The Harland Highway - 499 Harland auditions for a REALITY SHOW, Senior Fuentes

Episode Date: June 10, 2013

Harland goes in for a reality show audition, for real. Senior Fuentes drops by for a visit, and we take phone calls from you guys, the Pavement Pounders. Slump on a bump!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sweet side orders of Sicilian crab cakes. No idea what that means, but what a delicious way to start a podcast, right, gang? Hey, welcome. You are being served, some comedy, some insight, some whatever here on the Harland Highway. Thanks for being here, ladies and fernardle glorgans. What a show we have today, man. exciting. Senor Fuentes is dropping by, my gardener. Well, why is that exciting? He's the most annoying gardener in the world. I should fire him, but I never do. So he'll be by later. We're

going to be talking about a reality show. Yours truly actually went and audition for a reality show. Wait do you hear about it, man. I got some live footage from the audition during the the process of the audition. I did this crazy reality show audition on a show called Shark Tank, where I took my invention, and I'll let you listen to that. Also, we're going to be taking your phone calls, the pavement pounders,

I've left their messages on my answering machine. We are going to listen to what they have to say. I'm sure it'll be intelligent and insightful and wonderful and funny and smelly. It always is smelly Right here on the Harland Highway Welcome to the Harland Highway Alright let's get this sucker going

Huh You're causing a major disturbance on my time It's the Harland Highway What's up, Brad? If I'm here and you're here Doesn't that make it our time? I have come here To chew bubble gum and kick ass

Am I hallucinating here Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. This is your fucking wake-up call, man. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. In 30 seconds, you'll be dead. I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes. Okay, so I left you hanging last podcast.

I was talking about yours truly went in and auditioned on a reality show called Shark Tank, where I'll give it to you briefly, average folks, any people, all walks of life, take an invention they've created and they go in and stand in front of some panels and they have a minute to pitch their invention and if the panel likes it, then they get to come back and go through the vetting process and eventually if they make it on to the show, they get to stand in the shark tank in front of five billionaire invests. and try and interest these investors in their invention and see if they can partner up and go to market. And it's a crazy show. It's on ABC. It's called Shark Tank. And, yeah, I went in for it, man. I went out and I stood in the line, they stood in the line for hours and hours and hours, clustered in with like 5,600 people, huge line all the way down the street.

Uh, you know, I actually sent my friend over to the, uh, the drug store to buy some, uh, some cheap chairs. And we full, unfolded chairs and we sat on out on the sidewalk, traffic going by. People walking their dogs, people riding their bikes. And all these, uh, hopeful people with their inventions waiting in this giant line auditioning for Shark Tank. what a nutty experience it was fun so i promised you last show that uh i would uh i would play some some foot some uh some some sound bites that i recorded while i was in line i uh you know some of the other people started chatting to me i tried to keep a low profile i had the baseball cap on and the sunglasses wasn't really talking too much to anybody but you know sure enough when you're

standing in line with a bunch of people. Eventually, everyone starts talking to each other, and they got to me. And, of course, the main question is, well, what's your invention, Harland? And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, well, I don't want to tell my invention. Because if I tell my invention, someone might steal my invention. So I made up an invention on the spot. And I thought they'd just laugh at it because the invention I made up was, a boiling pancake.

They said, what did you invent? I said, oh, it's a pancake. You put it in boiling water and you make a boiling pancake. Which just immediately is ridiculous. But, you know, I guess people kind of were thinking, okay, anything's possible. And they started asking me about it. And so I just, you know, in order to not have to tell them about my real

invention. I just kept going on about my boiling pancake invention. And here's some of that conversation that happened waiting in line for the reality show Shark Tank. It doesn't mean you won't get it.

They got the chicken gumbo, maybe. Well, I think if they like chicken gumbo, they'll go for a boiled pancake. Why not? Is it a lock? No, I can't tell you the ingredients. Well, I'm assuming it's a secret. recipe. Where's a little potato, I'll give you that? There's a little potato. But you know, have you ever

seen a boiling pancake? Be careful. Listen, her family owns a million dollar food business. Which one? It's not the one she's pitching today. It's multi-million dollar. Yeah. Well, I bet they don't have a boiling pancake. So don't tell her too much. She might steal it. Well, we have round potato of potato chips too. See? We need potato chips. You're a direct competitor. Get out of here. So do you think a Boiling pancake would work, or are these guys going to kick the shark's going to kick me out? It's like a liquid batter, but it's in a foil, in like a foil pouch, you know? Oh, right, okay. So you could eat it in space, like, you could send it up to this.

So it's a good camping. It's good camping. It's good for outer space. It's very much. Yeah, they can always be. Yeah. Well, what about outer space, though? You know, and I know they look to do, do they boil water and outer space.

I think they do. I should have looked into that, but, um, gravity issue there. Yeah, right. The bubbles would float all over the ship, you're right. Well, camping. Yeah, floating hot water. But I think camping works. Camping. I like camping. Yeah, so would you take a boiling pancake camping? Yeah, because all you do float on it, right? Then I just stick it in inside. You're dripping in. Yeah, so I don't have to deal with like a pan and butter. It just boils in the Mixing the batter

Sounds like it's really easy to do Have you ever been to IHOP? Have you ever been to IHOP? Yeah It looks just like If you did a taste test You probably wouldn't know the difference Between an IHop pancake

And the Boilie Well I shouldn't have said the name That's the name of it, the Boilie So there you go As you can see You know My boiled pancake is really Peking everyone's interest

People are chiming in, they're asking where you can make it, where you can eat it. Can you eat it in outer space? Can you boil water in out of space? And it's going along. Everyone's chiming in on my boiled pancake. And as you can hear, all of a sudden I kind of improvised a name. I called it the Boile. And...

And once I labeled it, then that opened a whole new round of discussions where people weren't exactly thrilled with the name Boile, and one lady equated it to someone having boils on their skin, and she actually went ahead and it gave me a new name for it, which I actually liked. So have a listen to this. The Boile is born. Boiling a pancake? Boil, yes. No, doesn't that kind of bring up a boil? Ooh. Just throwing that out there.

Yeah, you're right. He's already got it on 100,000 packages. Oh. I can always change the name, though. I'm just, I mean, that's a good, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That's a good.

Yeah, I don't want to eat a pancake that remind you of eating someone's boils. Okay. I like that. Any time now. You're on it. No, I appreciate that. Hey, I'm at Target Market. It was talking about something that's easy to use, and I could boil it to use my kids.

How many kids do you have that would eat like a boiled pancake? I have three kids. Would they each eat a boiled pancake? It depends on what they taste like. Are they delicious? I think they're amazing. Yeah. Are you the only one?

Oh, no. I've passed them around to friends, old people. You could call them a boiling cake. That's good. Can I have that? Yeah. There you go. It's yours.

I like this one. If you make millions, though, you've got to come to later. Okay. I'll give you a free pack of boily cakes. That sounds good. It just sounds weird. Boily cakes. I like this.

This one's smart right here. Boily cakes. This one's smart right here. Boily cakes. Thank you. You're welcome. Keep the ideas coming. What else you got?

I don't know. I love it. I love it. So have you figured out the portable demonstration of making them out? All you need is like a crab pot and flame, and you drip it in. Because those camping burners. Yeah, Coleman, that's why it's so good. You can be portable.

And the sharks are going to be able to try it. It takes each one once the water's boiling. It's about a 32-second turnaround, but you have a pancake. That's perfect. That's fast. It's right in your presentation. Yeah. You can even, yeah.

See, for me, as mom, who has to be my kids in the morning, that would be off. Yeah, perfect. Now throw on the water, as long as it tastes good. Oh, it tastes. Well, it's not that you can throw maple syrup on top of the way. Can you make them into it for shape by, like, you know, driveling it or? Uh, you know, that's another good idea. I've never done that.

I've never done that. Like a Mickey Mouse shape that feels on the top of the water? Yeah, you know, the kids love that crap. Yeah. Put that in and then stick it in the boiling water. Yes, like, like the poached eggs. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like the eggy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you'd have a design. But you do it as a design that kids like a teddy bear. Yeah, no, I like this. I like this.

And you can sell it like on the, you can like actually put it on the side. Like so if you have a packet, you put their little teddy bear thing on the side as like an add-on, right? Yeah. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah. The package with a little shaping. Yeah.

It makes it stand out. That's right. That's brilliant. It's a two-for. What's a two-for? That means it's two-for one. You can use it for other things. You can take it.

pick it up is that name patented twofer i like that too well it has nothing to do with boiling i know but i might i just like that name maybe you can come up with another product that works with the tufer i like that you can have that too i can yeah keep it coming man

the funniest thing is his business has nothing to do with boiling pancakes it's something totally different so there you go the people are starting to go on your nuts over the uh the boyley cake they give it a name and now they're talking about the packaging and the different shapes you can do and all the different types of things you can do with the boily cake and this is this boiling cake now I'm starting to think maybe this is a real thing

is there such a thing as a boiling pancake and then right at the end there you hear a guy who's there's starting to be some chinks in the armor some guy right at the end kind of throws in yeah the reality is uh it's probably not even his real business the funniest thing is his business has nothing to do with boiling pancakes and he's right he was starting to catch on i think uh through all the uh furor and all the frenzy for the boyley cake maybe he took a step back for a minute from from the fever that was rippling through the crowd, the boiling cake fever that was overcoming everybody.

Maybe he took a step off the curb and just went, wait a minute, wait a minute. And he just kind of watched him, and oh, this guy's having us on. And just so you know, I was having them on. And, you know, just so you know, these were great people. These were wonderful people. They were smart people. They were inventors. Some of them had their own companies already.

A lot of them that I talked to were very successful people. And they were smart enough to know that this was a place that could come and get in line and connect with potentially some really smart, successful billionaire people. So, you know, I was just kind of having fun. I wasn't trying to be a brat. I wasn't trying to make them look bad. It was all in good fun. And I thought, you know what?

Since they're jumping on the train, I'll just keep rolling through. this thing as long as I can, and, you know, it'll divert them away from asking about my real invention, which I had no intention to tell on anyone about. So these were wonderful, fun people, and I'll play you the last segment here where, you know, the Boilie Cake keeps gone, and now people are starting to hand me their business cards and want me to call them. Oh, look out IHop. Here comes the Boily Cake.

All right, Carlin, here you go. Oh, what's this? Oh, what's this? Oh, look at this. Thank you. CEO. What are you doing here if you're already CEO? I'm a CEO of the company I'm trying to get financing for.

All right, thank you. It's awesome. Hopefully it will. What's your thing again? What was your thing again? Carpool. No, your name for my pancakes. Boilie cakes.

Voily cakes. Better write that down. Yeah. No. Got it now? No. When I call you, remember that. All right.

I can't wait. All right. She just gave me the name. Oh, right. I guess that name again. Boilie cakes. Toot. Nope.

Not the sufer. We're going to see it in Costco. It's going to say tufer, boily cakes. Actually, I think chupur works better for like those meals. I'm going to just pitch up what Harlan. Yeah, you seem to want to help me a lot. I like this. Now after carpool to school, I'm going to come over here and help with the boiling cakes.

Thank you. That's very kind. Wow. So there you go. CEOs of companies, inventors, real estate people, all around me, and they all seem to want in on the Boily Cake. So there you go. Happy Flapjack's.

And, hey, good luck to all those people I met in line. I'll keep you guys posted on how my invention goes. And once I, you know, if I make it through, I can actually tell you what my invention is. It's not the Boily Cake. So if any of you out there want the Boilie Cake idea, go for it because everybody loves boiled pancakes. It's the All-Nove.

Boily Cake, wholesome, delicious, and wonderful. Yes, it's the delicious Boilie Cake. No more frying, no more mess, just drop your pancake mix right into the boiling water and have yourself a delicious flapjack with Boilie Cakes. Whoopi! Mums love them because they make no mess, and kids love them because they taste great. Cakes, whoopee! Wonderful!

Available in your grocer's freezer. Oh man, I can't wait to tell you about what happened to me last night. What? No! No! Oh, no! Roger! No!

Oh, what is he doing here? What is my gardener doing here, Ron. Roger. Oh, come on. I'm doing a podcast. What the hell are you doing here, Fuentes? My name is Senor Fuentes. I know who you are. You're my gardener. Do you see a garden in here? No, senor, I don't. Well, but your hair is awful messy, senor. Stop it. I am doing a podcast. I've told you a hundred times do not come in here with your gardening stuff. Signor, I had to come in today. It was an emergency.

Oh, really? Why did you have to come in here today? Because I have to give you the bird, signor. Wait a minute. Don't come in here and be giving me the bird, all right? Why not, Signore? I already gave it to your neighbors. What are you talking about?

I gave your neighbors the bird this morning, Signore. Oh, great. What the hell? Yes, signor. Oh, I saw them in the driveway and I walked right up to them. I give all of them the bird. Who was in the driveway? The family that lives next door, the old lady, the mother, the father, the four children,

even the baby I gave the bird to, signor. Look, there's a thing we have in this country called etiquette. You don't give the bird to families and children and an old lady? Oh, yes, signor. She could barely see, so I had to put the bird right up in her old face. I think she had a mustache, too. Stop saying that about old lady Hulahan. Oh, senor, I put the bird right in her face.

Oh, my God, they're going to sue me. And then the little girl, she was so cute, Signore, and her little pink dress and her piggy tails. Yes. Well, then I gave her the bird, too, senor. Oh, my God, you idiot. But really, I thought it best I'd come down here because once I gave them the bird,

they told me to come down here and give you the bird, senor. Look, I don't know why they said that. I get along with them. There's no reason why they should want me to have the bird. Well, senor. No, look, you give me the bird and you're fired. I've been dying to give you the bird, signor. Please. No, Fuentes, okay? You've been my gardener for how long? Fifteen and a half years, senor. Fifteen wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. Just the most excellent years. Are you being sarcastic? I'm not sure what that means, signor.

I really don't. All right, smart guy. Maybe it's time you do give me the bird. Maybe this is a good reason for me to fire your ass. You know, you've been coming in here, stirring up trouble at my show, interrupting, barging in here, there's leaves in your hair, there's lady bugs on your neck,

There's ants on your pants. Oh, I like it when you rhyme and do children's stories, Signor. Do some more. What? Ants in your pants. That wasn't a children's rhyme. That was, you've got friggin' ants on your pants. Oh, ow.

Oh, senor, you're right. I've got, oh, ow. Stop screaming and jumping around in here, Fuentes. That's Senor Fuentes. All right, fine. You want to give me the bird, Fuentes? Is this building up in you? You don't like working for me?

My money's not good enough. I never said that, Signor. Come on. Go ahead. You want to do it? I dare you. Man up, Fuentes. Go ahead.

Give me the bird. Ready? I'll even count it down for you. Ready? Three, two, one. Give me the bird. Okay, senor. Here it is.

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What the hell is that? It's the bird, seor. What do you mean it's the bird? I've been trying to tell you I gave your neighbors the bird and then they just told me I should come down here and give you the bird what bird the little bird in my hand seor it fell out of the nest in your tree in your backyard are you telling me you tried to give my neighbors a real bird yes signor i didn't know what to do the poor little thing was flapping around like a little child with crooked legs that fell out of a wheelchair don't say that so it's a real bird it sure is senor get out of here but signor the bird Just get out of here

This is unbelievable Had me thinking that Get, senor, take the bird Get out of here And what, did you just flip me off? No, senor, I gave you the bird Get out! Oh, Fuentes.

You know what? I gotta get my mind off of him. Let's take some phone. calls ladies and snorgleflurgens okay did you just call me a snorkel flurgin excuse me you think you are nerdle flurgan indeed you know all those other men i've been listening to the podcast probably i don't know for a couple of weeks of it was on or something crazy time of my life When I started that, I was going through some serious, psychotic stuff, and you really kept me cool. You kept me calm.

You know, that humor calms us, you know what I'm saying? But I just got to thank you, man. I can't tell you hundreds of times, man, smooth my mind. I just go on the highway, and it's all good. that, dude. God bless. God bless. Indeed.

Hey, man. That's what this podcast is all about. Giving people some laughter, some stuff to think about, some giggles, some chuckles. And you know what? It sounds like you're going through some hard times. You use the word some psychotic stuff. So that sounds like you could either be really heavy or really wild. Whatever it was.

Hey, man. glad we were here to get you through. Keep on listening, man. You know, this is why I do it for you guys, for all you ladies and snorgleflurgens. Did you just call me a snorkel flurgin? Excuse me. What do you think you are?

I just, I, I can't believe I got your voicemail. I'm trying to get your voicemail. Get some money. I have enough crack issues, but it's not for crack. I'm trying to get money for you. I want to get money from you so I can give to you because I want to promote you. I'm not to, I mean, I'm not trying to be too needy or in your face about this, but if you don't give me money, I'm going to have to come find you. And if I don't find you, then I'm going to be very disappointed. That is the end. It's not going to go any further than that. I, I, I, oh my, my goodness. I, goodbye. Goodbye forever. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you say it's not going to go any further than this? That's the end.

It's not going to go any further than that. Well, then I guess this is the end. You're not upset, are you? Oh, my goodness. Look, relax. Why don't we just agree to say goodbye for a little while or, you know, how long do you want to do the goodbye thing? Goodbye. Goodbye forever.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, well, good, goodbye for how long? Goodbye, for Emmer. Wait, how long? Forever. Wow, okay. Hey, Harland, hope you're doing well, man. It's Kyle in Vancouver, your British Columbia ambassador to the podcast.

Okay, I just want to make a couple thoughts, sir, a couple thoughts with you, man. Liking for slang so far. The drive-thru one is hilarious. Can't wait for a package deal to star. Your new sitcom. It's going to watch fast for sir. I love how your flashback shows. just don't miss a beat

with your new shows consistent just comedy and entertainment just older and new stuff mixes so well good job there I hope you come back

to the comedy mix soon always a good time when you're up here at a club there man you can tell Mr. Featherstone to go fart on himself and thanks very much have a great one

chicken town main baby hey there he is Canadian Brohemia from the beautiful province of British Columbia City of Vancouver. Thanks man and I love it that you're our

point man up there I mean I'm putting it all on your shoulders to spread the word like you're you're the ambassador for the Harland Highway in Vancouver and if the ratings sag if we aren't getting new listeners all the time it's on you dude

yeah it's on you dude Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, thanks for listening, man. Hey, I'm glad you're loving Fislang. For those of you guys that don't know what it is, go to Harlan Williams.com, join my YouTube channel, subscribe, YouTube backslash Harlan Williams. And Fashlang is the crazy new stunt show that I do. These stunts are worse than punked.

They're worse than real Hollywood stunts. They're life-defiant. death-defying, idiotic-defying stunts that I'm surprised I'm still alive. You can't try them at home. They're insane. Check it out for slang. We're putting out a, it's pronounced fish lang!

We're putting out a new episode every week. So you don't want to miss if you subscribe to the YouTube channel, the fish slang episodes will come right to you, right to your email, your account, whatever you have. and yeah my sitcom package deal my Canadian sitcom unfortunately it sounds like they're moving it again I think it might be moved to the fall now they keep moving this thing around man

so sorry for the fall starts as soon as the new dates come in we'll hook you up let you know and then the flashback shows I'm glad you dig them man and the flashback shows just so you know those were requested by you guys the pavement pounders um and basically uh the for some reason the first 42 episodes of the harland highway were never placed in the archives um so what i'm doing

is i'm slowly rolling them out slowly rolling out uh the uh the old shows which are still as our friend here said, just as smoking, just as relevant, just as wicked awesome, wicked awesome. So thanks for the call, man. Keep spreading the word up there in British Columbia. And, you know, let all the ladies and finergle gurgens, you know, get on board with the Harland Highway. Did you just call me a snorkel forgan? Excuse me.

You think you are. Hello, Harlan. My name is Tim, and I just wanted to share my story with you. I'm listening to the Harlan Highway now for, oh gosh, I think about two years, and I'm a huge fan. So I'm 24 years old. I'm an actor. I'm an actor. I'm living in Chicago right now. And something interesting about me is that I also have a stutter, which, you know, like average everyday sort of interactions and everything are sort of hard for me.

And I've actually left you a few of voicemails and everything in the past, and a few of them ended up on the show and, you know, where you can hear me and stuff. And, you know, like you could hear, you know, that I have a stutter, which, like, off and on and stuff, sometimes you would sort of have a little lack of that, which, like, it was okay with me and stuff, you know, you always had a lot of class with it, and you're always, you know, it was all, it was all always in good fun. But, yeah, so anytime I'm up on stage or anything, or any time I'm acting, I did not have a stutter at all. trees up my voice. So that's how I end up in acting. But it's still pretty hard, you know, like to get acting work and stuff when like I'm at the audition and I have all these hard times and all these things pulling me back. But you always tell me to stay happy and you always tell me to stay, you know, just fighting it and stuff. You know, just keep doing what you've got to do and

keep shooting through your dreams. I just wanted to thank you. And, yeah, I hope you keep doing this podcast for a very long time. I'm a huge fan. And thanks a lot, buddy. See you later. There you go. Tim, who says he's a stutterer,

which is interesting because if you listen to that phone message, I don't hear it. I didn't really hear any stuttering. I would have never known. And if he hadn't said anything, I wouldn't have picked it up. So I went through and I listened. And here's the only little moment where it sounded like maybe you stuttered a little bit. You know, you just started and fighting it.

You're talking out. I was just keep doing what you got to do. And that's it. That was the little spot. So, dude, if you say you've got a stutter, it sounds like you got it under control. But, you know, maybe in your daily routine, it comes up a lot more. and it's interesting that Tim says that when he's acting, the stutter goes away, which is a common thing.

Apparently when stutter sing, they can sing stutter free. For some reason, the language of song eliminates the stutter effect. I could be wrong, but from what I've seen and heard, that's true. There was actually a contestant on American Idol this season, and you can probably go on YouTube and see the guy and this guy had an incredible stutter. I mean, I'm going to do a bad imitation just to drive home the point, but he was like, my name is Donnie and I want to sing like it was very severe,

but then when the guy sang, boom, completely gone. So it's kind of magical the way that, you know, certain things. I don't know if it's the pressure of acting or singing or it just, something clicks in the brain. And maybe because when you're acting, you become a different personality. You flip over and become a character. And maybe that's your brain going, well, this character doesn't stutter. This character has flawless speech patterns. And if that's the case, if that's what's preventing you from stuttering. That's an interesting case study right there.

The phenomenon of your brain assuming a different personality, therefore eliminating the stutter. That's something to look into. This could be some deep research happening here. And no, Dr. Ascot will not be getting in on this. Holland. No. Holland.

No, you're not. Holland. Was that you stuttering my name? No, no, ho holland. Stop it! We have a guy on the line who shared his stuttering things with us, and you're going to sit here and stuttered. Get out of here.

Tim, I'm sorry for that, idiot. God. So it sounds like you said I'd had fun with your stuttering in the past. You know what? probably didn't realize you were a stutter, and if you were stuttering, I get a lot of wacky phone calls here, so I probably thought you're probably goofing around with me. But it sounds like regardless of what I said in the past, you got a kick out of it, and I like that, man, whenever we perceive a human being to not be perfect, you know, if somebody's got

a stutter or somebody's got an ailment or somebody's, you know, talks different or whatever, it's like, it's so good when it's just accepting and people, you know, absorb who and what they are and they don't worry about having fun with it. So I'm glad we had some fun with it. I'm glad that, I'm glad you're getting inspiration from the Harland Highway. And, dude, just keep going. Keep doing what you're doing. Shoot for the stars, man.

And screw that stutter. ideally one day you get a role that requires some stuttering and that can be kind of cool too to actually use something that you thought was a handicap and actually use it to enhance an acting role so there you go um Tim to do to Tim

ho ho holland stop it get out of here askot god Yeah, baby, it's me again. I just want to tell you, I'm so sorry about that last message. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just, you know me, you know what I do. You know, I had a very bad day. I'm sitting here drinking soy sauce because I don't have any money to go get vodka. I'm not saying that's your fault, but it is your fault.

And I just, I just want you to know that our baby doesn't like soy sauce. It's not No tinky poo Up in the Estomagal It's not I don't even know If estomical is a Chinese word

If you can just You know my number You know where I live You know everything about me Do you God I know everything about you Wow So there it is

Now you know I have a baby That was raised on soyas sauce Um Wow startling, startling revelation here, ladies and snorgle flurgens. Did you just call me a snorkel flurgin? Excuse me.

What do you think you are? I am Harland Williams, and I want to thank you guys for calling in. That's who I am. That's what I want to do. Thank you for calling in. Thank you for your phone calls. You can phone and leave your phone message, and it might get on the show. Who knows?

And if you want that phone number, go to harlandwilliams.com. You will see the phone number right there on the homepage. And call in any time, leave a message, and you just never know. Also, I want to tell you about our sponsor here. We have a great sponsor, TiVo. If you don't have TiVo, hey, here's a suggestion. Go out and get it. Before TiVo, watching TV was kind of hard.

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Jive Monkey stuff. I don't even know what that means. But I said it. Who cares? Who cares? What else can I tell you? Make sure you go to Harlan Williams.com. You can write me at Harlan Williams.com.

Go to our store. Go to my stand-up site. Click on the stand-up link, and you can find out where I'm going to be doing some live shows. And as I said, my sitcom package deal got moved, so I'm not sure when the release date is now, but I'm thinking sometime in the fall. I will keep you updated. and if you want to see me live, get your tickets now. I'll be at the Tempe Improv in Arizona.

And that's coming up on June 28th, 29th, and 30th. Go to Harlan Williams.com. Click on the stand-up link and check it out. And be sure to go to my YouTube channel, which you can subscribe to at Harlanwilms.com, and catch the latest episodes of Fislang! My crazy new stunt show. And thanks for being here, gang.

Have a great summer. And until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby. And goodbye. Goodbye forever.