The Harland Highway - 488: RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH QUEEN ELEIZABETH, sexy cereals.

Episode Date: April 29, 2013

The queen of England drops by to play Russian Roulette with Harland, sexy breakfast cereal, are there consumer products placed in thelyrics of pop songs? Grange my garage!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Hey, how you doing, folks? You are here on the Harlan Highway being cool. You know, you're not cool if you're not on the Harlan Highway, man. Okay, you want to be cool. You've got to be here on the Holland Highway. Thanks for being here, everybody. Good to have you along for the ride. What a show we have today. Can I please tell you about it, please? Interesting show today. There's a new cereal out on the market.

A brand new cereal that claims it's an aphrodisiac. It's a sex cereal. And way do you hear about this? And hear how, you know, I'm coming up with other types of sex cereal for you to enjoy in the morning. Also, we got a call from one of the pavement. and Pounders about music, people dropping, advertising into popular music, modern day music. Waiting to hear his phone message, and we are going to dissect, we are going to dissect that topic and see what's what. And then this is crazy.

As you know, I'm great at Russian roulette. I never lose. Celebrities drop by. The Queen of England drops by for Celebrity Russian Roulette. It's going to be a shoot out here on the Harland. Highway Welcome to the Harland Highway

All right Let's get this sucker going huh You are causing a major disturbance on my time It's the

Harland Highway What's up Bra If I'm here And you're here Doesn't that Make it our time I have come here

To chew bubble gum And kick ass Am I hallucinating here Just what in the hell Do you think You just made a wrong Turn

On to the Harland Highway This is your fucking wake-up call, man. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes. So boom!

All right, I'm going to do it again. I did it a little while back. I started the podcast with a phone call from one of you guys, from one of the pavement pounders. And the gentleman asked me about working out and my fitness regime and all that. And I spent the whole show talking about going to the gym and getting healthy and trying to encourage you guys to get healthy and go to the gym. I hope it worked.

Well, gang, we got another interesting phone call from one of you guys from the pavement pounders. I'm not going to dedicate the whole show, I promise. But I thought it was an interesting call. And the caller made some interesting points, and we're going to explore what he's talking about in this phone message. So have a listen, and let's get into it. Here we go. Phone message.

for one of you pavement pounders. Hello, hello. I was just calling because, you know, I'm a big fan of your show. I go for a walk every morning. And anyways, I was listening to the radio and listening to some music, you know, just getting in the mood for the day. And I remembered as I was listening to the music about your talk on today's modern pop music. And there's something about it that I just thought that is a little,

annoying, but it's coming more and more. I'm noticing it. And tell me if you've noticed it, too. But they're sneaking little ads into the songs. For example, there's this whole song that came out, I want to say about a year ago, it was called Party Like a Rockstar. And it was like, party like a rock star, party like a rock star. This pop song, everybody loved it.

I cannot help but wonder if Rockstar, the energy drink. paid them to make that song, you know, just a constant ad, party like a rock star, just over and over and over again. Every time I heard that song, I thought, Rockstar Energy Drinks. Now, I don't even drink that stuff, yet it was put into my head. Rockstar Energy drinks. Second, there's this new song with Britney Spears and Will I Am. And every time you listen to that song, every I want to say 10 to 15 seconds,

there's a little blurb in the background of the song where you just say, as like this is a something I'd like beast.com exclusive and literally in the song it just says like over and over and over again as a part of the beat of the music is just

a website it just says a website and this is so funny that nobody seems to notice that they're just being fed advertisement through modern pop music so it's interesting how it's coming to be and they're getting

more and more bold about it, it seems. I'm sure there's more examples out there. But you go ahead and take a listen for yourself. That song is called Scream and Shout. And then there's another one, too. Toluca Lake or something like that. Something about Toluca Lake, some other rap star or whatever. I'm not going to take any more every time.

Thank you, Harley Williams. It's been a pleasure. Okay, well, there you go. you know and interesting insight into the music talking about bands slipping brand names into their songs and I hate to burst your bubble here Big Daddy but this is not a new phenomenon. This has been going on probably since the 60s and it's probably even more prevalent. And today, I find that rap music, if you listen to rap music, they really stick a lot of brand names in there because, you know, the brand names rhyme with things and they're good words because brand names are often unique words. They're not part of the regular vocabulary and find it a dictionary.

so rappers go to brand names sometimes because it's an obscure word to rhyme to. You know what? Why don't I just throw an example at you right now? How about this old Beastie Boys song? Anybody hear no Krispy Kreme donuts? So there you go. A lot of bands have done it over the years. Modern, old, you know, hey, how about cars?

Like Prince's song, does a whole song about Little Red Corvette. Or how about this famous Eagles tune? And here's standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona, such a front side you see. And here's another song you'll know by one of the singers from the same group. who went on to have a solo career where he sings about not I'll let you listen to it, but he not only endorses, well, I shouldn't say endorse, he mentions a car and then also mentions a band. He's endorsing another band, if you will.

I'm a little bit of a hit sticker on a Cadillac. A little voice inside my head. Don't look back. You can never look back. So for those of you that don't know, Deadhead, I saw a Deadhead sticker on the back of a Cadillac. Deadhead is the name, kind of the nickname for the Grateful Dead. If you follow the Grateful Dead, you were labeled a Deadhead. And there's all types of stuff going on in here.

Believe it or not, there's bands that endorse, well, how about this? How about Cheryl Crowe singing about a beer we all love? I like a good beer buzz early in the morning, and Philly likes to peel the navels from his bottles of bud. He shreds them on the bar that he likes every match in an oversized pack, letting each one burn down to his thick fingers before blowing and cursing the mouth. And watching the bottles of butter as they spin on the floor. Oh, yeah, there's the old Budweiser mentioned a few times in that song.

And then how about weird obscure brands? How about cereals? Do you ever think you'd hear a song with a little mention for tricks or cornflakes? How about this? Until then, you know what you got to do? You got to get one out of here with that all the cat cone wearing a purse, puppy shoe and crump cake. I saw you with, because you just smashed. That's right.

Silly rabbit tricks are made for kids. Did you know that? You without me like cornflict without the milk. It's my world. You're just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Now get on that here. Don't touch that coat. If you don't like that cereal, how about Coco Pop?

I mean, mix your milk with my Cocoa Cup. Milky Milky Cocoa Mix your milk with my Cocoa Cup. I mean, even everyone's favorite, probably one of the most famous brand names in the world, Coca-Cola, sung by our old friends at Aerosmith. Oh, he got, monkey finger, he shoots. Coca-Cola, he says. And in today's shallow world of fashion and brand names

and people having to wear stuff like Dolce and Gabana and all that, of course, it's in there. They treat me really nicely. They buy me all these icees. Dolce and Gabana. Fendi and then donna. Kieran, they be sharing all their money got me wearing for. Girl, I ain't.

So there you go. It exists. It's existed for a long time. And, you know, it goes probably right back to right around when rock and roll started. You could find references if you look deep enough. Now, the question is, are these blatant advertisements for the product? Is this product placement? Did the companies approach these artists or vice versa and say, hey, let's work out a deal?

You mentioned the word Ford and we'll give you like an extra million. You mentioned Coca-Cola. You know, we'll give you a free Coca-Cola for the rest of your life, you know, wink, wink, nod, I don't know. a feeling that's not the case so going back to your monster drink reference I don't know I

I mean I don't have the answer part of it seems unlikely but then you raise a good point in today's world where everyone's out to make a buck and cross-promote and saturate the market with their product maybe you're on to something man

maybe you're on to something but it isn't a new thing and the fact that will I am plug to website Well, is plugging a website any different than plugging a car or a breakfast cereal? Not really. So people will plug what's relevant. They'll plug what's in the vernacular. And so the answer is, my friend, no, you haven't stumbled on anything new,

but you might have shone the light on maybe there's a new way that it's happening. Maybe it is blatant. Maybe it is for subliminal advertising. Maybe it's for blatant advertising. Maybe it's a money deal between artist and corporation. Who knows? I wouldn't doubt it. But before we close out this segment, this might be interesting to you.

Okay? Because I'm sure part of you why you called in is like you might be aggravated. You might feel like art and industry. shouldn't meet this way. You're like, you know what, I tune in to listen to music to get away from the corporate world, from the business world. I don't need to hear, you know, products, consumer products dropped into my songs. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that,

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Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount. and 100% free shipping, Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And you might be one of these people that feel like, you know, artists sell out.

When they affiliate themselves or associate themselves with a consumer product, it's like, I want to sell out. And you know what? A lot of them have done it. You know, Beyonce's just done it with Pepsi. But Donna did it with Pepsi. Michael Jackson did it with Pepsi. There's an endless amount of,

of celebrities, doing commercials for various products. But here's one guy that wouldn't. He's a good old Canadian boy. He's a world famous rocker. He's a guy that's always been a little bit on the fringe. He's a guy that I think people have always respected as not only a musician and a successful songwriter, but as an artist. I think he's a guy you kind of associate like the real deal, purity, craftsmanship, musicianship, all that stuff.

This guy kind of encapsulates the good old, you know, I was born to do this. And I'm talking about Neil Young, Neil Young, who you all know, and he actually got fed up with all this stuff at one point. And in the 80s, he actually wrote a song called This Notes for You. And it was kind of a song about his disgust for all the artists, the rock artist, the musical artists, singing for corporations and putting their face on Pepsi and Coke and whatever. and I think this song is self-explanatory, but it's pretty clear that Neil Young, it was not a fan of so-called selling out and in order to kind of protest this or kind of, you know, say what he had to say about it.

He did it in the form that he does it best. He wrote a song called This Notes for You. I'm going to play it for you now. In my mind, it's not the best song in the world. but it makes a point. And let's close out the segment with this. Thank you for your phone call. Very interesting topic.

And we'll end it up with Neil Young. This notes for you. Ain't singing for Pepsi Ain't singing for Coke I don't sing for nobody Makes me look like a joke It's notes for you I don't sing for buds

I won't sing for politicians ain't singing for spuds there's notes for you Don't eat no cash Don't want no money Ain't got no scat It's no for you I've got the real

I've got the real I got the real thing, baby I've got the real thing Well, all right now, yeah Members of the jury, this man is on trial for his smell Forgive me, but I'm pretty than all of you. Liar, give me back my shoes. Ah, if I could only pluck her browns.

Do you know how much they're called? This knock, this now, this dance for you. This is now, this dance for you. Thank you. Come on, man, let's see you, man. I've been the mic of town. new notes okay well on to the next thing um and i don't like this but as you know over the years famous people have come into the studio

and wanted to play russian roulette with me I don't know why I'm good at Russian roulette, but I am. So today we have the Queen of England. Hello, Your Majesty. Hello, Holland. Welcome to the podcast. The what? The podcast.

I don't know what that means. Well, it's like a thing you do on the internet, on the computer. I don't know what either of those mean either. Okay, well, you're here. Are you sure you want to do this, Your Majesty? I mean, you're royalty. I mean, you do realize that this ends up in one of us dying. Of course I do.

The royals never lose, Ireland. Okay, well, let's get right into it. Who's going to go first? Why don't? Let me say, I am the queen, so I shall decide. Of course, your majesty. You get to decide who puts a gun to their temple and pulls the trigger first. Why don't you go first, you peasant?

Excuse me? You heard me, you piece of low-life garbage, you go first. Okay, here we go. Let me load the thing up. Bullets are in the chamber. Are you ready? I'm ready to see you splatter your stupid brain all over the wall. Here I go.

Mow! Mow! Mow! Mow! There you go, see? Nothing. Okay, I guess it's my turn. Yes, here you go, Your Highness.

Thank you. Go ahead, just put it right up beside your head just underneath the rim of the crown. Thank you. Please don't tell me what to do. I'm just, you've never done this before. Says who? Just go ahead, Your Majesty. All right, I've got the gun right up to the side of my head.

All right, you ready? Of course. Here we go. Wow! Mao! Mau! Oh, see? Not a problem. Easy, actually. All right, back to me.

Mow! Mow! Mow! Mow! Nothing. Back to you, Your Majesty. I don't like this. Shut your pie hole, please. Okay, go ahead. Mow, Mao, Mao, Mow, see? This is a piece of cake. This is like playing croquet in the courtyard. Mow!

Great. Great. There goes another one. If you're listening, United Kingdom, sorry. Better elect a new queen or get a new, whatever you do it. Please no more celebrities coming in to play Russian roulette. Oh, so sad. Roger, you want to get the janitor?

Call Rosa Maria. Get her in here to get the windex and the Jave. If she has a vacuum shop vac or something, there's a lot of blood coagulating on the floor. Can we keep the crown? Awesome. All right. Play a commercial while we clean up,

and then we'll get back with the show right after this. I told her not to come in here. Holding out on your mother? What? You never told me Massengill douche has effectol. I just bought it. Only Massengill has effect all for effective douching any time of the month. Massengill adds effective.

to all three fragrances for a clean, fresh feeling of gentle, effective douching. I've always liked Massengill's more comfortable slanted design, and only Massengill has effector for effective douching any time of the month. Trust Massengill, the leader for 74 years. All about! The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird.

Wow. That's strange stuff. well here's something crazy all right uh some company and i guess it was just a matter of time uh has come out with a new breakfast cereal that they claim is like an aphrodisiac uh it's filled with like natural uh ingredients that are supposed to uh get you uh horny and in the mood I don't know if I buy it but take a listen to this news story The promos are playful

showing a couple at first bored in bed Then throw in some sex cereal And of course some sex which we don't see And the mood picks up And the bed fills up It was worth a try for some in Coconut Grove Would you get it?

I definitely would No If I had a bad sex life Yeah A cereal box. Like you buy the cereal and it's safe? You mean now we... All right, that would use that.

But will it work? We took the claims to a doctor. The desire for intimacy is timeless. Dr. Gilbert Concepcion isn't so sold. The cereal boasts all natural ingredients like bee pollen, wheat, German pumpkin seeds. Supposedly all natural stimulants for men and women. It sounds wonderful. Brilliant marketing strategy.

but at the end of the day, it's not a true aphrodisiac. That is, unless the placebo effect kicks in, when your mind convinces your body that the cereal is doing just what it promises. If you can sort of enhance that mental aspect of it by believing that you're doing something to empower yourself through a cereal, then, sure, more power to you. I'd buy them for all my friends and for my partner too. And though a crunchy cereal may be the latest trend in romantic means,

some still prefer an old-fashioned menu steak red wine and dark chocolate and though it's not in stores here just yet you can go online and buy sex cereal for yourself it's about ten dollars a box wow i mean uh that's like uh are we going to start sexualizing cereal now sex sells all right Can you imagine if this takes off? If there's money to be made in the sex cereal industry? Can you imagine the people rushing to the cash bags to collect this? You could just see all the major cereal makers changing their names. Cheerios become cheery-hoes.

How about Honeygram-O's? Instead of just H.O. It would be like the orgasmy, honey graham o's. How about a nice box of porn flakes in the morning, huh? Yeah, can you pass the porn flakes, baby? Lucky charms would be, you know, more like they'd have that little leprechaun with a big grin on his face. The name would be changed from Lucky Charms to Got Lucky Charms. as then I got lucky last night, got lucky this morning.

What would Count Chocula become? Count Fucula? And Frankenberry? How about Frankenberry my face between your legs? How about that one? Special K would have to be probably changed to special G spot? Forget the K. How about the G?

special G spot. Honey smacks would be, you know, a little dirty, honey smack my ass. And I guess for those of you that couldn't get any, the only cereal for you that would be sexual would be apple jackoffs. Yeah, you'd be all alone with your box of apple jackoffs. So there you go, man. Sexy cereal. Unbelievable.

I can't wait, man. I don't know. Are you guys morning people? Do you like doing it in the morning? Breakfast? I don't know. You tell me, man. I'm not in your bedrooms with you.

Yet. Hello! Well, nice to go out on a nice high note, you know, regarding sexy cereal. that's fun But let's get to some announcements here As I've been telling you guys I'm very excited about this My new sitcom is coming out

Let's see it'll be next week This time next week Next Monday May 6 My new sitcom called Package Deal On City TV all across Canada At 830 Monday night kicks off Monday, May 6th.

And hopefully it'll be airing down here in the States before long. The show revolves around three brothers. I play the oldest brother. And revolves around these three brothers that are kind of overly close and you get involved with one brother, you get all the brothers. And I play the oldest brother Sheldon, who's kind of a slimy meat salesman guy. and it's a lot of fun

I think you're going to like it so if you're a Canadian if you're a Canadian pavement pounder and you're listening to this please tune us in I think you'll really dig it we come on right between how I met your mother

and two broke girls Monday May 6 8.30 p.m. City TV and then for those of you in the United States if you want to see me live doing stand-up comedy I will be at the San Jose Improids

in San Jose, California. That's May 9th to May 12th. Going to be a great time. And then the following week, May 19th, May 17th to May 19th, I'll be in Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works. So I hope we see you there, gang. Don't forget to go to Harlow Williams.com. Check out my comedy schedule.

You can click on the link and purchase. your tickets online reserve your seats uh visit our store you can buy some crazy merchandise books DVDs movies CDs t-shirts all kinds of fun stuff for you there we'll ship it out to you pronto and um don't forget my app for your phone harland app dot com you can download the app and that's it, man. You can write me at harlorewilms.com or if you want to leave a phone message 323-739-4-3-3-0. Love to hear from you guys,

and maybe you will get your message played on the air like the gentleman did at the beginning of the show. So that's it. That's all we got, man. Until next time, chicken. Shao-Maine, baby. B! This note!

This no fire!