The Greatest Generation - Yell at Me Daddy (ENT S1E12)

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

When Captain Archer tries to hail a mysterious alien ship, it leaves without hitting triangle on the Entrepreneur. But when it returns for a noisy scan that leaves the ship stranded, Archer starts to have some doubts about space exploration without key weps. What are Yuban coffee cans good for? Does Ben have a favorite order at any given restaurant? Who always reads the room? It’s the episode that identifies and then destroys the most pleasing shape in science fiction!Support the production of The Greatest GenerationGet a thing at podshop.biz!Sign up for our mailing list!Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Riker - Quantum LeapThe Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde PriddySocial media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill TilleyMusic by Adam Ragusea & Dark MateriaFriends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | JusticeDiscuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:YouTube | Facebook | X | Instagram | TikTok | Mastodon | Bluesky | ThreadsAnd check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Here's to the finest crew in Starling. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me. This is a parody. Paramount owns the sun. Welcome to the Greatest Generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Ben Harrison. I'm Adam Pranica. How you doing, Adam? Doing all right. Feel good. Yeah.

I mean, I went to the doctor this morning, had some blurred drawn. Oh boy. We're going to have to have a new segment sting for what's wrong with Adam? Not at all, because nothing's wrong with me. I'm doing great. This is just a regular ass trip to the doctor. Routine maintenance. Must be nice. Do you look? I bet you don't look.

I gotta look. I'm looking at it during. Oh, when it's going in? I mean, when the needle's going in and the blood's coming out. Yeah, I look. I guess I used to look. I don't know. After my dental horror show, I might. I guess I used to look, I don't know.

After my dental horror show, I might be a changed man in the looking department. The body is kind of a magical unit, right? Yours is an absolute unit. Check out the dumper on this unit. Is the butt in there, I hope? Yeah, you know how it is when you turn 45. I guess you don't. You just turned 40. Well, I'm a spring chicken over here. Yeah. Trying to make it so

that something bad doesn't happen by making little improvements where I can. I'm trying to avoid the big bad. By doing a lot of like little uncomfortable things to make myself healthier. Hoping that those accumulate into the avoidance of something down the road, but it's just luck, right? Yeah. I've been thinking I should get into like a workout routine. Cause I get, I get a good amount of exercise in a given week, but it's not formal in any way. And I floated to my wife like, what if I did CrossFit?

And she- You certainly have the backyard for a tire. I got the backyard for a tire, but she's like, you're never going to like let anyone yell at you. You're going to walk out of there the second they yell at you. Wow. She yell at you. You're gonna walk out of there the second they yell at you. Wow, she really knows you. Except what if yelling at you summoned some sort of monster out of the depths

and then got you to push over a giant monster truck tire in your backyard? Yeah. For me, the yelling really helps, especially on a bike, like a spin class. Yeah. Yell at me. Yell at me, daddy.

Yeah. Yeah. I really need that. I'm toying with it. Cause when I, when I rode crew in high school, the yelling was good. It helped for sure. Like I have a very vivid memory of the time.

I, I got my split below seven minutes on a 2K and you know, it was in large part because my coach noticed that I had had a pretty good first thousand yards and came over and started yelling at me for the second thousand so that I would, uh, I guess it was meters, not yards. What's the difference? I don't know that length. You know, and it was, uh was encouragement from a man that was typically quite withholding of his approval or encouragement.

That's how they get you. You could be a row at home man. You know. Or a row at the gym guy. I currently have a Concept 2 ergometer in a checkout basket on my browser here. Not a cheap item to own a rowing machine. That's part of it though. Yeah.

I was looking at it on major internet retailer. They have one of those like pay over time options and it's like, you could own this for only $65 a month for 36 months or something like that. And I was like, that's basically what a gym membership costs, right? I used to really like going to the gym for all of the obvious reasons, but also like, I don't know, it's good to just get out in the world. It's so easy to not. Yeah. So easy.

And a gym just barely qualifies as going out in the world. It's not like I'm interacting with anyone there. It's just a collective experience with folks who are into picking things up and putting things down or sitting in hot places. You know, a buddy of ours, a mutual friend of ours, his workout is just sitting in a hot room. That's all it is. It's great.

I like sitting in hot rooms. I'm sitting in a hot room. That's all it is. It's great. I like sitting in hot rooms. I'm sitting in a hot room now. That's what my studio is. Is that called Bickram sitting? You'd have to email Max phone. That's just a coincidence though. I'm workout curious, I guess you could say. The thing about a rowing machine is it's

basically a, it's, it's a, it's an aerobic workout and I get a lot of that walking around. And I think that it's anaerobic that I need. And, uh, and I don't know how to do any of that. Like I, the, the last time I did any weight training, I was like, you know, 18 or whatever. So. You know, you got, you got room in that studio space for a barbell.

Yeah. Bowflex. You know, a great place to look for weight sets is on like, I don't want to use a specific website, but like you can get things for free off of social media websites based on neighborhood. Yeah. So like, not to be specific, like a list that somebody named Craig may or may not have put together. This is what I'm neighborhood. Yeah. So like not to be specific, like a list that somebody named Craig may or may not have put together.

This is what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. You, uh, you should see what's out there. Yeah. Maybe I will. I'm sure there are a lot of gyms going out of business. Yeah.

In my experience, the, uh, the weights that are gotten the cheapest are the ones where some concrete is poured into a coffee can. And then a length of pipe is lowered into that and allowed to set up. Those, that was the weights that we trained on when I was on the crew team. Holy moly. Felt very like prison workout, you know.

I thought you went to Harvard. What is that? I was on a crew team in Oakland, man. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's no joke down there. Hey, what brand was the coffee?

Uh, it was probably U-Ban. Let's be honest. We're talking U-Ban level improvised weights. U-Ban was what they served in the locker room area. Yeah. I don't think it's wasted effort, Ben. I hope you get into that. Yeah. You know, ill health could be considered the silent enemy.

Wow. Sneaks up on you and it gets you when you least expect it. Well said. Well said. I've always thought that. You want to get into the episode? Sure do, Ben, that's why I said it. It's Star Trek Enterprise Season One, Episode 12. It's called Silent Enemy.

["Silent Enemy Theme"] You don't always open a Star Trek episode watching it coming out. I just love seeing stuff come out of Starship holes. Yeah. Not since we saw Voyager dump out the warp core have we seen something come out quite this way. Do you think this is a Starship Cloaca we're looking at? Oh, like more than one thing can come out?

In the sense that we're dropping these boas out there, these subspace amplifiers out the hole. But I imagine if we got to dump that warp core, that's where this is going. If we're gonna dump out our refuse, which I imagine in this era of Star Trek, we're dumping our trash out the hole and our sewage and so forth. How are you understanding the warp core to work on the NX01 entrepreneur?

Cause in all other Star Trek's, when I think of warp core, it's column, right? And I'm sort of thinking on the NX01, it's like. Row. It's, it's row. Cause there's that thing that they go up the ladders and they're kind of like half a step above everybody else in engineering. Does that go like back away from the lens? And, and it's like just as long as the warp core on the D?

We are made to know very little about how this whole thing works. There doesn't seem to be a pump sound either. The sort of heartbeat to the ship that I grew to really love on Federation starships after this era. I miss that. Yeah. Well, maybe that's what enables them to go faster than warp five, that pumping action.

Well, their work here is interrupted, uh, dumping things out of their dumper by an alien ship that approaches and you know, archers just got to hail him and give him his pin number to his debit card. This is early enough in the history of Star Trek that they don't know that a green and black ship is almost never a good sign. Kind of looks like a stealth fighter in that delta shape configuration. It really does.

The green neon. This is too early in Starfleet history to know that green neon means bad, bad guy. Bad guy. And if the visual cues are flying over Archer's head, the audio ones are not. These people are not picking up the phone and they can't even really get readings off of this ship. They're trying to scan for like life forms, et cetera, and they don't get anything. Nope. Where are you? This thing just turns around and zooms away. That's it.

This is like someone playing an open world video game, like, but you're on the side of the NPC. Like what if you're the NPC and you're too boring to use as a mission? Right. No way. They walk up to you and don't hit triangle. You're like, what the hell? That's the feeling in this moment. It's so confusing to them that they have

a whole ass McLaughlin group. Issue one. About why didn't they want to talk to us? Yeah. Why fly right up to us just to give us the silent treatment. I love how much this show is just kind of roasting humans for being like kind of awshucks and naive about their first forays into deep space.

It's incredible how quickly they agree to let the mystery be about what should be a very exciting moment and a mysterious one. But yeah, they set that down and divert their attention back toward their initial project, those subspace amplifiers they were dropping. Yeah. And after the meeting adjourns,

Hoshi has a special message for Archer. Something about tracking some folks down who are in Malaysia. Yeah, the first call that they're going to be making using this new subspace network is somewhat of a secret and Archer is taking it from his ready room. And it turns out to be Malcolm Reed's mom and dad who seem to suck. Is he in some kind of trouble? No, sir.

Malcolm's doing a great job. It's either that or everyone who ever talks to Archer about anything in a first contact is kind of like this. Kind of not interested in having a conversation with him. Yeah, I'm not really feeling it, Archer. Not impressed with him in any way. It really feels like any other interaction he's had with a stranger in this moment, which is why initially I wasn't really picking up on anything at all from these parents.

That was unusual. Yeah. It kind of feels like Reed's dad is disappointed that he didn't go into like the ocean Navy. I suppose the ocean wasn't big enough for him. But also like, aren't we to believe that this is a time when humanity is largely disarming itself and doing away with the nation state, at least when it comes to Earth? I mean, this may be a universe where there are Godzilla's in the water that you gotta get.

Oh, shoot, yeah. Did you see Godzilla Minus One, by the way? Oh, yeah, I saw Godzilla minus one in theaters big fun Such a good movie big fun Yeah, so you got to have an ocean going Navy to Get blown up by one of those Family tradition for them. Why do you think the elder reeds are in Malaysia? That's much closer to zillers territory Isn't that a more interesting question than

what does Reed like to eat for dinner? If I'm Archer, how could I lay off of that question? I don't know. What are you guys doing there? Yeah. Huh? It wasn't Kuala Lumpur either. It was like, it sounded like backwater Malaysia

was what we were talking about. Yeah. They don't seem to be enjoying the nightlife, this being at night there. It seems like they're just winding down for the evening. Yeah. Extremely chill hang. They don't seem to know a lot about their son. Not in super close contact with him.

And this is not very satisfying for Archer. Do you know your mom and dad's favorite meal? Like to flip it? I think I could get real close with both of them. I think that for my dad, it would be like a lamb chop based meal. And I think for my mom, it would be like cassoulet or something like super overtly Frenchie because she's such a Francophile.

Unbelievable. Ha ha ha. I think my parents are easily impressed by my cooking and they really like whatever I've made to the extent that I couldn't nail down what exactly they would want specifically, and I think that's too bad. Yeah. I do think, like like if you're a parent,

you'd probably know your kids fave, right? Cause you like make dip dinner for your brother's birthday or whatever. You know dip dinner. Yeah. I don't know if they know. I can't remember them ever asking. He always ate whatever was put in front of him. I don't think I know know. I can't remember them ever asking. Yeah.

He always ate whatever was put in front of him. I don't think I know what your favorite meal is. I should know that. Hmm. I don't know if I know either. You're one of my closest friends. I don't know what that is. I think it might just be that you like so many things. Yeah.

I would say that if I go out to a restaurant and there's duck on the menu, I pretty much order the duck. Here it is. I know what your favorite thing is. The weirdest thing. I've been out to meals with you enough times to know that. Like whenever we go around the table and Ben is last to order off the menu. He'll have the snails. There is always going to be a face made by the server. Like, oh, I thought we took that off because no one ever ordered it.

Yeah. I firmly believe that if something seems strange on a menu, it's probably there for a reason, you know? Yeah. As a test. Yeah. Uh, find the guy who imagines himself to be interesting in the group every time. Find yourself a Ben.

That's what I recommend. On the Bridge, Archer Post Games, this very awkward conversation with Hoshi. And does anyone on the crew have high expectations that he would have come away from a conversation with strangers with a good story? He decides to delegate this, what does Reed like to eat project to her? And it's a top priority. This is bad management, I think, by Archer.

Yeah, Hoshi does not seem to want this job, but it is thrust upon her. And later we get kind of a walk and talk between Archer and Tripp and Porthos. Like Porthos is kind of tagging along for this. Archer is in his like after work attire. And it's sort of implied that this is kind of the evening, like it's after dinner time, right? Because he's like, where were you, why weren't you at dinner?

And Tripp is talking about how he had some correspondence to catch up on, and they're, you know, looking at components. Tripp seems to be like going through a checklist and looking at things with the captain as they wrap. Tripp let slip that he got a message from someone named Natalie in Florida. It's never said like super explicitly, but it is heavily implied that he kind of got dumped since they set up these subspace telephone arrays. Never fall for a Natalie or someone from Pensacola

and definitely don't try the long distance thing with one of those. Yeah, it's not gonna work. Chip seems to be like setting his jaw for the life ahead. He's fine, he's putting on a brave face. Remember that part of Crimson Tide where the dog pees on the missile? Yeah. Like, Porthos is such a good boy all the time.

I want Porthos to pee and poo in this show, you know? Kind of an incredible scene for that reason, because you get a head-on shot of Archer and Tripp like walking toward camera with Porthos kind of trotting in between them. Yeah. And it's unusual to see a shot like that with an animal, because if you're crossing corridors, that animal could go anywhere conceivably.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just making it more difficult. Super well-trained screen dog. They're talking about the Malcolm, what's his favorite food thing. And starting to get to a point where like, I'm suspicious of Malcolm where I'm like, why doesn't he know anybody? Why does nobody know him?

Like, is he, is he an op? Is he like a Vulcan with his ears trimmed off and he's like acting human to spy on them or something? Has watching a lot of Battlestar Galactica made you a little paranoid in your other science fiction viewing? Because my mind went the same place. And I think there's even an accompanying

musical score choice here that I know is supposed to read as, oh, mysterious person of some intrigue and is instead like, is this guy gonna kill someone? It's a little too much. Yeah. So they kind of get cut off in the middle of this conversation when the aliens return, and this is one where they had to, like, suddenly stop the ship and Archer comes up to the bridge

and they get noisy scanned. It's coming in over their loudspeakers or something. A power we understand from a previous episode where Archer was able to one MC another ship. I guess so, yeah. They get it done to them. Yeah. It took another couple hundred years before they worked out all the bugs in the comm systems

on Starfleet Ships. This other ship just seems to be fucking with them. At first they ignored, this time they play that terrifically awful sound and then shoot at them and then leave. The shot kind of fucks them up. Yeah. They really get rocked. Fortunately, the ship has got to lower shields for a moment and then shoot and then put the shields up.

And this moment allows Reed to scan that other guy. And what he finds out is that there are around 15 crew people on board that ship. And they are of a species no one recognizes. So, oh, and also there is no weapon aboard the Enterprise that would be a match for the technology on that other ship. Yeah, when Malcolm Reed says, I don't think our torpedoes would be very effective against them, it's like, yeah, Malcolm,

we've seen your torpedoes. Their torpedoes were barely effective against a snowman. So when engineering trips Tripp's doing inventory at the damage and holy moly, like, he almost died. That's how much damage there was. Could have been worse. I could have died, is what Tripp said. It is a really tense moment.

And Archer begins to really second guess a lot of things. You know, they're talking about like, maybe we didn't have good enough ships to start coming out this far. Like the defensive capabilities of our ship are sorely lacking and maybe it's just not a good idea to be out here cutting it up with species we don't know until we've gotten all of the spec'd devices installed,

one of which is phase cannons, and he decides he wants to head back to Earth to get those put in. We gotta have webs, he's the key. Is this related to the phase plasma rifle with the 40 watt range? If we're talking about phase cannons? Yeah, probably. Yeah. You know your weapons, buddy. This is a about phase cannons. Yeah, probably. Yeah.

You know your weapons, buddy. This is a bummer of a moment because they really need these things and they only have one of them. Could you install them yourself? Is a question proposed to Reed and Tucker. They seem pretty confident. Like they're of the type that while we're out at sea,

it's up to us. We're not turning this boat around. Yeah, we're of the type that while we're out at sea, it's up to us. We're not turning this boat around. Yeah, we're going to repair it. You know, we're going to put it into some port and rebuild our mast that way. Like, they do not want to go home. They feel like it's a humiliation to go home. That is the right word to use. It really seems against everything in their being to the extent that Archer, I don't think reads that on them at all. Yeah. It feels readable to you and me, but Archer's like, all right, cool, we're just gonna turn the ship around then. That was very surprising to me. Yeah, he's not reading the room with Reed right there in the room. It doesn't make sense. You know who reads the room.

Read. Read does bet. You let Reed stay in your room, he's going to read your room right up. You're going to regret that. So Malcolm and Tripp basically get dispensation to do their best. And the next scene is them briefing a team of engineers

on installing these face cannons. And it sort of seems like the pitch is like, we can make the captain feel like a real asshole for making us go home if we can get these face cannons installed. By the time we reach Jupiter station, I don't want their engineers to have a thing to do, but give us a wash and a wax. Doesn't seem like the thing that would ever happen

on a Captain Picard captain ship. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. People going around his back? No, no. It's a very small ship. How could you do a project like this more or less in secret? Amazing. It's busy, busy stuff.

And we cut back over to the Deep B storyline where Hoshi is doing research using those subspace arrays. She talks to Malcolm Reed's sister, who can't think of a thing that he might like to eat. She talks to like a guy who I guess was like Reed's roommate at the academy or something. And she is able to eliminate seafood from the list of things Reed likes to eat, but it's not getting a lot more specific. Does it seem pretty far fetched that Reed and best friend,

Mark Littrell would be best friends with each other? Cause Littrell, you get 20 seconds with that guy. He's like lounging in his bunk, like having this conversation over FaceTime. Is he kind of hitting on Hoshi? Boy, a lot of maybe hitting on going on in this episode. And that hit me that way too. Yeah. No one really knows Reed

is what the takeaway is from the sequence. Yeah. We learned that a spinster is a term that survives to the 22nd century. Oh sure. When she talks about all the people that she's spoken to on Reed's behalf, including a couple of his aunts. And T'Pol is like, what are you doing, Hoshi? Just go ask the guy what his favorite food is.

It will still be a surprise when that food shows up. T'Pol has become so bored by the bee story, she just decides to inject a little energy into it. Faith of the fart. 75% of harmful emissions come from energy sources. And CO2 levels are the highest they've been in millions of years and rising faster than ever measured. And they measure from the Permian.

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911. My husband! It's my husband! Calm down please. What about your husband? He loathes to dishwasher wrong. Please help! Please help me! Where are you now ma'am? At the kitchen table. I was with my dad. He mispronounces words intentionally. There are plenty of podcasts on the hunt for justice, but only one podcast has the courage to take on the silly crimes.

Judge John Hodgman, the only true crime podcast that won't leave you feeling sad and bad and scared for once, only on MaximumFun.org. And you will never take the greatest gin alive. Ben would rather die. So we cut to later in the mess all where Reed has been sitting at a table by himself, enjoying a meal by himself while doing a little work by himself. When Hoshi sidles up to him, they're both eating ravioli.

And that's enough for Hoshi to kind of wiggle her way in indirectly into a conversation about food. And what's hard about having a conversation about food when you don't really know each other is how quickly it can segue into a place you don't intend. Yeah. In the way that it does here. Just the idea that one person would want to cook something for another seems very intimate in a way that is understood.

Yeah. Like that is an intimate gesture, almost too generous under most circumstances. That's very flattering and just not sure it would be appropriate. What do you mean? It's a little strange that Hoshi seems not to consider that until he is reacting as though she's hitting on him.

And the energy gets super fucking awkward in the mess hall. And is never called back again this episode. There is no resolution to this awkwardness. None at all. So they're warping home as fast as they possibly can and these bad guy aliens pull in behind them and start chasing them. Still no answer.

And the bad guys send a shuttle pod over toward the entrepreneur. Yeah. This ship bangs the enterprise out of warp and that allows for this ship to get sent over and the bangers that dropped them out of warp really banged. Warp drive offline, main power offline, so is tactical. Everything basically is down. And the worst part is like,

they have the one sensor that reads whether or not their garage door is open and they're reading that it's open. Uh oh. Oh man, I thought this segment was really terrific. It was so creepy. Like good use of like low light and CG. I mean, like I thought the, you know, the CG doesn't hold up perfectly, but like,

in some ways what's dated and weird about it only makes the aliens spookier. Yeah. Yeah. The art department called these guys shroomies. I read. Shroomies. I like that. And you only see them through a flashlight beam initially, and that really helps serve the weirdness of them and this story. Yeah. So, Trip gets bonked out and a bunch of other people do too, And Archer and some security guys are running around in the hallways with phasers and they come upon

a couple of these shroomies, like waving their hands over downed crew members and there's like energy waves passing from their hands into the birdies. It seems like they might be getting freshened up. Yeah, it does. Amazingly, these aliens are phaser-proof. Yeah. Yeah, and they have this sort of personal shield

that evokes a Borgs, because it doesn't look like one of them was wearing a helmet until he shot at it, and then a helmet kind of appears. Yeah, so they head back to their ship. Their ship kills one of the entrepreneurs, Nissel, and goes to warp. And our second big, or I guess our third encounter with these guys has gone even worse than the last two. It keeps getting worse in a way because there are three now that is a trend. Yeah. So when we come back from commercial, power is back and we've got the crew members that

were getting scanned looking to be in sort of persistent vegetative states in Six Bay and Flax is not wildly optimistic about what's going on with them. What do you think about the choice to have their eyes open here? Because when we fade up out of commercial, it is a body on a slab with eyes open. I feel like I'm lied to here because I'm seeing that body and it doesn't look like he's breathing and I'm like, well dead RSVP a couple of strangers in a hallway, but no they've just been traumatized greatly Yeah, and both of them with their eyes open

He said it was a very invasive scan which kind of feels like what their ship did to the entrepreneur a couple of scenes ago Like yeah, it's just a microcosm of that. Yeah. Interesting choice here. T'Pol has no idea who these guys are. The Encyclopedia Volcanica has no entries, which is very irritating to all of the humans. And we learned that it's going to be a couple of days before they get back warp power. It's interesting how in an episode like this, Archer wants the Vulcan milk without getting the Vulcan cow.

Like he wants the information, but he doesn't want to deal with Vulcans necessarily to get it on a number of levels. Yeah. Cause it is at this point that Mayweather is like, Hey, what if we like blow in a call to the Vulcans and see if they can send one of their beefy, not a prototype ships out here to help us. Yeah. A ship that doesn't defend itself with, uh,

grapplers. Archer appears to be too proud to blow in that call. Amazing. I mean, not only is he too proud to do it, a call of that kind is impossible to make because guess what? The echo satellites have been destroyed. God fucking dammit. This gives a stressful curvature to the whole thing, right?

Like it's not that your engines are out and you're floating around an impulse. It's not that you're up against a ship that has you outgunned. It's that you can't tell anyone you're in trouble too. By the time they get the message, it would be way too late. Totally. They are stranded in the wilderness now,

and there's not a lot they can do about it. It kind of makes the Phase Cannon project elevate itself, right? Yeah, I guess it does. I mean, I'm glad they already started on it from that standpoint. Reed does not seem especially psyched to be doing it under these circumstances. He's a real short fuse while he and Tucker walk around doing their inspection. Uh, the folks they got on this team aren't the best and the brightest, according to Reed.

They're leaving a lot of ungrounded power supplies around. And when Reed gets shocked by one, it looks so real. Yeah, that looked painful. Both in how it looks on the screen and his reaction to it. Yeah. Perfectly done. Ah! You okay? Yes! He is pretty salty about the whole situation and his reaction to it, perfectly done. You okay? Yes.

He is pretty salty about the whole situation. And they start to get into an argument about how they're going to power these face cannons. Because Reed had this idea of just like piping impulse power right into them, meaning no EPS. And that's like, I guess, like a safety issue from Trip's standpoint. And Trip winds up having to kind of pull rank on Reed to prevent him from modifying ship systems outside of spec. Yeah, I don't think we're meant to understand specifically why this is so dangerous, but there

is a power workaround being proposed here that makes Trip pretty uncomfortable. Yeah. And Reed is the guy with the broken down car that's like, yeah, just put the jumper cables anywhere. Just put one on me. Yeah. Whatever. Are you trying to make this blow up in your face?

I read somewhere a long time ago that the reason there's always like sparks and explosions on the bridge in Star Trek is because in the 60s, like the like actual power circuit that would go to your headlights was like running through your dashboard. So if you like, you know, if that wire got stripped and you accidentally touched it, it would spark. Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, now that's like a low voltage switch that's sending a signal to the headlights that that circuit can go on. And so it became like a trope in the series because that's actually like how dangerous shit was in the sixties. Archer hits them up in the middle of this work and has to confide some regret about ordering the ship to leave before it was ready. And now all this shit slid downhill onto them and, you know, rushing out of space doc was his fault.

And Tripp Tucker has to talk him down from this idea. Like everyone wants to be there. Everyone wants to do this work, even though it's dangerous. Like stop being such a fucking emo captain and like get back to work. I guess for me, captain, the risk is the juice. That's my Tripp Tucker impression. My Tripp Tucker from heat impression.

Pretty nice. You see that shit coming out of their ears, Slick? They can't fucking hear you. That one's even better. Didn't think we'd get to see the face cannons. Yeah. But I'm glad that we do. Yeah, I like that we saw them like inside too.

They keep them out in the open like the transporter. Yeah. So Krip is like, hey, like based on this conversation I had with the captain, I liked that we saw them like inside too. They keep them out in the open like the transporter. Yeah, so Kripp is like, hey, like based on this conversation I had with the captain, I think it was a little hasty when I pulled rank on you earlier. Let's go ahead and put engine power into the webs. You gotta do a weapons test when you do this. So they roll up on a moon

and they carefully put a bottle on the fence of this moon on the surface. Why did the geological formation that they're shooting at look like a sombrero? What was that about? It's one of the most pleasing shapes in science fiction. Like, was it this moon's birthday? Did it get a birthday space sombrero? What's so tragic is that once the phase cannons are hit and the projectiles headed down there,

a bunch of service staff comes from around the corner, like starts clapping rhythmically, like they're about to sing the birthday song. Oh yeah, but they have like their own, like, copyrighted to sing the birthday song. Oh yeah, but they have like their own like copyrighted version of the birthday song that you never hear anywhere else. Boom goes the dynamite. This thing blows big. Cannons are OP.

It blows up the bottle. It blows up the fence the bottle's on. It blows up the earth. Incredible. Yeah. I just asked for a little off the top. I love that they cut to the perspective of a snowman on the surface of this planet, and it looks horrified.

I love the vocabulary used about this that's meant to have us understand what's happened. What's happened here is that this gun's got too much kick and it's done some damage to the ship in the process, this recoil from this brand new weapon. Yeah. They get a banger on the bridge when they fire the phasers, which I love. Another thing I just wanted to call out that I thought was great about this sequence is they tried to make the case for, we've been working around the clock for two days to get the face cannons online by giving all the men

like after five shadows, but done with makeup and not actually growing their beards out. Yeah, a very prepubescent Halloween costume happening here in engineering. Just give them all bindles in there and they have a hobo Halloween costume going. Yep. Yeah. Big fun. Maybe Malcolm Reed's favorite dinner is a, is shoe boiled in water.

Loves eating boot leather. The timing of what happens next is really interesting because everyone's kind of distracted by their own firepower. They almost miss the idea of a couple of blurbs showing up in the launch bay. What's that about? I thought we closed the garage door. It doesn't seem like they did. So they go down to investigate to Paul Reed, Trip and Archer, and they go in, dustbusters out. And what's that thing plugged up in the corner of the ceiling? Why is it tapped into every ship system?

Did you interpret this as being something that the aliens left when they boarded and they're just detecting it now? Seemed that way. This seems pretty out of character for Archer here to somehow harness his gramba. Go and record a message to these folks telling them that they're not to be trifled with before

blowing the thing up. Pretty fun to be like, don't fuck with us and then turn around and shoot the thing that's transmitting that message. Real talk though. Does this seem tough or is this a burlesque of tough that Archer's doing? I just don't buy it. Yeah, but I think that that's like the show's intention is that Archer does not wear this mask comfortably.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Anyways, yeah, he tells them to watch their fucking backs and we go over to Six-Bay and Phlox has cured his Terry's chivo, they're gonna be fine. And he might also have some intel on what Malcolm Reed's favorite food might be.

I mean, if the tension of the earlier scenes got you about what Reed might like to eat at a given time, you're really gonna be titillated by this moment where breakfast related seems to be what Reed likes, and eggs specifically? Or is it pancakes? Or sausage? Could be bacon.

Maybe it's peanut butter? Ha ha ha ha. What a mess. This is going nowhere. I don't suppose scanning his taste buds would help. Medically speaking, there's no accounting for taste. Maybe we just violate his HIPAA rights and check in his file, see if there's anything in there.

Flax looks at his computer monitor and sees a circus scene in it, like with a couple of trained elephants. Hoshi's like, what's that? Dr. Flax is like, oh yeah, that's footage from the Ringling Brothers and Bromelain Bailey. Bromelain. Bromelain is what Reed takes to make it possible for him to enjoy his favorite food.

Yeah. Pineapple. It's like lactate for pineapple. No one in this scene talks about why he might like pineapple so much. It just might be a little awkward. Hoshi is so relieved to finally have an answer to the question, what is Reed's favorite food? Yeah. But she doesn't get to enjoy that feeling of relief because the bad guys are back.

They use like the predator trick of like some fancy editing to issue a threat to the ship. Love it. Recutting what Archer said, talking about sweet, sweet can. Intercut with footage of Reed just eating spear after spear of pineapple in his quarters. You know, what Reed shoots may be ineffective, but it is delicious. Cannons are ready and they take great umbrage with this message that they're sent, this

re-cut of Archer. Archer orders them to fire with both cannons. And the damage they were expecting, kind of minimal. I mean, pretty expected over the long term, like, of all the things that Enterprise has shot out and the damage it's caused, kind of consistent, but very disappointing. Right. Relative to what happened to that sombrero earlier. And the speculation is, well, like, yeah, we blew up that sombrero because we were connected to a bunch of jumper cables and shit got wild with the kick.

Do you remember? Why don't we just do that again? That's fun. Yeah. And so ordered, Reed and Tripp start to get ready to do this. And Tripp comes up with the idea that we'll just shunt all of that extra power from the recoil into the ablative armor. So it'll like only serve to make the ship stronger.

And that works pretty good. They actually score a pretty nice hit on this ship. I mean, a hit hard enough to lower its shields. And then for some reason, Enterprise shoots out those derpy torpedoes. This has got to be why the green ship retreats, because if those things hit you in score points, ugh. But yeah. Oh, that's embarrassing.

Very, very humiliating. Yeah. I kind of felt like maybe they're just firing those because it's like, well, we got to replace these anyways. Let's get rid of as many of them as we can. I'd replace those launchers with more of these phase cannons. These things kick ass. They really do. So Archer, based on the fact that the Shroomies have fled, decides that they don't need to head home after all. They've flown quite a ways back toward Earth, so it's actually not all bad because they can poop out another

boi. Maybe we should thank our visitors for blowing up the subspace amplifiers. We cut down to the armory where the captain is sharing a beer with Tripp Tucker and Malcolm Reed, kind of patting them on the back for their quick thinking during the big fight with the Shroomies. The Shawshank Redemption theme in this moment was pretty nice, right? Yeah, I didn't know they had the budget to clear that song.

Money well spent. Just think three men working their asses off to shoot at aliens they don't know or understand should earn you a beer at the end of the day for a job well done. Nice cold, pale, full of beers. Hoshi shows up with an equipment case, which is in fact a birthday cake for Malcolm Reed with pineapple frosting or something. Or is it some kind of like jam maybe in the middle? Sure, yeah. Like when you get a sheet cake and it's got like cream cheese frosting or something,

it's going to have some fruit filling in the middle. And the choice here was pineapple. The choice I don't quite understand here, Ben, was the choice of font. Written in red, it's like clearly horror film font. Ben Sholzman Yeah. And it's kind of a splattery red. Like there's like little dots around all the words. Jared Sissling And also, Hoshi is completely comfortable walking in the room and giving this cake to read in a way that suggests that both of them were totally past the awkwardness that happened.

I thought someone was asking me out and I had to awkwardly turn them down and now they're showing up with a cake that they baked for me. It's a hard scenario to imagine for an awkward person like myself or Malcolm Reid. That was scene missing, what we're talking about. The moment in between this moment and that first one that we don't get to see. No kidding. We didn't get to see that, but of what we did get to see, Adam,

did you like this episode? I think the thing that I like the most is never knowing anything about these aliens. I think this should be the standard. I think you shouldn't know most aliens. Most of them should want to do the little drive-bys and decide that you're too boring of an NPC to go on a mission for. This seems like in a universe that is almost limitless in size and scope and number of, uh, of alien species, this should be the baseline. I wish this happened more often.

I love the mystery of it. And I loved the confidence of not revealing what their deal was. So more than anything, that is, that's what I loved about this episode. Yeah. revealing what their deal was. So more than anything, that is, that's what I loved about this episode. Yeah. I'm so curious. And I think that that curiosity is such a fun thing to carry forward from an episode.

And it's not just like, we don't know them or what their deal is. We don't know why they don't like Enterprise. Why do they hate our freedom? They clearly have an axe to grind. Ha ha ha. I really liked this episode. I thought that the haunted house parts were great. I thought that all of the mystery surrounding

the Shroomies was great. And I really, I like how much the show feels like it's kind of making fun of Archer and all humanity by extension extension intentionally. I feel like I maybe didn't get that when I first watched this show and watching it now, I feel like I am picking up on something that feels intentional. Does that make Archer a more interesting slash better character in your mind for that reason? Because he's an instrument?

Yeah. better character in your mind for that reason? Because he's an instrument? Yeah, and he's not like, he's not a perfect captain who is just there for nothing but admiration the way a lot of other Star Trek captains are. And I don't mind those captains, but like if the captain is gonna be slightly incompetent, I like that they're sort of doing that in a way that is about like, this guy had no example to follow, you know?

Like that's such an interesting dynamic for him. Yeah, I agree. Fun little up here. Completely do not give a shit about the B story whatsoever. Like, holy moly, it has been a long time since we've gotten one like this. That was this toothless, but yeah. I think the reason I say that like this. That was this toothless, but yeah.

I think the reason I say that is because we're in our 12th episode and we don't know Malcolm Reed at all. We still don't know Malcolm Reed. And I think it might've been suggested that this is like some revelation, like, oh, Pineapple's funny. He's just a big softy because he likes pineapple and he takes supplements in order to enjoy them.

This doesn't solve the mystery of Malcolm Reed in any way. Yeah, is he a girl drink drunk? Yeah, I would like to know that, Malcolm Reed. Yeah, well, I'm happy that we learned that because we do have a pineapple drink, drunk asode, as one of the squares on the game of buttholes. And I can't wait to get to that. But first we got to check the Priority One inbox, Adam.

Let's see if reading these will make our ropes taste different. Priority One message from Starfleet coming in on Secure Channel. Need a supplemental income. Supplemental income. Supplemental. Supplemental income. Supplemental. Yeah, it's extra.

By the interest alone, could be enough to buy this ship. Our first P1 today is of a promotional nature, and it goes like this. Happy birthday, Troy Lucero, but also, fuck you! As owner of the Acme Yoga Project, you lured us in with visions of strength and flexibility. But then, you also got us hooked on this dumb podcast, and now you drag us to the live show every year?

Now, we're on a mission to assimilate others into your amazing yoga classes. So, nerds, if your birdie is tight and not in a hot-spock kind of way, you need a wharf level yoga master like Troy. Plus, we're pretty sure he can suck his own knuck. Road-rob! Wow! Amazing! I just looked this place up. They are in Seattle, as they say, right by a bunch of places that I usually visit while I'm in Seattle. Man, maybe you should catch a class when you're up there.

I was just thinking the same thing. I've made a yoga practice a regular part of my fitness routine and I've realized the benefits of it. So yeah, absolutely. Visit acmeyogaproject.com and drop by if you're in Seattle, as Troy would say, see what yoga is like without all the pseudo-scientific woo woo bullshit. If you are auditioning yoga studios and the only demonstration was the yoga

practitioner sucking his own dick, like that would do it right? Like okay I understand. Hey listen I would sign up for pseudo scientific woo-woo bullshit if it enabled that kind of flexibility. I am here to ruin my life. Ben, we've got a priority one message here from Kyle and Teresa, and it is to Chaitanya. Their message goes like this, happy birthday one year closer to being a grandpa that will one day have his own cum cave in which to do mushroom trips Jesus this message took a turn what the fuck not the shroomies I was expecting we'll join you for the mushroom trips at least from your besties. Wow.

Sounds like Chantanya knows how to party. Kyle and Teresa had me in the first half. I ain't gonna lie. Wow. Wow. Adam, our final P1 here is from Kaya and it's to Ben and Adam slash Adam and Ben. Goes like this.

Hey Ben and Adam, glad you're doing enterprise. After enjoying the A1 dick and fart jokes of TGG slash GT since 2017, I wanted to chip in a P1 as enterprise is the trick I grew up with. It takes some time, but I hope you have fun with it. I wonder how often flocks will be your Shimoda. Also, O'Brien drop. I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. This is fucking spectacular. Thanks for the years of good pod and have a great day. Hey, thanks! Wow. Imagine Enterprise being your first. Incredible.

Yeah, no kidding. And yet you're still a Star your first. Incredible. Yeah, no kidding. And yet you're still a Star Trek person. Yeah. I don't mean that to, look, I know what it sounds like. It sounds like I damned the show with faint praise. I think it's just a fascinating place to begin a Star Trek journey if you're a fan of the show.

Right at the beginning by some measures, you know? Yeah, yeah. Totally wild, but I? Yeah, yeah. Totally wild. But I love it. Yeah. Well, if you've got a message about a self-sucking business or a message about where you got on board with Star Trek or anything in between, Jumbotron is a great thing to purchase to help support the show.

You can do that yourself by going to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. It is way easier than sucking your own nuck. I've been doing yoga for years. I can't get close. Yeah, no, I have too. I've been doing yoga since I was in college. I don't think I will ever get there. Hey, Ben. What's that Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda this episode?

I did. This guy's not having the most fun, but I just found him in a scene and I always laugh at a character like this. There's one other guy in the mess hall when Hoshi does her sidle up to read, to try and figure out what his favorite meal is. And he is definitely close enough that he heard the whole awkward ass interaction to be stuck in a room with two other people where the situation gets that cringe.

I mean, it's my personal nightmare. And, uh, I just thought that character was very funny, the way he was like looking straight down into his plate by the end when they cut to the wide shot. Amazing. You'd never want to be the third for a moment like this. No. Ben, I'm going to make mine sort of a thanks a lot kind of Shimoda. Winric Colby was the director of this episode.

It is his last directed Star Trek episode. He directed 16 TNGs, 13 DS9, 18 Voyager, and one Enterprise, one of the most popular directors in this era of Star Trek. And God, just a bunch of incredible credits here. Darmok, Pen Pals, Up the Long Ladder. Wow. All good things. He really got around.

So yeah, just want to salute one of the big time directors in Star Trek with a drunk Shmoda. Yeah. Incredible. Nice work. RSVP Windrick Colby. Faith of the fart. Wow, Adam. Well, it is time to talk a little bit about what we got coming up next week and how we will be receiving that episode,

which will be season one, episode 13. Dear Doctor, Dr. Flax faces a serious dilemma as a dying race begs for help from the Enterprise. You know, if this is Kirk, he'd be like, let them die. Yeah, he probably would, huh? So I'm heading to the game of buttholes. The will of the Riker, Quantum Leap, to cue up our 100-sided die,

which can take us to anywhere on the board. You're required to learn as you play. Roll. We are on square 65 right now. Nice. I'm gonna roll this bone. And I rolled us to square 15. Tula!

Did I win? Hardly. Regular episode next week, Adam. How about that? I was really hoping for that pineapple one to celebrate Malcolm Reed, but it'll have to wait. I gotta say, I'm really holding my breath during all of these roles because as stated before, we can go to any square on the board with any role.

Anything can happen. And a couple of these seem really difficult to do. Way to keep us out of trouble there, Ben. Hey, I aim to please and I really appreciate all of the friends of DeSoto that aim to please by going to maximumfun.org slash join and setting up a monthly support for this show. It is a small but very important cadre of people who are the lifeblood of this show. If you'd like to join them, it's maximumfun.org slash join. Hey, get those bonus episodes. Come on.

You're going to love them. New bonus episodes going into the bonus feed every month. How do you get them? Five dollars a month. That's it. That's it. We've got to thank Windy Pretty, our producer and editor, who really keeps things humming along nicely over there at X-British Moda. Of course, we've got to thank our Zindi wartime

consigliere, Bill Tilly, card daddy, back in the trading card game. And we're posting the trading cards on our Instagram these days, so if you want to see what made us fall in love with Bill when all he was was a person with a Twitter account that we'd never met before, go check those cards out at Greatest Trek. Thanks to Rob Adler for running all of the at Greatest Trek social media accounts all over the internet. Throw those accounts a like and a follow and whatever the thing is on the platform because that helps too.

Really does. Join a community, drunksmota.com, Facebook slash greatest gen, Reddit dot com slash r slash greatest gen. Great groups of people out there talking about the show online and not being assholes. Many of them heading out to Star Trek Las Vegas this week. Whoa!

Looking forward to seeing a bunch of FODs out there. We've got information on what we'll be doing in our newsletter. I'm sure that's going to be spread around the socials as well. So looking forward to seeing just as many of you as possible. If you see us walking around, please come up and say hi. We love to hang out with the FODs out in Vegas. We sure do. With that, we will be back at you

next week with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise, an episode of The Greatest Generation, where we are being asked to turn our heads and cough. I recognize that reference. From just... Just last week. Still thinking about it. Is that why you had to get the blood work done?

Oh, it's all related. Make it show. Captain John Lupicata, you can't just stand there crying. Captain John Lupicata, you can't just stand there crying. Make it show. Make it show. John Lupicata, John Lupicata, John Lupicata. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows.

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