The Greatest Generation - Sex Doctor (ENT S4E19)

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

When Mirror Archer discovers a lizard puppet aboard the USS Defiant, he gets a pep talk from imaginary Prime Archer and goes to waste the Gorns himself. But after T’Pol gets curious about the Federation and Admiral Black denies the new captain a field promotion, even more sabotage and violence lands an unexpected leader in control. What could make a Frenchman put out his cigarette? Who won’t shut up about their new book club? Which character is definitely down with the frog? It’s the episode that smells like the reptile section of a pet store. Support the production of The Greatest Generation Get a thing at podshop.biz! Sign up for our mailing list! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum Leap The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media: YouTube | Instagram | Bluesky And check out these online communities run by FODs:  Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Here's to the finest crew in starving. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me. This is a parody. Welcome to the Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Adam Pranica. I'm Ben Harrison. We don't have guests on this show.

I never have. But today we do. we ran a big poll, a very divisive poll in the newsletter. And we've got the editor of the greatest newsletter, Rob Adler, joining us on Mike. Welcome to the show, Rob. Oh, thank you, Ben. Pleasure to be here. You're here to answer for your crime.

It's true. I think that crime being what I didn't include in that poll more than anything else. Well, so this, the question that we put to the audience is, what do we do after Enterprise? Because we've been saying it's going to be Star Trek the next generation for a long time. Yeah. But then, what if Baywatch came up as an idea? And only Baywatch. No Stargate, no Battlestar Galactica, just Baywatch or TNG.

Those are our choices. It's set in a creative project, all sorts of creative projects, go like there are no bad ideas. and yet I constantly introduce bad ideas into our creative project. This being one of them. Like I threw it off as an aside. Like maybe we should do Baywatch. And all of a sudden it gets some traction and a bunch of people are pissed on social media, Rob. We gave people the opportunity to vote on TNG and Baywatch as the options.

I think voting has been open for about two weeks-ish now at time of record. Did people write in a third option candidate for this? Did you get anything weird? It was just buttons. It was just either TNG or Baywatch. What's this I'm seeing about some votes cast for

Lyndon LaRouche? The Lyndon LaRouche cast amazingly more popular than anything we've ever done. Yeah. So let's cut right to the chase. What were the results of this

vote. All right. So we've got 767 votes total. Coming in with 87% of the vote, which is 667 votes, is TNG. I think we can call it a landslide, guys. Wow. Pretty conclusive. Those are like Vladimir Putin numbers. That's amazing. Hold on to that thought. Hold on to that thought. We'll get there. So that means Baywatch kind of landed like a beach whale and came in with exactly 100 votes. That's kind of fun, right? Nice round number. And that's 13% of the overall vote. Okay. I'm taking that as a positive note about Baywatch.

I feel like a lot of people like that show. Yeah. No, there was a, you know, in the discourse around all this, there were some strong rally cries for Baywatch. Okay. Interesting. I looked more into these results, though, guys. You know, just doing due diligence.

I want to make sure this was an honest election. Yeah. And I was horrified at what I found. Really? Found a cohort of 25 individuals who had cast multiple votes. Election fraud is not what I wanted to talk about today when coming on the show, but here we are. Do they know each other? Was this some sort of voting conspiracy?

Look, I don't think we want to get in the business of ascribing intent. We can only talk about the impact. Follow-up question, Rob, if we throw those votes out, which I feel like we have every right to do. Sure, sure. Does Baywatch then win? It doesn't. It doesn't.

Let's get into the specifics of what happens. So we have 107 fraudulent votes. That means 14% of our votes cast were fraudulent. And that means fraud itself beat out Baywatch by 1%. Oh no. Oh, no. Overall, again, we had 25 voters who submitted more than one vote in this election. Some people, you know, just at two others upwards of 10 votes tied to their name.

Did dead people vote? Like, how did it happen? I'm going to be sifting through this for years at this point. But we had 3% voters who committed fraud, which doesn't sound high. But I wanted to know what, like, the average is for an election. Do you guys know, what's a guess at the regular percentage for voter fraud in an election? Oh, boy. I mean, I think 60, 70%, probably, right?

Sure. Yeah, I was going to say even higher, like 80% of the votes are fraudulent in a normal American election, right? 0.000125%, which means our election had an increase of 24 million percent in fraud. Pretty compelling. I mean, isn't that just the greatest gen way? It is. But when you look at it too, most of the extra votes were cast for TNG, which I think that makes a compelling argument in itself, right? People were so, so excited about the prospect, or horrified that they wouldn't get to have TNG, that people were willing to do anything

to make sure they got over the top. People are fired up for Picard and the gang. I am too. I'm right there with them. You asked if we can kind of, if we have some possible explanations. There are two. One, just out ballot tampering. Like, I think it's, I think it probably happened. There is no way to set a limit, uh, with the platform we used on votes. Okay. So if someone took it upon themselves to vote 10 times, they could have done that. Also, uh, there is tagged information, uh, on your link.

So if you shared your vote link to Reddit, every vote submitted through Reddit. And I ran some test to verify all this. It would be tagged to one. name. Again, we had 25 individuals, so I think it is a mix of those two. I think some people figured out they could vote more than once. We know that people shared their link on various platforms. Did you find any hanging chads in all of this work you've done, Rob? I read on the discord that an FOD named Chad was so affected by the idea of voting in an election like this that they hung themselves. Oh, no. Oh, no.

RSVP. Yeah. So I think, you know, one person might say, didn't this happen in the final round of mug draft and didn't you learn your lesson then, Rob? Clearly not. No. And yet, I'd like to make the case for these sorts of polls and contests being fun.

Okay. Are they fun? Ben, I think you think they're fun, right? Rob, I'm not going to ask you as the person, responsible for running the whole thing. I had fun. It's kind of fun to see the look on Rob's face in the production meeting when we propose a vote going into the greatest newsletter.

I have fun. At the end of the day. I think that's enough of a positive, favorable view of the whole thing, the whole idea of contests that I want to pitch something to you guys. Okay. You know, NCAA basketball tournament season is coming right up. It's upon us. It is a thing that people love gambling about.

They fill out their brackets. They go to Vegas. I'm going to be one of those people pretty soon. You go and you make your bets. Betts, bets, bets. You make your picks. You decide who's going to win the big dance. And I was wondering if there was something about our show over the last.

last 10 years that we could make competitive in this way. And then I thought, yes, there is. What if we took the greatest, greatest gen characters of the last 10 years and pitted them against each other in head-to-head matchups in order to decide the greatest, greatest generation character of them all? Wow. With the champion receiving the fuck bocay trophy and a gift card to podshop. Dot biz. What do you think?

Could we do it? Don't ask Rob. This is just for you, Ben. Should we do it? So you're proposing a March greatest gen madness. I am. I am indeed. I haven't thought anything more about it.

I just feel like we could come up with the characters, pit them against each other in a bracket. And then like we vote on them, right? Like, we'll do little bonus episodes. Okay. Where, well, Marshall our inner sportscaster. We'll, like, have these characters on. We'll ask them a couple questions, and then we'll vote at the end. Okay, okay.

On who's the superior character. What am I missing here? No, this is a solid pitch. I mean, I think we should probably, yeah, like, these will have to be, like, weekly mini bonus episodes that come out in the bonus feed. I feel like we're already talking about it too much in a main feed episode. So you're real. This should be its own thing.

Okay, so if you're not already signed up, it's maximum fun.org slash join to get the bonus feed. Let's just jump in head first, starting this week. Are you serious? It's this week? Because I've only thought about it as far as I've told you. We'll record it right after you record this episode. Do I have a break to come up with like the bracket and the rules and stuff? Do we have 16 characters even?

Great question. I feel like this is going to go worse for me than it ever will for Rob. If I'm doing my job right, that'll be true. The shrapnel is indiscriminate, Adam. Like, we are all going to have to do lots of extra work for this. But we're filled with hubris. Shear fucking hubris. This is greatest gen 10.

This is our year, you know? Yeah. And it's fun to do a weird thing in the bonus feed as we do the whole year through. Look, I want FODs to participate. in this, I think to see their brackets on the socials would be very fun. I'm just going to say, go to greatesttrecht.com, find your bracket there, and be ready to discuss March greatest gen madness all March long on Wednesday on the bonus feed. All right.

That's going to be great, right? Hey, Rob, I just want to say, sorry. Thanks in advance. Rob, Ben will be the only one apologize. All right, let's get into our review and summary of Enterprise Season 4, Episode 19, In a Mirror Darkly, Part 2. Last time on, Ben, you might remember, Archer, I should say Mirror Archer. Sure.

Mute need his way to becoming captain of the ISS Enterprise, and that's because he wants to take and loot that future ship from another universe, the USS Defiant, that was like hidden in a, not an Atholian web, an Atholian asteroid. Yeah, that's one of my favorite kinds of,

like, news of the weird articles to read is like things that got stuck in atholian asteroid, like news from the, news from the ER or whatever. You read about it all the time. Like ER nurses always say,

like the most common sort of person to triages, butt stuff guy. Did you read about the one that just went around? The guy in France, he went into the ER with a thing in his butt, and they, like, started to, like, work on getting it out when they realized that it was a piece of unexploded ordinance from World War I, and they literally had to call the bomb squad on that ass. Just imagine the sexual predilection it takes.

to be into that specific kink. Right. You're some like French farmer working your field and you find, you find what like a normal person would call the like military survey about so they could come, you know, blow it up in situ. And instead you think that's going where the sun don't shine. I am just driving the combine through the Kressor Field. I am tilling up my soil

and finding things of all kinds of exciting varieties I fertilize with the cigarettes Oh what is this Unexploded World War I ordinance My favorite Perhaps the only thing that will make me Put out my cigarette Yeah, so they're an Atholian asteroid

And their other ship got blown to Smithereens The best part of that was them watching it from Defiant Like on the view screen Yeah Great decision, great moment And that's what strands them there Like to watch your rescue ship become destroyed I feel like this is a thing

That you see in movies and TV sometimes You're stuck on the ghost ship or whatever. When we enter the action of this episode, we are trying to get free of the docking clamps and self-appointed Captain Archer is basically like, I'm gonna like wiggle the wheel back and forth to see if that works.

Like it's basically like all the stuff you try when your car's stuck in mud or snow or sand or whatever, right? Yeah, it really is. They try to like put a board under the nacelle to see if that'll give it something a grip on mirror trip Tucker, do we have any boards?

We do not. They also don't have weps. We gotta have weps, he's the key. And that's not going to be great because they're going to get out there and they're going to get webbed the second they get free of the clamps if they can. Yeah, I mean the scene we don't see is over

on a Tholeon ship where they're like what do we have to stop them? We got to have webs. So that's our cold open. We get free and Trip is still working on getting webs online. And when we come back, Tepal has gone over to help him and they just need a few more seconds. Probably because he's so distracted by her bare midriff that, you know, he's not working as efficiently as he could. It's Stolian web in the front of them, tractor beam from behind.

There they are stuck in the asteroid. Again, they got to have these weps. That's the key. Torpedoes kind of do fast work of this Tholean felicity in getting them out of there. It is a triumphant moment. Yeah. You know? And they kill the Tholian ships.

Yeah. Easy to kill these Tholian ships. It's that moment in the video game where you have the weapon that's meant for a player that's a few levels past where you're at. Yeah. You're a little upweaponed at the moment. And that's what the defiant feels like at this moment in time. Yeah. That was the goal the whole time for Archer.

There was a moment in this that I thought was really fun. Like when they shoot a few of the Tholian ships and he's told that the rest are retreating. Like it cuts to Archer and he's like, mm, and he smiles. And I was like, man, Archer like smiles so seldom. This moment of like got him was like, was really. satisfying to see. Bacula dyed his hair for this, right? Yeah, it does seem a little darker. It's not just spiked down or what, like, it spiked differently, but it's also, it looks really dark to me anyway. They scoop up a few escape pods and we learn that the warp engines are still not working

on this ship and it's going to take quite a while for a trip to even wrap his mind around it because this thing is so much more advanced than the ship that came from. Do you think he's dealing from a full deck, given what his face looks like? Like, he took a lot of radiation to the brain container, you know? Yeah. Like, all that melty stuff is pretty close to the thinking stuff. It really is.

And it also, like, seems like maybe he can't really see out of his right eye. Yeah. Is the right eye completely silly puttied over? or is there some of it that is getting some visual field? I was hoping the crew would begin calling me Trip Rada Tucker instead of Tripp melted arm nipples, Tucker. A much more hurtful nickname, if you ask me. You'd be surprised at how cruel the nicknames are in the mirror universe.

I'll tell you that much. You'd also be surprised at how the arm nipple thing, even happened in the mirror universe. Really different story. You're never going to let that go, are you? Archer tells Trippie. He's got 12 hours to get the engines back online. And they're like, they're like, what about this, captain?

Like, this is a huge ship. It takes 400 people to operate it. There's a handful of us that survive from the enterprise. Like, we don't have enough people to even like do this. And Archer's like, no, we got to get to the front lines and put down this rebellion with our new super weapon. This is the part of the video game that we've all been waiting for. It's such an interesting argument here because, like, I feel like they could fly and operate this ship just generally, but it's the front lines of it all that just seems insane at this point to most

people who hear the plan. So meeting adjourned except for Topal, who is told that Archer takes great umbrage with the shit she pulled at the end of the previous episode. But, uh, You can't mutiny in reverse. There's no putting the mutiny toothpaste back in the mutiny toothpaste, too. And she's like, look, man, with Captain Forrest being dead, I have no one to serve besides you. It's like process of elimination. Like, you're it. I just always serve who's ever in charge, you know?

It's like, it's, I'm loyal to the office, not the man, kind of a thing. Her threat seems less because she is not a human or Terran in this world. And so the idea of her. ever taking command or muting, you know, to become the commander herself, doesn't seem like it's on the table. Yeah. I mean, there is a big rift of trust between them because she is Vulcan and there are Vulcans involved in this rebellion. And he's like, I hate the fact that I have to do this, but I'm going to keep you as first officer because nobody else on this ship can do your job. Right. It's the argument you and I have with each other.

every other month. Right. Who else is going to be your co-host besides me, Ben? I only wish I could find that question, Ben. Oh, right, right, right, right. I mean, so anyways, uh, I also love that there's like a United Federation of Planets flag in the background in all these shots and nobody has expressed any curiosity about this.

No one goes up and hugs it, which is a completely normal thing to do when you, encounter a flag? These kind of fascists, do you imagine that they would wrap themselves in it? I know. I know. Yeah. If we change the word,

are used all day long. You get a lot of Archer, you know, like smiling and acting crazy throughout the episode and the previous one, but there's a detail about this scene that I'm sure you noticed, which was like there's a lot of characters

walking around the back of other characters in a menacing fashion. This is an example of that. Archer's doing it in this scene. But when he reaches two in the sequence, I'm going to make my microphone to Paul's face. Okay. He finishes his dialogue by like yelling into her eyeball. And she's like, I know I'm an alien captain, but that's not where I hear from.

It's like that thing, like screen close looks good on screen, but in real life it would be the most uncomfortable thing ever. Yeah, yeah. I once went to an avant-garde dance performance in New York that where the audience, like, there were like pool, like those pool floaties that are like a, like a lounge chair. Is avant-garde dance performance like ATM machine? Like, do you need to say avant-garde? There were these pool floaties all over the floor in the venue and the audience laid on those and the dancers like danced all around you. And at one point, one of them got his face so close to mine that I could feel the heat from his body because he'd been like dancing for 30 minutes. I don't like that. One of the most remarkable art experiences I've ever had. And then, and then, Adam, a device that I did not previously notice was in the floor, inflated a balloon in between my legs.

Like it came up through one of the holes in the pool floaty. And so like I started to feel pressure in my groin. Was it like a circus balloon length and width of balloon? Like did it just like shoot up like a giant shaft in between your legs? It didn't actually like crests above my clothes. But like yeah, it felt like maybe like a shopping bag or something. I mean those are the things you just miss about living in New York, you know? I don't get to do shit like.

like that now that I live in L.A., you know? Go to dance performances that would get you canceled. I mean, I'm sure they exist. They're just way underground. Yeah, yeah, you gotta know somebody on the Epstein list to get into those now. Cut to Captain's Quarters, where Archer has put on the classic skin of Kermit the Frog TOS uniform. And he loves it. I found it in Captain's wardrobe.

Oh, she does too. You know, you know she's down. with the frog. Yeah. They don't have the same like Chevron on the on the breasts of these. I guess this is the one that has it down on the belly area. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, I feel like this is a thing in TOS. Like when you go to like a star base or meet somebody from another ship, sometimes it doesn't look like they're in Starfleet uniform. But yeah, he's talking to Hoshi about stuff they've found in the Defiant Computer. about the universe this ship came from and how there's nothing about the empire in there. They kind of dare each other to look at the personnel files

from the folks in the other universe. Yeah. The energy of this is very like, it feels like a setup for both of them. It was like when there was that Facebook app where women could review dudes to like see if they were cheaters or whatever. And like you would like

get your lady friend to show you what your profile looked like in that app. I do not know what you're talking about. That was a thing. That was a thing. I mean, I only heard about it like from other people on podcasts because my, my relationship predates online dating. But yeah, it was like a total thing for like, for like a year.

And then I think it got shut down for being a privacy violation or something. Archer pulls up Hoshi's file and it comes with a picture and mirror Hoshi. She looks at her and she's like, oh. I didn't really like what I, what like an optimistic smile prime ho she had in her profile photo. These really look like school pictures, like that kind of face. Yeah. Hoshi does not want to know about how her prime universe counterpart died. She just wants to drink something green.

It is green. She's like, hey, why don't we check out your. Dopples case file. Huh? You're going to spring that on me? How about we spring it on you? I really liked how this moment didn't feel like that big a deal in the moment, just like an exploration of something that anyone would be naturally curious about in a moment like

this. And instead, it becomes a huge deal because Archer finds out that his prime universe counterpart is a big deal. Yeah, it's almost the most hurtful version. that you could conjure up, the one that is more successful than the striver that Mirror Archer is that we've gotten to know. He cannot take it. He can't take that this guy's more successful than he is and also more beloved. Like that's a big part of it too. It's not just that he's captain of a special ship. It's that like planets were named after him. And like on terms that are unfathomable to him.

Like he got his planets named after it because he made peace with people. That sucks. He didn't conquer anyone. Great men are conquerors. Forget about him. Yeah, because success is taken and not earned as far as he's concerned. And if you didn't take it, it doesn't matter. Hoshi tries to chill him out.

Look, man, if you pull off this mission, you're going to have made the leap. Yeah. Like way up a couple of rungs in the Tarrant Empire. You've got Hero of the Empire written all over you if you deliver this super ship to the emperor. This is kind of persuasive to Archer, but more than that, he's like, look, if I'm in command of the most powerful ship in the fleet, I just might be on top of the York chart anyway. Yeah. Starting to go to his head a little bit. Yeah.

We catch up with Mirror Kelby, who is in one of the Jeffries tubes, and discovers that someone's been pulling. shit out of the mechanisms that they're trying to fix in order to get warp power back. He opens up a closet door and just like a bunch of wooden shoes spill out. I wonder what's in here. Hence the word sabotage. Tripp is so pissed that the plasma regulators are down. He blames Kelby basically. What's going on?

No one has time for this bullshit. Yeah. So Kelby hears like a bump in the night down the hallway, and he goes to investigate. Hey, Kelby, trick question. What do you believe my nickname is? Now I'm going to hold this phaser to your head while you think about it. What's the most you've ever lost on a trick question? Kelby goes down this hallway where he heard a bump and finds like a, a,

piece of highly machined aluminum and he gets grabbed. He gets sucked up, which, man, like getting dragged down a hallway, scary, getting dragged up something, the scariest. I wish he did a little more kicking on the way up. As it was, it just seemed like a very gentle, like claw machine kind of grab and pull. It makes me think that the apparatus used for, the lift was like not super strong or or like they didn't have a lot of takes to do this or something. It seemed strange to me that that he didn't fight it the way one would expect. I could see if you're like on the end of a rope doing a lot of kicking would make the rope like sway a lot and maybe he would he would have flown around too much.

I mean there's a chance that what we learn later to be the gorns could have like just taken him by the head and like snapped his neck. Yeah. Why not do that? We smash cut to later where Mirror flocks has examined the body. They like found Kelby's body somewhere and there are like traces of a big reptile all over this thing. They're talking about this and everyone but flocks are now rocking fancy new USS Defiant uniforms. This is the moment where like there's the conversation of like I have noticed that like ever

since we've been here it's kind of I think you know what this smells like like it smells like a lot of wood shavings under a heat lamp you know and maybe like bugs it just smells like reptile in a in a pet store you know. Yeah. You do smell like the decaying flesh of an orange but that's probably to feed the bugs. I am sure that there are reptile owners who, like, keep it clean. But, like, that section of the pet store has a smell, does it? It does. It really does. Hey, Adam, if you don't have Nate Dogg and Warren G, that means you don't have regulators,

and that means you don't have more. Regulators. They are going to need that because cruising around at Impulse, it's not going to get them to the front lines and it's not going to get them much of anywhere Legally it's just a fart joke You will never take the greatest shit alive Or die

Mention has been made that there are alien slaves aboard the ship that are like being used to help fix things and run the ship And so Archer wants to interrogate one of these guys and they get one of these dudes in a chair. He's all blue, and Mayweather is throwing hands at him. I wanted to ask you about that choice, because we've got the series' black character

being the one torturing a slave. I felt that that was intentional. Yeah. The implications of that seem evident. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, it's like one of the most confounding things about the mirror universe is that they're like human supremacists without being uh like anyone human race supremacists

was there slavery in the mirror universe i mean human slavery they talk about it in terms of being an empire that's lasted hundreds of years and but this is the first warp five ship that they just came from so like yeah there must have been I think. Yeah. You got to believe that they'd be looking for opportunities

to enslave people at every turn. Yeah, yeah. That was just kind of how they're wired. But yeah, this blue guy says that the dude

that done it told all of the slaves that they'll be killed if they reveal him. And, you know, Archer puts a gun to his neck and this guy starts

spilling the beans. Slar was their former slave master. and he is hiding somewhere on the ship, somewhere with a heat lamp. And some wood shavings. His species likes it war. What species? Gord.

He's a gourd. On the bridge, Reed uses the main viewer as a visual aid for a presentation he's giving, having to do with a search for slar. And Mirror Universe Archer can't help a daydream out of boredom, like anyone would, during a... read presentation. What he sees is Prime Universe Archer. And this guy tells him what

he would do in this situation. And that is basically to take charge and lead the assault team looking for Slar himself. Get out of this meeting. Like pull the fire alarm and go out for Slar. I mean like in every

movie the villain eventually realizes that his henches are the thing standing in between him and success. And he takes matters into his own hands. So this is that. Put an assault team together. I'll lead it myself.

They're hunting around for slar the gorn. Hoshi tells them that she's got him on sensors but can't pinpoint him directly. So Archer gets on the radio and starts a yelling-style negotiation. That's how you do it in the mirror universe, right? Then we cut over to the gorns for a second and we see it's an old-school puppet lizard

like in profile. And this got me really. excited because I thought we were going to get like that level of effects work when we finally encountered this guy for real. He hangs up on Archer. His demands were pretty simple. It's like get me off this ship and you've got Warren G and Nate Dog back where you want them. It's the classic helicopter and bag of money style negotiation except it's like I'll give up the plasma regs in exchange for a shuttlecraft. And Archer is screaming his head off at slar and he hangs up the phone.

To Paul's like, hey, you know, that was a good deal that you didn't want. Like, that might be as good as it gets, right? Yeah, but Archer's like, but that guy, like, once he's off the ship, he could go anywhere and he could bring guys, you know, that will kill us when we don't have warp power yet. I kind of want to go back to the first part of this episode and count all the times that Mirror Universe Archer storms off. he is a huge storm offer in this scene and so many others

like arm swinging like wheeling around he's tanting hard yeah he storms off the bridge into the turbo lift where he has another hallucination of prime archer talking about how like

he doesn't have the respect of anyone and he's like I tell you I get no respect You heard of my doctor, Dr. Vinny Boom Flock's? This guy, I told him I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me, have a few drinks of Tanya and get some rest. Dr. Flax told me, last week in Six Bay, he had eight cases of VD. I mean, he's all right now.

What a doctor I got. He's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer. What does he think I am? Or prisoner on Ruripente? Some dog I got, too. I changed his name from Porthos to Egypt.

Behind every bulkhead he leaves a pyramid. With my crew, I get no respect. I call him on audio only because they say my face will crack the view screen. Hoshi met me at the door of the clarinet rental closet the other night in a see-through negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. I told Hoshi a captain is like wine. They get better with age. I tell you, she locked me in the cellar.

I get no respect. A member of my crew pulled a knife on me to commit mutiny. There was butter on it. Last week, there was a warp core breach, and the ship was about to explode. My first officer told the crew to be quiet. Don't wake the captain. All right, that's it. Okay.

Incredible. I canceled a meeting today, because of that. That's another moment for me to be James Lepton. Delightful. May we talk to Jonathan Dangerfield. Anyways, now we're chasing the gorn. I thought that the sets in the guts of the ship

that they're chasing this gorn through just looked fantastic. They really did. They thread the needle between corny 60s TOS set and like modern Star Trek Enterprise lighting so that they're like they look like a place that they would really go in a way that is just masterful. I thought the same thing. And combined with the visual effects of the exterior, like when you basically comp in the Defiant 4 Enterprise on this. show and you see it zoom around space. I mean, this is the pitch for a strange new world that we wouldn't realize until much, much later, but I wonder for how long the mood board for it was just this, like this lighting

and these style sets, and it's like closer to this in color palette than what we end up getting later on. Yeah, yeah. Because like this feels much less gussied up than what strange. New World sets. Like Strange New World sets are like, are a, an homage to the original, but are like clearly a billion times more expensive to build. Yeah, they built these sets for two episodes. So cool. I looked up what happened to them afterwards. I couldn't find an answer. It's crazy that they keep doing this. I know. At least they kept the D-set. Like, that tours around now,

right? Yeah. Yeah. Prime Archer suggests defeating Slar. is take it to respect town. And that is what Mirror Archer's going to do. So he leads a Mako assault team through different areas of the ship. And like you said, there's so many areas to appreciate. It's not just like one curved corridor

that they shoot from a bunch of different angles to suggest. That it's a different place each time. Yeah. No, we see a lot of spots. And finally they pick up a biosign and the group moves to flush them out. Yeah, we're going to close off one door,

which will give Slar a single point of egress, and Archer is going to trap him there. The Makos start moving down the hallway and realize this is a trick. It's just a communicator there. The mirror Archer is so pissed! What a sneaky gorns. Yeah.

Oh, also there's a bomb that gets triggered. So everyone that fell for the communicator trick gets hit with this thing. And when Archer arrives, it is just face burgers for everyone on scene. I mean, they did just come from a Felicity, so no wonder they had remote minds. Reed is bleeding out on the ground. Archer's so single-minded, like he rolls him over. I think more to get information than anything else and it just kind of drops him.

I failed you, Captain. Archer to DePaul. Where is it? DePaul thinks that the gorn has moved. to deck nine and Archer says, okay, we're moving to plan B, access the environmental controls on that deck. We didn't really hear about the plan for plan B, but everybody knows what this means. And we go to deck nine where a lot of dead people are lying about. And I was wondering, are these mirror universe crew members that the Gorns killed, or are they like the dead victims of the defiant getting brought into the mirror universe? I think it's the second one because they're all wearing universe-appropriate uniforms.

Yeah. Like it would be weird if everyone from ISS Enterprise came over and changed clothes. I mean, a lot of them have, though. Yeah. I mean, you're right about the totality of bodies. Like, it is as if they are breadcrumbs they're following around. I love the moment where Archer like goes down the hallway and you realize that the Gorns is right above him. Yeah.

Fun to see Archer get jumped like this. It is unfortunate, though, that it's kind of a species 8472 effect once we see the Gorns full body shot. Yeah. It's not great. I also wondered like when Archer gets, you know, he gets like a belly slash from this Gorn. And there's a great big Star Trek fight. You know, a Mako is getting slimed and Archer gets knocked across the room. And I was wondering like, oh, are they going to do something about Archer being poisoned now in the way that Captain Battell was on Strange New Worlds?

But that does not seem to be an aspect of the Gorns yet in Star Trek canon. No, no. The Mako gets it way worse than Archer does in this fight scene, I thought. Yeah. Like when he's hoisted up like a boombox and, like, and his head is slammed into the side of the corridor. I don't think he's making it back from that. Yeah.

Plan B turns out to have been a, like, turn the gravity way, way up on one particular piece of plating and pin the gordon to the ground. And Archer stands up and dust himself off and wastes this dude. We didn't even get to really talk to him that much. It's that composition where Archer is aiming his weapon at the bottom corner of the frame and executing the gorns just out of frame. Yeah.

Yeah, we don't get to see it go in. Nor do we see, like, the spray. Yeah, in Newtrek, there would be, like, green gore. splashing back on him, right? Absolutely. Now we're at warp, and we hear a little starlog about how they're doing what Archer always wanted, which is to meet up with the assault fleet. And we catch up with Mirror flocks and Mirror Topaw having some space food in the galley.

And they're talking about how Reed is clinging to life in a very casual, like we don't actually give a shit if he lives or dies, kind of way. No doubt there'll be several discrete celebrations if he should expire. It's a real like, well, anyways, what you're reading? Kind of pivot out of that topic. Yeah. Shakespeare is the same.

So the universe's diverged post-Shakespeare, but a lot of the literature that they found in the Defiance computer is somewhat different from what Flax is used to. Right. And to Paul's like, you know, I read that in this ship's universe, denobulans and Vulcans are equals to humans. What do you think of that?

It's something that Dr. Flux gets pretty uncomfortable considering, both from the perspective of like, what if someone's eavesdropping on this conversation, we shouldn't even be talking about it, and also like the naughtiness of the subject. Yeah. Like, he's not supposed to know or read about these materials. This is stuff that you find in the woods. Yeah. This is gift shrunk shit.

Yeah. And he is in the middle of expressing these misgivings when we hear a call to battle stations. And we see an ISS ship, like old school Star Trek Enterprise style, being attacked by a fleet of rebels. We got Andorians and Vulcans and a couple of other types of ships in there. And on the bridge of that ship is Admiral Black as the captain and Soval as a crewman, but with beards. Gregory Yitzin has popped up from time to time in Star Trek episodes. And I'm always thrilled to see him. Yeah, he's a lot of fun.

It's hard when he's like the Admiral on an ISS Mirror Universe ship. Because, like, I want to be like, yeah! But I'm not supposed to feel that way about him. Pretty fun moment. Yeah, good stuff. Defiant comes to the rescue, and they're, like, taken out attackers. And then, like, a lot of the fleet starts to try to retreat, and Archer kills all but one of the retreating ships,

including a really big Vulcan one. and lets this one last Andorian ship go so that they can like spread his legend. Yeah. The Andorian ship was like sitting in a chair in the corner watching before leaving at the end of it. Yeah. Pretty brutal. So he invites Admiral Black over to see his fancy new starship. And when Admiral Black shows up, he's like, so battlefield promotion?

I should be the captain now, right? this should like captain of this ship specifically. I'm sure the fleet admiral has other plans for this ship. This whole mood that Archer has in this scene is I think sneakily the weirdest stuff that Bacula has done in these Mirror Universe episodes or maybe like for a long time on the series because his like greasiness, his smarminess, he wants this so bad. and he expects it to happen. And the way that your character must inflate to be deflated,

the way that it happens in this scene, is so intentional. I thought it was a really great moment to see him expect something that he thought for certain would be given to him and then to realize the betrayal of not getting that. I thought it was really well done. And meanwhile, his prime self, is there in a delusion

like salting all of these wounds as Admiral Black creates them. Yeah. He decides that Admiral Black is another impediments to his quest to get some respect.

So he like nods and Mayweather high kicks one of the dudes that the Admiral brought over and Archer takes out one of their new phasers and sets out, it's a vape on Admiral Black. Itson was on this episode for what, like three minutes?

But when it's Gregory Ittson, that might be all you need. You don't want to overseen your food. Sure. Yeah, you can't take it's an out of food once it's in there. Yeah. I mean, if you have too much it's in, you might just need to like throw a potato in the episode and just let it sit there for a while.

Cut to later where it's clear that Archer commands two ships now. Yeah. He's got a little fleet of his own. He's making a speech to both crews in the Avengers launch bay. And he is pissed that the Terran Empire assault fleet has been destroyed by these rebels. And look, that wouldn't have happened if Archer was in charge. And also, all you all, you'd be dead without him or the defiant. So what do you think about that?

What do you think about joining me and this cause to rise up against Starfleet Command? Starfleet command, he alleges, is full of, like, corrupt bureaucrats that are the reason they're losing this war. And he thinks that the defiant is the key to victory. So, yeah, he's rousing these people to his cause. If I am in this, like it's a blended crew that we're seeing in the launch bay. Yeah. If I'm down there and I'm doing the math, right? Like, we're a two-ship armada, one of those ships, extremely formidable.

The other one, just like a normal ass. Like, I only want to join this mission if I'm on the Defiant. I don't want to be on the weaker ship. Right. If I'm getting cast on step by step, I want Suzanne Summers to be my mom. Perfect metaphor. Not Patrick Duffy to be my dad. You said it.

So. What are you watching in your house? Nothing. No, they're not going to sue. They got no case. Because parody and damnifies me. So later, Saval gets a visit from Topal who throws an LLP at him. And he's like, yeh.

Like, don't even do that behind closed doors. Yeah. Very, very verboten. Speaking of verboten, they start talking about the historical files that they have been, they've both been looking through from the Defiant. To Paul is just trying to recruit people for her book club, you know? Have you read the files? Do you want to? We're all reading the files.

They start talking about how he used to be an idealist, but in his old age has become a pragmatist. and he even thinks that like archer might have a point that the empire has become corrupt and you know needs to have its head chopped off and some new leadership brought to bear on it but she thinks that if they send all the schematics from the defiant to the rebels maybe they can give the Balkans an advantage and she wants Seval to help her become a rebel Seval at first is fearful about even having the conversation and also making a choice between two bad decisions, right? Like, he could become involved in the stealing of the plans or he could lay back in the cut and watch Vulcan probably go down as a planet if Archer maintains control if he becomes the emperor. So, like, given those two choices, he comes around to conspiracy.

Yeah, like she can't do this without him. He can't do this without her. And that's like pretty tenuous, but it's enough to get them to form a little conspiracy of two. Cut to the captain's quarters where Archer can't sleep. So Hoshi tends to him. He's feeling pretty paranoid about all his senior officers, what they think about him, and that they probably want to kill him. Yeah. And he's paranoid enough about all the non-humans to want to transfer them all to the Avenger. Everyone except Dr. Flax, because Hoshi rightfully is like, you got to have a doctor, right? Yeah. You can't just get rid of them. Got to have a doctor in here.

Let's just call him what he is. He's your sex doctor. Yeah. She's like, you know, you're not exactly young anymore. And I think the chances of a sex-related injury given how often I in particular need it knocked out. We need to keep them around. I mean, she's feeling pretty psyched about the idea that she's going to become a concubine. You know, the denobulants aren't a rebellious sort.

They mostly just fuck. Yeah. They fuck and get blowfish face. So on the bridge, Topal starts secretly downloading data onto a piece of plexiglass when Archer returns to the bridge with a bunch of his goons. And they're like, oh, to Paul, you got to go to the transporter room. And this kind of feels like, oh, they're rounding up all the non-terans and sending them to the other ship. Suddenly, like, a FaceTime call blows in from Admiral Gardner, who is pissed about what is going on.

And he's like, I've been trying to get Admiral Black on the phone. Where's that guy? So much of what you see in these two Mirror Universe episodes seem like they could come right out of command and conquer video game cutscenes. And this, I think, is maybe the most representative of that. Like, the way that Fleet Admiral Gardner comes into frame and he's like, he's like, he's like looming over the camera in a strange way, and he's barely holding it together. What the hell is going on?

I thought it was just a great performance by him. You demanded Starfleet's unconditional surrender. Have you lost your mind? John Mayon. Yeah. Very funny arch villain maneuver. I love the incredulity of, yeah, it looks here like you submitted a request for our surrender. Request denied.

What the fuck? Don't approach Earth or you will be fired upon. Yeah. It's his final threat. Yeah. Flock's is getting sent to the Avenger too. Apparently Archer did not heed Hoshi's war. morning about keeping a doctor aboard.

I would be really upset about going to the worse of two ships. Yeah. Would not like that. But no, this turns out to have been a ruse. It's actually Saval and Tepal that called him over there. Yeah. And they are trying to get him roped into a plan to throw a number of wooden shoes into the defiant. At first, he's reluctant about this.

as folks tend to be when recruited into a mutiny and sabotage plan. But once they explain that if Archer fails, everyone on board's going to die, right? Yeah. So the math on that checks out. And here's the thing. If you make moves in order to save the emperor's life in this case, guess what the rewards are, Guy? Just an absolute avalanche of pussy. An unfuckable amount.

You couldn't conduct experiments as you see fit. And a lab or whatever, if that's what you're into. You know how some wealthy people have so many fancy cars they don't even drive some of them? There's no time. Yeah, yeah. Topal heads down a hallway and opens a door and finds a gun in her face. And it's hoshi. She wants to know where these schematics are.

They've realized on the defiant that these got downloaded. And DePaul's like, okay, I'll lead you to where they are. and turns around, psych, Star Trek fight. Imagine a writer's room with a whiteboard and a long table full of, I'm just going to say, dudes. Maybe a few bros in there, a lot of dudes. Some guys. Writer goes and uncaps the pen, begins writing on the blank whiteboard. Midriff fist fight.

I think that they actually write midriff cat fight and then they put a line through the sea. Yeah. This is what you start with when you're breaking this episode, right? And then you just write outward in concentric circles of plot around that. This is the promise of the episode being delivered here. Knife gets introduced to the mix

and quickly knocked out of Hoshi's hand and Hoshi gets caoed, but Tepal gets shot by the Mako that seemed to be knocked out earlier. Yeah, he was faking it. Shot her in the back. Cote over to Defiant where Dr. Flax has snuck into a Jeffrey's tube. At the same time, Saval has secured the bridge of the Avenger, along with some henches to take over at the stations. And in the briefing room, Mirror Archer is interrogating to Paul about who she's working with. and she won't answer.

She's pretty resolute about that. Yeah. Maybe even ready to die for that. She pitches her book club again in this scene. Like, have you heard the good news about the Federation? Yeah. Do you think that it's possible that humanity could pay for its arrogance? Because I do.

Yeah. The bill needs to get paid at some point. She believes it's going to be. So what Flax has to do is, like, disable something. by doing an extremely complex series of actions to a component on the ship. A component he doesn't know how to interact with. Yeah. So they're like trying to walk him through it.

And he's like, this isn't even anything like the pictures you showed me. Because he's mirror universe, like the instructions are like, okay, uh, torture the third screw on the, uh, on the upper quadrant. and then choke out in a clockwise fashion the drum full of the plasma. Yeah. These are terms that he understands. Humiliate the wire inside. Zavall was like broadcasting this up to him and they realize that somebody is trying to get on to the Avengers bridge.

and on the Defiant Bridge, Trip notices that something is amiss in the settings of the ship and that something is going wrong. And Archer and Hoshi are like getting ready to kill Tepal when Flox pulls this component out finally and they drop out of warp very suddenly and Avenger starts attacking the entrepreneur. Not the entrepreneur, the Defiant.

The entrepreneur. When Trip Tucker arrives on scene where Dr. Flox has been munking around with the wires and shit, the running spear he takes at him is positively Goldbergian. It is so fucking cool. It's such a great stunt. Yeah. I mean, I think we know that a writer's room full of chicks and ladies

and women wrote this scene and then wrote the rest of the episode and concentric circles around it. Absolutely. Yeah. What a fist fight here. The Trip on Dr. Flock's fist fight. Amazing stuff. Trip gets the upper hand and he starts plugging stuff back in.

And that gets the power back on. And with that, Archer orders the shields back up and the weapons come online too. And Defiant really starts laying it on, Avenger. enough for it to retreat. They blow up that little thing like in between the nacelles but I've never quite known what that is on Enterprise.

Is that where the engine room is? You know like on kitchen scissors there's like that hole in the middle that you can chop bone with? That's bone. Oh yeah, or like grip on like a really tight bottle cap to get it off. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like that. It's that thing. They're trying to retreat and Archer goes in to finish the job. RSVP, the ISS Avenger. I mean, Avenger is completely busted. And speaking of busting, Archer and Hoshi have just finished their latest fuckfest in the aftermath.

But Archer's all about work. Yeah. He wants to erase the historical database on the ship. I mean, I often am. put in a mindset of undoing and erasing after intercourse, you know? Oh, sure. Like imploring upon the person you've just had sex with. Maybe you could forget about this and so many other things.

I tell you, my wife. We agreed to only smoke after sex. I'm on the same pack since 1975. She smokes three a day. What happens? happens when they return to Earth. Archer predicts that he will be installed as emperor and he'll be able to put down the rebellion. But, you know, as he starts talking about it, something's not sitting well with him. Something doesn't feel good. Yeah. He poured that last little bit of champagne from

high up and it hit his tongue with such impact that it disabled him. And he's now rolling around on the floor and we realize he's been poisoned and Mayweather comes in and starts making out with Hoshi. Maybe the most surprised I have been while watching this series. But maybe I shouldn't have been because isn't it just so Mirror Universe Mayweather to be instrumental to the A story? He was A story the whole time. We just didn't know it.

didn't realize. Another double cross. Incredible. Now she's on the bridge, threatening Admiral Gardner, as Empress Sato. She's already self-appointed. Yeah.

Yeah. The emperor isn't even on this call. Doesn't realize that they're no longer emperor. Incredible. Whose ship? Ho's ship. Whose empire? Hoshi's empire.

Admiral Gardner better get on the level. Otherwise, she's going to start licking shots on Earth. Yeah. I'm not going to like that. Well, did you like the exciting conclusion to In a Mirror darkly? I can't pay. Couldn't for late. Got no case.

Temp things. You know what I was surprised about? Is that these two episodes had zero interaction with the Prime Universe. The only time we see Prime Archer is a hallucination by a guy who has never met him. So often in these stories, that's what we're talking about, the conflict between the two universes, the interactions between them. Yeah. That we just got the opportunity to just live in this universe for a couple of episodes, go through a story arc. I thought was great.

I love that decision quite a bit. it's so much better to me because it doesn't dirty up the prime universe in any way and I liked staying in the universe the entire time and like seeing what is different about these people that look the same I love the sets the sets are are one of the stars of these two episodes I love how arch Archer is I think he's a lot of fun as an evil guy while still not being like, like there's a version of the mirror universe

that's just kind of disgusting. And I think we saw elements of that on Star Trek Discovery where it's just like disturbing. Yeah. Have him sent to the butcher. We'll have fresh soup tomorrow. But nothing about this was.

You know, it was just like camp horror. Yeah. And that hits different. Like we can enjoy watching these guys run around killing each other because they deserve all the bad things that keep happening to them. And it's just an interesting fun time without feeling yucky. I mean, we joked about Mayweather's revelation at being in the A story. But like, I also have some hard feelings about these episodes for that reason, too, because like Linda Park got so much to do these two episodes. And it just goes to show like, she's a fucking animal kept in a cage on this show. Like, she's so good. She can do so many different things.

Yeah. And yet, like, the communications officer on Enterprise just ultimately doesn't have a lot to do and doesn't have a lot of interesting things to do. And I wish she had more opportunities over the past four seasons. Like her especially, these last two episodes, was like a recognize her. game level of performance here. This feels so much like those last two seasons of TNG, where they started to like barely pull back the curtain on how great Gates McFadden and Marina Surdice were and like giving them

like juicier roles. And like, I don't know why Star Trek kept doing this over and over and over again. Yeah, kind of incredible. But yeah, really fun episode overall. I had a great time talking about it with you, Adam. Do you want to see if there's anything in the priority one inbox? Let's see if they're prime or mirror. First of all.

Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel. Need a supplemental income. Supplement. Supplement. Yeah, it's extra. The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship. Ben, we got a promotional priority one message here. Tell me about it, Adam.

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Got another P1 here. This one is from Iris and it's due Jason. Happy meat-aversory to he who is my person. It's been 10 years of laughs, love, disc, mead, and music. And I wouldn't trade it for all the latinum in the universe. I might like you a little strawberry. I don't know when my meat aversary is. I'm a little envious of the folks that have that, have that down.

Yeah, really sweet. Hey, you're wearing a mead shirt. I am, yeah. That boss meady shirt. Yeah. So Iris and Jason sent us on the right day. That's true. Then our final priority one message here is from Nick and I guess Tusky.

And it's to the Minnesota FODs. Here's how that message goes. I was introduced to the Minnesota FODs when some of them flew out to California to meet my cat because of this dumb podcast. Y'all have been through a lot lately, so thank you for fighting the good and honorable fight. May all this be over soon. Much love to y'all. Yeah, may all this be over soon indeed. Thank you for fighting the good fight, Minnesota FOD.

been thinking a lot about Minnesota FODs. They are, I mean, every time we go out on tour, we try to go to Minnesota because they're so special and fun. Yeah. Yeah, we owe them a visit for sure. And we owe them our thanks, it sounds like. Yeah. Well, if you would like to shout someone out or call our podcast dumb, we encourage it. Go to maximum fun.org slash jumbotron and get yourself a P1 today.

Got to. Hey, Ben? What's that, Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Incredible. Drunk Shimoda! I had to give it to Mayweather. Like, that has to be one of the most fun things.

I mean, after your character is so chronically underused over the course of the show to get revealed to have been the A plot the entire time after an arc like this is really fun. And I mean, he still doesn't have a lot to do, but he got in a pretty sweet high kick on that one guy. Yeah. And then got to kiss the Empress at the end. Good times. Yeah, I think for related reasons, I'm going to make mine hoshi. She fights and she fucks and she takes command by the very end.

Mm-hmm. She does it all. She really does. She really leans in in this episode. Yeah. Faith of the fart. This was a fun episode, Adam. But we've got to start thinking about next episode, which will be season four, episode 20 of Star Trek Enterprise.

It's called Demons. A xenophobic faction of humanity threatens to undermine talks to form a new coalition of planets. Hmm. Adam, to find out how we will be reviewing that episode, I need you to head to gach.biz slash game, where we keep the game of buttholes, the will of the Riker, quantum leap, and roll our hundred-sided die to see where the runabout lands

and if it modifies what we have to do for next week's episode. You're required to learn as you play. Roll. Currently our runabout is on square 49. That is the reason this has been a regular old episode, but who knows what it'll be next week. Let's find out.

I thought I lost it. Like, I looked around the board, and I'm like, I don't see it anywhere. The reason why is because it's at the very upper left corner. Whoa. It is on square 100. Shula! Did I win? Hardly.

Right next to that Naomi Wildman Square. Yeah, that's it. So, end of the board. Regular old episode for us. All right. Yeah. I like it. Yeah.

Looking forward to next week. gotta thank all the people who brought you the show this week though of course the friends of de Soto who support at maximum fun.org slash join the main people who make this all possible so blame them we gotta thank windy pretty our producer and editor we gotta thank rob adler the editor of the greatest newsletter which you can sign up for at graystrecht.com or at podshop.biz

Podjob.Biz. Great place to buy a piece of merch to rep your love of the greatest generation. We also got to thank Bill Tilly, the card daddy, making hilarious trading cards every week and posting them on the At Greatest Trek social media accounts,

which he helps Rob Adler run. How funny are those? The funniest. All killer, no filling with Bill Tilly. He always eats with every card he eats. Yeah. Got to thank Adam Ragusea, who made

the Faith of the Heart parody song that you heard at the beginning of the episode, and Dark Materia who made the card song, which you're hearing right now. Have a great time online with the Friends of Dissota. Why don't you sign up for that Discord? Drunkshamoto.com, really fun group of people. Or the Reddit, which has like 6,000 users or something like that? 14,000 members. It's official.

Holy shit. Yeah. I was off by so much. Yeah, I just clicked on it now. There's 480 people there right now. No kidding. Online. Go talk to them.

Talk to a pimp. With that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise and an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise that feels like it is your move, creep. Are we talking about demons or maybe perhaps there's a seaman demon? Mm-hmm. Somewhere. Somebody is going to get his dick blown off. Next week.

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