The Harland Highway - 575 - SOCIAL MEDIA vs REALITY. Spiderman movie review.

Episode Date: May 8, 2014

SOCIAL MEDIA vs REALITY, does anybody know what's real anymore? The new Spiderman 2 movie review, not good. Shtinky winky!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh yeah, get ready. Here we go. Today's the day. I'm going off a little today, man. The Harster's going off. Yeah, here you are on the Harland Highway. Welcome, everybody. And today's the day I think I get a lot of stuff off my chest. I'm going to be lashing out. I'm going to be griping about social media and the things people post on social media that are starting to depress. me enough with depressing me with your social media posts i'll elaborate as we get into the show here also um have you ever unfriended someone or untweeted someone or uninstagramed someone and it's turned into a big spectacle it's turned into a uh the loss of of a real friendship happened to me oh yeah a few times i'm i'm going to talk about that how people

in my life couldn't separate the digital world from the real world. And when I unfriended them on the digital platform, they unfriended me in real life. Hello. And then I'm going to do a movie review for the new Spider-Man, and I am pissed. Once again, they've pussified superheroes and men and bungled the story. And, oh, let's go. It's on. I'm letting it all out here on the Harlan Highway.

You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway. I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It's like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown. I amuse you. Like I took the wrong week, quit drinking. I make you laugh.

I'm here to fucking amuse you. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harland Williams. I'd buy that for a dollar. What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice, steak. Fish? Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamine.

She's got a thought for Samantha thing to say. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Get the wrong week, quick, you get the wrong week to stop picking my acne scabs. Wait, what, too soon? Yeah, too soon. Um, howdy folks? Welcome to the Harlan Highway. It's me, Harlan Williams. Oh, yeah. Love it. I want to talk about social media right out of the gate. Is it just me, or has it become very depressing?

And let me explain. Because it's a personal site, Facebook and Twitter and things like that, it's about people. A lot of people have taken to Facebook to use it as an obituary page. I used to, like, kind of get a kick out of going on Facebook. I'd say a wacky news story. I'd see a picture of a guy with a plumber butt. I'd see a three-legged dog jumping through a hoop of fire.

I'd see a chick in a bikini. I'd see some idiot drinking beer standing on his head. Now I go there. And it's every third post is, It is with much sadness that I hate to tell the world. that another angel is drifted up into the clouds. My dear grandmother, Hazel B. DeMilleoid. I mean, I don't mean to make a mockery of death,

but, you know, it's not just people, it's pets. It's on this day with a very saddened heart that I tell you that we had to put Misty down. Misty shit in the middle of our living room, and we had to put her down. She's not right. It's just, you know? Or, you know, it's even getting to the point where people are,

it's with sad news that I tell you my grandfather's in the hospital. He took five Viagra by accident and took his eye out. I mean, come on. We're starting to lose the fun from Facebook as becoming death book, man. Enough with your obituaries. Look, I'm sad for you, okay? We all experience death. It's horrible.

I don't want your mother or your father, your grandparents, or your pet to die, but they do. And we don't really know you. Facebook friends aren't real friends, okay? You don't hang out with Facebook friends. You don't call them up every day. You don't meet them at the pub for a beer. They kind of don't really exist. It's all fake.

Okay, Facebook friends aren't fake. Those 5,000 friends you have, you will never be at their birthday parties or at their house for Thanksgiving dinner. You don't really know them. So do you really need to know that their grandmother died from rabies or their pet got hit by a truck? It's not real, gang.

It's social media. It's a social illusion. It's just a way for complete strangers to interact and kind of make believe that they're connected to the world. They're not. You're not. Yes, you write to people and you post things, but you never meet these people.

You don't hang out with them. Maybe some of you do. I'm not saying people have never met on Facebook. But overall, none of us know you. you don't know us it's just it's a fantasy everyone's going

wait what what what's he saying a way to pop the bubble harland yeah right as if you didn't know but see people are in denial I think about social media

and all their friends on social media it's like you could chit chat away on social media but what of the odds you really would want to meet up with them and have a coffee.

Oh, dude, yeah, I really like your car, and that's great, your sister got her braces off. And, oh, wow, you caught a fish last summer? Hey, you want to meet for a coffee for real and talk about it? Uh, no, it's Facebook, it's not real.

Oh, so why did you tell me all that stuff? I don't know, like everyone else. I have nothing better to do. It makes me feel important, okay? Oh, okay. So you want to maybe go to a movie or something? No, I never want to meet you ever.

Why are you telling me all your stories? Because you're idiotic enough to listen to them. Oh, okay. Want to go to the park? No. So anyways, look, like I said, it's tragic people die, but I don't know if Facebook is the place to do it. Now, if you're on a social media,

site where you've hand-picked maybe 20 or 30 friends that really are in your inner social circle, then yes, hey, guess what, everyone who I know and have interacted with in the real world, in real time, in real life? You know my grandmother that you all met at the picnic? Yes, she died. Remember the one you guys all loved? She was funny and danced. Yeah, she's dead.

And then all your real friends can write you back. and go, oh, I'm sorry. But for all your non-existent friends on Facebook, stop it. I'm thinking of leaving Facebook because I'm getting depressed every time I go on there. It's like a big run-on about somebody's father, mother, sister, pet, dad, dad, dad.

You go on Facebook to kind of have fun, don't you? Can you stop telling us about who's in the heart? hospital with a stroke and who's having a heart? Like, why would we need to know that? Why would anyone need to know that outside of your immediate family? Why is it you're putting that information out there? Like, if I ever have a stroke and I'm in the hospital, I don't want one of my best friends going on the internet and telling the world.

If my mother has a heart attack and she's in the hospital fighting for her life, Why do I want to announce that to the world? Hey, everybody, I don't know. You've never met my mother, but guess what? She's gasping for air and having convulsions in a hospital bed right now. She'll probably be dead in five hours. Aren't you glad I brightened up your day? I don't know.

Am I being a douche? I don't know. It's a tough topic. I feel like maybe I'm being duchy, but at the same time, it's like, you know, if I want to read obituaries, get the newspaper and read obituaries. This is social media. Let's keep it fun, man.

Twitter. Hey, I'm at the bakery. I bought a donut. Woo-hoo. It's not, hey, I'm at the morgue. They're about to cut open my father and do an autopsy. All right? Let's keep it fun.

Will you shut that thing off? Cat, hat in French chappoo. His Spanish, Elgado in a sombrero. In Shervin, I'm a cutzer in a hoot, and don't you know, I'm a guanka in a bunker quunk. An Eskimo? You're a guanka in a bunker quunk in Eskimo? Right. He's a quanka in a bunker quank in Eskimo.

Is that not a bunker quunk, yonotech, a bunker quunk, yes, a needy, that is so. He's a quonka in a bunker, quank, and Eskimo. Oh, yes, and let's just keep riding the social media train, okay? There's another thing I want to talk to you, gang, about going back to that social media is not the real world. How many of you have had friends get upset with you because you've unfriended them or kicked them off a Twitter or taking them off of Instagram or whatever you, on how many of your friends that don't have a real grasp of the real world have taken it personally and gotten like freaked out about it? Oh, it's so maddening.

I have this one friend and I used past tense because this friend actually ended our friendship because this person was kicked off. of my Twitter. So let me give you the back story. I don't really have many Twitter friends. I don't follow a lot of people on anything. And I hope you're not insulted, but it's got nothing to do with I don't like you.

It's just that my life is busy. I have a lot of stuff going on. I got a lot of stuff coming at me. I get tons of emails. I get tons of this. I get tons to that. And what happens is when you ask people to join you on Twitter, you get all their stuff.

And I guess that's the part of the whole meaning, the whole reason for Twitter. You get all their stuff. You get all their posts. You get all their messages. You get everything comes flying in at you. And so I like to put stuff out there to put a laugh on people's faces to let people know where I'm performing.

And if people want to follow me, they follow me. If they don't, they don't. That's social media, right? same with that YouTube and Facebook and all of them so I don't have a lot of people on there and every now and then I have friends like come on put me on please just follow me please and I go no I tell them I go I don't follow people I don't I don't do it and I go please and so I've I've caved a few times

and put people on not because I want them there but just because A I want to stop them from bugging me and B I see okay maybe it's important to them and they're a friend so i'll put them up there whoopie do what's it going to do kill me so i had this one friend that persistently kept bugging me and and i guess this person was a kind of a twitter nerd and liked it and does it all the time and i was like fine so excuse me i put i put her up there and um i didn't have a problem with it but then all of a sudden i started uh when I'd open my Twitter page, it would go to, I guess there's a page where you see everyone else's feed. And she tweeted a lot.

So there would be all kinds of these tweets that I opened my page up to. And this person, I guess, had some friends who worked in the adult film industry or the porn industry. and so what happened is every time I pulled my page up there would be like 20 porn things like Ron Jeremy stuff and you know come and listen to my porn talk and this and that and all this stuff that I just didn't want to see it wasn't in my wheelhouse I found it annoying and so I unfriended the person on Twitter

I'm like you know what I put her up there because she wanted it's kind of bothering me it's my page i decide who's up there or not i'm just going to take it off well guess what as soon as i took it off she was like what why the hell did you take me off of twitter i'm like well because i wanted to and then she got all mad and emotional and i'm like holy crap so i put her back on i didn't you know i thought this can't be real this can't be a human being getting this upset this emotional about about a virtual world that doesn't doesn't exist where it's just for people to make little comments and stuff. So I put her back up and I thought, oh, God, I don't want to deal with this.

This is ridiculous. So, and then it just kept coming. And I even told her about it. I said, look, I don't like all this stuff. I'm getting all this paraphernalia, all your posts, many of them, not all of them, but many of them deal with, you know, kind of stuff I don't want to look at. And she protested and kind of denied it. and that, and I'm like, okay, well, my eyes see what I see.

I'm not making this up. And so after a little while, I got annoyed again, and I took it off again. This happened like two or three times, and finally I just took it off. I was like, enough is enough. Why am I, why am I cowtowing to this person's needs? This is my page. This is my Twitter. I'll decide who's up there, and if she can't handle it, if she takes it the wrong way,

then I'll just have to, she'll have to live with it. but instead of living with it she like blew up and basically stopped being my friend and I said to her I said are you kidding me I said you're going to end our friendship over this like all the

all the fun things we do all the cool things we do all the all the real things we do as friends you're just going to stop because because I've kicked you off Twitter and she's said yes and she she uh she kind of like terminated the friendship and i'm like wow i said to her

i said you know i don't think i can be friends with someone who thinks that twitter is more important than than real-time friendship but she was so livid so emotional that she couldn't see it and i don't even know if she still can i don't even know if she's listening to this who knows but i'm not saying anything i didn't say right to her face but what's sad What happens me is that she let a ridiculous social media site dictate a real-time friendship, which to me is almost a little bit dangerous because at what point is something real and something not real. Now, here's the thing. If I had been one of these Twitter guys who had 3,000 friends and I just singled her out and dumped her off,

Well, then she might have a claim in court, in the court of personal opinion. But she knew I only had, like, I think at the time, three or four followers and that I didn't like following people, and that I took her off, not because I didn't like her, but because I just didn't like all the stuff that was coming at me. But instead she took it as that I didn't like her, that I didn't like her, That I disrespected her, that I wasn't her friend, that I didn't have caring feelings for her. And I said all this to her face.

I said, are you kidding me? I said, look at all the things we do. Look at all the fun we have. You're going to let Twitter take precedent over what's happening in real life here. And this was a girl that I tried to help when she hit a few hard times. This was a girl we had a lot of laughs. This is a girl we spent time just hanging out as buddies. And I almost couldn't.

In fact, I don't know if I still believe it. But that was the catalyst for her just kind of shutting down the friendship and stepping away. And I'm like, wow. And I look at myself and I try to stand in her position and I go, Am I the douche? Second time I've asked myself today. Am I the douche that could I really defriend someone? Oh my God, did I really?

And you know what? If I did defriend one, so what? It's my friggin' page. I have the right to keep on or kick off whoever I want. And if you're not on it, don't take it personal. And if you do take it personal, get over it. It's a stupid virtual world. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So the other day it happened again. I had someone, I have an Instagram account,

and I kicked someone off because I just kept, they use it way more than I do, and I just kept seeing tons and tons of pictures. And I just kind of was like, I don't want to see all this. I don't want to see your plate of chop suey that you're eating out at the restaurant. I don't want to see you stand in there with your tongue out in a can of beer in the middle of the night.

I don't want to see the tumor on your dog's belly. I just don't. I like you as a friend. The reason I'm your friend, the reason I phone you and text you and talk to you is because we're friends, but I don't need to see all that. So again, I got a text from another friend. I can't believe you kicked me off Instagram.

I'm like, wow. Either I've got the worst etiquette in social media or people are getting really touchy, So I guess I'm going to fight this fight from my point of you and just say, hey, chill out, people. If you've got a real friend in real time and they're not involved with you digitally, just remember there was probably a time in your friendship

when you weren't on Facebook together and Twitter together, and you were still friends, and everything was fine. So for some reason you end up on the Twitter and the person gets rid of you, just let it go, especially if they have a decent explanation like I had. I was very honest about it, and I was very confrontational and said,

hey, I don't like all this paraphernalia coming through to my side. I don't like it being in my line of vision. So you know what? You're not going to stop doing what you do. You keep doing your tweets and your texts and whatever you do, but I don't want to be privy to them. So bye-bye. And that's when the bomb goes off and the friendships are over.

So get a grip is what I'm saying, folks. Get a grip. Don't take all this stuff to heart, man. Now, if your own boyfriend or girlfriend or someone you're very, very emotionally linked to or someone kicks you off, maybe there's reason to bring it up, but outside of that, take a chill pill, man. You're way up here. I need you down here, Nacho.

Wow. So there you go. Social media versus the real world. Who is this? My mother is dead. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Does whatever a spider can spins a web any size.

Okay, here we go. This might be the bitchiest podcast I've ever done, but don't blame me. All these things I'm ragging on today are the result of social media, media, film, TV, and I'm going to do it. I don't want to, but I guess I have to. it happened again I went to see the new Spider-Man movie and oh my God if you like Spider-Man if you're planning to go see the movie

don't listen to this segment because I'm about to rip it I don't usually do film reviews but I just made me wonder why I spent the money so here we go okay

first of all the crying Okay, you know, you've heard me talk about how men are being pusified in movies. Okay? In this movie, within the first five minutes, Peter Parker has a crying scene. And then peppered throughout the movie, he has the watery eyes and some really big crying scenes at the end. Yes, the superhero. Can we shine a light on that word?

The superhero. the man with supernatural superhero powers is crying again. The guy who can fly through the air, stop a bus with his baby finger, can climb up the Empire State Building without losing his breath, is crying again. Thank you again, Hollywood, for pusifying men and pusifying hero figures. Can we just stop the effing crying with the men?

I think last time I went on this rant was the latest Star Trek movie that came out. The one that came out, I think it was a year and a half ago. And I think it's Christopher Pine or Christopher Pike or somebody who plays the lead. I mean, I talked about this movie. This guy is on the verge of tears in almost every scene. His eyes are watering. Mr. Spock is crying, who's a guy who has, apparently Vulcans don't have emotions, but they made him cry. The villain, who's been blowing everyone up and killing people the whole movie, is crying.

Every man, pusified. I'm choking up. I'm sick of it, man. Does anyone here ever remember seeing Clint Eastwood crying? Arnold Schwarzenegger crying. Stelon crying. Well, Sylvester Stallone cried a few times, but he wasn't a superhero. He was just a guy. Oh, I'm so disheartened.

These are superheroes, man. Tough them up. They should be the last ones crying. Good Lord. And it's a superhero movie. It's a comic book movie. This movie was, I swear to God. it was like watching a soap opera and then every now and then they'd show and throw an action scene in it was scene after scene of peter parker with his stupid girlfriend peter parker with his aunt peter parker with someone and it was shoot over the girl's shoulder to peter's face as he talks about super sensitive stuff shoot over the girl's shoulder to peter parker shoot over peter parker's shoulder to the girl let's see the eyes walk

Let's talk about how hard it is to break up. Let's talk about how long our friendship has been. Let's talk about how you wronged me. I mean, this whole movie, I could almost hear the theme from Days of Our Lives, that stupid soap opera. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Yeah. Now bring in the Pussified music, because that's pretty much what should be the Spider-Man soundtrack.

This is MacDonald Carey. God. And these are the days of our lives. These are the days of our pussy. How about that? Spider-pussy, spider-pussy. Crys just like a little wussy. Give him a clean axe because he's going to cry.

I wish he'd friggin go and die. Look out. here comes the spider pussy It's just ridiculous, man Just all these long drawn-out scenes With a Spider-Man and his aunt You've got to tell me what happened to my parents You're keeping secrets, Aunt May

And then with his girlfriend Listen, I don't know if I can stay with you You know, I'm Spider-Man It was the dumbest movie It's like at the beginning of the movie he breaks up with her twice, then he gets back with her, then he breaks up, then he, it's like, who the hell does this? You know, he has this big heart, soul-searching thing

where he can hear his girlfriend's ex-there's dead father's voice, don't mess up my daughter's life. So he makes this horrible heart-wrenching decision to break up with her, with his girlfriend, and we're like, okay, there we go. And then eight scenes later, He's back with her. More crying and watery eyes and lov-y-dovey.

Do you not remember this is based on a comic book? It's about a hero, a guy with special powers, a guy that can climb up walls and he's a Spider-Man. Did you think maybe your young male audience who primarily goes to these movies might be more interested in that stuff than watching a friggin' name? spider puss break up with his girlfriend.

Then there's these huge scenes where he's talking with his childhood buddy. And these things play like a soap opera. And they go, okay, well, where's the villain in all this? So let me get to the villain. This villain is played by Jamie Fox. He plays this guy, Electro, who is just a normal guy at the beginning of the movie. He's a guy that's kind of a loser in life. He works as a janitor or something.

And early in the movie, Spider-Man actually befriends him and says some really positive, reaffirming, caring things to this guy who isn't really noticed by anyone. Spider-Man saves his life and says some amazing things to him to make him feel wanted. And later in the movie, this janitor has a horrible accident. Somehow now he can channel electricity through his body. and by the way, Hollywood, electricity is not really that scary. Okay, we all have it in our homes.

We use our blow dryers, we use our toasters, we plug in our lights. Villains who channel electricity, really not that scary. You know, maybe a guy who can reach in your body and pull your bones out and eat them and then turn into a giant lizard, scary. Guy who has, it was like a human taser gun, it's not happening. They did that in Iron Man. Remember Iron Man, too, when Mickey Rourke was running around the streets

and he had a whip and it was made out of electricity? Ooh, I'm going to shock your driveway. I'm going to crackle your car. It doesn't work. This one is this guy that Spider-Man befriends Has an accident And somehow he's able to channel electricity And the first thing on his agenda is to

I gotta kill Spider-Man Spider-Man will be destroyed I must kill Spider-Man That seems to be his only reason for living at this point And so now he goes on this rampage Gets in a few fights with Spider-Man for no reason, Spider-Man beats them, and then it's like right back to the love story. But during the big fights, okay, during the fight scenes,

in between Spider-Man getting punched and knocked down, he somehow stands up, has some more soap opera moments with his girlfriend who somehow showed up at the fight where, you know, every potential for her to be killed exists. but in between punches he's like listen mary jane i really want you back i need you can't you see under this spider man suit i'm crying spider pussy tears oh my god dudes it was it was sickening i was doing everything i could not to walk out of the movie and then spider man's trying to fight this electric guy and here's some more stuff what i was talking about the other week about how hollywood's making women the strong character

now and making men look like pussies. So Spider-Man's going through this thing. He doesn't know how to beat this electric guy and all of a sudden his girlfriend chimes in oh, well, I think all you need to do is this, this, and this. Let me go

do that. And she goes in and turns on a hairdryer or something and defeats the guy. So now's not even Spider-Man winning the day. It's the girl once again, who's not a superhero, who's a braty annoying girl who doesn't know how to break up.

I feel bad for young boys who read the comic books, who want to go and see a superhero movie, who want to go see a comic book on screen, and they get days of our lives and emasculated men, a masculated superhero man. It's making me puke, man. Good Lord. Somebody make a movie that gets a man being a man.

And on top of this, they cast this guy. He's a great actor. I don't know the guy's name, the guy who plays Spider-Man. Great actor. He's got the chops, man. This guy can act his ass off. I'm super impressed with his acting. Here's the problem.

Okay, he looks like an accountant, and he's about as muscular as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. This guy gets in the Spider-Man suit. It should be spider sars. Spider sars, spider sars. Looks like he needs some chocolate bars. He's going to die if he doesn't get some sugar. He's so skinny.

He's, I mean, it's ridiculous. So you got this guy running around being a superhero. Looks like an old lady could kick the living crap out of him. He almost looks malnourished. He looks like one of these girls that go in and do the, purging you know that's all you need you're in a restaurant you hear someone purging in the bathroom spider-man walks out with vomit all over his spandex suit good lord and and then it's very bizarre because in the movie when he's just peter parker he's just kind of this straight-laced

kind of everyday normal guy okay he's like hey um man i'm gonna go to the store and get some groceries do you need anything? Hey, Mary Jane, I really missed you. I love you. And then the minute he puts the costume on, suddenly he's like a stand-up comedian. He's like, Spider-Shecky Green, spider-shecky-green. He'll make you laugh.

He'll make you pee. I mean, he's doing all these one-liners, and he's got all this schick, and he's, you know, in the middle of a fight, he stops to make a joke. Three seconds from punching a guy in the face. He runs some of his fresh spider material. Oh, my God.

And then going back to the electro character, there's no real need for him to be in the movie. He's this guy. He's like a janitor. He gets these powers to channel electricity. Spider-Man punches him out. He's gone. He's almost like no reason for him to be in the movie.

And then all of a sudden, Spider-Man's best friend turns into the green lantern. I can't even go on You might want to go see this movie Just to follow up on all these horrible points I've illustrated and illuminated It's tragic, man I don't know if you'll have the same assessment

But holy crap, is it annoying? I just, I was literally rolling my eyes in the theater And I'm just going to get right back to the basics When When is this going to be about young boys getting to go to the movies and seeing a friggin superhero movie. When does it stop being a soap? Do you think kids, 14-year-old boys really want to see that stuff?

Guy breaking up and crying and, ugh, sickening. It's like sending a young boy to judo school. Okay, I'm sending Timmy to judo school, but I don't want him to fight. I don't want anyone to touch him or hit him, but he can, I want him there. Technically, I want them in judo school, but nobody touch him. Yeah, it's bitchy day for me today. All kinds of bitchiness, social media, movies. It's been building up.

I had to get it out. Maybe you guys are like too much. Or maybe you're like, yeah, you go, girl. No, I'm not a girl. Although, by today's standards, they probably want to turn me into one. Harlan pussy Harlan pussy Okay, enough

Well, I better stop it right there I'm going to implode I can't go on Enough enough with this This podcast was a little A little Shall we say Hypercritical

Maybe not Maybe I'm doing a public service Maybe this is good I think I offered some good tips With the social media stuff it was a little critical but for good reason and this movie review is for a good reason

I'm looking out for you guys man I want to get back to real movies the good movies enough with this cry baby pussy stuff so there you go I'm going to leave it there you can mull it over fight about it talk about it or just sit down and have tea over it

that's it this is the Harland Highway tell you're friends check out harlough williams.com. You can go to our web store. You can, what else can you do? You can join the YouTube channel. You can check out my stand-up comedy.

Stand-up special, stand-up comedy schedule. God, so worked up. Can't even talk. What was that? A seal? Yep, I guess it was. And tell your friends to come on board, and that's it, man.

We will catch you next time here on the Harlan Highway. And until then, stay strong, everybody. Fight for who you want on your social media. Stop posting dead things. And root for the real Spider-Man to come along and kick spider-pussy's butt. Until next time, chicken, chal-main, baby? Neighborhood, Spider-Man, welcome fame, he's ignored, action is his reward to him.

Life is a great big hang-up, wherever there's a hang-up, you'll find a Spider-Man.