The Harland Highway - 494: Is America turning into a BIKE GANG?

Episode Date: May 23, 2013

Is America becoming a bike gang culture? Let's talk about it. Also a phone call from Harland's Aunt Ruthie, and Harland jumps up on stage live in Hollywood to do stand up at a local club. Slide down my slide!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, boys and girls. This is Harlan Williams, your host of the Holland Highway podcast. Put on your seatbelts, put your tongues in your mouth, and wipe the gunk from your dirty little eyes. Hey, everybody, it's me, Harlem Williams. And what a show today, man. I'm going to be jumping up on stage and doing some stand-up. You guys seem to like that little segment before, so another little segment of me doing live. stand-up at the comedy club one of my demented relatives is going to be calling in my aunt ruthie

who uh she's an old lady she lives up in rochester new york uh she shouldn't be driving somehow she has her license and somehow she got her hands on a cell phone she shouldn't be driving she shouldn't be driving and talking on a cell phone wait till uh she calls in and see how that fiasco goes also uh

So we're going to be talking about American culture. What's happening to us? Are we becoming just one big bike gang? If you've taken a look at the American demographic lately, the tattoos and the cutoff shirts and the tough guy posturing, are we a bike gang? Maybe my crazy Aunt Ruthie from Rochester, New York, can help us figure it out.

She's going to be calling in on my personal cell phone right here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the... the Harland Highway. All right, let's get this sucker going, huh? You are causing a major disturbance on my time. It's the Harland Highway. What's up, Bra?

If I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it our time? I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. This is your fucking wake-up call, man.

You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes. I don't know. Is this really necessary, Roger? It came from upstairs. Featherstone. Mr. Featherstone wants a live audience in here today.

Well, I don't know. It just makes me uncomfortable. All these people in here. You've never done a live podcast with an audience. Everyone's cramped in my studio. What? Say hi to them. Great.

Thanks for your help. Well, today we're doing something different here, gang. I guess there's a... Looks like there's about 60, 70 people crammed in here. They're all here to watch me do the podcast. This is an idea from my... my boss upstairs, Mr. Featherstone. Not sure what the deal is, but here we go.

What? Roger's holding up a sign, acknowledge the crowd. Hello, everybody. Yeah, hello. Thank you for being here. Very weird. So bear with me, folks. Today is going to be a little different.

And we've got a live crowd here. So here we go. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You don't have to... Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to start my first topic here. Thank you. As I told you guys recently, I went to Vegas a little while back. I think I said it a few podcasts ago, and I got to play with the dolphins and all that stuff. and while I was there, I was kind of assessing humanity a little bit. Vegas is a fascinating place to people watch. And you're constantly surrounded by throngs of people from all over the country,

but it's kind of a good cross-section of American society because, you know, Vegas does attract people from all over the country. And what I realized in, oh, God, I just yawned there for a second. No, you don't have to, that wasn't a joke. Ladies gentlemen, I actually yawned. Excuse me, excuse me, you don't have to, no, you don't have to do that. I really did yawn. Well, now you don't have to clap for it either.

Okay, so I'm in Vegas. And what I've noticed is that, you know, America, the people here, a lot of them are starting to look a little rough. A lot of them are, it's starting to look like America is like one big biker gang. Remember the old biker movies back in the 60s? You know, groups of bikers would roll around. There'd be like, like, 30 guys and like four biker. girl's that got passed around and they rolled their sleeves up and they had tattoos and they all looked pretty tough.

They dressed tough. They kind of had a kind of a tough exterior attitude. And, you know, they probably were tough. They were outlaw biker gangs. But I noticed walking around in Vegas that a lot of the just regular folks are starting to try and look tough and they're wearing the tattoos and the cut-off sleeve shirts and the kind of the skinhead hairdoes and the shaved heads and the earrings and the gang shorts and I don't know I'm looking around and I'm like you know if if I was if I'm not mistaken it's like a

spaceship picked me up and dropped me in the middle of a big bike convention. Okay, thank you. Well, thank you. You have bikers convention. And it isn't just the men. It's the women, too. I mean, the women are strutting around.

They've got their tattoos on their shoulders, on their upper arms, on their back, their tramp stamps, in between their scapulas, on their legs, on their wrists. And, you know, they're kind of dressing a bit provocatively and a bit trailer parky and a bit tough. You know, you ever catch videos of like, you know, National Geographic or Discovery Channel will do infiltrating the Los Angeles gangs, the Latino gangs of downtown Los Angeles. The African-American gangs, the white gangs, the white supremacist gangs. You know, they always do these specials on gangs from different cultures and races.

I'll tell you what, man, when you throw them all together in Vegas, they all look like they're from one giant gang. Thank you, thank you. I mean, I've got to say the tattoos are getting more and more prominent. The tough guy look on the men and the women is more prominent. Kind of the swagger, the way people walk around, the way they carry themselves, kind of the expression on their face. It looks like everyone's trying to be tough guys.

And I look at all these people. And I go, what percentage of these people are actually tough guys? And what percentage of these guys work at Kmart and Starbucks and sit in a cubicle or work at a car wash or work at a bank? And I was almost a little like, I got to be honest, I was a little like put off by it all. What's with all the posturing? What's with all the, what's with all the accessories?

What's with all the kind of ghetto clothing and tattoos that kind of smack of, you know, toughness? You know what happens when everyone starts to look the same? There's no more toughness left. Nobody stands out as like one giant masquerade party. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, that wasn't a joke, okay? You got to figure out what's funny here and what's just me talking, okay? And that was me just talking.

Okay, so now you're going to clap. Okay. All right. Roger, this is getting a little. Anyways, back to my point. I don't know what to do. Well, when does it stop? How tough does everyone want to?

I get. And maybe this is all part of the American gun culture. Maybe this is part of people posturing so that, you know, they don't become victims or people leave them alone or people think they're tough. I don't know what it is, man. But there was a time like in the 90s when a lot of people were getting tattoos and it kind of stuck out and they're like, oh, well, there's a dude with a tattoo. He's not like a biker. He's not like a sailor. He's not like a sailor. He's not like a He's not like a trucker. It's just like a, it's just a white dude who probably lives in the suburbs. Oh, cool, a tattoo. Although I never thought they were cool. But now there's so many. It's like, it's almost like a birthright. It's like Mrs. Jackson, your child has just been born. Congratulations. It's a seven-pound four-ounce baby girl. Would you like it tattooed now or would you like to breastfeed it first? I mean, good Lord, man.

Can we lighten up? And I was kind of thinking to myself, you know, here's these billion-dollar casinos. Here's these billion-dollar motels, casinos. And let's face it, some of them are pretty classy. Some of them have, like, hand-blown glass from Italy. And some of them have, you know, authentic artwork hanging in them. And some of them have really cool architecture. And some of them are marbled floors and, you know, marbled walls.

And some of them are very elegant. And then you look around and it's like, oh, great, here comes Hell's Angels wandering around. Like not just a group of them, but everyone's from Hell's Angels. I don't know. It's like it made me long for the days. I was just waiting. And I was going, where is a woman in a nice flowing gown? Where is a gentleman in a top hat and tails?

Show me a guy with a cane and a nicely shaved face and a pencil-thin mustache and his hair oiled back. And a woman with a trim figure and a nice gown and a sun hat. Maybe some flowers on her shoulder on her collar. A little handbag, maybe some white gloves. I mean, I was just like, you know, have we gone from the Great Gatsby to the Great Ghetto? So I don't know.

Maybe I'm just being a snob. Maybe I'm being like, you know, got my nose in the air. I don't dress like, I'm not like Mr. Elegant. I don't roll around in a George Clooney suit. You know, I'm a jeans. and t-shirt guy. But it feels like it's going beyond that. It's going beyond, you know,

we're just becoming one big clubhouse. And the other thing that's not attractive is, as you well know, I'm not making this up, I'm not poking fun at hefty people. But a lot of the country is really letting itself go. It seems to becoming the norm now. And people are kind of almost wearing that. That is a badge of honor now. It's like, oh, yeah, that's right.

I'm chubby. I'm big. I'm overweight. But look at me. I got tattoos. Look at the way I walk. Look at my gut hanging out. I walk like a crab because I got so much weight to move around.

Yeah, that's right. I got baggy clothes. You got an issue? You want to step into the buffet and sort this out, man? Yeah, I didn't think you wanted to step into the buffet and sort this out. so it's pretty wild man so i guess you know if if i'm a uh a person with my eye on american culture if i'm an aficionado dial it back people dial it back the whole biker gang things getting tired and not quite frankly ugly

not just the look but the attitude the language the the the the physical the way you physically carry yourself, the posturing, all that stuff. It's becoming not very palatable anymore. So for what it's worth, just a suggestion, let's dial it back, clean it up a bit, man. I'm not talking about you have to, you know, dress up like you're going to meet beauty and the beast in the ballroom, but, man, maybe clean it up a bit. So there you go. There you go.

Well, okay, you don't have to clap. All right, clap. Roger, I don't think these people. Thank you. Thank you. All right, we're going to move on. We're going to move on to the next thing. Thank you, everybody.

Thank you. Shut up. Shut up. Just all of you, just shut. You don't have to clap and cheer at everything. Okay? I appreciate it. But calm down. Wow. Roger, play a commercial, and then let's move on. Wow. Okay, Mom, which hand has the newest idea on duches?

Wrong. Two mass and gill vinegar and water duches? Right, new extra cleansing and extra mild. Now we have a choice of mass and gill freshness. What's the difference? New extra cleansing. The only vinegar and water with puriclean. Pyrraclean for effective cleansing. And extra mild, the only douche with no additives. I've always trusted Massengill, extra mild for me.

I choose extra cleansing. Trust Massengill, the leader for 73 years. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me.

And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping.

Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into you. your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland, have fun. Don't throw your back out. Hi, this is Harland.

I'm not available right now, so please leave me a message, and I will get right back to you. Thanks. Hello. Hello, Holland. Hello, Holland. Can you hear me?

Oh, my God. I'm so upset. Holland is Anne Ruthie calling from Rochester, New York. How are you, doll? Oh, my goodness, I'm in such a panic. I'm in the car. I'm driving down the same mother of Mary of Mother Mary's Hospital. I think I've got a cancer tumor.

Oh, my goodness. I was walking around the house and my slippers and my little spring dress for Ireland, and I noticed a black circle on my inner throat. Oh, my God, I can't find my inhale. Oh, there it is. I had a black circle on my inner thigh, a round circle. It's about the size of his silver dollar, and I'm just terrified that it's a cancer tumor.

So I'm driving down to our mother of Mary of Guadalupe to the hospital. I'm going to check myself into the emergency. emergency room, Holland, okay? And Ruth, he's very, very sick. I don't know how long I have left to live since I found my tumor on my inner thigh. Okay, now someone's honking. Excuse me, I'm a cancer patient, okay? I am a cancer patient. I don't know how long I have to live. You have a lot of nerve honking at someone who's on their deathbed while they're driving to the hospital. Anyways, oh, I'll never forget when you were a little boy, Holland. And you had your little tonsils out, and I came down to the hospital.

Do you remember that? And your mouth was hanging open, and I had to feed your ice cream and ginger ale. And one of my cigarettes fell right out of my mouth and right down your throat. And burned your fresh tonsil scars. Do you remember now? Oh, you screamed. I never knew a little boy with such cute little brown hazily eyes and fluffy blonde. brown hair could scream

like a little pussy whip bitch oh you're such a cute kid anyways holland if you could just call me I'm very nervous about this cancer spot on my inner thigh I'm driving with my skirt up

so there's none of the fabric presses against it okay you don't honking me I'm going to the emergency room son of a bitch okay you know what stop here have my my middle finger. I'm taking one hand off the wheel. Okay, have my middle finger, my bony,

vainy middle finger, okay? You rat, bastard, fuck you. Okay, I've got a cancer spot on my inner thigh, the size of a silver dollar. Can you believe this hauling people nowadays? No respect for their elders. Here I am with my skirt up, and it looks like, oh, it's blowing in the way. How is my inhaler, Holland? Oh, Christ. Anyways, don't. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hold on, Holland. Wait a minute. This is a, oh, my goodness. This is an Oreo cookie on my inner thigh. Oh, my good. I was eating Oreo. It's stuck to my inner thigh, the vanilla icing. Okay.

You know what? I'm a cancer survivor, and you're honking at me. You're honking at a cancer survivor. I had a tumor, and that was a cancer survivor. And now it's just a cookie. Holland, I'm going to eat this. Call Aunt Ruthie. I love you, doll.

I love you. Bye, Holland. I'm eating a cookie off my inner thigh. Bye, baby, doll. Okay. Don't clap for her, please. But ladies and gentlemen, please stop clapping for her.

I don't think she's well. Stop, she's a little bit Tached. My Aunt Ruthie is not well. Stop clapping for her. Thank you. Wow. My Aunt Ruthie ate a cancer cookie off her leg.

The Bisco's cancer crunchies. Stop. That wasn't a joke. Come on. I need to move on to something a little more serious here. Excuse me, people. Can I move on, please? please thank you roger great idea then you know what i'm you know what i just thought of something

okay since they're insisting i have a live audience in here you know what i'm i'm going to play a piece that already has an audience uh this seemed to go over a while back i uh recorded one of my live stand-up sets at a local club out there in the comedy world. And I did it again because I kind of, you know, this sounds like you guys enjoyed it. And so what I did is I recorded another one. We're going to, well, thank you.

Thank you. The reason I'm playing it is so I don't have to hear you people, okay? But thank you anyhow. And I did it before. And again, this is just me kind of jumping up, goofing around. This is how I work on new material. You might hear a little old material in there. I don't know.

It's a pop-pery of stuff. It's me talking to the crowd. It's me goofing around. And here it is in front of a real live audience. Oh, now you're quiet. Great. In front of a real live audience, here's a little bit of me jumping on.

stage at a local comedy club hope you enjoy it gang okay i wasn't referring to you guys i wasn't referring to you 30 people do you not have jobs to go to do you not have places to go are you all homeless roger just roll the stand-up thing with the real crowd thank you wow stop it stop stop it listen to this stop clapping let the real people clap This next act is a very, very special treat. You people are restored for something else. Will you please all of you, put your hands together for the one, the only. Captain Ranish from Fresno!

It hurts my eyes to be up here even. Powered really this. There we go. What an eventful drive over here I had, gang. You know, if you ever had this happen? You're driving along, you're on the highway, and the car in front he flips a cigarette pot out the window, and it just starts bouncing down the road,

the road, break to you, each bounce, more and more sparks are flying off, and then it goes right down to your car, and you're just like, four, three, two, two, one. Huh? Am I right here? Oh, God, good to be here. What a treat. A friend of mine, the other day, he said to me, He goes, he goes, hey, buddy, be there or be square? And I looked at it, and I said, did you just threaten me with a shake? So I got, I got my hairs up. And I said, hey, dude, hey, you be there or octagon, all right? How about that, a little monkey?

Go eat a shave banana from Dairy Queen, dip it in a bunch of hazelnuts, because I know you're allergic to them, and go shirble up, and I don't know. corner that let, uh, there's a possum broke in the aisle. They can flip along that. So I guess I won't that verbal exchange. Um, I joined, uh, I joined, uh, I joined, uh, new social media.

Well, I started the new social media. Are you on Facebook, ma'am? I ordered, I started a new one. And this is just for the ladies, if you want to join us, it's called, uh, sit on my Facebook. Do I see hands from the ladies? I even want to join sit on my Facebook. Avatar, how about you?

Are you? I went on Google Earth the other day. You ever been on Google Earth? Holy shit. When I'm Googler, you can see your house from way up in the sky. And I'm looking at my house, and I go, wait a minute, there's a truck in my driveway. So I go to the window and look outside from no fucking truck. I zoom in, there's two people standing by the truck.

It's me and my dad. My dad died three years ago. So now I think I'm dead floating up to heaven for Christ's sake. Turns out Google is an antonym for heaven. Is antonym? What is an antonin? You're not a spice you put on

if you find a honey roasted nutbag or something? You ever do that buddy? You ever pull your nuts out? over your face. Pretend with Freddy Kruger. You ever do that? I'll speak fish.

You've got your black bag over your eye. How about are we scared, gang? Are we scared of that checkerboard junction? Are we scared? Over here, sir,

doing a shout. Sir, over here, go over here, go to show. Are we scared at North Korea, sir, gang? Everyone over here in the shadows? Yeah, North Korea is pointing a nuclear-guided missile at the United States of America right now. It doesn't affect you because you live in that weird dream world.

But for the rest of us, you know, we can't throw our cubes into a horse's mane and just cry around. But, you know, possibly most of this way. But, ma'am, in your turquoise sweater, North Korea, sir, is pointing a guided nuclear missile here at the old USNA.

And should we be scared of North Korea? Should we be scared of a world terror leader who looks like a grown-up Asian cabbage patching? He's really pissed because his father named Kim, huh? He's an old-grown kid, his name's Kim or Kimberly, as I would probably call. And what sucks, his middle name is a really strong, like, male name, John. So it's like, Kim, John, and then his last name was just something, someone kicked him in the nuts. It's like, ooh.

Cheongedong, ooh. Oh, that's fucking hug. Well, look, gang, a guided missile. Look, I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes. And I didn't start this stereotype. Probably this guy over here did. But we've all heard it. You know, people talk about how the Asians aren't good drivers.

Ah, Asian people can't. You say it all the time, sir. Deadliest cat, should we be scared? Should we be scared of North Korea with a guided missile? Come on, they can barely drive. Can you imagine that guided missile? He's like, oh, there we go.

Oh, we're going to blow up New York City. O'Re Frock, there she goes. O'Re Frog, with that breaking light, I see. Oh, re Frog, someone left, left hand turn, second along. Ory Frog is coming back. O'Roy, mushroom crowd. man. You're doing all right? Let's do it. Come on, this is nuts. What am I doing here? Let's do a joke for the crowd. I love here doing all this stuff. Let someone yell at a topic. Any word and I'll do a joke

right on the top. What is it, ma'am? A polar bear. Well, that's two words, ma'am. I said a fucking word. So let's not get ahead of us up. Polar bear's cool. Pulling up polar bear's cool. this makes me think of the polar ice caps are melting. Have you heard about this? Did you hear this gang, sir? Ma'am over here, there's a guy. They say the polar ice caps are melting, gang. They say that in 15 years from now,

the oceans are going to rise three feet. 15 years from now, the oceans rise three feet. Do you know what this means, ladies and gentlemen? This means that in just over 14 and a half years from now, I'm going to have to pull my picnic table back. Unacceptable. I'm acceptable. They say, ma'am, and here we go with your two shelf-assured things.

They say that when the ice melts, the polar bears will have nowhere to go. They say the polar bears are going to keep swimming until they reach land. Well, guess what? Well, guess what? Own a house. Guess where my house is? On land. I already have an ant problem.

I don't need the world's second largest carnivore and rip around in my garden looking for fucking wall with me. I got to get to Starbucks, player. You ever been down one of those giant mushrooms? that she's a fake... Oh, it's fun. Let's do one more. Let's stick to one more of them. I had to go a long way. I had to go with the... I have one word. Ginger Bidus.

Drag it. Ginger Bidus. Ginger Bidus. It's a bacteria that gets into your gums, right? That gums in human gums, sometimes in animal gums, but organically gums are part of the human body, right, ma'am? Which the human body, if you believe in God, was created by God. And God is like an infinite energy that we can't see

that expands into the far reaches of the universe, far off into places that we as human beings can't even comprehend. So for that reason, man, because we can't comprehend it, I can't do the fucking good. Thanks for fucking up the show now. These two polar bears walk into the countryside. Have you been to the dentist lately, ma'am? I'm gonna hit you, have you?

Did you go for the x-rays? Saturday. Saturday, sure, everyone goes on the fucking weekend. Fuck, your ginger bite is supposed to be able to out of a fucking rhino on a shit writing. What? I don't have a fucking cute bite. Well, I'm smelling stuff up here.

Did you shing your pants out? No way, we see a big fat person. No way, we see a nice big fat person. She puts the lotion. Do you have any girlfriends, do? Do you have any girlfriends? Do you have any? Like, just friends and a girl?

Sure, yeah. Do any of my girlfriend named, like, Kim? Yes, I do. Do this for me. This will be fun. Yeah. Just say, nice and loud to everyone here, you say, do you know Kim.

Nice and lot. Yes, I do. No, you guys. You'll point to you so you don't get retarded again. Your line's going to be Juno Kim, but let me point you in the year, okay? Nice and loud, so all the little lost koalas in the back is, ready? Do you know Kim? Oh, way.

We should let me think of my family. That was for me. How's it. Isn't this fun, you ever wake up at 3 in the morning and fill your ass crack full of cold stuff? More time? More time. How much time? Hang on, let me listen to the sign.

Tad, how am I doing? How much time? Whatever I mean. Whatever I mean. Okay, here we go. Might as well do some of the other guys' material. What is a Taco Bell, huh? Well, this is a Taco Bell, huh?

$1.95 for a meal? I know, I want to have a meal that's more expensive than gum. I go to the other. I go to this fucking roller right the other night. Are there glad people here tonight? Yeah, this is all in the fucking roller around. Are you blacked? That's how you put your hand, will you black?

Is it wrong? Do you say, well, should it be black or African American? What do you prefer? I want to be, I want to do it right. Gucci? Goochie. So that's fucking racist, all right? So you don't want to be black or after in America?

You're Gucci? Black is cool, but you don't like African American. That works too. works too. You're only half. You're half black and half what? Native American. So it's pronounced Indian. Really? What, what tribe, dude? Your mom knows all that? You never asked her? You did, but you forgot. That's cool. So you're like African, Indian American. Do you have like a North American Indian name? Like, he who does drive? That's fucking racist. Fuck you for making me say that. Fucking Gucci's, huh?

Folks, that's my son. Give him a hand. Give him my son, yeah. That's my son, David. My wife is black. And, well, she's good. Great to see you, yeah.

What's your name, ma'am, right here, right here, love. You gotta say, or I'm gonna fucking give you the name. What is it, love? Rachel, okay, no comedy there at all. What do you do? Do you work, my love? Do you work? I'm looking right at, yes. Where do you work, ma'am? You're a singer. Holy shit.

Yeah. There you go. You want me to sing? Okay. Heard from a friend. Heard from another, you've been fighting around. All right, that's brilliant. If you don't realize it, if you didn't know your teeth started in.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I love that. Folks, my name's Captain Ryers. God bless. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Captain Ryan!

That's my son right now. There he is, Captain Radish. Now, in case you don't know, I mentioned it last time. I like to go up when I just do these practice runs, I call them. I like to go up and go under different names so people don't have any expectation when I walk on stage. So that night it was Captain Radish. And just so you know, because you weren't there,

there was a guy dressed in blue that looked like average. He was the guy who was joking with about the mushroom blowing up in his face and twirling his pubs into a horse's mane. What else was going on? The black dude, the African-American Indian guy, he was one of these guys. The reason I did the drive-by bit with him is because he was acting all gangster and cool. he was like he was sitting in the crowd with a hoodie on like who sits in a comedy club with the hoodie on and he's he's sitting there like with his arms crossed and he was trying to act all cool and ghetto and stuff so i was like you know what you're gonna you're gonna act that way you're gonna talk that way i'll play along i'll i'll do the improvise them with you sandy so i did it was fun uh he was laughing his ass off i actually went up afterwards and uh we hugged it out shook him He was a cool dude, but he was loving it.

So I've learned when I do stand-up, no matter who's in the crowd, because I improv a lot, I just go with it. I don't care if you're blind, if you're in a wheelchair, if you're black, if you're white, if you're Asian. I just roll with it, you know? And that's what you've got to do when you improv. You don't have any time to think, so you just got to fly. And, man, that's a lot of fun.

That's a lot of fun for me. Oh, Holland is so funny when you do the improvs. Too bad you have the gingeritis. And then I think you might have possibly heard a couple of those bits before. That's because, you know, when they're newer bits, I get up and practice them and I shape them and I start to word them and work them out. So it's not like the first time you do a bit. Oh, Golden, that's it. It's locked in.

No, you know, the way it works is you kind of throw a bit out there and you start to hear it and you start to hear what people laughed at and what they didn't laugh at. And so, you know, with me, I got to run a bit a number of times before I kind of know if I like it, if I know where it's going. So there might have been a couple of repeat ones in there that you might have heard, but for the most part, I think it was pretty fresh stuff. And then the only other thing I'll tell you is at one point I said,

I said, how much more time do I have and blah, blah, blah. And I said, oh, well, maybe I'll do. some of the other comedians material. And there were a few guys up before me, so I actually dipped into a couple other guys' material. The thing about eating a Taco Bell, the food being cheaper than the gum. And also there was another guy up there.

There was, did a whole run on how all the black people somehow go to roller ranks, which I don't know what the hell that means. But, I mean, there was a black guy sitting in the crowd with me. He wasn't at no roller rank. So there goes that theory. So what I did is I just repeated the material from comics that I had watched earlier in the evening, and that's why people were laughing, and it probably didn't make much sense to you. But that's the backstory, man.

So anyways, I'll keep putting these up for you every now and then if you still like them. If they start to get annoying, just let me know. but that's kind of a peek behind the curtain at how I kind of create my stand-up and speaking of entertaining how about this TiVo do you have TiVo guys before TiVo watching TV was really hard

you can only watch one show at a time if you missed it or you even had part of it you had to wait for it to go into reruns before you could see it all over again So TiVo has changed all that. And yes, there are other DVRs, but they're not as good as TiVo, because if you have cable, TiV will let you watch your shows wherever you want. With TiVo, you can stream them on your iPad, you can play them all over the house,

take them with you on the airplane, the dentist's office. So it's pretty good. And only TiVo searches both the cable and the web to find any movie, any show, any video at the press of a button, okay? And with the TV mini, one TiVo box works on a second TV. So from the couch to the minivan, to the kitchen, to the apartment, TiVo makes TV a thousand times better. Check it out.

TiVo is helping to sponsor my little podcast here. Now I'm actually making a few little little. dollars to help put towards the podcast, which I don't know if you know this or not. I haven't made a cent in four years, but I didn't do the podcast to make money. But I'll be honest, with a little tiny bit coming in, and it certainly helps cover my cost. So thank you, TiVo. I hope you guys dig TiVo. I honestly do.

I'm not just here plugging it. I hate that crap. I like to plug stuff that I believe in and that I think is good and quality. So there you go. How about that? How about that? Okay, good. What else can I tell you, gang?

Don't forget tonight, if you want to see any more of this wacky comedy, I'm going to be doing it tonight. Tonight, Thursday night, May 23rd at the improv in Hollywood, and I'm probably going to be doing more of this, just making it up stuff as I go along. So if you want to see me do what I do live, come on down, Hollywood Imprive, 10 o'clock tonight. Bing, bang, boom.

And then what else can I tell you? Check out the Harlan Williams.com store at Harlanwilms.com. You can write me at Harlewiams.com. You can phone and leave me a message. You might win my contest where I serenade you with when you wish upon a star. You can leave me a message and tell me why you think you deserve to be serenaded. If I like it, I will. If I don't, I won't.

323-739-4-3-3-0 or just leave your comments, your complaints, what have you. And don't forget if you're in Canada. My new sitcom package deal premieres on Monday, June 24th, at 8.30 p.m. on City TV. Make sure you check that out, gang. Support your brethren. It's actually a really funny show. I've seen a few episodes. I'm very proud of it, so I think you're going to like it.

And then June 28th, 29th, and 30th, I will be at the Tempe Improv in Arizona. Please come and check that action out, baby. That's it, man. That's all we have time for. I hope you had a good time. Hope you had some laughs, some giggles, what have you, and some insight. Go get a tattoo.

then go get it burned off. And in between that, don't forget to have a great big bowl of chicken chalemain, baby. Thank you.