The Greatest Generation - That’s My Canadian Car (VOY S6E21)

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

When a band of celebrity impersonators start tarnishing the Federation’s good name, Captain Janeway tries to patch things up while BLT hunts down gremlins on the ship. But when it turns out the same person is responsible for both problems, beaming her into Voyager’s brig lets the crew turn the con on the con artists. How strong is the antiperspirant placebo effect? Does the Cal Hudson scale hold up to a giant combadge? What was LeVar’s inspiration for really bad uniforms? It’s the episode that never buys anything from the porch!Support the production of The Greatest Generation.Friends of DeSoto for Democracy.Friends of DeSoto for Justice. Friends of DeSoto for Labor.Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Caretaker!Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFollow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen!The Greatest Generation is on YouTube.Facebook group | Subreddit | Discord | WikiSign up for our mailing list!Get a thing at podshop.biz!

William Shatner wrote, directed, and starred in the fifth Star Trek film in the winter of his 57th year. Over the next three decades, the film has been pilloried as one of the worst entries in the series. But when Shatner had fallen on hard times becoming primarily known as a television pitchman for a travel booking website, The recent share your embarrassment tour earned him a sudden, unexpected second run at celebrity. Well, everyone knows that Star Trek V is a catastrophic failure of a film that nearly ended the franchise.

What this tour presupposes is, maybe it isn't. Let me ask you something. Why would a reviewer make a point of saying someone is not a genius? Do you think I'm especially not a genius? You didn't even have to think about that. Did you? The share your embarrassment tour. Coming to just a few more cities this year.

Tickets still on sale at greatestjentour.com. Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. Engage! Watch your backs on the moon. I'm Captain Captain. Prince Janeway of the U.S. says, Boy, I'm Captain Captain Captain. Prince Janeway of the U.S. says, Boy, I'm Captain Captain Captain. Welcome to the greatest generation

with the Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast, I'm Adam Pranaka. I'm Ben Harrison. How you doing, Adam? Has this ever happened to you? You have like a minor injury. Has ever happened to you? I gotta tell you, I'm nursing a minor injury. Oh, oh no, what happened? It's an old man injury, it sucks.

What did you do? You lift a suitcase full of merch on one of our live shows? God, I could have. Our merch suitcase was, I think, at max. So close to 69 pounds, 67 pounds. Is what it was. Did the gate agent ask you if you wanted to get a couple more things in there to see if

you could hit the magic number? Couldn't even think about that. Like I don't want gate agents whose job it is to handle heavy luggage all fucking day. Like I want to load this onto the belt for them. It sucks knowing that they got to do this. So often it's like a woman of a certain age who doesn't look like she is built for 67 pound suitcase, you know? So it wasn't suitcase related.

You're gonna fucking roll your eyes at me because you always do every time I bring up the peloton. But it is a peloton injury. I rode real hard and my calf is all fucked up. Oh, buddy. It really hurts. And what I got in the medicine cabinet, it's not icy hot, but it's like a version of things that like both cools and heats.

And it's got a roller applicator, right? Apply directly to the calf. Exactly. So I'm in here a couple of times, like a couple of times a day of the last few days, doing the roll on application. Do you know that in my third day of applying the ointment, I realized that it was antiperspirant that I had been applying to my calf, and that the cooling sensation I was feeling on the calf was the aluminum going hard into the calf. Would you say that there was any like,

I mean, placebo effect or anything about the aluminum that was helping? No, I was irritated because I was getting no comfort or satisfaction from this. Geez. Oh, man. And I am so stupid that like to be the person that goes into their medicine cabinet, putting something in or around their birdie and not even looking at the label.

Yeah. What am I thinking? That's the real old man injury. The injury to your sense of. Yeah, it really is. Control over your environment. Ben, I conned myself. That's what I did.

What happens when you can't even trust yourself? That's what I'm facing. Great question. And you know, you used to be the guy that we relied on around here for the schemes. Nope. The JAPES, the... Nope. The JIVE. I don't knowapes, the jive.

I don't know under what mug the nut lives. I'll never find that nut. I don't know which cup. Well, as the sole host of this podcast, still in his 30s, I'll help you find that nut, my friend. Thanks, dude. I so often forget that you are not just the younger, but the way younger I was both.

Well, speaking of scammers and scammers for whom the bloom is off the rose, why don't we get into today's episode of Star Trek Voyager. It's got a John T title. It of Star Trek Voyager? It's got a jaunty title. It's Star Trek Voyager season six, episode 21. Live fast and prosper. Reaver course. Unless you've got something a little bigger

in your torpedo dooms, I'm not dreaming about art. An episode directed by Lavar Burton. This episode opens on a really cool establishing shot of like a sci-fi mine operation. Like, it feels like it's a miniature that they actually built. They use this one establishing shot. I don't think we've ever seen it before.

It's not like recycled from an old show. I couldn't believe that they built this miniature. It looks great. Did you ever get this catalog from Lego where like, it would be a magazine of these amazing Lego creations and you'd see these things and you'd be like, holy shit, that is awesome. But what they were doing was selling like a portion of the scene you were looking at on the centerfold.

So like, I remember very specifically like there, there was a full on spread, like, like adult magazine spread in the middle of this thing. And it had like all of these domes and a monorail and all this shit. And I was like, that's what I want. That's the Lego kit I need in my life. But you couldn't even buy it. It was just made up of components that you could get in a kit for like small space station B. Yeah, totally, totally. That's what this scene looks like. It looks really great. It looks, yeah, it looks like your parents would be in like

275 bucks by the time you had all the pieces that you need to recreate the thing you saw in the catalog. That's it, yeah. Catalog quality. We see a couple of lo- fee boys in the Star Trek caves and they're, you know, they're nervous and excited because they're about to meet some members of Star Trek Voyager. One of them pops in a tape of this ain't Star Trek Voyager.

Seriously, because the, the people that beam down are poorly cast. I'm Captain Catherine Janeway, this is Commander Tuvaugh, who is from the Federation Starship Voyager. I think the casting of these two actors to play these roles and then the direction of getting them to act this way, knowing what we know by the end of this episode. I think it's magical.

Oh, it's totally magical. I mean, it's great. But it is this ain't Star Trek Voyager kind of magic. Like the bagginess of the uniforms. Yeah, the like huge pips. Yeah, everything's a little bit out of scale. They both have little butt cracks on their foreheads that they haven't gone to any effort to clean up. Now, you got to go into the folds pretty regularly if you're them, I bet. Just to keep them clean.

Yeah, there's some upsetting crevice situations going on here. Yeah, there's some upsetting crevice situations going on here. And this is bullshit, Janeway and bullshit, Toovok, who have been down to telsiest to talk to these guys. And when we come back from theme, they are negotiating a deal. It's dilithium for bolo mite. I got a question, it's dilithium for volumite. I got a question, Ben. Where on the cow Hudson scale, do these giant combat just fall?

Like the cow Hudson scale, it doesn't account for the can-tain. A bigness of badge. Yeah, it's all about badge altitude and I would say that the fake Janeway is doing something bad with her badge altitude because the top of the Delta is touching the red.

It's like right at the edge of the red, which is just bad. It's upsetting and bad. Everyone knows the Cal Hudson scale has to do with like the depth of that combat establishing a larger than lifeness to its wearer or a greater sense of command or whatever. It makes its wearer look big.

And I mean that in every kind of way. But a giant badge would seem to take the energy out of that because it makes the person look small compared to their giant badge. I don't know. I was totally scrambled up thinking about this. It's like a tall guy wearing a really short tie. It just like throws everything out of whack. It is exactly that.

Why didn't I say that the whole time? I needed your description of this issue to formulate that. So that was an act of teamwork. These pips are like nickels too. Oh, yeah, you could never explain the wrong number of pips away with corn. Maybe with like, with like corn nuts, you know, they had to make the neck taller to accommodate the size of these pips, right?

There's no way these pips fit fit on a standard size collar. Yeah. Like sometimes you go to the Star Trek convention and you meet a friend to Disota and they're like, yeah, my spouse came with me and, you know, they're not really a Trek fan. And you meet the spouse and they're like in cosplay and you're like, oh, you're borrowing this. You know, this doesn't fit you.

Goddammit. Are people going to think that we're hating on homemade cosplay folks? Because we're not. It's just that sometimes when you're borrowing a costume, it doesn't fit you exactly right. Exactly. That's what's happening with these scammows.

Yeah. They're negotiating this trade and fake two-vac is like kind of trying to logic his way through it and fake Janeway real irritated at some of the interjections, especially when he brings up the difference in value between BoloMite and Dylithium. This ain't Janeway and this ain't Toovock are like on two very different levels in terms of like the school play.

Like one is absolutely feeling the Toovock character and like knows Toovock and knows what he's thinking. And this ain't Janeway is like very superficial. Just like there to be the star of the play and nothing more. Right, most popular girl in school loves being on stage, does not think about acting or take it very seriously.

This ain't to vac, do in the work. Yeah, I mean, but also like is method acting really necessary? Like you have to be a dick to everybody at the craft services table when you're not in a scene. This ain't too much is definitely that guy when he gets back to his ship. Like he cannot let it go. No, he can't let it drop.

I was portraying my character as truthfully as possible. So they make the trade, these fake star fleets beam up, and we see them on their ship, and there's a third guy in their gang, and he is not in costume, not in character. And Janeway pulls off her wig, shock of shocks. She's bald! She's bald!

She's bald! She's bald. She's bald. She's bald. I love this sort of decompressing after a con, right? Mm-hmm. Got to take the wig off, have to flair the little flap. Yeah. The uniform.

Got to loosen it up. Got to loosen it up. Not that those uniforms look very tight. God, I gotta take off the sweatpants. Woo! Yeah. Well, yeah, I wondered if there, I mean, their ship looks kind of shitty, so maybe the thermostat isn't like regulating the temperature super well. Yeah. This thing looks like a real piece of shit. Yeah, I love that she like has to like kind of hold the dicky closed when when the guys call back up from the surface to announce that the bowl of might has been beamed aboard

and they're like cool things. Well, this, this ion storm or whatever is really messing up our, our calm. So we got to go, but we'll be back with your dialythium at some point. Yeah, you can see how this is going to play out. One thing I really appreciated about the way they're faking this being the Voyagers, that there's one screen behind the St. Janeway that has the United Federation of Planets logo on it, but it's all done in gold and it's got like little like starbursts of glitter that pop up. It's sort of like friends of the soda are watching us record this episode now. And like

just out of frame, my studio is a shithole. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's never looked worse. But like in frame, I got this this fiddly fig tree and I got I got my chair with my Wesley Scarf on it, you also have a beautiful studio, but just in that frame. Yeah. All you can see is couch and television and internet lighting. That's all you need. But just outside, it's just like pasta sauce and noodles stuck to every surface. It's where you eat every meal and it's where you eat every meal like that

Speaking of things that need to be cleaned up Janeway goes to her Bathroom in her quarters and asks the computer to cut on the sonic shower and boy This is an annoying noise. Oh Adjust the frequency So annoying that the the mirror punches out. Computer, deactivate the sonic shower! Now any time you're doing a home repair of your plumbing system, shutting off the water at the main is a great idea. But most homeowners don't know where that is.

We can take advantage of the fact that this water has not been shut off to stop the demo of our bathroom a little bit earlier than normal. So Janeway marches down to engineering to ask what gives and turns out there are gremlins eating the ship alive. Kind of shocking the way Janeway tells the story of Gremlins. Like she was in the war, and she has a very, very strong affinity for American-made tractors.

Yeah. Was that Mr. Federman in the Gremlins? Yeah. Yeah. Famous for that scene and then also getting the dress code and the Senate relaxed. Exactly. We never did Gremlins 2 as a as a boco episode. I'm afraid that Gremlins 2 is going to change how I feel about the

first Gremlins movie. And I don't want that to happen. Gremlins, Gremlins the first. Have you never seen Gremlins 2? I have, but but so long ago, it was one of those like Ghostbusters II to Ghostbusters experiences where my hopes were so high. I was so excited to be with my favorite people again. And I felt so bad after. I don't think I ever watched it after the first time.

I think you should re-experience and then share your pain with the friends of Desoto. All right, I think we can probably do that. All right. In the many free hours we have, mid tour. Sounds great. Over in the mess hall, it's shit on a single time. And how many sections do you want in your tray?

Ben, these look like two section trays. I feel like that's the perfect amount. Yeah, because there's like the TV dinner tray where there's like the big main section. And then there's the three littles up at the top that you've usually got like a piece of cornbread the dessert and a Vege I don't think that's a bad configuration. I think that's good But I like I like equal side by side just a meat and a veg. Yeah, that's it a meat and one is what Helix is operating and

Tom Paris and Tom Piersson, and Tyn Kim invite two Vactas sit down with them, but two Vact is quite cross with them because of all of their practical jokes messing with his holodeck programs. The Oracle of Cataw is in program to wear pajamas. There's sort of a debate whether this is one of the many male functions that is plaguing the ship or not. There is a disparity in their energy that is clear. But also, I think the way a scene like this is shot and sequenced is important to underscore what's happening, right? Like, two Voc is superior and looking down at Paris and Kim eating their lunches and they're

looking up at him and it's shot and cut that way. It does sort of put a child like spin on Paris and Kim in a fun way. And the way that they're sitting next to each other. Yeah, Kim's doing a side sit. Yeah. And what's happening? Yeah. Everybody's sitting here eating when the captain and BLT

come in with some bad news for folks who have been sampling Nielix's wares today. Everybody stop eating. Captain, what's wrong? You want more information than they give, right? Because stop eating, we don't have any further information. That's not good. What have you just got off a very long shift and you're like starving? What do you like, how long till we can eat again? You remember how BLT wore the engineers jacket with the tools in the pocket?

Are you just like snack mix person all the time in the pocket. You a granola bar person? I threw like four or five packets of gummy candies and bags of cheezits in my backpack last time we were in a sky lounge together. Oh, that's a great. And I found them the other day and just like tore through all of them.

Like an absolute animal with no self control. That's because those little cheese at bags make you feel big, huh? They do. Yeah. It's like the cow Hudson rule of snacking. Yeah. You see me walking around with one of those. You're like, damn, Ben is huge and powerful. Not going to mess with him.

Yeah. So they open up the cooktop in Nielix's Scally, and find a, I don't know, some kind of component that he installed, like a heating coil or something. And they're like, where the fuck did you get this thing, man? And he explains that he traded with, I thought he said like a clerk. When he first said this,

he says her name is Sister Dala. She's actually a cleric. But the way he said it, I thought clerk. And I was trying to picture what kind of like bureaucrat also calls herself Sister Dala. I don't know, man. Anyways, they were trying to help out the poor orphans and this was just a trade of charity. The cooktap of a kitchen area will run off of either gas or electricity. The bi-ard reaction only happens when meat is dry on its surface. If the rock is covered in goo, this will not occur, leading to a great, un-appetizing piece of meat. There's nothing appetizing about a green rock. How are you supposed to get sear marks?

This heating coil is covered in goo. It's going to catch fire, and your fire's the present system. It's not even going to work. You don't fire and your fire's the present system. That even gonna work. You don't want anything this gross in the galley. Like I don't like seeing goo's and galley's. Is that coming out of it or is it like dripping down on it? Is that like leola root goo? I mean, this isn't like like the,

the stuff that collects around a stove. Like this isn't like a caramel boiling over in the pot. And ruining your cooktop, this is like, you can see Janeway kind of gross out as she touches this thing. Yeah, looks big. Yeah. So she gets sort of saved by the bell. She's called up to the bridge by Chico Tei who's got Mr. Orrick on screen.

And talk about people who suck. Hmm. This guy is fit to be tied with Janeway, because of the failure to deliver the promised dilithium that his guy is traded for this Bollomite. Yeah. And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. And he's like, well, I got the contract right here.

And in the conference room, they review the 70s black exploitation film Dolemite starting Rudy Rae Moore. It has nothing to do with the mission. Yeah. Dolemite is my name and fucking up, motherfucker, this is my name. fucking up motherfuckers is my name. One of the great opening sequences when those guys ask

where Dole of Might is and he just jumps out of a tree and shoots everybody. You never think to look in the tree, do you? No, yeah. So yeah, they go over this. If you want. Jane was like, you know, you got done wrong. It sucks for you, but we are also getting done wrong because the sister Dala may have been the one to do both

of these things. She sold Nielix a bad cooktop. It's fucking our ship up. All of these glitches go back to the cooktop. This ain't Chico Tay has more to do in this episode than Chico Tay. And more lines, which is still not a lot. You can understand the argument, though, like this guy feels like he's owed something from this deal that fell apart. And it's a shit ton of dilithium, which is something that they can't just give him to make him go away. Exactly. And they're like, you know, we have no evidence that anything you're saying is true. So, Occam's razor is that you're just trying to scam us out of the tylox theorem. No one trusts anyone in the room.

But when Janeway hears him mention poor orphan children, oh, oh, this is exciting. She just straight up leaves the meeting. I don't think the meeting is over. It's, I guess, in Cometon, Chicoico Tay and Tuvac to wrap things up with this guy. Janeway Leeus and we cut back to Chico Tay and underneath the table. He's holding a pencil. He just knows that he's going to be off camera the second she walks out of the room. You got to believe if you're Chico Tay in this episode, you're doing that thing that newscasters do where they're just wearing basketball shorts under the desk.

He's wearing a half uniform, right? Basketball shorts, if we're lucky. Yeah. Sounds great. So Janeway finds Nelix in engineering and asks about this cleric, he mentioned before. Cleric who gave him the heating coil. And as he starts talking, we get into a flashback Please go no further. This is our sanctuary. Our scans didn't detect anyone down here

I'll set this a solitary one begin the cleansing We're terribly sorry if we've disturbed you The duties will be angry. Come on, Nielix. We better get out of the way. Oh, of course. Yintom were in the Waiyanti system, which also features a lot of star Trek caves,

much like the mining planet that we visited earlier. Yeah, if you just take the lights and then move them to the other side of the camera, I think that works. That's different enough. So down in these caves, they meet Sister Dala and brother Mobar, who are the same people that were impersonating Jane Wantu Vock in the opening scene. And in this, the clerics who believe some highly ritualized religion where they have to cleanse things and do incantations all the time. And Paris and Nielix are like so embarrassed to have interrupted whatever holy shit they

were up to. I really think Caitlin Hopkins and Greg Daniel, the actors who play Dala and Mobar, are some of the finest actors we've ever encountered in all of Star Trek. Because what they're doing here to be con artists, but not hateable con artists, you know they're taking advantage of characters that we care a lot about. And you want to watch it happen. You do. I'm just eating this up. And like that they could do this and not be hateable. And also like they have that gear in them

that is acting, but not acting good. Yeah. You and I are big, big fans of this. It's like when you can take a little bit off the acting fastball and all of a sudden you have the dimensionality of a character who is trying to get one over on someone else. And maybe they're not that good at it like these characters are. I think what's specifically appealing about it in this episode is that they are plausible

enough to just be a real type of person that you encounter in like a bad episode of Star Trek. So this flashback is sort of like, remember this bad episode of the show? This happened. Right. You know, it was cut from the season and never went to air, but this stuff happened. Like, if you were going to make Farengi from scratch, but you didn't go broad at all. Right. Like, that would be kind of the vibe that these guys bring. Pretty great. gonna make Firingi from scratch, but you didn't go broad at all. Right. That would be kind of the vibe that these guys bring. Pretty great.

So we come back to the present and he looks as like, yeah, so we were feeling really bad about the whole situation and we invited them back to the Delta Flyer and Jane was like, well, did you guys leave them alone on the ship at any point? And he's like, no, no, like we were with them the whole time. Like for example, Tom took Brother Bobar to check out the front of the ship and I was in the back area, which is, you know, where everybody eats and is also the morgue.

And Sister Dalla and I would have it a nice meal. We had those plates that have the two sections, which, you know, I guess they have it in the galley, but also on the Delta Flyer. That's just a personal rule for me, is I'll never eat where I brando. I'm not taking my meals in the back of the flyer. No way.

I've got to get better. Lock them, put your light number, your mouth. I've got to get better. Lock them or not, it's just going to go. Factor is America's number one ready to eat meal kit. And they are sponsoring today's episode of Greatest Generation. These are fresh, never frozen meals that are ready, often in just two minutes. I have really loved eating the meals that factor

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That's CO, OP, T-O-B-E-R. Thank you so much for your support and a great co-optober! People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Which is why here on Justice Zoo of us, we judge them by so much more. We rate animals out of ten in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics, taking into consideration each animal's true strengths, like a pigeon's ability to tell a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball. Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their unique insight

into the animal animals world. Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. I hope you see what I'm gonna do. I hope you see what I'm gonna do. I hope you see what I'm gonna do. I hope you see what I'm gonna do. I hope you see what I'm gonna do. He's kind of given her the spark notes of what the Voyager has been up to the entire time. She's very impressed.

I learned that the captain of Voyager is a lady. And very curious to see how much admiration Nelix has for Janeway, and then they do their incantation. Paris and Moabar come back from the front of the ship and the incantation is one that requires everybody to close their eyes. Like make sure you're the last one to close your eyes

if you're saying grace, you know? Just make sure nobody's taking your wallet or your phone off the table or whatever. Absolutely. Like if you don't subscribe to the religion in the ceremony or you're somehow involved in, yeah, keep them open. Not going to take my wallet. It's the perfect crime, you know? So yeah, we're coming back to the present and now Paris is there with Neelix. They are feeling very embarrassed to be kind of admitting that through closing their eyes and trying to honor these people's religion, they expose the Delta flyer to a scam wherein all of the data from its database got downloaded.

This is a stolen credence tapes level of Umbridge that Paris has got to take here, right? Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though, for the credence. Yeah, because it certainly seems like he's not catching on at first. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, that's consistent with the theme of the episode, right? Like our, our Paris and Nielix marks for this generally. If it had been Harry, I could understand it. He trusts everybody, but you and me. Yeah, they kind of split off into their own B storyline at this point. Yeah. We cut to a second McLaughlin group with Oric, where he's pissed that this

is not just led to them backing up a brinkstruck full of dilithium up to his planet, but he's like, okay, I'll give you the scans that we made of the ship that they called the Delta Flyer, and maybe you can go find them. I like that channel along the middle of the McLaughlin group table. We've never seen it used in this way when he slides his triangular iPad over to Janeway. We've gotten the interview of our Burton before. If I ever got another chance, I would ask him how many takes this slide took? Because the channel seems barely bigger than the pad

that gets slidding and the pad is kind of triangular, right? I gotta believe this is like take four or five that didn't just go like, do do do do do do do. Like if you don't slide it exactly right, that thing is gonna get caught and it's gonna look stupid. Maybe they got like a conveyor belt and they built it into the bottom of the table

and it doesn't look like it's moving but he's not actually sliding the pad. He just mimes sliding it and the table of the table and it doesn't look like it's moving, but he, and he's not actually sliding the pad. He just, he just mimes sliding it and the table does the rest. It's like, there's a magnet underneath it. It's a guy dragging that magnet under the table. That's what you do. It looks so real. It looks perfect.

The best magicians will never let you see what's up there, sleeve counselor. So in sliding this pad down the table He has agreed to let Voyager track these con artists down and we cut over to this ain't Voyager where This ain't Janeway gives a strange alien a tour of their piece of crap ship that isn't impressive to this guy at all Is this a typical federation vessel? Yeah, this is Varn and he notes all of the outdated technology and the overall shittiness of their ship

but they're rattling off all of the species that they've bested in the Voyager. Don't you love the energy of like, yeah, I mean, this is our other car. Our much better car is back in the garage. Varn is a fucking idiot, right? Like, if you're giving a tour and you should like show like a poster of a Lamborghini with a bikini

babe sitting on the hood and going, yeah, that's the other thing I drive. You don't believe that person. That's my Canadian car. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, pretty great, right? Yeah. They are giving the the hard sell to Varron on joining the Federation. Seems like a great deal, right?

Kind of like a time share pitch. You know, like how much would you say you spend annually going on vacation? Yeah, the tough part is this ain't Voyager isn't a nice place to be for any length of time. You know, you don't want to be stuck in that conference room with doors that lock from the outside on this ship. Yeah, so the deal is like you can be in Starfleet and it's like a mutual protection thing. There is some cost to joining and we can, you know, do that on a fast track basis if you would like, and he's like, wow, I got to go back and talk to my shipmates, and they're like, okay, well, we'll be back in six months, and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait,

wait. That's so fast, you know, let's talk about this now. This is so classic, like that artificial urgency of a salesperson. The hooks are in, baby. Where none existed before. Ah, this guy initially does that thing. That thing I'd recommend to anyone,

which is like, I don't buy anything from my porch. That's my answer, solicitor, give me your card and I'm gonna think about it. But this artificial timeline changes everything and it makes him want to act now. And he signs up for the distributor pack and now he's going to recruit seven friends and they're going to recruit seven friends. This solicitor tried to sell me a pest control service for like a list of bugs that folks in my neighborhood are fighting.

And he's like, yeah, you know, we're going to be down here next week and we signed up all your neighbors and you're the last one. You're not going to hold out on us, are you? And this was several months ago and I was like, yeah, I don't know. We've never been through a summer here before. I think we're just going to see how bad it gets and then maybe we'll we'll do it next time. And also I don't buy anything for my fucking porch. So whatever. I never saw this guy again. He never sprayed around any of our neighbor's houses. Yeah. That was it. It was a con. I had a guy come to my front door and he was like, Hey, I've got this picture of an ape. And they're going to be on sale now, but the price is only going up, dude, and I fell

for it, man. Hey, isn't this a picture of a cool ape? So, yeah, it seems like Varn is going to join, quote, unquote, the Federation. Yeah. And we cut back to Voyager in the galley where Paris walks up to Nielix and these two are clearly humiliated for having had the wool pulled over their eyes that bad. They kind of need to lick their wounds. They need to kind of commiserate about the humiliation that they've experienced. Doesn't start trek to a pretty good job

of like exploring the full range of, hate to use this word but like human emotions But they don't really do a lot with guilt Right like outside of a couple episodes like the Wesley Culver starburst episode was like one of them Where like he couldn't contain the guilt before it just like boiled over in him Yeah, but like you think there be be more episodes where a mission goes wrong and folks like Paris and Neelux is like, oh, I blew it. And you blew it. I blew it and it sucks and everyone's looking at me, knowing I blew it.

You blew it. We make fun of Chicoet and Kim all the time and their trail of terrible relationships behind them. Like we are able to look at them with shame, but no one else does. Maybe everyone around them is just nicer than we'd be. It's very funny that like Paris has always thought of himself as the bad boy of Voyager, but he also thinks of Nielix as the other bad boy avoid. We're like the biggest scammers on the ship. What happened, does man?

Much like I can't trust myself anymore about things that you roll on in order to administer them to your birdie. I don't think Parrish had trust his judgment if that's what he thinks of Nielix. They are trying to talk themselves back into a good mood when the EMH walks in and they come up with the idea of a three-card Monte scam. This starts in a very traditional way where Paris is the plant in the audience and making the right choice

and that they lure the doctor in and try to spring their trap on him. But the doctor's visual acuity is far too good to be tricked by this. He's looked at a lot of nuts over his career. He knows exactly where they are, where they're supposed to be, where they're not supposed to be.

And this one just happens to be in Nielix's left palm. Uh oh. So they can't even scam the EMH who was born just a few years ago. The bed on the table seems pretty sizeable, right? Three shifts in the kitchen versus three shifts in the in the six bay. Yeah. That's rough. Does that all fall on Nielix or does Paris have to get involved in that too?

This was exactly where my mind was that was like, is Paris betting with Nielix's money? You got to be careful there. A little bit. I think he is. See you in six. The music cue at the end of this was so silly as well. It's like, very old-timey television music cue.

Very handy. That fades into the bridge where Tom Parris is called up and that Voyager has the ship that they're pursuing on sensors. And we cut over to this ain't the Delta flyer where this ain't Janeway is talking to. This is Varn about how these ain't photon torpedoes you sold me. Great time for Voyager to roll up, right?

Yeah. Like if you are this ain't the Delta flyer and you've constructed a story around your Canadian starship, when the Canadian starship arrives, you gotta be feeling pretty good about it. Perfect, you're like, Varn, look, it's the thing from the poster with the bikini babe, just like I told you.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Neither of them respond to voyage or actuals hails. Yeah. And on Voyager, they get real Varn on FaceTime, and he's pissed. Yeah. And he's pissed enough to turn this into a firefight. Yeah, he's got this ain't the Delta flyer

and a tractor beam. And they're like trying to talk him into letting them have that they're saying the Delta flyer. And the fucking Delta flyer gets away. Seven has like one brief little moment in this episode, and it is that she gets one of the members of the scammer crew beamed into the brig. I'm Captain, Captain, and the U.S. and 4th, Captain, and Captain, and the U.S. and the

U.S. about to kill it. Doesn't it seem like a quality of Star Wars battles is like pew, pew, pew, and then one of the ships escape. I feel like in this episode of Star Trek, that happens a couple of times in a very refreshing way. Yeah, the bad guys keep getting out of there. Janeway goes down to the brig and confronts her doppelganger. I have to admit, I'm impressed. I wish I could say the same.

Dala has kind of a lot of lip for someone on her side of the brig. Yeah. And good restraint by Janeway for not just fucking pounding her. Too bad that Dala didn't have a different scammer persona that kissed Janeway on the mouth earlier in the episode, so that we could have a little reprise of that interaction. Are you talking about an inquisitor, Kira versus Kira situation? No, I'm talking about it having been Janeway's lifelong ambition. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I like that they took off her combat for safety. Like, there's no chance that that combat actually had a function, right? The giant one. It's made of nougat. The brig officers like, I know this doesn't do anything.

I just, I wanna hold on to this. Like it's amazing. My kid is gonna love this. I did read that these extra big combat just were sold at auction after the production of this episode. I wish I was able to get my hands on one. Yeah, too bad. I think Garrett Wong actually won all three of the ones that they made. I really love a tour of that guy's house.

So Janeway wants this ain't Janeway to commit to paying back all of the victims of her scamming. And if she does that, Janeway is willing to let the scammers go. She's like, well, we'll get you through the part of space where everybody's mad at you and we'll let you go. Dala is so used to a life of cons, of not trusting anyone, of like getting one over on other people, that she can't believe

this is a real deal. Is that a promise, Captain? Can't understand how anyone could be this kind in this sort of negotiation. But a big mistake for Dala to try to renegotiate in this into a, give me the Delta flyer. This is like a real helicopter with a bag full of money to take me off of the roof of the bank. Kind of demand. And I want a new car. And I want the city to pay for it all. We never give that to people.

Yeah, yeah, she's nuts. January's like, I'm just gonna give you to the guys you stole the bolo might off of. And, you know, their prison is way worse than this. I would have loved if Tuvaks referenced to lethal psoriasis in prison. Was a callback to Tom Paris' time in prison. And that like country club style prison that he was in, that he was still complaining about. was a call back to Tom Paris's time in prison. Oh man. And that like country club style prison that he was in,

that he was still complaining about. Like if there was something about the pilot episode that was like, yeah, Paris has a skin condition and he finds this very unpleasant, all of the structured work outside and this beautiful weather. Just an absolutely brutal dunk on Tom Paris. Oh, man.

Am I making any sense here? You should have seen the backs of his knees and his arms. It was very uncomfortable. So Janeway and Tuah kind of wheel around and leave. Like, she has not taken the deal and she's going to be the Telsium's problem now. Yeah. The same Janeway is just going to have to stew in the brig.

Yeah. And Janeway and TuVoc march up, Janeway kind of questions why the lethal psoriasis thing even came up and TuVoc is a little bit embarrassed because he got asked to leave the groundlings after just a couple of classes. You can tell after just a couple of classes when someone just isn't a good fit. It doesn't order yes and. Yeah. There's coffee and making it up as I go along.

But so that was like the bad cop. And now they're trying the bad cook on this same Janeway. Mielix comes down with her meal and he's very curious. Like, do you feel like I'm feeling a lot of guilt? How about you? You have a lot to feel guilty for. This moment is so humiliating for Nielix. A person we know who's already feeling bad about being conned one time.

Oh, how could he possibly look anyone in the eyes after this? It's really tough. He does that thing that Neelix does, which is like he forges what he thinks is a bond with someone in a very short amount of time. He tells her this great story about how Janeway inspired him to be a better dude outside of that whole dating a very younger woman situation. He's been problem free throughout his time on Voyager. Yeah. And so you're just going to have to trust that Janeway and Nelix are actually this kind.

Is this all a gambit, though? Like I feel like after this point, I wasn't quite sure where the episode was saying things were happening on purpose and where they weren't. Is he conning her into thinking he's this much of a rube so that she will bonk him on the head and steal his phaser and think she's getting away in the Delta Fire? I think this is the central problem of the episode is that I can't quite get on the level of dollar being smart like film and TV throughout time is always like the bad guys lose because they aren't as smart as the good guys. Generally. And so I just believed that she could never be smart

enough to do this on her own. so she had to have had help. It sort of looks like he's talked her into cooperating when she does the bonk on the head. But I love the idea that they might have never told Nelix about this plan, and he's in there completely unaware. Lucky is fuck that the phaser that for some reason he has on his belt when he goes into the cell, which is like, prison 101, you don't bring a gun into the cell.

Yeah, exactly. But lucky is fuck that she doesn't put it on vaporize when she does her escape, right? Yeah, because this poor Briggsman standing outside gets shot with it. It looks like it hurts. Security to the brain. She gets on the Delta flyer, she flies away, and while she's in transit, like it sorta seems like everybody on the bridge is like, okay, like our plan is going because Harry Kim

says the thing to Janeway, and she's not like, get after her, you know, or follow her or whatever. We come back to this ain't the Delta flyer where this ain't two-vac and this ain't Chico Tay are having an argument over what to do about Dala because this ain't two-vac is still in character arguing for she's our captain and the other guys like,

she isn't though, like that's not real. Can you take the uniform off also when we're not doing that? Get those fucking points off of your ears. God, that's just it. He's always wearing the ears. Yeah. At least this ancient Cote has wiped the fake tattoo

off of his forehead and taken off the wig. I love mobe Bar. Moe Bar rules. Just giving it everything he's got. Of the real Delta flyer, Tom has been hiding in the morgue. He and he slides out once Dala has beamed herself over to this ain't the Delta flyer. And she's like arguing with her buddies

about like, you gotta let me back into the gang. And like, let's go get like all of our loot wherever we stashed it and get the hell out of here, get over the border into the next sector. Yeah. Where they don't have an extra edition treaty or something. There's no heat around that corner.

Paris has brought the EMH, which is a cool like, oh yeah, you can like sneak aboard one person and then he can have another person in his pocket. Yeah, I like that a lot. That mobile emitter is handy. Yeah, and he gets on FaceTime with them and it tells them to heave to and stand down and they shoot him and warp off and go to the planet to heave to and stand down.

They shoot him and warp off and go to the planet where they're stashing their bollumite. They move the key light to get a third area in these caves to make it distinct. But you can really tell that the trust is breaking down between the three of these people. And this ain't Janeway is getting very paranoid. Their mission is to set up a bunch of transport enhancers down on the surface. And when they complete this part of the project, this ain't Janeway whips out a dust buster. Yeah. So she's in the EMH the entire time?

This is a great question. Like at what point is she not dollar? Cause yeah, like Tom Parris gets out of the, out of the morgue and turns on the EMH. And is that who beams over in the persona of dollar? Someone's idea is that it would be more fun if we didn't know exactly who this was. Yeah. But I think it just confuses a little bit what the intentions are. Like, I'm really curious about what Dala was interested in up until the point it ceased to be her anymore in these scenes. I did really like that Dala's performance was very EMH-y in these moments. Yeah, I agree.

Everyone gets to do a little improv this episode. Yeah. Two Valk Beams down to the Star Trek caves and like, he had an EMH get the bad guys and Dallow wakes up in the morgue on the Delta Flyer where she's been knocked out somehow and Tom Parris is there. Doesn't seem like you disinfect that morgue between bodies, right? Yeah, booths. Don't think I like that. So, yeah, we get a little captain's log about how all of the stolen goods have been returned. The Voyager's reputation is back to its sterling ship of death self.

And we get a little button where Nielix and Tom are trying their shell game again to trick the EMH. This time they actually get one over on him. Paris had a nut in his hand the whole time. Yeah. Do you like this episode, Ben? You know, I'm maybe easy to get along with get went over on him. Parasad and his hand the whole time. Yeah. Do you like this episode, Ben? You know, I made it easy to get along with most of the time.

But I don't like bullets, I don't like friends, and I don't like you. You're not this stupid. I liked a lot about this episode, but that last act, I just felt like it was too confusing and there were too many like loop the loop. I'm not quite sure. Well Ben, Dala is the nut at the end of this episode, right?

Right. Under which cup is she? Oh, that's not Dala, that's the EMH in Paris's hand. See what I'm saying? I do, but I think for that to work, the EMH has never had the technology of just impersonating whoever he wants. That's true.

Before this. And a McLaughlin group or a scene in engineering about we can do XYZ to establish that that is possible. I feel like maybe would have helped a little bit. Like it's a con the con artist's episode and that's is possible. I feel like maybe it would have helped a little bit. It's a con the con artist's episode, and that's always fun when you're building a world around the con artist, so they think that their con is working,

but in fact, they're playing into your plan. It's always super fun, but it just didn't feel like it completely sold me on what parts the Voyager crew was knowingly participating. And like did the security guy in the brig know that he was going to have to take a phaser shot to the chest for this plan to work? Did somebody have to talk him into that? I also want to know what happened to Dala and Mobar after the episode. Like, we're aware that all of the stolen shit needs to get returned and they're the ones

to do it. But like, God, they've got to hate each other. And does Mobar keep the ears on? Like, to what extent is Mobar now stuck? Is he still in character all the time? I like the episode because it's a caper, and tonally a caper episode is just so different for a Star Trek Voyager episode.

I just really also fell in love with Dala and Mobar and the actors who played them. They ruled. And like, the screen grab of this episode is that first scene with them on the surface wearing those ridiculous uniforms. And I was prepared to think that they were dumb. And this episode would be dumb and bad.

Yeah. Totally not. I like this episode a lot and I think it was for their performances. If I ever see them at a convention, I really hope I do. They seem like the type of actor that would be at a Star Trek convention, and I would love to meet them someday. That would be really fun. Yeah, they definitely really sank their teeth into this. I feel like

love Arburtin is such a trek veteran that the conventioneer in the slightly ill-fitting costume with the like homemade pips that aren't quite the right scale. Yeah. Has got to have been somewhat inspiring to the way they designed these characters. Oh, the sky was in true blood. Hmm. Greg Daniel. Wow. So he can also play horny. Oh, yeah. I bet if you're casting softcore, truebloods got to be an IMDB page you're farming all the time. Like good with nudity. That's trueblood. Well, let's see how we feel about the messages and our priority one inbox, Ben. I'm going to head that way and see what we got.

That's a good idea. Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. You need a supplement on it. A supplement? A supplement. A supplement. Yeah, it's extra. The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Ben, our first priority one message is of a promotional nature. Hmm, here's what that message is. I love Star Trek's hopeful vision for a future without poverty. I try to do my small part to make that happen, minus the eugenics wars. And I bet a lot of friends have decided to do too. I'm giving a shout out to GiveWell, an independent nonprofit focusing on the highest impact ways to reduce poverty and suffering in the world. They publish their research for free,

so anyone can make informed decisions, donation or not. They don't even take a cut. All the money goes directly to the cause you choose, so... Dang! To find out more, you can go to givewell.org and if you do donate let them know you're a friend of the sodo by choosing podcast and selecting greatest gen. Wow. It's got like some drop down selections about how you found them. That is really cool. I'm glad we're learning about this. It sounds like a good deal. Yeah, a donation season is coming up.

So give, give well.org a shout. Adam, what do you say we donate the portion of this P1 that we will receive from Max Fun to give well that work? As long as we say that we are podcasted and then we select greatest gen. Yeah. Adam, our next priority one message is Hilary, and it's two science officer Jonathan, and it goes like this.

Pottery is the traditional 9th anniversary gift, but it couldn't find a Bajorin tablet, so for you, the best head of hair in Starfleet? A P1! The children keep us busy, and the cat might be a surveillance bot, but I feel lucky to be your wife every day. Here's to a non-time paradox-inducing future together, and may there always be coffee in that nebula. I'm a wedding of pressure for spouses. It's okay though, because I'm friendly, and I'm always hanging around. Happy anniversary, you two.

Yeah, Hillary and Jonathan sound great. And look at this, Hillary arranged this well enough in advance that we're actually pretty close to the date that she selected. Love it. Yeah. October 11th is the big day. Never forget. October 11th.

Ben, our final prior to one message is from Ripley, unintentionally like Adam's dog, and in parentheses, Fahida Jane. And it is two in no particular order, Alice and Jess, Ali, Misty Patrick Todd, and of course Ben and Adam. That message goes like this. Amazed to meet all the FOD at STLV23. It was awesome being welcomed by so many folks, windy greeted me and knew who I was, I'm still in awe.

I also wanted to say sorry for being a Shimoda for getting Bribelke's last name and calling her Bribelarsin at the pool. Glad it came off as Bits. Excited about the Portland show. And there's a request for the Rando drop of your choosing. Wendy, I think you know which one gets played when a rando drop gets requested. Oh, I'm destroying. Do you see that? With my nose? There it sits. Stop it! Everything you have done, stop with your fingers. Stop with your fingers.

Stop. How are you expecting the type with my nose? Stop. Stop it! Stop. Stop it! Stop it! Stop, but you thought you could hit.

So. Oh my God! That doesn't I quit. Oh man, fajita Jane, she's the best. Yeah. Bri Belkey, my favorite, Bri Larson, on the list. On the list. Pretty high.

A key Bri, you know. Yeah. But yeah, fajita Jane, thanks for coming to the Pranika, Kabanika. That was super fun. We'll see you next year, hopefully. That fajita jane, thanks for coming to the Praynika Cabanica. That was super fun. We'll see you next year, hopefully. Yeah. fajita jane used to call him to a k-pot all the time.

Oh, really? Back when k-pot was a thing. Yeah. Does the phone line still work? I have no idea. Gotta give that a try. Well, priority when messages still work. Ben, friends of the soda, gonna go to maximum fund.org slash jumbo Tron

Okay, I got a couple words. We'll say those words That's the arrangement what you pay there goes a long way in supporting the production of our shows We really appreciate it Hey Adam. What's that been did you find yourself a drunk? I think I'm going to make my Janeway Janeway actual because she wants to play this game. She gets drawn into this con person way of life. Mm-hmm. By conning in the brig. She doesn't have to do that. She could slam the brig door on the same Janeway and throw away the key.

She could. But I like that she does a bid in there and two VAC just barely hangs on during. It should really be two VAC, but I'm going to make it a Janeway for setting the tone. What about you? Tom Paris and Nielix were really vying from being my drunk charmota, but Paris won it with his, what would religious clerics want with our database query? Like the fact that he has not cut on at that point to the fact that they were scammed

is it's so late in the game Tom, like come on man. I mean, by this moment in time, there's hundreds and hundreds more years of examples of religious leadership, not always doing good things. So, right. Protect that wallet. Keep your eyes open during the prayer. We should talk a little bit about what we got coming up next week on the show. Of course, that'll be season six episode 22, the Muse, stranded during an away mission. Belana finds herself the inspiration for young poets art. That sounds nice. Is he going to draw her like one of his French girls?

Oh boy. First full frontal scene in a Star Trek episode. Nice. I don't remember. I know that this ran on UPN where almost anything was allowed. Oh yeah. It wouldn't surprise me. It's a wild times. The heavy days of UPN. Yeah. We'll see. Adam, why don't you let us know how we will be watching this episode by going to gach.bizslashgame. Ben, I'm over at the game of buttholes. The will of the caretaker where top row status is where I run about is it's on square 94. Fun. Four squares ahead. Got a space butthole.

They would take us down into an nth degree episode. Six squares ahead. Morn hammered. You're required to learn as you play. Roll. Is this the very an opportune time? Heh heh heh. For me to roll a six.

Let's find out, Ben. Oh, you know what I did? I rolled a one. Did I win? Square 95 is where we are. It's a standard issue episode by us. It's a good thing. Those are great episodes by us. And that's how we're going to do the next episode to start Check Voyager. I can't wait. Really looking forward to it. Looking forward to not getting shithouse drunk on another very, very busy production week for us. So, uh, yeah. Good stuff. Good stuff all around. It's been an intense amount of work around Uxbridge, Chamoda. Couldn't do it without the aid of our producer,

Wendy Pretty, who came out to see us at a live show out in Minneapolis, that was a treat. That was a treat. We also couldn't do it, obviously, without the support of the friends of DeCerta who help us out financially by giving us a little bit of money each month. To make this thing, that's maximumfund.org slash join if you

haven't already become a member. Consider doing so today. Yeah. Get some bonus content every single month. I got to thank Bill Tilly, the Card Daddy, running the social media accounts, at greatest Trek. I also got to thank Adam Magusia, maybe original theme music based on dark materials, original card song, Adam Magusia. cooking up a storm over there on YouTube. Make sure you follow that YouTube account and learn the thing or two. What's he cooking? What was the last thing you saw him cook? No, I was like listening to him talk about the Roman Empire on his podcast today.

Oh geez. Adam, I gotta take a shit. Can we please fucking get this over with? Just don't think of Miyoki Raku. Yeah, thanks. Cool. Think of anything besides that, like, like heavy... ...yokie, just like dropping into a panda boiling water. With that, we will be back at you next week with another great episode of Star Trek Voyager, an episode of the greatest generation Voyager where Adam Pranaka is the

muse that is inspiring my art. Oh, that's so gross. Nicely done. Don't look at God of the youth and death and cry Make it show, make it show Don't look at God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God of God Maximum Fun A worker-owned network Of artist-owned shows Supported

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