The Harland Highway - 372: HARLAND IN THE HOSPITAL, MAGIC PEE, SENIOR FUENTES

Episode Date: February 16, 2012

Harland goes to the ER, frustrated parking, a visit from Senior Fuentes, brushing the teeth, and magical urinating. Lord love a tangerine onion skinner!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the Harland Highway. Step right up and get your tickets to the Harland Highway. Well, you don't have to step right up and get your tickets because it's free. And that's a good price. So welcome, everybody, to the Harland Highway. I am your host, Harland Williams, and oh my God, crazy show today. Wait till I tell you, I was in the hospital for something really stupid. No joke, I was rushed into the emergency ward at the hospital for the dumbest thing ever.

Wait, you hear, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you. How about parking? Trouble parking, everybody? Yeah, I don't think we like it. I'm going to talk about it. And Tinkle, have you ever heard of magic tinkle? Yeah, I'm talking urination. Well, if you haven't, you're going to hear about it today.

Also, how is your teeth brushing coming along? We're going to get into how you brush your teeth. And then, oh, God, this guy, I don't know why Roger lets him in, but Senor Fuentes is dropping by today. And that in itself is an emergency in my books. But, hey, everything's urgent when it comes to laughing. So let's get it started. Let's start the laughter right here on the Harland Highway.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams.

I'm a human being. God damn it. Hey, hey, hey, it's Harlan Williams, riding along with you on the Harland Highway. How you doing, people? You ever have one of those days where you wake up and you feel like a magical, mystical wizard? Huh? A magical mystical wizard? Happened to me the other day, man. I'm over at the mall wandering around. I'm doing a little shopping.

you know, had to do a little tinkle. I go into the men's room. I start to do a little tinkle. And fellas, you ever get any of that weird, mysterious underwear lint stuck in the eye of the needle? You know what I'm talking about? That weird lint that clogs everything up? Well, I start to do a tinkle, and two of them come out.

I'm like a magical, mystical wizard. I've got Harry Potter wheel. man. What the heck? I got stuff going in all directions. Weird things the human body does. I felt like a sprinkler man. The two guys standing on either side of me weren't too happy either. I guess I just wasn't cut out to be a magical mystical wizard. Lord of the Rings, baby. I better get back to like Geldorf or Nord-Gorg or whatever the villages they live in. Maybe I'll fit in with my magical, mystical, tinkle. I know, it's weird.

Maybe, you know, they're always researching cancer and viruses and diseases. But does anyone know what the stuff is that gets in the eye of the needle? I mean, it's not fun when you're going tinkle and you're expecting one spray to come out, one steady stream and instead it goes like two ways and you got two streams it's just unnerving but what is what is it that gets clogged in there gentlemen doctors I know a lot of professors and and researchers and persons in the medical field listen to this podcast probably the main majority of my listeners are academics and scholars and professors so I put it to you gentlemen what exactly is the cheese and the end of the man's penis hole i know everyone's

squirming in their seats and the girls are probably like what what's he talking about a dual what a double urine what what freaks i knew men were freaks but not this much it's true ladies it's a little secret ask your boyfriend for the girls listening Okay, here's a little homework for you, ladies, and you're probably going to get some laughs out of this. I might have given you the funniest homework assignment ever, okay? Girls, and I'm sure it's never come up with your boyfriends or your husband. I want you when you see your husband or boyfriend tonight, or next time you see him, ask them. Ask them, say, honey, yes.

I have a question. Okay. Have you ever had like two streams of urine come out of your penis at the same time? You're not supposed to know that stuff. I'm going to have to kill you. And just see what he says. First of all, check out the shocked expression on his face and then see if he denies it and then press them on it. Say, no, seriously.

I mean, do you ever get like lint or something stuck in the eye of the needle and it causes two to come out and go? separate directions you'll break him down he'll be all right all right it's a man thing but yes but just be careful because then he might turn it around on you and ask you about one of your secrets and i'm sure you ladies have some that we don't know about um so make sure you let me know what he says call me or write me and uh share your double stream of urine story here with all of us at Lord of the Rings so you're going to get home today and you're going to put your car in your driveway or you're going to park it somewhere parking's a bummer isn't it not only does it cost you like a second mortgage on your house

to park out in public if you don't find a meter but you ever get in one of the those parking structures where you've got a spiral down to the core of the earth. You know what I'm talking about. Those ones, they go round and round and round. You go around in like a, it's like you're on a spring, and it just coils. It's like, picture someone falling into the pits of hell and their body spinning around. And you just drive down deeper and down. And you're like, there's no way, what level are we at?

We're at P-97. Oh, who's that red guy in the cape with the pitchfork and the clove and hooves? I don't know, must be the parking attendant, man. Or how about the other way, man? Well, you got to go up, up, up, up. You twirl around and around by the time you get to P-97. Not only are you dizzy and disoriented, but you just took Led Zeppelin's stairway to heaven, man. You've been going around in these tight little coils so long as you can get out of your car, you're like wobbly.

Get too close to the edge, you'll fall off. Fall right out of the parking structure. When are they going to just, when are we getting our jets and cars? Isn't it the future already? When are we going to be flying everywhere? Parking your car, sir? Nope, just letting it hover. Just let it float there until I get back.

Let's modernize. Stay off the Frito corn chip. parking structures, get home safe, and put it in pee. Yeah, those damn parking structures never seem to end. And on top of having to twirl all the way up, you never find a spot once you get there. So it's like double the humiliation and a big giant waste of it. What? No.

No. Roger! What is he doing here? I'm doing a show. Why do you let that guy in? Oh, come on. What the hell are you doing here, Fuentes? That's Signor Fentz.

I know who you are. You're my gardener. Well, I'm still senior Fentz. I know. I hired you. Thank you, Signor, and I never forget that you helped me and my family by paying me minimum wage.

Well, you're welcome. I didn't really mean it, Signor. What are you doing here, Fuentes? That's Signor Fuentes. What? Are you doing here? I was in the middle of a bit about parking. Well, I don't know about that, Senor,

but I came to tell you that your palms are all dirty. What do you mean my palms are dirty? Well, you know, you have the palm tree out in your yards or one, two, three, four palms in the yard. Yes, I know. them well i planted them senor you watched from the living room on your couch all right you planted the palms what about them well your palms are all dirty senor oh you got to see them they're dirty and from all the pollution they're oily and greasy all right well what are you saying i'm saying senor you have

oily dirty greasy palms all right don't say it like that it sounds like what you have dirty palms Well, I don't want people to think we're talking about my hands. I'm not talking about your hands, signor. I'm talking about your palms. Okay, so they're dirty and greasy. I'll say they are, senor. Don't put it like that. What are you doing about it?

I put some cream on them, seigneur. Seigneur. Senor. Well, I thought you said seigneur. Maybe you're hearing things, signor. All right, so you put cream. cream on them. Oh, yes, sir. It's a wonderful, wonderful type of cream just for palms. Okay, so you put cream on the palms. Yes, a rich white liquid cream. There's gooey cream all over

your palms, signor. Stop saying there's gooey cream all over my palms. Okay? It just doesn't sound right. If my listeners are just tuning in, they might hear that you have gooey white cream all over your palms, signor. Cut it out! So what are you putting the cream on for? It's to rejuvenate the palms, signor. Okay, good. Now you're done? One more thing, senor. What?

At nighttime, the palms get very cold, and with this cream, it could damage the palms. So what do you want me to do about it? I was wondering if I could borrow some of your hair and put it on your palms. What? So you have hairy palms, senor? It'll help the white. cream get out of here you've got hairy palms with white cream all over them sen you're

get out of here fwentes dirty greasy white get out man you ever brush your teeth so hard your gums start to bleed ugh got blood running down your nice white teeth you look like count yorga vampire i don't know is it just me or is everything getting a little too technological. I went and bought a brand new toothbrush the other day. And this thing had a handle shaped like a roller coaster. I mean, it had a little bump and grip. A howler monkey could hold this thing and it would fit polyurethane and rubber and I don't know. I felt like I was squeezing a fake breast or something. And the bristles, no, no, it's not just like straight

bristles across. No, now, now it's like the bristles go along and then there's a little hill and then you get back into the flatlands again. Looks like a topographic map of Yosemite National Park. And then the bristles aren't just white anymore. Oh no, now they got, my thing has they're white on the outside and then two little rows of orange bristles right up the middle. I got the pinstripe edition. I'm driving a Corvette. stingray toothbrush what in the name of god has happened to toothbrushes why are they so fancy i don't think they do much more than what they're supposed to do they're a brush and you scrub them you don't see a house mop with a you know a leather handle and uh diamond studs and hand woven

kenny g strands of hair to make the mop head sometimes we just over Overdo things, don't we? Excuse me, well, I brush my hair with this diamond-encrusted gold hair follicle brush. Yeah, just get a plastic comb, dumbass. Let's get back to keeping it simple, huh? And when I say simple, I mean, listen to this show. It doesn't get any simpler. And speaking of blood, when you brush your teeth,

I guess I would be keeping secrets if I didn't tell you this next story, which I kind of feel like an idiot about. In fact, I feel like a real idiot about this, but I feel like I got to share it with you. You're my listeners, my faithful, my pavement pounders. Maybe you'll even be concerned for me at the end of this story. And it has to do with blood. Here's what happened.

and I haven't really told anyone about this because you'll see why it's kind of dumb, but it happened to me. So, as you know, I've mentioned it in past podcast. I'm squeamish about my own blood, okay? I'm a fainter. I'm not proud of it. I'm almost 6'2, 200 pounds.

You know, I'm a guy, and I faint when they take blood from me, or if I get cut, or if I see my own blood. I can't explain it. It just happens. I'm not proud of it. Okay? You want to call me a woozy?

Go ahead. Woozy. Holland is a worthy. Blood baby. Holland can't handle us on blood. Woozy blood baby. All right. Enough.

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and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So here's what happened, all right? Two weeks ago, it's a Monday night. You know, I've been working hard. I've been running all over town, going to meetings, writing, performing, doing what I do. and I'm like, I'm going to treat myself to a little nice dinner here, okay? So it's Monday night.

It's about 8.30, you know, 8.30 in the evening, and I order from this nice place. And I get this spaghetti carbunaro, which is like, you know, it's got like an eggy cream sauce on it and peas and little chunks of bacon. And the piauss de resistance, the guy, the guy, um, the phone the waiter goes would you like us to shave some scallops on your penne and i'm like scat no wait not scallops what's what am i the truffles truffel let me do that again would you like us to scallop scallop oh god let me do it a third time i wish you'd hurry up i have to get to my tables all right relax would you like us to shave Now I've got the giggles, and I can't do it.

Hurry up. Let me try it one more time. Would you like us to shave some truffles onto your Pene, sir? And I'm like, truffles on my Penae. Hell yeah. I want those dark truffles rooted up from under the ground in Italy. And so I get this Pene spaghetti Cabanara. I get a caprazy salad with fresh mozzarella and tomato

And they bring it up They deliver it to my door Guess how much it was You're probably going to want to kill me 75 bucks And it was from a fancy restaurant And it was a treat It was one of those things I was treating myself

You know I hadn't bought a meal like that in a while And I'm like, you know, I'm treating myself So I sit down I'm watching TV I'm by myself and I'm watching TV first bite okay first or maybe the second bite

somewhere in the first or second bite window I start to swallow and I'm like and I'm like wait a minute it's not going down so I realize I'm kind of choking on my food and I'm like okay I'll you know I try to drink some water I ordered some bottled water and I drink that and I'm still like, ugh, the water's just sitting in my throat.

I'm like, what the hell? So if obviously now I can't breathe, I run into the kitchen, I spit it out in the sinks, or if I'm, you know, conjuring up images of yours truly spitting up in a sink, but what do you want me to do? So I'm spitting up in the sink, and I'm like, okay, I cleared that out, and I go to take a drink and like the water is sitting in my throat, right by my Adam's apple. My throat's just filling up like a glass of water.

And I'm like, what the hell? I can't swallow. So I spit the water up. And I realized, great, there's something stuck in my throat. So I try to, you know, drink more water to flush it out, nothing. And I'm like, oh, man, I can breathe fine. I can breathe fine. I can talk fine.

I can't swallow anything. And then I notice my saliva, even as I swallow my saliva, it's building up in my throat. It's no different than the water. So now I can't even swallow my own saliva. So I go, wow. I go to Phase 2, stuff my fingers down my throat. Not fun. Eyes watering, gagging.

It's just horrible, right? Drink the water again? Nothing. Sitting in my throat. I'm like, oh, God. So I'm trying this for the rest of the night. And this thing won't budge. And I'm like, you know what?

All right, I know a little bit about science. saliva's filled with enzymes, the enzymes, you know, help break down food and particles and all this and that. So I'm thinking, okay, it'll be gone before I go to bad. So, you know, two, three hours later, still there. And I'm like, oh, man, I said, you know what, I'm going to go to sleep. My breathing seems to be fine. I'll sleep. I'll get up.

It'll be gone. It'll probably dislodge in my sleep. Or if it doesn't, it'll be all, like, kind of dissolved in the moment. morning everything will be fine i wake up it's still there still can't swallow oh you know what that's it i'm going down to the store i buy like three bottles of coke okay and i'm like this coke will you know you're the story coke burns nails coke can eat through walls coke will swallow your car so i'm like drinking coke and it's not doing it so i keep okay it'll be this afternoon and then this evening and then tonight another whole day goes by i can't eat or drink or swallow saliva okay

so now we're into tuesday and i'm thinking okay i'll sleep on it wednesday morning it'll be gone wednesday comes by morning afternoon evening still there i'm like that's it man that's it i'm going down to the emergency room i have a flight in the morning i got to go to Texas and do a corporate gig for a lot of money, an hour show for a lot of money, and I got to go get this thing dislodged. I can't be up on stage doing a show in front of a big corporation, and I start choking in front of them, right? So I go down to the hospital, I say, hey, I haven't eaten a drink for like almost three

days, and they're like, what the hell? they rush me into emergency they you know all suddenly i'm on that show i shouldn't be alive you ever seen that show on discovery channel where people wander through the wilderness for four five days or two weeks they don't eat they don't drink they're delirious they're they've got yellow fever they're eating branches here i am i shouldn't be alive surrounded by ten and a half million people and drive-thrus and restaurants and whatnot what's that a 7-Eleven open 24 hours well i shouldn't be alive so they rush me in and they sit me down the doctor comes in and talks to me

i tell them what's going on right and he says well i want you to drink some water show me what happens i go okay it's not pretty so i drink the water you know i'm spitting up in the sink he goes okay sit down in the chair we're going to have to take some blood and blah, blah, and I go, wait a bit, what blood? Not the blood, please, not the blood. Yeah, we're going to have to take some blood just to make sure you're very dehydrated, blah, little, little. I'm like, okay.

So I think I've told you before what I do when they take blood. I just start talking. I tell the nurse, I go, look, I'm going to start talking about anything to distract me. I'm going to put my baseball hat over my face so I can't see. Because if I see a needle or a cotton swab with blood on it or anything to do with blood or taking blood, I'm going to faint. So he's like, okay, so he starts to do his thing. I put my baseball cap over my head.

I'm talking about Christmas and movies, and I'm not even giving him time to answer. I'm like, so, how do you like that new movie? And he's like, yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? Like, I'm just plowing right over him, right? Because I don't want, I just don't have time to think. So the guy takes the blood, pulls the thing out, and I think, I'm okay. I think I'm okay, right? So I'm sitting there and like three, four minutes go by,

and I'm like, I made it through the window. And I'm sitting there waiting for the doctor to come back, and I'm looking out, out of the room to the nurse, and all of a sudden, I feel it. It's coming in this wave. I start to feel sick. My stomach feels empty. I'm turning white.

I'm starting to turn pale. And I can feel that it's like a dimmer switch, man. I can feel someone turning down the dimmer switch. It's quite literally my eyes, I'm not even kidding, are going from full light and slowly just dimming down. And I looked out to the nurse standing out in the hallway and he's going, hey man, I'm not feeling too good. And that's the last thing I remember.

And now, boom, I wake up. And here we go. I'm in a gurney. They're rolling me down the hallway I'm looking up at the fluorescent lights up above I'm smashing through doors I'm not kidding there was at least nine people hovering over me as we were rolling

right and they're like putting an oxygen mask on my mouth you know over my face and everything's a blur and I'm just in this fog and I'm coming out of my fainting spell and they're like Harlan Harlan what's your name tell us your name what's your name

Who are you? What year is it? What year is this Harlan talk? And I'm just like, what? And I'm kind of dizzy because I'm fainting. And they think because I came in and I'm so dehydrated. I haven't ate or drank in three days. They think I'm having a heart attack. So they're like rushing me up to the heart ward. And they're like, oh my God, Harlan talked to us. And I'm, you know, I don't know how long I was out. And I'm just watching the lights go by. And I feel like I'm in an episode of ER. Wait for George Clooney's face to appear above me. How are you doing, Arland? It looks like you're having a heart attack, loser. And they're whizzing me by, and they're like, cut his shirt open, cut his shirt open. And all I'm thinking is, man, I got this great t-shirt. I bought at a donut shop, Ting's Donuts. And I'm like, I don't want them to cut that open.

So I'm starting to talk. I'm like, my name's Harlan. It's 2012. I'm Harlan, and it's 2012. And they're like, I just see all these faces hovering. I'm like, okay, okay. He's like, I never felt so much concern for me in my whole life. It was almost nice.

Right? So, here I am, up in the heart attack ward. They've got me hooked up to these hard monitors and these beepers and these tubes are in my fingers. And they started rehydrating me. And this little damn noodle that got caught in my throat, caused so much commotion and then on top of it they had to keep me overnight the doctor came to see oh this this is a whole procedure we got to shove stuff down your throat you're you're not getting out of here tonight buddy you so they wheeled me up to and they wheeled me up to the heart ward

because they were worried about my heart and the nurses were up there and the nurses were like what are you doing up here you're like the healthiest guy we've ever seen I said I don't know I fainted they brought me in here and they're like wow this doesn't make sense but there i was i was in my room and watching tv i was i was uh you know happy and uh you know had a big bag of fluid dripping into my body which is a weird thing the idea that that you're hooked up to a bag and it drips into your your body i mean i shouldn't be alive but i am and then the next morning i get up It's Mr. Williams. It's 9 o'clock.

We're going to wheel you down to the theater. And I'm like, okay, let's go. You're not going to take any more blood, are you? They're like, yes, we have to take more blood. I'm like, oh, no. I'm not kidding. So they take me down to this operating area. They wheel me in.

They're like, Harland, you're going to be asleep, count backwards, and I started just, yeah, and I was out. I wake up. They're like, Harland, how are you? Your throat's clear. Here's a pitcher. We took a picture. We shoved a thing way down your throat.

And there's that little stupid noodle sitting in my throat. I missed my gig, which was for a lot of money, okay? I was in the hospital overnight. I didn't eat or drink for almost three days. It's the only episode of I Shouldn't Be Alive, filmed in the middle of Los Angeles, okay? I'm going to call the producers and tell them I want my own episode of I shouldn't be alive. But I got to tell you, thank God I am alive.

It was nothing to do with my heart. It was everything to do with me fainting, and they didn't, you know, they already knew I was dehydrated, and so they thought the faint was something else. But they figured it out. but it's not like they're sitting there wondering still. Of course, they figured it all out after the fact, but they erred on the side of caution, which I'm happy for, man.

And I'm going to say one closing thing before I finish the story, okay? This is something that, you know, reminded me about what it is to be a human being, what it is about humanity, okay? When they rolled me in in the morning, they roll you in with all the other people that are going in for procedures. It's kind of a waiting area, and there's like 10 little bays. Imagine when you drive your car into a garage, you know, like an auto mechanic. And you know how there's like four or five or six little bays, and you drive your car in,

and they raise it up on the hydraulic lift? So that's what they do with us humans. They line us up in bays, and the doctors come and talk, and they prepare you for your procedure and blah, blah, blah. and let me tell you something, folks, in case you forget, and maybe this is why I went through this to refresh my memory or maybe remind you, folks, when you're laying in a bed with tubes up your arm and you're helpless and you're weak and you're frightened and you're meek

and you're feeling uncertain and your health is slipping in whatever way, whether it's the flu or you've got cancer, and you're sitting there next to all those other human beings and let me tell you who was around me. There was an old lady. There was an old black man. There was someone from the Mediterranean.

There was a young girl. There was a black girl. There was, I mean, it was all of us. And you sit there and you go, look at this. All of us, humans. Every sex, color, race, creed you can imagine, we're all sitting here vulnerable, we're all sitting here as patience, something's wrong with each and every one of us, and all we want is someone to take care of us,

to reach out and tell us everything's going to be okay, to love us, to care for us, to have compassion for us. We are at their mercy when we are that vulnerable. And I looked around at all these colors of the rainbow, meaning all the different people, white, black, Asian, Mediterranean. And I was like, oh my God, we're all the same. We're all the same. Each and every one of us, we're all the same. We all want the same things. And if only people from Lebanon and Israel or Pakistan and India, or Iran and Iraq, or Afghanistan, and whoever,

if only all these people warring and fighting, if a Christian could lay beside a Muslim, and just see the look in each other's eyes, the needing and the thirst for compassion and love, and the very idea that you have an ailment and maybe your life could be in jeopardy, and here you are assembled with, other people in the same predicament.

And you look into everyone's eyes and you look at that susceptibility and you go, my God, why is anyone fighting? Why does anyone hate? Why does anyone want to hurt another human being? We're all the same. And for any of you are listening who are tough guys or biotches, or maybe you're racist, or maybe you don't like a certain religion or you don't like a certain type of person or you don't like this or that about your neighbor or your brother and your sister.

I'll tell you what, go lie down in a hospital next to a bunch of strangers that you don't even know and watch how quickly your heart goes around the corner. Watch how quickly you can't wait to connect with another human being and feel their love and feel their warmth and touch them and know their compassion and know that they care for you and you care for them. It's all reciprocal, by the way. It's not just what you want from them. It's what you want to give back.

And if only everyone could feel that or be reminded of that. And I'm a guy who's aware of that all the time. I think about the greater scope of the world and people and fighting. in conflict, and I wish we could all get along. But boy, does it ever reinforce it? Does it ever drive it home again when you're in that vulnerable situation? So there you go. There you go.

Those are my thoughts. That was my predicament. And I tell you what, man, I'm never eating Pena Pasta again. Thank you, Pena Pasta. Thanking God, I'm alive. And that's my story. And I thought I should share with you. And the reason is I told it to a few friends.

And they start off concerned. And by the end, they're kind of laughing because what? A noodle? You were in the hospital? You were in the ER for a noodle? What the hell? Only you, Williams. Only you would spend five days without food or drink because of a noodle.

Good God. So I figure if I could share with them and get abused, I should share with you, my faithful listeners. And there you go. So things to think about, things to ponder, and be careful with your health. You know, the hospital always reminds you that your body is this temple and you got to take care of it, man. um so do that be healthy be good and uh you know maybe i noticed i just looked at the time and the show's gone a little over it's gone a little like five minutes over what i normally do and you might be going damn damn i wish that noodle is still stuck in that boy's throat

maybe shut his mouth for a little while maybe i'll go buy me a bag of nudes and shove it down that boy's throat five minutes over time now almost six minutes over time who the hell do you think he is? Little chatterbox, blah-a-mouth. Damn, I wish that noodle took him down. Well, it didn't take me down. I beat a damn noodle, okay? And I hope you're never in that predicament.

Here's what I have to say in closing. Chew your damn food. Eat slowly. You're going to your room with no dessert. There. All right. That's enough for that one. Let's get to the announcements that we always do

at the end of the show. What do we got coming up here? Oh, man, Dallas. Dallas, Texas was great. It was a really good gig. But now we're on to something new, and it's this Tuesday, Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California,

February 21st, tomorrow night, and it's the Apple Tree Boys with me and my buddy, Sean Tweedley, and we do a full-on improv show, an hour, an hour and a half of sketch comedy and taking suggestions from the crowd. And it's a riot. We've done it twice. We're making it a regular monthly thing, and people have been coming out, and to our surprise, just loving it.

And we're loving doing it. So if you're in the Burbank, California, neck of the woods on Tuesday night, February 21st, Flappers Comedy Club at 8 p.m. Look it up online and hope we can see you there. That's going to be a blast. And then the following weekend, March 3rd and 2nd, March 2nd and 3rd, I'll be at the Ice House in Pasadena, incredible comedy club. This is a comedy club where David Letterman and Johnny Carson and, you know,

all the greats. I mean, this is one of the original Los Angeles comedy clubs where incredible comedians have left their mark. And I'm going to be there Friday, March 2nd, and 3rd. So be sure and reserve your tickets because that sucker is going to sell out. Okay? And that's it.

Don't forget, you can write me at harlornwilums.com. You can tweet me at Harlan Williams. You can go to our Facebook page, Harlem Williams, on Facebook, and, you know, chat with other pavement pounders, all kinds of stuff. So there you go. That's it for now. And I guess I'm going to go get some noodles. Yeah, I think I'm going to end the show and go get some noodles. What's that?

Of course I'm going to get some noodles. It's the end of the show. Chicken. Chalmain, baby.