The Harland Highway - 490: Harland does a STAND UP set after jumping on stage at local comedy club.

Episode Date: May 6, 2013

Harland gives us a rare glimpse behind the STAND UP curtain as we follow him down to a Hollywood comedy club on the Sunset Strip. Harland shares his methods of writing and creating stand up material and takes us on a hilarious journey into a unique world where the only way to create is in front of a LIVE audience. Come along for the ride as Harland jumps on stage and lets the comedy flow! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, hello, boys and girls. Are you scared yet? Wait a minute. Why am I trying to scare you? What the hell? This is a comedy podcast. What? Why am I trying to terrify you?

Sorry. So sorry about that. Uh, hey, gang. How are you, man? Um, Harlem Williams here. And we have a very odd podcast today. Very special podcast. Very different than anything I've ever done.

And I don't know if you like it or hate it. And if you like it, maybe we'll do more of it. And if you don't, well, let me know. And I'll stay the hell away from it, man. But on today's podcast, you're going to get a recorded stand-up comedy set that I did where I go down to the local comedy clubs and just work on new material and work on premises and talk to the crowd and kind of just kind of find my way.

It's kind of like a peek behind the comedy, the stand-up comedy curtain. So hopefully you'll like it. And we're just going to roll the whole, it's like a 30-minute set. It's like you're going to be transported from wherever you are now to a night on the sunset strip

at a live comedy club. So you've bought your tickets. You're in your seat. Grab your drink. It's the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? You're causing a major disturbance on my time.

It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Brock? If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you are doing? You just made a wrong turn. to the Harland Highway.

This is your fucking wake-up call, man. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. Then I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes. Hey-oh. Well, today, as I said, is a special show. Today I'm going to kind of peel the curtain back a little for you guys. And I don't know if you'll find this boring or fascinating or somewhere in between, but I thought, you know, if I was a young up-and-coming comedian or, you know, a fan of stand-up comedy or, you know, maybe I'm not.

Maybe I'm a guy who likes cars, but maybe hearing the mechanics of stand-up comedy might hold some interest for some of you guys. So here's what I'm doing. You know, comedians have many different ways of writing, of, you know, coming up with material. And I'm a guy who my whole career, I've never sat down at a computer. I've never put pen to paper and wrote out jokes. I've always felt, for my sensibility, it's too technical. to me comedy is like it's more of a energy on a feel and a flow and so I always wanted my comedy to just come from an organic place

where it just kind of flows out of me it flows out of ideas it flows out of improv it flows out of spur of the moment and so my method for coming up with stuff has always just been to either create it right on stage in the moment by talking to people or thinking of things in the moment on stage. Something comes into my head and I just blurt it out. Or I kind of go up with a kind of a vague concept, a general point of reference,

as you'll hear in this set, you know, talking about birth and babies being born or, you know, extinction or animals or the human condition, things like this. And I never really have things mapped out with punchlines and stuff like that. I try to just go up with a general concept and start talking about it. And in the moment, let the punchlines kind of come to me or fill in. Or, you know, because I feel like if I throw a topic or a subject out on stage,

it's like people are here to laugh. so I can't just say, hey, who likes cars? And just leave it at that. So I kind of go into this panic mode. Imagine yourself drowning and clawing to the surface of the water. So I'll throw out concepts and kind of know that, look, if I don't fill this in with something funny, these people are going to be upset.

They're not going to laugh. And I'm going to look like an idiot. So I'll go up with maybe a few vague ideas of what I think is funny, maybe some, maybe what I think are possible punchlines, but a lot of the time I just let them come to me in the moment or, you know, let the energy of the room channel through me or whatever. And this is kind of my writing process. This is how I like to do my stand-up.

I find it a lot more freeing. It feels like I'm flying. It feels like I'm floating as opposed to sitting down and, you know, being at a desk and going, okay, today I'm going to write about motherhood. Let's see. And I'm not saying that's a bad method. A lot of very amazing comedians do it that way.

And I've tried it. I'll be honest, I've tried maybe twice, three times in my life. And it just doesn't work for me. It's too stiff. You know, it's like someone who rides horse, you know, who likes to ride without a saddle, puts on a saddle. And they try it and they go, you know, I just don't like the saddle.

It's too rigid for me. It's too confining. It doesn't feel right. And so my method for writing, which I think might be a bit unorthodox, but somehow works for me. It's the method that I get the most satisfaction from. It's the method I get the most joy from. I think half of it is because I don't know what's coming a lot of the time. I'm not trying to say that every single word out of my mouth is.

is completely, ta-da, I never thought of that before I went up here. No, that would be inaccurate. I'd say it's like, you know, 50-50. Some nights it's 60-40. Some nights it's, you know, some nights it's all improv. And so, you know, that's what I like about it. That's the beauty.

That's the freedom of being on stage. I don't know what the ratio will be. I don't know what I'm going to come up with. I don't know if I go up with a plan in my head. all of a sudden I talk to someone in the crowd and I go completely in a different direction and do the whole show that for the, you know, the rest of that topic. And I don't know. I thought, you know, sometimes I tape my shows in order to kind of play them back

and see if there was something there that I liked. It's rare that I do it. I should do it a lot more. And one of the pavement pounders is Kat Brian out of Dallas. He keeps sending me emails and voicemails and saying, you know, Harlan, you should record more of your stand-up comedy because a lot of the gold you do just comes out in each different show and then it's gone.

It never comes back again because you improvise it. And I was like, man, Brian's right. And by the way, thank you for that, you know. It's stuff I think about, but I guess I kind of figure out. whatever. But then I think, you know, it's true. Maybe a lot of good stuff that would bring laughter to people kind of just floats out the window. So Brian, just see you know, thanks to your urging. I'm going to try and record a lot more of my shows. I rarely do it. I've probably done it maybe 10 times in my career. And this is one that I did,

I guess when I was getting ready to release my new album, A Force of Nature, and I was going up on stage at local clubs in Hollywood and I was kicking around ideas. I was kicking around concepts that, you know, played into kind of the overall theme of my stand-up special, A Force of Nature, which just came out in January, by the way. You can pick it up at my website if you want and see the finished product. So I was dropping by a lot of the local Hollywood clubs,

just popping in and doing what we call a set. I'm going to pop in and do a set, man, going down to the Hollywood improv of the Laugh Factory or the Comedy Store. And that's one of the perks of being an established comedian, a guy who's, you know, paid his dues. You know, us guys, we can kind of pop into these local clubs and just jump on stage and work on stuff.

And I love it, man. I almost love it more than doing a, you know, a structured show you know it's so liberating and freeing and it's it to me it's like uh it's like uh it's like those guys who jump off a cliffs with the uh the webs under their arms you know those those those guys that just free fall and they just they're flying and when i get to go up on stage and just just let it fly i really feel like you know like i got wings like i'm just uh i'm in such a pure creative frame of mind and let's be honest it doesn't always work i mean god it's risky a lot of it's hit and miss and some of it just plain sucks some of it some of it works some of it's amazing some of it

you end up going in a direction you don't want maybe you get you go dirty and you're like ah i shouldn't have got dirty or maybe you get weird or you say stuff that it's a non sequitur but that's the beauty of it it it's just uh you don't know what's coming so all that being said uh this is a set that i taped and i'm going to play it to you from beginning to end um and uh i'm going to play you right from the introduction which you'll be confused about because uh i will not be introduced as myself here's something that i'll let you in on that's revealing um when i work around town and i'm just uh doing my sets working on stuff i don't I like going up in a frame of mind that I call pure.

I like stepping into purity. What I mean by that is, you know, most comics go up on stage by their given name and you have the MC list all their credits. And I just don't like that stuff. To me, that's just a bunch of business. It's distracting. It's like, okay, yeah, I was in Dumb and Dumber. I was in something about Merritt.

I was in Rocket Man, blah, blah, blah. I was on Conan. and I did this, I did that. I don't care about that stuff. I mean, I care. I'm glad I did it. But when I go up and work on stuff that's new and fresh, it's like, I want to go up to a blank slate.

I don't want the audience having any preconceived notions. I don't want my credits to help elevate my status. I don't want, you know, my credits to put the stamp of approval on the audience. Oh, that guy's done movies and television. He must be funny. so what i do is i go up by these aliases i go up under the name larry smith and john smith and you know billy coconut and uh wallie ringwold i mean i make up the wackiest wild names and i i say i'm from like the smallest little hicktown i can think of like fresno or baker's field

and that way i'm going up uh i'm going up to a real blank slate like mentally for my and, you know, hopefully for people in the audience who don't recognize me initially or those that aren't familiar with me at all, I mean, usually people know who I am in a lot of cases, but I just like going up to that anim, animinity, animosity, no, that's being mean. You know what I'm saying? I'm having a tongue twister. Anaminity. Oh, I can't say the word. It's like Massachusetts.

So that's my method. That's my method. I go up blank and I just start rambling and I kind of go all over the place. And I try to stay away from any of my established material on those nights. On those nights when I go up and just work on new stuff, I try to make a point of never leaning on stuff that works. And I think in this set, you'll maybe hear me near the end do like one or two quick little bits that I've done before that I know work.

But for the most part, this whole set is a grand experiment. It's me just winging it. It's me talking to the crowd and going up as John Smith from Fresno. And I just thought it might be interesting for you guys to hear it. You'll see that some of it works and some of it sucks. And then what I did is even at the end, just so you get the full club experience, I leave the tape rolling. People are walking up to me after the show, you know, talking to me, taking pictures.

And even right to the end of the show where I go back to the waitstaff area, where I'm talking to the waitresses, I'm saying good night. And I leave the tape rolling until I'm walking right out to my car and you can hear my keys to my truck jingling before I'm. I shut off the recording. And the reason I'm going to do all this is just I want you to have a feel of the whole process. Put yourself in my shoes. This is you going down to the Hollywood strip, the sunset strip in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California.

You're walking into the Laugh Factory Comedy Club on Sunset Boulevard. And you're just going to go up and fly and see if you can come up with some material that work. and just have some fun. So here we go, gang. This is me and how I do my bid. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No, yes?

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code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Are you guys ready to buy a comic in the night? Yeah, headliner. All the way from Fresno, California. Give it over Fresno's own, John Smith! John Smith and Fresno!

All right, hey, gang, anyone from Fresno here tonight? Let's hear from my hometown. Sir, you look like you're from there. How about some raisins? This shows for everyone tonight. This shows for people from all over the world. How about a shout out to my Chinese friends? This is for the Germans. Good to be here. We live in an eye society, man. Have you heard of the iPhone? Huh? The iPhone, buddy. You know what I'm talking about. Everything's I, sir. I. I got the iPad. I got the iPhone. I got the iPod. I got the iPod. I got the I broke. Folks, I broke. I broke. Is it inappropriate? Is it politically incorrect?

to buy an iPhone for a cyclops? Would that be an insult? Hey, there, uh, one eye? How about an iPhone? They're, uh, one eye face? It's a crazy world though, man. See, kids, kids nowadays. We were all kids once, sir, you were a kid, buddy,

you were a kid once, man. You were a little kid once. Look at your neighbor, each and every one of you little kids and kids don't understand that there's a world out there right buddy there's a friggin' world out there I walked up to a kid

the other day with a rock and he goes is that an high rock I go no kid it's just a rock here look and I threw it in his face and he still didn't understand what it was I had dirt in my hand, he thought it was eye dirt.

No, it's just dirt, ma'am, huh? You know where I'm going with this? Tiger Lily Jackson? But it's getting crazy out there, man. You know, there's, uh, do you know this statistic, buddy? Are you a statistic guy? Guy? Are you a statistic guy, sir?

Fifty species a day are going extinct. Ma'am, have you heard this statistic? Fifty species of animals are going to extinct a day. Does that concern you at all the ladies? You sit there in your little IKEA Thunder Shorts? Every now and then I burn someone in the crowd's ass. So 50 species a day, you do the math. Pretty soon all the critters are going to.

going to be gone. Sir? Oh, sir, are you there? The guy dressed like a zebra? Sir, Striping McGinty. My attention, guy. This is for you. This is for you. We're human beings. Let's connect. Let's have intercourse. So you see what I'm talking about, man, 50 species a day. Pretty soon we're going to be down to dogs and cats. You see? So little kids in the future, they're going to be like, Mommy, what's a bear? And they're going to go, oh, there's one over there. And it'll be a chihuahua. And they're going to be like, what does the bear sound like?

It was like, whew! It's just going to be bizarre. But we're the only species in the world that put value on minerals and money and gold. Do you have gold, man? Do you have gold, bullion? It's crazy. any other living organism in the world would walk over a mountain of gold. A big pile of gold could be laying on the forest floor,

and every other critter alive would walk right over it to go eat like a rotting deer corpse. Man, please don't walk out in the middle of my routine. I have to pee. I know, but what's more important here, ma'am? You squirting your yellow milkings on lemonade. Or me talking about rotten deer meat. Believe it? I'm up here talking about important issues about humanity,

and she's in there, uh, letting it rep. She's going to do a giant cinnabon. Freight big giant cenobon! But as I was saying, we were all kids once. We're all born, ma'am, right? Were you ever born, dear? You were born. We were all babies, kid.

You were a baby once. Do you remember when you're a little bald thing running around, huh? All bald and squishing marshmallows on your eyes and stuff? Remember that? Huh? I bet you were a cute little kid, huh? Guy? Were you a cute little fella?

Sure you were. You have the dimples and you were a cute little baby, but we're all a little babies. Anyone here have a baby? Do we have any mothers here? Any mothers? Anyone give birth? Inspector Gadget, do you have a child? You have a grandchild, sir?

So you physically gave birth to a grandchild? Ladies and gentlemen, Benjamin Button's on the house. Here's what's weird about babies being born. It's an odd thing. A lot of guys like to watch the babies come out. Now, I couldn't do that. That's a very intimate area right there on a woman, right? Guy, you've had intercourse before.

That's a very intimate area. I could not crouch down in front of that area and watch a kid trying to push its way out into the world. You know, imagine that little baby, like pushing its way out. and here's a guy like me who was a kid. I used to go to the fair and play whack-a-ball all the time. So I see this damn baby come out.

I'm just like, yeah, I punched the baby right back up into the mummy heater. Isn't that gross? Now hang on to your nostril hairs. It's about to get worse. Oh, yeah, I'm going down fucking cucumber bowl.

with a fucking carrot shredder, baby. You better put a 7-Eleven bag on your head and some IKEA fucking weiner snitchles on your feet. Call your mother and tell your name is Sally Lickrishwhip, all right? Because I'm about to rip this laugh factory a giant new asshole. I walked in here earlier,

said this club needs a big new asshole, and I'm going to rip this. water. But it's weird, you know, once you see a baby, ma'am, and I'm not trying to be graphic, ma'am, I'm not trying to be rude or disgusting. We're all human. This is a fact of life. Some men like to watch a baby come out.

I'm just trying to relay my particular experience. See, once I see a kid, once I know the kids come out of a woman like that, I'm never going to be able to go down and orally pleasure a woman again because I'm always going to be afraid I'll be down there and like a tonka truck will come flying up and hit me in the forehead and cut me. Cut me, my child. Cut me. You could take your switchblade knife out, sir, and cut me into a million little pieces and each piece would say, I love you. But here's the thing with babies. And we've all been through it, each and every one of you, sir, were you a baby once?

Were your baby kid? Sir, I'm pointing right in the guy in the white shirt, right there. Were you a baby, sir? It's a real easy question. Either you were or you were fucking born six foot two with a big wig on your head. Here's the deal, okay? Babies come out and what happens right away, Duran Duran Jr. What happens right?

Doctor picks you up, tries to get the adrenaline going, slap your ass, huh? Or depending where you live in L.A., maybe he does it drive by. But he gets your adrenaline going, whack. Welcome to the world. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, whew, whew, whew. Right? That's what it sounds like, Guy.

Come on, don't look at me like I just shaved the backside of a Brazilian tortoise. So I figured out a better way to get the baby's adrenaline going, right? My funny little friend who's going to go steal 101 Dalmatians after the showtime. Chimbery, chichimberi, chichimperi, oh, I love Dalmatian be in my... Stop playing with her hair. I'm doing a goddamn show. You're working on a fucking Paris Hilton lesbian routine. So here's the deal.

Instead of pulling the babinos out and smacking them, right? Instead of whacking them into the world and getting the adrenaline going, here's what we do, Crow, okay? Sir, are you with me? You put the women on the roof of the hospital. Sir, are you with me on this? Are you visualizing what I'm saying? You're just staring off into space as if fucking Griselda, the teenage witch is going by on her magic vacuum cleaner.

You put the women up on the roof, sir. Just focus. You put the women up on the roof, all right? The pregnant women up on the roof, right on the ledge, okay? You spread their legs, ma'am, and I'm not trying to be grabbing, but that's how babies come out. It's like Rod Stewart said, spread your wings and let me come inside, all right? The women get up on the ledge of the hospital, they open their legs, they're right up on the roof, baby comes out, it's standing on the ledge, right?

It's already got the bungee cord attached. Mama just goes, welcome to the world, you little bastard. That's suckers. ready for anything after that, huh? It's funny stuff. You know, how about a round of applause on that stuff? That was some good stuff. You know, guys, come on, I'm like a car.

I need fuel. I ain't going to get to my destination. Huh? Got ma'am could you just put your hands together and make a little noise for Daddy Jingle mods, huh? Wow. Wow, unbelievable, heavy stuff. I'm going, ma'am. I had to take some water, and you'll repeat my thorax.

It's funny, though, you know, the human race, you know, what are we, six and a half billion people now? Think of that. Think of that staggering numbers. There are six and a half billion people, and that's not even a joke. Some of you can laugh. Some of you can walk up and go to do a synobon for you like that's a staggering number six and a half billion and then you get these uh these guys these forest management people who uh who are worried that maybe there's uh you know 60,000 elk wandering through vast amounts of forest giant acreage of forests right and they say well we got to go down and call the herd we got to shoot like 10,000 elk a year. just to manage them. And I'm like, well, wait a minute,

what about the 11 million people living in Los Angeles, huh? When somebody going and take those suckers out? Is snake blisking around at all? What are you doing, man? You got your hand up? Oh, you were ordering a drink. I thought you had a question about my routine.

I thought you were going to go, sir, when do you actually get funny? I know I'm heckling myself now. Well, you'd think, there's always this burning question, right? And I'm sure many of you guys have asked this. Out of six and a half billion people, guy, six and a half billion, you'd think maybe two chicks could get together and throw a threesome, by the way? Is that fucking doable?

Six and a half fucking billion? And I can't get a threesome together yet? If we get a couple of ladies to get their acting gear, give Daddy a three-socks. It's a funny world, though. We're funny, man. We breed. Humans. We're breeding like bacteria.

We're taking over. We've got to get off this planet. We've got to get off to another galaxy or another planet. Are you for the whole, you know, getting Mars going, buddy? I look in your eyes, and I'm not sure if I'm getting where you're at with the whole colonizing Mars scene. Officer, I look at you, and I don't know if I'm seeing you having a crib on Mars in your eyes. Would you like to live on Mars, buddy? Yeah.

You would? Would you, ma'am? You would? How come, ma'am, just quickly, because I haven't had to do, but why would you like to— Huh? Do it. No, why would you like to live on Mars? Cool.

Because it's cool. Yeah, it's fucking freezing as what it is. It's like beyond sub-zero. That's this guy. He just went in the bathroom and threw a polymong in the toilet. Four hours later, it was a fucking hedgehog. What's that? Alien sex, man.

You'd like to have alien sex? Why don't we wait till I get my fucking treasonry. Now we'll worry about you and E.T. having a 60-9 in the middle of the night, okay? Look at her, she probably puts one of those Reese's pieces on the tip of her clit, Bates old E.T. That's a much balance of Reese's piece on my clitoris and see a fucking bug-eyes comes and eats me out in the middle of the night. I'm not about that routine. What's what happened? I'm doing a nice, friendly show. about punching babies in the face and suddenly she's getting eaten out by 18.

Where did this go family-friendly? This is fun. You're a great group, but really to join this. I was going to bail about 10 minutes ago, but I love this group. I got a whole... I'm going to keep going.

I'm on fire. I'm on fire. I'm like a lion that just pulled a baby gazelle down and I'm just starting to eat it from the ass forward. Well, we just got a couple of walkouts, huh? And I always get the sensitive animal people in the crowd. I'm going to keep going, ma'am. I'm going to keep going.

Easy on the Scorsese direction over there. You folks take real good care, okay? It's been a real pleasure working for it. Oh, okay, slam the door and remind me as my parents, thanks. Here's something fun, folks. You ever do this? You ever get a couple of Kentucky fried chicken drumsticks? Uh, buddy?

Did you ever go to Kentucky Fried Chicken Buddy when you're not, you know, hungry like the wolf and stuff? What the fuck does it mean to save a prayer till the morning after? What does that even mean? The morning after pill. You ever get two Kentucky fried chicken drumsticks and glue them to the top of your head and pretend you're a giraffe? You will tomorrow, yeah, you will.

I'd like to see that. I'd like to see you with two drumsticks on your head, an E.T. It's fun to do things differently. Did you know that ghost fart marshmallows? Did you know that you can see your astrological star sign in the speckles on Morgan Freeman's face? Did you know that people with tracheotomy, buddy? A big hole?

Yes. Did you know, this is a startling thing, buddy, you might be startled and get up and walk out of this club. I don't know how sensitive you are, sir. Guy, did you know that people with tracheotomies are just land dolphins? Did you know that gay people? Any gay people here tonight? Yeah, what? Are you gay, buddy?

How long you've been gay, buddy? Since I was born. Since you were born? Holy shit. Get on the hand, put on the hand, bring down on some life, part. That's fine. Speakly dick, dick, bitches.

Strictly dickly bitches It's not like a new venue item but burger can I'll have the curly fries and the strictly dickly bitches Let's see Let's test my theory You're like this. Ready?

Let's see what you can do Did you know that gay people cannot say damn straight damn straight you're not okay you're not those guys had sex with them

you're not sex with a bunch of guys how many? How many guys did you have sex with me and said 50 or 60? 50 of 60? Oh no you don't judge me, you nasty bitches. Now let me ask you that

You might be pride. Have you ever had sex with a woman, though? Absolutely not. You haven't. Any desire at all? I want to put a finger in it. A finger in? Like a, like you're baking a cake? Yeah, it's ready.

That pussy's ready right there. Hit the icing. That pussy's ready right there. Interesting. All right. Any other gay people here? Half game? You're half game if?

Which half? And does E.T. know about this? No. It's good for you, so for not holding back. That takes a little courage to yell out in a crowd like that. Any straight people here tonight? Are you straight? Are you straight, buddy?

Have you ever... A little... Octoberfest sausage? Buddy, how about you? Have you ever dabbled? You didn't really come out with a real fast answer with that. He was like... Well, it doesn't matter.

We're all human beings, right? We all bleed. We all cry. We all have wax. We all have pus. We all have salt. We all have oil. We all have blood.

We all have feelings. Feelings, right then? So I'm going to end on something that's not so much funny, man, but just nice. I'm going to end on something nice. Be good to each other, huh? Love each other no matter what. And remember, if you ever crashed on an island, and maybe there was someone you didn't like,

if it was just you and that other person on the island, you'd probably end up being their best friend. I'm going to leave you with that. God bless you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. This was fun. Thank you. That's good. That's important.

That's funny, good morning, man. Yeah. All right, guys. Well, you made it. You all made it. A good night for Christ's day. And we'll see you next time, all right? See it.

Woo! Yeah, sure, Arthur. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. Sure, man. You have some more. Yes. Thanks, man.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, buddy. How are you doing? Thanks, man. Thanks. Thank you, buddy.

Hey, you're welcome. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Go to you guys. Oh, that one. You're ready? Yeah, come in here, you do not. Tasman, a dream.

Okay. You don't have a tree. One, three, one, three. There are you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thank you.

That was great, Arlen. Oh, thanks. I was working on a bunch of new stuff today. When he brought you up to John Smith, I was like, What, Charlie! No, I do that. I always, when I'm working on new stuff, because if I go up with all my credits,

people think, oh, it's this guy, but when I do new material, I don't know if it works or not, I don't want to disappoint them. So I go, it's just, I go impognito. Yeah. I was running up in my life, no, it's home, it's Harlan, it's Harlan, guys. Yeah, I told them, I told them.

Cool, very cool. Yeah. What are we going to have to? What's that? Oh, it's officially. Wait. You're ready? Let's do it, kids.

Let's do it. It's his birthday. We came here to see you to see you. You did. Yeah. Do you old grandmas? Come on. Right in the middle?

Yeah. All right, one, two, three. One, two. Three again. One, two, three. Like, one, two, three. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

You know, you caught me in a weird night, because when I come down, I usually just work on new material, so I wasn't doing any of my normal, like, all that stuff was all new. You have to meet you. It was awesome. Are you already present?

Sorry. No. I don't know if it's me because I don't like to give people all like, oh, it's that guy. So I go up like to try to be incognito with my work on. Hey, I left on Conan when he did the kid one off of the top. So I could do it. That was the only reason why I didn't bust up on. Thanks again.

We were going to leave like an hour ago too, but we saw that here on. Oh, hey. Yeah, well, happy birthday. Thank you for coming. Good to see you. Take care, guys. What she drank? Extreme.

Oh. That's he much. Hi, I just want to make sure that someone turned an allocation for me. Yes. Yes. Yes, he did. Got it, yes. I don't, Denise.

Yes. Perfect. You got it. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Good night.

Good night. I'm going to ask for a job. She's like, oh, wait. I just want to miss. That's hilarious. I'm like, yeah. That's hilarious. You know, I'm going to ask him for a job, hammer.

She needs drinking money. Yeah. No, maybe she was going to be your wife on drinking. Oh, well. That's a very reliable one, there. All right. Shot for shot. Two for you.

All right, guys, I'm out of here. Happy holidays. We'll see you soon, buddy. Yeah, I'll be in more often. See you, boss. All right. See ya, ma'all. See you, doll.

Take care. Oh, there she is. You'd be good. You'd be good. Thank you. Good to see you. We'll see you soon. I'll be back soon.

I hope so. Yes, I'll be here. Thanks, guys. Bye, Lord. So there you go. I'm out the door. Walk into the parking lot. Did my set.

Is still with me? Walk into my truck. There's the keys. And I've left the club, man. That's a night with a stand-up comedian, in this case, me, Harlem Williams. And that's, I can't remember what night that was. That was probably like a Wednesday or a Thursday where the club's not super packed.

Maybe there was like 40, 50 people in the club, which is common during the weeknights in Hollywood. And that was just me working it out. And it's fun going back because a lot of fun stuff that made me laugh, you know, the whole girl with the Reese's pieces on her clitoris. I know, like I said, sometimes it gets out there, but old bug eyes eating her out. And then something that I wish I had said, going back and listening to this, it was really funny when the gay gentleman, I asked him how long he'd be gay, how long he's been gay, and he said, I've been gay since the, I've been gay since the moment I was born.

And in hearing that back, I thought to myself, man, that's got to be a, a super huge bummer. Like, the moment you're born, like the first thing you do, you come out of your mother, you're instantly, you know you're gay, and you turn around, and there's a great big vagina staring at you.

Like, that's not a great greeting for a gay kid, a brand new gay kid in the world who knows he's gay immediately. And he turns around. He's like, yeah. like the last thing a gay kid would want to see first thing he sees in life the very first thing once he pops into the world and when you're a kid it's got to look huge right it's got to be like us like hiking and jumping over a crack in the desert it's like the kid kid finally wipes the

placebo from his eyes and staring right into a giant vagina poor poor little game guy. Oh, there you go. So there you go, man. You know, I took a bit of a chance with this one. I don't know if you'll like it. You'll hate it. You'll think it's stupid.

But I thought, you know, this is what I do for a living. This is one of the things I do for a living. This is kind of what started my career. And this is my method. And maybe it might be fun to hear it. But again, thanks to Brian and Dallas. and I am going to try and make a point of recording more shows. I don't know that I'll lay out a whole show for you.

This was kind of an experiment, but what I will try and do is find some classic bits that, as Brian said, probably would have just floated away into the atmosphere and never been heard by anyone, and hopefully I can catch some gold. So there you go, gang. There you go. Behind the curtain with Harlan Williams, and speaking of Harlem Williams,

well, let's talk about what's coming up for the guy. If you want to see me live, if you want to see me doing this nonsense you just heard, live, well, get your butt to the Hollywood improv tomorrow night because I'm going to be doing a benefit there tomorrow night. I'm going to be doing a benefit for the blind, and there's going to be a lot of me just winging it and having fun. and it's going to be a great, great benefit down at the Hollywood Improv on Melrose Boulevard. Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be there.

Paul Rodriguez, Greg Proops. You know, it's going to be a really, really solid evening. I have a feeling it might be sold out, but if you can get there, get there. Call the Hollywood Improv for tickets. It's a great cause, and it's for helping the blind. So go to that. If you're in San Jose, California, boys and girls, I will be there Thursday, May 9th through the 12th.

We'll be doing stand-up comedy and improv. It's going to be like a double show, man. Stand-up and improv, all under one roof. And then, let's see, May 17th to the 18th. That's a weekend gig in Denver at the Comedy Works. Great venue. Come on out and see me there. It's going to be fantastic, man.

Please check out my website, harlomwiliams.com. If you want to leave me a message, you can leave me a message at Harlow. Hellowilliams.com, or you can phone me. Leave me a voicemail. 323-739-4-3-3-3-3-0. 3-2-3-739-4-3-3-0. Check out my stand-up schedule at harrowyms.com. Check out our store.

We have great stuff, hilarious books, DVDs, movies, CDs, T-shirts, all kinds of wicked wild stuff for you, gang. And that's it, man. That is it. Hope you enjoyed the show. please tell your friends to get on the highway we are collecting new pavement pounders every week it's a great feeling to know you guys are tuning in um and i'm having a blast doing it so until next time keep on flying with a big bowl a chicken chalmy baby