The Harland Highway - 388: Rock band The DOORS, iPad 3, giving to charity.

Episode Date: April 12, 2012

The promoter of rock legend the Doors is here, the new iPad 3, giving to charity, getting scammed, and what do dreams mean? Corn flake fever baby!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Riders on the storm. Bow, ba-da-bo-bo. Yeah, very exciting show. Welcome to the Harlan Highway. I am, your host, Harlan Williams, and we are interviewing one of the producers from the rock band, the legend, The Doors, later in the show. Very excited.

Very excited. We're going to get the backstory on how the doors got started, how they met, their music. I mean, I'm super jazz. For once, Roger booked a great guest for the Harlan Highway. So stay tuned for that. We're going to be talking about giving to charity. Okay, I bet you all give to charity in a way that you didn't even realize.

Dreams. We're going to examine your dreams. What are dreams? What do they mean? We're going to talk about that. and then we're going to get into the iPad. The new iPad's out, and I'm a little frustrated with how they're marketing it, how they keep kind of selling us the same thing over and over.

I'm going to kind of ramble on about that. And other types of things that I think might be scams. We've all been scammed. I'm going to give scamming a talking to right here. today on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate.

One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams. be goddammit what are dreams they're so weird aren't they

they just go wherever they want and they don't care about your feelings you could be dreaming about rolling on a beach with Angelina Jolene laying on the sand and you're so in love her beautiful eyes are sparkling in the sun

she's staring at you telling you how much she loves you and you're laying on top of her, holding her close. She starts kissing you and caressing you and just as things start to get a little heavier, she turns into a walrus. And a piece of corn walks up to you and starts whistling. Huh?

Wait a minute. Where to Angelina Jolie go? Who's the polar bear? What's with the whistling corn on the cob? And just when you go to the corn on, you go, hey, buddy, why are you whistling? and why you a talking, walking piece of corn? Well, suddenly, Molly Shannon and many drivers show up,

dressed as little schoolgirls, skipping rope, and being chased by a giant beach ball. And you're like, whoa, whoa, what's going on? Danger. And then suddenly you're underwater. And you've got fins on your face, and you're singing bubbles. And there's licorice crying from the heavens. and baby Moses is floating by on chitty-chitty bang-bang.

And there's a big basket of eggs covered with seaweed floating through Kenny G's hair. Dreams, man. Why don't they make any sense? All right, I guess I better go take a nap. Maybe I'll dream about driving upside down through India on an albino elephant with Richard Simmons doing Cirque de Soleil stretching exercises.

I don't know. Maybe I'm talking in my sleep. Harlan Williams. Oh, yeah. You know what I dream about more than anything? I dream that the iPad stops being released every nine months with a new little gadget on it. Okay?

You know what I'm talking about? They recently released the iPad 3, and the big claim to fame on this one is, now it's even more crystal clear. You can see it even more clearly than life itself. It's so clear. It's got colors the eyes don't even know. It's so shiny and clear.

You can see it better than you could see it before. when it wasn't as clear. Come on. How clear do we need things to be, man? You know, didn't we live like 100 years, 120 years, 200 years where we've been looking at stuff and we're pretty much okay with it? Do we need it now that it's like so crystal clear that, you know, it's like even something that's supposed to be,

Was he out of focus, isn't out of focus? I don't know. It's driving me nuts. Oh, and now the battery life. The battery life is, now it's 10 hours instead of 8. Right? And now it's got a G4 processor. Things download a little bit faster.

I love Apple, man, but I'm starting to feel like we're all being conned here. it's like every nine months they improve something that was already there in existence how many times can you pull the old oh you're going to wait on the iPad 4 you're going to see things so much the reds are going to be redder the blues will be bluer i mean what am i what's the iPad 12 going to be how would you like to x-ray your family how would you like to able to see through their flesh just hold up your iPad you'll see so good you'll see past what you can see you'll see beyond the colors how would you like to see your father's lower intestine ever wondered what your sister's spleen looks like hold up your iPad 12 god and now you can hold it up

for 14 hours with the new battery and see it even better with the G-17 chip processor. Enough. All right. From now on, if you're going to release a new phone or a technological object that's already been invented, it better do something more than what's already there. Don't improve on what's already there. I want something new. The new iPad 12 bakes mother.

The new iPad 12 touch it and you can disappear, you know, something. We've added an extra letter to the alphabet, right there behind Z. It's a new letter, squaw. It looks like a half Q, half J, squaw. We've given it a new letter. So get rid of your old iPad that costs $700 and buy this new one, because we've added an extra letter to the to the keypad nice try i ain't buying it and i really mean i ain't buying it okay is it's figuratively and for real i ain't buying it

so you better come up with something better uh because uh until then i'm just gonna keep uh scratching stuff in the ground with a rock do you give to charity every year people who's given charity who's making a charitable donation well tell you what a lot of you are and you don't even know it and you know who you're making your charity out to huh not to like some african unicef thing you know you're giving charity to is your local gym oh yeah remember at the beginning of the year you ran over to the gym and i'm gonna work out at least three four times a week, man. I'm going to get pumped up. I'm tired of my Baskin Robbins belly, baby. What? How much? $800 for the year? Well, I'm worth it. Yeah, I'm going to, boy, I'm just going to be the best

800 I've ever spent, man. I can feel my body changing already as I write this big fat check. Oh, I can feel my triceps and my glats and my glutes. swelling up as those dollars drained from my bank account and then after a week and a half of doing some curls and a treadmill session and a few crunches you never go back yeah you're busted dudes you never went back you did your little exercise and realized hey this is a lot harder than sitting in a movie and eating popcorn, man. I didn't know weightlifting was more strenuous than watching Desperate Housewives. You just donated $800 to charity to your local gym.

Give generously people and keep eating that ice cream, chubby. Ha! You're a giver, but you've been taken. Oh, yeah. You know what I dream about more than anything? I dream that the iPad stops being released every nine months

with a new little gadget on it. Okay? You know what I'm talking about? They recently released the iPad 3 and the big claim to fame on this one is now it's even more crystal clear. You can see it even more clearly

than life itself. It's so clear, it's got colors the eyes don't even know. It's so shiny and clear. You could see it better than you could see it before when it wasn't as clear. Come on. How clear do we need things to be, man? You know, didn't we live like 100 years, 120 years, 200 years where we've been looking at stuff? and we're pretty much okay with it?

Do we need it now that it's like so crystal clear that it's like even something that's supposed to be fuzzy and out of focus isn't out of focus? I don't know. It's driving me nuts. Oh, and now the battery life. The battery life is now it's 10 hours instead of 8. Right?

And now it's got a G4 processor. Things download a little bit faster. I love Apple, man, but I'm starting to feel like we're all being conned here. It's like every nine months, they improve something that was already there in existence. How many times can you pull the old? Oh, you're going to wait on the iPad 4. You're going to see things. So much, the reds are going to be redder, the blues will be bluer.

I mean, what am I exposed? What's the iPad 12 going to be? How would you like to x-ray your family? How would you like to be able to see through their flesh? Just hold up your iPad. You'll see so good. You'll see past what you can see. You'll see beyond the colors.

How would you like to see your father's lower intensity? ever wondered what your sister's spleen looks like hold up your iPad 12 god and now you can hold it up for 14 hours with the new battery and see it even better with the G17 chip processor enough all right From now on, if you're going to release a new phone or a technological object that's already been invented, it better do something more than what's already there. Don't improve on what's already there. I want something new. The new iPad 12 bakes muffins.

The new iPad 12 touch it and you can disappear, you know, something. We've added an extra letter to the alphabet. right there behind z it's a new letter squaw it looks like a half q half j squaw we've we've given it a new letter so get rid of your old ipad that costs seven hundred dollars and buy this new one because we've added an extra letter to the to the keypad nice try i ain't buying it and i really mean i ain't buying it okay Figuratively and for real, I ain't buying it. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes.

The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order.

Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy. or anything you desire.

Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. The new B-M-O-V-I-Porter MasterCard

is your ticket to more. More perks, more points, more flights, more of all the things you want in a travel rewards card, and then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BMO ViPorter MasterCard and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit BMO.com slash ViPorter to learn more. So you better come up with something better Because until then I'm just going to keep scratching stuff in the ground with a rock

Do you give to charity every year, people? Who's giving charity? Who's making a charitable donation? Well, tell you what, a lot of you are And you don't even know it And you know who you're making your charity out to Huh? Not to like some African UNICEF thing

You know you're giving charity to is your local gym. Oh, yeah, remember at the beginning of the year? You ran over to the gym, and I'm going to work out at least three, four times a week, man. I'm going to get pumped up. I'm tired of my Baskin-Robbins belly, baby. What? How much?

$800 for the year? Well, I'm worth it. Yeah, I'm going to, boy, I'm just going to be the best 800 I've ever spent, man. I can feel my body changing already as I write this big fat check. Oh, I can feel my triceps and my glats and my glutes swelling up as those dollars drained from my bank account. And then after a week and a half of doing some curls and a treadmill session and a few crunches, you never go back.

Yeah, you're busted, dudes. You never went back. You did your little exercise and realized, hey, this is a lot harder than sitting in a movie theater and eating popcorn, man. I didn't know weightlifting was more strenuous than watching Desperate Housewives. You just donated $800 to charity to your local gym. Give generously people and keep eating that ice cream. chubby.

You're a giver, but you've been taken. Oh, it sucks to be taken. We've all been taken in life, haven't we? I mean, I'm taking up your time right now. What the hell's that all about? Luckily, it's free. Luckily, you're not paying for it. But, you know, we've all had the guy working on our house that tries to take us.

We've all had the guy working on our car that's tried to take us. We've all had the taxi driver that's tried to take us. We've all had the friend that asked to borrow some money and never paid it back. Take us. We've all had the landscaper guy take us. That's kind of a drag. We're always being taken or someone's trying to take us, right? And usually you're pretty aware of it, but I feel bad for people that aren't.

there are people that just don't get it people that get scammed on the internet and people that get scammed with mail orders and people to get scammed doing this and doing that scammed doing investments life can be a real scam sometimes and you ever get to a place where you just throw your arms up and you don't have the energy to deal with the scam and you know you're getting scams. you're just like whatever here you want an extra 40 bucks just take it really i'm going to argue with you i'm just tired of it it it just comes at you so much you know you're trying to buy a new car and the guy's like well for an extra sixty dollars we'll put olive oil scented lubricant on your brake pads oh boy i'd better have that or the guy at the best buy. You know, for an extra $120, we can guarantee that that TV doesn't turn into a cabbage. That's our warranty, even though the TV has already got a warranty from the manufacturer.

You know, Sony has a two-year warranty. But we're going to sell you another warranty for all the stuff that they'd Home cover, which is pretty much everything, we're going to sell you a $200 warranty so that if you drop your TV on the way from here into the garage and you're loading it in your car and you drop and you break it, you're covered. And a lot of these warranties and these scams, you know, these people are good at them. and the worst is when one guy tells you one thing and another guy tells you another thing I'll never forget I had some guy up to my house wants to put in a new heating unit

and the guy quoted me like you know $1,200 and I said okay thanks man he wrote me up a quote and I said you know what I know I got to do this I just can't do it right now so I'll hit you back in a few months right So about half a year goes by

And I call the same company They send out another one of their guys Not the same guy dealt with the first time And he does his little look around He goes, yeah, oh yeah, we can put in a new heating system for you That'll be seven grand And I'm like, wait a minute The guy that was here six months ago said it was 1,200

And so I called the company, and then I called the guy, and they knew about it. The guy admitted on the phone. He goes, okay, yeah, I saw that other quote. I have to honor that. I can't charge you what I'm asking. We have to honor what the other guy quoted you. That's the law. And I'm like, how did we jump from $1,200 to $7,000?

how about honoring your uh your moral compass jackass how about uh you know honoring something so you just got to be careful man but every now and then you just give up you just like take it here take my money you want my car have my car you know what forget the heat this is your house now you put in the heating system you want i'm giving you the house have it you want my here have my shirt here's my shirt and you know what have my pants i'm i'm happy to go to work in my underpants today i don't need

clothing this is for you congratulations you scammed me you got everything boy oh boy who are these people man don't they realize everybody works hard for their box and everybody has their dignity. Nobody likes to be scammed. Why are you spending your day? Why are you spending your energy trying to dupe other human beings, man?

Would you like to be duped, Mr. Scammer? Would you like to be ripped off? Would you like to be charged quadruple with the job really costs? I don't think you would. Doesn't feel good. So why the hell are you doing it to other people? If you're a scammer, if you're jacking people's prices up,

and you know it's wrong, you know you're doing wrong, knock it off. Just knock it off. That's your little, I'm scolding you today. No, I'm not scolding. I'm just, I guess I'm just trying to put the, the seed in your ear, you know, be a good person. It's the old do unto others thing, man. Okay?

So do unto others, as you would have done under yourself. And since you like this podcast so much, that means others will like it. So do it to others and tell them about this podcast. How about that scam? Okay, I went from talking about all these. scammer and the moral. And at the end, I used my big, you know, my big blurb to try and get you to get other people to listen. But it's harmed. Like I said, it's free. And in this case,

I'm offering a product for free. Where the workloads on me, like picture me as a guy that says, hey, I'm going to come over to your house and rake your lawn and fix your roof. And you know what? charge that's what this is this is me doing the podcast twice a week why because i love it and i know that you guys are out there you're sitting out there and maybe you're working hard or maybe you're driving your truck or maybe you're raking leaves maybe you're painting a house maybe you're sitting in a cubicle i don't know and guess what here's something that don't cost you a dime and just the fact that I hopefully am putting a smile on your face that is payment enough for me

so it looks like I've scammed myself all right enjoy be good and uh let's wipe out the scam yeah after all it isn't every day that we entertain celebrated contest winners I have a great new guest today. I guess my producer Roger dug this guy up. We thought it would be fantastic, interesting and stimulating, to interview people that were on the scene. We're part of the musical scene back in the 60s and the 70s.

We have a guy here, Dan Goldwater, who apparently was a big-time record producer that worked a lot with the doors, apparently. Yes, that's right, the doors. We're happy to have you here. We'd love to hear about the early years of the doors and, you know, the process they went through to acquire their fame and their celebrity and so on. Yes, they're a very fascinating group of boys, very talented, wonderful boys.

Jim Wilson was quite the poet. Very, how you say, one of these prophetic, very, he really was wonderful with the doing, he had the writing thing. Yeah. Yeah, he was kind of a lot of his lyrics. Some people considered Morrison's lyrics more like poetry than kind of your traditional songs that were written as songs. Oh, yes. Jim was just a fabulous. Very prolific writer. He would write things down. They were like poems and he just loved to bounce things around. So tell us about how they got their start, Jim Morrison and the Doors.

Well, it's a fun story. Basically, it happened with Rayman. And Zerick, the keyboard player, put the band together, invited Jim Morrison to come and sing just on a lock. They're at a birthday party. They asked Jim Morrison to come along and sing. And I guess they just loved his voice and they hit it off creatively. So they were singing in a birthday party? Yeah, they're singing at a children's birthday party. Oh, that's weird.

How did they get a gig in a birthday party? They were walking down the street and they saw a birthday party, and they walked in and they said, Wait a minute They walked in and they sang At someone's birthday party Yes I think their very first song Was Rig Around the Rosie And the tail on the donkey

And then followed up by Happy Birthday You worked with these guys, right? The doors? Yes, I still do Well, they're not around anymore Pardon me They're not around anymore What do you mean they're not around anymore

Of course they're around I worked with them yesterday We just cut a new album when Jim was in top form and he's wonderful job Dude The doors are gone Jim Morrison's dead

Excuse me He died Oh Oh he's dead Well yes Of course he's dead He died Who the hell are you dude

What do you mean Who are you I'm I'm producer A record producer From I work with the doors Haven't I seen you around the building before

No No I'm this is my first time You're the janitor, dude. What? You're the janitor in this building. Roger, what the hell are you doing? This guy's not a wreck. He's the janitor.

Can I clean your windows? The stain on your table, can I wipe that stain off? Get them out. Sorry about this, folks. My producer. Jeez, Roger, the janitor, really? I think we can do better than that. You do get the weirdest guess,

so we end the show interviewing my janitor who's work really work for the doors god where do we Roger you're a piece of work dude oh anyway speaking of work if you want to come and see me work live how about that how often do you get to invite the public to your job Hey, you want to come watch me work? Come to my job.

And you know what? Why don't you pay to come and watch me work? Come and sit down and pay some money and watch me work. And you know what? Why don't you drink while you're watching me work? Yeah, that's what I do. I work at comedy clubs. Kind of weird.

Maybe that's a scam right there. Wait a minute. You want me to come and pay to watch you work? Yeah, I do. You've been scammed. No, you won't be scammed. I put on a hell of a show, folks. You get every cent worth and more at the Pittsburgh Improv.

I will be in Pittsburgh, April 27, 28, 29. Hopefully you can drop by the Improv Comedy Club. Get your tickets at Improv.com. Reserve. We always pack it in in Pittsburgh. I want to make sure you get your seats, baby. And I look forward to seeing you there. Don't forget you can pick up the Harlan Highway on Stitcher Radio.

That's a free app you can get for your phone, Stitcher. And you can listen to me wherever you may have your phone. You can call us 323-739-4-330, or you can write to Harlan Williams.com, where you'll also find our incredible, wonderful online store where you can buy books, t-shirts, CDs, movies, all kinds of great Harlan merch. And there you go, man.

That's no scam. That's the real deal. We have good prices there and good product. So no scam there at all. And that's it. That's all the time we have for today. I hope you had a great, groovy, wonderful time. And I really mean it.

Tell your friends and family, if they like to laugh, they like to have a good old silly time, tell them to jump on the highway with us and become a pavement ponder. And we look forward to getting in their earlobes, okay? So keep it real in the deal. Save the whales. And until next time, chicken.

Chaube, baby? Since you're watching this video, chances are you're looking for a way to make money. I'm going to share with you how you can get started right now today and have money deposited in your account by tomorrow.