The Harland Highway - 456: The ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARADE, animal attacks.

Episode Date: December 17, 2012

This is a big one, the 45th annual Harland Highway Christmas parade, Xmas wishlists, animal attacks, and giving during the holidays. Glow little glowface!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingles smells, jingle smells. Welcome to the Harland Highway, boys and girls, men and women. What a show. Oh, can you hear the excitement in my voice? This is one of my favorite podcasts of the year. Love it. This is when we go to the Harland Highway Santa Claus Christmas Parade. Every year we do it.

It is so much fun. And we have our commentators, John Waters and John starters there overseeing the festivities, commenting on all the floats. And it's just exciting. It's full of kids and merriment and families and prayed floats and flowers and candies. It's magical. So stick around for that. We're going to be checking in and out of the Christmas Day parade. whole show and we're going to stick with it right to the end uh we're also going to be talking

about a little girl was attacked by one of our friendliest little critters in nature i can't believe this happened and uh we're also going to be talking about your christmas wish list is it a good thing or a bad thing and then i'm going to follow up on a story uh i did a few podcasts ago about you doing your homework and how good it can feel it always feels good right here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? You're causing a major disturbance on my time.

It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Brock? If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

You're fucking wake-up call, man. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes. You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eel.

Mr. Grinch. You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel. Wow, you're a black banana with a greasy black peel. Hello. That's a power slam right there, man. Boom, goes the dynamite. Are you a Grinch? Look, you're coming up on the time, on the Christmas, on the thing,

on the hello lady um and let's face it there's people out there who probably don't dig this time of year there's people that are grinchy and cheap and i don't want to deal with anybody and yeah what do i want to i got to buy a present for oh screw it all the traffic and the noise and the lights the hell's all this is all about well come on man huh don't be a grinch Remember the story of the Grinch. He realized that the spirit of Christmas is what created joy in people, right? It was the feeling of being around loved ones and having a sense of community and reaching out to your fellow human beings and being compassionate and caring and, you know, feeling joy within one's heart and one's soul. So if you're being grinchy, if you're being a greasy black banana,

lighten up a bit, man. Lighten up. The world ain't that bad. Think good thoughts. Go to a happy place. Don't be grinchy. Don't be grinch-alicious. Give it a chance.

It might be driving around or walking around or sitting around. I'm just be like, oh, God, nobody likes me. I don't want to buy stuff. The pressure, the girlfriend, the family. Just throw it all out the window and go, ah, man, it's a nice time of year. And like I said the other day, if you're feeling like kind of frumpy and down

and you're feeling grinchy, here's the best way to get rid of that. Do something for somebody. Forget about you. Forget about being grumpy and down. And look how this is a thing. affecting me turn it around make it about the people around you people you care about even if it's just one person even if it's a stranger do something nice for somebody and uh i think you'll start

to feel your heart grow times 10 just like it happened for the grinch and you're like whatever no chance blah i'm like hey nay say or try it just do something Something nice for somebody. Drop some money in a guy's cup. Do someone a favor. Offer someone some help. And in that moment, I think you'll start to feel the spirit of the holidays within you. So I urge you.

I encourage you. Because it's a good time of year. It doesn't happen any other time of year that everyone's kind of in this zone. and if my words don't encourage you, how about this? Nothing brings out the Christmas vibe more than a Christmas parade, right? And guess what we're doing today, gang? We are going downtown to the Harland Highway. I think it's the 34th annual Harland Highway Christmas Day Parade,

or not Christmas Day, but Christmas Parade. and we have our commentators, John Starters and John Walters down there. They always bring us a colorful broadcast. We're going to be checking in all day right to the end of the parade when Santa Claus shows up. And this, my friend, should put you in the holiday spirit. So let's get down there without further ado. Let's send it down to John Walters and John starters at the Holiday Harland Highway Christmas Parade. Oh boy. Well, thank you, Harland, and welcome everybody to the 79th annual Harland Highway Christmas Day Parade.

And what a treat to be here. The sun is shining. The clouds are white and puffy. Oh, man. And what a crowd. You can hear them in the street below. We're up in the booth, looking down at the floats, at the people. All the fanfare, and oh, boy, I'm here with my partner, my better half, John Starter. John? Thank you, John. Really great to be here for yet another Harland Highway Santa Claus parade. And I'm John Walters, and what a treat. I'm very excited. You can feel it in the air, John.

I think this promises to be another stellar year. for the Christmas Day Parade. Well, let's not line our ducks up in a row just so quickly, John. Oh, boy, what's that all about, John? Well, as you know, every year, things seem to go wrong in this parade, and as a result, for the last 60 years we've been covering the Harland Highway Santa Claus Day Parade, it's never really been working. Well, what are you saying, John?

What I'm saying is this parade is not really working, John. Well, now let's not jump the gun here, John. We're still waiting for our first float to come down the street, and I'm pretty sure it's not really working. Well, I think you better bite your tongue because here it comes. It's the city zoo coming down the street with a colorful float, filled with palm trees and living animals from the zoo. Not a good idea, John.

Look at those startled animals. There's four zebras with the look of petrified shock in their eyes. These are grazing animals that are used to the quiet serenity of the African plains. Here they are thrown in the mix among screaming human beings. The smell of rotten cotton candy and the... air, children crying, flashbulbs going on. Can there ever be anything more traumatizing for any living wild animal? Well, I'm afraid.

No, you're not afraid of anything, John. Look at their eyes rolling back in their heads, drool coming from their mouths. Those zebras are nothing short of petrified, traumatized. Oh, look at one of them just fell down. it's having a seizure. One of the zebras is having its seizure, its legs, its hoof, flailing in the air, its tongue, John,

hanging out of the side of its mouth. It's petrified eyes rolling in the back of its head. John, that zebra just took his last breath. He's dead. Well, maybe he's just napping, John. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. And look at those wonderful ostriches. And wait a minute, it looks like,

That's right, John. The ostriches have jumped right over the little fence on the float. Their legs are six feet high, is it any wonder? And they're running in the crowd, John. They're pecking the eyes out of children, John. Oh, my goodness. That child just had her eyes pecked right out of her little four-year-old head. And there goes another little boy, and there's a baby's just been swallowed by a pelican, John.

oh man maybe this is all part this isn't part of anything these are wild animals and there goes a cheetah john there goes a cheetah someone from the crowd is bolting the cheetah's picking up on the fear it's reacting to its impulses to give chase the cheetah has dropped it has dropped a full-grown man looks to be about a 45-year-old male the cheetah has him in a death grip by the throat slowly choking the life out of that human being. What a horrible idea. His children are gathered around as the cheetah eats their father to death. His legs flailing.

This floats not really working, John. Well, there are still some animals up on the float. Not really working. I just saw rhinoceros put his horn through the heart of an old. old lady, and there's the pacemaker sitting on the tip, right through her rib gauge and out the other side. This zoo float is not really working, John. All right, well, you know, when you're right, you're right, John, but there's more floats coming. We're just getting started here at the Harland Highway Santa Claus Parade. We'll be back right after this. Let's throw it back to the Harlan

highway head in quarters and we'll be back right after this oh my god it looks like a chimpanzee just ripped the head off a school boy back to you harland it's not really working wow okay thanks guys we'll check back in with you what the heck that that sounds kind of dangerous down there we're going to get back to you guys uh wow so there we go kicking off the beginning of the Christmas parade, and have you had this happen to yet this season? Has somebody sent you a list? Oh, man, here's my Christmas list, man. Here's what I want.

And you're like, whoa, wait a minute. It's a little bit of pressure, right? People that send you a list because, A, you know, they're assuming that you get them something. Okay, it's like, oh, you got the list, man. Where's my present? Well, I didn't get you a present. Well, I send you the list.

Yeah, but I just, I didn't get the list. Well, I emailed it to you and I tweeted it to you or whatever the hell it is. Yeah, my electronics is down. They's down. What do you mean they're down? They crashed. I sent it three weeks ago. Yeah, they're still down.

They crash for a long time. They're sleeping in. So you're under pressure, and then, and then, uh, And then the list is like, sometimes the list can be long and big. And it's like, I want this, I want that, I want this, I want that. And you're like, oh, man. And then what if nothing on your list is in your price range? You're like, you know what?

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Well, what if it's a list where you don't know really how to do it? Like, let's say you get a list from some girls. Yeah, I want a Hello Kitty Wonder bracelet

and a Barbie Supreme Forman Grill. And you're like, where do I go? I'm a dude. Where do I go to buy girl stuff, man? I don't know where to go to get Hello Kitty and Barbie. Do I want to walk around in a shop with a shopping card full of Barbies? Hey, Mommy, look at the pervert, Nile 5.

No, no, these are from my sister. Pervert. Basket full of Barbies. Pervert. It's like, whoa. Whoa. So I don't know, man. You know, is a Christmas wish list, a present list, a good thing, or a bad thing?

To be honest, I don't mind it. It's kind of fun. At least you know what the person wants, right? At least there's no way that, you know, oh, yeah, just what I always wanted, a chocolate-covered hazelnut airplane. Well, I thought you'd like it. Yeah, right, thanks. You didn't get my list, obviously.

You know I wanted a new jaguar, right? Yeah, well, you're going to eat the chocolate-covered hazelnut plane bea-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So there you go, man. Are the Christmas wishless a blessing or a curse? Who knows? But for now, enough debating. Let's get back down to the parade. Times of waste, and let's throw it back to John and John at the Harland Highway.

parade well thank you harland williams from the headquarters at the harland highway we are here i'm john walters and i'm here with my cohort john starter thank you john and what a day we've had so far our first float has gone by and we're just waiting for our second float to come down the street and i hope it doesn't well what does that mean, John? After the last fiasco, people getting their eyes plucked out, it was a nightmare. Well, it's too late to do anything about that because here it comes. It looks like a float this year from the Face Brace Corporation where I know what they do. Well, why don't you explain it, John? This is a company that makes braces for people who are born with their eyes too far apart.

Exactly, John, a wonderful corporation. I don't know about that. People with their eyes wide apart on their faces. First of all, it's offsetting. Well, what's that mean, John? Well, this is a parade. This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be a hoot for the kids.

Last thing they want to do is look up and see a human being with eyes so spread out on their face. They look like a retarded hour. John. Okay, I don't know if we want to go there, John. Well, it's nothing short of what it is. A retarded-looking, demented owl. There's children who are born with their eyes more than seven inches apart. Almost eyes on the side of their temples, John.

It's disturbing and maybe not the right forum for these people. a Santa Claus Day parade. Well, tell that to them, John, because here comes the float and look at these friends and family members all up on the float and many of them with their eyes separated very widely apart.

I'm telling you, John, these look like Chernobyl rejects. They're like something I would see in Tim Burton's nightmares. Well, that's a good reference. If you look, the float kind of has a Tim Burton's quality to it. Twisted up trees and some wonderful Christmas ornaments that are distorted and out of shape. Probably because that's how these space faces see the world, John. When you've got eyes separating your face on all sides,

when you've got one eye over by your ear and the other eye over by the other ear, you're nothing short of being borderline chameleon. I'm surprised these brace-faced people aren't snapping flies out of the air with their elongated tongues. Well, that sounds a bit harsh, John. I mean, the braces on their faces are to correct their separated eyes and basically pull their eyes closer together. And how many years does that take? I mean, for God's sakes, John, why have these people in the parade?

What's next? People with eight limbs, Siamese twins, people with lips on the back of their kneecaps. I just don't get it, John. Well, everybody loves Christmas, John. Even people with wide faces. And here we go. Look at them down there. The brace face.

And look at the children turning their heads. There's parents throwing garbage bags over their children's faces so they can't see these retarded owl people. They look like rejects from Lord of the Rings, John. Well, I can't argue with you. I just saw a woman wrap a sleeping bag around her seven children as they started screaming and crying. I'm telling you, John, get the brace faces out of the parade. Why can't we have puppies or caramel corn or spurt? SpongeBob Square tits, square pants.

Well, a little slip there, John. I'm sorry. Well, let's get on to the next float. Well, we have to take a break here, John. We will be back, throwing it back to you, Harlan, at the Harlan Highway, and we'll be right back after this at the 71st Annual Harlan Highway, Santa Claus Day Parade.

Oh, my goodness. just fell off the float and landed right on her brace and it stopped in a sewer grate. Okay, we'll be right back. The Harlan Highway, Santa Claus Day Parade. Okay, it's interesting, interesting, wow, interesting parade, as usual. Thank you to John and John. We'll keep checking him with them. It's a big day.

I know the pavement pounders love to tune in for this festive day The Harland Highway Christmas parade Earlier in the parade Kids got attacked by animals And I forgot to mention this story A little kid at SeaWorld An 8-year-old girl

Nonetheless This poor kid Her dream animal is dolphins She lives for dolphins right, this eight-year-old kid, their favorite animal, they inspire her dreams are of dolphins. And the poor little angel, there's this area at SeaWorld where, you know, you can feed the dolphins. Kids line up against this wall by the pool and they can feed the dolphins some numb-nums, some dolphin numnums. but they're instructed to leave the dish.

There's a paper plate, a paper dish on the edge of the wall. They put the dolphin treats on there, like little pieces of fish and whatnot. And everyone's instructed to not lift the paper plate up, just pick the fish up off the plate and feed it to the dolphins. Now, you may or may not know this, but dolphins are top-notch predators in the ocean, okay? and as cute as they look, and as much as we love the little jenksons, they got a rack of teeth in there, like, you know, close to like an alligator.

Okay, they got top and bottom elongated jaw lines filled with pointed, pointed teeth. Okay, these guys don't mess around, despite their cuteness and the fact we like to think dolphins can talk and sing and and dance and, you know, go on to the X Factor. Be warned. Dolphins are voracious predators, man. They are at the top of the predatory food chain, man. They swim around really fast, and they use their sonar to locate prey, and they use their sonar to stun prey.

And they must have 50-pointed teeth in there. and they're big animals. I mean, think of the biggest fish you ever caught. And then think of a dolphin. Even though it's a mammal, it's huge. A lot of muscle, a lot of, look how high out of the water they can jump. So don't mess around with a dolphin. So anyways, with a mouthful of teeth, this eight-year-old girl who's, you know,

dreaming of dolphins, the darn thing, she picks up the problem. plate by accident she forgot and the dolphin jumped up and bit her arm and grabbed her almost pulled her into the water kid got attacked by her dreams like most of us doing life no oh charles uh-huh nelson you know rightling you know oh oh so this poor kid attacked by a dolphin and she's got these holes in her hands, the size of dimes. I mean, that should give you an indication how big their teeth are. So be careful what you dream for. At this time of year, stick to sugar plums and fairy dust.

And speaking of that, let's get back to the Harlan Highway Christmas parade. Take it away, John and John. Thank you, Harlan. We are back on John Walters, and this is John Starter to my left. Thank you, John. And, oh, man, wow, what a parade we've had so far. Just some wonderful floats. The crowd totally into this Christmas cheer filling the air.

Well, John, let's call a spade a spade. So far, this parade is not really working. Well, hold your tongue once more, John, because here it comes the peanut brittle choo-choo float. Oh, sweet heavenly Christ, in a crinkled. up crabble bag. I'm not sure what a crinkled up crabble bag is, John. Neither do I. It just flew out of my mouth. This is the most ludicrous flow to them all. Well, John, people love trains. All right, I'll give you that. And they love peanut brittle. And you throw this together. And here it comes, folks, the pre-peatut-bri-choo. What a treat. You're correct with the second part.

People do love peanut brittle, John, unless, of course, they have a severe peanut allergy, and then you're running into trouble. Well, let's not look at the downside of this float. Well, we better, because I see some peanut-shaped clowns throwing peanut brittle into the crowd, and so far so good. But wait, look right there. I knew it was going to happen. It was like stepping on a landmine.

talking about John. There's a whole family, a Chinese family. They're spinning around on the ground having giant seizures. It almost looks like they're breakdancing. Oh my goodness. Look at their flailing arms. They're twirling around on their back. These are the classic signs of a peanut allergy seizure. These people are they're done for. You might as well have bought them a coffin this Christmas. Oh my goodness, John. I don't think it's that severe. Well, obviously you haven't read any science journals lately. People with severe peanut allergies are as good as dead. You might as well put a loaded gun through their heart chambers. Oh my gosh, John. That's very graphic. Well, I'm just calling it what it is, John. And there goes another family. There goes a family. They're down.

They're twirling around And people are getting anxious They're scared They don't understand this behavior They've never seen a peanut allergy seizure And the rest of the crowd is stomping The family on the ground They're stomping them

They want them to stop So they can focus on the parade This is a true tragedy Well the choo-choo train The peanut brittle choo-train Keeps on rolling You can hear the bells down there The crowd will not

stop for a couple of unfortunate families that are having peanut allergy seizures. And look at that, blood flowing from their mouths. It's running down the curb, down into the sewer. There's a blood river on the hands of the good folk at peanut brittle choochoo. Well, John, some people might have to sacrifice for the betterment of others. Well, in that case, I've got to give this one a giant stamp of NRW. Oh, man, what's that, John? Not really working. Okay, this is Christmas time, not seizure time.

Well, you've got a point there, John. But look, outside of that, I think we're having a wonderful parade. And coming up next, as we get to the end of the parade, I think you know who our final float is going to be. Unfortunately, I do, John. Spoiler alert. Santa Claus, the jolly old Jackoff himself will be coming around that corner any minute,

and I'm not looking forward to it because the last 72 prades, it's not really working. Well, let's give it a chance, John. And when we come back, we will have the conclusion of our 29th annual Harlan Highway Santa Claus Day Parade with the showstopper himself, Jolly St. Nick. Oh, man, oh, wow. Oh, puk.

I can't wait to see what they drummed up this year. Probably some old crack, Darylach from a halfway house. Well, John, let's wait and find out. We'll be right back. Back to you, Harlan. Good God. That sounds horrible. Why does the Harland Highway Christmas Day parade always go south?

Boy, oh boy, I'd love to have one where it just works out for once. But, you know, a couple of podcasts ago, I gave you guys some homework, okay? And, you know, it's not like I'm insisting you do it. Who the hell am I? But I encourage you to do it, and I said, hey, step out of your box, go out of your comfort zone. this holiday season, do something nice, something good for somebody. Whether it costs you money, whether it's free, whether it costs you your time, whether it takes three seconds or it takes three days.

See how it feels inside when you go out of your way to do or give something to others. And I mentioned to you that, you know, a while back I had been at a restaurant and there was a, I saw a table of severely mentally challenged children, young adults come in with, you know, their caregivers. And it touched me, it moved me. I saw them all sitting at a big table at this restaurant. And I secretly paid for their whole meal. And I had mentioned in my other email, in my other podcast, what am I talking about? Yeah, it's in my email, man.

Check it out. that uh you know i told the waiter don't let them know who did it it's just you know it was a random act of of me you know feeling for these these wonderful people and wanting to you know just do something nice and uh and uh somehow they figured it out they tracked me down and um and i wanted i told you that they had sent me a thank you card uh that you know the caregivers and and the young adults uh that i had bought lunch for, and I want to share with you the card. I dug it up, and here it is. It says, Harland, you so kindly paid for our group lunch at the old spaghetti factory today.

The 14 of us were here from Red Deer, Alberta. We are here on a special outing as the Tim Horton's bus brought us here for the afternoon. Anyway, we can't thank you enough. Your kindness overwhelmed us all. Too bad we did not meet you in person. If you're ever through Red Deer, you can usually find us at our center here. And thank you, and God bless. We will pay it forward from Kelly, team leader at the Central Alberta Residence Society. And then this was very touching. Some of the young adults signed their names. And one name was Betty and Brian and Carlin is another one. And, you know, I didn't expect to get this.

I didn't know how they, I didn't know they'd find out. It was me. But somehow they did. And, you know, if nothing else, you know, I got to tell you, it made me feel great just to do that and walk away. and know that maybe I put a smile on their face or shared in the human experience. And it really filled me up inside with a sense of joy

and generosity and helpfulness. And then when I got this unexpected card, it just reaffirmed it, and it made me realize that, yes, I did touch these people. And one of the key notes in this letter that I got where she says, God bless, we will pay it forward. And it's that old adage that one good turn deserves another.

And so quite the reward for a random act. And this is what it's all about, what I'm encouraging you to do during the holiday season. Try something. Out of the blue, out of the box, improvise it. And I won't keep hitting it over the head because I know I've been talking about it a lot, But it is the holidays.

And the real reason I'm bringing it up is because I think no matter who you benefit, most of the benefits are going to come back on you. Because I think you're going to feel it and you're going to understand truly the time of year where it's all about giving. So there you go. And I hope that resonates with you. I hope that brings you something in your life. and I think we should just get right back to the Christmas parade

and finish it out because I'm hearing in my ear. Roger is the parade winding down? Yeah, he's holding up a picture of Santa Claus. Does that mean Santa Claus is coming? He's always at the end of the parade. And Roger gives me a thumbs up. So let's get back to the Harland Highway Christmas parade. And we wrap it up with our final float.

Santa Claus is apparently in the building. Thank you, Harlan Williams, from the Harlan Highway, and we are back for the final leg of the 79th annual Harlan Highway Santa Claus Day Parade. And what a treat it's been thus far. I'm John Walters here with John Starters. Thank you, John. Wonderful parade. How would you assess it so far just before we get to the end where Jolly St.

and Dick comes around the corner on his wonderful float. I'm going to sum it up in three words, John. Not really working. Okay, John, familiar sounds from a familiar credo. That's right, John. Not really working. I've been taking a tally. We've got over 72 deaths in this parade.

We've got multiple injuries. And it just seems to be a number. another fiasco, just like it is every year. Well, you can hear the crowd going crazy down there because here he comes around the corner on his wonderful snowdrift float with his seven or 12 reindeer out front. It's Jolly St. Nick.

There he is. Santa Claus himself. Oh, sweet, heavenly plum cakes and gingerbread man. What's that all about, John? Will you take a look at what they've done with Santa this year? I don't see a problem. He's got wonderful red outfit, a buffy hat, a beard. And look at his skin color, John.

Well, okay, that's a little different. Somehow they've talked someone who's of East Indian persuasion to step into the Santa Claus suit. Last time I looked, Santa Claus was as white and puffy as a cream puff on a Saturday night. Well, I'm not sure what that means, John. What I'm saying, John, is that Santa Claus traditionally has been a full-blown honky. Okay, I don't know if we can use the term honky, John. Well, I'm using it.

He's a big white, pale-faced honky with a white beard in the aura, the era of including multicultural peoples into society, Some crackerjack down at City Hall decided, let's mix it up this year, and put Finginger bin Dunder in there. Finginger bin Dunder, John, or some crazy East Indian name. None of them have normal names like Larry or Sally or Billy. Well, John, let's not jump to conclusions. I'm sorry, but Santa Claus is a full-blown honky.

He always will be a pasty-faced white bread. looks like a child pervert. I'm sorry, John. What was that last part? I said he loves children. Well, John, I don't want our listeners to think we've got a thing against East Indian people. I don't have anything against East Indian people.

In fact, I've got friends who come from Dalaiapur and Ishtabalala. I'm not sure I've heard of those places, John. They are in India. Believe me, I've been there. We've broken non-bred together, a wonderful culture of people, a wonderful, peaceful people. I couldn't embrace the East Indians and their culture anymore. Well, then why do you seem so fired up? I'll say it again.

Santa Claus is a honky, a dirty white loaf of bread honky. Well, John, I think, you know, people wouldn't argue with you that we're used to. to sing Santa Claus as a white male, but maybe, John, maybe times are changing. And so is Santa Claus himself. Look at him down there on the float. He's throwing turbines at the crowd filled with Vindaloo. What is Vindaloo, John? Vindaloo is a delicious Indian dish, and I just don't think this is appropriate. Let's bring old honky boy Santa back get us a whitey

and let's leave it the way the Christmas tradition is again I'm loving of all East Indian cultures but not at Christmas I couldn't hate every other culture more Chinese, blacks

Mexicans, Puerto Ricans Australians, the British I don't want any other culture in there but good old sweet home fashion honky john okay let's uh tone down the rhetoric a bit john honky honky honky honky if you love honky that's what i say all right john maybe a glimpse into a side of you that maybe our listeners don't want to know and uh we will end our parade with john's waters and is john starter i'm john walters i'm sorry about that

John, you've got me all spun around. Well, that Santa Claus has got me all spun around. Maybe later I'll go over to his house and we can sit around and put curly-toed slippers on and do an East Indian coconut dance. Okay, that sounds kind of racist, John. Well, so does the word honky, and I want my honky back. Ho, ho, ho. All right, that's it.

We are out of here. I hope you had a good time at the 42nd Annual Harlan Highway Santa Claus Parade from me, John Walters, and me, John starters. Good night, everybody, and have a merry, Merry Christmas. I'm telling you, it's not really working, John. What's next to Vietnamese Santa and some Korean elves? Okay, thank you and goodbye. Not really working, John. Oh, man.

What is wrong with those two? John Walter's, what a crab pot. That guy is, huh? He's a little grinchy. That guy might be a little grinchy right there. But don't you be a grinch? Enjoy your holiday. Spread the cheer and the warmth and the love.

Oh, ha, ha, ha. And don't forget, join me a Twitter at Harland Williams. Don't forget our Facebook page, the official Harlan Williams' Facebook page at Facebook. Don't forget to join the Harlan Williams YouTube page where we have up a great new video, The Cocked the Ass and the Pussy, which is a cartoon about a donkey,

a rooster, and a cat, who all live together. A great, great new episode of that. My new special coming out January 15th, very soon like a month away man uh get it on iTunes you're going to go to iTunes and download that pound puppy um can't wait for you to enjoy that don't forget my free app at harland app com you can get ringtones and all kinds of fun things that pertain to the harland highway and uh make sure if you want to write to me i'm at harlan williams.com we might put you in the listener mailbox coming up, or possibly you can call me and leave a message, 323-739-4-3-3-3-0, and that's it, folks.

Keep on enjoying the holidays, and don't be a Grinch, or I will throw right into your face a great big bowl of chicken, chalmain, baby. You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart's an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders You've got garlic in your soul Mr. Grinch I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole

You're a vile one Mr Grinch You have termites in your smile You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Griggitch. Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile.