The Greatest Generation - LoJack Worf (S6E17)

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

When Worf is taken prisoner behind enemy lines, he turns his incarceration into a Cool Hand Worf-type situation. But when the inmates start regarding their farm implements as the weapons they are, the warden increases Worf's sentence...to death! Do Klingons have two-factor suicide authentication? Why does Worf fall in love so easily? What's the most offensive portmanteau? It's the episode that looks a lot better at night.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdececoto for Labor.com. That's FriendsOfDecoto for Labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. Engage! Welcome to the greatest generation to Star Trek Podcast by two guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek Podcast. Not embarrassed about the Star Trek part, mind you, just the podcast part, and Adam Prandtica.

I'm Benjamin R. Harrison. How are you doing, Ben? I'm good, Adam. We so rarely check in with each other. I gotta check in with each other sometimes. I have been singing myself a little song around the house that I thought you and our viewers might find amusing. If it's the life form song, I'm gonna rip off my headphones. This is a song that like I don't know that I would reveal this to anybody but you and our listeners that I sing this song. It's just you and me Ben.

Alright, let me see if I can... Wee-hoo, address girl, doll the roof, snack. Oh, oh, Brad Rishan back to life. I'm a man of special conscience. You have no luck fit my crime. That was a delight. I came up with that in the shower a couple of days ago and it's like it's been a big hit for me and maybe the thing that is causing the most division and strife in my marriage currently. Your nearly two-oct of vocal range is really impressive.

Way to go down there and dig that out with the lower register. Good job, man. I always thought I was a bad singer and then I realized it was just that I was trying to sing too high for where my voice goes Yeah, you found the sweet spot That's why in the Drunk Shimoda song you naturally went down and I naturally went high Yeah, it's a perfect fit. Yeah

Ebony and ivory Adam that's us sure is Ebony and ivory Adam. That's us. Sure is. Can I can I also be Ebony or do I have to be ivory? I'm just assuming that you called Ebony because of your deep voice. Gosh, I was thinking about this the other way around, but I don't know why. I don't think anyone has ever ascribed Ebony to me. I was thinking it would be fun to like lay a little music bed under that, but I don't know. Those weaser people are very litigious.

But you also have a lawyer on your side, Ben. How did your wife take that song? She doesn't listen to the show. She's never watched an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like the voice. She thinks it's weird. And she doesn't know what any of the references are. My wife can't hear the difference between Kevin and Buffalo Bill from Silence the Lamb. So that's who she thinks I'm doing. and Buffalo Bill from Silence the Lamb, so that's who she thinks I'm doing. Well, in her defense, neither of us do particularly different Kevin and Buffalo

Bills. Would you exterminate all Hushnack? I'd exterminate all Hushnack. I'd exterminate them so fucking hard. looking hard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha good. It does this whenever it's told. Good bye who's snack. Pivot bin Pivot. You gotta get out of there. You can let the impression tear you apart have we have a big episode to talk about today. Do we not? Sure do Ben. Let's get on into it. Let's lower ourselves into this warm mineral bath of Season six episode 17. Birthright. Part two. We're the captain, so very entitled. Hmm, a little type that rammed along about something everyone knows.

When we last saw our hero, Worf, he was deep behind enemy lines. Watching Klingon babes bathe in the still waters of Lake Minnetalka. I was worried that we made ourselves seem like we were just purving on that scene in discussing it last last time. What I was trying to say is like knock it off with that being a premise. It movies and television. Nobody does this. And what's going on here seems pretty pervy. V. Doesn't. Man, we've got podcast fluid on both sides of the country right now.

Indeed. I mean, this episode picks up directly after the events of the preceding episode. It is a riker fire to summer break amount of time passing. I think this episode is especially notable for seeing behind Wurf's eyebrows. I don't feel like we've seen him in profile very often. And in this episode we see every corner of his face. I've seen everything. The camera is super close on Wurf most of the time. Yeah. camera is super close on Warf most of the time. Yeah, yeah. And you really get a picture for his eyebrow growth being completely unchecked.

It's the warfiest Warf episode. I think they let like 20 minutes go by before we check in with the entrepreneur at all. And like we were saying with the data stuff from last episode, like that might as well not have happened. Yeah. As much as much discussion of it as we get in this episode. Yeah, it's like they saw that it didn't work and then they just let it go.

Yeah, they're like, well, we could only rent that one wide angle lens for like a week. So we're just going to have to write something that doesn't involve that. So, Wurf is confused about a couple of things. First of all, he's confused that these older Klingons are still alive and they're in this prison, and he's also confused that they don't seem to want to escape. They have put down roots here, and they seem pretty content to be just like farming and turning their weapons into hose. Literal swords to plowshare, is that them?

They are sort of turned into a Klingon Amas, aren't they? This really confronts the kind of like ideology of Klingons with a...it's like a stress test on this kind of like premise that they've built. What if you had some klingons that had been forced into shame? What happens to them? Several dozen of them all got knocked out and when they came to, they were imprisoned by Romulans. They had no way to die fighting rather than go as a prisoner.

They were robbed of that right, which is like what all Klingons would want. It seems pretty convenient that the Romulans had a bomb that just knocked everybody out. But also, we know suicide is a thing that exists in Klingon culture. These Klingon prisoners are surrounded by farm implements that used to be their weapons. If they felt that strongly about their honor, one would have assumed that they would have

just killed themselves. Right. Stuck a knife into their neck or whatever. Maybe they just couldn't find the poison. Like maybe when you commit suicide Is a clean on you have to have like two stage suicide authentication You mean like a like a Like you like the knife can't be the only thing that kills you it has to be the poison to the poison to

Oh, I was I was thinking you were saying that the poison is like epoxy, where there's like two parts that form a resin. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't really figure out why it smells so good. Yeah. It's like, it's chemically but not harsh. The story is about worth kind of prostilitizing to the the Kling Amish.

And I don't think that's a good look for Warf. He comes across his very like evangelical Klingon. How did you take his whole deal? Like he's doing his Tai Chi in public. He's a real rabble rouser. Yeah, well like Warf's whole dealio is that he's lived kind of isolated from his people, his entire life and continues to.

And so he's just gobsmacked when he finds some klingons that aren't doing what he's doing, which is like being as klingon as they possibly can at all times. Like, worst whole identity is wrapped up in kind of his difference from his crewmates and stuff. And when these when these clingsons aren't bought in on that, it's incompatible with his world view. Warf's hypocrisy here is so like fuck you, Warf. If Klingon culture was so important to you, why are you sleeping on a soft bed on the federation flagship? Like go back to the Klingon home world and be a real Klingon if that's so important to you. Like don't hate

on these guys' farm utensils because they don't know the way of the warrior the way you do. I mean, you hunt fake boar on a holodeck. Like, what makes you cling on king? He's like trying to convert them, you know? He is a proselytizer and it's like a lot of the time that comes in the form of somebody who's like got some deep-seated identity struggles of their own, you know, trying to kind of like self-actualize by spreading what they are. Yeah, instead of being what they're spreading. Right. So, like, he spends a lot of time telling the older Klingons that they should be ashamed

not for having been caught, but having like had children and subjecting them to the same shame that they have suffered in captivity. I see the sadness in their eyes. You know, the old ones are like, at pains to prevent knowledge of this prison camp from ever reaching cronos, because they have, you know, former families that will bear this kind of, this shame, if it comes out. And so they've raised their kids like with a very

different ethos like, oh yeah, it's cool that we're here living in peace with these Romulans. Yeah, and sort of the warden of the whole place is this guy, Tocath. Here, Romulans and Klinghands, live in peace. And he's sort of like the paternal prison warden figure whose main objective is just keeping stability and peace. I won't allow you to destroy what we have. Yeah, it's really kind of a cool hand wharf type situation.

Ha ha ha. Where, you know, wharf has wharf's kind of a free wheel and a rabble rouser and this, he has a, what he has here is a failure to communicate with Tocoff. He will eat like 50 caterian eggs to win a contest. Delicious. The other big storyline in this is the teen girl that he's sweet on who he found bathing herself in the grotto.

Like, he gets closer and closer to making out with her and then figures out that she's Tocath's child. Like, she's not a Klingon. She's half Klingon, half Romulan. He goes in for some low biting and you notice this some point. You are Romulan. This is some racist shit. How could your mother mate with her Romulan? I shouldn't she?

It is an obscenity. Yeah, it's another look that is not a good look for Wharf. It's very weird. I mean, and fuck, he fell for a half human half-cling on who's the mother of his child. Like, where does he get off being so uppity about this? Yeah, I mean, she seems real young. Like, where does he get off being so uppity about this? Yeah, I mean, she seems real young. She was only six day gay so. And I sort of thought that like,

Doran's a piece to get in his beef wet in the last episode. And it was like, gonna have to get me some of that. I mean, she doesn't just seem young. She seems like naive and impressionable, Gonna have to get me some of that. I mean, she doesn't just seem young. She seems like naive and impressionable, which I think what's especially skevy about this is like, Worf was definitely not observing the campsite rule in this relationship.

He also tells her later on that he loves her. I love you. Really? What the hell is going on with television writers? Come on, Wurf. You could get to know her a little bit. Yeah, maybe go on a second date before you let that one drop.

Also, like 10 minutes before, Wurf thought she was a literal abomination. Yeah, it's weird. So we find out that Wurf is like an alt-right activist. And he has a little confrontation with Tocque who is like like Doug, Romulans and Klingons do nothing but cut each other's heads off all the time. Look at this, I've built a society where we're chilling and it's fine.

And maybe give that a chance before you, before you write it off. And like, worth attempts to escape right after this. And he like makes it over the wall. He's like almost to Lofi Haget's ship when one of the young like teen klingon boys tackles him. Just like a pretty amazing flying tackle move. It gets worth on the ground and Lofi Hoggett runs off into the frisco-leading desk light. Yeah and Wurf sort of leans up and he's got two cat basket phasers pointed at each temple. I lived a little like, come here, farmer hoggit. Yeah. That little gesture. Oh man, fun.

They really emptied out a couple of ace garden centers for this jungle chase. This set looked a lot better at night, Ben. Yeah. So you're that much. Under the harsh light of day, I mean, we're right back, we're right back on that planet where Captain Clearsill was, remember?

Yeah, the Echo Papa. Yeah. We're back on that planet, but somehow the site has moved 10 feet closer to the action. Yep. So they bring Wurf back to the camp. And they're like, look, man, you're going to have to learn to live with us, or we're going to have to kill you. And Wurf, seeing that deal on the table, is like, look, man, you're going to have to learn to live with us or we're going to have to kill you. And worth seeing that deal on the table is like, okay, well, I'll take the former and sort of sees his circumstances away to upend the hearts and minds of the prisoners as a different form of escape. Yeah.

They implant them with like a tracking, they like low jack, wharf, and like the second this happens, he walks out into the middle of the courtyard and starts doing his yoga practice. And it's kind of the mirror of the same scene in the last episode. Like he's fucking pissed and he goes out to kind of like do a little yoga to take his mind off things. And all of the team clings on and they're like, what the fuck is this guy even doing? What is going on?

All the cool teens are watching. Yeah. What do you do in nerd? Byel? Well, she comes up to him and she's like, like, I've been thinking about getting into the the athlete's leisure movement. Tell me what you're working with here, buddy. And he says, these little exercises help me center my mind. And then talk is like, hey, knock it off, asshole. Talk is the one that tackled him on his way to the shuttle. And Worf does like the, like, flip him over the shoulder move and explains. It's not just yoga, it's also the basis of Klingon combat.

Be formless, shapeless, like water. Talk seems to appreciate being made an example of in front of his friends in a way that most teens would find deplorable. Yeah. Talk's not gonna recover from that one socially. He's basically been millhouse, right? Yeah, maybe that's what motivates talk to get like way

and like the pendulum really swings for talk. Like sure does. Like he's like, well now I have to really like way in like the pendulum really swing. For talk. Like sure does. Like he's like, well, now I have to really like overcompensate and she oh, everybody would a tough guy. And like he's totally ostracized from his own people. He has no choice but to join war. Yeah. And meanwhile, by L shows war, like the secret chest of Klingon ephemera in her in her mom's bedroom. It's like I don't know knives and armor and shit and

It seems like it's sort of a pray-lood to a kinky hookup when Maduke barges in and it's like what that a weird ones. What are you doing in my weird under the bed trunk? You didn't dig too deep, did you? Go! All the ceilings are so low in this prison. Yeah. It's not quite the gilded cage that Tocaf makes it out to me. Very brutalist architecture.

Made for a different height of prisoner, probably. Yeah, Warf has to duck a couple of times because the ceilings are so low. Doesn't look super comfortable in spite of all the square footage. Warf's got one of those shitty like camp corrugated foam pads on his concrete bed. Yeah. Those things aren't comfortable. They always look more comfortable than they are. Something kind of interesting about this prison though is all the doors are like doors with handles on hinges. And the work seems fine with them.

Which is really weird because door with handle on hinge is a little bit more complicated than sliding door. But work sucks at sliding door. It's so hard to predict what will confound him when it comes to entrance and egress. She like this daughter puts on a necklace and Worf explains to her, oh yeah that's the necklace that says a girl is ready to do it. Yeah that's the cling on Horgon. Yeah and mom's walks in just in the nick of time. Yeah, saved by the bell kind of a deal. Worf on his way, he goes out into the plaza.

And he sees a bunch of klingons play like klingon horseshoes, they're like playing lawn darts and stuff like sort of party games. But much like the guy farming with like a battle ax. These things they're using in the games have like a practical, cling on historical application. Yeah, it's amazing that the Romulan prison guards have allowed the cling on to have all these weapons, right? It's not like they look at a spear and think like, oh, this would be good to like make sure a tree grows up straight.

Like a spear looks like a weapon, right? No matter what your culture is. None of the shit that the Klingons have here in this prison would get through TSA. Like everything else is bladed or super pointy or otherwise terrifyingly dangerous. Even the Hula hoop is dangerous. Yeah. And we put a little sand inside

to make the experience more pleasant. Yeah. And like Worf is like telling him all about K-Less, the Klingon Moses, and eventually he convinces talk the guy that tackled him to go on a Klingon ritual hunt with him, which takes the form of two potted ferns being pushed aside and then having, exchanging three or four words and then moving past it.

And then smash cut to like Shabbat dinner at the Klingon Rombulent Compound and Wurf and Tocke come in and Tocke has a disgusting like field dressed goat or something. Get that off my table. I thought for sure they were gonna hunt that snake that we heard about in part one.

Yeah, whatever happened to that snake. Yeah. And, and, and, talk walks in and, you know, plops it down on the, on the head table and, and Toka, there's like, get that shit the fuck out of here. That's not kosher. Yeah, really grosses them out.

He's not into it. He's eating like potato salad or something. Maybe like the, the, Romulans are like, like they're their halal and the Klingons are kosher. And so it's like similar but not really the same set of rules. I could buy that. Yeah. So this, this, this, this hunk of meat gets the Klingons really, really jacked, but the, the Romulans are all really disgusted. And then talk launches into a rousing bit of

Klingon music. And somehow all the Klingons, even the young ones, seem to know this song. Yeah, I mean, throughout this episode, we're hearing murmurs about familiarity, right? Like, in the way that the implements are vaguely familiar, but they're useless different. Like these are warrior songs. These are songs that Klingon sing to go in a battle and stuff, but they were being reappropriated as things like lullabies in this culture.

Yeah. So, you know, dinner basically is all but ruined because all the klingons are now Are now singing with with talk and uh and And toka is like War flick. Let's have a word buddy Like the teacher holds him after class. Yeah, the bell rings and everybody starts filing out. Is physics class a really appropriate place to sing that song? I don't think so.

Yeah, it's not that it's not a good song war. It's that you've got to pick your moments. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah, it's not a good song war. It's that you've got to pick your moments. Look, I don't want to have to do this, but I don't think you're going to be going to track practice this week. You can forget about going to the Mead on Friday. It's Tokaath the same guy that they delivered

the Vulcan ambassador who was secretly a Romulan spy too. You remember that guy? I do. He's like, he's like, eh, eh. the Vulcan ambassador who was secretly a Romulan spy too. You remember that guy? He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, sloppy or meant to imply that like, he's got like loaf scars. His ears look like he tried to wax them at home. And that wax was just too damn hot. He ordered some like a waxing kit off of late night infomercial.

Yeah. By the time he comes around for the civil lawsuit, the company is disappeared from the face of the earth. Can't find anybody to sue. I think we know from this and many other examples that grooming isn't very top of mine in Romulan culture. Yeah, they want to use a phlobe and never think about their look ever again. Yeah.

He doesn't have lighter hair than your average rommel. He almost looked like that human guy. I just thought it was because he was outside so much. Oh, yeah. He's got that real California blonde thing going on. Maybe he sprayed a little sun in and it hit his ear and he got like a very bad sunburn. Is that what happened?

That's the head cannon right there. Yeah. It's a head cannon right there. Yeah. It's a sun in related injury. I actually had, do you know about the Margarita burn? Adam. I do. The bike riding Margarita burn?

Yeah. Yeah. If you get lime juice or lemon juice on your skin and then go out in the sun, it can like multiply amplify the effect of the sun. And which means you got hella drunk. I wasn't even that drunk. I made a little goju to take to the beach with a big group and everybody had a little bit, but nobody got, nobody got

twisted. So, did you go into the water? Like, not even the water could rinse off the lemon and lime juice? I did go into the water, but I think it must have happened on the bike ride there, because from where we live in Brooklyn, it is a solid 58 to 60 minute bike ride to the beach. Oh boy. Yeah. And you had to get all bandaged up and stuff too, right?

Yeah. I was in a meeting at work the next week and like, somebody just like noticed it all of a sudden and was like, oh my God! New guys in the corner, Bukin is got shot. Yeah! Yeah! The hell is going on

it's like yeah, I've been my hand is looked like this for three days guys Ben speaking of the strange maladies that have buff all in you It's time to do our regular check-in. Ben, how's your chest no-bin? Check in Ben, how's your chest nobin? Oh my chest nobin, I actually have a very timely update on my chest nobin. I was at the dermatologist this morning. Whoa!

And I got some steroids injected into it. How about that? Yeah. Already going to work huh? Yeah, so is there a tingle to let you know that it's working? It's still there but does your nobunas have a mustache from the steroids? It's taking over at a- Is it dead lifting 400 pounds? It's got a lot of placements in bodybuilding and weightlifting contests around the world,

but they all have asterisk next to them. So I'm not going to be able to count on you joining the Poppers craze on YouTube. It's not going to happen. I'll watch it, but I don't think I'm ever going to contribute to it. It's kind of like porn, you know? Oh, well, that's where you and I are very different, I guess. Like Tokatsse is the kind of fabric of the little roost that he rules coming apart. And you know, it's, it's worse fault. So it gives off a deal. He's like,

we can do this the easy way, Worf, where you become dacile, like all these other klingons, and you can hang out here, and we'll let you live, and you can, I don't know, get into warrior poetry or something. All right, we'll have you put it in. We can firing squad, do you? Like, one or the other, your choice.

And Wharf to his credit, I guess, sticks to his guns, you guess, sticks to his guns. You know? Wurf chooses the data door. Yeah, and so like, he's like hanging out in his prison cell and by L comes and is like, I heard you're gonna be getting killed. Oh.

I heard about what's happening later W slash R slash T execution. Fasers set to gore. Is that right? And Worf was like yeah like here's the deal. This death is honorable whereas living here like like you guys live is not. And I'm not gonna suggest to myself, subject myself to that. Like I don't wanna die here, but that's what it's gonna have to be. And she's like, but don't you love me? For as many times as worth to their face

insults these people about their lack of culture, no one ever takes offense. Yeah. You know? Like, a, a, by L is offended at being called like a rulato. But like, no one at the camp is offended at, at warf, you know, chastising them for not practicing their culture, which I think is strange. Like, I guess as a viewer, you're supposed to see this in war of size

and you're supposed to agree with him and his take on the thing, but I just never did. Yeah, I can't believe you will say Rulado and then I get in trouble for fucking Romulan portmante's. That's the most offensive thing you've ever said on the show. Oh, boy. Yeah, you're not, I don't think you're endorsing the term,

but it is like almost a racial epithet if not full-blown racial epithet. I mean, maybe people will write in and tell you what a monster you. I love the idea that I take so much umbridge and your portmantos and like I decide to make that one mine. You're a fucking dick. If anyone deserves to use it, it's you. But I will not. Oh, you're so much better than me. Yeah. I'm trying to run a woke Star Trek podcast around here. Well congratulations.

Which longer than us at the PC It is such a strange episode It's you know like the the karate like the theory about the karate kid the Daniel son is actually the bad guy Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like that where it's like all of the kind of Direction is around worth being the protagonist, but if you step back and look at it, it's like these guys were happy and living peacefully, and like this young girl had no shame about being half Romulan, half Klingon. Like the point she makes at the end is like, listen, I don't want to go anywhere because you've made it pretty clear that all Klingons will find me repulsive and so too will all Romulans.

Like, this is the only safe space for me in the fucking galaxy. Thanks a lot, asshole. Like, thanks for exposing me to that horrible truth. Yeah, the scales of happiness have fallen for my eyes. Yeah. If this is the only episode of Star Trek, the next generation you ever saw, like you would have to believe that warf is the antagonist here. And it basically destroys this community.

It's an unlikely community and warf's presence in it is so toxic that all of the parents have to give up their children. They will not be permitted to continue to build a society here, which is an interesting experiment, right? What if Warf leaves and they just keep having this planet? Warf is like... The difference. ...rumspring in Carnot, isn't it? They walk him out into the probably too small courtyard to be believable and they're gonna do death by firing squad. Wurf has not changed out of his karate uniform the entire time, by the way. That thing has got a rick.

Yeah, like this is two missions plus running around in the jungle. Man. I thought this form of death would be pretty lame. Like, Warf is all about wanting to take the way out of the warrior and execution as that way, but to go out in a... BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM Instead of like, have knives thrown at him or something, that can't feel good. What's the deal with a firing squad?

Everybody gets a... Everybody gets a blank except for one, so you don't know if you were the one to do the murder? I thought only one person had the blank. So that everyone would have plausible deniability. That makes a little bit more sense, so you're a little bit more sure that at least a couple of the bullets are going to. Yeah, because if the one guy with the bullet missed,

that'd be rough. You hear 10 gunshots. Oh, it went through his ear. Oh. Maybe I do do it with phasers. Warf would think he's the second coming of Kaelis. Do you set all the phasers on kill, but one is on stun and then you tape over the screen

that shows what's setting they're on? It's gotta be it, right? Or like one of the baskets, one of the kitten baskets is empty. Like you can't look down, you just gotta reach into the basket. Ha ha ha ha. I have to watch this back on slow motion and see if there's gaff tape on the hand phasers that the rime-eans are using. So they totally do that I am Spartacus thing at the

end. Worf's ready to eat a couple of laser beams to the dome. They say, Worf, do you have requests and he requests a tombstone pizza. So talk bursts from stage left in full cling on regalia and like like a man in a two-heavy suit of armor, armor charges over and steps in front of Warfnies like if you kill him you will have to kill me. And then one by one, the rest of the crew steps into that side down range of the kitten basket people and are like me too. Yeah. This doesn't go over well with Tacoth.

Tacoth began the whole exercise with, look you guys, I really didn't wanna do this, but you can see, Wurf is a real miscreant. He's disturbing the piece and we've got to murder him in this town square. And then by the end, Tocoth on the direction of his Klingon wife sort of accepts the idea that, you know, the Klingon Olds deserve this fate. The Klingon Olds have accepted the terms of their imprisonment, but these kids don't deserve this.

What if the kids go back home with wharf if they promise not to ever tell anyone their deep, dirty prison secret until Koth seems to find this agreeable? Yeah, it has to be a secret both to protect the Klingons, who are the old Klingons like other families, and also to protect, I guess, the kids, like, sense of honor in their, like,

reconnecting with their larger community. It's pretty well, because like, they beam up onto the entrepreneur and Picard's like, was that all about and Worf is like Oh, yeah, like I thought I was looking for my dad, but he's dead These guys just I just happen to find them they have nothing to do with that no one survived Kittimer and Picard's like I'm picking up what you're putting down Yeah, it's a real wink wink nudge nudge

Yeah, it's a real wink, wink, nudge, nudge situation. Did you think that it was implying that Picard is assuming based on this that Moga's still alive? I didn't take it to mean that Picard's understanding was that granular. I just took it to mean that something was up on this planet and for honor reasons, Wurf can't tell him, and Picard is okay with that. Yeah, I mean, surprising though, right?

Because I mean, maybe you don't want to rap about it in the transport or bay or whatever, but Picard knows all of Wurf's dirty laundry. Yeah. Yeah, if there's one person Wurf is gonna tell, it's gonna be Picard. Yeah. So I guess Burn Victim Farmer Haga is free to patrol the galaxy.

Nothing ever happens to him, right? No, yeah, they never catch up with him. And that's the end of the episode. Did you like what happened here? I was not a huge fan of this episode. Yeah, I mean, I think that it does bad things to worst character. And while I think it's interesting, I think the most interesting, like most fertile thing to write about in this universe is the people that are really really different from humans that run their lives in a really different way.

And, you know, like this is a pretty crazy and slash unbelievable set of circumstances to get, where you have a bunch of old Klingons who are totally unredeemable from an honor standpoint, but are also like trying to live ethical and moral lives despite that. And like I think that you have to be you really have to be bringing your A game to to expand the canon on something like that. And I don't think they did. I think you could fix a lot of what's wrong with this episode by changing the way that Wurf disseminates the information. Like, to these people, Wurf is the first outside

cling on they've seen in a long, long time. And they never get a chance to ask him any questions because Wurf is just telling them everything. Like, here's what you should be. Here's what you need to be. Here's what you're obligated to be. And I'm here to tell you why. But I think some of what irks me about how Wurf conducts himself here is due to that prostalitizing instead of like having the farmers be like, man, what's it like out there? What's the cling on homeworld like? What is your deal? Like they don't get the opportunity to be curious. And curiosity is a great way to earn some

interest, like as a type of person. Like, I would be more interested in these farmers if they had any bit of that at all. But it is such a warfcentric story that there's no room for it. Yeah. The other characters are for all intents and purposes, not in this episode. Like, there are like a couple shots

with like them doing some research on where Wharf might be. Yeah, like it's it's almost entirely a Wharf episode. If you were to just read the episode capsule to this two-parter really sounds interesting and good. It's really too bad that this was this story. You know? Yeah. Well, do you want to go for a palette cleanser with a couple of priority one messages? Yeah, let's take a couple of P1 shots. Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel.

Need a supplement on top. A supplement on top? A supplement. A supplement. Yeah, it's extra. How do you interest alone? Could be enough to buy this ship. Adam looks like we've got a couple here.

The first one is from Doh, second of two. And it's to Doh, first of two. Is that spelled like the Doh or like the Deer Doh? Deo-y-G-H. It goes like this. I'm crazy spoon head-packard. I've got a damn spoon on my head, and I'm crazy! Now give me some candy.

Thwart the golden rule. Go play Frisbee outside. It's gotten to the point where I can do myself without looking damn boys always pissin in the showers happy birthday dough see you in Montana hope we meet neither grizzly nor ackspridge what what was that I was really hoping you were gonna know what that was. Cause I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is at all.

Well, this might be another one of those ones where we're getting duped into transmitting code for secret agents somewhere. I would say maybe my one takeaway from that is if a Kevin O duck bridge is going to settle somewhere in the continental United States Montana's probably the place right? Yeah, he likes it. He likes to be left alone either that or Malibu. He did like that Malibu beach home. Oh, yeah Speaking of Kevin we have a second priority one message. It is from Kevin duck bridge It is for all viewers everywhere and it goes like this About one month ago I found this broken podcast

I went in shame My hatred exploded and in an instant of grief. I've viewed every episode No, no, no. You don't understand the scope of my crime. I didn't view one episode or a hundred or a thousand. I viewed them all. All episodes everywhere. Thanks for writing in my frame. that he's aware of our existence, because that does sort of expose us to the possibility that he imagines us not existing and therefore makes it so. I love the idea of Kevin Uxbridge like slouched over a laptop, filling out a priority one message, website form. I bet he's a hunting peck type. Yeah, yeah. I had Mavis Meacon for a while, but I destroyed all Mavis Meacons everywhere.

Where are my AOL discs? I need to get on the internet. I prefer Legos or Infosync as search engines. Autofist is also good. Benefany of our viewers need to get on the internet. They don't need an AOL disk. They can go to maximumfund.org slash jumbo-tron. We're personal messages to all of our viewers everywhere.

Our $100 and commercial messages are $200. And they're just a great, great way to keep us producing this year's program. They are indeed! Hey Ben! What's that Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Drunk Shimoda! I'm gonna give mine to Toc, the teen Klingon, just a fun, a fun line read he had. When Worf suggests that they perhaps go on the ritual hunt and he spits back the hunt, we have replicators. Wurf enjoyed the pasta from part one so much

that I think that would be okay for him, right? Yeah. Ritually hunt a replicator, Wurf. How about yourself? Did you have a drunk Shimoto? I am going to give my Shimoto to Toka's wife, Jarell. And because she embodies in a couple of different ways, like how far the warrior spirit has fallen. You know, first of all, like in the trunk she keeps underneath

her bed, but maybe most of all, the pink bathrobe warriors uniform that she wears. Like, it is like... And that looked purple on my TV. Tucked purple, terry cloth robe. Yeah. Like, fully... It looks super comfy. Fully embracing like the comfort quotient of a real handsome lady. Yeah, I mean some of the younger clings on some adopted kind of like a Jedi costume. Yeah. But the old ones are really like, it's all pajamas all the time.

Yeah, they're going out in sweatpants. You're telling the world, I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable. They're living in a gated community in Florida. Like, this is not, like like they don't need to worry about presenting themselves that much anymore. We've been saying this forever, Ben. You should always try to look your best even when you're

locked inside of a Romulan prison camp. Yeah, just because you're going for the early bird at the Denys doesn't mean you don't you know, clean yourself up a little bit. It's just a sign of respect to the people around you yeah try a little harder tocahts wife the rameons are all keeping it pretty high in tight yeah the glions are just letting it all hang out now wonder there's so much racial animus between them. A Greatest Gen Live Show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre- and post-show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour.

Let's do it! The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatisGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatisGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the share your embarrassment tour. I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We get stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Naswald.

Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Kumail Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are already open. Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goatry.

Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Oh, Russ. Hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line and boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks.

But I'm hearing we need to get on this. We've got to get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, we're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different.

Have you heard of Ono Ross and Kerry? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so same like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think?

Ono Ross and Kerry, available on MaximumFun.org. Ben, what do we have coming up on the next episode? The next episode is season 6, episode 18, Starship Mine. When the entrepreneur is bombarded with lethal rays, Picard is trapped on board with a band of interstellar thieves. Do you remember this episode, Adam? This episode does not star Dennis Quaid in Lewis Gossip Junior, does it? Of course, from the hit film.

It's from Enemies. Yeah. I was going to give you a lifeline, but you already know. No, I know what movie you're talking about. The shittiest Darmak. Oh, yeah. Very, very shittie. No, this is not that.

It's more of a, like, the inside man in space. This will be, this will be an episode where we can see if this show can redeem its Star Trek is a place status for you, Adam. This is one of my favorite episodes. Yeah, it's a mountain episode for me for sure. Absolutely. Can't wait to see it, and we will. We have no vetoes, so we can't even jokingly try and cancel this one.

No jokes, you're the joke. Well, that's just about does it. We should thank our viewers who go on iTunes and leave us nice glowing reviews. That really helps get the word out about the program, helps us stay in the running for the algorithms over there at iTunes. We should thank the great people that go to maximumfund.org slash donate and contribute to the program.

Big help keeps us motivated to do this bad boy. And we should thank Adam Ruggusia for making all this great custom music for our program and Dark Materia who made the theme music for our program without even realizing he was doing it man. I think at this point our tour has been announced so if you have not caught one of the announcements go on our Facebook page or maxfund.org for info about that. I think tickets should be on sale if not already sold out. That would be great. That would be great.

Get them well, they're hot. Get them well, we're hot. We sold out our last tour much more quickly than we expected, so if you see that tickets are still available for a show and you can get it, get to it, snap them up, don't waffle on it, you know. Yeah, I mean, it's not just salesmanship. Like, we sold out, I think, four dates of the first tour we ever did, and I think an hour and a half. Yeah, and then people were really fisted us rightfully so because we didn't really get it. He heads up about when they were going online.

Right. So, that was our bad, sorry. Can't wait to see everyone out on the road. That's for sure. It's going to be fun. Indeed. Well, with that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek, the Next Generation.

And an episode of the greatest generation that's trying to mimic Make it sound. Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture, Artistone Listener Supported you