The Harland Highway - 519 - PEE SHOWER FROM ABOVE, VIOLENCE in the USA.

Episode Date: September 30, 2013

Somebody has been peeing through their roof, we discuss horrid diseases, a nice call from a Pavement Pounder, and the sad state of violence in the world today. Block my blanket!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holy lunch bag, letdown. No, there'll be no letdown here today because you are on the Magic Highway known as the Harland Highway podcast, and I am your host, Harland Williams, here with you, the whole show, guiding you through safely. There'll be no letdowns at all. Great show today. We are going to be talking about all kinds of stuff, man. I got a phone call from one of the pavement pounders talking about my new comedy special. which I'm so excited to play for you. Such a great phone call.

Also, we're going to be talking about gun violence and how it seems to be escalating here in the United States and around the world. And we're going to try and discuss what are the symptoms of it, what are the root causes of it, why is it happening? How can we prevent it? And how is it affecting us as a society? Heavy stuff there.

We also got a wacky, wacky news story. Wait do you hear this one where somebody's been peeing on an old lady? What? Yeah, this is for real. Way do you hear it? And then we're going to be discussing diseases. Do you have any weird disease, any ailment with a weird name, a wacky name? We're going to dissect those wacky names because I don't like them.

but I do like this podcast. This is the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harlan Highway. I will look for you. Does your mother know what you're doing for a living? The Harland Highway. Hey-oh. And it's classic.

I will find you. My mom always said, You can't handle the truth. Many years of therapy. Many, many, many, many. Fucking years of therapy. I will kill you. Listen, lame brain.

Let an expert show you how to do this. The Harland Highway. You never know what you're going to get. It's the Harland Highway. All right. The Harland Highway. Crazy news story. That's weird.

Wow. That's strange stuff. Okay. Let's kick the show off with, uh... This is redonculus. Radonkulous, have you ever done anything weird to torment somebody, a neighbor, a friend, someone you don't like? In this new story, there was some old lady living in a condo unit, and I guess there was some weird, whack, pervo, nut job living upstairs, which is one of the things I don't like about condos and apartments, to be honest. You don't know what you're getting.

You don't know who's next door to you. You don't know what they're up to behind closed doors. In this instance, there was this old lady living downstairs, and there was a guy upstairs, and this guy, believe it or not, went to the trouble to peel the carpet up from his own place. He lifted up his own carpet, got a drill. drilled holes through his floor that went right through to her ceiling

and then he peed oh god it's almost unbelievable then he peed through the holes he would pee through the holes and the pee and the dirty urine and the water would drip down onto this woman's bed in her bedroom so either the guy was just a complete

jackass or he was like some kind of golden shower purve but nonetheless at what point in your life do you come up with that idea what shall I do tonight let's see it's a rerun of CSI I've seen it my computer the battery's dead my buddy Larry's out at a movie tonight I am I'm just bored. Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I have a drill, right? I have a drill.

I have a drill and a whole bunch of drill bits in the closet. I've hardly ever use it. Oh, my God. I'm going to drill holes in my floor and piss down on the lid. Oh, this is great. I'm going to piss all over the people that live below me, the old lady. Margaret. I'm going to drill about eight holes in my floor

and piss, you know, probably for the next few weeks, maybe a month. Why waste water in the toilet? Aren't we all supposed to be living green? Aren't we all supposed to be doing our part to conserve? If I piss in the floor holes that I'm going to drill and drizzle it all over an old bag, I'm doing my part. What the hell? Photos showed the scene that Mary Hickey has been dealing with for months.

You can see the holes created in the bedroom ceiling of her Timber Creek apartment and the water stains left behind. Mary says it all began around six months ago. At first there was a lot of pounding, really loud pounding and excessive. Then a couple months later, the water troubles began. Initially, maintenance thought it had something to do with the plumbing. Wait a minute. Six months? Over your bedroom?

I mean, A, okay? A, just the fact that there's holes appearing in your roof. Perfectly symmetrical holes. Okay? Perfectly round holes created by a drill bit. I'm guessing if there's drilling, there's going to be a bunch of powder and plaster and wood shavings dropping down. so you got to go wait a minute something ain't right here and then there's like six or eight or ten of them and then water starts flowing through them and then pee starts flowing through them

excuse me but i think we all know that pee has a very strong odor how many of you have been in the underground garage or the stairwell where you're walking down the street and you walk past the doorway, the side doorway that nobody uses on the office building. Or you have to cut through an alley past the dumpster, and it smells like a hockey arena toilet in there. I mean, that is pungent or pugant or whatever the word is. How about stinky? Now, are you telling me with six months a piss raining down on you? you're in a tropical rainforest a piss you've got golden piss showers coming down all over you

in your bed in your bedroom for over six months you're not going to get out of there you're not going to go up and bang on this guy's door you're not going to you're not going to go to the hardware store and buy some spackle well i better i better seal up the piss holes i don't know if this building's possessed by Lucifer, but whatever is pissing on me, I'm going to seal those piss holes

up. Like nothing, you just take it? Maybe now I'm starting to wonder of this old codger, maybe had a pea fetish or something. Oh, I better get to bed. The pea

should be coming through very shortly. That nice warm golden pea that I love. lay in bed and oh god disgusting so hint to the to the wise if pee starts coming out of your roof like a giant shower head get off your ass and plug it call the pee police or something man they checked it and nothing was wrong so that's when they checked the apartment above her and what they found that he had rolled up the carpet, made holes in his floor, and was pouring stuff through. Mary says the neighbor poured a soapy liquid through the holes, even urine at times, destroying her carpet and bed below.

Good Lord. Wouldn't you go up and bang on this person's door? Like, hey, dude, there's piss coming out of your... You have them piss parties up here? I mean, why won't this lady go up and say something? The ceiling is now repaired, but she had to be. pay for a new bed. She still doesn't know whether her neighbor is still living there or not. She just thinks management should have acted quicker. It's been very frustrating and it's been

frightening because no one would listen to us. Again, word to the wise, gang, okay? If the inside of your house starts pissing all over you, don't wait to talk to management for half a year. Okay? This is one of those do it on the first night. type of deals. Okay, do it in the first 10 minutes type of deal. Most people, when they even have a drip coming through the plaster or some kind of leakage, they shut stuff down. I've had water

go, water pipes drip and break in my house, and I'm like, shut the water off. But when that water is a warm gold and it smells like uh asparagus yeah shut her down granny shut her down

or at least going by a shower cap hello harland it's like from Dallas um i got your your DVD your uh your recent stand-up show

We're out in the desert and I enjoyed it very much, very funny. And like the next day, my brother was having a party in his house. And I put it on the TV and there's a lot of people coming in and out. And people that were coming in and out of the house, they stopped and looked at the TV and they said, this guy, he's in the middle of the desert with no audience. Like, I've never seen anything like this. And it really caught people's attention, and everybody loved it. People were mesmerized by it, and they were really applauding you

and saying how much, you know, you didn't even need an audience to be funny. So I really think that you knocked it out the ballpark. It was a very unique idea, and it totally pulled it off. So I don't know any other comedians that could have pulled up. So, congrats on that. And it's a very tail end of the DVD where you're being attacked by the crow. That really caught my niece in the attention. She's two years old.

She stopped everything that she was doing. She stood in front of the TV and was staring at it. Started really cracking up. It was great. She really enjoyed it. I mean, too. That was fucking hilarious. I love that crow.

Bye. Well, well, well, Blake, Blake, Blake. Guess who just made my day, folks? Blake from Dallas just made my day. What a great call, man. Blake, thank you so very much for those kind words. If you don't know about it, Blake is referring to my new stand-up comedy special that I just put out. And it's called Harlan Williams, A Force of Nature.

And I kind of did something very unorthodox. I've talked about it on the podcast before. I shot my stand-up special in the middle of the desert on a hill and broad daylight with no audience. And it was a big gamble. It was something I wanted to do for myself to push myself as an artist or a performer or just a guy. I don't know if I like calling myself an artist. That sounds kind of pretentious. So just as a guy, just as a guy who likes to think and push the envelopes.

I did it for me, and I did it for you. I was like, you know what? I want to present comedy fans, stand-up comedy fans, something fresh, new, challenging, a little dangerous, a little weird, outside of the box, whatever you want to call it. And I did an hour-long special standing in the middle of the desert. And, boy, hearing Blake talk about, you know, how people. were kind of filtering in and out of the house

and suddenly they kind of stopped to watch and that's very gratifying for me and you know I was hoping that it would be the type of special that first of all you'd find funny because there's no point in creating a scenic backdrop

or doing something out of the box if it's not going to deliver so before I went out into the desert I made sure I worked very hard for you know a year a year and a half on working this material in the clubs at concerts at theaters and making sure that I had the funny and then took it took it out there where I felt confident that

you know regardless of an audience it would still inspire people to laugh so uh feels good to know that that's the reaction it got that's what the intention was and I certainly appreciate your kind words and compliments that's just a bonus on top of everything else and mostly i'm just really glad you liked it and appreciated and uh you know it sounds like it stimulated you and the people that were watching and even to a degree it sounds like your your your little uh i think you said your your niece uh who was two years old was getting a kick out of some of the crazy physical comedy I was doing. I won't give it all away, but yes, it involves me and a crow. Hey everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have

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Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. The new BMO ViPorter MasterCard is your ticket to more.

More perks, more points, more flights, more of all the things you want in a travel rewards card, and then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BMO ViPorter MasterCard and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit BMO.com slash ViPorter to learn more. so excellent call you made my day man thank you very much folks if you want to see the special uh you can see it on netflix for free it's just started running on netflix harle williams a force of nature or if you want to own your own copy you can go to my website harlem williams dot com to the store and uh pick up a copy there we'll mail it out to you

and uh i hope you enjoy it as much as uh blake did so thank you Thanks again, man. And, uh, I can't wait to do another special and, uh, keep, keep the party going. Oh, it's lovely. It's just lovely. Okay, well, let's talk about something that's not so lovely. Uh, do you have any, like, weird diseases or afflictions or, you know, people that do? Um, there's a lot of them out there, man. And God forbid, I hope none of you have them or suffer from anything.

or if you do, you're getting through it or it's curable. Because us human beings, man, we're susceptible to many, many little things. Parasites and viruses and skin diseases and just a whole tickle trunk full of traits. And I don't think I approve of the name of a lot of them. You know, I really don't. I'm going to give you a little list and I think you'll agree with. with me here that the names are not really you know i don't know i just don't think the names are right how about acid reflux anybody have acid reflux it kind of sounds like a 60s band of me ladies

and gentlemen welcome to the stage acid reflux right or it also sounds like remember the alien movies in space no one can hear you You scream. But in the alien movies, those aliens, they would puke up like acid. They'd bleed acid and they'd spit acid in your face. Do you really want acid reflux? I don't want that in me. It just sounds corrosive.

How about anorexia nervosa? Anybody got that? You know, you know anorexia. anorexia nervosa, the eating disorder? Is it just me or does that sound like a star cluster somewhere? And NASA announced today that Voyager 3 would be passing through anorexia nervosa at approximately 5 p.m. Central Standard Time. A new milestone for the space...

You know, I mean, what the hell? Can't they just call it like, you know, skeleton? disease or something, I mean, I don't know. Anorexia nervosa just sounds way too elaborate. Here's one. Asperger's? Who came up with this one? Asperger's. That sounds like German porn to me. Yeah, now we will wash the Asperger's. First, we will watch the Golden Shower to the roof, and now we will all wash the

Aspergers. Everybody sit down. Put your shower caps on everybody. Sit underneath the hole in the roof. As soon as the golden tinkle comes down through the ceiling fan, we will watch the aspergers.

Would anyone like some onions and pickles with the asburgers? Of all the things, an Asperger, I just picture an assburger. I just picture an cheek on a sesame seed bun.

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, hold the anus, hold the, I mean, come on. Asperger. That's just wrong, man. There's a sickness out there called Cato cradle cap? I don't know what it is, cradle cap. Maybe it's maybe when the kids die in the cradle. That can't be a disease. I don't know what it is.

but it sounds like a cute little hat you'd buy a baby gap or something excuse me how much of the cradle caps oh could I have a blue one and a red one please for my little junior mint over here oh so cute so cute Crohn's disease what the hell is Crohn's it reminds me of a a tall marine bird standing in the weeds stabbing frogs and minnows quickly grab the binoculars I think I see a crone standing out there in the marsh darling I mean come on man

here's one called I don't even I can even see it diverticulitis. Divertikulitis. To me, that's just a Roman emperor. I don't even want to know what that is. All hail, divertulicholitis. All hell, divertuliculitis.

Ah, ah, I mean, come on. Picture that guy at the Coliseum, give him the thumbs up and the thumbs down for the Christians being eaten by What say to Verculeviculitis? What's that? Thumbs down, show them to the lions. And give them some skin cream as well.

I think it's a skin disease. How about deep vein thrombosis? I don't know how many of you like to go to see live music, specifically the orchestra, but tucked in right between the oboe, the cello, and the kettle drum you should find someone playing

the deep vein thrombosis could I get a little more deep vein thrombosis please something sounding a little

thank you how about dyslexia have you have you ever Spelled dyslexia. Do you know what dyslexia is? That's when people can't spell or speak properly. They mix up words and letters and put them backwards and forwards

and their brains get jumbled. Well, let me spell dyslexia for you, okay? D-Y-S-L-E-X-I-A. D-L-E-X-I-A. Okay, very hard to spell. probably the most jumbled-up, goofy-looking word I've ever seen. And that's what they give people with dyslexia, people who could never spell that in a million years?

How about hives? Anybody out there got hives? You get hush. Hey, Bill, there's honey dripping out of your back. Oh, yeah, no problem. I got hives. My God, could I get some of that for my toast? Of course, just rub it on.

God. You wake up and there's a swarm of bees flying out of your ass. Oh, these damn hives. Oh, oh, Charles. Oh, no. Oh, I've got bees flying out of my. How about post-nasal drip? I think we've all had that one.

But what's that post-nasal drip? Yes, I'd like to see. send this package to Zimbabwe, please. Well, that will be third-class mail, post-nasal drip, sir. Okay, and how much is that? Nothing at all. It just means you have to stick boogers all over the outside of the package, so the mailman knows that it's post-nasal drip.

Oh, okay. Ooh. And then I think I'll... Let's do one more, because this is... I'm getting queasy. How about ringworm? Good Lord, ringworm. I just picture people at a Maypole festival.

You know, the people in the bright colored clothes and the dresses and the wooden clogs and they're all skipping around a Maypole with ribbons. La la la, la, la. It's the Ringworm Festival. Everybody dance around the Ringworm. Dee-lid-de-de-de-le-di. And you two other service are Aspergers. Get over here.

Dili-de-de-de-de-s in Maypole. by the dancing rounds of Ringworm Festivals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I'm going to stop right there. I can't do anymore. I'm getting too creeped out. So I hope you don't have anything.

I don't hope you don't have any weird crap going on. And stay clean. Keep it clean. Scrub down. Use an SOS pad. Bleach yourself. And more than anything else, Well, I think this commercial will tell you what you need to do to really keep clean.

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Pure clean for effective cleansing. And extra mild. The only douche with no additives. I've always trusted Mass and Gill. Extra mild for me. I choose extra cleansing. Trust Massengill, the leader, for 73 years. And from that, let's segue into something a little more serious to close out the show.

I wanted to talk about violence, gun violence in society. Is it just me or are you starting to get a little paranoid about wandering around outside now? and I'm probably speaking more to the United States than anywhere else where you're living unless you're in like war-torn Middle East or well you know what I'm going to take it back it seems to be popping up all over the world okay but in the United States in particular there was a time when the shooting rampages and these nut jobs with a gun kind of happened like a few times a year. You know, the Columbines and the guy that went nuts at the naval base, and there was a kid who went nuts at a university a few years back. And these shooting sprees, these rampages, you could usually count on, you know, five or six big ones a year that took place out in a public spot. Someone just started taking victims willy-nilly, not caring.

And it was upsetting. It was disturbing. it was scary, and like, excuse me, like the kid who went nuts in the movie theater in Colorado. And I've noticed, and it's just maybe been in the last year, that these shooting rampages are becoming weekly, if not almost, daily around the United States. And I'm not exaggerating. Look, I follow the news every day, man. I check in on the newspapers, you know, I'm a news guy.

I like to watch the news. I like to hear about what's going on. And I'm starting to hear, I'm starting to see a pattern of whether it's some guy shooting up a McDonald's, shooting up a mall, shooting up an airport, shooting up a school, shooting up a place where he or she works. It's usually men. It's 99% men from what I've seen. It's not just a few times a year anymore. It's becoming more and more and more a monthly, dare I say it, weekly, dare I say it, daily occurrence.

And the reason I'm bringing it up, because I personally am now walking around as a result of this, and I'm not a paranoid guy, but I'm a survivalist, I walk around when I'm in the public and I'm starting to eye people now. I'm starting to eye the guy that's standing alone with his headphones in kind of staring at the ground. I'm kind of starting to eye the kind of wandering homeless guy that before I was like, ah, it's just a homeless guy probably looking for some change. I'm starting to eye the guy that looks a little agitated or the guy that's, kind of, you know, looking a little suspicious for one reason or the other.

And I'm not just going to my mind, gee, what's up with that guy? Now I'm going, is that, is that freak about to pop? Is that guy about to pop and drop? I'm starting to look for my escape routes now. When I go to movie theaters, when I go to restaurants, when I'm out in public. I'm starting to look, I'm starting to go into survival mode. So when the nutbag starts to go off, what are my exits here? What are my escape venues?

And I figure if I'm doing it, I think a lot of people are probably doing it. And what's that say, man? It says that our society, our violence, society is really going around a brand new corner. And I almost liken it to, you know, people who live in Iran or Iraq or, well, not Iran so much, but Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan. People that every day probably wake up and part of their daily life, they're like, gee, I wonder if I'm going to be blown up today at the mosque, at the market. at the celebration in front of the church because you've got to figure those people

must wake up every day thinking, yeah, there's probably a good chance someone's going to blow me up with a car bomb today or something. But now in the States, it's starting to get to the point where now I'm walking around going, gee, I wonder if and it's really, it's really, really um it's really getting kind of sad and i'm not going to sit here and say it's a gun

control issue because you know that's that's a whole big thing on its own but i'm starting to wonder if it's if it's about our the legal system here where there's so many loopholes and there's so many uh lawyers that are hell bent on winning and don't really care about justice they're looking to get a check mark in the wind box. Okay, I got my client off. I don't care if he was guilty or innocent. My job was to get him off. And I used all these technical loopholes,

all these legal loopholes. Oh, he was hearing voices. Oh, he was temporarily insane. Oh, it couldn't have been him because you didn't find any hair on the scene. You know? And I'm also starting to question if there's been a rise in this stuff since the dawn of social media. I'm starting to wonder, is there a psychological link to people that are getting on social media

and finding kind of a, maybe an empty existence? Because maybe they don't have as many friends as everyone else, or maybe the friends they do have aren't really friends. They're just virtual faces. Or are they realizing that, you know, in the old days, there was the CBS news and the NBC news, and you pretty much had to blow up a city to get on the news. Nowadays, you know, you shoot three or four people in a mall,

and you're all over the Internet, you're all over the cable net, you're all over. I mean, you can become an overnight sensation. And if you're feeling rejected by society, if you're feeling like, you know, maybe you're not popular or nobody knows who you are, well, by golly, they're going to know who I am for, you know, the next 24-hour news cycle,

or if I'm lucky, maybe even a whole week, they're going to know who I am. And I wonder if that's, It's part of it, man. This sheep fame game that's going on, where, you know, if you look at the way things were 15, 20 years ago, the people sitting on the couch on the Tonight Show, on the David Letterman show, on the talk shows, were usually very talented and unique artists, actors, singers, songwriters, writers, writers, writers

and you look who's sitting who the lead number one guests are on talk shows now snooky some guy who does a commercial for a computer company

some some guy that you know some thrill seeker that jumped out of a garbage truck and onto a moving van reality show idiots

You know, the housewives of insert city here? Who are these people? Who cares? But fame is becoming cheap and easy now. It used to be a lot of work and a lot of struggle and a lot of commitment and a lot of dedication. And now it's like you could be a guy living in a swamp catching alligators.

And suddenly you got your own. primetime show. You can be a hillbilly with a fat daughter who likes to dress up like Madonna. You're number one on national television. And so I'm wondering if regular folks who feel left out of the fame game, you know, Eddie who works at the gas station or Billy who loads crates in the back of Home Depot, they're sitting around going, wait a minute. when's when's my 15 minutes man well guess what it's going to be tomorrow when i walk in with this

handgun and uh you know this isn't just my theory i mean this is my theory in terms of what i think could possibly be behind it but what i'm saying isn't my theory is the reality that more and more and more of these uh these these these these these these rampant shooting and murders are becoming weekly, as opposed to a few times a year. And it's just going to keep escalating, and we're going to become a society on edge. We're going to be a society of paranoid people. I'll tell you what, Calvin Klein, if you're listening, this is from me to you. This is a free idea.

The next wave in fashion is going to be wearable bulletproof fashion. Okay? Give me a bulletproof dinner jacket and some, a bulletproof t-shirt. Give me some bulletproof designer jeans, man. Yeah, give me that whatever it's called Kylar or Mylar or whatever they use to stop bullets. I think it's kevlar that sounds like a disease too i've got kevlar i've got four months to live um who knows where it's it's gonna go but it's uh it's getting it's getting sad i mean it's already sad all the innocent people that have died but it's it's just you know maybe my theory

about all the fame and the the social networking and all that is just one theory maybe there's You know, there's probably way more to it. Maybe you guys have some theories. I don't know. If you feel like sharing any of that with the listeners here, the pavement pounders, you're welcome to, you know, leave a message 323-739-4330. Or you can write me at harloweems.com.

Nothing too long. I can't plan anything too long, but if you have a quick thought about it that might advance the conversation or enlighten the conversation? I'd be interested to hear what you guys think. Are you starting to get a little bit paranoid the way I am? Believe me, I'm not a paranoid guy. I don't like being paranoid, but I've noticed it's sneaking in a little bit now.

It's kind of like, remember James Bourne or whatever that guy name is from the Bourne Ultimatum? or James Bond in these spy movies you ever see those scenes where they walk into a room and the second they walk in their eyes dart around the room and they take in everything there's a guy with a purple jacket there's a chandelier there's a lady behind the desk there's a fire exit there's a revolving door there's a man picking up a suitcase there's a golden necklace and they put all they enter all this data into their head and they prepare for whatever could happen. They know where everything is and where everything is

and where it's placed and what to do, where to go. Are we becoming like that, gang? It feels like it could be going that way. So I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Maybe not. Let me hear what you think. 323-739-4-3-3-0.

Maybe together we can find an answer to make it better. I don't know. Oh, kind of a heavy topic at the end here, but, you know, something to think about. Who knows? Maybe this topic one day could save your life. Maybe this topic raises your perception and your powers of observation. Maybe you, and I don't want to make anyone paranoid, but maybe in this day and age where there's gunplay in the streets like the Wild Wild West,

maybe it's incumbent on all of us to when we enter a public setting to take a little Jason Bourne look around and go, okay, where is everything? Where is everything? Who are all these people? Okay, okay, I took a little scan. I stopped. I took 30 seconds to familiarize myself with my environment.

environment. Okay. I know when to duck and roll. I know when to dive over a table. I know where to go. I know where to run. Okay. Okay. There's a flagpole over there. If I see a guy pull a gun, I have a chance to run to that flagpole, rip it out of it, stand, swing it and hit him in the head. You know, it's just good to know what's available. Well, so maybe that could be a good side to this little conversation. Maybe it saves your life one day. Maybe in turn you spring into action and save a lot of lives because you're the, Hey, that's the guy that grabbed the flagpole, man. He saved us all. Hey, all right, the flagpole guy.

Oh, well, I can't take the credit. You know, I was listening to the Holland Highway, and he planted the seeds of survivalism in my head. I might. Yeah, yeah, right. but uh interesting uh interesting topic and sad commentary on um society i certainly hope uh things turn around and we get back to being more civil and all these poor innocent people stop dying at the hands of of these furkin idiots that somehow are crying out for attention so there you go be safe put on

your bulletproof underwear and uh this brings us to the end of today's podcast heavy stuff man can you make us feel important you are important i'll tell you what else is important i'm going to make some announcements here um i want to let you know ladies and snurdle blblargens um there is a brand new t-shirt in my store at harlow williams.com that is very important and maybe that will help save your life because it is a hilarious t-shirt. Basically, it is a bunch of random letters. Okay, there's a bunch of random letters on top

and then there's another bunch of random letters down below and it doesn't spell anything. It doesn't mean anything. But then what happens is when someone says, hey, man, what's your shirt say? you grab the fabric of the shirt right in the middle of the lower letters and you just fold it up to the top random letters and once the random letters are folded together

it spells the f-bom it basically says fuck off and I know it's crude I know it's crude I know it's dirty I don't usually like to use that kind of colorful language but in this context it's kind of funny I think we all have nosy people. What's your shirt say? What are you doing? Who are you calling?

Who you talking to? This shirt kind of puts those people in their place. And basically what else is funny is you're walking around saying F off to the whole world and nobody knows it. Because it's just a bunch of random letters. But until you fold the shirt together and you do it while you're wearing it, it's just a quick little, it's like a two-inch little fold. And when you fold the bottom up to the top, it covers portions of the lower and top letters, and it creates the words,

fuck off. And I don't like to say it, but it's kind of a fun. When I first saw the shirt, I was laughing my ass off. And so I'm like, I've got to share this with everybody. So if you'd like to order your own F-Off shirt, they are available at the Harland Highway store. We have them in gray. We have them in black.

we got them in medium large extra large double extra large i think they're 22 bucks or something we mail them out to you and uh you got to be the first to have this shirt so that you catch your friends off guard um a lot of fun check it out other stuff in the store DVDs books movies t-shirts artwork anything you want homemade baked pies no um so check that out also if you're going to be in the pittsburgh area October 11 12 and 13 yours truly will be in the steel town Pittsburgh I will be working at the improv comedy club there go online to harland williams.com and get your tickets and also if you're up

in edmonton in Canada Edmonton Alberta I will be at the comic strip at the at the big giant mall out there. Again, go to Harlan Williams.com and get your tickets. That's October 17th through the 20th. And then the following week, I will be in Calgary, Alberta at the Blackfoot Inn Comedy Club. That will be October 24th through to Saturday, October 26th. Great stuff. Please tell your friends about the Harland Highway And make sure you check out ATC, all things comedy Which is a podcast network on which my podcast exists

Lots of really funny comedians on there Jake Johansen, Bill Burr, Al Magigal Please, please, please go there And there's many more funny podcasts you can sign up for and enjoy listening to. And I'm happy to be over there as well. And you can also get all kinds of comedy news and information and upcoming events and things like that.

So it's a really good, good site to see All Thingscom. And that's it, man. We're going to close the vault for another day here. Thank you for being here, everybody. had a great time and hope you had a great time and until next time everybody put on your bulletproof helmet

and enjoy a nice big bowl of chicken. Chalman baby