The Harland Highway - 468: Special guest - HONEY BADGER'S voice, Randall

Episode Date: February 11, 2013

Yes it's Randall the narrator of the Honey Badger YouTube video sensation. Randall and I talk nature, life, mothers, and all kinds of bad ass stuff. We also do an incredible Nature Quiz at the end of the show! Skunk my blunk!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, Heavenly Father, forgive me for I have sinned. This is such a good podcast. It's sinful. Hi, everybody. This is Harlan Williams. Welcome to Charland Highway. We hope you are enjoying yourself. Well, how could you? It hasn't even started yet. All right. Suddenly I evolved into Arnold. Welcome, everybody. I am Harlan Williams.

you are on the Harland Highway podcast. What a show we have today, man. I don't know if anyone else has ever had this guest on their podcast, but this gentleman, what a guy. Today we have the voice, the one and only voice, from the Honey Badger video on YouTube, the Honey Badger's sensation. Honey Badger don't care.

Honey Badger's a badass. We have Randall himself. here today, folks. For the whole show, we're going to be asking all kinds of questions about nature, about himself, about the world. And this is a guy who's in touch with nature,

with the ecosystem, with himself, a wonderful, beautiful human being. Randall. And we're going to do the Harland Highway Nature quiz with Randall. What a treat. What a Randall on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway

All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? You're causing a major disturbance on my time. It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Bra? If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gun and kick ass. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. This is your fucking wake up. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes. Hey-oh! Oh, God, I just threw my ass out.

Here we are at the Harland Highway. What a Chinese roasted hazelnut treat. Special guest today, you're going to know this guy. And if you don't know this guy, you're going to know this guy after this. from not knowing him. Now you're going to know him, this guy. You know his voice. Not many of you have seen this mysterious man,

but he is the voice of the world famous, 20 gazillion hits on YouTube, Honey Badger. Ladies and gentlemen, the voice of Honey Badger is here in studio. I give you Randall. Hello, Randall. Hello.

Oh, how precious you are. What a highway. this is. Yay. Is it safe for a badger to be running across a highway? Absolutely not. They have to really hustle and dart quickly, lest they get hit by one of those vehicles. Have you ever hit, has Randall ever hit an animal on the road? I mean, I know you love nature. Everyone has accidents. Love it. Have you hit anyone? Have you hit not? I know, I've hit someone, but not an animal. Oh, you hit a human? A human, yeah,

sure. Oh, good. Was it an old person? It was an old person. They didn't see it coming. It's fine. They were fine. I made sure they were okay. Oh, they lived. They lived. Oh, they were fine. Oh, okay. Because old people, you know, some people are like, oh, they're at the end. Who care? Leave them in the ditch having a spasm. They're trying to cross a street. I mean, what is that? What's that about? Where are they going? Do they cross the street the way squirrels do? Like, they get out in the middle, get disoriented. Run back and then go back. Exactly. Lady, make up your mind. You're going to cross it or not. Don't run back. Don't stray back. Just commit and cross. And if they don't. No, wham! Wham! Sorry. Stop the car. Make sure they're okay. You know, get them to the other side and continue.

What is it with, why do people are, why are people so bazonchoids for bazzoids for the honey badger? What have you done? What have you created? You know, I think it's because of its mentality. I mean, here is the creature that's fearless and really doesn't care. I mean, it's going to do whatever it takes to eat, to protect its little ones, and that's about it. That's all it cares about.

But nobody knew it. about it really until you kind of popped and dropped. Yes. I'll take full credit for that. So you're going to say you popped and dropped the hundred badger. I popped and dropped it like it's hot. I picked the back up. I had pot holders.

You popped and dropped it like it's hard with pop holders? Yes. Not pot holders, pop holders. Pop holders. You popped. Get this guy right here, Randall. I popped the holders. Wow.

Wow. I think it's just. This animal is extraordinary. And frankly, there's so many people that have just never seen anything like it. Okay, so before we go any further, you might even want, this might be the first time I've asked anyone to stop the Harland Highway. But you might want to stop, jump on your computer and go to YouTube and type in Honey Badger, right? Yes. With Randall.

Yes. And you know what? You know what we'll do? What's that? We're going to stop right now. And I'm going to play a little clip of it. We won't be able to see it, but you'll be able to see it. but you'll be able to hear you talking about Honey Badger.

Great. And then we'll come right back. This is the Honey Badger. Watch it run in slow motion. It's pretty badass. Look, it runs all over the place. Whoa, watch out, says that bird. Ew, it's got a snake.

Oh, it's chasing a jackal. Oh, my gosh. Oh, the Honey Badgers are just crazy. The Honey Badger has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all of the animal kingdom. It really doesn't give a shit. If it's hungry, it's hungry. Ew, what's that in its mouth?

Oh, it's got a cobra? Oh, it runs backwards. Now, watch this. Look, a snake's up in the tree. Honey badger don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit. It just takes what it wants. Whenever it's hungry, it just, ew, and it eats snakes?

Oh, my God, watch it dig. Look at that digging. The honey badger is really pretty badass. They have no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look, and it's just grunting and, ew, eating snakes. Ew, what's that? mouse? Oh, that's nasty. Oh, they're so nasty. Oh, look, it's chasing things and eating them. The honey badgers have a fairly long body, but a distinctly fixed set, broad shoulders, and, you know,

their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely, and they twist around. Now look, here's a house full of bees. You think the honey badger cares? It doesn't give a shit. It goes right into the house to bees to get some larva. How disgusting is that? It eats larva. Ew, that's so nasty. But look, the honey badger doesn't care. It's getting stung like a thousand times. It doesn't give a shit. It just, it's hungry.

It doesn't care about being stung by bees. Nothing can stop the honey badger when it's hungry. Oh, what a crazy fuck. Look, ew, it's eating larva. That's disgusting. There it is, running in slow motion again. Oh, my God. See, I love that.

How's that? He had honeybredger's crazy. He was eating a snake? Did he eat the snake? He ate the snake and passed out. that's a delicious meal for a honey badger they love a good poison it's like a poison hot dog absolutely it's like a foot long full of venom oh delicious oh i want one now let's go down to carnies and grab a poison hot dog snake yes too please i wonder if anyone in the history of like culinary if that's even a statement i'd history of culinary sure

has anyone in the history of culinary ever put a hot dog bun on a snake and eat it must have happened It must have happened. I think I just figured out what we're doing for lunch, guy. Let's do it. Randall. Oh, my goodness. Are you as hungry as I am now, Randall? With the side of venom, of course.

A side of venom. Or drizzle. We can drizzle it. Scale that weaner up, dog. Scale, give me some extra scale on that weiner dog. Please, some extra drizzles. That's like a psorias dog right there, the flaky scales of joy. Pop and drop that.

Delicious, pop and drop that, Biotch. Did you say Biotch? I did say Biocch, right? Is that okay? Oh, that's fine. I didn't know, I didn't know what's in your wheelhouse. I don't want to offend you. We're on the highway now. There's no looking back. There's no look. We hit an old lady. We got a pop and drop poison dog. We're on, we're well on our way. But why do people love the Honey Badger? Like this video has millions of views. I mean, Honey's like a, he's like a honey ass munch. He's a bad boy. He'll kick your ass, but. How? You made them really likable somehow. Why? Why? What? How? Who? Oh, well, you know, I think it's, it is, it is likable. It's a charming little beast. It really is. You just don't know how aggressive and cray it is until you get close to it. That's the thing. From a distance, it's beautiful. You get close. Forget about it. You'll lose your nose. You lose your face. Yeah. Now, I think I saw some pictures of you where you were with a real live honey badger. You weren't in Africa, but you were at a zoo or something.

Yes, I was at the Tanganyika Wildlife Park in Kansas, where they have, I think, up to four now honey badgers that live there. And I love to hang out with my friend Diablo, the honey badger. He's amazing. Was this a full-grown one or a baby? Full-grown honey badger. What did it? Was it vicious? It was akin to a young puppy when they're teething.

You know how they just kind of bunch and nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble. That's it? And that was it. I've never seen like a baby cock or spaniel puppy swallowing a king cobra. Are you telling me that's it? This thing was akin to a puppy? What was it chasing around a ball of yarn? What the hell?

This is the honey bear. I'm surprised you have legs anymore. It's just because it was raised from a very early, you know, when they're raised in captivity. Oh, that's true. Then they're a little sweeter. Yeah, like if they're raised like in a house watching TV, and cheese puffs. Then they're into the sweet stuff.

Yeah, okay. Okay, they're domesticated. Exactly. Like a trailer park girl. It gets used to being on a harness, walking around. Oh, really? You put it on a leash? Oh, yeah.

I put on a leash and walk it around. Come on. You can't take a honey badger to a dog park. Well, you could. You just can't take it off the leash. I mean, to a honey badger. That's like taking a fat guy to the all you can eat buffet. Are you kids?

Look at all this dog meat. Yum. Yummy. badge are going to pop and drop on that chihuahua biotch yeah biatch pop and drop up and drop that snot um i mean like yes that would be that's i mean that's asking for you bring a honey badge badge to dog park say goodbye to all the dogs but you know again i think had diablo let's say gone to the wildlife park maybe later in life yeah i don't think it would be able to you know be more aggressive Oh, yeah, for sure.

He's, like, imprinted. In his mind, he's like, humans are good. Humans equal food. Right, exactly. Humans eating coddling and cuddling and watching soap operas in the afternoon, hugging. Eating mice, eating mice. Because, you know, I fed it mice and rats. You fed it mice and rats?

Yeah, it was gross. But, wait. Okay, so the honey badge, just for clarification, isn't a rodent. It's from the weasel family, right? Correct. Or is it from the bear family? Weasel family, and their distant cousin is the Wolverine. Oh, wow.

Yes. So imagine that family reunion. Crazy. Oh, that would be wild. So, okay, so you fed a weasel some rodents. Correct. I was worried you were, like, feeding a giant rodent. No.

However, you know, hamsters sometimes eat their own babies. Oh, well, you know, got to eat, right? Have to eat. Nothing fresher than baby meat. But chimps have done that, too. Like, it's weird. Like, every now and then... Oh, really?

Oh, but their offspring? I don't know what it is. Chimps have been vicious and even gone as far as eating their own offspring. Wait, aren't we like one tiny chromosome away from a chimp? Yes. Yes. Well, that's just it, Harland.

There's a bit of cannibal in all of us. That would explain why I always get a little hunger pang when I'm walking past the baby window at the hospital. Exactly. Okay. See? Okay. They're like cinnabonds.

Oh, they're like little bundles of cinnobes. They're like little blobs of candy floss. Human cinnabonds. Oh. Babies taste like cinnabonds, but we're not supposed to know this. It's weird because I'll be at the window and everyone's like, look at the beautiful baby. And I'm the only guy standing there going, man, that Asian kid looks delicious. Yes.

Be hungry 10 minutes after you ate it. I want a honey badge of that kid. Oh, unberieverable. That's so crazy. Well, this is cool. It's nasty. It's nasty. It's crazy.

Now, tell us about the nasty thing. Where did that line come from? Oh, just because, I mean, you know, it's calling a spade of spade. You know, Honey Badgers is charming yet ferocious and fearless as they are. They're also nasty. They do so many nasty things like in their territory. They do a little booty shake. They do really weird nasty things.

And they like chase lions and stuff. They chase, you know, they'll take a nap in the lion's den. And the lions come on. They do. That's, can I say it? They do, yes. That's nasty. It's nasty.

They're sleeping in their den. They're eating their scraps. And the lion comes home and says, listen, what are you doing? This is my stuff. Honeybadge, I don't care. It says, give me a break. I'm just taking a nap, stupid. It's nasty.

Can I give that a super nasty? Yeah. That's super nasty. And I don't do it as good as you, but I'm trying. It's super nasty. Anyone who goes into a lion's crib. starts eating his baby back ribs from Tony Roma's sleeping in his in his water bad that's super nasty super nasty I mean imagine this you've spent all day you know with your fellow lions killing and hunting gazelle

yeah you bring it home for the family yeah you go out for you know go see a movie you come back there's a honey badger who's eaten your you know what you work so hard to bring home to everyone basically eating your groceries exactly that's like in huge Human terms, if you went to Ralph's, bought your weekly groceries. Exactly. You came home and Rosie O'Donnell was on your couch going through like your Cheerios and your Swanson's Pillsbury steak dinner and stuff. She's like, I'm sorry. Thank you.

And left. Wow. Yeah. Hopefully she doesn't use the toilet before she leaves. Oh, brother, please. That's super nasty. All right. Well, let's look, I know you love nature.

I love nature. Yes. By the way, folks, at the end of the show, Randall's really good with nature. He knows a lot about animals. As you know, when I have guests on the show, we do the Harland Highway Nature Quiz. Randall's going to be up to bat at the end of the show. But let's move on to more about animals, because I like talking to you about animals. What happens to the world when all the animals are gone?

No birds in the sky, no fish in the sea. What happens to this planet, do you think? Oh, geez. I mean, I can only imagine we, too, fall to the wayside. I mean, look, birds and lizards have been here since dinosaur times. Yeah. And some say they're one and the same. Yes.

That lizards or birds evolved from one of the other. Correct. And we, in fact, may have evolved from the lizards that came out of the water and they were able to adapt. Right. The amphibious type of, like, newts and... Yes. And those mud skipper-y type of mud-skippers. Yeah, you know how they just sort of hop out of the water?

And they'll breathe. And they breathe. And they go back in for a dip. Because I think there's, the reason I'm asking, I feel like there's people out in the world today, Randall. Yes. That think, ah, so the big-eye tuna dies. So they kill all the sharks. So the rhinos are gone and the elephants.

Imagine you deplete all the animals. I feel like there's a mindset where some people are like, nothing will happen when the animals are gone. Right. But you say, oh, think again, stupid. A lot of terrible things are going to happen. I mean, without the animals, and that's why it's so important that we save and we rescue as many of them as we can. You know, they fall. It's true.

And I think what you're saying about folks and there's so many animals that get on the endangered species list. And there isn't, you know, we just sort of take it for granted. And the time has to stop because I really am under the impression. We lose the animals. We lose ourselves. That's it. I agree. What did you say?

that that's something stupid what was your saying you said oh it's so stupid what was it no you just said think again stupid think again stupid if you don't think hey everybody who wants to have better sex no yes yes the answer is yes you always want to have better sex that's what you you want it to be better not worse trust me and adam and eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy,

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we've been talking about animals i want to know about the the human animal i want to know about the human animal inside of randall tell us what a date with Randall is like. Where do you go? And what do you do? Tell us a night on the town with Randall and a date. Oh, Jesus. First off, I haven't been on a date in eons. Wow. I just haven't. Are you itching to go or are you like a horse in the gate? You know, yes and no. I just feel if I meet anyone nowadays, I'm not going to be able to devote enough time to them and they're just going to get upset. You know, what happens? You know, you get in a relationship and you get busy and then they get upset and i don't want to have to deal with that all right let me okay but but that i said yes if i did

meet that special someone that's where i's gonna go here we go a hypothetical let's go for a hike and then go to the zoo whoa so what whoa pop and drop off and drop wow well let's just go for a nice long hike where like up a hill or down a road just down a road anywhere i'm here i'm here i'm easy through the bush like i always when you say hike i think like nature so you yes any anywhere that there are trees a nice you know listen i wish we're not that close to the appalachian trail oh my word i have to go hold on a second that might be your date at the door hang on fabulous okay so it wasn't your date at the door it was uh honey badger was at the door looking for you not really um so let me get this

straight so a date with you you go on a long hike long hike right to olive garden because you said dinner hike and dinner isn't that what you said hiking a zoo oh hike in the zoo okay I mean I figure maybe there's some scraps or something at this but you know a nice dinner would be fine I'm very easy maybe what in a perfect world since this is hypothetical there's an olive garden at the zoo oh man right next to like the reptile house or something perfect go catch a commoto yes and then suddenly you're having shrimp poppers. Please. Done and done.

Done. Let's switch gears here even further on the vein of relationships. Yes. Did your mother influence Randall in his life? And if so, how? Yes, I'd say my mother is the original honey badger. Hello, what? Yes, believe it or not.

You see, in the Animal Kingdom, in the Wild Kingdom, I was going to say, Honey Badgers, when they have an offspring, they have a little baby, the Papa inevitably just scurries away. He doesn't want to have anything to do with this baby. Papa meaning dad? Yes, Papa. Okay, just clear because some people don't really call their father's papa anymore, but some do. Sorry, yes, Papa meaning daddy.

They all take off. They're sort of deadbeat honey badgered pappies over there. So the mommy's left to raise Honey Badger all on her own. And so that was my situation. Really? Yes, my papa was the cameraman for Mutual Valmaha's Wild Kingdom. Oh, wow. So he was always on the road, and I was left behind with Mama who worked late nights as a janitor at Gimbals.

But she always took care of me and was she didn't take any, she didn't take any, you know, what from anyone. Really? So she was like a little honey badger or so. A little honey badger, yeah. She could run backwards. She did all this stuff. She picked me by my scruff and say, stop doing that. She really kept me in line.

Could she clean backwards? I mean, you said she was a janitor. Yeah, she was like a constrict. Godian for Gimbles. What, now, Gimbles, I've heard of that. What is that? Is that for people with twisted legs? What is...

No. What is Gimbles? It sounds like a bone deformity. Oh, Christ, he's got the Gimbles. He's walking like a Swedish crab. Oh, God, he's walked sideways into the blender again. What is Gimbles? For the makers of gout comes the Gimbles.

It was an old retail shop. Oh, okay. Alexander's or, you know, like Macy's. Okay, so she was a janitor, lots of floor space to cover. Got it. Yeah. So your old man took off, and he worked with that guy, Marlon Perkins. Marlon Perkins, absolutely.

Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. And wasn't there a guy Jim? Yes. There was some guy, Jim Fowler. Jim always did the wrestling. He did all the grunt, tough work and shoving the animals in front of the camera while Marlon would, you know, talk. you know, a great length about the animals. Marlon always had that gray hair like slicked back like Elvis and his hair was always in perfect

shape. Yeah. Oh, always before every time they would shoot him. Excuse me one second. Go off and take his little comb that was dipped in whatever that was and just sort of zip it back. Probably like beeswax or something like that. Wow. Okay.

Cool. Well, that's good. It's nice to see. She's had a great influence on me. She would always take me to zoos and things like this and encourage my love for animals when I was growing up and of course it helps Papa comes home with footage. Papa again yeah. Yeah with all that footage.

Now have you ever connected with Papa? Can I just really call him your father because this Papa thing is really I don't usually get mad at my guest but it's really I just irritating. All right Papa is what do you

do you ever talk? Listen you want to you want to call him Daddy that's fine by me No that might even be going even more the other let's go I'll go with Papa. Pops? How about Popsie? Papa. Let's, okay? Randall. I'm gonna go with Papa. When you watch a Smurfs, it's Papa Smurf, right? You call him Papa Smurf. It's Papa. Okay, you know, I'm gonna pop and drop with Papa. Have you ever seen him again? Have you ever seen Papa? No, sadly. Uh-oh, are you tearing up? He passed away. Where? How? How? Oh. He was out in the Kalahari filming a lot of crazy animals.

Uh-oh. And there was a crown eagle, had picked up an animal. And it's, you know, they can carry so much. They can carry like a small gazelle. Absolutely. Double their weight. Uh-oh. Uh, picked up a hare, a rabbit, and just kept soaring high up into the sky.

And my father wasn't paying attention. And it just, it dropped the hair on my father. the hair dropped on your father that's like you've heard that saying if you drop a penny from the top of the empire state building it could go right through your head yes so this hair went right through your father's hair through his skull absolutely on on wow died instantly with a full head of hair wow i guess i wonder if those buck rabbit teeth were the first point of entry that would be like that talking about my papa please well i'm just saying that would be like a couple of railroad spots Bikes going through your cranium. Yes, I'm sure it was. Boom. Oh, God. I wonder if, like, the rabbit's last words were like,

Ney, what's up, dang? No, sorry. That's your papa. It could have been, Harlan, I don't know. Wow. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Papa.

I am, too. You know, Papa did, was a great Papa. Wow. And at least, you know, the real good thing of it, and I, you know, you always got to look for the silver lining. At least we don't have to. to fucking say papa anymore to them. Sorry.

Well, yeah, no, that's... A little angry. No, that's true. You've got me saying words I don't like to say. Well, look, it took me years to get over my... I had so much anger towards this crown eagle. Yeah, that's true. You know?

Crown Eagles, they're big. The Crown Eagle doesn't care, like the Honey Badger, about anything. It's going to scoop up monkeys and fly them home or gazelles, anything. And it's little claws. It's talons. It took me a long time to understand that it's a bird, and I can't hate all birds. Do you have an emotional reaction if you're out on, let's say, one of your hikes with a girl to the zoo? Yes.

And like a red-tailed hawk is soaring overhead. Do you cower under a bush? Do you get emotional? Do you cry papa's name? I do get a little emotionals. I do. Emotional's. Emotionals, plural.

So that's a lot of emotion is what you mean. Absolutely. Wow. Absolutely. But just for a moment and it's fleeting, but it's enough to get me a little teary. But mostly I worry that it has something either in its beak or in its claws or something. It's going to drop it on you. It's such a few mind.

Exactly. By the way, one of my favorite places in the world to eat deep fried squid in the Kalahari. Really? Have you ever had Kalahari? Amari on the Kalahari? Unbelievable. Let's go to... Is that a song? It is. It's a Russ Wilson song, and I just made him up, so no.

Let's do a quickie. This is just a yes or no answer. We need a quickie out of Randall. Quickie, if an owl could fart, would the owl fart cloud be green, pink, or butterscotch almond? Buttercotch almond. Correct. Wow. Let's move on.

And if Randall could be an animal, what animal would Randall be? Sloth. Oh, really? A sloth. I don't want to have to move for anyone. Those things are like the slowest things in the world. Absolutely. I just want to take my time.

Oh, but they're like, I think they're moving backwards in time. They're so slow. Absolutely. Like I think they're like the Benjamin buttons of the animal world. Like they're aging the wrong way. They're so slow. Like they move so. So they're actually propelling themselves backwards.

Well, what's amazing about a sloth is whatever they're thinking about prior to the motion or the act of doing it, that's still in their head. So by the time they get to do said activity, it's, you know, years or whatever have gone by. So it is like Benjamin Bunn's of the Animal Kingdom. I met a sloth once. I was hiking on a trail in Costa Rica. Yes. And it was great because sloths rarely come down onto the ground. This was a baby sloth

Like not a baby baby But I'd say he's probably like a year old And he literally was crawling Right across my trail in the jungle Wow And I literally had to stand there for like five minutes While he walked across And he was so slow

This is a wild animal I went up and I touched him And instead of spinning around Like any animal that's like You know like This thing literally It looked like You ever have your remote control and you're watching something and you don't put it on slow motion, but you freeze it.

And then you hit the fast forward button one click at a time and it slowly moves. That's what this slow. I'm not kidding, man. It took about 50 seconds to even turn around and look at me. And then when it turned around and look at me, it had the cutest face I've ever seen in my life. I almost picked it up and started making out with it. It was so cute. You want it to be it's papa.

Oh, now I like the word papa. See, I'm a sloth papa. I'm a three-toed. Now, there's three-toed sloths. Yes. But is there ones with more than three digits? There used to be. Oh, what happened?

Or I don't know if they coexist, but yeah, I believe there used to be. And then they, I think it's they adapted to, they're basically, their body's adapted to understanding that they only needed three toes. Wow. So they kind of dropped. There was no need for the other. They went to like, yeah, they went to like one of those like Taiwanese, like nail centers that you see everywhere. Right. Just like I don't need this.

Oh, hey man, could you like cut one of my toes off? I don't need this. I'll tell you what. We should direct our listeners. If you want to see something amazing, sloths are amazing swimmers. Go on YouTube and type in swimming slots. and you'll see you'll see footage they move slow and everything they do but they're actually kind of pick up the pace when they're swimming and when they make make nookie that's right when papa gets a little horny when papa gets horny it's regular times really it's regular speed well then screw the swimming youtube sloth fucking how about that pop and drop let's see some you know that'd be like watching like two pieces of sod going at it.

I mean, these things are, they look like a living moss. It's amazing. It's really funny when you consider snails stoop slower than sloths do. Wow. I'd be like watching Swamp Thing getting it on on a Saturday night. Slomp thing. Let's get some sloth pussy. His junk must be nasty.

Oh. Slomthing? Oh, his junk must dangle like a piece of rotten driftwood or something. Something. Oh. disgust it's like seaweed penis oh it's probably like it's like that mud that holds a beaver damn together oh gross just you know yeah yeah geez sorry we mean how do you even get excited i know i know i don't know you got it you what is that he probably gets turned on my girls

that are ranky right yes you know how no offense ladies but sometimes there are women that have a ranky stanky ranky and swamp thing would probably go for that like he'd be like no man put that douche down like i'm digging what i'm smelling here spread them spread them spread them for swampy yeah my bulrush is coming to town god um how about this if if you had to do one animal noise to save your life like let's say you're you're you're in the middle east and you've been held hostage and the guys in their broken you make animal noise we let you go now you make you make you make good animal noise we let you go If not, we keep you hostage for four years. You do animal noise.

Do it now. What animal noise would you do to save your own life? And can you do it? An elephants. Oh, I thought you were washing windows. I'm sorry. That was like a windex. Okay.

You're right. That's an elephant. It's an elephant. I wonder what it would sound like. Can you do this for me? Yes. What would an elephant washing windows with windex sound like? Go.

A little something like that? Oh, perfect. You, dude, you nailed it. Now I want a plow a sloth. I'm excited. I'm excited. Randall, you just saved everyone's life in the compound with that one. We just wanted elephant, but he'd do elephant with Vindex.

Everybody go home now. He's good. Everyone go on hike to Olive Garden at zoo. Even you, Papa. You go, too. No, wait, we kill you. Hey. Sorry.

All right. You know what time it is, buddy? This has been great. We could talk forever, but you know what time it is? What time is it now? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the portion of the show where we do the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. Yay. So let me play this theme song, and we'll get right into it.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. It's time for The Harland Highway Animal Quiz Stop Do you know how fast you were going? I'm going to have to write you a ticket to my new movie The Naked Gun

Liam Nissan Buy your tickets now I get a free Tilly Dog Not included The Naked Gun. Tickets on sale now August 1st All right, here we go buddy This is your first time playing the game

Yes Just to remind our listeners how it goes, I give you clues, and you try and guess the animal's name, okay? Sure. That's how we do it. And, you know, it's the real animals. They're not made up. They're not made up, are they?

They're real, real animals. And when you say animal names, you're talking about names specific to the species, not Rao for Tony. Right. It could be a tiger. It could be a walrus. Okay. Whatever it is, these are not. And they're not very obscure.

animals. They're fairly made. We're not trying to stump you, but we're trying to challenge you. Excellent. So here we go. You're ready for the first one? I sure am. All right. Here we go. I am an odd-looking sea creature from the whale family, whose first half of my name comes from the abbreviation of the land inside the wardrobe. And the second half of my name comes from the first part of the world's largest super store chain that one's that one's kind of lengthy

geez louise the first part of the name is actually an abbreviation of the land inside the wardrobe if you want to start there oh oh hold on a second so

gnar oh oh oh and then the second part is it's a popular store chain? It's the first half of the world's largest super store chain.

Okay. A dolphin? No. I'm going to tell you that you have the first half. What's this? Superstore chain. What's like the biggest

super store in America you could go to? If you wanted to buy like a bicycle and a blender and do your groceries and a canoe. Like a Walgreens, there are K-Mart? NARC? It's a narque. No, no.

That's something from the drug world. Wait a second. Narwhal. Narwhal. Hey, oh, that's it. Oh, a narwhal. A narwhal. Wait a second, but I forgot what they look like.

They're the ones with the big pointy thing on the front of their face. An odd-looking sea creature from the whale family. I didn't realize they're related to whales. They're whales. NARwals are whales. Wow. How about that, huh? You know, I look at a beluga and I'm like, oh, you're a part of the whale family.

But I look at a narwhal, not really so much. And that big thing, that big thing, it looks like a unicorn spike on the tip of their nose. They're odd-looking creatures. Go on YouTube or Google. That's actually only happens in the males, and it's a deviated tooth. that sticks out of the front of their snout. Isn't that odd? Goodness.

So let's review. You've got the first half of my name comes from the abbreviation of the land inside the wardrobe. The lion, the witch in the wardrobe, Narnia. Yes. You abbreviated Narni, you got NAR, and the biggest super store in America, Walmart. Yeah, Walmart. You got the beginning of that wall, NAR wall. NAR wall.

Dude, you're one for one. Let's go. Let's go to the next one. Here we go. Oh, boy. Second question on the Harlan Highway Animal Quiz. I am a tree-dwelling mammal from the monkey family whose name could be discovered if McDonald's served turd on a bun.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Don't they are ready? Well, hey-oh. Hey-oh. Hey-oh, pop and drop. I'm a tree-dwelling mammal from the monkey-family. family whose name could be discovered if McDonald's served turd on a bun.

A mcturred? Oh, you got the first. McPoops. Oh, you're all around it. You're right there from the monkey family. Gosh, so it's a name specific. It's like a classification of the monkey family. You're right.

You got the first two letters right. B. McGoo, what is this? No. Oh, you're... But if I get the poopie, is that... That's it. Once you figure out, the poop.

You got it. It's it from the monkey family. McPheasies? What's in the feces? No, no, that's not... That is officially not a monkey. Sorry. He's tried to sell it nicely, Randall, but no.

There's a Reese's monkey. Mm-hmm. But that's not a Mick... No. Feces. Oh, gosh, I'm really stumped. Wait a second. Um, what's the Jimmy Duranty monkey?

What are those called? Oh, those, the ones with the big, bulbous noses. Yeah. I think let's just call them that to Jimmy Duranty monkey. It's not those. These are fairly generic looking monkeys. You'll know the name once I say it. I'm going to let you go a little, a turd on a bun.

Mick poops. No, it's not a McPoops. No, it's not a Mick turd. Start thinking about. monkey names versus McDonald's name. Maccaca? Oh, Maccah.

Maccah? Macac! Macac! Excuse me? That's what it is. What? I'm going to give that to you. No, wait a second.

The macac is a monkey. No, wait a second. I'm waiting. Because there's a bird. There's a macaw. There's a monkey called the macaque. Did you say the macaw? Well, I said macaw, but it's really macaque.

What about your cock? Oh, man. Someone's getting this guy a sloth. No, excuse me. Randall. You said my cock. I said macaque. What are you, boxing?

Shalizel, shallajal, spallelola cooperated. It sounds like you're in Massachusetts saying, hey, my cock. Yeah. My cock. Macac. There's a monkey called my cock? No, macaque. Which is slang for poo.

You ever go cack in your pants? What is Ted Kennedy Pee with? P with his McPrick? My cock! Macawk! My cock! Okay, so, okay, this monkey is in the Boston Zoo, and we're going to give you the point. You're at the...

Mommy, look at the mycock! Oh, good Lord. Hang on. Hang on, that might be the zoo calling. Hang on. Wow, okay. So you're two for two. I'm giving you that one, because you were so close.

I can't penalize you for a Boston and Flint. collection. No, that's, I mean, really, that's what I thought was happening here. Yeah, you're getting, your cock, my cock, I didn't understand what's that. We're going to rename the monkey to the, my cock. Mommy, what's that up in the tree? That's my cock, Billy. Mommy, you don't have a cock. No, up in the tree, you little bastard. Now eat your frozen yogurt, bitch. What? I want Poppy. I want Papa. He's dead, you little bitch. Eat your frozen yogurt and stare at my cock. Mommy.

Mommy. What is happening here? What's happening with the frozen yogurt? He should try to eat the frozen yogurt, the boy. Why is the boy? Why can't the boy just look at my cock and not frozen yogurt? Why is he have to have the frozen yogurt while he's looking at his cock? He's looking at his cock.

It's up in the tree, Billy. Randall has taken the Harlan. He's hijacked the Harlan. I love the. I might have to send you back to that compound in the Middle East to wash the windows with your elephant friend. Yes, please. Thank you very much. All right, here we go. The third question on the Harland Highway Animal Quiz.

The first, are you ready, by the way? Yes. You're doing great, man. Thank you. Here we go. Question three, the first part of my name is short for something you used to take pictures with. And the second part of my name is short for the name Alan. short for the name

Alan Alan The first part of my name is short For something you used to take pictures with Yes Second part Is short for the name Alan I'm going to have to go with camel

Oh dude You didn't even flinch I mean come on Your first your first stab Wow My camel toes You have camel toe Wow

I hope that does It doesn't hurt my cock. My camel. My cameltoe. My cameltoe. You can lead a randle to water, but you can't make him cock. I can't stop thinking about my cock. I know.

He's up there in the tree eating grapefruits. Go get him. He's going to get citrus burn. Citrus burn is seriously affecting millions of Americans, Harlan. Seriously. Yeah. And my cock. Jeez.

We're talking about a monkey. ladies and gentlemen. Get your minds out of the gutter. Go get some frozen yogurt. Please. All right. You're ready for the last one? You bet. And I'm almost afraid to tell you this one.

But let's see what happens. I am a small African hoofed animal whose name is the same as the slang words for two penises. Wow. It's a hoofed animal, so it's not

my cock it's not up in a tree it's on the ground a hoof African mammal a small African hoofed animal oh animal okay whose name is the same as the slang words for two penises

now I'm just trying to think of whose first name the whole name is too slang for two yes wasn't that peni that is slang but that's probably more Greek, Latin. Right.

You probably went scientifically correct right there. Dixie? What was it? Dixie? Dixie. Oh, sort of around it. I think you might know this one. But it's a little obscure.

When you watch the nature specials, it's not always the one they show. But once you hear it, I think you'll be, oh, that one. It's probably, I'll give you another clue. Okay. Probably the smallest of all the gazelle. of all the hoofed animals. Ooh.

Toot penises. Dick, Dick. Bingo! Oh, the kid, four for four. Yes. Randall. I love Dick, Dick. They're so cute. You love Dick, Dick.

I love Dick, Dick. They're amazing. Wow. I wonder if a Dick Dick could get up in the tree with my cock. Oh, that's how, but, well, you know, your cock could probably come down from the tree and play with the dick. Wow. This is a very phallic... Amazing.

Yeah, amazing. So, let's review narwhal, which looks like it has a cock on the front of its face. Yes. We have the macaque, or macaque, as they say in Boston. We have the camel, which really is the only normal one here, and then the dick-dick. The dick-dick. Randall... Dick-dicks are great, I'm telling you.

They are cute. They're little tiny little guys. They're tiny little dicks Dick, Dick's Yes, absolutely It's so precious Dude, you nailed it Four for four

First time on the animal Harlan Highway animal quiz I have to admit I was nervous You know, I didn't know what curve balls You're going to throw me Well, or curved penises As the case may be Dude, you nailed it

Before we go As you know, we always do this At the end of the podcast We even went over time today We're having so much fun. I love it. We went way over time, and we're leaving it all in. Before we go, Randall, please tell the folks, give them your plugs.

Tell them where they can see you or they can buy some merchandise or get some honey badger stuff. Let it all out right now. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Yes, please. Anyone in their right mind really should go to visit randleshoneybadger.com. Randall'shoneybadger.com. And what can they get there?

There they can get my nasty-ass talking doll, they can get my apps, they can watch my videos. It's a lot of fun. Get some merchy merch. Some merch. And your talking doll is a talking honey badger doll, right? Yes, it comes complete with its own crate that says, you know, be careful. Watch out for this talking honey badger inside. Oh, that's amazing.

Are you going to, now, just because we're on the top, are you going to make my cock doll? I haven't thought about it, but why not? I would love to make a talking my cock. Yeah, I think you can put that in a crate, couldn't you? I keep pronouncing it incorrectly. My cock? Macoc. Macoc.

Yeah. Like, macaque. Yeah. Put that in a crate and sell it. Mommy, what's in the box? My cock, Billy. Now eat your goddamn frozen yogurt before Papa gets home. Well, is that it?

And you have a book out too. You have a checkout. Is that on Amazon? That's on Amazon. It's Honey Badgett on Kier. It's my guide to crazy nasty-assy animals. And that can also, you can also find that on Randall's Honeybadger.com. And you've got T-shirts and all kinds of fun stuff.

All the fun stuff, Randall'shoneybadger.com. Oh, man. Well, Randall, it has been a pledge having you here, buddy. Oh, the pledge has been mine, Harlan. The pledge. And by the way, was it lemon pledge you were using when you cleaned the windows with the elephant? Yeah, it smells so lemonyy. Oh, elephants love lemons.

You missed a spot. Thank you. Perfect way to end. We get out of the highway nice and clean today. My thanks to Randall, my thanks to the Honey Badger. Ladies and gentlemen, you have been on the Harland Highway with the three of us. And until next time, everybody, you know what it is. Chicken Chalmayne, baby.

See you, Randall. Thank you.