The Greatest Generation - Legit Fangoria (S6E2)

Episode Date: April 12, 2017

When the Entrepreneur finds another broken down scout ship, Barclay’s clever plan to get over to the ship doesn’t go unpunished. Thrown into a paralyzing inner struggle, the only way the young lieutenant can confront his fear of being swept up in the matter stream is by grabbing onto a turd for dear life. When was the last time Reg or Miles used conditioner? Where are the admirals who have been in the shit? Did Barclay take a page from the Chaotic Bro playbook? It’s the episode that will trigger a deluge of complaints from the Betazoid alternative medicine community.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdececoto for Labor.com. That's FriendsOfDecoto for Labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the finest crew in a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. I'm Ben Harrison.

I'm Adam Prenica. Ben? Yes, Adam. This is an interesting episode to maybe discuss the following topic. What are you afraid of? Hmm, that's, I don't know that I have like any phobias. I mean, I'm not crazy about heights, but I don't have a ton of cause to be, you know, up on scaffolding.

And I feel like when I am, it's not like I lose control. Yeah Yeah, I think that the irrational fear is Well, I'm sure that I have one and I just haven't encountered it, but You know like when we go on a when we go on an airplane and my wife is sitting next to me She really goes through a lot to like yeah so I sit from New York to LA. And the seven stages of Android, airline phobia. Yeah, and like I,

it took me a long time to like, get my head around the fact that there's nothing she can do about that, you know? Yeah. Because I'm just like, just think your way out of it, you know? It's not a dangerous way to travel. Writing in a car is a dangerous way to travel. It's interesting to me how those things come on later.

Like, my parents have never been fearful of flying. And now it would take a miracle to get them on a plane. Really? Yeah. And I hear about this a lot. Like, some of these phobias set in later on in life. In a strange way. I hope that one never hits me

because I really like flying, even for all of the ways that flying tries to make you hate it. I still do enjoy it. I'm sure that I'm due for loads of really life-compromising phobias since I've gotten this far with relatively few. Yeah, they're coming. They're on the next train. I mean, this is not to say, Adam, that I don't have lots of mental frailties.

I sure do. It's just that, like, irrational fears are not among them. I'm much more like, I feel terrible and never want to do anything or see anyone ever again. Kind of gay. Yeah. So I think the reason I bring this up in is because, I mean, I think we're coming at this episode a little differently than how we normally do, which is like using the mirror and open to set the tone for what's to come. But I read something interesting about the writer of this episode. Brandon Braga said that this episode was one of his most personal because he hates flying.

And that's where the idea came from to write barkly as transporter phobic. And it made me think a lot about the relationship between science fiction and contemporary fear. Yeah. And how difficult it must be to write about flying, like, right about space flying even from the perspective of someone who does not like it and how that must cut creatively. Adam, did I hear you say you did a little research? Yeah, I know. I'm the roomist spinning.

Yeah. I thought we had an agreement, dude. Well, the reason that I did the research was because this episode just feels like a great departure from the norm. This is going into the bottle on a character. A character who has had quite a few bottles given to him. So, what do you mean now is a good time to start the episode? As we discuss season 6, six episode two realm of fear. Adam

Yosemite is missing. The starship Yosemite, it's a science vessel. I was doing some science on, I feel like we've seen this star, right? Yeah, the star getting sucked into another star. Is it the same one or is it a different one where the same thing is happening? I think it's the second one. Yeah. So they pull up and they, you know, get out there binoculars and they look into the, into the suck stream and there's the osemite, a drift

and they're like, okay, well let's be them out and they're like, well, the transport is gonna get some bad interference if we try and, you know, send it through that, through that suck stream. Like, it's got a line of sight thing, but you can't have a high wind compromising it. So, uh, I feel like we've seen a lot of these scout ships fucked up, Ben. Yeah. Like, bad things are always happening to them. Yeah, you don't want to get in a, in a mead-ad-class starship. Do you think when you graduate the Academy

and you get your ship assignment, your fingers are crossed that you don't get a scout? You'd rather go to the hood than a scout, right? You're gonna be safe on the hood. The hood is essentially a pleasure for you, Adam. Captain DeSoto is not putting you in any kind of stressful situations. Captain DeSoto puts you first.

That's what I like about him. Yeah, he's like a bottom-up guy, you know. He's like, hey, what do you guys think of? He's a teacher that wants to be friends with you and the class just walks all over him. He's like, we were thinking about going to Wolf 359 or are you guys into it? No, no, okay, we don't have to we don't have to or I can put in this VHS

cassette of the Civil War documentary Yeah, everyone loves movie period. Yeah, yeah, it's raining outside so So recesses canceled, but Oh, man, Mr. Disodo's awesome. The Yosemite is not so lucky. Their captain took them too close to the to the suck stream and Riker suggests maybe taking a Previa out there and they're like same risk for the Previa is there is for this starship gonna Previa out there and they're like, same risk for the Previa is there is for this Starship. So, the idea is tossed out by one, Reginald Barkley. Commander, if we bridged our transport system with theirs, we might be able to cut through

the Ionic field. And, Jordy's like, awesome buddy, you just volunteered to be the first one over. It's one of those no good deed goes unpunished kind of moments. There's a fun amount of exposition in this scene because because O'Brien's like, look, the only difference between transporting normally and this weird, conjoined form of transport is that you're going to feel a special tingle and it's gonna take like three times as long. And Rikers like, that sounds great, let's do it. Mr. Warf, I love Rikers like cock suredness about the plan and then he volunteers someone else to go first. He volunteers his best friend to

drive up. No one comments on the tingle though. No, this scene really stood out to me because I was looking at Dwight Schultz's hair and I was like, God damn, it looks like Dwight Schultz hasn't used conditioner since the last episode he was on. Yeah. And then it cuts to O'Brien, and O'Brien's got the same problem.

They both look super dry. You think they're sharing a trailer with some water pressure issues? I just wondered if they had like the B team from HMU get dispatched like Paramount was like, hey, we need the good team for like a movie. But these guys are, you know, they've been training for weeks.

They're very good at this point. And Dwight Schultz and Colin Meeney got kind of fucked over. If you're at their level, you don't get the A-list hair and makeup, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it's like a front zip back zip thing or like, we've got you in a back zip, but you're not quite in front zip

and as far as hair care goes. That the back zip craft services is much, much nicer. A lot more variety than front zip craft services, which is like a TGI Fridays like TIGAL. It's like the business class lounge at an airport. You can leave your luggage around. Nobody's gonna take it.

Yeah. There's some real fun tension building in the scene because this is a lot like, I've never been skydiving but everything I hear from people who have gone have been like, look, if you ever go skydiving, always go first. Right. You do not want to be in the plane watching people jump out. If you have any sort of compunction about it, like make sure your ass is out at the door first. You do not want to be in the plane watching people jump out. If you have any sort

of compunction about it, like make sure your ass is out at the door first. And this is the fatal flaw that Barclay makes is a transport fob. He's like watching people go. He's standing there watching it. Yeah. You know what it really reminded me of when I was a kid, like occasionally we would like hike to somewhere where there was like a swimming hole and you could jump off of a rock that was like 15 feet above the swimming hole into the water. And like if I didn't go first,

watching other people do it did not reassure me that it was okay to do. It made it more and more scary every single time. And they go for some fun close ups on Shult. He is like dripping sweat. He is sweating bullets. And by the time he gets up on the pad, he is a hot mess. I would, I mean, was there any indication that Barclay was a transporter fob up until

this moment? This is a new character trait, right? I think so, yeah, I mean, he's always been a little tweaky, but that's just general. Paulaski's always a transporter fob, right? Yeah, but she's old. You can understand like she hasn't met very many of them. I guess they probably dusted them off because they were like,

we cannot sell this for any of the main characters. Yeah. This is sort of like applying to be in the Coast Guard and hating to swim. I don't know how you graduate Starfleet Academy and have this sort of an issue with the transporter. Yeah, you should have to tread beam for 45 minutes to prove that you're capable of transport tea. Oh man, the tingling on 45 minutes has got to be extreme. Oh man, that's more than a Celsius blue amount of tingle.

Yeah. Man, that's more than a Celsius blue amount of tingle. Yeah Speaking of Celsius blue, Barclay and O'Brien could use some Maybe maybe just changing campos, you know, or gets kind of used to it I'm sure that's all it is So he basically he pulls a data shits himself, and he punches out. Phase coils are sorry, I just can't do this. And we smash to opening credits. We come back and partly is in therapy. He has walked directly to therapy from the transport room. Yeah.

I guess he's glad that Councillor Troy had an opening for a walk-in. Do you think he just grabbed 90s mom hair off the couch and threw her into the hall? I really need this right now. Sorry. Go meet Captain Picard. I feel like you guys would hit it off. He loves a red head. Yeah. I think we get a set redress for this, for a counselor choice office too.

Yeah, this is a same couch, a lot of the same furniture, but a different room and different, differently oriented, I think. I feel like counselor Troy doesn't have a lot for him by way of like advice, counseling, or medical or otherwise, but she does introduce him to a part of his anatomy that he's not familiar with Ben, and maybe you haven't been either.

It's called the placebo. And the placebo is located right near the carotid artery below the ear. And if you just tap on the placebo, you can make yourself feel a lot better during stressful situations. Yes, it's a betazoid method. It's the homeopaths answer to cognitive behavioral therapy. It's like, hey, you've got a thing that really works. Let's do something that's the opposite of that, and hope that you're hoping it works

is enough. Oh, boy. Bendy, you hear that in the distance? Those are the letters, and they're coming. This is a thousand monkeys working in a thousand titanages. I think people that think about an advanced future, no enough to know a charlatan school of medicine when they see one. Have you ever gone to a place and had a pin stuck into your placebo?

I found it incredibly soothing, and that's not a joke. Have you ever done that? I have not done that. I know that that has been good for people I know, but I've never had cause to do it. Here's the thing about acupuncture. For me, per acupuncture is like has a measurable impact. Yes. Homoopathy is a lie.

Oh man, please, please address your letters directly to Ben so that I may make the right Gmail rule for these. Okay, I'm, you're handling this, Ben. So Barkley starts tapping on his placebo and he's like, this is working great. I actually feel a lot better. And he he walks back. He like he walks out of the counselor's office like rare and ago, feeling great, ready to rejoin the mission. Rock hard to fuck the transporter. Yeah. This is an episode where you get a lot of different perspectives of the transporter. Yeah. This is an episode where you get a lot of different perspectives of the transporter itself, both in terms of the person being transported, but also shot compositionally. Like I don't remember ever seeing inside out of the transporter pad.

Yeah, no, it's it's pretty fun to to get the, yeah, like not just the POV of somebody being transported, but just seeing what somebody being transported would see before the beam is even engaged. Yeah, yeah, and that's neat. It's cooler than I would have expected. Just changing the look of it. What a shame that they haven't used these sets in that way up till now like it's the same set Yeah, I mean you get a knockout that wall behind the transporter or you're or you're faking it Like there's just not a lot of room up there on the pad. Yeah, it must be it But I want to they don't want to deploy their tripod on that nice shiny surface. Yeah, it's true It's full of isolinear chips, as we'll see later.

So, the red shows up on the bridge of this other ship, and there's not a lot of people around and everything's blinking. They find one guy that's covered in some bolinés sauce, and so they're going to take him back. But a lot of the crew is missing, right? I could have used a verbal check of like, what's the crew complement of a scout ship like this? Because I had a hard time wrapping my mind around

how many were missing, how many were dead, how many are typically on board these ships. It seemed like at no point was there more than a couple that it doesn't, Does that sound accurate? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely never clarified as far as I know. I am unwilling to do that level of research, though. And you can send those letters to me.

Oh, geez. Well, I guess they've got some concerns that maybe there's some foul play of foot. Like there's some Ferengi's complaining about a Cardassian attack in the neighborhood. And so, you know, like they don't really know what happened to this ship. They don't know what happened to everybody.

And they're like, oh, maybe like the Kardashians did it. I think the cards on the FaceTime with a nice old lady Admiral. They got no short supply of admirals in Starfleet. And every admiral has a different costume. Maybe that's sort of Admiral's prerogative when you get up to them. Oh yeah, like you get to pick it out yourself.

Like George Patton getting to make up his own uniforms? Yeah, that's great, right? You know when we never get out of the Admiral's, we get all the bureaucracy that comes with an Admiral, but we never get the Admiral who's grizzled because he's been through the shit. The Admiral with the glass eye, who's like, look, I've been in Cardassian space

and I get to tell you Picard, watch your fucking back. Like, that would be really cool. But instead we get very matronly, very sober instructions from basically every admiral we've seen. It would be good if there were, like, this is the flagship. It would be really nice if, like, on the flag, like, what if Picard had like a superior who was around a bunch?

Yeah, a regular. Like what's his name on Charlie's Angels, Basley? Like Fred Thompson in on Favid, October, when he gets the carrier group in the fucking North Atlantic, you know, like what if Picard had to like defer to the wisdom of another character a lot? Like, because that captain was definitely trying to be a captain and then Fred Thompson's like, like, cut the boys from slack, Charlie. I'm just all I'm saying Adam is please write Fred Thompson's character from Red October into Star Trek the next generation.

I just sat back wordlessly on that thread just hoping and praying that I would hear a Fred Thompson oppression and And I got it. Thank you. Here's the thing about Fred Thompson. Like, I can't think of another example of a more fun character actor combined with a worse politician. I know. It's incredible. He's so likable.

He's so likable. And he plays basically the same character in Days of Thunder. Like, I'm almost positive Days of Thunder is canonical red October. It's Baldwin track, Jack Ryan. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah.

And Fred Thompson, almost as if, like he doesn't know a camera is on, tells the most awful racist story about, like, do you remember, do you remember, Days of Thunder at all? I was probably, I was probably like almost 20 years younger than I am right now

when I saw Days of Thunder last. Daze of Thunder is worth watching again. I won't say it holds up. It's got some nice racism in it. The racism isn't the part that's funny. That part is that part is shocking. But like Fred Thompson. Do you think Fred Thompson showed up on set and was like, I'd like to make some changes to my character in the dialogue he says.

He's like, he thinks he's waiting for the scene that he's actually shooting. Like, that's the head kid in the die-hab. Like, why don't you sit down here, Mr. Thompson, and we'll get you prepped. I'm done. I always think about Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger at like the craft services table on predator. Like did they ever get into politics?

I like it like you know Arnold's like know, like we have to cut taxes on the job creators at the top of the economic pyramid and Jesse's, Jesse Ventures like, that's a billar burger group concept that's been injected into an American body politic for two generations. I mean, as long as we're here injecting more and more C plus C minus impressions into the cast, Adam. Give me all the impressions, Ben. Oh, God, like that. There is a commentary check out there with both of them, right? I feel like that has to exist. Oh yeah, they must have got them in a sound booth at some point.

And this was probably post-ventorial gubernatorship and pre-governatorship. Maybe they got in that sound booth and Ventura sort of inspired the gubernatorial learn You've got the X factor you've got the policy platform. There's nothing stopping you Yeah, but I have so much to learn I Think learn is my favorite word to say as Schwarzenegger. Yeah, there's like four syllables in that word. I was with a friend and we were in San Diego doing something at Comic Con and we drove past a billboard advertising

an exhibit called Koala for Nia. And my favorite thing to do as Schwarzenegger ever since has been to talk about qualifonia, my favorite koalax, you bit, at the San Diego Zoo. And we have a pretty interesting episode to talk about today. Let's get back to it. I feel like this is the furthest off road we've gone, up of an episode. Like, we're almost in a half gas tank.

We really should turn back to the road. How do we even get back to the episode at this point? I don't know. We're like, it's starting to get dark out here, Ben. It's like Gatica. We've swam out and not saved anything for the swim back. I ate my last granola bar hours ago No more water left This is gonna turn into a donner party thing. I don't have any cell signal to you

No, I have AT&T though, so I never really do Zing Hmm, zing! Ha-take! Ha-take! Make it sound, make it sound. Make it sound. Make it sound, make it sound. Make it sound. Make it sound. There's some fun, like, Star Trek CSI going on over on the other ship.

Like, there's, like, a spot in the other ship's transporter that's got like an explosion mark and Wurf is like. Blast Valesis indicates the explosion originated here. Yeah, their transporter room looks like a pizza oven. Yeah, doesn't look good. Yeah, they need to run the oven clean mode on their transporter. It's how you get that delicious char on the bottom though. Oh yeah, yeah, that's seasoning, ultimately.

And that's the mystery, right? They got a bunch of crispy bodies over there. They got a charred up transporter. Beverly beams over the crispy guy into six bay. Starts performing some tests on him. And he starts displaying some weird, some weird shit, like hearts of him wake up and then go back to sleep totally separately, like she'll get brain readings off of him and then they'll go away and then he'll start breathing and

then he'll stop and then his heart will start beating and then it'll stop, like none of these systems are combined with any other system. So it's not like he's alive again, but it's real spooky. Paddy Asutaki is in this scene as nurse Ogawa and it's a big, it's a big moment for her Adam. She doesn't play it up, but she has been upgraded to back zip. What? Yep.

You know what? I just sort of took the front zipper granted. No. Yeah, Ogawa's gone back zip. You know what, I like to keep my eye line up. Like when I'm looking at Ogawa, like I don't want her to think I'm like copping a look or anything. I just sort of assume that the zipper

is going to be on the front where I saw it last. My eyes are up here, Adam. Yeah, exactly. I noticed it when it was an over-the-shoulder shot, Adam. So I didn't do anything offensive. Oh, good job, I you. You're a better man than me. They've got this kind of event horizony guy, right?

He's got the slices all over his body and they're, they're, yeah, like he keeps, he keeps like coming to life in different ways, but not all at once. Yeah. It's creepy. He is legit Fangoria. Like, he is cover of Fangoria fucked up. I think that we've also already had one of these, I think that we've also already had one of these encounters with the transporter turds, where I think when when Barkley beams back to the Enterprise, he's in the transporter beam and that it looks like a shy hallowed head at love child with a poop and it's swimming around in there. It's some of the worst puppetry we've seen on the show. It is children's hospital puppet show.

Ha ha ha ha. Quality. But Ben, what does it look like? It looks like a man wearing an oven mitt. Like swimming it around wearing a green suit. And guess what, Ben? Like, doing more research for this episode? It's a man wearing an oven mitt and a green suit

that did this effect. Yeah, this is very uncharacteristically hokey for the show. Like, I think that they get the effects right so much of the time. The only explanation is that they couldn't they couldn't unwind the comp for the the remastered version is the only explanation that this remains because it shouldn't be there. Yeah, it's really rough and you ever make that slug in the lunchroom with the with the wrapper of a drinking straw and you like drop water on it. That's what this thing looks like.

Yeah, it kind of has that look to it. Well, this is like shit. There's things bites barkly on the arm. And for the rest of the episode, like every so often, he'll pull his sleeve back and his arm looks all transported. He gets into a little chaotic bro here because like what are you supposed to do when something weird happens to you Ben? If you see something say something.

Yeah, take it to the doctor, take it to the to the counselor which he's already established he's willing to do in this episode. Yeah, but it's his shame that prevents him from doing this. He's afraid that if he reports that he's's gonna come off as one of those transporter room crazies that they used to have in the Federation 50 years ago. Or in season two. Right. I love it.

Barkley's like, he talks to Jordy. He's like, so has anything weird ever happened you in a transporter? Jordy's like, no, not really. It's gone great for me every time. As if we're meant to forget that he and Ro basically died forever so to go in a transporter accident. Yeah, that's a good point at him.

I didn't even think about that. Why are you lying to make him feel better, Jordy? Yeah. He's supposed to be your friend. You should have enough respect for him to be truthful about this. Yeah. My love is a people long and long for that

which longer than us at the PC. How do you know you're not the boy? He's trying to chill himself out, but he makes the classic mistake of going on WebMD. Computer access, Starfleet medical database. He like, you know, does all the pit all of the pitfalls my wife falls into whenever. Yeah. I have a health thing.

She like, diagnosis my cancer. So you're not supposed to type in black spot on arm. Or what he does is like he types in sparkles on forearm and he gets like the most awful pictures read to him by the computer. Yeah, I think that like eventually we get to a point where Barkley, he's gonna get like cleansed in the transporter beam, is that the idea?

Or no, he like goes and gets O'Brien and he's like, hey, you and me have terrible hair in this episode, right? And O'Brien's like, right, right. And he's like, all right, I need your help. I need you to like put me in the transporter beam for a little while so I can take a look around see if I'm going crazy. And O'Brien's like, well, listen,

like I don't get your transporter phobia, but I'm totally terrified of spiders, so I get it on that level. I'm gonna help you out, bro. I'm gonna do you, like from one guy with terrible hair to another, I'm going to do you a solid. And... It's such a weird concept, like, I'm going to put you in the beam and leave you there until you see some stuff. Yeah, let you tread beam for a little while.

Like, O'Brien's form of commiseration is such a weird choice. Like, I'm afraid of stuff too, like spiders. You can tell they aren't very good friends because the direction that O'Brien would go with a closer friend is more like, I'm locked in a loveless marriage and I can't seem to find my way out of it. It's sort of like being covered

with invisible monsters. So, Barkley goes in the beam and I guess he confirms that he's seeing shit. Is that? Yeah. Yeah. So he comes out and he's like, I want you to wake the senior staff. He has a really nice urgent to commercial, doesn't he? He really does.

Yeah, we very rarely get Barkley eyes. But he's got him. He's got the eyes for it. We don't get the scene where someone's got to wake up the captain and because of Barkley's weird theory and that go between has got to be real uncomfortable. Yeah, is that Riker? Is like Barkley is a lieutenant and O'Brien

is an enlisted guy at this point. And Barkley goes wake up the senior staff and O'Brien's like, oh, okay. Yeah. Shouldn't that order, like shouldn't that go up, not down? I was really surprised that the card attended this meeting. I really feel like he could have totally credibly been like,

just catch me up later. Barkley's no way this is legit. Not going. Yeah. Wait, this is the same guy who plugged himself into the computer that one time and almost killed all of us. Yeah, I think I'll wait until after brunch. See if this is an opportunity to get rid of him well. So yeah, it comes out that Barkley is like infected with space bugs.

He's got like, there's like microscopic thingies from the sex dream that are in his system because of the transporter beam. And like, they confirm it by like blowing up some sex stream matter in the engineering, like in a controlled demo in the engineering room and they're like the only way to get it off is by sending you through the transporter beam like for a while. That was a real fun mythbusters bit that they did in engineering.

That was great. Yeah. Yeah. Jamie and Adam are theorizing that Suckstream Matter will explode if exposed to resonant frequencies. We've beamed some of this matter into a bank teller's tube shoot container. You just can't put much stuff into that tube before it blows up.

Is that tube only still alive at Home Depot? I feel like that's how they take a check at Home Depot, but that's the only place that still uses it, right? My bank has the tube. Do they? Yeah. Oh man, I knew I wanted to live in Seattle. And like for years and years and years,

I've always deposited in the ATM until there was a line at the ATM and the tube was open and I was like I don't think I've ever used this tube before. Let's try it and I'm exclusively tube. I am tube every time now. It gives you a fun like walkie-talkie interaction with a teller. You get to push a button and shoot a thing and anytime you're banking if you can shoot a thing at the same time,

I think that's fun. That's great. Yeah. It also seems incredibly fraught with danger. Like the idea of cash or check, just being scattered inside the tube, it seems totally real to me. Yeah.

It seems like it should happen all the time. Man. We need to bring back the tube. Numerics need to make a big comeback in this modern world. People are always talking about the Maglev trained to Portland from Seattle. Wouldn't it be great? Stick me in a tube, man. I'll take the tube, thank you very much.

Yeah. Numerics, it's the wave of the future. So they're going to cleanse him with the transporter beam. He's going to purify himself in the waters of the transporter stream. Yeah, and he's like hanging out in there, and the poopy shy lude comes back and he grabs it and and like Jordy and Jordy and O'Brien are like playing a duet on the transporter computer and they're like, what the fuck just happened? He just gained 90 pounds

and they erect a force field around the transporter pad and materialize him. And he's holding a man in a bad Starfleet science boy costume. And it turns out that the poopies floating around in the Matterstream are in fact crew members from the USS Yosemite. And Barkley explains very briefly to Warfin' his Dustbuster Club, like just, yeah, like go into the Matterstream, grab one of the poops and you'll come back and it'll be a person.

The Popeys, they're made of people, they're people. Like literally the last words that O'Brien says to Barclay are, try not to move around much in there That sure will be able to bring you back if you do and he full on like jumps in the pad Like wraps his arms around this wet gray sleeping bag and brings it back with him. Yeah And then warping the dust buzzer club do the same. Yeah. It is a lot of just there.

It's an error free life saving attempt. Yeah. Good times. I am the cutest of all. You will assist us. I am the cutest of all. You are all. Markly's just sort of

basks in the glow of, of a man whose crazy was proven true, you know? Like that's the satisfied look on his face. He's crumpled in a heap in the corner of the transporter room. He's all sweaty and satisfied. He's like, I'm not crazy. Yeah, it's the satisfaction my wife would feel if we were on a transcontinental jet and you know, we hit a

Pelican and we were going down She would look at me and be like I was right. I was right all along. Yeah, there's a there's a certain amount of vindication here So I think the the slide whistle on the episode is the two bad boys of conditioner hanging out in 10 forward and chief O'Brien introduces Barkley to his pet Tarantula. Keep an eye on her, will you? Sure. Just getting back to their hair for a moment. Like do you know anyone with curly hair like Kalimini? The only person I know that has hair similar is maybe Jordan Morris of the great Jordan Jesse Go podcast.

All I hear about from people who have curly hair is how difficult the upkeep is. So by saying that all I'm saying is I'm not sure if if O'Brien and Barkley can really commiserate about hair matters in any other way. I'm not trying to punch down or anything at them. I'm just saying, like, when you get a close shot of both of them, it's clear that they have not taken care of their mains. Like, there's a lot of split ends on evidence.

There's a lot of frizz. Yeah, it's first day hair. Like, it's washed but not product. Like, neither of them is as groovy But they've both taken a page from the Neil Young haircare manual Yeah Yeah, oh Brian takes out a steamer basket that you get dim sum With and reveals like a giant tarantula. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you Ben, when the dim sum cart goes by

and you got your big broccoli, you got your chumai. Yeah, you got that shrimp with like mayonnaise and walnuts. I'll eat all of that. That sounds great. That's a good set. I'm not getting those tarantulas though. Not getting the tarantula. That's next level dim sum. I think I think

you should try it next time, man. It's pretty good. That's all right. There's not a lot of bad dim sum in the world at them. Oh, Brian, who has never betrayed an interest in pets, does not have a pet or a pet age appropriate child at home. What's he doing keeping poisonous spiders at home with a newborn? He's looking for a way out at him. Yeah, he really hates his family, huh? He's like an AIDS it.

Do you think that on the enterprise, there's like the one-page leaflet of enterprise news that like that some kid is putting together every day. And like, and there's always the pet escape story on that thing, right? Like, you know it's Jake Orden doing that. Yeah, yep. It's totally Jake Orden's Vanity Press newspaper.

It's like like some month of boa constrictor escapes, the pet shop set that we've seen before. Yeah. And you know Miles O'Brien's tarantula's gonna escape at some point, it's gonna make the news. Yeah. Can't wait for that episode, Adam. Hopefully that's season six.

Yeah. Really got a lot of ground to cover, don't we? We sure do. Did you like this episode, Adam? Yeah, I think I did. I mean, how many bottles is Barclay gonna get? 99. If you were to, before the show even started, tell me that there was a character who had

all of these phobias, who had some stuttering, who had some social issues, who made some fake love affairs on the holodeck with BridgeGroom. You got this guy. And then you have potentially the most powerful figure ever to exist in Star Trek, tending the bar. Who would you want to see more of of those two characters so far we've gotten Barkley's only been on the show for like a season and a half we've gotten so much Barkley dude and so little guidance Make an in grade again Adam

Can I just scrape some of the Barkley into the guidance column? Give me some of that Give it to me. Yeah, I mean, I like the episode, but chill out with the Barkley. I'm gonna call that Barkley. I think we're good on Barkley for a while. Yeah, save it till the end of Voyager.

What about you? I did like this episode. I thought that maybe it like slipped into the transparent a couple of times when it was like very obviously about air travel. Yeah, but you know it's I thought for sure speaking of that that O'Brien would be like yeah you know when I first started transporting I would just get bombed. I'd get bombed in the lounge and then it makes transporting a breeze. But they weren't willing to make the comparison

quite that equivalent. Yeah, yeah. You have three or four bloody marries. Transporting doesn't feel like anything at all. Yeah, drugs like I do it like a Xanax and a half and a double at the airport lounge before I get on the on the dashboard pad. You just sleep most of the way through. It's great. Be there in no time. Have you tried melatonin? Yeah, that's fun. That was a strike through on the script.

Yeah, that was in the white copy, but not the blue copy. Do you see any messages coming in on the P1 transponder? The P1 transponder is pregnant with messages, Adam. Let's give some sweet, sweet birth. Let's boil up some water and get some... Terrible, some blankets. Yeah Boy you and I just went very different directions there Yes blankets are a better idea than scissors

Priority one message from star fleet coming in on secured channel Need a supplement on top of the income supplement Yes extra the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship I need a supplement. supplement? supplement supplement Yeah, it's extra How do you interest alone? Could be enough to buy this ship Adam, we have a couple of messages here The first one is a personal message from Boo Boo Your macaroni salad and husband

It's to yogi My potato salad and husband Husband happy 54th birthday Early or belated depending on when this airs I I look forward to celebrating or maybe we already have Damn chronoton particles. Yeah Or maybe we already have damn chronoton particles. I decided to take that in the damn Daniel direction. I like that. I can't tell you how happy I am we found each other. Even though I had to drive around the coffee shop three times to find you in the one horse town of Banged bass. Nice. Did that readjust flanged or flared? Flanged.

I like. Okay. This sound like experts. Yeah. I'm a man's bass. I'm a man's bass. The all those vocabulary I bring to that line of comedy is learned from the Dan Savage podcast.

Yeah. Definitely. We should really add him to the credits at the end. Yeah, yeah. Given how much we mine his material for ours. Yeah, just made up most of our jokes. Yeah. He'd be horrified if he knew about this.

We outsourced our music and our jokes. Man, having macaroni salad and potato salad at the same party, that is real tempting. That's a lot of carbs though. It's a lot of mayo. If depending on your recipe. I guess, yeah, yeah, if it's a man-azy macaroni salad, yeah. I suppose that could be- I prefer a nice German musterity potato salad.

Ooh, that sounds good. I prefer that tang. I can get into that, Adam. I like a potato salad to blitzkrieg all over my taste buds. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Ben, we have a second priority one message here.

It's from Bill, and it is for a goalie. It goes like this, happy birthday. What? A birthday message from your two favorite podcasters? I have indeed made it so. That's the line, right? You will always be my drunk Shimoda, and I'll always be yours. I love you. Awww. There's a lot of love on this podcast lately. Bill knew all the lines, all of them, including the Drunk Shimoda line. Yeah, nailed it.

Perfect birthday greeting, Bill. Hope you're feeling very loved, Goalie. If you were to pick two picnic foods for Bill and Goalie, that were not potato and macaroni salad. Not even knowing them. What are they? I already won, Lizzy. Hmm. macaroni salad not even knowing them what are they I don't know coleslaw and coleslaw and baked beans that's where my head was going there you go yeah

coleslaw and baked beans two coleslaw from baked beans. It's a literative, for Bill. I love it. If you enjoy hearing a stretch, these P1s into something vaguely humorous, go to MaximumFund.org slash JelboTron, where personal messages are $200, picnic-related messages, our $200 picnic related messages again $100 there are a great way to support the show that you love and here us contort ourselves into comedic pretzels around your many references yeah there's probably pretzels on that table too oh yeah yeah dip a pretzel in a then baked beans yeah on that table too. Oh yeah. Yeah. Dipper pretzel and then baked beans. Yeah.

A greatest gen live show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post-show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it. The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places.

Go to GreatisGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We got stupid with Judy Greer.

My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweards. Pat Noswald. Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Kumail Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are open.

Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goat try. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Oh, rats, hey, hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in mine. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line and boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good.

No, they do not, and they've such short nacks. But I'm hearing we need to get on this arc. We've got to get on the arc. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, we're podcasters.

We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two.

What do you think? Oh no Ross and Kerry, available on MaximumFun.org. Adam. Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Oh boy, I laughed really hard at a line that Worf had. I think it's when Barkley gets the whole band together to discuss what he's been seeing in the transporter beam and he describes these, these little poo worms, and he says that they have a mouth. Cuts to wharf. Wharf just goes, a mouth. Oh man, it made me laugh. So wharf is my drunk shemura for this episode.

Ben, we just watched this episode, and I can't be sure that that isn't Wharf's only line of dialogue. Like, I can just see Michael Dorn flipping forward and backwards in his script. Only one highlighted line. Yeah. Oh, geez. You mean I have to put on my uniform for this?

Mm-hmm. Can I sit in that loaf chair for four hours? Oh, that's brutal. That is not a good payoff. For me, my Shimoda is O'Brien, and it's less specific and more general with him. Like, they sort of give him some interesting stuff to do. They wake him up and trot him into the transportor room to interact with Barkley. I feel like that's a fun bit of acting for Column to do.

Like, act like you really put out with Barkley and tired. I feel like that's a fun bit of acting for Column to do. Act like you really put out with Barkley and tired. And then there's the scene where he just sort of fucks with him on the spiders. Sort of trying to commiserate with him, get on the same level as far as the phobias go. Trying to become equals in some way that Barclay is just not having. Like, and also, I feel like Barclay doesn't do a good job recognizing the effort, you know? Barclay's not good at making friends.

I feel like O'Brien's really trying. And he's trying in a fun way, and that's why I'm giving him my Shimoda. It's nicely done, Colin. Yeah. He's got a back zip, doesn't he? Yeah, he's got a back zip. Has it been from the start?

Well, I mean, they changed the whole thing. Once people were doling out back zips, was he in the first wave of back zips? I think he was the first waiver. I think so too. I think that's got to feel good. Early adapter of the back zip. You got to feel good. Early adopter of the backseat. You got to feel good when they're like,

they got the box open and they're handing them out and the box is getting lower and lower and Kyle Meney is like, saying everybody's last name. Dore, freaks. Yeah, I mean, McFadden. Yeah, you hear McFadden, you got to think Mene is coming. Yeah.

Oh, what a relief. Yeah. That's a great day. There were probably some times in seasons four and five where he was like, well, at least I got that back zip going for me because... The back zip resale has got to be far better than the front zip, I bet. Yeah. Totally.

What do we have coming up on the next episode, Ben? The next episode is season six, episode three, man of the people. Troy is drastically transformed when a visiting ambassador secretly uses her to achieve his aims. Do you remember this episode, Adam? Is this the one where Troy turns into a fish? Hahaha.

Is this the fish Troy episode? It's either that or the Elvira Troy episode. Oh, do we get deep voice Troy? This might be deep voice Troy. Oh, goody. I'm excited for this one then. I like me some deep voice Troy. Do you think she's kept the tan?

She was also looking very tan this episode. She sure was, yeah, I don't know. This is a character development for her. If I just got back from a vacation as an actor, and I am now tan on the show, I think you're- You've got to write a line-in to explain it away. Well, not only that, but like, it's just part of my job to be tan you guys. the show. I think you're you're gonna write a line-in to explain it away. Well

not only that but like it's just part of my job to be tan you guys. So I'm gonna go I'm gonna go out to the trailer get some sun. Well you guys run this scene. You can go and do it without me. Do my pickups later. Yeah. When it's night. Yeah they're sort of like I went on here with her Yope she goes through a lot this season she gets tan she changes uniforms Yeah, good times. Well, I'm not vetoing this episode. Ben are you no way all right got to see it Alright, well, that's the next one I should thank dark materia for our theme music and Adam Regusia for our other music. Dan Savage for our jokes.

Yeah. Let's see. We should thank everybody that chose not to complain about my homeopathy jokes. I don't think there are many of those, Ben. I appreciate it, though. The ones that decided not to take to their keyboards. Yeah. Because they believe in fake science.

Oh God. I'm not going to check our email for a while. Guys, if you write in with something sincere and not a homeopathy related, give it some time. I'll get to those eventually. Well, we should, people love to talk to us about all of this stuff on the greatest Gen hashtag, the Facebook group, the Reddit sub, the maximum fun Reddit sub, all the great places that everybody loves hanging out and we hang out there too, trying

stay in the mix as much as possible. So yeah, we love to see you guys on there. If you want to support the show, go to maximumfun.org slash donate and with that, we will be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek the next generation and an episode of the greatest generation that may or may not be a fish. Ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin ein Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin

Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich

bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich bin Fondat, ich Make it sound. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture.

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