The Greatest Generation - Nurk Goatse (DS9 S1E4)

Episode Date: November 6, 2017

When the inhabitants of DS9 come down with a case of flop-sweat aphasia, O'Brien has to be thinking that the sexy part comes next. But when the word salad is followed by a deadly main course, Kira turns to kidnapping as a last resort. Does the Federation have enough people to fix DS9? Is it possible to hug the sick out of someone? Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? It's the episode that does not enjoy a gentle touch.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdececoto for Labor.com. That's FriendsOfDecoto for Labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Welcome to the greatest generation Deep Space 9, it's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. I'm Ben Harrison. I'm Adam Pryanaka.

Adam, it's been a long time since we've whipped out the cards and declared war on one another. And this would be the first time on the DS9 version of the show, right? Yeah, I mean, are we even allowed to keep playing this game? Do they make cards for DS9? They probably don't, right? This is a TNG specific stuff. I've seen trading cards for DS9, but I don't know if is a tng specific stuff i've seen trading cards for ds nine but i don't know if there's a card game i think it says a lot about

how people view ds nine when it doesn't even have a collectible card game then man sad before we get into the game now that we've planted that that's what we're gonna to do. They've probably sold a bunch by now, given the fact that some other shows on the network sold out within the first instance of being on sale. But our priority one messages were not on sale for a little while, because we sold out for the rest of 2017. And as of this recording, the first half of 2018 priority one messages are available. So if you have a thing that you want AP-14

in the first six months of 2018, now's your chance. Uh, yeah, for that you can go to maximumumFund.org slash Jumbo Tron. Let's get into a card war, Ben. Where more? There's been no formal declaration of war. And they took your brand of some luck. That nonsense is centuries behind us. Why?

How do you lock? Once again, we are playing Star Trek Collectible Card Game War, in which Ben and I both draw a single card for three rounds of action, and then we decide quite subjectively whose card in each round reign supreme. Have, do you think we've picked up listeners that were like, I don't want to listen to this show because it's about TNG, but now that it's about DS9, I'm in! Probably, and now we're turning them back off. Yeah.

Uh, alright, you ready to flip? Yeah, let's do it. 3, 2, 1. Ben, I have event events tend to be the more powerful cards Sure in this game that we play it's it's the event where no one has gone before We're in the traveler transcends space and thought He took the USS Enterprise to galaxy M33 then to an even greater, extra galactic distance. Anything having to do with the Traveller seems to be fairly powerful.

I'll just say that. It remains to be seen what card you have and whether or not it'll be more powerful. The card I have is Portal Guard. Portal 63 is the last remaining protector of the Takan Empire, which went extinct 600,000 years ago. Challenges those who awaken him. I think this is the, they call me Tim Guy from the first Farenki's episode. With anybody Canyon? Oh yeah.

Oh, that guy. Yeah, that guy. The guy who just seemed kind of super bored with the whole thing? Yeah. I don't think this guy wound up being much of a dilemma. I don't think so either. Kind of think you, I think you edged me out on this one, Adam. Alright, I'll take it.

One in nothing. Ready to flip the second card? Yeah. Three, two, one. I have a Romulan officer, Talus. The Romulan representative of those serving in the Romulan Star Empire with integrity of three, cunning of seven, in strength of seven. That's a great card, Ben, but I'm not sure it beats DuCath,

the Klingon trained in the field of science. He's who studied the effects of birthold rays on plant life, and he served aboard the Pach. This is the second Pach crewman I've gotten while playing this war game with you. The first famously being Vekma, the girl whose advances were spurred by Riker in the cafeteria. At least... In the cafeteria. At least as far as was depicted in the episode. Right. There may have been a luncheon that we were not privy to. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh I think that's generous. Is it really? Like, no one even knows Ducat.

Like, I'm seeing a picture of the guy. He's a science officer on a cling on ship. How worthless is that? All right, this guy actually knew Ramiarlin, which has got to be good for something. That's what I'm saying. He was close to the... What are his stats?

Oh, you know what? We occasionally do deferred to stats for this decision. I've got integrity five cunning six strength seven. Hmm. I think numerically you're one up on me. Oh geez. Alright, I'll take it. I mean, here's the thing. Like, when the numbers, like the numbers should tell the truth. Yeah. And I think we have to have the numbers be the first point of ranking between cards. And then it falls hard to objectively join our own.

Yeah. All right, ready to flip our last card? Yes. All right, three right three two one Speaking of Beckma that's who I've got what yeah Integrity six cunning five strength six It's less fun when we get repeats Yeah, I have interrupt near warp transport

It's a physically disconcerting transport at high speed. Yeah, I thought I was in that wall over there. Yeah, it disconcerts your opponents by transporting them at high speed. Well, my sense of Adam is that you've beaten me by two to one. Oh yeah, you're gonna stick Vekma above a near-warp transport? Fuck yeah! Yeah, I think Vekma is more disconcerting than near-warp transport. I think we're in agreement there. Alright Adam, should we get into the episode we came here to talk about today?

Do we have to? This is one of those episodes that as I was watching it I had all the comments in the back of my head that I read about doing Deep Space 9 for the purposes of our show which was like, boy those first couple of seasons are quite a drag. We'll see if we can make some comedy hay out of Deep Space 9 season 1 episode 4, Babel. Do you realize how incredible this is? No, of course you don't. It's episode four of a brand new series, and I feel like the writers of Deep Space Nine looked back on season one in next year, and they were like, can we make the naked now,

in Deep Space Nine, only make it somehow less fun? Yeah, there definitely seems to be a series of moves that they have for early seasons. And this is definitely one of them. So maybe as we talk this through, we'll find the drunk Shremota of the series, because they could now, and in many ways, is the episode that keeps on giving. It's true. It gives and gives. Pumping comedy into every episode that we make.

This episode starts close up on an airlock alien who is banging on the glass, and O'Brien is explaining him to him that... Save your energy. We'll have you out of there as soon as possible. Like, listen, dude, you're not getting a speaking part. Just mouth incoherently. Maybe it's a different language. Maybe it's just, you know, we can't hear you through the glass. Fogs the glass and then write the words in the fog with your finger. We're not paying you as a as a featured character. You're an extra.

But yeah, like this, this kicks off like a montage of sequences with O'Brien, it's something to fix things on the station. The station is still in a state of disrepair and O'Brien's days are all about just fielding angry harrangs from different people on the staff and people visiting the station. They'll have things going wrong and it's, you know, he's just got a list of things he needs to fix. It seems like there may be six Federation people serving on the station. And O'Brien seems to have a fairly heavy lift as far as all the responsibilities that he has. I see him struggling.

He's getting a ton of guff from all comers. He needs some help. It does. In that first scene, he's got like a couple of lackeys, you know, with their sleeves rolled up working on this airlock door problem. Right. And they seem, you know, like exactly what he needs in the entire rest of the episode. He definitely spends a lot of time like solo fixing very critical systems. He's really like the Peter principle incarnate because he was really good at transportor room and now he got a promotion to space station handyman and he is barely hanging on.

Yeah, he walked into the station and said, no water. This place is a dump. There was no star wipe to hunky dudes and banana hammocks lounging by the promenade. People seem to be putting up with the idea of things not working station-wide up to the point where replicators stop working or stop working in a way that is acceptable.

Yeah, I love, there's a lot of like, taking a sip of coffee out of a super 90s commuter mug and then spitting it out on the floor. That's what I'm saying Ben, like for as many spit take worthy scenes, does anyone ever spit into the air in this episode? It should happen four times. It should. I wonder what misreplicated coffee tastes like.

Does it taste like gasoline or does it taste just like bad coffee? Like what are the experiencing here? Is it like the free coffee in your room, if you stay at a motel six, or is it something like very dangerous because it's just throwing random molecules together in a glass? It just tastes like Sanka. Sanka brands a hundred percent real coffee without too much caffeine.

Is it the lack of good coffee that is more aggravating to him or is it that he has to fix every goddamn thing on the station? Yeah, well, it's like, it's kind of both, I think. Yeah. Like, he gives my wife a run for her money in the number of times he rolls his eyes in this, yeah. In this, you know, in this cold open. O'Brien gets put on replicator detail

and he manages to fix a couple of them, but not all of them. Corks replicator is still pretty fucked up and the customers are not happy with the flavor of their soup. I'm not gonna eat that shit. The last one he fixed, I guess, is in ops and like when he gets it replicating well, the camera eerily pans through the guts of the machine and finds a little device with tubes plugged into the system.

And that's our smash to title sequence. So we know that there's going to be something amiss with the replicators, but when we come back from title sequence, like, Oda has to stop someone from murdering Quark with soup because those customers, as you said, are very upset. Can you recall the last time you went to a restaurant and got an upsettingly bad meal wherein you had to have a conversation with a server or a manager. We went to a Thai restaurant over by the Americana at Brand recently.

God, there you go. Just given them more and more free press, Ben. I was joking with my wife as we were leaving the other day. Like, we make fun of this place and think that there's some things about it that are very lame, and yet we're here more often than once a week. So, who's the joke really on? That's the shortest distance between you and Jaolong Bao, man. Yeah.

Well, we wanted Thai food this night, and we stopped in and like it wasn't it wasn't that the food was bad It was that they it's a maybe a ten-table establishment. We were one of two tables that was occupied We ordered three dishes and there were mistakes at or or differences in all three of them like you know like we ordered Steamed tofu on in all three of them, like, you know, but like we ordered steamed tofu on our pad C U and it came out as fried tofu. Oh.

You know, like it was like a series of things like that. And even that, even all three dishes coming out incorrect. I did not really make a comment. Was the French guy at the other table? Like, you cause this penankery? This is an atrocity! You did not put peanut and potato in the same dish! I mean, this is a fun scene in Quirksbar,

because Quirark is like, is sitting there talking to Odo who is, you know, who's kind of making fun of Quark for having very few customers in and they're kind of re re re re re re establishing their mutual antipathy but then Odo has to come in like step in and and pull the nasty soup spoon out of of Cork's mouth and tell the guy to take a hike. It kind of sucks to be cork because not only do you have to go to work every day and like serve a thankless lunchroom full of people but you got this Odo guy just hanging all over your ass like every shift Like just basically making fun of you do your face for your entire shift. Yeah, that sucks Yeah, Odo is kind of a bully

It serves to help me really like cork and and feel for him and identify for him in a way that I think without Odo is the foil, I don't know if you get there with him. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, like without the salt of Odo, it would not bring out the sweet of cork. You could say it that way. He's like pretzels crumbled up and sprinkled over your ice cream, you know? Doesn't look incongruous, but yet it makes it even more delicious. Cork kind of looks like a pretzel.

Yeah, that's what I mean. This is becoming a speech. The cat comes to very entitled. A little type that ramble on about something everyone knows. Aodolette slipped that O'Brien's repair rounds have resulted in the replicators in ops being AOK while the replicators in Quirksbar are messed up and not working properly. So Quirca uses some illegal seeming technology to crack the computer and find out which replicators are up and running.

And thus begins the caper. This moment really raised my eyebrows been because it would appear that Quirca's command level computer access, what? What? What? And Odo is like on him like stink on shit and has not figured this out and will not figure this out. What in the hell?

Yeah. Good on Cork for like having a stack of cardassian isolinear chips at the ready. Like ready to reprogram his computer with. I admire his tenacity. He's great and resourceful. Get a kind of interesting scene in here where Kira and Dax are wandering around on the promenade

and Dax is like having a moment, like a little like I'm in a new body moment where all of the dudes on the promenade are turning and staring at her and she's like oh yeah I forgot about this. Forget about being a lady. I have been a dude for 80 years and now people want to look at my boobs. It has just been a weird couple of weeks to watch stories about women in the workplace been.. Yeah, of course, we're not allowed to get on our social justice warrior tip on this anymore, Adam.

That's right. Got a very, very angry email from somebody who canceled their monthly support of our show, because I expressed what he called white guilt. Oh, boy. Congratulations, guy. Yeah. Yeah, you've really taken a stand for, I guess, white supremacy?

Here's to being on the side of not showing any empathy at all. Ever. I think that there are two perspectives on this are interesting, because Kira is not a fan, you know? But she is going to live one life as a woman, whereas Dax is an angliosaur, and she is going to have other opportunities to not be a woman. And so she gets to just enjoy the difference of it without this being a permanent aspect of her reality. You know? This is a thing that like Buddhists meditate on a bunch, like the impermanence of all things and how you can get through trying times by just considering the impermanence of what's happening. And the idea that that could be translated somehow into a super long lifetime thinking about it is really

cool to me. Yeah, she's just like, listen, Kira, they're gonna look at your boobs, but what you That's the dumbest jungle all the time. The Shelf with Quark's bar Quark is like, hey, come in here. It's not creepy at all, I swear. Perhaps I could interest you in a nice double whip to Danny and Spice putty. And Cure's like, fuck you Quark, I'm outta here. And Dax is like, I'm game, let's do it. As Cura heads back up to Ops, she runs into the chief and she's like checking in

with him about how his impossibly long list of repairs is going and he just starts kind of saying nonsense to her, like. Major Lark's true pepper. What? English words that don't string together to form coherent thoughts. Shout easy play. Chief, you're not making any sense. O'Brien was on the Enterprise during Naked Now, but I can't remember a scene where he was

present to you. Yeah, he's in episode one. Like, I think he's on that battle bridge when, Yeah. When Raker has to put the pieces back together. Do you think every time he gets a fever, he thinks it's gonna be like a sexy fever? Like, it's weird how there was never any, well, like, it's not weird because in the context of next generation, nothing lasts longer than the episode that it takes place in, but like henceforth you would think any sort of fever or sweat would would make you think that you're about to fuck. Yeah, I mean, I think that the other weird omission from this episode is that we never see Keko or Molly. And I feel like if the

chief is like patient zero and sick and getting sicker, it's surprising that the implications of that for his family are never explored. I felt the same way, especially because as the story goes on and more and more people succumb to the virus, the one relationship you get is Jake and Cisco. Yeah, like, but it's just good. Brian's relationship to his wife and kid are in many ways like more pronounced in the series up to now. Yeah, a weird choice. So a weird way they took this. Maybe Kiko's asking for that John Lithgow money. That's a whole different podcast at them.

You're making callbacks that like half of these people aren't even gonna get. I'm cutting our 2% and half. But O'Brien's like subjected to a battery of tests by the doctor and has pronounced aphasic, which means that there's something interrupting the process whereby he applies words and names to objects and things. His actual thinking hasn't been affected, but he's incapable of expressing himself

all understanding others. He didn't even write them messages, like he writes out a message on an iPad at one point, and it itself is a bunch of nonsense. The terrifying part of this description to me, Ben, wasn't so much the babbling, the incoherence of the person, but that they also could not understand other people speaking at them.

And that's a part of it that is not really shown in this episode. Like the terror of someone talking to you and not understanding them, you don't see that half of it. And I thought that was a missed opportunity. It's especially weird that they, like there's one POV shot in this episode, later on in the app where the doctor is like reading a screen of results from his experiments to try and fix this.

And it cuts to a screen that has a bunch of nonsense words on it. And it's the doctor's POV of that screen. It's like a very, very rare POV shot in Trek and a rare POV shot in the only POV shot in this episode. And it was like not the POV shot, I would have burned my one on, you know. I was really distracted by this shot mostly because it looks like the operating system on DS9 was designed by the same guy who made the original Oregon Trail video game. Yeah, I was thinking that it's the same font as the original iPod.

Yeah, yeah. It looks really bad. Yeah, the upgrade to HD, I feel like would be less kind to this show than it was to TNG. Because on this show, they're actually like using contemporary to when they shot at computer monitors, hidden behind the glass panels. And TNG, they didn't even bother with that.

It was all like, printed film behind those glass panels. Yeah, it would be a much greater challenge. So they got a mystery on their hands. Like what is this disease? It seems like more and more people are coming down with it and they got to figure out where it's coming from and why people are getting it. And so they put a quarantine on the station.

They tell all the businesses that they have to shut down. Core conveniently ignores this, I guess. And yeah, it's a crisis. Like the commander puts everybody on a list of tasks to try and solve the problem. Like Bashir is on, come up with an antidote. Duty, Kira is on a track down what O'Brien was working on and see if you can't figure out where his path crossed with this virus. And he like turns to Dax and he's about to give Dax a job

and she starts being aphasic like as she's responding. Fush, assembled, regal, controlled weather. She gets that look on her face, like that lady on airplane who keeps popping eggs out of her mouth. That's a very specific kind of facial acting. Like, she seems to be aware that she's not making sense before anybody says something back to her. But I think she's reacting to the expressions on their faces.

Yeah, that's a great point. Like when you're aphasic, do you know that you're aphasic when you're talking, or do you think that you're making sense? Like I was wondering that in the couple of scenes in this episode where somebody like mid-sentence starts saying crazy shit. And I think both times they are looking at somebody who lets horror wash over their face

as the change takes place. So. There's a little bit of persuasiveness to, in like when someone is suffering from the aphasia, they'll start speaking, and then they'll repeat something in a persuasive manner that would seem to indicate that they understand what they're saying and they don't understand why no one

else can. Right. Well, despite everything being shut down on the station, Corks Bar is going great and this causes Odo to be highly suspicious. This quarantine has everybody on age constable. Would you deprive them of a little harm, which diverge? And I guess he catches quirk, like replicating shit in an unoccupied crew quarters,

which I guess their replicators are on the same system as the op stack. He does this by turning himself into a beverage cart, which is so great. Like, he can't make a nose and ear He does this by turning himself into a beverage cart. Which is so great. He can't make a nose and ears, but he can make forecasters. If I had the ability to change myself into something, beverage cart would be high on my list. Not long after this is when Jake comes down with the disease,

which really kind of ratchets up the tension. And like people are dropping like flies, but this is what causes him to kick into high gear and start kind of kicking down doors to get this dealt with. Ben Sisko tries to hug it out of him as his way. Yeah. I don't remember ever being touched as much as a teenager. This is an ongoing problem for me when I see Jake and Ben interact like as a father and son. That there are a lot of physical expressions of affection in their relationship.

I think it really lays bare just how little of that I got growing up. This is very therapeutic to talk this out with you, Ben. Yeah, I was kind of, I had that available to me, but I was dispositionally not given to it. Like, to this day, like if my wife like like We call it nerking if you get does like a light touch I go I get like the willies and I like you know Overhand really yeah, yeah, yeah, not a fan

Nerking yeah, is that a is that a real thing or is that a name you came up with? I didn't come up with it, somebody else did. But yeah, it's like anytime, anytime a loved one puts a hand on that is not like a appreciable amount of pressure, you know? You like a hard touch. I want it to be here. I want you to go for it or not go at all.

When you get a massage, you're asking for elbows and knees. I don't get any massage, is that it? Can't have that. They're always trying to nerke you, huh? Yeah, I'm like, I'm paying you for this. Give me a break. So this virus is like, it's not just boggle, but for your mouth. It's also killing people, right?

Like they go to the emergency ward that they've set up and it's not just people sitting around saying crazy nonsense. They're like lying down on cots and they're sick and sweaty and the chief is in really bad shape. He is laid out, unconscious. The doctor thinks maybe he has 12 hours to live. Oh Brian, just before he goes into his coma, is everyone in this room about to fuck? Ha ha ha of the nurses here. Ann Gillespie famously

played Steve Sanders' mom in Beverly Hills 90210. Oh, one of those that ladies from film and television. She's great. Well, stay tuned because I have more things to say about her. Uh oh, spoiler alert. They come up with the idea that this virus, like Geera's, Geera finds the tube that, uh, or the device that is, that is pumping the virus into the replicators. And she's like, this is a fucking Cardassian thing. It's got a Cardassian battery in it. Uh, it says so right here on the label. Cardassians sabotaged the station before they left. This is proof. And then it is kind of

worked out that this is probably in fact a Bajorin resistance plot. And this doctor from the Bajorin resistance Deacon Elig is is probably the devious mind that created this. And they left this on the station. It was built into the station by Bajoran slave labor with the idea that they would trigger it and kill all the Cardassians living aboard. But the people that were running the operation all got captured or killed before they could trigger the virus. So Deacon Elig died in prison, but he had a lackey atom, and his lackey was named Cermac Ren.

I feel like when you're taken over a Kardashian station, you gotta check all the vents and wiring and stuff. This is like the previous occupants of a foreclosed on home, like putting a fish in the furnace. Yeah. What, how do they not check all this? I totally was thinking about that. Like I sold an iMac to a friend of mine a few years ago.

Like it was an older computer of mine and I was upgrading and I sold it in my old computer. And I went through it and tried to like, unmute a little bit, wipe the operating system and... You backed up your prodigious collection of pornography. Right. All your nerking porn? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, it's a... Because it turns out, Ben, you're attracted to the thing that you don't want in real life. Yeah, things that are repulsive wind up having a place in my erotic imagination. Two girls, one light stroke. But it still shows up on, like, find my iPhone. Like if I do find my iPhone, there's always an iMac in Red Hook Brooklyn that shows up on that.

And I'm like, no, that's not like computer anymore. And like, I can't get them to turn that off. Like nobody at tech support has any way of deactivating that. And like, I don't know. Like he installed iTunes at one point and it downloaded a bunch of music of mine. So it's sort of like that problem but compounded.

Like they have an entire space station that's probably got iTunes accounts and, and GP, you know, low jack systems. Like just installing federation computers on this has got to be a huge risk because it's probably feeding information back up to the Cardassian Cloud. Do you think Nirk Goatsy is like,

just two hands lightly touching two buns? And that's it. Yeah, it's also the title of this episode. So Kira gets on FaceTime with Cermac, and she's like, hey buddy, this is Kirin Arese, just come on from Deep Space Nine. You know that virus you guys installed on the station? Well, it got out, and we're just wondering if you knew anything about how to get rid of it. And it's like, I have no idea what you're talking about.

The hangs up on her, and she gets special dispensation to leave the station, the, uh, leave the quarantine zone. Bennett, what point do you hit whatever button it is that is general distress call? Because they never think to do that and the plan to send Kyra in a runabout seems like their last hope because Cicco needs to be talked into it. Cisco's like, no, no one's leaving this station. Like what, you can't spread this thing to the planet surface and Kyra promises him.

Like she's not getting out of the shuttle. Oh, that was like, let her go, man. She's our last best shot. Someone's gotta communicate with the Federation at this point, right? They are in Starfleet, which implies that there's more than one other spaceship in it. It feels like Cisco is willing to die,

like just in toomed space station style. Yeah, well, what he's doing is he's thinking about, like, man, I've been on the job for like, for like four weeks now I mean like it has not gone great like there have been cardacians attacking. There's been Klingons trying to sell weapons to be Jorins like I need I need this not to register on Starfleet's Richter scale They need to not know that this week was also a catastrophe. When a solution is so obvious or like a course of action, a possible course of action is so obvious and not taken, what I wanted is to have it be associated with a character trait or

floss somehow. Like maybe Cisco doesn't like asking for help in any circumstance. And so the idea of calling the cavalry would be embarrassing to him. It's anathema to his. Yeah, like even a little throw away moment of like, you know, I just got this command, I can't be asking for help, you know, three weeks after being stationed here. We got to fix this thing ourselves. Or even we just blew in a call to Starfleet Medical, but the closest ship is 36 hours away

and they're headed here at high warp, but O'Brien's got 12 hours to go. Yeah, I've got to believe that in an early draft of the script, something like that was in it. It just, it seems so glaring that that call for help wouldn't be here. Kira gets, gets Ren aboard the, the runabout and he's like, let me go. I don't want to be here. And she's like, well, I've been infected with your virus doctor. So now you're infected

too. So you better get to, get to making with the antidote. Go to Kotuk. Go to Kotuk. So. And by the time she gets back to the station, it's like the skeletonist of skeleton crews because Sisko has gone aphasic. And it seems like Quark and Odo are the only two people in the entire station that aren't super sick.

I guess the implication is not that for Angus are immune. Like it makes sense that Odo is immune. It doesn't make any sense that Quark is just doing peachy. He was like the main vector for most people to get this disease. Odo seems really unclear about what Quark may or may not be capable of.

Yeah. Like with respect to the station and its operation, but because he's sort of the last guy standing, he has no other choice. It's strange to see Odo place trust in Quark, and it's strange to see, it's strange to see that trust like totally validated. Like Quark does not take undue advantage of the situation. He like winds up being pretty heroic here. Barry Dinn the deep, deep, deep B story is the captain of a trade ship that was depicted in the very first scene with O'Brien as a guy with a timeline who's just got to get the fuck out.

He's got perishable goods on his ship and he's got to take them to his delivery spot before they spoil and so he has Gotten back onto his ship and he's trying to rip his way off of it like there's docking clamps holding the ship to the outer ring and What he's doing is like sort of flooring the gas? Yeah, while the while the parking brake is on and he's just making a smoke show outside of DS9 and he's really in danger of blowing up not only a ship but like a good portion of the station in doing this and so they got a figure away to to unhook the the docking clamps from the ship before everyone gets killed. Odo heads down there like the all the doors on the airlock are open and the ship on the far side is fully engulfed in flame.

And Odo like saves the captain and then like slams the doors shit and does the manual ducking clamp release and the ship is like ejected away from the station and there's a pretty like exciting model sequence where it like flings away and explodes off the ducking Yeah, I like that sequence a lot like the sense of speed From the ship firing away from the station was really cool. It was really cool and it was like, oh man,

this is a different level of budget. I feel like in TNG, season one, this would have been described by data, like reading something off of a sensor panel. Yeah. What happens as this is happening is the guy that Kira brought on board has using Bashir's notes figured out a way to cure the virus. It's very like elliptical about everybody being back to normal. It's like a

commander's log and and there's just kind of like a slide whistle end, which is the commander, like, you know, slaps Chief O'Brien on the back and says, good to have you back buddy, and heads over to replicate himself some coffee and... Oh, Brian! Once again, replicates bad tasting coffee. This Rosco P. Coltrane ending, the show was so tonally off. Like, how are we supposed to

take anything that happened before this seriously if this is the end? And the episode had so much great tone stuff. Like the terror of people like getting sick, like in the presence of their co-workers and stuff, was very well played and very frightening. And then, and then yeah, it's so goofy the way they wrap it up. The last beat of the episode didn't need to be silly. They could have just gone with something else. Yeah. They could have gone with like O'Brien tearfully re-uniting with his family. Why is illness only depicted in Star Trek as sweating and feverish? Like I can't remember ever seeing anyone throw up in Star Trek, have you? Hmm, yeah. I guess because they don't ever show what the bathroom looks like. Right.

Man, that is so weird to think that a set determines what illnesses are possible on your show. Yeah, it would have been fun if they were just all like the exorcist style projectile vomiting. I wouldn't love that so much. Gira, you got to get back here. The entire bravin' out is very slippery. Ha ha ha. Oh no, get down there with 40 pounds of cat litter. Ha ha ha ha.

Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? Ha ha ha ha. I'm glad you're back, Gira. This is not a job that I signed up for. Ha ha ha. This is not a job that I signed up for. Is that, that is the most indignant job, right? The guy who turns himself into cat litter to clean up vomit.

Did you ever work a, a like, you know, the, the job that a 15, 16 year old has like I had working in a grocery store, your bag and groceries, but you're also cleaning up messes. I was cat litter guy once, that sucks. But like, tell you what's lower on the rung of duties than that is becoming cat litter. I am become cat litter destroyer vomit. When you had to clean up vomit with cat litter, did you go down to the cat litter aisle and get some cat litter? Or was there like a supply of vomit cat litter? Ben, you'd be surprised at what you're allowed to do of your own agency

when there's vomit on the floor of a grocery store. You're basically given cart blotch to get what you need and get it done. If you need to go get a few wavy steaks out of the cooler and throw those down on the vomit, just to make it seem less appalling, go for it. I was getting rags in old space. Wrapping them around my face.

Well Ben, did you like this episode? Um, I think it's kind of a, like a solid C. Like, it's not really, not really a show showing what it is, what it's like, upper possibilities are. It's not totally terrible, though. And there are some fun ideas and sequences in it. I like the character moment of Kira just taking that guy against his will and then revealing to him

that he is exposed to the illness. Like that really sets a tone for what she is all about in an interesting way. I like some of the special effects in the episode, but overall, it's not really one of my faves. It's weird to think that you need stakes higher than death, but I feel like I wanted some higher stakes than what we got. The disability to speak or understand,

to me felt like it needed to be the counterpoint to some need to do so mission wise. You know? It just felt like something was missing from the episode to heighten those stakes even more. I don't know. I feel like if you're making up a space virus, you really, like the sky is really the limit on what it does.

So. Yeah. And this seems like less imaginative than I would hope. Like if you and I were spitballing what a space virus would do on the edge of space and the virus could do anything. And it could even come from another part of even further, weirder space. I got to believe that you and I would come up

with something way groser. And I think that's what I wanted. Like this is the guy. Just cause everybody didn't nerke each other all the time. Gross. That's super gross, nerke virus. Well, one thing that makes me feel a little creeped out every time is the reading of some priority one message has been. Do you want to see if we have any of those? Let us see. Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Need a supplement on that.

supplement on that. supplement on that. supplement on that. Yes, extra. How do you interest alone? Could be enough to buy this ship. Adam, our first priority one message is from Lieutenant Commander Oliver of the USS Caligari, and it is for pleveem, most divine and great leader.

Because like this, though I have been a loyal follower, your latest message has cut me deeply. In your zeal, you lumped me in with those male content and scoundrel rascals. You forsook me! And I see that I now have no choice but to wear the shameful, lowly mantle of a rascal. It is with much sorrow that I must say, go fuck yourself, Plavim. Maybe tell me, make commander graves forgive me. I really expected him to say Plavimes was the superior intellect, but not the case. Not the case because it clearly isn't true. Strong work from Team Rascals. And Team Rascals, growing by the day, Plavime really painting himself into a corner. You gotta go with the surgical strikes, Plavim. You can't just shoot Blunderbuss everywhere.

Ben, our second priority one message is from a really cool dude, aka, this person aka, Neil Timons aka Lord Timmans Five-time holder of the WCT belt. It is four Ben and Adam But not Ben Hossp because fuck that guy and to Sykes Yes, I have your challenge coin Message goes like this. Thank you for two super fun shows and Philly and DC Ben Hossp gets bitter beer face when with Lord Timon's and the belt. Well Kevin Tagin to hit BenHasp from the top rope, like

I'm renegade who snuck. Texas Chainsaw Masters is November 9th through 12th. BenHasp, your fate awaits. Shout out to the Trek CC site, keep up the great work. Ben, I remember this guy. This really feels like a, like, it's in Darmak language, but like on a whole another level. This guy, Lord Timon's, I remember, is sitting fairly close to the stage during the DEC show. Oh, was he in, was he in the regalia? Quite disruptive. Oh, yeah. He had a wrestling belt. Either he was incredibly drunk or a friend of his was.

Yeah. And it was a little bit of a scene, is that remember? I think it was a friend of his. Yeah, I think they brought a guy who had never seen our show before and decided to self-defense drink. Yeah. Oh man, I hope that guy is a hangover, is almost over. I don't think I would survive drinking that much. But whatever gets you through one of our famously fun, greatest gen live shows. Well, if you would like to procure a priority one message, you can go to maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron.

It's a hundred bucks for a personal message and 200 for a commercial message. And I guess the way we're doing it going forward is that they'll be sold in kind of like six month chunks. And if you go to Maximumfund.org slash Gembo Tron and you don't see the greatest generation available for sale, you can just shoot an email to drunkshmoda at gmail.com and we should be able to give you a date for when they will go on sale. And thank you to all of the viewers who have gotten priority one messages. It's amazing how popular this program has been.

Yeah, it's appreciated. It's a big deal to be able to depend on them for the production of the show. So thanks. I already won this. Hey Adam. What's that, Ben? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Drunk Shimoda! Oh this one was easy for me Ben. This is an easy mark. At the very end, things

are coming to a crescendo. Odo is fucking around with the docking clamps, flip and switches and pull in levers and send sending the ship away. Core, meanwhile, up on the command level, is going crazy from the stress. So stressed out that as the ship explodes, he sort of cross-hand holds his own head. Yeah, he kind of like Madonna vogue's his head. Yeah, like he reaches over the top of his head, grabs one ear, and then grabs the opposite top of his head, grabs one ear and then, and then

grabs the opposite side of his face with his other hand and grabs the other ear. It's a, it's a coping thing I've never seen a Ferengy do, but I'd like to know more about whether or not it's like canonical Ferengy coping mechanism because it was sort of a tight close up on his face, and that whole cross-handed head grab was bizarre. So to me, like, he's my Shimoda. What a weird move. How about you, Ben? Get Shimoda, Adam. My Shimoda is the, is the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the about earlier, Anglespie, portrayed her. There's just a fun scene where they go down to the sick ward where everybody in, everybody in there has aphasia, but her. And every single person that she interacts with, she acts confused that they don't understand her

and she doesn't understand them. Like, like it happens like three times in rapid succession where somebody will come up to her and be like, you know, doorknob, bouncy ball, rug hat and she goes, what? Huh? Huh? What?

I'm sorry, I don't understand you. You have to go lie down now. As they say, doctors prescribe, nurses provide. Anglespie does a terrible job here, as nurse Jafarra. Not a great nurse, not a great mom to Steve Sanders. A little bit of a typecast here. Mm.

I think it's, you think it's something that's wrong with Anglespie? No. I think it's something that is wrong with the script that Anglespie was asked to portray. That's the truth. Much love to Anglespie. A greatest gen live show is something you don't want to miss. Why?

Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post-show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it! The Sherry Reembarishment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Sherry Reembarishment Tour.

I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We get stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald. Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you.

And Camille Nanjiani. I've come back with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Come get stupider with us at MaximumFun.org. Look, your podcast apps are already open. Just pull it out. Give Jordan Jessie Goatry. Being smart is hard. Be dumb instead. Oh, rats, hey, hey, oh, I'm about to count you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I?

These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short neck. But I'm hearing we need to get on this. So gotta get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah?

Yeah, I know we look like humans. We're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out.

We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think? Ono Ross and Carrie, available on MaximumFun.org. Ben, what do we have coming up on the next episode? Next episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9 is Season 1 Episode 5 captive pursuit. O'Brien befriends the prey in another worldly hunting game. Can he and the rest of the officers save the being from a life in captivity? Sounds like a real alien versus predator type situation.

You know, every science fiction show needs a the most dangerous game episode. Like, sounds like that's what we got coming up. That is what it sounds like, Adam. We've had some conversations, you and I, about what we should do in lieu of vetoes, because I don't think, I mean, I've seen Deep Space 9 all the way through. I think you've probably seen it, seen most of the episodes, but I don't think either

of us remembers it as strongly as we do TNG. So it would be disingenuous thing. It's like I have an aphasia with respect to Deep Space 9, Ben. That's how little I remember of it. You look at the episodes, but they make no sense to you. Right. One thing that has been suggested is some mechanic whereby we get drunk, And I really like that.

And I'm wondering if we can build some sort of way, we can hold this over each other's heads. Well, I love the idea of getting drunk for episodes. I don't really view it as a punishment or a weapon that we can wield at each other because like, if I cursed you, if I smote you with getting drunk, I would want to get drunk with you. So, like, the idea would be that we would both drink for the episode. So, what if it's just a random thing?

If we put it into a random number generator and we find out whether or not we are getting drunk for an episode and we have the number of chances of episodes in that season. I love that idea. The randomization makes it sound like a drunk landmine and I'm all for it. drunk landmine and I'm all for it. Okay, I'm going to a random number generator website. So how many episodes are there in season one of this show? So Adam, there are 19 total episodes in season one of this series. And we've already watched four of them.

So we've got to back those out. So we need a random number between one and 15. And I'm going to generate that number now and see if our next episode is the one for which we tie one on. So wait a second. Like by rolling one, would that make the next episode the drinking episode? Yes.

OK. OK. And I'm rolling. Oh, I got one. What? I'm not kidding. I'm just gonna send you a screenshot of this right now. No fucking way.

Wow. I just sent you proof. That is bonkers. Yeah, message is authentic. We have a screenshot of a one on a random number generator. Holy shit. Well, the crazy thing about this is we'll generate random numbers until the end of this season. And it could happen for any

episode. Oh no. It could happen multiple times a season. I like that actually. I like the constant threat. It keeps it interesting. Oh shit. That is bonkers. Well let's come up with something to drink between now and the next episode and we'll Leave our viewers and suspense. Okay Our viewers don't have to wait to Comment about the show or any of the stupid things we've said They're welcome to go on Twitter using the hashtag greatest Jen I'm on there is at cover time, but最高級的GEN I'm on the R Apple Podcasts and leave a nice review or leave a nice review of the show wherever you think people might see it.

It's a, like, word of mouth. There's the way these things get out there and grow. And we've been very lucky so far with that. And we really appreciate everybody that helped get the word out about our program. Yeah, I mean, growing the listenership is pretty critical to the survival of the show. So, to the degree we can do that, it really is a big help. If you'd like to join a group and talk even more, you can go to Reddit. There's a Greatest Gen subreddit, and there's a great maximum fun subreddit. There's also a Greatest Gen Facebook group group and there's even a Facebook group for the greatest discovery our sister podcast. Yeah, I would definitely invite you to check that out if you're watching Star Trek Discovery.

We should thank Dark Materia for our theme music and Adam Rigusia who is slowly taking over our theme music. Peace by peace. And with that, oh and... It's my job now, Ben. I know, I know. And with that, we'll see you next time for another great episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9 and an episode of the greatest generation Deep Space 9 that's hunted for support. While drunk. It makes it more interesting. Make it sound. Maximumfund.org

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