The Harland Highway - 448: JAMES BOND REVIEW. The death of a brand name

Episode Date: November 19, 2012

Today Harland talks about the new 007 movie Skyfall. Also, the death of an iconic foodstuffs, and dangerous behavior in the NFL. Slip your slap face!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sweet and sour greetings to you, my friends. Sweet and sour greetings. Yes, sweet and sour greetings. Hopefully, mostly sweet today here on the podcast. I'm Harlan Williams. You are on my podcast. The podcast is the Harland Highway, and I am the host. So now you've got all your ducks in a row,

which is a dumb saying because I like my ducks crooked. So welcome, everybody. What a show, what a show, what a show. We are going to be talking about so many things today. We are going to be talking about excessive violence in the National Football League. And you're going to be surprised where I go with this. It's probably not the type of violence you're thinking I'm going to talk about. It's something that might not have caught your eye, might have caught your eye,

but you weren't really aware of how violent it is. Also, we're going to be talking about the new 007 movie, Skyfall. I'm going to be kind of giving you my thoughts on that one and maybe kind of a little review and a dissection of 007 skyfall. And then there's also been a death, a really sad death, a death of something that we've all had touched our lives. I'll get into that. And the Harland Highway, question of the day.

It's going to be fun. It always is. Right here on the Harland Highway. Does your mother know what you're doing for a living? The Harland Highway. Hey, yo. That's classic. What a treat.

Listen, lame, brain. Let an expert show you how to do this. The Harland Highway. Yeah, it's me. Welcome, everybody, to the Harland Highway. You hear the funeral music? Did you hear it? Are you sad? And you're like, well, who the hell died, man?

And I'm like, well, let me tell you, man. You know who died? Hosted his Twinkies. Hosts ding-dongs. Hostess Ho-ho's. Twinkie the kid. All those famous Twinkie brands. The hostess Twinkie company has gone into bankruptcy.

hostess brands, the people who make Wonderbread, Twinkies, ding-dongs, hoes. They packed it in, man. The company got like boggled down by debt management and turmoil and rising labor costs and the changing tastes of America. I don't know if I buy that one. The changing tastes of America.

what, people are putting down the twinkies to pick up a salad? Have you looked around America? I doubt it. If anything else, it's the other way. People are like running across salad bars to get to a twinkie or a ding-dong. This salad looks very healthy, but oh my God, what's that over there? Oh my God, it's a twinkie. Get the fuck out of my way. Right?

But you know what it probably is? It's probably all that management and union stuff and, you know, all the, all the, all the BS that companies get quagmired in. You know, the unions make all these deals where employees get paid, triple what they made when they worked there right up until the day they die and blah, blah, blah. I don't know all the ins and outs, but you know how it works. You've seen the story a million times where everything gets so overmanaged and so unionized that the company can't even afford to make its own product anymore. And they try to sit down and negotiate with these unions and all this and that. And it's like, no, we're not giving up the good life.

And they're like, well, listen, man, you're not going to have a job. We're closing the company if you don't work with us. Yeah, right. So they close, and there you go. Here's a quote. The company said it was saddled with costs related to its unionized workforce. So there you go. I was speaking the truth.

The company had been contributing 100 million a year in pension costs for workers. The new contract offer would have slashed that. to $25 million a year, in addition to wage cuts and a 17% reduction in health benefits. So there's one huge problem that you see playing out over and over again. It's just everyone wants too much of a piece of the pie or management made too many promises to people when they were working. And then also on the other side, you can't blame. the workers. It's also, listen to this. Hostess came under fire this spring after it was revealed that nearly a dozen executives received pay hikes of up to 80% last year, even as the company

was struggling. So it works always. You got the employees, you got the unions, you got the upper management, and it's just greed, man. It's everybody wanting more, and they forget about the first principle of business, which is make a good product, make your customers happy, and turn an honest profit and share the wealth around, and say hello to longevity, but it can get so corrupt, can it? And we the consumers have to pay. No more artery-clogging Twinkies with that mystery cream inside. I'm sure you've heard the stories about the shelf life of Twinkies.

They probably outlast the people that are receiving these elongated pensions. And the hostess Ho-Hos and the ding-dongs. If nothing else, maybe America's tastes have changed in terms of of the names. It's not like America's given up

on sugary pastries, but maybe the world's a little too chic now to go in and say, hey, could I have some ding-dongs please? Yeah, chocolate cream-filled ding-dongs and some Twinkies. And while you're

at it, do you have any extra ho-hows? So let me check my list. Ho-Hos? Ding-dongs and Twinkies. Oh, ha, oh, it's just that you just don't want to say that. It just makes you feel dirty. You don't feel like a human being. But I got to say, I was never a huge fan of the actual food product.

I kind of liked it that these junky things existed. I liked some of the advertising, you know, like, hostess Ho-Hos and Twinkie the Kid. I'm Twinkie the Kid. Remember they had a Twinkie dressed, up as a cowboy. He had a little cowboy hat and cowboy boots and it looked like you had a pistol on his waist, even though his body is like the same proportions all the way down.

He's like a hot dog with yeast growing on it. How you keep a gun holster on when you really don't have a waist. I'm Twinkie the kid. House this house, house, right? You know, what strikes fear into the heart of a gunslinger more than, you know, you're robbing a bank in a western town or you're taking down the Wells Fargo stagecoach with your gang on horseback? And all of a sudden you hear, drop those sacks of money.

I'm Twinkie the kid. Yeah, okay. Can you really win a shootout? when the guy you're fighting, the guy you're dueling with in gunplay is made out of foam and cream? I mean, the way I see it, you can probably put like 20 million bullets through Twinkie the Kid and it's just going to go through his spongy insides and come out the other side. Didn't hurt me on Twinkie the Kid.

And then, you know, the guy starts bleeding. you just want to eat them. It's like, oh, my God, he's wounded. Can we lick him? Can we lick? That looks like delicious whipped cream. Can we please lick him? Oh, no.

So there you go, man. It's a little bit sad and iconic company. We all grew up on it. We've all had it in our mouths. We've all had this company in our mouths. I know that sounds odd. But all of you listening have had this company in your mouth. You've all had a twinkie in your mouth.

You've all had a ding-dong in your mouth. You've all had a ho-ho in your mouth. See, you can't say this stuff now. It's basically politically incorrect. Is that a ho-ho in your mouth? Are you just happy to see me? It's not a ho-ho in my mouth. As a matter of fact, it's a ding-dong in my mouth.

And now it's working its way into my throat. And, you know. So, uh, arevaderochi, goodbye. to Twinkies and Wonderbred. And my God, what's next? Coca-Cola goes away. Pepsi goes away. You know, Reese's pieces go away.

I mean, it's sad. It's sad in a way. It's a part of our culture. Deep-fried Twinkies. So there you go. Our funeral music plays on as the company we know as hostess dies. Oh my, I'm dying. I'm Twinkie the kid. Oh, I admit I don't know too much about

modern times. No, but here's something I do know something about. And I don't know how many of you folks listening, how many of you pavement pounders listening, like to watch your football, your NFL football. But this is a little alarming to me. A lot of times nowadays when you see a team playing and one of their teammates makes a play like let's say let's just pick for example like I don't know the Pittsburgh Steelers okay and one of the players makes a catch runs into the end zone gets a touchdown and great great for the team you're on the board you got a touchdown right but here's what happens in a game riddled with injuries physical injuries and especially head injuries and concussions.

The first thing you see happen when these guys make a touchdown is their teammates come charging at them and headbut them with their helmets and smack them in the head and punch them and slap them and bang them around their own teammates, and this is the way of like celebrating the touchdown. It's like a congratulatory concussion. Hey, man, great catch.

Way to go. Bunk. I'll see you in the Kome Award, man. I mean, I've seen some pretty harsh ones, man. And this weekend there was a really, really nice. I think it was the Green Bay Packers. And one of the teammates, one of the guys made a spectacular catch, flew up into the air, grabbed the ball.

He was between, two other players defending players grabs it out of the air, drops to the ground. It was like a game winning touchdown and he goes over to the sidelines

and one of his teammates who wasn't even in the game who was on the sidelines not even in uniform but was on the side rooting his team on. He was there from his own injury just walks up to the guy and pretty much like

punches them full on in the friggin' head. And this guy's like head snaps back. And I'm like, are you serious, dude? Like, on a good day or even a bad day, that's a dangerous thing to do anyone. You're physically just, like, whack the guy in the head. He's your own player. And you really snapped his head back.

And you could cause a lot of damage. image. Now, it's not likely you'll cause a concussion, but you can cause a neck injury or a spine injury or who knows what, man. It's really reckless and stupid, and I'm scolding all of you. And I will punch you all in the head if you don't stop it. But it's disturbing to me. If I was a coach on the sidelines, I'd be like, guys, guys, guys, high five each other, which I, you know what, I wouldn't even say that because what does a football player need more than anything? His hands. He needs his hands to make tackles.

He needs his hands to catch the ball. He needs his hands to do everything. And even some of the high fives they see these guys doing are very powerful and hard. And literally you could break a bone in a hand with some of the force they use. And don't forget, these guys are jacked up on their own adrenaline. And they're already big guys. They look like bodybuilders. They're rippling with muscles.

They're already jacked up. Add to it the adrenaline and now add the extra adrenaline because they just made a big play. And they're bumping each other. They're punching each other. I see some where they jump up in the air and jump on the guy's back. And the guy that caught the touchdown is now piggybacking like a 350 pound linebacker or a blocking tackle is riding on his back.

Hello, spinal cord injury. That's like lifting a fridge. Hey, I just scored a touchdown. You mind if I come to your house and move your fridge, down some steps for you? That's how I like to celebrate. I like to put excess weight on my back. They're right all over my spine.

And it really would help if you just threw the fridge on my back when I wasn't expecting it because, you know, that really adds to the odds of me getting a spinal injury. when I don't see it coming. I'm telling you, man, it's a stupid, stupid practice. If I was a coach, it'd say, dudes, you want to celebrate, celebrate all you want. Shake a guy's hand, pat him on the back, knock off this super physical macho stuff, man. I promise you you're either going to lose a primo athlete to one of these congratulatory, like, power slams.

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Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Or if they haven't yet, it's coming. Mark my word. Someone will get up there into a big high five or a helmet smash. And next thing you know, you're going to see them out of the game. because he got injured by his own player.

So just a little pet peeve. Enjoying the sports, but don't need to see that crap. To me, it's stupid. That's like if you had a Primo racehorse, okay? You know how delicate racehorses are, right? And those things are rippling with muscles. And, you know, what do they do when they win the Kentucky Derby? They pull them in, they shammy them down with velvet shammies.

They wash them with soap and water. They put a nice gentle wreath of roses around their neck. They pet them. They love them. Okay? You don't see someone walk up to a horse and punch it in the muzzle. Congratulations, you old bastard. You won the Kentucky Derby.

They don't head butt it. They don't jump on its back. They don't whip it. They don't kick it. They treat it with tenderness because they know it's a delicate athlete. So you might want to pick up on those clues, NFL. Wow. Doesn't take a genius to figure this out.

Now, if you're in a receptive state, I'll recapitulate. All right, I'll say it again. I'll recapitulate. Stop smacking each other in the head. If you want to smack each other in the head, do like I do, do it to yourself before you go to sleep. Bong! Hello. Now, to be certain that I have this straight, I'll re-recapitulate. Well, good. And while you're recapitulating, I think it's time.

I think you know what time it is. It's obvious what time it is. It's time for the Harland Highway Question of the day. The Harland Highway Question. Question of the day. Okay, here it is. This is a tough one, man. I hope you guys can help me.

The Harland Highway question of the day is, how many giraffes do you think are killed every year by going to Home Depot and walking through the ceiling fan display area? You know, you know, in Home Depot, they got that. one area where all the lighting is and then they got this whole area where there's about 50 different ceiling fans hanging from the roof way up high how many drafts a year die because of this right a draft goes into Home Depot looking for some lumber maybe some new sprinkler heads maybe a rake maybe some grass seed a barbecue he's kind of looking around in

the aisles you know doesn't really remember remember to look above him and there he goes walking down aisle 12 right towards the ceiling fans boom decapitated so there you go question of the day how many drafts are killed by ceiling fans every year so sad the harland highway question of the day okay here's something that doesn't need to be questioned uh have you seen have you seen the new james bond movie yet uh skyfall uh good movie man good movie now if you're a bond person that likes a lot of action and car chases and you know blow ups they threw some of that in there but i wouldn't say that this movie is that movie and if you like a lot of the bond like gadgetry and stuff like that

this isn't the bond movie for you this this movie this movie is cool because it kind of human humanizes James Bond. It humanizes not just James Bond, but it humanizes his bosses. M and, you know, the MI6 or whatever it is, the spy agency he works for it, kind of puts a face on it. And it's neat.

It's refreshing because it really kind of spells out, you know, for lack of a better word, the real side of Bond, even though, of course, he's a fictional character. Um, three, four. But, uh, so, it's not the most inventive, uh, Bond movie for all the blowups and gizmos and stuff like that, but I'll tell you what, man, it's worth it if you like good acting performances.

There's, there's three great, well, you know what, there's great acting performances all around, but there's two standout ones that really kind of, caught my eye. Um, and I'm not giving away any of the movie by telling you this, but there's a, there's a scene with James Bond where he goes to a, uh, kind of an Asian, looks like a Chinese restaurant or something. And, uh, he's going to, uh, collect some money. And he meets up with this kind of sultry, uh, foxy, uh, woman, mysterious woman. And, uh, they agree to go to the bar and sit down and have a drink. And when I was watching it, I was like, ah, you know, just another

Bond girl, you know, good to look at, but I'm not expecting an Oscar-worthy performance out of her. Well, wrong. I mean, this scene unfolded, and it's a long scene. It's probably about, you know, five minutes long, six minutes long, and it just consists of James Bond sitting at a bar with this beautiful woman. And I don't know who she is, but her acting. just caught me off guard. She was just incredibly poised and intense and captivating and full of surprises and subtle. She just had some very subtle movements she made with her face. She did this little thing where her eye went lazy for just a brief second.

One of her eyes would droop. And you don't kind of expect that coming from a beautiful woman. and she did some stuff where her fingers were trembling and her lips were quivering and it was just very, very intense. And it was one of these scenes where you don't get it a lot in movies these days where they just let the actors act.

There's no director, there's no producer, there's nobody going, you know, it's speed the scene up. It's lacking energy. What they call it in the industry is they call it pace it up. A director will come up to you. And this has happened to me because I like to take my time too. but a director, you know what, let's do it again. Let's just pace it up.

Yeah, pace it up. And I always forget what that. I go, what does that mean even? You know, speed it up. Bring the words together faster. Yeah, okay. Can you not tell I talk slow to begin with? It's like trying to tell a turtle to put on some roller blades.

So anyways, this scene really unfolds nicely. It's comfortable and it's sexy and it's kind of dangerous. and if you go see Skyfall, watch for that scene and watch for this beautiful Bond girl and just watch for all the little nuances, the little facial tics, the eye droop, the trembling fingers, the way she lets the cigarette smoke trail out of her mouth,

just really wonderful performance. I don't even know her name, but man, if that's any indication of what she can do, I hope we see a lot more of her. because she was just captivating, to me at least. I'd be interested to see what you guys think. And then secondly, the villain in the movie, and again, I feel horrible, I forget his name,

but he was the villain also in No Country for Old Man or whatever that Cohen's brother movie was. He's a Spanish guy or a Latin guy, and, oh, man, same thing. he pops on screen in the opening scene with him where we first meet him for the first time we see him come on to screen

and he confronts James Bond James is being held prisoner he's strapped to a chair and this guy just does a slow walk towards James and then gets overly close with James and I'm not going to give it away but oh just some beautiful beautiful acting

slow subtle nuances just little noises, little tilts of the head, little guttural sounds, facial tics, glances, giggles, nervous laughs. I mean, just, you know, you see that performance and you really remember the beauty of acting and the beauty of really good actors and the way acting should be, in my opinion. again, just an incredible scene, that opening scene where he meets the villain. And just, you know, slow, a slow burn, the director let them take their time and some long, pregnant pauses, which you don't get a lot of anymore.

But, you know, sometimes so much can be said in silence. When there's nothing there, when there's no words, and you're just hanging. and that creates anticipation and nervousness and curiosity and all those wonderful things and it takes a good actor to pull those silent pauses off but this gentleman, the villain in the new Bond movie, certainly does it very, very well. So on top of it being a good movie,

a well-done movie, an entertaining movie, look for those two scenes, two of my favorites. And then I'm going to give you a shout-up for one more scene. This movie should win an Academy Award just for the lighting. When you go and watch the movie, it might not be one of these people that looks for these types of things, but me being in the movie industry,

I always look at all these layers. I listen to sounds. I watch the lighting. I watch everything because I've been behind the curtain. I know how all this stuff works. and so my mind just goes there automatically. But there's one scene in particular where James Bond chases a villain, a hitman, up into a high-rise building.

It looks like it's in Tokyo or somewhere in the Orient. And he follows this guy up into the building and into an office where this guy is about to make a hit. And just look at the incredible, lighting throughout that scene. It's some of the best lighting I've ever seen. Normally, the lighting wouldn't stand out to me, but the lighting actually is the star of this scene.

And again, it's probably about a four or five minute scene. And the reflections off the glass and the neon signage. And there's even a, there's, they're fighting in front of this big electronic billboard that's got a jellyfish on it, a giant like white, jellyfish and uh it's an exciting scene but if you if you can remember to do it when you go watch the movie beyond the action that's happening put your mind into a frame and go i'm gonna check out the lighting while i'm enjoying everything else and uh i think you'll be it's just stunning it's just a stunning piece of lighting to work look at i know that sounds weird and you're like

what the hell's he talking i'm not gonna go go no movie look at no lighting man what the hell the matter with him i want to see some you know car blows up and shit i ain't go look no fucking lighting man well i'm telling you look at the lighting okay just in that scene i mean look at the lighting through the whole movie so there there's other scenes that were the lighting's incredible but that one scene in particular check it out so big thumbs up to the uh james bond uh movie skyfall uh if you get a chance uh check it out and uh Speaking of movies, check out my friend Doug Loves Movies podcast. My friend Doug Benson, who's a really funny comedian, he recorded a live podcast, asked me to be a guest host.

Not a guest host, just a guest. And I think that might be, it might have just gone up today or yesterday. And I was his guest on the show, and we talk about movie trivia, and we play a few movie games. and things like that. It's very fun, very entertaining. So look for that podcast. Doug loves movies. And you can hear me and Doug and a couple of the other guests

having a lot of fun on his podcast. So there you go, man. So those are my stories of the day. Let me see. What else can I tell you? Don't forget, I will be doing if you live in the Toronto, Ontario, Canada, or Buffalo or whatever, and you don't have any plans for New Year's Eve.

Check me out. I will be performing at Massey Hall in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. New Year's Eve. It's going to be a great me and a bunch of other comedians. And the show will be done by 10.30 at night, so you will still have time to go out and party, bring in the new year with your friends or go to a party. Be a great night.

You can come catch the show at Massey Hall and then go. do your thing. So it's a great venue. It's a very old, famous, great big giant theater in downtown Toronto. It's going to be a blast. And then what else can I tell you? Don't forget to look out for my new stand-up comedy special. This thing will be coming out January 15th.

As of now, you can pick it up at Best Buy. It will be available at Best Buy. I do not have any of the other outlets available just yet, but I can confirm that it will be at best by. It's called Harlan Williams, A Force of Nature, and it's different, man. It's me doing my next stand-up comedy special in the middle of the desert, on a hill in the middle of the day with no audience.

And it's pretty kooky. I'm really excited about it, and I hope you guys will pick it up and get some laughs, man. I took a lot of chances with it, and I think that's the way comedy should be, man, taking chances. And this special certainly does that.

Don't forget to check out the podcast network, All Things Comedy. You can find my podcast on All Things Comedy, plus a bunch of other hilarious comedians are on there, Bill Burr and Al Magigal and people like that. Hansen. And also you can just find out what's going on in the comedy scene on that network. And great to be a part of that. So check that out. And check out Harlan Williams.com. Check out our store. Start getting your gifts for Christmas ready. Order away and we will send

them out to you. Join the Twitter scene at Harlan Williams. And also Facebook. Harlan Williams' official Facebook page and all those good things. And that's it for today, man. I've got to get some needle and thread and head down to Home Depot and stitch some heads back on. There's some drafts bleeding in the aisles. So I hope you had a good time. Thanks for being here, everybody.

Pavement Pounders, wherever you are in the world. And until next time, chicken. Chau-Me! Bubba-bye Have a really nice day today, folks. You deserve it.