The Harland Highway - 426 Romantic letters with SAMUEL E. QUOKE, Facebook BS.

Episode Date: August 27, 2012

Samuel E. Quoke stops by to read romantic summer letters, Facebook political bullshit, funny names to make you giggle, traffic report from Sandy Chopper, and there's a new Sheriff in town. Blast your bungee fingers!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Be very careful. Love Bites. Love does bite, but this podcast doesn't bite. You are on the Harlan Highway. I am he, Harlan Williams, your host. And welcome, welcome, everybody. What a show we have today. I say that every time. So let me just say, what a today we show have.

Yeah, that felt better. We're going to be taking a visit with Samuel E. Quowke. He's dropping by the studio to read some of his romantic summer letters to us. Always flowery, always beautiful, unbelievable. He'll be dropping by. We're going to be talking about people who put political propaganda up on Facebook. Are you one of these people that puts little snippets of your political, political opinions up on the net for everyone to read.

I don't dig it. We're going to get into it. We're going to be talking about the police, the sheriff in your neighborhood. You'll be amazed where I found a sheriff. Kind of odd. And then we're checking in with Sandy Chopper for the traffic here on the Harland Highway. And funny names, funny names on this episode. Here's a funny name.

The Harland. Welcome to the Harland Highway. All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? You are causing a major disturbance on my time. It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Bra? If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you are doing? You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. This is your fucking wake-up call, man. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes.

See, what's this out here about all these murders you've been having around here? Oh, yeah, it's a big deal. They got a big investigation going on. They got guys come up here from Washington and everything. Hey, we better get out of here, girls. You aren't kidding. Oh, yeah. Do you have police in your neighborhood?

Of course you do. Unless you live in a tent in the forest. But every region of the country pretty much has police. And something interesting the other day. I'm driving around in Holly Weird, Hollywood, California. And I'm just, like, motoring down the street. And all of a sudden, like, a white cop car passes me. You know, I'm rolling down, you know, Hollywood Boulevard,

gom pads, you know, where all the stars are in the sidewalk and, you know, tourists are everywhere. And all of a sudden this kind of white-looking cop car rolls by me. And I look at the logo, the insignia on the car, and it's the Hollywood sheriff. I don't know, that just kind of struck me as kind of weird that, you know, I get Hollywood police and, you know, Los Angeles, LAPD, but when it comes to a Hollywood police force, let alone a sheriff. I mean, I don't think most of us have a sheriff, especially in a big city, right?

Usually it's police. And so whenever you hear the word sheriff, you instantly think, oh, how did it air, ma'am? Does you seem to be a problem here? How may I be of assistance? I'm Sheriff T. Crangewood Johnson. Right, so you picture like the dusty hat, you picture the poncho, picture a rifle slung over their back.

I mean, this is the sheriff, man. This is the Hollywood sheriff. Yeah, Mr. Warkin and Mr. Shatner and Mr. Costner. Get your hands up against the car right now. I'm afraid we're going to have to take you down, put you in the old jailhouse overnight. And you there, Morgan Freeman, get over here. Where the hell do you think you're sneaking off to, Freeman?

Marching off like a penguin. You get your ass over here too. You're getting putting it in the jailhouse. Who knows? I don't know how long going to keep you there. Maybe we'll have the town meeting and see how the folks feel about things. I mean, that's got to be weird, right? You're in Hollywood, you're the sheriff.

Shouldn't you be trucking around on a horse? You know, just riding through town. Afternoon, Miss Jolie. Give my regard to Bradley. Good afternoon. Good afternoon, share. love your outfit share spook of my horse a little but I love it anyhow good afternoon Demi Moore sorry to hear about your split hope you're okay ma'am right just trotting through on your horse see some criminal activity you

jump off your horse right you pull your gun you like freeze Jean Hackman Don't make a move. Drop those stolen chips of white cookies. Or he sees like Meryl Streep doing a carjacking. All right, me of Strip, you step away from that their car. It's a Hollywood sheriff right here. You step away, ma'am. I'm going to have to shoot you right in the back.

And you, Robert Downey Jr., get the hell away, move away. Just everybody just freeze. John Goodman. Jeff Bridges ever put your hands in the air right now? This is the Hollywood Sheriff. Unbelieve the nerve of you people. Probably cattle rustling in your spare time. George Clooney got any cattle in your backyard that don't belong to you, huh?

Don't got the right brand on it tied, Mr. Clooney. Now, you know I don't have enough room of my jailhouse for all of you. And I'm sorry on his street, but I'm going to have to put you in with the gentleman. I know it ain't going to be pretty, bunking in next to John Goodman, all right? But I got to do what I got to do. I'm the Hollywood sheriff, here you say. So I don't know. Maybe they want to change the name.

I mean, do you really need sheriff anymore? It just feels so old and cowboyish. She changed the name to like Hollywood ass kick. Freeze ass kick. Don't move. Why not? Because you're going to get your ass kicked. Well, if you kick my ass, I'm calling the sheriff.

Somebody call for the sheriff? What, we got a problem here? Yeah, this is the ass kick. Yeah, well, I'm the sheriff. I'm going to kick your ass, sheriff. Okay. So I don't know. It just gets messy.

You know, you feel like if you're in a big seat, city and you got a sheriff. You feel like you should maybe have a blacksmith and a mason. Maybe have a barn raisin at your house. You got room in your yard instead of getting one of those blow-up castles for your kids, you have a good old-fashioned barn raisin? Well, Lucas, gather the neighbors. Let's put a barn up.

Let's put a damn barn up in the yard, get some horses and cows, and invite that sheriff up here. see if he'll bless it for us so there you go it's not a knock on law enforcement god bless them but i don't know is the the word sheriff a bit antiquated do we do we need that anymore i don't know something to think about maybe i can think about it well well i'm in jail for doing this criminal podcast All right, well, I guess we should move on. You know, as I talked about the days of summer are dwindling,

we're getting near the end, which is very sad. And I guess we thought it would be a great idea to bring in Samuel E. Quowke, who, uh, wonderful, uh, romantic writer he does poetry he does prose he uh he just uh he has this ability to paint a picture with his words and uh i don't know very uh he just somehow manages to get under your skin and at your heart and uh just very flowery descriptive uh writer poet and uh he always comes around in the summer and kind of reawakens our sense of romance with his wonderful his wonderful writings and here he is Samuel welcome to the Harland Highway

yes thank you very much and you're going to read one of your love letters for us today yes I shall be reading one of my wonderful love letters today Well, this is great People really seem to love When you come in Yes When you come in and do Yes, may I start, please

Well, I'm just telling people I think my words speak for themselves Thank you very much Oh, okay Well, if you want to Just go ahead then Yes, thank you very much I'll start reading now

If you're finished babbling Okay, well I was just trying to give Do your mind by start? Go ahead, go ahead, Guy. Thank you very much. Dear Jasmine, oh, how I remember our wonderful walks down the country lane when you were a spry young thing

and I was a country gentleman. I remember the little dust clouds that followed in our trail as we wandered through the sunset and birds sang, flies darted about, and gold seemed to fill the sky as the sun dropped behind the horizon line. I remember that one summer in 52, and you wanted to cut across the field of golden wheat and twirl and sing and let your hair flow in the distance. I remember as you danced.

around innocently like a child, a giant smile spread across your face. Suddenly your foot slipped into what looked like a large gopher hole and we heard your ankle snap and four places your femur and your fibula cracking like rotten firewood. You fell over backwards in a position that no human body should be able to take and manifest and you screamed in agony, wailing like a coyote trapped in a steel trap. Bloods. Okay, wait a minute. Excuse me. I'm reading a summer letter. No, wait. What was that bit?

I'm sorry? Suddenly, she's dancing around like a child. Yes. And then she slipped in a gopher hole? That's right. And she snaps her ankle? Yes, I'm

reading the letter. I'm reading. Do you mind? Well, it's getting a little creepy, dude. Do you mind, please? May I finish? Well, go ahead, but I hope it gets nicer. I'll be finishing if you don't mind. Go ahead, Guy, relaxed.

Jeez. I'll never forget as I ran to your aid, I put my arms around your slender waist, through the screams of agony, you giggled slightly. I started to pull and hear. at your body, trying to rip it from the gopher hole. I started to move your badly damaged ankle and leg. All of a sudden, from the depths of the gopher hole,

I reckoned that a rattlesnake had taken refuge from the summer heat. He was burrowed up in the depths of the hole and suddenly snapped instinctively at your dangling meat of a leg. He continued to bite it not just once, but four or five times puncturing your already wounded skin with his deep venomous fangs, injecting you with a lethal toxin that caused your calf to swell up immediately. Horrific purples and blacks, your veins protruding from your rotten snap leg, screams of agony as if someone was bludgeoning a whale to death in the shallows of the Caspian Sea.

rotten-smelling meat. What are you doing, guy? Excuse me. What the hell was that crap? Do not refer to my writings as crap, thank you. Dude, her legs all puffed up and swollen and rotting with snake poison? That's what happens in nature. Okay, I thought this was supposed to be romantic.

We were out on a romantic walk. You, may I finish, please? I don't know if I want you to finish, guy. This is making me feel queasy. Do you mind, please? Wow, okay, Mr. Attitude. Up yours, sideways with a Chinese pitchfork. What?

May I finish my letter, please? Hurry up. You're creeping me out. Get out of here. Your rotten leg was swollen like an Italian sloth. me as it puffed in the hole. It looked like it was breathing on its own, like a swollen hippopotamus belly.

I had to remove your leg, but there was no way to do it. I found an old champagne bottle laying in the grass. I smashed it on a rock and quickly cut through your rotten, puffed up leg. So swollen, then it exploded with rancid poison snake venom leg meat all over my face. It was yellow and purple and horrible and horrible shades. of sickly olive green. It smelled like the innards of a dead white shark that had washed up on the beach of the Caspian Sea.

What the hell? What is with you in the Caspian Sea, guy? Do you mind if I finish my romantic letter? This thing is anything but romantic. You're done. Get out of here. I'm not finished. Yeah, you're done. I can't take any more of this.

I feel sick. But I'm sorry you don't. have a stomach for romance romance how about barf bag how about you let me finish I'll never forget as I severed your rotten leg the bones already snapped so it made it easy to cut through your purple salami flesh what I didn't expect is you to land and roll down the hill rolling and rolling arteries veins and capillaries flying out of your open leg wound like Candy flying out of a burst Halloween bag from a child. Chunks of bone flying through the air,

I screamed at you to stop rolling, but you couldn't. And there down below, in the early throes of the Industrial Revolution, one of the very first steamrollers, putting a paved road through the countryside. You rolled under it, squish slowly, like a salamander, getting rolled under a log in a tropical rainforest. Your eyes popping out like marbles rolling down the street. Stop it!

I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. I'm not finished. You're done out. Like a slog on a salamander guy. You're sick, dude. Your eyes rolled down the street and struck a child in the temple. The child toppling over, her face landing on a spike.

Get out! the child's face on a spike get out of here there's no child on a spike I'm not finished get out the child's forehead like a funcicle ice cream get out

good Lord Roger it's disgusting man God I feel like puking What's the matter with that idiot, romantic letter? Ew. Let's move on. Yuck! You're going to go puke.

The spike sticking out of her head. She looked like a rhinoceros ramming through the night. The construction workers pulling out their rifles and shooting her, bashing her tender skull in with their shovels. Get out! Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Wow. Unreal. My summer's just been ruined. How about you? Creepy.

I don't even like the guy's name. Samuel E. Quowk? What nationality is that? God. Samuel E. Where does Quowke come from? What a freak. Speaking of names,

you want to have a little fun when you go to your Starbucks or your coffee bean or your uh your burger joint or even your fancy steakhouse um a lot of places they ask your name right they ask for your uh gosh darn name um and even if you go to chick fillet now if you i've noticed if you go to certain chick filets when you're going through the drive-thru they go your name please sir and uh you know i don't like to give out my name i mean first of well, my name's a little odd, Harlan. So people, what, how, how, how, howly, wowly?

Like, it's, it's like my boss, Mr. Featherstone, right? Never gets my name right. And, uh, so I'm like, hey, I don't know these people. I'm never going to be back. They don't know who I am, you know, most of the time. Um, but, uh, so I always give like a fake name. I love to give a fake name. And you might want to try this, you know, it might lighten up your day, you know, you're in

Starbucks early in the morning and you're like, oh, your eyes are all puffy and your hair's messy and you, maybe you're hungover, maybe at a late night. And nothing helps get your morning going better than a little giggle, a little chuckle, right? So when the kid behind the counter asks your name, don't say, oh, it's Janice or it's David or it's John or Barbara. Give them make up a goofy name, like stinky. or jumbo or corky or uh wiggle wiggle woggle or something you know just some crazy i always give them really dopey names and it's great because it not only kind of makes you laugh inside but

they kind of take a bit they go what is it um it's jiggle buns your name's jiggle buns yes okay jiggle buns and would you like ice mocha or hot mocha? And then they start calling you by this name and then what happens is they have to write it on the little thing and then the guy at the end of the coffee counter has to yell it out, right? Stinky Twisters, your cinnamon mocha's ready? Stinky Twisters.

Or even better when they get on the microphone and they have to do it. Smelly? Smelly jumbo, your hot chocolates here, smelly jumbo. Dirty diaper, dirty diaper, your chocolate shake is ready. And I know it doesn't sound like hilarious comedy, but try it. I know the way I'm telling you it, you're like, whatever, dude. But don't be a stick in the mud.

I want you to try it, okay? I promise you it'll put a little smile on your face. I'm not kidding. It seems like a little comedy bit. But please try it. This is your homework for the pavement pounders. And I think you're going to laugh more than you think you will, if that is even a sentence.

Okay? So this is your homework, pavement pounders. You got to go in. Next time you go to a place where they ask for your name, I want you to make up a goofy name. Corky, shrimpy, fungus face. whatever, man. And you report back to me.

And if it doesn't make you laugh or make the people behind the counter laugh, I'll be very, very surprised. So just a little way to pass along some levity into your life, shake it up, to break out of the norm. Sometimes it's just little things that, you know, you break out of your routine, you break out of what's normal. Just little things like that can lighten your day.

Make you feel happy. Put a little bounce in your step. You know, that was kind of fun having the guys say jumbo-tinkle, you know, out in front of everyone. And I was kind of like snickering to myself, and it was kind of funny. What do you mean, I'm fired? I was having such a good day, and you're firing me.

Okay, well, up yours, crinkle, crackle. So there you go. I'll leave it there and have fun. And now it sounds like we are going, What is it, Roger? All right, we're going out to get a traffic report from our eyes in the sky here on the Harlan Highway. Our traffic reporter, Sandy Chopper. Sandy, are you there?

Hi, Harlan. How are you? Doing great. How's traffic looking up there today, Sandy? Well, it's really crazy up here today, Harlem. And we've got a real situation down below. All right. What are we looking at?

Well, it looks like there's some rioting, Holland, some social unrest, if you will. And it looks like people have taken to the streets that flipped over cars. There's fires burning right in the middle of the intersection there. Okay, what intersection? It's right down below the island. It's where the four streets come together. You can't miss it. There's some street lights.

and it looks like there's a variety store on the corner, and there's a fire hydrant. There's a woman walking her dog down there, Harlan. Okay, well, that's a little ambiguous. Can you give us some more details? There's four or five trees on one corner. We've got a bus stop. Oh, it looks like some, oh, it looks like some fist fighting is broken out,

and it looks like somebody's chasing someone with a gun, a semi-automatic weapon, honestly. You might want to stay away from that area there. Okay, what area? The one I'm describing, Arlen, it looks like chaos. There's somebody laying on the sidewalk. There's blood. There is a pool of blood.

I can confirm there's a pool of blood forming around several bodies down on the ground, Ireland. And somebody is stomping somebody. A group of people stomping some other people. Okay, this sounds serious. Where is this area? Well, Holland, from our vantage point up here, if we're pulling back, we're pulling back, and there's a highway that leads right into. the vicinity, you can't miss the billowing smoke.

Give me a street name, Chopper. Well, it's black, it's paved, and there's yellow lines up the middle of Ireland. A street name. Where the hell are you, you idiot? Well, you know, we're going to have to move in a bit. Let's bring it down. Bring the chopper down. We're going in Ireland for a better look, and it looks like, yes, there is a sign. It's a red sign. It's in the shape of an octagon. and there what is the name on the sign it looks like it's stop street hall and it's definitely it's all

happening right at the corner of stop street stop yes that's what the sign says and it's red yes hollard we have a red sign it's a it's a stop sign you idiot exactly so stay away from the stop sign region and uh we're going to check back in with you in a bit we're going to give a bit of smoke up here in the We're going to pull back out and just keep clear of the area where there's a full-blown social riot and looting and looks like pilfering. And it might be some murders going on now. All right. Get them off, Roger. Oh, wait a minute. No, I don't want to hear anymore.

It looks like there's a, no. No, no. Hang up. Hang up, Roger. What the hell? That was zero help at all. There's people dying. There's like a riot breaking out.

And this guy zooms in on a stop sign? What the hell's wrong with him? I got to tell you that we need some budget changes or something around this crib. Wow. So watch for smoke, I guess, folks. And I don't know if you have a rocket launcher handy. Feel free to take Sandy. Well, I can't say that.

That's, you know, I'm going a bit too far. I'll probably get in trouble if I finish that thought. But, wow, does anybody on this podcast have their act together? Good night, Nelly Frittato. Jeez. And speaking of having your act together, as you know, the GOP conventions taking place in Tampa, Florida this week. And it's interesting, man. You know, it's interesting about the two political parties.

It's interesting the divisiveness that it causes between people. And here's something that really irks me. And you may be one of these people. And if you are, who cares? You irk me. You really, really irk me. The people that get on Facebook, right? And they go into the public stream.

thing. I don't know what it's called, but it's where everybody can put their posts up, okay? It's just like a public form. People can put up pictures. They can put up comments. They can put up videos. They can put up news articles. And what really rubs me the wrong way is when you get these people on Facebook who find a snippet or a story that casts a candidate in a bad light. Okay? Let's Let's say Romney, turns out he's been, you know, not paying taxes on something, or Romney only pays 8% tax, or Romney hides this, or Obama does that. Obama's purposely trying to kill old people, or whatever. It's always some outlandish story, some outlandish accusation about a candidate on both sides.

And what people will do is they'll post it onto Facebook. And suddenly they act like they're like the two reporters in Washington that cracked Watergate. Or that the Navy SEALs that found Osama bin Laden. Like they throw up some cheap ass, usually inaccurate propaganda piece that's clearly been written or posted into the universe to defame and to knock down a candidate. It's usually something exaggerated, it's usually something that, you know, somebody's taking a, taking them a new point about a candidate, and then blowing it up. like when Romney back in high school, you know,

he bullied a kid with a bunch of his friends, right? Or Obama met with some guy who had an affiliation to the Communist Party at one point in his life. So some dillweed on Facebook goes, oh, my God, look what I've found. Look at the nugget I've found. Oh, my God, look what Romney did. Look what Obama did. I better post this. I'm going to tilt the whole election.

I'm going to sway vote goers. I'm going to shake everything up. I'm going to post this. And in the meantime, look at me. Look how introspective I am. Look how in the know I am. Look how knowledgeable I am. Look how political I am.

Look at this nugget. Look what this says about Romney. You don't want to vote for Roald. Romney, look what I've found. Look what Obama did. You don't want to vote for Obama. Look at me, the genius, I uncovered this fact about one of the presidential candidates. Everyone's going to see it because I put it on Facebook and the election's going to go in favor of my guy.

Oh, boy. Look at this big expose. When do I get my Pulitzer? prize for journalism. Look at this nugget I stole from somewhere else on the internet and put it up under my name. Oh, oh, oh, I mean, grow up. For God's sake, you know how idiotic you look coming across doing that stuff? It's clear what you're motive is. You're putting up some piece of propaganda or some type of negativity as if to say to everyone, oh, don't vote for this guy.

Look what I found. Look what this guy did. As if you've taken a paintbrush and that's what this human being's all about. Everything that this human being does. If he becomes president, he's going to make funny you the way he did the bully back in high school. Or Obama's going to want everyone to become. communist it's like just grow up it's like it's like you found a naughty little gossipy rumor and you can't wait to run around and tell everyone look what i found look what i found look

what he did look what he did it's so pretentious it makes me sick it's like get that get the hell off the internet loser and i don't even know that it's it's to the point where you're like trying to knock down another candidate. Sometimes I think these people put these things up to try and make themselves look intelligent. Well, look what I know. I've done some very deep research on this candidate, and I've unearthed some incredible facts that you never would have known unless I put them up here for everyone to see,

because I'm an intellect. I'm an intellect. I'm a scholar. I'm a historian. I understand politics in and out, through and through. And I'm glad I could be of service to you or to enlighten you, to educate you, to help you make an educated choice. And whatever you do, do not vote for this person, but vote for that person. It's just so stupid.

I can't stand it. And there's people I notice, people, if I'm on Facebook, I'll see there's certain people that, put one up like every other day or every other week. It's like, gee, what party are you voting for? What guy do you want to be president? You know, it's like, who are you to shove your opinions down everyone else's throat? Who are you to undermine someone else's campaign? Who are you to tell us who we should vote for?

Who are you to smear someone else's reputation or degrade someone else's lifelong work? Look, both these candidates are in it to hopefully try and better the country, try and better our situation as human beings. So why not just let them run on what they have to say and let people decide. I don't think they need a little minion like you in there

to help, you know, spread negativity and bad things. Good Lord. It's just, to me, it's a sad state of affairs when, when, it's like in high school, when I'm sure you've all been through this in high school where there was a kid and no one knew much about the kid but some bad kids decided to start spreading rumors

and building it up and building this kid did this, this kid like tried to burn his parents' house down, this kid steals, this kid's gay, this kid's this, this kid's that, and then finally one day you happen to be on a bus or you're in the same classroom with the kid and the teacher says, okay, Jim, I want you to do this assignment with Paul. like, oh, my God, not Paul, not the guy who tried to burn his parents alive.

And then you're stuck with Paul and you meet the guy and you find out what he's really about because you're talking to him. You're spending time with him. And you realize it's all been a load of crap. And, you know, most of the merit of people is built around, you know, the good, positive things they've done in their life. and there's a select few who you can really define by their negative traits, like murderers and rapists and people like that. But presidential candidates essentially are people that have kind of, you know, for all intents of purposes, have had a higher calling.

And they've decided they wanted to dedicate their life towards, you know, doing good things. And, yeah, everyone has different policies. You're not going to agree with everyone. but do you really want to run around and smear either side? Can't you just like listen to them in an educated way? Listen to Obama, listen to Romney and go, you know what? I liked what Obama said. I don't like what Romney said.

I'm going to vote for Obama. Huh. Or you know what? I really like that Mitt Romley's like this billionaire. He could keep making money. But he's giving it all up to make, you know, 200. $150,000 a year to be the president. Doesn't that tell me something about his character?

You know what? I like Obama more than... I like Romney more than I like Obama. I'm going to vote for Romney. Can't we just be those people? So there you go. I've marked you people. I've marked the people that put up these little posts on Facebook.

I just think you're being disruptive and in a way you're being like an intellectual poser. Look at me. Look at me. Oh, look. Look what I know. I just don't even bother looking at that stuff.

I glaze right by it. So there you go. Let's just see what happens. May the best person win. And I hope, and I think, I think I know the answer to this, but I would hope everyone listening just, looks at the facts, looks at the person, listens, reads, understands, and makes an informed decision on their own

without all this peripheral bull crap flying around about both candidates. That would be real nice if people just, you know, watched speeches and did their own research and watched debates and had their own understanding of these candidates. So there you go. And as I said, May the best person win. And that's not propaganda. That's just a general cross-the-board statement.

So put that on your Facebook and smoke at. All right, and look at that. I've been rambling. I usually don't talk about politics too much, but this wasn't so much about politics as is as was it about the the tone of politics, the underlying tone of politics, which I don't know if it irks you the way it irks me,

but I just wish it was a lot cleaner. And speaking of cleaner, we got to get the cleaning lady in here because we're about to close down the studio. We're at the end of another podcast. Unbelievable. Time just flies. But before I go, a few announcements, a few sweet and sour announcements for you folks.

Don't forget, I am going to be this Wednesday, if you're interested, I will be in Hollywood, California, at the Groundlings Theater. That is going to be August 29th this Wednesday, the Groundlings Theater, famous theater on Melrose Boulevard, where many of the Saturday Night Live alum got their start. Great little theater. We're going to be doing improv there. Me and a bunch of the other Groundling actors are going to be doing a full, like, hour and a half, two hour long improv show for you, folks. It's not a huge theater, so get online, go to the Groundling's website, get your tickets. It's at 8 o'clock.

And then the following week, yes indeed, back to Houston. The Houston Improv for me is September 6th through September 9th. I will be at the Houston Improv, so get your tickets for there. And then the following week, Rally North Carolina, a place called Charlie Goodnight. It's supposed to be an incredible club. I've never been there. Get your tickets for Rally North Carolina, Charlie Goodnight, September 13th through the 16th. And then later in September, I will be in Calgary, Alberta.

Thursday, September 27th through to the 29th. and that'll be at the Blackfoot Inn. Great comedy club up there. So let's rock it out. Don't forget, check me out at Harlem Williams on Twitter. The Harlem Williams official Facebook page. Visit our store at harlunwilms.com. And tell your friends and family and your presidential candidates about the

Harland Highway. We want everyone to get on board. And that's it, man. uh that is it we will be back again very soon and until that time chicken chalmayne baby okay i've just found another street name for you hyl and it looks like it's a yellow rectangle and it's yield street y e i l d yield street hello hello i'm a yield and stop hello this is sandy chopper I can now!