The Harland Highway - 562 - SPECIAL GUEST, Actor, athlete, ISAIAH MUSTAFA

Episode Date: March 13, 2014

Harland welcomes Isaiah to the show today where we cover a wide range of topics and play the popular TOO SOON or not TOO SOON podcast game. Capitalize my teeth! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

that's the way uh-huh uh-huh i like it that's the way i like it this is my podcast it's going to be the way i like it not the way you like it but yes i'm hoping that the way i like it turns out to be the way you like it see what i mean i'm mixing our likies together so that we get a big likey pie and you're going to like my guest today i'm pretty sure uh he's a wonderful guy he's an athlete. He's an actor. He's a spokesperson. He's a guy you'll recognize once we get into talking to him. He's a thoughtful, interesting human being. He's my buddy. And I won't tell you his name just yet, but he's here for the whole show. And we're going to be getting into a lot of cool topics. And we're going to be playing too soon or not too soon at the end of the show. So settle in.

It's time for a mystery guest. on the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It's like I picked the wrong week for smoke. I'm funny how.

I mean funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. Like I took the wrong week. Quick drink. I make you laugh. I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. I'd buy that for a dollar.

What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? Like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me. That is thought for Samantha things aside. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quick sniff and grue.

He's laughing already. I haven't even started, and I hear laughter. I'm not telling you who it is. I have a special guest today. I really want to just start the show and ask you why you're laughing, but I can't yet. Wow. I'm getting abused, folks. I don't even know if I can tell you why I'm laughing. Well, we're going to have a wild show today. I have a very special guest here today. My very good buddy, he's an actor, he's a singer, he's an athlete.

I don't know. He does everything, but all around just a good guy. And this is his first visit to the Harland Highway. uh ladies and gentlemen my very special guest today we're going to be talking about all kinds of stuff and we're going to be playing the harland highway game that i play with all my guests uh too soon or not too soon we'll be playing later in the show ladies and gentlemen please welcome isaiah mustafa thank you thank you for having me do you want to know why i was laughing yeah you were having a laughing fit what happened

I'm still laughing. What's going on, guy? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack Nicholson. Oh, you saw, yeah, I got that hanging in the studio here. You know, I told the pavement pounders about that, and you were there that night. I was there. That was the night for you guys that might want to go back about a year or so. There was one night where I was at a basketball game with Isaiah and our other friend Michael Rosenbaum,

and I had an encounter with Jack Nicholson, and I recorded his voice, and I put it on the podcast. I did a whole segment dedicated to that night. No way. Yeah, and I think I told you guys, Jack was eating Black Forest cake with a plastic spoon. I remember. And I took the spoon, and I thought, I'd rather have a spoon that was in Jack Nicholson's mouth covered with his DNA than a lousy autograph with a Beck. So I've got it framed in one of those glory boxes or whatever they're called. What are they called?

It's called a Nicholson box. It's the Nicholson box. And if you want to hear the whole story, go back into my library of the Harlan highways and look for Harlan meets Jack Nicholson. And you'll hear me mention Isaiah and you'll hear the whole story and you'll actually hear Jack. Yeah, it was a pretty crazy night. That was a fun night. You know, that was 2012, though.

Come on. promise you. I know because after that we went, remember we went into the tunnel and we saw Dustin Brown from the Los Angeles Kings. Yeah. And it was right during their playoff run. I remember I was all geek to see him. Yeah, he was standing up against the wall. That's right. In the, hallway. With your buddy Omar. Omar. Oh, yeah. Omar. Yeah. And then we came through the tunnel and there was no one there. There was one guy standing up against a post and we looked and it was Jack. And I went, Oh, hey, Jack. And he went, hey, how you doing?

Remember? I do. And then you got stuck in the, did you get stuck in the little waiting room? Like, there was a waiting room for the bathroom. Yeah. And then he, well, he was coming out as you were going in. No, he was in the waiting room eating Black Forest Cake. Okay.

And I went in to use the bathroom. And I said, Jack, do you need to use it? He goes, I'll go in after you. And so when I was in there, I was like, he's going to probably talk to me on the way out. So I hit record on my phone. And on the way out, I said, you're up next. goes, I got her. No.

As I was holding the door, he goes, I got her. And you'll hear it all on the old podcast. Oh, I want to make a song with that. I got her. I got her, yeah. You do got her. You got it. I don't have her anymore.

You don't have her anymore. You'll have someone. I do have this. Oh, see, this is a first gang, okay? Isaiah is a very athletic guy. Isaiah used to play with the Raiders, right? the LA Raiders and he's just a really

great athlete I play racquetball with them all the time I actually was idiotic enough to play hoops with them once and he just like left me all over the floor but now he's on some kind of broccoli cleanse he's got a big bowl full of

broccoli sitting on his chair up here in the studio tell us what's going on guy well I started do a cleanse because I was doing some unhealthy eating. Yeah. So now I'm on this cleanse, but, you know, you do a little cheating every now and then, so I made sure

that I brought my Chipotle flavored veganese spread. It's dipping sauce and spread, actually. Soy-free, gluten-free. And I like to dip my little broccoli buds and this and munch away, but I won't do it up here in the studio. Can we just call it what it is? Sure. Instead of

saying I'm doing a cleanse, how about I'm giving myself the shit? Yeah. Yeah. Can we just be real? And honestly, I'd rather have going out like that like a river than it then then a solid you know oh god and it's broccoli so it's going to it's going to look like somebody it's going to look like the jolly green giant severed of major artery and just green blood is coming out you always make you always make me laugh like you always make me giggle no matter what you started laughing before we even started well i i was

giggling because i was looking at the studio and there's so many cool things in here you know It's almost like a little playground. Yeah, we got some cool things. But you're part of the history of the studio because of that night with Jack Nicholson. And finally I'm here. It's like we've come full circle. Yeah, it's been too long.

I've been trying to get Isaiah up here for probably almost over half a year or three quarters of a year. We kept planning it and then it never happened. There were so many plans. There were so many plans, but then we got side track. We got on a caboose and went all the way to Louisiana.

What happens, Larry? when you go outside. Wow, Larry. How did I just become Larry? No, I was talking to the voice that you were doing. Oh, this is Larry right here. That's right. My name's Larry G. Gingerbread.

I'm from Louisiana, Kentucky, even though it doesn't exist. And my name's Todd. Todd and Larry Gingerbread. A couple of hobos going down to 59. I never lived in a cardboard check. Oh, my God. Too soon. So Isaiah is a great actor, and one of the things you might know him from, which is probably, like, hilarious. Everyone knows him from this, especially the ladies.

Isaiah is the funny man behind the Old Spice commercials, where you have the shirtless dashing man riding around on horses and fighting. dragons and what are some of the other nut things you do? Oh, they make me do everything. I've walked on water. I've log rolled. I've skydived into hot tubs, road motorcycles. They put me upside

down in water. They buried me alive once. They do all kinds of stuff. All right. Just so everyone knows, I'm going to play a clip. I'm going to play one of his commercials right now. Sit back and listen to this and then we'll come right back in and ask Isaiah about some of this madness.

Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if he stopped using ladies-scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he's mean. Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell her. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again. The tickets are now diamond. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I'm on a horse. So these commercials, they like, everyone knows them. They just kind of click together all the scenes. How many takes does it take to put something like that together? You know what it's crazy is that it takes five days, like five shooting days. And you do as many takes as you can because it's one shot. Like there's not, there's no cuts in the shot. It just keeps rolling.

So they just roll. So you walk through, you do all your stuff. It's like a big old mouse trap. And then they reset the trap and you go to the front and you do it over again. and we just do it as many times as we can do it in five days until we nail one. That's either got to be the funnest thing in the world or it can get very, can probably get very tense and like, oh my God, you know, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah, but the good ones usually come on day three or four because you're so loopy at that point

and you've been saying it so many times that it just gets crazy and whatever comes out of your mouth is a lot of times I just say stuff like the accidents are the ones we use, you know. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah, there's just one where I was talking or said, something and as I was saying it like I lean back too much and the horse like just pooped like everywhere must have been on a cleanse maybe maybe he had too much broccoli would a ho if a horse is doing a cleanse though they already eat plants so a horse would have probably have to go to meat to cleanse to do a cleanse like you'd have to see if you ever see a horse eating a pork chop or a he's

on a ruth Chris like tea bone he's he's on a cleanse he's cleansing himself yeah that's what he's to. Okay, so you're on the horse, and the horse just lets it rip. Yeah, let's loose, but it was like the perfect take or something, so they use that one, and then what they did is they painted it out later, you know? Oh, that would have got a lot of eyes on it if they left the poo in there.

I wonder if it would have been funnier. It probably would have. I mean, people would have been shock. The shock value alone. But these commercials, they're not just here in North America. They play all over the world. Isaiah travels all around. It's an incredible phenomenon. So that's,

Congratulations to you for those. Those are a riot. Thanks, buddy. It is a phenomenon, though. Yeah, it is. It's one of those things where you can't even explain it. You're going, how did this happen? And why is it still going?

And I bet you didn't see it coming because, you know, I did commercials before, too. Most actors have done a commercial. And usually when you do a commercial, you go, okay, it's a commercial. It's 60 seconds of me plugging something. You never expect it to become like this thing became its own animal for you. Yeah. It's like it really. It literally changed my life.

Like literally changed my life. And now, and I'm still doing it. It's the craziest thing to me. It's like that. There's a lot of companies do that now. It's like progressive insurance. You have that flow, that waitress girl. And she probably started off doing one.

And now she's done a million. And I met with, I met with a real funny actor the other day. The, uh, a T.J. He's one of the guys in the sonic drive-through commercials. Oh, man. He's the little redhead. guy that's always in the passenger seat. Oh, that guy's brilliant.

And he told, I didn't realize, but they've been doing those for like seven years. He's done a ton of them. And he gets to improvise like you did. And he gets to, he gets to be funny. And it's like, you don't see those coming. Those are like the dream commercials. Yeah, he's good. He's really funny.

He's hilarious. Yeah. That's why I wanted to meet with them. I just called up his agent and stuff. And I want to hopefully get him in a project I'm doing down the road. but his timing is just impeccable. He's just hilarious. And equally, your commercials on the Old Spice commercial is just as hilarious, man.

You've got to have a good sense of timing for that. Oh, man, thanks. I appreciate that. Yeah, no, they're great. Well, let's get into the show. Enough chit-chat and, you know, barbecue Willie and gingerbread, Eddie and all that. Let's get to the questions. And then later in the show, folks, as you know, towards the end of the show,

So we play the incredible game with Isaiah too soon or not too soon. We'll see if he can win, you know, today. We don't know. You've never played it before, have you? No, what's the prize? You'll see. You'll see. It's broccoli dip.

So here we go. Let's jump into the questions. Isaiah Mustafa, if there's a hurricane and your house is blown to the ground obliterated, what's the one thing you want to find in the rubble? You got one thing in the rubble. Yeah. What is that one... Hey, everybody.

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adventurous new toy, or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Thing. Hmm. I'm I was going to say somebody's name. Don't say gingerbread Larry. Okay. You know what's funny is I've thought about this a lot.

Oh, really? Yeah, I always think, like, what would I just be like, I got to find it, I got to find it. What would it be that one thing? You know what's crazy? And it doesn't bring the show down, but I have this personal item with my dad, this flower, my dad had. That's beautiful. And it's from his funeral. And I keep it, you know.

And I think that would be the one thing that I'd be like, did that make it? That's the best answer ever. That's a beautiful. That touched me when you said that. Oh, okay. Good. Well, that's a wonderful, like, I'm, that actually moved me. Like, I was, like, I didn't know what you'd say.

And that, like, kind of emotionally, I just felt my heart, like, move. That's a beautiful answer. I wanted, I didn't want to give your staple answer, you know, but I thought, what would I really, really, that I thought about it. That's what I'd get, yeah. And what color, what kind of flower was it? What color? It's a red rose. Yeah.

You know, and you know what's cool about it? What? Because it's a long time ago. Yeah. We still had cassette decks, you know? Yeah. So I put it in one of those old cassette deck holders, like one of those clear ones. The, like a case for a cassette tape, yeah.

I threw it in there. So it's been sitting in there for, I mean, 30 years, you know? 30 years. Yeah, I mean, longer than that, actually, like 33 years. It's been in there just hanging out. Wow. In this black box. that I also keep my G.I. Joes in.

There's like three G.I. Joe's that I have. So that's like a little box of memories for you. Oh, yeah, man. I got a couple pins in there and stuff. I would want the whole box, but if I just got that case, I'd be happy. That's an important thing. Yeah. You're right. There's nothing, there's nothing more important than that flower. Can I ask, do you remember how you acquired the flower? Were you at the funeral? Were you at the funeral parlor?

like where was the flower where did you actually physically get it do you remember yeah i'm pretty candid about this stuff i don't mind i always like people ask me they because my dad passed away when i was seven yeah and so a lot of people always ask me are you okay with that like you want to talk about i go look you know it it was 33 years ago i i better be okay with it yeah yeah i mean because one day it's going to be me well to a degree you're never okay with it because you're but but you're functioning you're not you're not a guy living under a bridge because of it right exactly yeah and so i do remember it like like night and day i mean like it was yesterday i mean and uh i remember that i was completely shocked as a seven-year-old yeah like looking back i

know death is shocking when you see your first dead body right right like of a relative i remember that well too so so and me being your dad you know you you kind of like i remember the whole process i was almost waiting like okay so when's this joke gonna the punch line going to drop you know yeah because my brother took me out to get ice cream and then he told me but the way my brother told me i remember he said he goes well you know dad's never coming back oh my dad used to joke with me all the time he'd be like you know what your mom your mom one day i promise i'm gonna take off and never come back like you wow he'd joke around yeah yeah but then you know he's joking yeah so when my brother said that yeah i literally thought i was like oh my god he did it like

he's done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's finally taken off. Oh, no. So I didn't think he was, I just thought, well, he's off on his trip. And this is an older brother, I'm guessing, right? How much older? My brother's 10 years older than me.

So he was messing with you, a little seven-year-old, Isaiah. Yeah, he was 17. But I don't think he knew how to tell me, you know, so he was just telling me the best way he figured out. Okay. And so I, and so I handle it fairly well. Yeah, yeah. So I remember walking in the house, and everybody was, like, really impressive.

impressed that I had like that I was composed and not crying but little they know I'm in shock you know like I don't yeah yeah so at the actual funeral I remember seeing my dad's body and I was just looking at it going like wow this is like wild you know I didn't comprehend it yeah and so I do remember just like there was flowers and everything and I don't remember each one of us there's seven of us in our family yeah so each one of us got a flower and so the one that I got I just held on to it all and who gave you the flower oh it was given by the guy who did the service you know he was okay and you kept it. You know, that's a beautiful story. I love that answer. I feel a little bit guilty because. Oh, no. No, no. It's nothing to do with you, but it's my grandfather, when he passed away on my mother's side,

I grabbed a little red rose at his funeral, and I remember I took it to my room and I put it up on my bulletin board, and I made a promise to my grandfather. I said, grandfather, I'm going to keep this flower forever for your memory. and somewhere along the way I lost the flower and it's always stayed in my mind and hearing you say that really I mean it touched me just to know

that was your own story but it also brought back memories of a flower that was important to me that I feel guilty that I let it go but I think you'll forgive me right grandpa

what? What does F.U. Do you know what F.U. It's Fordham University. Oh, that's where he went. Okay. F.U. F you, go a few, right?

Or something? That's how it went. Okay. There was music behind it, but yeah. Wow, geez, I just love that story, man. You caught me off guard with that answer. I actually think I did when I went to college. Actually, I left it and I'm back home.

I didn't take it with me to college. Good, because you probably would have lost it. I think I'd have lost it, yeah. I lost my mind, so I definitely would have lost a flower. So what, but when I went back, I remember I couldn't find it. Oh, this big box of stuff. my mom had put all this stuff in storage oh okay so for years like about three or four years

I couldn't find it I didn't know where it was and then she told me like she's like come get your crap out of storage and I was like okay and so I did and I was like oh it's here and I flipped out I remember I was so high and she didn't even know that I had that or maybe she had known she forgot but she was so like I think it got her too she was like uh oh she got a little misty oh that's yeah that's that well you know it's it's almost with

with the keepsake like that Sometimes I feel like there's destiny attached to that. It's like it's almost like that little girl in Schindler's List and the red dress. Like for some reason she was just destined to stand out and I'm picturing, not that I ever wanted to happen to you, but I'm picturing that scenario I set up where the house is devastated. There's just rubble and you're walking through and in all the bleakness and all the devastation, all of a sudden there's that red flower sticking out. Yeah.

And it was, like, destined to not go away because it's a piece of your connection with your father, you know? Yeah, that's interesting that you brought up Schindler's list because I, that part floors me every time. Yeah, that's intense. It's hard for me to even watch the movie. I'll be honest. Like, I think I've seen it twice. Yeah. And both times, it just, it worked me.

Yeah. To the point where I don't even know, like, because I, in college, when I went to school, I studied the Holocaust. That was my, that was my major, was World War II, with emphasis in the Holocaust. Intent. Yeah, it was really intense. I had this professor who would go to the, he would go to different camps and stuff. And he just, I mean, what he was telling me really struck a chord with me.

So I decided, I'm like, you know what? I know, I'm going in. I know it's going to be depressing, but that's what I'm going to study, you know. So I did. And it was heavy, man. It's heavy. I mean, I went to, I think it was in Texas. I went to a Holocaust museum.

And it just impacted me so hard. Like I actually came home and got into my sketchbooks. and started drawing all the imagery that was in my head, the, you know, the concave faces and the empty eyes and just the lost look in the eyes of the POWs. And it was just, yeah, it's just, it's real heavy. But we won't go down that road. No, I think, you know, we got a real nice sentimental thing out of that flower.

I'm glad you found it and I'm glad you still have it. That's important. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's move on. You know, we talked earlier that, there's no laughing. There's no laughing in baseball. Only level, we won't go down that road. Yeah.

And that's where that road will stop. Well, you know, I'd like to go down the whole Holocaust road because it's intent. Like, it's not just, because, you know, it's just such an intense. I feel like you got to dedicate a whole segment to that. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. And now that I know you've studied that, next time you're back, we are going to uncover that more.

I mean, you really did stop me because I was about to go. I know. And I bring up comment, like bring up facts and stuff. I can tell and I know my listeners are going, oh, don't do that. But we'll have you back because that's, you know, if I get on that track, it's such a big topic. We won't get to everything else. And we got a lot to cover here. So we're going to revisit that one day.

But I just, again, I love the story about your flower and your father. That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us. No worries. Let's switch gears. As I said, Isaiah's a really good acting. You might have seen him in the Three Stooges movie. We did a movie together called Back in the Day.

Any other of your movies you want to mention? The other one or two. I've only done like five films, I think, in my entire life. Yeah, yeah. And that's everything. I think even being an extra, you know, because, oh, no, I was in what's love got to do with it. Way back when there was like the second. It's a good job that I'd ever gotten.

Okay. And I remember that. If you look quick, I'm in, like, the dance scene when she comes and finds, like, when they first meet, you know, or whatever. Oh, sexy. Oh, you know what else I'm in? What? I'm in menace to society. It's this crazy, it was a crazy movie.

Yeah. A very popular gang. I remember that. That was a good movie. Yeah, it was real intense. Yeah. I'm on the lawn. I get into a fight with these dudes.

And, like, when they're first introducing all his gang friends. Yeah. Like, I'm on the lawn fighting or watching a fight or something. I remember this. Like, I remember exactly what I was wearing, too, had this green sweater on. Oh, wow, that's cool. You always remember the first thing you did, no matter, like the early stuff, you remember every detail.

Oh, man. And then, then it comes to a point where, like, you're on TV and you don't even care. Yeah, right, right. You're like, some, I went, like, I forgot about Twitter for five days. And so today I was like, oh, you know, because nowadays you have to stay. on top of your stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go to check it and I see people who are like,

oh, yeah, Isaiah's on sirens. And I was like, oh, crap, that's right. Tonight's the premiere. I was like, oh, man. You mean tonight, tonight? Tonight? Tonight. Because tonight, tonight.

Oh, I just Phil Collins's your ass, dude. I knew you were coming with the Phil Collins. You didn't even genesis me. You just Phil Collins. You knew. You knew it was coming. Totally. That's all right.

Well, good, man. But here's where I wanted to go with the. acting thing, if you, I think I know the answer, but I might not, because you surprised me with the, with the hurricane thing. What is your dream role? What would be your dream role as an actor? You're the lead guy and it can be, you know, it can be a made up movie that doesn't exist or it can be one you've heard about. What's the dream role for you? I want to play, if they said, go ahead, man, like you pick. I'd say, I want to play Charlie in Flowers for Algernon.

No way. Promise you. Flowers for Algernon is a great, great story. Dude, I did a play, and I was Charlie, and I loved it, and I had a great, and we, I mean, it was amazing. And I wanted, I was like, I would, I would do this, like, I would let this run. It was such an emotional, fun experience, because you go from being this, you know, he's a little bit slow. Yeah. Turns into this brilliant guy.

realizes that it's going to go back. It's such, it's touching. It's very touching. It's like a Frankenstein of the mind, where they find a very slow guy. They do some experiments on him, and he becomes borderline genius. Yeah. And his life obviously starts to change when he becomes genius, but then the candle starts to dim, and he starts to lose the genius.

And so all the accolades, all the things that came with him being a genius, start to deviate and fade away and twist and turn as he becomes slower again. But he can't, and the thing is he's brilliant enough to try to find a cure. Yeah. But what's happening is he's running out of time, so it's stopping. Like, he can't remember what it's, you know, it's such a cool movie that, you know, I mean, the movie was Charlie, but it's such a cool book. And Algernon is the little white mouse, right?

Yeah, yeah. Algernon's the mouse that they originally did the experiments on and the mouse ran through all those mice mazes you see in scientific laboratories. And it's good. You know, it's funny you said that movie because back in the day, I'd say about, I don't know, 15 years ago, there was a time where I was kind of on the hot sheet and all the studios were cooing me to try and, you know, what movie do you want to do? What movie do you want to do?

And Fox sat me down, and they had a script called Smart. And it was basically kind of, it was sort of like a Flowers for Algernon thing about a slow guy getting really smart and that was the one I immediately said I want to do that one and they were really surprised by that but it's funny we're we're similar like that um it's the second question and then for the second time you caught me off guard like honestly you totally caught me you went completely the other way because I wrote down what I thought your dream movie would be because we've talked about it yeah Luke Cage power man yeah you know it's funny great it'll be fun and everything and it would just be a fun time but it's more like a popcorn movie it doesn't have the

substance out of it you know and i mean i i know i know most of people know me as a commercial actor or whatever but you know you kind of want some substance yeah when you work you know yeah i mean i consider myself an artist so i i would want to you know feel something yeah and and that would take me through a weird trajectory and i just don't know who i'd be afterwards and i'd be very curious to see how i would be after that experience yeah But Flowers for Algernon would definitely, you know, you do work and you go, I want to leave behind something that resonates. I want to leave something behind that will impact people and make them think and maybe affect their lives. Not that superhero movies don't, but they're more, they're more for entertainment value.

But a deep movie like Flowers for Algernon, I think, would move people, you know, spiritually and soulfully and things like that. Definitely. The only reason I laugh when you said interdainment value, because I remember the last. movie I saw with you and we were not entertained at all wait what was it it was clash of the titans the second one it was remember we saw it in indiana we saw we saw we saw the second one oh yeah i was thinking of the first hunger games because we went to that together too no no i didn't go with you guys remember oh it was you and paloja oh yeah you guys went to that one and i remember because i refused to see the hunger game yeah it sucked i hated it i was so and then we were pissed

about Clash of the Titans, too. It was the second one, right? Yeah, it was the second one, yeah. Because the first one we both liked. That's right. I did, at least. Did you? I saw the first one I liked it, but I did not.

The second one, I was just, like, the Minotaur, they, like, didn't even, like, really have the, every monster was like, as though he just had to pop up to show his face. Yeah. And then kind of, like, the giant trolls and, yeah, I didn't like it. Let's switch gears. And by the way, you'd make a brilliant Luke Cage, because you got the, the physicality, you've got the looks. I mean, you got the intensity.

So if anybody's out there putting that together, Isaiah's your man. Or flowers for Algernon. Or Flowers for Algernon. Yeah, he goes right by Luke Cage. How about your Luke Cage but in the Flowers for Algernon script? That's best. So you're like a superhero guy.

He just dresses up like a superhero. He's a dummy. And then all of a sudden he's like, that superhero just saw. my tax problems. He's a genius. All right, here we go. If elephants never forget, then what do drafts do? What do the giraffes do? I'm asking you. If elephants never forget, what do drafts do?

Oh, giraffes never look behind them. Really? Yeah. Why? You didn't know that? I didn't know. That's why I'm asking. They're always looking forward. Really? And looking up, too. They never look behind. No, that's why their necks are so long. because they just look a forward and ahead in life

they just want to be positive and they're always striving for something higher you know they're always reaching they're reaching for something usually a tree or something but that's a metaphor if you look at it I got to tell you that is some of the nicest bullshit I've ever heard in my life I mean no

seriously you can laugh I've heard some nice bullshit but listen that is just wonderful like from a man on a cleanse giraffes Take it from a man who cleanses, okay. Drafts never look behind. Okay, hey, I asked.

It's a metaphor for life if you think about it. It's a metaphor for life. Reach. They're reaching. Reach forward, look, reach high. Just like I'm reaching for a story. Yeah, you're really reached. Yeah, you just verbally cleansed all over the studio, okay?

Here's a good one. Recently, they're talking about this trip to Mars where they're looking for people to go to Mars, but the hook is there's no return flight because it takes too long to get there. They don't have the resources to get the people back. This is for real. Would you go on, be the first human to Mars

in the group of humans knowing you couldn't come back? Dude, I just read a comic book called, it's from 1986 called Strike Force Moratory, where these dudes would join this group. And they knew when they joined the group, group. They only had a year to live from there. But within that year, they would gain all these powers and be able to fight for the earth and fight these aliens, but they were going to expire. Okay. So if you joined that group, you knew you only had one year to go. And that's what that sounds

like. I don't know if I can do that. Okay. Yeah, that's a big decision. Yeah. I have so many aspirations and so many things I'd like to live for. Yeah. And I think that's a one-way ticket. Like, I mean, it is, but I think you're going to die. Oh, yeah. You're pretty quick. you'll die yeah they you know you're not coming back so i don't think you're going to live a happy life on mars i think what's going to happen is i think if you do that you're basically doing it to say i'm going into the history books everyone that's it people will talk about me for as long as mankind lives i will be immortal because you know neil armstrong will be one of the most immortalized human beings in the history when you when you go 300 000 years in the future

or even 30,000 years in the future, Neil Armstrong will be remembered as the first guy to step off of our planet and step somewhere else. Yeah, Buzz Aldrin, too. I mean, I mean, I met that dude, and I didn't think that I'd care, honestly. And then I met him, and I thought, wow, this dude has been in outer space and on the moon.

That's amazing. I met him, too. The only satellite that we had, he's been standing. It is kind of, it's amazing. He stands in reverence, you know. But when you look at the trajectory, when you look at the history of humanity, like right now we're in the infancy stages

where we're like, oh, we're all on Earth, we're all, you know, we're getting overpopulated. But should technology advance, should humanity advance, you have to assume that one day we will be colonizing other planets. And if that happens 30 years, you know, 300,000 years from now or 10,000 years from now, even maybe we have manufactured planets that are floating in orbit,

everyone's going to go, well, who is the very first guy to step off of planet Earth? It'll be Neil Armstrong. Or with the Mars thing, who would have been the first people to go and live on another planet? And that group will be immortalized. They want them to live there? Yeah, oh, yeah. They're not going to live there. I mean, well, they won't make it.

Well, they'll live there for, I mean, the plan is that they set up some kind of base, blah, blah, blah, and then they go and live there. But eventually, you know, who knows? they'll either expire quickly or maybe they have enough stuff to sustain themselves in a false environment within the dome they live in or whatever. Now, who's asking? I don't have the reference in front of me, but it's a real thing. This is a thing where they're, you know, starting to put this together.

Are you behind all? Are you asking me right now? Is that what's going to go? I was going to ask you if you wanted to go get sushi later, but then I switched gear. and I was like, eh, we've been to sushi. Would you like to go to Mars with me

and never come back? Is what I'm asking? Are you going? And what's the guy, the girl ratio? It'll be me, you, Suzanne Summers,

and who's that girl, Rachel Ray, the talk show host. Oh, no, you lost me. You're sorry. If you would have said Joyce DeWitt, I'd have been with you,

but I'm sorry. Oh, God. I think she's gone to Uranus. I'm not sure. Let's move along. Here he goes. Here we go. This is a yes or no answer.

This is a quickie, we call it. Can angels cry into a pie dish and make angel tear meringue pie? Yes or no. Yes, of course they can. That is correct. You got that. Let's move on. Was there ever a moment in Isaiah Mustafa's life where you could have taken a turn and you knew it

would change everything and you made a conscious choice to not take the turn or you did make the turn has there ever been one one moment that stood out more than all the others that stood out okay over the others now let me ask you this can i have known that at the time that that that's how it was going to be or or am i blind no no you can know you can be conscious you can be like wow If I go to London, that's going to alter my life. So you can be aware of, now you don't know the outcome if you never went, but you can surmise or you can guess. Yes, I do.

What was that moment, that big moment? Big moment. I'm 19 years old. Yeah. And I have a decision to make. I got scholarship offers. And I wanted to figure out where am I going to go to school. I wanted to go to UCLA.

This is what I want to do. Play wide receiver there. But I get this magazine one day. I remember this very, very clearly. And I was reading through the magazine. And I was the best of the pack 10. And I see Jake Plummer as this emerging quarterback. Next year he's supposed to be this great quarterback.

And I thought about it. And I was reading the article. And the way the guy I wrote it, he just made him sound like a really cool guy. You know, a fun dude. And I just thought right then, I'm like, I'd love to meet that guy and actually hang out with him. And so I thought, you know what? I'm going to go to Arizona State.

I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to go to Arizona State. Yeah. And literally, had I gone to UCLA, who knows what would have happened. Yeah. But by going to Arizona State, my life definitely took a right turn or left turn or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't have my daughter.

I would have never met my ex-wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like stuff like I would have never went to the Rose Bowl. Yeah, yeah. All kinds of crazy. Interesting. So that was a pivotal decision. Oh, yeah, who knows?

I may never played for the Raiders, you know, may never met a bunch of friends that I'd have. I mean, we always have to throw in, but what if you had gone the other way? But that's not the question. You took that route, and it sounds like you're happy that you did take that route. I am happy I took that route, but I'll be honest. I'm curious what would have happened if I would have went to UCLA. I would have stayed in town and maybe I would have started acting sooner. Who knows?

Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Yeah, it's always fascinating to think about what ifs. That's a biggie. That's a biggie. Cool. Here's kind of an interesting one. We're switching gears. I like to switch gears on my guests to kind of keep their brains working here.

You're in a graveyard at night. You're walking through a graveyard, okay? Yeah. You hear a voice calling from underground. It's like, help me, help me. do you stop and dig or do you run the hell out of there is there anyone with me no oh i'm high taylor you're gone out you're gone okay you know what i'll do though because i'd feel bad i would literally leave a snack i'd leave some broccoli i would leave my my veganese okay uh you know i'd leave and i'd tell

the authorities listen i'm i i might be crazy but go check out the cemetery because there might be somebody buried alive, but I wasn't going to dig him up. Yeah. That's probably what I'd do. So that... What if it was me? Well, again, somebody would come. Hopefully you'd hang on, though.

I thought we were friends, you know. You'd have the broccoli. You'd have something to eat. Yeah, that's what a zombie needs. A cleanse. Yeah, I'm the walking dead. I'd best get on that clans so I can flush out my corroded fucking abdomen meat. The guy's testing my friendship because he wants me to save him.

He wants to eat my brain. Yeah. He's mad because he can't eat my brain. Help me. You dig me up and I eat your cranium. All right, we're coming to the end, folks. As I promised, we are going to play the Harland Highway game too soon or not too soon. Here we go.

Isaiah, here we go. We have four big questions. All you have to do is say, and the cadence is very important. You have to say too soon or not too soon, but we like it when the guests kind of to do it with the too soon. Gotcha. Okay. Or you can say not too soon any way you want, but we kind of like it when the guests do the whole like too soon.

Yeah. So here we go. You all ready to play too soon or not too soon? Yeah. All right, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Isaiah Mustafa, our special guest. Hey-oh. Hey-oh, too soon or not too soon.

Here's the first question. Donald Duck is walking home late one night from work. He gets jumped and sexually violated by the Aflac duck. Too soon or not too soon? That's not too soon. I'm sorry. That is not correct. Yeah.

There's a right and a wrong? Oh, yeah. Are you kidding? This is a game. Oh, I didn't know. Well, I knew it was a game, but I thought it was a game of options. No, no. Well, there are options.

You picked the wrong one. That is actually wrong. It's too soon. Okay. Too soon. Well, now my mind's in the game having lost the first question. Okay, here we go. Second question, too soon or not too soon.

You're having oral sex with a girl, giving her cunnelingus. You notice her pubic hair resembles Donald Trump's hair. Thank God you're letting me have oral sex. I've never done that before. Yes. You tell her her pubs look like Donald Trump's hair. Suddenly Donald Trump pops out of her. with JJ and yells, you're fire.

Too soon. Is that your answer? It is. That is correct. That is correct. I just like that you let me have oral sex. Yeah. It's about time you had some.

You know, every now and then you put down the broccoli and have some oral sex. Yeah. That you're one for, you're tied. You're one for one. One for, wait, what is it? One and one. One. Okay.

Question three. You're at a public swimming pool. An old lady rolls into the water in her wheelchair. She's drowning. You reach down, pull her head out of the water, put a camel's cigarette in your mouth, light a match on her forehead, and then let her sink again. Too soon or not too soon? Too soon.

Oh, correct! He is correct, ladies and gentlemen. Too soon. Yeah, yeah, that's way too soon. Good one. You got to that one. I'm fast. Can I go back to the oral sex? Really? Are you

thinking maybe it's not too soon now? No, no, no, no. That's too soon. Yeah, you don't want to change a right answer, guy. No, no, no. All right, you're ahead here. This is the make or break one here. This is our last question of our fabulous

game, too soon or not too soon. Here we go. Are you ready? Isaiah Mustafa. Yes, sir. Isaiah Mustafa. You were at the Arby's drive-thru. You order a mocha shake. As you pull up, the drive-thru kid sticks his ass out the drive-thru window and drops a deuce on the hood of your car and says that'll be $8.95.

Do you want fries with that? Too soon or not too soon? Too soon. That is correct, ladies and gentlemen. Three out of four, our special guest, Isaiah Mustafa, has won the game. Congratulations. Thanks, buddy. Does that feel good? It does feel good. I missed the first one, which was a little alarming.

Yeah. Yeah, but I didn't have my too soon, not too soon game hat on. Yeah, and it was poultry. It was like two ducks and a goose. And you think that maybe there was some revenge in there or something, but maybe that's why it was too soon. It's okay. You know, you got three out of four. You can't complain. I know you're competitive, but. Yeah, meatloaf would be happy with me right now. Didn't he say three out of four, eight bad? Maybe we can talk a two out of three ain't bad. Yeah.

Well, he wouldn't be pissed then. Yeah. And you'll probably, when you're finished doing your cleanse, you'll probably see a meatloaf pretty soon. So that was too soon. His name was Robert Paulson. Who's that? Meatloaf and fight club.

Oh, yeah. His name was Robert Paulson. Yeah. And then he's living in the house, like, cleaning up and stuff. Yeah. weird. Isaiah Mustafa. It was great to have you here. Before we go, if there's any thing you want to plug, if there's any social media or anything you want to let people know about or let them get in touch with you, now is your moment. Totally. Check out. Join my Twitter. It's at Isaiah

Mustafa. Try to figure it out. I don't know. It's spelled the way it sounds. Yeah, you've got a pretty complicated name, but it's a sexy name. I've heard that from girls. It's very sexy. day from a casting director. She said, your name is one of the best names. It's a sexy name. I hope no denying. I'm not into dudes. I'm not into you.

Definitely know that. But it's a sexy name. You won't even let me eat the broccoli in the studio. No, no, no, no. That and then watch sirens. It comes on on Wednesday or Thursday nights, whatever, on USA channel. I don't know the exact time, but I will find out if you check my Twitter. Yeah.

And DVR it. just DVR sirens and you'll hook it up. The guys are really funny. They're really, the three main leads are really funny. They're cool guys. So definitely check it out. And also check out our movie. Isaiah and I are back in the day, which you can get at Apple.com.

You can stream the movie and we have some great scenes, some great fun together. We play best buddies and we had a riot doing it. And I had a riot having you here tonight, Isaiah. Thank you for being on the Harlan Highway. good time buddy i had a great time anytime anytime you want me to do it i will come up here well we're gonna come back we got it we want to do a follow-up episode and you know it's a little grim but we i think we need to talk about the holocaust i think that's some cool stuff to tell you about i think that'll be insightful and important and uh very interesting so uh my thanks to isaiah

moustafa uh we'll be right back with some announcements before we close out the show uh thanks a lot buddy yeah anytime man loved it um i got some cauliflower in the house house if you want to mix it up a little. Oh, with the, with the broccoli and the Vietnamese, yeah, you're talking. All right, I'll get the walk. Yeah. All right, thanks for listening, and we'll be right back with some announcements. Thanks, buddy.

Bye. Okay, there he goes. Out the door. Goodbye, Isaiah. What a wonderful guest. Great to have him on the show. It's actually long overdue, as I said. I've been trying to get Isaiah on the podcast for a number of months, and we finally put it together.

and so glad we did. So interesting and fun and still just the answer he gave about his father's funeral flower. Just very touching and moving. That's something that's going to stay with me for a long time. So great conversations, and we'll have Isaiah back one day. I really do think we should have a talk about the Holocaust. It's a intense, grim topic, but it sounds like Isaiah actually studied it.

And, you know, it's just one of those topics that's so captivating in a grisly sense of the word that it's worth having a discussion over. So we'll put that on the books and be back. Thanks, Isaiah. Let's get to some announcements here. If you're in Dallas tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Dallas, Texas, the Addison Improv.

I will be starting there tonight, which is March the 13th. I'll be there through until Sunday, March the 16th. You can go to Harlowwilliams.com or Improv.com and book your tickets. That place fills up fast. But it's a great room, great club, great people. Love me the Texans, man. I love me the Texans. And we are going to rock it out.

Well, you're at my website. Check out my calendar for other stand-up shows. So you can make sure you catch me if I come to your town or city. And check out the store while you're there, the Harland Highway merch store. You can buy some funny stuff, t-shirts, DVDs, books, artwork, all kinds of stuff. to keep you laughing and amused. What else can I tell you? Well, you're there, check on our Amazon, click on our Amazon link.

If you need to buy anything on Amazon.com, if you get there by using our link, we get a little kickback here at the Harland Highway, which certainly helps with our overhead. So if you would be so kind to do that, we would appreciate it. It's not a big kickback. It's minuscule, but if enough people do it, it helps. Also, join my YouTube channel. Click the subscription button so you can be the first to see my wacky videos.

And what else can I tell you? Go to ATC.com, all things comedy. That's the podcast network where you can also find this show. Many other funny comedy podcasts there as well. I recommend Bill Burrell Magigal, Jake Joe. Hansen, to name a few. And that is it. After this, folks, I am off to start shooting my sitcom again.

My Canadian sitcom package deal, we start shooting season two. And I'm hoping that with a second season, they actually funnel the show down into the U.S. of A, which would be awesome, so everyone can enjoy. And that's it. Due to the sitcom production, I will not be doing many stand-up shows for the next three months. But you can catch me in the late spring, and, you know, throughout the rest of the year, I'll keep you updated. So there you go, folks. Once again, thanks to Isaiah Mustafa.

If you want to write to us and leave any comments or remarks or what have you, it's harlemwilliams.com. You can write to us there. or if you want to leave a voice message, we always love to hear from you. Maybe we'll put you on the show. 3-2-3-739-433-30. That's 3-2-3-7-39-4-3-30. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing,

have a great day. Remember to smile. Big, big fat smile. Whatever you're doing, smile, smile, smile. It's infectious. And until next time, my friends, Chicken, Chalmayne, baby. I'm going to be.