The Greatest Generation - Coma Wood (ENT S1E25)

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

When an obviously rigged lottery decides who gets to go down to Risa, Captain Archer checks into his villa and starts peeping on an age-appropriate neighbor. But after Reed and Tucker’s encounter at the club leaves them stripped, hungover, and embarrassed, Hoshi’s aspirational vacation is the only one that ends without consequences. How is Risa like Europe? Where should Porthos have been for this story? What has Brode never promised? It’s the episode that’s always packing a swimsuit.Support the production of The Greatest GenerationGet a thing at podshop.biz!Sign up for our mailing list!Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum LeapThe Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde PriddySocial media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill TilleyMusic by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFriends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | JusticeDiscuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:YouTube | Facebook | X | Instagram | TikTok | Mastodon | Bluesky | ThreadsAnd check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

This November, you have the chance to make your voice heard. Are you okay with gross, unconsensual control of your body and mind? Or do you want to slam those nubbin bugs into a trapper keeper where they belong? On November 2nd, you decide at the Dynasty Typewriter Theater in Los Angeles, where we'll have a greatest-gen, second-cont contact show about the Star Trek The Next Generation episode Conspiracy. See one of our special nubbin bugs in real life, and be back home before dark because this one is a matinee show at 4pm.

We love those! This show will be shot for video and released as a streaming show in December, so whether you see this one live in person or want to watch the streams when they premiere, go to greatestgentour.com for tickets, VIP information, and merch. That's greatestgentour.com for tickets to our show in Los Angeles on Saturday, November 2nd, and all three streaming shows premiering until the end of the year. Friends of De Soto, Adam and I made a terrible mistake on this episode that we need to address, own, and to whatever extent we can repair the harm we've caused. On this episode of The Greatest Generation covering Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, Episode 25, we repeatedly refer to a character

as having been played by Steve Wozniak, the lovable co-founder of the Apple Computer Corporation. In the process of post-production, it was brought to our attention by one of our sensitivity tester focus groups, that this role was in fact rendered by Steve Wozniak, the actor who is not the same person. Adam and I know better than this,

and we hope that we can find a way to atone, and that FODs, the broader Star Trek fandom, and the Steve Wozniak community know how deeply remorseful we are. It shouldn't need to be said, but we will say it now. Steve Wozniak's do not all look alike. It's no excuse that there was a lot of loaf in play. This is simply an ugly stereotype that we are heartbroken to have promulgated. In this time, we are meeting with leaders in the Steve Wozniak community, finding opportunities to volunteer on behalf of unhoused Steve Wozniaks, and donating

a large number of two dollar bills to the Steve Wozniak Legal Defense Fund. Importantly, we are trying to center Steve Wozniak's and their voices going forward. While we couldn't edit our numerous repetitions of this grievous mistake out of the episode because it would be too much of a pain in the ass, we are doing what we can to take responsibility for it in other, less annoying ways. Before I go, I just want to state that this mistake was not made by anyone at the Uxbridge-Shemoda Corporation other than myself and, to a lesser extent, Adam Pranica. This is precisely why we preview this podcast to dozens of focus groups and test audiences

every week before it goes out. It is clear that those systems will need to be improved so that we can catch errors like this earlier in the process, and that is work we are starting today. Please respect the privacy of our employees and our families in this time, and we will leave you with this question. To anyone tempted by their love of our show to lash out on our behalf at the Steve Wozniak community, haven't they been through enough? staff at the Steve Wozniak community. Haven't they been through enough? Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

This is a parody. Paramount owns the sun. Welcome to The Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast. By a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Adam Pranica. I'm Ben Harrison.

How you doing, Adam? Can I tell you about a thing that happened to me yesterday that was embarrassing and disgusting and possibly even dangerous? Sounds like the perfect topic to open one of our shows with. I played a round of golf with an FOD, and I didn't know I was gonna do it. Wow. I made plans to go play with a regular buddy

yesterday morning, and that buddy bailed. But he was like, hey, the other two that I set us up with, I think you're gonna like. And not seeing that as the trap that it was. But he's like, hey, the other two that I set us up with, I think you're going to like. And not seeing that as the trap that it was. I showed up at the appropriate time and met my two playing partners. One of them outed himself as an FOD. This is Kevin.

And we had a really great morning playing some golf and hanging out. But something happened out there that is not this. I'm tantalized about where the disgusting part comes in, the danger. So you know how hot it was yesterday. It was like 90s hot. Yeah. And-

It was like when Rebecca Romaine Stamos was on the cover of Sports Illustrated Hot, 90s hot. Absolutely. It was Tiffany Amber Thiessen out there. One question I've always wanted to ask Rebecca Robain at a convention is what it was like to be the bearded lady in Dirty Work and what it was like working with Norm and all that.

No one to my knowledge has ever asked that question. And if you're an FOD out there who's thinking about doing it, don't. That's my question. Adam put that question in an envelope and mailed it to himself. So we'll know that it was his original idea. I'll be in my trailer, honey. If you want it, come and get it. So I've been like, especially heat sensitive for a while, and I'm trying to figure out why. And that doesn't stop me from going out

and doing things outside. I'm out there walking, and it's 95 degrees. And a person of my age probably shouldn't be walking the golf courses at 95 degrees. So I'm out there, and I'm sweating the way a normal person sweats. But I reach out there and I'm sweating the way a normal person sweats, but I reach up and I'm not usually a hat man. Uh-huh.

Tin man. Sometimes I'll like throw an ice cube in my hat and like pull my hat on, you know, little hat man air conditioner. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So I reach back there and I'm like, ugh! Ugh! What is this? And I look at my hand and it is like sticky and and like sudsy in a weird way. What the hell? And I'm like, ugh! And I can feel it like it's dripping in my forehead and in my eyes and my eyes are stinging. I'm like, why? Oh, like what is all this? I take off my hat and I look at it and it's like the same hat that I wear when I've been

golfing. Like there's nothing weird about this. So I like run it under a water fountain and like- Does Kevin think you're doing like a bit at this point? Like- No, I'm keeping this to myself. I'm trying to be cool in front of Kevin. And you'll have to ask Kevin how well that works.

I've run this thing under a water fountain and like suds are going into the basin of the water fountain. Whoa. And what I realized was after I wore my hat in the heat last time, I got, it's a white hat. Yeah. I got those gross sweat lines in it. And I was like,'s a white hat. Yeah. I got those gross sweat lines in it and I was like, well this sucks. If I want to wear this hat again, I better spray it with a

bunch of OxyClean. So what I did was I basically soaked it in OxyClean but didn't rinse it. Oh man. So it dried out and I wore it in the heat and my sweat interacted with the OxyClean to make basically a soap helmet. That in the heat was like drowning my face and neck in like totally stingy chemical shit. That stuff is the stickiest soap there is. Like when you- It really is, yeah.

When you've got like a spot on a shirt that you need to treat and you spray it and a little bit gets through the shirt under your finger. I feel like you really have to scrub to get it off. I can't imagine having a hair full of it. One hair full of it. And needing to like field clean it out

under a water fountain. It didn't work. And I couldn't clean myself in a water fountain. I'm out there like using a towel in a fountain. And like, meanwhile, Kevin and his buddy are probably like. I thought the amount of water we used to maintain golf courses around this country was unconscionable before you started washing OxyClean

out of your hat on the course. Yeah, noted. Yeah, it was an uncomfortable couple of hours outside covered in soap. And I couldn't wait to get home and take a shower for all kinds of reasons and not just the normal I sweated from exertion reasons. I was stingy and in pain. It wasn't great. How did this affect your handicap out there on the course?

I would say I played a pretty average round for me, which I think is a big win when I'm stinging all over. Under the circumstances, I think I did okay. Wow. Well, few of our favorite characters try to enjoy themselves and have their own misadventures in today's episode of Star Trek, call it Enterprise, Adam. Do you want to get into the episode?

Yeah, the heat can do all sorts of things, Ben. In Star Trek Enterprise, season one, episode 25. Two days and two nights. Season One, Episode 25, Two Days and Two Nights. An episode directed by Michael Dorn. Yeah. Back to Rysa with Michael Dorn. Yeah. Archer going to Rysa. T'Pol's going to be watching the shop. I thought we'd never get here. I thought it would be just around the corner

the entire season. They've been building it up for weeks and weeks. Let's see if it pays off, Adam. Most people don't keep track of the record. You know, as it goes over two days, for most people the record is one day. Right. But this two day Rice A Trip suggests

that that's what's on the table, right? It does. He is trying to wriggle out of it, trying to be like, well, you know, like I'm the captain, I should go down with the ship or whatever. You should enjoy the thing. It turns out that selection of who gets to go down was done by lottery. And somehow almost everybody on the bridge crew won Lotto. Like there's some lower decker who's been living in a bunk bed down there in the bottom

of the ship who's still going to be having to wrench on pipes and like wipe grease off their forehead with the back of their glove. Looking at those shuttle pods going down to the surface of that paradise planet, just like God fucking damn it. If I were a crew person on Enterprise, I might suspect that someone is making a TV show about the Bridge Crew. And so forth, just because of how suspicious this seems, that they all drew the same lot,

and they all are able to go on the trip. Very convenient. John Scalzi should write a book about that. Yeah. With all the casual dress, are able to go on the trip. Very convenient. John Scalzi should write a book about that. Yeah. With all the casual dress, the mudroom kind of looks like the dock of a cruise ship, wouldn't you say? It does, yeah. Those pipe metal banisters sort of take on a different character when watched through this lens.

Yeah. There are no signs about telling people not to hang their clothing from those pipes, the way you'd see in a hotel room and a smoke detector. Yeah. They aren't being asked over and over again if they're sick or have been sick recently. No, they're just getting ready to go down. I thought some of the vacation attire was really delightful. I was especially taken with Travis Mayweather's shirt because it's like a crisscross pattern, but the lines are like slightly wavy. Yeah.

I want that shirt. That's a good shirt. That's my exact style. We are, to put this episode in a moment in time, about to go to our Madison live show, and I'm doing the packing for that. Yeah. Real quickie, just a couple of days, to our Madison live show, and I'm doing the packing for that. Real quickie, just a couple of days,

but it made me think about how the crew packed for this mission, and we talked about it a little earlier, like the absurdity of a Tripp Tucker packing one Hawaiian shirt. Which does come back out now that Ryza Actual is happening. Now it's clear that everyone has packed vacation gear. I, a long time ago, made the mistake of not packing swim trunks on a trip I took not expecting to go swimming ever.

And now that is like an every time pack no matter what. And I'm wondering, like, do you think about your pack in that same way? Like, I never want to be on a trip of any kind without this just in case. In case I get wet kind of a thing. Yeah. Do you have one of those brings? I don't, you know, and I've definitely been burned in the past.

I haven't corrected my behavior based on like learning from my mistakes or anything like that if that's what you're asking. I mean, we learned very surprisingly in Minneapolis that some of the best pools and hot tubs you could get in are in Midwestern states. I'm wondering if that awaits us in Madison. I don't know. I'm packing a swimsuit. That's all I'm saying.

I think I'll just free ball it. All right, good for you. So we get a little round the horn in the, there's clearly like the nice struttle pod on the way down too. Yeah. Cause do leave the ship, but we only see what happens on the inside of one of them. Yeah.

It is the bridge crew and Reed and Trip are talking about how excited they are to bed exotic babes. Is that all you two think about? Well, how we choose to relax is our own business. Meanwhile Hoshi has very different plans of what she's going to be doing with her tongue. She's going to be trying to like learn some languages. She's left her universal translator behind. Do you think this is appropriate as a conversation to have among people of these different ranks.

As soon as this conversation started, I started to reflexively pull away from the TV because do you ask Archer? I guess you do because everyone's talking about it, but if you're Archer, you probably shouldn't say shit. I think that we do make a mistake sometimes when we like talk about the HR considerations of a starship as though they are the same as the HR considerations of a building that has a business in it on planet Earth. Like, yeah, they're not, they're not really the same. I mean, in some ways they're more sensitive because you are stuck with these people. But like in no context would like everyone from the office be going on the same vacation to hedonism too together, you know?

Right. And that I think frees Reed and Tripp Tucker up to basically state that they're there for sex tourism. They're like, we're two single guys and somehow we're gonna try and do the pineapple lifestyle while we're there, even though we have like the lowest possible stock of anyone in the pineapple lifestyle. And they're very braggadocious about it.

Up on the ship, we learned that Flox is going to take this time. I wasn't clear on whether he hit Lotto or not. Like, did he technically win a trip to Risa and like, instead of going to Risa, he chooses to hibernate? I mean, that's a great question. I would have liked a little more of that decision

if that were the case. It also feels like a very, my wife is going to Amsterdam for work and I'm choosing to stay at home because I prefer to have a little alone time kind of choice. Sure. I like this for Dr. Flax. It's fun.

I don't like it as much for Crume and Cutler who doesn't appear to be a character in her own right, separate from things that happen to Dr. Flax, you know? Right, yeah, she's stuck minding Six-Bay while he takes his super nap. If you could take a nap via hypospray, wouldn't you? Having had a pretty bad experience with general anesthetics recently, I'm going to say no. Yeah, I really asked the wrong guy about that.

I mean, I like Nyquil, all right. guy about that. I mean, I like Nyquil, all right. I went into my pre-procedure conversation for my colonoscopy and I talked to my doctor about the many drugs on offer for the procedure and mentioned the, I don't know if you want this said on the show. Oh, well, yeah, like just to catch people up, I had my own colonoscopy recently and I had a very bad reaction to Demerol, but I'd never had it before. So like the doctor was like, yeah, like this just happens to some people.

And I like, you know, I left the hospital and like had a rough couple of days getting better from it. First of all, I wanna say that this is an anti-colon getting better from it. First of all, I want to say that this is an anti colon cancer podcast from here. It needs to be said. Yeah, stop your angry emails. Bill Tilly doesn't need that guff. I'm in there with the doctor and I'm like,

so my good buddy had kind of an issue with Demerol and I'm wondering if that's the thing that you give people. And she laughed and laughed and said hell no We give people the propofol here propofol only the Michael Jackson drug You're gonna love it like Enthusiastic about the prospect of this so wow I will give you my review of propofol Yeah, once it's over. Hey great news. I don't have to go back for 10 years. Clean colon, spick and span.

You know, I was gonna ask. That's great. Yeah. I mean, with the way you're constantly up in there looking around, I'm glad, I'm relieved. Yeah, yeah, I used that viral wifi camera off of Instagram that people use to clear out their earwax on my butt.

Yeah. Yeah. You just knew that was going to be its eventual usage. Legally, it's just a fart joke. On Risa, Archer checks into his villa. This is a place that is going to be separate from the rest of the crew. Yeah. And it looks cliffside almost.

Looks like a pretty great place. It was really nice looking. Kind of a combination between like a multi-coast geography, but with a much more tropical type of flora and fauna around. It's got that fun, vaguely Polynesian theme where the least dangerous thing you can do with your body is climbing the stairs that don't have a handrail. Yeah. I feel like the building codes on Risa are a little bit behind.

Yeah. Yeah. Big fun. When he enters his room, he does like give that the hairy eyeball, like, can you believe that this doesn't have a guard rail? And he like looks up the stairs and then it's like, fuck that, I'm not going up there. I'm not risking it. I just got back from Europe and their rules on the stairs I think are different in this

way. I stayed in a couple of places where like six steps upward without a rail at all. Just good luck. Good luck, American. I've never done this before. Yeah. The Joy of Surak is the gift that Tapal has pre-sent to him. It's waiting for him on the coffee table.

It's fun because it's like older, so all the illustrations are hairier in places that we're not necessarily used to this day and age. Yeah, the bush is not as angular as it is presently. Yeah, speaking of angular, how'd you like that triangle telescope out on his veranda? I love the detail in Star Trek that turns round things triangular randomly.

Got to do it. So cool. Out on the patio he hears a yappy dog, which is just the one thing that's going to kill any vacation, and then starts peeping on its owner out of this triangular telescope. Tommy, how's it peeping? They make eye contact, but not in a eye jammies kind of way. Like kind of in a stink eye, why are you looking at me through a telescope kind of way that I really understand in this moment?

By your weird hairless dog barking at my beautiful beagle. Yeah. Unfortunately, this is a beach resort where pets are welcome, so this is going to be a problem. Yeah. I was thinking it was nice that there was, like, some age-appropriate love interest for Archer being introduced. And then the next scene made me realize, like, who knows, man?

People age at different rates depending on their species, because Drip and Reed are, like, up in the club, and they're not even sure what the pronouns of some of the, uh, some of the hotties they're scoping out might be. They are dressed like cockat and rubs from Miami Vice. -♪ BANGING MUSIC PLAYING. -♪ It's a real Roxbury Guy sketch in process here. But somehow even less sexually threatening

than the Roxbury Guy sketches. In this, which one is Farrell and which one is Catan for you? Oh, I mean, Reed is Catan because he's shorter. That's, I think the easy answer. And Tucker is Farrell because they both do a pretty good George W. Bush impression. I think so, yeah. If fool me, we can't get fooled again.

That night on Rysa, Archer is reading on his patio while Porthos sits there, bored. Why'd you even bring Porthos, Archer? Why didn't you leave Porthos up in the sea story where he can be babysat by T'Pol? That's a great sea story. Oh man. What are you doing? That is, that is Worf looking after Data's cat's solid business.

Yeah, why aren't we doing that? No, we're not doing that. Instead, the yapping begins and the dog we saw across the way earlier is suddenly there? How did it, how do you think this dog made it all the way up there? I mean it is an alien dog, so maybe it has like gecko feet or something. It can climb up walls. I mean, you really have to make the leap for that to be the case, right? Did you think alien dog or hairless dog? I just thought hairless dog. This is a type of earth dog. They did pick kind of an unusual breed to make it, you know, alien context specific. But she's an alien, like she's from a different planet and she's, I mean,

spoiler alert, she's repping one type of alien but is in fact another. But it made me wonder, like, when a human and a Klingon fuck, you can get a half Klingon half human baby, could Porthos and this alien dog fuck and get like a half alien, half Earth dog? I don't know. How do the genetics of other species work in Star Trek? I don't know. That's a conversation for another show, I think. The last season of Discovery should have addressed this, is what I'm saying, you know?

I think it did address this. I just don't think anyone was interested. Do you think this lady threw her dog up onto the patio, given what we learn about what she's actually doing there? Interesting. Would she be that desperate? She looks like she's pretty far down there. She's like 20 feet down and 10 feet over minimum, I would say.

If you put a little dog in a skirt and then wing it, like you're David versus Goliath. If you put a little dog in a skirt and then wing it like you're David versus Goliath, could you get your dog up on a patio? Kinda seems like it. If you have access to a transporter system, and this is a very early example of the technology that is very risky and could turn the dog into cat food. Could you get your dog up onto a patio?

It seems slingshot might be preferred if you care about, I mean, if you care just a little bit about your dog. Yeah. She comes up to collect her pup, and they get to talking. I loved how quickly he works in that he is the captain of a starship who has a science officer into the conversation, because she's like, oh. How do you know that you've got the captain of a starship with a science officer at your party? He'll tell you.

That's exactly what's happening here. He'd like to go out to dinner. She plays it cool. She recommends a restaurant, but has plans tonight. Ice cold, I thought was how she played it. But she leaves the door open for tomorrow. Yeah. I mean, there's tension here because

Archer's interested. She may or may not be. She bends right over in front of him to pick up her dog in kind of a very suggestive way, I thought. Oh, Jonathan. Kayla's dog is hairless, which might have implications. Like there's a whole constellation of things happening in the scene visually, I thought, that creates the sexual tension.

Right. It's a horny moment. When Archer closes the door behind her, like he kind of has that, what was that kind of expression, right? Like he's just, he's as baffled as anyone. How did she get that dog up here? He doesn't jump into like his Jeff Fox worthy routine about it though. But anyways, we cut over to another hotel restaurant where Hoshi is having a meal. And she does a thing that I

really admire, which is reaches out to try to make vacation friends, just kind of sits down, like, you know, meets the waiter and then like looks around the room and just starts chatting with people. Amazing. This is an aspiration for you? Yeah, just to not like chicken out on talking to strangers, especially when I'm traveling, you know. When I was just in Europe and I won't fucking stop talking about it, I know, I did not want to make friends with English speaking Americans over there.

And we ran into many of them. I could sense the draw of us into a hang or whatever, and I never wanted that. Is that what you're talking about or are you talking about something different? I think what I'm talking about is the thing she's doing, which is speaking in the local tongue to locals. That's different. Reaching across a cultural divide,

not just being like, hey, you're like us and you're also here. Yeah. I mean, that's fine, but I think what she does here is cool. I think what these olds do is cool in that they immediately excuse themselves with full drink glasses, as I recall.

Yeah. And maybe even an unfinished meal. They're ready to get the hell out of there. Well, yeah, they've had dinner at this particular hotel restaurant a couple of nights in a row. The waiter knows which room they're in. So the bill is going to be dealt with one way or another. Yeah. There's a dude in the background of the scene who has noticed this and comes over and introduces themselves

and is invited to sit. And he is as impressed by her language skills as the olds were. And this person agrees to have dinner with Hoshi so that they can talk about talking more. Indeed. I find that you are a cunning linguist. I too am a cunning linguist. Faith of the fart. Sometimes I wish that people came with do not disturb signs. I think what I'm trying to say is I wish I came with a do not disturb sign because sometimes I just want to be left alone so that I can read. Well now you can achieve both with the soul reader, the name of a wearable e-reader that I am now pronouncing

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And you will never take the greatest chill alive. Ben would rather die. Rather die. Back with suck it and chubs. They're still hanging with each other in that classic way, you know, like the two dudes rolling into the club planning on hooking up with chicks, man. Trying to gas each other up. But all they're doing is hanging out with each other. It's great. They soon meet a couple of absolute smoke shows here.

This is Dion and Latia. Yeah. And their interaction is going suspiciously well. Dion and Latia move in on Trip and Read in the way that Trip and Read probably imagined themselves to be willing to move in on babes in their trip down to the planet. Yeah. And they sit down and the canoodle gets off to a great start. Yeah. noodle gets off to a great start.

Yeah. Back with Archer, by far the least interesting rice-ian vacationer at this point. He hears Kayla call to him from the patio down below. He invites her up to look through his telescope. Yeah. To see the sun from his world. He's like, I'll show you mine. Will you show me yours?

She is evasive, I think is a good description for her. She doesn't want to talk about her. All she wants to do is listen to things about him and he nags her into her shitty sense of direction. I thought that was great. Yeah, the way he interacts with her over the course of their relationship, I didn't love. But it does seem like sort of like pulling teeth to try and get anything out of her. So maybe it's a two to tango thing where she's being so weird and evasive that this is like

the only strategy he can think of. Haven't you ever hung out with a person who just wanted to be entertained though? And didn't you kind of resent that? Sure. Like that's what this moment makes me feel like. Like, all right, Kayla, whatever. You're not going to tell me anything about yourself. Like, get the fuck out of here with your shitty sense of direction.

So back in the club, Tripfucker and Malcolm Reed have been embellishing how awesome they are as a kind of seduction technique. This is familiar to anyone. You're kind of puffing yourself up. I mean, you're not going so far as to say you have a science officer of your own. Right. But you're getting close, right? Yeah.

They're implying that they get to be captains sometimes in the process of recapping previous episodes of Star Trek Enterprise to these ladies who are doing a great job of pretending to be interested in any of these stories. Yeah. They get invited to some subterranean gardens and there's a little bit of a double entendre there, wouldn't you say? Yeah. It's beautiful.

Maybe you could show us. Sounds like a very moist and inviting place, they think to themselves. So they follow these two ladies through the stairs down to the wine cellar. This doesn't seem bad. More wine. Yeah, grab a couple of bottles on our way

down to the subterranean gardens. Unfortunately, this is where the shakedown happens. And they've been conned by a couple of shapeshifters. Is everyone just shifting shape on Star Trek Enterprise? These are not Suleybon either. They're not. They kind of reminded me of the Remans of Star Trek Nemesis. Yeah, they get shot, Reed and Tucker here. Getting robbed on vacation, something you

hear about all the time, something you never want to have happen. You gotta be smarter than this, Trip and Reed. Wait, holy shit, Latia Mayle was the one that was played by Steve Wozniak. There he is. The co-founder of Apple is one of the muggers in this scene. You'd never know it with all that loaf. Again, just drenching their famous cameo in loaf so you can't tell. I like this. I like this choice.

Oh, you want to be on Star Trek, you rich fuck? How about we make it so it doesn't look like you're on Star Trek at all. How's that? Your call time is 4 AM. Fuck you. Yeah. Pretty great. These buggers are very disappointed with how

broke a couple of Starfleet officers actually are. And they are like, well, we can save face by stealing their clothes at the very least. They stun, trip and read and we cut back up to the bridge. Whatever happened to Mayweather is a question that gets answered here. T'Pol gets a radio message blown in by him. He's had a rock climbing accident and wants a ride home from the hospital and when Mayweather arrives he's still wearing the rock climbing kit and that's because he wanted the hell out of that Rysian hospital ASAP and it's too

bad Dr. Flax isn't available because he's got a broken leg and he was given a hypo spray in this Rysian hospital to treat it, but he seems to be feeling a strange reaction from this. Does not feel good. And Krub and Cutler is not who he was hoping would be treating him. He finds out about the hibernation and is very disappointed.

Back in the wine cellar, it's already the next morning and Reed and Tucker are down to their blue skivvies when they come to. They are both hung over and embarrassed, which I mean, that's hand in glove, isn't it? Yeah. Brode is not going to prevent phaser fire from ruining your next day. Brode doesn't prevent embarrassment and they don't promise to. Yeah. It's not a, it's not in the copy.

Yeah. It's not on the packaging. Don't try it. They start fighting about whose fault it is. This doesn't seem like a good fight to have. Who cares whose fault it is? They're in a bad situation down there and the club isn't going to open for quite some time, so it seems like we're going to be stuck in this basement for awhile. They're in a bad situation down there. And the club isn't gonna open for quite some time.

So it seems like they're gonna be stuck in this basement for a while. I like that they're already worried about the captain finding out about this. Yeah. That's a great tension for them to have for the rest of this. Has the most embarrassing thing

already happened to Trip though? Like this isn't as bad as arm Nipples, but it's pretty close. You're never gonna let that go, are you? I mean, this is on par because now I'm in this A-frame shirt and you can see all my Arm Nipples, unlike the 80s sport coat I was wearing earlier, which very well concealed the Arm Nipples. That's something I wanted to, you know, let Latia know about before I disrobed, you know, so it wouldn't surprise her. Is this a show that loves or hates Tripp Tucker

based on the treatment of this character to now, do you think? I think we love to see him be in embarrassing situations. He endures in entertaining ways, and you like to see it. Back up on Enterprise in Six Bay, Cutler tells Mayweather and to Paul that this medicine you took in the Rysian hospital, it's closing up his airway and Mayweather

wants to wake up Dr. Flux. We were told that this was possible at the beginning of the episode, not preferable, but possible. Yeah. So. It seems natural that Mayweather would want the best possible care given his deteriorating condition, right?

Yeah. That's probably what I should start pushing for just overall. I like that for you. I like that massive change in your character for you. I don't know. Sounds inconvenient. Back on Risa, it's been a while since we've been with Hoshi, right? Hoshi and that dude from before

are having breakfast on the patio and she starts tasting the fruit on her plate in a very suggestive way and telling him the vocabulary words for the fruits. This scene was so ridiculous because she's like trying to learn his very complex language and he starts showing her pieces of fruit and she's like, we have nothing exactly like this.

And she holds up just like the platonic ideal of a strawberry. And she's like, but we might call this something like strawberry. And then she holds up what is obviously just kiwi. And it's like, oh, it tastes similar to an earth fruit called kiwi. Stop pretending that this isn't a strawberry and a kiwi, Star Trek! Is this dude Ravis a vacation fucker? Because he is smooth as hell with this kiss. He really is.

This is quite a moment. And it is a move that he makes that is quite welcome, it turns out. I mean, he is quite the hunk. He invites her to a steam pool with him. Not a great location for a fool around or a date, I thought. Yeah, what is this, the opening scene of Dante's Peak? I don't wanna go to that, Ravis. Hey, Grandma, somebody left their clothes here.

Yeah, I mean, there may already be a part of Hoshi that is steamy and wet. No need. Speaking of eating fruit, Archer is up in his quarters having a little fruit salad for breakfast when the doorbell rings. What do you know, Adam? It's the other character in his storyline. Back to pay him a visit.

Yeah, it turns out she's hungry for a fruit bowl too. And she invites him and his dog to the beach with her and Rilo, which is the name of her dog. He takes a moment to comment on the disparity of information between them. She knows a lot about him, but he doesn't know much about her. Yeah.

Just the name of her dog, it turns out. When he starts pushing the issue, it becomes clear that answering any questions about her of any kind is extremely triggering because of all the sadness in her past. She's got to sit down for this one. She hasn't wanted to say much about herself because the story is her family is dead.

And they were killed by the Suleyman. What a bummer on a vacation to encounter a bummer hang. This is not what you want. She's a classic Debbie Downer. You don't bring Kayla to Ryza and you don't bring Debbie to the Magic Kingdom. No, you don't. This sucks. Archer's got to get rid of Kayla pretty fast here, I thought.

The combination though of like, it's extremely sad and troubling and I'm going to be in a mood for the rest of the day now that it's come up combined with, oh, you know about the SulaBond too? Amazing. It's very funny to me. Yeah. Weird, complimentary information tastes there for Archer in this scene. Back up on the entrepreneur, Flax gets what I would describe as a rude awakening.

I'm sure there's a medical professional who's an FOD out there who could answer this question, but I wonder if you have a guess, Ben. If you're in a medically induced coma or whatever this is that Dr. Flax... If you're in a medically induced coma and you wake up all silly, you might be Dr. Fox. Do you think you get wood? Mmm. Coma wood? Wow.

Would you? Could you? I mean, it seems like it would be an erection longer than four hours. If so, that's probably a bad condition, right? Yeah, you don't want to be in a coma and then have to go to the ER for that. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Could be an embarrassing moment for Dr. Flax below the frame, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah. No kidding. Well, I mean, it's as embarrassing as anything above the frame because he is so disoriented when he wakes up,

calling everybody Captain, and he's talking all kinds of nonsense. He's flopping around. I don't care what it tastes like. Ah! Was this you after being woken up after your colonoscopy? Kind of, yeah. Like, I apparently had a whole conversation with my wife

when she picked me up at the place that I do not remember where I described the procedure in detail in a way that was totally made up, totally fabricated. Like I said, yeah, I was awake for it. I got to watch the camera. Did she record you? She did not. I wish. Because this belongs on TikTok, right? I know. What we need is a spiritual sequel to that time that Katie Couric did it, you know? Yeah.

You could have been. Ben, I got to tell you, that's my biggest fear. I almost want to hire a stranger to drive me home from this. Ben, will you drive me home from this? I will, but I don't know if that will allay your fears at all. I guess you're not worried about pissing me off. Haven't been for quite some time. It sure seems like Dr. Flax is too loopy to practice medicine, and the most unbelievable

part of this episode in this science fiction television show is that Mayweather does not elect to have a different doctor work on his condition. If my doctor was acting like this, no fucking way. Kayla Cutler just has to live in the reality that Mayweather preferred this version of flocks over her for his medical administrations. Yeah, that is, uh, that's really disappointing, I think, if you're Kremen Cutler. Fucking slam. He's dopey and aggressive, which I don't like the combination of.

Yeah. This is the bad drunk is what it is. Yeah. Dopey and chill, the best drunk. Fun. Nice. Everybody likes. Yeah, this is drunk. Fun, nice, everybody likes. Yeah, this is bad. Yeah.

Down on Ryza, Archery is now for some reason trying to cheer Kayla up instead of just showing her the door and he pours them a couple of glasses of Ryza and wine, which sucks. It's a little sweet for my taste. She starts talking about the temporal Cold War and he's like, he's not letting anything on. Can you stick a potato in wine to make it less sweet?

The way you can, the way you stick potato in sauce to make it less salt. Use rice and potato, it's shaped like penis. And Reiser, every emoji can be used for penis. God, what do you do about the sweet wine? I don't know. It's tough. Get different wine. Make yourself a little spritz.

You cut it with some burbles. Yeah, that would work. So that's all you can do. So she's like talking about the temporal cold war and he's like, he's not really reciprocating because nobody's supposed to know about that. That's supposed to be a big fat secret. So how does this civilian woman know about it?

And he just kind of clams up at this point. He really shuts down. He's like not really giving or taking in the conversation anymore. And she starts wanting to know what he knows about the SulaBan and like where they live and what kind of ships they might have and stuff. Awkward. It's so awkward. It's so awkward when you think you're going to get laid and then suddenly you're

like, this person is just pumping me for information. Yeah. It's the wrong kind of pumping. It's not the pumping you expected at all. And this kicks off a kind of large Marge style story that Kayla tells about the Suleyman being from the future, taking their orders maybe from people in the future. I mean, that part's a little squishy, right? Yeah.

Archer makes up a reason to get up and grab a tricorder from his go-bag behind him and then and grab a tricorder from his go bag behind him and then proposes a nice walk on the beach to kind of bust up this weird mood they're in. And when she leaves to go get a change of clothes, he radios up to DePaul, hey, you know those weird bio scans you've been looking for? We'll scan this. Which is so uncool, you know?

It's an unconsensual tricoder scan? No, I'm just saying it's a cute joke for the sake of the episode, but it robs the Vulcans of the agency of having invented BioScan. Right. Yeah, that's true. Kayla returns with a shawl. I don't know exactly how this is gonna keep her warm on the beach. Like in classic move by Kayla. Yeah.

Totally unable to regulate her own temperature on top of the rest of this. Ha ha ha. That makes her a disappointing hang. He reveals to her that he has scanned her DNA and knows that she is not whatever she kind of alien she claims to be, but is in fact a Tantaran. And maybe she's even friends with Colonel Gratt. is not whatever she kind of alien she claims to be, but is in fact a Tantaran.

And maybe she's even friends with Colonel Gratt. You trying to Gratt me, bro? Don't Gratt me, bro. I'm Colonel Gratt. I'm Colonel Gratt. I'm Colonel Gratt. I take it you're the man in charge. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh ho.

Hi Sam, how's it going, pal? Al, you scared me. Yeah, so she is the same species as Gratt. She's part of their intelligence operation that we remarked on being pretty capable in that episode because Gratt seemed to know a lot. We're kept away from the montage of Kayla going into the medical facility to be turned into this different species. And it taking like maybe six minutes, it's just an outpatient procedure to like clip the loaf off of the forehead in between her eyebrows. Like very minimally invasive, very painless.

Yeah. What's not painless is the fingernail scratch she makes on his hand. Ouch. Knocks him out. This really was like viscerally painful to watch. Yeah. Does he just have that thing where if he sees any amount of blood, he passes out? That's funny. I don't know. It's not that there's a drug in her fingernail. He's just like, oh God, the vapors. in her fingernail, he's just like, oh God, the vapors. I wonder if lady spies in the intelligence community have a little extra edge because

of nails and with all that you can do with them. Yeah. And with how long they can get. You can get them real long. Yeah. That's what Kayla does here with her nail. There's not coke in there. It's something else and it knocks Archer out.

Yeah, she's, I guess using that to make her getaway. Trip and Reed are making their getaway from the cellar. I guess they like broke a wine bottle to cut their bonds and it made them very smelly. So they have to do this walk of shame with their knockout on their way back through the nightclub, which is now open. And we cut over to Hoshi waking up in bed next to Ravis, a guy that taught her things to do with her tongue and demonstrated some things he could do with his tongue, presumably. Yeah.

His face is absolutely covered. This episode needs this, right? Because everyone's having a bad time except Hoshi. She went down and got what Travis and Mayweather were looking for. But she got what she was looking for too, right? She got to practice another language. It's cool when things are fun and consequence-free in a moment like this. Yeah.

Like, this fucking Ravis isn't like, oh, you gotta give up your life and stay with me. We gotta start a new life on Rise or we can both be surf instructors or something, you know? Like, let's keep this train going. This is not that at all. Yeah, I do feel like in any earlier edition of Star Trek, there would have been like a breakup conversation at the end of this. Yeah.

These are just two adults doing adult things, seeing things for what they are. Yeah. A nice development in TV writing. Yeah. Good stuff. Yeah. So up in Six Bay, Flox has fixed Mayweather, has reversed the anaphylactic reaction he was having to the medicine they gave him, and Phlox plops himself down on a bio bed

and snores his way back into hibernation as he deserves. Also asleep is Archer, who is licked awake by porthos. I wanted the dream where he thinks he's kissing Kayla, and then it's licks from porthos. That's a trope that I would have enjoyed here. Does he want to kiss Kayla, though? Has he ever? I think initially he did.

Yeah, I think there was a moment where he was down. It would have been fun if, you know, his dream had been Kayla just going like, Archer, I'm sorry about all that. I'm not actually a spy. he was down. It would have been fun if, you know, his dream had been Kayla just going like, Archer, I'm sorry about all that. I'm not actually a spy. I was just pulling your chain. Let's kiss. Yeah.

He staggers up to his feet and makes his way out to the patio and he looks down at Kayla's patio and it's empty. Yeah. Except for her dead dog, who's been left there. You can tell she's gone because all the chairs have been tilted over against the table and her dog is dead. Yeah, there's a bunch of piles of shit all around, and a dead dog. It's very sad.

Makes you dislike Kayleigh even more. Yeah. We get the single brass instrument of an unbusted captain's nut here. Very sad. Sure do. On the shuttle, on the way back up, everyone's lips are sealed. No captain's log, no internal discussion between the crew members of what they experienced down there. No electronic frontier. No gabbing about what you did on Ryza. Yeah, did you like this episode, Adam?

Well, I'm glad we finally got back to Ryza. That's fun. Yeah. I'm glad Hoshi had a good time. Seemed like the Horgons were just used as light switches in this episode. That's fun. Yeah. I'm glad Hoshi had a good time. Seemed like the Horgons were just used as light switches in this episode. Yeah, it did seem like it. But like, if you're going to do a Horgon as a light switch, do the kind where it's like you flick it up and it's an erection, you know?

Who is selling the Horgon erection light switch cover that we need? Hey Vansitters! Yeah. I got yet another great idea. For you to ignore when we send you an email about it. Guess we're just going to have to make it ourselves. Devested can probably 3D print this, right? Let's get into business with a friend. That's never backfired.

That's what we should do. And then we're going to... The only business this business does is Horagon light switch covers with the erection being the switch. A form of switch that is vanishing before our very eyes. It really is, yeah. Like, no one uses this switch anymore. You can't get, like, the, like, Lutron smart home light switch in this configuration, which sucks.

You know what we should do is we should make that kind of switch for this because it doesn't make sense. Like center of the Horgon just, just cut out. That's dumb. That just doesn't work visually at all. Yes. That's greatest gen. Yeah.

It comes with like a sticker that we printed out on an inkjet that just kind of continues the Horgon color and pattern. Perfect. But it like it wears out very quickly because it's just a piece of paper. Why is it $39? Because it's expensive. Everything is expensive to make now. It's fucking crazy. Yeah. Ugh. Did I like the episode? Yeah, I mean, it's fun. It's a vacation episode. Yeah.

That's what it is. It's a vacation episode. It's not like any other type of Star Trek episode. It is a low calorie meal that's not very satisfying, but it's also, you know, it's not going to get you off your goal or whatever. No one has a good vacation on Star Trek though, right? No, it's never happened. Like through the years, that just doesn't happen and it's too bad.

Yeah. So this is like kind of a traditional Star Trek episode is like the lightest one of the season right before the heavy duty first part of a two parter at the exciting conclusion of the season, right? Seems that way. Yeah. So maybe that's what we've got coming up next. But before we find out about that, why don't we head to the Priority One inbox

and see what we got going on in there. Priority One message from Starfleet coming in on Secure Channel. Need a supplemental income. Supplemental income? Supplemental. Supplemental. Yeah, it's extra.

The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship. Then we got a message here of a promotional nature. Here's how that goes. That Jim Shimoda stacks chips. This Jim Shimoda stacks workouts. Intrigued? Join Jim Shimoda on Facebook, the FOD group, where you can share your number of O'Brien's or Caicos run or biked, Latinum bars pressed, boim goals achieved. Even Boothby stacks in the yard are good. We want to help you move more. And all fitness levels are welcome. Join us today and get a cool graphic to track your workouts or try one of our challenges.

So check out Jim Shimoda, the group on Facebook. Man. This is a group I've been familiar with a long, long time. We even have Jim Shimoda gear in our podshop.biz store. I love the idea of Jim Shimoda. I do too. I recently got myself a rowing machine. I've been doing a regular rowing workout.

This almost has me inspired enough to join Facebook again so that I can be a part of Jim Shimoda. I mean, not so much so that I would actually go and do that, but you know, it's a very wholesome use of a product I otherwise don't have a great deal of fondness for. There are good places inside all the places, and this is one of them. True. Move yourself. If you can, it can make all other aspects of your life better.

Do it. This reminds me that there is a, if you're on Peloton, the hashtag Jim Shimoda is trafficked big time. There are hundreds of Pelotoners who ride and row and run and do all the rest on there. That rules. Use the hashtag Jim Shimoda, G-Y-M-S-H-I-M-O-D-A, to find out what they're all about. Good deal. Our next priority one message is from Adam and Maine, and it's to Adam and Ben.

And it goes like this. I started TGG in 2016 after adopting a rescue GSD pup who became my best friend. On 8-12-24, Manda left this world with her head in my lap and me telling her how loved she is. For nine years, your shows were the soundtrack to our hikes, swims, and snowy fun. Revisiting old episodes floods me with those happy memories.

Thank you. Typewriter drop, pick me up please. Well how do you expect me to type? Not with your fingers. With my nose? It would have definite advantages. Look, it's typing everything I'm saying! Not with your fingers.

Oh, my nose! They're destroying me. Do you see that? With my nose? There it sits! Stop it! Everything you have done, stop with your fingers. Stop with your fingers. Stop.

How do you expect me to type? With my nose? Stop. Stop it! Stop. Stop it! Stop. Stop it!

Oh, my nose! Stop it. You. Stop it. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. really lovely memories that the two of you shared. Our condolences and thank you for enjoying our show with a beloved pup. Yeah, I share all of what Ben said and also a question about what you were listening to

for the year that wasn't eight years, which is how long we've been doing this show. Nine years, Adam? Whoa. It was the other show you were listening to. Shit dog. So you've fact checked a listener who just had a very serious, very heartfelt P1 there.

You know what? I also went through the death and grief of a beloved pet. Sometimes I lose track of time and how many years I was listening to a podcast during Sprocket's life too. So yeah, it is an awful moment. I don't wish it on anyone and I'm sorry you're going through it, Adam.

Final message from Andrew in New York City. New York City? It's to David and I guess Ben and Adam. Hey, what's up? Here's that message. Step one, wear Emissary and Commander's shirt at work. Step two, boss notices shirt, asks about it. Okay. Then have to explain the boy. The boy? Then boss decides to listen to podcast Then, Boss decides to listen to podcast. And then mention they do live shows. Boss decides to also go to a live show. Ben and Adam start live show with 20 minutes of blowjob king.

Embarrassment now shared with the Boss. This is a war crime. Thanks guys. Wow. So I guess it's David the boss and Andrew is the subordinate that wore the emissary and commander shirt into the office. Seems that way, Ben. And in another weird example of the way we kind of disassociate when we do a live show. I don't remember 20 minutes of blowjob king, do you?

I don't either. I mean it sounds great It sounds so fucking funny. Yeah, I mean what's gonna be a better team-building exercise than a boss and a subordinate Going to a live greatest Jen show where we do a tight 20 on blowjobs I guess this is probably when we were talking about John hole and and how you prefer toothless blowjobs Yeah, yeah, that wasjobs. Yeah. Yeah. That was the bit. Yeah. Don't we all? Don't we all? Maybe just you.

I prefer a packed priority one message inbox bin. You can stuff your message in there. Promise there's no teeth. Go into maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. You write some words, you write a message, you memorialize a beloved pet, you can do anything in there, and we're gonna read it, and it's a great way to support the production of our show.

Hey, Adam. What's that been? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Incredible. Drunk Shimoda! I mean, if it isn't Reed and Tripp Tucker, I don't know who it could be. I mean, those guys, those guys were basically cosplaying

as Shimoda for the entire trip. They wanted to be Shimoda. They wanted to be drunk and horny. They got into an adventure, all right. They sure did. No one was really hurt. That's true. It was fine. Maybe they learned a thing at the end.

Yeah, I feel like this will be something that they could look back on and laugh. Oh's true. It was fine. Maybe they learned a thing at the end. Yeah. I feel like this will be something that they could look back on and laugh. Oh yeah. Real character building experience here, right? Remember when one of the richest humans in the world stuck us up at gunpoint in Alien Loaf? Yeah. Wow. What a time. How about you, Ben? I'm gonna give it to that rich human. I'm giving it to Steve Wozniak for again being an alien that is obscured in so much loaf that you can't recognize the person. Yeah.

They gave him lines. Imagine a billionaire lacking vanity. Sufficient to cover themselves in loaf in this way. Wow. What the hell? Amazing. So, yeah, that's my Shimoda. Good Shimoda by you.

Faith of the fart. Adam, why don't you head to gach.biz slash game and I will tell you a little bit about next week's episode. It's season one, episode 26. Shockwave, part one. After apparently causing the obliteration of an alien colony, Enterprise is ordered to return to Earth until a surprise visitor offers Archer

startling evidence about what really happened. I mean, accidents happen, right? Yeah, can't be too mad. What did you think was going to happen out here with this guy being the captain? Yeah. That's a good point. Well, I don't know what's going to happen when I roll the 100-sided die over it. Gah that biz slash game.

That's where we figured out the way we're going to experience next week's episode. Currently our runabouts on Square 65. That's why this was a regular old episode for you and me. Correct. But I'm about to roll, find out what we land on for next time. You're required to learn as you play. Roll. On the season finale.

Yeah. Ben, we are on Square 79 now. It's another regular old episode. Chula! Did I win? Hardly. That's just fine by me. That's how you do a cliffhanger season finale.

Sounds like a good deal. Yeah. All right. Well, looking forward to next week. Got to thank all of the friends of Desoto who come out and support us on a monthly basis. If you would like to join their ranks, go to maximumfun.org slash join and get instant access to that bonus feed. Every month, new bonus episodes and we really put a ton of work into them.

They're a big part of our work every month is making a great bonus episode. Yeah, we're going to record one today, in fact. Indeed. Gotta thank Wendy Pretty, our producer and editor, as well as Rob Adler and Bill Tilley, our temporal Cold War time consigniary who is helping Rob on the social medias and follow those at greatest trek all over the place. You know, throw the occasional like or repost or whatever on a post if you see one of ours. Helps us get the word out and we really appreciate it.

The music you're listening to right now will be our credits music forever. Dark Materia was its composer, but theme and interstitial music throughout the years, created and composed by Adam Ragusea, a great friend of ours, great and talented artist in his own right. He is and with that we will be back at you next week another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of the greatest generation

Enterprise where sounds like we're not Cliff Kids, sounds like we're just, we're talking about people that are, you know, cinders in the bottom of a crater. You know, sad. Not a vacation episode, it sounds like. Yeah. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the U.S. 10th Santa Prize. Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the U.S. 10th Santa Prize. Make it show. Make it show. Jean-Luc Picard, car-car-car-car.