The Harland Highway - 507 - TWITTER fever and Dr. ASCOT!

Episode Date: August 8, 2013

Today we chat about the ramifications of Twitter and social media outbursts, also that annoying twat Dr. Ascot drops by the studio. Crank my crabtrap!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, it's a one for the money, two for the show, a three to get the baby, now, okay, good, don't you? Okay, enough, enough, enough. This isn't Elvis. This is the podcast. This is the L-L-cast. The Elvis, no, this has nothing to do with Elvis. This is Harlem Williams, trying to be Elvis, fail, and trying to lure you into this podcast. But I shouldn't need to do that because we have a really tasty show today.

Um, hopefully we're going to shed some light on the phenomenon of, uh, Twitter and Facebook and all that social media and the way people blurt stuff out into the universe via their social media and don't really think about what they're, uh, blurting out there. Don't, don't think about the consequences. Um, but until it's too late. Uh, they do something what I'm going to coin as Twitter finger. So we're going to talk about that. Are you guilty of that? Have you ever blasted something out on new media? And you're like, oh, God, why did I do that? Or you blasted out, it was very innocent, but everyone else in the world took it the wrong way

and you got in trouble? Let's discuss that. Because that'll keep me away from having a deal with someone who's visiting the show today. Dr. Ascot drops by. I already feel sick. I feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you.

Dr. Ascott here on the Harland. Highway! Welcome to the Harland Highway. I will look for you. Does your mother know what you're doing for a living? The Harland Highway. Hey-yo. And that's classic.

I will find you. My mom always said, you can't handle the truth. You need many years of therapy. Many, many, many. Fucking years of therapy. I will kill you. Well, I! Listen, lame, brain.

Let an expert show you how to do this. The Harland Highway. You never know what you're going to get. It's the Harland Highway. Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, got it, got it. Hey, listen, let's talk about, and this is interesting.

This was inspired by, you know, a lot of stuff that's been going on in the news lately. A lot of madness, a lot of craziness. I want to talk about something called a knee-jerk reaction, okay? Because I have them, you have them. Everyone has a knee-jerk reaction. And, you know, we just had the Trayvon Martin George Zimmerman trial. Everyone's freaked out about that. And now we have this new Rolling Stone magazine where they put this Boston bomber on the front

and made them look like, you know, Jimmy Hendricks or Jim Morrison or Bob Dylan. And I think we all have these knee-jerk reactions where we're like, oh, that's horrible, or that's right or that's wrong, or he's guilty, he's innocent. And a knee-jerk reaction is basically a reaction. It's like when the doctor takes that little mallet and hits you in the knee, and your reflexes kick your leg out. Your lower leg just like bonk. And this happens with our brain sometimes

when we're fed stimuli or imagery or whatever you want to call it, information. And the second we see it, we go, boom. We go innocent, guilty, right, wrong, horrible, fantastic. And it's interesting because I'm seeing a lot lot of it with uh well at least they saw a lot of it and it still seems to be going on with the trevon martin case uh people on both sides just immediately uh going oh well he's in he was innocent or oh he was guilty and what happens with the knee jerk reaction sometimes is if

sometimes when it's your first reaction it seems to be the one you stick with at least for a few moments, sometimes forever. But I think they can be dangerous because what happens is with a knee-jerk reaction, often people have this immediate reaction to news or imagery, and they don't wait for the other side of the coin. There's always another side to every story, whether you like it or not, whether it's your personal relationship, your parents, you're in a fight with someone

something happened no matter what you think your story is there always will be another side and with the knee-jerk reaction you formulate your opinion you come to your conclusions when you have a knee-jerk reaction a lot of the time not always but a lot of the time

you probably the first time you saw the Trayvon Martin's story you probably went guilty or innocent. Or the minute you saw that, that greasy scumbag on the cover of Rolling Stone, the Boston bomber, you went, this is horrible, this is great. And what's happening a lot in the world, especially in American society, is we've become such a trigger-happy, knee-jerk society. And there's so much world media available to us now. that we are creating an environment

where we're all being bombarded and are susceptible to knee-jerk reactions. Because here's what happens. You see something. You see a story. You see a headline. You see a news clip. And you're probably sitting there with your phone in one of your hands

while you're watching it or reading it. And before you have time to flip it, to the other side of the coin or hear more details, you've already tweeted about it. You've already Instagramed. You've already Facebook something. And I guess what I'm saying is

I'll dial it back a bit. Slow down, man. I mean, how often it's weekly now where you see people retracting their Twitter remarks? They're retracting their comments. They're apologizing for things they say because, you know, people are saying some horrible things

that are hurtful and inaccurate, but they're knee-jerk. They're in the spur of the moment. So when the verdict for the Zimmerman-Travon-Martin thing came out, people on both sides were just letting stuff rip. You know, professional athletes and actors and politicians, and everybody. And it's great that you have passion,

but a lot of the times what you have to do is you have to let the dust settle a little, man. And if it's not letting the dust settle for the story, you have to let the dust settle for your emotions. And I would urge a lot of you that are overly passionate and have trigger fingers to instill into your subconscious a one-hour rule

where if you see a story or something triggers you you go whoa whoa whoa whoa I don't like that that guy's guilty that guy's innocent I hate that I love that once you realize you're fired up about something you have to give yourself an hour to just settle the hell down

settle the hell down before you go on Twitter and go Man, I'm going to go kill somebody Or that bitch needs to be hung up and, you know, shot Or that guy's a fag or that guy's this Or she's a biotch or, you know Because humans, we're passionate people And suddenly we live in an era Where we have this instant access

world but we don't get it sometimes when we're fired up we're sitting in our living room with our tv and our water cooler and our lemonade and our hot pocket and we're just in our safe little environment and we're thinking oh man i'm pissed off about this i'm gonna twitter i'm gonna twitter this i'm gonna facebook this and you forget dumbasses this is going out to the whole planet And I'm going to give a double dumbass to people of prominence. People who are athletes, public figures, celebrities. You know what? You should probably take two hours.

You should have a two-hour grace window to really think about what you're saying because your stuff gets amplified. Your stuff gets held under a microscope, a magnifying glass, the Hubble Space Telescope in some cases. And I'm not saying this because, I don't want people to deliver their opinions. I don't want people to be passionate. But I'm kind of saying it as a public safety announcement, like, you know, to protect yourself.

Because a lot of people are twittering stuff and saying stuff that, you know, the minute they do it, they think they're impassioned and they think they're right and they think their opinion matters. But then once it gets out into the court of public opinion, and people are pissed at you or you say something as politically incorrect, suddenly this innocent little thing you put out, this knee-jerk reaction you typed out, has got you in a whole mess of trouble.

And I'm not saying mute your thought process. Here's what I'm suggesting. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying here's what I'm suggesting because this is what I find I do and it works for me. I'm going to give you an example. Okay, I'm watching the news the other day. And for the first time I see this story about the Boston Bomber kid being on the cover,

and I don't know the kid's name, I'm just going to call him shithead, okay? This guy doesn't deserve me to know his name. I don't want to know his name. To me, that guy doesn't have a name. That guy's just a piece of shit. And I don't call people. names very often man but this guy's a piece of crap okay um but when i first saw that story i saw the reporters going this is a disgrace look what they've done look what rolling stone is

done and then i saw them interview people in the street and they're hurt and they're offended and they're upset and my knee-jerk reaction was hell yeah this is a disgrace Way to go. I came close to doing one of those tweets where I was going to go, real classy Rolling Stone. Like I was going to be pissed at them and tweet it out how, you know, how angry I was.

Because, you know, same with all us Twitter and Facebook people. As you know, the world's just waiting to hear what we all think. That's the big myth about these social network things. Everybody thinks suddenly they've got this. relevance and this global importance that everyone's just waiting to hear a tweet or see what so-and-so's got to say. So I was all ready, I was fired up and I was like, this prick killed people and we all know he's guilty and why would you, why would you glamorize him?

Why would you celebrate this guy? And I go by putting him on the cover of Rolling Stone as a glamour shot. you're just glorifying this piece of junk and you're encouraging other kids and future terrorists to go, wow, I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. I want to blow someone up. And that's what I thought,

and I was blinded by my knee-jerk reaction, and I was about to Twitter. And then just before I kind of got to that phase, someone with an opposing point of view came on the news and said, look, it is hard to see. It is a tough image. It is maybe it's inappropriate. But what it's also doing, the story, once you get beyond this image, the writing inside the magazine, the picture is bringing you, is leading you to a story about problematic youth and dangerous youth and radicalized youth.

And the story is about what brings a seemingly innocent, nice kid from the suburbs to the point of building bombs in his living room and blowing up innocent citizens. And then I went, oh, wait a minute. I still am disgusted that that picture is on the cover, but, you know, what if a kid reads this and is educated by it? And what if people read that and understand more why this guy did this? And maybe people know how to look for the signs and the signals of other kids that are doing this. Or maybe another kid's like, man, look at all the hurt I caused.

I'm going to abandon my radical ways. I don't know. And I don't know which one is right or wrong. But what I'm saying is suddenly there was the other side. of the coin and I almost ignored it and and that's the thing you can see with the with the Trayvon Martin thing everybody's got their opinion about who's guilty who's innocent how the trial was run how it wasn't run was it race related wasn't it was he profiled wasn't it hey everybody who wants to have better sex no

Yes? The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreetly. For free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and EVE.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out.

That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And everyone's jumping and screaming. And the reality is, folks, and I hate to say it because I'm frigging pissed that a beautiful young man, he wasn't a little boy.

he was a young man, lost his life. It breaks my heart that that kid lost his life. It really does. It breaks my heart. And that's part of why this is so passion. But, you know, you got to say nobody knows what really happened except the two people that were there. We just don't know.

We really don't know. You can jump up and down all day long. long. Was Trayvon Martin coming after him? Was he wailing on him? Was he going to kill him? Or is George Zimmerman just this thug who had a cop complex and was like, I'm going to bag me a teenager. I'm going to bag me a troublemaker. And I'll tell you, man, I think like a lot of people, you know, I've fluctuated on either side. And I go, well, why am I fluctuating? And I go, at the end of the day, I go, because I just really don't know. All I know is I'm very sad that somebody's dead and I'm sad this whole thing happened. And once you get rid of all your deductions and all your beliefs and everything you thought,

All you really have is the justice system, which you have to rely on, and I don't know. I find that whole system a little corrupt, too. I just don't think it's a perfect system. Everyone goes, it's the best system in the world. I don't think it is. I mean, if you say it's better than witch burning and beheading and lynching, okay, it's a lot better. but I don't know

I just don't know that the right person always gets what they got coming and uh that can be said about many many cases white black Asian and anything but uh you know so that's it that's it I'm I'm like talking about that knee jerk reaction and uh and you know do you have one yeah you do even if you don't think you do

you do. So in conclusion, next time you have a conviction or a, a reaction to something where you're just so sure, take a beat, take a breath. And remember, there's always two sides to each story. Stop it. Stop it. You're busting my heart. Harland Williams, I have to say your humor is wonderful. I can't stop laughing. I just got off the podcast of you having a session with Dr. Pascott where he had allergies and he was hawking of blue. But I had to pull her. I had to pull over because I was laughing so.

But I want to say, sir, your humor is wonderful. I got laid off a job, and I want to say, listening to your podcast brought me laughs in the tears of joy, getting me through the hard times. I just want to say thank you for your wonderful humor, keep it up. I love your kind of humor. We need more like you. I keep thinking about that podcast, I just heard, and I'm laughing so hard. Anyway, I just found a job, and I'm happy, and I'm still listening to your podcast facially.

Keep it up, my main friend. Keep it out. I'm going to be listening to this podcast that I heard driving over and over again because it's so funny. All right, my friend, I hope to meet you someday. hope to shake your hand. All right. Take it easy, my friend.

Well, that was a bit of a heavy topic. You know, the whole trigger finger thing. Or I'm going to rebrand it. Let's call it Twitter finger. People twittering before they really think about what they're going to talk about or what they're going to Twitter. They rush to judgment. They pull the Twitter, the Twitter.

Twitter finger and start twittering before they kind of understand the consequences of their actions. So, yeah, it's a new phase. Twitter finger. It's like the Wild West. You got Trigger finger. Now you got Twitter finger. And you get... Hello?

Hello, Alland. What are you doing here? I heard you say Twitter finger, Allend. Yeah, I said Twitter finger. You know why I said it? Because I'm in the middle of a podcast. What are you doing? here it's time for your therapy alland you just can't come in here on announced i believe i can

you have to do your on-air therapy sessions or you'll be fired alland oh god you're still holding that over me i don't write the policy alland oh don't get all legal on me legal eagle what legal eagle What does Legal Eagle mean? It rhymes. It rhymes. What the... Holland, why don't you tell me what's wrong with you? Who says there's anything wrong with me?

Holland. And stop saying my name and why are you wearing cranberry colored pants? Holland. No, I just want to know. You come in here with the most flamboyant clothing. Who, what grown man wears crambery colored pants? Cranberry colored pants. Holland.

Don't try to avoid it by saying my name. Holland. Stop it! Holland. Look! Holland, tell me what's wrong. Well, if you gotta know... Yes.

I've been having... Yes. I'm getting to it. Yes. Stop saying yes. No. No. You know what?

Yes. Stop! I'm having a bit of social anxiety. What does that mean, Holland? It means I've been getting out with people and I don't really know how to communicate with people. I don't know what it is. I get anxious. I get reclusive.

I get around a crowd and I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm standing on the outside looking in. kind of like an animal at the zoo, Arland. Well, maybe that's a good comparison. Like, you're standing inside the tiger cage, and people are looking in at you. Yeah, that's kind of what it is. So you're telling me you think you're a tiger, Arland.

No, I don't think I'm a tiger. Well, you didn't say you were in the tiger cage, Holland. You put me in there. said it feels like you're in the tiger cage. Yes. And I'm looking out at the people. Yes. So?

So that means you think you're a tiger, Allend. Oh, where is this going? I want to do a little experiment, Alland. No, I don't like your experiments. I'm not doing an experiment with a guy wearing cranberry pants. Holland. Stop saying my name. Alland, I want you to close your eyes

and I want to present you with some other people so that you get used to being around other people. What do you mean other people? I'm going to do some voices for you, Alland. I'm going to do voices of other people so that you can relax and get used to being around a crowd and not have social anxiety, Alland. What?

Wallin. Are you saying my name? Wala. St-anunciated. What is wrong? What is your fixation with my name, you creep bag? Holland. There, you said it.

Lala. Stop. Hurry up with your dumb experiment. All right, Holland. I want you to take a deep breath. Yes? Lead back in your chair. Arland. Okay. And I want you to close your eyes and I'm going to do the first voice for you,

All right. Get it over with. Here we go, Holland. Are your eyes closed? Yes, they're closed, can't you see? Excellent, Arland. Here comes the first voice. Imagine yourself in a crowded room and a social get together. You're sitting on a couch by yourself as all the people mingle around. Okay? And all of a sudden a person innocently

approaches you to have a casual conversation. All right. Now here's that person, Arland. Okay. Hey, man. What be happening, man? Excuse me.

me? Hey, what happening, man? How are you today, me brother? What are you doing? I be talking to you, man. I be having a

conversation with you, man. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you doing a rasta, Farian voice? I be talking to you one human being to another man. No, no, no, no. That is creepy.

I'm not going to lay here with my eyes shut and a guy in cranberry pants is going to try and do a rosta voice to me? Are you nuts? I'd just be trying to get to know you, man. Stop it! I can't be quiet, man, because I'm your doctor and I want to talk with you, man. I want to rap, man. Okay, I'm leaving.

Holland. Good. Thank you for stopping that voice. I'm going to do another voice, Holland, because you're. in a crowded room. Oh, God, another one! Holland is the second voice. Get it over with. Hey, are you talking to me?

There's no one else here but me. You talking to me? I don't see anyone else here but me. Are you talking to me? What are you doing, Ascot? Hey, whoa, are you talking to me? Are you doing Robert De Niro from the movie Taxi Driver? There's nobody else here but me, Holland.

No, you're not. Stop, just stop. creepy and stupid. Hey, who you talking to? There's no one else here but me. Stop it, I'm leaving. Holland. Thank you for stopping. You are really twisted, Ascot. I'm done. Allan, you need to learn how to relax in a social setting.

I will do one more voice to create a community of people, Alan. Do one more, and let's get this over with. I'm getting impatient. Here we go, Alan, is the last individual in the social setting. Are your eyes closed? Yes, they're closed! Here's the last person, Arland. Things are heating up.

You're here on CNN in the Situation Room. Who is that? I'm Wolf Blitzer, and you're in the Situation Room, Arland. Are you doing Wolf Blitzer, the newscaster from CNN? You're in the situation room, Holland. What are you talking about the situation room? I'm Wolf Blitzer for CNN, and you're in the situation room with Wolf Blitzer. You're not Wolf Blitzer. Stop it!

Stop it! Situation room, Holland, with Wolf Blitzer. Okay, I'm out of here. Get out. Get out of here right now. Oh, and I just found one more. How about Davy Jones from the monkeys? And I saw her face, la, la, la, la, la. Now I am a believer, la, la, la, la. And I saw her face, la, la, la.

Get out! Stop singing. You're not a monkey. You're not a Rastafarian? I certainly am on. What you be talking about, Jive? What you be talking about Jive? Get out of here.

Get out of here You talking to me There's no one else here but me Get out You're not a jive You're not a You're not a reggae guy You're not Robert De Niro

You're not Davy Jones from the monkeys I'm Wolf Blitzer From the Situation Room Holland You're not get out Get out of here Blitzer Thank you for acknowledging

Holland you're cured Get out! What a complete and utter moron. Good Lord. Wolf Blitzer, Rastafarian, and Robert Dene. What a dumbass. I don't even know how to apologize for that knucklehead. Let's just get out of here.

Let's get out of here. interesting show today we had like some serious talk and then uh you know it was going good kind of thought we uh made some inroads into the confounding world of twitter and social media and people with their uh hair trigger fingers their twitter finger and then all that uh sensible hopefully uh thought provoking conversation gets thrown to the rocks because some dumbass therapist comes in. Forget about it. Let's move on. Don't forget, folks.

Tonight I'll be in Huntsville, Ontario, Canada at the Cottage Comedy Festival. You can get tickets tonight. I'm at the Algonquin Theater right on Main Street in Huntsville. It's going to be a blast. Get out there and come join us. Maybe you'll be able to laugh and forget about Dr. Ascot for a while. And also the following weekend, August 15th to the 18th, yours truly will be at Marco Island in Florida.

There's a great club down there called Off the Hook Comedy Club. And that's August 15th to 18th. and it's going to be a blast down there. That is quite the setup down there. It's like on a resort island, white sand beaches, seafood restaurants, and me doing comedy while you crack your oyster shells and crunch your crab claws. Thanks a lot.

So that's it. And be sure to check out Harlan Williams.com for all my stand updates. is filling up fast, check in to see if I'm coming to your town or city. You can write me at harlomewilms.com. You can go to our store, pick up some merch, or you can call me and leave a voicemail if you want. I'm at 323-739-4-330, and yeah, man, that's it. So there you go. up to you. Just shoot your mouth off on Twitter and have fun and throw caution to the wind

or take a beat before you do your social media and formulate some thoughts before you just blurt stuff out. And I guess I'm saying it so, you know, to keep some of you guys out of trouble. Because it's awkward when people get nailed. So there you go. That's it. We'll catch you next time, ladies and Ganargo Blargins, right here on the Harland Highway. Thank you for being here, everybody, and we look forward to the next one. And until that time, you know the saying chicken chowmaine, baby.