The Greatest Generation - The Poop Sombrero (VOY S5E13)

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

When an away team gets sucked into a space sinkhole, they crash another shuttle on a dangerous desert planet. But when they meet Tank Girl and she makes Tuvok the object of her affection, lessons from his youth keep him from falling off the logic wagon again. What do giant spiders taste like? Do all young Vulcans go through logic puberty? Is the neck-pinching nerve always in the same place? It’s the episode with all the gongs and bells!Support the production of The Greatest Generation.Friends of DeSoto for Democracy.Friends of DeSoto for Justice. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Caretaker!Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFollow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen!The Greatest Generation is on Twitch.Facebook group | Subreddit | Discord | WikiSign up for our mailing list!Get a thing at podshop.biz!

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdececoto for Labor.com. That's FriendsOfDecoto for Labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the finest crew in Starfleet. Engage! Watch your bad shot. Hello. I'm Captain Captain Bringengwe. The U.S. is for Captain Captain Captain Captain Bringengwe. The U.S. Border. Captain Captain Captain. Bringengler the U.S.S. Border. Captain Captain.

Welcome to the greatest generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Adam Pranica. I'm Ben Harrison. You seem worried, Adam. I clapped and nothing happened with the puppy in the studio. So that's a good sign. Usually the clapping can instigate some things.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, when we record, it's always like turn off notifications, silence all of the devices, but then you go and make the chaos choice of having puppy in studio with you. The thing about clap is clap is like dog Aloha. It could mean hello, it could mean get the attention, it could mean shut the fuck up. Yeah, it could mean you're in a lot of trouble. Yeah, just like Aloha.

Exactly. Yeah, you ever get pulled over and Hawaii? You get a low-hot? A loha, sir. Do you have any idea how fast you were going? Oh, that's a threatening a loha. Don't like that one. I was just driving home.

I'm in a loner car right now. Whoa. It's a little fender bender. Somebody bumped into my wife. I'm in the loner. This car does not drive the way my car does. I like it is such a head fuck to go back to a gas engine after electric because you like see a lane

that's open on the freeway and you're like, I'm gonna speed up and get in that lane. And it's like, I'm not speeding up at all. What's going on? Regenerative breaking feels like when you get into a car without it, you're kind of sliding all the time. Yeah. It feels very icy.

Yeah. Right. It's like a level in a video game where the floor is slippery. Yeah. I don't like that sensation. I have a confession to make at them. Having, did you also wreck this car? I wasn't with my wife when the person sideswiped her

and it's just had me all out of sorts. And been going out in the world and trying bits on people, I probably shouldn't be trying bits on. Your wife's car accident has made you go out and do bits. What is she doing? She's probably not, right? She's fine. She's normal.

We should also tell the people that she's fine, right? Uninduced. She's fine. And Daron. She was parked. The baby wasn't with her. Oh good. This guy was turning into a...

I mean, hilariously, he was turning into a parking lot and hit her parallel parked car while she was sitting in it. And then, like, hopped out of his car with his camera phone rolling, trying to, like, document the scene of the accident with her being the person at fault in the narrative that he was speaking

into the microphone. That's great. It's a bad driver TMZ or whatever. Great. He was wrong. Insurance company found him to be the one at fault. A bunch of people with sports bottles talking about a minor fender bender at in some cubicles. That unmistak mm-hmm. Yeah, that unmistakable green straw. Yeah. All this is to say that I've been having some bad bit moments at him. I would like to hear about these. Best bit moves. All I do is...

Bits, bits, bits. No matter what, bro! You're always doing bits, bits, bits. No matter what, bro! You're always doing bits, bits, bits. I was doing bits I was doing bits. Bad bit moment. Bad bit moment. So today when I was at the shop and they had a loner car for me, I was actually out by where Danny Barrauela lives.

Danny from Maximum Fun. Got a cup of coffee with him in between dropping off the car and picking up the the loner vehicle. And that was very nice. But when I went in to get the loner, they send you around, there's different windows. And I like signed out with the service department guy, and then I went over to the loner car department window to get my loner. And it's like renting a car. You got to like initial three places and sign on multiple different forms. It's like proof you have insurance,

agree that your insurance is going to cover anything that happens to the car. Do you have the automobile insurance that covers your rental? I'm not being charged for this loner, so I guess I must. I'm not sure. Hey, great. Yeah.

I mean, that's like the next level pain in the ass of a car accident is like, oh, great. Now I gotta pay for this shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have to pay a deductible. But, hey, we're done with the deductible in January, so. Yeah.

The rest of the year, I can just drive by Braille, you know. That's great. Good job. But suddenly there's red text on this form and it says, no smoking. And that's its own like bright red bold text area of the form that I have to initial in. And I said, now, I don't think this is gonna be a problem for me, but my wife is smoking hot. Is it all right if she gets in the car? Oh, God. Oh, that dude with bits, bits, bits. Hey, describe the person you're talking to

before the reaction. Just a mustachioed Latinx man that works in a car business context. Do you even think about sizing people up before dropping a bit on them? Like, did you look at this guy and think yes, or were you just thinking about yourself? I saw a man that might enjoy a little bit of humor.

He was joking around with some of the other people that worked there. I was like talking to a no joke. All right, which I feel like you can kind of see coming. But there are people, I might consider myself one of them. Some people have a tough time joking around with somebody that they haven't established a certain rapport with. Oh, yeah. And what this guy gave me back was, yes, your wife can drive the car, but you know, you're

only covered for spousal. You know why he had to go full professional there? It's because in a business context, he can't say anything about the hotness of your wife. Like, what is he supposed to do there? Yeah, no, it was a bad bit. It was not his fault. It was my fault. Hey, let's play the scene. Okay. And I'll, and I'll play the guy behind the desk.

And what he could have said. All right. Okay. So what? All right, initialing for, yeah, I do have insurance. I am licensed to drive. Oh, um, I do have insurance. I am licensed to drive. Oh, I just have a question about this, no smoking in the car. My wife is smoking hot, is that all right? Well, I don't know, can I see because he said like your cousin, your son,

they cannot drive the car. And I said, well, my son's only five months old. So I definitely won't be putting him by in the wheel. And he gave me a little smile for that one. What's the rule about really hot sons? And then it just gets fucking weird. He is a bit of a hunk. Have you seen how hot my baby is?

And he's like, let me see some pictures. So that was this morning. Wow. Couple days prior, I'm in the doctor's office. We've been having some heartburn. I think we've got this narrowed down to just like holiday, eating and drinking heartburn. This is not a mental disorder.

This is a physical affliction. Yeah. The doctor was like, all right, so I'm gonna put you on this, this, you know, it's like, I don't know, it's not prilosec, but it's something like that. It's a one a day pill that, you know, reduces stomach acid is meant to help you with acid reflux.

So take this for two weeks. If you're still having it, I want you to stop for two weeks and wait two weeks. And then we need to do a fecal sample to test you for some like bacterial things that it could be. If like if this doesn't work, then it could be this bacteria. But we need to flush this out of your system before we can test for that because you can get false negatives if you're taking medication. I don't know, man. It sure seems like upper GI would not have to deal with a fecal sample. You would think. But, you know, I'm not here to question what my doctor is telling me.

So I sat there in the room and the nurse came in with like a big like a grocery bag, all the stuff in it because there's the plastic hat that you put in the toilet for collecting. The poop sombrero. Yeah, and then like a, you know, a little jar that you put it, you know, you're not supposed to bring in the entire sombrero. You just, you collect a small amount and put it in a jar and bring that in. Does the sombrero have like, you know, like the measuring glasses? Like, is there a little pore spout that facilitates that? Or is the expectation that you're supposed to go in there

with like a spoon and fill up your other container with it. So that is a great question because then she shows me how to collect and she pulls out the tongue depressor. I feel like jumbo popsicle stick and she says, you're going to collect it with this. And I said, and now can I use it to depress my tongue after? All I do is it, bits, bits. No matter what. The person did not care for that line of comedy, while she's going through the poop collection procedure. Yeah, yeah.

No, you want to use the blue one for that. And... Wow! You got nothing from that. Yeah. See, my question about that is, a tongue depressor wouldn't work for me. Yeah.

Because I need something like a turkey baster. Like, we're dealing with solids on your side. Right, right. Like what happens if it's just like a gallon of iced tea? This is why you want the spout on your sombrero. Right, I definitely need the poor spout on the sombrero. I feel like yours maybe better would be like something like a gravy separator, you know?

Oh yeah. Like one of those modern ones where you push the button on the handle and it opens something on the bottom so that you're not like fucking around with trying to pour some out without the fat getting in. What's great is the effect is totally the same from making it. Like, you would agree that one of the funniest things

John Gabris, as ever said, was describing a bell movement as a crabbing ship, dropping the basket onto the deck. And that's the same thing, right? Like, I'm dropping it into the poop and some braero and then pouring the poop and some braero into the gravy separator and then that is dropping it again into the container for the science to be done on it. Yeah, I mean, it's cool that they put the graduation marks

on the poop sombrero. So you can see just how much volume you're producing. You know, it wasn't that long ago, Ben, when you were positively cringing at the idea of me even attempting to tell a poop story. And here we are. It's a delight for everyone. I guess the sombrero is on the other head today, my friend. Yeah. Feel is. Well, it was all theoretical poop in my story, so. Did you keep the Sambrero? Yeah, it's all... I think that's a good idea.

It's all here. This medication seems to be working, so I unfortunately don't think I'm gonna be able to regale the Friends of Desoeta with an anecdote about actually collecting this sample. It's better to have a poop S braver or would not use it. Did you hit a pothole in the middle of that? Then need one and not have it, right?

Some braver was kind of a hard word to say sometimes. Especially when you're fucked up. Speaking of hurls that are one way. Oh, you're talking about today's episode? You wanna talk about today's episode? You're talking about today's episode. Yeah, speaking of stumbling through the pivot, we'll get there, Ben. Oh, dare you.

It's Star Trek Voyager Season 5 episode 13. Gravity. Reverse course. Unless you've got something a little bigger in your torpedo tubes, I'm not turning around. Fire. At first time director on this tubes. I'm not turning around. Oh! At first time director on this episode. Really?

Something to note. At first time, Voyager director anyway. Kind of an interesting cold open here. We're in some Star Trek Ks. Lots of gongs and monoliths, which definitely reads as Vulcan. Yeah. Like before you even see pointy years, you're like, this is, this is some Vulcan shit going on right here.

Yeah. Yeah, it's sort of like when you go to Spain and you see a gaudy, like you just know what a gaudy looks like. You also just know what Vulcan looks like. It's gongs and bells. It's Vulcan gaudy. Yeah, yeah. That's actually what you say on Vulcan and Lou of bells and whistles.

Oh, man, I got a top of the line car. I got all the gongson bells. Impressive. Yeah. Teen two Valk walks in and he's like, when are they ever going to finish this Vulcan teen center? It's been under construction for like a hundred years. Yeah.

It is kind of an interesting teen center. Like you'd think that they would wear different clothes if you're gonna flip the folding chair around and sit on it backwards, but this guy comes out in full robes to talk to young Tuvac. Yeah, young Tuvac, geez, really not doing great in school. Has dad has sent him to the teen center.

And uh, this is sort of like scared straight, except for Vulcans, it's not scared straight. It's, it's logic straight. I guess. Yeah. You don't want to get on, on that bad path. If you're teen TuVak, fallen in love with people. Teen two-vac is a wayward teen in the most straight and narrow sense of the word.

He's in love with the girl and everybody's horrified by that. So, including the girl, turns out. Yeah. Jarrah doesn't return my feelings. He is being asked to recommit himself to Vulcan logic, and he's like, fuck that. Why was I born with these feelings

if I'm not supposed to have them? And basically in one fell swoop completely undermines the entire point of being a Vulcan. Yeah, wow. He's really fallen off the logic wagon. Yeah, you can tell. My emotions freak me. I see.

It's hard to tell if this is, like, this doesn't seem to be a time and a Vulcan's life. Type of episode, right? This isn't like Pond Fire or anything. This is just teenage doubt. Like, I guess what I'm trying to say is, like, do all Vulcan teens go through a sort of, like, logic puberty where

they decide that love is bad and crushes are dangerous and so forth? Yeah. We don't know that. You may have noticed that some curly hairs have started to appear on your logic and that's totally normal. Yeah. Look, when you're standing next to another Vulcan at the urinal, you may notice other Vulcans are growing those hairs at a different rate than you are.

And that's okay. Do not let that make you angry because anger is an emotion. So is jealousy. You don't want either of those. So that's our cold opener. We go to theme. Do you think he's having wet emotions at night? Mm, thinking about his classmate?

Yeah, yeah. That does kind of put you in a state of denial, doesn't it? Like, well, no, nothing. Well, you can't control what happens in your sleep is what I'm saying, like how traumatic does that have to be? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's a logic denier. There's no way around it. Young two mean, he's a logic denier. There's no way around it.

Young toovac was a logic denier. He donated a lot of money to the stop the steel, parenthetical of emotions, campaign. Well, I mean, there are terrorists that are logic deniers and we've encountered them in Star Trek. There's logic extremists in logic deniers and involved in needs to get these people under control. Yeah. I mean, there are probably very good Vulcans on both sides. This logic extremist and logic deniers and a vulcan needs to get these people under control. Yeah. I mean, there are probably very good vulcans on both sides.

Well, that's why they, you know, not because anybody was particularly enthusiastic about it, but that's why they ultimately elected to Biden. Right. Yeah. He's fine. He's fine, all right? Yeah. So, we come back from theme and we're in like planet death valley.

Looks hot as hell, dry, unpleasant looking, and a lone character is walking in this desert that's full of crash starships. Hutt and spiders. Adam. Yeah. I'd you like to eat a spitter this big? It probably tastes like a lobster or something, right? I don't know. I mean, that's the thing that the crab analog

was really the parent here. Once the spider gets as big as a crab, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's like the uncanny valley has been leapt at that point. Like it's not as gross anymore. Yeah, well, that's why this is set in uncanny death valley. Yeah, I mean, I was immediately distracted by the Laurie Petty credit because you know anything

she's involved in is gonna be interesting. But the face covering, I think, is meant to hide her a little bit more than she can ever be hidden, right? I feel like back when everyone was wearing masks all the time, like you heard some celebrity say that like, yeah, it was actually really cool to feel kind of anonymous. Yeah. Like walking through busy places. I feel like Laurie Petty does not get to do that because the upper part of her face is

so like beautiful and unique. Like you absolutely know what Lori Petty's face is, 43 inches around her eyes. Yeah. Oh, I'm so pretty. She's got piercing peepers. Yeah. And she squints them up at the sky and we see a hurl up there and something's coming out of it at him. Yeah, something drops out of that hole, which is how things should come out of the hole.

Like, not any straining, not any pushing. No. This shuttle just kind of falls out. Nice clean separation. Yeah. You hear the crash and she pulls out some binoculars and zeroes in on it, and it is a Voyager shuttle. We cut right on over to it.

And Lori Petty gets into the shuttle via gaping hole, like the shuttle is not flying again. It has been ripped apart like a soda can. Yeah, it's in really rough shape. Some of the panels inside are still blinking, but it does not look space worthy by any extent. You would think that the occupants would be dead judging from how it looks, right?

You would think. And judging from the noted lack of safety restraints that we've observed in shuttles before. Yeah. But there are no occupants to be found. And she gets on board and starts, you know, going through stuff, kind of rifling through the console and the glove compartment. She starts going for the catalytic converter.

She drops the sunshade. There's no keys under there. Fuck. They're always there in movies, but never in real life. You know what, just going off a memory, are there, there's flip down sunshades on the shuttle craft? It seems like there would be. Yeah. Or there should be. Right. I mean, can they just polarize the view screen

if they need to? I guess. Yeah. But that's not as fun. What is fun is Tom Paris coming back to the shuttle with his action jacket open and you know finds her in there and she aims her gun at him and starts speaking an untranslatable language. Sorry.

It is great when you have a mask covering your face for using an alien language, right? Because they can loop this dialogue later and make it sound like however they want it to sound. This is a good benefit to production, I think. Yeah. Also just good lighting for this, right? Because it's so bright outside that the shadows inside the shuttle are really dark and she looks real scary. She takes his med kit and makes for the hills, but is pretty quickly set upon by a couple of very low-fi aliens. And they're about to get her when she's saved by the Toothoc. Yeah.

Of course, it's locked in. You're it. You're this one to me, don't be careful. Because I'm going to save this once. Do it. I love a To-vac fight scene because it involves a lot of open hand strikes. And open hand strikes always look like martial arts, you know?

He's super into that move where you drive the nose bone up into the brain. Yeah, that's the thing. Like the lethality of the open hand strike is greater than just punching people. It seems like it is. Yeah. Maybe these aliens don't keep their nose bone in people. It seems like it is. Yeah. Maybe these aliens don't keep their nose bone

in the same place you and I do. Yeah. Not every one he does. That's fair. He also deploys the neck pinch while these guys are down. That's good. Which is another great bit of luck. That works.

You know? Yeah, how does that work? So they don't keep the noses in the same place, but they keep the nerve in the same place. I've got a question. It's been a while since I've been to a Star Trek convention. You could say it's been a long time. Anyways, I got a question about Star Trekertric Voyager season five episode 13,

Gravity. So two Vot gets in this open-handed street fight. And I know that that's a bit of a head fake. You thought I was gonna ask something about Enterprise, but this is about Voyager actually. Right. So he's, he's, he's sitting these people with an open hand, which looks familiar.

Jenny, want to watch his martial arts movies, but these aliens, they get neck pinched. I might to believe that most aliens keep the nerve useful for neck pinching in the same part of their body. I'm going to take the answer in the merch shop where I always go after asking a question. The merch shop, the most interesting place of any convention. Gotta get out of here. Yeah. Get a light. Yeah, they just leave these guys out in the desert and that's like kind of a dark ending

to the scene. Yeah, they're just fucking dead. Like you leave anyone out in the blazing desert sun, they're going to be dead in like an hour, right? Yeah. Yeah. Just laying on the ground. I thought it was fucked up that he buried them up to their necks. Oh, yeah. And then like it hit a nearby ant hill with a stick.

Yeah. To feast on our naked heads. That was fucked up. Pretty brutal. So he's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, those guys attacked you. Let me take you back to my shuttle and then he's like helping her pick up her stuff and realizing that most of her stuff is his stuff. Yeah, that's awkward, right?

Maybe he should have beat her up and helped those other guys. His issue of big Vulcan naturals rolled Rolled up in her bag. Yeah, and she's like, ah, he's into big naturals. Well, he'll never like me. I mean, how do you think Tuva got so chill? He's not going in any situation with a loaded weapon. That's what they taught him in the Star Trek caves when he was a young man. Listen, you know, sometimes you just

got to take the edge off too. You do not want to use a black light in those caves. Those are not hyroglyphics. This is, we find out when he makes it back to the shuttle, a pocket of subspace that they're in. It's like a whole solar system that's not in regular space. And they're like, they're talking about how fucked they are while they do a little bit of first aid on this lady, NOS, which is what we come to know. Lord Petty's name is, they can't even like get a distress signal out because the subspace barrier

around this little solar system thing is bouncing the signal right back at them. This part goes by so fast, but I think it's crucial to remember that like this planet and maybe other planets are inside this hole. Oh, yeah. They're not in normal space. They're nowhere normal, man. Yeah. Tuvac has a way with NOS that is like how some people are able to get along with CAT.

Like, you're one of these people. Oh, yeah. Cats love me. Cats just naturally like you, but NOS does not seem predisposed to liking or trusting anyone, but in this short amount of time, she's come around to trusting Tuvac here. Part of it is that he's giving her food and medical attention. Right. But I think another part is they're just kind of hitting it off. They're two, they're two good-looking people in a dangerous situation. Feelings are going to happen. Yeah. Well,

you know what my secret is Adam is if I ever see a cat getting attacked by aliens. I'll beat up the aliens. And the cat kind of is instantly predisposed to trusting me. Oh yeah, that's a good idea. That's how you do it. So they're kind of like talking the situation over when she says grand-grand and they're like, oh shit, we gotta get out of here. Grand-grand can't be good.

And the logic is she must have somewhere safe to hang out because this ain't it. And they go with her. Hey, no attention to the leap it takes to believe that this is the truth. Like she says something they don't understand. A bunch of people are approaching. I guess what other choice did they have but to trust her? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the, you know, trust is earned, but like they've kind of, uh, they've kind of led with, uh, some positive energy. They're not, yeah, you know, beating her up after she tried to steal all their shit. Yeah. If two-luck was gonna hit her with an open hand in the nose part, or neck pin sure it would have happened by now. Yeah. Did her digs remind you, remember that like misery episode of TNG where Picard is marooned on a planet with a lady?

It'll be a while before you can walk. I thought about that episode a lot. Yeah. I feel like her apartment looks exactly the same. It really does. Yeah. Yeah, but Laurie Petty's character here is crushing on Tvac in a kind of normalized depiction of a crush, and not a unhinged. Willing to harm the object of your affection, kind of crush. At no point does she hit him in the leg with a hand. Oh my God. Oh my God. God, I love you. This is a crashed vessel.

It's got a force field around it, so it's pretty safe. She's got all the facilities you would need to cook and eat spiders all the live long day. It seems great. Yeah. It seems like they could live here a long time if they wanted to.

Yeah, maybe pick up the local language, you know, yeah Paris has been given an order by two Vach to get the doctor back in in working order as fast as he can the mobile emitter unlike them So stay some damage Yeah, and Figures right Paris gets it up and running pretty quickly. I like this effect of him like holding the emitter and the like I don't quite know how

they did that. He kind of spiderman's him out of his wrist, right? Right. Uh, yeah. Cheat, uh, Laurie Petty, very surprised that this goes down when it does. But the fortunate news is that the doctor can talk to her. Yeah. This is great.

He's got the universal translator baked right in. I thought that the universal translator was in their badges. Why would it work on the mobile emitter, but not the badge? Because things that are badge sized or mobile emitter sized were tossed around the inside of that shuttle when it crashed Why couldn't they repair their badges then? I don't know, man. I don't know. Anyways, he's able to explain his existence in a staggeringly quick

This must be one of those really efficient spoken languages. Like you can get really complex ideas across in these little like monosolabic. Spurts. Yeah, good song. This is great. Home of routine side. Like, do you remember how many times in TNG, somebody materialized down the transporter?

And it was like, what the fuck? And data had to explain his entire deal to them. Yeah. I feel like every three episodes, they had to spend five or 10 minutes on that. This goes by like that. And now we expedite her backstory pretty fast. Yeah.

She's been there a long time and that makes everyone pretty sad because she's seen a lot of ships fell out of this butthole but none of them have taken off again. It's weird, right? You see things in the sky, operated by people who know how to fly them, but not how to land them?

Hmm. Pretty suspicious if you asked me. Yeah, but then what's her deal? Is she also one of those people? It's like why didn't she want to learn how to land? Why didn't she want to report this? Yeah. Seems very suspicious.

I know you don't want to do it. Coffee, black, make it yourself. I'm trying to help you see this is an opportunity to grow. Make it yourself. We cut some indeterminate amount of time into the future and it's Tom Perris trying to learn to spider-trap with her. Yeah. Come back, you little blood sucker. He's trying to use the same fork implement that she does. I was like, use your phaser, man. Set it on a wide beam. It's gonna be really easy. Whoa.

That's a great call. Yeah. He's using a stupid knife like an idiot. Fucking moron. When Lori Petty shows him the right way to do it, she's like, well, you need to yell very loudly. Yeah. When you use the quick stabbing motion of the knife,

and that's something the Paris wasn't doing either. Yeah. Well, you know, I feel like a lot of guys feel like they have to be completely silent while they're doing it. Yeah, that's fair. She's not always fun, you know? No, you want to let the spider know that you're having a great time.

Yeah. That it's working Whatever the spiders do in down there is working tell the spider that you're gonna stab it tell the spider that you're stabbing it Tell the spider that you stabbed it. Yeah Sounds great. They come home with a fucking sack full of spiders. Yeah. Like, evidently the lesson works. Yeah, it was like spider Halloween out there. And they went to the block where you get the full-size spiders. I know these are all digital effect spiders, but man, I would have loved a dump the sack of spiders out on the table.

Like you go to a like a crab pot restaurant, you know, and there's like the corn and the potatoes and stuff. Like it's all dumped out on the table. Yeah. And you just use your hands. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's fun.

A milk can supper of spiders. Yeah. They had like one rubber spider. Yeah. You know, because she had to hold it up the time that she caught it, the, you know, in those two scenes. I wanted to know if this was a prop that you could buy and sure enough, they did sell this at a prop auction bin. Oh yeah, how much did it go for? Well, they anonymize how much the person pays,

but you actually get to see who bought it. No, and it's Garrett Wong. Whoa! What does Garrett Wong have in his abattoir? He's got... Do you think he ever gets confused? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What does Garrett long have in his abattoir? He's got... Do you think he ever gets confused about like which leg goes to which prop? Because the leg is almost always broken off but can be reattached. Yeah. He's got stuffed flutter.

He's got furry fly. He's got this spider. Yeah. And they all have realistic genitalia. Yeah, he's a rich man in props. Yeah, I wanna see his collection. It's all under glass. I bet it's really cool.

Museum lights. It's like a scene in a Batman movie. Like he has a party at his house in the like femme fatale kind of like breaks away from the group and wanders into the East Wing and she's like, this is amazing. What this collection, like this should be in a museum, the public should have access to this. You have the Tlaxian fur flies body and head

and dismembered leg, all in separate cases. You didn't bother to glue them together? Yeah, he's trying to respect the integrity of the patina. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't glue those things together, you're just gonna ruin it. It's kind of adding some of his own patina

if you know what I mean. He was stating the obvious again. It's clear there's been kind of a passage of time here. Like, it's suggested at this point with how well they're able to speak each other's language. Yeah. Like that, that's happened pretty fast, right? Yeah. Like, I'm almost one of them to like comment about how NOS had like really staggeringly good language learning skills or something, because it doesn't really seem like they're trying to learn her language. But that would kind of betray the secret of the passage of time thing.

Yeah, I guess so. That they're really obscuring here with something like this. She's stumbling through some Federation standard asking to Vaca bunch of questions. You know, like, what are your friends like back at home? Like, what do you do for work? And he's like, why are you asking so many questions? This is a sad moment because like, they're not probing questions. They're just questions that a curious person has

for someone that they are living with and have been for a very long time, I guess. And Tuvac has done everything he can to suffocate and inner life out of himself as much as possible. So when you ask him anything interesting, he really doesn't have an answer for that stuff. But also that like air of mystery is like driving her mad because Paris is like, oh yeah, my girlfriend back at home, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, three years. She finally wore down and Lori Petty turns back to Tuvac and goes, and what about you? Tuvacock, just ignore a slurry of petty and goes back to Paris and is like, you and BLT are still together? You know, I had wondered about that all season. Yeah. All of season five, basically. Because some of the time it really does seem

like you're together and then other times it's like, do they even know each other? Have they met? Like, if you were to break apart our missions into episodes, it would feel as though your relationship is only a part of those episodes, if it serves them in some way. And I know that that's kind of a weird mental framework

to use because sometimes it's like, is the year of hell an entire mission and therefore episode and that's like one year whereas another mission might only take a day or two. It's kind of a Truman Show style sociopathy. Like that's not what I'm trying to suggest here. It's just kind of an easy way to think about all these adventures we've been having. We've been rich and adventurous since we got to the Delta Quadrant. You can say what you want about this quadrant, very adventure sum at the end of the day.

So the dinner hang kind of wraps up. And this is a moment that's always a little bit awkward when the hosts and the guests are on different schedules about when they should get the fuck out. And a really convenient way to do this if you're the host is to like go and wash the dishes. Right, right. And unless you're me, like sometimes I like people to stick around, but I also like washing dishes. I like to do that at the same time. Yeah, yeah. You're, you send very mixed signals. I just go to my bedroom and go to sleep. It's very unambiguous. I don't have that kind of bravery.

I really don't. I wish I could just fucking bail. Yeah, yeah. But I can't. I've had parties where people had to let themselves out. Oh, that's good. Yeah. It's nice.

And that's the last time they come over to a party at your house. So Paris has really made himself at home here, and is basically expecting that this is where they're going to be parked for the rest of their lives in a way that Tuvac has not really warmed up to, because like they're having this conversation where Paris is like, yeah, man, like, Noss is fucking sweating you do. Like she won't say two words to me, but she like, you would hurt just like falling into fucking sweating you do. Like she won't say two words to me, but she like, you and her are just like falling

into each other's eyes. It's crazy. Are you gonna do something about it? Too bad kind of shakes Paris off with that classic explanation of like, you know, Nasa's been here a long time and she's got cobwebs all up inside her heart. And also a married married, bro.

This does not constitute the galactic all pass that you think it does. And there's something so unusual about how differently Tuvac and Paris feel about this. Like that Paris is so ready to accept his fate. He like wants to like live vicariously through Voss and Tuvac getting together. Yeah.

But he's also a little distracted by the cobweb comment. And he's like, you know, that's actually a great point. There's so many spiders here. And I haven't seen a single cobweb. Are you saying they're all kind of concentrated on her, her heart? It's crazy. This ship is so big and all the spiders are outside. Weird. It seems like Paris is the logical one here. He's like, we're in a different layer of space. Like, we didn't know that this butthole was here. We fell into it by total happenstance.

Like, they're not coming for us, man. Paris is ready to repopulate the planet. Yeah. It's ready to go. Your attempt to play matchmaker was misguided. I am not experiencing porn for. TuVac does not like this. He heads out to recalibrate their distress beacon. Yeah. Paris rolls up and he's like, look, dude, I'm sorry about what I said back there. I just got excited.

I got excited because I thought about you two together. And it's all I think about quite honestly. It's kind of my new thing. Just thinking about you guys together. Pretty hot. Yeah. I was just in some Star Trek caves over there. Do not run a black light in those Star Trek caves either.

It's fucking great that Paris rolls up to apologize and then very much does not apologize because everything after the apology is like, you could see how I would think that, right? I've seen the way you look at her. Like, everything that I said to you, like, very plausible, wouldn't you say? She is ready to knock the spider webs off her heart for you. of her heart for you. Isn't there a real line between like, because Paris believes the same thing the entire time,

but his tactics change, conversation to conversation. And I feel like this time around, he's like, he's kind of live in the moment guy. Right. But there is a real line between live in the moment and like living in the moment too fast, you know There are versions of living in the moment that are good, but Toovac never pushes back on the many times that this has bit Paris in the ass either

Right like that was just hanging there in a way that like I feel like when two humans fight and when they fight ugly there in a way that like, I feel like when two humans fight and when they fight ugly, one of them will go after the weak point as a justification for their actions. And I think if two vachors human, he would have been like, oh yeah, live in the moment, like how you got busted down to Ensign, like how you ruined most parts of your life. Like fuck out of here, Paris. Like you are a terrible example of what you're trying to tell me to do. Why would I ever trust you? Maybe get your own house in order before you come give me advice

about how to conduct my personal life. I feel like on the one hand, that's a very logical reaction to Paris. But it's also like kind of the nuclear option on Paris. And I think two ofac is just so reserved that he knows well enough not to go there. He goes instead back to the past, Adam. Yeah.

We get another flashback of young TuVac engaging in some pretty ugly self-hatred. Talking about how he wishes he wasn't a Vulcan and didn't have to do Vulcan shit because then this Terrellian girl to be all his. The Tarellian girl isn't one of the plague girls, right? I feel like the Tarellians were the take on me aliens. What are they?

Right? Oh man, that sounds familiar. Maybe they cured the Tarellian virus. By the time Tuvac and her went to school together, maybe Tuvac was vaccinated against the Tarellian virus. Because two-vac is super old, right? He's like 90? Yeah, but you know what they say, dude.

Vulcan don't crack. Yeah. Yeah. Pfft. Whoa, you know who was Tarellian? That lady in that bar that knew Malota. Oh! Oh, well now I know why two Valk likes Terellians.

Yeah. Cause you can get a four hand job from a Terellian, right? God, a Terellian can play the trombone and also honk on those tits. Like, what's the musical instrument that's like the... There was a sketch and I think you should leave. Remember with the guy breaking the plates? What's the instrument with like the symbols and the piano and the organ and the... You know what I'm talking about? I think it's the I think you should leave before. leave a phone.

My condolences. But yeah, that's an alien who could play that instrument ably and also that body. So we really understand Yang Tuvak but his mentor does not and is trying to, you know, dissuade him from the path of illogic. And he's like, I actually got a letter from your dad that he doesn't even like you. That's not helpful, right? No. Love is a dangerous emotion. They seem positive, but all these secondary effects of jealousy and grief and anger and et cetera are associated with it. You could say love is the gateway emotion. Ben, because once you start with love, I mean, then you're doing heroin. Yeah.

Like, almost immediately. Cutting up rails of rage. Yeah. Just doing key bumps of horny. God, I do that. He's like, if you don't believe that love is a bad emotion, ultimately, try turning on a black light in this cave. Do you think this is love rehab?

And do you think this teacher is like a rehabilitation coordinator? The scene reads as differently if this is like kind of a standard thing that Vulcans go to when they're struggling with certain addictions. Yeah, like a listen man, I was just like you when I was your age, I've done it all.

Ha ha ha ha. Dude, you wouldn't even believe it. I had a crush on two girls at the same time in high school It sucked neither of them knew my name, but it was bad for me man And one of them was torelian so there were six arms involved in this crush I couldn't step thinking about what all those arms could do to me The different parts of my body, they could explore all at once. Adam, would you like to check in with the Starship Voyager, see what they're up to amidst all this? I had wondered what they were up to while weeks and weeks had gone by, down on the surface.

Like, we cut over to Voyager and they've made it home. We were fine through space and there was like this out on the surface. Like, we cut over to Voyager and they've made it home. We were fine through space and there was like this really intense gravity well, but then right next to it was a wormhole. And we just kind of flew right past that gravity well for the wormhole. And what do you know it let us out right in sector zero zero one. Could you blame us? Let us out right in sector zero zero one. Could you blame us? We made it home with almost everyone, you know? Sure, lawns suited and make it, two vach, the other guy, andson, what's his name?

Hey, I think you're probably happy that we didn't bring lawns suited with us, am I right? Right? Yeah. The whole alpha quadrant kind of, heave to sigh of relief when they found that out. Yeah. In many ways, the caretaker did us all a favor.

That's true. We realize that it has been one hour since their shuttle disappeared on Voyager. Yeah. Talk about going back to the past. Yeah. Speaking of things happening very quickly, a banger gets dropped almost immediately after we're back on Voyager. And then the ship is in the process of being sucked into this space butthole, and they can't escape using their engines or thrusters, Ben. No, it's going to take Janeway thinking fast and telling them a bunch of ice dines to vent or whatever.

This is like what you do as a captain. You're just running down your checklist of weird things to implement to escape a butthole. I like them all just going like that's why you got the four pips Janeway holy shit. That was close. Yeah, she doesn't even do the suggestions thing that Picard used to do all the time. She's got the suggestions. He knows exactly how to get out of this and they're like, all right, well, that must be where the shuttle went. They fell into that sinkhole. So let's head down to the ass lab and talk about what we do to get them out of it. Seven's got a whole schematic fired up that shows, you know, a representation of the rule and the solar system that's in there. Yeah, they get the gap up on screen. A sun and three planets in this hole.

It's kind of a lot in there. Yeah. Kind of a lot that this hole could fit up in it. I'd say it's time to break out the multispecial probe. A grade. Yeah. This is like why colonics became popular, you know? Right.

Clean it all out, you know? There's stuff in there that just stays. Yeah, but I mean, there's also good planets in there too that you probably don't want to disturb, right? Yeah, I mean, I've heard that some people get planet transplants these days. Yeah. That sounds gross, but it can totally change your whole deal. Yeah.

I mean, they're not putting planets into you. They're putting little bits of planets into like a pill capsule that you eat. You eat it? Yeah. I thought that you consumed it's a positive style. Who would know, Ben? I didn't get that far in my acid reflux journey.

You're still at the poop somebrero stage? Yeah. I am, I'm many miles down the road. A greatest-gen live show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post-show hangs, to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour.

Let's do it! The Share Your Embarrassment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense.

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These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I, these giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks. But I'm hearing we need to get on this. I've got to get on the art. It is about terrain, about a spout to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters. Yes, probably. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of

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That's under spritical. I'm giving you an order. I'm giving you an U.F. Just crossed the line. There's a banger again. Yeah. Ben, it seems like we just can't seem to have. There's a banger again. Yeah. It seems like we just can't seem to have a meeting without a banger.

Yeah, Chico Tei is saying like something about a special probe that they have while this banger hits them. And they come up on the bridge and Harry is in the middle of trying to like talk stern to whoever's on FaceTime with him. I'm only going to say this one more time. Disengage your tractor beam, sir. Do you think they intend this comedy?

Because Kim is like a kid answering the house phone when the parents are working in the backyard. Because when Janeway comes in mid-call, you got to believe she thinks that's cute. Yeah, it is cute. The guy that they're talking to looks like those muggers down on the planet. Yeah. Why the long face, Mr. Yost?

Yeah. He's very upset. Supervisor Yost is basically like a interstellar contractor, he's got a license from the city to repair potholes and he's out here with a truck full of asphalt and he's about to start pouring it into this hole and then run it over with a compactor. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we got friends in that hole.

I used to live in a neighborhood right next to a yard full of triple A tow trucks. Like 50 of them. And they would just deploy around the city and just park, just park on the side of the road, waiting. And I feel like that's what Mr. Yost is doing. Like he's parked by the space boat hole, ready to tow a ship out of its gravity well. And that's what he's kind of indignant about this.

He's like, I just saved your buns from going up in that hole with my tractor beam. We should show a little gratitude. And also, we're gonna pave over this thing tomorrow. Yeah. And they're like, hey, can you not? Because we're trying to get our friends out of there. And he's like, you're not going to.

Like, we've lost dozens of friends in this hole. That's why we're paving over it. Like, you know, say you're goodbyes. Yeah. They're gone. They're gone, baby gone. Also gone is the shot of Mr. Yost ship, which is cool as hell looking and we only see it for like a second. Yeah. Are they not proud of this ship? The ship was cool. Yeah. So Janeway, like, she's now working under a deadline and she gets to co-taid a work on this probe job immediately. Yeah. Chick-Cote.

I'll need you to work on the probe job using as little dialogue as possible. You may go. You know what straw you pulled this season. You appear to be working on other projects as an actor. That's the only explanation I can come up with. Just be thankful you aren't Nelix who has maybe even less to do, but has to sit in the makeup chair for four times as long. Yeah. In the ready room, we cut till later where Chicoete uses what little dialogue he has to tell Janeway that they found the distress beacon from the missing shuttle, and it's on a planet inside the butthole. And I love the flair for the dramatic that Chicoete has because he could use

dialogue to tell her all about this. But instead, he gives her the pad to read herself, giving her the gift of her own dialogue to use in this scene. And, you know, that's just the kind of generosity that he's bringing to bear as a character, you know? As an actor, also. It's a lot like sort of what Nas wishes Tuvak would do, you know?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, you know, Nas isoss wishes Tuvac would do, you know? Yeah. Like, you know, Noss is looking at Tuvac on like, I bet that guy could carve a mean bathtub. There's not even a suggestion of a bathtub on a desert planet that I think could really use one. You know, it's heated by the sun. Yeah.

Very efficient. It's not gonna be anytime soon, even if you wanted to, because Paris comes in the front door with two vach in the next scene and two vach is fucked up. Yeah, yeah. He was attacked by spaders. They turn on the doctor,

and it's the first time the doctor has been active in two months. Two months. Yeah. So, what's new? And he gets to work on two Voc and two Vocs gonna pull through. It's gonna be okay.

He scans two Voc. He's like, has he been trying to fuck a spider hole? He's genitals are totally shredded. And NASA's like, Damn it, I wanted to do that. The spiders have rendered his penis completely unusable. I'm sorry, Noss. She goes outside and it's raining

and she falls to her knees. No! We gotta hunt down those penis biting spiders. It's dinner time and I'm hungry for penis biting spiders. It's dinner time and I'm hungry for penis spiders. She does that thing where she's like nursing him back to health and goes in for a kiss because he's like so tender and vulnerable. And it's like you really can't do do that. No way, you gotta ask. It sucks to watch Tuvac break her heart, and not because it sucks to watch anyone's heart get broken, but like the very unique way that a Vulcan does it,

which has got to drive someone fucking nuts because like his calmness in the face of her, like when you're crushing on someone and you've like made the move, you're energized. Yeah. By that attempt. And for two vato not only turn her down, but also turn her down in a way that almost feels like he's about to fall asleep. Oh, that calm this just makes her so angry. She is like a runaway truck going down the grapevine, hitting that ramp that's made out of gravel, you know? You know like when your wife wants to fight and you just don't want to fight,

like, and it drives her fucking mad. You know what that's like, right? I don't think so. Do a lot of marriages experience that? That's like this. She's a god. Consulting me will not help. Yeah, really pisses her off.

Yeah. You know, she doesn't want his shredded spider junk anymore. Yeah. The spiders can have your dick, she says, and she storms out. Yeah. We're back on the Voyager for just like a moment where we learn that they can use a probe to kind of amplify their ability to use the transporters and also communicate. But at the same time, the work of sealing the spaceboat hole has begun.

Yeah. Supervisor Yost is already starting up the cement mixer and they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, we had six hours and he's like, no, we're ready now, man. Yeah, this is a shocking development. I had a trade come to my house 30 minutes before they said the window had begun. It totally fucked me up. Like I absolutely understand the incredulity

that Janeway is feeling here. Like I thought you said the window was between 10 and noon. It is 9.30. What the fuck is going on? I am losing my mind. I've interacted with, I don't know, a dozen trades since I moved, and no one has even hit the window.

They've been an hour behind the window. 30 minutes early. What the fuck is this? What is going on? Oh man. You know, I had that cable guy come out to my house a couple of weeks ago to fix our internet. Uh-huh.

And then like the internet still was kind of shitty. Yeah. I wound up on the phone with, I think, the guy who supervises him a couple of times. Did you ask for a supervisor or did this just happen? No, the supervisor called me because I had like called back to report that we were still having problems.

Uh-huh. And then the other day I was walking the dog and I saw the first cable guy in the neighborhood at another house and I was like, Hey man! And he gave me nothing back. I was like, hey man, and he gave me nothing back. I was like, oh fuck, I got you in trouble, didn't I? L.A. is so big.

And you tend to run into people all the time. I'm so unlucky. It sucks. You should have tried doing a bit there, Ben. I should have tried a bit. How's that bamboo working out for you? Yeah. I tell you about that.

We were sitting here recording an episode of the show and I looked into my backyard, which with a window in my studio is onto our backyard. And I saw him back there like two days after he'd been here to fix the cable. And there's like some downed bamboo in the backyard. And he just like points over at it. And I gave him a thumbs up.

And then I looked over two minutes later and he's walking out of the backyard with an arm full of 10 or 12 pieces, like 12-foot-long bamboo pieces. I'm not sure I understand. So you had cable guy business a few days before. At no point did the cable guy mention anything about the Bamboo? And then that same cable guy comes back two days later,

points at the Bamboo, you give him the universal sign of, go ahead and take as much as you want, and he wordlessly does it. He pointed at the back of the yard, which is where the telephone pole that the cable is on was. And I assumed that he was back and saying, like, I need to do something to the pole. Yeah. What he was here to do was take bamboo. I mean, it's fine, I don't need it.

I didn't need the bamboo. Why would that guy be mad at you? You gave him bamboo. That's a get 10th anniversary gift. For your cable guy. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if he got in trouble or if he didn't recognize me or what, but I'm bamboo guy and you put some respect on my name. You know what the U.S.S. Do it. You know what the U.S. Do it.

You know what the U.S. Do it. TuVoc is meditating on the edge of a cliff that is great scouting. Yeah. I don't know how long it takes you to find the perfect meditation cliff, but this is it because it's reachable from the bottom. It's not a huge climb for Paris to walk up to. It looks like it was placed there for this use. It's the perfect setting.

It's giving Lion King pride rock. Yeah. But it's like not as big and intimidating. It's really great. Yeah. I thought Tuvac might have been shirtless here. Yeah, he's in the tank top of trying to clear his mind after a bunch of spiders of tank to stick.

There is another layer to the Starfleet uniform underneath the mutiny shirt. There's the plunging you of that tank top. Yeah. Looks nice. Looks great. He's keeping it tight. He's not going to have a lot of luck clearing his mind though because Paris is here and Paris

is pissed off about how badly Tuvac has hurt, Noss. Try to let her down easy. There is no easy way to recover from infatuation. Noss is shredded by this, has shredded his Tuv-box penises. Parasists like, we came to this party to meet girls. And you fucking scared of a wave, I'd be in a weirdo! This happens all the time! Man, you sucked a party with man. You show one of these girls your weird shredded dick.

And now they all left. That's not what girls like. The other element to this isn't the way the two vachas treated Noss. It's the way two vachas treating Paris, because Paris can tell that two vach maybe wants to say something but can't about why he cannot return the affection of Noss and Paris really riles to Vodka.

Riles him all the way up to the point where he can finally tell Paris about Jara, the love of his youth. Yeah. I feel like to Vodka really needs to check his feathered emotional privilege though. Because everybody else is hurting. Also, everyone has had that first heavy crush. Yeah. That's all you need to say, Valk, middle school. Yeah.

Pelican brief. We all had our Jackie. Yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. The emotional attraction I felt for her became a kind of insanity. He tells Paris he spent months in a sex rehab. Some Star Trek caves with a lot of torches and gongs.

Which is what makes the shredding of the penis by the spiders all the more traumatic. I made it through that whole thing on scale. Yeah, now look at me. I left sex rehab with a functional penis, and now I'm looking down at a bunch of ribbons. Looks like a cat a nine tail hanging. It's like a ribbon station at a greeting card store. This is sort of what I picture your life being like at them

because they look up at the sky and they see that that great big hole in orbit of the planet and they see the like explosive energy coming through it. Yeah, they're pushing in a bad way. Yeah, should not have to strain like this. No. We see what this looks like from the other side.

It's this, as you said, very cool ship shooting rays at the gravity well. The reason I love this ship, it's kind of an event horizon class ship, right? It's got that long neck, big bulb at the front, the wings. It's sort of like a child's drawing of a spaceship most of the time, right? Yeah. If you look down on it from above, it's a crucifix. Yeah. Unclear whether or not it's a tomb, a board. Who knows how Mr. Yost keeps a ship?

They get the distress signal. They've got to speed it up. I love the speeding up the tape. A transporter being with a radius of 2 meters will activate the coordinates of your distress speaking in exactly 30 minutes. And I also love how they're like, oh fuck, like we missed the window before. Janeway gets to the part about the time dilation issue. It's great. Yeah, the dilation's a problem in a number of areas in this episode.

Yeah, so it's a two day wait for them and a 29 minute wait for Voyager. And this is just in time for like for some reason, all of the bad guys on this planet to mount like a coordinated effort to take over their craft ship and get through the force field. These aliens are tired of eating spiders. They want whatever is on NASA's ship.

They want meat to be mac on the menu boys. Oh, you think they wanna eat, NASA and Tuva can perish? Yeah. They're like, it would have been better if we'd done this before his dick got shredded, because that would have been that much more meat.

But this will have to do. Yeah, the Vulcan penis is mostly gristle and fat anyway, right? Yeah, but you can use that to like grease the pan, you know, render it down a little bit. You can use that to grease the pan, render it down a little bit. Yeah, you take the rolled up Vulcan penis into your tongues and you just rub it around the pan. Rub it on the grill if you're cooking outside.

Yeah. They've got to defend them. It's like a siege for two days. Getting down to the wire, we kind of cut back and forth and it's like, oh, only a couple more minutes on Voyager. It's like, only a day and a half left down on the planet. And they're getting really, really close. And NOS has to go out and like shore up the shield that's protecting them.

And it looks like she's gonna get killed and Tuvac rides to her rescue one more time, even though it's a logical for both of them to go. Now y'all get beamed out just in time. How about Nass, like throwing this in Tuvac's face? Risking two lives would be a logical. She knows how to argue, doesn't she? Yes.

Just the twist of the rhetorical knife right there. A very familiar thing, I'm sure to you as well as me, is the lady saving that for a couple of days to drop on you. Kind of using your reasoning against you. Yeah. And your shredded penis. Yeah, so they get beamed out of there like just in the nick of time just before they're

totally overrun by these low fee guys. I really wanted there to be like a moment after the gravity well was closed, but you know Janeway had succeeded in their rescue like, hey, a supervisor, yoast, sorry to say, we did figure it out a way to rescue people from the other side. So like a lot of your, a lot of your people just got sealed in there forever. Yee.

Yeah. Janeway's instinct is occasionally to spike the ball and she doesn't do that here. No. Mostly because to spike the ball would be just very sad. It really would be. Hope you like eating spiders. Yeah.

Voyager takes, not back to the planet. She comes from and they're headed down to say their goodbyes and Paris catches up with two Vach in the hallway. And he's like, yeah, man, it's so fucking weird. Like, I spent months and months convinced that I was never going to see my sweetheart again. I guess you were right on that one. Yeah, there's temporal jet lag.

TuVac is like, wait, you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah, Paris is almost delighted by how strange the sensation is of the situation. But as confusing as the temporal jet lag might be for Paris, he knows exactly what to do in the transporter room because when they see Nasov, he has the good sense to clear the room of everyone

so that two Vachanas can have a moment alone together. I think it should be standard practice to ask somebody before you meld them. You know, even if they're sort of an implied meld relationship. Have you like you were talking about this a while ago when it comes to like making the first move of kissing a person? Like when we were growing up kissing people, you didn't ask. Like no one did.

You just go in and you get rejected or you go in and you get accepted. And that's kind of how it was. I learned my lesson the hard way that you should ask. Yeah, and this is that version of melding. Tuva goes in because he thinks he's got the clear signals and he does. And what happens during that meld is some real intimacy.

Really is. I guess he shares everything he's been going through with her. She smiles on the other side of the meld and is like, wow, like, okay, no further questions. I got it. I mean, I thought I knew what a shredded penis would feel like, but now that I kind of lived with the feeling personally, for a moment, out, out.

Anyways, got to go. Been swell, but swelling's gone down. This is Lori Petty being Lori Petty though, because like when she gets up on the pad, she does that thing where they're like holding hands for a moment and when they let go, she keeps her arm out like for a beat in a way that is really heartbreaking.

And does that big exhale that's like the emotions are like thickening up my exhale and this... God, she's fucking incredible. She's so great at this. Like, she's a truly expressive face actor. It's one of the ways that she's great, but like, her body acting here is another element to it that just makes the scene heartbreaking at the end. Really is. Too much has to meditate on this. And he meditates his way back to his time in the cave with the Vulcan Master and like his graduation ceremony, essentially. Yeah.

When you can snatch the issue of big Vulcan naturals out of my hand, you can leave the temple. And he does. And that's why that hand. You can leave the temple. And he does. And that's why that issue was so important in the shuttle. He always travels with it. Even though the pages have long since fused irrevocably together, they're like dry leaves. You can barely touch it. It's bagged and boarded.

It's bagged and boarded. And that's the episode. Did you like this episode of Star Trek Voyager? Adam. You know, I made it easy to get along with most of the time. But I don't like bullet, I don't like bread, and I don't like you. I love this too. I mean, I love, love, love, Laurie Petty.

And so the excitement of watching an episode where she's featured, yes, and you've never seen Tank Girl? Yeah, I know, I haven't. What the fuck? Let's do it! Let's fall in love! You know, I kind of slept on Laurie Petty for a while and then she popped up in station eleven and I was like, oh my God, she is fucking great.

Like if you haven't seen that show, make some time for it, because she is especially great in that show. But yeah, is that that Armando Ionucci space show? No. Oh. It's on HBO. It's kind of hard to describe.

Okay, here's the slug line, survivors of a devastating flu attempt to rebuild and re-imagine the world anew while holding on to the best of what's been lost. So, the sort of thing you want to watch in 2001, which is how we were doing it. Yeah. She's special. And I think she elevated the episode. I think obviously it's a two-vac episode. And it is nice to give Tim Russ the ball. But in the same way that

Kate Mulgrew had to play off of the Christ Isaac guest actor, like that steel sharpening steel of their relationship a few episodes ago. Like you get Laurie Petty and Tim Russ together, like that's some more actor sharpening in a way that I just really like. So yeah, like the episode a lot. Yeah, I did too. I think it's a show that just feels like incredibly confident in its storytelling ability right now. The opening in a deep flashback and then like the opening in a deep flashback and then reopening on a strange planet with a character we've never met before being our main character at the beginning. Yeah. And then not even introducing the crew of the Voyager into the story until like past the halfway mark of the episode, not worrying about our ability to engage with it as an audience despite all that, just feels like super cool. And yeah, it's just really been

loving this season. And I love this episode in particular. Great app. Terry Windell is the director of this episode. It's the first of 10 that he ends up directing for Voyager. Wow. And this was a tough one to do, I think. You got your on-ship stuff. You've got your out in the field work. I think we can assume that he did a great job here because he was brought back so many times.

So, good job by him. Indeed. Well, do you want to see if there's anything in the priority one inbox today? Oh, yeah. I'm gonna head that way. I'm gonna walk through the desert avoiding dick-ripping spiders. Good luck! Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Need a supplement, little one. supplement, supplement. Yeah, it's extra. The interest alone could be enough to buy this ship. The first priority one message been,

it's of a personal nature, it's from Doug C. It's the Adam and Ben, the message goes like this. Love you guys. Love this cast. Thanks for keeping me company on the Colorado Trail and the AT. Here's 100 scarves, to answer a dumb fan question. Yeah, in Lower Deck season three, episode nine, we see Breche of four. For the first time, it had palm trees and looked like Miami.

But in TNG season one, episode 22, the Brecheans wore hilarious 80s Miami clothes? Was this an intentional callback to Jetson Scott's wardrobe? Get a light! That damn Doug see, that is a great convention question. That is solid as sears, you should get off those trails and get to a convention. Yeah, I think this is just the sort of thing a Q&A session needs to hear. Something I'd like to hear.

And then take your answer back on the trail, you know. Go get a $14 hot dog and take your answer over there. Is the AT the Appalachian Trail? That's gotta be right. He hiked both the Colorado Trail and the Appalachian Trail. Doug C is no joke. Yeah, check out the calves on Doug C. I love to do that someday.

I mean, he'd mention nothing about hiking it. Maybe he took a doom buggy. I'm pretty like, get off the trail. Yeah, check out Doug C's terrible cabs! Hahaha! Our next priority one message here is from T-Bare, and it's to Kalin, and it goes like this. Merry Christmas, Kalin! I'm so proud of you.

And all that you've accomplished, you have worked so hard and it is definitely paying off. You mean so much to people, your students, community, and family. It's amazing to see you take on the world. Here's to more Star Trek plots that I don't understand, writing D&D campaigns and cursed audio file emails. Well, I'm really glad T-Bear and Kaelin celebrate Christmas on February 20th.

Ha ha ha. It's unusual. Yeah, but for some people, Christmas does come in February. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Merry Christmas, Kaylen. You sound great. Tea Bear sounds great too. Yeah, Cursed Audio-File emails. Oof.

Yuck. That's terrifying. Yeah. Is tea bear short for trail bear? Are they also hiking? Tea bear is the one yelling at Doug Z to get the dune bug you off the trail. I was having coffee with Danny Barrauela this morning.

And I was like, hey, you know, with inflation being what it is, maybe we should bump the price of those priority one messages. and I was like, hey, you know, with inflation being what it is, maybe we should bump the price of those priority-won messages, and he was like, huh, yeah, that's actually not a terrible idea. So, if you're listening to this, and they haven't gone up yet, I would say get them now. Jeez. Because I put that idea into the network.

See, I thought you were trying to do a favor for the Friends of DeSoto, like inflation making everything more expensive, maybe we lower the price of P1 so that they're more attainable. No, it's costing us more money to do all this shit too. Alright, I guess. This is FUCK YOU, man. I come up with one little idea to charge $110 instead of $100. It costs money to fix our myrium digestive issues.

You're right, we need as much as we can get. This show's not last and forever. These dicks aren't gonna shred themselves, Adam. Yeah. And dude. Well, if you'd like to get a priority on message on the show, it's super, super easy to do. Go to maximumfun.org, slash jem, it's super, super easy to do. Go to maximumfun.org slash jembo-tron and set it up today. Hey, Ben. What's that?

Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Granamon. Drunk Shimoda. Yeah, I'm gonna give it to a supervisor, Yost, for just being so unwilling. Like, this was a very Douglas Adams character. Like, I have a job. I'm just like a construction guy,

and we're on a schedule, and I don't really care about your thing. Yeah. Bad tempered bureaucratic, a vicious uncalus. I thought it was very funny, how little of a fucking, a poignant jerk.

But that's like an expression of a quality you've said before. Like great characters are written to be the main characters of their own lives. Yeah. And this guy's got a job to do. And he's just going to get it done. He has an inner life and an inner career. And he doesn't give a shit about what Voyager's going through. I'm doing my construction project.

I'm not doing that. I'm reading Vogue on poetry. And those are the only two things I give a shit about. Yeah. How about you? Mine's gonna be Tom Paris, just because I think it's fairly suspicious how invested he is in someone else's relationship. I think it, I think what it's doing is betraying how flimsy his own is. Why don't you keep your eyes on your own work, Paris? Yeah. Yeah. Stop trying to get two-fox dick into more danger. Yeah, you see what happens. Yeah. Yeah. Good charmota. Is Laurie Petty going to be in the next episode, Ben? You find that out while

I go over to the game of Buttholes, the Will of the Caretaker. go over to the game of buttholes the will of the caretaker. BOOM! Okay, well, our next episode is season five of so- 14 Bliss. The crew is elated to discover a wormhole that appears to lead directly to Earth. Season five is just the, uh, oops, all wormholes.

Season seven. So what we're dealing with? A lot, a lot of wormholes. Season five, it seems like. Kind of a lot of wormholes. Season five, it seems like. Kind of a lot of wormholes. Talk to me about this board game atom. What's happening? Well, would you believe where smack dab in the middle of two special squares?

I do believe that. Directly behind us is a Janeway square. If you would hit that, we would have zoomed up to the top of the board. That didn't happen. Instead, directly ahead, we've got a Nielix's galley square, which is a square in which you and I drink Tlaxian champagne, which if we can't get Tlaxian champagne, we substitute regular earth champagne. Or you just do like whatever bottle of wine you have around Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. You're required to learn as you play Roll

Maybe a teaky drink Probably not though. That's its own square, man Ben what I have rolled a one! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end!

I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end!

I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! I'll never end! You know what that means? We're dropping bottles on the show next week. Wow, holy shit. It's Tlaxian Champagne time.

Sure is, man. Well, buckle up. I guess I gotta go buy some Tlaxian Champagne. Do you know anywhere in LA that sells it? Hmm, I think your cable guy knows. You should ask him. We're not really on speaking terms right now. Yeah, does should ask him. We're not really on speaking terms right now. Yeah, does seem like that. We got a bunch of people that we need to thank for all of the assistance that we get

in making the show every week. For the most helpful of all are the friends of Desotto who support the show. Getting ready for this Max Fund drive, it's coming right up. And we could really use your support this year. It's maximumfund.org slash join. Get your engines ready. So much goes into the completion of every episode.

Can't do it alone. Takes a village of FOD's been to steer an episode into port. Gotta thank our producer, first and foremost, windy pretty. Chops and screws our episodes into form. Makes us sound funnier than we are. Yeah, just... slows the beat down. Yeah. He sounds real nasty. She does great work here. So does Bill Tilly. He's the social media manager. You can find him wherever social media happens online.

The hashtag greatest gen or greatest trek. Kind of like the bat signals to finding other FODs wherever you are where hashtags are accepted. I also want to give a special shout out to The discord at drunkshmoda.com That is a vast FOD resource. It's like a city of FODs. Lively community talking about all kinds of things. Yeah, I also want to shout out the Wikia,

greatest gen.wikia.com. Fun resource over there shows a lot of the antecedents to renders that we do on the show. So if you're a new listener, that can be kind of a fun thing to look through. Get up to speed on some weird shit we say. Lots of ways to support the show. A review is a great way to do it.

You can also buy merch at podchapp.biz. Podchapp.biz? Yeah, lots of our in jokes end up on merch items there. Yeah. Got a couple of new items in there at the moment that I think you'd enjoy. That's true. With that, we will be back at you next week

with another great episode of Star Trek Voyager, another episode of the greatest generation Voyager, where we're asking whether the Voyager would even be allowed back in the Alpha Quadrant, carrying as many flutter toys as they are. Oh yeah that's a suspicious amount of flutter toys. You mean you were on rations for your replicator and yet you kept making flutter toys? What the fuck? Make it sound.

Maximumfun.org Comedy and Culture Artistone, audience supported. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artistone, audience supported.