The Greatest Generation - Butter Knife Bat'leth (S7E21)

Episode Date: September 18, 2017

When Worf and Alexander take a field trip to a Klingon renaissance fair, an assassination attempt is foiled, and an old family friend appears to help. But when Alexander decides not to go to Klingon summer camp, his mentors must face the possibility that he'll never become the warrior they want him to be. Are Eric's balloons here to stay? What does a Klingon scented candle smell like? Which one is Lursa and which one is B'Etor? It's the episode that knows where to get the raw materials.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdisotoforlabor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the Greatest Generation! It's a Star Trek podcast by two guys. They're a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast.

I'm one of those guys. I'm Adam Pranika. I'm the other... I'm Ben Harrison. Everyone's here, Ben. All two of our people. We have a... we have a quorum. We can now enact legislation. How are you doing, man?

It feels like it's been a while since I've done a check-in. I'm doing good. Yeah, I feel like I don't quite know what to do with myself because we had so much intensive trick podcast related work before our tour and then We both I think came home to fairly busy times and now I'm like oh, I don't have a Full work week of shit to do about my podcast So I guess I should do real work then.

Oh. Yeah, I mean, the frothy mix of real work and podcast work together, that's not fun. That gets everywhere. Yeah, it gets all over. It spills all over the rest of your life, is what it does. Mm-hmm. I think that that span of about a month where it was tour and tour prep really proved to me

that I have a high tolerance for the less fun parts of this very fun project. You know? I to prefer pod. Ben, Tbh. Two out of two podcas to prefer pod been TVH Too out of two podcasters prefer pod I Got another piece of male here, but I don't know if you want to do male twice in a row Oh, I don't mind doing male twice in a row if we've got the male I say rip into it

I've got the male and the time. Let's do it I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm receiving a code 47 Verify mail and the time. Let's do it. Heavy Box here, Ben. From Amazon. What? Amazon is sending us mail directly to our PO box. That PO box, of course, is 1037 Northeast 65th Street. Number two, 63 Seattle Washington 9815. Throw away all of their addresses you may have for us. Yeah. They go nowhere. Oh, boy, these are books.

These are books from Amazon. What do we got? Oh. Oh. Oh. There's a porno books. I just flung my notes across the room. Alright, there's a note in here.

I give for you. Have a look at it before I'll send my commercial P1 message written by two German physicists and a Canadian cartoonist. We didn't spell check or proofread for us, so strap in for bad English. Have fun! Best Benjamin. What we have here, Ben, is a book for each of us.

They are the same book. The book title is Quarky Quarks, a cartoon guide to the fascinating realm of physics. Oh, that sounds fun. This looks like the college textbook from the cool physics professor. Yeah. Like, the one that you wanna take, even though you're not a physics major, because it's so much fun in the teacher's school. It sort of sounds like the part of college

where I took screenwriting courses for like three years straight and decided I wanted to get into Jung, but when I went and got some actual books by Jung, I didn't understand them, so then I went and got some actual books by Jung, I didn't understand them So then I went and got a graphic novel about Jung The only class in college I ever failed was a logic class and I I punched out before I could fail it Like I just left it. Things were going so poorly for me. I had to drop the class What are my best friends is like is like naturally predisposed to being good at that stuff.

And I will occasionally just be a fly on the wall while he has a conversation with somebody else who is good at it. And makes me feel real dumb. I thought philosophy classes would just be about how pain don't hurt. That's tough. Boy was I wrong. Like the philosophy glasses that Dalton from Roadhouse took must have been far different than the ones that were available to me.

Yeah. You were in the wrong kind of school, I think. It was in the school of hard knocks. Yeah. That actually gives us a good pivot into show, Ben. Speaking of homeschooling, the episode we have on the Dacket today is Adventures in Home School featuring War for Alexander at Season 7, Episode 21.

First born. This show opens starts with wharf practicing a speech. Like any good parent, he wants to get it right. This appears to be some sort of birds and bees speech. He wants to give Alexander. A boy inevitably becomes a man. Something about becoming a man and and you're growing penis and testicles. A warrior must be forged like a sword. Alexander, I've noticed the things that you are sculpting in sculpting class or becoming more and more vaginal, which means it's time for me to tell you about a changing

cling on body. It was inevitable when you made a clay mold of your forehead and then saw what happened when you just pushed the sides of it together a little bit. Yeah, and we get a fun return of Eric, the terrible class sculptor who wings a water balloon at war. Oh man, one of my greatest, one of my greatest delights in editing this show was when you accidentally said the phrase Eric B story and I got to use a drop from an Eric B and rock him song. Yeah, one of the, one of the, I was so fucking pleased when that happened.

Just felt like a key going into a lock. Someone somewhere. So the performance of Eric, a couple episodes ago was that. That kids got it. Sorry. Let's bring him back. He's one of the,

he's one of the daughter balloons scene. He's one of the regular kids. Wow. I wish we could go back and put him in where Jay Gordon was No, I'm afraid not Can we George Lucas him into the old episode our SVP Jay Gordon? Sort of ruins Worf's whole like Worf was semi composed before this, but then he gets the water balloon winged at him And he's like Alexander. I'm just trying to tell you about growing up

I'm getting hit by Eric's balloons. It's fucking sucks Yeah, they didn't have great wetness continuity in this scene because no we got to Wurf like Attempting to do the speech that he was like, you know, he was like 90% off book before he got water ballooned. And now he's just put in parts in the wrong order, saying that a man becomes a sword. He's sort of word-salating this. Yeah, it's not good. Worf's going on and on about what a Klingon bar mitzvah is. He's like, yeah, it turns out they have two bar mitzvahs. Yeah.

One is paint stick bar mitzvah. The bar mitzvah that we're familiar with. Another one is related to a scented candle and some classes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you pick it to our portion. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alexander not thrilled about the prospects of this. I don't want to be a warrior.

Alexander is looking more like a grown-up lady than he ever has in this episode. I feel like he's just like gotten taller but not put on any weight or something. Yeah, he's still orange on top of a toothpick as far as body type goes. Yeah. He's still carrying around that giant head. But yeah, Wurf is doing the like domineering father thing that works wonders on some kids,

but Alexander is the rejected hard type. And so he basically basically flips the candle table and runs out of the room. What do you think a Klingon-centred candle smells like? Like, there's those stupid candles now that like get a candle for your man cave that smells like beer. Like, do you think that's what he's got?

Some stupid novelty candle that smells like blood. Some toxic masculinity candle. Yeah, probably. He bought it in a store that has a mercantile in the name. This candle is made from your mother's melted body. A warrior sent. Warf is pretty hurt by this, but he's also concerned. It's not just the pain of a father who's seeing his son not long to follow in his footsteps.

There's like real consequences to this. Like if you don't prescribe to the warrior code at the time the warrior code must be gone through. Then you get set behind for a long time and it has like a lifetime of consequences. So Worf is not only disappointed. He's he's legit concerned about Alexander and his future. I mean, this was the argument that my parents made to me when it came time to be confirmed into the church I was raised in. It was like, I was like, I'm like an adolescent and this seems boring and lame and I don't want to do it.

And they're like, yeah, but like you'll really regret it later if you want to have done it and didn't. Which is like a form of logic that only applies to stuff like that and never applies to, I don't know, wanting to recreationally use drugs. Yeah, or like, fuck a lot when you're a kid. Exactly, like, don't fucking say that unless it applies everywhere. Yeah, hey, you're in your 20s. You should plow tons of pus. Otherwise, you're gonna be in your mid 30s and married and look back on your 20s

and been like, man, I didn't have sex with hardly anybody. I wish I crushed way more purse back in the day. Where were you then, dad? I left so much purse uncrushed. It's a real shame. You can't leave all that pus on the table. Yeah. Well anyways, we come back from our opening sequence

and Picard has assembled a McLaughlin group that is basically exposition for him not being in the rest of the episode. I shall use this opportunity to visit the Heterian system. There are some ancient ruins that are just being excavated. What's that about? I don't know. Maybe he had some paid time off. You've earned a lot of extra weeks piece to. If you could just take them now, that would be great. He's reading ahead to the serious finale script and he's like, holy shit, I kind of have a lot to do coming up.

I'm going to take some time. This was due to Patrick Stewart being scheduled to host Saturday Night Live during the week of the episode's filming. Really? Yeah. That is awesome. Is that the SNL appearance where he does the love boat start trek mash them up? Yeah, he only hosted the one time.

So that was it. Very cool. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So the, the meeting is like mainly about how Picard isn't going to be there, but also they wedge in, warf being detached and not paying attention. And they have a, like Picard says, like Mr. Wharf stay after class to him. And wharf was like, sorry, I will never let a personal matter come in between me and my duty again.

And it's like wharf, we have this problem every season. Don't say that. We know that's not true. His yearly review, like where he has to list his five goals for the coming year. All five of those goals are do not become distracted by your personal business. And every time he always needs improvement in those areas. And like, why is it that sometimes Picard is like, you better get the fuck off the ship and resign your commission if you wanna act like that? And other times he's like, yeah,

we'll divert a thousand-person crew around a nebula so that you can take your son to a fucking Klingon Renfair. Nice restraint for Warf though, not just lighting a fire in the middle of the conference room table though. I guess by not going that far, he appeals to Picard's sense of generosity here. So they go to the Renfare. And it's such a funny smash cut because Picard is like, oh well maybe you need to expose your son to the

rich cultural heritage that he's a part of. And then smash cut to like some of the lamest, some of the most weak sauce, Klingon shit we have ever seen. It's really not a good look for the Klingons here. It is so dumb. I went to Deadwood last year for a video project and they totally did this every day. Like every day at 2 o'clock we re-enact a shootout in the main, like shootout on Main Street. And it's like guys doing duels and like falling out of second floor windows into hay bales and like all that shit.

And that's what this looked like to me. Butter knife, bat leths, like barely clanging against each other and sing, songy, cling on, being yelled. It's really made for kids. You know what it kind of reminded me of is this Mexican family restaurant in Denver, Colorado called Casa Bonita that was famously depicted in an episode of South Park. I went there, I was in Denver on a work trip a few years ago and we went there and there is a grotto with a waterfall and like, and like, local kids get hired to portray little like cowboy

and Indian plays on using the grotto as the set. And like, you know, there's a lot of excuses for a kid to have to jump in the water and stuff. But yeah, the play acting is just so shamefully bad. Really, that's the experience. Yeah, the scene is fairly cringy. But I do like the idea of, like, the cool parts of this scene are, is the visit to a different culture, the currency that is used to buy like, cling on cracker jack, like, all that marginal stuff, story wise, is stuff that I really like. Like, I like eating street food out of a bag. That's fun.

How do you get the job of just getting to like, concept all that stuff out? I think it should be us, Adam. I think that's the job that we getting to like concept all that stuff out. I think it should be us Adam. I think that's the job that we would be good at. Yeah, I think so too. The deal is they're watching this kind of play acting of a reenactment of a K-Less story where K-Less killed a tyrant and all these different warriors like tried to fight the tyrant and failed and like Worf gets in on the action and then like play acting gets killed by the tyrant and Alexander gets in on the action

and he's like, you can, like, his little performance is pretty good for a kid like you can see him start to like kind of get like into it and get excited by it and stuff. You're up for a kill and stuff. What is this? Hey, like I would say that Brian Bonsall maybe does better fake sword fighting than anybody else. Yeah, he's really winging the thing around and he's actually making contact. It looks like he actually practiced.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he wounds the reenactor in the process. He's the holder. Which he's not happy about. Yeah, that guy's just like a out of work actor. And he's like, hey man, the fuck. You know, I do this for free. So they like finish the scene and then it's like later in the night and Wurf is like out in this same courtyard looking for Alexander and Alexander's like, yo dad.

I need some money. What for? Well a man over there says he has Mueller's head in a box. The real one. And, uh, Wharf has to explain to his child who has grown up in a moneyless society, what a scam is. It's so great.

I wish we saw head in a box guy though. Like, I wanted to go along with Alex Andrew. That would have been great. Yeah. Ben, if you ever want to do a head in the box scam, step one, put your head in the box. Step two, show Alexander the box. Oh, Adam.

Well, unfortunately, Alexander doesn't get to go, go get ripped off for his first time because they get set upon by bad guys and They're like mid fight when a guy and cling on warrior garb Disruptors one of the one of the assailants and then Worf kicks the rest of their asses He gets into a great star check fight here. Yeah, it's a fucking awesome star check fight This might be the high point of the episode for me Worf is so big as a person that some star check fight. This might be the high point of the episode for me. Worf is so big as a person that he just tears through them. Like he seems big for a

Klingon. Cause he's other runty Klingons come at him and Worf basically treats him like that Ensign in Klingon Tai Chi class. Like, he just flips them too, and bro. Yeah, I'm curious about these Klingons, because they're like definitely honorless type dudes, right? Yeah. Like, a Klingon warrior is not catching somebody off guard at night in the barrio

and trying to knife them. Yeah. So there's like this whole class of Klingons that are not that, but are willing to do hits and We've seen them a couple of times. We've never really like explored what that is that much Yeah, it'd be neat to know more about like the the Klingon off shoots the castouts if you will those would be fun stories to tell Yeah, it must be hard to find ones that are actually good at fighting, right? Maybe that's why you're a cast out.

You're just terrible at fighting. It sucks. We put three of them on this one dude and his kid. Yeah, the only thing you're good for is botched back alley hit. The only thing you're good for is botched back alley hit. So they find this knife and the head back up to the ship with the dude that helped wharf and the dude that helped wharf is Chemtar who is related to wharf family in a really serious way. Yeah, because he's got the ring, right?

This ring signifies that he's in the house of Mogue. Yeah. He knows the secret four step handshake. He knows the whole thing. Yeah, he's, he's getting talk to them, which means like the advisor so trusted, he has become part of the family. Closer than friend, closer than family,

he's sort of like their gynon. Yeah, and like he talks about the house of Mogue, like the family. Closer than friend, closer than family. He's sort of like their gynin'. Yeah, and like he talks about the house of Mogue like our family. Yeah. Like he's totally kissed in. And it's a weird retcon for that to be the case because he was never around in any of the other worst families in hot shit episodes.

Is he like, is he just, is he new to the family via Worf's brother? Is that the idea? I mean, here's the thing, Ben. He, he states who he is to the degree that Worf stops asking questions, and that's important. He's like, yeah, it current sent me to watch your back because your back because

your back clearly needs watching because of what just happened in this back alley. And it works like, yeah, that checks out your ring matches my ring. You know all of our family stories. Good enough for me. It seems like you could be able, you should be able to replicate the ring, right? This is the thing about war, though. He never trust but verifies, you know? Like he's trust only. It would be very easy for him to verify this and he never does. Least vigilant security chief. Yeah. Rikers like cool off Warf likes you. You can have quarters here on the ship. What's hanging out? Needs improvement, Warf. Rikers being really nice to Kim Taran Kim Taran being a real shit head

Yeah, yeah Riker takes a ton of guff in a way that he would never take from anyone who wasn't close You were closely related to war right like this is a yeah because they're best friends thing. He's willing to eat all this shit Rikers like hoots who tried to kill you? What's the deal and Kim tarz like this is none of your affair Like really man like this my best bud I think I should know Kim tarz I fucked my way through worse situations than this Do your worst have have you ever read about what happened to the poc?

Have you ever read about what happened to the poch? The legend of the poch should be like like clinging on story worthy They have a whole holiday around it, but it's not this time of year and then raker refused to fuck the female cling on doctor in the cafeteria And it was good. It's not bad less that they hit each other with in that festival. Yeah, so, like, there's some kind of like elaborate hand waving around why Kemptar didn't warn them that he was being sent to stop this hit on on Worf, but Kern, Worf's brother, like put him on to the case

and so he's gonna be on the ship helping them get to the bottom of who tried to kill Worf. This is great timing, right? Because Kemptar is like a super serious full-time Klingon and Alexander is having a little crisis of faith ahead of his bar mitzvah 1.0. And so Kim Tara does like, like, tux at midnight. And it's like, like, that was pretty scary

when those dudes tried to kill your dad, right? Yeah, well, if you had a bar mitzvah, wouldn't be so scary because you'd be a grown-ass man. The scene is supposed to be played sincerely, but like the picking up of the picture frame with K-lar in it, it seems like very, very darkly manipulative. It really is. And it's like weirdly schmaltzy for a cling on shit. Like he's trying to sell him on living on cronos by saying that Worf's brother's house has like a beautiful lake next to it.

Majestic fountains, miles and miles of biking and walking paths and abundant tropical and native landscaping. Is that like the selling point of cronos is like going swimming in a lake? Kim-Tar sort of sells Alexander on the idea of a camp Klingon where his cousins want to meet him and there's like a lake teaming with loved Klingon fish.

The idea of that sound super cool, but he doesn't sell it all the way. Like the end of the story should be, so you wanna go? Why don't we send you there, but he doesn't. Like, that didn't make any sense. And also, everything that Kim Tartel's wharf is true, W slash R slash T, Alexander growing up to be a human boy instead of a Klingon boy. Like, I get the sense that Klingons don't have a choice.

They go to battle academy. They get a bunch of scars. They get hazed to within a second of their death. And then they come out the other side, fully formed warrior people. Like, there's something that goes unsaid about warfs' reluctance to send Alexander there. And that's what I wanted more than anything. Like, the idea that warfs gives Alexander the choice doesn't ring as true to me as warfs' true feelings

which has to be, I don't wanna put Alexander through that. I'm afraid for him. I thought this was like a pretty amazing a bit of writing. Like, I had afraid for him. I thought this is a pretty amazing bit of writing. Like I had a conversation a couple of years ago with a friend of mine who is black and his wife is white and they're contemplating having children. And that is like a real thing. Like they've talked about the fact that

like their children will be black and will be seen by everybody else's black and that there are like all of these things that like she won't have had any experience with when that happens because it's like harder and different to be black in America. And Kim Tar says like nobody is going to see you as human Alexander like they are going to see you as Klingon and I thought that was a great metaphor for that. Like, the way our culture treats race is being perfectly analogized in this scene.

And I feel like anybody watching that like can kind of learn something there potentially. Yeah, and Alexander is too young to really get that, you know He's feeling like he is just like anyone else on the ship But Kim Tarr is like you can be here forever and you're still gonna look like a guy with low fun is it They're pretty sure that the house of Duraz has something to do with this hit because the knife that they recovered from the would-be assassins has a Duraz crest on it. So Riker has been keeping up with the current events of the day and knows that the Duraz

sisters recently visited deep space nine. So they get quirk on the phone. I see you remember me? How could I forget the only man ever to win triple down dabboard? One of my tables. Quirk apparently owes Riker a bunch of money. This is our first time seeing quirk in the context of our podcast show. And Quark is automatically in the three minutes that he's on screen, maybe the coolest Firingy we've seen so far.

And the reason- Yeah, by a million miles. By a million miles. And the reason why is that he's just poised. That's all it takes. He is a poised person who is in control of his faculties. He's a character that has dimensionality. He doesn't have a single wanton need. Yeah. And so they get some information about what the Deuora sisters were up to via

Raker for giving this debt. It's just funny because like, like Cork is around Federation people all the time. He's got to know that like money is meaningless to them. But still it's meaningful, it's very meaningful to him. So like he's happier to have the debt forgiven than not, I guess. And he, so he forgives the little debt, they get the information that the Dura sisters have been attempting to do some mining on a planet controlled by the packlets.

Which has got to be like the slowest ass mining operation ever, right? No, but they're like stealing the ore. Like the packlets don't know that they're sitting on a gold mine. The packlets don't know a lot of things that they're sitting on. So they're off to look into this mine. And meanwhile, Chemtar has programmed up a Klingon calisthenics program for Warfare and Alexander to have a go at just killing some bad guys.

And we know that Alexander has like been into this, you know? Like, he's definitely done Warfare's fitness program a bunch. But when it comes time to like swing the batleth over his head and take out his digital attacker, he catches feelings and he like storms out. swing the batleth over his head and take out his uh... his digital attacker. He catches feelings and he like storms out. If this was real, he'd be dead by now. And uh... and so he runs out and uh... and you know... that is like a Kimptard kind of deciding that...

Wurf is not doing great in in terms of preparing Alexander for life as a Klingon. And, you know, there are times in this episode where Kim Tar is squishily correct, slash incorrect in what he's teaching, but this is on the nose as it gets. Alexander fails to kill an assassin. The assassin gets up and tries to kill him. None of this matters to Alexander. He's like, I don't care. Like, I guess he could have killed me or whatever. Bye. This is like the low point of of the Alexander story.

He seems disinterested in, in even saving his own life, whether or not it's related to going the way of the warrior or not, like he's just sort of meh, whatever. And that's got to be concerning for everyone involved. It's not just a cling on culture thing. Yeah. So, to get to the planet where the durasisters were allegedly mining or illegally. And the episode is like, hey, remember Georgian data? They're still

characters on this program. So they beam down to the, I guess the mind, they're like in the minehole here. And they meet this guy Gorta. I'm Gorta, who I guess was like part of the Dura scheme, But got left behind because his loaf is too gross to look at Gorta marooned Like Kirk was by Khan is totally chill down there. He was left with a cup and nothing else Totally not freaking out. He's just like laying back in the cut on top of a pallet of shit. Like, yeah, he's trying to play angles with them. Why is he not freaked out?

No, no. He has some some idea of where the durasisters went and for the, you know, trade of them getting him out of there and also maybe not necessarily telling the packlets what happened, he's gonna lead him right to them. So we've got a little inner loot where we travel off to the next fucking planet. And like, Kim Tar finds Worf having a bum out in 10 forward. And he's like, dude, what is up with your kid? And, and we're just like, man, like, I was, I didn't even know I had a kid. And

then my wife dropped him off, but she'd like filled his head with all this bullshit about how he doesn't have to do any cling on stuff. And so he's like, he's really torn between, you know, that promise she made to him and like the stuff that I'm trying to tell him and I don't want to like, I don't want to like disrespects what she believed as a parent, but I also don't want him to like miss his bar mitzvah and therefore not be a full full, you know, I don't want him to wind up being a back alley hitman like those other klingons. Yeah, it's really like a glimpse into his possible future, isn't it? At this point, Chemtar is like, let me take this kid. I'm a, like, I know a great, a great klingon reeducation camp that we can put him in.

Like he'll be around other klingons. They'll do the whole thing. And Wurf is like, no, fuck that. I'm his dad. He has to be with me, which is like the opposite of what Wurf has said many times. Yeah. Wurf has been on team get Alexander away from me

for most of his life. Yeah, like get him away from me and around a more like purely klingon lifestyle. You could make the case that Eric is more of a klingon than Alexander. Ha ha ha ha ha. Eric can throw a water balloon. lifestyle. You could make the case that Eric is more of a cling on the Alexander. Eric can throw a water balloon like the hardest warrior. You think Alexander would throw a water balloon that way out of anger? No way.

Ken Tars, like, dude, like this is not about what you want. it's about what's best for our family and what's best for Alexander and what's best for him is being around Klingons. So the information that Court gave Riker leads them to this ship, right? This trading ship that's that loaded up on the ore from the mine where they just were previously. Yeah. And Riker is talking to this captain and he's like, look, we know you have this ore in your holds.

I would like this ore. I'm gonna trade you a half an ounce of medical gel for all this ore. And the guy cannot wait to accept this deal. I wanna know more about this medical gel for all this ore. And the guy cannot wait to accept this deal. I want to know more about this medical gel. Yeah, that seems like the good stuff. And so they're like, they're getting ready to do this and writers like, guys, check this out, watch this.

And he has them beam the ore off the bow of the ship into space and then bullseye it with a phaser, and when it vaporizes into dust, the dust reveals that there is. A cling on bread of prey. Put a tractor be wanted. And they fire up the face time, and who is it but Lersa and Betor?

How did you know? If this was a viable strategy against cloaked ships, why wouldn't this be something that they do all the time? Like, smoke show the galaxy. And then all of a sudden you're seeing every cloaked ship that's there. Puff fat clouds into the galaxy. Just glitter bomb the galaxy. That's a viable strategy. There's a mature always coordinate their outfits.

Yeah. In a way that's really intense. It's intense, mamerally. Yeah, they're like, we're gonna show a lot of boob, but in different ways. But then everything else will basically be the same. I love these characters. They're fun.

Yeah. They invite them over to the entrepreneur to explain why they were stealing ore and like answer for the accusation that they may have attempted to waste war. Yeah, and part of the evidence that Riker shows them is the dagger that was used. It bears the crest of your house. But what the hell is that other marking? That's the marking of a child that I have not yet had. Sizzlerza or Batur.

Which one is pregnant, do we know? I don't really know which one's which. I'm gonna take them both and then use the one that's right. Which is weird, right? Like, uh, she only learns she was pregnant that day. Like this knife, this knife shouldn't exist. This appears to be either a counterfeit knife. You're a fugitive.

No, for Gaze. For a future knife. So, Smash Cut to Alexander's quarters where Kim tar has Brandished a pistol and is looming over Alexander's bed ready to shoot. It's a real fun take because he's just standing in the doorway And you just see like war fans come from behind the door. Yeah, and grab him and pull him back Alexander a super sound sleeper because there is like a full on star track fight happening six feet away from him that includes yells and screams. Kim Tar should have just closed that door behind him.

Worf wouldn't have been able to do anything. Yeah, yeah, good thinking. Worf has like a hand around Kim Tar's neck and his other hand up ready to go in for the kill and Kimtar's like, and Wurf is like, what? And he's like, I am your son and Wurf's like, no! No!

That's not true, that's impossible! Cut to Alexander just... Shhh! He is out! Yeah. Future Alexander's like, look at my loaf, you know it to be true. Yeah, and it's like, oh yeah, like that is pretty much how Klingons work. Yeah, the loaf was there the whole time. Warf just didn't see it. The loaf was right

under your nose, Warf. So Warf gets him up and he's like, man, you're your future Alexander. What's that like? And future Alexander's like, it sucks. I never learned to be a warrior. I got into diplomacy. The diplomacy didn't work. I watched you die, and I'm here to change the future because I think if I can go into the past, like the story you tell is fucking crazy. He's like, I met this dude. This dude, this head in the box guy turned into, I can sell you time travel guy. in the box guy turned into I can sell you time travel guy. He's like so I bought the time travel from him. I went back in time to visit my younger self. I set up the whole back alley brawl thing because I wanted to encourage my younger self to get into the whole warrior life and it's not

working. You imagine being 40 something and like being like you know when it went wrong was when I was like a livin oh god you know I think unfortunately I think there's a lot of people who have that story there's a lot of people who look back to their collection of starts and shit in the school in the school uh yeah case and uh Yeah. Case. And that was my Batman origin story. I watched my social standing die in that glass case in the fourth grade. You know what that story reminded me of was at time when I was probably around the same age. And I spent about an hour in study hall one day drawing a bunch of ideas for new Star Trek characters. And I showed them to a kid named Alex. I showed them to a kid named Alex who was like,

sometimes nice to me and sometimes really mean to me. Like, he was like a kid who like, sometimes you go over to his house and you just had a blast and then other times he'd just be a real shit. I showed him this and I was thinking I might send them into Kenner or whoever made Star Trek figurines and see if they'll make a couple of them. He's like, you're talking about producing a Star Trek figure. Where are you going to get the raw materials, man? And then for like a year, he would see me on the playground and go raw materials. Raw materials. What? I'm not kidding.

I did not expect that to be his cut. Yeah. Raw materials. Yeah. He made fun of me for not having a plan to secure raw materials when I was in elementary school. I mean, in some ways, it's like a really sophisticated burn, but like I never considered the idea of raw materials, but I was also like not thinking I was going to be the one who figured out how to go to production with my Star Trek character

designs. Young band is like, now hold on a second, these action figures might have a significant dollar value attached to their IP. Yeah. Let me just have you discuss the raw materials issue with my CFO, Mr. Burke. Wow. That's... God, we both had terrible fourth grade experiences. Hahaha. Now everybody knows it's good to be a precocious and creative young boy, but what our lives presuppose is, maybe it sucks? Maybe it's a form of social suicide?

Hahaha. social suicide? I am a cute and subborn. There are whole lights. Warf and Kim tar sort of have a reconciliation. Like, for some reason, Kim tar touching Warf and touching younger Alexander does not cause a paradox that destroys the both and the entire universe. Yeah, and also- Be sure to dodge the entire universe. Like, he's your dodge to pull it there. Yeah, and also, Worf learns a valuable lesson about fatherhood from his 45 year old son.

His adult son teaches him a strong lesson there. And I, like, where does he go? Like, Alexander asks where Kim Tar went and Worf is like, well, he went away, and you may not be seeing him for a very long time, approximately 40 years. But, like, was a return trip part of the thing that Alexander bought from head and a box guy?

Or did he just go off to live in exile? Smash got the Kim Tarr beaming back aboard his ship and going, hey, did you get the warp signature stuff that we needed from the board ship? Yeah. Go back to our time. Yep, we sure did. All right, let's go.

Yeah, this was a thread not tied up. I also wondered if chemtower was somebody that wore new of, which is established in the scene where we meet him. Where is the real Kim-Tar? Great point. If you're future Alexander and you're willing to kill young Alexander, you have to assume real Kim-Tar is dead and future Alexander killed him, right? Oh man. He's willing to do anything. He's that desperate.

I also want to know the backstory on how he got that knife and brought it back with him. Yeah, that future knife is really cool. And also, like, the emotional banger dropped on Lursa and Batur about the future knife proving the pregnancy. That is also not tied up. No, not at all. If I were Batur, if I were Lursa, I would demand follow-up about that knife, right? Like, how is that possible?

It would drive me nuts. You'd have to find the leaker, wouldn't you? Adam, when you edit that, I just hope you do like a ding and a, and a, er, for the correct version of the take. That's gonna be a fun behind the pot that everyone will get to experience. That'll be great. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Done and done.

So, yeah, like Worf finds Little Alexander practicing his kata in the holodeck and explains that Kemptars is gone and says like, hey, remember the last episode where Wesley was deciding not to do what his father always wanted him to do? Well, I've learned a lot from that episode and this one, and I'm going to support you no matter what your bliss is, son. So if you want to have your bar mitzvah, that's cool, and if you want to go on a different path, I will support you. All of the story tie-ups in season 7 are just about universal parental love, right?

Date traveler X Machina. Yeah. Alexander X Machina. It would have been great of warpies like, look, I can't fully co-sign this plan you have for your life. But I know a guy, a guy with three fingers on each hand who might be great to support. And I'll agree with it be if like, Alexander goes along with the Traveler too.

I'd be totally into that. Fun. Did you like this episode, Ben? I kind of liked it from a weirdness standpoint, but I feel like I was really bored for most of it. Like it's kind of fun toward the end when it, like the like who done it picks up and the, like when, like the second Lursa and Batur are there,

it's like, okay, this is fun to watch, but like until then it's pretty fucking snooze worthy. Lursa and Batur really up the fun factor in everything they do. I think. I agree. I'm with you, man. Alexander is not interesting enough to me

to do episodes about. And his relationship to Wharf, they really try hard to give it substance, to give it bearing, to give it some sort of gravity and stakes But like the stakes to me in the episode is war if almost dying a couple of times It's never about Alexander's almost death or his future. I just don't care and I don't know how you correct that like I wish I cared more about Alexander, but every time I just don't

Like, I wish I cared more about Alexander, but every time I just don't. Well, fortunately, we won't see him ever again, Adam. That's it, huh? No. One thing we see over and over and over again, Ben, are these please. Are the please from our viewers to read their priority one messages you want to do that? Let's do it! Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Need a supplement on top of the month.

Supplement. Yes, extra. The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship. Ben, our first priority one message is from Charlie. It is for Razz and Plavim. Message goes like this, thanks for the wild night of bike rides, podcasts, fluid and debauchery at the Milwaukee show. Even though Plavim got too drunk to ride the tandem back, and I had to take him in the petty cab. who drunk to ride the tandem back and I had to take him in the petty cab. He did hand me a hundred dollar bill with his inky hands to buy a P1 so go fuck yourself, Raz! For real though, come back anytime guys. That is a sentiment that I definitely echo

if they come back anytime. Raz and Plavime ended up being a great fucking hang that night. They got us shit house drunk at that show The one time I can I can say that we were very drunk on stage was was that show Eki hands totally true like a That Plavim like runs like an ink An ink store or something. Yeah, yeah. He, uh, the both of them, all three of them were such a great hang.

I got to ride a tandem bike for the first time. Backseat knit, might you. Uh, it was great. Such relief and a joy to hang out with those fellas. They're great. A treasured memory. Yeah. Adam are an extra priority on messages from Patrick,

and it's for Laurie. Goes like this. I know our marriage has been a bit miles in Keko recently, but there is no one else I'd rather be cruising around in a Previa with than you. Now that we've sealed the breach on Deck 9, I can't wait to chart new star systems together. Happy birthday, love your somewhat Android-like husband who is on a quest to be more than

his program. Oh. That's so sweet. I, uh, man, I really hope that the Miles and Keko description is not accurate. I hope you guys are hanging in there. Mirages are not always a hundred percent great, but they're worth the effort, I think. Well, you know, if you... I think the way I like to think about it is that I am very lucky to have like to think about it is that I am very lucky to have a great partner in all of the challenges of marriage, you know. Yeah, that's a great way to put it.

Now when you try and to fix a broken marriage, you're going to want to use some screws. Safe every screw you take out of the marriage in a... in a tap-a-waert tap and keep and set it aside for later. When you reassemble the marriage, you'll have all the screws saved in a nice, easy-to-find place. Heh heh. I like to sweep up the shattered remains in a roomy dust pan. Heh heh heh. That way, when I'm walking through a job site, pay a footed.

I don't get any glass shads in my feet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know what to do you go to maximumfund.org slash jembo tron it's a hundred bucks for a personal message and 200 for a commercial message These are a great way to support the production of our program. Thanks guys Hey Ben what's that Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? I did I am gonna give it to Picard in this episode because of, you know, he does, he has almost no ep to get his Shimoda in, but he manages to, he manages to really zing wharf when he says that, you know, like the ship is, is just going to be hanging out

for a few days. Hey, maybe we use it to recalibrate the weapons. Yeah, you remember that Wharf? You remember that shitty weapon recalibration you did earlier? What do you say we correct that problem? They're sort of lucky they haven't gotten into a firefight since then, right? I wish so bad we had gotten the scene of worth walking down a hallway alone and going, oh, if I hadn't had that, you and Data wouldn't have solved the medical problem on the ship.

Ah, should have said that in the moment. Yeah, they would be dead. Hey, no one you come up with the comeback, 20 minutes later. If he didn't shoot that bad torpedo, Picard would be dead and data would probably have been eaten. Like that had to happen for Genesis to work, right? Yeah, data would have been sprayed with corrosive venom and melted.

Yeah, God. If data took the venom to the face, he'd be dead. Yeah. Yeah. Ben, my Shimoda is shared between Lursa and Batur. No two characters chew the scenery quite like them and not just because of their poor orthodontia. They somehow find a way to play so broad and yet they don't ham and cheese their performance at all. Like they're just the right amount of seething and comical, and they totally capitulate to the idea.

Like they constantly get found out. Like that's what Lursun Batour do. They have a grand scheme that gets totally blown up in their faces, and then they end up beaming onboard the enterprise to like eat their shit like no one eats more shit than Lursa and Batur, but they are just the greatest doing it so I just love them. Yeah, there's something so funny about characters that think that they're dope and then constantly get their pants pulled down. They're like the, uh, the Michael from the office of Star Trek, the next generation. Also, I want to know Hooknock Depp Lurse. Who knocked up a tour? Yeah. I hope it wasn't that you're ready and that's gonna be an ugly baby. Ugh. Ugh. I hope not. Who are our possibilities? It could be, uh, it could be the dude they

left down in the mine. I'd say he's probably suspect number one Based on where they left him. Could it be Gauron? Wow Gauron, don't stick your dick in crazy A Greatest Gen Live Show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment.

Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it. The Sherry Reembarishment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to greatestgentour.com to get more info. That's greatestgentour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Sherry Reembar the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Jesse Thorne.

On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We get stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald. Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Camille Nangeani.

I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are open. Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goatry. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Whoa, Russ.

Hey, hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in mine. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line and boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short neck. But I'm hearing we need to get on this. We've got to get on the arc. It was about terrain, thought is about to destroy humanity.

Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out.

We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think? Ono Ross and Carrie, available on MaximumFun and Outdoor. What do we have going up on the next episode, Ben? The next episode is Season 7, Episode 22, Bloodlines. Picard learns that he has a son and that the young man has been targeted for murder by an old enemy in search of Rewenge in search of El Merta. Do you remember this episode Adam?

Tell you what Ben, if that truly is his son, he's got a date with a house fire and the not too distant future, right? That's how all the Picard children go. That is a Picard family curse. Yeah. Don't remember this episode, Ben. It's basically the only episode I remember from here and to the end of the series is the finale. Oh, except the return of Row Lerent. I do remember that episode. Yeah.

That's it. I feel like I've watched the series so many times, and the fact that season seven is full of episodes, I basically don't remember it. It's so weird to me. It would always be the season I watched most recently. Yeah. Doesn't make sense. You know what else doesn't make sense is Adam is our Legion of fans who go on

Twitter using the hashtag greatest gen and talk to us. You're on there is at cut for time I'm on there is at Benjamin R You also have awesome communities on Reddit and Facebook You just search for greatest gen on there. You'll probably find them Fun hangs all around also We've also got a wikia with the extensive joke explanations of all kinds. Yeah, where do you find that wikia bin? I think it's greatestgen.wikia.com. Check out the big brand-zone bin! The tail end of season 7 is another good opportunity to just say if the show has meant anything

to you. We would appreciate you helping in its ongoing production. You can do that by going to Maximumfund.org slash donate. Get yourself on a subscription schedule that helps fund the ongoing production of our show for years to come. Put us in podcast prison. That's how you do it. We should thank Adam Ragusia, who makes tons of music for us for free,

and Dark Materia, who made the theme song of our show. And with that, we will be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek the Next Generation. And an episode of the greatest generation, starring Tom Hardy, maybe? I don't know. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna make it sound like I'm gonna that I only wish ever in poor Star Trek movies and not episodes of the television program. I'm a more prestigious actor than that Benjring! You only vision syndication! I was bored in it!

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