The Greatest Generation - Effectively Gross (S1E25)

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

When Captain Picard's old friend sends him a "U up?" message in the middle of the night, it's enough to send the Enterprise back to Earth to investigate evidence of a Federation conspiracy. There, the crew is reunited with some familiar faces: Inspector General Dexter Remmick and Admiral Gregory "Roundhouse" Quinn. Does Dytallix B cause hair loss? Is Picard impervious to being "Picosby-ed"? Who keeps putting all these glass coffee tables on board starships? It's a super-sized podcast where we make the case for writing future Star Trek episodes!

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdisotoforlabor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Welcome to the greatest generation Star Trek Podcast by two guys who a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek Podcast, but not really anymore. I'm one of your hosts Adam Prandtica. I'm your other host Ben Harrison.

Hey Ben, we're finally here. We're finally at conspiracy. It's probably the episode that inspired the idea of doing a Star Trek podcast to begin with, right? Yeah, I mean, like one of the more exciting episodes of the series and the penultimate episode in season one, which has also got me feeling really good. We're almost out of one type of woods

and into another type of woods. Yeah, that's one way of putting it. I think, you know, part of the conceit for this show, our show, our podcast show, is the whole, like, does it hold up, right? Sure. I for one have not seen any of these episodes since I was a kid. So it's been fun to just sort of revisit and compare what the reality is versus what the memory is of these shows.

And so this one, I feel like, was the most memorable episode of maybe the entire series to me as I was watching it. And so I think this is going to be a great experiment into sort of the reason we do a show like this. Does it hold up? Can it anything hold up to the scrutiny that we give it compared to our good feelings that we had about it as a child? Well, let's dive in. The Enterprise is on route to Pacifica, which is a planet that they're gonna be doing some science at.

And Pacifica is expecting them. It's not a shit name for a planet either. Like it sounds like a good place. It's not like Argon 7. No, I mean don't worry. There's one of those in here. But the episode opens with Jordy like mid- mid joke, which I feel like is one of these tropes that you see in television shows where it's like writers that can't write jokes, just come into the joke midstream so you don't get the setup. So the punchline is going to be meaningless to you. But Jordy is essentially telling dirty jokes at con and data does a little analysis of

why it might be humorous and then does his very upsetting attempt at a laugh. It is so upsetting. It's as upsetting as his sneeze was several episodes ago. Yeah, it's such a throwaway moment in this episode, but it's what they chose to open it. What do you think data sounded like when he got off with Tasha Yare? Did it sound more like a laughfer of sneeze, you think? Man, that is a... God, his interpretation of what that sound is like

has got to be terrifying. Yeah, it just a sneeze on a pitch shift. Ah, ah, chew! We cut away from this lounge act that Jordi is doing with data to Picard's quarters because he's got a very important message coming in. A highly confidential message. Yeah, they get an unusual alert sound plays and they radio down to Picard who's asleep and he is roused from sleep to a code 47 message, which is, I guess, for captains years only. And he gets on the view screen,

and it's his friend, Captain Walker Keel, of the USS Horatio. Hello, Jean-Luc. It's been a long time. Too long old friend. This man is terrifying looking. It's me anyway. Yeah.

It's got kind of not a full blown death head, but he definitely looks like a guy that you could cast in the role of death. Here's who he reminded me of immediately, and I actually had to look it up to make sure it wasn't the same guy. You remember in Peewee's big adventure when Peewee gets dropped off after the ride with large march, and he's in the diner, and there's like, yeah, Large Marge dropped me off, and the guy who tells the story of Large Marge looks like Walter Keel.

Hehehehe. Worst accident I have ever seen. It's not him. Why couldn't Large Marge have been a starship, Captain? Warp drives sounded like a dump truck. Dropped off the Empire State Building. Hehehehehe going for three people in the audience right now. I don't know. I think that there's like a demographic that grew up with all these references, right?

Yeah, I hope so. Please review us if so. Please review us if so. So Picard and Keeler on the blower, Walker Keel is like, look, man, something's up. And you can't tell anyone, but there's weird shit going down in the Federation. Stuff I can't really describe to you on a FaceTime, but we gotta hook up in person. He doesn't trust that Apple hasn't made a backdoor for the FBI on this call. Sure, so he's like, look, make up any excuse you want. I know you're on your way to Pacifica, but you got to meet us.

We got to do this in person. This is a face to face. We're going to need to see you at italics B as soon as you can get there. Right. And so Picard comes on the bridge and just kind of says like, change course, make this happen. Don't ask many questions.

I'm fucking done with you assholes. Wait, is this the part of the show where he says, increase the warp sex. I serve full impulse. Oh, I didn't notice that. Did he say that? Yeah, he does. Whoops.

Oh. Yeah, Jordy's too busy telling sex jokes to data, to enter in a proper speed. He's responding to a different kind of impulse. Did you notice that Denise Crosby is still in the credits? Yes, they did. At this point. That's weird, right?

Rest in peace Denise Crosby. Do you think she's still getting paid? That's an interesting bit of contractual trivia that I would like to know more about, I think. Like when you sign on to do a season of a show. Yeah. Are you credited for the entire season if even if you're killed partway through? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. But yeah, she's on it. This has been Star Trek Union rules cast. I'm sure we're gonna get 10 emails telling this exactly why that's the case. I hope not. Yeah

Just just don't we're starting to get corrected on our fucking grammar Which like you know, I guess is sort of a sign that we've grown to a certain point that there's now at least one that we've grown to a certain point that there's now at least one grammar freaking our in our listenership but man like we are doing this ex-temporaneously this is not a scripted show we don't have to have correct written grammar fuck off does this sound scripted to anyone? if we are writing this as a script I would be so ashamed if the person who wrote in correcting our grammar actually thinks this is scripted, I think that they have a traumatic head injury and they need medical attention immediately.

I challenge grammar right inners to make a podcast that is entertaining and also grammatically bulletproof. It really begs the question, why we even do this show anymore. Yeah. So they get to Ditalix B. Ditalix B is a planet and also a product that leaves you with shiny, flake-free hair. Ditalix C is only available by prescription.

So consult your physician. So they get there and there's a couple of frigates and like a... They call out a couple of ship classes and it pisses me off that you never see them. Yeah, you never see them and it's like, man, like what would a federation frigate look like? Because that's a gunship, right? That that's a, that's like a small ship that's like overpowered for war. Yeah.

And the other ones are cruiser. Yeah. Heavy cruiser. So what the fuck? Yeah, missed opportunity there. Yeah, it would have been nice to see those ships. These ships do not respond to hails and Picard is pissed at war

for having even tried to hail him up. Yeah, this is on the back of the conversation he has with the bridge crew after receiving the message from Keel. He's like, look, we're going to divert to another planet and nothing about this goes in the log, right? Like, just shut up about it. And like, part of that is that Keel has said, like, Picard might not be able to trust his own crew with whatever is going down. And the other part, I think, is Picard is going to like humor his friend, but doesn't want a bunch of paperwork to justify to the command later when they're like, why when you are supposed to be at Pacifica, were you super late and why did you go to Ditalix B?

Right. You know, you don't have any hair Picard. You don't to Ditalix B? Right, right. You don't have any hair, Picard. You don't need Ditalix B. Yeah, they do detect three life signs on the planet service. And Picard says, like, that's where I'm going. Send the coordinates of that to the, to the transporter room. I'll see you guys in a bit.

Yeah, it's pretty great. So he beams down and meets up with Keel and a couple of other captains. And he is told the story of their conspiracy concern. The idea of being is that there's a bunch of suspicious deaths of high ranking officers. They evacuated an entire starbase for a couple of days, for no reason at all. Ships are being deployed in weird ways around the fleet. Things are just not adding up,

but none of these stories necessarily indicate, like, There's nothing malicious that's detectable at this point, but it shit seems weird. Yeah, and Picard at this point is still like humoring them. Like, yeah, all right, like yeah, I can see some of this isn't really adding up. And you know, Quinn was on board my ship not too long ago and he mentioned things real

a little weird too. And he just sort of goes, all right, well, good meeting. I'm going to head back to the ship now. And he is just told to watch his back. Like when Picard shows up, they really like give him the third degree about whether he is who he says he is. So we're immediately on to the idea that there's some kind of body snatcher or alien that can impersonate you almost flawlessly situation. And one of the captains that's there says they have no memory and that's their weakness.

And that is like the worst weakness for a body-snaturian. Right, right. Because the second you go like, what color was the boat house at your college? I think I'll green and you go, your college didn't have a boat house, you know. Yeah, you're pretty much fucked.

Yeah. Like the strengths as we will come to know them are kicking people in the face. Yeah. And no gag reflex. The weakness is memory. It is a tiny principle with a 3D face. Are you wrong finding within yourself

to stand up so much truth? You don't deserve the wealth that you never bought. The card gets back up to the ship. And the first person he talks to when he gets back to the Enterprise is Troy. And she's not really buying this conspiracy theory either. Like, Picard really trusts Walker Keel, but Troy doesn't know him from Adam. And she's like, you know, like, wouldn't we have known if there was like some dirty shit going on at the highest reaches of the of the Federation? Like, what are we talking about here? So Picard goes and grabs

data for this project. This is like one of the weirdest scenes. He walked up to data and he says, I have a little project for you data and it plays perfectly into some of your strengths. And it cuts to data for like a sustained four or five second shot of him just looking really satisfied with himself. Yeah, that was an odd time-filling production decision there. Yeah, it's like, we need like four more seconds before the commercial break. That shoot Brent Spiner going like, I'm great. Like, you couldn't have given him four more seconds

of speedy information on the computer screen, you know, because part of what he's doing, he's reviewing a bunch of computer information, trying to see if there's any evidence of a conspiracy. Basically to verify whether this series of strange orders and everything that the other captains were talking about holds up under any kind of scrutiny. And data's the other captains were talking about holds up under any kind of scrutiny.

And data is the right guy to provide that scrutiny. So that's it. They're going to go back and keep head and torque Pacifica and do the mission that they are ostensibly supposed to be on when they detect a strange disturbance. And they go divert again to look into it and it's a cloud of debris that is slowly expanding out and I'm sorry sir. It can only be the Horatio Which is Walker Keel's ship We feel this very keenly. I mean like in his conversation with Councillor Troy. He says like his two best buds going way back were

Jack Crusher and Walker Keel. And now they're both dead. They have both bought the farm. This moment sort of gives weight to their suspicions because down on the planet Keel mentioned that he couldn't even trust his first officer anymore or his chief medical officer either. Like, he felt like he was surrounded by people he didn't recognize anymore, people

he used to, he's known for years, acting weird. He felt like he was in danger by just being on that ship and that danger was realized when the ship explodes later. Yeah, ships get intense and this specific mission is just going to have to wait. They decide that the best thing to do is go check out what's going on on Earth. And data is able to confirm that the series of orders that are being issued from Starfleet Command do in fact bespeak something being up. I believe it is a clandestine attempt to control vital sectors of Federation territory. It's the same meaning where Picard just sort of informs the rest of the bridge

crew that the ship might be real and not only that I think we got to go back home right back to Starfleet command at Earth and and see if we can't solve what this might be. What you get here is a really cool I think for the first time. Did we get this in the first episode, but you get the Enterprise Returning to Earth scene, which is beautiful and great. Totally, and it's like traveling toward Earth, past the moon, it's a beautiful,

beautiful composition of the shot. Always brings a swelling, nostalgic emotion, I think. They always do this well. brings a swelling nostalgic emotion, I think. They always do this well. Yeah, and even they get starfully command on the blower, on the view screen, and even the admirals are like, Of course, we are always delighted when the enterprise returns to the nest.

But boy, is it weird that they are just all sitting there together? There's three admirals. Among them is Admiral Quinn, but there's another old human guy and a Vulcan guy and apparently they have just been sitting shoulder-to-shoulder waiting for for the Enterprise to call waiting by the phone. As old people do, why haven't you called me? Hi grandpa

Just been really busy. I Wanted punk girl this week. Oh, yeah, how is the old folks home? Are you enjoying yourself? They don't make the French toast like I like it. Have any of your friends died recently? I don't know. I don't know how to yes, Sam, that. Let's get out of that bit. Like me. That's the fact. My love is a piece of love and chill for that

which long does not have the busy. So they're like, why are you here? What's going on? Anyways, why don't you all come to dinner? You and Commander Reiker. Sounds great. And they're like, don't you all come to dinner? You and Commander Ryker, sounds great. And they're like, okay, we'll come to dinner. And Quinn is like, oh, I would love to,

but I can't, I'm busy. And by the way, I wanna come up to the ship for totally unrelated reasons. They're like, okay, come on up. And then when the few screen goes dead, Picard goes to Riker, like Quinn, like wants to warn us about something. That's what's going on here. So yeah, way off Picard. Yeah, yeah, you fucking missed that by a mile. Yeah, because Quinn is loading up a trapper keeper with what we see is sort of a little

pink bug. Yeah, creep a little pink bug. And guess who walks in while he's doing that? Commander Remick. Quagmire himself. The dickhole that was that was taken the ship apart piece by piece, looking for what was wrong a few episodes back is big dog and Quinn in this scene. Yeah,

complicit in the conspiracy. Yeah. So Quinn beams up and Riker offers to show him around. Picard's gonna beam down ahead of him. I got some real haunted house vibes from this scene. Like they know they're in danger. Yeah. They know they're approaching Starfleet command

under circumstances that are real suspicious. Right. And yet, like, Picard beams down alone. Unarmed. Real creepy foreshadowing. This is, I mean, this is a very, like, spooky episode. There's a lot of scary ideas and moments in it. And I don't fault them for using some of the tropes of horror in setting that up.

So the captain beams down. He's greeted by the other two Adderals and Remick. And he's like, there's a lot that makes him feel uneasy, like not only the way they're acting, but also just the fact that like Starfleet command headquarters is kind of a ghost town. He says like, why is nobody around? Like it was, this was like a busy ass hallway last time I was standing in it. They do that thing where, you know, they greet him with a drink. Yeah. They, they fill everyone's glasses and Picard just can't bring himself to touch it to his lips. Yeah, he's like, what's in this? Yeah, like he's seen the roofy trick before.

Like, you gotta do something different to get one over on Picard. You're not gonna put that one past me, Rudy. You're putting it roofy and the drink and you're giving it to me Theo. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a Pekazby Picard himself. That's for sure. No. A Greatest Gen Live Show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post-show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, I'd make a pretty great name for a tour.

Let's do it! The Sherry Reembarishment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Sherry Reembar the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We got stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweards. Pat Noswald.

Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Kumail Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are already open. Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goat try. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Oh, Russ, hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in line.

These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I, what, hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line and boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short necks. But I'm here and we need to get on this. We've got to get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity.

Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out.

We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think? Ono Ross and Carrie, available on MaximumFun.org. Back on the Enterprise, Riker shows Quinn to his quarters. And I think he asks him about what is in his, uh, his trapper keeper and, uh, Quinn's like, oh, this was actually for the doctor, but, uh, you know, we can make, uh, I could show you it's actually a superior life form.

And Riker's like, what do you mean superior life form? And Quinn's like, let me show you. Yeah. Zip. Yeah, he opens up the trapper keeper with that velcro sound, that Yeah. Zip. Yeah, he opens up the trapper keeper with that velcro sound that So Recker's like, you're acting real weird. And it, and he tries to leave and Quinn's like, it won't like your science officer.

It does like you. And quickly starts to put a whoop on Reiker. I think Riker tries to throw the first punch, but Quinn just throws like one of the greatest roundhouse kicks of all time. This fight scene is so great because they don't even try to obscure that they're stuntman. No, yeah. This is definitely the same guy that they use when data is dodging lasers, like just with gray hair instead of green tan.

Just an ill-fitting wig, ill-fitting uniform and it's like Axe kicks. Yeah, he's like about 60 or 75 pounds lighter than Ward Castello, the actor that's portraying Quinn, but a guy that's got a riker just gets this shit kicked out of him. Yeah, he really earns the nickname Gregory Roundhouse Quinn. But, you know, before riker, before riker goes through the glass coffee table, he's able to call security and the security detail that shows up is Jordy and Warf, who both also get their asses whooped? I feel like it's sort of like a character coughing and you know that they're going to be

dead and a little while. The presence of a glass coffee table on this show. You know someone's going through that coffee table. They don't dustbusters squad them, do they? Like war funjority show up and they get their ass kicked. Yeah, it's like, it's a lot of hand to hand. And, you know, you think that warf might be up for this. And they even make the implication

that that's what's gonna go down. But it winds up being Dr. Crusher who phasers Quinn enough to put him out of his consciousness. You'd think like a bunch of fire extinguisher stations Quinn enough to put him out of his consciousness. You'd think like a bunch of fire extinguisher stations in a shopping mall, like that there would be at pretty regular intervals a phaser station that you just break the glass on. In case something goes down on the ship, and it seems like when you need a phaser in this scene, there is none to be found.

Yeah, no phasers close at hand. Beverly Crusher's got those pockets to her doctor's uniform. I bet she's sticking phasers in there. Oh, you think she's just always packing. Wouldn't you? She comes with that heat. Yeah, I think so. At least the little clicker phaser, the little little

card key. Yeah, maybe that's why she gets, maybe that's why she gets stationed at Starfleet medical in the next season because Like we need you to teach all the all the up and coming Doctors that are going to station on ships to be strapped because right shit goes down and people don't have phasers And that's a problem and starfleet medical is not necessarily under our purview But we're gonna take this issue seriously Crusher fucking lights him up and we know that they were friends.

Like, like, she loves Quinn. Yeah. And she phasers the shit out of him, like all the way down to the ground. Like she's, she's basically clicked the button so that the button stays down. And that phaser beam just takes him down to the floor until he's incapacitated. Yeah. She wases him. She comes, she wases to him. She comes close to wases to him,

but they get him to the sick bay and they're like, yeah, like, shit is just strange. Like he's super strong and like, the readings are all weird. And then she rolls him over to like put a hyposprae on him and she notices a little gooey nubbin coming out of the back of his neck. If you're around enough old people, I think you might confuse this for just an old person skin tag, though. Man, this scene was the scariest thing to me when I was a little kid and I saw this. Like the idea of an alien inside your body and it has something that comes outside of your body to breathe,

just scared the... but Jesus out of me. Yeah, the trade-off for having super strength is having the alien in your body with its tail sticking out of your neck. Like, that doesn't seem like a fair trade. Yeah. So Picard is about to go into dinner with the other admirals, and she radios down to him that they've basically figured out what is going on. And what is going on is that these aliens are wrapping themselves around the brain stems of affected officers controlling their minds, giving them super strength. There's only one way to

stop them and it's by setting your phaser to kill. And you know, Picard reminds everybody that doctor one does not beam down to starfleet headquarters armed. So he has no choice but to go into dinner and try and play it cool until until the cavalry can show up. And at the very end of the call, Riker has gotten up from his hospital bed in sort of a menacing fashion. Yeah, he scares the shit out of Crusher. And it sort of smash cuts down to the surface

so you don't know what's going on. Yeah, like the enterprise could be getting fucked right up at this moment. So Picard sits down to the dinner prize could be getting fucked right up at this moment. So Picard sits down to the dinner table and they set a bowl in front of him. And he takes the lid off and it is a writhing bowl of worms. And he is real grossed out and they really up the volume on the on the worm sound, too. Yeah, they they stuck a microphone and a bowl of wet spaghetti and stirred it around in the fully department to get this sound too. Yeah, they stuck a microphone in a bowl of wet spaghetti and started around in the Foley department to get this sound effect.

It was really effectively gross. Yeah, totally. You know, Remic and the admirals take their seats and some random yellow shirt sits down and also starts digging in and eating these worms and they're like, have some worms, Picard. They're so delicious. Eat hearty, brother.

relish your new body. And the way he puts it is just so gross. Yeah. As if the idea of a bug inside of your body attached to you the base of your skull inside of your body attached to the base of your skull with a tail sticking out to breathe isn't gross enough. These things also eat worms. Yep.

I am a cute as a ball. There are four lights. And so Picard basically can't stand it. Like he's not gonna eat these fucking worms with these fucking mind controlled admirals. And he's like, all right, I can't take this. I don't care what these people think. I'm just sitting here making myself nauseous with this ugly food that stink.

They tried to be cause be him. They tried to get him to eat worms. It's just one gross indignity after another. So he tries to bounce, but the door is part... And I don't know if you notice this, but I think these are the doors that become the doors for 10 forward. Yeah, they look the same to me. Yeah. He's trying to go out of them, but who should up here, but Commander Riker and Commander

Riker is acting very strange. And Riker is quickly demonstrating themselves to be on the side of the mind-controlled admirals, and they even go so far as to push up the edge of his hair and find the little gill that is protruding from the back of his neck. So Picard is in a real pickle because the first officer of his ship and the admiralty of his military organization are against him and are going to attempt to make him one of them by making him ingest one of these bugs. Right, he's surrounded by enemies and he has no weapons.

To make it worse before they do that to him, they're going to sit him down and make him eat these worms and watch them eat more worms. He's going to have to sit here and think about what's about to happen to him. And they all sit back down and riker grabs up a big pile of gooey gooey worms and is about to dump them into his mouth when. Yeah, his way of doing it, like, if you were gonna eat some worms, like, with your hands.

Imagine you'd grab a couple of worms and you'd like just put them in your mouth from below. The way Riker does it though is he grabs like a claw machine from an arcade. As if his arm was like a crane. He lifts it over his head. He tilts his head up and is ready to drop them into his mouth. Yeah. He's using the same approach that a stoner does with cheetos, which is kind of just get as many as you can claw up and then tilt your head back and kind of drop them into your mouth. But instead, he starts phasering people and Picard is real Johnny on the spot. He grabs a phaser off the floor that he's, I guess he knocks it out

of somebody's hand, a little dust up, they knock everybody up, but one of the admirals splits and runs down the hall, so they have to run around and chase him. Everybody that gets phasered and goes down has this super wide jaw opening scene where an insect climbs out of their mouth, which is also really gross. And it looks like it's like the kind of stop-motion animation that Henry Selik did for the life aquatic where it's like a little creature that's stop-motioning around. And I feel like that really adds to the creepiness. It felt very clash of the Titans to me. Like clash of the Titan skeleton style.

Yeah. Not a lot of tweening. No. They, they gunned down the last admiral and then they find Remek, who is dicking around on a huge screen, using a huge chair for some reason. And he turns around and one of these bugs crawls into the room and like crawls up the leg

of his pants and onto his shoulder. And he opens his mouth and lets it crawl inside. And he like slurps up the last little bit. That this was the scene where as a kid you just start screaming. Like it is horrifying. At any age, it's horrifying. Totally.

Yeah, I mean, like, I'd say that like, if you wanted to make one criticism, the bugs look a little cheap now. Sure. But it's still like genuinely, like a great freak out moment. Of course, and like when you see what you've had up until this episode,

you had an oil slick monster just a couple episodes ago and now you have real live bugs crawling into people's mouths and giving them super strength like I can't emphasize enough how you do not see this coming. No. So they only have one thing to do here and that is take Remic out Because his neck is pulsating. He was a real dick the last time they met him anyways Remix talking about look guys. We just want peaceful coexistence like like let's be partners in this Let us let us perus a ties your entire species like that's there's nothing wrong with that Don't you want to kick some ass like Quinn? Yeah, you'll get those sweet roundhouse moves. The captain and the and commander raker are not into it and they they open up on on Rhymek and his head melts and pops off. It's a real like like arc of the covenant kind of effect

where like his face melts away and you see his like giant ghoul teeth and eyes before before it explodes and then like his chest is still on fire and like a whole burns away and in the like stump of his body this huge Ghoulish monster that looks like the kind of world's worst HR gagger queen kind of kind of thing. Yeah. Start rearing a tad and screaming at them. And then they phaser the shit out of that as well. It looked like if the alien from aliens, like the one that hatches out of the chest, looked

like the predator. Right. That's what this guy looked like to me. Totally. And they, again, sort of like Dr. Crusher, how she, you know, you can double click the phaser button and it just sort of holds down and the beam just continues. They do that here. They're just phasering the shit out of Remick. They blow up his head, they blow up his body.

Did you notice that it was Riker that blew up his head? No, I don't think I did. Pretty much cementing the fact that Riker hated him from the start. Yeah, Riker was all too happy to blow him up. Fuck this little upstart. Better hope that seat was all too happy to blow him up. Fuck this little upstart. Better hope that seat was leather too. Yeah. Like there is, there is gore everywhere.

Yeah man, that is not gonna buff out very easily. Oh, and the smell, can you imagine? Can't even imagine. They're gonna find that seat out back of Starfleet Command next to the dumpster with a sign that just says free. So the aftermath they just sort of like they sort of take in the gore and and so they beam back up to the ship and talk to Dr. Crusher who is with Quinn. And he's better. Yeah, the idea being is that once the Queen is dead, all of the other parasites are dead as well.

This sort of follows up on a really big concern that Crusher had. She's with Quinn in sick bay and is like, I don't know if I can separate Quinn from the parasite without killing him. Like we need more time to study this thing. Turns out once the Queen's dead, all the other parasites die too. So, it kind of does the work for. Yeah, these things work on the vampire logic,

where the one that did done the bite and gets killed and all of the bad stuff goes away. The episode ends on kind of a somber and portentious note, which is that what Remek was doing on that computer before they blasted him was sending a signal to a distant quadrant of the galaxy. And all they can think of is that it was probably a homing beacon.

So, dun dun dun. It's really setting the table for the time when we run into these parasites again. Right, and I don't know, what other... I was thinking it would have been cool to have like a Voyager episode about this, right? I know, this was a real missed opportunity.

Voyager called back the stuff that happened in the next generation in a couple of episodes. So there's no reason that they couldn't have done that. This could have been a really sweet story arc to return to. Unfortunately, not to give too much away, they never do. No. What a shame. One of the great episodes beginning to end. Super fun to watch. Yeah. A ton of action, a ton of gross, unexpected gross, especially when you're in 11-year-old.

Like sitting on the floor watching this. Yeah. Your expectations are fucked with. Yeah, and genuinely super scary. Like definitely that part really hauled up for me. Like I felt genuine suspense as they go through the episode and genuine disgust when you're supposed to be disgusted. Like it really holds together in my opinion. Yeah, I mean, the danger Picard is in when he goes down alone to Starfleet Command is, like I totally felt that as an adult watching. Like that was, that's a great scene no matter what year and it It really shows off like what a brave a brave character Picard is, you know

like he takes a lot of risks in this episode that you know they start as risks that he's taken on behalf of a friend and then become risks that he's taking on behalf of Starfleet. And he is confident enough in himself to take those risks and see the actions that he's taking through. And I think that's pretty cool. I have some questions. Yeah. So you got these three admirals down there who had the surviving admirals and they had the bugs in them and then the bugs have crawled out and they're dead. Quinn's one of them.

Like, do you get to still be an admiral after this? Yeah, because I guess Remick is the only one that really dies, right? Yeah. And Quinn beat the shit out of three bridge officers on the enterprise. Like, you think they're going to be cool with them after that? Yeah, and Quinn beat the shit out of three bridge officers on the enterprise. Like, you think they're gonna be cool with them after that? Yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of things like that in Star Trek where,

you know, somebody has been possessed by some alien force and does some crazy shit. And then the next episode, nobody is acting sketched out by them. Nobody, nobody has any journey to take to get back to a place of trust. Right. Remick was a guy I love to hate. And like, while his death was spectacular and fun, yeah, I was sorry to see him go. Yeah, he could have been like the go do cut of of TNG. I feel like kind of like a real, a real shit bag that returns from time to time. Yeah, just pepper him into any episode.

I mean, there's plenty of like, commander type, commander remick types that come back later, but yeah, he's like, and sort of the prototype for those characters, I would say. Yeah, God, this really, this episode really, to me it felt like when the show for those characters, I would say. Yeah, God, this episode really, to me it felt like when the show turned a corner and actually showed the promise of what it could be.

And it's not just because of the violence, like that's not it. This was a complex story told well in the span of 40 minutes. Yeah, there's so much that happens. Like that whole surface of the planet scene, like it's a thrill a minute. Yeah, good's so much that happens like that whole surface of the planet scene. Like it's a it's a thrill a minute. Yeah, good job. Good show. Bandage, you have a drunk Shimoda for this episode? Drunk Shimoda is a term we use to discuss a character in every episode that we find is either doing something strangely or having

the most fun, maybe acting out a scene that we don't quite understand. We do it every episode. It's a name given in honor of Assistant Engineer Shimoda from Episode 2. I'm going to nominate the yellow shirt that just randomly comes in and eats bugs with them. Just because he was like, he's just like some anonymous guy who just like came and sat down at the admiral table,

you know, he's like a lieutenant or something. He's like, oh, I'll sit with you guys. Ah, you guys having bugs? Cool, me too. I love the idea that he doesn't have a rank high enough to have a parasite. He's just wanting to impress the parasite people enough to get one eventually.

Like, do you guys say that? Like, do you guys, I think he's like a fucking lieutenant. Like, he's just a random, he is random task in there. And he's just, hey guys, you guys eating these bugs? How did you do that? You're gonna finish those parasites or everybody got a parasite that wants one? What's up?

I'm not even one of you guys and I dig these bugs. I would be great at this. He's out in the hallway like stretching his legs for the upcoming kicks he's going to do. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh man, I'm starting to get pretty high with these roundhouses. Yo, yo, Admiral Quinn, what do you think of this?

Oh! Drove his back out. I've got to give the drunk Shimoda to Picard. I just don't know how anyone has the confidence to beam down to Starfleet Command unarmed, given what he portends to know of what's happening. That just seems like unnecessarily dangerous, like unnecessarily confident. I don't get that decision at all. That seems nonsensical to me in a very drunken, Shimoda way.

Well, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one, one Adam. Keyster a key fob phaser, man. Yeah, that's what they're made for. They go in your butt. I am the cutest aboard. You will respond to my questions. I am the cutest aboard. You are bored. I got another 10 minutes.

I want to keep talking about the episode. We can use it or not. Is that okay? Sounds fine. Okay, so you are Quinn and you've got the Trapper Keeper with the bug in it. Is the doctor really who you want to give it to first? Like if you could give it to anyone, I get it.

I get the strategy of the doctor because you want the doctor on your side when she's scanning people for the bugs. But I think Riker should have been the choice from the start. As soon as you separate Riker from Picard, you gotta give him the bug. I'm gonna justify this on two levels.

One is that she is the medical officer. So she's the only person on the ship that can take Picard out of command for medical reasons. And those medical reasons might lead to her infecting him. And also, I think there's something in this episode that sort of made me think about the holy trinity of the original series of Kirk Spock and McCoy.

And the way they are kind of, like Spock and McCoy are kind of co-equal sidekicks to Kirk. And in a way they're almost all three equals. And the way they you know, the way they interact in the films even cements that further. And I think that it's sort of a shame that the doctor doesn't kind of live on that same foothold in the next generation. You know, I think she's such a great character, but I think because she's a girl and because she got kicked out for a season, she never quite kind of rises to that level. Is that the reason? You know, like if if you were

getting on board the original series Enterprise and you were going to infect the Captain and another officer, you might pick bones, you know? Sure, sure. I mean, I could see the logic in picking Spock. Well, turning it towards this crew, then who is this crew's holy Trinity? Well, and that's what I'm saying. Like, I think it's data- Riker and Picard in this series, but I kind of, it made me think of the idea of what if it had been Dr. Crusher, Riker and Picard.

That would have been cool. I think the feeling of infection becomes far more devastating. God, and you know what I hesitate to say this and we might edit all this out, but is the danger more acute or more gross if it's a woman involved? Like to see something terrible happen to Beverly in the way that it happens to Remick, for example.

Like you might argue in 1989 or whatever, that is a step too far. Every bad thing in this episode happens to a man. That's true. And I'm not saying that for any privileged gender reason, I'm just wondering if that was a discussion that happens in the writers room and they go, yeah, I mean, we can fill up all these.

It's gonna be too upsetting. Yeah, exactly. We can fill all the guys up with bugs, but I mean, we just fill up all these. It's gonna be two upsetting. Yeah, exactly. We can fill all the guys up with bugs, but I mean, we just can't do that to Beverly. Right. I wonder if that was a thing. And I wonder if that feeling is related to the idea that she's not one of the Trinity either.

Yeah. Like maybe she's A, not important enough, and B, also a female. Yeah. This is part of the frustration of having an episode like this that teases a possible story to come that you never get. Like you start replaying the episode you've got and maybe the alternate versions that could have taken place as a result. Like it's such a rich foundation for storytelling. Yeah. They don't return to. And that's I think a major frustration. Yeah, I totally agree.

So you get a little bit of Deanna Troy in the beginning, but you never see her again and she's again one of those characters that could be the most useful in the circumstance, right? Yeah, like you wonder like what she's able to pick up on with these things. Are they another intelligence? Even if it was a throwaway line, it would have been nice to know that. Like, if she just looks at the card and was like,

I don't know, I can't tell. Like, that would be interesting. This episode almost feels like a could have, they could have written a double episode out of it. Yeah. Like, there's so much to like, to sink your teeth into the idea of a conspiracy. It would have been cool to have a stop over at a space station and really flesh out what

the command structure of Starfleet looks like and how insidious this plot is. It would have been interesting for them to meet somebody that they couldn't really tell one way or the other if they were compromised. Like, they don't know them well enough. Yeah, really draw out that conflict. Yeah. There's enough meat on this bone, too, to stretch it. Like, it felt like such a tight, compact episode that is pretty breathless.

Well, maybe this episode did something that our episode of the greatest generation we're recording right now is failing to, which is leaving them wanting more. Oh, agreed. I am a beautiful, there are four lights. What's coming up next on our first season of Star Trek, the next generation? Our next episode is the last episode, I believe. And it is. What? The neutral zone.

The last episode of season one. Yeah, not of the show. What if we just did season one? I was momentarily really excited. The neutral zone, while traveling to a meeting with the hostile Romulans, the crew discover a ship containing three frozen Americans from the 20th century. This is another episode I'm kind of excited to do.

Do you remember this one, Adam? I really don't. Not one bit. I think that's because conspiracy just like pulled up my brain. Zapped your brain. Yeah. That's because conspiracy just like, blew up my brain. Yeah, zapped your brain. Yeah, so I remember they have, they find like some, some cryogenically frozen humans from our time and they like thaw them out.

And they're like, there's like one guy who's like, I gotta check on my bank account. The interest alone is gonna be amazing. And they're like, dude, we don't have money anymore. We got these scarves though. Yeah, so I'm looking forward to that. What does the reception look like? The smug moralizing with regard to the three 20th century refugees is laid on a bit too

thick. What? This show? First season ends not with a bang, but with a whimper. God, you know what? That is an interesting thing to bring up. Like, how do you not make conspiracy your season finale? Yeah.

I guess we'll find out when we watch the next episode why they chose it, but wow, when you talk about ending with a bang, we have some guys head explode in this episode. I feel like, yeah, like feel like maybe I wish they'd written Yaraf a little bit later. Why three episodes before the end of the series? If Tasha Yara gets killed during conspiracy, I feel like her death is way more heroic. And wady. As it is right now, like it just felt sort of meaningless and empty.

Right, if they'd had to phaser their own officer because she was compromised. Oh, that would have been amazing. Oh, man. That's crazy to think about. Yeah, yeah, it is. That's some next level sci-fi. I don't think you get for another 10 years.

Yeah. 10 or even 20 years. Like that's like a battle-start Galactica storyline right there. Well Adam, like reboots are very hot these days. What do you think the likelihood is that Paramount would hire us to reboot Star Trek the next generation with a hot young cast? I take that jab in a heartbeat, just sort of a Dawson's Creek version of TNG.

Yeah, all the WB teens. Be great, I'd write the shit out of that show. So would you. Yeah, that would be really fun. I think we belong in a writer's room. I think if there's one thing that this podcast is taught anyone, is that any possible reboots of this or any other sci-fi franchise I think could

use our commentary, specifically. Yep. This is just one big job interview, Ben. Yeah. Here's hoping that whoever at Paramount is running the next series is listening. I enjoy challenges and I guess if there's one weakness I have, it's that I too hard. Yeah, yeah me too. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ah probably as a leadership figure for this company. I mean, I wouldn't be your boss of course.

Oh delightful. Well this has been great. Looking forward to hearing from you guys. Let me know if HR needs any more references. I've got a lot of them. Wow. Well, that was conspiracy. That was a fun episode. Yeah. And we went a little long on this one, I think, for a good reason.

There's a lot to discuss. Well, we'll try and keep the lighter episodes short, but the faves get extendo apps, I think. Yeah, I agree. Good policy. If you have a problem with this or any other episode we've recorded, feel free to reach out to us on Twitter. My Twitter handles that cut for time. Mine is at Benjamin R, that's Benjamin EHR. We have state to claim to the hashtag GreatestGen. Yeah. Joke around with us on GreatestGen.

We have lots of fun times over there. People are posting pictures of their Star Trek cards, which has been a real delight. Making memes and stuff. People are telling us about the Drunk Shemota shirt and how exciting an idea that is. People are correcting our grammar. It's fun. We're going to think dark material for our opening and interstitial music. We thank him always.

I think it's one of the things that makes this show. With that, we'll be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek, the next generation and another pretty disappointing episode of the greatest generation. I'm Ben Harrison. I'm Adam Pranica. Catch you next time Adam. See you then. Bye.

Bye. Don't look at God of the youth And then they cry Make it sound, make it sound Make it sound Don't look at God