The Greatest Generation - Hesher Emeritus (DS9 S1E11)

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

When a pair of twins use their prominently placed keisters to smuggle an egg onboard the station, a deal brokered by Quark goes sideways and a man is killed. But when the prisoner shows Odo his necklace, the shape-shifter has a chain reaction. Is Lieutenant Toast a character that exists to save work doe the payroll department? Is this episode meant to be a stirring tribute to the makeup designer’s deceased father? Are these guys gum commercial twins or beer commercial twins? It’s the episode where we open ALL the presents and do ALL the ass jokes.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdisotoforlabor.com. Link in the Here to the finest cruel in Starfleet. Engage! Welcome to the greatest generation, Deep Space 9. Star Trek Podcast by two guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. I'm Adam Pranica. I'm Ben Harrison.

Ben, when you have a podcast, you have chores. Yeah. You might be familiar with some of these. You gotta check the email. You gotta post the episodes on Facebook. You have to pay the ISP to host your show so that people can download it. Hundreds of dollars a month. Some of these get done with a varying amount of regularity. And one of them that I didn't mention at all was the need to go check our mail, our physical mailbox, which is something

that I did this morning, and I came back to the studio with an armful of packages. Oh man. What do you say we check some of this mail? Let's check all the mail I'm receiving a code 47 Verify it is code 47 sir Starfleet emergency frequency Captions eyes only Adam. It's it's actually kind of beautiful that we're doing this today because I think this episode comes out on Christmas day really? Yeah Oh, that's great. Yeah This episode comes out on Christmas Day. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. So it's like, I mean, we're recording this in November, but Christmas came early for us. That's great. Well, right on time for everyone else. No days off for your friends at Greatest Gen. A warm, merry Christmas from Ben and me. Yeah. Or happy Hanukkah. If that's the way you swing, or whatever else, whatever other holiday you celebrate,

Happy That. Happy whatever, or whatever. Ben and in holiday gift opening tradition, I'm starting with the cards. We've got two cards here on top. Yeah, you got to work your way up. You assume that the big box is the one with the best present in it. Card here is from Mr. Dan D from Richardson, Texas. Letter goes like this. Oh, it's actually like a two-part letter. It's from two people. Oh, wow. So on the top fold, above the fold,

we've got the message from Dan. Letter goes like this, thank you both so much, not only for masterfully crafting an amazing podcast, but we're helping to bring together so many like-minded fans around the world. My Monday and Wednesday mornings won't be the same. Now that the greatest generation is done, but I know it isn't the last we'll hear from you. Keep up the great work and stay as far away as you can from Big Rod.

Healing frequency is closed. Damn. Well... Big Rod wants nothing to do with us, Dan, and... And the feeling's mutual. Also, the greatest generation isn't done. We've just pivoted. We've pivoted to video, like...

Like so many other successful franchises. Now that we're done disrupting the TNG space We've pivoted to now disrupt the DS9 space. Right or the D space 9 letter below the fold is from Brian M Letter goes like this gentleman you guys have breathed new life into a series I truly love and thanks to you I will never be able to think of Will Wheaton without thinking of pulp fiction too. You guys make Star Trek fun which few other podcasts seem to manage. Cannot wait for you to explore DS9 in depth and in parentheses like really in depth with the Kalana scope and everything.

Yours Brian, that's great. with a Kalana scope and everything. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yours, Brian! That's great! Yeah, we have yet to break out the scope with the bendy end and light on it, but... You'll know when we get there. This is your arthroscopic wormhole podcast. You'll know we're at that point when the show becomes wildly flatulent. Second letter is from Thomas G from Coriapolis, Pennsylvania. Oh man, so Tom in the tradition of great grama's everywhere, has sent us a holiday card and a check.

A check for $25! Awwww! Awwww! Tom's card says this. You guys have done an amazing job with a pod, I'm a monthly contributor to Maximum Fun, but it seems unfair that you have to spend your own money just to be able to anonymously receive mail through a PO box. So I'm specifically sending this money to offset some of that cost. Keep up the great work. Love Tom. Wow Tom, you're not kidding. The PO box is not inexpensive but it's a good idea to have

in these dangerous web times thanks so much tom that's that's really great you thank you tom next thing is a package it is a uh... it is a box roughly the size of a phone book and while you're hoping that allow me to confirm that you on that festive sweater. Thanks man. You look great. I don't believe in the ugly holiday sweater. I believe in the great looking holiday sweater.

Yeah, that's why I think it's so on point, you know. Your field was holiday cheer, but it's not an ironic cheer. It's very earnest. Well, I want to be sincere with you about one one thing, Ben, and that is uh, you really got me to up my clothes game quite a bit. I did? Yeah, you're a, you're a real trend-setter and thought leader when it comes to podcast host clothing.

Oh man. You got me thinking about it at least. I feel like that's a, that's a high compliment that I, scarcely deserve. Coming from the guy who wore a, who wore a computer show T-shirt on stage, I think, in Milwaukee, and then like, and then I think for the last four shows, just Bora Hoody on stage. This package comes from Andrew K from Columbus, Ohio. I've opened the box and if you were to guess what was going to be inside a box, roughly the size of a phone book, you would be correct if your guess was a Star Trek action figure.

The action figure is cute. Whoa. The mischievous omniscient being. It is a pretty great likeness like the the playmates Start check action figures Pretty hit or miss they are they're all over the map, but when they hit I feel like they really hit hard Oh shit, there's something else in the bottom of the box No way

Oh, man what Andrew has sent me? Our Piedmont Airlines gloves! Like, there's the cold weather gloves with the tacky, you know, a hand-side tacky rubber nubbins. You know, like for dexterous work that you have to do outside. And a Piedmont, of course, the airline reference that I dropped so many episodes ago, East Coast Regional Airline that I grew up flying. Oh man.

That's amazing. There's also a letter. I grew up in Oakland where Piedmont is synonymous with snooty white people. Oh no. This is a terrifically long letter, which I guess I'll just read it, and then we'll have it. Yeah, well we always have that Wayne's world drop if we have to jump in time. Right. This letter and package is from Andrew Keederman, and the reason I'm saying his last name

is because he's given me a pronunciation instruction. Letter goes like this, dear Adam and Orbin, a friend of DeSoto ever since I randomly found the Arstetica article written about your pod shortly before the release of episode 5. I was going to meet you guys in Cleveland, but I was advised that it was a rather shady section of town to be in after dark And also I was moving into college the next day at the Ohio State University Well, I'm gonna stop you right there Andrew. I loved our show in Cleveland. Yeah great part of town super great bar Yeah, it was a great. That was a cool place. I mean we didn't

We didn't spend much time wandering around drunk in the streets after the show, so I can't tell you whether or not it's like, you know, dangerous or anything, but it didn't seem like... I have fairly well-developed, you know, dangerous neighborhood radar, and that did not did not feel like a dangerous neighborhood to me. Cleveland was one of those shows where I feel like we parachute it in and then got the last helicopter out. Like we were there for 18 hours, I think, and that was it. Yeah, RSVP Cleveland. Yeah, sort of a blur. Letter continues, I just started listening to episode 3 of DS9 today.

The day of release, and I'm already hooked. I even found it within myself to go back and listen to the episodes of the pod that I just missed as horrible when reading the description. How dare you Andrew! We take great care, writing those descriptions. Later it goes on, I must say I agree 100% with Adam's mountainuck more. In parenthesis, that's the name you guys came up with for the Good Mountain way back when it was first conceived. As well as the most, as well as most all his favorite episodes per season so I've enclosed one queue figure, Mint and Box to commemorate the episode Q Less, which if I did my job correctly,

is after this package arrives in the PO Box. Probably true, but we are the limiting factor there. I have not checked the mail in like a month, I apologize. If that did not happen for one reason or another, please take the figure as a token of my appreciation for the pod, especially for your review of the episodes, Q who all good things shades of gray, and the first episode on my mountain yesterday's enterprise. In addition, in gratitude for Adam's knowledge about airlines and airplanes, I've also enclosed one pair of Piedmont Airlines official gloves. I absolutely adore all the impressions, especially because, but your pod kept me sane through

seemingly endless days of repeated computer maintenance work the last days of my senior year, and so many more moments that I can't list them all, or I also would have to pay even more to print out the super long letter to go with the package. From probably the only Catholic who hasn't condemned your show. Andrew Keterman. Thanks Andrew. Really sweet stuff here man. Thanks for being a friend of the pod. Thank you Andrew!

Package number three is a Manila envelope which says in all caps photos do not bend. Return addresses from Cree N from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Love Albuquerque. This is one of those do not bend messages that actually was obeyed. This is a totally uncreased. A lot of mail carriers look at that sticker as a challenge, but this one was not a jerk about it. Okay, we have a letter here. Dear Ben and Adam in episode 172, butternife batlet.

You open an Amazon package from me containing two books. Quirky Quarks. Adam was quite happy about the present but Ben was just sad that it wasn't porn. Ben, I really wanted to apologize for not sending you porn. Believe me, nobody is more disappointed than me. I mean, who wants to hear that their package is not satisfactory? To make up for my blunder, please accept a photo from Miss Klingon Empire 2014. May she bring you joy, honor, to your houses, and rock your neck. Thanks a lot to both of you for being awesome.

And this, uh, I have to know a little something about this gift giver, Benjamin, because uh, I've exchanged a couple of emails with him because we screwed up and didn't realize that that first package was a part of a commercial priority one message. And- Oh no! Amazingly, that priority one message is in the queue for today's show, so we'll pay the rest of that off later in the episode. Ben, in the spirit of like the 7-11 pornography magazine, you know, wrapped in plastic and covered with like a cardboard sheet. I have I have I have moved the letter aside and have revealed Miss Klingon Empire 2014 In all her glory

Signed to us Signed personally to us all Uh, signed personally to us. All my love, Kare Nicole. Uh, She's quite a lady. Wow. Uh, there's, uh, there's, there's all, all the loaf you could care to see. This is one of those gifts that I'm going to have to make sure that I don't leave, uh, on my desk, to be found. You don't want to have to explain that one to your wife?

Yeah, that's... that's tough. And if there's one thing videos about it and stuff. It appears that she does some other cosplay stuff too. Not just the Klingon stuff, so check her out, I would say. A lot of fun. At at kreenacole.com, C-R-E-E-M-I-C-O-L-E. Package three been In our name and are now marathon length. I thought that you said that the last one was package three. I'm losing track, man

Yeah, that was that was package two Package three is from will M from Ottawa. It is Slathered and Star Trek stamps including a five dollar Borg stamp Which is like the size of a Kiwi. It's big. Ha ha ha. Pretty great. I'm opening this package.

And, whoa! This is like the Canadian Post Office Star Trek Stamp Collection, including a bunch of postcards. We've got seven first-day covers, which I guess are like envelopes with the stamps on them. Got one for you and me. Yeah. And then, what else do we got here? We've got souvenir sheets. You got to have those souvenir sheets, Ben, from a number of the original series movies. And then next gen, Deep Space 9 Voyager. That one show a Scott vacula.

And then a little booklet full of more stuff that you can buy. This is great. Amazing. Yeah, he sent us an email. He sent us an email at dr said it doesn't email it, DrunkShimota at gmail.com, suggesting that he was gonna send these, and we really appreciate them. Geez, thanks so much Will, especially because this looks like it cost a thousand dollars to mail us from Canada.

He is Canada Post Star Trek expert. Yeah, wow. I just want to move to Canada for the fact that that job exists. No kidding. It's good to have friends in the post office. Plus you get to say things like drama and pasta. It just seems like a lot of fun. Yeah. Our fourth and final package comes from Friend of the Podcast. Sarah A appears to be dusted in a fine white powder. Oh, she sent us some anthrax in the way. I'm leaning in to get a closer look.

Oh boy, this is a gift box with a sheet on top, a cover sheet that says to the proprietors of Uxbridge Shimoda LLC. And, and a letter which reads, dear Ben and Adam, I discovered the pod after the election, when I desperately needed a break from the NPR politics podcast. Oh, yeah. I can, can relate to that feeling. Yeah, no kidding.

I currently live on a US Navy base in Japan. Oh, that's what an FPO is. Yeah. In parentheses, my spouse is an active duty service member. And parentheses. So it's really lovely to have a distraction from the ever-looming threat of nuclear annihilation. I remember hearing Adam talk about enjoying Japanese candy so I figured I could express my gratitude with goodies. Thank you both so much for making Dick and

Fart jokes while being thoughtful about issues like gender and race. W slash R slash T, this universe and shows we all love. Peace and long life y'all, Sarah. Sarah, that's the sweetest. I wish I had known you before our trip to Japan last January, it would have been fun to meet up. We've got, oh boy boy we've got a really nice gift package here been yeah some some machete some yogurt candies oh we got some really fun

candies that we'll have to do a little bit of taste test for on future episode we've got soda kids which are like gummy soda flavored candy made with xylitol which is good for your teeth but like other sugar alcohols it can give some folks horrible watery poops that that was a, hey good looking out Sarah with that warning on that one. Oh she included a couple cooling sheets for my head. Great if you have a headache or a fever. Nice. More candies at the bottom. Probably my favorite candy. Comey. Japanese plum.

They start salty, which is off pudding to some people, but I love them just like us Ben Well, thanks so much for that great gift box It's a super sweet. I think what we'll do on a on a future episode is do some taste testing and And enjoy some of these sweets so thanks to Sarah and to Will and to Benjamin and maybe most especially Kree Nicole thanks to Andrew Kiederman thanks to Tom thanks to Dan and thanks to Brian really appreciate that bit of holiday cheer from you guys and rest assured I will be sharing all of it and post it on Twitter. Wow. Very cool.

Adam, what do you say? We have a long gluttonous breakfast and then take a walk with our families. I'm gonna take pictures of it and post it on Twitter. Wow. Very cool. Adam, what do you say? We have a long gluttonous breakfast and then take a walk with our families? What do you say we spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom just like reading Twitter and sending

texts because it's the only private place in the house where you can get some peace? What do you say to Chinese food in a movie? Shout out to all of the podcast viewers currently listening to this in the bathroom. Today we're bringing you deep space 9 season 1 episode 11. An episode I already regret watching. Four texts. Do you realize how incredible this is? No, of course you don't. Does this vortex episode give you watery poops?

No, that was a thing that gets said a bunch of times in the episode. It's a thing I already regret doing. You know. That's true. I watched it yesterday so I didn't remember. Sue me. Yeah. I can't sue you Ben. It's like we're married. Well you could, I think you could still sue me technically. So we've got another classic Odo in Quark's bar, Hasseling Quark open, you know, just like Odo's MO is always to walk up to Quark and go, hey listen, there's a scheme that I am aware that you may be scheming on, and just so you're aware, I'm aware.

Oh, my customers were like, can you, my family would be begging in the promenade? Oh, I seriously doubt that. Not as long as there's a mirror-done radar for you to do business. You ever work with someone who you just always see in the break room? That's Odo. Yeah, there were a couple of ladies like that at the last office job I had. There was like a, there was a big TV in the break room that always had like the chew or something on. And there were just two ladies in there all the time and I was like, what do you guys do here? Why do I always have to like walk past you to get a cup of water?

It's got to be so frustrating to have a crime visited upon you. Go to the constables office and see that he's not there again. He's got one of those dumb, like, we'll be back signs with like the manual, like you turn the hands of the clock to the time when you're going to be back, like the cheap $1 little suction cup sign. Yeah, gun fishing for clues at quarks. Except the hands are broken off from overuse. Odo needs a lieutenant.

He needs somebody with a slightly littler bucket to sit right next to his bucket. I sort of assume that lieutenant toast would be an ongoing concern. Lieutenant George Priman Starfleet Security. Pogant, Toast Man! But he's not. Yeah, I don't know if he comes back periodically or what. What's the idea with Lieutenant Toast? Like what is the angle that they're trying to play with that character?

I feel like it might have been a payroll decision. Well, if Kalamini's not on the show, it would actually take a lot of work to produce one fewer paycheck. So, I think we need to get a guy in here with roughly the equivalent amount of dialogue. And then I can just like, white out Kalamini's name and and then write in the actors name who plays Lieutenant Toaston instead. Yeah, it feels like an administration issue more than a storytelling one. Quark has been hosting a Gamma Quadrant alien here in the bar and his race is the Rikari. His name is Croden. They're tough.

Odo's curious about him and Quark is like, good, nothing to see there. He's a nobody. He's a regular guy. I love how Odo, like gestures to Quark, he's like, I keep looking over at that guy and that guy keeps looking away suspiciously. Probably because you keep staring at him, Odo. Stop being a fucking creep.

Yeah, the girl is not going to want to talk to you if you've spent the entire time leering at her across the room before you walk up and make your open and gambit. Yeah, not a good look. Not good spycraft either, TBH. No, Odo is a weird character because like if he is spycraft he has like a a jug of water in the corner not not like sneaking around in the shadows or like you know taken out two watches and putting one under the wheel of the car and keeping the other to figure out when the car left the spot. That's the thing. Odo kind of contains detective multitudes

because like he's savvy enough to turn himself into a glass if he needs to, but he's also dumb enough to just stare a guy down across the room. Yeah, he's just that about. I think he's very confident in his own abilities. You know what's not super intimidating to stare at? Googley eyes on a drink cart.

Why don't you make with the drink cart transformation? Maybe you'll appear less threatening to people. So, uh, in-walk these two mirroredorn twins who are kind of like, I guess they're kind of bad guy, alien, akin to your no seconds, just like a known bad race of one-off aliens. Instead of acting like assholes though, they look like them. They really have like full on bend over and spread them loaf.

It is. It's the most explicitly butt-loafed aliens we've ever seen. Like right down to the actual anuses. Yeah, they even have like, taint hair coming down off their widows' peak. They look like, you know, the garden decoration that is like the bent over gardener, you know, like, it's like, it's like if you made one of those

and the gardener wasn't wearing pants, and that was the low. Yeah, it's really troubling. You know, sometimes you get like a backstory on the loaf. Like I was looking at something about Tosk, and it said that they'd like the makeup designer had seen a national geographic about crocodiles and paste the makeup on that. This is like the makeup designer saw like a casting couch porno video and base the makeup on that.

My father's a proctologist. He encouraged me to get into the biz, but I didn't have the stomach for it. This is my salute to my father. My now dead father. What if the episode faded out at the end? It was like in loving memory of Dr. John Jackson. Dr. Dean Butchman. Oh my God.

Dr. Seymour Butch. Jesus Christ. I don't know how you alien design this and not audition it in front of people and have it fail. Like this should have failed in the trailer. Like hey, what do you think of this new alien creature idea? Like, how does the first guy who look at these aliens not go? Too hot for TV.

Can't anybody take it back to the drawing board? Kind of rectal, if you ask me. I mean, not helping matters is their costumes, which have kind of a diaper-y shape around the crotch area. And sort of a weird amount of suit-of-armor armor? Like the easy parts of the suit-of-armor to wear, they're also wearing that. Yeah, it's like a chainmailed, diaper, and shirt with some rubber shoulder pads, basically. What color thermometer do you think the mirror adorns use in both their mouth and their head-ass?

I mean, they probably get them mixed up all the time, the reds and the blues. Yeah, it must be a particular risk going asked a mouth with these guys. Oh, I didn't mean it- it's just so close. I'm so sorry. Oh my god. Not everyone keeps their a-ness in the same place, Captain Kirk. I think I've exhausted my supply of ass jokes. Well, these dudes kind of wordlessly head gets to the truth, finds it in truth, or a historical truth of the truth.

Well, these dudes kind of wordlessly head up to the hollow suites and quark and ROM gets them, gets them drinks together to take up their ROM, goes and reaches for a bottle off the shelf that looks like a scrotum with 25 balls in it and up the head. And there's a fun bit of like uncut camera work here where he's like, he's like setting up the tray and he goes and gets the bottle and then he comes and puts it back on the tray and there is one extra glass. All I want to see, like going forward in deep space nine, like the memification of our show

must contain a screen grab of what Odo has turned himself into, and then like, Google-Eyes on whatever that thing is. Like, I wanna see a picture of this glass with Google-Eyes on it. Ha-ha-ha. Why does Rump still work there? He tried to blow his brother out of an airlock

the last episode. And got a promotion for doing it. Yeah. Well, it turns out that they're up in the hollow sweet, working on selling like an alien Faber-J egg. And I guess the the myridorn twins have brought the egg and they're gonna... I think I have an idea of how the myridorn's got the egg there.

I'm detected. The question has been raised about the origin of this marble. Ew. Well, in walks, in walks craden. I mean, this thing is gonna take off. You know, I need some capital, not a bandaid. Who's got kind of like college professor who hit it a little too hard in the 60s and 70s with the drugs, vibe?

Yeah, good call. He's got that, uh, he's got that two-day-old face-scruff, or if you're me, two-week-old face-scruff of an unshaven man and sort of unkempt man Yeah, and and the like his hair is kind of feathered but in a but it's messy. He's micolandening a little bit Yeah, in the hair department. That's for sure. He achieved 10 year Back when he was still a little bit coherent and now he's just kind of a useless member of the faculty. What is that? Emeritus? Yeah, he's hasher Emeritus. He's like, he even has like the the fucking the fucking necklace pendant like he's like, Hey, why don't we why don't we take class out onto the

lawn today? It's such a beautiful day. A lot of people say I'm too old for burning man. Well my necklace pre-supposes is maybe I'm not. I just want to be in an environment where it's appropriate for a man of my age to wear a shirt and no pants around younger women. My lack it is a key. Are you the lock? So he's got a a forangi weapon and he comes in and he is looking to heist this this fabrige egg.

Despite what it smells like and he starts looking shots and the mirror doors start firing back one of them does that awesome move where he like flips the table over just to cause panic and chaos and but but one of Crodin's shots connects hits one of the mirror dorns he goes down one of the glasses on the tray, shatters in the corner and Odo grabs Kroden after unmelting from being a glass and Quirken, Quirken ram hide behind their balls bottle. Real talk though, if your balls look like this, you really need to go see a doctor. Yeah, yeah, that's too many balls.

Keep it real with that self-check in the shower, Delis. They take Kroden into custody. I had a schedule and now it's gone. I'll never have that schedule again. Dr. Bashir's unable to save the one mirrored horn. And this puts the other one in a pretty bad mood. I want to deal with the one who killed my twin. He's taken a meeting with Cisco and he's like, you don't understand, man. We are not just like, double mint twins.

We are like, sionically connected. Damn twins. In a way that you couldn't possibly understand. I feel like I was cut in half. And now I'm just nobody now and guess what? I'm gonna use this half of me to go on a vengeance spree whose only goal is to kill Croton. So watch out! Yeah, it's... And he just sort of like walks out like he totally tells Cisco, I'm gonna be a problem. Here's exactly how I'm going to be a problem later.

Yeah, he's like, he basically, like, Cisco has used less, less, less, historic declarations to like lock people's ships to the docking ring and like, and like have tails put on people and stuff this guy is like hey, uh, just a heads up I'm going to assassinate someone so keep that in mind buddy. All right outie one So So, uh, crotens in the brain. You ruined my life. You ruined my furniture.

You ruined my clothes. My family likes you more than they like me. Why? And Odo takes a lot to go have a conversation with him. And this is a scene, Ben, that I thought really called back to the whole, uh, Crosis V data scene in, in decent, you know? Like you've got you've got Crodin inside the brig and he's caught. He's captured and the plan is to send him back to the planet where he's a fugitive. Right. Except he starts fiddling around with

his locket and he's like, hey, you ever see one of these? I picked it up a burning man and he opens up the locket and it like morphs like Odo into a key with Google-ey eyes on it. And Odo's like, Odo's like, that thing's just like me only smaller and crotens like I know, and I could even tell you where it comes from, or maybe I couldn't. I don't know, I'm kind of hungry. You got a TV dinner, you could wing my way. And so there's this sort of like undercurrent of cancrode and be believed, or is he just fucking with Odo to get food and favors, you know, as a manipulative prisoner.

Yeah, like he says that line, if Odo's like, how do you have an appetite after what you've done? He says, if he'd killed me, I wouldn't be hungry right now. And it makes him just seem like such a desparado, you know, like a man with nothing to lose. I felt the same way. He seemed very cool. Like I would totally T.A. for him. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know that that that's not gonna be a super demanding job, you know He's one of those teachers that's like two tests a year the midterm and the final no homework like homework optional

Yeah, he's not taking attendance every class, you know There was a class in college Ben that I It was an astronomy class. I should have attended it. Like, it was one of those everyday classes, but it had, it was one of those, like, lab on Wednesday, class on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I only went to lab.

I never went to class. I still got like a 3.5 in it. That's pretty excellent, Adam. You're one of those... You're one of those... And Croden was my professor. I can tell that you're one of those smarts that doesn't need to apply themselves that much, though. I've been hearing that my entire life.

Think of how much better off you would be if you tried. I know, dad. So, Dax and Kirin and Commander Sisko are talking over what to do about this situation. And their idea is, let's go, let's see about like extra-dating Kroden to his home world. Like, we have some indication that he's a wanted man. Maybe they can take this problem off of our hands, but they're not like picking up the phone. So we're going to have to hop into Previa and head out there.

Seems pretty legit. Not really a Previa to run a bet. What do we call them? Winnebago? Yeah, it is an RV size chip. Much much. Again, we don't see the back of this thing. The back is like a full conference room and buffet table arrangement.

But we've only ever seen that on next gen, I think. Yeah. It's such a big room for not having any private places. Yeah, exactly. I guess if you live and work on a starship, you're probably used to not having your privacy all the time. So around this time, Kroden tells Odo the story of like why he's a fugitive on this planet.

And he's like, yeah, it was pretty rugged. They sent these security officers to my house. And they killed both of my wives right in front of me. And all I had was this like chicken knife that I used to kill chickens. And I slipped the officers' throats with this chicken knife and they, the sound they made, the squawking and the flapping, just like those chickens that I used to kill for dinner.

Anyway, I hear the screaming of the security officers when I sleep. Like so many lambs cries, Clarice. Can you hear the screaming of the security officers? He sort of like takes that thousand yard stair. I want to be put in a brig with a window where I can see a tree and maybe some water. You've got to hear this story from Croydon because if you don't, he's just wild-shoody guy from Pulp Viction who burst into the room and fires 20 shots. He seems more harmless until this moment and then you realize that when you kill a guy with a chicken knife, that really raises your bad guy game quite a bit I think.

Yeah, he's a, you know, and we don't know anything about his plan at this point. So it just seems like, fuck, man, like that is some, that is some craven shit. Like shit is not good over there. But, you know, self-defense is one thing, taking a knife from ear to ear is something entirely other. I'm watching that mine hunter show on Netflix right now. Oh, I've heard that's really good. He really reminds me of some of the creepos that they talked to in there. Hmm. Only more of like the dude version.

Are you saying there's a dude version of a creepo? Ben, I don't believe it. Yeah, there is, and it's crodin. So there's this conflict, right? There's sort of a conflict triangle. There's Akel trying to kill Croden. There's Croden trying to like make the case for a side mission. Wally is in the Winnebago with Odo.

And then there's ROM feeling conflicted feelings about Akele figuring out that Odo and Crodin are cruising to the Gamma Quadrant because the best case would be for Akele to kill Odo and Crodin so that Odo doesn't ever figure out the connection between Quark, ROM, and the Mirror Dorns. My Soto was sensible and gives up his prisoner. Oh no! Then Croton would tell our KEL the truth about our plan!

We're dead! We're dead! Which is pretty fucked up! Like, Rom is really okay with Odo dying. Just get himself killed. Do you really think so? Quark seems a little bit more circumspect about it. Yeah, I think that Quark and Odo have a, have like kind of, more of a fun, like, cat and mouse relationship. They're like a Walter Mathau Jack bucket. A couple sort of thing.

Yeah, but R is just like is, like in some ways more greedy than Quark. Yeah, I think so. Less sophisticated, but more greedy. And more cutthroat in terms of his greed and what he's willing to do. I think they're probably equivalently greedy, but I think Ram would go further.

Like this is now the second time in two episodes that ROM Has either considered or actually gone through with a plan to kill someone. Yeah, and ROM is like the dopiest Ferengi maybe we've ever met which is Which is like I would like you look at a guy like Crotin you can make assumptions You look at a guy like ROM you can also make assumptions one of those assumptions is not that he's a cold-blooded murderer. No. It's, uh, yeah, it's, uh... I feel like he would hold the knife the wrong way if we were trying to stab someone. Ow! This handle is cut in my hand! This Garrett got wrapped around my neck! Help! He's the kind of guy that pulls the pin out of the grenade and throws the pin.

Right, yeah. Go to Kotuk. Go to Kotuk. So, Odo is extra dating Kroden back to his planet. You know, this is ridiculous. And the idea is like they have to sneak Kroden off the station and use the cover of some other ship so that they elude the mirror door. Which is like, do you guys really not have a way of controlling whether somebody is going

to go do a murder outside of your station? That'd be kind of like the main thing the station does is control the space around it. It wasn't too long ago that they used their tractor beam to stop a ship from leaving. While the attempting to leave ship just sort of spun their wheels in place. Why wasn't that on the table here? They get O'Brien back on the station and everything breaks again. Yeah, that's weird. Well, they leave the MirrorDorn, successfully chase them through the wormhole and so Odo and Crodin are getting attacked, and they have to duck into this gas vortex, the titular gas vortex to avoid the mirror dorn.

And they put down on a planet, and Crodin is like, this is the planet where your people are at. So, come follow me into this creepy cave. And then he just starts running. You think Odo's faster as goo or on foot? I feel like he'd be faster as the goo, right? Could he change into like a Billy goat? That's like really good at scrambling over these rocks?

Why not? That'd be fun. Why doesn't he do that? Do you think he's ever seen a Billy goat? And that's the problem? I feel like if Deep Space 9 was made in the era of prestige television, they'd be doing a lot more fun Odo changes, not just paintings and barcarts, but Billy goats, all kinds of fun animals, you know. I agree. We need more shape shifting. Make shape shifting great again Adam. Well, Cronin gets Odo like further into this thing and

Could Odo turn himself into an armist like pool and drown Cronin inside him? Do you think that's in his power? Man Odo would have to be pretty dank and vial to do something like that. No There's a darkness in him. Yeah, You can see it. A real skin of evil type. They get to the end of this cave and Kroden has a stasis chamber back here and it's got a girl in it. And it turns out that this lock pendant that he's had is the key to the stasis chamber and the little girl is his daughter, the only person he was able to save from his government. The chicken knife incident? Yeah, and like we kind of have to take his word for it here, but what's starting

to emerge is that his society is like pretty repressive and he's more of a political refugee than a hardened criminal. He was working for Quark in the Miradourin incident. He was hired by Quark to do a hit so that he could make money to get around on Deep Space 9. Yeah, it totally changes your view of the character. I mean, he's still got both chicken and security officer blood on his hands, but I guess, I guess when you're doing that in revenge. I guess it's okay.

I don't know. I think that that's a moral quandary that would have been taken for more, they would have taken more time to chew on in TNG, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. But it is an interesting moral quandary. I mean, Odo doesn't have a prime directive issue. So he's not going to be like, oh well, I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. That's just how your planet works.

Just about everything on deep space nine goes on punish, though. Yeah. It's really true. They are open to having people who stated intent is doing some assassinations. So the thing about this planet they're on is that it is seismically exciting. And a rock slide cripples Odo. Ben shouldn't Odo be permanently a little soft. I feel like these rocks should go right through him. What the hell? That that bludgeon that that guy threw him in episode one went right through him. I guess he has to see it coming But I guess if I were setting if I were a changeling bin and I were setting up like the thing that I was going to be most

I might still take the humanoid form, but I think I would be soft like putty saw Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why's it only a snack? Why can't it be a million? So that if anyone tried to hit me with a bat or something, at least it wouldn't hurt me, at least it would just go right through. The problem with Odo is that he's being too hard and that's how he gets injured. Odo seems to be at full heaviness too because he goes down and and Crodin kind of you know, he waffles on this a bit but he winds up going back to rescue Odo, which is you know That's his save the cat moment. That's when we the audience are meant to understand that

Groten is not a bad guy just a he's a good guy in a bad circumstance and So he saves Odo and they have to escape the Mirador and they do it by tricking the meridor and into shooting at them inside the vortex, which is full of usblosive gas. How'd the meridor and get their hands on a maquise ship? Maquise? So, is that maquise's ship? It's the exact Maicon model of the maquise, of those maquaki Raiders.

The Mirror Dawn Raidership is, in this episode is the same type as the ship used by Baran in the TMG episode Gambit. Oh, wasn't it also the same kind of ship that Rho escaped on? It might be, I mean, I feel like you got a model that looks this cool. You try to come up with other ways to use it. Yeah, that's fair. There's a really great scene inside

the rainbow sherbert nebula where it's like super gassy and so the ships aren't very well lit. They're kind of, they're kind of backlit. Yeah, they're silhouetted against the clouds and like the light is filtering through the mist. I really like that. Yeah, that was a very high spec bit of special effects. So they get out of there and Odo's like, I'm not gonna take you back to your planet. I'm gonna see about something else. And they actually get phoned up by a

Vulcan lady who has come through the wormhole and He's like hey listen. I got a couple of couple of folks who are trying to get back through to Vulcan actually you guys want to give them a lift and She's real nice about it. Yeah right place right time I and I guess I guess his family is gonna be all right this a little They're gonna start a sitcom over on Vulcan. Crote was a single dad trying to make a new life on Vulcan. Dad, watch where you're waving that chicken knife around. I can't help it. Did those kids teach you about logic at their school? God damn these Vulcans!

Hey so is there such a thing as a burning man on this planet? Croden was the worst professor at the Vulcan Science Academy! Just kept stalking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic So that no one had the chance to interpret it was really quite hypnotic, not hypnotic. I think the like upshot of the episode is that Odo kind of kind of took justice into his own hands and kind of kind of made a judgment call based on an incomplete and imperfect set of information and feels like, I think it feels like a little weird about it playing in a gray area.

He's a real, sees the world in black and white type of guy. Especially because I don't think either of us can know if he ever tells anyone about what went down here next to the Sherbert Nebula. Like, he could go back through the wormhole and say that he dropped crowding off where he was supposed to go, right? No one would be the wiser. Right, because it's not like they're in contact with the government on Crowden's planet. Those people...

Cisco goes as far as to say, we're going to lose contact with you, so be careful. Like, you're on your own out there. Yeah. Presumably like later in the season we'll get some some mirrored-dorn security officers looking into the missing raiders that went through the wormhole and Oodle have some tough questions to answer. Oodle is like you think you could put on a hat or something? It's very distracting. Actually, not one of mine. Please put that hat down. I would actually request that you replicate one.

And then burn it. What if every time the mirror door and walked into a shot, their foreheads were tiled out like Like like the sensors just wouldn't allow it When Tillie makes the cards for this episode I totally want like the digital the digital fuzz Over these mirror door heads Oh man. So yeah, the button on the episode is is Odo gets to keep the locket. Smiles like a serial killer that croted in his daughter as they leave. Like this smile bin. It's the smile of someone who should be swinging an axe around at someone. Like

it is terrifying. Yeah, it's a real mind hunter smile. And that's it. Did you like this episode, Ben? Man, Adam, like this episode has so many elements that I like. It's got kind of like a crime and punishment plot. It's got intrigue. It's got characters getting stuck with moral decisions that they don't have enough information to make perfect calls on.

It's got full frontal butthole. It's got a ton of butthole. And yet I found myself a little bored. And I don't know why that is. I think maybe just the pacing was weird or something. Every once in a while I feel like we do a pod that feels much much much more fun than the show we reviewed. Yeah. This is one of those. Totally. I would not have guessed that we would have this much fun with the app while I was watching it.

Yeah, I honestly finished watching it feeling like I don't know how to be funny about this. Right. Right. On my notes it was buttholes and then in ellipses. That was it. I feel like the key pendant that Odo gets at the end of this is another like JRPG element for the series. Like Cisco theoretically has to collect all the all the profit orbs. Now Odo has a key that he doesn't know what it opens. Or I guess he knows what has a key that he doesn't know what it opens. Or I guess he knows what it opens, but he doesn't know what it is. And I think that's fun, you know.

Do you think he just keeps it on his desk like one of those executive toys? Yeah, when is think geek gonna issue an Odo shape shifting toy for me to buy? No, that should be a thing. Yeah, get on at ThinkGeek.com. Well, one thing that changes shape with every episode is the form of our priority one messages.

Let's take a look at the inbox there been. Sure do. Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. I need a supplement on that. supplement on that? supplement supplement Yes, extra.

But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship! Ben, our first priority one message is of a commercial nature. It is for the book Quarky Quarks, a cartoon book about all the cool physics. Hey. And Ben, this is a gift we received. A while back, that was intended to be a commercial message. Instead, we just opened it like mail, like a couple of idiots. What happened was Benjamin Barr, the author, sent this to us with the idea that we would

get to check it out and then read his priority on message. But because it went to you and not me, and I had been the one exchanging emails, I was too stupid to connect that you were opening what he had told us he was gonna send us. And so this is coming a lot later than we had originally intended. So for that, we apologize, Benjamin. My favorite teacher that I've ever had

was a physics teacher, and he was fucking crazy, and fun and funny, and it like doesn't surprise me that a book like quirky quarks exist because it looks like a super fun book to read. This is a commercial by two German physicists and a Canadian cartoonist who are a little bit embarrassed to have written a book about physics with cartoons. It's called quirky quarks and covers all sorts of cool stuff. The big bang, quantum teleportation, dark matter and many more topics are explained with comics and cartoons. If you like that sort of stuff, and I guess you do, unless you're just here

for the witty banter between Rasmplaveem, then check out the book quirky quarks. Cool. I'm very curious about physics. So this sounds like this sounds like it's right on my level, you know. I'm really hoping that this book takes off in that way where a college physics professor decides to make it part of the curriculum. Yeah. And then like charges two hundred dollars for it so it so that it's authors, Reena Piccolo, Boris Lemmer, and Benjamin Barr can make a shitload of money because it seems like a pretty great book.

And a pretty great book to design a class around. It could be great. Yeah, super cool. Thanks guys. Adam, our next priority one message is from She Who Is Your Wife, and it's for Richard. It goes like this, thanks for 10 years of support, laughs, being nerds together, and putting up with my antics.

We've raised two amazing little boys and survived military life, so I'm looking forward to our next grand adventure. I love you. Happy belated anniversary anniversary and Merry Christmas. Ah, that's great. Man, a lot of folks listening from the base. Yeah, I'm getting that sense myself. I wonder how popular podcasts are in general for military base life.

Yeah, we had that. There was actually a really interesting thread on I think our Facebook group of folks who are the spouses of military officers and it was really interesting. Yeah, friend of the show Jackie especially through in some science, some knowledge on that topic. in some science, some knowledge on that topic. Jackie, who we met at our very first show date in Minneapolis, who ended up being really cool. Jackie is super cool. And, yeah, definitely hip to beat some stuff.

Yeah, no kidding. It's great. It is, it's frequently great to talk out of your ass and get gently corrected and have it not feel like a big thing. And that was an instance of that. Yeah, for sure. Alright, well, if you'd like to leave a priority one message, you know where to go.

Maximumfund.org slash JemboTron. Commercial messages are 200 bucks and personal messages are only 100 bucks and they help promote the production of this podcast. A Greatest Gen Live Show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment.

Hey, I'd make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it. The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We got stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweards. Pat Naswalt. Could I get a Balrog burger and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald. Could I get a Balrog burger and some air-gorn fries?

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Be dumb instead. Whoa, Russ. Hey, baby. Oh, I'm about to count you in mine. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks.

But I'm hearing we need to get on this. We've got to get on the art. It's about to rain. It's about to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters. Yes, probably. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie?

We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think? O Ross and Kerry available on MaximumFun and Outdoor. Hey Adam. What's up, man? Did you find yourself a drug-shamoda? I didn't have a shamoda for this one until we started doing the pod and then we started doing the riff on Crotin And now I feel like it has to be Crotin, right? Yeah, it's gotta be Crotin His backstory is awful and dark and bad, but the backstory we made for him is fun and funny

Yeah, and based on fake back story alone I'm gonna say it's gotta be croton in a pretty dark episode throughout It's sort of a hard one to choose a Shimoda from yeah, I I'm right there with you buddy. I did not write one down in fact Looking here with my notes. I in the space. I usually make to write down the drunk Shimoda I wrote down the drunk Shimoda for the wrong episode Oh an episode we recorded the other day right down the Drank Shemota. I wrote down the Drank Shemota for the wrong episode. Ew.

An episode we recorded the other day. So yeah, I mean, I agree. I think I'm really pleased with the silliness where we were able to suffuse that. Otherwise, pretty bleak character with. Yeah, that's what times. What do we have coming up for the next episode, Ben? As bleak, less bleak, more bleak.

The next episode is season one, episode 12, Battle Lines. Cisco, Kira and Bashir are stranded on a war torn world where it is impossible for the combatants to die. Fun. Yeah. That sounds great. That sounds terrible. Do you want to find out if we are going to be getting shit has drunk while we record that episode out of?

Ben, would you mind recapping the rules for this because I feel like some people still are not getting the rules for drunk pad going forward? Every season has a number of episodes and we have a one in that number of episodes chance of it being a drunk a-sode every single time. So for this, for the purposes of this season we're doing one in 15 because we had 15 episodes left when we came up with the idea. And so this next episode has a one in 15 chance of being a drunk a soda. Let's hit it. Roll them bones. And our number is three, not a not a drunk a soda.

That was a close one though. It was close. Hey, Ben, if we never roll the one, then the season finale has to be a drunk episode, right? Fair enough. How about that as a rule? Fair enough. We cannot escape a season without one. And let's also say there's no limit to the amount of drunk episodes.

So if you don't know, five ones in a season, that's the drunk season. That's the drunk season. All right, Adam, well, that will be our next episode. In the meantime, Chuck with us on Twitter using the hashtag That's the drunk season. All right Adam, well, that will be our next episode. In the meantime, chalk with us on Twitter using the hashtag GreatestGen. Adam is on there.

He's at Cut for Time. I'm there as ad Benjamin R. H.R. Got a great Facebook group. Over a 3,000 members strong. And a great subreddit that is hot on the Facebook group's heels. I think the subreddit is interested in starting a rap beef with the Facebook group. So get involved folks. I want to see some metaphorical phaser

fire between those two entities. And we should thank Dark Materia for our theme music and Adam Ragusia for our other music. Great folks at MaximumFun.org who put in a lot of hard work to help us bring this to you. And, uh, hey, it's been a great year, Adam. Yeah, it really has. Super fun. Here's to the next, Ben. Here's to the next year. Happy Holidays to everybody listening and, uh,

go hug your family and, uh... finish up that poop yeah this is... no one's gonna believe you've been pooping this long so uh... wipe your foreheads, pull your pants up, get back out there it's uh... it's not gonna last forever guys, you can get through this uh... we'll see you next time for another great episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9 in an episode of the greatest generation deep space 9 That's gonna live forever man Make it sound.

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