The Harland Highway - 430: Comedian Cort McCowan is today's special guest.

Episode Date: September 13, 2012

Court and I discuss love, war, music and babies. Wally wally oxenfree!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine me and you. I do. It's true. On the Harland Highway, me and you. Yeah, me and you here on the Harland Highway today. Well, it's not just me and you today. Today's show, we have a third. Oh, my God, it's a trifecta. I have a very special guest today. All show, all podcast long. We're going to be talking to comedian, actor. funny man, uh, court McCowan. Court has been on the podcast before. And, uh, he's a buddy of mine who, uh, I work with, do stand-up comedy with. And, uh, insightful guy, who knows what's going to come out of his mouth. We're going to talk about girls. We're going to talk about wars. We're going to talk about living, laughing, learning, and lemonade. Okay, not lemonade. Right here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway All right, let's get this sucker going, huh?

You're causing a major disturbance on my time. It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Brock? If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. This is your fucking wake-up call. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for corn flakes. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway.

What a treat. What a tasty, chocolate treat it is to have you here. And especially today, it's just a giant, it's like a double treat today because we have a returning guest to the Harland Highway. We've had him on before. He's a comedian. He's a writer. He's an actor. He's very, very handsome.

And you ladies especially are just going to go nuts, even though you can't see him. Just his voice is going to drive you nuts. Let me introduce my buddy, my comedian friend, Cort McCowan. Is that you? Hi, Harland. God. Hi, Harland. Did I say handsome or creepy?

What was that for? Isn't that the same thing, though? Yeah, I guess you're right. It really is. That's a good way to open the show. Is handsome and creepy the same thing? Yeah, because everyone thinks you've got an ulterior motive. Everyone thinks any guy that's like a good-looking guy is basically out just to get in your pants and could care less about what's on the inside.

And is that true? Oh, 100% true. But it's just I hate the assumption, you know? Now, I got to, you have, court actually is a very good looking guy. he brought it up and i'm kind of a mediocre looking guy is there a difference you're a handsome man i'm not i'm not classic good like you got chiseled features you got the hair you got he's a good looking guy look him up online we're going to give out his his info later but is is it just is it easier to get girls do you think like you you you probably have an easy time

meeting girls and i mean i i have i have a i mean sometimes yes sometimes it's it's always the the initial i think sometimes is a little bit probably a little bit easier but i also think that in the back of girls minds like i don't you know i'm older now so i don't go after 22 year olds and 25 year olds what was did some just land in your eye was that a piece of dust yeah it's very dusty it's like one in the highway garage here physically like shot i think it's called a wing where i come from i don't go for the 22 25 year olds but i think it's You know, when they're younger, it's a little bit easier because they're not really looking for the long term. Just for fun.

They're looking to have a good time, maybe have a boyfriend for a few months and see where it goes. I think as you get older, you know, I mean, I'm definitely looking for, you know, the long term. You know, you and I've been friends a long time. I think we both, we're both kind of over the one-nighters. Did you just? No, there was just in a weird silence right there. That was awkward. Yeah, that was weird.

That was awkward, awkward. Now, do you find as you get older, though, because a lot of times the girls like a guy that's, you know, getting a little older, like, you know, 30s, 40s? Yeah. I mean, I, you know, I mean, I guess. Do you find there's, like, more girls attracted to you now than before? Like, as you're getting a little older or no?

I don't know, man. I have no game and no radar about that stuff. It's just kind of been a constant playing field. for you. No. You make me sound like Richard Gear from American jiggle. No, no, I don't mean like that, but I just mean you haven't noticed a spike.

Because some man, I know guys that go, dude, since I've gotten older, since I got a little silver in my hair, it's like, the girls are like hitting on me like crazy now that I'm older. I think the minute you get a girlfriend or get married, then they hit on you like crazy. Yeah, what's that all about?

I think it's the, you're a basically I don't know. I think it's like the creepiness goes away because now you're no longer looking at them lustfully. So they're not intimidated. They're not like freaked out by you. They think you're a wholesome guy because you're married. Yeah.

And then they're ready to go. Huh. Interesting. Well, let me ask you this. What's your personal meter for dating? Like what out of 10 is your cut off? Like on a scale of 1 to 10, will you date someone below a 5? or like, where's your meter?

I don't really have a meter. I mean, I think it's like, I think everybody has, um, I think there's something you're attracted to about a girl. Yeah. I mean, I think it's just a physical type that you're kind of attracted to. I don't think it's, it's one certain thing, but I think, you know, I think everybody, it's, we're animals. Yeah.

You know, I think we're animals. Yeah, we're animals. And I think there's things you're attract, you know, there's something you're attracted to. Yeah. And I don't know exactly what it. it is with me, but I know, I know when I meet someone if I'm attracted to them or not. So let's say you're an eye guy. You like blue eyes, almond shaped, but they're on a, like a chubby girl. Are you still attracted because of the eyes, or are you going to take a

pass because of the chub chub? Yeah, well, I'm not an eye guy. Yeah. I'm more an anti-chub chub chub. So there is a meter. There is a meter. Yeah. But I think it's because I'm like, I'm so skinny. Yeah. You know? I mean, it's like I'm not like in shape skinny. I'm just skinny. Yeah.

You know, my whole family, everybody, we're all, you know, bordering on anorexic looking people. Not really. Was that a cry for help right there? A little bit. Should I send like a food package or? No, I think you should just put me up at the Harlan Highway garage for six to eight months and see how it works out. I like to refer to it as a studio, not a garage. There's my, my superiors.

upstairs would probably get really mad at me if I knew my guests were calling their beautiful studio a garage. I don't mean it like that. I just mean, well, it's a highway, so I just kind of think of a car pulling into the, but besides that, I think it'd be great. Great to be here. I mean, you know, I come in and you're just, you're just eating Hogandas right out of the carton, right out of the carton. Offer me any?

No. I did. I said I'd offer you some, but I'm eating it right out of the carton, so I don't want to give you fungus. Yes. Well, that's like saying, here, would you like a bite of this apple after I've licked it? You know, it's like you're licking the apple and you go, you're sure you don't want some of the apple? Yeah, but creepy enough, I actually did offer you. Yeah, that's true. But that's just me being polite.

So what's a huge red flag for guys in the dating world? Like a guy like you, you're out dating, you're going out on a first, second date with a beautiful girl. There's obviously been an attraction because you asked her out. What's like a red flag where on the first or second? And date, you're like, er. Okay, whoa, whoa, I got to rethink this.

They talk a lot about their ex-boyfriends. Oh, isn't that the worst, dude? That's the worst. That is the worst. It's like, I don't want to hear about some douche you used to date. Yeah, they tell you like all these, oh, me and so-and-so were here,

me and so-and-so were there. Isn't that the worst? It's the worst. I mean, I'm sure you've run into it. Oh, I have. It's just like you get into that. They're in a conversation, and somehow the conversation keeps leading.

back to her, you know, her abuse from her ex-boyfriend or whatever the situation and you're just like. Whoa, did we date the same girl? Yeah. It's a sounding very familiar, man. She kept saying my ex-boyfriend H and I kept going, what? Oh, no, no, it wasn't me. God. No, but it's, isn't it weird to like be around like some girl and like you're hearing about the ex-boyfriend? And then you're just kind of going, look, this girl needs six months, eight months a year. out of that because you know she's going back to this guy. Yeah, yeah. She's not over the guy. She's not over

the guy. And what she also doesn't realize, and I find that it diminishes the relationship you're trying to have because you know, when you start with someone new on some level you like to feel like it's a fresh new thing. You know, and when they start recounting all their memories with

their boyfriend, you start to, it starts to feel stale. It starts to feel like an old used car. You're, you You don't want to know about all the great things she did with other men. Even though you know you're not the only guy she's ever had, you kind of want to feel special in that way. Like, I'm the only guy she's been to the beach with. I'm the only guy she went skiing with.

But suddenly there's a list of other guys, and it's not so special all of a sudden. I know. It's so fun. And the worst one of all, dude, tell me if this has ever happened to you. When they go, yeah, my old boyfriend, Brian, I mean, God, he was the love of my life Like where do you go

Once they tell you that this other guy Was the love of their life Which is a huge statement At what point do you have a chance Of becoming the love of their life When you roofy them at your house Wow Good answer

Scary scary answer But yeah it's like It's such a letdown when they say I have a real issue with the ex-boyfriend stuff Yeah I don't know. It's just, maybe that's just me. But I, anytime a girl is like talking about her ex-boyfriend or if you're with them and you can, you know, you can kind of like, I don't know, I think you can pick up on it fairly early.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they kind of, you know, they're not really, they're not really opening up very much because you know they're just, you know, they're just, you know, healing from the last thing. And it's just like, that's just better to get away. Yeah. You're just wasting your time. Yeah.

And the other bad thing is when, when you're in. into the relationship and they're still corresponding with the ex-boyfriend. Oh, I'm out. And you know that every now and then you overhear them on a phone call or they say, oh, I was climbing Mount Everest and you'll never guess who I bumped into up at the top. Like the most obscure places, they just happen to be there.

And you're like, really? You just randomly ran into your old boyfriend at this, you know, obscure. spot nice try yeah wow wow listen to us just are we bitter no we're not bitter well i think it's good i think i think it's good for men to share their their pep thieves about this stuff it's it's it's good info and maybe if there's girls listening maybe they they can either go two ways and you go oh these guys are just insecure or they can go gee maybe they're right maybe i maybe i shouldn't be offering all this information because i'll tell you what it works the other way

Have you ever been with a girl and you start blabbing about an ex-girlfriend? And the girl goes, I really don't want to hear about you and Sandy. Yeah, I've been pretty good about not, Mitch. I kind of like leave that out. Yeah. I don't like to talk about, I don't like to. I mean, I guess we're men too. So if we're sitting at talking about past relationships,

we're probably little whiny bitches anyway and not worthy of it. No, well, I got to tell you a funny story. And it's not a name-droppy thing, but it just made. It makes me laugh even today when I recount it. And I'm just thinking of it because of what we're talking about. Back in the day, my ex-girlfriend was best friends with Jennifer Aniston, and she lived with her. So I used to go up.

I was at Jennifer's house all the time. And I was there during the years when she started dating this guy named Tate Donovan, who was an actor. And so we hung out all the time. we go to dinner and we did social things and we hung out at the house and Tate used to go out with Sandra Bullock back in the day before she was married and when she was still younger and he would bring her up just about everywhere we went but he called her Sandy and we'd be at dinner and he'd go oh yeah I remember when me and Sandy used to and I was the guy that

would look over at Jennifer and just be like did he just say that and she'd just be kind of staring and I noticed it more and more and more, the more we hung out. And I couldn't believe Jennifer didn't just punch him in the face. It was so weird. She was, that was, I remember that time. I remember when she was dating him. Yeah.

And that was like just when friends had been on for a few seasons. Yeah, her confidence. Yeah, her confidence level probably wasn't quite there yet. She hadn't dropped all the extra little, you know, the extra weight. I don't know, dude. She looked damn hot to me. No, no. She looked hot as me.

hell but i mean the brad pitt ears was when she i mean in the end now i mean now she's absolutely i think one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen i saw right yeah i was at i go to that every year i go to that before the oscars party that party saturday night the beverly hills hotel which is a great party it's like they always say the golden globes is the best party but this party's it's for the uh actors fund so it's for people you know when you retire or people help that are in screen actors guild they donate all this money okay it's like every everybody you can possibly imagine at the beverly hills hotel yeah and there's no words there's no there's no press there's no interviews it's just open bar and massive party and gifts so even more reason to go right

yeah right and it's like every year like i think one year i walked in it was like stephen spilberg and tom hanks those were gifts no we're talking we're like we're like talking to Martin Scorsese and a court, you know, that kind of, hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping on your Your entire order, doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy,

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. That kind of stuff. So it was good. But Jennifer Aniston I saw last year.

And I was just like, holy crap. She's beautiful. She's beautiful. Beautiful woman. But going back to the times when she was dating Tate Donovan, we roll back to back in the day. She wasn't quite, I don't want to say, she wasn't as hot as she is now. Yeah, well, I mean, to me she was, but I think she was also finding herself, finding her confidence, finding her stardom, which is something that takes a lot of adjusting to. absolutely and uh but but as as i say it's funny that tate would always drop sandy's name

it's it's it's just that he called her sandy which on top of everything else is kind of like a a pet nickname like instead of saying sandra he's still calling her sandy why is he bringing her name up in front of jennifer anneson i know it was sander bollick i'm not finding the comparison to be very uh i'm i'm i'm i'm a i'm leaning towards Jennifer Aniston on that way. Although Sondra Bullock, very beautiful girl. Beautiful, but just the fact that he would bring it up in front

of her just... Now, let's ask this question. Yeah. Who is Tate dating now? I don't know. Exactly. I don't know what he's doing. I don't I'm sure he's a very successful and wonderful guy. Yeah, oh yeah. He was a nice guy. We don't talk bad about people in Hart. No, we don't. No need for that.

But we will say that at this point in time, Jennifer Anderson, Huge star. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sondra Bullock, huge star. Sandy. Sandy.

Yeah. Tate Donovan, don't really see much Tate these days in. He's kind of one of these working character actor guys. Yeah, Irish guy. Nice guy. Well, let's move on to something else. You know, right now, somewhere in the world, someone is being crushed or falling to their death. How does that make you feel?

And it could be in India. It could be a kid falling off an elephant. It could be a construction worker in New Jersey being, how does that make you feel? I don't know if I'm laughing about it as hard as you are. I'm just the look on your face. You're like, what is this question? I mean, where is this?

I mean, I see you have some things typed out there. Oh, yeah, I got a whole list. You could X that off there. No, I mean, what do you think? Isn't it weird to think that we're just sitting here talking? Well, that's also. And right now, someone's being. Crush to death by some rocks falling on them.

And someone's having beautiful, a lovemaking session with a 21-year-old supermodel, too. Right now, I know. Isn't it weird? It's going on. One guy's dying and one guy's creating. Isn't that wild? All at the same time. I always find that fascinating that, like, right now, just, I mean, it's already gone.

Probably on the planet, probably about 4 million orgasms just happened. And now probably another 4 million just now. Now. Another four. No, only three. Only three. Only three. Yeah.

They're tired. You know, that's a good thing is I don't think about that. I know, but that's why I had to ask you. And I'm going to just put it right back out of my mind. He doesn't want to picture all the orgasms. No, no. I don't want to picture all the deaths. The orgasms I'm okay with.

I mean, who doesn't watch porn? What if a guy's getting crushed as he's having an orgasm? Does that make you feel okay? That's a better way to go. Like maybe he's having. sex with a large person. No, no, let's don't go there. Why you got to go there?

Why couldn't he be having sex with a 21-year-old supermodel? And the ceiling fan comes down and just lops his head off. See? There you. Now, that's romantic. You know, as he hurls his head back in ecstasy, the ceiling fan comes down out of the ceiling and just lops his head off. That's why I shop at Lowe's.

Yeah. Now, you mentioned creating life, and let me ask you this, Does it bother you personally that babies are born bald? I mean, would you rather that they were born hairy? Well, I don't know if you've watched the news lately, but that animal Snooki had a baby. And that thing's already got hair on its back. What?

She had a kid? Snooki. Harry. No way. Is it really? It's hairy. Like an Armenian soccer player or something? Yeah.

It's like Harry. Really? Really? Yeah. I don't know where I saw. Someone's sent me something that's like her wheeling this hair ball out of the hospital. Oh, really? Like, oh. Like back hair? Imagine a baby with back hair? I bet it's got back hair and like you already got to cut its toenails. It's, it's. What's its name? Like snacky or something? Like wookie? What's its? I don't know. Snooky and wookie. It's some Italian. It's probably like salami or. If it's hairy, wookie would make sense. Wookiee would be good.

Snooky and Wookiey. That would be sweet. That would be nice. Little, little, maybe EWalk. Snooky and EWalky. Yeah. Jersey Shore, EWalk. Oh, God.

EWox. Isn't that the song? I think it is, Harlem. From the cartoon? Sure. Did you ever watch it? No. Remember that song?

EWox. No, no. I'm not a big pot smoker. All right, let's switch over because, as I said, Cort is a great stand-up comedian. You've been doing stand-up for how many years now? 11 years. 11 years.

He's worked in Vegas. He's worked all over the country. I mean... And still not famous. Well, you know, it's a tough racket, and you've got to work at it, and you just keep persevering. Yes, of course. But my question to you is, because you've been in it,

you've been around it, you've even booked a few rooms. Where is the world of comedy headed? And what's different from, let's say, even five years ago, would you say? Well, I think now, I mean, there has been a big switch in it. And I think it's gotten a little more corporate. Yeah. You know, I think that you've got these places like Comedy Central, you know, that now have, you know, a few people that make decisions about who's hot. Right, right.

and, um, and they really push those people, which that's their prerogative to do. Yeah. I mean, if they find someone that they really like, you know, they really push them, you know, push them to the forefront and really, you know, do a lot with them. And I find that, you know, my favorites, you know, I, I have my favorites. Yeah. You know, I have my favorites. Yeah.

And I think, we all have our favorites. Yeah. But I, I really go back to the thing that like comedy is, stand-up comedy is very much like music. You know, there's, you know, there's. You know, like in music, there's rap, there's country, there's not, no one is better or, or, you know, no one is better than the other. Country isn't better than rap. Pop isn't better than country or whatever. But I don't necessarily, there's certain kinds of music that I'm not a fan of.

Right. But that doesn't make them not good. Right. It's flavors, right. And I feel the same way about comedy. I feel like there's people out there that are successful in comedy that I don't really necessarily have a taste for. but people do but people do so i've got to take you know that was the one thing about when i did the show in Vegas you know i booked that show in Vegas for like nine years and it's like and i had

to take my you know i had to i had to stop just booking people that i liked sure it's a business yeah yeah i had to book the people that people like yeah and so and and i and i started finding that like you know what at the end of the day most comedians are pretty good people yeah good they really are most comedians are pretty darn good people you know at the end of the day so well that's good yay yay but what about the digital era do you think did you think that the digital era the internet uh guys doing their own specials now and stuff is that changing do you think i know we kind of talked about that the other day a little bit i think a lot more i think you're gonna see like i mean it used to be comedy central used to do you know live at gotham and then you got a half hour

Comedy Central show Premium Blend or whatever it was and then you did then you did an hour special and I think everyone was kind of at the mercy of them or if you got like an HBO hour. But now people are making their own specials and they're selling them to

showtime or or selling them to you know different different areas. Netflix and stuff. Yeah Netflix different outlooks. Look what Louis C.K. and Bill Burr have done with their one hours. What'd they do? They just so people who don't know can... Well, Louis MCK took his own money, made his own one-hour special, produced it, wrote it, directed it, edited it, did everything, all in his own, and then instead of giving it to somebody else, he put it on his website as a $9.99 download.

So you went on his website for, I think, no, $5.99 or something like, something really. And didn't he make like $2 million? Or $0.99. I can't remember. It was like ridiculously low price. And what he did was, and he made all his money back. You know, the cool thing about him is he took a huge chunk of the profits and he paid a bunch of people that, like, gave them money that had helped him. Oh, is that right? Yeah.

So he didn't take it all and put it in his pocket. Yeah. He spread it around. He spread the money out to everybody. Oh, that's really cool. And he did really well, didn't it? I think I heard it made like a million dollars in the first, like, week or something. Yeah, yeah.

And I think, you know, and I saw, I think you see people doing that more often. I think Bill Burr, is it Bill Burr, I think somebody else did the same thing. Yeah. It's a great way to do it. Yeah, I like that. It lets the artist, what people don't know about stand-up comedy, a lot of these specials that we do are at the mercy of the producers, at the mercy of the editors. and I've done specials where they've actually clipped off the punchline. Wow, have you really?

Oh, yeah, I've gotten final product where I'm going, where's the setup? Where's the punchline? Like they've cut out crucial pieces to the bit, and they don't really understand the bit. And they also own your material at that point, too, right? Yeah, yeah. They also own it. Yeah, they own it in that, in that format. They own it within that DVD.

and they can promote it and use it, but they don't outright own it in perpetuity. You know what I mean? Well, but you can't take that DVD and go to your shows and sell that show at your... You can't sell that DVD at your shows without giving them a percentage of that. It depends on the deal you structure with them.

How it usually works is you have to buy the DVD from them. So they sell it to you at cost plus a little bump. Exactly. So they make some money. Yeah, so they're getting a percentage of it. Right. Yeah. But the new way of you were discussing is like it sounds like, you know, artists are going to be able to get their stuff more directly, more purely to consumers and fans and comedy junkies and not have to deal with all the other stuff in the equation, which is nice. That's what Pearl Jam is done with their concerts.

Is that right? Yeah. Pearl Jam went in and said, you know, we're tired of everybody getting, you know, we sell a ticket for 70, you know, they're selling tickets for $75 and we're getting. you know, $18 of that. Yeah. And it's like, and it's ridiculous because we're, they're like, we're okay getting the $18. We're just not fine with them getting $57 of those dollars. I know. It's like, because that's like ridiculous.

So they went and, you know, they do their own, they kind of do their own things. And Louis C.K. just did that with his tour. You know, he just sold his tour strictly online. Really? Yeah. So instead of going through a broker, you know, he did it through his own, you know, instead of everyone else making money. you know, cut the ticket price way down. So now instead of spending $75 for a Louis C.K. show, you know, you're spending, you know, 45 or whatever.

That's great. I like this new direction, and I hope it spreads. And really, at the end of the day, more than even the money and the profits, it's about artists being able to get their purest vision out. Oh, I mean, look, I mean, we keep going back to Louis C.K., but look at his show, you know, Louie. I mean, here's a guy who did a show for HBO called Lucky Louie, which was not my favorite show I've ever seen. Yeah, it didn't do well. It only lasted a season. It was like a weird kind of sitcom-y kind of type show, and I'm sure that wasn't his vision of a show.

No, but they stuffed his vision into a familiar format that didn't work. And so he took, so they, so FX comes to him and says, you know, we'd like to do a show. And he says, all right, what's the least amount of money? you can give me so that I can you can't touch my show great so he writes the show directs it edit it's just like you do here on your pro tools and everything yeah edits it at home and then hands them a finished product that they can't touch that's great and look at this it's like one like a bunch of awards people love the show it's dark it's dark but that's that's that's louis they're getting what they paid for exactly and uh you know that's that's art and i love that it's like you know

famous artists like Daegah and Dali and all these people, nobody stood there and made the brush strokes for them. These guys made the brush strokes themselves and created masterpieces. And you should be out of you should fill the pool with fudge and you should just come out and just dance around your pool and wrap stuff around and just shoot your own show as you swim through fudge in the Hollywood Hills. The chocolate fudge water show. I love it.

I love it, dude. I'm going to do that. dip little honeies in fudge and just have them lay around and they're just like hard candy all around your pool. Why am I feeling like Louis C.K. made millions off of what he did. And if I did that, I'd make about $7. I'd probably be in the hole for all the melted chocolate. Every comic would be lined up down the street to be a part of your show. They would. Who doesn't like chocolate-soaked hotties, right? Yeah. Here's a quickie. This is just a yes or no answer. Do nuns when behind

closed doors, sometimes pretend they're penguins. 100%. Correct. Let's move on. I've seen it happen. Yeah. Good.

Okay. It's a little wattle. What is the beauty of golf? This guy right here is an avid golfer, and it's a game that I tried. I was frustrated at. Maybe I missed something. Tell the listeners, what's the beauty of golf? So much.

So much. One is the serenity of it. it. Yeah, the openness. Yeah, I mean, you know, we, most people live, you know, I live in a city that's, you know, it's fast-paced. It's 11 million people. 11 million people. And it's

nice to, you know, at 7.30 in the morning to go stand in a park, you know, more or less, you know, and it's peaceful. Yeah. And be with your buddies and, you know, fire up a cigar and play 18 holes of golf and

have a laugh for the camaraderie. And just the zen of it. And it's probably the hardest sport I've ever played in my life. Really? And it's just the greatest. When you have a great day, it's, you know, it's the best. It's the best. Well, it's an amazing point because when you think of it,

some of the most beautifully landscaped and natural environments across the country are golf courses. I mean, you know, you drop like, you know, thousands. of acres of pristine land into the middle of a bustling city and it's like suddenly you can just walk into it and no one else is really allowed on it you you're alone on that hole until you finish putting so i get what you're saying in a in a crowded environment it really is like this little pocket of fresh air and that that is nice it's like it's like a surfer out in the ocean with with really just a few just a few buddies yeah You know, it's like it's just you and the surf.

It's just you and the golf course, and it's just the serenity. And it's just zen-like. It's so funny, too, because I've heard many people say golf is like the hardest sport. And when at the end of the day you think about hitting a small little ball into a little hole, which takes a lot of skill and finesse, it's funny to hear people say that golf is the hardest sport. I mean, there's no real physical contact. It's kind of a slow-moving sport, but I get it. It's technically, it takes such a skill set to be able to narrow in on that hole.

And it is actually to be really good at it now is become much more of a physical sport. Oh, really? What do you mean? Well, it's just that, you know, they've lengthened these golf courses. They're longer, you know, the way equipment's changed. And it's like, you know, you look at the guys that are the best. of the best the PGA tour guys they're all athletes there's no you know there's no kind of you know overweight lazy yeah you know yeah John Daley I mean you know John Daley's even in way better

shape than he ever was is that right oh yeah oh you look at these guys they're all they're all gym rats and they're all you know they all work out every day didn't tiger kind of set the bar for that wasn't he the guy that kind of started the weight lifting and training he was he He kind of was the guy that was in the most pristine shape. But I have friends that have been on tour longer than he has. And they were already guys that were working out. Yeah. So he wasn't, he was the one that it got the most attention for.

Yeah, right. But there were a lot of guys already kind of doing weight training and doing stuff before him. But he got the most attention because he was, you know, arguably the best golfer in the world for many, many years. Because you always, I mean, I always picture just. golfers and bowlers and dart throwers. I thought, well, what an easy life. They probably, you know, they probably are on their couch-eating Pringles right up to game time, but not the case.

I mean, obviously, they're training, they're focused. I mean, look at me. I've got to get in my racquetball games, you know. Yes, oh, my God. Me and court play some very competitive racquetball. He's the champ. I can't sit here, say he is, and he kills me out of, we've probably played 40 games. I think I've won three.

You've won more than that, but it is. Not much more. Between three and six, I'd say six is maybe the top. But I used to play a lot when I was in college and you didn't. Right. And you picked it up over the last year. Yeah. And you're a good racquetball player and you give me a good game and I never let up for a second. No, I love it. I will never, I will never like just let a ball go by. No, even if we play like four games back to back, he will not let up even like if he knows like I've already won three I'll slow down not at all he just keeps going and going and I love that because I hate free points I'm one of those guys even if if like there's an argument oh did the ball hit the floor or whatever I don't like getting free points because then I don't feel like I won't and I won't give him to you and you won't give them to me it's great it's great

but then you set me up for the big fall yesterday when when there's the guy out there. It's the professional racquetball player. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's a buddy where we play who's, he's a pro. He's in the pros, and as good as you or I combined could ever be, this guy's like a

notch above, and courts stepped into play with them. And this guy literally hits the ball so hard when it bounces off the wall, it's misshaped, it's changed from a circle to an oval. You pick the ball up, it's warm in your hand,

because he's put so much stress on the ball. Do you think that's why? Wait a minute. He does have those baggy shorts. He does have those baggy shorts. Wait a minute. What? And every now and then, there's just a ball in the corner and it's warm.

I don't know what that is, Harlan. It's creepy. I think I'm going to switch to golf, thanks. There you go. It's a battle out there. And speaking about, this is like a weird hypothetical question, but I thought it might lead to an interesting answer. If you could have fought in any war, a modern war or an old war, which war would it have been?

It's a very, very kind of esoteric question, but it's interesting to see. I think it would have been Grenada. The invasion of Grenada. The tropical island. Very quick. Very quick. It's not a shot fired, you know. Palm trees.

Palm trees. I think they just landed and everybody goes, okay, it's over. I think Grenada. That is the best answer ever. Wow. See, I didn't expect that. I did not see that answer coming. I actually forgot about that war, but you're right.

A lot of people have, and that's why I'd like to be in that one. I think Grenada. And what would you have been in that war? Like, what would your position have been? I would have been a radio guy. Oh, right. No, no, like, the armed services radio guy. Like, it would have been going,

and tonight we have, you know, just to keep the guy's morale. Like the good morning Vietnam guy. Yeah, the good morning Vietnam guy, but it only would have been a one-day gig. It was only a day, right? It was only a day. So I would have, like, gone on the air, played a few records, and it would have been over.

And then I would have gone home and retired a war veteran. That's true, man. You would have been like a decorated war veteran from one day of war. Yeah, that's the only way. That is a good war. That is a good. If you're going to do it, because I am very anti-war. You know what's cool?

It's even after the war, you could say, you know what? This place is beautiful. I think I'm going to stay for two weeks in vacation. Not many wars you do that. Like, guys don't do their time in Iraq or Afghanistan say, you know what, screw it. I'm not going to go back to the U.S. just yet. I think I'll stay and go camping in those mountains and look for goats. Yeah.

But Grenada? Come on. Hanging out for a while. Bring me a penis. a collada. By the pool at the W. Oh, God, right? Yeah.

If you stay three nights, you get an extra night free. I wonder if that war was on Groupon. Like you could go on Groupon and type in war. I know Expedia. Did they cover it? Yeah, Expedia covered it. Oh, God. Orbitz didn't have the same deal as Expedia did, but it was a good one to go on.

Oh, that was a good war. That was a good war package deal. Now, what about did you have, what one did you have in mind? You know, it's interesting. You know, I never thought of thinking of like the least amount of war. And I guess, God, they're all horrific. And for some reason, my mind gravitates towards Vietnam. And I know that war was horrible.

But I think there's something about the hardship of it, the jungle, the nature, just the complete horror of that war. I don't know why I would be gravitating towards that war. but I guess something about lurking around in a jungle and hiding under leaves and having to be stealthy. And maybe because it was such a horrible war, you know, maybe psychological I'm going, well, what's the war that I would have to push myself the most,

you know, and try and overcome? But, again, just horrible. Yeah, because, I mean, you look at it like Civil War, not good medical, you know. No. If you got shot, they just cut it off. They just cut it off. They just cut it off. They just cut it off.

I mean, World War I just kind of went in and got shot at, you know, World War II. Not bad if you were like in, you know, London or Paris or, you know, someplace. Yeah, you don't want to be at Normandy. No, you can go to a museum on your day off, you know. Yeah, right. Yeah. But I think, you know, in Korea, not really, you know, Korea is not my favorite place. Been there, not a great place.

Is that right? Yeah. Vietnam, okay. I mean, it'd be hellish, but I don't know. you know i i don't even it's a we that's why i asked the question it's such a weird one but your answer could not that it couldn't have been better we have to give you an award for that speaking of violence if you could punch any rock star in the face first we'll go with males who would you punch in the face any rock star through the ages who's a rock star you just

probably jim morrison like like snap out of it oh really great answer you know like Another great answer. Wow. Yeah, like snap out of it, dude. So not an anger punch, but it's like, dude, stop the boozeing. Stop the heroin. Boom. You got a lot.

You got a, you know, it's kind of like, I mean, I read his biography, you know, and I actually met the guy that wrote his biography. The Lizard King one? Daniel Sugarman, who wrote, Danny Sugarman, who wrote, No One Here Gets Out a lot. Yeah, that's the one. I read that too. What a book. What a great book. And really a lot of people.

that were really close to him. I mean, it wasn't, I don't think it was a fictional or that exaggerated of a biography. Yeah. And I think you had a guy that I think in the end was a lot of self-pity

and a lot of, you know, woe is me, and I'm so famous and, you know. Right, right. You know, and I think, you know, and I think it's just like, you know, snap the fuck out of it, dude. Yeah.

You got, you're a very gifted person. Yeah, he was. You have a lot to, you have a lot, to go forward you don't have to be the lead singer of the doors the rest of your life you know you can do other projects and other things and do your poetry and do which you're whatever you want to do yeah but at the same time it's like you know snap out of it same thing with janice joplin it's like you know it's like really yeah yeah really it's that bad so would she be your female choice to punch i think so yeah i think so i think because i i i look back at

What about Wilson Phillips? You've got to want to punch all three of them. In a very different way. Okay, sorry, I interrupted you. You look back and... But I look back at what, like, is today, you know, it's like, I mean, you know, we still have, we had a lot of Beatles music. You know, you look at music, our history of music, because when I love music, and there's so little music that I knew music that I really care for today. Yeah, it's very boardroomish. corporate music. Yeah, every now, I mean, like there's bands like the Black Keys or, you know,

certain bands that I really, really dig, you know. But nobody like Jim Morrison has come along since Jim Morrison. No. I mean, people have vaguely, you know, touched the outskirts of what he did, but, you know, to have the essence of a poet and a tortured soul and a guy who could write lyrics and then put them to kind of quirky music, but it still was commercial, yet it was indie. I mean, what a, it's like you said,

the guy still had so much to offer, but nobody since him has even come close to that recipe. No, and I think, you know, I mean, I think the closest you've probably come to that and not comparing the two because they're very different. Yeah. Is Axel Rose, who definitely needs a huge punch. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I mean, just a punch. Yeah. Not snap out of it. Just punch him because he needs to be punched. He can be a little bitchy and whiny. Yeah, and it's like because here again, you've got a band that was, oh my God. Did you ever see Guns and Roses?

I didn't see them live, but it's almost like I didn't need to because their presence, they exuded such a strong presence and energy that just encapsulated that the heartbeat of rock and roll that I get exactly what you're saying. Like no band since them has really, you know, opened up the vein and let the blood of rock and roll. and roll just flow oh yeah yeah i mean i saw i saw i saw guns and roses a few times and one of the last times i saw them was when they opened for the stones wow at the coliseum and what year was that

oh like roughly was it that 90s the 80s 89 90 wow so that's when they were in their prime yeah 89 90 oh god that must have been amazing yeah it was really really really good wow and and um and that was shortly before they split up you know because you got to realize they've been split up for a long time now it's sad you know and slash an amazing musician and you know and you know through the years they had you know i mean duffy played you know he ended up playing drums you know you had you know all these guys duff and and and all these great members of a great band and and now like i mean you know it's just like axel rose it's like he was so good when he was pure but yeah but he's but he still didn't embody what a janice joplin or a jim morrison you know embodied and and and you look

at like the history of music when you're looking at stuff like like led zeppelin what a band you know what a band another band that nobody's come close to imitate not even close you know amazing and then and now you've got you know and then you had like the beetles or you have you know but now even still like paul mccartney kind of carries that tradition a bit still to this day i mean you can still hear you know that great thing i mean imagine if you could go and hear even though he would be much older, it's still the guy. Imagine if you could go here, L.A. woman. Oh, God.

You know, Morrison, you know, imagine what he would have created over the last, you know, 40 years. It drives me nuts, yeah. You know, he was so good. Imagine, and that's why I always say, like, yeah, that guy needed to be punched. Yeah, great answer, man. I was actually expecting more of a comical answer, and I'm just so happy you gave a more insightful answer. I wasn't expecting it, but it just led

to a great conversation. And I totally agree. I mean, I'm a huge Morrison fan. I'm diehard, yeah. And you're right. It's just, I wish we, you know, let me go back to the comedy thing we talked about where guys like Louis C.K. And Bill Burr and hopefully me and you and every other

comedian are getting kind of a chance to knock down the corporate walls a little bit and follow our own artistic path and hopefully in the music world this also takes place so that we can get a chance to have a reemergence of people or bands like zeppelin or the doors or jim morrison and people that just don't fit into the corporate structure nowadays get a chance to shine it'd be great it's it's hard i mean there's a few bands out there now i mean you know if if you want to listen to a great band right now that kind of breaks that mold is like fits It's in the tantrums.

Oh, really? Fits in the Tantrums. It's like an old 60s British soul. But they're young guys? They're not young, young guys, but they're a new band. It's a new band. They've been around about... Out of the U.K.?

No, they're out of here. They're out of Los Angeles. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Michael Fitzpatrick said... What's one of their hit songs? Oh, my God. All right.

Money grabbers. Money grabbers. Is that a song you like? That's a song I like. Money grabber is a song I like. I'm going to try and find it and drop it in right here to the podcast. To be honest, I don't know them, but, you know, knowing that you love Morrison and stuff like that, and you're endorsing these guys, I'm excited to see what they sound like.

So money grabbers. Money grabers a good one. Rich girls is another good one. And then they, I think one of their singles they released was called Breaking the Chains of Love. Interesting. And what's the name of the bandit? F.I.Z. F.I.T. Z. Fits and the tantrums. and their albums called Picking Up the Pieces.

All right, I'm going to try. And they've played like Coachella, and they've played, I mean, they've been on, I think they were on the Tonight Show. I mean, they're making their way. They're not, they're not huge yet. Yeah. But I think they will be because it's a sound that is, it's just different. I like, see, I love that. Like they have an organ and, you know, and they have a girl that sings, you know, this girl that sings kind of, she's soul, very soul,

singing you know girl that sings with him and blends it in oh it's just it's so really all right i'm going to i'm going to look around see if i can find uh some of some of their music and we'll we'll drop it in right here Don't come back anytime I've already had to try This is your way back Money driver Don't call back anytime You already run this time

This is your way back Money graber The tear drops made And then I saw Blue hands in the pocket Because you were always made To want it all But now you got to make it on your own

This ain't your home So I'm showing you the door Now it's time for you to go Don't call back anytime I've already had no time This is your way back Money cry But don't call back anytime

You're already right we try This is your way back I like that's all I see You're talking double Like the time you said Fight for me Because I'm in trouble Here's my advice

I don't pay twice for the price Of a cheap time I don't come at any time I've already had to cry This is your way back Money grabber Don't call back Any time

You already run this This is your way back Money grab Oh One One Two Three

Three One One One One Then I told you that you're the one I just don't need to Go on back anytime I've already had your time This is your way back

Money grab me don't come back any time You've already run me back This is your way back Money braver We've been talking with court, we've been talking with Court McCowan. God, we've covered a lot of good ground today. As I said, Cort, a comedian, an actor, and, uh, He's very active on the internet doing things.

Is there anything you want to plug you, anything you want people to know about? I think go on Twitter. I think I put everything up on Twitter and Facebook. It's at Cort McAllen, C-O-R-T, M-C-C-O-W-N. And you can go on there and, you know, we'll have our racquetball interactions between there. Don't tell them any scores, please. No, no, no.

Okay. 15-13. 15-13. You're giving me double. Did you double digits? I'll take that. Thank you. You heard them 15, 13. I'll take it. Oh, you've had a game. I remember a game we played once where I was up like 13 to 6 or something, and you came all the way back and won the game. There's only one game that I can really beam about because, as I said, I've only beat him probably six times. One day, I don't know what it was. I was on fire and I beat him 15.0. Yes.

I beat him 50. Now, believe me. me he's beat me 15-0 many times no i don't think i've ever beat you 15-0 i think you have i don't think so well if not 15-1 but but for me either you were really off that day or i was just doing something right that day and i i almost couldn't believe it but i think i was doing something right that day i had you ever play a sport or golf or whatever and you just walk out you go i'm on it today i just feel it i know it's coming it's it's flowing through me that day that day when we played racquetball it's like i walked in there and it's like i almost knew i was going to beat you i didn't think i'd beat you at that number but but i thought i thought i'm going to win today

so that was that was a heavenly moment has that feeling happened since much not so much okay yeah that was what well that's sadly we have to end on that i'm sorry i apologize even even on a podcast he beats me harland you're my favorite though, buddy, and I can't think enough for having me on here. And I'm going to go swim in your pool. Yeah, we're going to go cool off because, you know, we talk so much. We sweat. And it's great to have you, buddy.

Courts, it's a second visit to the podcast. We'll have them on again soon. And Cort McAllen, check out his Twitter address he left. And it's been great having you, buddy. Thank you. Always a pleasure, Mr. Fudgemaster. All right, guys. That's it.

Thanks for being here on the Harland Highway. And as always, until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.