The Harland Highway - 539 - Xmas stuff and GEORGE MICHAEL from WHAM sings Xmas songs.

Episode Date: December 23, 2013

It's just about Christmas and we talk about the festive holiday, and then suddenly it all gets ruined because George Michael from WHAM calls in drunk and starts singing Christmas songs, arrrrrrrggg!! Bake my Alaska!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ring jingling, ring jingling. Angels will sing, angels will sing. Yeah, we'd rather hear angels sing and not you sing, Harland. Thank you. Sorry, guys. Wow. Hey, it's our last show before Christmas, and we're going to be spending some time talking about Christmassy things. It's going to be fun. We're going to be talking about all the last-minute preparations. I think we're going to take a phone call from one of the pavement pounders and hopefully the show goes smooth. Hopefully there's no interruptions.

Hopefully, you know, it's just very Christmassy and fun and it gets you in the vibe, in the feeling, in the mood for a wonderful Christmas. So, yeah, just kind of a mellow show today. No big disruptions, no big. uh, to-dos.

Just, uh, plain old simple, Christmasy fun. So, uh, kick back, put your Christmas hat on. Merry Christmas. It's the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I will look for you.

Does your mother know what you're doing for a living? The Harland Highway. Hey-oh. And it's classic. I will find you. My mom always said, you can't handle the truth. Many years of therapy, many, many, many, fucking years of therapy.

I will kill you. Listen, lame, brain. Let an expert show you how to do this. The Harland Highway. You never know what you're going to get. It's the Harland Highway. Oh, I'll tell you what you're going to get. You're going to get Christmas stuff.

We're like, what, two days away here? My goodness, it's almost Christmas Eve. Tomorrow night will be Christmas Eve. Oh, my God. We're taking it right down to the wire here, gang. And what a show we're going to talk about Christmas stuff today. We're going to, you know, just have a good old merry time. Get you ready for the season.

Get you ready for everything. You have all your gifts bought. It's one thing to buy all your gifts. And I hope to sweet. heavenly lord you've got all your gifts but the other part is when you get home you've got that that whole wrapping thing oh my god the wrapping thing you forget about it you buy all this stuff and you're like oh good i got everyone i got all 18 people in my family at least two little presents each i'm done oh i'll take the presents home i'll get them out of the car i'll march

them into the house and oh yeah oh yeah i got uh 12 hours of wrapping ahead of me and then you ever get the uh the uh the presence that aren't a typical shape like a box shape or a rectangle or a square you get the the weirdly shaped uh presents like a vase or a plush toy or something that doesn't conform to like squares. Good luck wrapping those. You might as well have like crab claws. Might as well have crab claws when you're trying to wrap that stuff. It's like, oh, God, oh my God.

It's a nightmare, man. I don't know how to do the wrapping thing and the taping and the cutting and the making it look all nice. that that's hard that's hard maybe it's easier just to shove every present you got into their stocking break it up into small little pieces drop it into the stocking and then if you get all your food bought

you got to buy all your food you got to get all the uh the turkey and the trimmons and the the juice and the uh did you do christmas breakfast Do you do Christmas lunch? Do you do Christmas dinner? Do you all three of them? It's just the food doesn't stop coming, the presents, the wrapping, the preparing, the buying, the purchasing.

I mean, it just goes on and on. But we love it. Isn't it such a great time of year? Sorry to interrupt. What? Harlan. What? Yeah.

George Michael, that guy from Wham is... What? No, there shouldn't be anybody calling in. He says it's urgent. So I'm doing a show. What is this all about? I don't know, but I think he's been drinking. What is this regarding for crying out loud?

Regarding his Christmas present. Yeah, I know it's Christmas. I also know I got to do a show. No, no, don't put him through. Roger, do not put him through. Hello, Arland. Oh, my God. Oh, Arland.

Merry Christmas, Arland. Who is this? It's George Michael calling from the United Kingdom of the United English Emirates. I don't think it's the English Emirates. Well, whatever it, I'm calling

him across, I'd have a little Christmas party, Arland. It sounds like you're a little lit up. I'm sorry? It sounds like you're a little lit up, George. It's George. Michael, okay? I don't want to get off on the wrong foot

with you today, Arley. But did you? Did you say my Christmas tree is lit up? No, I said you're lit up. Are you hammered? I don't think so. I mean, I don't know what planet you come from, but where I come from, we don't get hammered on Christmas during the baby lamb's Lord Jesus of Christmas.

Okay, you know what? You're drunk, George. It's George Michael. You're fighting dirty. piece of bubble gum on the bottom of my fucking dirty shoe, all right? All right, you're not going to start swearing all over the place. Well, then you got to get me name right this time on. It's the least you could do for me on Christmas, right?

What? Right. Are you saying right? Right. Stop it. Now, listen, Aldit. I called you and seen some Christmas Christmas. I thought you were at the middle of a Christmas party at your house.

Yes, but nobody came, and so I'm here all by myself. Little old me, little old George Michael, sitting here with my Christmas tree, my Christmas stockings on my feet. On your feet? That's what I said, Arland. You don't put Christmas stockings on your feet, George Michael. Well, I certainly do, and listen, did it? What?

Stop drinking. Oh, then I've always seen some Christmas cat. And stop burping and hiccuping. I can't help it, Ollie. I've been tipping into the egg nog here, and I'm on the telly, and I'm calling my favorite podcast all the way over in the United States. What? Are you saying the United States of America?

That's what I said, Arlen, what are you drunk? No, you're drunk. It's the United States of America. That's what I said, the United... Oh, God. Now, listen, I want to sing some Christmas carols for all your lovely listeners on your podcast, Arland. Listen, I don't have time for this, Michael.

It's George, Michael. You stupid fucking reindeer. shit on the top of someone's roof after 30 claws has landed there and his fucking reindeer did a reindeer shit right all over the roof.

All right, you got a cut back on the swearing. Fuck your garlic bread pussy. Don't you tell me to fuck my garlic bread pussy. All right, whatever. Sing your dumb Christmas Carolyn, get out of here. I played my best

for imbales. Oh, the little boy had a Christmas rum. Stop it. You're not doing the words, right. Me and my drum. Did you like it, Holland? No, I didn't like it. It sounded like you were singing about a little boy's bomb.

best for him. Bum, bum, bum, bum. See, there it is again, George. It's George fucking Christmas Reese Michael. I'm going to come over to the United States America wrap some fucking fucking Christmas lights

around your fucking head, blinking fucking Christmas light and fucking throw you in the fucking someone's swimming pool and see you fucking light up like a fucking Christmas fruit cake. Fuck. Stop the swearing immediately.

Fuck your fucking raisin bread fuckhole. I don't tell me to fuck my raisin'bred fuckhole. Up yours, I'm going to sing some more. Do you see what I say? A child, a child. Oh, that's today night with a tail.

Stop burping, puking, spitting, and hiccuping. With a child as big as a car. Oh! Stop it. Are you trying to ruin Christmas? I'm just singing to your listeners. If you don't like it, you can fight and shut it off. Stop swearing.

Are you done? Got one more song, Arlen. Oh, God. Relax. This one said, this one, this one, this one, stop it! This one's like a really nice softwood.

You can sit in front of the fireplace over there in the United Alabama. I'll just get it over with, would you, George? All right, for the last fucking time, all right? My full fighting name is George.

I'm gonna fight and go to Marine World. I'm gonna get a trained fucking pelican and shove your fat fucking head right down his baggy fucking chin. How about that, Arlen? Whatever just sing. That's roasting on an open fire. That's roasting all around.

What are you singing? I'm singing the nuts roasting on an open fire, Holland. What is it? Nuts roasting on an open fire. It's a Christmas classic. Stop that noise. Now I believe it's chestnuts. Nuts roasting on an open fire.

Nuts dangling all around my feet. Are you Lots of nuts Lots of pink hairy nuts Are you singing about testicles Nauts? Nats hanging over my hungry mouth Stop it

Not covering my eyes Stop it Pink-Herry nuts All over my face Oh it's Christmas Hang up on them Roger. It's a nutty Christmas

do you? Hang up on him, Roger. Knots dripping. Oops. Oh! Stop the dick. Hang up on him.

Hang up. Oh, I've got nuts on my forehead. Hang up. Sherry side nuts, pineapples, too. Hang up. Oh my god Roger

Are you serious dude You know I could get shut down for having like an obnoxious drunk guy He's gone Thank God Creep God just get him off and leave him off Now if he calls back don't let him through I don't want that guy.

I want to start the new year without that guy. A million apologies. I was planning on doing like a Christmasy show and then this, I didn't expect this guy to be part of it. Anyways, I want to tell you something that might even be a little more humiliating than having this drunk call into me. I think I was talking a couple of podcasts back. about how I was kind of abused with my notoriety,

my fame, if you will, or lack thereof my fame. I think I told you the story where I pulled up beside a Hollywood tour bus and not one person recognized me. And I was just like, okay, wow, aren't I doing well. so uh you know within the span of a week uh it happened again so check this out i'm over playing uh racquetball with my buddy and we're playing racquetball and we're at the gym and all of a sudden this really hot girl walks by and my buddy knows her and they're like oh hey we stopped the game and we go out and say hi and then uh then we go back in and play our game and play our

And then when we finish our game, we're sitting outside the court, just sitting on the bench, catching our breath. And guess who walks up this girl? And she starts chit-chatting to my friend, and I'm just kind of sitting there. It was a quick introduction, but I didn't really say anything. I just sat there listening. And she's really cute, hot girl, and the two of them start talking about the relationship status, blah, blah, blah. and the girl kind of says, oh, I'm single. And then she says out loud, she says,

So if you have any hot single friends, let me know. And without missing a beat, my buddy who's cool as can be goes, so-and-so, meet Harlan Williams. And, you know, he indicates to me. And I swear to God, she just goes, oh, no, no, no, no. Not him. I was like, wait, what? Yeah, that's what she just like, and then she just cares.

So anyways, my friend Carol, like, without even missing a beat. It was just a flat out, like, verbal rejection right to my face. And I was kind of like, I was just kind of like, did I just hear that? Like, instead of, you know, hey, so-and-so, meet my friend Harlan. I was like, oh, ha, ha, ha, hi. you know instead of like a plight kind of deflection or a plate kind of a sidestep it was just like a full on oh no not him um wow i'd never met this girl in my life she didn't know she didn't know have a clue who i was again lack of fame um and of course once again i'm laughing inside but at the same time i'm like wow that was like

just a blatant slam down. That was a blatant throwdown right there. Holy crab cakes. So, you know, the end of the year here has been two big humiliations after another. One, I don't get recognized by a whole busload of Hollywood sightseers. And then second, I get totally rejected in my face. by a hot Hollywood honey. Wow.

Not a good way to end out the year, gang. Holy God. What do I wish for this Christmas? How about someone be nice to me? I'm just kidding around. People are nice to me. But let's see if it keeps happening. Maybe I'm on a bad trend here.

Just getting ignored and denied and, Oh, God. I guess it happens to all of us, right? Maybe you want to share a story. Maybe you want to share a story of when you had the door slammed in your face when someone didn't recognize you, when someone didn't give you any credit or any acknowledgement. You can always share your stories with us.

I don't need to be the only guy sitting in the middle of the room here, bearing his soul. Thank you very much. How about you share one with me? 323-739-4-330. And, you know, maybe your horrible story will make my horrible story less horrible. I'm counting on you to ease my pain, pavement pounders.

Hello. Hello? Hello. Hello, Harland. This is Casey. The Jew, Collin. I would just like to start off by saying that I'm glad you welcome George Michael to your show,

and I find him to be absolutely hilarious, and he is my favorite guest. Now, besides that, I was looking on your IMDB here, and I have not heard you talk about these two movies you have coming up, one called Back in the Day, where apparently you play a character named Skunk, and Wingman, which you are actually going to direct.

So, I was wondering if you could give us some insight on these upcoming films. Okay, thank you, and thank you for letting me ride down the Harlan Highway. Okay, weird little laugh at the end, but I liked it. Thank you for calling. I can't say I support your affections for George Michael. I just, why he would be your favorite.

I don't want him on the show. I don't know how he got the number. I don't know why he calls me long distance. I want nothing to do with him. It almost makes me sad that anyone would find him fun or entertaining or anything. I think it's tragic. He's drinking. He disrupts my show.

I'll give him he's a talented guy. But why he singled me out of, Everyone else on planet Earth to call and talk to, I don't know. So I guess in a way, I'm happy you like it. If it entertains you, great. For me, it's just a huge disruption, and I can't get to my show. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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Don't throw your back out. Anyways, let's talk about the movies you mentioned. First of all, Wingman is a movie that was supposed to happen many years ago. It was a movie that I got commissioned to rewrite. There was an original script, and the script was not in good shape. so I rewrote the script with the added bonus of that I was going to direct the movie and have a little, you know, do a cameo spot in the movie and blah, blah, blah. The movie was kicked around.

They tried to get all the funding for it and blah, blah, blah, but for whatever reason it just kind of fell through and they couldn't raise the money to do it. so it's kind of sad everyone that read the script really loved it i had a bunch of cool actors attached to uh to play in it and uh sadly it didn't come together maybe it will one day i don't think so um but uh so you can put that one to bad uh wingman r i p wingman um the second one better news on that one back in the day is a movie i shot about a year ago maybe a little more than a year ago uh it's finally done and uh it's got a release date uh i believe uh you can buy it on video on

demand on january 7th 2014 and then uh it comes out in theaters like two weeks later or a week later something like that so the whole movie landscape thing has changed the The idea that nowadays movies are coming out on video before they hit theaters, it's just bizarre. But that's, it's the way things are happening now, man. People are just, the whole movie industry and TV industry is changing. It's weird. So anyways, if you want, you can go online. If you join my Twitter account or you join my YouTube channel, you'll be privy to this stuff.

already posted a trailer for the movie. There's a really funny trailer. Also, you can see the poster, which I posted, if you join my Harland Highway Facebook page, it's all there. And then if you want to see more promo stuff, it looks like on January 7th, I will be doing Conan O'Brien show. and I think we're going to show a clip from the movie on Conan O'Brien. So it should be a lot of fun.

And I wonder if anyone in the audience will recognize me. Hmm, interesting. No, don't dwell. Don't dwell. But yeah, it's a really funny movie. It's basically... Why, it is burped. Excuse me.

How rude. I just burped into the microphone. A little baby one. The movie is basically about a bunch of grown-up men who go back to their high school reunion and kind of all the hijinks, all the girls, all the pranks, all the old history that they had as 18-year-olds comes flooding back. And it's almost like they step into a time machine. They don't step into a time machine, but they start acting out all over again. And it's kind of like a sentimental, comedic journey, you know, about grownups that decide they want one more night of being high school brats.

And so it's a lot of a lot of kooky comedy, a lot of funny people in it. Nick Swartson's in it. He's in all the Adam Sandler movies. Michael Rosenbaum, he's from played Lex Luther in Smallville. He was also my co-star and sorority boys. Sarah Colonna, Um, Morena Baccaran, who's a beautiful, uh, talented actress who's on that show, Homeland.

So really, really fun, cool cast. I think you're going to, uh, really like the movie. So check it out. Video on Demand, January 7th. Or if you want to see it in the theaters, it comes out, uh, very, very quickly after that. Um, and like I said, I'll be on Conan January 7th promoting it. So I hope you like it, man I hope you like it

And as far as you like in George Michael, dude I don't care if he is your favorite You know what? I'm going to say it right here and right now We are never going to have that guy call it again That's my new thing going into the new year He's never calling into the show again Okay?

What? Arlen Yeah, George Michael No, no, no, no Is he on the line again? Oh God, why are you not yes. What is, what does he want? He says he needs to talk to you.

I told you, I'm not talking to him anymore. Why would he need to talk to me? What are we going to talk about? I don't know. Exactly. Do not put him through. Whatever you do. No, no, no, no, no, Roger. No, no. Oh, God.

Hello? Hello? Hello? Last Christmas, I gave you me heart. Very next day, you gave it. Hello! Oh, hello, Holland, it's George. Oh, God, what do you want?

It's George Michael calling on, and I've been sitting at home in front of my Christmas tree all by myself. It looks like nobody's... You know that for my Christmas party, darling? Well, is it any wonder? It sounds like your three sheets to the wind. I don't know what that means. Maybe that's something you say in the United States, but we don't say it here in the United Eon.

What did you just say, George? It's George Michael. All right, I'm going to come over there on a jumbo. and I'm going I'm going to hang some mistletoe around me bullocks and you're going to kiss my

hairy ripe bullocks that's what you're going to do stop that horrible noise you sound like an alien for God's sakes Oh, no car me in there, you know, I'll call you a space monkey. Oh, whoa, oh, you got me. I'm a space monkey.

You're a little airy space monkey, Ireland. Here I am all by myself. Nobody showed up from my George Michael Christmas party. And so all I got is you. And I'm calling you because I'm lonely. Oh, okay. Now you're making me feel a little bit bad. You're my only friend this Christmas, Ireland. Everyone hosts him come to my party, Arland, and he's just me and you,

and my Christmas tree and all the balls hanging around. All right, let's not start talking about the balls hanging around. Christmas balls, Arland, hanging all over. my house. Okay. God, you said, I don't want to be mean. It's crispy. You sound really pathetic.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you for taking your fucking flashlight and shining it on my fucking life, Arland. Right. Thanks for illuminating the public about my miserable fucking Christmas. Thanks. Worst of this season to you, Arland. right. Don't get on. I'm just saying

maybe it's time to get some help or something, George. It's George fucking Michael. I'm going to fucking put you in my fireplace like a fatting Christmas log

and I'm hoping it's fucking Santa Claus comes down the fucking chimney with his big, fucking shiny boot and his fat, fucking belly. Stop swearing. And he lands right on the

back of your fucking neck and breaks your fucking fucking head, even though you don't have a fucking chin, Arlen. Okay, you got to say I don't have a chin, do you? Well, you don't, maybe that's what I should get you for Christmas, all right?

I wonder how you wrap a fucking chin up in Christmas paper. You don't wrap a chin in Christmas his paper. Oh, you say you don't need a chin, Arland? Yeah. Okay, I don't have a chin. Okay, maybe I would, it would be nice to get a chin.

Well, then, I'm George Michael from where I'm going to get you chin, Holland. I'm going to go down to the Chessix, right, and I'm got to go to the chin shop And George Michael's getting by his best friend, Alder Williams. I'm going to buy you the best fucking shin you ever did see. I'm going to fucking wrap it up in lovely, fucking Christmas paper. And I'm going to fucking mail it. I'm going to mail you a new fucking chin to the United States. What was that last part?

The United... Okay, you need to stop crying and you need to enunciate. I'm going to mail it. You're going to mail me. All right. I think you said, and I'm not good with your accent, especially when you're drunk and you're crying. I think you said you're going to mail me a new.

chin to the United States of America. Yeah, that's what I said on it. I'm going to do it. I really have merry fucking Christmas. Stop! Stop the burping. Okay, thank you for the president.

Are we done here? Not really all, and I've got to sing some more Christmas carols. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, holy shit, I just spilled the fucking hot chocolate on my fucking lap. Oh, my God, my fucking tallywackers on fire, Ireland. Don't say that stuff about a holy Christmas song. What, I just spilled the fucking hot cocoa on me fucking northern chili dog. Stop it, just stop it, okay?

You can't talk like that on my podcast. It's Christmas on. And I got chocolate fucking cocoa balls. You don't have chocolate cocoa balls. Well, are you here? Can you see me fucking balls? I just spilled fucking chocolate. Oh, hot chocolate cocoa on me fucking gnauggy wogs.

You didn't spill hot. Oh, God. You know what? I got to go. Okay? I got to go. I haven't finished singing Christmas carol, darling. Oh, yes, you have.

Do you see what I feel? A child, a child Crying in the... Stop it! What is wrong with you? I'm sorry, all that I've got a little burp starting me through. That wasn't a burp. Okay, that sounded like...

an alien given birth to a wolverine. Oh, well, look at you. What, you got, your own fucking nature show now, Mr. Fucky Sci-Fi. I'm not Mr. Sci-Fi. Are we done here, George? It's George, fucking Michael. Now, I'm going to say it to you for the last fucking time, and if you don't get it right, Arlen, I'm going to come over there and put my foot in.

Christmas plum cake right in your fucking dingleberry. Okay, you know what? I got to go, Roger. Hang up on him. Oh, yeah, all then I got one more song. Nope, you're all done, guy. You crossed the line with the plum pudding in my dingleberry. Oh, Frosty, the snow, mate.

He's a lovely, lovely guy. He's got a carrot for a nose, my friends, and I'd like to Suck that thing all night. I'll tell you that, that long point. Get him off, Roger. I just go down on his frothing nose like an erect pit. Get him off the phone! Oh, just shut on his carry all night long.

Frosty the snowman. Get him off! God! But turn the music off, Roger. Get them turn it off. You might have just ruined everyone's Christmas with this stunt. I told you not, you know, we're going to have a talk later when we go off the air. I'm not going to bash this out on the air.

I'm pissed at you, Roger. Yeah, I'm looking at you through the glass. Might have just ruined. If your Christmas is ruined, I apologize. I know we're like two days away. And this dump. George Mike. I'm sorry, gang.

I am so sorry. Well, let me clear the air here. Let me say this, okay? We're coming up on Christmas. We're two days away. Let me wish you and yours if you celebrate Christmas, a merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas, okay? Have a great one.

spread the love spread the joy let people know you care about them this is the time of year give them a hug tell them you love them buy them a gift you know

just put it out there open up your heart and put it out there spread the mirth and the merriment and from me to you have a great great great holiday thank you

so much for listening and, you know, I wish I could buy y'all presents, but maybe, maybe with the exception of this podcast, with you know who, let my other podcast be your present. How's that? But sincerely, I have a great Christmas if you're not celebrating Christmas. If you're not celebrating Christmas, if you're celebrating Hanukkah or Kwanza or any of the other holidays, happy holidays uh all good things to you and yours and um and uh yeah wow um let's do a few announcements before we blow out of here um like i said you can catch me on conan on january 7th we'll be plugging the

new movie my new movie back in the day um and if you want to catch me doing stand up live at the beginning of the year, well, January 2nd through the 5th, you can catch me at the Orlando Improv in Florida. And if you're in California, you can catch me at the Irvine Improv. That's in Orange County, California, January 9 to 12. And like I said, if you guys want to get in step with all my upcoming events, all my latest crazy videos, all my latest things. Definitely join my Twitter account at Harlan Williams.

And also go to Harlan Williams.com and subscribe to my YouTube channel because I'm telling you right now there's a lot of fun videos coming in 2014. It's going to be coming fast and furious. Some really cool stuff. You don't want to miss it. So if you subscribe to the YouTube channel, then the videos automatically come to you, and you can decide whether you want to watch them or not, but you don't want to miss them.

And join the Harland Highway Facebook page, which you can look up, obviously. If you want to write to me, harlornwilliams.com, you can write to me at Harlanwilms.com, or if you want to leave a voicemail, 323-739, 43330, 3-3-3-3-6. 739, 43330. And you know what? Why don't we go out with a Christmas carol? One last Christmas carol from my buddy Toby Hus, who has a great CD, Rudy Cassoni, Snowballs.

And I think we'll go out with my favorite Christmas carol of his. And here it is, Snowballs. And everybody, Merry Christmas. Have a great one. And we'll talk to you after the Christmas holiday happens. So Merry Christmas, everyone. Chicken, Chalmayne, baby. Yeah, it was this time of year.

About a year ago, I think, around the holiday seasons that I was at home waiting for the old lady to get back. She'd been gone a couple weeks you see. So I had a couple dozen hot toddies of sorts of. So, waiting for her there. Huh. Finally, the door opens up. Rudy!

Hey, baby, it's been a while. Take off the dress. She don't. She gives me the stink eye. Where's the tree? What do you mean? What tree? It's Christmas Eve, Kazoni.

Oh. Yeah, I thought it was June. She says, that's it. That's it, Rudy. I'm leaving you. I've had enough. I can't stick no more. I found another guy.

I'm gone. Hold on, baby. What do you mean? Christmas Eve? You're leading me? You found another guy? Who is this Joe? What's he got that I don't got? Well, he's really cute. Baby, it's me. It's Rudy. He's got a short red suit. I know I ain't no beauty, but if you squint your eyes when the lights are low, you got one's well-looking skinny day go. Kids love him to boo. Was this more than a date? He's got a sack of Lou. No, you little ain't great. Well, yesterday you're my lip smacker. Now you're a sugar plum nut cracker. I did not forget Christmas. No. I have a hundred. Some mistletoe in my pants Packer up

There's snowballs Like mine There's snowballs like the ones You're leaving behind You're gonna miss my back Spackling crackling hot You'll log Wax nostalgic for my steamy holiday

Nog He's jolly and bed Who is this pest Teter Rosie and Red? Oh I should have guessed Don't hit your ass on the way out the dough, you ho-ho, snow-blowing ho-ho-ho-ho. Oh, Merry Christmas, Rudy.

Blow it out your dingle. Don't go getting snooty. I saw you bag that cringle. So long, but don't forget, my dear. Oh, fat, so comes but once a year. There's snowballs. We'll live up in the co. I like these. I love his big North Pole.

They jingle, jingle, jingle down below my knees. You're going to miss roasting my chestnuts. Oh, yes, ma'am. Good luck without my pink honey glazed holiday ham Because there's snowballs like my There's snowballs like these twins you're leaving behind And there's snowballs And there's snowballs

Hey look out, baby it is There's snowballs Snowballs And there's snowballs like those nutty knocked out Not so cuckoo stones You're leaving behind Dear Santa Claus Thanks for nothing

P.S. Could you possibly bring me a new bra Or if not I don't know, toss a couple of drunk elves in my bed Or something A couple of your little helpers To help you, they can help me, pal. Thank you.