The Harland Highway - 568 - HARLAND LIVE STAND UP, and 911 call for fruit!

Episode Date: April 7, 2014

Harland shares some live stand up improv, David Letterman announces his retirement, and a crazy 911 call over fresh fruit. Double bubble Barney Rubble!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaph...one.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is Harland Williams here. I'm here. I'm a Holland Highway, and I don't know why I'm talking like a Swiss, German, Polish guy. Weird. Anyways, enough of that. We got things to do. Hi, I'm Harland. Welcome to the Harland Highway, as I said in another accent. Great show today, as always, aren't they always great, ladies and Gergo bloggins? we are going to be talking about one of my favorite talk show hosts David Letterman made an announcement just recently
Starting point is 00:00:33 and you might have heard you might not have but I'll repeat it for you when we get down through the podcast here and talk about David Letterman also how about this some guy was kicked out of a movie theater for doing something crazy okay we've had a lot of incidents lately in movie theaters wait to you hear why this guy got the boot and they had to call the police on his criminal ass whoa and then lastly um gonna lay down some live live audio of me just
Starting point is 00:01:10 kind of improvising and winging it at a local comedy club the other night spritzing with the crowd kind of just having some fun freewheeling it trying to find some new material and uh we're going to let you hear that at the end of the show. So put your seatbelt on. It's time to roll down the highway, the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you.
Starting point is 00:01:42 It's like I picked the wrong week for quit smoking. I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. I took the wrong week to quit drink. I make you laugh. I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the heart.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Harland Highway with Harland Williams. I'd buy that for a dollar. What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice. Steak, fish. Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week to quit am fit of me. Just got a thought for Samantha thing to sign.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quickness and do. Okay, here we go. Let's kick it off with a wacky story. Okay. Here's a story that'll curl your toenails if they're not already curled. A Brooklyn man in New York, a Brooklyn man with diabetes says a local movie theater called police when he refused to throw out the strawberries he'd brought in to the movie theater. What the hey-who? Yeah, this guy, Michael Cass, says he's a type two diabetic.
Starting point is 00:02:52 who has to maintain a healthy diet in order to keep his blood sugar imbalance. Okay, fair enough. He didn't think twice about taking some berries to a Sunday showing of a movie at the local movie theater. Now, keep in mind, this is kind of like a smaller town movie theater. It's like, it's not like we're not talking in the heart of the city. We're talking kind of out in the country type thing. So there's like one movie theater out in this town. So a ticket taker spotted the strawberries during a routine bag check.
Starting point is 00:03:31 What? Since when is there a bag check at the movie theater? What are they going to have those? Those X-ray machines next? The ones they have at the airport? You're not smuggling cantalope into this movie theater, are you? No, sir. okay because we don't want anyone watching the new harry potter movie eating blueberries and pomegranates and
Starting point is 00:03:56 kiwi fruits and whatnot no sir not me can you stand in that x-ray machine please i'm sorry stand in the x-ray machine i smell fruit i'm sorry get in the x-ray machine or you're not going to see no harry potter that's right look peep beep beep beep beep look at he got banana Oh, he got musk melon He got watermelon slas Oh, he just crawling with fruit This one Oh, God
Starting point is 00:04:27 So a bag check The guy says he wasn't allowed to bring them in And this guy explained the situation Said I'm a diabetic And the movie manager asked him to throw out their strawberries So this guy says He asked for a refund but the manager refused
Starting point is 00:04:48 which I don't think is allowed I mean I think if you don't like a movie or the situation you're allowed to leave get your money back I know a lot of movie theaters have a policy if you get up and leave within the first I think it's the first 20 minutes
Starting point is 00:05:05 there's some movie theaters that will give you your money back I've been to there's a place in Los Angeles called the Arklight and I know for a fact If you don't like your movie, just for whatever reason, it's too violent, it's not funny. You just don't like it. And you get up and go, I hated that.
Starting point is 00:05:25 They'll give you your money back. I've done it. But so this guy, they refused to give this guy's strawberry willy, I'll call him. They refuse to give the strawberry shortcake guy a refund. So the guy just continued along with his original plans. went into the theater. So he goes into the theater, and he goes, I thought I was calling her bluff.
Starting point is 00:05:56 I didn't in a million years think they would actually call the cops on me for bringing strawberries into a movie theater. So I guess the manager at the theater called the cops. 911, what is your emergency? Yes, we're about to watch the new Harry Potter movie. Yes, ma'am, go ahead. And there's someone in front of me. Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:06:20 What's your 911 emergency? Yes, there's someone in, I smell berries. I'm sorry, go ahead. Yes, someone's eating fresh strawberries, freshly picked strawberries with dew drops on them. Okay, and what is your emergency, ma'am? Well, someone's eating strawberries? Okay, we're going to be right over. We can get on our right away.
Starting point is 00:06:42 We're going to send three police cars down there. Get the strawberries. Over? Thank you so much. Okay, just stay where you are. Just stay where you are. Don't engage the man with the straw biz. Do not talk to him.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Just stay where you are. Hide in the closet. Oh, I'm in a movie theater? We'll go hide in the closet. Good Lord. I mean, it's hard enough to get a cop to your house when you're getting murdered. Now they're sending cars over to the Cineplex. Because some guys having a fruit cocktail in the...
Starting point is 00:07:16 Well, he's watching the Hunger Games? The hell? So this guy, well, let me play the clip because it's almost hard to believe. Let me play the clip. And you can hear this guy's story. Unbelievable. Most people eat buckets of popcorn at the movies, not Michael Cass. I purpose, you know, a container strawberries.
Starting point is 00:07:43 The healthy alternative choice, as it is an essential. for the park sloper. I'm a type two diabetic, which just means that, you know, in order to keep my blood sugar imbalance, I mean he's in a healthy diet, low carb, you know, low fat, low sugar. But that didn't stop management at the pavilion theater from calling cops after he snuck in the forbidden fruit. It happened Sunday afternoon at a showing of divergent. A ticket collector spotted the berries during a routine bag check.
Starting point is 00:08:10 For me, I couldn't bring it in. Cass explained the situation. Still, a movie manager asked him to throw them out. Cass asked for a refund. They said no, so he marched right along with his original plans. I probably thought I was calling her bluff, and I didn't in a million years or something. They would actually call the cops on me for bringing strawberries into a movie theater. Movigowers say the crackdown was a rotten thing to do.
Starting point is 00:08:34 I mean, I understand they need to make money off of food, but I'm sure that a movie theater doesn't sell strawberries anyway, and he's trying to be healthy. Cass says he doesn't hold a grudge, but he still stunned a bucket of strawberries turned into the main attraction. It's an attraction he now hopes will shine the spotlight on healthier snacking options at movie theaters. I'm fully hoping to get gouged on strawberries. I hope that they charge me up the wazzi for them. In Park Slope, John de Vigliotti, news for New York. Are you kidding me? What the hell?
Starting point is 00:09:05 I mean, good Lord. They sent cops on a berry call? Okay, let's recap here. Remember a few years ago in Colorado, that horrible, tragic movie theater shooting spree? I think like 23 people were shot to death. Now here's a guy that walks into a crowded movie theater with face paint, just like the Joker from Batman, with a rifle. And this guy saunteres right through to the movie theater.
Starting point is 00:09:42 and we got a guy with a little jar full of fresh strawberries and somehow this guy gets a bag check and gets frisked so you can't take those strawberries into the theater why not because we have a feeling you're going to stand at the front of the three and throw them at people and you can kill someone no i'm a diabetic i'm going to eat them I'm sorry. So that is a terrorist threat that you have right there. Oh, my God, I'm a diabetic.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Uh-huh. Is that a branch of the Al-Qaeda? So really bizarre. Really bizarre. And then here's something that I noticed at the end of the interview. Listen to this again. This is a real sign of where our society is at. I'm fully hoping to get gouged on strawberries.
Starting point is 00:10:38 I hope that they charging up the wazoo for them. See, that might be the most scary part of this whole story. Is that we are so conditioned to be charged up the wazoo for snack items at the movie theaters that it's part of our vocabulary now. Like this guy was saying, look, I'm happy, I'd be happy to eat strawberries in your theater and you guys can make a killing on them. them just charge me like 40 bucks for a bottle of jar of strawberries i know you guys overcharged for stuff i i'll if i have to i'll pay and that's a sad commentary on movie theaters and i'll tell you what man i love going to the movies that's that's one of my great hobbies in life i i've been going to movies ever since i can remember i just i just
Starting point is 00:11:33 love it i don't i don't like watching them on tv i don't like to rent the DVD. I mean, I will, but I like to go and see them in the theater. I like the big screen. I like buying the snacks. I like hearing people's reactions. I just love it. But lately it's been getting harder and harder. I was at a movie theater last weekend, okay, and it was up in Canada, in Vancouver, Canada. Okay? I go into the movie and they charged me I never get the big popcorn. I can never eat a big, even a medium. I always get the small popcorn.
Starting point is 00:12:13 How much popcorn can you eat? It's kind of disgusting after about four handfuls anyway. But people that buy these giant tubs and even the medium bags are huge. I don't know how you do it, man. So I always get the small one. And the movie theater charges me $8. That's right. $8 for a bag of small popcorn, man.
Starting point is 00:12:42 And then part of that $8 was it was like, it was like six something or seven something. And then they said, you want butter on that? And I go, of course. I go, okay, that's an extra $0.75 or an extra dollar or whatever. And I'm like, are you kidding me? So they're just looking for any way to extract money from you.
Starting point is 00:13:03 And I'm like, $8 for a small, This is before drinks. This is before anything else. And then I ordered one of those little Vita Waters, you know, the Triple X Vita Water. $4 for a bottle of Vita Water. Do you know if in the grocery store I could buy a case of Vita Water for $4? Do you know how much it cost a popcorn? Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:31 For the amount of popcorn they put in a small bag of popcorn. it probably cost them about six cents maybe top end 25 cents now I'm not an expert so let's go let's go over the deep end let's say it cost them 75 cents which I doubt because you can buy a whole bag of microwave popcorn for like a buck or less so they give me a small popcorn that probably cost them pennies and they're charging me eight effing dollars? Wow. It's one thing that theaters have to make some money
Starting point is 00:14:15 off of, you know, the concessions, but you're getting to a place where you're making it ugly. You're making it ugly. It's one thing to kind of, you know, go with the flow and go, okay, I get it. They need to, you know, the movies are expensive. All right, you know, we know the pop only kind of, cost like five cents for a Coke and eight cents for a popcorn.
Starting point is 00:14:40 I'm willing to pay three, four bucks. When you're getting up in your double digits for food that you can buy for pennies, there's a difference in getting, you know, kind of going along with it, wink in the eye and going along with it and getting frigging raped. Like, it's like I'm a consumer and it's like, you know what, I'm not willing to bend over for you guys like that so you know what i'm not a cheap ass either i i have fun spending money but i'll tell you what i don't have fun is when i don't have fun getting gouged and uh you know what i start doing now if i see if i know of a place that charges too much
Starting point is 00:15:24 just because i don't i don't like being i don't like going to a movie and i'm going out to feel good i don't want to go out and feel like geez i just pretty much had a gun put to my head for popcorn. I'm starting to buy snacks and sneak them in now. Screw them. Screw them, man. I'll buy a chocolate bar for 80 cents and stick a bottle of water in my pocket. That rate there costs me $1.50 versus $8 for popcorn and $4 for a drink. It's $12, man. Now, in the vast scheme of things what's 12 bucks but you don't want to pay you know would you go to mcdonalds and say yeah i'll have the uh give me the ten dollar big mac please when you know the big mac's only a dollar 50 like you're not going to do it man so these movie theaters i know they're in a bit of trouble
Starting point is 00:16:26 because now they're competing with netflix and they're competing with uh you know on demand and people stay home and watch stuff on their computers and digital downloads, all this stuff. But sticking it to us theater goers with that, you're walking a thin line, my friends. Hmm? Yeah. So anyways, there you go.
Starting point is 00:16:51 Leave your berries at home. Because, you know, you might get a random bag check at the old movie theater. And, you know, more than you. mortgage your house, take out a loan, go to the theater, and buy some snacks. Good grief. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your
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Starting point is 00:18:31 Hello? Hello. When you wish upon a star makes no different who you are. Because when you wish upon a star, Island Rees Williams, your dreams go to. um okay uh thank you for that lovely serenade um wow i feel so much better i knowing my dreams can come true thank you mysterious caller
Starting point is 00:19:16 if you want to leave a voicemail uh like that if you want to serenade me you can find the number for my voicemail at harland william com. I don't think you can sing much better than that, chap. Wow. Okay, moving on. Here's something in the news that was a little bit sad, but maybe something good. Our friend David Letterman of late-night television, the famous talk show host we all know and love, announced yesterday he is going to get, he's going to to retire.
Starting point is 00:20:00 And that's kind of sad, you know. He's one of these guys that's been in our lives for many, many decades. He started out as a very cutting-edge guy. He started out just bringing a real irreverent kind of silly type of humor to late-night television. And he kind of did a bunch of things and stunts that most of us have never seen before. and just kept us really entertained. And as I was a youth growing up, Letterman was the staple for me. He was the guy I watched in college.
Starting point is 00:20:37 You know, me and my roommates would stay up late at night and watch Dave. So I have fun memories of that. And then as I got into the stand-up industry, my mission in life, my goal as a stand-up comedian, was to get on Letterman's show. I was like, oh, my God, if I can get it, get on the Letterman show. I'm set. I'm golden. I don't need anything else. And so that was kind of my M.O. when I started stand-up. I was like, A, I want to be funny and make people laugh and travel and do clubs. But B, as the crowning jewel of my stand-up career, you know, nothing
Starting point is 00:21:16 kind of says it better than getting the honor of being on the David Letterman show. And And I was on it. I was on the show several times, many times. I think five or six times, to be exact. And, you know, I'm going to recount kind of how that all went down. I'll probably save that for later down the road when Dave actually does retire. I mean, this was just the announcement. But it was a little bit shocking, a little bit sad, but you knew it was coming.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I'm sure all of us have enjoyed some laughs from David Letterman. Although I will say that, you know, I said earlier it might be a good thing because, you know, it might be time. You know, I don't watch Dave as much as I used to. And there's a reason for that. You know, everybody changes. Everybody goes through, you know, different phases of their life. And I noticed over the last maybe decade or so, the last 10 years that Letterman, to me started to get a little more crotchety
Starting point is 00:22:27 he was coming across as less of a kind of that fun lovable guy and was starting to become a little more older and crotchety and kind of cranky and he started he started kind of airing his
Starting point is 00:22:44 political views a lot like on his show and in his monologues and I don't care what side of the fence you are politically do you know Democrat or Republican or whatever that's you're right that doesn't face me but either side of that aisle i i don't i don't really want to hear that from you i i don't mind you hearing making jokes about either side you know whoever's in power whoever's not in power i i love political jokes but when you start you know letting the audience know that you're this way versus that way and you start like kind
Starting point is 00:23:21 of using your late-night forum as a soapbox to kind of preach your opinions and your views, that started to turn me off. Because I don't like that. It's like, you know, unless you're that type of show, like you're the Daily Show with John Stewart, where you're kind of supposed to do that, or if you're Bill Marr and you kind of stand on a certain side of your politics, your political beliefs, then. Go for it, you know what I mean? But when you're kind of that middle guy that's supposed to make everybody happy late at night when they're going to bed, you know, stick to the joke, stick to just being funny. And so as much as I love Dave and adored Dave and will always be grateful to Dave, I did also feel as time was going on that he was changing a bit. It wasn't the Dave I loved as a college guy or even, you know, 10 years ago I liked him a lot. lot more as a as a host but also sadly and this is I don't know what this is but I noticed whenever
Starting point is 00:24:30 I'd watch him lately too as he's getting older I think he's in his late 60s or early 70s I think he's in his late 60s maybe I'm not sure but he's he's getting up there and I would notice that he started making a lot of verbal mistakes lately and I'm not picking on him I'm just saying I think that might be a result of his age. I noticed that he'd kind of trip up on his words. He'd forget names. He'd forget jokes. He'd kind of read things wrong.
Starting point is 00:25:05 And it made me start to wonder if, you know, age is starting to be a factor and he's starting to like, you know, slow down and not be as quick as he used to be. And, well, obviously, that's probably what it is. but that's hard to see because Dave was always so razor sharp. And he's still very sharp, but it's different when you see a guy who's just, you know, pretty flawless and never really makes mistakes. And I noticed almost, you know, on every occasion now when I watch his show, he kind of makes a little verbal flub or some kind of miscue. he gets the reference wrong and maybe it's a good thing. With all due respect, of course,
Starting point is 00:25:51 maybe it's a good thing that he's bowing out and maybe he's at an age where the faculties aren't quite where they've always been and, you know, we all get older and start to decline a little except for me, of course. And so maybe the timing's right. And I'm sure, and I don't know, but I'm sure he wanted to outlast Leno. I mean, because, you know, that whole thing between him and Leno and the Tonight Show,
Starting point is 00:26:23 that was such a debacle. And Letterman probably always felt he was the rightful heir to the Tonight Show. And sadly, his ratings never were able to surpass Jay Leno's. Although Letterman's ratings were superior to Jay's in the early years when they were both on the air. But later on, Jay passed Dave and never looked back. And so I'm sure Dave probably just wants that one year, that one moment in time where there's no Jay Leno in the picture. It's just like, here I am, I'm the seasoned veteran late night guy now. screw you.
Starting point is 00:27:08 There's no one else out there. But sadly, even though he's in that spot, it looks like the numbers for Jimmy Fallon are doing quite well. And so that kind of takes a little bit of the shine off that. But you know what? What doesn't fade is the contribution Dave made, the laughter he gave us, his skill, his talent, his, you know, he's just a true original.
Starting point is 00:27:35 he was amazing at what he did and still is and uh you know i'm gonna miss them and it was nothing short of a supreme honor to be on his show to sit with him to talk with him to laugh with him to make to make him laugh you know for a guy like me that comes from the suburbs of tronto to be sitting next to dave and making him laugh talk about dreams come true man but as i said i'm gonna save my reflections on Dave Letterman, my personal experiences with him. I will save those for
Starting point is 00:28:13 when the time comes, maybe a year from now, and I'll dedicate a special block on the podcast to talk about that. So there you go, Dave. Congratulations on such a great run and you will be
Starting point is 00:28:30 missed. You will be missed. One Cheeseburger with everything on it coming right up. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. And speaking of comedy, you know what? Why don't we end the show? Just the other night, like two, three nights ago, I popped in at a local comedy club. I'd been working all day, and I went and got some dinner,
Starting point is 00:28:53 and I was tired, and I was like, ah, you know what? I'm going to go pop up on stage and work on a couple of new jokes and, you know, just riff and just. not do a big like Harland Williams stand-up show, but just just get out there and just riff and see if I can come up with any new material. So I walked up the street to the local comedy club. I'm working in Vancouver here.
Starting point is 00:29:19 We're shooting the second season of my sitcom package deal. And so it was about, I don't know, it was about 9 o'clock at night. And I wandered up to the local comedy club and Jason, the owner there. I said, hey, man, I'm going to just pop up and do some stuff. You cool, he goes, oh, yeah, man, go on, go right on.
Starting point is 00:29:39 And, you know, that's one of the perks of kicking around the comedy scene for as long as I have. You kind of get to walk in now and then and just jump on up. It's fun. It's nice. And so I did, and I thought I'd just close the show. I threw on my voice recorder, and I thought, you know, it would be fun to just let you guys hear me just kind of goofing around. on stage talking to the crowd trying to come up with new new material as you'll hear some of it works some of it doesn't but that's the process so here we go live to uh me a couple of nights ago
Starting point is 00:30:16 just uh freewheeling it at the comedy mix in vancouver british columbia canada because they say right laughter is the best medicine have you ever been in the hospital ma'am and you don't have to answer but that's too personal but i'm just trying to get a riff Boy, have you ever been in the hospital? Can you tell me you want four, my love? A horse step on my foot. A horse stepped on your foot, ma'am. Did you learn never to dance with horses again? How did a horse step on your foot, my child? I was wearing flip-flops at a rodeo.
Starting point is 00:30:57 You were wearing flip-flops at a rodeo. When you go swimming in the ocean, you'd wrap yourself in bacon first? Did the horse have a horse shoe on, ma'am? So it wasn't really lucky for you, was it? Did you break your foot, my child? Yeah. Yeah, they're heavy, aren't they? What are those things weighing?
Starting point is 00:31:31 I mean, let's not use kilos, let's go to pounds. People like pounds. How many pounds that the horse went? I'm not too sure. You know, what kind of horse it was? Was it a pimento? Was it a, one of those Cheshire's here that you like so much? You'd roll around and go pee a bunk bed at night and dream about it?
Starting point is 00:31:51 Was it a burping stock? Was it a... It was a horse. It was what? I don't know what kind of horse. You don't know what kind of horse it was. It was just on your fucking foot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:02 My fucking foot trench your voice is what I want. Your toes curl up like that, ma'am? That's like a clump, like a fucking giant clump, of fucking meat on your leg. You ever been set down by a horseman? No. You will. How about you wild child?
Starting point is 00:32:30 child. You ever been in the hospital there? Man, what were you in for? Please share. Sir over here, she was in the hospital? What were you in for, my child? I had a spine injury. You had a spine injury? Okay, thanks for bringing the show to a screeching one. That's horrible, man. What was the spine industry?
Starting point is 00:32:53 A fucking hippo sit on you or something? How did you hurt your spine with you? You have a very beautiful posture. You're very good. Isn't she? Might a nice posture. Is that your lady? Is that you...
Starting point is 00:33:10 I want to, but... You want to. Yeah, you know, ma'am. Yeah, because girls love that. You're getting laid the mic for sure. Hey, high five, cooking back. How did you hurt you? Can you share, ma'am? How did you hurt your spine? We shouldn't laugh at that, huh? Sir, stop laughing.
Starting point is 00:33:45 Why'd you hurt your back, my child? I just herniated a disc. You're herniated a disc where you're lifting something really heavy? No, how did it happen? Remember just sitting there typing? It goes my fucking back. I should have done all caps. Can't fucking move. Gross, what's the fuck the fuck it.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Gross, what the fuck I got kicked out of C. kicked out of sea world for this place. You got to blow it up manterey. Oh, you watch your fucking self, all right? I'll leave your head. How did you permeate the back? And then I've got a show to do, man. You've taken a long, fucking time here.
Starting point is 00:34:40 How did you, what were you doing, my child? You were working out. Isn't it nice to be healthy? What a horrible irony, huh? working out to be healthy and you fucking wreck your back. Oh, no, never do that, huh? Man, you exercise my love. Man, looking right the fuck at you.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Man, look a fucking barn owl up on the beam, looking at a little fucking mouse running around in the hand, ma'am. Get that down, walk away quickly. How about you, big guy? Have you ever been in the hospital? Yeah, what happened to you? I had a wiped out skateboarding last year. You wiped out skateboarding?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Tore all the ligaments in my elbow. Tore the ligaments. Were you up on one of those railings? No, I was actually going to see her, and I wiped out on her pretty bad, and I'm double joint it. So it just snapped. You double joint it? Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:35:43 So he can smoke two joints in a time? That's what I met. What's that guy? That's what I met when you said it. Yeah, that's why I enunciated for you, so he didn't say it, so I got it up there for it. John, you've been in the hospital, huh? No. No.
Starting point is 00:36:04 So let me ask you this. Have you ever been fucking born? Just float it down a fucking river digging roses? Well, they say laughter is the best medicine. Isn't that right, Lenny Virgin, Frank? Laughter is the best medicine. But we've got to be thankful that they don't apply that in real life. I mean, can you imagine going to the hospital, Mr. Johnson?
Starting point is 00:36:43 have a terminal brain tumor, knock knock. Who's there? You're a who? You're going to be fucking dead in six months. Okay, you didn't like that one? Let's move along. Man, how are you? You're okay?
Starting point is 00:37:10 You look a little bored? Maybe that's just the board beside you there. What's your name, ma'am? That's right. You got that one, sir? Thank you, you're the holy fucking guy. That guy's a genius right, all right? Not so much.
Starting point is 00:37:27 Not so much. How are you, man? Have you ever fart so hard your asshole looked like an apple fritter? All right, there you go. Stop it there, Raj. We'll play the rest of it. There's not a lot more, but maybe we'll play the rest of it on another show. So there you go.
Starting point is 00:37:55 As you can see, not a lot. I think I tried one new joke in that whole riff. It was most of me just talking to the crowd. All of it built up around the whole. laughter is the best medicine knock knock who's there so the joke itself was i think it was 30 seconds and then 20 minutes of getting there just having fun with the crowd so i hope you enjoyed that end the show with some chuckles and like i said we'll play the rest of that for you maybe uh later on uh you know upcoming podcast i'm sure there's some more in there
Starting point is 00:38:35 Um, so that's it for now, folks. Thanks for being here. Tell your friends to get on the Harland Highway. Please spread the word. We want everyone to enjoy the laughter because laughter's the best medicine. Knock, knock. Who's there? Harlan. Harland, who? Harland Highway. What? Um, please, uh, check out my website, Harlan Williams.com. You can go to our store and pick up some fun merchandise. You can check out my stand-up comedy dates live across the country, across the world. Just check out, check check on my stand-up schedule. Also, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. That is totally free,
Starting point is 00:39:13 and you'll be the first to see any of my wacky videos I put up there. What else? You can write me at harlornowiams.com. If you have a comment or a criticism or a letter or whatever, you can also phone and leave a message and sing when you wish upon a star or whatever you want, the number is right there on the home page at harlan williams.com and click on the amazon link while you're there if you're going to be shopping on amazon that gives us a little financial kickback here at the highway which
Starting point is 00:39:45 certainly helps and what else you know it's better than an eight dollar bag of popcorn at least the harlan highway is free god um and what else check out atcc.com that's all things comedy which is the podcast network you can find my podcast lingering around as well as some very other funny comedians. Jake Johansson, Bill Burr, Al Magigal. Oh, what a lineup of funny people at ATC. And that is it, man. I don't have any stand-up dates to plug
Starting point is 00:40:19 because, as I said, I'm up here shooting season two of my sitcom package deal. I'll keep you updated on that as we go along. So that's it. We are out. We'll see you at the movies. Go get your berries. Still fresh. And until next time, chicken chalmayne, baby.

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