The Greatest Generation - Structural Bees (ENT S1E24)
Episode Date: October 21, 2024When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress signal from Clancy Brown’s ship, they stop to help with repairs and he invites them to postpone their vacation again. But when Captain Archer’s reputation... leads Trip to think they may have been honey-potted, the implications of taking sides in other peoples’ wars is something they finally start to consider. Why are new construction hives so much less desirable? What’s the problem with a tactical napkin deployment? Is there an advantage to wearing velvet robes in the desert? It’s the episode that’s just trying to avoid a My Girl situation.P1 Link: www.ewb-dc.org/projects/sierra-leoneSupport the production of The Greatest GenerationGet a thing at podshop.biz!Sign up for our mailing list!Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum LeapThe Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde PriddySocial media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill TilleyMusic by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFriends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | JusticeDiscuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:YouTube | Facebook | X | Instagram | TikTok | Mastodon | Bluesky | ThreadsAnd check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social
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Welcome to the Greatest Generation.
It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Ben Harrison.
Good morning. I'm Adam Pranica.
It's a rare morning record.
Yeah.
I feel like it's not so rare anymore.
It feels like it's happening more and more often.
Morning records used to be hard.
Like I remember going like, God,
how am I gonna wake up and be funny?
And I'm a little jet lagged from coming back from our London show.
And I was, I've been up for many hours.
I feel fine.
I too have been up for many hours, but that's because I have a small child.
Is it not because your neighbor's alarm went off at five in the morning?
Can you give us an update on that?
A couple days in a row of it not going off or going off and being immediately turned off.
Yeah, we didn't actually make contact.
I haven't been able to address the situation directly with them.
There's another thing that I've been wanting to bring up,
which is that there is a tree on their side of the line
that has a trunk that is totally packed with bees.
And that tree trunk is right outside my back door.
So every time I walk out my back door,
I'm like,
ah, ah, ah!
There's like tons of bees,
like right around the back door of my house all the time.
You should get a bee guy to come out.
I wanna get a bee guy.
I wanna get one of those like ASMR bee guys
from social media to come and like lovingly re-home the bees.
But these neighbors are just so, they stay to themselves.
They have a huge tall hedge in front of their house.
Like they're very hard to get in touch with.
They're not going to care about you calling in a bee person to
take care of the bee thing.
Just do it.
You can't live like this.
I can't live like this. I can't live like this. The issue is that this tree is growing up through the roof of their house.
Like it like... Like Swiss family Robinson style?
Yeah, it like grew past the eve. And so probably if this tree has to come down,
which it probably should given where it is, it will probably require them to replace the
roof of their house.
So it's kind of a, I'm knocking on your door
with a $20,000 problem, you know?
I mean, just take care of the bee thing first, man.
I don't know enough about bees in trunks.
Do you think these are structural bees?
I'm just thinking, like, if you have to cut the trunk open
to get the hive out.
You're going to want to make sure these
have load- load bearing bees. Once you take out the queen, the whole structure
can possibly come down.
We've consulted with an apian engineer who assures us
that these bees can be safely removed.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I just get the sense that they're not
like sitting on extra money to replace a roof that don't know. I mean, I just get the sense that they're not like sitting on extra
money to replace a roof that, you know.
This is a classic Ben conflict here. Benjamin R. Harrison would rather be attacked by bees
every time he leaves his home.
Yes.
Versus alert a neighbor about a problem that the neighbor clearly does not know about.
I think they know about it and don't want to deal with it.
You know what?
That's tough cookies, man.
It's your fucking job as a homeowner to make sure that your tree doesn't fall in a neighbor's
house or that it's not full of bees that are going to sting a person.
I'm sorry.
I agree.
I would never allow a bee tree to upset a neighbor of mine.
This is an anti-bee tree podcast, alright?
Oh man.
It's about time everyone knows that.
If you're pissed off about this being an anti-bee tree podcast, call 204-9844-FUN.
Did you intentionally get that number wrong?
You fucking throwing your body in front of the max fun phone line
No, it's 206 984 for fun, right? Yeah
If you've got if you've got a view related
Incident going on between you and your neighbors
You might just want to call that number if you're afraid to tell your neighbors that their
Treebees are putting your child in danger.
You might be Benjamin R. Harrison.
I bet Doron has got a very cute beekeeping costume.
Hey, guess what?
Halloween's just around the corner, man.
That's a great concept.
How about that?
It's beekeeper family.
That might supplant firefighter or train conductor in the running.
You know what a classically passive aggressive Adam Franica move would be in this case?
The whole family dresses up as beekeepers for Halloween and then repeatedly rings the
doorbell of the neighbor's yard as just like the constant trick-or-treaters.
We assume you have lots of honey for us, given the deal over there.
Yeah.
Wow.
I'm going to be asking for an update on future shows.
I think FOD is deserved to know what's going on there.
I mean, the tree bee situation has been going on for six months.
This is not new news.
This is going to just really out me as the idiot that I am. Are bees kind of seasonal? Like,
would you expect the bees to go away as it gets cooler? Cooler in quotes in LA. Or are these bees
here to stay? I feel like they, if they're going to the trouble of building a hive,
they probably want to hang out in that hive, right? I mean, you'd think so. Yeah. The new
construction hives though, the build quality is shit.
You watch them put this thing up and then you see the leak abatement people six months later
with their van parked out front. It's like, how do they build this brand new building?
They don't know how to keep water out of it.
There's a box on box house a couple of blocks away from where I live. New construction.
It's been for sale ever since it was built. No one's bought it. And the crews have come in and
totally like, they're already tearing that thing apart because it was built incorrectly.
This is an expensive project they're doing on an unsold home. That's just how it is.
They need to call the bees in there. Bees know what they're doing.
I mean, they're going to start by moving into a tree that is destroying someone's home.
And destroying someone's childhood, it sounds like.
Yeah. Doing a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. Adam, no bees in the desert
in this episode.
That's the truth, isn't it?
Yeah. You want to get into an episode of Star Trek Colon Enterprise?
I really do, Ben. It's Star Trek Enterprise Season 1, Episode 24, Desert Crossing.
I'm going to begin with the ultimate question, Ben.
Okay.
Favorite dessert?
Creme brulee is my top.
Tiramisu.
There we go.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
Tiramisu?
What a useless dessert.
God, I didn't expect that kind of reaction.
Jesus.
You are literally yucking my yum.
I yuck your yum.
I yuck it.
What is the problem with tiramisu?
It's good.
It gives you a little bump from the caffeine.
Tastes a little boozy sometimes.
I'd say Italy and their desserts can go fuck themselves.
Wow. Italy and their desserts can go fuck themselves.
Wow, Italy and their desserts. Yeah, don't care for them.
Well, you heard it here. This is an anti-bee tree podcast and also anti-Italy podcast.
The hot takes always come on time for Benjamin R. Harrison.
I suppose the country is fine.
I just think that they can leave the desserts at home.
Jesus.
Leave that to the French, you know?
They really know what they're doing with the sweet.
Outrageous.
All right.
Well, Archer's Log tells us that Enterprise is heading back towards Risa.
Thank God.
Finally.
Everyone's about to bust at this point.
Finally. Everyone's about to bust at this point.
His plan we hear recorded is kind of a solo vacation trip from the sounds of it, but a
distress call interrupts this scene before we get too far down the road with him.
And these Ryza plans have been blown up again as the ship is going to have to change course
to intercept a ship in distress.
Yeah, and this ship in distress is the Clancy Brown ship, the Clancy Brown that we were promised
when we read the description of this episode last week.
You know how so often there's like the aircraft carriers are named after presidents in this
country and then there are the other ships in the fleets that are named after presidents in this country. And then there are the other ships in the fleets
that are named after people famous or infamous or whatever.
USS Clancy Brown sounds like a ship that exists today.
They should commission that.
Yeah.
Man, would it be one of those like really modern ones
that's all like weird angles
that looks like a cyber truck on the water?
Or would it be like the classic ones that look like they could be,
you know, there could be like a World War II deck gunner up there.
I mean, Clancy Brown is a classic, just a stone cold classic of an actor.
I'd hope for a classic, just a classic battleship.
Yeah.
For a guy like that.
Totally.
Unmothball a battleship.
Rechristen it the USS Clancy Brown.
Now you're in business.
You telling me you're a country that's
threatening another country when the USS Clancy
Brown rolls up on your doorstep?
Oh, yeah.
We're pulling that into the territorial waters around you.
Yeah.
You're fucking shutting your yap.
Yeah.
Not going gonna happen.
Can we talk a little bit about
the way Clancy Brown sounds in this episode?
Not just the like,
fact that he's like doing Tevye with his accent.
What kind of mischief can I play on my friend Tevye?
But also, like almost all, if not all of his dialogue
seemed like it was looped to me.
I thought that maybe he wasn't familiar with Star Trek,
and the only episodes he watched were the Voyager episodes
with Leonardo da Vinci, and he's like,
oh, I could kind of do my best da Vinci voice for this.
Ha-ha! It's Sato!
I kind of wondered if he was just being regular-ass Clancy Brown,
and then he was like...
Do we know what Clancy Brown actually sounds like?
I assume he doesn't sound super different from Shawshank Clancy Brown.
Yeah.
You got that, you maggot-dick motherfucker!
Ooh!
But then, like, when he saw the dailies, he was like,
oh, man, I should have done more of a Tevye thing with that.
I didn't find any evidence of this
in the production notes, but yeah, I wonder
if he did his episode and he was like,
ah, that kind of sucks.
Like, I'm an alien with just a little something on my chin.
Maybe I need to give it a little bit more
in the voice department.
Oh, you're going to enjoy this.
Maybe, here's my theory of the case.
The ship that he flies that we see getting repaired
by Trip Tucker is something that is CG'd
into all of those shots.
So he didn't even get to look at what the spaceship
of this character would be until perhaps later.
And he was like, oh no, that's not like a Clancy Brown
guy spaceship, that's more of like a, oh, this is a, we'll put this spaceship up in the air.
Ha ha ha ha.
We are edging more into this territory.
I've been accused of war crimes.
The spaceship is a total piece of shit, but they fixed it.
And he's like, you got gotta come chill at my home planet,
accept my invitation.
I will be a total asshole about it if you don't accept my invitation.
I should warn you, Captain. I am easily offended.
Great news, we have a weird sport that you'll absolutely love. And for some reason,
Archer agrees to suspend their journey to Risa
so that they can go accept this guy's hospitality.
Did you believe that Zobral,
the name of the Clancy Brown character,
did you believe that he was actually taking offense
or this was sort of a bit offense that he's doing here.
It seemed like a bit offense,
but then Archer takes it really seriously.
The way that you would expect him to, yeah.
Yeah, I mean like Archer's not doing bits that much.
So maybe he just has like a bad bit filter.
And if you think about Archer's experience
for the entire first season,
it's rare for him to encounter an alien that wants to hang out with him or have a conversation or whatever.
So he's like a puppy when an alien is like actually open to his overtures.
He's like, wow.
He has not received affection in a very long time.
This is his risa.
Totally.
So he tells Trip like, hey, great news.
We've been invited to a piece of shit desert.
And Trip is like, man, I wanted to get my dick wet.
I wanted Jamaja Roan.
Maybe I'll just stay up on the ship
and wrench on the warp core or whatever.
But Archer kind of insists.
You don't understand what these nipples do in the heat.
They chafe real bad. I mean, you fell chafing with your two nipples do in the heat? They chafe real bad.
I mean, you fell chafing with your two nipples.
Imagine eight more along your forearms,
rubbing against the inside of your sleeves,
but also against the side of your body
as you swing your arms when you walk.
Have you seen me walk?
I really swing the arms.
I really feel bad for Tripp Tucker here,
because I've occasionally been the Jonathan Archer of these conversations
I really want to do something and I really want to do it with this buddy
Yeah, and this isn't my buddy's thing. No, but I don't want to do it by myself
No, like this hard sell is extremely hard and finally
Trip gets tipped over into being a part of this. Archer and Trip just have really different ideas of fun.
Yeah.
They head down to 41 degree temperatures on this planet,
which...
Nobody even knows how hot that is.
That one's fine, honestly.
Yeah, I don't know what they're complaining about.
It's hotter than hell out there.
They're wearing their special sand kit uniforms,
which I do like quite a bit.
Yeah, those were cool.
They discuss a little bit like doing survival training
in the desert and having to eat snake meat and stuff
and Tripp is not relishing that.
So it is a big relief when the first thing they stop
and do is have a great big meal with Clancy Brown
and they're drinking Jasalat, a local cactus wine.
Oh yeah, taking cactus wine to the dome.
Is that just like before you actually distill tequila, what it would be?
Oh, interesting.
Like pre-tequila fermented cactus juice?
You know, pre-tequila can still get you pregnant, Ben. Hahaha.
There you salt it long. This is feeling like a way better desert experience than last time for Trip.
He might be coming around to the idea.
Until they get served the bloody testicle soup.
Mmm.
The essence of the male, chopped and seasoned.
Yeah, that is not an ideal dish. I expected some tactical napkin deployment here. You know,
one of those like, like, oh, the napkin over the face. Yeah, that kind of thing. There's
no spit out. You always think that that's subtle, but everybody knows what you're doing.
Because you're never both hands wiping your entire face
with a napkin otherwise, you know?
Yeah, yeah, it's rough.
Archer makes the mistake of admiring a tapestry on the wall,
and so Brawl just wants to fucking rip it right off
of the wall and give it to him. It's awkward.
Like, this is a sort of kindness that is just a little over the top for Archer.
Yeah.
And he's like, I would have nowhere to hang that.
And so, so Brawl is like, all right, fine.
Well, I'll give you something else then.
How about this little sculpture made by a Suleybon?
And Archer's like, take my Suleybon Trinket, please.
This is small enough for carry-on luggage.
And I think this is why Archer finally agrees to take it.
Yeah.
Like no liquid in there.
So TSA is not going to have a problem with it.
The sound of a chime indicates that the Jesgana or Gesgana, Jif or Gif.
I don't remember.
This game is about to begin
and Zobral encourages them to not just watch,
but to participate.
And Ben, this is a kind of Star Trek episode problem
that we've seen quite a bit.
These crew people agreeing to play a game
that they have no idea about
when death could easily be on the line.
You gotta get the rules
before you agree to play the game, right?
Right, is this a spiky bird type of game
or is it space lacrosse with a LED lit up ball
as we find out it is?
I was expecting it to be more rugged.
Like it's a very sport of the future looking, but like anytime you play a game on the sand, I'm thinking it to be more rugged. Like it's very sport of the future looking.
But like anytime you play a game on the sand,
I'm thinking Rambo 3.
Like we're gonna be riding around on horses,
dropping sheet bodies onto little circles
drawn out of the sand and that's gonna be the game.
This just looks very sophisticated.
The sticks also look like they were like very pointy
at the end and I thought that people were gonna be like
stabbing or otherwise harming pointy at the end. And I thought that people were going to be like stabbing
or otherwise harming each other with the sticks.
Like they get bloody,
but it's just from like body checking and stuff.
The whole like volleyball is to beach volleyball
what lacrosse is to beach lacrosse kind of vibe here.
Right? Yeah.
I do like that they were playing shirts and skins
and that Archer and Tripp just assumed that they're skins
when Zebrall throws them into the game.
It's like the volleyball scene from Top Gun
except a little more dudes in their 40s, you know?
Yeah.
It'd be like if you and I were cast
in the volleyball scene from Top Gun.
Like, disappointing, but you know, you get the idea.
Yeah.
You can imagine that one special lady is up for whatever that is.
Yeah.
She doesn't see very well.
Back on the Enterprise bridge, they get a hail from a place
pretty far away from this camp where they're playing this game.
And the dude on the FaceTime also has a little something on his chin
and he's asking questions
about why they're hanging out with Zebral.
Yeah.
Because odds are they're dead.
I love how casually he puts this.
Oh, that's interesting.
That's what they're hanging out with.
I hope you're aware that most likely
you'll never see your captain or engineer again.
I do like just the implication of like, hey, like urgent concern several hours ago you
sent somebody down to the surface of our planet.
Like what were you doing in the hours since then?
Yeah.
This is kind of a running thing in Enterprise, right?
Like the people taking their time to respond to something but then making it sound super urgent when they do.
It's the future past.
Things aren't as instantaneous as we've come to expect
with the course of watching Star Trek series.
They sure aren't.
So yeah, Archer and Tripp finish up their game.
They're not very good at this sport.
Two centimeters to the right and we're ahead.
Next I'm gonna set you up with a no look pass.
I thought that they did a nice job of having the other guys look pretty solid
at this and, and Tripp and Archer look like they were having fun trying to
learn it on the fly.
I'm glad this wasn't a situation where they get the game immediately and are
great. Like I love Archer taking the shot and missing.
Yeah.
I think that's a good look.
It is.
He whiffs it and gets his radio out and talks to Paul,
who's like, hey, maybe like step away from the other guys
while I talk to you about this.
They stand accused of being terrorists
by a guy that claims to be the government of this planet.
You may be in danger.
That's an interesting point you made, Ben,
because when you're on Star Trek,
you're always on speakerphone, right?
Yeah.
None of these communicators come with an earbud.
You always have to be like,
yeah, I'm in the car with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
how you doing?
That's it, exactly, yeah.
And there's a moment where after the call,
Archer hits up Trip and he's like, all right,
looks like there's a situation back on the ship
we gotta get to.
And Trip takes kind of a while to pick up
what Archer's putting down.
Did it sound to you like the thing about the warp core
was code?
Like they'd established a like,
if I say something to you about this warp core problem,
you'll know that like it's actually serious
and we do need to go.
It sure does seem like there would be a pre-arrangement about the code, like sort of the like blind
date phone call.
Right.
To get you off the hook situation.
I thought it was nice when the captain said that, that Tripp goes, oh, I'm sorry, captain.
I forgot how the code goes.
Anyways, Clancy Brown has to reiterate that he is a very easily offended man. And if in fact, this is about the chancellor dogging him out to Commander T'Pol,
that is really going to burn his toast.
And he persuades Archer to kind of hear him out.
He's like, you know, like I know that those guys
don't like me and talk shit about me every chance they get.
But if you hear my side of the story, you're actually
going to want to help me.
And this is part of why I have brought you here.
Whoa, what a revelation.
His ship probably didn't in fact need to send an
emergency distress signal.
He was, he was attempting to get in touch with Archer specifically.
This is never confirmed,
but do you think that's what happened here?
He was honeypotting a little bit?
I think so, yeah.
I wonder if the micro fracture in his hull
was something that he did on purpose
or if he didn't even realize that his ship had a micro fracture.
I don't know. We aren't made to know.
We are not.
So Brawl tells the story of, look, those guys are cast holes.
And they hate me and the sports that we play out here.
It's a bad scene.
Like there was a time when the promise of freedom was made
once the caste system was dissolved, but that just ended up being a big lie.
And so, like, I heard about you, Jonathan Archer.
I heard you're a great and heroic man.
Wouldn't you like to help us fight for our freedom?
The legend that has spread of Jonathan Archer is pretty intense.
Like, the Suleyman Prison Break of a few episodes ago is something that Clancy Brown has heard about and was a much bigger operation in
his imagination than it actually was. And this is a war of liberation that he's
fighting, not a like terrorist war as it has been characterized by the
Chancellor. Like he tells the story of the jailbreak and so forth
and the Suleyman incident.
And then like kind of a lot of the story
is about his virility and sexual prowess.
Like legendary stick man storytelling happening here.
Yeah, and Archer's like,
oh, you flatter me, sir.
I mean, like, you know, I can fuck pretty good,
but it's not like I'm a legend.
I've heard about you, Jonathan Archer,
and yet I've heard nothing of this friend of yours
with all the nipples.
I was honestly surprised when you flung that ball
and you missed the hole.
I was told that you always hit the hole.
My people have written songs about you. Let me play one on this out of tune piano.
Stick around for the second verse because it is about your friend with the nipples.
A sound interrupts their conversation and it's Tyrathan cruisers on their way to attack.
their conversation and it's Tirathan cruisers on their way to attack.
Hey, go ahead and hide in this basement while we fight is the pitch that Zobral gives to Archer and Trip and they fucking do it.
What?
They have never seen what's going on in the basement of this place.
Yeah.
I did not love this instinct by them at all.
of this place. I did not love this instinct by them at all.
We have seen them dogfight in their shuttle pods. I wondered if they were... This is discouraged as a plan.
Yeah, like Wyatt has assumed that their shuttle pod would be no match for whatever is coming in
on this strafing run. But yeah, they go down into the bunker and hang out there and they can't
reach the entrepreneur and the entrepreneur can't reach them. And like we are told that there's no
way the entrepreneur could possibly mount a rescue given the assault that's taking place.
So they just have some time to talk and Tripp is like telling the captain like,
hey man, maybe not a great idea to join the cause
of somebody that lured you here under false pretenses.
Yeah, that seems wise.
But like Archer, like he is surfing Benjamin R. Harrison
in this episode, because he's like,
Zebral might be mad if I say no.
Yeah, that's definitely the vibe. Faith of the fart.
There have been times in my life where I worried that my attention span was getting shorter.
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This season on the Adventure Zone, Abnibles.
Get ready for a brand new crime fighting trio here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal citizens of River City. Featuring Justin McElroy as Axelile, the firefighting
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And you will never take the greatest gin alive.
Ben would rather die.
Back on Enterprise, they pick up the attack on their sensors and they're barely able to
communicate with Archer down in this basement.
That's what happens.
You go down into the basement, you lose all your cell reception.
Yeah.
It's an old house, you know, like thick walls that, I mean, they keep the water out,
but they also keep the cellular coverage out.
They can't beam them back either, and Reed's stupid fucking proposition of going down on
a shuttle pod is shot down as fast as he would be on this rescue mission that he's proposed.
I mean, we get to see just the destructive power of the world government here because
Zabral's house gets taken out.
Yeah, it's toothpicks.
All of those beautiful tapestries gone.
All that bloody testicle soup just dumped into the sand.
Oh, what a shame.
Yeah, what a waste.
So Trip and Archer run out of this ruined structure and go to the shuttle.
And instead of like trying to take off in the shuttle, they get gear out of the
shuttle and then like run into the desert.
I think for this episode to be good for you, you've got to be down with this
plan and I'm, I just do not get the plan.
You got to get in and fly the ship, right?
They both seem risky. You're exposed not get the plan. You gotta get in and fly the ship, right? They both seem risky.
You're exposed out in the desert.
They both seem risky,
but the shuttle seems like it can defend itself
better than like two dudes in rash guards
walking through the desert.
Right, yeah.
We don't know what's in that desert.
They could be sand worms.
God, what a monster.
I think the show has also established
that Archer and Trip aren't very good shuttle pilots
either, so maybe that's a part of it.
Right, like they can't even dodge a wrench in a shuttle.
No, yeah.
Much less a ball.
So they get some shit out of the shuttle and back on the Enterprise Bridge, T'Pol is pissed
about being left in the dark about the encampment attack by that magistrate from
before.
And this guy with the stuff on his chin on FaceTime was under the impression that they're
aiding and abetting terrorists.
And this guy fucking hangs up on her.
Chancellor.
If you attempt to launch another shuttlecraft, we'll have no choice but to consider it as
an enemy vessel.
He does not seem to be super worried about the idea that they might have killed the captain. Not at all. He is not afraid of starting a diplomatic incident here and
it is the next morning down on the planet and we get a long lost in the desert montage with the captain and Trip.
Did you see where they shot this?
I was curious if they like,
I didn't know that there were sand dunes like this in the US.
I can't imagine that they went to like Tunisia
to shoot this episode of Star Trek.
Yeah, I doubt that myself.
I mean, maybe they went to the Carolinas
to like Kitty Hawk or something.
Oh shit. You think these are beach dunes?
I have no idea.
I can't tell the difference between beach dunes
and desert dunes.
Wow, so all dunes look the same to you.
They do. Cool.
They do.
Wow.
Desert dissolve as a stylistic choice.
You just have to do it.
You got to.
Nice dissolve.
When you're walking through the desert,
you need the super long dissolves
playing out your sequence here.
And that's what you get.
It is absolutely required of all filmmakers.
They do a good job of making this look miserable, right?
This looks like it fucking sucks.
Yeah, it seems to be hitting Trip way harder than it's hitting Archer.
Trip is just less desert compatible than Archer is.
I mean, Trip has 47 more nipples than Archer.
I'm losing a lot of extra water here, Captain.
I'm lactating.
You're never gonna let that go, are you?
They've got a 30 kilometer walk ahead of them,
a distance that I can't process.
I have no idea how long of a walk that's going to be.
Sounds long.
Yeah, and this sounds terrible forpp Tucker. It doesn't seem like
he's going to make it. And especially when he starts maybe hallucinating a ship in this scene.
Is it a shuttle pod? No, it's not. It's the worst thing. It's another Tarothan cruiser that they
have to hide from by burying themselves in the sand. Yuck. Ugh. That sand gets everywhere when you're sweaty, especially.
Sure does.
And they're like a little confused
that they haven't been rescued yet.
Yeah.
Like it seems like they should be spotable.
Like it's just unbroken sand as far as the eye can see.
If you had to bury yourself in the sand,
do you think you could?
That seems really hard.
Like to hide yourself from a cruiser attack.
It seems like it would take a long time to do well.
But, yeah, they managed to do it.
I loved how when they reveal themselves
after being under the sand,
it's like the scale was really surprising.
Like, I was like, oh, it's gonna be little of them
under the sand.
I was like, no, this is like a pretty close up shot
of them under the sand actually.
Yeah. Yeah.
Anyways, up on the ship, we have a McLaughlin group.
Issue one.
They're talking about this, you know, scattering field
that surrounds the planet.
And Reed is, again, just like advocating
for the most violent possible response to the situation. So he
wants to start shooting down satellites.
It's violence against satellites. It's not violence at all.
But I mean, to Paul's point is well taken that this is going to be an incredibly provocative
move by them.
You're such a Benjamin R. Harrison about this, man. The captain and first officer are in
danger and in the middle of a war and they're getting shot at. You think returning fire at their
satellites is a provocation that supersedes what's going on on the surface?
We don't know what kind of firepower the people on this planet have. They might have like
25 ships that they could send after the entrepreneur. They're lucky their presence in orbit is being
tolerated right now. My vote send after the entrepreneur. They're lucky their presence in orbit is being tolerated right now.
My vote is shoot the satellites.
Wow.
Shoot them all, every fucking one of them.
Let God sort them out?
Yeah, exactly.
Jesus.
There's a transition in the scene
that I felt a little bit bumped by
that I wanted to ask you about.
Like the whole read into Paul conversation happens
and then the camera feels like it pivots to Hoshi
and Hoshi's like, how'd you make first contact day work?
And it's such a change of subject.
I found it, like by the time the conversation ends,
I get where her mind is at.
Right.
But I found the transition really interesting,
and as a hard transition especially, conversationally.
It winds up being a conversation about like,
what do the Vulcans think about when they think about
where to do first contact?
Because we did first contact in a remote place with these people.
Yeah. which is not
dissimilar from what the Vulcans did. They were in fucking Montana.
Yeah. How did we screw this up was a question Hoshi... Hoshi doesn't ask as directly as
that. She indirectly asks that question.
Yeah. I like to Paul going like, yeah, but Archer is going to have to figure this out
eventually because what he's doing is clearly not working
most of the time.
Right, every time Archer does first contact,
they end up in a firefight or eating gruel
without using their hands.
He's on a bad streak here.
And T'Pol says that the Vulcan High Command
has protocols for this, and maybe Archer should think about
writing some of those.
Yeah. Down on the planet, Tripp is now showing signs of heat exhaustion. He has to be forced
to drink water and he's just in a real bad way. Archer is basically carrying dead weight with him
at this point. He's an under the shoulder delirious engineer holder in this scene.
A good scene for TripTucker here who doesn't want to take another man's water.
Like that quote especially just felt like code for a good man, you know?
It's kind of fremeny logic.
It is.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll never give you water away, not even for the dead.
I'd rather you just spit in my mouth and on my nipples.
Spit on that thing, you get me?
You're a bit kinky, you know?
Piss on my nipples, Captain.
Piss on them all.
Call me a dirty little nipple puppy.
On Enterprise, they pick up on Zebral's ship approaching.
And I love this move from Zebral.
He's like, look, it's kind of a gamble for me.
You either let me in or I'm dead.
And rather than watching his ship get destroyed at the view screen, they decide to let Zebral
board. Reed and DePaul go down to meet up with him as he comes out of the shuttle bay.
I wondered if he had to go through the lube room at any point.
Like, you know, who knows what he's picked up
from bumping into all those sweaty dudes
playing his stick game down on that planet surface.
Has anyone looked more comfortable than Clancy Brown
in all these robes as a guest star?
Like, as costuming goes, this just seems great.
You'd think that velvet wouldn't work
in a desert environment.
You know? I would drape myself in a, in a desert environment.
I would drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable.
Yeah.
That w that would also be my assumption.
What about that?
But, uh, he looks great.
The thing is when you're wearing robes like these, like you're kind of turtle shelling, like you're just a couple of sticks away from making a shelter when
you're wearing robes like this.
Great point. Yeah. Any environment where you can put a couple of sticks in the sand,
you've basically got a tent ready to go. Yeah.
He's like, hey, so yeah, like we're kind of confused because we heard all of the stuff
about what a warrior archer was and all of that liberating oppressed S Zulaban stuff he's been up to.
And Reed and T'Pol are like, you have really got this guy all wrong.
That is not his bag.
Would you like to watch a couple of episodes of the first season of Star Trek Enterprise?
I can show you.
People fucking hate this guy.
I'm not even sure how I feel about him.
His illusions start to get shattered and they're like, hey man, you should really feel bad about
the amount of danger you've put him in, Giffin, what a weenie he actually is.
The tables kind of get turned because they ask Zebral if he can help Enterprise because he's got knowledge of the Tirathan
defenses.
Yeah.
And maybe that could be exploited in their favor.
But when he refuses to, Paul is like, look, man, the assumption is that Tripp and Archer
are on your team.
Like de facto they are, right?
Right.
So because they're in league with you anyway, you kind of have to defend them,
right? You're obligated. Honor bound. And this seems to land with Clancy. So we cut back down
and Trip and Archer have gotten to the thing that they were walking toward, which is some buildings
that Archer saw from the shuttle on their way in. Trippp snaps back into Codensee and he's like, no water?
This abandoned camp is a dump.
Just wait till you see the pool.
And then like a bunch of Clancy Browns rise up from the dry swimming pool.
Oh man, Clancy Brown going from being draped in robes to being in a banana hammock.
Yeah.
Very exciting stuff.
Yeah.
You two look like you need to get wet.
It's exactly the opposite of that vibe
that we're describing.
It feels like they have accepted this is the place
where they're going to die.
There's like a walk that's full of water
that Archer is excited to see, but then he smells it
and is like, ooh, no way.
You're just gonna rust out your carbon steel wok
by keeping water in it, what are you doing?
Yeah, unless that thing is like super duper well seasoned,
like that is not a good choice.
Doesn't look that way to me.
It doesn't.
Dude, you fucked up your wok.
What, you're gonna have to run, not walk, to the restaurant supply store and replace that thing.
Yeah.
So, now Tripp has like heat stroke symptoms and
Archer's like stressed about keeping him awake and making sure he's staying hydrated.
And for some reason, like they do use the water in that walk.
Is it because he like boiled it or something?
I mean, we've got life straws right now, Ben.
Why is that not part of the kit?
That should have been one of the things they grabbed
from the shuttle when they left.
This is what I'm thinking, yeah.
Yeah, who knows?
So they boil it to make it potable,
but that doesn't make it delicious.
That's part of the problem.
Tripp kind of turns his nose up to this water.
And Tripp is like, is really clinging to consciousness by his fingernails. And Archer doesn't have
great strategies for keeping him alert. He's like, explain how the warp core works. That's
not going to keep anyone awake. Sounds boring as hell.
You gotta be kidding me. I mean, I'm with Tripp on this.
I would have accepted him falling asleep and dying at this point.
My nipples are chapped.
I'm exhausted.
Just let me die.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A different subject is Hatched, a much better one.
What's the meal you want once you get back to the ship.
And it's real steakhouse fare that Trip wants
when he gets back there.
And that sounds like fun.
That's something to look forward to.
Sure is.
Ben, how close have you ever been to death?
Like that's a really serious question to ask,
but this feels like as close as these
characters.
I mean, Trip has had a terrible season as far as proximity to death is concerned, but
like, it's maybe as close as Archer has been.
I've had like near-death experiences where like something very dangerous happened nearby
or whatever and you realize like, oh man, like if that had broken slightly differently, that would have been it.
Yeah.
Like the moment you cruise through a red light on accident
and you're like, oh fuck.
Is that happening to you a lot?
No, it's not.
But like, shit like that, the way you've described,
like if shit just breaks differently,
it's a different story.
Yeah. I don't think I've ever been near death,
like from a, like it is my health that is failing
standpoint, it's always been like a,
a sudden emergent thing happens and I go like,
oh shit, that was close, you know?
In high school, I went for buying with a buddy of mine
and we went up into, I wouldn't say the mountains,
the hills to do this.
And we got the Jeep stuck in a big deep puddle and we were by ourselves and like it was turning
into night.
And this was back in the day of like, like we didn't have cell phones.
Like it was, it was deep out there and it was cold.
And we were wet.
Like in order to get out of the Jeep,
like we had to get into the water
and try to get ourselves out.
And like we had to walk for a long time
to get back down to,
like it didn't feel like the threat of death was there.
But like when you're that cold and wet at night.
You can be closer than you realize, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
That's scary, man.
That just felt like.
Did you survive?
No, I died for a moment and then they paddled me.
They paddled my bottom and my chest.
And I woke right back up again.
So at long last, Malcolm and T'Pol and Zebral go down in a shuttle pod to attempt to rescue
Archer and Trip.
They're like heading for the planet surface, looking for them, I guess just looking for
them from the air.
Mark one eyeball, sir. Mark one eyeball.
Yeah, I mean, that seems to be the plan.
Censors still being scattered is the situation, so, uh...
Right.
This is frustrating for everyone involved.
Archer has now moved on with Tripp to the types of games that kids played
in the backs of cars on long road trips before iPads existed.
This is the moment where I would have chosen death.
Like, don't fucking do this.
Don't play slug bug with me while we're in the middle of the desert, idiot.
But they come under fire and this is like dangerous for them, but it also reveals to
the search party where they are because the central government is now shelling the little
cluster of buildings that Archer and Tripp have
taken refuge in.
And DePaul sees this from the air and she has them
like shoot the mortar emplacement that is causing
the bombardment, which now that you point out my weaseliness about the satellites,
that is much more provocative, like shooting actual boots on the ground soldiers.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Yeah, maybe they could have...
Reid's option earlier was fairly non-lethal.
These guys are fucking dead next to the mortar though, like clearly.
Yeah, they're super duper dead. I really liked shuttle as rescue Choppa in this episode.
Slide the door open and...
Love that POV from above, like spotlight down to your characters. Such a classic.
And Clancy Brown like sticking his hand out to haul the character aboard going like,
hey man, sorry, I thought you were much more of a badass than you actually are.
What a bunch of trouble I got you into with that easily made misconception.
He's like Erickson from First Blood Part II.
You goddamn mercenaries.
There's men down there, our men!
Don't know whether to trust this guy.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, he does seem like a badass,
but is he our badass or not?
Zebra is like, glad you made it!
And Archer's like, huh!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Decks him and throws him out.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
They give Trip and Archer canteens immediately.
And I mean, Tripp drinks lustily from his
in a way that makes you think this could be lethal too.
Like you're not supposed to take water
to the dome like this.
Yeah.
Maybe it was like Gatorade in those canteens or something.
Yeah.
Something a little bit more like appropriate to or something. Yeah. Yeah, maybe so. Something a little bit more appropriate to the emergency.
Yeah.
So there's a passage of time where it's time for Zebrall to go and
Archer and T'Pol walk him out and Archer tells Zebrall that he's not the legend
that he's been made out to be and he's actually way more boring and most people
just hang up on me, but not you.
Thanks for not hanging up on me. But not you.
Thanks for not hanging up on me, buddy.
And so he goes off and that leaves Archer and T'Pol to walk the corridor together and
they talk about how torn they feel about leaving at this moment in time because it kind of
feels like they could help and they're choosing not to.
And that's kind of the ambiguity that the story is left
with. But were you ambiguous about how you felt when watching this episode, Ben?
I was not. I really liked this episode. I thought Zebral was an interesting character. I liked that
he brought them there under false pretenses, but also had learned their legend under false
pretenses. And then he was an honorable enough person that when he had his mistake pointed
out to him, he was like, oh, I got to fix this.
Yeah. Yeah.
I liked it a lot from that standpoint. I loved the environmental stuff that they did in this episode.
Like, it just felt really cool to see Star Trek go somewhere
that wasn't obviously just the hills of Southern California.
That's fun. Yeah.
Yeah. I really liked it.
Clancy Brown, what a treat to get that guy in an episode.
Yeah, that's big fun.
How about you?
It feels like the urgency of needing to draw up some paperwork It's pretty neat to get that guy in an episode. Yeah, that's big fun. How about you?
It feels like the urgency of needing to draw up some paperwork about how to do first contacts
is a let's not go to Risa, let's stop the ship in space and draw up a plan worthy.
I don't know how many more times they can meet new folks without an architecture for this.
Because things keep going bad, you know?
Like I'm starting to feel like there is enough
of a sample size to where like that needs to be
the very next thing that they do.
And to not do that feels irresponsible.
Yeah, I mean, I do remember this becoming
like a storyline in enterprise, like where they like start to talk about like,
hey, when we have an emergency, we
should have like a set of principles in place for that.
And when we meet people, we should have a set of principles.
I think that part of what they're writing toward
with these storages is like the realization that this stuff
needs to be more structured, which
is like having watched tons of Star Trek, it feels super obvious,
but I guess the, the point they're trying to make is that it wasn't at the time.
I hope we don't get the episode where we like draw up the paperwork for the
prime directive and so forth and like the music swells as everyone signs it or
whatever, like I don't need to see that.
I'd rather just stay out on adventures at this point.
I like the episode fine.
I mean, we got a let up on Tripp Tucker a little bit.
He's, he's at a difficult first season.
I think no one needs to get fucked harder than Tripp Tucker once
they get to Risa, I think.
Yeah.
Well, uh, do you want to see if anyone's getting
fucked in the Priority One and Foxed?
Oh yeah. That would be exciting.
Priority One message from Starfleet coming in on
Secure Channel.
We need a supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Supplemental income.
Yeah, it's extra.
By the interest alone, could be enough to buy this ship.
Adam, we got a few priority one messages here.
The first one is of a promotional nature, and it goes like this.
The DCEWB chapter is building a bridge in Demong Bay SE, Sierra Leone.
There's a small stream that cuts through, and it is usually fine, but each summer, rainy
season, the stream swells to 1000 feet wide.
No one can cross, even Kern.
So no school, clinic, or road access.
If you're grateful for anything, if you could donate the price of one yummy donut, it would
help. Please go to www.ewb-dc.org slash projects slash Sierra dash Leone
and click donate. Thanks again to all the FODs, Ben, Adam, and Wendy for making us
all feel great. Eric from DC. So the call to action here is that the DC chapter of Engineers Without Borders would
like some help in funding this bridge project in the village of Dumang Bay in southeastern
Sierra Leone.
Wow, Eric from DC had me in the first half because I was like, they're going to build
a Star Trek bridge in Sierra Leone? What an unusual choice. But it turns out it's
far more serious than that. Wow.
Yeah. Helping people that don't have the resources to build this bridge otherwise.
Hey, maybe after building this bridge, we can build an enterprise bridge out there.
Yeah.
Hopefully they get enough contributions that there's a little bit extra for something fun.
I think it would be really cool to have a tourist attraction like that.
Maybe the Enterprise D bridge, I feel like, is really cool, but maybe not great in the
rainy season given all the carpeting.
So maybe an Enterprise bridge.
We don't often get promotional P1s of this kind of seriousness,
so I hope FODs everywhere go to this website.
Yeah, why don't we throw the URL into the show notes for today's episode
so that it's clickable and people don't have to remember all of the slashes and dashes.
Yeah, good call.
Ben, we got a private message here from Matt
and it's to A and B.
I think that's you and me.
Oh, A and B, Adam is the goose and the B is Bill Tilly.
Oh, so I was wrong about that.
Here's their message.
Thanks for the pod, A and B.
Just finished season two of TNG with y'all.
I've been rewatching the episodes
as you've been reviewing them.
Apparently you were just at STLV 2024.
Hopefully I can join you at the Prana Cabana,
maybe avoid the unfortunate incident
with the floor scrubbing union at next year's meetup.
Good reference, Matt.
Wow, yeah.
We got in a lot of trouble for defying the floor scrubbers. Good reference, Matt. Wow. Yeah.
We got in a lot of trouble for defying the floor scrubbers.
Hopefully we'll be invited to go back.
Yeah.
That's really fun, Matt.
It sounds like Matt is a new listener who's starting from the beginning.
So appreciate you getting a P1, taking a risk on still being into this podcast 500 some odd episodes later.
Love it. Love to see it. Plenty of FODs in the back catalog, too.
Our final P1 today is from DeFested. It's to Adam, Ben, Rizzo, Steph, the Dith, Lizoto, Chris,
Salinas, Bree, John, Aziz, and everyone else at Pranicabana 2024. Wow, another Prana Cabana shout out.
Yeah, amazing.
Here I am enjoying yet another great year
at the Prana Cabana.
Y'all, it was a blast seeing slash meeting so many of you.
Ice Bucket must survive another year.
Love you all.
Wow.
Defested is referencing a streak that we've had
over the years at Prana Cabana where someone
or several people takes an ice bucket and just dumps it down the front of their shorts.
It's the crotch dice challenge.
And it's great.
Yeah.
Good rules.
Nobody should feel obligated, but it can be very refreshing in that Vegas heat, you know.
No one's obligated to do anything.
Prana Cabana is such a treat every year.
I'm so glad we get to go to STLV
and so glad that that's become a regular thing for us.
Every year it feels like we run into more FODs at STLV
and it's a thrill every time,
but it's fun to have an event where we can gather them because so often it's like thrill every time, but it's fun to have like an event where we can gather them,
because so often it's like drive-bys. We'll be walking to and from something at the convention
and we'll run into someone and have a hang. But gathering them all up in one place sure is neat.
True. Well, if you'd like to get a priority one message on the show,
head to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron and book yours today. He sure appreciated helps keep the lights on around here.
Sure does.
Hey Ben.
What's that Adam?
Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda this episode?
Incredible.
Drunk Shimoda.
God make it, my man Clancy Brown.
Yeah.
I think the like over generous gift giver, Clancy Brown
is the specific drunk Shimoda I want to give this to.
Like he's seen their ship.
He's seen how few like unbroken spans of a drywall
they have.
They don't have room to hang up those tapestries.
At best Archer could like throw that over the back
of his chair in the clarinet storage closet.
So are you saying this was a gift bit too?
Like Clancy Brown goes to the tapestry
knowing that it won't be accepted
because it's an over gift?
I mean, he is playing games at this point, right?
Like he has Archer right where he wants him
under false pretenses.
Like going over generous with the gift giving
feels calculated.
So yeah, I think so.
I think the show uses the Clancy Brown typecast a little bit in a way that works
because when he's on screen, he's so jovial and fun.
I kept waiting for that other shoe to drop with him and it does.
But the way it does is really interesting and different.
And yeah, I'm going to make my Clancy Brown to just one of my And it does, but the way it does is really interesting and different.
And yeah, I'm going to make my Clancy Brown to just one of my favorite character actors
and really fun to see him pop up on a show that I like.
Faith of the fart.
Well, Adam, it is time for me to head to gach.biz slash game for us to find out how we will
be doing next week's episode.
I'm also going to tell you about that episode.
It is Star Trek Enterprise Season One,
Episode 25, Two Days and Two Nights.
Shore Leave takes some interesting twists
when the Enterprise crew finally arrives at Riza,
the famous pleasure planet.
Amazing.
That's all we get?
What a tease.
I can tease you a little bit more, Adam.
This episode is directed by Michael Dorn,
who has a special relationship with Ryza.
Yeah, he sure does.
As a ruiner of Ryza.
I have had my fill of Ryza.
Also a cameo by Steve Wozniak, co-founder of
the Apple Computer Corporation in this episode.
Probably handing out $2 bills.
That's fun.
That's some wise trivia.
Adam, last time we landed on square nine, which was right on the doorstep of a measure
of a man's square, but fortunately we did not hit that.
We did not have to fight tooth and nail over this episode.
I'm going to go ahead and roll this bone and see what happens to us, if anything, for next
week's episode.
All right.
You're required to learn as you play.
Roll.
Pfft.
Again, a door stepper, Adam.
Tula!
Did I win?
Hardly.
I rolled a 56, which put us right next to a looking at each other during,
which would require us to record together in person,
but I did not hit it.
Hey, let me tell you something.
I'm reluctant to go to your home, given the bee situation over there.
Well, yeah, I guess I would have to come to your home.
And get that power tool I lent you like nine fucking months ago.
I know, man.
We don't want to have a my girl situation
once I go over to your house.
Oh, man, that would be such a sad ending to this podcast.
I know.
Like of all the ways one of us could go out,
very surprising.
Yeah, like ironically we just had this conversation
about near death experiences and then Adam is running
into the streets with a cloud of bees
surrounding him like Macaulay Culkin.
Yeah, you're probably gonna close that casket
if it's a bee sting related death, right?
Yeah.
Too bumpy.
Your wife would be so fucking mad at me.
She's already pretty mad at me just in general,
I feel like.
I don't know where you're getting that.
I think that's just resting my wife vibe.
Ha ha ha ha.
Maybe it is.
Maybe I'm misinterpreting the signals. But anyways, looking forward to a
regular old episode next week. In the meantime, let's give some thank yous out. Especially
big thank you to all of the friends of the Soto who support the production of this show huge, huge help in making this even possible.
We also hugely appreciate Windy Pretty, our producer and editor who made this show sound
so good.
Got to thank Bill Tilly, our temporal Cold War time consigniary, making hilarious trading
cards that you can check out at
greatest trek on social media. Those accounts run by Rob Adler our social
media director who also makes little video clips of us and doing all kinds of
fun video edits and runs our mailing list. We're doing a monthly newsletter
which I think is a very fun subscribe.
So I had to goch.biz slash mail to get subscribed to that.
Yeah, it's not just stuff to read.
It's like useful stuff, too.
We're giving away offer codes for podshop.biz.
I mean, newsletter subscribers were also the first ones to hear about the Nub and Bug toy.
Indeed.
Subscribe to that list if you want to be the first to hear about anything Uxbridge Shimoda
related.
Check out DrunkShimoda.com, check out the Wakea, greatestgen.wakea.com.
Great work being done over there.
And with that, we will be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek
Enterprise and an episode of the Greatest Generation Enterprise where we have turned off the thing that controls
how nice the weather is. I hope we never do that.
We've had a good run of weather lately. Captain John Baccata, you exist at the price. Make it so, make it so.
John Baccata, Baccata, Baccata.