The Greatest Generation - Vaguely Nutcrackery (DS9 S1E9)

Episode Date: December 11, 2017

When diplomats from the Gamma Quadrant head straight past a good premise, they wind up in Quark’s bar. But when the Ferengi act like Ferengi, the stakes are raised for the staff of DS9 in the worst way possible. Are the Wadi elves or sharks? Is O’Brien just going to spend the rest of Season 1 on an air mattress at his mother-in-law’s house? Is Major Kira our emotional proxy? It’s the episode that is paid for with swag from a natural history museum gift shop.

Priority 1 message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Hey friends of Disodo. Before today's episode, we just wanted to take a moment to talk about the historic labor actions being taken by writers and actors in the American Film and Television industry. If you're a fan of the work done by the people who make Star Trek, we hope you'll join us in standing in solidarity with the folks who actually bring these adventures to life. Over the past several years, the AMPTP, the organization that represents the American Film and Television Production Studios, have reduced the profit from movies and TV going to workers. And in so doing,

they've attempted to weaken the labor unions that represent those workers. They wouldn't even engage the unions on many issues in their negotiations. And so a strike was the only course of action to take. Adam, Wendy and I have been having a lot of internal discussions about how best to stand with the unions and we are continuing those conversations in a dynamic situation. We're doing our best to understand where the picket lines are in these digital spaces,

and we would never intentionally cross one. With the information we have, we feel like we can do more good talking about and supporting the strike and continuing our show as planned. We'll keep you informed about what all this means for greatest trek specifically. Today we're making a contribution to the Entertainment Community Fund. This fund exists to help all the people whose livelihoods have been put on hold because the AMPTP refuses to negotiate

in good faith with the unions. It provides financial support for writers, actors, and all the thousands of laborers who make the shows that we talk about here and without whom we wouldn't have Star Trek to cast pot about. Those folks are all out of work because billionaires, company shareholders, and the executives of these companies don't want to compromise on the length of their yachts. We hope you'll join us in supporting entertainment workers in a challenging time, especially after they've already endured several years of challenges brought on by the pandemic

and season two of Star Trek Picard. We've set up a page where you can also contribute. It's at friendsofdecotoforlabor.com. That's friendsofdecisoto for labor.com. That's friendsofdisoto for labor.com. Link in the episode description. Okay, now let's get on with the show. Here's to the whimmy's crew in Starfleet. Engage! Welcome to the greatest generation, Deep Space 9. Star Trek Podcast by two guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek Podcast. I'm Adam Pranika.

I'm Ben Harrison. Ben I am a newly minted dog owner. We're going to talk about this? Yeah, I want to talk about it because I have questions. You've been a dog owner for how many years? Well, I had one when I was a kid, but as an adult like I don't caretaker of a of a duck as an adult we are coming up on Three years. I'm interested in hearing how this has changed your relationship with your wife because Before dog or B.D. I used to have conversations with my wife about culture and movies, food and beverage. Now Ben, most conversations with her involve my dog's poop. conversations with her involve my dog's poop. It's consistency, frequency, and color. Is this a thing that happens to you when you become a dog owner? You just start talking

about poop all the time. I think you've noticed my sense of humor at him. But I mean, in the way that like we don't make fun of it. We're like Grating it. No, yeah How how was he out there? Did you make a great big poop? What that poof look like? How many times do you poop today? I would say this. We're obsessed with it. Yeah, because you don't want the poop in the house. That's why that Like knowing where the dog is at, W slash R slash T poop, is how you keep poop out of your house.

And it is, yeah, like, I mean, like it can be incredibly frustrating where you're like, I know you didn't poop when I walked you at noon. I've taken you on a walk before dinner. Now it's after dinner, it's time for bed. I am like walking you around this neighborhood desperate for you to drop some kids off at the pool

so that we can go home and go to bed and I don't have to toss and turn worrying that you're going to get up in the middle of the night and poop. That poop anxiety is so real. It's so real, Ben. He hasn't pooped in the house in more than two years, I wanna say. Definitely more than a year and a half. And still, I, you know, I mean, like it's good, right?

Like you need to like have your dog also not have poop anxiety. Yeah, that's true. I mean, and part of it is like we weren't sure if he was okay in the beginning. We are now at this point, the owners of a five-year-old Wheaton Terrier. You know, I think you should all be nice at the Wheaton. And

Sprocket is awesome in every way, but you know, those first couple days, he was soft-serving it up in the back. We were afraid something was wrong with him. Like maybe he's stressed out or maybe he's sick or maybe you've got parvo or something. But so far that is not the case. You just may be an emotional dog. Yeah, you get a dog life in a new home. You've got to adapt to a new situation. Your poo may go out of whack for a week or two. How is the cat doing with the new addition to the fam?

How is the cat doing with the new addition to the fam? This has been a problem because we have You've been to my home before we have an upstairs area and sort of a finished basement where Where I broadcast from The cat basically lives downstairs and we have a baby gate at the top of the stairs to keep the dog away from the cat because we have we have kind of a not an old cat but the cat's like 10 years old and the cat's been the beneficiary of being like the only child pet in the house for its entire life and now we've introduced this dog and in a way I'm totally sympathetic to I think it's fucked up to put the cat through this, but it is clearly going to be a very long

road to get them acclimated to each other. And from what I've read, like that's pretty common. Like don't plan on this, don't plan on the cat coming around to this idea in a week or two, plan on it being like maybe a year. So it's at this point, there's like a demilitarized zone of a stairwell. Yeah. And cat downstairs, dog upstairs, living arrangement. And it's a point I don't know what else to do about it. I don't want to make you feel terrible at him, but we got a dog after my cat had been a member of the family for four or five years when I was a kid and she never

forgave us. She was, she just walked around the house yowling angry all the time for the rest of her life. It's you came home one day and your cat blew its brains out. Yeah, just that paw on the side of the gun handle up to the head. You made me do this. Robert Smigel doing the voice. Yeah, yeah. This is your fault. I didn't know you had a Robert Smigel toons' cat at home. It makes the situation all the more tragic.

Yeah. Wow, well, it's gonna be a long road, Ben, and the worst part? God, like this is the worst part, is like, I love this dog already. Yeah. That's a bad thing, because it's previous owner, his previous owner, may in fact take him back. Oh no. Because they're having such sad feelings about giving them up. Yeah. They gave them up because they've got a young family and they've got another young one on the

way and the stag, not great around little kids. So rather than subject the kids to the threat of a wheat interior, they thought, why not stick them in a home that has no hope of ever having children? Like ours. So it may be by the time this episode comes out, we may have had to give him back, which would be awful. I hope that doesn't end up happening. Yeah. That would be a sad, sad feefe. So we've got a developing situation here, Ben, and updates as they come.

Well, thank you for sharing that with us, Adam. Do you want to get into a terrible episode of Star Trek Deep Space Line? Yeah, there's no sense in prolonging it any longer. I wish the writers of this episode could take this one back. It's season one, episode, move, along home. Do you realize how incredible this is? No, of course you don't. This has actually a pretty fun opening.

Sisko is getting ready for a dressy occasion. He's got his dress uniform on. Jake comes in. Dress uniform. He's like lounging around, sipping on some lemonade. And let's slip that he has taken to hanging out on the promenade scooping babes with nog. And since he goes like, man, I have let this go on long enough.

You and I have got to have a conversation about girls. And Jake let's slip that he already had the birds in the beast conversation and it was with nog. That, Adam, is the premise of an episode. That is a fucking great premise. Like, sex ed from nog would be so amazing. Like, sex ed from nog would be amazing.. Like sex ed from nog would be amazing.

Like the idea of like, oh God, this commander has made this, has made this kind of surprise career move where he's gone to this like terrible post that wound up being a really exciting post and he's really committed to it. But a consequence of that is his young son is learning social and sexual more is from an alien who has a totally different set of values from him. Like, what a fascinating premise to kick off an episode.

I love the idea that nog pronounces body parts the way you pronounce his human. This is the pubis mons. the pubis mons. Yeah, I love the idea of this and it's such a tease that we really don't get anymore after the fact. Jake let's slip a couple of things. He's 14 years old and he's interested in bejorin girls and Jake, I see you. I see you, man. I see you.

I see you, man, you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I see you, I, my question to you is, has it been since his wife's funeral that he's worn it? Wow. Because that is a heaviness that they don't speculate on, but what if they had? Yeah, that would have been real sadsies. Yeah, instead we get like, boy, I used to be a real fatsown three years ago. This thing's really dumpy now, all of a sudden. Bang is quite fashionable on Beijou right now.

Let me name it. You're telling me that you're not lesbian, you're a formation. Speaking of dress uniforms, Julian Bashir is apparently unaware of replicators. I'm positive I packed my dress uniform. I guess Bashir doesn't trust replicators with respect to his uniform. In the same way, most people don't trust it with their coffee. He's afraid he's going to get a real bitter dress uniform out of there. O'Brien's been away. The replicators are just not working great.

O'Brien's still gone. Oh, man, cut to a Brian on earth, like sleeping on an inflatable mattress in in his mother-in-law's guest room. Like just getting shit house drunk off of the pint of scotch that he bought. Yeah. How did I get here? Do you think that this is they wrote this into the script after the costume department got their wires crossed and couldn't couldn't get a dress uniform together in time? Or do you think this was like original script material? Because if it's original script material, then whoever wrote the script doesn't understand the world that they're writing for. Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure either scenario is particularly interesting, unfortunately, you know?

Well, it's interesting from the standpoint of, did they write this scene in to explain why they screwed up or did they make the mistake of not remembering that replicators exist when they were writing the script? I don't know. I'm sort of inclined to believe that this is just another in the case file of Julian Bichir Dobeydoctor. He says he has one and he just can't find it. This file of Julian Beshear, Dopey Doctor. He says he has one, and he just can't find it. You look fine, Julian, relax. They're all standing here waiting for this alien delegation.

These are the first diplomatic visit from wormhole aliens, gamma quadrant aliens. And the folks that come through are sort of like, sort of like if elves from Lord of the Rings got really into face tats. Four head tats, yeah. It's like, we don't want to do loaf for like 12 people, so we'll just do some like markers on their foreheads. And these guys are called the Wadi. Yeah, and the Wadi are not interested in engaging in a complicated first-contact scenario. They're like, we heard about Quarks, we want to go fuck around with some of the games.

We're into games. They're sort of like that version of Grandparent that only travels if it means going from casino to casino. I don't know if you know this type of person. I use to head for Las Vegas. Yeah, we're gonna score. But yeah, like this is a type. Like, let's go down to New Orleans and do some riverboat gambling. Yeah, it's not really something that goes down in my family, but I have friends who have families like this. We come to meet Fallow who is the leader of the Wadi. He's the leader because he is the tallest hair, the longest ponytail, the most bend-stiller-like carriage. The only lines.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. All the Wadi look like they wear the carpet from a mall Santa display. Like they all look vaguely nutcrackery. They like vaguely like Jewish nutcrackery though, because it's all it's all blue and silver, you know? Yeah. A fellow tux like a magician too, like in a wide-eyed, dramatic, almost holding hands in front of his face kind of way, like... Right. Yeah, he's not here to act in an episode of Deep Space Nine.

He's in an episode of Fool Us with Pen and Teller. You remember, John C. Riley at the end of Boogie Night, you know, when they show his future as like the hacky magician who cuts the lady in hash. And like all he does is like do the jazz hands in front of his face. That's Fallow. Yeah. That's the level of character development we've got is like a one beat joke from a bald Thomas Anderson film. Yeah. They all pile into Quark's bar and we come back from title sequence and and Quark is like is like very concerned about this situation because he's worried these people

came from another side of the galaxy like who knows what they have to spend and so this goes like listen dude like if you want to have a bar here on the station like part of your job is is like cultural attaché you got to like you got to show these people a good time you got to show them that we can hang with them and we can have peaceful coexistence and what they want is to play games and you're the dude with the games. So make it happen. It sure elevates quark up into a hospitality situation that, you know, it seems like he would be

equipped for like, who better for first contact than a person for whom hospitality is their mission. Mm. He certainly seems more apt and capable than Cisco, who is like head and hands just tired of this shit. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, and there's a pretty fun scene where Quirk and the Wadi kind of like negotiate a means of exchange

because the Wadi are obsessed with a type of stick. That look strangely like bully sticks? Yeah, they look like something a dog would be quite enthusiastic about chewing up. They call them clon-peeks, I think. And Quark is like not so fast. That's not really going to move the needle around here. And they try and play him with fancy booze, but he doesn't take to it. And so they get stuck He doesn't take to it. And so they get stuck with giving him gems and rare rocks. Fallows like you've never been to the gift shop of a natural history museum, have you?

I'm about to blow your mind, friend. Look at this velvet sack of polished stones. 15 bucks for as much as the stack will fit. Oh, man. Like, just so classically worthless. Yeah, and Quark is like, is, you know, being a forangi obsessed with business, but not good at it.

He thinks that these guys are wailed. So he's like, send these men some drinks. Yeah, and it isn't long before, they are sort of taking his pants and shirt and business in terms of their winnings. Like, they are betting and winning and then doubling their bet and winning again. And cork is really sweating them.

Like, this is not going well for cork. I just invited a dozen rainmans into my casino. I was actually gonna try and make some real money tonight, but in one of Mike's alley like, return to the ring, I'll say what you all for a while. Yeah, like in the beginning cork is like, oh, I got these fucking whales here. This is gonna be great

I'm gonna I'm gonna enrich myself off of their ignorance and The polished stone is on the other foot barely quickly When when the Wadi is really taking the house down Quark is like we got to we got to change the tide. I'm gonna change the Davo girl out for a for a random for Rangie. And this random for Rangie, you start hitting buttons underneath the table. He's hitting buttons in a way that is so obvious that there's no possible way that Fallow could not detect

that he's starting to be cheated here. Yeah. I think I recently got a watch of the smart variety. And I was thinking about the implications of it for cheating at gambling. Like if you can have something on your wrist that vibrates whenever you need it to, like you could very easily rig up a way to use it as a card counting aid. The idea of just like a bright red button under the countertop, being how Quirks' Dobo table is rigged is just like, give me a fucking break. And also, where's the Vegas gambling commission, you know? That's a great point.

It's the most lowest rent form of cheating ever. Like, there is far more sophisticated gambling cheating going on now. There's more sophisticated gambling cheating going on 50 years ago than there is on the station. It's a very strange choice in the script and the first of many. Yeah, Fallow is rightly insulted by the idea

that this new relationship has borne out this cheating. Did I say first? I meant first after the first dozen. Sure. Fallow's like, I got a game for you. I know we said we wouldn't be drinking during this episode Adam, First after the first dozen sure Foulos like I got a game for you. I know we said we wouldn't be drinking during this episode Adam, but I'm drinking That's fair. Do what you have to do to get through it man. I'm on a pain. Mr. Bucket, I have to revert to better white and state school. I don't use the bucket anymore. So Falo's like, I'm gonna blow your mind with a game

from where we come from. And he produces a box that upon opening it, like, cue powers a giant board game into the room. Yeah, a giant like, if you took one of these into a game's workshop you'd be the lord of the lair. It is giant. It's really big. Turns out these are tabletop gaming elves. The game is called Chula and it's a game that Quark is not made to know the rules of before playing. And as soon as the game manifests on the tabletop, we cut to a pajama cisco who is sort of rolling over in bed, who upon completing his Finds himself on the ground and wearing a uniform and not as pajamas anymore.

What is the mechanic at play here? They beam him into a... Is he in a holodeck? Is he in the game? Is he in... Is he been miniaturized and put in the game somehow? Is he been virtualized? Why does he have his uniform? Why does he have a tricorder? What the fuck is going on? We barely get any time to consider this before we hear Bixir just screaming. And our players rally around Bixir, it turns out, it's just going to B sheer out the early ones here. They've dax and Kira are also on the scene. Bishir has been screaming in a way to get himself out of what he perceives to be a nightmare.

But it's the kind of screaming the actor really doesn't believe in. You know? He's doing the room style acting where he's like It's not over everybody betrayed me. I fed up with his world. This is how I wake up from a nightmare Like he he doesn't even bother to give it a full-throated scream. It's really weird also like we should talk about the the place that they have woken up in. It's just kind of a series of hallways and rooms that have the linoleum flooring that you would see in a church dining hall type of environment, and then just unremarkable flat orange walls and purple diamond shaped doors.

Like the set design is like astonishingly lazy and uninspired. Well, it really felt to me like it was set design for budget. They're like, look, I know this is an impossible situation, but you have $40. And you've got to make us, you got to make us one room and a hallway that we can just shoot at different angles and then set decorate in different ways. And that's how we got, man. Please, can you do it? Can we take some money away from TNG across the street?

I mean, that shows almost over, man. They spent $30,000 on the Watties carpet sample, drape capes, and ponytails, and they left just a pittance for this set. And given how much of the show takes place on this set, it's a real shame. I think all of the budget went into the wigs on the wadi. Yeah, that wig game is tight. They all have a ton of hair and the hair looks good, but then they have no loaf. They have like bad, smeary makeup on their foreheads

that is just like a series of shapes that smearing, you know? Like give me a fucking break. Like who fucking did that? And then, and then the only get some get some Hannah up in this bitch. The only other set we see is like one hallway from their ship. This is like the cheapest episode of Star Trek. Yeah, it really is. What are they saving their money for? I don't know. I mean, I would have thought that the budget lessons of early TNG would have been learned to a degree where there would be more runway episode to episode in deep space 9. But they clearly ran out of runway here.

Yeah. Odo is sitting in his office. And young 14-year-old Jake comes in. It was like, hey, dude, have you seen my dad? I woke up this morning expecting to have him tell me about wearing a rubber and asking for consent. And he wasn't around. And I was like, all right kid, go run along.

I'm sure he's up in ops. And he's like, no, he's not in ops. And I asked the computer and he's like no he's not in Ops and I asked the computer and he's not on the station and it was like well that's very interesting I didn't realize my pants were around my ankles but I'll look into it. I mean this speaks to a thing this is like a computer McEuffin that they wield often, which is anytime a senior staff person is Suddenly not on the station or the ship some sort of alarm should go off, right? Like any workplace you should clock in and clock out and if for some reason you're not where you're supposed to be and you haven't clocked in or clocked out

The computers should automatically send a message to security, but like, hey, something's up here. But because of the need to forward a story, we don't get that technology. It's also weird that Odo is like, like, maybe the only interesting thing in this episode after the idea of Jake learning about sex from Nog is that Odo is like trying to save face in front of the commander's son. Like he doesn't want to admit that he has been completely blindsided by the information that Jake comes down there with.

When I find out where your father went, I'll let you know. What this means is that for hours, the four top officers on the station have been unaccounted for. And this is the first photo I was hearing about it. He's like the equivalent of like tucking into his seat at the start of the work day. You know, got his cup of coffee, got his paper folded in a quarter. You know what? As his bucket put away.

Yeah. And a special bucket, Pelican case. He does not see this fire drill coming at all. What do you think if you were to list out Odo's job? What do you think in terms of importance? What's at the top of that list? The safety and security of the senior staff, right? Yeah.

That's got to be at the top. He's very embarrassed and like embarrassed and interesting and very human way because he goes up to ops and Lieutenant Toast is in there. Lieutenant George Pryman, Starfleet Security. Pogos! Pogos! Man! Just as blissfully ignorant of what's going on, and Odo lights into him.

Like, it is not Odo's fault, but it's Lieutenant Toast's fault that they missed this. I heard that Wadi Party went on all night. How long have you been a security officer, Lieutenant Toast's fault that they missed this. I heard that Wadi Party went on all night. How long have you been a security officer, Lieutenant Toast? This is classic bad management right here. Like, like, Odo's pants are down, so he's gonna pull down the pants of a subordinate. Like, so that they're both pantsless.

It's not a good look for Odo, but it also really humanizes him in an endearing way, you know? Like, oh yeah, like, like people make that mistake for sure. Right. So back in Cork's bar. And just for those keeping track at home, that's the last interesting thing that happens in this episode. You may hit the forward 30 button about, about 20 times at this point. forward 30 button about about 20 times at this point. So back in Cork's bar, Cork is white knuckling his way through a game he doesn't understand. And ask anyone who's been into Casino for any like the time, like the number one thing you don't want to do in gambling is play a game you don't know the rules for.

No. And, and Cork doesn't even understand the stakes. This point Cork doesn't know that his game pieces are Cisco, Bashir, Kirin, Dax. He's just like, he thinks he's playing himself out of hot. Is there a minimum wage here? And that's, and that's the, uh, the stress that he's under right now. It's about to get way more heightened once that realization hits him.

Within the game, the gang has opened a door and discovered a little girl who's playing like triangle hop scotch and singing the rhyme that is kind of the synectomy of why this episode is so bad. Alma Rain, count to four. Alma Rain, then three more. Alma Rain, if you can see Alma Rain, you'll come with me. It's hurtful to see serious actors do this to themselves. Like to see a nanowisitor with her amount of gravitas have to sing this song and do the hand motions.

It's really interesting to see the way they all, like we have four serious actors who all choose to play this really differently. Yeah. Terry Ferrell is the one that puts it together that what they have to do is say the rhyme and do the hopscotch exactly the way the girl does. And she does that in the kind of like, like she plays it like I'm in a thriller and I've like solved the puzzle that the villain laid here for us way. And then she does the rhyme and does the hopscotch

in a like in like the steely-eyed like get through this and we'll get to the next challenge. But then Avery Brooks does it and he's like sing songy and silly and like big Yeah in the Avery Brooks way and Alexander sitting is like is like sheepish and embarrassed and Nanna visitor like almost looks at the camera Come with me, Alamorene. Alamorene, come to Fort. Alamorene, come to Fort. Alamorene, you can't see. Alamorene, if you can't see. Alamorene, you come with me. Alamorene, you come with me.

You're exactly right on Terry Farrell. Like, I feel like her attitude throughout the rest of this episode is crucial. To this thing, being taken as seriously as it can be, which is to say, like, this is hanging by a thread, like this whole house of cards could come down if she's not acting the way that she's acting. If she embodies the persona that an Avery Brooks does or an Anna Visitor does, this thing falls apart entirely. Yeah, I mean, there's like, there's a lot of examples of this of like, of movies that are saved by a single performance where like, you know, Harrison Ford is an a terrible movie about like a digital bank heist, but it's just like he's so fucking

compelling to watch that it's like I don't care what's going on like give me more scenes where he's like worried about his family Like all they want to see is scenes of Harrison Ford being worried about his family. Right and It's so weird that the choices made to not give this for any clear stakes, because if this were made to be life-threatening immediately, then I think the attitudes of everyone involved changes. Yeah, and we might take this episode more seriously, but instead because they don't take it seriously, it makes it really hard for us to. Kira gets hurt and then Bashir gets hurt, but it's a kind of pain that seems like less than a

beast thing. It's like, ow! Okay, well that's over. That didn't work. What should we do? And like Terry Feral is really committed to like, I know this script sucks, but let's like give it something like give it some performance to like get it going. You know, a really great example of this theme was in that, what was it, the late 90s, early 2000s, that Sean Penn, Michael Douglas movie, The Game? Yeah. Like, how much were you wishing that this game was like that game? Are you gonna spend the rest of the evening

trying that clown's mouth? A billion percent. God, me too. Like, you talk about stakes raising, and you know what I was hoping for was like a moment where sanity started to slip a little bit. Right. Everyone seems to maintain a level of competence. And the challenge of the game is so low throughout that that there's just never any stakes at all. Yeah, that's that's a great. That's a great point. I mean, even like they show up at like a cocktail party

and the gimmick of the cocktail party is that there is smoke that's choking them and they have to drink the drinks at the cocktail party to like survive the smoke. And it's just like, what is this about? Like what's the premise of this? Like at least the worst part about that scene is that even in like a like a Skyrim for example or like in a role playing game you're given choices

to to choose from to either save your life or die. But in that smoke room scene there's only one choice. It's choose to drink the drink or not. And that is so bullshit. Like, there's no stakes to that either because what else are they going to do? If you don't drink the drink, you know you die. So we might as well try drinking the drink. And then that ends up being the solution. This is like this is like candy land. Yeah, it's really simplistic. Do you think the makeup of the four, if you change the makeup of the four, do you think it improves the story?

Like what if Jake is one of the four, or Nog even to tie it into the cold open, or like saddle them with someone who's weak? Right. It's just like something was missing on this part of the story. Yeah I mean it's just like oh it's got to be the four main characters well Odo runs around freaked out and cork white knuckles it through the through the game but yeah it's it's an episode with a fundamental flaw which is it doesn't really understand the universe is written for.

Every man in this smoke party scene looks like Jared Leto. So that gave it, that gave it some terror for me. Yeah, that would be a frightening situation. You just kept talking one long, incredibly unbroken send and moving from topic to topic, so that no one had the chance to inter-proport it was really quite hypnotic, not hypnotic. So it's around this time that Odo and

Lieutenant Toast have come up with the solution to the problem, which is that some like energy burst was detected on the wadi ship. And so, Odo kind of big dogs lieutenant toast into beaming him over to the wadi ship. He's like, it's a pretty fun bit of business where he says, always it against starfleet regulations to beam somebody over to an alien ship without permission. Well, I'm not in Starfleet. Sort of an amazing moment that, you know, Odo is like, look at me.

I'm the captain now on Deep Space 9. He's the, he's the senior in command at this point. Did Odo's makeup look like it had improved quite a bit to you. Inconclusive given the definitional constraints of the program. It seemed smoother and more, like a better version of what it's trying to be than previous episodes to me. Yeah. But whatever. So, he beams over to this ship and he opens a couple of doors and

there's just like blinding bright light on the other side of them. And he goes through the doors and then he's just in Quark's bar. So apparently Quark's bar is on the Wadi ship. Or the Wadi ship have a pair of doors that beam you to Quark's bar. Or they had an idea that didn't make any sense and they just kept it in the script. Here's one for you, Ben. This is the moment where Odo realizes that the Wadi are involved in the abduction of the crew people? Why does an Odo hold a phaser up to FALLOW's head and be like, return our crew people, asshole? Yeah, this is not a fun joke anymore.

No one ever threatened to allow. No. Yeah, he has never threatened for this. Like, what is it under the guys of first contact protocol? You're not supposed to threaten a species that has kidnapped your people. Well listen they only kidnapped four if it was five it would be a different conversation. That's the real that's the that's the point where it kind of tips over into

like unacceptable. I love how Quark is like I don't want to play this getting me more. Oh no you should play for me and Odo's like, fuck that. You should the bed. You sleep in it, Quark. Yeah. Yeah. And and and so like the game gets more and more tense as as as we go from here, because you know, like Bashir gets gets like beamed out by a bunch of bright lights and then they're, you know, like he's supposed to kill somebody else and quirk, like doesn't want to take responsibility for it, gets down on his knees and begs them not to make him take responsibility for it, and they nonetheless say like, oh, okay, well, we'll just program the computer to decide which one's going to die. And I think you've gone like the like Bashir is missing, but they keep hearing his voice and they go into

through a door that leads into some caves, which is like the caves that we recognize from every late TNG episode ever. Right. And dacks like her turn leg, but it's not broken, but it's also like not clear that she can move that good. It's like, how hurt is it then? I don't know. This part is so fucked up. And this is this is a part where the script functionally breaks for me.

Because Bashir is next to this doorway that he believes to be the way out. We don't see him go through it, but Bashir all but disappears for the rest of the episode. Leaving Kira, that DAX and Cisco to wander around the rock face. Like, where the fuck is he? Like, was he there or was it like an illusion? Like, establish that it's an illusion, if it's an illusion. Or, you know, or whatever. Like, it just, yeah, it's like, it's there for no reason. Right. Right, and if that is Bishir,

and he chose to leave them, instead of helping, like that's some more dark shit for Bishir. Right. Not a good look. I guess the climactic moment is that the commander and Major Kira and Dax are going to try and are going to try and like, sidle across a very narrow ridge on the rock face. Only a few meters more. They're like, sidling gingerly across then the there's like an earthquake and

Here it goes over the side and they're trying to rescue her and it's like Tense is fucking and they all go over the edge and then all four of them like are just kind of like Q-flash Into Quark's bar They made it! I Want you know none the worst for where, all in their uniforms, no dirt on them. They all realize that they've been in a game and their lives weren't actually threatened, and there is a... there is what should be an ECU on Kira's face, but I was just like locked onto her anyway. The look on her face is how we feel watching this episode.

Like, she is... she is disgusted. The entire series was in the mind of a little boy, a little sick little boy in bed. But she was like, boy, that was a close one, guys. You remember when I tried to save you from that cliff face? You remember that, right? How I tried really hard to save your life and didn't run away like a coward? Good thing that was all fake. And so these dumb aliens, the wadi are like, hey guys no hard feelings right? Just a game, just a fun diversion. Good hangs, well we're off.

We're off to move along home. We're off to have our jersey raised up onto the third tier balcony of one off alien races that are a terrible idea. Yeah like the the Wadi costume is definitely like put in the rafters as a Hall of Fame one-off bullshit alien right. For sure. Yeah definitely of a ceremony to honor these guys. Yeah you know you got your fish up there you got your dog you got your wadi. Yeah. Yeah. All the greats.

All the greats. All the great aliens. I can't believe I have to ask this Ben, but did you like this episode? I loved it. It's actually kind of amazing to see a TV show fail as spectacularly as this? Like, it's not fun to watch this episode, but it is interesting to watch it. Like, so many times, like starting from the first moment where Jake is like,

he's like, hey, I know about girls, not told me. Like, they have so many times where an interesting idea or an interesting path presents itself that the episode could walk down and they go hard in the other direction. Like, nope, we're not gonna be doing anything interesting. No, none of the like insightful shit that we have come up with here is going to be paid off

in any way. It's like... it's just like, you know, Flanagan's precept at work. It's great. There's a moment, there's sort of a meta moment in this episode where FALO tells Quark, you know, look They're sort of two routes in this game. There's the safe route Which is longer and the more dangerous route, which is shorter. What would you like to do? Quark repeatedly chooses the safe route and I feel like that's what the writers did too Like it's a show talking about itself. Yeah. The stakes are so low. The low and slow really. Like

that that that safe route is slow. Yeah. And the episode is just is just a pull it right off the bone at the end because it's so low and slow. Yeah. See that's smokering on the episode. It's juicy. That slow. See that smoke ring on the episode? It's juicy. That's what you want right there. It's a it's a Steven Reichland episode. That's what it is. Yeah. Talk about going whole hog. I hated this episode. I hated it not because it it went it took a big swing and failed. I hated it because it was clearly broken Like this was a busted episode that they still made it didn't even take a big swing

Yes Structural problems that don't make sense like it set the wiffle ball up on the t-ball and like attempted to bunt and missed Yeah Yeah, didn't like And like, attempted to bunt and mist. Yeah. Yeah, didn't that like? One thing I like a lot, or... The readings of our priority one message has been, you want to check those out? I love that too! Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on Secured Channel. Need a supplement, okay?

A supplement? A supplement? A supplement? Yeah, it's extra but the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship Ben our first priority one message is of a commercial nature bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh message goes like this, the first ep of greatest gen I listened to covered yesterday's enterprise

and when Ben mentioned escape velocity near the end I thought have I found my people? If so, I'd like to invite you all to Space Game Junkie, a blog YouTube channel podcast where we gush about space video games, old and new. Whoa! We have new content Monday through Friday. Day! Weekly podcast with developer interviews and regular events. Come join us at spacegamejunkie.com and we can't wait to see you. Thanks Ben and Adam. Space game junkie is a love letter to video games with spaceships, both old and new.

Come join us to find space games you'll love to play. Dang. I love a space game Ben. I love a space game, Ben. I love a space game too. Look at Space Game Junkie doing content five days a week. How do they do it? They're very impressive. I'm on their website.

They have a calendar as one of the sections on their website to show you how many different things they're doing every week. It's amazing. Oh, that's fun. They got land parties. I like it. This seems like a heaping helping of fun. Adam, we have another priority one message.

It's from Denny. It's for Ben and Adam. We know them. It goes like this. I recently had a difficult trip to attend a funeral for a family member. After an emotionally draining couple of days, I listened to some back episodes of Great as Jen on my red eye flight back home, and I really lifted my spirits. Thanks for making such a fun pod.

I always look forward to hearing a new episode. Keep up the good work, guys. Oh, well, Denny, that is very sweet of you to say, and we are... You know, like, it's hard to know how to reply to these, because I think that for you and I, like, mostly greatest gen is just a fun thing we get to do with each other once a week. And like whenever we hear about it, meaning like a meaningful and important thing in somebody's life, it is really touching

and almost, it's almost an emotion I don't know how to contain because it's fun for us, you know? But it's an honor to have made something that has that much value for anyone. Thank you for writing in Denny and thank you for doing a P1 about it. Yeah, thanks a lot, Denny. Messages like this... I mean, there are shows for me that feel the way this show feels to Denny, and it makes me want to

write those shows to tell them to because of how great it makes me feel to hear this every time we do. So I should be better about that because it really means a lot. It does. Well, if you'd like to send a personal or commercial message, you can go to MaximumFund.org slash JimboTron, and it will explain what to do. A greatest-gen live show is something you don't want to miss. Why? Well, it's a great opportunity to see me and Ben in person, but that's not all. FODs from all over gather at these shows to cosplay, to do pre and post show hangs,

to make friends, and share their embarrassment. Hey, let's make a pretty great name for a tour. Let's do it! The Sherry Reembarishment Tour is coming in August 2023, and we've got a bunch of dates in a lot of great places. Go to GreatestGenTour.com to get more info. That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing information for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour.

I'm Jordan Morris and I'm Jesse Thorne. On Jordan Jesse Go, we make pure, delightful nonsense. We were open awesome guests and bring them down to our level. We get stupid with Judy Greer. My friend Molly and I call it having the spaceweirds. Pat Noswald. Could I get a ball-rock burger and some air-gorn fries? Thank you.

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Be dumb instead. Well, rats. Hey, hey, hey, oh, I'm glad I found you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out. I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what do I? These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not, and they've such short nacks.

But I'm hearing we need to get on this I gotta get on the art. Yeah, it's about terrain. Got us about to destroy humanity Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans. Oh, we're actually we're podcasters We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono Ross and Kerry? We investigate spirituality claims of the paranormal stuff like that and you have a boat and say the world's gonna end, so seem like something for us to check out. We would love to be on the boats. We came two by two. What do you think?

Bono Ross and Kerry, available on MaximumFun.org. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey Adam. What's happened? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Sure did at 1707 a Srirach Lofton as Jake Cisco has gone into Odo's office and it's like

Noggin. I were going over to airlock three and watch the Bajoran transport passengers come on board and Odo's like You mean to look at the girls? The look on his face when of embarrassment being caught, ogling, but Jordan girls is worth an Emmy to me. Like, this is such great acting from like a child actor. Shouldn't be able to do what he does here. Yeah. Wow.

I started blushing during this take because like the look on his face is so genuinely embarrassed Like it is it's like a master class like it is so much more than this episode deserves That moment was everything to me that little embarrassment on him and he's my drunk Shemota for it That is that is a great call at him that is a really remarkable like that that little take really contains multitudes because he's both like laughing and also ashamed and also like you can see that like this is like the thing that I like the most a lesser actor would like cock their head to the side and just sort of like kick dirt or whatever and he does like four things in this take that are like

exemplary like yeah and worth studying like I don't know where he gets it I think you hire Sir Rockloftan for his ability to do something like this I think that was just awesome like and he like two seconds later, he like buttons it back up into a rigid, I'm in trouble face. Like, I wish we saw more of Sirocloft and more things. Like, I think he's really terrific. Yeah. Yeah. I think so too. Like, you don't get worse at acting when you're this good at this age. I agree. What about you Ben? Who's your drunk Shimoda? My drunk Shimoda is also a take that contains multitudes and it is major cure when she has to do the Elmerane yeah before. That is rough. as the camera moves pastor on that on that hopscotch field

It is Like nanversitor is both playing the character and also saying I am so much better than this As an actor like she is saying two things at the same time. Yeah. And it's fucking great. Okay. Please tell me, we have a better episode coming up next, Ben. The next episode is season one, episode 10, The Nagas. Quark is suddenly named leader of the Ferenci financial empire and discovers that he's not only popular.

He's now a target for death. That's what popularity gets you, Ben. A bullseye. If you want to become the negas, you better remember one thing. Good supply of body bags. A Firingy bullseye just has two smaller bullseyes attached to the sides of the circle. Great, well looks like a corks centered episode and that's something that I could be into. I could be into that too. Also the Negus is obviously a Wallace- Sean character, which is always delightful at him.

Oh, did not know that. I love a Wallace Sean. Wallace Sean, a recurring featured performer on Deep Space Nine, which is maybe the main thing about Deep Space Nine that is great. Fantastic. Alright, do we want to find out if we're going to be drunk dopes during this negis episode? Roll them bones, Ben. It is a ten, Adam, so we will be avoiding drunkenness once again. Too Bench showing! Oh, too bad fair enough

Well, one thing we can't possibly avoid are the conversations that happen after each and every episode a greatest gen Let's happen over at Facebook at one of two groups. There's sort of a public facing group Will repost our shows and and a private group that you need to apply for entry to you Ben to prove that you're not a robot and all sorts of fun conversations happen there, the meaming of our jokes and what not. Just a great, great place on Facebook to talk about the show. We also do that over on Twitter using the hashtag greatestgen or IMS. I am there as at Cut for Time and you are there as at Benjamin R. A. H. R. We should thank Dark Materia for our theme music and Adam Ragusia for the majority of the rest of the music you hear on the program.

If you enjoy the show, go over to MaximumFun.org slash donate and help support its production. while you're over there check out the other shows on Maximumfund.org. There's some great ones. You got Lady to Lady, you got my brother, my brother and me, you got Judge John Hodgman, Jordan Jesse Go, stop podcasting yourself, baby geniuses, they're adding new shows all the time. There's just a total embarrassment of comedy gold over there. And I highly recommend you go check all that stuff out. Yeah, I recommend the same. With that, we'll be back at you next time with another great episode of another much much better episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9, another episode of the greatest generation Deep Space 9 that is inconceivable! Make it sound. Maximumfund.org

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