties don't have a relationship. This isn't a universal and paramount thing. I'm just talking about like, I think it's possible. Why isn't anyone doing it? Was Great America somehow paramount affiliated in the past or is it currently? Because I wasn't really much of a theme park person growing up, but at some point I went to great America and there were like Klingons walking around instead of costume mascots, you know. I think that's a great America issue

and not a Star Trek theme park issue. Yeah, I mean, I guess the, there was the Star Trek experience in Vegas and the footage I've seen of that, it looked awesome. Like you got to go on the D's bridge and you got to, you got to run down a hallway and see Borgs and all that stuff. I think if all you ever did

was take the Star Trek experience shit out of the boxes or out of the trash where I think sadly it ended up and just rebuilt it exactly the same. Like I'm not asking for much, I'm not asking for much. I'm just asking for something. Yeah. Yeah. Like why throw away the set of the Merv Griffin show?

You know? This stuff belongs in the Smithsonian. At least in the dumpster behind the Smithsonian. Anyway, had a great day off with my wife last week and it just, I don't know. This, this isn't a new idea that even we've not discussed before on the show, but it was a reminder that this stuff is still unexplored. Yeah.

There's so much potential unrealized in Star Trek. I know. I know. And, uh, it seems like the folks at Paramount have their hands full with other matters. Yeah. But, uh, maybe a like the folks at Paramount have their hands full with other matters. But, uh, maybe a theme park property is something that could be realized after the smoke clears from whatever it is they're trying to achieve at this point. Yeah.

Maybe if they'd oriented some of that Berkshire Hathaway money toward some shit people actually want to do and not a stupid ass app experience. Like, keep the shows on Netflix or whatever and then like do other cool shit also. Yeah, you know what? That would be unexpected, wouldn't it? Hmm, and that's a great pivot, Adam, because that is the name of the episode we came to review here today.

It's season one, episode five of Star Trek Enterprise. ["Legally It's Just a Virtual"] We start with Archer sopping wet, enjoying himself a shower. This is no sonic shower. This is the old fashionedfashioned kind with water. Then his dick starts floating upward and everything else does too. What the hell's going on? Wouldn't the loss of gravity be a problem worthy of its own alert

klaxon or a message on the 1MC? Because we get a scene where the captain of the ship is unaware of this problem, floats upward, and then is dropped onto the floor as soon as gravity is restored. He hits really hard. That looked like it hurt. You're gonna kill somebody.

Like that's one of my big old age fears is slipping and falling in the shower, fucking myself up. And then that being like how I live my remaining years. Right. I don't want to go out like that. Oh man. This is terrible. Don't make me a shower veg.

This terror is sufficient enough to go into theme song off of. Right? Yeah. After the theme, it's challenging. is sufficient enough to go into theme song off of. Right? Yeah. After the theme, it's chow time in the mess hall and it's breakfast buffet style.

Ben, what's your choice when confronted with a breakfast buffet? Never soup. You know what? I love Japanese breakfast at a hotel and often you'll get the miso soup as a component of that. I love that for breakfast. Yeah, I don't know.

I like eating what I've become accustomed to. And for me, that's not soup. But for T'Pol, it is. How about T'Pol just absolutely smashing nuts in this scene about what her choice in breakfast is and how it is not the doctor's choice and how disgusted she becomes when a blueberry pancake is waved in her face.

It's a real gross out. It smells revolting to her. Yeah. Eating it is out of the question. I love that the doctor is not human, you know, like for the purposes of this scene. She is not telling a human, like, your shit is disgusting to me.

It's too alien saying, these people's shit is disgusting to me. How early is too early for carbonated water is also a question I had, because DePaul goes to the replicator to get a glass of that. I don't know if I'm drinking anything with burbles in it until the afternoon. Yeah, yeah. This scene reminded me of a. I don't know if I'm drinking anything with burbles in it until the afternoon. Yeah, yeah.

This scene reminded me of a trip I took to Ethiopia. ["It Doesn't Take a Lot to Get Been Tellin' You"] Ben's gonna talk about Africa. It's gonna take some time to tell you things you never asked. One of the best food countries I've ever visited, like by far best lunches and dinners ever. But the hotel that we stayed in for part of the trip, like was just trying to cater to, I guess it was trying to cater to Western travelers and have Western style breakfast, but it was like, it just seemed like it was being prepared like based on a picture by people that didn't know what it was supposed to taste like. It wasn't,

they're like preparing something that's outside their culture. And so it, it just like everything tasted super wrong. And like, I hated the breakfast at this place after like seven days of like, you know, getting up early and going out and working long hours and like being fueled by breakfast that was kind of gross and like not really something that I was enjoying, like I could really vibe with DePaul in this moment. Could you be specific about what made it not agreeable to you? So there were like some pastries, but they were like really gummy and like maybe like spiced in a way that I was really unused to. And like there would be some like cut up fruit, but it would be

like kind of like bad quality low end fruit. And And I wound up eating just like a ton of yogurt and like it was just plain yogurt with no, like there wasn't honey or anything to put in the yogurt aside from the bad fruit. So there was nowhere to go. Like there wasn't like, oh, like the eggs are clearly bad and like reconstituted from powder, but at least there's a waffle iron, you know, like you can't really fuck that up. Like there was just nothing like-

Was this a chain hotel? It was not. It was like a locally owned- There you go. You got to go across the way to the Marriott for that flip over waffle maker. Yeah, you know, this was not really a choice that I got to make. It was like, we're going here and this is where we're staying. Do you ever think about how, maybe horrifying isn't the word, but like when you put one thing inside another thing, that's just unusual, that you're not used to seeing. Like putting Hershey's syrup in a water glass, there's something revolting by it. When DePaul puts her glass into the replicator and orders carbonated water and the syrup comes out. I mean, I've heard of like a Bosco if you're going to make like an egg cream,

but Hershey's? No fucking way, man. How much Hershey's syrup do you think you could drink? Well, none. I kind of feel like I could drink a lot of it. Really? It's the taste of my childhood. Wow. Man, that was the treat when I was growing up.

One scoop of vanilla ice cream, store brand. Hershey's syrup in the squeeze bottle. Wow. But the name brand squeeze bottle. That's interesting. Yeah. Huh. Yeah.

Loved it. I lived such a seriously name brand free childhood. Like we never had name brand band-aids. We never had name brand paper towels. We never had name brand paper towels. We never had name brand toothpaste. It must've been like you grew up on a television sitcom set, like a kitchen set. Yeah.

Like when you watch TV, that must've felt so familiar to you. Everything was like a little bit off. Why is dad drinking beer brand beer? It has made me like, I will always spend the extra two bucks to get Advil and not like CVS brand ibuprofen. Because you had that kind of upbringing, I bet. I am like hard reacting against it. The deprivation made you go after that, huh?

And I know that it's like financially, it's like the worst choice. Like there's no difference. It's like made in the same factory. It's a different box. It's a different company. It's a different quality of product. That must be why you have such a hard line feeling against Costco. It's all starting to make sense to me now.

I mean, that's what it is. Maybe the, their products being generally pretty bad is only part of it. Maybe their products being generally pretty bad is only part of it. So these ship wide problems are not just confined to the gravity systems and the food systems. Tucker's in engineering, triaging a bunch of other shit going on and bad timing. Archer's there to get an update. And everything seems to point to a plugged up exhaust causing these issues in so many

areas of the ship. And when an actual fire starts, when the boss arrives, ugh, that's just the worst, ain't it? You don't want your boss to be Johnny on the spot with the fire extinguisher, you know? That makes you look bad. There's that moment where Archer's like, shouldn't we drop out a warp? And Tucker like hangs his head like, let's drop out a warp. He doesn't want to do this. I like that moment. T'Pol gets in the like Vulcan science officer, looky-loo. Like it

looks like one of those shoe boxes that you modify to watch an eclipse, but, uh, she's looking in that thing and she's like, I figured out. Is this what a Nickelodeon is? Oh, do you look through one of those when the, when the cyclotron goes and you watch the horse galloping stuff? Yeah. The zoetrope. Yeah.

That's what DePaul is looking at. Just a horse galloping. You don't think it's one of those dirty zoetropes from like a, from like a seedy saloon. She's watching a lady take off her knickers. Just enormous bush vids. I think I found the problem. They drop out of warp and DePaul finds something strange in their warp bubble.

And Archer has an idea to burn out their problem, which is to set fire to some warp plasma in their wake. You only need to see a handful of a jackass style internet videos to know that you shouldn't light your exhaust on fire like Archer wants to do so badly in this scene. Yeah, especially when you're wearing pants made out of a synthetic fiber.

Like just a bad idea. They go from lighting the exhaust to revealing the ship out there. And Archer starts in on an audio call to this thing. He asks for a wider berth. This thing is affecting the ship. Maybe back off a little bit, if you could. He asks for a wider berth. This thing is affecting the ship. Maybe back off a little bit if you could.

And the guy on the other end is absolutely begging not to be destroyed. I love this. I want to be able to hail the car behind me and be like, Hey, can you, can you give me like another car length and a half here? That would be great. Yeah. I'm trying to go 55 in the left lane, Adam, you know? Oh, yeah. I bet that's you.

We need to get over to the other lane, buddy. So this other ship has been sucking off the exhaust to power their own engines. Right. Because their ship is damaged. They left a note for their wife and kids. Cause their ship is damaged. They left a hose coming out of our port nacelle. Yeah.

And it's duct taped into this, the window of this Chevelle. There's a note taped to the top of the hole that says, do not resuscitate. So, yeah, it takes a little moment or two for the translator to catch up as this guy explains what they were trying to do. And it's just audio. We can't see them yet.

They were using this exhaust to replenish the warp system on their ship, which has gone out, stranding them very far from home. Almost like a good idea for like a whole series. Like what if you're really far from home and it was going to take a while. Imagine the sheer fucking hubris of thinking your engineer could fix an alien ship's problem. When the solution the alien ship came up with is sucking off the exhaust of another ship.

Like, do you think you have compatible knowledge here in this field? Anyway, that's the assumption. And without even seeing these aliens at all, Flock shoots up Trip Tucker with some decompression meds. And the mission is he's going to be over there for three days. And the biggest concern, not just what these aliens look like, not getting some sort of common communication going with them, not fixing the engine. The biggest concern is what about the food? And not at any point do they think about stuffing the one suitcase he takes over

to that ship with energy bars or whatever. Now he's going over there raw dog. He has got a suitcase full of some tools and clothes for three days. Maybe. And that's it. Yeah. Wild shit. So they go over on a shuttle and it's a Mayweather

flying and trip in the back and he's still packing somehow. I don't know how he got stuff loose onto the shuttle and now he's packing a suitcase. He's doing that obsessive compulsive thing where he like opens a suitcase and closes it again, like making sure he's got clothes for three days. And absolutely no protein bars. Like you're in the aisle of the plane, man. There's like, you're already in like, come on, calm down. No one expects the gas. When Tripp Tucker gets into the tube on this alien ship, the door shuts behind him,

and it's not like the door on the other side opens and he's greeted as a hero. No, he needs to get gassed first. And when you're being gassed, a voice on the PA telling you to just breathe normally is not exactly the sort of thing that's gonna get you to breathe normally. Adam, you've seen the decom chamber. This is the decom chamber.

Hmm. Yeah. The aliens are assuring him that this gas, though it burn his lung, will abate soon enough and the air will be much clearer toward the end of the three hour decompression experience. It does not take long at all for Tripp to blow in a call to Archer where he's like, toward the end of the three hour decompression experience. It does not take long at all for Tripp to blow in a call to Archer where he was like, hey, it's your boy Tripp Tucker, you know, the guy who quickly flies off the handle

into paranoia and terror. Just an episode ago, you might remember me having an experience like that. Starting to fall apart over here. I loved how few fucks Arthur gave about this. He's like reading books and like filling a, you know, make himself a cocktail and stuff. He's like, yeah, rub some dirt on it, Tripp.

You're going to be all right. This is a great experience for you. So there's the passage of time. And then Tripp plays a brief game of Simon on the door and then that door opens and it reveals a bridge set. Unlike anything I remember seeing in Star Trek, the carpet looks like it's

straight out of a Palm Springs vacation rental, the colors are bright and amazing. And these aliens are very, very brown scaly looking folks. They kind of look like the thing from Fantastic Four, but not as enormous, right? Yeah. And they have like more 60s idea of sci-fi costumes than I feel like we've seen in a long time.

Like the shiny onesie that everybody's wearing. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's like, I think this one might have been directed by Mike Vihar. And like, one thing I really like so far is how much continuity there feels between this show and other Star Trek in style.

But also, I think because you bring so much of that production staff over to this show, in style, but also I think because you bring so much of that production staff over to this show that are like used to making things that look and feel like Star Trek, you can afford to get a little weird and experimental with production design choices and casting choices that you might not have done in another context and still like gotten away

with it feeling like Star Trek. I love how they do a play on that feeling of like when you don't speak the same language as someone else or you're in a foreign country, uh, loud and slow tends to be the default for someone trying to, to convey information. We strongly recommend that you get some rest. And that combined with kind of the drug induced psychosis happening here really plays in an interesting way because these aliens are kind of

slow and loud talking, but the perspective is all warped and the cameras are in close to these faces. Yeah. And it's just, it just makes for a very confusing scene. They put that wide ass lens on the camera, which is another thing that shows how fun this set is because it's like a whole space that the camera can move through

without finding the lighting of the soundstage by accident. It just seems like, how could you possibly do automobile repair when you're super fucking high? Like, Trip is taken from this scene to the floor creeper and he's like under the engine, doing it. And he is fucked up. He is so wasted.

I wouldn't guarantee the work if I'm Tripp Tucker here. No, yeah. Like, maybe put it in order for some parts that are going to take a couple days to get there while you clean yourself up. I feel like I've got a fever. I'm having trouble focusing. Woo! But also, this is in a long continuity of TV shows where people are on mechanics creepers and not stopping what they're doing

for any external reason at all. Like, I am being accused by these two police detectives of murder or I am high as fuck. Yeah. We cut over to Archer's quarters again. Archer's quarters provide a passage of time here. Like we get these scenes with Tripp Tucker doing stuff, but when we cut back to Archer, it's Tucker blowing in a call to him being like, hey, hey man,

they don't have orange juice over here. And I'm freaking out. Their chill-out tent has bugs climbing up the walls of it. It's like, why would you do a bug climbing up a wall style chill out tent? It makes no sense. It doesn't seem like Tripp is blowing it out of proportion to say that he can't concentrate and he's having a hard time adjusting. And so Archer blows in a call to the captain and the captain on the other

ship is like, look, we told him he needed to take a one hour nap to chill the fuck out. But instead he just got right to work. And Archer, after hearing this is like, Tucker, take a nap. Go to sleep. You're crazy. Go to sleep. No, don't be mean to her. And if that doesn't work, we'll bring you back to the enterprise, but like take a nap first. Yeah, it says maintain, that's an order. Yeah. So we cut to an hour after the nap

and Tucker seems like he's been sleeping on a playground sculpture in like a well-off community. Right. Like that's something that's both art and playground. Oh, it's so cool. I got like a Japanese architect to come in. Yeah.

And there's a handler that he's been working with throughout. And this lady's name is Alan. Yeah. And she has quote unquote water for him and it's water jello. And then for some reason she feeds it to him by hand because I guess Tripp's hands don't work. Tripp's hands were useful enough to use underneath the warp core of an alien engine, not sufficient for feeding or drinking on his own. And so Alain gets in there with her fingers and then as she feeds him water,

there are some sparks going off between them, aren't there? Yeah. I was trying to figure out if this was a when in Rome thing. Like he was like, oh, I guess she's offering to feed me. Maybe that's just their culture. Or if he was like, I have woken up refreshed and quite horny and here's a shapely woman feeding me water jello. I'm not going to stop her. A few episodes ago, I compared Tripp Tucker to George W. Bush, but I think this is a scene that makes me think that Connor Trinear's doing a little bit of Keanu-ing here. Like there's a fun kind of a little high, a little curious. There's a take that I especially love in this moment because, like, as the sparks are happening around his mouth,

he's like, oh, that feels kind of good. He looks down at his junk, and I feel like he's getting a charger out of this. -♪ WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE BLOWS, WHISTLE I wanna believe it. It's an amazing scene also because he was so high in the previous scene, but it was like, they were over cranking the camera and doing like rubber soul effects to really sell that, but he seems no less stoned in this scene. It's just a different way of showing somebody

that is rolling, you know? We just changed the camera effects. Yeah, yeah. Trip is still affected. Yeah. And for some camera effects. Yeah, yeah. Trip is still affected. And for some reason, erect. Yeah. Faith of the fart. You looking for a really special gift for this Father's Day?

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them and they just ignored me. Why? Because they don't want a bunch of Star Trek podcasters showing up at their cool bar. So maybe in that place's case it's a good way of filtering out dorks like me. But if you're a business, I think you need an actual website that actually interfaces with your public. And I think the best way to do that is to build your website from scratch with Squarespace. This is an all-in-one platform, and entrepreneurs can stand out online with their beautiful templates, accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries even offer the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash scarves to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm Sequoia Holmes, pop-culturist and host of the Black People Love Paramore podcast.

Contrary to the title, it is not a podcast about the band Paramore. Each episode, I, along with a special guest co-host, dissect one pop culture topic that mainstream media doesn't associate with black people, but we know that we like. Tune in every Thursday to the podcast that's dedicated to helping black people feel more seen here on Maximum Fun. I'm Yucky Jessica. I'm Chuck Crudsworth. And this is Terrible. A podcast where we talk

about things we hate that are awful. Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. Hosts Rachel and Griff and McElroy, a real life married couple. Yuck! Discuss a wide range of topics. Music, video games, poetry, snacks. But I hate all that stuff. I know you do, yucky Jessica. It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you download your podcasts. For our next topic, we're talking Fiona, the baby hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo.

I hate this little hippo. So we cut to later again, and Trip reports to Enterprise that this mission's going great and these aliens have floor that's carpeted with real grass and boy oh boy does he love real grass and the smell of it and the feel of it and he's just having a great time over there. And Archer is finally like that's cool about the grass man man, but like, did you fix the engine? And they're like, oh yeah, that alien warp reactor is almost ready to be turned on. That's great. Yeah. It's going great. And he and Ahlin take a break and they go into a room that has been decorated like a second grade classroom with that sparkly wallpaper.

A long time ago, you told me a story of being invited to a pantsless dance club. Oh yeah. And this in my mind's eye was what that place looked like. Like this is the scene I'm like, oh yeah, that's where Ben went. Looks fun. Yeah, it was great. Hey, Arlen, is this your idea of a holodeck?

Seems- The answer is yes. That way, yeah. She shows him her home world of Thera, and we do like a little hang in a rowboat, which is very romantic. She's very interested in him as a specimen. She's noticed his after five shadow. Unclear if Trip Tucker's ever been this close to a rowboat before.

He can't see her where she's seated in that part of the boat. Right. You know, he's heard that she's there, but you know, he's never actually found her. And this isn't a boat. It's a boat. It's so confusing. And she's like, you know what I love to do on rowboats? Play board games. Yeah.

And she produces this game board for them to play. And it's like that Halloween game that kids play where they stick their hands into the Jack O'Lantern field with wet pasta. Or, you know, like what Amelie does to the bulk products when she goes to the grocery store. Nice Amelie poem. You know what?

You can't play this one-handed trip as much as you might want to. This is a two-handed game. It's a telepathy game. And when they both put their fingies in this bowl of grain, she learns that Tripp likes to eat catfish among other things. In your culture is a catfish, a buttocks. Your people are so open-minded.

He's like, you mean millennials? Would you call this game truth or truth? Yeah. I think that's about right. Yeah. Oh boy. These four hands are in the grains and they're getting to know each other very well. They have a great time, but they turn off the holodeck and say their goodbyes. And Tripp is climbing back into the shuttle with Travis Mayweather.

And it's like, man, the Zerillians were so cool. I went over there skeptical as hell. I wanted to leave the second I got there. It was like a kid coming home from sleepaway camp, you know? Like just brimming with stories about all the great stuff he experienced over there. This scene was really important because it did not give Trip Tucker that moment to look at Alain like Will Riker at the end of an away mission.

Like, oh, I can feel it between us. Can't you? Like there was not, there was not no like goodbye scene that made it seem as though anything was up. Like when Trip returns to the shuttle, he's just excited about a successful mission and it really seems professional. And I think you have to have this scene to make every other scene that follows really work. Absolutely. So he gets up to the bridge having not needed to gel himself up and Archer is just signing off with... Just imagine if he did and he, he like gels himself up, like his chest and his

shoulders, and then you see an ECU of like gel going up a wrist and it's like, you can't show that on TV, right? You can't show lubed up nipples even if it's on your forearm. Let's push the limits, UPN or whatever. I would love to see the memo from the standards and practices department on this episode. Yeah. I bet that exists. I bet Dr. Trek has that, right? I bet if we posted a Videogram on Instagram and it included wrist nipples,

I bet we wouldn't be able to use it. That's a great call. Yeah. I bet like the algorithm would be more conservative than- Pixelate those nipples, Rob. Oh, thank God. So yeah, the Zerillians are like, cool, thanks. Trip is like, yeah, you should be good to go. Those coils are going to work just fine as long as you keep them charged.

Good luck, Tally Ho. And he says, quick goodbye to Allin, gives her a smile, and the aliens warp away and the credits roll. Shortest episode ever. Tight and tidy. The way we like it. No, they don't roll. The next scene is Tripp telling Malcolm about the holodeck experience and Malcolm like immediately invents the holosuite. Like No sooner has the premise of this idea flown out of Triptaker's mouth than Malcolm has invented using it for horny reasons.

If we have one of those on board, I can only imagine what it'd be useful. And specifically using it with and at Alain. Reed presumes that stuff has gone down, and that's even before he sees the wrist nipples. Yeah, Trip has a wrist nipple. Hey, does Spider-Man have wrist nipples that the web comes out of? I think in some versions of Spider-Man, they do come out of his body

and in other versions, they come out of a gadget that he invents. Nothing seems to be coming out of Tripp Tucker's nipples. Anywhere on his body. And he has got to go to Six Bay for this. He gets to Six Bay and Flocks takes one look at this wrist nipple and says, let me smell your dick. I know what you've been up to. And TripTucker's like, what are you talking about? And the big comedic reveal, finally an inciting incident in this episode. He's Pragerz.

Like pushing on TripT Tucker's eyes. Boom. We cut to later and Tripp Tucker's clearly had to do that full body scan. But why does he have to wear a especially tight fitting blue knuck onesie? We'll never know. Not until later anyway. Yeah. Well, Rick Berman was involved in the creation of this program.

So I loved that scanner tunnel. That was great. When you're laying down and you've got like basically a knuck mountain happening. Good job, Tripp Tucker. Good for you. Hey, hey, good for you. Good for you. Good for you, Attaboy.

Yeah. Good for you. Good for you, good for you, Attaboy. Yeah, I've never been self-conscious about size or anything, but I would need a gym sock to make that happen. Flox tells Archer and T'Pol, who are in the room for this scan, all about Zerillian reproduction. And it's a form of reproduction that only uses the genetics of the mom, which means the male is just a host.

And Tripp takes great umbrage with the idea that he acted unprofessionally in any way in order to become pregnant. We took a ride in a rowboat. I swear, Captain, nothing happened. I absolutely loved T'Pol's energy through this whole scene. Just like throwing absolute shade at Tripp Tucker. Every time she opens her mouth, she's basically implying that he was a slut when he went over there.

I mean, this calls back T'Pol's warnings for away teams in previous episodes. Like, we're only five episodes into this series, and she has said on multiple occasions, don't fuck the aliens on the Dustbuster Club mission. Because this is what happens. This is what happened to get wrist nipples. The Vulcans know this. This is new to the humans. And it seems like an alien abortion is not in the cards because it could, you know, the Fox just doesn't feel like he can safely do the procedure.

I think it would be so easy to create a situation familiar to like aliens franchise films where it's like fear, like get it out of me. Yeah. This is something alien and potentially hostile. Like it could kill me. There are so many steps taken in the, in the storymaking of this episode that. Push that into the periphery.

Like you're never scared except socially for Tripp Tucker. You never think this thing is gonna be lethal or burst out of his chest or his side. Like it's such a magic trick this show does to like keep it focused on the weird and the funny and the unusual and don't make it a terrible scary thing that it so easily could have been.

Or like a super charged political ethical thing. Sure. If they had gone in the direction of like, well, we need to get it, you know, we can't find the other ship, so we have to like, you know, terminate the pregnancy and like, what are the ethics of that? Do we like make an alien enemy by doing this because they take their young so seriously? We're keeping it light here in episode five. This is not that episode, man.

Yeah. So, yeah, we learned that the box of pebbles was the sex. Coffee's not coffee. Coffee is sex. Very embarrassing for Tripp Tucker. He would really like to keep this just between the four of them. Pretty cool by them to promise to do that. That's a deal.

At least until he starts to show, they're going to keep this news to themselves. And we cut over to engineering. Trip has not taken any time off work. And he absolutely goes off about how OSHA would have a field day in this area of the ship. And this poor random crew person just bears the brunt of this. This thing's a death trap. Isn't he the commander?

Yeah. Like this guy didn't design the ship. Yeah. Safe to say you approved how everything functions in this department. Yeah. It's also like, like the crew member that he's talking to looks like he could be like a background character in American Psycho. He's just like that era of haircut and actor.

Yeah, yeah. And okay, like I guess we're doing the bits about moody pregnant person. Guess so, yeah. But like, boy, did this guy not deserve this. ["Sweet Home Alone"] But like, boy, did this guy not deserve this. We are spared eight days of scenes like this happening all around the ship because eight days later in the mess hall, Tripp is wearing a girlfriend shirt.

We have to talk about this shirt. It's a girlfriend shirt to... We have to talk about this shirt. Like, it's a girlfriend shirt. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's a, I'm, I'm cooking you breakfast the morning after you had me over to your apartment for the first time shirt. What a choice. The untucked nature. I want to know what else they auditioned for this. This was the perfect choice.

So good. Yeah. The girlfriend shirt and tube socks. And that's the look. Hot as hell, I say. It shows up for dinner in the officer's mess wearing this. Did you know it was right next to the mess mess? Cause you follow them through the mess into the officer's mess.

I thought that was cool. Yeah. He didn't even have to like, you know, show that he had like the, the Delta reserve business card to get in there. You know, what sucks shit though, is like eating the food in the mess hall, but smelling or watching the servers bring the prime rib into the captain's food in the mess hall, but smelling or watching the servers bring the prime rib into the captain's mess through the mess hall. Oh, give me a break.

Fucking assholes. That sucks. Yeah. There was a restaurant I used to go to where it was, there were two restaurants that shared the same kitchen. Like it was like one business that operated two concepts. And there was a dessert I really liked at the one. And like you could not talk them into selling it to you at the other.

Like it's like, I just wanted a burger tonight. I wasn't like trying to spend 30 bucks on like a brick chicken with whatever. Like, but I want that dessert. And they're like, nope, sorry, no can do. I know it's right back there. Come on. Exclusive. That's what that is. That's gotta be the feeling of the crewman's mess. Tripp is feeling paranoid that everyone on the ship knows about the pregnancy and believes that it was T'Pol that outed him. And Flocks rides for T'Pol here.

He doesn't think she'd narc on him like that. That's not T'Pol's way. Unclear whether this is just paranoia or the truth. We have nipples, Ben. More and more nipples have multiplied on his barity. Just how many of these am I going to grow? Archer prepares Trip for the idea of not just going through more body changes, but like being a parent. Because it isn't just about all of these horrifying changes to Trip Tucker. It's

like once this baby comes, having to care for the baby. We're still getting to know these characters. And this was such a fascinating insight into what kind of guy Tripp Tucker is that he hasn't spared a thought for, do I have to be a father now? The assumption that the baby would come out of his body and then be dealt with by Starfleet or, or Dr. Flax or whatever. I got to say, I might've assumed the same thing. Yeah.

Like here's the thing. It, he is behaving like somebody that knows they're on Star Trek, you know? Well, it's the behavior of someone who believes he has an affliction that he will then be cured of after a period of time, instead of the responsibility that Archer makes it into. And there's a moment where I wasn't sure if this was a bit or not by

Archer, but no, he's sincere. He's being real. Yeah. Won't somebody please think of the children. This is a big first, first interspaces pregnancy involving a human and they get called up by T'Pol to the bridge. She's got some good news. They have found the energy signature of the Zerillians and they're going to make contact. But when the captain and Tripp make it up to the bridge, she realizes she has made a

great big mistake because she has pulled them up not on just the Zerillian ship flying around, but Klingon D7. Love this ship. Yeah. Love seeing it. Glad we got to see so much of it. Yeah. Does Disco break the continuity of this? Because, oh no, wait, yeah, yeah.

Cause Disco happens after this and Laurel as chancellor invents the D7, right? I think you're right about that. In disco. That is some nerdy ass Star Trek podcast or shit right there, Ben. Yeah. Look at you. I, Hey, Hey, I'm not like this because I'm in greatest gen.

I'm in greatest gen cause I'm like this. I'm not like this because I'm in Greatest Gen. I'm in Greatest Gen because I'm like this. There's probably never going to be a moment where Archer hails another species and isn't a total beta about it. We respectfully would like to ask for your assistance with the little problem. So they're charging weapons. And then whoop whoop torpedoes away by the Klingons. Klingons.

Klingons are not trying to hear this shit. And then after getting shot with torpedoes, Archer heyguys them again. Please accept our apology. He does not get the benefit of learning about the Vulcan Hollow from T'Pol. She does not share that information with him. And like, I know that also that is a thing from Disco, but you really feel like she knows something like that and isn't telling Archer in this scene? I wish we got more cutaways.

Like... They could have really officed this up, where every moment like this came with a floating shot of T'Pol and T'Pol looking at the camera like... Just spiking the lens every time Archer does something dumb. I understand most Star Trek fans don't consider Star Trek Enterprise like the best Star Trek series, but I'm telling you, if all you did for the entire series is do a cutaway to DePaul spiking the camera, this show is 2000% better.

Yeah, so second hail does the charm. Yeah, so second hail does the charm. Yeah. Archer asks about some malfunctions they might have had. And that's just the wrong order of, of things to say to the Klingons in this case. Cause the Klingons immediately are like, Oh, you did that to us? Yeah. What the hell is that about? What Archer needed to do is be like, Hey, we feel this way.

Do you feel the same? That's how you do it. That's not how he did it. And he completely outs the Zerillians who have been cloaked in their exhaust sucking on that sweet, sweet exhaust and they get shot at and tractor beamed immediately because what the Zerillians have done is an act of war. Yeah. The Glingons are going to execute them and Archer is like, no, no, no, no, please, please, please do not do that. We also have things that we need to address with them.

And after watching Archer do not the correct things at every turn for as long as he has to pull steps forward and does a like, do you know who he is to this Klingon? I mean, who he is, is kind of a made guy, right? The way that he's described is like, hey, he's the guy that took Clang back to Kronos. You know this guy. And guess what? This guy right here, he's the reason all the houses aren't at war right now. So you better kiss his fucking boots and stop fucking around with the Zerillians because we need to talk to them. This is persuasive. Trip also steps forward and is like, hey, I bet they'd give you some of their cool technology. Maybe that cloaking device or maybe something else. If, if you don't kill them.

This is so unnecessary to the plot of the story, but so important for the comedy of it, because Tripp does not need to disclose the pregnancy or the unfinished business or anything at all. But Tripp Tucker shows his whole ass in this scene. To the Klingons, to everyone on the bridge crew, and the Klingons laugh and laugh. Oh, this is hilarious to them. We had wondered why you were in maternity wear. Is that a boyfriend shirt you're wearing? To a Gleagon, a boyfriend shirt is just a chainmailed tunic and tube socks. It is one of the few women's wear items from our planet that does not have a boob window.

So on the Zerelean ship, these Klingons and Triptucker talked to the captain. And as soon as I saw them on that ship, I was like, whoa, you're going to skip the three hours spent in a tube, that cramped-ass tube with that Klingon captain and Tripp Tucker? You could make an entire episode about what happens in that tube. This is like a three episode arc and that's the middle episode.

You may very well be putting those nipples to work before you know it. Can you imagine how angry the Klingon gets getting gassed in there with Tripp Tucker? Oh man, shoot that into my veins. We don't get it. Let me look at your wrist nipples again. Instead, the Klingons get tour guided around

and they get to see the holographic simulators in action. They get to see Kronos again for the first time in what seems like a long time. They miss home as much as anyone else does who's been out in space for a while. Meanwhile, Ollins, Skyns, Tripp Tucker. And this was another moment where I was like, oh, like she did not know that she was going to become a parent either. And like, this is a massive moment, a potentially like life-changing moment

for a human and she is like, oh yeah, you're having a girl. Don't worry. We can like squirt it into somebody else's birdie. This is no big deal. Did you put together which wrist had the nipples and if it was the first hand that went in or the second? Cause I'm thinking maybe in Zerillian sex ed, the messaging is like even one hand can cause a pregnancy.

Yeah. Yeah. It seems that way. So it was like an innocent mistake. I didn't realize I was knocking you up. I didn't even think you could get knocked up. And we'll take care of it. It's no problem.

We get back to the bridge of the entrepreneur and this kind of felt like maybe they are like getting the Klingons off the show now because like they can't have too much Klingon stuff in Enterprise. Because this Klingon captain is like, don't let the door hit you where the Lord split you and never talk to us again. Yeah, they don't end on a good note. I mean, the note the episode ends on is at dinner that night where Trip and Archer and T'Pol enjoy a meal and T'Pol enjoys knowing that she embellished the story about Archer and how he's viewed by the High Council.

Then T'Pol tells Trip that he's the first male to ever become pregnant. It seems like T'Pol is having the most fun this episode. It really is. But did you like watching it, Adam? I really did. This is a very fun brand of episode. Like, just the fun, bizarre style of Star Trek episode that you don't get too often. You can't do this too much. You got to sequence it right too. Right? Because if you do an episode like this too early, you're like, well, is this the sort of tone we're going for with this show? We've had a couple serious episodes before this, so I don't think this is going to throw you off the scent. It's just a little bit of a change in flavor to the thing that I really liked, personally. It de-emphasized Archer, I think, in a way that had to happen. Like, I was growing

tired of Archer. He's barely a thought in this episode. And when he is in the episode, he's fun and funny. Made me like Tripp Tucker a lot more too. And to Paul especially. Like she just kind of runs the show from the background. Kind of puppet mastering everything else. I think for reasons that we said earlier, like veering away from all of the potential serious and very special episode aspects to what a subject like this could create, like was such a great idea. Just give me a break, please.

This is a perfect give me a break episode, Ben. What about you? I totally agree. I had a lot of fun watching this. I thought that the structure was really interesting. It was almost like a two act structure. It almost made me think, like, what if you just had, like, an hour long episode of Star Trek that was, like,

two totally distinct stories that were just, like, shorties that they couldn't stretch out into a longer one? Like, it almost felt like it was, like, pitching that as an idea. And that's an idea I can get behind. It feels like the first episode we've gotten, where we've kind of put a stop to character development. Like, we kind of know enough about everyone's utility on the show to get what they're supposed to be doing.

And like we didn't have to waste any time explaining their talents or abilities or whatever. Like we're just into story instead of backstory. And I like that. It doesn't feel introductory anymore. Yeah. Yeah. I thought this one was a lot of fun. Like, definitely like minor Star Trek, but totally diverting. Yeah. Well, speaking of diversions, Ben, we gotta go see if we have anything in the Priority One inbox. You wanna go see if anything is, uh, decloaking over there? Yeah, let's see if anything's gumming up our warp pipe.

Priority One message from Starfleet coming in on Secure Channel. Need a supplemental income. here from... me? And it is to... Ben? I guess? Their message goes like this, a year ago I was flying to Zanzibar for my birthday And as we were endlessly taxiing around the airport I turned to my little sister and started singing We're on our way to Africa

Something about pelican cases and cameras And my older sister asks, what is he singing? And my little sister says, oh probably probably something from his Star Trek podcast. That is interesting timing, given that Ben told another Africa story this episode. Amazing. Who asked? Nobody ever asked. The next P1 is from me, the narrator, I guess, and it is to the continuation of the previous

story and it goes like this. To continue the previous story, we get to Zanzibar and check into the resort. The villa included a welcome bottle of champagne and sundowners cocktails. So my sisters and I are merrily imbibing and my older sister asks, so my name, are you drunk enough to pay those Star Trek podcast people to read a message again? To which I reply, dot, dot, dot. And the message trails off. Into a promotional priority one message that goes like this, Ben. And now the continuation. I turn to my older sister and say I mean sure but I'm nowhere near drunk enough To which she replied not yet then picked up the phone and orders another bottle of

Champagne the bottle of champagne was delivered with a second set of sundowners So I am drunk and tipsy and what amounts to paradise Wow with this set of P ones So I am drunk and tipsy in what amounts to paradise. Wow. With this set of P1s, the two previous plus this one, I have reached 10 P1s over the years. Wow. Full spread round Canada, that's great. (*gunshots*)

(*upbeat music*) Sounds great. I just want to say to this narrator, I'm glad that you counted it up. Ten P1s is an incredible amount of support. And to my knowledge, no one has ever done all three P1s on an episode of Greatest Gender, Greatest Trek before. Hey, congratulations! Wow.

For that, we are sending you a bottle of champagne. And a round of sundowners. Why don't we throw that in? And a round of sundowners. Hope you enjoy that, and hope you had just a great trip to Africa. Yeah, that sounds like a rad trip. Holy mackerel.

No one is saying that you have to do all three messages, but if you have a message that you would like us to read on the show, you can go to maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. And we'll read just about anything you want to each other and to our enormous audience. They're a great way to support the production of our show. Hey Adam. What's up man? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? I mean, Tripp Tucker is a minus 100,000 favorite for drunk Shimoda this episode. Like, such a favorite that he shouldn't even be bed-able. When you're main charactering this hard, when you have nipples on your wrists, when you're a man who's pregnant, you're my drunk Shimoda. Not you, Ben.

Yeah. I think I'm going to join you. I mean, like, I also think that T'Pol is having the most fun, but I can't give it to T'Pol. Yeah. That's kind of a head fake I threw for after what I said earlier. She's definitely having a blast, but it's hard for me not to choose Tripp Tucker. Tripp Tucker's so funny in this and I thought it was amazing that they made it through this whole thing without making it feel at all Schwarzenegger-y. Right. I mean, the only bulging on Tripp Tucker was in that blue onesie he was wearing in the

body scan scene. Yeah, no kidding. Faith of the Fart. Yeah, no kidding. Faith of the fart. What a fun episode, but, uh, it's time to start thinking about next week's episode, Adam, I'm going to go ahead and read you the description of season one, episode six, Terra Nova, Archer and the enterprise crew set out to learn what happened to the lost human colony of Terra Nova and discover a tribe of human-hating cave dwellers. There's one thing I know about cave dwellers, is that they hate humans.

Just about every time. Your world frightens and confuses me. To stay out of those caves. Yeah, that's not a good place for humans to go. You wanna know what the cave of our show is, Ben? It's found over at goch.biz slash game. It's the game of buttholes, the will of the reicher, Quantum Leap.

It is a game that decides how we will experience the next episode of our show. It is a game that decides how we will experience the next episode of our show. It is a completely randomized game board filled with horrors and delights. A roll of a 100-sided die will transport us anywhere at random across that board. You're required to learn as you play. Roll.

And if you want to see all the weird plays as we could go, go to doc.biz to check it out. I'm gonna roll that die and see where we end up in. Do it. Ben, I have rolled a 19. Chula! Did I win? Hardly.

And this has tossed us back down the game board. It is right next to a Caretaker square, which would have had us roll again. But it is a regular old episode for you and me. Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to another regular episode. I had a great time regularing it up with you on this episode, Adam. Yeah. Sometimes regular is just fine. Nothing wrong with regular. Chill out. It's been doing the job for thousands of years.

We really, really appreciate the friends of DeSoto who support the show at maximumfun.org slash join. If you'd like to join their ranks, that's where you go. Five bucks a month gets you access to scads and scads of bonus content by me and Adam and the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing you are supporting a little show that could. Have you noticed some improvements around here?

FODs, updates to the game, more stuff in the store, hiring some folks to do great work for us? Costs have gone up. We can really use your support at maximumphone.org slash join. Got to thank the great Windy Pretty who produces and edits this program. Got to thank Rob Adler who runs our social media. And our Zindi wartime consigliere Bill Tilly who will be the person you meet up with in the DMs if you'd like to send us something for a future Code 47 or just get a message to us.

We really appreciate the whole team and I should obviously mention the great Adam Gusea who made the parody of the Star Trek Enterprise theme for us. Boy, what a treat to have that guy do all the instrumentation and arranging. We flew out and visited him in Knoxville and recorded stuff with him. God, love that guy. He's just the best. He's a fun hang, he's a talented guy, and does great work. Sure does. Under crazy deadlines that we unfortunately have for him. What a friend to DeSoto. Yeah, thanks to Dark Materia who made the original card song. With that, we will be back at ya next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise

and another episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise that, you know, we're kinda feeling like cave dwellers too sometimes, you know? Like, fuck humanity, sometimes. I'm just a lowly Star Trek podcaster. I don't understand your rules and trivia and so forth. Your microphone's frightenin' me. Is this a- is this some sort of club you're gonna hit me over the head with? I miss you, Phil Hartman. Make it show. Make it show. Make it show.

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