The Greatest Generation - May the Fourth…Suck It (DS9 S6E12)

Episode Date: May 4, 2020

When everyone’s favorite barfly goes to Lurian Sto’Vo’Kor, Quark secures the funeral contract, not to mention the estate of the deceased. But when he starts getting blasts from Morn’s past, he wishes he could go back to getting blasts from the hammer. How many denominations of gold pressed latinum exist? Why doesn’t Morn look human? How do you open a bank account with puke? It’s the episode where paying a teen really backfires. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia  Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

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I'm Adam Pranico. I'm Ben Harrison. Do you know what today is? Ben, why is today different from all other days Adam? Because it's inescapably May the fourth. No shit. It is. Which means everyone is saying the phrase that pays today. Yeah. The, uh, that I, I can only imagine what social media feeds are, are looking like,

of course, we're recording this way back in April, but if you're in Spain and you say it the way a Castilian word, is it just like, that's how everyone says it there. Right? It's a, you know, they speak English, but just with a list. We've always said that, Ben. Star Wars really pissed me off recently. Oh, uh, how did it do that? How, what is, can you enumerate the many ways it's disappointed you? I decided I wanted a new video game to play because I was bored of all my old video games.

And I put up a tweet asking for suggestions. And again, that's also, I just want to say, a terrible idea. Probably the biggest ratio I've ever gotten on Twitter. And mostly very helpful, but I specifically said I wanted an older game that wasn't $60, because I didn't want to spend $60 on a game. It's really the magic number. Yeah, so a game that happened to be on sale when I asked this question was a game called Jedi fallen order,

I think. And it's like a, it's like kind of Tomb Raider style game where you're kind of, there's, there's a lot of like jumping and grabbing onto a ledge and shooting me. You're booby Indiana Jones. Yeah. But, but like that, that style of adventure game where you're it's a third-person game and you're like Going into dungeons and solving puzzles, but there's also quite a bit of um, you know Jumping and swinging off of a vine or whatever. What's this called again? Jedi fall in order is it is it's sort of like uncharted except Star Wars? Very, very similar to uncharted in terms of gameplay. And I started this game on like the second hardest setting. There are four difficulty levels available.

And I set it on the one up from the bottom in terms of level of difficulty. Because I'm not a great video game player, but I also don't want it to be on baby mode. And the middle one is where you want to be most often. Yeah, normal. Like if there's three, I always pick normal, not easy, not hard.

And I picked like, since there were four, I picked the one in the lower half of normal. And I found the game to be very challenging for me, and I was getting killed way too often. My guy kept dying. And so, at a certain point, I realized like, okay, I need to like level my guy up a little bit to advance in this game.

You clearly didn't spend enough time picking herbs and stuff. There's not a lot of herb picking. There's a very, very small amount of herb picking in this game. And so I just switched it down to easy mode. I put it on baby mode. And I was starting to have a little bit more fun in the game and I was like, okay, like I think my guy is strong enough now and I switched it back to second from the bottom mode. I'm 10, 15 hours into the story on this game and I

have gotten to a boss where I cannot beat this boss, like, like, the boss is way, way stronger. And the problem is like, in baby mode, the bosses are all very easy to kill and in, in slightly harder than baby mode, they're impossible to kill. And I- Yeah, instead of granularity and difficulty. And I can't go back to an earlier save so I'm just stuck I'm I'm stuck at a too hard boss. Oh no. Yeah and it's like and it won't let me change the setting when I'm in the boss fight and I respawn in the boss fight. Oh you pop up right in there. Yeah so I'm I'm very pissed off at this stupid game.

I'm you you respawn inside the locker that you were stuffed into. Yeah, exactly. I'm angry at the people that suggested I play it. I'm angry at the people that made the game. I feel like I want to like pay a teen five bucks to come over and beat this boss for me, but I can't. I can't have teens in my house. We're quarantined right now.

Yeah, I mean, paying teens is not a good look no matter how you chop it up. No, it's always bad. It always backfires on me when I pay teens. It frequently has. Yeah. So, yeah, Star Wars is in the dog house right now and made the fourth suck it.

Pfft. right now and made the fourth suck it. Well, there you have it. One of the great marons on a greatest generation episode. Thank you very much, Ben. You're welcome. Yeah, I just had to get that off my chest. Angry at Star Wars. Wow. Well, I was I was sad for a long time at Star Trek as I watched this episode of Deep Space Nine. What do you say we get into season six episode 12? Who mourns?

For mourn. You mourning for mourn for me? Yeah, we should do a sidecar podcast that is just about this episode It's you me and Adam Scott and just talking about this episode and the limited series are you mourning for mourn? Are you mourn? Morne? Do you realize how many credible this is? No, of course you don't. This episode opens with Odo yelling some stuff at Morne. Morne?

He's got a shipment of Levenian Beats. And you know that Levenians make the fattest beats. He's got a shipment in Cargo Bay 3 and the shipment does not go well. It's rotting. Why is this Odo's job? Odo works the docs. I guess so. It seems like Odo sometimes has a lot of security dudes that work for him and other times

is the only person that can go, maybe Odo just like grabbed this gig because he knew it would get him over into quarks and he wanted to keep an eye on quark anyways. That's what I believe. I also want to believe that there's some fallout from what happened during the brief occupation after the occupation where maybe there's an insurrection among his employees, maybe they just don't want to be unbeat duty. Ha ha ha ha.

Uh, seems, seems possible. I noticed that, uh, a hollow mourn because this does turn out to be a hologram of mourn. It's a hologram. Hollow mourn looks like he's drinking some tequila. Yeah. Yeah, a man after our own heart. Hollow Moran loves that agave stuff.

Hollow Moran's been in the bar for two weeks because it feels like a place people want to gather whenever he's around. This is a feeling you and I know nothing about. But the case that Quark makes is that the bar is more popular and it's bared out statistically. Like, he loses profit if Morn's not there.

The sales take a 20% shit when Morn is not around, apparently. And this makes me think that Quark's business model has a profound flaw. Like if he is relying on one customer for 20% of his business, like he needs to get like a key man insurance policy on mourn. I understand the disappointment that he is describing though. Like when I go to my local and my favorite bartender isn't there, that kind of stings. Yeah.

You know, it's not the same. But you also don't want to be the guy that like goes to the bar and goes like, Hey, is Jeremy working? You don't want to be that guy. And so I'm not. You don't want the bartender to be put in a position of giving you bad news. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the idea of a hollow mourn is made uncomfortable pretty quickly here because when DAX enters the bar she is momentarily horrified by what she's seen. And that's because the news she's there to deliver is that his cargo ship was caught in a storm and mourn is dead.

Cisco says turn it off to the to quark, like turn off the hologram. And I thought it was an interesting choice that they don't show the hologram switching off. Yeah. I kind of feel like that would be like a really dark thing for the Baltic experience, right? Like, yeah. Looking at this. Like the end of Tasha Yars funeral. Yeah, when she sort of phases away. Yeah, like I I understand why they didn't show it, but I also think that like there was an interesting

idea to explore there which is like you can live in a world where the perfect physical representation of the person that just died can where the perfect physical representation of the person that just died can stay sitting at the bar for as long as you want, but we're not going to, because that's disrespectful. I don't know,

it was like an interesting future tech, like moral implications of future tech question that I had. You know, your description of that made me think of that commercial. I want to say it was like 10 years ago, there was a Super Bowl commercial where there was like a vacuum cleaner company and Fred Astaire was dancing with the vacuum cleaner. Oh yeah. And there was a big to do about it because it raised all sorts of questions about how appropriate it is to use the, whether or not it's approved by the family or not, to use dead actors in either films

or commercial properties. Yeah. And it seems related to this thing that quark might have to confront here shortly upon the death of a beloved patron. You know, this is a very short cold open in this episode. I think we go to commercial at like the minute and 45 second mark or something like that. Yeah. Really bracing. And I thought that like if they wanted to, you know, like that's not always true, right? Like the cold open can be up to four minutes

or something like that. So what if they had quirk through a switch and then them all like re-contemplate the death of Moran in that moment? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, this is our bummer cast about death. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Welcome to Star Trek bummer cast. It's what we're all thinking about. I'm Adam Pryanaka. I've been Harrison. They held a memorial also in the bar, a very cheers choice. Yeah. For a very cheers character.

I love seeing everyone appreciate him in their own way. There are like the many vectors of Morn. A parent here, you know, like you touched everyone's lives. It's great. Yeah, and like lots of, you know, lots of main cast characters, but also lots of other characters. Like the, there's discussion as people are walking to the bar of like what, what more meant to them.

There's a lot of like mourn retcons. He sparred with wharf. He had hair once. Everybody's bringing food because the lurian custom is you bring food so that the dead can like go into the afterlife with a lot of stuff to eat, I guess. Yeah. Lurian stove Accord is, is one big buffet, right? can like go into the afterlife with a lot of stuff to eat, I guess. Yeah, Lurian Stovacore is one big buffet, right? Yeah, and no Star Trek buffet would be complete without a big roasted turkey, so that is definitely there

at Quark's bar. And it's a pretty quick little memorial service. Quark is the only one that speaks. This was his home. I want to say before Quark said anything, I was totally setting myself up for like mourn-faking his own death and this being like a two-pock, Mac-of-L-E thing. Like I was immediately suspicious, but what totally threw me off that scent was when Quark

eulogizes Morn so passionately and sincerely. It's an incredible tribute, and it totally made me believe that he was dead. Yeah, I think that the episode has some fun with that, right? Because every time Odo interacts with Quark before then, you don't believe that Warren is dead, but then when Quark does that speech, you're like, Warren is in fact dead. For sure, yeah. I don't know, yeah, like it kind of felt like season one,

Odo and Quark dynamic, but it's so much richer in this episode because of the twists and turns. Yeah, it really is. Morn was always someone we could count on for a cheerful smile. Has been given this ask of unceiling Morn's will. Like he's the executor of the will. Is that what we're made to understand?

I imagine that that falls to a civil servant in a case where they don't have somebody preordained in that way. So... Yeah, that makes sense actually. If you don't know where else it should go, you just send it to the captain of the station to deal with. And so Cisco has unsealed that will and it turns out he's left everything to Quark. This is great news for Quark because right before his surprisingly touching eulogy Quark was complaining to anyone who would listen about the fact that more and left a pretty big unpaid bar tab and one thing that is revealed in

this episode is that more and is on a monthly plan with Quark's bar, where he just settles up for his entire month of drinking at the end of every month. That is terrifying to me. If I was on a monthly plan with a bar, I would get myself in big trouble, I think. Yeah, I think so too. I'm definitely glad that I have to square up

at the end of every night. Remember when I said I'd have to send away the NASA to calculate your botan? But the estate is not as rich as Quark initially suspects, right? Yeah, I mean, the suspicion is that Morn is loaded because he can afford his prodigious drinking habit. Right. Among other reasons. voted because he can afford his prodigious drinking habit. Among other reasons.

His drinking habit that has prodigious as other things about him. Right. Quirk is having this conversation with Odo in Odo's office about like why doesn't Morn have like a big bank account or anything? And Odo suggests, well, maybe all of his assets were tied up in inventory

because this guy had an import export business. Born was a mover and a shaker. He wasn't just a bar fly. He had interests. He's an import and export. He's an import or export. He's the CEO who spends every day of the week at the golf course. Right.

He's that guy. Yeah, and they run down to the cargo bay to check out what more may have left in terms of illiquid assets. And all he has is four of those big rubber-made storage containers full of rotting beets. He's going to have a hell of a time turning the beets around. Ben. Wow. Those look to me like they might be some block rotten beets. Hold on, do I have a third? Quark should really not take custody of those beats. He should let those beats drop. Alright, there's my three.

I'm done. That was good. That was a good roll of three out of. Gold to cotton. Gold to cotton. So, totally disappointed is Quark that this might be it. He's got hope though. This can't be it, right? So, Odo is like, be it. He's got hope though.

This can't be it, right? So, Odo is like, well, maybe he's got something in his quarters. We've never seen what the inside of Morn's quarters are. Surely there would be wealth beyond all imagination in there. And so, when they go into Morn's quarters, they realize the dark secret he's hidden all along

Morn is a hot tub guy. He's a, use your entire quarters for a hot tub guy. Yeah. You put a hot tub in your living room? And it's not just a regular hot tub, it's a mud hot tub. You never want to put a hot tub in an apartment. Like for mold reasons, that's, that's really asking for trouble. Yeah, like if, like, more than as a cheers guy,

but if he had been a sign felt guy, he would have learned this a long time ago. Uh huh. Yeah, the only two things in Warren's quarters are this hot tub and a, uh, and like a velvet painting of a matador. And this is a great disappointment to Quark, who Odo leaves to soak up the disappointment.

And once Odo leaves, a head pops up from the mud. Cause this is like, this is Morn's bed. Morn sleeps in mud. It's like, keeps his skin so clear, right? Yeah, that's why he looked so great. Yeah. You're just supposed to sit here. And his head pops up.

This is a, a topless babe with a little bit of headloaf. I feel like this is the same type of headloaf as the Suckdisk game perver. Good call. What is this? It's a game. Yeah, they were cycling the loaf here. I don't know.

You know, I want to wipe out the inside of that loaf with a lice all. Yeah. Rage or something. But yeah, she says, she says, she's Morn's ex-wife. This comes as a big surprise to Quark who didn't realize that Morn had been married. One of the one of the Bretcons that we've I guess heard before about Morn, but never

seen any evidence of is that he's a real chatty Kathy. He he will talk anyone's ear off if they give him a second of their time. And it's surprising that a guy that likes to shoot the breeze as much as Warren is reputed to have would never have let slip that he was once married. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't surprised that this woman would be married to Warren at one time. I mean, look at how long she can hold her breath. You're gonna have to do that to satisfy Warren.

Quark is excited to meet her. He says, I too like to go swimming with mud covered women. Is that a shanty song? Yeah, that's a great famous C-shanty. Uh huh. LaRale tells Quark that mourn Adam. L'Areal, Adam. You should not care what anyone sees when they look at you.

On that subject, only my opinion matters. Do you think she's named after the former chancellor of the Klingon Empire? Yeah, I think I do. It's a great name. It's a good, strong name. The lot of history. Yeah, she calls it Mourney, too.

That's cute. history. Yeah, she calls it morning too, that's cute. Yeah, yeah. We don't really trust LaRale right away because she wants to talk about money almost immediately, right? That's a bad sign. She wants to get in on that sweet, sweet inheritance and Quark has to disabuse her that there is any inheritance and she's like, you're nuts.

It's for sure, it's for sure, out there somewhere, he just made it hard to find. And I'm gonna help you find it. And then we're gonna split it. Quark is like cool. I'm gonna start by vacuuming out this hot tub because maybe it's at the bottom of it. That's sort of the liquid bed version of hiding your money

and your mattress, I guess. Yeah. They really did a good job with this scene. There's no, you know, how like when you see the golden lake or you see many of the auto liquid effects, it's clear that it's an effect. Yeah. But there is no mistaking the reality of the mud inside this jacuzzi and it being slurped through this pool tool that they're using. It's great.

Yeah, I liked it. It would have been, it would have been a really fun reveal for there to be a big pile of gold at the bottom of that. Yeah, yeah. Because what we're talking about, I think this is the first time we've heard of this denomination, but a thousand bricks of gold press latinum, an unthinkable amount of money. Yeah, we've got slip, strip, bar, and brick. Those are the denominations. I feel like it's annoying.

It would have to be annoying that three of them are very similar sounds, slip strip brick. Like, it's only a strip of platinum. What? A brick? What? You run into that all the time. Yeah, the banks are very confused by this.

Yeah. Do you think 24th century banks have platinum counters like bill counters and the sound of putting a stack of bricks in them is just like the loudest thing you could, it's like a cement mixer filled with rocks. Do you think that there are guys at like really high end 24th century casinos that have those belt, those belt attachments that have the like little dividers for different denominations of Latinum. I do.

Except for their huge, because it's got to accommodate bricks in addition to strips and bars. I think we understand this a little later in the episode, but there's a proportionality to the size of the Latinum that has to do with how many drops are inside it. Because I think it's dax that says this a little later, like there was a time when people used to pay each other with a dropper. Yeah. And such was the value of the latinum as currency that they began

suspending the latinum inside worthless gold. Worthless is a modifier that is always attendant to the word gold in this episode because the episode needs you to know that no one in the 24th century cares about gold. I really like the backstory to money here in a big way. It was great and it was super efficiently told too. So LaRelle pulls out all of the sexy lady tricks on Cork. She's fondling his earlobes. She's really playing

full court press on that dick in order to convince him to cut her in on this huge pile of money once he gets his hands on it. And he's, I guess persuaded pretty quickly by this. I think part of it is that, oh I guess he wants to stay, he doesn't want to get into litigation with her, right? Right. I could contest the will and tie you up in court for years. Right, he wants to avoid the mess of litigation,

but there's also a sense that for as many people, as there are on the station that know and knew more and very few really knew him that well. Like he was a guy who was around that did things with people, but L'Areal seems like a source of information about him that is valuable at this point, Quark, who still doesn't have a good path toward that money. Right. And so they've gone in league with each other and and court downloads a lot of this to

Dax over a game of tango. And I thought that this was a funny scene because Dax is kind of dragging Quark for being so susceptible to the the guile of a woman and and just believing her because she's a pretty face and illustrating the point by kicking his ass in tango while being a beautiful woman. I mean, who would know better about the power of feminine leverage than Dax who's known it from both sides? Yeah, nobody would. I don't know, but there's something I don't like about this whole thing.

So Quark heads back to his apartment after losing his shirt to DAX. It's quite the opposite of what he was hoping would happen. He gets back into his room. He sees that someone is there, but the lights are real low. And he assumes it's going to be a sexy, a sexy visitor in the form of LaRelle. But, uh, but then this person turns around and it's a creepy green alien. What a pleasant surprise. We never know the species name of these guys,

but they immediately became some of my favorite characters ever on the show. They have a kind of kindness that is extremely hostile. Yeah, I think they come from planets slow-talk, because they always, they they always very deliberate about every word that comes out of their mouth. They feel especially written, right? Yeah, they are former business associates of Morn, who, to whom he owed quite a bit of money.

1000 bricks of gold pressed platinum. I had a feeling you were going to say that. And they're coming to collect on this debt from the estate. And as the executor of the estate, they would like Quark to square this up. Of course, they don't have any documentation of the loan, but it just happens to be 1,000 bricks of platinum that they want.

So Quark does a pretty good job in negotiating that number down off of the entire 1000 bricks. They settle for half. Do you think it's pretty good? 30% that's fair. I meant 33. I mean, it's good for these dudes. You know, they're getting pennies on the dollar

for what they loaned out, but it gets them a lot closer to being made whole, I guess, than they would otherwise. But we're also keeping our mental tally of what Quirks piece of the pie is, and at this point, he's down to 40% of total, I guess. Yeah, I mean, a weaker script would have telegraphed the ending being quark, being in hawk

to so many people that he gets nothing. Right, yeah. And I also think a weaker script would have made these guys more obviously, like made the lie more obvious. They happen to feel like they're owed this money and that feels like the lie more obvious, they happen to feel like they're owed this money. And that feels like the lie rather than what the real lie is. Because the, I mean, this money is supposed to have come, like the, the, the thousand bricks in question are supposed to be from the Lissepi and lottery winnings that, that more than

one. And so this, like, you feel like this is a lie in that they probably didn't, in fact, loan him money or this amount of money. Or like the lie is just, it's too convenient that it happens to be 1,000 bricks, specifically, not that they like are part of a heist that stole this amount of money. Everybody needs money. That's why they call it money. It's interesting that it's the number that's suspicious and not the people

because when you're quark, you can't do background checks on the people that he's interacting with. He's put in a really interesting circumstance where he sort of has to believe these people until he's given a reason not to. And he has to wear that painting around his neck until they leave the room. Right. One of Moore's most treasured possessions. But when he takes it off of his neck, he finds that in inside of the fabric upon which the Matador was painted, there is an isolinear chip. What do you think is on it?

It's a claims slip, Adam, for a storage locker in the station assay office. The money's gotta be in there then, right? Yeah. People who are really sad about the donkey booted hanshu being destroyed in the last episode are gonna be really excited to see what the assay office is.

Yeah, as excited as those people are, is how disappointed Quark is that he has to have this box opened in the security office with Odo watching. Yeah. It's the rules. I mean, there is like the potential for gloating here because Quark would like Odo to see him suddenly become very wealthy, but that's not what happens because the lock box that's up is decidedly micro in size.

Yeah, I mean, Morn could even fit the tip of his penis inside this. Well, sometimes good things come in small packages. It's a real treasure hunt though, because it's just the one brick, but inscribed on the brick isn't an account number and the name of a bank. So quarks, adventure continues. It's a wild Latinum chase. I'm going to contact the bank and let them know Morn's legal air, what like is Latinum delivered

as soon as possible. Quark is super buoyant when he runs in the laryl and she tries seducing him again. And he again, capably turns her down and then heads for the lift and that's where he realizes that he's been pickpocketed. He's got a light touch. It's what he likes. And she's making a play like I need to motivate you to find this money. And he's like, I am the greatest character on this show. You don't need to worry

about that. Yeah, look at me. I'm turning down sex for money. Yeah, like that hot tub scene where she like, you know, like the camera cuts to the reverse angle and she brings the boobs up out of the mud. Yeah. So that he can see them. She dumps them under the side of the hot tub. He is not distracted by them at all. Because they're already onto the subject of money. And do you think when you're a forangi, you're dissentatized to nudity

because that's just what you see all the time? That's interesting. I don't know, because the Ferengies are always also so horny. Like, LaWoxana could always get out of a pickle with a Ferengy in charge of a starship by touching the ears a bit, you know? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. You know what they should have brought is like a little kid to say, I want the gold press platinum. I want it. No, no, no, no, no. That gets for Angus moving. Quark isn't too upset by the idea of the brick being lifted from him because he remembers the account number.

And so he's doing that thing where he's trying to remember his locker code by just repeating it over and over. He's saying it out loud to himself to commit it to memory when the two green aliens crowd onto the elevator with him, preventing him from getting off. And terrorize him with their politeness. My brother has something he wants to say to you. One of them slams him up against a wall and holds him there while the other apologizes

for breaking a painting over his head. It's great. Yeah. I love it. No art feelings. That's nice of you to be so forgiving, Quark. Don't mention it. So they let him go, satisfied that their apology has been

accepted and Quark accepted at gunpoint. Right. Quark still remembering the account number. We have B4392. Goes back to his quarters and begins to contact this bank. And that's when a weapon is put to his back from off screen. Making withdrawal pork? Let me guess.

A thousand breaks of gold pressed Latin. This is a security official from the Lurian home world, which is what mourn is. So I had a question, is this guy also a Julian? And if that's true, what the fuck happened to mourn? It's not also a Julian, because you don't dare cover up Gregory Izzin's face and make up. You let that thing see the light of the set.

He's one of the all time that guys, isn't he? He really is. He's in a thousand things. A lot of Star Trek things. Yeah. Yeah, and again, for as many Star Trek things as he's in, they don't cover his face. No. He always looks great.

I think he may be a lurian and lurians look like humans and Morin is just a very fucked up one. Morin pickled himself in the muddy hot tub, huh? Yeah, yeah, that's my that's my theory. Until we see another lurian. So this guy with the gun is named pain and he's lurian security and he has come carrying an extradition request for quark. Yeah, quark has in big trouble with with the Lurian government because he... He seems very official. Yeah, he was trying to receive this stolen property, and Quark is like, what the fuck are

you talking about? It's lottery winnings from the Lissepi and lottery, and Hane actually disabuses Quark of this. It was actually the money that was given to Morn as the crown prince of Luria. Morn? What's a prince? You didn't know? So much about this reads as credible.

I think part of it is Gregory Itzen. I think another part of it is like someone with a uniform and a weapon using political and legal nomenclature like reads as credible, right? I guess so, like, I wondered, I wondered from the other side, like if I was this guy and I wanted to go convince Quirk to give me this pile of money,

like would I come up with a gambit like this, would I be like, okay, I'm gonna put on this type of cop outfit and go like stick a gun in the back of his neck and explain it this way. Right. What I, like, it's a very complicated scheme. And it only gets more complicated when he realizes that the two green guys and LaRelle are also on the station. Right. Quark keeps telling this guy more and more bad news. It's a great moment because Vag explaining himself quark is is a weaving the

story together in front of him and Hayne does not like what he's seeing. We've got the ex-wife, the brothers involved and Hayne is like, you know what, I think I can take care of the rest of these folks, but you need to keep trying to call the bank and I'm going to I'm going to work these other angles. Yeah. So, of course, it was out of the kind of trouble he was in before, but he's now going to basically turn state's witness and get a 10% payout for helping this dude apprehend these criminals. Yeah. And it's just really taking a dive.

Yeah, but it's still a big ol' pile of money, right? It's still more than we've ever heard him talk about. Ten bricks. Ten percent of the bricks. Oh, that's right. Ten percent of a thousand is a hundred, so it's a hundred bricks. Yeah. It's a big number.

I just did that thing that one of the, uh, one of those green aliens do. They get the math wrong. It's okay. That's the kind of metahumor that people come to expect from this show. Yeah, that's good stuff. It was pre-planned. At Quark's Bar O'Brien, this fucking spectacular is working at the bar, like doing engineering there.

Fixing a giga, an electronic relay or something. They're keeping more in seat warm. Like the culture of Quarx Bar has agreed that somebody has always got to be sitting in that seat in honor of mourn now. And O'Brien is pulling a shift by doing some of his routine work at Quarx. I thought that this was kind of an interesting scene because it's just a quick

little interaction between Bashir and O'Brien about that. I'm keeping Morn's chair warm. Good man. But it seems to sort of be there to establish that the Starfleets are totally oblivious to all of these shenanigans and hijinks that Quark is involved with. But doesn't really the two characters that I would think would be clued in on what Quark is up to? Yeah, this is a strange scene for that reason exactly. I thought at least one of them would look down at Morn Sea and see that it had a pronounced bowl shape to it and kind of a horseshoe configuration where the front is cut out.

It's like when Homer gets up from the couch, and you see that he's carved a groove in it. My groove! His bar stool looks like the impression of a horseshoe crab, right? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Or just like there were where there's normally two divots for legs.

There's three on morns. You know, just to make it more comfortable. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we really need like all these little details about morns dick are things that we want. They're sadly omitted from this episode. I like the spirit behind morn seat. Well seat will always be warm though. That feels good. That seems like the the future version of the plaque of today that you find at a bar memorializing.

Even love it patron. Love for his wit and his dawn. Morn sat here. Later on Quark finds the rel in his quarters and then it's like assembly line lock picking. Like, he's in there and then more people are picking the locks and then that's the brothers who enter and then the door chimes again in its hand. You should invest in a better lock. And now we get the promise, we get the payoff of what had been hinted at before. Everyone's in the same room. Yeah, all of these guys are looking for the same magical, big round number of bricks of platinum. And now they're all in the same room together.

And the money is on its way, right? Like there's a, there's a Boolean transport coming from Bollius where it was in the bank. And they've gotta, they've gotta whack it up. But what becomes clear here is that everyone in the room knows everyone else and immediately quirk believes himself to be the victim of a very, very terrible game at his expense,

at his very literal expense. The scale sort of fall from his eyes and what becomes clear is that these guys were sort of a from his eyes. And what becomes clear is that these guys were sort of a crime, syndicate, essentially, more than these people pulled an Italian job together. And now they're all trying to kill each other for 100% of the loot.

Right. Right. This big heist had a statute of limitations that expired two weeks prior. The timing couldn't be better. The timing couldn't be better, and as far as anyone knows, the money is still there to be whacked up. So if one of them can eliminate the rest of them, they can get the whole amount.

Right. Right, they decide instead of killing Quark to keep him alive so that he can accept the payment for them. And so chopping it up five ways doesn't seem that like that bad of a deal because that's how they would have chopped it if more and more alive. Right. And that means 250 bars to everyone. Thousand breaks of Latin and split five ways.

Right. We cut to the bar, like, he's the thing, like, the transport is on its way, but what are they going to do in the time that it takes for the transport to get there? They can't let each other out of their sights. So they go to the bar where the four are on the rail and quirk is behind the bar, just chilling. Yeah, they're just keeping an eye on each other. so nobody can, you know, get the drop on the rest of them and run off with this money. There's no honor among thieves, right?

It's the subtle Mexican standoff we get literally later. Yeah. And they sort of use this time to talk about more. Like the painting of Morn is still there. They talk about how weird it was that Morn sat where he sat as a thief because he always had his back to the door. Yeah. Yeah, he's not a Jason Morn, that's for sure.

I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. Well, he always had like a shiny teapot in front of him. So he was like looking in the reflection and sizing everyone up that way. Morn can run 10 miles flat out without getting winded. He can he can fuck four women at once for like three days straight without getting tired. At this altitude anyways. Yeah. three days straight without getting tired. At this altitude anyways.

It's great. Oh, it comes in and he's like, what gives? Why is the bar closed? What suspicious ass shit are you up to, Quark? And Quark explains it as we're, uh it as we're we're old friends of mourn, we're just commiserating in here and the bars closed while we do that, which is like the least plausible lie, right? Like the idea that quirk would differ commerce for sadness. What's interesting about this scene is that it's so related to the scene a little bit earlier where Quart does something physical to tip off someone that something bad has happened

and that doesn't work. And in this instance, by telling exactly the truth to Odo, that's the thing that should raise the suspicions. Right. Like, there's no substitute for you here. It's great. Yeah. Yeah.

They get the word that the shipment has arrived. They head down to the cargo bay. There was some talk of just severing Quark's thumb from him, but they didn't think that the people working in the cargo bay would let them take custody of the shipment by pushing a bloody thumb against a pad. This is not Star Trek Picard.

This isn't a show that prescribes due dismemberment as a form of storytelling. Yeah, but they get this thing, they open it up. And it's like one of those rubber-made tubs that you get for putting dog food. Really is. With the angled opening. Yeah. So you can scoop it out. And it's just full of fucking gold bricks, man.

It looks great in there. It's so full of gold bricks, it makes its own light inside. We have it. Here we have it. And then we get our Mexican standoff. Uh-huh. Wee! Uh-huh.

What a predicament. Everybody pulls guns on everybody. The brothers, the green guys are even pointing guns at each other. I love this scene because you hear it. You don't see it. It's dirty work, right? Yeah. Yeah, because they start licking shots. and I think it's like one of the brothers

that fires the first shot, but like we see like two beams go by before quirk jumps into the box and then it's all sound design. Go ahead, kill each other. I love it. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. Odo flips the lid open after he has taken everyone into custody and he finds Quirk in there.

Quirk is, Quirk believes himself to now be the sole owner of the giant pile of money. But it turns out that this is not as valuable as he thought because it's just worthless gold, Adam. It's fool's Latinum. It crumbles up in his hands. He must be really strong to break gold like that, right? Yeah, because it kind of turns into gold sand. Yeah.

I guess the idea is that it's like, it's liquid droplets that are sort of like suspended within a lattice of gold. Is how gold press latinum works. So if you don't have the droplets, it suddenly becomes very fragile. Yeah, like gold is. Why wouldn't it be fragile with the latinums suspended

if the latinum is still liquid? The gold of today doesn't have latinum in it, and it's very hard. It's not that hard, it's one of the softer metals. Yeah, but could you break a gold bar, like a, could you rip one open like a phone book? Mm, that me. Yeah.

Sure, somebody in Jim Shimoda probably could. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Quark is super bummed. There's nothing here but worthless gold. And it's all yours. He thought it was going to be rich, but he's not. Turns out he's not. And the one viable bar made it, you know, got sent away with LaRelle. So he's back to cleaning his bar a disappointed man and he catches sight of Mornzold's spot at the bar and he gets angry at the seat. He's trying to rip the seat out of the floor Yeah, you know that thing is has got extra support under it. You can't just rip that thing out of the floor No, the thing is well bolt's got extra support under it. You can't just rip that thing out of the floor.

No, the thing is well bolted in in order to keep it upright when all that swinging presumably takes place. Right, there's a there's a pendulous effect happening. Now there's a pendulous effect happening near the top, which means we're going to have to use these large anchor bolts at the bottom. If we're not careful and don't over-engineer this seat, the Fulcrum at the base will bend and eventually break, causing injuries. Now you want to tighten these bolts much like you would the lug nuts on an automobile, in a star-shaped pattern going crosswise. We're waiting for the local safety inspector to come sign off on this work

and then we can cover it over with our floor covering. This is a great reveal this month. Odo comes in and he's like, you're not going to believe this. You're not going to believe what I have with me. And then steps back to reveal the man. The myth. The mourn. He faked his own death.

And he's like, hey there, Quark. Good to see you. Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Yeah, da da da da da da. Anyways, he is 10% of the loot. I have it in the form of BARF. He is Gilbert Gottfried voice. It turns out. What a reveal.

I hate all of the Ladna men. It's been in my second Stamack! Give me a shot glass. I'm gonna give you a little bit. Give me a shot glass. I'm going to give you a little bit. Mark Allen Shepherd plays Morn and he famously has an unmoving face and almost cement-like face. He's only acting with his eyes. You see a look come over him that is only in the eyes before he spits the Latin amount that looks like a guy about to throw up. I don't know how Mark Allen Shepherd does this, but you can see nausea in those tiny eyes.

Yeah. It's a magic trick that I love. It's very disturbing. It looks like a digital liquid, too, right? Yeah. But it looks good. It looks really good. What kind of glass is this? This is a,

this looks like a tennis. Forge old glass. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, it's what you want to drink your Latin amount of. So like an ounce and a half of Latinum is equivalent to a hundred bars because this is the 10% of the of the loot that he gives quirk. He knows how many ounces he can produce. Right. You do not want to turn that thing over in the glass washer and put that glass back in service. That's going to be a big mistake. The amount of nerves I had over Quirk like stumbling with this glass and sending it flying across the room were pretty high. I want to know what happens to this. Yeah, is Quirk going to be a rich man for the rest of the series? The episode's over at this point, and so you don't know, but I also want to know what

actually happens to this liquid Latinum. What does he do? Where does he put it? How does he make sure it's safe? He's got that crate full of gold down there in the cargo bay. Maybe you can like constitute a hundred bars out of that. Yeah, a lot of things we don't know about that latinum, but one thing we need to decide right now, did you like the episode bin? I did like the episode. It was a, you know, an episode that deals with death,

but that isn't a huge bummer, which I appreciated right now. Yeah. And I quirk centric episode that has lots of hijinks, but isn't dumb and insulting to my intelligence, which I also appreciated. Like, I think this is not a guarantee for sure. This is like goofy start trick at its best, I think. Yeah.

They really got the tone right here. And there are many examples of quirk centric episodes where that does not work at all, the tone and the comedy, but they really did it right here. And I think part of it is because they aren't trying to be funny, they're allowing the circumstance to be funny instead of writing dialogue to be funny or something, you know? Right, they're not writing like big J jokes.

Yeah. They're just letting the characters be themselves and the funniness of those characters shine through. Right. Yeah, I liked it a lot too. You know what else I like at him is priority one messages. Do you wanna see if we have any in the inbox? I got to do that.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel Stoppolo Yeah, it's extra the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship And we have a couple of p1s here the first one is of a personal nature. It is from Brady The Greenbiker, Megatron, and White Noise, the Death Death Cat, also fuck. And it is too, Benny Bois, that spelled B-O-I, Atom, that spelled ATOM,

Jen Roddric, Roddurk, and the F-O-D, and the rest of the fugging world. I'm detecting drunken P1 here. It's really taking all the characters from every possible box, right? It goes like this. Confragulations. If you am re-addering this, you have survived another taxier under Trump. A Klingon wedding ain't doing my homies, so from Finlanders in America, what loves ya?

Wikisimo Semana Hayaha, best sniper ever. Sobermecaas turn go. We have tied the knot. Fat hair baby approves this merger and has designated Brady as tonight's drunk Shimoda. I'm actually gonna revise this. I'm wondering if this was dictated to like speech to text and it's supposed to be cling on.

And this was the computer's best guess at what this person was saying. You did an amazing job reading the transcript if that's the case. Brady, Brady having more than he should have, Brady having a terrible morning after writing of this message. Never turn your back on a brainpiker, Adam. No.

No. Wow. That... Really hope you're okay, Brady. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, I hope you had some broad. Ben, we have a second priority one message. It is also of a personal nature, though it seems to have been

written more soberly. It is from Biff, it is to psychic predictions and the message goes like this written. On April 2020, a European leader will go missing. Huge salsa recall. IKEA CEO resigns. Pork products, price hike, bidet sales, increase in North America. Oh so this is a bif-tanon thing. That's what we're doing here. We're doing bif jokes. I like it. We're doing bif bits.

Bif is holding his fingers up to his forehead and predicting the future by reading in his sports almanac. He's held up his cane with the fist knocker on it and he's tapping it against the mic. Indeed. Well, thank you to everyone who got a P1 this week and I hope, I hope, you know, it's not supposed to have a high lethality rate, getting a P1 on this show. But if you'd like to hazard one yourself, head to maximumfun.org slash jembo-tron. It's 100 bucks for a personal and 200 for a commercial message, and we really appreciate it. I got that gold press like that gold press like that Am I right?

Yeah! Am I right? Oh! A Greatest Gen Live Show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour.

Let's do it. The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the share your embarrassment tour. I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense.

We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We got stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald. Can I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you. And Kumail Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use.

Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are already open. Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jesse Goatry. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Whoa, Ross. Hey, baby, oh, I'm about to count you in line.

These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks. But I'm hearing we need to get on this off. We've got to get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity.

Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, about a story of humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that.

And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boats. We came to by two. What do you think? Ono Ross and Carrie, available on MaximumFun.org. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing Hey, Ben. What's that, Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Drunk Shimoda! I did. I went for a very obscure Shimoda in this episode because I felt like Shimoda really abounded

here. But, on the walk that Chufo Brian and everybody else is taking, so you get to the funeral. There's a Bajoran woman in the same kind of uniform that Kira had in season one in the background, except for she's wearing like really thick moon boots. If you go to four minutes and five seconds into the episode, you can get a shot of these thick, thick boots that this lady is wearing, that do not comport with the other bejorn characters in this shot, who are wearing normal thickness of boot.

And if we're getting a thick-ass boot, that lady is my drunk Shimoda. Good eye. I feel like that's a great tribute to more and wearing a real thick garment. Yeah, I. I feel like that's a great tribute to Morn, wearing a real thick garment. Yeah, about that. I also have a very random Shimoda bin, and because I have the episode open, I will go ahead and scroll us forward. Okay. It's toward the end of Quark's eulogy, he gestures toward the chair that was mourns at about the seven minute and forty second mark to emphasize his point about wanting someone in this chair hence forth.

Quark goes into the audience and if you're a performer, this comes with associated risks. He grabs a random, a random to keep the seat warm. And this guy does not want to be called up to the stage. He is clearly a little bit embarrassed, doesn't know quite what to do. But that rando that quirk pulls out of the crowd and shows into mourn seat is going to be my drunk shem out of this episode. Yeah, that dude is not happy. Yeah. And we cut back to the reverse shot when Cisco comes in the room.

He's still in the seat and he's utterly alone. Yeah. It's so much like having a comic-do crowd work on you. You're on the spot because everyone's looking at that seat for the rest of the evening, right? And you get to be in there. Yeah. He's alone and uncomfortable and and playing it for that.

Yeah. Yeah. Nice job. That guy. Yeah. Well, everyone, I see what we've got coming up on the next episode of the greatest generation. Sure do. While you find what the next episode is going to be, I will tell the people that we are currently on square 48 of the game of Butthole's world of the prophets. Yeah, you can check that out at gach.bizslashgame, and I'll tell them that the next episode is season 6 episode 13, far beyond the stars. Sisko envisions he is a science fiction writer encountering racism in 1953

America. Very famous episode of the show. I mean it it makes me a little nervous to be honest this is supposed to be one of the best episodes in all of Star Trek. It does have that bone. Shoot! I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it.

I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it.

I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it. Could hit a space butthole, it could hit a Quirks bar, I believe. And I'm gonna go ahead and roll it. What do you say?

Roll that bone. Shula! Did I win? All right. I rolled a three, Adam, and we are on square 51. So still, we've avoided the wormhole, but are still in danger of that Quirks bar. But it's a regular old episode for next time.

We've managed to crawl back quite a bit of territory after our big tumble. Yeah. A couple of seasons. That quickly. Yeah. Good job by us. Yeah. Also want to say good job to everyone who supports the show on a monthly basis.

If you're interested in doing that, you can go on over to Maximumfund.org slash join. Gotta say thanks to Adam Ragusia, who made our Cisco theme for the deep-face 9 portion of the program and dark material who made the original Picard song. And also Bill Tilly, who makes custom trading cards out of every episode. He posts them on Twitter using the hashtag

greatestgen. Adam's on it on Twitter at Cut for Time. I'm on there at Benjamin AHR. Bill Tilly is on there at Bill Tilly in 1973. You and I recognize that most people listen to the show alone. That's what you do when you're embarrassed about a podcast you listen to.

But you don't have to be alone. There are many social groups out there waiting for you to join them. You can find them on Facebook and Twitter. And they're not on Reddit. Certainly nothing good happens on Reddit. Now there's some good stuff on Reddit. What are some of the groups that we know and like?

We've got the Jim Shimoda, spelled with the G. Those are our fitness Jim Shimodas. Get the greatest exo-cooks. Sure do. There's a parenting sub. Yeah. I know there's an LGBTQ group of Shimoda out there. Yeah, those are all Facebook subgroups and yeah great great group of people over there.

Yeah, so seek those fine folks out and make some new virtual friends in a time where the only new friends you can make right now are probably the virtual ones. Indeed. And with that we'll be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9, and an episode of the greatest generation, Deep Space 9, which will fail to live up to its reputation. Make it so. Make it sound. Make it sound. Make it sound. Y'all look like God of God, God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God