The Harland Highway - 557 - Listener MAIL BAG, Harland does live stand up.

Episode Date: February 24, 2014

Today we read letters from you the listener. Harland does some live stand up, and we talk about taking advantage of the things around you. Sun block my corn stalk!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, hello, everybody. This is me, Harlan Williams, and you're on the Harlan Highway. Wow, what was, what kind of intro was that? If you weren't thinking of turning it off, probably are now. Anyhow, welcome, everybody. Harlan Williams here, and you are rolling down the Harlan Highway. And what a show we have today? Today we are going to be dipping into the listener mailbag

All the letters that you pavement pounders have been sending in over the weeks and months Going to dip in and read a number of those and respond accordingly Should be a lot of fun, never know what we're going to get So hang on to yourself for that Also, going to play a little stand-up snippet for you I thought I'd start the show with a little giggle and play an excerpt for one of my live stand-up shows to get you going.

And then we're going to talk about utilizing what's around you. I think a lot of us kind of forget or block out the good things that are around our general environment, where we live, and we neglect them, and we don't derive all the pleasure we should from them. So get your pleasure right now here on the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you.

It's like I picked the wrong week, Chris Moore. I'm funny how. I mean funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. Like I took the wrong week, quick drink. I make you laugh. I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan Williams. I buy that for a. What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish.

Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me. She's got a thought for Samantha. I paid a sign. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quick, get the fruit. All right, it's been to Starbucks today. Anybody? Huh? Starbucks?

God, what the hell? Yeah. Which one did you go to, partner? Right down the road. What's that? The one right down the road. The one right down the road. Yeah. You can say that anywhere in the country to be accurate. That's what I'm talking about, man.

Anybody got the OnStar in their car? Huh? You get directions? You got that in your... You got that, huh? Anybody? They got a new thing now. It's called OnStar Box.

Basically, there's so many Starbucks. You need directions. You just press and it goes, Go a mile down to Starbucks. Take a left of the Starbucks. Go three miles to Starbucks. Go around the corner to Starbucks. And you'll be there rated Starbucks.

Hmm. Starbucks, man, they got their own language there. Don't thank God, you go in and it's a frape, latte, fucking clapet. I don't know what it is. You can say anything. Anything. Flingo, bongo, wingo, wingo, honga, honga. We'll give you exactly what you were thinking about. I love the way that always got the little balcony, the little patio.

You can always sit outside and have you drinking the sunshine. The other day had a little kid walk up to me, man. He's like, hey, mister, why is the sky blue? It looks because of all the water on the planet and reflects up into the sky. looks at me again, he says, well, what about the earth and the trees? And I'm like, well, little fella, first of all, you know, fuck off. And second of all, well, there was no second of all. He was running down the sidewalk, for God's sake.

God, kids nowadays, you got to love him, don't you? Oh, you got to love him or they'll shoot you. There you go. I thought I'd kick things off today with a lot. little, little giggle, a little stand-up comedy giggle. I want to mention to you, gang, the pavement pounders, to take advantage of things that are around you. Sometimes when you live in a place, you kind of forget,

or you kind of ignore some of the good things that surround you. And case in point, the other day I went down to the beach. Okay, I live in Hollywood, and it's about, you know, to get on the highway and drive, it's about 25 minutes to get down to the beach, right down to the pack coast, down to Venice Beach, and, you know, the Santa Monica Pier and all that stuff. And it's so beautiful down there. I mean, it's like a circus environment. there's street performers and there's jugglers and there's vendors and there's cool little bars and surfers and

skateboarders and just a lot of activity and a lot of kind of excitement in the air there's people on the beach doing things and right in the middle of the beach the city has gone to the trouble to put in like this giant smooth paved bike path for bikers and skateboarders and rollerbladers and people walking. And this thing literally cuts right through the sand. It goes right, right through the beach. You're right there in front of the water. And it goes for miles. I mean, this thing goes for, you know, I don't know how many miles each way,

but you can go forever on this path. It's quite amazing. And I've rollerbladed it, you know, a number of times over the course of my time living in Los Angeles and I just recently went down there like this week and I threw the roller blades in the truck and my

little sister is visiting me so we rented her a pair a pair of roller skates I know what you're thinking oh it's L.A. We better get some boobs happy. Yeah my little sister's here can we rent some boobs while she's here? No no no it was roller blades okay

and we got on the thing and we were just boogieing down and the sun was shining and the waves were crashing and the seagulls were flocking and some homeless people were flocking and you know there was there was the kids playing on the swings and there was weird guys in helmets with goggles and there was sexy girls sunbathing on the beach and there were like hot surfer dudes running around with their shirts off for my sister and you know they were

I actually bumped into a model friend that was doing actually doing a bikini photo shoot on on the pathway so I stopped and chatted with her and then of course being in the industry all of a sudden I knew like three guys on the film crew and I'm talking to them

and we're watching there's a little skateboard park and the kids are skateboarding and there's tourists and there's there's weirdos selling paintings and you know it's just it's just really cool and and it's it's just a it's not only a a nice atmosphere it's kind of a festive atmosphere but you're also getting exercise and you're taking in a beautiful natural environment with the ocean and the beach and and i i always do

this whenever i do that when i go rollerblading there i go why don't i drive down here like every morning and do this. Why don't I do this at least once a week? Then I go once a month and then well maybe once every two months I should drive down here. But it's crazy. Something so cool and fun and it's free. I bring my own rollerblades. And me and my little sister, we literally rollerbladed, I think for about nine miles. We went about nine miles. And it's a great workout. And on top of the scenery, it's a great way to people watch because you're going past all kinds of people, pretty girls. And I get mad of myself. And that's what those segments about.

I'm asking you, are you missing out on something in your community or your general area that you should maybe be participating in or getting active in or visiting or engaging? or whatever you want to say. I guess this is just me, your humble host, Harla, reminding you to absorb the really cool stuff in your community that you know is out there, but you never go. You never do it. You're always like, oh, yeah, well, you know, we really should go on that nature trail,

but isn't Starbucks right down the road? What's that? The one right down the road. The one right down the road. Yeah. You can say that anywhere in the country to be accurate. Yeah. Yeah.

So just a little friendly reminder. Look for those things that make you happy that you know you'd get enjoyment out of. They're just down the street. And maybe instead of spending the afternoon on the couch watching a reality show, get out in the world and enjoy really. reality get out into your real environment and take it in whether you go with a friend or you just go alone I think it's a it's a healthy thing to do it I personally am going to try and make a commitment to get down to the to the beach and and do this more often you know the obstacle

with me is the traffic LA traffic it's like oh you got to drive and get on the highway and blah but that that's a lame excuse you know it's a Like you got to drive and get on the highway to go anywhere. So just do it. So I'm going to try and do it more often. And it made me think. And I thought maybe this is some wisdom I could share with you guys or at least, you know, plant the seed in your head to get out there more.

So there you go. Just thought I'd started off with a friendly little, you know, little tip, I guess you'd call it. So we'll see you on the. the Roller Blade pass. writing into harland williams.com and uh it's uh the mailbags filling up so let's let's get to some of your letters the uh pavement pounders who have been writing into harland williams dot com and leaving comments and suggestions and all kinds of stuff so uh let's do it uh roj let's hit the uh the listener mailbag uh jingle wingo

Letters, oh, we get letters, we get letters, we get your letters every day, mailman, mail today, reach right in and pull one out. Those letters, I love those letters, let's find out what you've got to say. Oh, boy! Mailman, mail today. Oh, boy. Oh, boy, let's get to this. these letters. First of all, thank you for all you pavement pounders who have been writing in. That's why we have the mailbag. And, you know, that's why we want to read your letters here.

Okay? So let's get to the first one here. Who do we got? Let's see. This is Tiffany. Tiffany wrote in, and she says, hello there. I have to say that I really do you. love listening to your show. I just started listening to the Harland Highway New Year's Day this year. You are wicked fun and hilarious. Well, thank you. I think of so many things to say when you ask her responses to your comments, but now that I'm sitting here writing this, the brain has gone empty. Oh, sad. Do you ever travel to the UK for shows? My hubby and I are currently stationed in England, and I've always wanted to see you in person. Anyways, I'll keep listening and later days.

Oh, I don't know what that means. Anyways, I'll keep listening and later days. That sounds a little post-apocalyptic. But first of all, thank you for listening. I love it that you're way over in the UK listening to the show. And that's exciting. But as far as performing in the U.K., oh, yes, yes, yes. You are in luck here, Tiffany.

In May, I am going to be in Ireland at a wonderful comedy festival called the Cats Laugh comedy festival. This takes place in Kilkenny, Ireland. And if you've ever had an image of what Ireland's like, you know, you picture the little town with the cobblestone streets and the bridge going over the little river in the middle of town right next to the castle and the green fields all around and the ancient graveyard where the gravestones are so old, they're like covered with black lichen and old churches.

And, you know, just a charming little place. This is the town. I've done this festival twice before. Kilkenny, and it's right in the middle of Ireland. It's like rate dot in the center. And it's just a great festival. So if you are, you know, thinking of coming to see me live, check me out.

This will be May 29th, I think through June 1st. I'll be in Kilkenny, Ireland at the Cats Laugh. festival you can check that out on my on my website at harlowe williams.com and some cool stuff it's going to be a lot of fun okay let's keep going here a lot of letters to get to who's this from ben yarbovitch

hey everybody who wants to have better sex no yes yes the answer is yes you always want to have better sex that's what you want it to be better not worse, trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50%

percent off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harlan. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Ben Yarbovich.

Wow. Okay. Could I please have an autograph picture of Harlan Williams? Could you please inscribe it to Ben? My address is below. Thank you. Well, let me tell you, gang, I get a lot of these requests for autographed pictures. Here's the problem.

What happens is there's a lot of people out there who are eBay junkies, okay? And what they do is these guys, they show up at my shows, wherever I'm appearing live. They'll find out I'm doing a radio interview. I'm telling you they'll be waiting there at 6 in the morning when I go in for my radio interview. And here's what the eBay junkies do. They print up all kinds of pictures. from all the movies I've done, from sitcoms, anything I've done, they print up these nice, glossy pictures,

and they wait there, and they have a stack of them. And they go, oh, Mr. Williams, I'm such a huge fan. I love all your work. Can you sign a couple of pictures? And when I first started doing it, you know, started getting recognition and people figuring out who I was and blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, yeah, man, I'll sign it. And they're like, oh, but could you use this blue Sharpie?

I'm like, okay, a blue Sharpie, black Sharpie, whatever. And then I'd sign a picture. There'd be a scene for me from Half Bake. And then they'd flip over to the next picture. There's me from Rocket Man. Then they'd flip over. There's me from something about Mary that, you know, they just, and then I started to get a little suspicious.

Like, geez, where are they getting all these? And then I realized there's this whole eBay market where these guys kind of make they're living running around getting these pictures signed and they're not fans. They're just guys that want to make money off you and slap them up on eBay and say, hey, you know, a personally autographed picture

from Harlan Williams, $40, $60 or whatever it is. And one time I busted a guy. I just said to my, he was waiting outside of a comedy club for me. He had like 10 pictures. And he's like, hey, Mr. Williams, I'm a big fan can i can i get some autograph i just called them out i said dude you're just you just putting these on ebay and he goes uh no i'm not and i said yeah you are and he goes okay okay i'll be honest with you i am they're helping put me through college and i was just like dude

i wasn't put here to put you through college i'm sorry i you know stop stop using me to get what you want and by the way you sure don't look like you're a college guy you're like 43 you got hair down to your shoulder blades uh i'm not i'm not sure see that's the thing you don't know what's real with these guys it's always a story and here's a trick they pull what they'll do is the line up after one of my comedy shows people line up to buy merchandise or say hello or or legitimately get like uh you know their glass or uh their their uh their their um you know their breast signed or whatever and then these guys will line up and go i'm a big fan and they weren't even at the show they just walked in from outside and they didn't even pay to go in and see the show

and they've got 10 10 colored photos hey i'm a huge fan can you sign these for me and i just go no i know you're an ebay guy so here's what they do they they sneak back in line they go to the back of the line and they find of someone who was in the show and they go, hey man, will you will you slip these to Harland and, you know, I'll give you like 10 bucks if you get them to sign it. And so they try to get people who are legitimately there as customers to be their Ponzi's and they try to get them to sign me to sign the pictures. It's just weasily. So now listen, Ben, I'm not saying you're that guy.

That's not what this is, okay? But what I'm saying is because of the eBay weasels, guys like me and people, you know, who are well known, we don't know who's who anymore. And I get, I got to be honest, Ben, I get a lot of emails saying, hey, can you send me a autographed picture? I'm a huge fan. Now, you may be. And that's what's sad. If I knew who was who, I would gladly send you a picture. But because of the eBay weasels, they've really.

ruined it for a lot of people and so now if you want an autograph picture here's what you got to do and i know it sounds lame but it's the only way we can protect ourselves you got to go into my store and we have autographed headshots you can buy a picture of me if that's what you really want it's only 10 bucks but you know in a way i'm sorry about it but it's because of these guys that are such arseholes, the eBay junkies, that we're kind of forced to do it. So unfortunately, I bet I'm not calling you that guy, but if you want a pitcher, you got to go into the store and pick one up. I know it's one of the things of the trade that we just have to deal with.

And you eBay guys, give it a rest. Thank you very much. Um, all right, well, there you go. That was kind of a weird letter. I had to go into a place that was like not too much fun to go into, but it's part of my reality, gang. It's part of my dastardly reality. Um, let's see. Let's see what else we got here. Um, here we go. Here's a, uh, here's a letter from, uh, our old friend Veronica Rossi, who, uh, she, uh, she's, uh, usually corrects me when I make mistakes, which I make a lot of, and I need her, I need Veronica to keep me on track. Let's see what she says this time. Here we go. Can't wait to be corrected by Veronica Rossi. Dear Harland, when I'm at Wendy's, I order a chocolate frosty, baked potato with tomatoes and chives and chili. But here's where it gets weird. I pour the chili over the baked potato.

That's not weird. A three-legged dog running up a wall with a pizza spinning on its head is weird. Pouring chili on a baked potato? That actually sounds delicious. Is that any different from pouring gravy on a piece of turkey? I think that's yummy. And I guess the reason Veronica was talking about Wendy's is because A few podcasts back, I was like, go get a chocolate frosty, man.

I was talking about how good frosties are. So her letter continues here. She goes, anyways, I love the podcast. They're so entertaining and humorous. But the other day, uh-oh, here it comes. But the other day, you said close proximity. Close proximity is redundant because proximity means close. Therefore, when you say it, it means close, closeness.

God. This is the second time you've said it. Oh, my God. So in your words, get your proximity meter checked. Oh, boy. And then here's another thing she adds here. Also, why were there so many green Volkswagen Beatles in the movie Superstar? Sincerely, your birthmark looks like shit, Veronica.

Oh, boy. She is in such close proximity to me sending her an unautographed picture. I'll tell you. Okay, there were so many green Volkswagen Beatles in Superstar. Probably because, A, there was probably some product placement going on, but also, I don't know if you know this, but the guy who directed a superstar, the movie I did with Molly Shannon and Will Farrell,

that was directed by Bruce McCullough, who's the little short kid from Kids in the Hall. Do you remember that sketch show, Kids in the Hall? Bruce McCullough played a bunch of funny characters like Cancer Boy, and just he was hilarious. So he's a guy that I know from, I've done a couple of movies with him, I did another movie called, dog park which is really funny too but he's got a real quirky sense of humor if you haven't

figured that out by watching uh you know um super watching kids in the hall so he's got a real quirky sense of humor and i think uh if you look almost every car in the movie is a green Volkswagen beetle so uh the good uh good observation there Veronica because i don't know if a lot of people pick up on it. So it's kind of a cool, quirky thing. And your final remarks, sincerely, your birthmark looks like shit. Well, that's from the movie

Superstar 2. I play this cool biker dude named Slater in the movie, and I have a birth mark that looks like a pilot shit. So there you go. Veronica Rossi strikes again keeping me on

my game, keeping me in close proximity to using the right words all the time. Okay. So let's keep going here. Let's keep going here, gang. What do we got? What do we got? Okay, this is from Lisa Co. Lisa Co. said, I just showed Rocket Man to my kids ages 10 and 12, just as wonderful as the first time I saw it. Happy to report that both kids were on the floor laughing so hard we had to stop the movie best regards and good luck with all your projects l co isn't that nice boy oh boy it's amazing the the legs that that movie has rocket man i don't know how many of you've seen it a lot of what's happening now as young kids

saw it when they were you know nine 10 years old and now they're like 20 25 and they're coming to my stand-up comedy shows it's a whole new resurgence of of fans for me. But that's a movie I'm really proud of and I'm so glad you love it and you would be amazed at how many people come up to me and tell me how much they

genuinely love that movie. You know, you get people that sometimes like, oh, I love that movie you did, dude. And it's like, they're really acknowledging it. They're like, oh, you know, great movie. I loved it. But with Rocket Man, there's something different. There's a real

it's like Rocket Man was a part of so many kids growing up and so many families because it's a real family-friendly movie so a lot of families watched it together so when people come and talk to me about it they're very sincerely like there's an attachment there there's a real uh there's a real attachment to their words and to me and to the movie

and it's it's um i don't know it's it's very different than uh kind of other movies that I did. So if you've never seen Rocket Man, please check it out. Let's keep going here. Wow. Cool letters.

And by the way, thank you for saying that about Rocket Man. Tell your kids, thank you. Here's our next letter. David Evans. Okay, to whoever gets to censor Harlan's messages. Wow. I got a censor. Okay.

I've just seen Force of Nature. and that's my new comedy special force of nature and i thought it was great well thank you apart from the sunflower seeds and some jokes that i'd heard before i love a comedian who preps the audience with a few lead-in before their best jokes how about the joke about being pulled over by the cops on the freeway but not for speeding some something for those of us in the mega cities where the freeways are closer to parking lots during peak hour. Okay. As your lawyer, I'm pretty sure you know, polio has not been eradicated, but it was good

delivery of a clever joke. Too clever. Okay, well, I guess I made a reference to polio and that it's been cured, and I guess this guy is not my lawyer. I don't know why he said that, but I guess polio still exists out there somewhere. So I was under the impression that polio had been wiped off the face of the planet, but maybe it's back. And then he says, too clever.

More for something in an Oscar Wild play and was out of place, given the low-brow nature of the other jokes. But it was a nice change of pace, so I liked it. All right, this letter's a little scattered, but I hear what you're saying. I have to ask where you got the shirt you wore on the special. I probably won't get an answer on the shirt as you're on tour and this will hit the bit bucket with the backlog of messages say Levy.

Well, no, no, no, no. I read all the letters you guys send, okay? And I don't have a censor. I'm the censor. It's a dopey letter. It doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to read it, but if it's got some legs, I will. So in my stand-up comedy special of Forest and Nature, I have this crazy t-shirt on.

And it's just covered the front, the back, with all this crazy imagery, and it's very bright. And it's got a lot of symbolism in it. It's got a lot of symbolism about humanity, about life and birth and death and heaven and hell and humanity and destruction. And, you know, there's a lot going on in the shirt. and the answer is I made the shirt. It's a t-shirt. I got a white t-shirt at Kmart, and I got a box of colored sharpies,

and I drew the shirt. I drew all over the shirt, and I drew all this symbolism, because my stand-up special is kind of about the journey of humanity. I talk a lot about life and people, and so I wanted to incorporate that into the clothes I was wearing, and so if you look carefully at the shirt, if you pause the special at certain times,

you can probably see all this imagery on the shirt. So a lot of people have asked me about that shirt, and I knew they would, so I actually put it in the credits. If you look at the credits, shirt designed by yours truly, Arlen Williams. Let's keep going. We're almost at the end of this letter. However, I will be catching your podcast as time permits and hope to see you live later this year

or early next year. Many thanks for making the show, and I hope the sales and residuals cover the cost of home heating a mansion for many decades. David. So David's hoping I sell lots of my comedy special so I can heat my mansion.

Well, hey, buddy, if you want to buy me a mansion, and I live in California, so I don't need a lot of heat, but, you know, Thank you, thank you for the letter. Thanks for the compliments, and I'm glad you enjoyed this special. If you want to see the special, you can download it on iTunes, or you can watch it on Netflix, or you can order it here at harlomwilliams.com at the store, and we will send you a copy of a Force of Nature,

Here, my crazy stand-up special that I shot out in the middle of the desert, up on a hill, in the middle of the day, with no audience. So it's very unique to say the least. And, you know, I urge you to check it out. Check it out, baby. Check it out, baby. All right, here we go. This is from Diamond. I like that name.

Diamond. Diamonds are forever. Hey, Harland. I've been a fan since Half Baked. Always loved your character the most. Okay, that was Kenny. I played Kenny in Half Baked. As a 27-year-old chick with paranoid schizophrenia,

your movies and stand-up and now podcast have helped me laugh in shitty situations. I like hearing that. That's half the reason I do this. I'd be lucky to find some dude is laid back and cool like you. Why can't there be more dudes like that? Well, thanks, man. I've been listening to all your episodes, and it's funny how people feel about guns.

Yet I still believe in the old baseball bat. There you go. Besides, I'm sure you've seen news articles about the mentally ill. They make it seem like we're all a danger. especially schizophrenics, which is bullshit, or the pot makes our psychosis worse. Again, BS. I'm a stoner and an artist that mellows,

and that mellows me out. No re for madness here. I bet you're fun to smoke with. Anyways, thanks for being you with all the idiocry in the world. It's nice to hear someone who's not brainwashed, and please keep posting your live stand-up as it is awesome. my existence is crumbling so hopefully i can hear some funny ship before i die ha i keep watching

your force of nature special too it's awesome oh boy wow that's a that's a heavy letter uh diamond well listen i don't want your uh existence to be crumbling that's uh that's not what you like to hear it like i sang in the beginning diamonds are forever man and if you're uh suffering with mental illness or schizophrenia or whatever is going on. That's something you've got to work through. And I hope you are feeling better. I hope you get better. And maybe your name's diamond because you're a diamond in the rough.

You're working through some tough stuff. And you're going to get through it. You're going to polish all the edges. And once you get through this little tough spot, you're going to sparkle, man. you're going to be perfect, okay? That's what I say. There's a reason your name is diamond. There's a reason.

Because underneath all the stuff you're dealing with, there's a diamond right there, man. I like it that you're an artist, and, you know, life is tough for everyone. You know, people with schizophrenia or mental illness, or you'd be amazed at lawyers and teachers and plumbers and garbage men and entertainers and politicians. Life is full of challenges, and, you know, it's interesting not to bring up a dark thing,

but if you look at the statistics on, like, suicide and people don't make it, a lot of times I've heard this thing that dentists have the highest suicide rate in society. I don't know if that's true, but I've heard that before. But you hear about a lot of people who are lawyers and doctors and all kinds. You know, just regular everyday people don't make it. And life can be tough and challenging and mentally a real roadmap to maneuver, you know. But here's what I do. And sometimes when, you know, we all get depressed now and then,

and we all have a bad day. And this is like a simple solution, and I don't know if it would work for you or even for anyone listening. But it sometimes works for me if I'm having a bad, bad day, or I'm feeling down, I feel like nothing's going my way,

or I feel like, I feel like, ah, God, I should just quit everything. Here's what I do. This is almost too simple to really be true, but I've done this before. I just stop. wherever I am, I stop, and I just think to myself, I go, Harland, why are you being such a downer?

Why are you thinking all these negative thoughts? Why are you bummed out, man? Stop it right now. Just be happy. Just be happy. Everything that's going on will play out. You can't stop it. You can't change it.

and the stuff that's driving you nuts today, you'll probably not even remember next year. How many of you remember all the big overwhelming life-ending problems you had last year? You don't. They're a figment of the past. They're a memory. And so sometimes I just stop myself cold and go, stop it. You're choosing to be unhappy right now.

You're dwelling on stuff. you're making the decision the only you're just unhappy in your head you're thinking negative thoughts you're thinking sad thoughts you're being down on yourself just shut it's like a light switch i go you know what click i'm shutting that crap off you know what i'm gonna be happy i i just chose to think about all that negative stuff and be a downer to myself so if i can do that i can flick a switch in my brain and just go what are you doing be happy and I'll just try and just shut it off like a switch. Because all that stuff, all that heaviness, it's just in your head.

No one else can see it. No one else can share it. It's all stuff that you conjured up in your brain. The same way when you're laughing and giggling, your brain conjures that up. So I just go, wait a minute. I'm in control of my brain, not the other way around. Hey, guess what, brain? Click.

I just shut off all the bad stuff. I'm not I'm not letting you do that to me today I own you you're in my head I charge you rent brain you want to be a downer get out of my head go go sit in a park and mope on a bench click I just shut you off loser yeah why because I'm in charge you brain and I know that sounds dumb it sounds like yeah right but I just do it I just like I just make the mental effort to go stop it it's that it's like it's like a dog it's you ever see a dog just running around in a circle going and just go hey stop it and the dog just sits down and looks at you and just all of a sudden he's still and just sits it's like you changed his mental state immediately he was like hyper

and crazy and he just stopped and then you mellow him out and you go the other way that's that's what i do maybe it's called train your brain because all the nutty stuff that builds up in your head, guess who's creating it? You are. The only one that can think your thoughts is you. You can only make those thoughts. Nobody else can climb in your brain or stick a cord in the back of your head and go,

I'm going to make Harlan depressed for four days. It's just you. And yeah, I know it's not easy. Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes you get in a fight with a family member or a girlfriend or you're in money problems. But it's not like you're in the field in Afghanistan and you took a bullet. You know what I mean? It's all just mental baggage.

It's not like you're running across a field in a war and a bullet ripped through your rib cage. It's just mental. And yeah, sometimes it's the hardest stuff of all. but I'm not saying that's the answer. I'm not a doctor, but I'm just saying sometimes this is a simple little trick I do to help me get on board. And a lot of times when it works the best

is when you feel it coming on. Have you all had that moment where you feel it coming? You wake up or you're doing something, and all of a sudden it's like, it's like your brain got on a slide in a park, and it was at the top of the slide, and now it jumps on and it just starts going down. You know that moment when you start to go into, like, the black space where you get depressed or you're not happy.

And I think sometimes that's the best as you're about to go, just go, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, get off the slide. Get back and play in the park. Walk off that to go back down the stairs, go and play in the park right now. So listen, schizophrenia and mental illness is a huge problem. but you know this is maybe for people who haven't gone that far or maybe it's not i don't know i'm not a medical expert i'm not a doctor i'm not a psychologist i'm saying that's a little mental trick i do for me sometimes and maybe maybe it works for you i'm that's why i'm saying it got i i hate hearing about people who are suffering and some of the things you said in your

letter here diamond are like it makes me sad because i can tell you're hurting a little bit But I'm going to stand here and say, I think you're going to get better. Think positive, think strong, and you are diamond, a diamond in the rough. So there you go. And you know what? I think I'm going to end on that letter because I think that's a nice letter to end on. Hopefully it helps some of you. And I want to encourage you all to keep sending your letters in to Harlow Williams.com.

We do get to them. And, uh, Rod, let's close up the Harland Highway mailbag, harlot Williams.com, if you want to mail your stuff in. And, uh, we will read your letter if we like it eventually. Uh, so there you go. Close it up, Rodge. And, uh, that's it from the Harlan Highway Mailbag.

Oh boy Look at the time I always go long When I get your guys letters in the mailbag But that's okay It's fun to correspond with you guys Thanks again for writing in All you pavement pounders

It's Harlan Williams.com If you want to drop me a line Or if you'd rather leave me a voicemail We also play your voicemails on the show 323-739 4330 323 739 4330

And as you know We put those up On the podcast as well Because I like to get your feedback I like to hear from you guys So don't be afraid Any comment Any insult

Any whatever you want man I can deal with it And speaking of dealing with it man If you want to deal with me live in person well I would love to see you I would love to see you live in person you can catch me you can catch me this week okay this week in San Diego California at the American Comedy Co it's a great comedy club right down there in San Diego California I will be there Thursday February 27th right through to Saturday night

March 1st. Oh, my God, we're already into March. Good night, Nellie Frittado. And then, if you want to see me in Dallas, Texas, March 13th through the 16th. March 13th through the 16th, I'll be in Addison, Texas, outside of Dallas there at the improv, great club. You can get your tickets again at Harlan Williams.com. And then I fly off to start filming the second season of my sitcom package. deal very excited about that that's going to be a lot of fun um and uh please check out harlowe williams.com while you're there subscribe to my youtube channel uh it's right there the clicks right

there you can get all my wacky videos coming to you also if you want to buy something on amazon we have a link on the uh on the page and if you click on it and buy your stuff at amazon going through my link it helps uh the podcast we get a little little bit of a kickback. So a little money we can put towards the production of the podcast, which is always nice, since I don't have any sponsors. And what else? Check out all things, comedy, ATC.com,

where you can also find this podcast on that network. Other others on there, Bill Burr, Jake Johansson, El Magigal. Great podcast network. to get signed up to and that is it gang um again thank you for writing in don't be bashful write in any time you want and uh we do look at all the letters we don't read all of them obviously but if yours captures our attention we uh we read it so there you go uh keep on smiling remember uh flick the switch be happy diamonds are forever and until next time Chicken.

Chal mean, baby? Yeah, diamonds are forever. They are all I need to please me. They can stimulate to tease me. They won't leave in the news. night I've no fear that they might deserve me. Diamonds are forever. Hold one up and then crest it.

Touch it, stroke it and undress it. I can see every part. Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me. I don't need love For what good will love to me Diamonds never lie to me For where love's gone They'll last alone

I'm forever, sparkling the ground my little finger. Unlike men, the diamonds are lingering.