The Harland Highway - 576 - Obscene Dildo's on TV, Complaining, sex and the human body

Episode Date: May 12, 2014

How upset do you get when dildo's appear on TV? Is complaining a good thing? And why are we so uptight about sex and nudity on TV and in the movies? Cabbage crabbage!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, sweet mother of termite milk. Wait, what? What is termite milk? I don't know. I just said it. Why are you talking to yourself? I don't know. I just don't know.

I don't know anything except that this is the Harland Highway. I'm Harland Williams, and you are here listening. These are things that I do know and that I'm very, very happy about. I'm glad you're here today. Great to have you guys. What a show we have today. We are going to be talking about dildos. Yes, you don't get that on a lot of podcasts.

We're going to be having an in-depth dildo discussion. The psychology of seeing a dildo. And this comes not for me, but from one of the pavement pounders. Today's show, we have several calls coming in from you, the pavement pounders, who call me and leave me your comments. And we're going to talk about complaining. Is complaining good or bad? It turns out it might be good.

uh we're going to be talking about movies sex in the movies we're going to be talking about a a they see a psychology of of a dildo i know you're like what and i'm like just listen to the podcast and you'll find out so basically today's a lot of your phone calls we're going to get into them we're going to reply to them we're going to have a lot of fun i appreciate you calling in so here we go this is the harland highway You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway I am out here for you You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you It's like I picked the wrong week, Chris Moore I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you

Like I took the wrong week, quit drinking I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you You're riding down the Harland Highway With Harland Williams I'd buy that for a dollar What was it we had for dinner tonight? Well, we had a choice, steak Fish?

Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna. What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny? It's like I picked the wrong week. When I'm fed of me. She's got a thought for Samantha thing to say.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. If you get the wrong week, quick, shniff and blue. Hello? Hello? Harlan, this is Mike from Portland. I just want to make this quick. I just listen to your podcast talking about movies, superhero movies in particular. I have crossed them.

them off my list. I will no longer waste any time with superhero movies. You see, there are movie fads. Every era has them. In the 80s, there was falling in love with inanimate objects like mannequins or mythological creatures like mermaids, Tom Hanks,

and the movie Splash. Those are all great movies, but they're all sort of regarded as you know, they're kind of like hokey and campy for their time. I feel like in this era these superhero movies are going to be frowned upon. They would will not withhold the test of time.

For example, there are so many X-Men movies with that title. I don't even know the story. I watched the first three a long time ago, and they've made other movies that don't even follow the same premise, but they still have the same actors like Wolverine playing the character. It doesn't make any sense. They're silly. There's a stripper character in this one.

She's got tattoos that turn in the butterfly wings, and a week later, she's a bad guy, and she's manning a nuclear submarine. She's got the controls. I think it required a little longer than a week's training. You know, I'm sorry. It's so silly to me. And then the movie Transformers, they've got this old bot, like he's the elder bot.

And I don't know what planet they come from, but the engineers, or the people who created this huge elaborate machine that can transform, decided to give it arthritis. So it walks with a cane. Why would they do that? It's a giant machine. They could build it too. I don't understand.

Okay. So it's all silly to me, and none of this will withhold the test of time. We will all look back on this one day and laugh, and these movies will be swept under the rug and remade again and again and again. The Hulk movie, same thing. We're just supposed to forget. I'm sorry. I won't take any more every time.

Thank you. I enjoy your show. Have a great day. Oh, I feel your pain. I feel your pain. It's crazy. I know none of the movies make sense. None of them tie together.

You're very accurate. And, you know, on a certain level, you have to suspend disbelief. Because, you know, if you're walking into a movie that's about machines and people that shoot webs and humans that can fly and all that stuff. Well, of course, you've got to abandon all sense of reality. But you're right. at some point if they're going to create this world stay true to the world

you're right why would they create a transformer with arthritis first of all machines can't get arthritis okay your toaster does not break down because it has sword joints

you don't take your TV into the TV repair man and say yeah you got any Advil extra strength my flat screen's got arthritis i mean it's just silly doesn't make any sense they're silly i hear you man and look i don't mind the imagination and the inconsistencies in the stories i get it it's it's like you know i wish the scripts were tighter but like i said in my in my last rant i just can't stand when nothing makes sense i'm okay when some things

don't make sense, but when the whole movie doesn't make sense and going back to the heroes being big cry babies, I don't like that stuff. But, you know, the last podcast I did, I actually apologized at the end because I was like, oh, man, I'm complaining too much. Because, you know, I don't want to be Mr. Negative. I don't want to be Debbie Downer. So I don't like to complain too much on my podcast. I like to keep it up and positive, but I'm such a movie fan that I guess I got a little,

ah, and I had to start beating down the movies, but like I said, I apologize for complaining, and then I got this phone call. Hey, Holland, how's going? I was just listening to your most recent podcast. You were complaining about social media and Spider-Man, and that was a good podcast. I'd like to hear you complain once in a while. And you're right, Spider-Man did suck ass. And the guy, Electro, though, he was an electrical engineer, not a janitor.

I just thought it was funny that he got that he was a janitor. And also, I think social media is for pussies. All right, man, peace. More complaining. See? There you go, man. I love that. I love that phone call.

Oh, man. that was perfect, you know, Spider-Man, let me encapsulate, Spider-Man sucked ass. Spider-Man did suck ass. More complaining. More complaining. And social media, well, I'll let him say it again. Also, I think social media is for pussies. Social media is for pussies.

Oh, that was a great call. Thank you. You know, maybe I will do a little more complaining here and there just for fun, you know, but I never want the show to lean towards being, like, too negative, because there's enough of that in the world. But you're right. Sometimes now and then it's fun to complain. Just got to let it out.

Have a little complaining fit. I'd like to hear you complain once in a while. So on the theme of complaining, why don't I play another phone call where one of our other listeners, one of the pavement pounders, phoned and did a little complaining of himself, of a very unusual kind of topic. Here it is. Mr. Williams, I was watching TV yesterday at 6 p.m.

It's watching Spike TV, watching cops. And there's this commercial for the movie Neighbors with Seth Rogen. And at 6.30 in the evening, Seth Rogen, in the commercial, has a billbow on its hand, and he's flopping it around. It was really quick for about a second. And I was like with my girlfriend. And I was like, what? 6.30 in the evening, it's not past 10 o'clock?

It's like, I didn't know they could do that. I'm not a sensitive guy or anything. But it's just like kind of a new level for me. It's like, that's kind of offensive, I guess. If I had a kid around or something, you know, right there on TV. So, anyways, I thought I was a little far. Have a good one. I'm in, baby.

Wow. That is a little crazy. Yeah, you don't expect to be sitting up around 6 p.m. Watching TV and you get a dildo in the face. You know, you don't want to see a dildo. You don't want your kid to be sitting there and going, Daddy, why is that man got a penis in his hand? And for us, it's like, oh, it's a dildo.

but that's through our eyes as adults. To a kid, how does a kid understand, how does a child comprehend a male penis not being attached to the waistline, attached to the body, how does a kid wrap his head around a penis being detached from the body and in another man's hand? And he's waving it around. How does a child compute that?

Daddy, why is that man got a penis in his hand? Did he pull it off of somebody? I don't understand, Daddy. How do you explain that one? And it's an interesting, it's an interesting complaint to have because there's a sub-complaint to this complaint where you go, oh my God, that's inappropriate, a dildo, a kid, are we watching TV, 6 o'clock?

Oh, my shocking, disturbing world has just been rocked, which is understandable. But then you also go, my goodness, what is a penis? What is a dildo? A dildo is a reconstruction of a penis, which is part of the human body, which is the same as the buttocks, which is the same as the breasts, which is the same as the vagina. I mean, it's all just, you know, it's all just part of who we are as our human anatomy is.

And the fact that we are so sensitive to seeing our own nudity has always been a bit disturbing. And you kind of go as humans as adults, you go, why are we so offended by our own nakedness? Remember the whole Janet Jackson affair when a nipple popped out and the world almost stopped? Why? Why were we? And I can't say that I was offended by it,

but why were we so mortified by it? And the question I'm asking is, are we programmed? Are we brainwashed to think this way? or is it something instinctual where we just are repulsed to see our own private body parts? I have a feeling that society has kind of programmed us this way, because I've got to tell you, I think I've talked about this years ago. I used to live in Germany, and, you know, they would do their game shows in the nude. They would read news in the nude.

people would disrobe in the park in suntan people in Spain and Germany and Europe they take their clothes off all the time in public and people treat sex more as just an extension of their humanity they're not so they still don't have the taboo on nudity and sexuality and nakedness and all that stuff And so you ask yourself, well, gee, Harland, would we like to turn on the TV and just see people having intercourse and showing their breasts and their buttocks and their frontal parts?

And part of me goes, well, no, of course not. But then part of me goes, I don't know. Should we? I'm not talking about just a blatant porno movie, but how many movies have you seen? Okay. like theatrical releases where there's a love-making scene, right? But yet you'll never see any type of insertion.

You'll never see a woman performing fallacious. You'll never see a man performing conalinguish. You'll never see penetration. You'll never see a sex scene filmed, even if it's done tastefully, to get across what the actors are doing on screen. Okay, they won't show the graphic part of that. So you take any classic or contemporary movie that you've ever seen, let's say basic instinct, that Sharon Stone movie that was very sexual,

would it have been out of line to show Michael Douglas actually having some intricately filmed sex scenes with Sharon Stone in the context of that movie I think they got it on two or three times in the movie would it have been tasteless would have been morally wrong to actually because they're portraying sex in a movie that we actually filmed them having sex in a movie

and being able to sit through it And maybe if the movie is a movie about people having sex and they're aroused on screen, is it wrong for people in the audience to get aroused by a scene in a movie in the context of the movie? I'm not talking about a porno movie where it's just, that's all you watch is people having sex. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes.

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Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And let me draw a parallel when they show someone getting murdered or tortured or beaten up

or a fight scene. Extremely graphic. You'll see scenes of knives chopping people's faces in half. You'll see people getting shot repeatedly. You'll see scenes of torture where people are getting their body parts ripped open. You'll see Freddie Kruger put his claws through a kid's chest. You'll see someone rip someone's heart out. You'll see someone run over by a car. You'll see someone dismembered, pulled in half, et cetera, et cetera. Very graphic, violent.

And they do it in the context of the moment. movie because maybe the movie's about a murderer and this is how he kills people so why then can't they show a couple of human beings in a love scene in the context of the movie again making love why is there such an uproar so i'm glad you called in with that that uh that phone message because you even said at the beginning of your message that you're not a sensitive guy right and i'm not a sensitive guy or anything and you're not a sensitive guy but yet somehow you are a sensitive guy somehow you were sensitive to this this visual this visual uh dildo on screen and it it it irked you it it concerned you and here's something i find quite fascinating is that

you actually put a time frame around your sensitivity. Listen to this. What? 6.30 in the evening, it's not past 10 o'clock. I didn't know they could do that. See, that's a little interesting to me. That's a psychological tell that somehow society or the powers that be or the people who run the all-powerful media,

they've got it in our heads that we can't. see nudity before 10 o'clock at night? I mean, at 10 o'clock, I'm fine with seeing a dildo on TV, but at 6 o'clock, how dare you put a dildo on TV at 6 o'clock? Like, wait a minute, who cares when you see it? Who cares what time of day? So it's a very interesting thing that you bring up to me. And I guess it's one of those things.

things where it's like you go when when do we have total freedom when do we just have complete freedom to show things that humans do uh without being offended and and if you're going well you can't i get it harland i get it a movie's one thing but television come on man and i submit to you look at every single show on tv in prime time and i'll I'll tell you this, probably about 70% of them are CSI and Code Blue and New York murder and person of interest. I mean, most of these shows are about people getting butchered and murdered and shot up. So they have no problem showing brutality and horrible violence in prime time, but God forbid they showed two consenting adults making.

love in a graphic nature would that be so horrific I don't know I don't know is that something we don't want to see or if we did see it would we just settle into it and be okay

okay yeah that was beautifully shot that was it's interesting where our limitations are when it comes to graphic portions of humanity of who we are as humans it's like it's interesting it's just interesting that that violence has somehow

made its way into the okay books and a kid picking his nose or you know two people making love on a bad is repulsive or or something we would write in and complain about so i'm glad you called interesting point of view and um you know you you have to sit down and look into yourself and ask yourself after making this call are you really that sensitive or have you been programmed to be that sensitive and and you just kind of and i'm this isn't i'm not making funny or i'm not saying anything negative to you did some kind of motor response just make you spew that out you're like oh my goodness i just saw one second clip of a dildo on television before six o'clock oh my goodness i'm repulsed now are you really is that is that really coming from

you or is that coming from all the years of of programming psychological programming from society. Interesting. Interesting question you raise about yourself. And in doing so, make, the rest of us have to think about it. And at 6.30 in the evening, Seth Rogen, in the commercial, has a dildo in his hand, and he's flopping it around. It was really quick for about a second.

And I was like, with my girlfriend. And I was like, what? 6.30 in the evening, it's not past 10 o'clock. I didn't know they could do that I'm not a sensitive guy or anything but it's just like kind of a new level for me well there you go

and lastly it sounds like and here's why I'm wondering if you were programmed because at the end it sounds like you weren't even sure if you were upset or incensed by it your conviction on being

upset by it didn't feel convincing. It almost felt like you were unsure of your conviction, and that led me to believe that maybe you didn't have a conviction, and you were just kind of pumping out what society expected you to say. And again, this is you, not me, and I know I'm psychoanalyzing, but have a listen to kind of your unsure conviction about being upset by this shocking imagery.

That's kind of offensive. I guess if I had a kid around or something, you know, right there on TV. Then you see, I'm not cutting you down. I'm just saying, you know, the whole, well, I guess I was offended. You know, maybe if I had a kid around and so I don't know. Maybe we have to look at ourselves and go, and stop being offended. Stop being offended by our own bodies. Who is the ass that decided that Americans should cringe at human body parts?

I mean, if you're watching a nature show and they're doing a documentary on anatomy or they show a clip of ancient African tribes people or Amazonian primitive tribes people and there's a man walking with his wazoo hanging out and there's women that are running around topless, do you cringe? Do you go, oh my God, hide Billy and Carol. Oh, my God, hide the children. and oh my god there's breastciss and penises on the television oh my god did you see that oh they were jumping up and down and their their breasts were flapping like wounded chickens and their penises were dangling like giant oh poison ivy on the vine oh no you just accept it why because it's shown in the context of something primitive something natural something real something human you don't sexualize you don't sexualize a remote tribe in the amazon yet remote tribes in the amazon have intercourse and sex and children but you wouldn't

even flinch if you had your kids sitting beside you and your wife Watching a National Geographic special about the Tizi tribe or something. And the whole lot of them are jumping around or walking through the bush, African Bushmen, walking around naked with their big juicy buttocks hanging out. Are you diving over the couch to shield Timmy's eyes? Timmy put the chip bowl on your head. Oh, my God. It's an African Bushman penis.

Oh, God. someone put a couple of slices of bologna over Timmy's eyes from the snack tray someone put some pringles on his eyes I don't want him to see this no you're like you would just keep cruising

and so when all of a I don't know if this dildo was from a black person or a white person but you see a dildo out of context it suddenly becomes so sexualized and obscene and gross it's that's what i'm getting at it's the psychology of how we've been trained how we've been roped in how we've been how we've been uh what was the uh the term that our earlier caller used

also i think social media is for pussies that's it maybe we've been pusified into being repulsed by our own human anatomy did i did i get that word right sir Thank you. So lastly, I just want you to be sure that I'm not ripping you apart. I'm not ripping your phone call apart or your sharing with us apart. But maybe I'm saying, huh, listen to your own voice, look into yourself and ask yourself, hmm, why am I thinking this way? And maybe go one step further and go, maybe I'm not in control.

of my thinking of this thing. Maybe I have to sit down, examine it, and rethink my thinking about this. And that's not saying that's how you are. I'm just saying that's maybe a possibility, a psychological possibility. At the very least, you can ignore everything I say, but at the very least, maybe take a moment

and sit down and examine why you said these words and where they come from, and are they really yours? Hmm. Provoking, maybe, or maybe just, I'm over-analyzing. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a great big bag of dirty old... Pursues.

Thank you. Yes, maybe that's maybe what I was looking for. So there you go. And, hey, I want you to know this, too. I really appreciate your phone call. you know again my analysis is not right i kind of i kind of try to stir it up and ask questions more than i i try to create answers i think it makes for a fun debate uh but i do appreciate your phone call and all you guys have phoned in thank you so much great to hear

from all of you great phone calls always like to hear from the ladies ladies we don't get enough phone calls here on the highway from you now you I always hear about, you know, all this war on women and inequality of women. And I would never want women to think I'm always playing phone calls from men, but I know I have women listeners. They write to me, they tell me, I meet them when I go to my shows. So ladies, stop being so afraid to phone in. I want your voices to be heard right up there with the men.

So any of these topics or anything you want to talk about or leave a comment on, please please call me take the pringles off your eyes and call me please uh because i love to put your voicemails on the show as well we want every every side of of uh of you know the genders every side of the general what does that even mean why did i even say yes we'd like every side of the genders to be heard what what this is just about the dumbest thing i've ever said i don't it makes no sense sense we want both genders to be heard here on the highway and i think that would be a lot of fun and you can call in too if you're listening and you want to give me feedback on what we just talked about

or you want to you want to give me your own take on something i'm i always have a fun time trying to pick things apart and and psychoanalyze them and half the time i'm probably way off base but maybe i find a little nugget that gets you you thinking who knows I'm just a nutbag out here blowing in the world. Okay, that was probably more stupid than all sides of the gender. Okay, I'm a nutbag out here blowing in the world. I think I better get out of here. I'm just, I'm losing all credibility at intelligence right now.

I'm going to go watch Basic Instinct and imagine Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone having real sex. How's that? anyways if you want to phone in please go to harland williams.com okay it's easy to do and right there on the homepage you'll see the phone number for the harland highway and you can phone in leave a message put it in your cell phone so if you're out there and you're inspired to leave a voicemail it just comes to you you can call you never have to talk to anyone it's strictly a voicemail machine and you get to say whatever you want just don't go on for too long because i think it cuts off after about a minute and a half two minutes so love to hear from you also if you don't have

the courage to call you can write me at harlandwilliams.com as well and we'll read your email on the show if i if i love it um also while you're there check up my stand-up comedy uh schedule i've added some new tour dates i got a lot of stuff going on starting in in september going to be loading up the tour machine and coming to your town or city to do stand-up. Hope I see you out there. You can also join my YouTube channel, no strings attached, no weird emails, no gimmicks, just every time I put up a brand new video, you get to see it before everyone else if you subscribe for free. Check out all thingscomedy.com, which is a podcast network where you can find this show and many others.

Jake Johansson and Bill Burr are there. And if you're going to buy stuff on Amazon, click on the link on my webpage. And we get a little kickback there. Nothing big, but a little something to help lower the costs of the Harlan Highway. It's like a little free gift for us. And that's it. Tell your friends about the Harlan Highway, for God's sakes.

How dare you deprive them of all the fun we have here? How dare you deprive your friends of the dildo analysis that you get here? You're not going to get in-depth dildo analysis on any other podcast, but here. So please, don't be so selfish, you dildos. Wait, what? Okay, that's it. We are going to wrap it up. Oh, thank you so much for being here.

It's been a pleasure. And until next time, ladies and gentlemen, you know the drill. Chalman, baby. Perse's.