The Harland Highway - 425: SHREK DIRECTOR Conrad Vernon

Episode Date: August 23, 2012

An incredibly talented man, Director Conrad Vernon is on the Highway today to share stories and thoughts with us. Films credits include, Shrek 2, Aliens vs Monsters, Madagascar 3, to name a few. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, ladies and for Gergel Durgens. What a show we have today. What a podcast we have today. Unbelievable. Can you believe the director of one of the biggest motion picture movie blockbusters of all time is sitting in with the kid today? I love this guy. He's a buddy.

He's a talent. He's a talent out the was. zoo let me just put it that way there's nothing this wildcat can't do but uh no word of a lie uh one of his movies is in the top i think the top eight of all time money earning films uh in film history and uh i have a feeling most of you have seen at least what this film i'm talking about uh if not many more of his films that uh i'm talking about but enough of me talking about it I'm not going to give away his name. Let's just say great director, great filmmaker, great human being in general.

I love this guy, man, and so happy he's on the podcast today. Today's show, my interview with the amazing Conrad Vernon on the Harlem Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? you are causing a major disturbance on my time it's the harland highway what's up bra if i'm here and you're here doesn't that make it our time

i have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass am i hallucinating here just what in the hell do you think you're doing you just made a wrong turn onto the harland highway this is your fucking wake-up call man you're riding down the harland highway with harland williams in 30 seconds you'll be dead then I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes.

Hey, everybody, it's Harland, Zachary Williams. Zachary's not really my middle name. Up yours. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Do you hear the level of excitement in my voice? Does it sound like I'm laying turtle eggs on a beach? I'm super jazzed. I've been trying to get this talented, funny gentleman on the podcast for a long time.

He was actually here once in another version of himself. I'm not going to tell you what it is yet. We'll reveal that later in the show. But he was on here once before as somebody else. But this time it's him. Ladies and gentlemen, it's my good buddy, talented, director, writer. I think he created the human race. It's Conrad Vernon.

How are you, buddy? you're mental is what you're saying so Connie let me first of all welcome you to the podcast the Harlan highway you know I've been trying to get you on here forever yes yes but you're here now are you jazz I'm sweaty you're nervous he's nervous I can tell the fans on well let me tell you a little about Conrad. He's an amazing guy. First of all, he's an amazing artist. And I'm just going to cut right to the goodies. Conrad, you've seen his work, ladies and gentlemen. Conrad directed Shrek 2, the famous DreamWorks movie Shrek 2. He directed Monsters vs. Aliens. your latest movie

that's a huge hit it's one of one of the number one movies of the summer Madagascar two in the three number three you didn't do two blah

you did three in the theaters still right now you gotta go check it out and I just this is a broad question but what's it like dude what's it like to direct

these incredible movies that people love it's it's a hall for sure it's longer than live action movie to do how long does it take i give the folks an indication of how long it takes well i mean the development phase can last you know however long the development phase lasts but once you're into production a live action movie will usually um you know shoot in six months and that's a long shoot

and then you'll be done in a year after that uh animated films can you know the development phase included can last up to five years five years just the production park can last two to an a half years so it's it's a long haul and and what people might not know the director of an animated movie you're you're involved in every phase of the movie from the coloring to the uh to the character design to uh the the everything yeah well we're on right from the script phase god even the uh the the general idea of it you know the kernel of the idea yeah you know so we're usually on there uh from that point so we're we're kind of taking it through all the phases Completely.

God, and people should know this. I think people know this, but Shrek 2 is one of the all-time highest grossing movies in film history, isn't it? Number one animated? It might have been beaten by now. I'm not sure. But the last time I checked it was, but maybe there's something else that beat it. But overall, just in movies in general, isn't it? I think we were right above E.T.

and then I think Batman came out and knocked us down a notch. So you're like in the top five though, isn't it in the top five, top six, somewhere around there, yeah. God, man. That's amazing. You wake up every morning and look in a mirror and go, I directed one of the top movies in Hollywood history. Somebody bring me some freshly squeezed grapefruit juice immediately. I do.

And in that voice, into the steamy shower mirror, into my soap on a rope. And then you scrape the word red rum into that steamy shower mirror. It's my name backwards. But you do voices, too. You do voices in some of the movies. You do, and now I'm going to reveal, ladies and gentlemen. Conrad's been on the podcast before as Gingy, the gingerbread man. Yeah.

See, there he is. You love that. I love it. You love when I leave messages for you as Gingy. I tell you what, folks, whenever I have a bad day, this is where my world, and I'm going to say this, This is Balsy. This is where my world is better than your world. If I'm having a bad day, I can call up Conrad and ask him to leave a message on my phone

or just talk to him in real life and he'll do the Gingy Boys. I want you to go in your bedroom, shut the curtains, put a big pillow between your knees and fall right asleep. Now go do it. I want you to rub your knees together on that pillow. It feels good. See what I mean? I can have a better day instantly having Conrad talk to me as Jinji. But you're doing...

Not better than a dark room when you're depressed. You're better than a shrink. You're better than like pills. I wish everyone could just call you. Let me give your phone number out. No? Okay. No, I better not.

But you do another voice, too, in the Madagascar movies. Don't you do the monkey? Yes, indeed. I do mason the monkey. He's nuts, that guy. He's just like full of energy and crazy. Yes, he hangs upside down and throws poop at things often. Have you ever done that in real life and be honest?

Yes, I have. I poop in my hand and I chuck it at people. Wow, you've been to one too many Elton John concerts, my friend. Well, it's exciting, man. And here's, I got to tell you this about Conrad, too. He just takes it all in stride. That's what I, I don't think you realize how you affect people's lives as much as I do. Because you're like a mellow, centered guy.

And I'm always walking. I'm going, Conrad, don't you realize you directed these? He goes, yes, I know, but I get more excited than anyone else. But it's just your job, so you're used to it. You do? You get more excited than you? I get excited. I love telling everyone what you do.

you're my buddy and you're so talented. Did you just purr at me, sir? Wow. Sweetness. Wow. It's very nice of you. I like when you come visit over at DreamWorks. It's lovely.

I know. I know. And I won't say much, but hopefully Conrad and I will have something for you, folks, one of these days. We've been working on an idea for many years. Yes, it's good. And one day we'll hatch that egg for you, folks. But let's move on to more important things. things buddy i think people want to know uh does someone like you do your own laundry i don't

what i don't do my own laundry you never do your own laundry no i bought two machines and i have someone do it for me what that's the honest truth you bought two machines what do you what does that a washer and a dryer and where are these machines they're in my garage your laundry machines are in your garage oh yeah they're in my garage your gear what what accent is that I don't know. It's like a guy from Boston made love to like someone from Tennessee. They're down in my garage. Yes, and someone does all my laundry for me.

No way. See, that's one of the perks of being a big director, ladies and gentlemen. You've never, when was the last time you did your own laundry, dude? I washed my dog's blankets. Because they pooped on them. Did they? They took a dump on their blankets. What are your dog's blankets look like?

I'm curious. Like, what color are they? They're brown. And they did a poop on them, so how would you even know? I just smelled it. Oh, God. I pick it up and I smell it once a day. See, that's cute.

You won't do your own laundry, but you do your laundry for your dogs. Well, when there's crap on it, yes. That's love. That's love right there. There's some love in there. Goes into the laundry. For people that don't know the definitely. definition of love and are confused about love in the world like where is love what is love

love is when you wash your dog's crap soaked blankets thank you conrad you're welcome now have you ever and come on guy i can't have you ever tossed one of those cling free sheets into a dryer in your life yes okay okay what was that experience like it was nothing i needed to sort of experience again you didn't like it i like pulling them out and finding that they still smell wait when you when you've done the drying yeah they still smell after the dry you pull them out and you sniff them yeah is that that sounds like a drug habit to me it's good are you snorting cling free sheets after they've done all i can say is try it and i'm not going to say the first first time it's really good do you think there's another use for those cling free sheets somewhere in the world like you know we have

We have India. We have poor nations. We have rich nations. We have all the things that mankind, all the trappings. Is there another way we could be applying cling-free sheets somewhere in the world outside of throwing them in a dark dryer? Well, I kind of went more internal with it. I thought it would be a good lining for the underwear. What do you mean? So your pubs don't... I didn't go out of the country. I went into the clothing. Wait, I just had a vision of your pubes. getting all entangled, like when in Avatar, the guy put his ponytail

into the horse's ponytail and they wrapped together? Is that what you're saying? You want to put a cling-free sheet in your crack. So your butt pubs don't. What? I'm just saying you could. Wow. That's another use for it. It's like a... See? I think it's like a panty liner for men.

Amazing. And what if... Could you put... Could you make one with wings? Yeah, sure. Can you imagine, dude, me and you going out partying? on a Saturday night with a cling-free ass crack? Why not? A static-free butthole?

It would get weird. Yeah. It would smell like lavender. And also, sometimes when you do sports or you have a long day, if your butt crack gets sweaty, your butt checks will stick together. That's, you're, you're, see, this is why we work together. Now I know what you're getting at. You need a frog to where I'm going to go.

So you stick a bounce sheet. in your butt crack and it won't stick together. Well, and it, it soaks up the excess moisture and it makes it springtime fresh. Now, at the end of the day, going off what you said earlier, do you pull it out of your underpants and sniff it to see if it still work? No. I wouldn't do that, and I wouldn't put it in the dryer after that either. Yeah.

Yeah. So what do you do with it? Because sometimes when women, you know, when they've finished their period, and I don't mean to get all gross here, but women will pull out their, They're, you know, there's cucumber stick or whatever it is, and roll it up and put it in the garbage. How do you dispose of a well-traveled cling-free ass sheet? They'll probably have to come out with sanitary bags for us now.

Oh, wow. I think that's the only answer to me. Can you say invention time, dude? Well, do you remember those? When I was a kid. What? They used to have, in bathrooms

sanitary bag oh for the women for the women in the bathrooms in office buildings where it was like a unisex bathroom you go in

and they would have for your convenience and they would have a picture of a 1950s woman printed on the front smiling like the same chick

that held the loaf of sunbeam brand yeah exactly but now she's holding a bloody tampon and smiling and dropping it into a beautiful wax bag

imagine if they They had sunbeam tampons, dude? For that yeasty, fresh smell, sunbeam tampons. They can squeeze it and it would retain its shape. Squeeze it and it bounces back out like a loaf of wonderbrand. It can slowly airs back up. Dude, have you ever been in one of those unisex bathrooms? Hey, everybody.

Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. You want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex, is just a click away that's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and

satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland So you get your discount And 100% free shipping Code Harland Have fun

Don't throw your back out I was in one once And it was really awkward Yeah it's weird right You don't know what to do Like when we go into like the men's room At a restaurant You really let's face it

We're not really that worried about sprinkling on the seed Or flushing or anything But when you go into a unisex She kind of got it in the back of the, maybe I should be a little neater because the ladies are coming in. Was that Allie McBeal or Murphy Brown that had a unisex bathroom? I don't know, but they both sound like movements to me. I just did an Allie McBeal and a Murphy Brown. And hence the unisex bathroom.

Dude, but you know what, you know what sucks is I can't imagine why a woman would want to share a bathroom with a man. I don't mean married couples, but out in public, if I was a girl, I would rather go behind like a birch tree. Women are, I think, I think women are always, I think a little more allowed into men's rooms every once in. I was at a concert once, and the women's line went out the door and some guy came in and said, does anyone in here mind? My girlfriend comes in and goes to the bathroom. Every man was like, yeah, who cares? She walked right in past us, went into a stall, went to the bathroom. No one cared.

I just couldn't see the reverse of that happening. No. No, you'd be, in this day and age, you'd be fine and go to jail. But I've accidentally done that before. Oh, you did? Actually, twice. You walked into a woman's bathroom? Without knowing. Tell me what happened. This is great. The first time was at the Burbank Airport, and they have the men's room sign over the women's entrance.

But what you're supposed to realize, for some unknown reason, is that the men's entrance is across the hall. But since you're coming around a corner They put it on the other side So you'll see the sign And then look over across the hall To the entrance to the men's And then they have the women's right behind that I didn't see the women's behind the men's sign

So I saw the men sign I saw the doorway I walked right in And in the back of your head You're going something's off It doesn't smell in here Exactly Well there's a different odor

But you don't really understand What's going on And you just walk back into a stall I went to the bathroom. You dropped a deuce in the ladies room? No, no, no, I just peed. Oh, standing up? Yeah.

Came back out, washed my hands. Luckily, there was no one in there. And as I was walking out, a woman was walking in. And we just looked at each other, and then we stopped. And I just went, mm-hmm, and then I got out of there. You should have immediately turned into gingy and just gone, Hey, do you have an extra tampon I could borrow? Exactly.

That smells like marshmallows and marmalade? there's no sanitary bags in there i don't know where to put it so the other time this this has happened twice to me yeah the other time was at uh well i'm not even going to say where it was yeah don't incriminate myself don't say it but basically sounds shady already yeah basically they switched the bathrooms when they rebuilt the bathrooms at this place they used to work at like long ago okay uh i was like probably 24 25 and they switched the bathrooms from men's to women's i don't know why they did this but but when they rebuilt the bathrooms they just put the men's on the right and the women's on the left and and so you were used to going i was going used to going into the

men's on the left so as soon as it was done i walked straight into the bathroom and this time i did drop one you dropped a you dropped the sunbeam loaf i did i was right in the middle of it and i hear high heels walk on the tile into the bathroom wait a minute the loaf was halfway out of your butt and you all of a sudden you hear high heels? I don't know the story to that level of detail, but I... You said you're right in the middle of it. Well, I might have been waiting for the next piece to come. I don't know.

I don't know where I was in the process of dropping said deuce. But I was in the stall, and as soon as I heard the high heels, my feet went straight up like this. And I looked like a gymnast. Like you're on the pommel horse at the Olympics. Exactly. And I was like, like, just sitting. there like a gymnast you know with my hands on the toilet just like

hovering and and I had to hold this while the lady went in and I heard the long zip of the skirt whoa and then peeing oh and then the long zip going back up and then the high heels washing of the hands and then out

and then I just boom hit the ground zipped up and leapt across the hall into the men's room as fast as I could I never got caught dude there's one upside to that story and it could have ruined you for life what if you had heard these gorgeous high heels clacking along a nice long pair of tapered legs beautiful ankles with nylons you hear that dress zip down and she sits down and lets a volcano out of her ass like just blows a monster you would you'd be you'd be messed up for life that's where i need to use the jingy voice

Oh my God I know Something smells like bad ginger Wow dude I don't know if I've ever walked into the girls' room by mistake I think I've done it on purpose I remember when I was going to a boarding school When I was a kid

I used to because it was an all boys boarding school And then under the kitchen They had a woman's restroom for like the three chicks That worked up in our kitchen And they never used it. And, you know, when you're in a school full of boys, the bathroom, it looks like a pig wallow in there, right? So I would sneak into the women's room, and it was like, there was like clouds in there and sunbeams. There were blue jays on the faucets.

There was, you know, mushrooms growing. It was like a forest in there. It was beautiful. Dresses being sewn by bluebirds. Yeah, exactly. So I would sneak in there and, you know, take it just to take a. leak i'd go on the women's room well have you ever been to the bathroom at the angels game or the dodgers game no giant trough oh the giant trough yes i think that is the worst invention oh

ever i don't use it i don't use it no but man i i i don't understand people who can just like sidle up to those things whip it out and just like you're getting splashed by the people next to you you're splashing other people well not only that half the guys on there like bend in and look down to see your your meat yeah it's just a bunch of hogs at the trough and it just doesn't that doesn't a friend of mine had a nightmare once about that where he looked down the uh at the end of the trough and there was a giant fat woman dumping in it and he was like i was like what gave you that idea wicked wicked was that the edit button that you just hit no no that was just me uh fencing with the stuff but um um that's that's crazy man and

For the women listening, who don't know what we mean by the trough, we literally mean in a lot of arenas and sports facilities, they don't have individual urinals for the men. They just have a long, it looks like an eaves trough up on your roof or something horses would drink out of. I guess it's the equivalent if you had a gigantic round bowl and all the women sat around it next to each other. That's it, exactly.

That's what it would be like. It's like a communal place to do your business. And it's literally, some of them can be like 40, 50 feet long. Yeah. It's ridiculous. It's a horrible idea. Ew, let's get out of this. Let's get out of this.

Let's get into something more, you know, that taps into your business sense. Because, you know, you're a guy that tiptoes through Hollywood. You've been successful. You're directing your writing scripts. And it's not an easy game here in Hollywood. So tapping into your business sense. I have to ask you, and I know our listeners want to know, if you could open a franchise, a food franchise,

what would it be Conrad Vernon as I look you right in the eye and ask you? It's almost like I asked your soul. What would your franchise be? Food franchise. I will say this. Oh, here we go. Here it comes. And this is honest.

This is the honest truth. Here we go. My ex-wife, who I'm very good friends with still. I know her. I've met her. She is the best She is the best vegetarian cook I've ever met

She's amazing She will make anything vegetarian Now she uses butter and eggs And stuff like that Sure But oh my God This food is unbelievable And I've said to her many times

If you want to open up a vegetarian restaurant I will invest in it And I still would do that Because this stuff that she makes is unreal It is the best food really have and it's totally vegetarian interesting what would you call a place like that i don't know i'd probably have to enlist someone like you to help yeah okay all right well i like that answer but existing franchises you know i'm i'm only going to say this i would call it tissies tissies

and that's all i'm going to say that's all we need to hear all right tissies vegetarian fast food restaurant not fast food oh changing my questions around it would be a franchise though a franchise that's what i okay now we've got tissies existing franchises what do you own talk to me guy what do i own what are you going to go for if you could open one up slap one open what would it be i think i know the answer here we go he's searching i'm just thinking about what kind of food i want for free The searching deeply. What would that franchise be? I would say it would have to be.

Oh, man. Baja fresh. Baja fresh, ladies and gentlemen. That is the right answer. Thank you. Let's move on. Took us about 10 minutes to get to that right answer, but we certainly got there.

I was thinking about all the free food I was going to get. I'm glad you didn't say Olive Garden or Red Lobster. I might have had to end this interview with that. No. Are child stars creepy? Child stars? Yeah. No.

Sometimes when they grow up, they are. Right. Like, who are we taught? Like Gary Coleman, that guy came out kind of creepy. Yeah, wasn't he a, he was a mall cop later in life? That's creepy. I think there should be a prerequisite to be a mall cop. You should at least be over two feet high. Well, he was intimidating to a certain extent, don't you think?

He was intimidating because he was scary. It's like, look at this pudgy little midget with Lyme disease coming after me. There was, and I'm trying to think of the other children disease. Why does he have Lyme disease? Well, he must have been bitten by a tick at one point. How did that come out? I just made that up and you just let me roll right by it. Well, what am I supposed to do?

You never challenged my Lyme disease anymore. You've changed. I don't know you anymore. What else have we got here? We're winding down here with Conrad. This is unbelievable to have you here, buddy. Are you having fun? I'm having a blast.

I hope it's interesting enough. Are you kidding me? Listen to the guy. See, that's what I mean, ladies. That's what I alluded to earlier. Conrad just has kind of this mainstream version of them. You have no idea how hyperactual. people are to be hearing you right now.

See, he's laughing. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to ask you more questions about the movies because you have no idea. Your movies on a global level have impacted people. They've played millions upon millions of people have seen your work. Not many people can say that. I have to drive home to my friend here.

What a special human being he is. He won't do it himself, so I'm going to do it. Another. I wish I would love it If me and you could invent a static cling sheet That can purr like that Only when you pull them apart When you pull them apart

We'll call them purrs Hey Speaking of which Conrad obviously I mean you know when you cast your voices for your movies You're casting people like Reith Wither Spoon and Will Smith and Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy. Is there a funny story you can share with us,

some kind of hijinks or something that went wrong or something goofy or something funny that one of these big stars said that might be interesting to our listeners here? You know, it's kind of like you have to be in the room with them when you see them act. And so many of the stories are hilarious to me because I was, it's a perfect example of you had to be there type of stuff.

Yeah, right. You know, you had to be there type. I have to say that on this last movie, I worked with Martin Short, and I love that guy. Isn't he great? Canadian? Can I say out loud? Canadian? He was, he and Jessica Chastain, who's also an amazing actress. We got to, I got to work with her as well. You know, everyone, Brian Cranston, I got to know who's fantastic. I worked with him once. He's a nice guy. You know, of course, the whole cast was fantastic, but I have to say, getting to know, I knew Jessica before this movie, so I was really, really happy to get to work with her.

But I'd never met Martin Short before. Marty? Marty. What was it about him that just tickled you or made you just fall in love with this guy? Was it something funny he said? It was just a characterization that he brought, you know, to this. I mean, it was an Italian seal that he played. And so, you know, he looked at Roberto Benini in the very beginning and said, you know, this is how I want to, yeah, I want him to have this kind of energy.

Yeah. But he came in with this big tape machine, you know, this like 1984 Walkman. Who Martin Short did? Martin Short did. And he had a lady on there saying his lines. But, of course, it was just she didn't act them. She just said them to give him the dialect. Right, right.

And so she was like, Marty, where? Where do you go tomorrow? I want to be with you. And then he would go, where do you go tomorrow? And then, of course, that he would do it in his way. And after two or three sessions, I think he was listening to her, and he just kind of clicked it shut, and he took the walk, and he chucked it, and he said, we don't need her anymore.

So he just started going off, and he said, this is just going to become its own thing from now. And I was like, that's exactly. I mean, I know you didn't do the voice, but can you give us just a little sample of what it kind of sounded like? Like, what was he talking like this or something, or what? Well, there was a line. It was in a scene where the four main characters,

the zoo animals, get on to this circus train. Yeah. And the circus animals who were already on the train were like welking them on board and everything, but there's one guy played by Brian Cranston who was a tiger. He didn't want him on there because he didn't show. Oh, the tiger, yeah, yeah, awesome character. So he starts marching over towards the main characters,

and Martin Short, Martin Short's character, Stefano, said, said, hey, maybe you can bunk with Vitaly. And Vitaly, the tiger chucked a knife right at the main characters that stuck in the wall next to him, and he started coming at him. And Martin Short's character said, oh, I don't think Vitaly likes that idea. What's he going to do? And that was, I don't know, that was a hilarious.

hilarious line and he did it amazing and you know when you're working with Martin Short you get tons of improv yeah you get you get the range which is insane you know down the low like these you know what he cried once for 15 minutes in about 30 different ways cried and every bit of it was hilarious and and so our editor had about 15 minutes of just unreal insane crying that he could just choose from and put into different places and I don't know it was just amazing just a plethora of things to pull from yeah that guy that guy is a talent man that guy is a what a what a what a that must be a fun aspect of your job too

because you know there's usually a crap load of characters in these movies so you and and you know there's such big movies there's such big hits that every big celebrity in town wants to jump in on it so you you've got to work with Seth Rogan and Chris Rock and I mean all these these really great talented people Ben Stiller it must must be a blast you enjoy that aspect of it absolutely the the celebs I mean you can't help but enjoy it I mean these are like mega talented people who are really you know 99% of the time just really pleasant to be around and then go in and make you laugh yeah for three hours at a time you know and and they're just you know Ben was fantastic. Chris was fantastic. David Schwimmer. Jada, Pinkett Smith. They were all in Madagascar.

I got to know Seth on Monsters v. Aliens. He played the blob. He played the little. He played Bob, my favorite character. And he and I became friends after that. And, you know, we creatively jam with each other every once in a while. Yeah. Another Canadian boy. God, look at you're loving the Canadians. I just realized that's why you're here. He and his writing partner, Evan Goldberg, you know, and they're both Canadians. And, you know, it's, it's been great to get to know these people and get to work with him. Well, let me just say as talented. And you. And me and me.

We've worked together for a long time. 15 years. And as talented as they are, it's the job of the director to create the imagery to make the timing work, the facial expressions. That's where you come in. And you're right up there with them, buddy. Thank you. Well, I need to keep telling you that because you won't tell yourself. Let's ask just a couple more things, and then we got to get out of here.

But, you know, if you could make your own movie, it doesn't have to be animated. Without a studio, without anything, like your ultimate movie of all time. If someone said, Conrad, here's $30 million, make your movie, whatever genre you want, whatever sci-fi western whatever it is what would someone with your ability your talent your knowledge of this filmmaking industry what would that dream movie be for you and that might not even be an answerable question

but well there's a couple of things that I can think off right at the top of my head that I'm going to keep to myself right now because I am kind of pitching them oh good but at the same time you know what is and this is going to sound totally way too serious for all for this little conversation we're having but there was always something that I me and my brother always talk about growing up uh you know my dad my dad's an alcoholic he hasn't had a drop in 30 years this your dad really was yeah yeah and and he hasn't had a drop in 30 years but we always remember back when we were kids all the crazy stuff that went on and he was

never physically abusive or anything like that you know it was just that you know he was he'd be gone for a long time and then he'd come home really happy that's basically what it would happen wish my life was like that i know but you know it did it did start to tear the fibers of the family apart my parents went through hell which to their you know you know i love them for this they never really let you know affect us that much the kids yeah they me and my brother and my brother's and my sister that's commitment right so yeah so but in fact we didn't really know what was going on and I always thought that was an interesting aspect to a story where it's like, you know, from a child's point of view growing up in an alcoholic household, when you don't really

understand what's going on. And then one day, you're just like told, you know, your dad's going to have to go away for a while, he's sick, you know, and then as you get older, you look back and everything starts to make sense, oh, that's why that was happening. That's why that was happening. I get it. That's why you told me to go into the other room. That's why that you had to leave in the middle of the nights, you know.

And, you know, there was all sorts of these things. I always thought that would be an interesting way to tell a story, which is just kind of like remembering your childhood, and everything that you thought was one way, was actually a completely different way because of what was really going on between your parents. And what happens a lot in life is a child's personality or a child's mindset as they grow up is molded by these,

events that happen with their parents and children will carry these stories through adulthood thinking, oh, my dad did this because he doesn't love me, or he doesn't like me, or he hates me, or, and to peel back kind of the cover off of some of those stories and find out, as you said, what was really going on must be quite fascinating and probably like in your own psychological mind probably helps, you know, helps in the journey of your life. understand yourself and your family and your father absolutely and you and you always you also realize i you know me and my brothers and my sister all realized that it could have been a lot worse that he was a great dad even though he was you know drinking way too much and my mom was a

great mom even though she was trying to hold everything together they were both still a hundred percent parents which was great um but they just had a lot of problems that they were having to deal with and you know i guess the whole idea behind doing something a movie like that would be that there is a possibility for you know an alcoholic family to survive you know it doesn't always there's so many times where I see you know movies about alcoholics or alcoholic families where you know the whoever the alcoholic is whether it's the mother or the father or even the kid they always wind up you know kind of melancholy and sitting in apartment alone coming to this realization and and

After they've lost everything, they realize it's all going to be okay. But you don't necessarily have to lose everything. Yeah, right. You know, people will stick by you. And if you can, if you can, you know, really try to keep your life together and really try to get your help, they say that, you know, that many of you have a problem is half the struggle, then, you know, it doesn't always end with the family completely breaking apart at the seams.

Well, another thing to take into consideration that I've always believed, too, is that I feel like very often, no matter whatever the state of affairs your family is in, whether your parents are non-attentive, whether they're alcoholic, maybe they're violent, whatever it is, whether you like it or not, I think it helps shape the kids. In other words, like, if your dad wasn't an alcoholic and behaved the way he did and behaved with you the way he did, would you have become the guy you are today? Would you have become this guy who works in Hollywood and went into this fantasy world of movies and became this uber successful, talented guy? Or if he had just been a straight and narrow father, would you have become like a guy who works at Home Depot?

You don't know the answer to these things, but it's almost like all these things happen for a reason and they all play into each other. And unfortunately, sometimes people come out on the bad end of that journey. sure but you know for myself example you know my old man sent me away to boarding school when I was a kid against my will and that was really where I didn't want to go but I learned how to cut my teeth with my comedy and I learned to use my comedy to help me through those rough times and that translated into possibly a career I hated my dad for sending me there but I wonder in my life I go if my dad hadn't done it would I be here today doing what I'm doing so probably not. Interesting, interesting thoughts to consider when it comes to stories like yours and mine and most people in life. Absolutely. I was given a huge amount of responsibility when I was very young because my dad was out all the time and my mom of course needed to be with him. Otherwise he would drive. Right. And now you have the responsibility of overseeing literally movies with, you know, almost $200 million budget, 100 million and a half.

And as I said earlier, you're overseeing hundreds, if not thousands of people. You're overseeing animators. You're overseeing design people. You're overseeing storyboard people. You're meeting with advertisers. I mean, the things that an animation director has to do. And as I said, maybe you having to step up as a young kid and oversee so much has played. into what you do now in a sense yes my OCD for better or worse has taken me through many hard times

and you know it's the blueprint that was set for me when I was eight I mean I had a five-year-old brother and a three-year-old sister and I was babysitting them a lot of nights until midnight at eight years old so you kind of have to look at if you have kids out there and you look at your eight-year-old do you think you know they'd be able to babysit a five-year-old and a three-year-old and cook dinner for them it's like it's but you know also it was a different time. Yeah. So, and we also lived way out in the country in Washington State.

So it wasn't like I was in, you know, walking down the street in the middle of, you know, a warts, you know, going to a liquor store to buy macaroni and cheese or anything like that. It wasn't that horrifying. But, you know, it was just, and I never thought anything of it to tell you the truth. Well, on the romantic side of an alcoholic father, if there is a romantic side, I know that your old man was a fiend for the ukulele. No. I thought your old man played ukulele.

No, he played guitar. Oh, guitar. It's you that plays the ukulele. I play ukulele. My dad plays guitar and also played with the crickets, buddy holly's crickets. He did? Yeah. Well, no wonder he was away.

He was in a famous rock band. Hello. He wasn't in there. The pieces are now together. Well, on the romantic side, and again, not to romanticize alcoholism, but was there ever a night when the old man came home, tits to the wind, You're in bed, and instead of hearing, like, fighting and yelling out in the hallway or in the other bedroom, you just heard the old man strum on the sixth drink. Absolutely.

In fact, there was a lot of times when I'd hear him coming in at, like, 1 o'clock in the morning, and I would get up, and I'd go downstairs, and I didn't know this at the time, but my mom had said, you're not sleeping in here. And so he'd be downstairs putting sleeping bags down on the ground and putting pillows, and I would say, can I say? sleep down here with you i was probably seven or eight and he said yeah get in so i i lay down on the bed and then he would sit in the chair and he had strummed the guitar to me and i would fall off to sleep it was nice see that that that's a moving that's got to be in your movie yeah that part that's well see there's the type of stories that i me and my brother hash back and forth constantly and i'm just like there's too many good stories here and i'll put them into a movie beautiful beautiful well i think speaking we touched on music and uh we've had an incredible and

enlightening, fun interview here with Conrad Vernon. And do you have a place people can, you know, look you up? Do you have a blog or anything like that? Let's give yourself a little endorsement, buddy. Thank you very much. It's just a bunch of doodles and drawings that I do in editorial. And it's just like kind of mind scraps, I call them. And it's Conrad-1968.orgspot.com.

Conrad1968. Blogspot.com and that's just I've got stuff from you know when I went on vacation there's writings on there there's a bunch of doodles

and drawings that I did during the movies and you know it's just a bunch of stuff folks get in there because I'm telling you inside Conrad's head is a magical world

and I can tell you this because I've known them for so long and we've worked together for many years on this secret project that we're not allowed to talk about yet

but unbelievable prolific monos mind incredible artwork ideas imagery check out his blog you won't be disappointed and uh we kind of ended on music from your father and i thought why don't we end our our podcast with conrad today and you might be embarrassed by this you might just go right into it would you favor us by whistling one of your favorite songs from the 80s is there a song from the 80s that you Just can't live without that you might know how to whistle. So the first one goes on my mind is,

Who can it be knocking at my door? All right. Keep whistling while I close out the show. Ladies and gentlemen, Conrad Vernon. He's a wonderful, talented director and human being. Check out his blog. And does Gingi want to say goodbye before we go? Who can it be knocking up?

my dog. Goodbye, everybody. There he goes. Gingy, Conrad Vernon. Buddy, thanks for being here, man. You rock. This was much more fun that I thought it was going to be. Oh, yeah.

We'll have Conrad back again, and that's it for today, folks. Thanks to Conrad. Check out his blog. And until next time, oh, there was the static cling kitty again. Until next time, chicken chow main, baby. Thank you. Thank you.